Latest / The Mental Healness Podcast / When you are thinking about breaking NO CONTACT with a narcissist

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When you are thinking about breaking NO CONTACT with a narcissist · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  What is going on, beautiful people?
• 0:02
  Welcome to another episode of the Narcissist Code.
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  I'm your favorite selfaware narcissist, Mr. Lee Hammett,
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  better known as mental illness across all social media
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  platforms. If this is your first time
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  seeing my face or hear my lovely voice, I'm a clinically
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  diagnosed narcissist and I use my platform on social media to
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  raise awareness for NPD. Get more people into therapy and
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  also, you know, validate the victims, survivors and thrivers
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  of set disorders. Set toxic people.
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  Set toxic traits. Today's episode is going to be
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  about if you are thinking about breaking no contact with your
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  narcissist, watch this video. This video is for you.
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  This video is for the people who are on the cusp of reaching like
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  you have your phone in your hand and you got the damn shakes and
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  you want to reach out to him. You want to contact them.
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  You want to just message them back.
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  You want to. This video is for you, directly,
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  for you. And if you think about going no
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  contact and you like and you worried about reaching out to
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  him. This video y'all can replay.
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  You can save it, interact with it, so you can come back and see
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  the comments and whatnot, put it like matter of fact, put how
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  many days that you've been. No contact in the comment
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  section. If you already no contact.
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  If you haven't started no contact, don't be ashamed.
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  Let's say put how many days, one day, one hour.
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  If you just been no contact for two hours, say that, put it in
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  there. Y'all, sometimes you have to
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  sometimes go you go no contact. You have to build up to it one
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  hour. Like to get to 1 day you have to
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  go through one hour, don't you? You can't skip over the 1st 567
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  hours, 10 hours, 24 hours. You can't skip to get to the one
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  day which is 24 hours. To get to 1 day no contact,
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  which is 24 hours, you have to go through the 1st 23 hours,
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  right? You have to.
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  You can't skip over them. You have to go through it.
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  You have to go through them. You have to go through the 1st
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  60 minutes. You have to go to the 1st 20
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  minutes. You have to go through the
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  first. You have to go through the
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  decision, the first thing, the first thing you got to do is go
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  through the decision to go to no contact and whatnot.
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  You have to be able to do that. You literally have to, because
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  if you don't, you lose, I promise you.
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  You know what I'm saying? A lot of times you need
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  situations. Sorry, I got distracted.
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  My dog is barking at nothing, of course, But that's how it
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  happens. Though.
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  You say you have to make the decision.
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  The decision comes first before anything you know, deal with
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  narcissistic people. The decision, the decision to go
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  no contact comes first, you know?
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  So if you already no contact and you're thinking about, no matter
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  how long you've been, no contact, if you think about
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  reaching out right now or you think about responding to
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  something like they you got them blocked everywhere, right?
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  You have them blocked everywhere.
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  There's no access or whatever. If you have kids, I know it's
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  different. It's different.
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  A lot of times they find a way to reach out to you and you
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  thinking about responding. They they sent you a text
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  message that tell this that. They sent you a text message
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  that's telling you everything that you've been asking them,
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  everything that you've been begging them for, everything
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  that you've been put everything that you've been pleading for
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  them to do for the last two years, three years, four years.
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  You finally got this in in the e-mail, in text messages form on
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  a cast at Cash App Message. Ask yourself this question right
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  here. Why did it take so long?
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  Why now? Why not?
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  Why not before you decided to leave?
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  Whether you whether you told them that you were leaving or
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  not, Why didn't they do this before you decided to leave?
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  Why did they wait till now when you're gone?
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  Why now? Ask you?
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  This is the question you're asking yourself.
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  Don't ask them. This is not this is not
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  something that you have to send to them.
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  This is asking yourself right here.
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  Don't respond to them if you if they send you a message, e-mail
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  somehow to leave you a voicemail telling you everything that you
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  wanted to hear, ask yourself right now.
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  Why now? Those two were those two words
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  right there. Why now?
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  Because ask yourself why now? Because they didn't think that
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  they were going to lose you. They treated you horribly for X
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  amount of time and thought you did.
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  You thought you were going to put up with it.
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  Maybe you have been putting up with it for a long time, but no
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  more, no more. This.
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  It stops right now. The buck stops here.
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  So why right now? Why did they wait right now to
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  reach out to you when they could have did it six months ago when
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  they could have said this a year ago When they when they saw that
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  you were unhappy when they were treating you badly?
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  Why didn't they do it then? Because they thought you were OK
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  with their with their toxic, abusive, narcissistic behaviors.
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  They thought you were okay with it.
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  Now that you're not okay with it.
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  Now that. Oh, please come home.
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  Oh, please. I'll go to therapy.
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  Oh, please. We both made mistakes.
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  Oh, please. I'm going to move on.
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  Oh, please. Let's take that trip.
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  Oh, please, I I'll buy you that necklace.
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  Oh, please. I'll propose to you.
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  Oh, please, let's get married. Oh, please.
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  Why didn't you do this before? These are the pertinent
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  questions to helping you heal right here.
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  When you think about breaking no contact.
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  And you look at that phone and you, or you hear you listen to a
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  message. You shouldn't listen to the
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  voice mail. Somehow.
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  If they get through to you, if they get through to you, it's
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  not breaking no contact. Y'all That's just them being
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  obsessive and still control, trying to control your life and
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  not not wanting to let you go. Still did.
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  They're still disrespecting your boundaries.
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  Think about that right there too.
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  Not just why. Now is the fact that they can't.
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  Even you ask this person for some space or something like
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  that, they're still disrespecting your boundaries.
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  If you blocked them on everything, them circumvicting
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  your block, is them violating your boundaries still, they
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  still don't have respect for your boundaries.
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  They didn't have respect for the boundaries while y'all were
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  together or in this relationship space.
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  Whatever dynamic you want could be your parent, could be your
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  friend, could be whoever. They didn't respect the
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  boundaries. Why You were still communicating
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  with them now. They still don't respect them
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  right now when the communication has stopped.
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  This is a sign today. A lot of people when you're in
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  it, you don't see it this way. But I've been.
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  I'm in the narcissist. I know.
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  I know. I I understand it right now.
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  And I've helped so many people understand it as well.
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  Like this is still them violating their boundary.
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  Yes. Yes you you with no contact And
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  yes they they no contact is a boundary out.
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  No contact is like build. No, No contact is building a
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  barrier around your life. It's building is like digging a
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  damn like you. You are a castle.
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  You are no contact. Just digging the Moat, digging
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  the Moat around the castle. You know the body of water, the
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  people digging around the castle to make it harder to get in.
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  You dug A Moat, you built up these walls and they still send
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  the carry a pigeon over there to contact you.
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  They're still violating your boundaries.
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  They're still doing it. This is still a violation of
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  your boundaries. It doesn't seem like it doesn't
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  feel like it, but it still is. It's still an abject violation
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  of your boundaries. It doesn't seem like it, but it
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  because you're not, you're not thinking in that space, but it
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  is the fact that you got them blocked on every single thing
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  and they still didn't take the hit.
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  They still are not respecting you.
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  So think about it like that. Why now?
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  And they're still violating my boundaries and the fact and
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  look, here's here's, here's #3, right here, y'all.
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  Not not only do you have to ask yourself the question why now?
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  And it also understand that they're still violating your
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  boundaries and still disrespecting your boundaries.
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  When they send you everything that you've been asking them to
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  do, that's a sign that they knew what you wanted and they still
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  withheld it from you. They want that right there is
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  still manipulative. It showed you that they knew how
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  to make you happy. They knew what you wanted for a
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  long time, and they now they want to do it.
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  This shows you that they knew how to make you happy and they
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  actively chose not to. Because you're no contact,
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  right? You're not telling them what you
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  want to need anymore. You're no contact, right?
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  You're not telling them how to make you happy.
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  So guess what? When they send you this message
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  saying, hey, let's finally, hey, let's take that trip we've been
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  wanting to go to or go on for years, Why now?
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  Look, they're still manipulative.
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  They're still manipulative. Not only is it a why now, it's
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  still violating your boundaries and it's still and it's still
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  doing the same thing. That's what I'm just telling
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  y'all, y'all. You have to be as strong as you
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  possibly can. You you have to.
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  There's still manipulation. They still them showing you that
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  they could have been made you happy the whole time.
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  They were actively choosing not to.
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  And yes, there's a whole different dynamic inside of
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  narcissist brain. Like, I know how to make you
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  happy. Then something in me is not
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  letting me do it. I know how to make you happy.
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  I know what makes you happy. That's how we got here, right?
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  That's how we got in this relationship, right?
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  Because I at least at one time before I knew how to make you
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  happy, right? One time before I knew how to
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  make you happy. Correct?
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  So you see this space, you see this dynamic and you understand.
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  Like at one point in time I knew how to make you happy.
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  And right now, somehow I don't. You know, I knew how to make
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  you. I knew how to make you happy.
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  In the beginning of the relationship, it transitioned to
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  me, not make you happy. And now we're right back at me.
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  Knowing how to make you happy and trying to do the same thing
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  that shows you y'all a choice. You can look at it like this.
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  They were making this choice to neglect you.
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  They were making the choice to devalue you.
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  Tell yourself that right there. If you think about picking that
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  phone up and calling them back or looking for explanation, they
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  are not going to give you the answers that you want.
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  They're not going to give you the answers that you need.
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  You don't need closure. You do not need closure.
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  Closure was when you decided to go no contact.
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  That's the closure right there. That's literally you shutting.
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  This is the one my this is myself love journal right here.
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  That's literally you right here. You have the end of your book.
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  This is the blazer right here. This is your closure, the end of
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  the relationship. Boom.
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  And now you shut it. That's the close right here.
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  You're not. Your relationship is a book,
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  right? Your relationship is a book that
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  you y'all have been writing this your book.
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  You've been writing in this book the whole time, right?
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  You get to the end and this will close your look like y'all boom,
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  that's you closing the book up. Okay, I'm going.
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  No contact. BN Boom.
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  That's what you need to do right there.
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  You that's your closure right there.
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  You don't need closure. You don't need explanation.
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  That's your closure right there. You like I say, they decided to
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  treat you badly. They made the active decision to
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  treat you this way, to make you feel this way.
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  They made the active decision to do that.
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  So now you're making the active decision to take your power
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  back, to strip the power away from them and give it to
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  yourself. Because that's what no contact
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  is. No contact is being stronger.
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  The longer you, the longer you're going no contact.
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  The longer you no contact, the stronger you get.
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  And if you have fallen off the no contact wagon before, get
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  back on it and ride the damn bus. close the book.
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  This is not a Part 2. You're not writing a Part 2.
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  You're not writing a Part 2 to the book.
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  You're not writing a Part 2345. This is the last time you're
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  going to contact. We're not picking the damn phone
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  up anymore. For what?
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  What? What can they give you that they
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  didn't give you now? But Lee, I put so much time into
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  it. So today they put so much time
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  into neglect to make you feel this way.
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  Then how much more time do you need to give them?
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  I believe. What if they get better?
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  What if they want to hear? They don't.
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  You don't have to give them the time to heal.
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  That is not a prerequisite to to growth and change and healing.
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  That is not a prerequisite to reconciliation.
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  Give me time to grow. You got to me time.
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  You didn't give me time. Yeah, you get.
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  You gave them enough time. You gave them enough time.
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  They took that mask off and they're not trying to put it
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  back on. They took the mask off.
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  You didn't like what you saw, so you decided to go to contact and
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  cut it to the end. And this is how we got to what
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  we are right now. You're stronger than you think
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  you are. You're more powerful than you
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  think you are. But you have to believe.
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  I can say that all I want to y'all, but you have to believe
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  it. You have to believe it.
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  You see what I'm saying? You have to believe it.
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  Anytime you feel like okay, I got to call them.
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  I got to text them. Don't do it.
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  Why? What are you going to get from
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  it? You're going like I talked to a
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  woman child to Sabrina. She put me on this right here.
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  It's called pain shopping. You're shopping for pain.
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  You know what They're going. You know who they are.
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  You know what you're going to get.
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  You understand the dynamic. Stop pain shopping.
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  Never going to, never going to shopping for healing.
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  We're shopping for healing. We're shopping for growth.
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  We're shopping for self love and selfworth.
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  And what? That's why I have these self
• 12:33
  love journalists on Amazon. Lee Hammock.
• 12:35
  Self love. Check that out.
• 12:37
  Empower yourself. Y'all.
• 12:38
  I want y'all to win, but you have to want to you have to want
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  to win more than than I do. You done.
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  Okay, she's done. Y'all.
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  So I have to hop out over here. Oh anyways y'all thank y'all so
• 12:53
  much like and subscribe. And anytime you need to come
• 12:56
  back to this video, come back to this video.
• 12:57
  Watch it again, watch it again, watch it again, watch it again.
• 13:03
  But this is out peace. Thanks for making it to the end
• 13:06
  of my video. Y'all.
• 13:07
  If you haven't already, check out joining the channel
• 13:09
  memberships from behind the scenes, perks, priority
• 13:12
  responses to the comments, and a few other things like the
• 13:14
  description, every single video I do thank you so much.