Latest / Medium Lady Talks: Burnout Recovery for Millennials and Mothers / Episode 170: Scraping the Bottom of the Barrel - An Almost-Spring Check-in

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Episode 170: Scraping the Bottom of the Barrel - An Almost-Spring Check-in · Medium Lady Talks: Burnout Recovery for Millennials and Mothers

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Welcome to Medium Lady Talks. I'm your host, Erin Vandermyn. I'm a millennial and mother
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trying to build the place in the world that's made for me, while fighting burnout, living
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intentionally and embracing gratitude, even when I'm grumpy. Here on Medium Lady Talks,
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we visit the topics and practical tips that will help you maximize self-discovery and
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minimize self-judgment so you can finally get momentum building the life you know is
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possible in this post-pandemic world. On this podcast, you can expect we'll get deep while
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having fun and whether you're burnt out like a dog in a dumpster fire or celebrating your
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best life daily, you'll find the conversations, prompts and tools I know will be helpful on
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your own personal healing journey. So stay tuned for my deep dive solo shows and interview
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episodes with dear friends and expert guests. Together, we'll make sure you have what you
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need to build the place in the world that's made for you. I'm so glad you're here. So
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let's jump in.
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Hello, hi, and welcome back to Medium Lady Talks. I'm your host, Erin. This is episode
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170. And I actually drafted this episode a few weeks ago. During what felt like early
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spring, you know, we had the time change last weekend, bright light, warm temps, I had a
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couple of days without a winter jacket. My kids were loving it. They were loving life,
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not having to put their boots on. And I genuinely actually thought, as I'm often tricked every
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single year, and maybe you are too. I thought we were almost through it. I thought we were
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almost through the winter. But then I sat down to record today, and it's snowing, there's
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like a fresh blanket of snow. It snowed on Friday, today's Sunday, it snowed again today.
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And honestly, like, I think I need this episode more than I did when I wrote it. So this episode
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is a guided end of winter reflection for all of us who have been holding on through the
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hardest months of the year. And I think we're going to name many times the disorientation
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of this like almost springtime, I want you to feel validated in your depletion. And hopefully
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by the end of this episode, you've completed a gentle self check in. And you feel maybe
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like you have a little bit more intention for the final stretch of winter. You know,
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the light is changing. As I mentioned, we had the time change, the mornings have been
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feeling slightly less dark, especially when I do my early morning dog walk. There's a
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particular kind of restlessness that settles in, you've maybe been feeling a little housebound,
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or maybe you haven't actually been housebound, but you're like, kind of sick of your
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environment. You're sick of the usual coziness. You're actually like, I'm kind of like
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over cozy. I'm past cozy. I don't, I'm done with, I've had enough. I'm full up of cozy.
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And in my body, in the world outside, even in my clothes, like today, I'm wearing what
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normally would be like one of my favorite outfits. And I'm just like, I've worn this too
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many times. I want new things. I'm having that like itch to shop and buy things in yellow
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and lavender and mint green. I want some new sneakers, you know, like my, my eyes are
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looking for something new. And I'm feeling like I'm ready to shift. And yet, we're just
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not there yet. We're not there yet. The cold is still real. The heaviness of winter is
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still real. The spring is not here yet. It's just hinting. It's just a hint, you know,
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and that can be the cruelest part of the almost spring. That's like, it's kind of mean.
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It's such a tease. It asks so much of our patients right when we have nothing left to
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give, you know, I made a joke. And then at the request of my best friend, turned it into
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a reel where I said, I'd been to therapy and my therapist said, how are you doing? And I
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said, you know, I'm kind of scraping the bottom of the barrel when it comes to whimsy
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and joy, Karen. And it's always funny, I like to joke about my therapist, whose name is
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genuinely is Karen, but Karen having taken on kind of a become a monolith of her own.
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And that's how I'm feeling. I'm scraping the bottom of the barrel. So the guiding question
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for this episode is what does it look like to finish the winter well? I don't just want to
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crawl across the finish line. I actually want to say goodbye to the winter with my myself, my
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identity, my core values intact. I don't want to look to the spring to say, oh, thank God
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you're here. You're going to fix everything. You know, makes me think of another reel.
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Actually, there was someone who said just because it's warm out doesn't mean you should
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stop taking your meds. Doesn't mean you should stop drinking water. Doesn't mean you don't
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need your little walk anymore. You still need these things. You still need to go to
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therapy just because it's warm out. It's like a very real, a very real like way that we
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sort of abandon our needs at the spring because we expect the spring to kind of fix
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everything. And it has this strange energy, the spring and the almost spring. I'm really like
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that's kind of the window that I'm talking about. The next, you know, four to six weeks,
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this almost spring energy. It's like so much of a 180 back and forth day by day. And the
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daylight savings changed the light, but it didn't change the temperatures. And so that gap
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is kind of confusing. It's brighter, but it's not warmer. There is like a lot of cultural
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pressure to bounce back into productivity, to bounce back into spring newness, to shake off
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the cozy. You know, even the ways that I'm being marketed to are all about the spring. You
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know, I'm being really encouraged to sort of have that forward, excited mindset about a new
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season. But we haven't really processed the winter. We haven't really maybe done our closing
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ceremonies for the winter. And I think a lot of women, if you have lived in a cycle your whole
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life, you know, a 28-32 day cycle with your menstrual cycle, you know what the spring is
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about. You have that surge of motivation in the spring. Sometimes we can crash if we feel
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that surge of motivation, but the spring actually isn't arriving on time. And we're sort of
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having this gap between anticipation and reality, between, you know, this like promise that
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it's here, it's coming. And maybe actually here where I am in the Northern Hemisphere, you
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might be, if you're listening from another country, or if you're listening in the Southern
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Hemisphere, experiencing something completely different. So again, I think that also kind of
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creates a mismatch between what we anticipate and what our reality is. And it's kind of
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exhausting. It really is. It can be exhausting. And I think we talked about burnout in the
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winter. And we talked about how much the winter can expose our burnout. And acknowledging
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that for burnout women, especially, this almost spring energy can feel like a lot of
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pressure rather than the relief of spring. It's like someone turned the lights on kind of
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before you were ready to get up, and you're squinting, and you're trying to get oriented, and
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you're trying to move forward. But actually, you don't have everything you need from a sensory
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perspective to actually get up and get going. So I talked about it being exhausting, and this
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winter fatigue is really cumulative. We start in November, and we make adjustments through the
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holiday season. And then we hit January, some of the darkest days of the year, where we're
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drawing upon ourselves, we're pulling into ourselves, we're retreating and resting the way
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we want to, we're showing up for our families. But by late February and March, you know, our
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reserves are genuinely low. And if we think even about, you know, a simpler time when perhaps we
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would have stored potatoes, we would have stored onions, we would have had carrots and apples and
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barrels, we would be hitting low reserves at this time of year before we can plant new things
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before we can reap the benefits of new growth. You do kind of hit this stage of depletion, and
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you do kind of need the spring to show up in order to feed and nourish yourself. And that's not
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because something's wrong with you. That's just because you've been holding a lot for a long time,
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you've been drawing off of those reserves for the entire winter. And then the world starts signaling
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this spring reset before maybe even your body is ready to receive that message. I feel like the
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older I get with each year, since I turned 40, the time change takes me a solid 36 to 48 hours to
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readjust to. And my body catching up to this quick decision to change the clocks. You don't have to
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rush the thought, you know, there may be these kind of emotional, physical, mental protections
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you put around yourself. And maybe you're ready to step out there and be more vulnerable, you're
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ready to set new boundaries, you might be ready to try a new movement routine, you might be ready
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to take a course or to grow. And rushing that thought, rushing your readiness, can kind of undo
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the quiet, restful work of the winter. And there's also like a little bit of a grief in letting go of
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that slower season. Even if maybe the slower season is hard, the winter maybe gave you permission to
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stay home, gave you permission to contract, and you feel that permission quietly kind of being
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rescinded. That you're going to put that permission slip away for a little while, you're not going to
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have the same excuses to stay home and cancel, maybe the way that was comfortable and cozy for
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you through the winter season. And integrating a hard season like the winter, you know, I talked
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about burnout, I've talked about grief, I've talked about micro rituals, I've talked about, you know,
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the choice to be happy in a season that exposes so much. Integrating all of that work, integrating all
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of that awareness, we really don't ever give ourselves that time, culturally or personally.
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Again, the thaw, the thaw is a process, it's a transition. And you don't have to perform it at
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once, and you certainly don't have to rush it or perform it on anyone else's schedule. Especially
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those capitalist consumerist schedules where it's like, I'm holding a, you know, spring tea party,
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or the Easter merchandising, or that new summer dress that you have to buy right now, you know,
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that you're not actually even going to wear for another three months. That's a real, it's a real
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thing that I did this week, I put a really cute summer dress in my cart, and I almost hit purchase.
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And then I was like, girl, be so for real right now, you are not going to wear that dress for at least
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12 weeks. So let's just chill on buying the things that make us happy, that we actually can't enjoy,
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because there's a tension and a frustration that comes from that exercise, too.
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So I promised you a guided self check-in. And let's slow down a little bit, I want you to
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pause. And maybe even if you want to actually truly hit pause, grab a journal or open up your
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notes app while we're chatting through this. And you can frame this as sort of like taking care of
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yourself through the thaw. The thaw is a transition, we're going to just do a little bit of gentle
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reflection, we're going to do a little bit of check-in. This is not about results oriented.
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I'm not saying we're going to check in, and then at the end, we're going to be more productive,
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or we're going to have a super plan. We're honestly just kind of witnessing where we're at.
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And there can be a lot of comfort and a lot of nurturing that can come even from that witnessing.
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So let's walk through these questions. I'm going to maybe slow down the cadence of my voice,
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I don't want to rush through this. And I'm probably going to do a little bit of on mic
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reflection, as I'm known to do if you've been listening for a while. But if you're a new
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listener, this might be new for you. And so this is like a little bit of call and response where
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the episode can actually be kind of interactive. And we can kind of simulate a conversation with
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one another in a safe space where you might answer these questions for yourself as you go.
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And you might hear me model to you what that actually can look like. Or we can actually
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just do this simultaneously together. So the first question is, what did this winter actually ask of
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me? And this is not, you know, sort of like what you accomplished, not what you managed. It's like,
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what did it ask of you? What was the central question of your winter? And what did you carry
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because of that question? What did the winter ask of you? And already, I'm feeling like a little
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bit of resistance in myself, because I'm kind of reluctant to think about the past. I'm just so
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ready for spring. Like I'm feeling that tension right now. Actually, this question is harder than
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I thought it would be to answer on mic. You know, what did it ask of me? What did it ask of me? I
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think for me, the winter asked me to carry myself and carry my own whimsy and carry my own capacity
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for joy, and to not set aside or put off my own need for care. And to actively quantify what's
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working in my life and to do a little bit more rigorous documentation of what's working
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so that I can really own who I am and what I need.
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And that does go back to my word of the year, which I've said is sovereign.
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And this is about leading myself. So the winter asked of me to carry myself and my own point of
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view at the highest priority. Instead of saying, Well, I have thoughts and opinions on that, but
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what do other people think that might be important? How do other people feel that might be important
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than how I feel? And to actually categorize and quantify what's working for me, what I think,
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how I feel, and to put that at the top of the priority list. And to sit in the weirdness of
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that. It's very weird to put your own point of view first. And notice I'm saying like put your
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own point of view first, not put yourself first. This is not about being selfish. This is about
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prioritizing what I think over what everybody else thinks. And that might change what I do,
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my actions, but it actually might not change my actions. It just means that I'm taking action
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with my own point of view at the forefront rather than somebody else's emotions, feelings, or
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thoughts driving my actions. And that's, I think, what this winter really asked of me.
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That was what was asked of me. It's being asked of me in my work. It's being asked of me in my
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personal and family life. It's being asked of me in a variety of events creatively, some things
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that are changing creatively, some ways that I'm pushing myself to set the stage for another
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chapter of creativity and creation. And I do feel like I've had to carry my own point of view
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with a lot more importance than I normally would. I'm carrying my own point of view on a tray in
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front of me instead of putting my point of view in my back pocket, if that's kind of the shift
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and the difference. So what did this winter actually ask of you? Not like, what did you get
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done? What happened? What did you manage? What challenges? That's actually been some self-reflection
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that I've done in previous episodes. But what did it ask of you? What did you actually have to
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carry through the winter? That's question number one. The next check-in question is, where am I
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still depleted? And have I been honest with myself about that? No. No, I'm fine. Everything's fine.
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It's all fine. We're all fine. I like to say in the opening credits of Medium Lady Talks,
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if you're burned out like a dog in a dumpster fire, that's one of my favorite memes of all
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time is that cartoon dog sitting in front of a computer with a burning fire behind him,
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and he's like, this is fine. He's wearing a hat. There's so many ways to unpack that meme.
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I just love it so much. This is fine. It's fine. We want to be fine. We want to be fine. Again,
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I guess that's again about me thinking about my own point of view. Where am I still depleted?
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Where am I still depleted? Where is my tank actually low?
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I think my tank is actually low. I don't know. I think there's maybe a couple of things that
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come to mind. And this question might even be a little too vulnerable, even for me
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to answer on mic. But you might think about relationships. You might think about habits
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and opportunities. You might think about the ways you're tending to your physical needs.
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But you might also think about things that are about broader safety and the broader positionality
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within the world. I still feel depleted this winter, I think, when it comes to...
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I'm pacing myself around this question, and I think it's very hard to answer. Depleted. I don't
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feel too depleted in any one specific area of my life. But again, I like to visualize my life as
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a frequency panel or one of those big music production panels where there's dials and knobs
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and levers. And you can dial up or dial down. If I was going to alter the bass or the treble
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of a piece of music or even this voice recording and compress certain sounds and expand certain
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sounds and clip certain things out of the sound waves, if I think about where I'm depleted,
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then what I imagine is, where on that sound panel, where on that mixing board could I
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make adjustments? And I think that everything is sort of at a solid medium, which makes sense.
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I call myself medium lady for a reason. I think I've actually, because I'm putting my own point
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of view first and foremost, I actually have maintained a solid medium through the winter.
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But I think that where the tank is actually low is probably in feeling a little bit stale.
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Like, I feel like I'm ready for something new. I'm ready for something fresh. And that staleness,
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again, scraping the bottom of the barrel. I think I do really feel like I need, I think,
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a change of scenery. I'm feeling a little bit like I'm in a winter rut. And the things that
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work are still working, but it's been the same things over and over and over again.
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And so, I think I need to probably change it up a little bit. So, for you, where are you still
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depleted? And this question might be easier or harder for you to answer. And have you been
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honest with yourself about that? Like, I think the honesty when we turn in words and we admit what
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isn't working can be scary. I've even kind of admitted to some hesitancy of really being
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completely bare. And it's not even that I'm like, I have answers that I'm hiding, but it's also
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sort of like about self-protection, right? It's like, even if there are answers that I'm hiding,
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I'm also choosing for myself maybe not to stare those directly head on. But what we can do
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together is sort of maybe not stare at them head on. You don't have to look right into the sun
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of your vulnerability, but you could maybe just look just like northwest or northeast of your
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vulnerability and look at it from the periphery or look at the things that are contributing to it
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and become more comfortable squinting in that direction before you actually confront the
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blazing heart of what's draining you. And I think that's actually just as normal and just as safe
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than being in denial or turning your back on everything and doing a complete 180 or actually
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saying, like I've said on mic, I think everything's at mostly a medium. I'm fine. I mean,
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we're all fine, right? We're all fine. If you've managed to make it to this episode and listen,
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you're fine. You're probably fine. You're probably feeling fine like me. But there might be a couple
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of areas where your tank is low. And that doesn't mean you have to take action. And maybe that's
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also the other thing that makes us feel vulnerable is like when we name what we need, then it means
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we are one step closer to taking action to get what we want. And there's a fair bit of instability
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in that pursuit. That's question number two. Again, I'm trying to slow down. I'm trying to
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take a little bit of a pause. I can't remember there was one episode recently I felt really
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hyper. I was really activated. I was very energetic, probably at peak caffeine consumption.
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And I want this episode to feel a little different because I contain multitudes. The way I show up as
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a creator is often going to fluctuate and change depending on my humanity and where I am on any
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given day. Question number three, what am I rushing towards? Oh, this is a relatable question for me.
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I do feel like I've really been rushing. And I do actually, even like I said, I feel the resistance
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to slow down even to record this episode and be self-reflective. Are you rushing towards,
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what are you rushing towards? And is it something you actually want? Or is it just something that
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feels like relief from this almost spring season? Because the urgency, almost spring actually feels
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kind of urgent. Like I said, we change the clock like that. We do it in the span of an hour
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or reverse of an hour. We spring forward. We go from 1am to 3am. And we're like,
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bye 2am. No one cares about you. It's 3am now. And that spring forward can critically
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feel like a switch, like a binary change. But that also, that binary change can make us feel like,
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oh, I'm not ready. Am I ready? I have to grasp at something. I have to pause. I have to know
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what comes next and rush towards it. And again, putting your own point of view at the priority of
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this exercise, maybe not every day all the time, but you can definitely prioritize your own point
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of view during this reflection. Is that something you actually want? Or is that just something that
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feels like relief from this dirty snowbank of March? March is a dirty snowbank. And I don't
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want to look at the dirty snowbank anymore. And so we might rush away from that. We might
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rush towards whatever works. I've even talked about that shopping impulse. It's like,
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do I just want a new dress? Am I just rushing towards that summer dress because I actually
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want a summer dress? Or is it just the summer dress feels like the relief of the dirty snowbank
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of March? So what am I rushing towards? I definitely think I'm rushing towards that
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season of reinvention, that season of newness. I do feel like sometimes I'm rushing towards the
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next best thing. I'm rushing towards what everybody else is doing. I mentioned last week or two weeks
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ago on episode 169 that I really wanted to create and or create a space for myself to create more
23:47
content around AI and how I use AI. And I heard from one person who thought that that would be
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of interest to them. And then I immediately sort of felt like I had to know all the answers. And I
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was like, but I really don't. I'm really just a regular regular degular AI user. And so I felt
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like initially I felt like I had to rush. And then I kind of found a way to kind of slow that down
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and collect some ideas and be more thoughtful and let it cook. Let it cook a little bit.
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So what are you rushing towards? And maybe what do you need to actually just let it cook a bit
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and decide if it's something you want or something that feels like it would work. And pause. It's
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really worth pausing to ask if you want what you're going towards. Because if you ask yourself,
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do I really want what I'm working towards? And you say, yeah, I really do. I really really do. And I
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want it to be here now. What a validating like reflective check-in. But also equally you might say
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I don't know. Or you might say actually no and something else has changed.
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Then you can give yourself relief because it's almost spring. It's not actually spring. And you
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can navigate this transition on whatever timeline you want. You don't have to flip the binary switch
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of the clocks jumping forward. You can take the time that you need. And you can actually say the
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sense of urgency is manufactured. The sense of urgency is not real. It's making me feel things.
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But I can confront that limiting belief that I'm out of time. I confront that limiting belief and I
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can say I'm out of time. And then I can say no I believe I'm out of time. And then I can ask myself
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why do I believe that I'm out of time? Am I really out of time? And going through that exercise and
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just taking that beat as you progress towards something you want or the goals in your life or
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the things you're imagining for the spring. The change you want to see in your own life.
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And you can kind of like pace yourself through it instead of feeling like
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oh the spring is here and I'm not transformed by the winter.
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Question number four is what from this winter do I want to carry forward into the spring?
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And we've talked in a couple of episodes about how you know like the winter
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strips us bare of our burnout. It really exposes some things but it also contracts our point of
26:04
view. It contracts our field of vision. We don't see everything. We can kind of only see some things.
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A lot of that stuff is negative or impacts us negatively. And it might feel like oh thank God
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the winter's over. I can't wait to leave that behind me. But that's not how life works and
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that's not how cyclical living works either is if we think of the winter as a period of rest or we
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think of the winter as our shedding and our stripping away of things. And if we think of
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the winter in parallel to our cycles then we're sort of in that period of of losing it in the
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winter. We're losing it and and at the end of the winter you know you kind of find those last few
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things that you want to strip away and leave behind. But there's something of renewal that
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comes from that winter season and what do you want to nurture from that renewal season of the winter
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and carry forward into the spring? What do you want to use the fertile time I mean wow this is
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getting like very very earth goddess feminine power centered unintentionally. That's not in
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the script but you know sometimes it just goes where it's going to go. And you're here for that
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so I appreciate you. But the winter taught you something and I mentioned earlier in that question
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what did the winter ask of me? The winter I think taught me how to carry my own point of view at the
27:29
top of the priority list and I definitely want to keep carrying that into the spring. So the winter
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asked you to carry something you can put it down you can put it down but you might actually want
27:40
to keep carrying it because the winter I think always has a lesson. I think about the winter
27:45
last year I learned some hard lessons in the winter last year and the winter before that
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you know and those lessons kind of feel like hard truths and sometimes hard truths were like you know
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what I'm just I'm gonna forget about I'm just gonna enjoy the spring I'm just gonna put on my
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dangly earrings and my new sneakers and I'm gonna strut my stuff in the spring sun and count the
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dandelions and the daffodils. But is there a way to do your spring strut while you're also carrying
28:13
the ownership of the hard stuff? The whimsy has to live with the struggle the suffering the grief
28:25
that's what the whimsy is for that's actually where the whimsy does its best work is walking
28:32
alongside those kinds of things. So what from the winter do you want to carry forward into the spring?
28:38
For me that's going to be the way that I've learned to put my own point of view first
28:46
and to prioritize my own point of view and then what do you need to let go of this question is
28:52
about what you want to carry forward but then the second question or part or number five I guess
28:56
those two these two questions hold hands together what do I need to let go of before the spring
29:00
arrives? And some things serve their purpose in this dark season and they don't actually need to
29:05
come with you. You know that question number one is like what did the winter ask me to carry? What
29:11
did it actually ask of me and what am I going to put down and what am I going to keep? There are
29:17
some things that don't need to come with you. I think for me the winter because of that I was so
29:24
aware of my own point of view and like really spending time with my own thoughts and my own
29:29
reactions and my own emotions and naming them and feeling them and celebrating them and protecting
29:35
them. I think the other thing that naturally came from that activity was a lot of comparison.
29:42
A lot of comparison and that was either comparing my journey to the journey of others, comparing my
29:48
reactions to the reaction of others, maybe feeling resentful about some people's journeys or some
29:53
people's reactions, definitely doing too much comparison online, definitely feeling that
30:00
pressure to because I was feeling the sovereignty of leading myself and acknowledging and claiming
30:09
my own point of view, feeling like that was actually like the special sauce to it all
30:15
and comparing myself maybe or judging others and judging myself and I really can leave that behind.
30:22
There's nothing about leading myself that requires me to do that comparison because the comparison
30:30
never comes to a conclusion that serves that desire to lead myself. It's kind of like a natural
30:37
thing and I do think I fall into the comparison trap quite easily and that's okay. That's kind
30:43
of like who I am. I don't think that I'm perfect and I'm not aiming for perfection or to never
30:49
compare again but I do think that that exercise of celebrating my own point of view, naming and
30:57
you know really like letting that point of view form did also enable me to fall down the comparison
31:05
trap a little bit more than I would like to and I would like to let go of that before the spring
31:09
arrives and maybe that comparison actually served its purpose in helping me name the difference
31:14
between me and others but I don't need to bring that practice with me into the spring.
31:22
So those are our five questions. That's the self-check and you made it. You made it through
31:26
the self-check and not too painful. Not too painful I hope. So let's remind ourselves that the point of
31:32
this, the goal of this self-reflection and the goal of the spring thaw is not to arrive at the spring
31:39
perfectly rested, perfectly reflected, perfectly ready. That's just not available to most of us.
31:45
That perfection, that readiness, it's just not often attainable. The goal is actually to just
31:53
arrive as yourself with enough in the barrel to meet what the spring asks of you so that you don't
31:59
feel like you're scraping the bottom of the barrel and this is where some things from our previous
32:05
episodes can pay off. I talked about micro rituals from episode 168. Those micro rituals can pay off
32:12
and I can return to them. I don't have to abandon them just because the spring is here.
32:16
I would also say you know with that time change and the exhaustion that comes from that physical
32:22
adjustment to the light, protect your sleep. Protect your slowness even as the energy around
32:28
you starts to ramp up and starts to speed up. Create a time and a space for slowness in your
32:34
life. Resist the urge to overschedule the spring before the winter is over. My calendar is filling
32:41
up. We're about to start March break and it feels like I'm already not really able to see anyone
32:48
until May. I don't know that that's entirely true but the calendar filling up is not the same as
32:53
being ready. Give yourself again a little bit of breathing room, a little bit of breathing room
33:00
before the winter is over. That probably actually feels hard because sometimes what we're rushing
33:06
towards is connection. We're rushing towards the opportunity to connect with people again.
33:10
We've put off connecting through the winter. People were dealing with their stuff through
33:14
the winter. They're like you know maybe once the winter is over we could do these fun things
33:18
together. We might feel that we've like put it off for too long. We've put off that connection and so
33:25
we're rushing into that. But try to resist the urge to overschedule or maybe think about what
33:30
overscheduling would feel like and think about what a full schedule would feel like and there's
33:35
maybe a difference between the two in how you feel and how your needs are being met. But actually the
33:40
outcome might still just be a busy calendar. But one is overwhelming and the other is filling your
33:46
cup and you just want to kind of be able to know the difference between the two for you and for
33:50
yourself. Another thing that you can do is to actually name one thing that you are still
33:56
protecting for the spring. One thing that is still yours. One thing that is still you know like your
34:02
little tiny seedling that maybe you've realized and harvested and protected through the winter
34:09
and now the time is right to grow that thing. What is something that you're still going to
34:13
protect through the spring? We're not going to shed everything through the spring. We're still
34:21
like claiming what is ours. We're still you know keeping some of those boundaries. We're still
34:26
you know naming some of those needs and you can actually keep some of those things that
34:32
you're protecting through the season of the spring. Especially through the thaw for sure.
34:36
Remember if the goal is to have enough reserves to meet the spring and whatever the spring will
34:41
ask of you, whatever's going to be on the horizon for that, those reserves are not built in a day.
34:46
Like I mentioned you know if we're thinking about like olden times and like your reserves of your
34:51
onions and your potatoes and your preserves and your jellies and your jams. If you built up those
35:00
reserves, we didn't do that in one day. That was the sum of much work prior to the winter.
35:08
Similarly, your reserves are the sum of those small choices that you've been making
35:13
either before the winter or all winter long. You've been doing the work and so trust that.
35:19
Your reserves are being built or replenished. You don't have to spend them all at once when
35:25
the sun comes out. You can be judicious with how you budget your reserve of physical energy,
35:32
emotional energy, mental energy, sensory energy. You can spend that with the budget that you have
35:39
and you can actually parse it out over time.
35:45
A lot of like metaphor in this episode. I hope you're here for it.
35:50
I love it. Like a lot of like I've talked about like your reserves
35:55
and your cold cellar and I've talked about your um
36:01
I've talked about your soundboard and your okay well you know sometimes it's just again it's just
36:06
what comes out. We're not going to rush. So your major permission slip for the end of this episode
36:12
is we're not going to rush the thaw. Our culture has very little patience for transitions.
36:18
We want the winter to end cleanly, decisively. Okay winter is over. Close that book. Turn it.
36:23
Find the new chapter. We want to flip a switch. We want to be in spring mode. We want to change
36:27
the clothes. We want to change everything but psychologically, emotionally, mentally, seasonally,
36:32
there is no clean ending. There's only just kind of this gradual shift from one to one thing to
36:37
the other and by the time we're permanently shifted into the spring we'll be transitioning
36:43
into the summer. That's just the nature of cyclical living and we can lose things when
36:49
we rush the transition. We can lose that time for reflection or integration, thoughtfulness,
36:56
the lessons that that season was trying to teach us. That can be actually the kind of thing that
37:00
like makes time feel like it's moving really really quickly when we don't integrate season
37:05
over season what our lives are revealing for us. Rushing yourself into spring mode while your body
37:12
is still in the winter creates this split and that takes a lot of energy. It's this performance
37:17
of readiness but you are not actually arrived there and the pressure to be you know ready for
37:22
spring or ready for you know something new. I think that can be kind of sometimes its own form
37:29
of toxic positivity like we're gonna just completely abandon and forget everything that
37:34
happened in the winter and it's sort of like you know this is where even like your gratitude
37:40
practice can just kind of leave a lot of the hard things behind. The winter is not over and we have
37:50
to be honest about where we are. The spring will come. The spring will come and it'll actually
37:55
come whether you're ready or not. Whether you've done the integration, whether you've done the
37:59
reflection, whether you've considered the lessons the winter was trying to teach you.
38:03
So in my opinion for me I may as well be present for the transition rather than rush through it
38:09
because the rushing comes at a cost and the rushing has brought a little bit of tension
38:14
that I didn't need. The rushing has brought a little bit of crankiness and friction into my life
38:20
and I can opt out of that. I can opt out of that and choose to be present for
38:25
this seasonal shift rather than waiting for it to be over and being annoyed that I have to wait.
38:32
I did want to leave you with a tiny care package. There's been a fair bit of tension I think
38:37
throughout the series of Happy in the Winter and for me you know like I really don't want to tell
38:41
you what to do. I want you to feel supported to do the work of knowing yourself but sometimes
38:48
actually a blank page you know I mentioned at the beginning of this episode starting with a journal
38:53
page or starting with your notes app sometimes a blank page is a barrier. I find that all the time
38:59
and so what I'm gonna share with you and I have been reluctant to do this is sort of like your
39:04
starting kit. This is like a this is a door into your self-care for the spring thaw and I as I said
39:13
I've been reluctant. I really do believe that figuring out what you need and what you love
39:17
and what you have to meet your needs is really powerful but again I do also want to hand you a
39:24
few things and you can try them on you can take what fits you can leave what doesn't and then
39:29
notice what trying or trialing a few things teaches you about yourself and that's really
39:35
the practice that I'm often kind of doing for myself on the mic. So here's the care package
39:41
we've got some books we've got some music we've got some color we've got some activities and you
39:47
can pick and choose from this menu. There's two books in the care package the first book is What
39:52
Happened to the Macraes this is a book by Tracy Lange. This book for me moves the way that the
39:59
seasonal shift does. It starts kind of cold and tight and then slowly chapter by chapter something
40:06
loosens and it kind of warms up as you read it and it's a portal to that sort of transition that grief
40:12
can take people through. It's a portal to like a lot of the feelings that kind of January, February,
40:19
March stir up and this might be a way to kind of live through fiction some feelings that maybe
40:24
you haven't had a moment to tend to. I think this is a really beautiful quiet character-driven love
40:30
story that really lands at an ending that feels like the spring. So that's What Happened to the
40:37
Macraes by Tracy Lange that's book number one. Book number two is We All Want Impossible Things
40:42
by Katherine Newman. This book also thinks about grief and feelings and transitions. Funny. This
40:50
book is very voicey. By voicey I mean like really has like a tone to it really has like a real like
40:58
person behind the voice. It's this book is also very very sad it's completely devastating and
41:04
and it's also funny and full of hope all at the same time. This is a story about saying goodbye
41:09
to your best friend. I think this is one of the hardest things that adult life could have could
41:13
ask of somebody and it really doesn't flinch from that but it also kind of doesn't leave you just in
41:18
that space and I think both of these two books What Happened to the Macraes by Tracy Lange and
41:23
We All Want Impossible Things by Katherine Newman they understand hope and the tough stuff really
41:29
live together and neither one pretends that the hard part ever goes away and I think that just
41:34
feels exactly right for where we are and what season we're in. So you can choose you can pick
41:39
one of those books and maybe let me know let me know if one of those books resonates with you.
41:45
You should be able to grab both of those from your library or audiobook wherever you prefer
41:49
and let me know. The music so there's there's two sort of like main albums and these are albums not
41:56
songs that kind of came to me for this season and they're very retro. They're very much like
42:03
my grade seven self and my freshman university self all in like one and those two people
42:11
it for me remind myself of the spring like those are my spring personas is like my my grade seven
42:17
self with her first cd player and my freshman university self with her like living on her
42:22
own for the first time doing her own thing. So the first one is Nora Jones Come Away With Me.
42:28
Listen do yourself a favor put this on in the late afternoon because the time change the time
42:34
change brings beautiful late afternoon light and you're not going to multitask just let it be in
42:39
the room with you and there is just something about this album that makes slowness feel right
42:44
that makes slowness feel acceptable and delicious and Nora Jones Come Away With Me is just like
42:52
probably a perfect album from beginning to end. Okay the next option is going to go back a little
42:59
bit older than Nora Jones and that's Lauren Hill The Miseducation of Lauren Hill. This is for when
43:06
you need to feel something move through you when you need to process it's kind of warm and aching
43:14
and you know it lands you somewhere really solid it lands you somewhere really permanent
43:21
somewhere really knowing. I bet like for many of my audience for much of my audience like your
43:28
your body probably already knows every word of this album and you can just like let it access
43:34
that knowledge let it access those memories. Both of these albums are nostalgic for a reason and
43:40
I think for me my nervous system needs something really familiar right now more than it needs
43:46
something new. Although the new music has been great too and I mentioned music two episodes ago I
43:51
talked about Homewrecker by I think it was Sonder and I also have been absolutely obsessed with Ray
43:58
and Ray's new album will be dropping in a couple weeks and that'll be something new that we can
44:02
look forward to but for now for now in your care package there's two books two albums that might
44:07
really work for you. Then I want you to think of a color and don't sleep on a color as an anchor
44:15
piece in transition seasons. The color that we're going to think of is the sort of watery
44:24
yellow of a daffodil petal of a new daffodil petal and it's not quite that like fresh
44:32
buttery confident yellow of April or May it's that sort of watery slightly translucent petal-like
44:41
yellow and I want you to find that in your home in your clothes in a candle in a mug in a piece of
44:49
art and let that watery translucent yellow be a visual cue for you that the transition is happening
44:58
that you are in that transition and it's going to happen without you forcing it without you
45:04
setting it up without you being ready that spring transition that spring thaw is already happening.
45:11
Then there's two practices or maybe three practices three practices I want you to think about
45:17
and you can pick one of them or you can do all of them in the care package.
45:20
The first thing is I want you to bring one living thing into your home
45:25
you can bring a grocery store bouquet you can buy some of those tulips and hyacinths that are
45:29
getting planted you could maybe swing by the nursery or maybe you could grab some plant
45:35
cuttings from somewhere else in your home and nurture those propagation cuttings choose one
45:41
thing one thing this is the piece of spring that we're letting in right now we're not looking for
45:47
all the growth we're just looking to nurture one living thing that's the first thing the second
45:52
thing is to indulge in one analog pleasure that you've been saving so at the beginning of January
45:58
the analog lifestyle was like 10 out of 10 full-on analog lifestyle I think is very cozy
46:05
it's very tactile it gets us out of the digital world it doesn't feel like it needs growth it's
46:09
very nostalgic it's us kind of going back to what we already know and I know that there's one analog
46:16
pleasure that you've been putting off or saving it might be a a bath ritual it might be a tea
46:24
it might be a book you've been meaning to reread it might be actually like getting tactile with
46:30
paint or you know following through on that lego set that you asked for for Christmas
46:35
stop waiting for things to calm down things probably won't calm down things probably won't
46:42
calm down until you do and you need to tap into those analog pleasures in order to feel the slowness
46:48
the the activities don't show up when the calm happens the calm happens when you do the activities
46:53
so I really want us to all tap into one analog pleasure that we've been saving and honestly
46:59
actually like in the day and age that we live in I want you to actually think about the things
47:04
that you've received for Christmas like you maybe got a book for Christmas or a new journal
47:11
you might have gotten some colored pens you might have gotten you know something that you just kind
47:17
of really appreciated but set aside and you haven't made time for and that's the analog pleasure that
47:23
I want you to tap into before this the spring becomes full on and then finally and this is
47:29
something I think I'm going to be practicing more and more is to take a walk without your headphones
47:35
on it's like gonna be like raw dogging the walk and just notice what's changing outside what's
47:43
changing outside the light the ground the temperature the smell the sounds I heard some
47:47
birdies the other day I heard some birdies it made me very happy and that's you checking in
47:52
with yourself that's the whole practice in kind of a capsule of a walk without that distraction
47:58
you know I love it when you put medium lady talks in your earbuds and you go and you take a walk or
48:03
you take a nice drive or you walk through the thrift store but this is a walk I want you to
48:08
take without medium lady and that's that's the third activity okay so we talked about two books
48:13
two albums a color three sort of like actions to take none of this is prescriptive again I've said
48:19
I really hate to tell you what to do but I'm going to tell you what to do in this episode
48:23
I want you to think of these as doors in a room that might work for you that might not
48:28
you can walk through the door you can look around you can notice what resonates what doesn't
48:32
and the noticing part is the most important part is like walk through the door notice figure it
48:37
out what you actually need and walk out of the door close it behind you or walk through the door
48:42
and and use that doorway to more doors again more metaphors in this episode geez I really think that
48:48
is the whole point of everything that I've been talking about since launching season six and the
48:52
happy in the winter framework is about noticing and then doing a couple of small little things
49:00
thank you for being here with me through this conversation like honestly I feel like we kind
49:04
of like sat through that tension was a little uncomfy acknowledging that there's like a lot
49:11
of friction and whiplash that happens with the bounce back and forth at the spring thaw
49:16
and the light is coming back like that's what got us so excited in the first place the light is
49:20
coming back that is real and that matters getting that light back it matters feeling that light
49:26
within you matters and I want to celebrate you for doing the work of staying with yourself if
49:33
you've made it all the way to the end of the episode then you've really listened through
49:37
some of those questions some of that vulnerability we don't have to make the spring into a to-do list
49:43
quite yet maybe we'll get there maybe we'll get to our spring of grand productivity our spring of
49:50
sustainable wellness our spring of whatever's next whatever's coming next is available and
49:55
and it feels just at the reach of our fingertips but you don't have to make a spring to-do list
49:59
just yet we don't have to promise that we're going to be transformed once the winter's over
50:04
we just have to kind of think about what's possible and gently slowly arrive into it
50:11
you just have to be present for the spring it's coming it's going to come whether you've
50:16
whether you've journaled through this episode whether you process the winter or not that's okay
50:21
because the spring will arrive the light won't wait for you to catch up it just keeps coming
50:26
back time and time again and that cyclical living again it benefits us in so many ways
50:33
the winter always ends and the ice always melts but it actually rarely happens all at once it's
50:39
not like we just shut the winter off and move on and neither do you you transition through many
50:45
seasons of your life and you're allowed to arrive at the spring slowly thank you so much for being
50:52
here we're going to close the episode there i really appreciate you being here with me in this
50:57
conversation and sharing what you've shared with me and being there for yourself and sharing what
51:04
you need to reflect on with yourself and protecting those pieces of you that need
51:10
support through transition my name is aaron this has been medium lady talks episode 170
51:16
thank you for being here if you like this episode i hope you'll share it with a friend
51:20
or share it with someone that you think could benefit from it that is always a great way to
51:24
continue to build this community of like-minded folks i will see you next week for something
51:33
something that's coming around the corner but until then until then we're here together in
51:38
the present and that always feels really really good it's never lost on me that you choose to
51:42
spend some of your most valuable resources your time and attention here on the show i hope you
51:47
have a great week i'm really really glad you're here and i will talk to you again soon bye
51:55
thanks so much for listening to medium lady talks created and produced by me
52:00
aaron vandeman if you want more of the general vibe gratitude and encouragement on this episode
52:06
please come and find me on instagram at medium dot lady and since you've made it to the end i'd
52:11
love to get to know you even better screenshot this episode so you can share it on instagram
52:16
and be sure to tag me so that we can chat thanks for listening remember you're doing such a good
52:22
job your place in this world can only be filled by you i'll see you in the next episode bye