Latest / Reality TV Cringe / 152: The Valley - Congrats On Your Hair Loss (S5 E6)

Transcript

152: The Valley - Congrats On Your Hair Loss (S5 E6) · Reality TV Cringe

0:10
Hello, and welcome to Reality TV Cringe. I am one of your hosts,
0:16
Delia here with my real tight homegirl Beatrice, also my daughter in law
0:21
and also my fur baby daughter. She's having a great time. We're having
0:27
a girl party party. We are gathered here today to talk The Valley on
0:34
Bravo, which we just did our episode on vander Pump Rules, and at
0:39
the end of that episode we both agreed the Valley is where it's at.
0:43
It is way fucking better than vander Pump Rules, and I'm living for it.
0:50
I wonder what's wrong with me because it's really fucking toxic. And Jesse
0:55
is a cro magnum, Neanderthal, Trobladite, which I think are three types
0:59
of cave man, but he's all caveman, all in one man. But
1:03
like, it's so toxic. But that's the reality TV that I want me
1:07
too. I love Bad Girls Club Bitch. Yeah, I want Tyra.
1:10
I want her screaming at these poor young women shaking in their shoes. Get
1:14
skinny, be pretty, let me file your teeth down. That's the reality
1:19
TV that I want, and the Valley is giving me a little bit of
1:23
that, enjoying it. It's little I texted you when I watched this yesterday.
1:29
I was like, bitch things, you're popping off. This is lit
1:32
and you're like, I haven't watched it yet. Oh my god. I'm
1:34
like, you're gonna watch it and you're gonna love it. Yeah, I
1:38
was. I was really flabbergasted by some of the things that happened and very
1:42
entertained. Before we get into our full blown recap, we have to remind
1:46
you please had your wife and had your kids. We are a politically incorrect
1:52
podcast. We say bad words, a lot of them. We have dumb
1:55
opinions and we freely share them. So if you're subtly ill, you might
2:00
want to find your self another dump stuby bit. But if you're ready to
2:05
get down and party and talk the valley, welcome to this dumpstone. Yeah.
2:10
And if you are ready to get down and party, go follow us
2:14
on the Instagram at Reality tv Cringe and join us on Patreon, Patreon,
2:17
dot com slash reality tv Cringe. We've got so much shit up on there.
2:21
If you think we're crazy here, we're way more crazy over there,
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one hundred percent. Also, if you want to call us and leave us
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any of the shows that we are covering. All you have to do is
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us a message. I think you have up to ninety seconds. We may
2:42
or may not play it on the pot or in the video probably like we
2:45
love hearing from you. We do last, but not least, if you
2:47
are watching on YouTube, please do not forget to like and comment and share
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and subscribe. Everything you do helps us to grow in the algorithm, and
2:58
that means we grow in the dumpster. We get fatter. Yeah, and
3:00
that's what we want, So thank you in advance. We're trying to go
3:05
see doctor now over here. Yeah, it's in Houston. It's not that
3:07
far away. We should totally do a road drip. We totally should probably
3:10
have raccoons in Houston that we could do like a meetup buffet. We could
3:15
pig out and then waddle our way over to his Strip Mall Beriatric Center.
3:21
We could well, you could weigh yourself, no, but we totally could
3:25
do our own little meetup and maybe at like the Holiday Inn like the Slayton
3:29
Sisters Dead. That would be great, have like a little car down yo,
3:34
my god, brilliant. I know, coming soon to a holiday and
3:38
express near you. Now, before we get into the valley, there were
3:42
a couple of items newsworthy if you will, about some of the cast members
3:46
that we wanted to go over first and foremost, and we did talk about
3:51
this on VPR. But Brittany Cartwright has apparently unfollowed Jack's Taylor on Instagram,
3:59
which I guess da is very important. It means something, yeah, well,
4:02
because they're separated, right, but I mean they were separated and still
4:06
following each other, but she unfollowed Jack's and she also unfollowed her PR person
4:14
is guess what a woman? And guess what? Just been on a trip
4:18
somewhere? Was it Canada? Where'd they go with Jax Taylor? And there's
4:23
pictures of her cuddled up with jackx Taylor and rumors are abounding that they're flugging.
4:30
Oh you know there, you know. And so those rumors got back
4:38
to Brittany and there must be some veracity to them because boop, she unfollowed
4:42
them. Hose them bitches? Yeah, I believe it, man, you
4:46
know, I saw those pictures of him Jack's and the pr and he's like
4:49
literally face touching her face and he's like all snuggly, he's cut the sex
4:54
eyes. I'm like, gross, yeah, so nasty. Sorry, Brittany,
5:00
but you married an absolute lout. I mean you get what you said
5:03
before. Yeah, that's true too. Now. The other Newsworthy item concerns
5:10
Michelle Lalie, who is emerging as the true villain of the Valley. She
5:15
is the wife of Jesse Lally, who is that fucking peacock fop of an
5:18
ass, whole loser pretty much assaulted Brittany in the hallway. We're gonna get
5:24
there. Yeah, but like they are in a terrible marriage as we're seeing
5:28
on the show. And apparently Michelle has already left him real time, you're
5:32
of our Lord twenty twenty four, Yep, already left him and she has
5:35
a no mea already this is him. We're gonna put up a picture of
5:40
both Michelle and the man she has moved on from that fuck with. What
5:44
do you think? I love it? That's great. Although Michelle's hella toxic.
5:47
I hate her. I hate her a lot, but like, I'm
5:50
glad that you have another man. And then she also slams like the cheating
5:56
rumors and stuff. She's like, I know a cheater. Christ doesn't know
5:59
what she's talking, She's crazy. I personally believe she's a cheat. Nass
6:01
I believe Kristen. Show of hands, how many of us believe? We
6:05
all believe christ I believe Chrischelle. Nobody believes you. Janet from another planet.
6:11
Nobody believes you. Did you see Janet on Watch What Happens Live?
6:14
No? Yes. So they were doing polls. Andy does poles, like
6:17
you go up and you register your vote on different things, and he was
6:21
asking a bunch of questions about like do we believe Kristen, do we believe
6:26
Michelle? And everybody in the audience in those polls was on Kristen's side,
6:31
and you could kind of see Janet's face. She's like, Janet, you
6:38
bitch, Janet, you gossip in a Sorry Janet, we can see right
6:42
through you, and we can definitely see through that. Oh yeah, Michelle,
6:46
O Lally and Jasmine, I don't know what you're trying to do out
6:48
in these streets, just making trouble, throwing Kristin under the bus, calling
6:53
her a liar, show me the lie. Yes, Kristen did misspeak.
6:58
She threw in racist and that is incendiary and we don't want to be doing
7:01
that. But I mean she's dumb. Yeah, and then tonight she also
7:04
misspokes. She can get it right, but like she's not lying, No,
7:09
she is hearing stuff. Yeah, and things were said by Janet,
7:12
Jasmine and Zach. Yeah, but why we are trying to crucify Kristen,
7:16
don't as opposed to going to the source of the person who said it in
7:19
the first place and then verified it on camera in an interstitial Janet, Uh
7:24
huh. I don't understand. I think all these people want to be relevant,
7:28
they want to be famous, and they know Kristin's history from VPR and
7:30
that she got fired for being a racist and all this shit, and so
7:33
they think that they can just bully her the whole entire season to make themselves
7:39
look good. But all y'all just look dumb, especially you Zach with your
7:43
freaking hair. Dude. I don't know about Zach, like the jury is
7:46
out, because I kind of like him, Like I like his shady moments.
7:49
There are things about him that are funny, and I do think that
7:53
he's going to end up riding for Kristin, but like he's not really showing
7:57
up for her in the way that he should be right now. But the
8:00
thing that kills me, Beatrice, is that it's Kristin and Jack's that assembled
8:05
this friend group and brought their friends on so that they could get famous,
8:09
they could make money, they could get clout, And within two episodes they're
8:13
throwing Kristin under the bus. But she's the one that gave you this opportunity,
8:18
Like, hello, all of y'all are nobody's, Like, nobody literally
8:22
names. It took me four episodes to even put the names together for all
8:26
these people. I'm like, I don't care about none. Not memorable people,
8:28
No, no, not at all. And now they're throwing her under
8:31
the bus. And I'm sure they're gonna come for Jacks. But I mean,
8:35
rightfully, so well, why aren't they coming for Jacks though, Because,
8:37
like Jackson is out here one hun stirring the pot. He's going to
8:41
lunch with Jasmine, which is a lunch I don't think he would ever do
8:46
otherwise unless there were cameras there. He is on purpose planting a rumor because
8:50
he knows Jasmine's gonna take that bone back to Janitor, Zach or somebody else.
8:54
So why aren't they calling out Jack's and focusing instead on Kristin. Only
8:58
know maybe they will with the ultimate demise of him in Brittany's marriage that I'm
9:03
sure we're going to see at some point. I hope, I really hope.
9:07
Please broocuts. What episode are we on this time? Six? Yeah?
9:11
Okay, because I think we have twelve episodes of this, we have
9:16
six more episodes. I think we're going to start to get into the demise
9:20
of the Brittany Jack's marriage. I hope. But I'm just really wondering why
9:24
they're not going after him. Is it because they sniff vulnerability in Kristin.
9:30
Maybe she's trying to get pregnant, like she's going through something. Maybe she's
9:35
not mentally there one hundred percent because she just got out of another relationship that
9:39
was bad and chasing this new one. So they smell blood in the water
9:43
and they just want to take her down. But it's just so evil.
9:46
Well, does Jacks have the power, like if he kind of created this
9:48
show a little bit, does he have the power to tell people like,
9:52
you can't come after me, no, because I'm the Miami No Okay,
9:54
Well, and I don't know, he does not. Maybe they're scared of
9:56
him, maybe, but I'm like, why would you be scared of him?
10:00
I think they think Kristen's an easy target. But the thing is,
10:01
I mean, Kristen will come back at you, Like we've seen the montage
10:05
of her telling people to suck a dick and not given a fuck. But
10:09
I just I felt bad for her. She was just trying to leave and
10:11
we're gonna get there, but like she was trying to be like the mature
10:15
person and get out of a toxic situation. They're coming for her. The
10:18
production won't let her leave. Jesse fucking follows her. Yep. And it's
10:24
just wild old absolutely, But honey, I'm jumping ahead, you are,
10:28
So let's start at the beginning. Get us started. Yeah, So we
10:31
started with Kristin and Luke in their apartment. They're talking about how she was
10:37
sick I guess with COVID and Luke's like, I thought you were pregnant,
10:43
Like, no, she's not. She gets into her pregnancy stuff and she
10:46
really wants a baby. Nobody cares. Yeah, we know that has been
10:50
established. Yeah, and then they're talking about how they kind of need a
10:54
place of their own. He needs a place of his own. He doesn't
10:56
feel at home in her apartment. And he hates l A, And I
11:00
mean I do too, Fuck Elle. I think La is nice. I
11:03
mean, I'm not going to be shitting on La. Every episode with Beatrice
11:07
jesus Ch, he's talking about Colorado. He wants to go to color Colorado.
11:11
Person, you do love Colorado. I went there for the first time
11:13
in September. I thought it was beautiful. I could totally understand why everybody
11:16
wants to move there. Yeah, and everybody is to leave there again.
11:20
Yeah. And Kristen talks about how she doesn't want to live in Colorado because
11:24
at the ranch that they're in they have to bring in water. So I
11:28
wonder where they're at in Colorado, like Grand Junction. Yeah, I don't
11:31
know, like serious to know where the ranch is. But does he mean
11:35
like he's just doing the hookups like Cody Brown, like getting the electric and
11:37
the septic I don't know, and the internet out to his property or do
11:43
you actually like to have like you have to get water brought in monthly.
11:46
I'm thinking it's like kind of like an off grade water tank that's the problem
11:50
with Colorado right there. Yeah, And honestly, it's the problem with California
11:54
is you don't have like a water resource. Yeah, and you can't even
11:58
collect your own rainwater. Yeah, it's it's a lot stupid. God,
12:01
damn it. Damn Now you're making me mad. But she's talking about how
12:05
she doesn't want to live in Colorado because of that, but she loves it
12:07
there, and so I don't know. I hope it's not like the end
12:09
of their relationship because of this, because I think Luke's actually really good to
12:13
her. I think he likes her a lot. Yeah, I mean,
12:16
I guess I think so. I mean he's been on her podcast, I
12:20
want to say for a couple of years. Really, Yeah, Like he's
12:22
her co host. He's fully embedded in her LA lifestyle. So like,
12:26
for as much as he's talking about how fishing is everything he wants to do,
12:31
ever, he's also availing himself of the multiple opportunities that Los Angeles has
12:35
to offer. I see, you've got a refined nose for that. You
12:39
can sin without the Shyes, I do. I'm a raccoon. Yeah,
12:41
nice to meet you. And then we have Jack's going to have lunch with
12:46
Jasmine. Okay, bar this was hella. Do we think this is a
12:50
real friendship? No, I don't think Jasmine would ever want to spend any
12:56
time with Jack's Taylor authentically and vice versa. No, they're just they're to
13:00
gossip. They immediately get into Brittany and Jack's sex life. Why because she
13:05
brings up She's like, the girls all know that you ain't fucking her and
13:09
Jack says something weird, harassing. Well, it's hella embarrassing, but he
13:13
says something weird. He's like, yeah, I know Britney's love language is
13:16
my head between her legs. I don't need to I don't want that visual
13:22
Number one, I don't need to know that I know. And number two,
13:24
I'm like, you know that, then why are you fucking her?
13:28
Why aren't you eating her? Box? Puts your head between her legs?
13:31
If that's all she wants, I don't understand. He don't want to beatreus.
13:33
He don't want no part of that. He keeps saying. It's like,
13:37
I'm just stressed. I got a lot going on, Like it's just
13:39
the last thing on my mind. I'm like, I doubt that, do
13:43
you? I don't know, I know, you think he's just so busy,
13:46
and like, I think he's stressed. I think when we get to
13:48
the part where him and Brittany are talking at the bar, I thought I
13:52
felt some semblance of humanity from him talking about how stressed out he is.
13:56
I thought he was authentically close to tears. I thought Brittany was completely callous
14:01
and unfeeling in that moment. We will get there, though, we'll get
14:03
there. But yeah, like it sounds like it's a quick fix. All
14:07
you have to do is give your wife some cunny lingis and to let her
14:09
know that she's pretty, and you can mend your marriage. But he doesn't
14:13
want to do that. No, he doesn't at all, because I don't
14:16
think he's attracted to her. No mo. And then they start talking about
14:18
Michelle and Jesse, and this is where Jack says he's heard that Michelle's been
14:24
texting other men, right, which I'm like, Kristen told me. I
14:30
hope Kristen doesn't say anything, just like I'm saying something on camera to you,
14:35
I know, like whatever, everybody's blabbing it. I love that,
14:39
honestly, for Jesse and Michelle, And that's what you get dude, they're
14:43
terrible trash people, horrible, horrible, awful people. And then we have
14:46
Jack's calling Danny about throwing a bald person's party. Got a bald spot just
14:56
another way for Jackson getting his bag? Need a check, dude, He's
15:00
not balding at all. He's plucking some hair up in the back of his
15:03
head to pretend that he has the bald spot so he can cash a check.
15:07
Because they think he's very worried about money. I wonder if they're hurting
15:09
for money, like really bad. I think he's looking at his future and
15:13
wondering like how he can create and maintain income. Mmm. I don't know.
15:20
I wonder if they're like they've got some debt, probably a bankruptcy or
15:24
something. I don't know, man, probably probably something I would love to
15:28
know. Yeah, and then we have Michelle and her baby Isabella at some
15:33
play poky or whatever, and this is where she talks about her marriage again.
15:37
She's like, I want Isabella to not see two parents fighting and reckering,
15:41
which I'm like, yeah, that's fair, creating the pretense that she's
15:45
unhappy, and then she wants a healthy relationship because she's already fucking somebody else.
15:48
This is all just a ruse yep, So that we are thinking that
15:52
you're worried about your actual marriage when you're already stepping outside of your marriage and
15:56
fucking some other guy, a director or somebody, right, And I'm like,
16:00
why don't you just be honest about it, like I would respect you.
16:03
We always say this just fucking because she knows that Jesse will become extremely
16:07
punitive what she said in the last episode. If I ever find out that
16:11
she does that to me, game over, and I will be telling Isabelle
16:15
that it's your mama who wrecked everything for the next forty years of my life.
16:18
So she knows he's gonna go scorched earth if he finds out that she's
16:25
cheated. And so that's why she's trying to pretend it's about the fact that
16:30
they're arguing. No, it's about your fucking somebody else. I'm not really
16:33
working on your marriage, oh, or do you want to know? And
16:36
I mean, I don't want you to work on your marriage with him anyway,
16:37
because he sucked. But she sucks too. Oh I hate her.
16:41
I know after this episode, I'm like, you're a bitch. Bitch,
16:45
And so then we have the next scene, Jason and Jesse are going over
16:49
to Danny and Nia's house because they're gonna like move around furniture, and none
16:53
of these guys are handy at all. It's kind of embarrassing. I'm shocked,
16:57
Like, you don't even have fundamental man skilled. They can't even work
17:00
a drill. Let me do it then, Jesus crackers, Jeez, Louise,
17:07
and like, I'm a lesbian. I'm handy. I'm always fixing shit
17:11
around my place, but I can't build furniture. So I mean that's fair.
17:15
Your daughter does it, make her do it? She's the ikea lesbian.
17:18
I'm the handyman lesbian. You're the lesbian who's making stock, your panning
17:25
in your own butter, things of that nature. Exactly. Yeah, but
17:27
these men are worthless, even Jason, I know, I love Jason.
17:33
How come you can't use a screwdriver? You? How come you can't like
17:36
disassemble this bed. I don't get it. It's not that hard fucking spoiled
17:41
with my bar I was thinking about him. I'm like, damn, if
17:45
these men were around a real man, like your shade shed, they shrivel.
17:52
My husband will carry a car engine. My husband will build a car
17:56
engine. My husband will rehab a home, he will build a kitchen,
17:59
he will replace the toilet. My husband's a man. These men are not
18:03
men. I know well Danny. Danny's more of a man in terms of
18:07
like the emotionality and stuff. But he can't build nothing. I know,
18:10
you gotta build something. What are you doing? And fucking Jesse they're doing
18:14
that as Yeah, Jesse's stupid ass. He brought the champagne, he brought
18:18
the bubbly with his fucking wine glass. I literally hate this man. So
18:23
at eleven am, Oh my god, here's the champagne. Oh man,
18:27
things like mad duties and it's talking Heady's like if you need advice on wine
18:33
or champagne or fashion or anything, Yeah, I'm your guy. I'm like,
18:36
you're a loser and nobody wants that from you. No, your fashion
18:38
sucks. Can you see your hair? Do you see your jackets that you
18:41
don't offer to your wife when she's cold? And your fucking bow tie?
18:45
Second episode in a row, Yeah, you loser to work. Laala in
18:49
the after show said he has short man syndrome? Did he totally? I
18:52
did see that? Wait for him to see that he's gonna get so mad.
18:56
Oh he's gonna be fuman. Yeah, totally. But while they're building
19:00
furniture, not really building furniture, not really doing anything manly, you're talking
19:04
about like Jesse and therapy and all that. And this is when he's like,
19:08
yeah, I meaning with like a plant medicine doctor, and I'm gonna
19:12
do some psilocybin and ayahuasca because I really want to, like, you know,
19:15
see my ego from the outside, lego death. Shut the fuck up,
19:19
heroic dose. I can't just say words about enlightenment. Oh my god,
19:26
go to an actual therapist for rud. Yeah, Like, I think
19:29
you are a diagnosable narcissist. I think you're fucking malignant and toxic and you're
19:33
gonna damage your daughter, Like, try to be an actual better person.
19:37
I mean ayahuasca and psilocybin. I'm one hundred percent for it, same one
19:41
hundred percent for it, and I've done a little bit of it. Moss
19:42
so funny, yep, but that is not where you need to start.
19:45
Well, going with actual therapist, not a life coach, right, And
19:48
I'm like, if you're not in the right mindset, you're gonna have like
19:52
a crazy fucking trip, And I mean you kind of deserve it. You
19:53
kind of deserve something crazy to wake yourself out of this narcissistic, toxic bullshit
20:00
that you're in. But you're not gonna actually grow, Like he's not gonna
20:03
have an ego death where he actually becomes profound. Probably not. No,
20:08
he just wants to go to Capri. Of course, I'm going to capray
20:11
and feel better about everything. And he's loathsome even the guys are like,
20:17
you're gonna do ayahuasca and silzeben, Like you're not gonna learn shit. I
20:22
would just find it an actual therapist who can help you and give you some
20:25
tools and some diagnostics that might allow you to get to the next phase in
20:29
your relationship, which is going to be divorced by help you to consciously uncouple.
20:33
Yeah, nobody wants to be with you, you asshole. You're gonna
20:37
be alone forever. I hate him so much. I hate him so much.
20:41
And then we have Jackson Brittany going to the bar. Yeah, because
20:44
Brittany wants to be involved. But why you haven't made any investments. So
20:48
I'm trying to suss this out because they're trying to pretend that they really need
20:52
Britney's design input. And I'm thinking to myself, as all, when was
20:56
the last time Brittany emerged on the sea as some sort of an interior designer.
21:00
I don't know. I don't know, but she wants to be involved,
21:03
and so Jackson's bringing her and it was all very strange. They drive
21:07
over in like a golf cart. Is that legal? I don't know.
21:11
Does that mean he had a duy and he can't drive a real car?
21:15
I don't know. I think if you're on the main road you have to
21:18
have it licensed or registered or something like. So I don't think it's duy.
21:23
I just think it's weird. It's very weird. But they're like kind
21:26
of talking about the bar and stuff, and she wants to be involved.
21:29
And then they're at the bar and she's giving her fake input to the construction
21:33
people. I think it needs to be brighter. Yeah, I think this
21:37
needs to be upholstered. Okay, that's it. And then they go and
21:41
sit thanks brit input lame. They go sit down and talk about their marriage
21:48
and shit, and this is where she brings up like you ain't fucking me,
21:49
No, you don't make me feel pretty or sexy. I just need
21:53
more real meats. Yeah, kiya kiak kind of that's pretty much what it
22:00
is. And this is kind of where we get that snapshot of Jackson.
22:03
He's like, well, I'm just really going through it. We're trying to
22:07
open up this bar, and we've got the house, and we've got cruise,
22:11
and there's just so much on my plate right now, Like I'm really
22:15
really feeling stressed out and anxious to which Brittany says, right, but we're
22:19
gonna start for the new baby next month, right, Yeah, so we're
22:22
gonna go as if everything he said just went right over her head and or
22:26
she doesn't care. She just wants what she wants. And so when when
22:30
she says that, like, but we're still gonna try next month, right,
22:33
that's when he's like, I feel like I'm gonna cry, yeah,
22:37
because you're not listening to me, because I'm trying to share with you that
22:40
I'm breaking down for whatever reason, whether it's finances, love, we don't
22:42
know, but like, I'm fucking breaking down, and all your pushing is
22:47
your agenda about having another kid, which, by the way, we do
22:49
not need to bring into this marriage. Because we're broken down, yeah,
22:52
and we're broke probably yeah, broke and broken down. Yeah. I felt
22:57
like his concerns were you in, like he is stressed and everything. But
23:02
I also kind of got like a feeling of like I wonder if he says
23:04
that all the time, like as an excuse to like never fuck, Like
23:08
anytime she's like, yeah, like you wanna you wanna eat my box?
23:11
You wanna I can give you a blow job or something, He's like,
23:15
no, I'm tired, I'm stressed, you know what I mean. So
23:17
I just wonder if maybe that's why she was kind of cold and callous to
23:21
it, because she's like, I don't care you say this all the time,
23:22
And maybe this is performative, like because this is Jax Taylor kind of
23:26
you know, producing a moment. I don't know, okay, but like
23:30
what is Britney doing to foster intimacy in her relationship? Like are we really
23:34
putting it all on the emotionally unintelligent Jaxdale or right to figure out how to
23:40
grow intimacy in your relationship? Like how are you nurturing that relationship, Brittany?
23:42
Like where is your partnership ownership in that exchange. I'm not hearing enough
23:48
from you about that other than you want to kila shots all the time and
23:51
you drunk. Uh huh, Because at the freaking hair party she's already drinking,
23:56
and then at the dinner she's drinking. I'm like, girl, yeah,
23:59
calm down, chill, you don't need to be drunk all the time.
24:03
So, yeah, that was kind of an interesting moment and insight into
24:06
their fucked up marriage. And then we have Jack's hair loss party. Congrats
24:11
on your hair loss, I think that's the name of this episode, right,
24:15
Jennet says that, I think that's pretty funny. Yeah, so that
24:19
was an interesting party. What is what stands out about that? First and
24:23
foremost the Burning Man lady? Yes, who's selling Burning Man garb and her
24:30
pussy. Probably then you can wear to Burning Man, which nobody's going to.
24:34
Well, now, all of a sudden, Jesse is really really interested
24:37
in going to Burning Man, and very interested in this young lady who is
24:41
dressed very scantily, but like she has agency over her body and she could
24:45
do what she wants. That's fine, but like Jack's and Jesse are all
24:48
kind of just hovering around her pretending they're interested in the clothes and talking about
24:52
burning Man, but they're really just pervy a holes. Well, and I
24:56
thought that was so fucked up of Jesse to like so into this girl,
25:00
like he's talking to her a lot at least Jack's at some point is like,
25:03
I gotta leave, I gotta be out of here because I'm staring at
25:07
this chick. Yeah, too long. And that's that's like the bar is
25:11
like really low right bars in hell. Yeah, But Jesse is just like
25:15
a barnacle to this girl until Michelle comes up. At some point he actually
25:21
leaves and then he comes back. He does he sneaks back to the Burning
25:25
Man. Yeah. I'm like like he brings back the clothes or whatever and
25:29
like starts talking to her again, and that's when Michelle walks up on him.
25:33
But before he goes back to Burning Man lady, he's out dancing with
25:36
I think Britney's Glama and Michelle is on like the periphery watching him dance,
25:44
and she's like, you can have him, I know you can have him.
25:47
I'm like, you're such a bitch. This is inappropriate to say at
25:49
a party about your husband is just having a good time yep. And then
25:52
when he's talking to the Burning Man lady and flirting. You come over and
25:56
act all possessive even though we know you're cheating on him. Where fucking somebody
26:00
else? Yeah? I just just like, are you going to burning Man?
26:03
Which is the right question to ask, And Jesse's like, no,
26:07
maybe, I mean I could have wanted to know you can't to forty old
26:11
loser man. No you're not. And then we have Zach also criticizing Jack's
26:15
hair, which I thought was pretty funny. Not Jack's hair, Schwartz's hair.
26:21
Was it Schwartz? It was Schwartz's hair, because remember Schwartz comes in
26:23
with his bleached blood hair there and Zach has an interstitial when he's making fun
26:30
of Schwartz's hair, and I'm like, I can't believe that you have the
26:34
audacity to sit there with a straight face and call out somebody else's hair when
26:40
I am unsure whether the thing that's on your head is alive or not?
26:44
Is it an actual marsupial? Is it a mammal? What's happening on top
26:48
of your head? It's very confusing, and you're calling out Tom Schwartz.
26:52
Yeah, okay, embarrassing, Yes, Yeah, for some reason, I
26:56
thought it was him criticizing Jack's hair, because every everybody else does talk about
27:00
Jackson's at and they're like, this dude's like barely balding, and Jackson's giving
27:04
his whole speech about it. Yeah, I noticed a bald spot in my
27:07
garage and I spray painted my head and everybody's like, what what are you
27:12
talking about? Right, you're not balding, but like get your bag though,
27:17
Like everybody's like, which is fine or whatever. And then we have
27:22
the dinner with him somebody. This is like the meat of the episode,
27:25
the car wreck so good. I can't even remember why they were doing a
27:27
dinner, I'm sure. Yeah, it was after the party at the Skaber.
27:33
They go to some Rando suite and they're having dinner. Everybody sits down.
27:37
Immediately we see that Jesse is not in a good mood, which is
27:41
weird though, because with Burning Man Girl he certainly seems to be in a
27:45
great mood. But as soon as he's sitting there next to his wife,
27:48
he's seems very unhappy. Yeah, it seems morose, seems mad almost.
27:55
Oh yeah, and I think he talks about it in his talking kad.
27:57
He's like The reason why I'm so upset is because, like I just got
28:00
out of a therapy session where I came to the realization that Michelle's gonna leave
28:04
me, and so I'm upset. But then you're sitting next to your wife
28:08
there, and I'm gonna drink. I'm gonna have a bunch of drinks and
28:11
just get out of control. Jax comes over sees that Michelle is in a
28:15
skimpy ass dress and he's like, are you cold? Here's my jacket.
28:21
Jax takes off his jacket, and meanwhile, Jesse sitting next to his wife
28:23
in a full ass jacket and keeps it on. Yeah, just like he
28:26
did last week when they were outside, and he's like, are you cold,
28:30
and she's like yeah, and he didn't give her I mean, he's
28:32
the worst. He's the worst. He's so bad. So Jax gives her
28:37
the jacket and she says something to Jesse like what's going on, Like why
28:41
are you being so quiet? And he's just like, no, I'm just
28:45
hanging out, don't really want to talk that much, and she's like okay,
28:48
but it's kind of weird. Yeah, So Michelle is giving Jesse shit
28:52
for being quiet, for being shut down, and then he starts to talk.
28:57
Yeah, right, At some point he starts to say something about he
29:02
said something about something. Oh, he was talking about his attitude. He
29:07
was like, why is everybody talking about my attitude or whatever? Like I'm
29:10
fine, like just shut the fuck up or something. And then nobody's really
29:12
like listening to him. I thought he brought up a specific subject. And
29:15
then Michelle told him to shut up, like as soon as he started to
29:19
talk about something, She's like, okay, shut up. He's like,
29:22
well, you just told me I wasn't talking, and now I am talking,
29:26
and now you're telling me to shut up, and he's getting mad.
29:29
I don't remem I don't know what's happening. You know, there's a lot
29:33
everybody having side conversations. But at some point he fucking slams the table again
29:37
again. And this is where Kristen across the table is like, oh,
29:41
here he goes, yeah, and it's abusive yep, And I don't want
29:45
to be here for this. I'm not doing another night with Jesse fucking Lally
29:48
asking like an acting like a Napoleonic asshole. We're not going to sit here
29:52
for that. Yeah, And other people can hear Kristin getting upset. I
30:00
I think Jasmine immediately takes issue with Kristin using the word abuse, so does
30:03
she is Janet, And I think Jasmine has a talking head or an interstitial
30:07
where she's like, Okay, calm down, Kristin. Yeah, she's like,
30:11
oh, Kristin has like a bingo card for like these buzz races abusive,
30:18
abusive, And I'm yeah, wow, I'm like, you guys suck
30:21
so much for women supporting women for sure, And I'm like, why are
30:25
we acting like Jesse isn't abusive? Like we've seen this whole entire season.
30:29
He's an asshole. I don't understand why they side with him. Doesn't make
30:33
any sense. I'm like, not a good look for y'all, Janet and
30:36
Jasmine and Michelle defending her piece of shit husband who's fucking aggressive at the table.
30:41
It's unnecessary. So then Kristen gets up to leave because she's like,
30:45
I want to go. She actually isn't it. I think Jesse who asks
30:49
Kristin like, what's your problem? Like Jesse brings it up to she's just
30:53
trying to get up and go. Yeah, she's not trying to make a
30:56
big issue out of it. She doesn't want to have a big fucking fight.
31:00
She's just like I want to bounce. This is like bad energy.
31:03
Let me out of here. Yeah, And he's like, what's your problem?
31:06
And then they start popping off. Yeah. Because she goes to leave,
31:10
he follows her. We don't get to see it, like the producers
31:11
aren't filming it. We just hear it. They're in the hallway. She's
31:15
trying to leave. A producer is telling her she shouldn't, yeah, like
31:18
we should get you back into the room, you should sit back down,
31:22
like you should film this scene. And she's like, I don't want to.
31:25
This guy is an abusive asshole. Why would I want to be in
31:26
that situation? And this is when Jesse gets up because he's mad at Michelle,
31:32
who's told him to shut up right, So he's like, fine,
31:34
I'm just gonna walk out. So he walks out into the hallway. I
31:37
don't think he follows Kristin necessarily to confront Kristin, but he finds himself in
31:42
the hallway with Kristin, who's talking to the producer, and they start fighting,
31:47
and this is where we hear on the hot mic Jesse says something like,
31:51
if you're going to reveal some skeleton in my closet that I don't know
31:53
about right now, I will bury you. I will fucking bury you.
31:57
And then they start to argue and voices start to raise, things, you
32:02
start to escalate, and when Luke hears it, he immediately we love that
32:07
like a real man, Like a real man. He pops up and he
32:09
goes out into the hallway. And this is where we have the hallway confrontation,
32:14
which is insane, so many things going on, so many things,
32:17
because Jesse is getting in Luke's fucking face and is like saying shit, like
32:22
you need to control your woman first. He's like, what are you gonna
32:24
do? Because Luke comes in and he's like pushing him back, not harsh,
32:28
not like trying to choose them off and start a fight, but like,
32:30
man, back up off my girls. Yeah, and this is when
32:34
we've got little ass Jesse what is he five fuckings seven? You know,
32:37
like, what are you going to do? Luke and trying to buck up
32:38
on Jesse on Luke and I'm yeah, cal him down, chill out.
32:43
He's drunk though, oh totally drunk. And then Michelle's yelling at fucking Kristen
32:47
and very yelling. Like Christen's like, I'm just trying to be your friend,
32:52
but I'm like, you're not. I mean, you're kind of threatening
32:54
to like reveal the secrets and stuff that you know. I'm like, it's
32:59
not within I want to as well, though, if you're gonna sit here
33:00
and let your husband scream at me when I'm just trying to leave this fucking
33:05
fuck ass shit ass party. I know you know your husband's out here screaming
33:08
at me and being abusive. Torpi like why what did I really do?
33:12
And Michelle's like defending Jesse. It's super fucking weird because Kristin's like saying,
33:16
he's abusive, He's a piece of shit. I hate him. You need
33:19
to fucking leave him, basically is what she's saying. And Michelle is like,
33:22
shut the fuck up. Kristin like getting in her fucking face, her
33:25
nibble pops out. I'm just like, oh my god, this is insade.
33:30
And then at some point, like things pop off hardcore. I can't
33:35
remember what happened. Luke says something like take care of your wife or take
33:39
care of your own marriage, yes, and then Jesse comes charging back down
33:44
the hallway, pushes Zach to the side, barrels over Britney. Yeah,
33:51
and I don't know what he's trying to do. Is he trying to try
33:53
to fight fight Luke? Yeah, which I don't believe he's going to win
33:57
that battle with that Colorado boy? Or are you trying to put your hands
34:00
on Kristin because honestly, the energy that he's giving is wife beater. Oh
34:04
yeah, the energy that he's giving is DV yep. So like, are
34:07
you gonna put your fucking hands on her? Because I think Luke actually says
34:10
that, He's like, what are you gonna do? Put your hands on
34:14
Kristin? Yes, that ain't ever gonna happen with me here, No,
34:16
sir, Jesse, you are showing the fuck out, I know, razy,
34:22
insane. And after he pushes Zack and Brittany and everything, Zach gets
34:25
up and is like trying to push Jesse away from Luke, like it's like
34:29
so chaotic, and he's like, you need to fucking stop to Finally a
34:32
producer steps in, yeah, stops Jesse as well. Here's my question,
34:36
Beatrice, where's Jacks? No, I know he's just in the back watch.
34:40
Where's Jacks he's your wife is right there in the middle of the melee.
34:45
I mean, I'm going to assume that you see her getting barreled over
34:49
by Jesse. Uh huh. And you're not gonna have your cardigan moment like
34:52
from season three or whatever in the parking lot in Vegas where fucking Jax takes
34:57
off his sweater. He takes off his fucking shirt and bows up with somebody
35:00
like, You're not gonna do that for Brittany. Now, I'm just gonna
35:04
stand in the background and let this all go down wild because it's good TV.
35:07
He's like, I'm getting paid. I don't care. That's your wife,
35:10
I know, the mother of your child. Luke is doing the right
35:14
thing. Yes, I love that Luke. Every time somebody comes after Kristen,
35:16
he tries to defend her, Like, I really do love that about
35:20
him. But yeah, Jackson's literally he comes into the hallway to look at
35:24
what's going on and then he walks back. He goes back to the table
35:28
and he's like whatever, Well, no, trust and believe he's probably just
35:31
walking back but still watching. Yeah, I have every confidence that he saw
35:36
his wife get pushed over. He didn't care. He did not care.
35:39
I'm just like, and we have to revisit the issue that we have talked
35:43
about before, which is, like, Jesse, what are you doing with
35:45
regard to your reputation? Right? You have a whole ass real estate business
35:50
yep, that I guess you're trying to have us believe is lucrative and that
35:53
you're very successful. And you go to Capri once or twice a year,
35:57
Like, are you really trying to put yourself out on the national stage looking
36:00
like an animal who wants to put hands on women. I think he thinks
36:04
he's justified because I think he's like Kristin. He's of the belief that Kristen's
36:08
lying and spreading a bunch of rumors and it's all just a bunch of bullshit,
36:13
and she's the one that's trying to damage their reputation. Like, I
36:15
think this guy does not have any self awareness. Same thing with Michelle,
36:19
and they don't see how they're coming off. I think everybody hates them at
36:22
this point. I hate them, Oh everyone in America? Yeah, or
36:27
everybody table. I think everyone at the table, for whatever reason, are
36:30
siding with them. Oh yeah, No, everybody in the friend group besides
36:34
Kristin Luke, who seemed to be the only sane people here, think that
36:37
Jesse and Michelle are in the right, and I don't get that. I
36:40
really don't get that. It's again, I think they're making Kristin escapegoat because
36:45
they think that that's gonna look good for all of them. And Kristen doesn't
36:49
do herself any favors because in the hallway she's telling Michelle, like, your
36:52
husband is talking match shit about you on camera every week, and Michelle's like,
36:59
well, what is my has been saying? Tell me what he's saying.
37:00
And she says, well, your husband told the guys that he's going
37:04
to divorce you within two months, which of course is something that Luke heard.
37:07
Well, a version of this is what Luke heard, because when all
37:10
of the guys were together at Jackson's house in the pool, Jesse said something
37:15
like, I don't think my marriage is going to make it another two months.
37:17
Yeah, he never said he was going to divorce Michelle within two months
37:21
now. So Kristin heard something from Luke and twisted it. Maybe didn't understand
37:27
it, or was in the heat of the moment, she didn't express it
37:30
the right way, and so she says that to Michelle. Jesse immediately says,
37:32
I never said that, and this makes it even worse yep, And
37:37
then Jackson is talking head is like, no, yeah, that never happened.
37:39
It's actually the other way around. It's Michelle who's gonna leave Jesse in
37:44
two months. And I'm like, damn right. And then Michelle gets even
37:49
matter because Jesse's like, that is not what I said at all and says
37:55
to Kristin, like, well, what are you supposed to be protecting me
37:59
from? Like right protection? You keep threatening me? What is it?
38:01
And Kristen's like, do you really want to know? Do you really want
38:04
to know? And then we get the final interstitial of Kristen sitting on the
38:08
couch saying that basically, Michelle Lalli has been seeing somebody else for the last
38:16
year, and that kind of lines up to what Jesse was saying at the
38:21
pool party at Jackson's when he mentioned that he found out Michelle was trying to
38:25
get her own apartment about a year ago leaving him, and so around that
38:30
time approximately, Michelle also started taking up with somebody else. So she a
38:36
cheater? Oh yeah, and you know what, she's acting like a cheater.
38:39
She's lying I think Jesse knows that she's a cheater, and so I
38:43
think Jesse is spiraling. I think he's breaking down. I think it's really
38:45
unfortunate that he's also drinking and having this altercation in the hallway because I think
38:50
his real problem is with his wife. Yeah, and even Kristin on the
38:54
couch when she drops that bomb, she's like, I'm in support of this
38:58
because I think Jesse's a total piece of shit, but like, I'm protecting
39:01
Michelle. But I'm like, no, you're not anymore. You're spelling it
39:05
well because Kristal are they they're acting fucking like fools in the hallway exactly.
39:09
I wouldn't be protecting you either. Yeah, and you're screaming at my face
39:13
when I'm I know this secret about you and you're acting like I'm the fucking
39:16
villain here, like fuck you, and you're defending your abusive husband. Yeah.
39:20
When I was just trying to leave, I didn't want to get into
39:22
this fight. I didn't want to say any of these things. I'm just
39:24
trying to fucking get out of here, seriously, And that's where we have
39:27
the preview of her in the hallway taking her mic off and telling Luke like
39:30
I did not fucking sign up for this, Like, if I wanted to
39:34
be on a show like this again, I'd rather be on VPR when I'm
39:37
like yes, right, So at least we got to see that preview,
39:40
yes, and then it was ending on a to be continued once again with
39:45
Michelle storming back into the dinner with everybody saying I have something to say.
39:50
Well, guess what. I don't want to hear a bit. Yeah,
39:52
fuck you, nobody wants to hear what you have to say. You lie
39:53
in the house. Seriously, it's just gonna be some more shit about Kristin.
39:57
Honestly, yes it is, and taking sides because I saw a clip.
40:02
I don't know if it was on Instagram. I can't attribute it.
40:05
I'm sorry, but I saw a clip of next week's episode. We have
40:09
Kristin and Luke sitting down in their apartment and Luke is telling Kristin, you
40:15
got that wrong. That is not what I said. Jesse said, oh,
40:19
like what I said was this, and instead you said that, and
40:22
that's a real problem. Like you did that also with what you heard from
40:25
Jasmine and Zach, you added the word racist and you can't continue to do
40:30
that, and Kristin says, yeah, words are hard, and he's like,
40:34
yeah, they are hard, but you have to do better. And
40:37
he says something like, I don't think I can continue in a relationship unless
40:39
you fix this, unless you clean this up. Furthermore, he's telling Kristen,
40:44
so somebody's given him a message. He's telling Kristin, these people don't
40:47
want to film with you. They don't want to film with you, they
40:51
don't want to be around her. She's messy, that's right. I think
40:53
when Michelle comes back into this room, into the dinner, she's going to
40:58
tell everybody, I don't want to film with her anymore. I don't want
41:00
to be around her anymore. And I don't think you guys should be around
41:04
her either. So they're gonna try and have like a line in the sand.
41:07
Oh damn, I can't wait to see that. Honestly, I feel
41:12
really bad for Kristin. I feel like, Kristin, honey, you're forty
41:15
forty one whatever, Like, if you're going to say these incendiary allegations,
41:21
you've got to make sure you're relaying that information truthfully and accurately, right right
41:27
and or not at all. But at the same time you are receiving information
41:31
from people about the demise of a marriage and or about somebody cheating, or
41:36
about somebody being a fucking Republican and anti LGBTQ. Yeah, so she's receiving
41:43
this information. She's not lying, she's just getting it wrong a little bit.
41:46
Yeah, and it's like, just don't say anything. Just let it
41:50
play out the way it's gonna play out, because it's all gonna come down
41:52
on all of these people. They're all gonna get their come up. And
41:55
I wonder if it's like she's just seeing all these fake ass people being pieces
42:00
of shit putting on a performance on this show, and she's just like what
42:05
the fuck, Like, yell, are a bunch of liars, You're a
42:07
bunch of cheaters. Like I think she wants to like say the truth and
42:10
be authentic. But I think you're right. I think she just doesn't get
42:14
it right. Yeah. I think in the heat of the moment, she
42:15
misspeaks yes and then, but it's not her intention to do so, she's
42:20
not trying to prevaricate her to lie yeah good, you know, and to
42:22
drop thank you and to drop bombs. I think she's trying to tell the
42:24
truth based on like how she can say it in the moment, like she
42:28
she does have to clean that up. Yeah, Luke is right about that,
42:30
and he seems disappointed in her, and he should be. And Kristin,
42:34
you need to do better yet, But at the same time, that
42:36
doesn't negate all the fuck shit all these other people are doing. Janet Jasmine
42:40
for real, Janet's the fucking gossip poor of this whole group. She's spreading
42:45
all this shit. I think I think she's the queen bee, even Jasmine,
42:49
I think. I don't think it was this episode. I think it
42:50
was last episode. She's like, there's only one queen of gossip in this
42:53
group and it's not like me, or it's not Kristin or something like that,
42:57
and I'm like, yeah, it's it's Janet. It's Janet. Yeah.
43:00
And she's watching all of this happen and then she's spinning it like a
43:02
fucking mean girl and so and she's loving it. Yes, and that's gross,
43:07
that's terrible, But she'll get her karma, like she'll it'll come out.
43:10
It always does. Well, it already kind of is. Because the
43:14
reception from the audience for Janet and for Michelle and for Jesse is fucking in
43:20
the floor. And I was up on Michelle's Instagram comment after comment after comment
43:25
like you are the problem, you and your hobbit of a husband, fucking
43:30
pompadour, You're You're the fucking problem and nobody, I mean, comment after
43:35
comment, and she's reading them because she's liking the few and far between comments.
43:38
They're like, we love you so much, beautiful, like it's only
43:43
a matter of time before she starts limiting the comments. Yeah, sh oh
43:47
my god, I love to see it. I was shocked and chagrined this
43:52
episode. Where are you chagrined? Yeah? Oh wow, Okay. I'm
43:57
like, I'm like Jax Taylor in VPR where he's like, I'm not good
44:00
with words. That's me. I was worked up a little bit, Like,
44:04
I mean that kind of triggers ancient trauma for aggressive men, like that,
44:09
like rampaging in a hallway. I'm just like, holy fuck. Yeah,
44:14
Like, I can see why Kristen would be upset and really want to
44:17
get out of there, because that is my first inclination as well. I'd
44:20
be like, I gotta go, I gotta get out of here. I
44:21
do not want to be around for another night with Jesse pounding on this table
44:24
and screaming at everybody because I'm triggered. That's wild to me that he thinks
44:28
that he can do that, and I think he talked about it in this
44:30
episode, like I know I can use my aggression to like shut people up
44:34
and have them listen. I'm like, fuck you. Honestly, that's a
44:37
guy who never got his ass beat totally. That's a guy who needs to
44:39
get his ass beat good one time. Yep, so you can learn and
44:44
say, bumm bay you learn. You're gonna learn one day because you talk.
44:47
You fucking run your mouth so much and you're gonna run up on the
44:50
wrong guy. Dude. Yeah, and or girl because you little Oh yeah,
44:57
your daughter could take him with Oliver kick. Yes, so she'd be
45:00
like, fuck you dude. He's like five to seven with his hair,
45:04
but yeah five, that's why his hair is so high. So we can
45:07
say I'm five seven, Okay, you're five four. Yeah, you're literally
45:09
five four, dumb joiny little man. Yes, Oh, do not have
45:15
to say? Do not approve? Very good episode? Yeah? I enjoyed
45:17
it. Okay, is there anything else that we need to say to these
45:22
beautiful raccoons before we go, my dear, well, if you love our
45:24
podcast, I sure hope you go to your favorite podcast platform and leave us
45:29
a glowing five star review really helps us grow the pod and we want to
45:32
get famous over here. Oh my gosh, please and thank you no,
45:36
but it really does help. Like every single five star review really helps us
45:40
to grow, and we appreciate it so very much. If you are on
45:44
YouTube, please don't forget to like and comment, share and subscribe. That
45:45
also really really helps us. And we just love you so much, so
45:51
very much. We love you and we love doing what we do here on
45:52
reality TV cringe, and so until next time, please do not forget that
45:59
we have nothing but love for you and pee and bye bye baye mm hmm