Latest / Papa Gut / Bradley on a Budget Gapes His Heart Wide Open Over Destroying Himself To Be Internet Famous

Transcript

Bradley on a Budget Gapes His Heart Wide Open Over Destroying Himself To Be Internet Famous · Papa Gut

• 0:00
  Guys, this looks kind of interesting to me.
• 0:01
  This is Bradley on a budget. He is a gay guy, which which is
• 0:06
  valid and he does tik toks about living on a budget.
• 0:09
  Even though I think he's very successful.
• 0:12
  I'm actually interested in watching it.
• 0:14
  This this video is called. I destroyed myself to become
• 0:16
  Internet famous. If you don't know who he is, I'm
• 0:19
  going to throw a reaction of me watching one of his videos
• 0:22
  recently before we get started. So let's get started.
• 0:28
  A guy's coming over to crochet, if you know what I mean, and my
• 0:30
  apartment currently looks like this so.
• 0:32
  That's not good man. That looks disgusting.
• 0:35
  Why? Why would you like?
• 0:37
  I don't understand that. I do understand having too much
• 0:40
  too many bottles, but you know, I put them in laundry bags
• 0:44
  instead so they can wash them, you know, this way it's better
• 0:46
  for the environment. Let's do a deep clean and a
• 0:48
  defruggling of my apartment so he doesn't think I'm absolutely
• 0:51
  insane and don't tell me this. This has got to be someone
• 0:53
  else's apartment, right? Like why would you?
• 0:55
  This is too messy dude. This is why I'm still single
• 0:57
  shot. Pains me to do this but the
• 0:59
  first thing I'm doing is plugging in the AC.
• 1:00
  I haven't ran the AC all summer to keep my electric bill low.
• 1:03
  See, this is like a fake. Like nobody has an air
• 1:05
  conditioner like this. This is fake.
• 1:06
  I'm pretty sure that he rented an apartment to do this
• 1:08
  performative nonsense, right? Even though I could handle my
• 1:10
  apartment being very hot. I feel like that has to true
• 1:13
  whatever pays the bills. Turn it on for him.
• 1:15
  Kind of embarrassing but I sleep on a college door mattress.
• 1:17
  But I got it for free and honestly I like a firm bed so I
• 1:19
  don't comply. I always am afraid of the
• 1:21
  reaction someone's gonna give me when they.
• 1:23
  That's like a hotel AC who has Do people have air conditioners
• 1:25
  like that? I mean, I look through his
• 1:26
  account. It looks like it might actually
• 1:27
  be his house, but. Come over to crochet and they
• 1:29
  see I sleep on a twin size but the fact that I don't sleep with
• 1:32
  a blanket because I don't run the.
• 1:33
  They just put dish soap in the washing machine?
• 1:35
  What the fuck was that? AC I'm gonna wash my sheets and
• 1:37
  do the best I can to make it cozy.
• 1:38
  Is that normal? Am I weird?
• 1:40
  Because my apartment's so small, I have no place to put the
• 1:42
  bottles in cans, put them in the shower, and I'm just going to
• 1:45
  close the door. But honestly, it kind of looks a
• 1:46
  little sketchy. I do kind of hoard.
• 1:48
  Well, if you guys are going to do sexual intercourse or
• 1:50
  crochet, shouldn't you take a shower?
• 1:53
  Toilet paper. It's a long story then.
• 1:54
  Anyone remember when I found the toilet paper from Dumpster Dive?
• 1:56
  Anyways, I'm going to put it away with my toilet paper
• 1:58
  scraps. I'm going to pretend to be a
• 1:59
  normal person and I'll put out toilet.
• 2:01
  At this point, why don't you just wash it?
• 2:02
  You'd use your toilet paper, put your hand on it, all over it,
• 2:05
  and then like run it through a ringer and clean it and.
• 2:06
  The paper rolls. I have a family member who
• 2:08
  travels for work. They're in hotels often and they
• 2:10
  grab the toilet paper rolls for me.
• 2:11
  Wow, an extra. I did it upside down.
• 2:13
  I hate. It throw it on the toilet.
• 2:15
  How fancy over here. I have to cover up the towel not
• 2:17
  because I'm ashamed of it. Internet treats me like I'm
• 2:19
  absolutely insane for having this towel on.
• 2:21
  Doesn't everyone have an old towel that they just kind of use
• 2:24
  as a rag? I don't understand like what
• 2:26
  this is. I think this is how he plugs his
• 2:27
  only fans too 'cause like I'm pretty sure he does like a like
• 2:29
  a gross like smelly poopy boy only fans.
• 2:31
  Got him to get cleaning and I kind of hoard paper towels.
• 2:33
  As you can see, the paper towel mountain is getting pretty big.
• 2:36
  I'm just gonna hide it behind all these things so he doesn't
• 2:38
  ask. What the hell is this guy doing?
• 2:39
  If I dry my clean hands with a paper towel, why throw it out?
• 2:42
  I just let it dry and I take it away.
• 2:43
  A lot of the things that I do, people think are insane.
• 2:45
  It's probably from the financial trauma that I experienced when I
• 2:48
  was younger. Honestly, the things that I do
• 2:49
  just make sense to me. That's why I do not.
• 2:51
  Incredible. I love that it got on the floor.
• 2:53
  Also. What do you I think that must be
• 2:54
  like? I mean it's probably not wood.
• 2:56
  That's probably like, what is it called?
• 2:58
  Vinyl wooded looking thing. Debate.
• 3:00
  It's just how I live my life and what makes sense to me.
• 3:02
  Also I don't really believe in hand soap because I just used
• 3:05
  dish so I just gifted this a few years ago so I always crack it
• 3:07
  out when someone's coming over. I think the.
• 3:09
  What I looked it up, that is from 2020, that's when they
• 3:13
  started releasing that. When someone's coming over, I
• 3:15
  think the messiest part of my apartment currently are the
• 3:17
  dishes. And yes, I cut my sponges in
• 3:18
  half. It just makes sense to me.
• 3:19
  Cut them in half, you get double the lifespan.
• 3:21
  OK, I'll be addressing the filter allegations because I
• 3:23
  will be offering my guests water.
• 3:25
  Listen, the water pitcher is supposed to indicate to me when
• 3:27
  it's time to change the filter. I had it for almost 7 years.
• 3:29
  Ever since I moved in. I don't think it works.
• 3:31
  So it has a fresh new filter. The mold is gone.
• 3:33
  Say what you want, I think I have the best immune system on
• 3:36
  the planet. I'm busy.
• 3:36
  I don't have time to investigate my water.
• 3:38
  I'm pretty sure all this is like fake because like a lot of this
• 3:40
  stuff looks very service level dirty.
• 3:42
  Like I think he just take like rips pubic hairs off of him and
• 3:44
  just like throws it on top of stuff and then like throws a
• 3:46
  little dirt on it and cleans. It is a part because like I
• 3:49
  people with truly messy houses, the floor looks like his floor
• 3:52
  like everything looks spotless except for the toilet.
• 3:55
  I guess there was some freaking, you know, little sediment down
• 3:58
  there it. Just shamed me so much for my
• 4:00
  apartment getting this much. But you know what?
• 4:01
  I'm not embarrassed to post this.
• 4:02
  I keep it real. This is real life and sometimes
• 4:04
  apartments get very messy because we got very busy in my
• 4:06
  20s I had real problems in my life.
• 4:08
  Having a messy room was not at the top of the list.
• 4:10
  Jazz up the college door mattress a little bit more on a
• 4:12
  little blanket just so I don't look insane sleeping with
• 4:14
  bedsheets. Anyways.
• 4:15
  You know what? There's always a rainbow after
• 4:17
  rain and sometimes my apartment becomes an absolute disaster.
• 4:20
  But at the end of the day I pull it together I get it back to
• 4:22
  looking pretty good. Can't guarantee I'll stay this
• 4:23
  way for long. Trying to focus less on being
• 4:25
  perfect and just trying to do the best.
• 4:26
  Hopefully when my business. So beautiful king.
• 4:28
  This partner comes over, he thinks that I am a normal
• 4:31
  person. All right, well, I'm sure he
• 4:33
  watches your content, so he probably likes the messy stuff
• 4:35
  now. Love you guys, thanks for
• 4:36
  watching. OK, incredible.
• 4:39
  How was? How was the short whoa and look
• 4:42
  and go? He gets the he's kind of cheap
• 4:45
  and people think he's a freak. It's the Frugal Freak podcast.
• 4:50
  Wow, what a what a what a king. I'm Bradley and welcome to the
• 4:54
  Frugal Freak podcast, Where? I like this look for him because
• 4:57
  it's like on brand for his for just like his whole just thing,
• 5:01
  you know? I'm considered a freaking this
• 5:02
  stupid. Society because.
• 5:06
  I think that's one of his catch phrases, saying stupid like
• 5:08
  that. I used to be in over $100,000 of
• 5:11
  student loan debt by. The time I was 21.
• 5:13
  Years old and I hated my life and I thought.
• 5:15
  That is crazy. But they'll do that to kids.
• 5:17
  And they don't explain like debt to you whatsoever.
• 5:20
  Like my understanding of student loans is this.
• 5:22
  Check this out. OK, let's say you go to the
• 5:23
  student loan place and they're like, hey, you want to go to
• 5:26
  college? Oh, yeah, I do.
• 5:28
  We're going to give you a loan, which I think is valid.
• 5:30
  And I think you should pay back interest.
• 5:32
  Now, what's the should the interest be?
• 5:33
  Maybe 3 to 5%, but they'll say hey, guess what, 12% but they're
• 5:38
  going to say 10 because math do be hard.
• 5:41
  So let's say you take out $10,000 with 10% interest.
• 5:43
  Your brain is probably like, OK, well that means I have to pay
• 5:45
  back $11,000. No, what that means is that
• 5:48
  every year you have to pay 10% of your remaining loan balance
• 5:57
  back. So let's say year one, it's you
• 6:00
  have $10,000, you have to pay an extra extra $1000 worth of
• 6:06
  interest. Let's say the next year you pay
• 6:08
  off 1000 in interest and you you have $8000 left.
• 6:12
  You have to pay back $800 in interest before they apply to
• 6:18
  the actual loan, right? You understand it?
• 6:20
  So it's like compound interest. So like, I remember like I had
• 6:25
  student loan debt. It was like $50,000 worth of
• 6:26
  debt. And if I paid it off in like the
• 6:30
  13 years, it would have been like $103,000.
• 6:35
  Isn't that fucking criminal? It's it's crazy.
• 6:38
  So I think it's valid to want to like make a little bit of money
• 6:42
  on lending money. It's like, it's fine, you know,
• 6:44
  I'm fine with a reasonable capitalism, but that's not
• 6:48
  reasonable capitalism. You know, Hey, I lent you money.
• 6:51
  I should get a little bit back at the end.
• 6:52
  Sure. This is like, oh, I'm lending
• 6:54
  you money and I'm going to make you pay over double.
• 6:55
  Wow, that's fucked. That's really fucked.
• 6:59
  So just keeping you guys informed on the loop.
• 7:03
  My life was over, but I decided to do something about it.
• 7:06
  So I became extremely frugal. I got very disciplined, I got
• 7:08
  very strict with my money, and I spent my 20s trying to fix my
• 7:11
  life and fix my situation. And over 10 years later, it
• 7:14
  worked. Well, you think Cable Hammer
• 7:16
  would like this guy, but he doesn't.
• 7:17
  Come if you're new here, if you are not subscribed, feel free to
• 7:20
  subscribe because it's free and if it's free, it's.
• 7:22
  Good for me. Join the budget family.
• 7:24
  We're almost. I think I'm filming this at.
• 7:27
  I think that's the take that Israel has about power.
• 7:28
  So you guys should stop saying free Palestine.
• 7:31
  You know what I'm saying? You know, it's pretty fucked up,
• 7:33
  but say something like, hey, stop, stop apartheidding them.
• 7:38
  It doesn't sound as good, but. 216,000 but.
• 7:40
  It might end some confusion on the matter.
• 7:42
  Budget baddies on the YouTube page.
• 7:44
  It's actually so crazy because I've been getting recognized a
• 7:46
  lot more the past couple months from YouTube.
• 7:49
  Budget baddies. I think that's so crazy because
• 7:51
  it's always been TikTok. I love our little family that
• 7:54
  we're growing over here on TikTok.
• 7:55
  I'm at like 1.7 million supporters which is crazy, but
• 7:59
  TikTok is also absolutely insane and things just typically feel a
• 8:02
  lot nicer over here. I got to say I mean 'cause I
• 8:06
  looked through his his channel a little bit before I started this
• 8:08
  segment and this guy I mean listen, this guy's strategy is
• 8:12
  pretty solid dude like he does his shorts and he puts them on
• 8:14
  here obviously, but he does his tik toks and he puts them on his
• 8:17
  thing and then every once in a while, maybe once a month or
• 8:19
  every couple weeks or whatever, he just makes a long form
• 8:21
  YouTube video and he slowly builds the YouTube brand.
• 8:24
  I mean this probably, you know, everything is everything
• 8:27
  considered. He's probably one of the the
• 8:29
  smarter and better like micro influencers out there even if
• 8:33
  his videos themselves are kind of gross.
• 8:36
  But I'm sure he sensationalizes it for views.
• 8:38
  But he's pretty. He seems like a pretty smart
• 8:41
  content creator, so if he keeps up the pace, he's probably going
• 8:43
  to be even more successful. So I'm going to jump right into
• 8:47
  this video because I feel like I have a lot to say.
• 8:50
  You guys know if you've watched podcast episodes before that I
• 8:53
  like to just kind of do a check in, give a life update, talk
• 8:56
  about random things going on. But I think just because I have
• 8:58
  so much to talk about in this episode, I'm going to just kind
• 9:01
  of jump right into it. And I have to say, I'm going out
• 9:03
  of my comfort zone for two reasons with this video.
• 9:06
  The first one is that I'm filming at night.
• 9:08
  It's literally, Oh my God, this is so embarrassing.
• 9:10
  It's literally 10:30 PM. Why is that embarrassing?
• 9:14
  I don't understand. On a Friday night this is what
• 9:16
  I'm doing. Really struggle to make content
• 9:18
  that goes off of the path of. Yeah, I mean, I don't, I'm What
• 9:22
  do people usually do? I guess he's doing guys.
• 9:24
  Or what? Did he call it accounting or
• 9:26
  something? I've been awhile.
• 9:30
  I don't know. I'm chilling on a Friday night.
• 9:32
  What am I doing tomorrow? I don't even know what I'm doing
• 9:35
  tomorrow. Fuck getting ready for my baby
• 9:37
  shower. We're having a baby, guys.
• 9:39
  And you would know that if you subscribe to the Robin Dan
• 9:42
  podcast link in the description. And while you're at it, why
• 9:44
  don't you take a look at Papa Gut Members only content
• 9:47
  available on both Patreon and YouTube.
• 9:50
  Exact same rewards. You can consume whatever's
• 9:53
  convenient for you, whether you watch on YouTube, Spotify, or
• 9:57
  Apple there. For the small gut membership, it
• 9:59
  gives you access to the full members.
• 10:01
  Only a portion of the Discord for the medium gut access it
• 10:04
  gives gives you access to all this members only content more
• 10:07
  being created every single not every day like usually the three
• 10:12
  days a week. That's the goal.
• 10:13
  OK stop. Also, if you're a YouTube
• 10:16
  watcher on the YouTube channel starting September, the medium
• 10:19
  gut is going to be how you get access to the live streams after
• 10:22
  I go offline. Just so you know the live
• 10:24
  streams you can watch for free or whatever, but the Vods
• 10:27
  whatever you get the point doesn't matter anyway.
• 10:29
  Stickers as well link in the description.
• 10:30
  Also Cameo if you're interested. I just came back.
• 10:32
  If you want to do it, go for it. If you don't, I don't care.
• 10:34
  I do care, but it's all it's all good.
• 10:36
  You know you got a fun family event.
• 10:37
  I don't know you have a fun family event you want to make it
• 10:40
  unfun, I'll say something about it.
• 10:43
  Let's get back into the video. Like money budgeting, living
• 10:47
  frugal, your mindset around money, saving money, etcetera.
• 10:50
  Just because that is, for one, that's what I'm really
• 10:52
  passionate about, but two, that. You know what, here's a tip.
• 10:55
  I don't even know about it too much, but Bradley might.
• 10:57
  There's like a thing where you can go to like Chili's maybe and
• 11:01
  you could be like, hey, let me get the like a triple dipper or
• 11:03
  something and then give me and get all the chicken and then you
• 11:07
  can get like a Taco boat. It's like a couple of bucks and
• 11:10
  it gives you some tortillas and some of the cilantro and stuff
• 11:17
  and you can make yourself little tortilla things.
• 11:19
  I think I think I'm right. Look at, look at, look into it
• 11:21
  yourself. Shut.
• 11:22
  Up and it's like that's me like that's what my content is about
• 11:25
  trying to go out of my comfort zone and some make some podcast
• 11:29
  episodes that aren't necessarily about money improving your
• 11:33
  finances and more just like talking about life because.
• 11:36
  It's fair. I know I'm I'm only 33 which.
• 11:39
  Is a weird. Thing to say because 33 is still
• 11:42
  young but. I don't know man, I'm fucking
• 11:44
  36, I'm old as shit. You're also getting older, but.
• 11:48
  I'm not getting older. Shut up.
• 11:49
  I feel like I've lived like 5 different lives at this point in
• 11:51
  my life and I feel like I've been through a lot of crap to
• 11:55
  have things to talk about. I definitely want to do an
• 11:57
  episode about like being on OF which is only fans.
• 12:02
  I don't know if I'm allowed to say that on here, but.
• 12:04
  I think you can, yeah. And how I'm struggling with
• 12:06
  that. I've also really wanted to make
• 12:08
  a video. I mean, I get that you're kind
• 12:09
  of selling a part of yourself in like a really intimate way, and
• 12:11
  I think it gets weird and demanding.
• 12:13
  You know, because I know I've been sprinkling it to you guys
• 12:16
  on the live streams, but I was reached out to by a major TV
• 12:21
  show and I declined the opportunity.
• 12:25
  And I guess I really want to make an episode just like
• 12:28
  talking about it. I guess I really struggle with
• 12:30
  the feeling of like sometimes I feel like people.
• 12:32
  I don't think it's a bad idea, just don't give too much
• 12:34
  information out. You wouldn't want to put
• 12:35
  yourself in a weird spot. People don't like me as a
• 12:38
  person, they just like me as a content creator and like the
• 12:41
  content that comes with me. Like about being frugal and
• 12:44
  saving money. I just.
• 12:45
  And being a little endless. And again, part of his part of
• 12:47
  his monetization Ave. is to kind of like play up how gross he is.
• 12:52
  I'm not saying that to be condescending or rude.
• 12:54
  That's like part of it. Like, you know, he tries to be
• 12:56
  like, hey, I'm gross. Hey, everything in my house is
• 12:59
  dirty. I have that's part of it.
• 13:02
  So that's not me making a moral judgement.
• 13:04
  That's like me just looking at the way that he presents himself
• 13:07
  online. And I'm sure part of it's true,
• 13:08
  but also part of it's probably like just quick baby.
• 13:10
  Just like me as Bradley talking about something I'm going
• 13:13
  through, which is what this episode is going to be.
• 13:15
  Trying to let myself like dive into that a little bit, becoming
• 13:19
  more comfortable talking about content that's not necessarily
• 13:22
  my niche. Did something I've never done
• 13:24
  before, but I've actually filmed this episode twice now and.
• 13:27
  I've deleted it both. Times and I just I don't know,
• 13:32
  I'm not I'm actually not really good with like my struggle is I
• 13:37
  always have so much to say and I feel so much and black out up
• 13:41
  here and I forget like half of the things I want to say or the
• 13:45
  feelings that I'm feeling. And then it's like after the
• 13:47
  video has been filmed and edited I'm like, oh, I wish I said
• 13:49
  that. Oh, I wish I said that.
• 13:51
  So I hope. Oh, you like legitimately edit
• 13:54
  it? I mean, I understand that.
• 13:55
  I feel like what's the saying something like perfection is the
• 13:59
  enemy of something? I don't know, sometimes being a
• 14:01
  perfectionist can just be kind of draining.
• 14:02
  I feel like it makes sense to me that Bradley on a budget would
• 14:05
  make Tik Toks that are like, again, a little sensationalized
• 14:08
  about him being like smelly or whatever, but then also talking
• 14:10
  about being frugal. But then also having a YouTube
• 14:13
  page that's more of like, hey, here's the real me.
• 14:16
  I think that's going to resonate with a lot of people.
• 14:18
  So that does make a lot of sense to me.
• 14:21
  And people probably would be interested in just listening to
• 14:23
  what this guy has to say regardless, so I don't think
• 14:26
  it's a bad idea. Hope I can just like get it all
• 14:29
  out in this video and just be honest about what I've been
• 14:33
  going through lately and just how I've been feeling.
• 14:36
  There's probably going to be things I do miss, so I'm
• 14:38
  probably just going to put like text blocks.
• 14:40
  On yes, perfection is the enemy of progress.
• 14:42
  That's why my content is super not perfect.
• 14:44
  OK, guys. It's a content strategy.
• 14:45
  Screen Basically today's episode is about burnout and how.
• 14:52
  I hear that, brother. I feel like I kind of destroyed
• 14:56
  myself to get to where I am today and I.
• 15:00
  Don't know if that's interesting.
• 15:01
  I'm going to be talking about content creating and obviously
• 15:03
  that's not something 99.9% of people can relate to, but I'm
• 15:09
  hoping that you can connect if you're feeling burnt out or just
• 15:13
  kind of struggling in life or just feeling so wiped out and
• 15:16
  exhausted that you can connect it to, you know, the things that
• 15:18
  you're juggling in your life like.
• 15:20
  Yeah, I think this is a good way to present it.
• 15:21
  I also am a content creator. I've been doing this full time
• 15:23
  for for like 6 years, something like that.
• 15:25
  Six or seven. This is the end of 2020.
• 15:29
  Been pretty successful. There's things that definitely
• 15:31
  are a burnout about it. I would never want to go back to
• 15:33
  my other job. It's so much better than another
• 15:34
  job, but it's a little bit different, you know, like it's,
• 15:37
  it's hard. It's it's difficult, especially
• 15:40
  when you're doing so well, like one year or one week or one
• 15:42
  month or one day, and then you're doing so poorly another
• 15:44
  time. And there's so many different
• 15:46
  variables and factors and you're just like, why am I not doing as
• 15:49
  well as I feel like I should be doing?
• 15:51
  You'll see people in your atmosphere who are like,
• 15:53
  objectively, I would say worse than you.
• 15:56
  How does you feel that way? Maybe some objective and you're
• 15:59
  just like, what are they doing that gets them so successful?
• 16:01
  And like, what am I not doing? And there's just so many
• 16:04
  questions and answers. And like sometimes just, it's
• 16:06
  just the atmosphere, you know, sometimes things are going on
• 16:08
  and like you're not doing as well as you were doing last
• 16:10
  month, but then you're still doing a lot better than other
• 16:12
  people were, are doing now because something just shifted
• 16:15
  in the way that people are consuming content or what they
• 16:17
  want to consume or, you know, it gets, it becomes a burnout.
• 16:20
  And like I've been pretty significantly distressed about
• 16:22
  it. Like last month was really bad.
• 16:25
  Like actually probably the worst month I've ever had as a content
• 16:28
  creator. You know, especially 'cause I
• 16:32
  have people that like, you know, do work for me and stuff and
• 16:36
  it's, and I'm having a baby and stuff and like a lot of people
• 16:40
  are relying on me and I and I want to be able to maintain, you
• 16:43
  know, success would be more successful so I could pay other
• 16:45
  people more and do like all these other different things and
• 16:47
  you know, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
• 16:48
  And like last one was rough, dude, it was rough.
• 16:50
  I didn't want to get into the specifics, but it was rough.
• 16:53
  It was bad. Like that's all I can really
• 16:54
  say. It gets rough, you know, But
• 16:56
  again, it's, this is like a very good, this is like, you know,
• 17:00
  I'm very fortunate, but sometimes it fucks you up, man.
• 17:03
  Sometimes it fucks you up and it makes you feel like really bad
• 17:08
  and it's hard to overcome, you know?
• 17:11
  Like if you are a mom or if you're trying to create your own
• 17:15
  business or juggling side hustles or whatever it is.
• 17:18
  And also New York State audited me and they something got back
• 17:20
  to me which really fucking pissing me off.
• 17:22
  So I got to call them soon. Actually.
• 17:24
  It's been like a lot to deal with.
• 17:26
  I feel like all of us are probably burnt out from
• 17:28
  something at the moment. I know it's probably in some
• 17:31
  ways going to come off as negative and I don't mean for it
• 17:35
  to come off that way. And that's just why I want to
• 17:37
  say at the beginning of this video, like I couldn't be more
• 17:41
  grateful that any of this happened to me.
• 17:44
  Literally, you know, the the song by Katy Perry Teenage
• 17:48
  Dream. I felt so stupid, but like,
• 17:50
  literally this was my Teenage Dream.
• 17:52
  Like I the song. 'S going to be stuck in my head
• 17:55
  for the next like 5 fucking months dude.
• 17:57
  So infatuated when YouTube came out when I was in high school,
• 18:00
  which was the late 2000s, which is so iconic, I was so
• 18:03
  infatuated that a normal person could become something.
• 18:06
  Because I feel like growing up I only saw celebrities as like
• 18:09
  singers, actors, and YouTube and the Internet kind of gave the
• 18:13
  opportunity for just the average person to become something.
• 18:17
  Yeah, like micro celebrities and it came at a good time because
• 18:19
  everybody is so online that they they like having somebody that
• 18:22
  they feel like they can relate to, you know, which is pretty
• 18:25
  cool. That's what's created the job
• 18:27
  for me. Or hopefully a career, right?
• 18:29
  I'm very blessed so. And I was, so you don't.
• 18:32
  Like Katy Perry? Get the fuck out of here dude.
• 18:33
  Actuated with that, but I never thought it would ever be me.
• 18:36
  And I tried in my high school years, I flopped.
• 18:38
  I tried in my 20s after graduating college and drowning
• 18:41
  in my debt, I flopped. This is kind of like a, an
• 18:44
  Internet therapy session, I know.
• 18:46
  So I appreciate you being here and just kind of spending some
• 18:48
  time with me and hanging out, but I just have to make it so
• 18:52
  clear. Like I'm so beyond grateful.
• 18:55
  I tell myself all the time that becoming popular online, in my
• 19:00
  opinion, is the equivalent to winning the lottery like.
• 19:04
  To some degree, I wouldn't say quite.
• 19:05
  That depends on how popular become, right?
• 19:07
  But yeah, sure. I acknowledge everyday that I am
• 19:10
  the luckiest guy in the world. This is what so many people want
• 19:14
  and yet so many people don't get it.
• 19:16
  But also me like wanting this since I was a teenager and never
• 19:19
  thinking it was going to happen to me and then at the age of 30
• 19:22
  it happened to me. Yeah, that's funny.
• 19:24
  Why? See the what's funny to me is
• 19:25
  like, I've never wanted to be a content creator.
• 19:27
  I didn't not want to maybe one, it wasn't something I really
• 19:29
  understood. I remember being 20 years old
• 19:31
  and I saw Scarlett takes a tumble and I was like, I, I, my
• 19:35
  girlfriend at the time showed it to me and I'm like, oh, is that
• 19:36
  your friend? Like I didn't understand what
• 19:38
  YouTube was. I never necessarily wanted to
• 19:41
  like do YouTube. I kind maybe I did kind of like
• 19:43
  I in 2016, I started making a little bit of political content
• 19:47
  for a little while, maybe for like 6 months to a year.
• 19:51
  I kind of backed out of it. I was actually somewhat popular.
• 19:53
  It was weird 'cause I would get like a couple of 100 views of
• 19:55
  video on YouTube and I kind of gave it up, which I don't know
• 19:59
  why. I guess I could have just kept
• 20:00
  going. I would just make videos for my
• 20:01
  car and I just kind of like ran out of the energy for it.
• 20:04
  I was working like multiple jobs and I think it just kind of
• 20:06
  burnt out. But I never necessarily was like
• 20:09
  really like, oh, I want to be a content career.
• 20:12
  Then it kind of just happened during COVID.
• 20:13
  A lot of people were watching. I started making Tik Toks for
• 20:15
  fun. And then we kind of just
• 20:17
  spiralled into this type of career now and now we do this,
• 20:20
  you know, So I'm very fortunate. That's something I like I found.
• 20:24
  You know, I think I have a voice for radio.
• 20:26
  Maybe not a face though. But.
• 20:27
  I started posting on TikTok. You guys want to see maybe you
• 20:30
  know what, maybe I'll try to find that old TikTok content of
• 20:33
  old, not TikTok YouTube content and I'll make it part of my
• 20:36
  members only posts some of my old my old content.
• 20:41
  I would just sit in the car and I would just I would just I call
• 20:44
  myself big American gut and I would just show my fat stomach
• 20:46
  off. I wouldn't even show it off, but
• 20:49
  I got the whole frame in there and I would just do political
• 20:51
  stuff. You know, maybe I maybe I will
• 20:53
  fucking find that and show it, but make it like members only
• 20:55
  shit. I'll like slow like use it to
• 20:57
  release members only content. Like almost seven years ago.
• 21:00
  Is that not absolutely insane? I posted like the day after
• 21:03
  Halloween in 2019. React to them.
• 21:06
  Dude that's crazy, maybe I will. So like November 1st, 2019 is my
• 21:11
  seven-year anniversary on TikTok and I joined the app because I
• 21:16
  really didn't have much in my life at that time.
• 21:19
  I cut contact with my family. I was drowning in my student
• 21:22
  loan debt. Kind of curious about that, was
• 21:24
  it like related to you being gay?
• 21:25
  That's not even like a negative. Some families or pieces of shit
• 21:27
  about your sexuality is sucked up.
• 21:30
  I was unhappy in my career. I wasn't in a relationship.
• 21:33
  I just literally had nothing and.
• 21:35
  Are you now now I'm curious because he kind of does like,
• 21:39
  oh, I'm getting ready to sleep with a guy that was like the
• 21:41
  video that you saw in this video.
• 21:45
  So I wonder if I wonder if he like is dating and that was just
• 21:48
  kind of like his little edge, you know?
• 21:50
  And I joined TikTok because I thought I could be good at it,
• 21:53
  but I also feel like I. I joined the shit post.
• 21:55
  I joined because my my now wife wanted to send me stuff and then
• 21:59
  I made my first video about the universal basic income and how I
• 22:02
  liked it. And then for some reason it got
• 22:03
  like 500 views and I just kept like making stuff.
• 22:05
  And then I started doing like anti SJW posting and making fun
• 22:07
  of like like fucking people on TikTok that were like too woke.
• 22:11
  I guess you could say I've always been a lefty but.
• 22:14
  And now I, you know, now everything is insane.
• 22:18
  I just kind of it's insane now, like the right is fucking crazy.
• 22:21
  It's not what this video is about, but like that's just my
• 22:23
  evolution was about. I don't want to get into it but
• 22:25
  I just since I brought it up. I needed something like that in
• 22:28
  my life where I could just like distract myself, I could be
• 22:32
  creative, I could pour myself into something.
• 22:34
  So I started posting and honestly, pretty quickly it
• 22:38
  started to build. I think it was around the three
• 22:40
  month mark I had my first video ever.
• 22:42
  Get one. What the hell God created me?
• 22:45
  What the fuck? Million views and as someone who
• 22:48
  flopped, who is in my Floptropolis, the Kia asylum of
• 22:52
  posting in my high school years and then in my 20s, I was like,
• 22:56
  let me just stick with this. Let me see where this goes.
• 22:59
  So I posted my student loan story about four years into
• 23:03
  posting on TikTok. My story went viral, which I
• 23:05
  never would have expected. And my life kind of never was
• 23:08
  the same after that. Fast forward to April.
• 23:10
  That got started getting popular in March of 2020 and my first
• 23:17
  account got 25,000 followers and then it got like shadow banned.
• 23:19
  Oh yes, I thought it did. So I made a new one and that got
• 23:21
  completely banned and then I made a new one and that was Papa
• 23:24
  gut and that hit. I got a couple of minutes, two
• 23:27
  and a half million followers verified that got banned because
• 23:31
  I think that they changed like a thing where like the number of
• 23:34
  reports required for a video went down.
• 23:37
  So like 40 of my videos got auto taken down because I remember
• 23:40
  logging in. I was banned but I could log in.
• 23:42
  It was weird and I got the and that was pretty much it for me.
• 23:46
  And yeah, but thankfully I made like a little YouTube following
• 23:48
  and I've been able to kind of just exist for a while.
• 23:52
  I'm hoping to do a little more than just exist soon.
• 23:55
  But right now my life is really focused on on having a daughter.
• 23:58
  So I don't have the Super big plans right now because that
• 24:03
  means a lot to me. And that's like very important
• 24:05
  to me, so. Role of 2024 I believe is when I
• 24:08
  joined the creator program on TikTok, which is how you're able
• 24:12
  to make money through the videos you post again, I can't believe
• 24:15
  any of this is happening to me. Even to this day.
• 24:18
  I still am like how is this happening in the month of July
• 24:22
  alone on TikTok in in a month in 31 days, I got like over 90
• 24:27
  million views and I'm I'll never this will never be normal to me.
• 24:31
  I'll never accept that any of this is real or happened to me
• 24:35
  because again I wanted it so bad in my younger years and just was
• 24:40
  like there's nothing special about you like this will never
• 24:42
  happen to you. I was around 200,000 budget
• 24:45
  baddies and I started to make money from my content.
• 24:48
  Keep in mind too though, I have a very bad relationship with
• 24:53
  money and even though I'm working on it.
• 24:56
  Same dude I spent so much my wife and I we use a lot of
• 24:59
  money. Well, we redid the house and
• 25:00
  stuff and but we did like a huge, we go out with so much
• 25:03
  crap. We're a little bit of Disney
• 25:05
  adults. We've toned it down a little
• 25:06
  bit. We're trying to sell bags and
• 25:09
  another segment I was showing off like a fucking 20 bags that
• 25:11
  I'm trying to get rid of. I offered him to Tony, the
• 25:14
  Disney girl. Well, just one of them not
• 25:15
  giving her all those like fuck that shit, you know what I mean?
• 25:17
  But yeah man, I was pretty dumb too, so.
• 25:22
  And you know, it's getting a little better now.
• 25:24
  Like 2 years ago, even two years ago, my my life and my finances
• 25:29
  were in a different place. But also just from my student
• 25:32
  loan story, like I have a bad relationship with money.
• 25:35
  I realize I could be making money every single day by
• 25:39
  posting every single day. But the thing on TikTok is that
• 25:43
  to make money from your videos, they have to be a minute long,
• 25:47
  which was really weird for TikTok because.
• 25:50
  It's annoying because before they had that change I would.
• 25:53
  I had days where I made $900 on TikTok from short form content.
• 25:57
  I used to do like I'd find videos to do commentary on.
• 26:00
  I think I would do three to five a day and I would be, and I
• 26:03
  would do a voice to make in this video and I would just like give
• 26:05
  a rundown on what's going on and I'd make, I'd usually end it
• 26:07
  with a funny joke. Then they decided to make it a
• 26:12
  minute plus. And I understand and I think it
• 26:14
  was probably smart because now people use like clips, they
• 26:17
  usually use things like TikTok as like short form content or
• 26:20
  like plug content for their long form stuff.
• 26:22
  And I, I guess they just didn't want the, the, the, the platform
• 26:25
  to just become that. And so if they made you have to
• 26:27
  do a minute, you were more incentivized to like do
• 26:29
  something a little more capturing, I guess.
• 26:35
  But they changed that and then they, they basically capped the
• 26:38
  amount of money you can make pretty significantly.
• 26:39
  It's pretty rough. I think they started to expand
• 26:41
  it with like something recently, But like it's is what it is,
• 26:45
  which sucks for me because like I've always done very well in
• 26:48
  short form content, long form, not super well, like well enough
• 26:51
  to like have a career, like, you know, and it's very, I'm very
• 26:53
  blessed. But it short form is like where
• 26:55
  I shine like there, you know, I'll get before my second
• 26:59
  account was banned. They unbanned it this one most
• 27:01
  recently, but like it's unbanned warning.
• 27:03
  It's weird. They're like changing rules and
• 27:04
  it's not stable. But before that I think I was
• 27:06
  getting 3 million views a week, right.
• 27:07
  So it's like, oh, that's pretty crazy.
• 27:10
  I could do very well Instagram. I'll let you get 4 million views
• 27:12
  a month. I don't know, it depends.
• 27:15
  Like I'll usually get probably 4 or 5 million views a month
• 27:17
  overall on my short form content a week.
• 27:20
  I meant, but it's just not monetizable in in the same way.
• 27:25
  It's just not, it's just not monetizable.
• 27:28
  It's tough, you know it's tough. Quick quick, quick scroll.
• 27:32
  Yeah, check this out. Yeah, you're fucking Jeremy
• 27:34
  handling over here. Oh scroll scroll.
• 27:35
  Check this out next next next and when by the time I joined
• 27:38
  the creator program, they changed how you get paid.
• 27:40
  Where your videos have to be a minute long.
• 27:42
  There's other hoops you have to jump through too.
• 27:44
  They they actually don't make it that easy, but up till that
• 27:47
  point, what? Other hoops, I mean, I know that
• 27:48
  I used to do like a top bottom for my clips.
• 27:51
  So it was like just top me on the top and then on the bottom.
• 27:53
  Then they started to be like, oh, it's not creative enough and
• 27:55
  they would remove me from the fun.
• 27:56
  So I'm like fuck. So I had to like, you know,
• 27:58
  that's when I had August start to do, you know, I would start
• 28:01
  top bottom and we just go back and forth.
• 28:03
  So it was a little more professionally edited and now
• 28:06
  we've expanded and P does that. So but yeah, this this fucking
• 28:09
  pain in the ass TikTok is. I only was making pretty short
• 28:12
  quick content and I was like well if I want to make money
• 28:15
  through posting I need to now change.
• 28:18
  So I pivoted and that was the birth of my minute long videos
• 28:23
  which you guys now watch today in the YouTube shorts.
• 28:26
  I feel like I. That's one thing I've never been
• 28:28
  able to get YouTube Shorts to work for me.
• 28:29
  It's fucking pisses me. Off just developed a format that
• 28:32
  worked very well and naturally I don't feel like I've ever posted
• 28:34
  a video where I'm like desperately stretching to a
• 28:37
  minute so for. Me.
• 28:38
  It worked. Desperately stretching.
• 28:39
  What? What the fuck?
• 28:41
  What's so special is like anytime I hit a milestone in my
• 28:44
  content creating era, I've always taken a screenshot.
• 28:47
  Like I swear I have screenshots back when I hit my first like
• 28:51
  10,000 supporters think that's why I've stayed so humble
• 28:54
  through this whole process of like my life changing and
• 28:57
  becoming popular online is because like I all of this,
• 29:01
  every little moment has meant so much to me and I don't forget
• 29:04
  where I started or where I came from.
• 29:06
  It was August of 2024. I hit my first month of making
• 29:11
  $1000 from posting on TikTok and I just couldn't believe it
• 29:15
  because I couldn't believe I was making money from something that
• 29:18
  I dreamed of and something that was so fun.
• 29:21
  True. I mean, I identified that.
• 29:23
  I think the double edged sword of that is that with having such
• 29:26
  a bad relationship with money and I guess a scarcity mindset,
• 29:32
  I started to get very intense with the creating.
• 29:37
  And I was telling myself like it got to the point where I felt
• 29:41
  like if I wasn't posting everyday, it meant I wasn't
• 29:44
  making money everyday. And if I'm not making money
• 29:46
  everyday, I'm doing myself a disservice because.
• 29:49
  Yeah, How did I feel the same way even if I don't, I mean,
• 29:51
  I've I've been able to slowly like stream a little bit less,
• 29:54
  but like, yeah, I stream less now I've gotten the strategy
• 29:56
  under control. I like posting everyday, but I'd
• 29:58
  like for my long form and short form, but I have like a backlog
• 30:00
  of content. So we have a pretty good, pretty
• 30:05
  good strategy here, I'd say. 'Cause I need the money and
• 30:10
  again from living in survival mode about 10 years up until
• 30:14
  that point. So I just got into this I.
• 30:16
  Just realize I look like a fat asshole today.
• 30:18
  I mean I am a fat and I am an asshole, but I just looks like I
• 30:20
  look like a fatter asshole today and my fucking whatever dude.
• 30:22
  It is what it is. That's not even my that's a
• 30:23
  different chair back there. It looks like it's one
• 30:25
  continuous chair. Looks like a big fat fucking
• 30:27
  asshole today. God damn it.
• 30:29
  Whatever dude it is. What?
• 30:30
  Maybe one day I'll get like a camera angle that makes me look
• 30:32
  like I'm 6 foot four and I have a footballer body because it's
• 30:36
  true, but I just look like a big fat fuck.
• 30:40
  Supposed to look like a linebacker dude that says racial
• 30:42
  slurs. It's the beard that would make
• 30:44
  you think that, but I don't guys.
• 30:45
  I love all races, OK? This cycle where I was like, OK,
• 30:50
  you are going to crank it out, you're going to poke.
• 30:53
  I do that post everyday. I created this machine of just
• 30:57
  non-stop. I swear to you, I could count on
• 31:01
  two hands the amount of days off I've taken since joining the
• 31:04
  creator program two years ago. This is where just the burnout
• 31:08
  and just feeling completely depleted and.
• 31:12
  You know, he does like one minute long videos, but they're
• 31:14
  like pretty well edited so I imagine they take like, oh,
• 31:16
  maybe an hour or so to do the whole thing.
• 31:19
  Realizing like, I feel like I've been kind of destroying myself
• 31:21
  to just keep this going and keep it alive.
• 31:24
  How it works baby. To make the money and to to
• 31:26
  build my page and to do all this and that and feel like in the
• 31:29
  past few months there's been this shift of just feeling like
• 31:32
  there's just been a shift and I'm not really understanding it.
• 31:36
  It's. Computer make me look.
• 31:37
  Good. The equivalent to You've come.
• 31:39
  You have poured yourself into a relationship.
• 31:42
  I feel like maybe we've all been here, like you've poured
• 31:44
  yourself into a relationship. You want it so bad, you want to
• 31:47
  make it work, and you're starting to realize it's not
• 31:51
  working. But you also know you've poured
• 31:53
  everything you've had into it and you're just in this conflict
• 31:59
  of like, do I keep this going or do I make the choice to walk
• 32:04
  away? That's been really tough for me
• 32:06
  because I'm like, Bradley, how can you be having these
• 32:08
  feelings? Like you got more than what you
• 32:11
  asked for, like you beyond what you could have dreamed of?
• 32:14
  You got like, you're not allowed to feel like this, like I.
• 32:16
  Understand what you're saying. Like I've thought about it too,
• 32:19
  because there's like a different type of stress associated with
• 32:21
  it. But also I feel like you kind of
• 32:22
  forget the stress of working a real job, you know?
• 32:27
  But yeah, sometimes it's just, I mean, I already mentioned it
• 32:29
  before, it can get a little bit overwhelming.
• 32:31
  And there's it's not like you don't necessarily always know
• 32:35
  what to do. Like last month I spent a pretty
• 32:37
  big amount of time like trying to figure out what it means to
• 32:40
  be and how, what it means to do more short form content because
• 32:43
  I enjoy that. And it's been a nice break from
• 32:45
  doing the long form content. And like, I just kind of, you
• 32:48
  know, I, I've also been slowly trying to figure out exactly how
• 32:51
  I want to do my long form content because I've always been
• 32:52
  very like community locked into like, you know, oh, I'm in like
• 32:56
  orbit of this person or this person and this person.
• 32:58
  And it's just kind of frustrating.
• 33:00
  And I kind of want to not necessarily do that.
• 33:03
  So I've been trying to like diversify how I talk about
• 33:04
  content and it's just like difficult because how do you
• 33:06
  know what to do? And then views are obviously
• 33:07
  going to drop because they're changing.
• 33:08
  But like, you know, it's just there's so many different
• 33:11
  variables trying to keep you in a good spot and it makes think
• 33:14
  it just gets difficult to fuck so.
• 33:16
  Like you're not allowed to not want to edit a video.
• 33:20
  Like, Oh my God, that has been such a struggle for me back back
• 33:24
  like a year and a half to two years ago again when I joined
• 33:26
  the creator program and I just had this like twinkle in my eye.
• 33:29
  I would work on my video throughout the day.
• 33:33
  I also have an office job. I'd like to live a normal life
• 33:35
  outside of all this. Like I don't believe in making
• 33:39
  content, creating your full time job.
• 33:40
  Hey. Shut up dude, don't make fun.
• 33:42
  Of me just there's nothing guaranteed.
• 33:43
  It all could go away. That is true.
• 33:45
  It's one of my wife's stressors. She works a real job so.
• 33:49
  We literally almost saw TikTok go away and yet people still
• 33:51
  make content creating a full time job.
• 33:53
  That just blows my mind. True.
• 33:55
  Well, there's a lot of people who do it, and it's possible,
• 33:59
  you know. But at the same time, it's been
• 34:00
  really hard for me to juggle all my responsibilities in my life
• 34:05
  while also trying to. I know no one wants to hear this
• 34:08
  but like doing social media is a small business like it is.
• 34:12
  Yeah, it is a small business. You are a business owner of
• 34:15
  yourself and you're also multiple positions.
• 34:17
  You're a filmer, you're an editor.
• 34:19
  You literally exist in five different positions all in one
• 34:24
  back like a year and a half to two years ago.
• 34:25
  I remember I was such a machine, but I also was like getting such
• 34:32
  a high from all of this that I would work on my video
• 34:35
  throughout the day. You know, work on editing it
• 34:38
  while I'm like on my lunch break at work, making sure the videos
• 34:40
  ready to post at night. And then like right after I post
• 34:43
  at 8:00, I hop in bed and I start editing the next one and I
• 34:47
  just, oh. I guess he had like a phone
• 34:49
  editor. Yeah, I hear that.
• 34:50
  I remember I used to be a little more of a workhorse.
• 34:52
  It's funny because I started and I probably did like less work.
• 34:54
  And then I slowly tried to like get my content strategy together
• 34:57
  and I was doing more work. And then I hired an editor and I
• 34:58
  was still doing more work. Like a lot of editing and
• 35:00
  revision and a lot of the, because some people probably
• 35:02
  notice we don't do intros anymore.
• 35:04
  A lot of the editing and revision was in the intro
• 35:07
  because like I was, I'm very, I'm very particular about how I
• 35:11
  like things. So I would just be like, you
• 35:14
  know, oh, I don't really like how this is done and I would
• 35:15
  redo it or I'd give, you know, August notes and this and that.
• 35:18
  And it was just like, it became so much work for myself and
• 35:22
  August. And I feel like it wasn't really
• 35:25
  paying off just to get a little intro in there that like I was
• 35:29
  never, I did it. It was like impossible for me to
• 35:31
  be happy with. Like I it's just, I don't know
• 35:33
  how else to explain it. And I'll say since we stopped
• 35:36
  doing that, I haven't really noticed like any negatives.
• 35:41
  But I think the the stress is definitely lower.
• 35:42
  It makes it a lot easier. And yeah, I haven't really
• 35:45
  noticed any negatives. So that was like, yeah, no
• 35:49
  negatives. I haven't noticed them.
• 35:51
  Sorry. I keep repeating myself.
• 35:53
  So that's been nice. Much better, you know.
• 35:57
  Kept that cycle going and it worked for a very long time.
• 36:00
  I can't believe where I'm at now, where I'm just like, I'm
• 36:05
  just pouring it all out to you. Like I've gotten to the point
• 36:08
  where I wake up and I'm like, I don't want to film.
• 36:13
  I don't want to film it. Says on the screen.
• 36:15
  Don't get me wrong, it's not every day I'm feeling like this.
• 36:17
  I still love creating content more than anything.
• 36:19
  But more often I'm struggling to feel that excitement I used to
• 36:21
  feel because it's so exhausted. Yeah, me too.
• 36:22
  I feel that. I feel that way sometimes too.
• 36:24
  Dude. Yesterday I was like that.
• 36:26
  I try to hide it, but yesterday I was like, dude, I don't want
• 36:28
  to fucking. I don't want to do anything.
• 36:29
  I don't want to, come on, I don't want to do this, but you
• 36:31
  know, I have like a schedule. I try to do like a video a day
• 36:33
  and which I have a good backlog. But then also like I'm doing, I
• 36:37
  want to do members only stuff too, which I think has been
• 36:39
  really successful doing members only content.
• 36:43
  You know, especially now, it's probably one of the most
• 36:45
  successful things I've ever done.
• 36:47
  But the members only stuff, yeah, it's been one of the best
• 36:50
  decisions I've probably ever made.
• 36:52
  It's so funny because like ad revenue has been in a really
• 36:54
  weird spot recently. I don't know if it's just like
• 36:56
  they're paying less. My views are pretty stable, but
• 36:59
  like I've been making less on ad revenue, but like making the
• 37:03
  members only content where I try to get like 3 segments a day or
• 37:05
  not a day, excuse me through a week out there has like shored
• 37:09
  up the lack of ad revenue decently.
• 37:12
  I'm actually surprised. I'm like, holy shit.
• 37:13
  I'd like like I've been doing the the members only stuff like
• 37:16
  increased in a really good way, but the money's been fairly
• 37:21
  stable. It's been nice because YouTube I
• 37:23
  think has been paying less than ads, which might just be
• 37:25
  seasonal. You know, we're getting close to
• 37:26
  Christmas and that's when they usually increase.
• 37:30
  But then also they've been like putting less ads on videos.
• 37:36
  The way it used to work is you would put ads, you manually put
• 37:38
  ads into your videos. Then they started doing like
• 37:40
  automatically at certain breaks, which was really nice.
• 37:43
  And then they, they, I've been noticing videos will be like an
• 37:46
  hour long with like 3 ads on them.
• 37:47
  I'm like, what the fuck? Like that's crazy.
• 37:48
  Usually it's like every 5 to 10 minutes.
• 37:50
  Like that's insanely low. You know, that doesn't
• 37:52
  necessarily mean you'll see them every 5 to 10 minutes, but
• 37:55
  that's where like the ad rate. So it's been like it's just been
• 37:56
  difficult. You 2's been a fucking pain in
• 37:58
  the ass. So the members only stuff has
• 38:01
  been like really nice and I'm really happy that like it's
• 38:04
  working and people are are are it seems like they're interested
• 38:06
  in it and they feel like I'm giving them like a decent amount
• 38:09
  of bang for the buck, which I do appreciate that.
• 38:13
  So it's been nice. It's been nice to keep to keep
• 38:15
  some stability, you know, So I appreciate that.
• 38:19
  I am so stressed to think about getting this video done by 8:00
• 38:24
  tonight. That's another thing too.
• 38:26
  Two things. I'm in a constant state of on
• 38:30
  edge. I'm constantly on edge.
• 38:32
  On goon. And maybe I don't show it, but I
• 38:35
  feel it and it's probably not good for me.
• 38:38
  And it's this unbelievable pressure I've put on myself.
• 38:41
  And I think I put pressure on myself for so many different
• 38:46
  reasons because I demand so much of myself.
• 38:49
  You know, I've only had myself to fend for like after
• 38:51
  graduating from college and ending up in six figures, a debt
• 38:54
  and not having my parents to lean on or really not even
• 38:57
  having my parents emotional support through the process.
• 39:00
  Like made me, it made me this person and I think.
• 39:05
  What made him this way? A lot of people who experience
• 39:08
  survival mode, it's a. Little Christian joke.
• 39:10
  OK, so. Or just like a really tough time
• 39:12
  in life where no one was really there for you.
• 39:14
  You know that feeling where it just creates it turns you into
• 39:17
  this person where? Thankfully I've had some family
• 39:19
  there for me and my it's funny my mom's like weird as fuck
• 39:21
  because like she is not, she is there for me but she's not.
• 39:24
  She's like man she won't like give me any money or lend me any
• 39:27
  money. She's like super annoying about
• 39:29
  it, but I know like she has my back if I need it, if that makes
• 39:31
  sense. You know, I think it's one of
• 39:34
  those things where she like, it's like letting your kid play
• 39:36
  on a swing set and like get hurt and you know what I mean?
• 39:41
  Like getting like, you know what I mean?
• 39:42
  Like I think that's probably a good way to parent is trying to
• 39:45
  have your kid make safe, dangerous decisions.
• 39:50
  Like you could fall off a swing set, but that's like safe.
• 39:53
  Does that make sense? It's just like, you know, you
• 39:56
  like, I touched a stove before and that's not good.
• 39:58
  It hurts like a motherfucker, but it's like safe to do.
• 40:00
  And it you can learn a lesson from it in a way that's not like
• 40:03
  permanently destructive to your body, you know?
• 40:06
  So I feel like that's the way that my mother tried to raise me
• 40:08
  where like I didn't necessarily like think I had.
• 40:12
  Certain things to lean back onto, but like I do if I really
• 40:14
  need it, you know what I mean? Then that makes you, it helps
• 40:16
  you with like independence, so. You push yourself to such a
• 40:19
  crazy limit because you know you only have yourself to lean on.
• 40:22
  I have lost so much hair in the past two plus years.
• 40:26
  I saw it was my hair like 21 nude.
• 40:28
  Fuck, it's crazy. Think of my body being under so
• 40:30
  much. Because I'm so high
• 40:31
  testosterone. Stress.
• 40:33
  I'm very high testosterone, don't fucking high high value
• 40:36
  alpha male. There's something, there's
• 40:38
  something going on up here because I've talked about it
• 40:41
  before that like ever since 2020, I've had an incredibly
• 40:44
  itchy scalp, so I must. Moisture, head and shoulders.
• 40:48
  I don't know, moisturize. Must be allergic to something.
• 40:50
  I think that's been really tough for me too.
• 40:51
  And adding to my burnout is like I do not want to look at myself.
• 40:56
  Oh my God, I feel like I could cry.
• 40:58
  I like looking at myself. I'm going to be honest with you.
• 41:00
  I think I'm a kind of a handsome guy.
• 41:01
  I mean, I'm self-conscious about me being fat.
• 41:03
  But then like when I stand up and I flex my big quads and
• 41:05
  stuff and I like, you know, sometimes when I got a, a good,
• 41:08
  a nice erection, which I know sounds crazy, but like, you
• 41:10
  know, I've been told to have AI. Haven't I've been told it looks
• 41:16
  nice, not big, but it's like it's I've heard the word
• 41:19
  handsome pretty. I don't know if those are good
• 41:23
  words. I I don't mind the femininity
• 41:26
  though. I'm not afraid of femininity.
• 41:27
  OK, I don't have an ugly penis. There's some guys that they're
• 41:31
  just ugly as shit, right. So I anyway, the point I'm
• 41:33
  trying to make is like I, you know, I feel myself sometimes.
• 41:36
  You know, I got a decent, I got AI got a decent body.
• 41:39
  You know, I got like AI got a fat body, but it's decent.
• 41:42
  There it is. It's not a penis picture, but
• 41:45
  like there you go. It's not too bad.
• 41:46
  Decent quads. I look handsome.
• 41:49
  I like the way I look, man. I'm a little confident.
• 41:50
  I try to be confident. You know, you got to be your own
• 41:53
  biggest fan unless you have a wife that loves you like mine
• 41:55
  does so and she does. And she's so nice to me and I
• 42:00
  love her. That has made this become really
• 42:02
  hard for me too. Is like knowing I've lost a lot
• 42:05
  of hair. I'm just going to show you like
• 42:07
  because you're going to be like, apparently your hair looks so
• 42:09
  fine. No, it doesn't look.
• 42:10
  At this, Here's the thing, I'm not shaving it yet 'cause I have
• 42:15
  a baby, my baby shower next week and I'm like fuck it, I'm going
• 42:19
  to just shave my head and I'll probably trim my mustache and
• 42:22
  beard like on the Wednesday 'cause it's on a Saturday.
• 42:24
  So it gives a little time if I make any mistakes on my mustache
• 42:26
  and shit. I was like fuck it, why?
• 42:28
  Why bother shaving it now, you know, just to look like a fat
• 42:31
  piece of shit, you know? Does it?
• 42:34
  It doesn't. I've keep the picture went I'll
• 42:37
  do it on Bradley on a budgets only fence.
• 42:41
  How's that sound? So much hair in the past, like
• 42:43
  2. Years.
• 42:43
  I'm not going to do anything with them.
• 42:45
  I'm not gay but like maybe I'll show it on there.
• 42:47
  I hate it, it makes me feel so bad about myself and I see it
• 42:51
  all the time when I'm editing videos.
• 42:53
  I feel like we always associate burnout with working and
• 42:57
  hustling, which is true, but I feel like you also can
• 43:01
  experience burnout in a lot of different ways.
• 43:03
  And I feel like what's been adding to this like really heavy
• 43:05
  feeling lately is like burnout from loneliness or just this
• 43:10
  feeling of like, doing it all on your own.
• 43:12
  I hear that. I hear that I'm fortunate and I
• 43:14
  haven't. I have a wife who's very good
• 43:16
  and supportive and I have some good people who work for me, so
• 43:22
  it's cool. I can appreciate that, you know,
• 43:25
  I could appreciate that, especially since I'm a pain in
• 43:26
  the ass sometimes, dude, I don't know if you guys know that I'm
• 43:29
  fucking annoying as shit sometimes.
• 43:31
  So it's good to have people who could deal with it.
• 43:34
  You know, they're annoying as shit sometimes too, but that's
• 43:35
  part of life, man. I've had people where like, we
• 43:38
  just don't vibe and it's fucking bad as hell, you know what I
• 43:41
  mean? And it's just like, you know,
• 43:43
  the way that you guys will say your struggles don't aren't like
• 43:48
  complementing of each other. So you're just like at each
• 43:50
  other's throats all the time. But thankfully I got some, some
• 43:53
  solid members. So August and P are pretty
• 43:56
  solid, you know, not too bad. So yeah, that's pretty cool,
• 44:01
  man. Everything's been for the most
• 44:02
  part vibing. Well, that's the in general,
• 44:04
  yeah, vibing. Everything's going everything.
• 44:05
  The only thing that stresses me out is like, I'm really trying
• 44:07
  to fucking figure out the $1,000,000 question of how do I
• 44:09
  make $1,000,000 on YouTube? How do I get, how do I get more
• 44:13
  popular without having to be a rage baiting fucking obnoxious
• 44:17
  bitch that like forcefully orbits like obnoxious people
• 44:20
  online? You know what I mean?
• 44:20
  Like that's been the fucking question.
• 44:22
  Like how do I do this? That's the only thing that's
• 44:24
  getting made, dude. That's the only thing that's
• 44:26
  fucking getting made, dude. I don't know.
• 44:27
  I don't know what it is. I'm trying to fucking figure it
• 44:31
  out, you know? And I have.
• 44:32
  I have to be convinced that there's something I could do.
• 44:33
  It's fucking killing me, just making me eat my own shit.
• 44:36
  Because that's just like all the feeling I've known in my life is
• 44:39
  like survival mode and fending for myself.
• 44:42
  And if I want something in my life, it's going to happen by me
• 44:45
  and no one else. And I it's not always a negative
• 44:49
  trait because I attribute that to building all of this and like
• 44:54
  completely turning my life around.
• 44:55
  I probably wouldn't have turned my life around the way I did if
• 44:58
  I had my handheld. I've been trying to have I
• 45:00
  thought about doing more collabs.
• 45:01
  It's probably a good idea. I just don't know who the fuck I
• 45:03
  would collab with. But you're probably right about
• 45:05
  that. I did one with Brad Padre, which
• 45:09
  was fun. I haven't reached, he hasn't
• 45:11
  reached. He reached out to me for the
• 45:13
  first one. I'm like, all right, cool.
• 45:14
  And then I haven't reached out to him.
• 45:15
  I think he maybe he thinks that I didn't enjoy it, but I did.
• 45:18
  I just don't like know what to do.
• 45:19
  I'm like really bad with I think that's part of my shit is I'm
• 45:21
  really bad with collabs and stuff.
• 45:23
  I would do it with Brad because we're like on a similar level as
• 45:26
  content creators. It's tough because I never want
• 45:28
  to reach out to content creators who are like bigger than me and
• 45:30
  ask for collabs because that just feels like I'm trying to
• 45:33
  just like utilize that relationship for like clout.
• 45:36
  I found that to be fucking obnoxious.
• 45:38
  So, but I probably should you know, Joe Bart, I would, that's
• 45:43
  the thing. I would never ask Joe Bart for a
• 45:44
  cloud. That's insane 'cause he's, he's
• 45:46
  a very first of all, he's a large content creator.
• 45:47
  So it would just be me cloud farming, right?
• 45:49
  That's how it would appear at least.
• 45:50
  But then also like I'm not as brand accessible.
• 45:52
  Like you know, when you, when you look at like my brand and
• 45:55
  Joe's brand, like he's done a lot more to have a nice, you
• 45:58
  know, professional, squeaky clean brand in like a positive,
• 46:01
  productive way. And for me, like I'm a
• 46:03
  boisterous, obnoxious asshole. So for me to even like ask like,
• 46:07
  can I do that is insane because like my brand is not clean, it's
• 46:10
  not safe, it's not as monetizable.
• 46:11
  It's not as, you know, sponsor heavy, although you know, we're
• 46:15
  working on that. I have a sponsor manager now.
• 46:16
  But so to me that would be like, Nah, that's crazy.
• 46:20
  Like I know my place in that, you know, even that's that would
• 46:23
  be fucking crazy. But I guess I never really
• 46:26
  realized until recently how lonely content creating is, even
• 46:30
  if I'm live streaming. Like I could be live streaming
• 46:32
  and on TikTok there's 2000 people watching.
• 46:35
  I mean, even here on YouTube it's grown where sometimes
• 46:37
  there's like over 300 people on the live stream.
• 46:40
  It's crazy. And it's crazy that all those
• 46:41
  people could be watching and yet I'm just here alone in my
• 46:47
  apartment talking to my phone, even though I, I know I'm
• 46:50
  talking to you. It's this weird thing, you know?
• 46:52
  But I think what a lot of people don't realize with content
• 46:55
  creating is. It's funny because I kind of
• 46:57
  like that. Like I don't like getting super
• 46:58
  and that might be one of the things that makes it more
• 47:00
  difficult for me to be a content creator.
• 47:01
  I don't like getting superpower social with people.
• 47:04
  Like I always enjoy chatting with the people in the stream.
• 47:06
  And I especially love when Willow sends me terrible YouTube
• 47:09
  Shorts to react to. It's my favorite in the world,
• 47:12
  but for the most part, like I am a streamer and I do stream, but
• 47:15
  like I'm not a streamer at the same time.
• 47:16
  Like I'm a video creator and I use the stream as like raw
• 47:18
  footage. And so I don't really advertise
• 47:20
  the stream nearly as or at all, whereas I like do advertise the
• 47:24
  YouTube videos after I put them up.
• 47:26
  And so for me, like I enjoy that I have like this nice level of
• 47:29
  like professional boundary created.
• 47:33
  It works really well for me. So I like that, but I also get,
• 47:38
  you know, my people interactions from people in the real world,
• 47:45
  which I, which I like that. So, you know, for me, I kind of
• 47:51
  like that. But if Brad doesn't have a
• 47:53
  partner, then like that could be an issue where like you feel
• 47:57
  lonely, like there's so many people, but they don't really
• 47:58
  know you. That's what I, it sounds like
• 48:00
  he's complaining about, which I get it.
• 48:02
  I do get that. It's like, at least for me, you
• 48:05
  do it all alone. I film alone, I edit alone in my
• 48:09
  bed late at night. I know you guys are there and I
• 48:12
  know there's like a lot of love and support, but it's hard
• 48:16
  sometimes to feel when this is my setting, when it's 11:00 PM
• 48:19
  on a Friday night and it's my ring light and the tripod back
• 48:24
  to the feeling of like being stressed and on edge.
• 48:27
  I think what has been my demise to all this is like the numbers.
• 48:33
  Want to do a gaming channel, probably not the problem.
• 48:37
  So like the problem with it. And I don't mean to interrupt so
• 48:40
  much, but I, I, I appreciate the question.
• 48:42
  Probably the gaming channel is like, I like video games
• 48:45
  sometimes, but I don't like them enough to have an entire gaming
• 48:47
  channel And like I've done it before and like, I just can't
• 48:49
  keep up on it. And it's possible that I could
• 48:51
  just be like, yeah, I'm going to game every once in awhile and
• 48:53
  I'm going to come on and stuff, but I can't really, to me, you
• 48:57
  know, I like to move with a purpose.
• 48:58
  And if I don't feel like I can get like a good steady long term
• 49:01
  flow on some type of content, I won't do it.
• 49:04
  It's like a business decision. And to invest time into like
• 49:07
  gaming when in order to make it work, I would have to put like
• 49:10
  an extraordinary amount of resources into it.
• 49:13
  And which also means like invest time into playing video games.
• 49:17
  I, I just don't really have it in me because like, especially
• 49:19
  now I'm having a daughter and like, you know, like, let's say
• 49:24
  I decided to like, hey, I'm going to come on and I'm going
• 49:26
  to stream for three hours of, of commentary content, which is my
• 49:31
  money maker. And then like another three
• 49:32
  hours of gaming content every day, let's say four or five days
• 49:35
  a week. I can probably make that work.
• 49:38
  I don't know. I would rather I still have like
• 49:39
  a little bit of offline work to do.
• 49:41
  I do like maybe like 1/2 hour to an hour.
• 49:43
  It's not like a whole lot. It's like if I'm nail making
• 49:44
  stuff, like I like to have creative control over my stuff.
• 49:48
  I would I would rather it's I would rather be with my
• 49:51
  daughter, like I'd rather, you know what I'm saying?
• 49:53
  Like so for me, it's tough. If anything, I want to invest
• 49:56
  more time into like my podcast, my wife.
• 49:58
  That's what I like doing. That's worth like the time.
• 50:02
  I I really enjoy that brand and and making that content.
• 50:04
  But for me, especially now, like it's probably impossible that I
• 50:07
  would ever do gaming stuff. I I just, I genuinely, you know,
• 50:14
  like I just, I genuinely don't think I have it in me to to do
• 50:16
  that type of content and to monetize it.
• 50:19
  And this would be like the worst time for me to do it.
• 50:21
  Now, if, if, if my, and this is like a big if, like if my wife
• 50:27
  and I talked and she wanted to quit her job and she wanted to
• 50:31
  be a stay at home mom and I needed to create new monetizable
• 50:34
  avenues. That would be a different
• 50:36
  situation then. Yeah, maybe I would work 6 hours
• 50:38
  a day, five or six days a week and I would do some kind of
• 50:42
  gaming content or you know what I mean?
• 50:44
  Like that is a possibility 'cause then I then I then like I
• 50:46
  have my wife home, you know, yadda yadda, yadda, 'cause she
• 50:50
  works as it is now, but I'll have my wife home and then it
• 50:52
  would make sense to invest into a secondary avenue of revenue.
• 50:58
  But like for right now, I don't know, family gaming, maybe it
• 51:00
  could be possible. We'll see.
• 51:01
  But yeah, it's tough to talk about expansion right now as a
• 51:05
  content creator, 'cause like I have like a stuff going on in
• 51:07
  the real world. In the real world.
• 51:09
  I'm very excited about it, so. If unless you're a content
• 51:13
  creator, you wouldn't know that these platforms, the analytics
• 51:17
  are insane and they are in your face all the time.
• 51:21
  Oh yeah, like, and they're so specific.
• 51:24
  They'll be like. And they'll tell you, especially
• 51:25
  on YouTube, how well you're doing.
• 51:27
  Oh, this is a one out of 10. It makes feels really good.
• 51:29
  Oh, this is a four out of 10. Oh, that feels good.
• 51:31
  Oh, this is a 10 out of 10, five videos in a row.
• 51:33
  Oh, that feels really bad. You know, So it's like, oh shit,
• 51:39
  you know, that's the fucking issue with that.
• 51:41
  This video performed better than this video.
• 51:44
  Oh last month you got this many views literally.
• 51:47
  Oh my God it's crazy. On TikTok, it'll show.
• 51:50
  TikTok, I don't look at the analytics, I don't give a fuck
• 51:52
  about that, but two fucks me. Up like I just saw it the other
• 51:54
  day, it just said like in the past week.
• 51:57
  TikTok I just like compulsively look at just to see if I didn't
• 51:59
  get banned like or had a video taken out because that pisses me
• 52:01
  off. You got 16 million views, but
• 52:04
  you're down 20% from the the previous week.
• 52:07
  Yeah, it's annoying A. Show and let's see, I think
• 52:09
  because I'm already such a competitive person in terms of
• 52:13
  like doing what I've had to do to turn my life around and
• 52:16
  working so hard and hustling to fix my life.
• 52:20
  And I'm a middle child and I grew up in the closet, so I feel
• 52:24
  like I needed to be perfect. Sorry, not nice.
• 52:29
  Nice dude. What the hell?
• 52:33
  Picked for my parents approval I think from that desire to be
• 52:38
  perfect. I also have become so hard on
• 52:42
  myself with the numbers. The numbers and analytics has
• 52:46
  crushed me, that's what. Oh, yeah.
• 52:48
  Well, this is the problem is that like, yeah, like a lot of
• 52:51
  platforms will be like, hey, you did this.
• 52:52
  Well, you did really well this month.
• 52:54
  They'll be like, you didn't do as well this month as last
• 52:56
  month, you fucking loser. And that's how it feels.
• 52:58
  And it sucks because YouTube and TikTok and all these platforms
• 53:02
  can tell you if you've done better or worse raw number wise,
• 53:05
  but they can't examine the atmosphere for you.
• 53:08
  You know, like, maybe the reason your content's doing worse this
• 53:11
  month is because it's Christmas time and people are engaging
• 53:13
  with more fun content and you just don't make Christmas time
• 53:16
  adjacent fun content. But YouTube doesn't tell you
• 53:21
  that. TikTok doesn't tell you that.
• 53:22
  They just say like, Yo, you're fucking shit.
• 53:25
  And so it, it's really distressing.
• 53:26
  And it's really difficult as a content creator to figure out
• 53:28
  when you need to stabilize and just like push through a tough
• 53:31
  gap versus when you need to like pick your shit up and do some
• 53:33
  kind of like big experimentation because your career could be
• 53:36
  over if you don't make a reasonable change.
• 53:37
  And then when you make a change and things like, you know, they,
• 53:41
  the numbers might be down, but like, if you didn't change, the
• 53:44
  numbers might be down even more. So it's, it's super difficult to
• 53:46
  figure out. It's, it's a fucking pain in the
• 53:48
  ass, dude. I, I mean, I love content
• 53:49
  creation and I like a challenge. So like it can be really good
• 53:52
  and, and fun and productive. And like, I hate to say it
• 53:54
  'cause I like doing well and I'd like to make them more money and
• 53:56
  I'd like to be more successful and stuff and, and pay my people
• 53:58
  more 'cause they get a percentage.
• 54:01
  But like there are sometimes where it almost feels good to do
• 54:03
  bad because you get, that's when you get to do the most
• 54:05
  experimentation. So that can feel good.
• 54:07
  But I think it feels good because you feel so bad and then
• 54:10
  you start to feel good again. So it's like not really feeling
• 54:12
  good. It's like you hit yourself with
• 54:14
  a fucking bat and then you're like, Oh, my leg is starting to
• 54:16
  feel better after a week. You know what I mean?
• 54:19
  Maybe that's what it is, but sometimes that can.
• 54:23
  Sometimes that can feel all right, I guess.
• 54:25
  But has added to that feeling. I said earlier of like I'm
• 54:28
  constantly in a state of like on edge and stress because I feel
• 54:32
  like I need to keep this up true.
• 54:36
  And to be honest, that is a big reason why I I really haven't
• 54:41
  taken a break. I know I took a break for two
• 54:44
  days after the Caleb Hammer situation.
• 54:46
  Oh, I remember that situation. If you remember that.
• 54:50
  Yeah, I was friends with Caleb. I used to be friends with Caleb.
• 54:55
  It's interesting about the his video about this guy was pretty
• 54:58
  rough. We had a conversation in private
• 54:59
  about it and yeah, it wasn't great, I'll just say that.
• 55:06
  One time a year ago when he subscribed to my OF page while
• 55:09
  he was live streaming and then played videos on his live
• 55:13
  stream, he played the audio from my videos and I just like I just
• 55:19
  had to be off the Internet because I couldn't believe that
• 55:21
  was happening so I stayed off for.
• 55:22
  Two whole days. And then I got back into it even
• 55:25
  when I travel, which I love doing my travel video.
• 55:28
  So I don't want this to come off as like, you know, me
• 55:30
  complaining or me not having fun when I do it, but like when I
• 55:33
  travel and I do my videos, I I have no life.
• 55:37
  I completely give up living in the moment.
• 55:39
  And I think that's been adding to my burnout too, is like.
• 55:41
  That makes sense. That's see, that's funny because
• 55:43
  like my wife and I, like we're a little bit of Disney adults.
• 55:45
  We're a little cringe. Like, whatever, we enjoy
• 55:46
  ourselves, It's fun, but like, we've tried to make Disney
• 55:50
  content before, we can't do it. There's something about going
• 55:53
  somewhere and like, do like every bit of the framing being
• 55:57
  for content that makes me hate life.
• 56:00
  I really can't do it. It's really tough to do like I
• 56:03
  need, and I probably need more than I need my space.
• 56:07
  And so when I'm at Disney and like, if we're like, hey guys
• 56:09
  and Disney, blah, blah, blah, I hate it.
• 56:11
  If I feel like I have to take my camera out just so I can make
• 56:14
  content, I hate it. I hate it.
• 56:15
  I fucking hate it. And one of the things I've done
• 56:17
  successfully, I think is that I love, that's good for me is I've
• 56:20
  made like my stream, like that's my content.
• 56:22
  Like I don't make any. There's no video on social media
• 56:25
  from me really at all. I don't even really tweet at
• 56:28
  all. There's no video for me on
• 56:30
  social media. That's not a part of my stream.
• 56:32
  Everything is like my stream. If I do something that's
• 56:33
  supposed to be on the stream, that's like the point.
• 56:35
  It's like this is when I'm, when I'm streaming and making videos,
• 56:37
  that's my content. Because if it's, dude, it's so
• 56:40
  distressing, man, and takes you out of the moment and it removes
• 56:43
  the authenticity of the moment. And like, yeah, it's nice to
• 56:45
  have pictures and I think pictures can be great.
• 56:47
  And my wife and I take pictures and we usually get like the
• 56:48
  Disney picture package. It's fun, but like taking a
• 56:52
  picture because it's fun and we get to like maybe put like a
• 56:54
  little slideshow on Instagram for fun is completely different
• 56:58
  than like constantly be like, oh, we got to get this, Oh, we
• 57:00
  got to get this. Oh, we got to get this, Oh, we
• 57:01
  got to get this. I remember like there's some
• 57:03
  content creator who had a wedding and like they were doing
• 57:05
  tons of content at the wedding. It's like, that is horrible.
• 57:08
  What a miserable fucking experience to make content out
• 57:11
  of your wedding. And I'm sure that there's
• 57:12
  positives for them. It's like, oh, we made money.
• 57:14
  This is so much fun, but that is just like no boundaries, dude.
• 57:17
  That is that is fucking dog shit miserable to me.
• 57:19
  I would I can't do it. I I just I would hate that.
• 57:22
  It's too. It's too much, you know, like I
• 57:25
  want some private stuff. It's just fucking ridiculous,
• 57:29
  you know? Like, yeah, I've done a lot of
• 57:31
  fun trips. Like I've gone to London.
• 57:33
  I did the $144 budget cruise to the Bahamas.
• 57:38
  That was so iconic, that was so fun.
• 57:39
  It's for my birthday. I went to Provincetown like 2
• 57:42
  months ago and the amount of work that this takes like my one
• 57:47
  to two-minute videos that you guys watch easily take like 4 to
• 57:50
  5 hours. That's crazy.
• 57:53
  OK, interesting. I wouldn't doubt it, but that's
• 57:54
  interesting. So this over the Disney thing,
• 57:58
  we'll buy like the picture package.
• 57:59
  So you can like go around and like, yeah, you can get the
• 58:01
  pictures on the rides, but you could also like take pictures
• 58:03
  from the photographers in certain areas.
• 58:04
  It's like 150 bucks and it's for like your entire trip.
• 58:07
  So it's like if you do it one day, it's 150 I think, and then
• 58:09
  if it's like 7 days, it's 100. So you'll get pictures.
• 58:12
  It's cute, it's a fun experience.
• 58:13
  We like doing that. Most of them.
• 58:15
  And you go at all the parks. You can even do it at Disney
• 58:17
  Springs. It's a lot of fun.
• 58:18
  We do Disney World so usually. From start to finish, it's
• 58:23
  insane. And I'm doing that.
• 58:24
  I'm cranking out, you know, a video almost every day of the
• 58:29
  week when they're taking three to five hours to produce.
• 58:33
  That's very interesting to me because like the, so the one
• 58:35
  that I watched for, for this video, I look at that and I
• 58:38
  don't really see four or five hours worth of, of, of work.
• 58:41
  I see like one or two hours worth.
• 58:43
  Like it's like, Hey, I'm going to go around my apartment and
• 58:47
  I'm going to clean it and I'm going to kind of tell a story
• 58:49
  around it. I'm a so that that doesn't give
• 58:51
  me four or five hours worth of work and I don't, but I also
• 58:54
  believe him. I feel like he hasn't gotten
• 58:56
  efficient at this yet. And that's like his bigger
• 58:59
  problem because if he recorded this, this is 1/2 hour long
• 59:02
  video. If he recorded this, watched it
• 59:04
  and edited it and then deleted it and then did it again, to me
• 59:07
  it's like this half an hour video probably took him four or
• 59:09
  five hours. And I feel like that, you know,
• 59:13
  polishing your content is awesome, but also maybe
• 59:14
  sometimes it's good to not like over Polish your content because
• 59:17
  it could be massively distressing, right?
• 59:19
  So I feel like maybe that's one of the problems.
• 59:20
  It's like the over polishing of your content and not figuring
• 59:25
  out strategies of efficiency, because you should be able to
• 59:28
  figure out strategies of efficiency when you do like your
• 59:31
  content creation. And I know I do like lower
• 59:33
  effort content. So it's like easy for me to say,
• 59:34
  right? But even I've created strategies
• 59:36
  of efficiency like when I'm doing my stream, like I'm coming
• 59:39
  on, obviously, like I most of my actual live stream is not dead
• 59:43
  air. Like there's something going on
• 59:45
  that people find entertaining, hopefully, right?
• 59:48
  And most of it's like doing a video or TikTok with the
• 59:51
  intention of posting it. And then when I do, when I read
• 59:54
  people like donations, right, I pause the live stream, I'll
• 59:59
  pause the live stream or excuse me, not the live stream.
• 1:00:03
  I will pause the recording for the video so that like that's
• 1:00:06
  already edited out and like my editor doesn't have to fucking
• 1:00:10
  like, OK, let me delete this part because that's like a live
• 1:00:12
  stream experience thing. So right.
• 1:00:13
  So like, I don't want that to be in the video.
• 1:00:15
  I want to have a nice smooth transition in the video, right?
• 1:00:17
  So like you get efficient at that.
• 1:00:18
  If I notice something that I feel like it's a clippable
• 1:00:19
  moment, I'll stop the recording and I'll restart it.
• 1:00:22
  I, I record my streams on top of being in the stream.
• 1:00:25
  Like OBS is running a recording and streaming, right?
• 1:00:27
  So here we go. Recording, streaming, so this
• 1:00:30
  way, like right when I get off, I have like the higher quality
• 1:00:33
  video footage to submit. Like everything is like, you
• 1:00:35
  know, you're supposed to come up with systems of efficiency for
• 1:00:37
  your stuff to make it as easy as possible.
• 1:00:39
  And if it's taking him this long to do this content, I feel like
• 1:00:42
  he hasn't come up with like a system of efficiency yet.
• 1:00:44
  And that's where I feel like I've been driving at full speed
• 1:00:46
  and I'm like a second from crashing into the wall.
• 1:00:49
  At the same time, I feel like content creating pushed me to do
• 1:00:52
  those. He's the guy from Rush Hour.
• 1:00:53
  I was going to make a joke but I forgot but also sorry it's
• 1:00:56
  probably an inappropriate. Trip So I don't want this to all
• 1:00:59
  come off in a negative light like, you know, people go on
• 1:01:01
  trips and they go on vacations to take a break from reality and
• 1:01:04
  it's like true. That man, I haven't been on a
• 1:01:06
  fucking vacation or a trip in a while.
• 1:01:09
  Jesus Christ. I just don't do that and I.
• 1:01:12
  Because we're we're nervous about being too far away from
• 1:01:14
  the hospital in case something happens.
• 1:01:15
  I don't think anything will happen, but we want to be by our
• 1:01:17
  hospital for, you know, when my wife gives birth.
• 1:01:18
  So it's like, yeah, we could have went to like on a four hour
• 1:01:21
  trip to like a different state to hang out with their friends.
• 1:01:23
  And we do like doing that. But you know, we it's just, it's
• 1:01:26
  tough. You know, it's like, what if
• 1:01:28
  something happens, we want to be at our hospital with our doctor.
• 1:01:31
  Like we are very specific about our doctor.
• 1:01:34
  Like we like our doctor. We found our doctor because our
• 1:01:36
  old one sucks fucking ass. Our old OBG one, it was
• 1:01:38
  horrible, obviously hated like overweight people.
• 1:01:40
  She was like rude, she would like hurt her every time she
• 1:01:42
  would do scans. She didn't care to answer
• 1:01:44
  questions. This doctor is fantastic.
• 1:01:47
  He like listens to us, he talks to us, he runs us through
• 1:01:50
  everything. He explains to us things like
• 1:01:52
  how AC section is going to work, how they put more effort into
• 1:01:55
  sewing people up correctly. They sew all 7 layers back up
• 1:01:57
  instead of just three like they're taught in school.
• 1:02:00
  Like they make sure that the experience is good.
• 1:02:02
  The doctor's Even so good. My wife and I are crazy and my
• 1:02:04
  wife's especially crazy, but like my wife and I are crazy.
• 1:02:06
  The doctor's like we're going to schedule you on a Friday for
• 1:02:08
  your C-section because this way both myself and the other doctor
• 1:02:11
  are there with you so that you have extra support.
• 1:02:14
  And that was his way of saying like you're fucking crazy.
• 1:02:15
  We're going to make sure that we accommodate that.
• 1:02:17
  I think that's fantastic. I love that because my wife and
• 1:02:20
  I can be very difficult. You know, we have pretty high
• 1:02:26
  standards and like we probably annoy a lot of people around us
• 1:02:29
  like our fucking we're planning our baby shower our the person,
• 1:02:33
  the banquet manager is terrible like he does not communicate
• 1:02:36
  with us unacceptable to us. So we are giving him shit so
• 1:02:38
  much shit for it. We have a lot to plan.
• 1:02:40
  We plan a party. This is a baby shower for 120
• 1:02:42
  people. We do not fuck around.
• 1:02:44
  We're doing big like prize baskets, we're doing a diaper
• 1:02:47
  raffle. We're doing a bunch of mini
• 1:02:49
  games. We're doing a bunch of table
• 1:02:50
  games, like we are getting time out of this fucking party and
• 1:02:52
  we're going to have an after party as well.
• 1:02:54
  And my mother in law's house. Like we are going fucking crazy.
• 1:02:56
  We do not fuck around. And like we cannot deal with
• 1:02:59
  like low effort, low tier people.
• 1:03:01
  Like if you're not willing to sit down and answer questions
• 1:03:03
  and you can't sit down for a 10 minute conversation in a 30
• 1:03:05
  minutes of us walking around and touring the facility again so
• 1:03:07
  that we can finalize our seating arrangements, you are worthless.
• 1:03:10
  And we're gonna let you know that.
• 1:03:12
  And like, I'm sorry, but like that high standards is what gets
• 1:03:14
  you to have a good time in life, OK?
• 1:03:15
  Like people talk about women like all their bitchy blah,
• 1:03:17
  blah, blah. Bitchiest women have the best
• 1:03:19
  partners because they have high standards.
• 1:03:20
  You need to have high standards. Sorry, but like this is like how
• 1:03:23
  we operate. So, you know, I mean, a little
• 1:03:25
  bit of advice to you guys, but you know, it can be tough
• 1:03:28
  because more people may not like you, but I'm tired of being
• 1:03:31
  likable. Not that I ever have been super
• 1:03:33
  likable, but like placating people is like the worst because
• 1:03:35
  when you do it, you get worse results.
• 1:03:36
  Because I had a whole conversation with this banquet
• 1:03:38
  manager yesterday and like I was trying to be nice to him and
• 1:03:40
  like he was like at the end of the conversation she's like, oh,
• 1:03:42
  that's it. And like laughed at us like
• 1:03:45
  condescendingly. I was like, oh, you're fucking
• 1:03:46
  triggering me. And like I go from like 10 like
• 1:03:48
  zero to 100 really quick. And so like, I'm at my limit.
• 1:03:52
  So now my wife's turn to talk because she knows how to
• 1:03:54
  escalate her anger and communicate it productively
• 1:03:56
  better than I do. So, you know, that's what the
• 1:03:59
  problem is, is you can't be nice to everybody sometimes.
• 1:04:01
  You have to like set firm boundaries and be like hey, you
• 1:04:03
  know. So next one, the diaper raffle.
• 1:04:06
  Every 10 diapers you bring in you get a raffle ticket and then
• 1:04:08
  you will potentially get a one of like 7 different basket
• 1:04:11
  prizes full of a lot of cool treats.
• 1:04:13
  One of them's a Star Wars basket with a lightsaber lighter in it
• 1:04:16
  and a bunch of other cool things in it.
• 1:04:18
  One of them's a video game basket with like a little
• 1:04:20
  attachment to your phone that makes it turn into a Game Boy as
• 1:04:23
  well as another controller that allows you to play other games.
• 1:04:26
  This this isn't it. I got one of these for it as
• 1:04:32
  well. Some fallout sodas are going to
• 1:04:34
  go in that as well. So there's like a lot of like,
• 1:04:36
  that's how it is, you know, so there's like a lot of we'll
• 1:04:40
  probably put pictures on our Instagram, so.
• 1:04:42
  I, I, I don't give myself an option to do that and I think.
• 1:04:47
  Sometimes I feel like. This has gotten so intense and
• 1:04:50
  I've like just poured 120% of myself into this because I
• 1:04:55
  almost feel like it kind of has become addicting in so many
• 1:04:58
  ways. For one, I'm doing something I
• 1:05:00
  dreamed of and I am doing something I love.
• 1:05:02
  I love this more than anything, but there is such an addiction
• 1:05:05
  that I have to share in my life, which I think is tied a lot to
• 1:05:08
  the loneliness I feel. I'll never forget I did
• 1:05:11
  something a couple months ago. I wish I could remember what it
• 1:05:14
  was and I just like left my phone in my pocket and I was
• 1:05:19
  having a fun time. And then halfway through the
• 1:05:21
  event, whatever I was doing, I, my heart sank because I was
• 1:05:25
  like, Oh my gosh, I'm enjoying this, but I'm not filming it.
• 1:05:30
  That's funny. To enjoy with you.
• 1:05:33
  That's funny. It was funny.
• 1:05:34
  I have a similar experience where my phone broke because it
• 1:05:36
  fell off the bed and I had to replace the screen already, but
• 1:05:41
  it wasn't a good one. So I think it was like less big
• 1:05:43
  damage resistant or whatever. And I was, I had a phone for
• 1:05:48
  like 2 hours. You had to get a new one and
• 1:05:49
  like that was the most piece I felt in my entire fucking like
• 1:05:52
  my like the last since I do done content creation.
• 1:05:55
  That's fucking insane. I used to be crazy with content.
• 1:05:57
  I would check my phone like way too often, like back in the
• 1:05:59
  TikTok days, so my boundary should have been better, but
• 1:06:01
  like I'm still like looking at it constantly, especially to
• 1:06:04
  just check to make sure tick tock didn't ban me.
• 1:06:05
  So I'll like on my phone just like, OK, let's see how talk is
• 1:06:07
  doing. OK, we're OK, and then I'll just
• 1:06:09
  close it or even YouTube because I haven't fucking you know, like
• 1:06:12
  it's stressful. Sometimes you think that
• 1:06:13
  something happened. Everything disappear in a minute
• 1:06:15
  and I was I take talk is obnoxious with like banned
• 1:06:17
  stuff. But even last year I got a
• 1:06:18
  couple of different like issues that happened on YouTube and
• 1:06:21
  like never got any transparency. I was like, what the Hell's
• 1:06:23
  happening? So.
• 1:06:25
  And then I almost started to not enjoy the event because I felt
• 1:06:28
  like if I'm not sharing it with you, it wasn't valuable enough.
• 1:06:32
  Like I, I wish I could put it into words, but I think that is
• 1:06:37
  kind of where my burnout is coming from too.
• 1:06:39
  Is like just the addiction from all of this, I guess as someone
• 1:06:41
  who's a perfectionist and doesn't like the feeling of
• 1:06:45
  failing, like it crushes me when a video doesn't do well or if
• 1:06:52
  the numbers are in my face being like, well last week you were
• 1:06:55
  doing a lot better but then if. Especially if you like, think
• 1:06:58
  the video's going to do well. Like I put stuff out where I'm
• 1:07:00
  like, oh, this is going to be good.
• 1:07:01
  And it's not. It's like, OK, well that fucking
• 1:07:03
  sucks. You know, that's that's
• 1:07:05
  stressful as hell, man. Video does amazing.
• 1:07:07
  I feel like I'm on top of the world going beyond full capacity
• 1:07:12
  at for at minimum for a year now I've been going out beyond full
• 1:07:15
  capacity. Oh, plus Ultra guys, right?
• 1:07:18
  Between the content creating, my office job, my other
• 1:07:21
  responsibilities I have in my life but just trying to keep
• 1:07:25
  this up. I feel like if I do have OCD,
• 1:07:27
  content creating made it 10 times worse.
• 1:07:31
  Yeah, I probably have OCD only because I have obsessive
• 1:07:36
  compulsive behaviors just and it's, you know, I can't diagnose
• 1:07:38
  that myself, But my wife is a behavioral specialist and she
• 1:07:41
  notices the patterns. She can't diagnose that of me
• 1:07:43
  either. But when I was born, the doctor
• 1:07:44
  said I had threats. But it seems more like my ticks
• 1:07:46
  come from like obsessive compulsive behaviors.
• 1:07:48
  Like I have to lock the front door.
• 1:07:49
  It's 13 Times Now. It used to be 6 times and then
• 1:07:51
  it was 6 * + 1 and then it turned into 6 * + 6 times and
• 1:07:56
  then plus one. Now I just cap it at 13 because
• 1:07:59
  I just can't do it anymore because there would be times
• 1:08:00
  where I'm going back and forth, pacing and blocking the doors.
• 1:08:02
  So I have a lot of obsessive compulsive behaviors, yeah.
• 1:08:11
  I don't know if this is a reason.
• 1:08:13
  And ADHD. But I feel like, I guess it's my
• 1:08:17
  need for control of all these things.
• 1:08:18
  Like, you know, I need to have my video ready at 8:00 PM.
• 1:08:22
  And if it's not done at 8:00 PM, my brain tells me, like, all the
• 1:08:25
  videos are not going to perform well.
• 1:08:26
  And if the video doesn't perform well, then you're not going to
• 1:08:28
  make his money. And because you have a bad
• 1:08:30
  relationship with money, you need your video to do well.
• 1:08:32
  Even though I don't even rely on social media money because I
• 1:08:36
  have so many different income streams, I would say too, adding
• 1:08:39
  to the burnout is just like the negativity that's behind my
• 1:08:43
  content and you guys want to believe it here on YouTube like
• 1:08:46
  the comment sections are night and day and I feel like the
• 1:08:49
  first time I really really noticed that was because on
• 1:08:52
  TikTok. I don't even look at the
• 1:08:54
  comments anymore to be honest, which makes me.
• 1:08:55
  Me too, yeah. Really sad.
• 1:08:57
  I used to look at them and I used to respond to every
• 1:08:59
  comment. People will be like, oh, does
• 1:09:01
  Papa respond? And I'm like, yeah, you know,
• 1:09:03
  But now I can't do it. It's just it's hard.
• 1:09:05
  It's hard to do. I just can't get into it.
• 1:09:08
  Like it becomes very toxic. You know, I used to, I used to
• 1:09:11
  sit there, make videos and like look at the views and scroll up
• 1:09:14
  and, and I was at work and it was during COVID.
• 1:09:16
  So like there were big gaps a time where like there was
• 1:09:18
  nothing going on. So it worked out.
• 1:09:19
  But like it's, I can't do it anymore.
• 1:09:24
  I just can't do it. It's just too much.
• 1:09:26
  So I just, I really keep all my interactions with people here.
• 1:09:29
  Because I would say like a year and a half to two years ago, I
• 1:09:32
  would have been in the comments. I used to post a video and then
• 1:09:35
  the next day I would go through the comments and like, I would
• 1:09:37
  laugh because I just felt like if that was my way of connecting
• 1:09:39
  with you, you guys. And so bad and so negative and
• 1:09:43
  so judgmental for a life that I'm happy living.
• 1:09:47
  And I'm not forcing anyone to do anything.
• 1:09:50
  Like I just choose how I want to live and I'm happy living the
• 1:09:52
  way I live. The hate in the past year has
• 1:09:54
  just gotten indescribably insane.
• 1:09:58
  True. I imagine some of that was
• 1:10:00
  Caleb's doing. Remember, it was around this
• 1:10:03
  time last year. But then also to be to be clear
• 1:10:06
  too, like this guy does rage bait on the Internet and like
• 1:10:09
  makes himself seem really gross. Like that's part of his content.
• 1:10:12
  So he asks for some of it. And like, I think he understands
• 1:10:16
  that when he judges it up and makes himself seem kind of gross
• 1:10:20
  with like the way that he makes his stuff, that he makes more
• 1:10:22
  money. So like that's kind of one of
• 1:10:25
  those things where when you do rage bait on the Internet, like
• 1:10:27
  you are kind of like you, you're asking for negative attention
• 1:10:32
  and it's like then you. So it's hard to complain about
• 1:10:34
  it. I know people can be very
• 1:10:35
  disproportionate, but like, it's difficult to complain about
• 1:10:37
  negative attention when you're farming negative attention, you
• 1:10:39
  know? You're that 'cause I think I
• 1:10:41
  posted like a frugal shower routine video and that was right
• 1:10:45
  after getting back from a frugal trip I did and things just like
• 1:10:49
  the hate, just like exploded. Exploded and it's like been in
• 1:10:56
  waves ever since. But I just know around this time
• 1:10:59
  last year in the summer, last summer, like, it started to get
• 1:11:04
  really intense. I listened to an interview the
• 1:11:06
  other day, I think it was from Madison Beer.
• 1:11:08
  Oh, she used to follow me on TikTok guys.
• 1:11:10
  She she gets a ton of hate online as well.
• 1:11:12
  That doesn't seem necessary, she said in her interview.
• 1:11:16
  She was like, I can't pretend like it doesn't impact me.
• 1:11:20
  And I think that was so important for me to hear because
• 1:11:22
  I don't let it get to me. But it's the fact that I know
• 1:11:25
  it's happening is what gets to me.
• 1:11:27
  I guess what kind of weighs me down or adds to the stress that
• 1:11:30
  I've been talking about because it's like, you know, I could
• 1:11:33
  post a baking video and someones going to make a problem out of
• 1:11:36
  it. I can donate money once a month
• 1:11:40
  and someone's going to say you made X amount of money.
• 1:11:42
  That's, that's nothing. Even the hate that I get when
• 1:11:46
  people say like, I'm disgusting, my apartment's always dirty,
• 1:11:50
  blah, blah, blah blah, blah. It's like, I wish people
• 1:11:53
  realized like it's because I feel like sometimes I'm hanging
• 1:11:57
  on by a thread. My days I'm running around like
• 1:11:59
  a maniac. I barely have time sometimes I'm
• 1:12:03
  so busy and I'm so caught up in. Well, yeah, I also think that,
• 1:12:06
  like, you do that like, so maybe it, those are really like dirty
• 1:12:09
  aspects of his house. And like, he's just like, yeah,
• 1:12:12
  I might as well not. I have.
• 1:12:13
  Now he has an incentive not to clean until he has an incentive
• 1:12:16
  to clean, right? Because like now cleaning his
• 1:12:17
  apartment is content. A guy's coming over, I'm going
• 1:12:19
  to clean my dirty apartment, right.
• 1:12:21
  So that's part of it too. Which, by the way, kind of
• 1:12:23
  valid. My fucking house is a little
• 1:12:24
  dirty right now. But we have people coming over
• 1:12:25
  for the baby shower next week and staying with us.
• 1:12:27
  Some of my friends, I'm not, I mean, you know, I'm saving the
• 1:12:32
  cleaning because I, I mean, I got to do, that's what I'm
• 1:12:34
  saying, my haircut, you know, because I don't want to have to
• 1:12:36
  cut my hair again. What's the point?
• 1:12:37
  So. In all of this and trying to
• 1:12:39
  keep this all up, I, I get home from work, I finished working on
• 1:12:42
  my video to get ready to post and then it's like 8:30 PM and I
• 1:12:46
  haven't eaten dinner, but it's not.
• 1:12:48
  Yeah, I definitely have that problem too dude.
• 1:12:50
  Like don't even worry about it. Because I'm lazy or it's not
• 1:12:53
  Because I'm just choosing it. It's like with everything I'm
• 1:12:56
  doing, it's just at the bottom of the list.
• 1:12:59
  It gets pushed to the bottom of the list.
• 1:13:01
  I actually was doing pretty good for a while.
• 1:13:03
  I think it was ever since my last cleaning video.
• 1:13:05
  I really kept it up for like 2 weeks.
• 1:13:07
  But if you looked around this apartment right now, it's a
• 1:13:09
  nightmare. It's just gotten exhausting when
• 1:13:12
  I'm destroying myself to keep my page up and crank this content
• 1:13:16
  out and trying to help people with their finances knowing that
• 1:13:20
  every single video no matter what I do, there's going to be a
• 1:13:24
  problem with it, at least on TikTok.
• 1:13:25
  And that's I just realized what I was saying was the first time
• 1:13:29
  this was so evident of how healthy I feel like things are
• 1:13:32
  on YouTube and how negative and unhealthy things are on TikTok.
• 1:13:36
  Was my Christmas Day vlog from 2025.
• 1:13:39
  I don't know if anyone was here for that.
• 1:13:41
  Posted the same video. I posted the same video on the
• 1:13:45
  same day at the same time to TikTok and YouTube of my my day,
• 1:13:50
  my day, my Christmas Day with my family.
• 1:13:53
  Nice. And two completely different
• 1:13:56
  responses for the same video. And that's when I realized like.
• 1:14:00
  Yeah, every platform's a little different, you know, usually,
• 1:14:03
  like Twitter's obviously an insane nonsense.
• 1:14:05
  Like I do more progressive leaning content usually, and
• 1:14:08
  it's fucking crazy. Although I'm getting more
• 1:14:09
  support lately. So it's just kind of is what it
• 1:14:11
  is. You know, TikTok is usually a
• 1:14:13
  little more awoke. We'll say Instagram.
• 1:14:15
  It can be like a 5050 toss Facebook more conservative.
• 1:14:19
  You know, is what it is. This is a This is not a healthy
• 1:14:23
  environment. TikTok is my biggest platform
• 1:14:25
  and it's where I edit my videos to then post on YouTube and
• 1:14:28
  Facebook. So.
• 1:14:30
  No Instagram. I guess that kind of makes
• 1:14:32
  sense. Instagram doesn't pay anymore.
• 1:14:34
  It's never going to stop for me like I'll always TikTok will
• 1:14:37
  always be like the. Hub Facebook does pay very well
• 1:14:39
  though. For me.
• 1:14:40
  But like, a lot of my strip is clipped so it makes no sense to
• 1:14:42
  not put it on Instagram, you know?
• 1:14:43
  No, I'm a person at the end of the day, and it's sad when I
• 1:14:48
  feel like I'm making content that makes people happy and also
• 1:14:52
  educates people and has helped a lot of you.
• 1:14:55
  I mean, I see your comments, I, I get your messages.
• 1:14:57
  I know I've done a good thing. I've know I've made an impact.
• 1:15:00
  Just knowing there's just so much nastiness and negativity
• 1:15:04
  and chaos behind it like that is just exhausting.
• 1:15:08
  I'm just starting to like realize this is not sustainable.
• 1:15:13
  I think for one is that I just feel like I've kind of
• 1:15:16
  accomplished everything not in a conceited way, but like I said,
• 1:15:21
  I've I have achieved more than I ever could have thought ever
• 1:15:26
  starting TikTok seven years ago, because I never expected any of
• 1:15:30
  this. I wanted this, I dreamed of
• 1:15:31
  this, but this I never expected this to actually happen.
• 1:15:34
  I mean, that doesn't mean I'm going to stop, but I almost feel
• 1:15:37
  like it's it's this feeling of like maybe it's because from
• 1:15:40
  survival mode, I feel like I always need to solve a problem
• 1:15:43
  and like because I did it all. I guess I'm just like, wait,
• 1:15:49
  what? What do I keep doing here?
• 1:15:51
  Think also as I've become more financially stable, been
• 1:15:54
  starting to realize like you don't need to do this Bradley.
• 1:15:59
  You do not need to keep destroying yourself.
• 1:16:04
  Yeah. I mean, you probably quit doing
• 1:16:06
  it or post a little bit less and it wouldn't be a super bad
• 1:16:09
  thing. It's not necessarily a terrible
• 1:16:10
  idea. If he's posting every day.
• 1:16:11
  He could always post like four days a week, three days a week,
• 1:16:13
  kind of dial it down a little bit.
• 1:16:16
  Frankly, I don't think it would be a terrible idea to get down
• 1:16:17
  to like 3 or 4 days a week for his short form stuff.
• 1:16:19
  And I'm just assuming he makes one a day.
• 1:16:20
  Let's just say he doesn't. I don't know, let's just say he
• 1:16:22
  does. But if he's posting seven days a
• 1:16:24
  week, it might be better to post like three days a week and then
• 1:16:26
  also like get a podcast in once a week.
• 1:16:27
  And like this way you have more, you have a more diversified,
• 1:16:33
  you'll have more of a, a, a, a diversified portfolio, You know,
• 1:16:37
  'cause short form, I feel like long form is more sustainable
• 1:16:41
  than short form or more consistent, even if it's harder
• 1:16:44
  to grow so. Running yourself to the ground,
• 1:16:49
  like running around like a maniac throughout the day to
• 1:16:52
  keep this up. You know, like I've built the
• 1:16:54
  thing. I've created the name.
• 1:16:57
  I'll never forget. When I saw Madison Beer 2 weeks
• 1:17:00
  ago, this guy walked past me. What?
• 1:17:02
  The hell does massive beer do? And he was just like, hey,
• 1:17:06
  budget baddie. And I was like.
• 1:17:08
  Budget baddie? Is that a thing?
• 1:17:10
  He says. What did you do?
• 1:17:11
  How did you do this? Like you did this, like you made
• 1:17:15
  the thing. I don't feel like I'd be any
• 1:17:17
  happier if I had 10 million followers like I'm content.
• 1:17:20
  Well I wouldn't either. I don't care about the
• 1:17:22
  followers. I care.
• 1:17:23
  I care more about the money dude.
• 1:17:25
  Definitely a big part of it bro. You know I also care about the
• 1:17:28
  my message like I don't that's what the problem is.
• 1:17:31
  If I just cared about money then I would just use doing what the
• 1:17:34
  what the fuck is going on my screen.
• 1:17:35
  I would just be saying some wack ass crazy shit for the attention
• 1:17:38
  but. Where I'm at, like I did the
• 1:17:40
  thing, I accomplished the goals, I made my dreams come true.
• 1:17:43
  I built a great support system. I help people like I've done it
• 1:17:47
  all. I don't need to keep running on
• 1:17:49
  this. That's what this is like.
• 1:17:51
  I for the past two years, I've been a hamster on the fucking
• 1:17:56
  wheel running like a maniac. Have you seen videos of like
• 1:17:59
  hamsters? They're like going like this.
• 1:18:01
  God, I guess so. Sure.
• 1:18:02
  And. You know, they did a a test and
• 1:18:05
  it was if they found that hamsters in the wild also like
• 1:18:07
  to run on wheels. But then you see them like fly
• 1:18:10
  off like that's where I swear I'm at right now.
• 1:18:12
  I'm the hamster on the wheel and I'm a second from flying off And
• 1:18:16
  I'm, I guess I'm just trying to catch myself and prevent myself
• 1:18:19
  before the crash happens. The stress I put myself under,
• 1:18:23
  especially like trying to keep up with the numbers and the
• 1:18:26
  analytics and all that. Like, like I said, last month I
• 1:18:29
  got on TikTok like 91 million views, which I'll never wrap my
• 1:18:33
  head around that. That's so beyond insane.
• 1:18:36
  But if like the next month I was to get 70 million views in a
• 1:18:40
  month, I would feel like a failure and I'd be so hard on
• 1:18:42
  myself and be like, oh, you didn't do as good of a job as
• 1:18:45
  you did last month. When you actually sit down and
• 1:18:49
  think about it, you're like, holy fuck, like 70 million views
• 1:18:53
  is but it is insane. I just, I have such this heavy
• 1:18:58
  fear of failing or not not doing as good as I did or this fear of
• 1:19:07
  like, it's all going to go away. I guess I'm just trying to re
• 1:19:10
  evaluate life, you know? And I think what's so crazy is
• 1:19:13
  like, I'm 33 years old and I know who I am, but I don't
• 1:19:17
  really know what I want because I just feel like I've been going
• 1:19:20
  through life with like blinders on and just looking like just
• 1:19:24
  keeping my head down and working and hustling and trying to
• 1:19:28
  change my life and fix my life. That point where I'm like, you
• 1:19:31
  have everything, like you did it, you accomplished everything,
• 1:19:35
  you fixed everything, you have this great life now, what do you
• 1:19:39
  want? And I, I guess that's just where
• 1:19:42
  I'm kind of waking up to the content creating thing where I
• 1:19:45
  do want it and I'm never going to stop doing it.
• 1:19:47
  I swear to God, come back to me in like 20 years or 20 years.
• 1:19:52
  Oh my God, I'm going to be 53 years old.
• 1:19:54
  I feel like I would be doing this at 53 years old.
• 1:19:56
  Obviously it's probably going to look so.
• 1:19:58
  Different dude. That's the fucking thing that
• 1:19:59
  gets me. It's like, what the fuck am I
• 1:20:00
  going to do when I'm older? Like it's hard because like, I
• 1:20:03
  don't know do I want I don't want to be doing the exact same
• 1:20:05
  thing probably. I mean that's well, that's one
• 1:20:07
  of the things like, well, I'm trying to make my content of the
• 1:20:09
  way that I do it like a little better.
• 1:20:11
  I've been liking the videos I've been doing a little more lately,
• 1:20:13
  but it's like tough, you know? It's been tough because I'm
• 1:20:18
  trying to figure out like, like. How do I want to move forward?
• 1:20:22
  You know, I'm going to have a daughter.
• 1:20:23
  I don't want to be sitting here doing like super mega bullshit
• 1:20:28
  online drama the whole time. Like that'll piss me the fuck
• 1:20:32
  off. So I'm trying to figure out what
• 1:20:34
  like content maturing looks like for me without completely
• 1:20:37
  shifting because I do generally like what I do, but it's like,
• 1:20:40
  hey, what does it look like? And that's why I've been doing
• 1:20:42
  more of like the TikTok reaction stuff, trying to do stuff like
• 1:20:46
  still be a little fun, but do a little more mature content,
• 1:20:50
  right? Like we've been doing like more,
• 1:20:51
  I don't know, just like, you know, less fucking community
• 1:20:53
  locked bullshit and like online like terminal and communities.
• 1:20:57
  I feel like I've been pretty cool and productive.
• 1:20:59
  So you know. Brent Butt.
• 1:21:02
  Hi, Bradley from Hi, Bradley from the past.
• 1:21:06
  I'm 33, but you're probably watching this at 53.
• 1:21:09
  How insane is that going to be? Oh my God, that's crazy.
• 1:21:13
  Hi, Bradley. I'll never stop doing this, but
• 1:21:16
  I think I'm just trying to re evaluate like how can I continue
• 1:21:20
  to do this Where I don't get to the point of hating it is I feel
• 1:21:23
  like I'm teetering on that edge, which breaks my heart because
• 1:21:28
  this makes me so happy and I'm everything I learned from living
• 1:21:31
  cheap and living frugal. Like I would love or travel like
• 1:21:34
  go live because there's so much I had to sacrifice and miss out
• 1:21:40
  on and say no to to get here. That I feel like this is the
• 1:21:45
  time of my life where I should just go do something to say I
• 1:21:48
  did it. You know, similar to content
• 1:21:50
  creating where I feel like I could look back 20 years from
• 1:21:52
  now. I just.
• 1:21:53
  Want to know how we sit on the floor?
• 1:21:54
  Man my ass hurts. I have to have a butt head
• 1:21:55
  underneath. It's like how the fuck you sit
• 1:21:57
  on the floor bro What the? Fuck, be like, Oh my God, like
• 1:21:58
  you were Bradley on a budget. Like you did that.
• 1:22:01
  Like you got 100 million views in a month, like you helped so
• 1:22:04
  many people, you got recognized in public, all that.
• 1:22:06
  I need to learn to be OK, to not post for a day or two and accept
• 1:22:10
  that everything's going to be OK.
• 1:22:12
  My numbers are going to go down because I haven't.
• 1:22:14
  If I don't post for two or three days, this isn't all going to go
• 1:22:18
  away like the. Yeah, sometimes it's, you know,
• 1:22:20
  that meant like focusing on your mental health is like a very
• 1:22:22
  positive, productive thing. Sometimes that short term loss
• 1:22:24
  is good for that long term gain of keeping you mentally like
• 1:22:27
  sane. World's not going to end like
• 1:22:29
  God forbid. Especially since like and I
• 1:22:31
  don't I don't know how he makes like how much money he makes.
• 1:22:34
  I know that they have like a special creator fund like on
• 1:22:37
  TikTok, they have like their regular creator fund for a
• 1:22:40
  videos that are minute and over. But then they have like what
• 1:22:41
  they consider high quality. So I don't really know what his
• 1:22:43
  financial cap is. It seems like it caps at about
• 1:22:45
  $7000. But like if you're, what's the
• 1:22:47
  difference between 70 million views and 90 million views?
• 1:22:50
  Like like at one point, because I remember when I was doing this
• 1:22:53
  stuff like 2 years ago, you know, before the like the short
• 1:22:56
  TikTok ban and stuff I was doing like I don't remember what it
• 1:23:00
  was. It might have been something
• 1:23:01
  like 8 million views was about $4000.
• 1:23:04
  And then you'd make pretty much no money after that.
• 1:23:06
  So it was like if you make 8 million views in a month, like
• 1:23:10
  cool. But that like I would
• 1:23:12
  consistently hit that. Sometimes I would do it in the
• 1:23:15
  first like 3 days. And it's like, you know, what
• 1:23:17
  does it matter anymore at a certain points, like what's, you
• 1:23:22
  know, there's, there's a, there's a diminishing returns on
• 1:23:23
  putting out content. Sometimes, sometimes it's good
• 1:23:25
  to like make a backlog, you know, like if he's making
• 1:23:27
  content three days a week, maybe do two days a week.
• 1:23:29
  And so, and then do like the podcast and then like make some
• 1:23:32
  videos, like you make the videos, but then just like put
• 1:23:34
  them up later. Like I have, I have some backlog
• 1:23:36
  content, you know. You don't make $10,000 in a
• 1:23:40
  month from content creating like you're, you're going to be OK.
• 1:23:44
  But I need to get to that point because I mean, I didn't post
• 1:23:49
  Friday or Saturday the other weekend and it's like, it's
• 1:23:52
  okay, you you're still alive. Like your page is still here.
• 1:23:56
  You know what I mean? I think I just have such a fear
• 1:23:58
  of everything going away. I'll finish my video because my
• 1:24:01
  phone is dying and I'm running out of storage so.
• 1:24:04
  How's this guy not fucking verified on YouTube?
• 1:24:05
  I'm actually surprised. We're just on the struggle bus
• 1:24:08
  here, but I think I'll I'll finish the video with my little
• 1:24:11
  play button, which is what I dreamed of when I was like a lot
• 1:24:16
  younger and again, never ever, ever thought this would be in my
• 1:24:20
  hand ever. So it's things like this that
• 1:24:23
  remind me that even though like. It's a crazy side profile here.
• 1:24:27
  I've kind of destroyed myself and I really sacrifice and gave
• 1:24:31
  up a lot to do all this like this was worth it.
• 1:24:36
  Well, you guys really made my Teenage Dream come true because
• 1:24:38
  none of this is possible without you.
• 1:24:40
  You know, I always say put a comment in the comment section
• 1:24:43
  if you watch to the end. Should we do that?
• 1:24:45
  I don't know, maybe put like burnt out, Batty, I don't know.
• 1:24:49
  I don't want to make my burnout into a joke.
• 1:24:50
  But whoa, burnt out Batty dude. That's the only thing that pops
• 1:24:54
  up in my mind at the maybe if you watch to the end, put burnt
• 1:24:56
  out Batty. Maybe you are feeling like a
• 1:24:59
  burnt out Batty lately. But at the end of the day I just
• 1:25:01
  want to make content that helps people.
• 1:25:03
  But I love you and I'll see you at the next one.
• 1:25:06
  Bye all. Right, a little parasocial, but
• 1:25:07
  no, I'm just kidding. All right, guys, that was
• 1:25:09
  interesting. That was interesting segment and
• 1:25:12
  I love you guys too and segment you want me to comment that?
• 1:25:17
  Let's see, let's see burnt out Betty.
• 1:25:26
  I don't know what do I say? Nah, that's kind of cringe dude,
• 1:25:30
  that's cringed. That's cringe as fuck.
• 1:25:32
  Alright, peace, so bye.