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Tom Arnold · Movie Meltdown

• 0:08
  Speaker 1: Movie meltdown movie oh.
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  Speaker 2: Man get out the dvd player this is michael winslow
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  Speaker 2: from police academy one through infinity and space posit malbrooks
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  Speaker 2: movie meltdown.
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  Speaker 3: It's showtime.
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  Speaker 4: The following feature has been rated R by the Motion
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  Speaker 4: Picture Association of America.
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  Speaker 3: It is intended for mature audiences and parental discretion is advised.
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  Speaker 3: Our nuclear reactor.
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  Speaker 4: Pumping out one million kilowatts of power.
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  Speaker 3: What's up and welcome to Movie Meltdown. I'm Brian and
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  Speaker 3: this week we have a very special guest.
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  Speaker 5: Because I'll be sitting down with comedian, writer, actor, Tom Ardell.
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  Speaker 6: Now, I'm assuming most of you out there are more
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  Speaker 6: or less familiar with Tom, and if so, you know that,
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  Speaker 6: if nothing else, he has had one of the more
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  Speaker 6: interesting stories of anyone who's ever made their way into
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  Speaker 6: the entertainment industry. His journey from a humble Midwest childhood
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  Speaker 6: to become one of the most notorious people in Hollywood
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  Speaker 6: is that of legend. And a lot of people probably
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  Speaker 6: think they know how things came together for Tom, but
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  Speaker 6: I wanted to hear it right from the source. So
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  Speaker 6: that's just what we're going to do, is we sit
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  Speaker 6: down with him and hear How it all began, just
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  Speaker 6: where it's led him over the years, and some of
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  Speaker 6: his more interesting film roles that happen along the way.
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  Speaker 6: So let's do that right now as we talk with
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  Speaker 6: Tom Arnold. I usually kind of start at the beginning
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  Speaker 6: and try to figure out how people got to where
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  Speaker 6: they are and this path that they've ended up on.
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  Speaker 3: Was it Iowa you started in? Mm-hmm.
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  Speaker 6: Again, at that point, I also try to figure out
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  Speaker 6: interests early on. Were you already a fan of movies,
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  Speaker 6: or were you drawn to comedy?
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  Speaker 3: Well, I grew up in Ottumwa, Iowa. I was born
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  Speaker 3: in Ottumwa, Iowa. We had a single father, so when
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  Speaker 3: he was... 20 years old. He had a four-year-old son, me.
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  Speaker 3: My sister was three. My brother was one. And he worked,
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  Speaker 3: and then he came home. And really, the only time
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  Speaker 3: I remember my brother and I upstairs, we could hear
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  Speaker 3: my dad really laughing hard downstairs. And it was always
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  Speaker 3: when there was a Bob Hope special on. Back in
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  Speaker 3: the 60s and 70s, Bob Hope had these big specials,
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  Speaker 3: and it was a big deal back then. and and
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  Speaker 3: I remember thinking whatever it is this Bob Hope does
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  Speaker 3: that's what I want to do because it makes my
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  Speaker 3: dad laugh and and so you know it was also
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  Speaker 3: in the back of my mind you know I grew
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  Speaker 3: up we uh our community is a very working class
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  Speaker 3: community uh a lot of people work at the meat
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  Speaker 3: packing plant which is where I ended up working too
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  Speaker 3: for three years um it's a bit it's a bit
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  Speaker 3: of a rough place and So especially if you grow
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  Speaker 3: up in a family without a mother, you know, you
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  Speaker 3: sort of stand out. So the gauntlet getting to school
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  Speaker 3: past the Reber boys and the other kids in the
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  Speaker 3: neighborhood could be a rough one. And so I figured
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  Speaker 3: out fairly early on a way to navigate that was
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  Speaker 3: with humor. And if I could make those guys laugh,
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  Speaker 3: then maybe it'd get a little bit easier to get
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  Speaker 3: on my way. So, you know, I started... I don't
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  Speaker 3: know if I... I guess I'd be a class clown,
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  Speaker 3: which sacrificed my studies, but, you know, it seemed to
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  Speaker 3: be something that I was, you know, paying attention to
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  Speaker 3: and paying attention to people on TV and people like
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  Speaker 3: Jackie Gleason and, you know, eventually people like George Carlin
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  Speaker 3: and Richard Pryor and, you know, eventually growing up, people
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  Speaker 3: like Robin Williams. And so... But also... You know, when
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  Speaker 3: you live in a small town, movies are really important
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  Speaker 3: to you. You have one theater and, you know, it's
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  Speaker 3: a world you can't even imagine. You know, just the
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  Speaker 3: idea of Hollywood. You know, how do you get there
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  Speaker 3: from a Tumwa? It's just impossible. And, you know, you
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  Speaker 3: have these dreams and, you know, as I grew up,
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  Speaker 3: I had these dreams and I just couldn't figure out
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  Speaker 3: how you could get from a Tumwa to Hollywood. And
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  Speaker 3: You know, if you work in a meatpacking plant, which
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  Speaker 3: I did out of high school, you know, especially on
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  Speaker 3: the kill floor of a meatpacking plant, there's one thing
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  Speaker 3: for sure. You will get very drunk every night. And
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  Speaker 3: then you will have these crazy dreams like you're best
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  Speaker 3: friends with Arnold Schwarzenegger or you're friends with Robin Williams.
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  Speaker 3: And then you wake up at 4.45 a.m. and it's
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  Speaker 3: time to go chisel heads or whatever kind of shit
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  Speaker 3: job you got. And you're like, oh, my God, I
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  Speaker 3: live in a tub of Iowa. I work at Hormel.
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  Speaker 3: I will never meet Arnold Schwarzenegger. This is so depressing.
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  Speaker 3: I have to quit dreaming. And then, you know, cut
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  Speaker 3: two years later, I have friends with Arnold Schwarzenegger. I
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  Speaker 3: did a movie with Robin Williams. I knew him well.
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  Speaker 3: But what really was a turning point for me was
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  Speaker 3: I said, I'm going to quit having these dreams. I've
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  Speaker 3: got to be realistic. I just have to settle. Nobody
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  Speaker 3: in my town does this. We stay here. That's what
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  Speaker 3: we do. And one night I was out at the bar,
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  Speaker 3: and I looked over, and I saw Andy Kaufman in Atomo, Iowa.
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  Speaker 3: And he had been studying it. Maharishi International University Transcendental Meditation,
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  Speaker 3: which is 20 miles away in Fairfield, Iowa. And he'd
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  Speaker 3: come down to Ottumwa to our Coliseum. They had a
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  Speaker 3: women's wrestling event. And he had come there and then
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  Speaker 3: paid the women to stay afterwards to wrestle with him.
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  Speaker 3: And they'd taken the whole crowd to Happy Joe's Pizza
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  Speaker 3: and bought the pizza. And I thought, that's what I want.
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  Speaker 3: You know, I want to be so successful. famous and
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  Speaker 3: successful i could take everybody to happy joe's pizza by
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  Speaker 3: the way happy joe's pizza is the best pizza in
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  Speaker 3: the world you get their taco pizza it's awesome and
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  Speaker 3: so i met him and i talked to him for
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  Speaker 3: a little bit and and then i also i got
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  Speaker 3: to see you know how uncomfortable he got when a
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  Speaker 3: bunch of people started recognizing him and but i also
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  Speaker 3: it struck me oh my gosh if he could get
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  Speaker 3: to a tub of Iowa from Hollywood, there must be
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  Speaker 3: a way to get the other way for me to
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  Speaker 3: get there. So that stuck in my head, and when
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  Speaker 3: I'd saved enough money to go to college, I ended
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  Speaker 3: up going to the University of Iowa, and they had
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  Speaker 3: open mic night at the student union, and you could
• 7:31
  Speaker 3: get up and tell jokes or play guitar or whatever.
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  Speaker 3: All my friends made it. I booked it. It had
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  Speaker 3: 50 friends, and we drank Everclear Punch, which is powdered
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  Speaker 3: Gatorade and Everclear. It's just a filthy drug. And I
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  Speaker 3: told jokes. They were old jokes or Richard Pryor jokes.
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  Speaker 3: My friends just laughed and laughed. And then real comedians
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  Speaker 3: came out after that. They booked. And all my friends
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  Speaker 3: left with me. We went out partying. And I said
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  Speaker 3: I'd do it again the next month. The real comedians
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  Speaker 3: who come from Minneapolis said, the guy that booked said, hey, listen,
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  Speaker 3: if you get your friends to stay for the real
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  Speaker 3: comedians this time, we'll give you a job in Minneapolis
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  Speaker 3: at a real comedy club. And by the way, you
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  Speaker 3: have to do original material. Yeah. You can't do... Because
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  Speaker 3: I was going to do their jokes, too, you know?
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  Speaker 7: They probably wouldn't like that.
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  Speaker 3: No, they didn't. But I didn't know. I didn't know
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  Speaker 3: how it was done. So I got a job at
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  Speaker 3: Minneapolis as a comedian. That is a dream come true.
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  Speaker 3: So I put all my stuff in a trash bag,
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  Speaker 3: got $ 100, and I got on a bus and showed
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  Speaker 3: up at the Comedy Cabaret in Minneapolis and went to
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  Speaker 3: the door and said to the guy, Hey, Scott, I said, where...
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  Speaker 3: I need to live close by and it's got to
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  Speaker 3: be cheap because I don't have a car. I don't
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  Speaker 3: have a car or a driver's license because I got
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  Speaker 3: arrested so many times. And he's like, well, you don't
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  Speaker 3: really have to live close. I only booked you for
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  Speaker 3: one weekend for $ 15. And I was like, oh, my God.
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  Speaker 3: I left Iowa. I moved out. I'm here. And so
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  Speaker 3: I walked over across the street to a place called
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  Speaker 3: Williams Pub. It's a big bar. I got a job
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  Speaker 3: as a bouncer at a bar back to support my comedy.
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  Speaker 3: And then I– Lived there five years and I did
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  Speaker 3: a variety of jobs. And after a couple of years,
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  Speaker 3: I could support myself doing comedy and started writing. And
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  Speaker 3: I met Roseanne my first year there. I was 23
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  Speaker 3: and she just started doing comedy fairly recently out of Denver.
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  Speaker 3: And she hadn't been on TV or anything yet. And
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  Speaker 3: I started writing some jokes for her and other people that.
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  Speaker 3: She went on Johnny Carson first time in 1985 and
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  Speaker 3: did a couple jokes I'd written. And I remember watching
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  Speaker 3: it and thinking, oh, my friend is amazing and doing
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  Speaker 3: jokes I'd written. And then in 88, I came out
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  Speaker 3: to Los Angeles to write her TV show. And, you know,
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  Speaker 3: I did a Bob Hope special when I came out
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  Speaker 3: to L.A. And Bob Hope called my dad. And he
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  Speaker 3: wrote my dad this stuff. And I became friends with
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  Speaker 3: Bob Hope. I went to his house. I spent time
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  Speaker 3: with him. And so I peaked then. So 30 years ago,
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  Speaker 3: I peaked. And there's no other dreams or dreams. there's
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  Speaker 3: literally nothing I thought oh you know because a lot
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  Speaker 3: of people have these fantastic dreams Arnold Schwarzenegger talks about
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  Speaker 3: all these dreams he had and fulfilling him and being
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  Speaker 3: you know on top of the this industry and that
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  Speaker 3: industry and I never was like that I was like
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  Speaker 3: well I want to be on TV once so the
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  Speaker 3: people at Atomo will like me which it turns out
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  Speaker 3: that's not true But, you know, my dreams have been fairly,
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  Speaker 3: you know, fairly limited, but they've all come true. So
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  Speaker 3: anything that I've imagined, you know, has come true. So I,
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  Speaker 3: you know, I'm grateful about that.
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  Speaker 7: I mean, how much, because that's what I was thinking,
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  Speaker 7: like you.
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  Speaker 6: Went from, you know, having, not even knowing how the
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  Speaker 6: system worked in stand-up to within, you know, five or
• 10:44
  Speaker 6: six years writing for a, at that point, which very
• 10:48
  Speaker 6: quickly became like the top, rated sitcom i mean just
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  Speaker 6: as a shock to the system like how much of
• 10:55
  Speaker 6: that were you not prepared for just being thrown into
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  Speaker 6: the the you know one of the highest rated.
• 11:00
  Speaker 3: Shows right well i think that you if you know
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  Speaker 3: looking back now you know i mean it's insane to
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  Speaker 3: leave school my senior year and just leave pack a
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  Speaker 3: bag a trash bag and leave and go for a
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  Speaker 3: job is 50 in a different state And love it.
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  Speaker 3: I loved it. I loved everything about stand-up comedy. I
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  Speaker 3: love working for nothing. I love, you know, living with
• 11:24
  Speaker 3: no money. I love just being in stand-up comedy. I
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  Speaker 3: love that life. And I think now how that makes
• 11:29
  Speaker 3: me so uncomfortable even thinking about it. If my son said,
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  Speaker 3: that's what I want to do for a living, I'd
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  Speaker 3: be like, you're insane. There's no way I'm allowing that.
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  Speaker 3: But I was so crazy that that's who I was,
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  Speaker 3: you know, then. And when it came time for the
• 11:41
  Speaker 3: Roseanne show, I mean, there was so much turmoil when
• 11:44
  Speaker 3: I came in. And to be given all that authority...
• 11:47
  Speaker 3: and not really know what I'm doing except do the
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  Speaker 3: best I could and try to, you know, use whatever
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  Speaker 3: sense I gained at the meatpacking plant or growing up
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  Speaker 3: with a sense of justice, a sense of right. Here's
• 12:01
  Speaker 3: what I knew. It was her show, her vision. I
• 12:04
  Speaker 3: knew her vision better than anybody else on the show
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  Speaker 3: because I'd known her so long and knew her voice
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  Speaker 3: so well that all I knew is that's the way
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  Speaker 3: it's going to be. And people that didn't agree with that,
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  Speaker 3: They had to go. And then I was able to
• 12:16
  Speaker 3: bring in my stand-up comedy friends who I knew had
• 12:21
  Speaker 3: points of view. They didn't know how to write sitcoms,
• 12:23
  Speaker 3: but you can always teach someone the sitcom form. You know,
• 12:26
  Speaker 3: here's the two, you know, how you write different acts
• 12:30
  Speaker 3: of sitcoms. You can't teach somebody to be funny or
• 12:32
  Speaker 3: have a point of view. But I also was reasonable,
• 12:35
  Speaker 3: and I let the old-timers, the regular Hollywood guy, hire
• 12:39
  Speaker 3: half of the people. And so I worked with another
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  Speaker 3: executive producer and showed the one I respected And that
• 12:46
  Speaker 3: respected Roseanne. And that's how, you know, I think it
• 12:49
  Speaker 3: made some really good shows. I think she got to
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  Speaker 3: a point where she didn't have to worry about it.
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  Speaker 3: And she'd just show up on Monday and read the script.
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  Speaker 3: And that's the best you could do. And so I'm
• 13:00
  Speaker 3: pretty satisfied with my time there.
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  Speaker 5: Yeah.
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  Speaker 7: I mean, that was, again, just watching even reruns now.
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  Speaker 7: I'm like, the writing is so, especially that middle run.
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  Speaker 7: Once you guys found your footing, like, and Joss Whedon
• 13:11
  Speaker 7: is involved.
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  Speaker 3: Oh, yeah, yeah. I spent a lot of time in
• 13:13
  Speaker 3: the writing room with Joss Whedon. Oh, my God. I
• 13:16
  Speaker 3: remember one time I had some incident. This was before
• 13:19
  Speaker 3: I got sober. And I had been to a mental thing.
• 13:22
  Speaker 3: I went somewhere. I don't know if it was rehab.
• 13:26
  Speaker 3: I don't know what it was. Some kind of guy.
• 13:27
  Speaker 3: I got psychologically evaluated. And they made me fill out
• 13:31
  Speaker 3: this form, and I came and gave it to him.
• 13:34
  Speaker 3: I said, I thought you might want to see this.
• 13:36
  Speaker 3: He had long hair. Oh, man, I gave him a hair. Oh, man.
• 13:41
  Speaker 3: I'm sure it was brutal because he was a young kid,
• 13:43
  Speaker 3: you know.
• 13:44
  Speaker 7: Reading you'll never amount to anything.
• 13:46
  Speaker 3: Yeah and then i ended up having to fire his
• 13:48
  Speaker 3: dad's buddy jeff harris the executive producer and then so
• 13:51
  Speaker 3: he went so i'm sure he just thinks i'm a
• 13:55
  Speaker 3: monster but i don't give a shit uh but you
• 13:58
  Speaker 3: know it is you know sometimes it's uncomfortable because you
• 14:02
  Speaker 3: know uh his uh his dad's buddy was the old
• 14:06
  Speaker 3: guard and they came in with the old people they
• 14:07
  Speaker 3: did try to uh take the show from Roseanne. And
• 14:11
  Speaker 3: really it was her, she didn't even get created by
• 14:14
  Speaker 3: credit on her own show called Roseanne. And so she's
• 14:17
  Speaker 3: been bad from day one. Now that worked well, that energy,
• 14:22
  Speaker 3: but at the end of my time there, it was not,
• 14:25
  Speaker 3: it was, you know, the constant battle I had with her,
• 14:28
  Speaker 3: she wanted the family to win the lottery. Like she
• 14:30
  Speaker 3: was done with, And every show runs this course. That's
• 14:34
  Speaker 3: a weird turn in the series. No, no, this family
• 14:39
  Speaker 3: doesn't win the lottery. But she was born with what
• 14:42
  Speaker 3: was going on. I get that. So I'm glad that
• 14:45
  Speaker 3: didn't happen while I was there. It did happen afterwards.
• 14:48
  Speaker 3: I think it changed it. I agree.
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  Speaker 7: I will stand by that middle round of that series
• 14:51
  Speaker 7: as one of the best of all time.
• 14:53
  Speaker 6: But that's the turning point.
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  Speaker 3: But it's her vision and her show. And I contributed everything.
• 15:00
  Speaker 3: Little things here and there, and I'm happy to have
• 15:03
  Speaker 3: done it and honored. Yeah.
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  Speaker 6: Well, I mean, as you're moving on, whatever the circumstances,
• 15:08
  Speaker 6: just moving on into, like, again, trying to look at
• 15:11
  Speaker 6: some of the film roles over the years.
• 15:13
  Speaker 7: I mean, you said you grew.
• 15:14
  Speaker 6: Up and movies were, like, such a huge thing, you know,
• 15:17
  Speaker 6: being from a small town. So as you're kind of
• 15:19
  Speaker 6: thrown in, I guess I was going to throw it out.
• 15:21
  Speaker 6: If you want to do specific ones of just, like,
• 15:24
  Speaker 6: amazing stories that you ended up with.
• 15:26
  Speaker 3: I tell you, for my career. You know, I went
• 15:30
  Speaker 3: and I'm living my dream as a stand-up comedian. That's
• 15:33
  Speaker 3: all I want to do. And then I start writing
• 15:36
  Speaker 3: for people. And then suddenly I'm a writer on Rosetta.
• 15:38
  Speaker 3: So that's what I'm doing. Now I'm a writer. And
• 15:41
  Speaker 3: then they say one day, well, you should appear on
• 15:44
  Speaker 3: the show. You should act on the show. And then
• 15:46
  Speaker 3: now I act on the show. And then I start
• 15:48
  Speaker 3: getting roles. And I get offered this role in a
• 15:50
  Speaker 3: movie called Hero that Stephen Frears directed. So my first
• 15:53
  Speaker 3: scenes in a movie literally are with Dustin Hoffman. So
• 15:56
  Speaker 3: now I'm an actor. So I go, okay, that's what
• 15:59
  Speaker 3: I'm going to do. So I've kind of gone. And
• 16:01
  Speaker 3: now at this age, I do all of those things.
• 16:04
  Speaker 3: I write, I'm finishing a movie. I'm writing for somebody.
• 16:07
  Speaker 3: I have a pilot. You know, I do movie roles.
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  Speaker 3: I do standup, which is why I'm here. I just
• 16:12
  Speaker 3: shot a standup special. I do a lot of things that,
• 16:16
  Speaker 3: you know, if I could have been a big movie star,
• 16:19
  Speaker 3: which I tried to do in the nineties, but nobody
• 16:21
  Speaker 3: wanted that. So, Anyway, so go ahead. Do you have
• 16:25
  Speaker 3: any questions about– Well.
• 16:27
  Speaker 6: That's actually one of them I had written down was
• 16:29
  Speaker 6: Hero because I always felt like that was super underrated.
• 16:32
  Speaker 6: Like it just kind of like went under the radar.
• 16:35
  Speaker 6: Like it's Stephen Frears. It's a huge director. It had
• 16:37
  Speaker 6: an amazing cast.
• 16:39
  Speaker 7: And like I feel like it never really got the attention.
• 16:42
  Speaker 6: But I guess what was it like– again, all of
• 16:44
  Speaker 6: a sudden being thrust into working with this like at
• 16:47
  Speaker 6: times like Oscar caliber director depending on his project.
• 16:50
  Speaker 7: Oh, for sure.
• 16:51
  Speaker 3: For sure.
• 16:51
  Speaker 7: And Dustin Hoffman.
• 16:52
  Speaker 3: The things I remember the most were, you know, him
• 16:56
  Speaker 3: and Dustin had this, Dustin is a handful, and he
• 17:00
  Speaker 3: gave Steven a heart, literally a heart attack in the
• 17:02
  Speaker 3: middle of the movie. And then Steven came back on
• 17:05
  Speaker 3: the set and Dustin got him a heart monitor, like
• 17:07
  Speaker 3: this huge, obvious heart monitor. I think it was just
• 17:11
  Speaker 3: to fuck with him. But he, you know, Steven Furst
• 17:14
  Speaker 3: is a gentle British, this guy from the artsy world,
• 17:19
  Speaker 3: from the dangerous liaison world, from And then he comes
• 17:22
  Speaker 3: and he's doing this big Hollywood movie with Dustin Hoffman,
• 17:25
  Speaker 3: who you may, you may say, roll cameras and where's Dustin?
• 17:29
  Speaker 3: He's outside playing football with these homeless guys for real.
• 17:33
  Speaker 3: And so he, I think Dustin gets his energy from
• 17:37
  Speaker 3: constantly messing with things and messing, you know, when he,
• 17:40
  Speaker 3: when the, when I was doing my closeups, he was
• 17:42
  Speaker 3: always there, but he would be speaking in Chinese, like
• 17:45
  Speaker 3: to keep you alert or whatever. I mean, you know,
• 17:48
  Speaker 3: I love the guy and I love Stephen Frears. I mean,
• 17:50
  Speaker 3: it was a, So, I'm lucky to be in that.
• 17:54
  Speaker 3: You know, I do, I go on and do a
• 17:56
  Speaker 3: couple other roles. Herbert Ross was the next director. He's
• 17:59
  Speaker 3: got a, you know, he's done some amazing things. I
• 18:02
  Speaker 3: can't remember what that movie was called. My next door neighbor,
• 18:06
  Speaker 3: Randy Quaid, was in it. Kathleen Turner, Park overall, played
• 18:10
  Speaker 3: my wife. Something and something. We filmed that in New Orleans.
• 18:15
  Speaker 3: I know that. It was, that was fun. And, you know,
• 18:18
  Speaker 3: I've been in 130 movies, four good ones, that's what
• 18:20
  Speaker 3: I always say. But, That rolled in, and then eventually
• 18:24
  Speaker 3: True Lies. I got that opportunity.
• 18:27
  Speaker 6: Again, I guess that's going to be the go-to, but
• 18:30
  Speaker 6: I was like, are you sick?
• 18:31
  Speaker 7: People still talk about.
• 18:32
  Speaker 3: True Lies at this point. I talk about it in
• 18:37
  Speaker 3: my act, and I'm about done with that. When I'm
• 18:41
  Speaker 3: on the road, I talk about certain things because I
• 18:43
  Speaker 3: talk about Arnold and I talk about relationships. It kind
• 18:46
  Speaker 3: of ties into... kind of what we talked about, about
• 18:51
  Speaker 3: growing up in Iowa and having these dreams. And, you know,
• 18:55
  Speaker 3: my act is biographical. And so I talk a little
• 18:58
  Speaker 3: bit about growing up and then I get to my
• 19:00
  Speaker 3: kids now and my life now. And so that's a
• 19:03
  Speaker 3: through line. And, you know, that's one thing that people
• 19:07
  Speaker 3: kind of remember. It's the most replayed movie ever on
• 19:10
  Speaker 3: cable TV. So, you know, I think there was a
• 19:13
  Speaker 3: time where I was just sick of it. Like I thought,
• 19:16
  Speaker 3: is that what, you know, there was a time when,
• 19:18
  Speaker 3: I was worried, well, is Roseanne the only thing people
• 19:20
  Speaker 3: are going to remember? And then I thought, oh, it's
• 19:22
  Speaker 3: true lies. And now I just don't care. As long
• 19:26
  Speaker 3: as they remember. Well, I don't even care. You know,
• 19:29
  Speaker 3: there's just, you know, I don't even care. You know,
• 19:32
  Speaker 3: I think it's once you have kids, you realize that
• 19:35
  Speaker 3: you're not important whatsoever. And it's also funny what people,
• 19:40
  Speaker 3: and I could tell when they light up at the
• 19:43
  Speaker 3: end after the shows for pictures and stuff, you never
• 19:47
  Speaker 3: know what somebody's going to say, what it is. It
• 19:50
  Speaker 3: might be because they're an alcoholic. It might be because
• 19:53
  Speaker 3: some kind of childhood abuse. It might be because they
• 19:55
  Speaker 3: love the Trailer Park Boys, like I was thinking last night.
• 19:57
  Speaker 3: Or that carpool was their favorite movie of all time.
• 20:01
  Speaker 3: Soul Plane. There was a couple movies last night. Something
• 20:04
  Speaker 3: you did might have touched somebody or they related more,
• 20:09
  Speaker 3: more importantly with somebody. And, uh, you know, last night,
• 20:13
  Speaker 3: I mean, uh, this is powerful. Last night I, you know,
• 20:17
  Speaker 3: I talked about Ashley, my wife and my act and, uh,
• 20:19
  Speaker 3: you know, uh, this woman came up and, and, uh,
• 20:22
  Speaker 3: God bless her. Uh, she, she said, can I hug you?
• 20:25
  Speaker 3: And I said, yeah. She said, when you talked about Ashley,
• 20:28
  Speaker 3: I could tell she was emotional. She said, I have
• 20:30
  Speaker 3: to tell you that my family bought me tickets to
• 20:32
  Speaker 3: the show for Christmas present. And, uh, My daughter was
• 20:37
  Speaker 3: named Ashley, and she died a month ago. And I'm
• 20:40
  Speaker 3: raising her two daughters who are 11 and 8. And
• 20:43
  Speaker 3: I said, I'm so sorry, you know, and we hugged.
• 20:45
  Speaker 3: And I sensed, I knew how her daughter died, but
• 20:49
  Speaker 3: I asked her, and her daughter was an addict. And,
• 20:53
  Speaker 3: you know, I said, I appreciate you telling me that
• 20:56
  Speaker 3: because I'm an addict, and I needed to hear that.
• 20:58
  Speaker 3: I have children, and I'm sorry, and I love you because,
• 21:02
  Speaker 3: you know, my grandparents saved my life, my grandmother's. you know,
• 21:06
  Speaker 3: I didn't have a mother, and so it was really a,
• 21:10
  Speaker 3: you know, I'm grateful to her for, you know, sharing
• 21:13
  Speaker 3: that with me, you know, and it was hard, it
• 21:16
  Speaker 3: was a, you know, it's not, it's not how you
• 21:19
  Speaker 3: think comedy works sometimes, but, you know, those, you know,
• 21:24
  Speaker 3: I like, I like funny things, but those things are
• 21:26
  Speaker 3: pretty powerful to take back to my room.
• 21:28
  Speaker 6: Yeah, I mean, that, that makes an impact yeah yeah
• 21:31
  Speaker 6: so is this a comedy podcast not necessarily just entertainment
• 21:36
  Speaker 6: you know anyway.
• 21:37
  Speaker 3: That woman did be a solid i appreciate her well
• 21:40
  Speaker 3: you i.
• 21:40
  Speaker 7: Mean you you you kind of joke about not hitting
• 21:43
  Speaker 7: that that.
• 21:43
  Speaker 6: Stride but that i went back i was looking at
• 21:45
  Speaker 6: it was right after true lies and there was one
• 21:48
  Speaker 6: of those little wannabe et shows or whatever and they
• 21:51
  Speaker 6: as they're discussing you they they bill it as not
• 21:54
  Speaker 6: only was your phone ringing off the hook.
• 21:55
  Speaker 7: But The hottest new screen star in Hollywood.
• 21:58
  Speaker 3: Well, I tell you, here's what happened. After True Lies,
• 22:01
  Speaker 3: I did Nine Months, which was my first real starring
• 22:06
  Speaker 3: movie with Hugh Grant. And Rob Williams had a smaller part. But,
• 22:10
  Speaker 3: you know, Julianne Moore was Hugh's wife and a great
• 22:12
  Speaker 3: Joe to kiss on his mind. And Chris Columbus directed it.
• 22:15
  Speaker 3: It was great. And, you know, great fun. And then,
• 22:19
  Speaker 3: I don't know that it affected the movie, but Hugh
• 22:21
  Speaker 3: got arrested. And then one night we went out for...
• 22:24
  Speaker 3: you know, and I talk about that in my act too,
• 22:27
  Speaker 3: but we went out to dinner and one of us
• 22:29
  Speaker 3: went home and went to bed and one of us
• 22:30
  Speaker 3: got arrested with a prostitute. And what are the odds
• 22:32
  Speaker 3: it was you that went home and went to bed? Exactly. So,
• 22:36
  Speaker 3: I don't know that that helped the movie, but I
• 22:38
  Speaker 3: think it's quaint to think of a time in Hollywood
• 22:40
  Speaker 3: when somebody got arrested with a prostitute was a big story. So,
• 22:45
  Speaker 3: you know, and then after that, I think the money
• 22:48
  Speaker 3: started going crazy for me. You know, you start getting
• 22:50
  Speaker 3: offered $ 5 million for a movie and you think, well,
• 22:53
  Speaker 3: that script You know, I think after that was Big Bully.
• 22:56
  Speaker 3: And there was something about that I liked about the
• 22:59
  Speaker 3: kid that was– the guy that was a wimp. But
• 23:02
  Speaker 3: he got reminded that he used to be tough. And
• 23:04
  Speaker 3: it's something– it wasn't quite there in the script. And
• 23:07
  Speaker 3: I thought, well, I can make this good. I can
• 23:09
  Speaker 3: get my head around this. This is something interesting. And
• 23:12
  Speaker 3: then quickly in succession, Carpool and– there was another one. Anyway.
• 23:18
  Speaker 3: The Stupids is around. Yeah, yeah. And Stupids was John Landis.
• 23:22
  Speaker 3: He did Animal House. I was going to ask about it.
• 23:24
  Speaker 7: He's a pretty huge name still.
• 23:26
  Speaker 3: Yeah. And, you know, so Carpool was the great Arthur Hiller,
• 23:32
  Speaker 3: who does The In-Laws, The Out-Of-Towners. Silver String. Yeah. And
• 23:37
  Speaker 3: so I started thinking. And so I just went one
• 23:39
  Speaker 3: after another after another. And I did too many. And,
• 23:43
  Speaker 3: you know, it's funny because after Nine months, Fox came
• 23:47
  Speaker 3: to me and said, we'd like you to do two
• 23:49
  Speaker 3: supporting roles a year for X amount of money. It
• 23:51
  Speaker 3: was a good amount of money. But they wanted me
• 23:54
  Speaker 3: to be exclusive with Fox because both True Lies and
• 23:57
  Speaker 3: Nine Months with Fox. And my agent said, don't do
• 24:00
  Speaker 3: that because you can't, you know, you can't do other things.
• 24:04
  Speaker 3: And I think the first movie they wanted me to
• 24:07
  Speaker 3: do was Dunstan Checks In. So we didn't have a
• 24:09
  Speaker 3: lot of great. But, you know, I sometimes think, well,
• 24:12
  Speaker 3: maybe I should have done that for 10 years and
• 24:15
  Speaker 3: but but who knows how that would have turned out
• 24:17
  Speaker 3: i think you know and so after doing those three
• 24:21
  Speaker 3: in a row or something i you know i realized
• 24:25
  Speaker 3: i mean i had a lot of saturday mornings where
• 24:28
  Speaker 3: each one was worse where they call with the box
• 24:30
  Speaker 3: office numbers yeah and and so i knew that i
• 24:33
  Speaker 3: was gonna have to do something different start over do
• 24:37
  Speaker 3: independent films do something serious you know i did uh
• 24:40
  Speaker 3: the day in Austin Powers, which turned out to be,
• 24:44
  Speaker 3: you know, the thing about Austin Powers is you can
• 24:47
  Speaker 3: do a day on a movie, and people will remember
• 24:49
  Speaker 3: that more than five months on a movie, you know,
• 24:52
  Speaker 3: with something. An indie movie. Yeah. And then movies like
• 24:56
  Speaker 3: Animal Factory and things where, you know, you have to
• 24:58
  Speaker 3: restart your career, and I went back to TV to
• 25:01
  Speaker 3: try that. And, you know, I mean, it's, you know,
• 25:05
  Speaker 3: I used to think, well, what could I have done differently?
• 25:08
  Speaker 3: You know, could I have had more people around me
• 25:10
  Speaker 3: give me advice? Could I, you know, did I just,
• 25:14
  Speaker 3: you know, go for the money? And, you know, what
• 25:18
  Speaker 3: lessons are to be learned? But, you know, it did,
• 25:22
  Speaker 3: it happened. It was what it was. And, you know,
• 25:25
  Speaker 3: I find whatever, you know, I wish I would save
• 25:28
  Speaker 3: up more money, but, you know, it's, yeah.
• 25:33
  Speaker 8: No matter how a boy is brought up, As a
• 25:38
  Speaker 8: man he could still sing down. People have always told
• 25:45
  Speaker 8: me some words. Goes around must come around. And you
• 25:52
  Speaker 8: can't tell the devil it's a frame up. When he
• 25:58
  Speaker 8: calls your name up. This ain't the way I came up.
• 26:06
  Speaker 8: It's the way that I'm going down.
• 26:10
  Speaker 4: Yes, folks, it's intermission time. So how about taking a break?
• 26:14
  Speaker 4: Get out and stretch a little and relax before the
• 26:17
  Speaker 4: show begins again. And why not make it refreshment time, too?
• 26:21
  Speaker 4: We have lots of tasty, delicious treats waiting for you
• 26:25
  Speaker 4: at the refreshment center. There's hot popcorn, so golden good
• 26:29
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• 26:32
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• 26:36
  Speaker 4: juicy goodness. Ice cream so smooth and delicious, you'll hanker
• 26:41
  Speaker 4: for more. Plus, all the most popular candy bars and
• 26:44
  Speaker 4: many other favorite treats. So why not visit the refreshment
• 26:48
  Speaker 4: center now? Our courteous attendants are ready and waiting to
• 26:51
  Speaker 4: serve you with a wide and wonderful variety of good
• 26:54
  Speaker 4: things to eat and drink. So step right up and
• 26:58
  Speaker 4: make yourself at home.
• 27:04
  Speaker 6: So I'm proud to announce that Movie Meltdown is now
• 27:06
  Speaker 6: working with Heine Brothers Coffee. Heine Brothers was founded in 1994,
• 27:11
  Speaker 6: and as most of you regular listeners out there know,
• 27:14
  Speaker 6: I'm a big coffee drinker, and one of my very
• 27:16
  Speaker 6: first regular coffee shops that I started to hang around
• 27:20
  Speaker 6: was that first longest avenue location that Heine Brothers opened.
• 27:24
  Speaker 6: It's been a long road and a lot of cups
• 27:25
  Speaker 6: of coffee, but I'm glad to be working with them
• 27:28
  Speaker 6: all these years later. And as we kick things off,
• 27:31
  Speaker 6: I want to tell you about the Heine Brothers coffee subscription.
• 27:34
  Speaker 6: Wherever you are, home, work, or out on the road,
• 27:38
  Speaker 6: you deserve great coffee. and the Heine Brothers subscription plan
• 27:41
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• 27:45
  Speaker 6: home or office automatically. You select the frequency, the quantity,
• 27:49
  Speaker 6: and the variety of coffee, and Heine Brothers will take
• 27:52
  Speaker 6: care of the rest, shipping included. And by the way,
• 27:55
  Speaker 6: since we're right in the middle of the holiday season,
• 27:58
  Speaker 6: it makes a great gift, too. So just order online
• 28:01
  Speaker 6: at heinebrotherscoffee.com slash subscription and use the offer code MELTDOWN
• 28:05
  Speaker 6: for $ 5 off any gift subscription.
• 28:07
  Speaker 7: And if you're not familiar with.
• 28:08
  Speaker 6: Honey Brothers Coffee, or the spelling, or any of that
• 28:11
  Speaker 6: that might make it a little harder, just go to MovieMeltdown.com
• 28:14
  Speaker 6: and look on the right-hand side of the page, and
• 28:15
  Speaker 6: you'll find a link to take you right to HoneyBrothersCoffee.com.
• 28:19
  Speaker 6: That's right, the Meltdown Caffeinated Movie Geeks are hooking you up,
• 28:22
  Speaker 6: so get your subscription started today.
• 28:24
  Speaker 4: The weapons you are about to see are American-made.
• 28:29
  Speaker 9: The world is in grave danger.
• 28:31
  Speaker 4: International law has long kept you from acquiring them.
• 28:34
  Speaker 3: I hope to help you overcome that.
• 28:36
  Speaker 1: And there's only one family who can save it.
• 28:40
  Speaker 5: I've uncovered the crime of the century.
• 28:43
  Speaker 1: They call them fearless. They call them dangerous. They call them.
• 28:54
  Speaker 9: The stupids.
• 29:04
  Speaker 1: New Line Cinema invites you to meet the only family
• 29:09
  Speaker 1: that does all its own stuff.
• 29:19
  Speaker 9: Impossible.
• 29:20
  Speaker 4: Whatever.
• 29:21
  Speaker 9: Tom Arnold is stupid.
• 29:23
  Speaker 3: My family and I do not wish to fight you.
• 29:25
  Speaker 6: Get him! Are they giving up?
• 29:28
  Speaker 10: No.
• 29:30
  Speaker 1: Stanley Stupid.
• 29:31
  Speaker 4: What you been doing? Ah, this and that.
• 29:33
  Speaker 3: Had breakfast, read the paper, saved the world.
• 29:36
  Speaker 9: The Stupid.
• 29:45
  Speaker 7: Is a great episode, right?
• 29:47
  Speaker 6: Well, if you'd like to keep more awesome discussions like
• 29:50
  Speaker 6: this one coming your way, you need to join the
• 29:52
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• 29:55
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• 29:57
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• 30:00
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• 30:05
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• 30:09
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• 30:12
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• 30:14
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• 30:16
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• 30:23
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• 30:27
  Speaker 6: meltdown rolling Damn the man. Save the meltdown.
• 30:30
  Speaker 11: Well, I love the movies.
• 30:39
  Speaker 3: Welcome to the biggest movie event of the year.
• 30:42
  Speaker 11: We're going to have a great night, ladies and gentlemen.
• 30:46
  Speaker 3: And the Oscar goes to.
• 30:48
  Speaker 4: Nick Ledger.
• 30:49
  Speaker 3: Thank you so much.
• 30:53
  Speaker 2: Ladies and gentlemen, prepare yourselves. It's time for the Movie
• 30:58
  Speaker 2: Meltdown Oscar Mayer Party. With all the blitz, glamour, pork products,
• 31:03
  Speaker 2: and vicious commentary you've come to know and love, the
• 31:07
  Speaker 2: Academy Awards will never be the same.
• 31:10
  Speaker 3: Bacon tastes good. Pork chops taste good.
• 31:13
  Speaker 2: Coming soon to this feed. Don't miss it. Oscar Meltdown.
• 31:21
  Speaker 2: It's going to be artery clocking good.
• 31:31
  Speaker 3: You're listening.
• 31:32
  Speaker 7: Are you listening to Movie Meltdown?
• 31:35
  Speaker 8: I'm Amanda Burse.
• 31:35
  Speaker 7: I hope so.
• 31:40
  Speaker 8: Love and marriage, love and marriage go together.
• 31:47
  Speaker 9: That's part of your problem, you know. You haven't seen
• 31:50
  Speaker 9: enough movies.
• 31:50
  Speaker 4: All of life's riddles are answered in the movies. And now,
• 31:55
  Speaker 4: on with the show.
• 32:16
  Speaker 6: I mean, it's been a hell of a life regardless.
• 32:19
  Speaker 6: I mean, just some of the things you've done. You
• 32:22
  Speaker 6: did mention Animal Factory. That's such a different role. I mean,
• 32:26
  Speaker 6: I guess you were seeking out something that was way
• 32:29
  Speaker 6: more serious.
• 32:29
  Speaker 3: Steve Buscemi directs it. So you're like, Steve Buscemi's director,
• 32:33
  Speaker 3: that's over. They actually needed me in that movie to
• 32:36
  Speaker 3: get the financing. So they're putting all the pieces together.
• 32:40
  Speaker 3: It's one of those deals. Steve and I had the
• 32:42
  Speaker 3: same agent. And My fear was, oh my God, when
• 32:46
  Speaker 3: I come on screen, people are going to laugh. It's
• 32:48
  Speaker 3: a serious movie. I played a prison rapist, but they're
• 32:51
  Speaker 3: going to laugh. This is ridiculous. It's Tom Arnold. He
• 32:55
  Speaker 3: did such a good job of directing, and I did
• 32:57
  Speaker 3: all right, and it worked. That made me happy. There's
• 33:03
  Speaker 3: been a few times in my career where I've been
• 33:06
  Speaker 3: nervous about the role because I don't want to take
• 33:08
  Speaker 3: people out of the movie. There's been times where... you know,
• 33:12
  Speaker 3: I've had this throughout my career where people are like,
• 33:14
  Speaker 3: we love Tom, but he's so famous that we feel
• 33:17
  Speaker 3: like when he comes on screen, people are going to go,
• 33:19
  Speaker 3: that's Tom Arnold, which is a bullshit cop out because,
• 33:23
  Speaker 3: you know, obviously famous actors do roles and, you know.
• 33:27
  Speaker 7: You can rise above, right. Depends on the performance.
• 33:29
  Speaker 3: Yeah. You know, Steve Carell was Bobby Riggs, you know,
• 33:32
  Speaker 3: and I fucking bought him as Bobby Riggs. And if
• 33:35
  Speaker 3: I could, you know, the DuPont guy, I bought him
• 33:37
  Speaker 3: a hundred percent. And, you know, uh, So I think
• 33:41
  Speaker 3: there's a lot of ways to do it if I
• 33:45
  Speaker 3: was that good of an actor.
• 33:47
  Speaker 7: Which, again, that's working with Willem Dafoe.
• 33:50
  Speaker 6: Those are some pretty heavy scenes.
• 33:53
  Speaker 3: And my thing is always, what am I going to
• 33:56
  Speaker 3: learn from this? Hopefully there's better people than me and
• 34:00
  Speaker 3: I can watch them and pick up something. And that's
• 34:05
  Speaker 3: usually the case.
• 34:06
  Speaker 6: That was early on for Steve Buscemi. That was like
• 34:08
  Speaker 6: a second feature, I think. How was he getting into
• 34:11
  Speaker 6: the director's chair?
• 34:12
  Speaker 3: Well, he was great. I mean, you know, people love him.
• 34:15
  Speaker 3: And people, you could tell everybody was responding to him.
• 34:18
  Speaker 3: And we filmed it in Holmberg prison, a closed-down prison
• 34:22
  Speaker 3: outside of Philadelphia there. And it was creepy because it
• 34:25
  Speaker 3: was built when people were smaller, I think. It was confining.
• 34:29
  Speaker 3: And even walking in the halls were, you know, there's
• 34:32
  Speaker 3: a lot of history of that. disgusting place horrible history
• 34:36
  Speaker 3: you know you got mickey rourke there and you got
• 34:38
  Speaker 3: all these dudes and danny trejo and you got people
• 34:41
  Speaker 3: who've been in prison and and uh so but you
• 34:45
  Speaker 3: know it's also you know we we had fun we
• 34:48
  Speaker 3: there's a lot of laughs too so um but it
• 34:51
  Speaker 3: was uh you know i was happy to do it well.
• 34:55
  Speaker 6: As you hit the the new millennium there it's like
• 34:58
  Speaker 6: you kind of got back into action and And it isn't,
• 35:01
  Speaker 6: I guess it's all the director, but it is odd that,
• 35:03
  Speaker 6: you know, when they, anytime they're casting for, you know,
• 35:06
  Speaker 6: they want to make a real streets kind of a feel,
• 35:08
  Speaker 6: you get DMX and you get Tom Arnold.
• 35:11
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 35:11
  Speaker 7: There is a couple there.
• 35:13
  Speaker 6: And I was just like, this is an interesting, I mean,
• 35:15
  Speaker 6: was that just through the director or how did you
• 35:17
  Speaker 6: end up in the, in that series?
• 35:19
  Speaker 3: Well, the director and I are still, I saw him
• 35:21
  Speaker 3: the other night. We, uh, did a new one with
• 35:23
  Speaker 3: him too, right? Yeah, I did a new one in Russia,
• 35:25
  Speaker 3: but I, uh, we, a buddy of mine, uh, there's
• 35:28
  Speaker 3: a documentary called Icarus and, uh, brian uh uh did
• 35:33
  Speaker 3: a uh a documentary he did he actually directed a
• 35:36
  Speaker 3: movie i was they called jutopia and uh then he
• 35:40
  Speaker 3: went to he did this amazing documentary where he he's
• 35:43
  Speaker 3: a cyclist and he wanted to see if you if
• 35:45
  Speaker 3: he juiced up if he could be as good as
• 35:47
  Speaker 3: lance armstrong right i think i remember hearing it ended
• 35:50
  Speaker 3: up using the russian olympic doping you know cat you
• 35:54
  Speaker 3: know not The guy from the American Olympic team said, wait,
• 35:57
  Speaker 3: we can't do it for you. But this guy from
• 35:59
  Speaker 3: Russia will. And it turns out he's the guy involved
• 36:01
  Speaker 3: in the Russian doping scandal. He ends up having to
• 36:04
  Speaker 3: sneak out of Russia and stay with this guy. And
• 36:06
  Speaker 3: now it's this big international story. And so the documentary,
• 36:10
  Speaker 3: which I love documentaries that are either out of anger
• 36:15
  Speaker 3: or take a turn where they follow the story.
• 36:18
  Speaker 6: Like he didn't even know what he was getting himself into.
• 36:21
  Speaker 6: Like he stumbled into a much more interesting story.
• 36:23
  Speaker 3: Way more interesting story.
• 36:24
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 36:25
  Speaker 3: And even Lance Armstrong's hosting a screening. Rob Reiner hosted
• 36:29
  Speaker 3: one the other night. But Andre Markowiak, yeah, he, I've
• 36:37
  Speaker 3: done a bunch of stuff with him, but I think
• 36:38
  Speaker 3: Joel Silver produced those, and I think he recognized. And,
• 36:41
  Speaker 3: you know, Anthony Anderson and I are really good together,
• 36:44
  Speaker 3: and sometimes, you know, when you have the action, it's
• 36:48
  Speaker 3: good to have comedy, especially when Steven Seagal was in it,
• 36:51
  Speaker 3: who's a dud. But I'm not the only one. You know,
• 36:55
  Speaker 3: DMX could have had– he had some things going, you know. And,
• 36:59
  Speaker 3: you know, he could have– you know, he did all right.
• 37:03
  Speaker 3: I always felt like he– you know, he's a nice guy.
• 37:07
  Speaker 3: But he just didn't– he wasn't quite used to– like
• 37:12
  Speaker 3: he was showing up just like it was– it wasn't
• 37:15
  Speaker 3: like serious. Like he might have a beard in his head,
• 37:17
  Speaker 3: but he's shooting the scene. Not even thinking about it,
• 37:19
  Speaker 3: he'd have his– remote control cars there and all his
• 37:22
  Speaker 3: fucking dogs and you.
• 37:24
  Speaker 6: Know he forgets the cameras rolling sometimes yeah but he's
• 37:27
  Speaker 6: a sweet guy you know there's no guile or anything
• 37:31
  Speaker 6: and Seagal's just he's continually gotten more and more he's
• 37:36
  Speaker 6: a weirdo sad really like it's just cause those first
• 37:39
  Speaker 6: couple of roles I remember people like okay we don't
• 37:41
  Speaker 6: know who this guy is but he seems like he
• 37:42
  Speaker 6: does kinda have something and then by the time like
• 37:45
  Speaker 6: we we did a whole episode based around have you
• 37:47
  Speaker 6: seen the one where he's fighting.
• 37:48
  Speaker 3: Vampires yeah No, I can't bear that. It's a nightmare.
• 37:53
  Speaker 3: And he'd gotten so big at that point. He's so fat.
• 37:55
  Speaker 6: I don't know that he can get a kick up
• 37:57
  Speaker 6: above about his knee level.
• 37:59
  Speaker 7: So they did so much editing to work.
• 38:01
  Speaker 6: Around the fact that he can't really do what he
• 38:03
  Speaker 6: did 20, 30 years ago. So, yeah, he's become... It's
• 38:08
  Speaker 6: weird that they keep making those. He's still such a
• 38:10
  Speaker 6: name on, I guess, a red box now. It's not
• 38:13
  Speaker 6: even a video draw anymore.
• 38:15
  Speaker 3: So that's a strange concept. You're a weirdo.
• 38:18
  Speaker 7: I guess even at that time, not fun to shoot.
• 38:22
  Speaker 6: Oh, well then I guess even like coming into stuff now, like,
• 38:28
  Speaker 6: like hit and run.
• 38:29
  Speaker 7: I just wanted to see you and Dax also seem
• 38:31
  Speaker 7: to kind.
• 38:31
  Speaker 3: Of work well together. Yeah, we do. I've done a
• 38:34
  Speaker 3: few things with Dax. I love him. Uh, you know, he, uh, he's, uh,
• 38:39
  Speaker 3: the first thing he directed was Brothers Justice. And I
• 38:42
  Speaker 3: remember this thing, it was sort of this, I don't
• 38:44
  Speaker 3: know how you, what form you would take, you call it, but,
• 38:48
  Speaker 3: I remember at the time, we were talking, we were
• 38:50
  Speaker 3: trying to get our, we got a bunch of our
• 38:51
  Speaker 3: friends in it. And I was like, you know, you
• 38:53
  Speaker 3: should get a part for Bradley Cooper. Bradley needs to
• 38:56
  Speaker 3: be in a movie or something. And he's like, yeah,
• 38:58
  Speaker 3: I think I could do that. And then by the
• 39:00
  Speaker 3: time we did Hit and Run, we're like, we got to,
• 39:02
  Speaker 3: we have to get Bradley. Like, Bradley's career is just skyrocketing.
• 39:05
  Speaker 3: Very quickly, let's get him. Huge star. Whatever we can
• 39:08
  Speaker 3: do to get him in here. And that's it. That
• 39:10
  Speaker 3: tells you about the business, you know. Yeah. Bradley Cooper
• 39:13
  Speaker 3: is so smart. He's a great guy, too. He just
• 39:17
  Speaker 3: really is a good dude. He deserves everything, and he
• 39:20
  Speaker 3: just knows how to play it, and he's worked so hard. So, yeah,
• 39:24
  Speaker 3: but the same with Dax. He does amazing, and his
• 39:28
  Speaker 3: wife's amazing. Sometimes that's a hard deal to have that,
• 39:32
  Speaker 3: but they do it well, and they have amazing kids. Yeah,
• 39:38
  Speaker 3: I've been so in love with Kristen Bell.
• 39:40
  Speaker 7: I can only assume she really is that genuine. She
• 39:43
  Speaker 7: seems genuine. Just like such a somewhat grounded person.
• 39:47
  Speaker 3: She is, but if you were her husband, it would
• 39:48
  Speaker 3: get on your fucking nerves. I'm telling you. Well, if
• 39:50
  Speaker 3: everybody was telling you how amazing, you know, and I
• 39:52
  Speaker 3: mean that in the nicest possible way. I mean, you know.
• 39:56
  Speaker 7: Your adorableness is really pushing.
• 39:58
  Speaker 3: Me over the edge. Well, you know, if you know
• 40:02
  Speaker 3: her history, I know her family, and every time I'm
• 40:05
  Speaker 3: up in Detroit, her mom invites me over. Now, they
• 40:07
  Speaker 3: live by the zoo. So every night she went to sleep,
• 40:10
  Speaker 3: she could hear the lions roar for real. So you say, well,
• 40:13
  Speaker 3: where does she get that whatever it is she's got?
• 40:16
  Speaker 3: She's got a lot of, not zest, but she's got
• 40:19
  Speaker 3: a lot. There's something inside of her because she heard
• 40:21
  Speaker 3: the lion's roar every night. So she's got that inside
• 40:23
  Speaker 3: of her. So she's about four foot four.
• 40:26
  Speaker 7: She's a pistol.
• 40:27
  Speaker 3: Let's go with that. You can't keep that woman down.
• 40:31
  Speaker 3: She's impressive. Before her next nightmare, I mean, there's times
• 40:36
  Speaker 3: when this Joseph Cody, this bad person with the invisible
• 40:41
  Speaker 3: children in Uganda, Man, she would call me up. She goes,
• 40:44
  Speaker 3: we're doing this march down by the Santa Monica Pier.
• 40:48
  Speaker 3: We've got a bunch of people showing up at 4 a.m.
• 40:51
  Speaker 3: or whatever. She goes, would you show up? I was like,
• 40:54
  Speaker 3: what is this? She'd be down there with all these randoms.
• 40:59
  Speaker 3: When she believes in something, man, she's building wells. I mean,
• 41:03
  Speaker 3: she goes for it. Dax will say, He'll be home
• 41:05
  Speaker 3: for the weekend thinking he's going to relax. She's like,
• 41:07
  Speaker 3: what are you doing? She goes, get the truck. He goes, what?
• 41:10
  Speaker 3: He goes, did she be loading stuff out of his house?
• 41:12
  Speaker 3: She goes, we're moving this to a homeless person's house.
• 41:15
  Speaker 3: He goes, what are you talking about? She found the
• 41:17
  Speaker 3: homeless person. She's loading stuff out of their house. She'll
• 41:21
  Speaker 3: be like on the road and just give all their
• 41:23
  Speaker 3: stuff away to people. And he's like, what? We need
• 41:26
  Speaker 3: to have those in my van. Yeah. So, you know. Yeah.
• 41:30
  Speaker 3: That would be annoying, but it's wonderful.
• 41:32
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 41:32
  Speaker 3: But it's also like, whoa, I'm married to fucking mother Teresa.
• 41:37
  Speaker 3: What the fuck? Anyway. Yeah. But they're, they're great. So yeah. Um, yeah,
• 41:43
  Speaker 3: I love doing that, that movie. And I loved, uh,
• 41:45
  Speaker 3: and you know, it's, you know, this year I've done
• 41:48
  Speaker 3: a few, uh, interesting things. I did this movie, uh,
• 41:51
  Speaker 3: saving Flora or fighting Flora about this elephant, uh, that, uh,
• 41:56
  Speaker 3: uh that is in a in a circus and it's
• 42:00
  Speaker 3: old and they've got to put it down and and
• 42:02
  Speaker 3: this young girl this jenna ortega who's a disney young
• 42:07
  Speaker 3: lady who's my my son knows.
• 42:09
  Speaker 6: And she's yeah she made a video surprising how good an.
• 42:12
  Speaker 3: Actress yeah she's a good actress she's a good kid
• 42:15
  Speaker 3: too and and her mom is very attractive way younger
• 42:19
  Speaker 3: than me anyway she uh And she takes the elephant
• 42:23
  Speaker 3: and takes it on the lamb. And it's a really
• 42:26
  Speaker 3: cute story. And the elephant was wonderful. And David, our cat,
• 42:32
  Speaker 3: plays her father. There's some fun people in it. But
• 42:35
  Speaker 3: this other thing I did last year that's coming out
• 42:39
  Speaker 3: this year that has won a bunch of horror festival awards.
• 42:43
  Speaker 3: Horror comedy. Because I didn't know it's called Dead Ant.
• 42:47
  Speaker 3: And I didn't know there's a lot of trust in
• 42:52
  Speaker 3: something like this. Now, it's because there's a lot of
• 42:55
  Speaker 3: special points. You're shooting against the green screen a lot.
• 42:57
  Speaker 3: But the basic concept is, I play a manager of
• 43:00
  Speaker 3: a band from the, a hair band from the late 80s,
• 43:03
  Speaker 3: who is, you know, they've always been around, but they're
• 43:06
  Speaker 3: making a comeback. I've told the band they're playing at Coachella,
• 43:11
  Speaker 3: and they were on the way back there, driving down there, Well,
• 43:14
  Speaker 3: it's actually no cello. But they're just confused. They heard Coach. Anyway,
• 43:18
  Speaker 3: I explained on the way there. It's a different, it's
• 43:20
  Speaker 3: hipper than Coach. Anyway, we're on the way there. We
• 43:23
  Speaker 3: stop at Joshua Tree to get some inspiration to write
• 43:27
  Speaker 3: some music. And the Native American says, don't, whatever you do, don't.
• 43:32
  Speaker 3: Shot Ass is one of the guys. And Jake Busey
• 43:35
  Speaker 3: and Reese, Billy Walsh from Entourage. I had to think
• 43:41
  Speaker 3: of his last name. No. What is his fucking last name? Oh,
• 43:44
  Speaker 3: my God, it's Spacey. He's such a good actor. I
• 43:47
  Speaker 3: just saw his dad over at Colonel Bryce's house. Anyway,
• 43:51
  Speaker 3: I got to think of his name. Anyway, so we stop,
• 43:57
  Speaker 3: and the Native American says, whatever you do, don't harm
• 44:00
  Speaker 3: anything in nature, not a fly, not a whatever. And
• 44:03
  Speaker 3: Sean Astin pisses on an ant and kills it. Anyway,
• 44:06
  Speaker 3: these ants rise up and start growing and killing everybody
• 44:10
  Speaker 3: and ripping people's arms. And it's about the journey getting
• 44:12
  Speaker 3: to this concert. And, you know, it's a metaphor. And
• 44:16
  Speaker 3: I got to play, I did this documentary called Supermatch.
• 44:21
  Speaker 3: Supermatch is a legend of Shep Gordon that my buddy
• 44:23
  Speaker 3: Mike Myers directed about our buddy Shep Gordon. And it's
• 44:26
  Speaker 3: this guy, this longtime music manager that no matter fucking what,
• 44:29
  Speaker 3: he's managed Alice Cooper over the years. And no matter
• 44:32
  Speaker 3: what happens, you know, the fucking chicken gets destroyed on stage.
• 44:35
  Speaker 3: They're going to fucking, the show's going to go on.
• 44:37
  Speaker 3: I'll make sure he's there. Don't worry. So I play
• 44:39
  Speaker 3: that guy. And so it was fun. And watching the
• 44:42
  Speaker 3: other guys, they really were into it. The guys who
• 44:44
  Speaker 3: played the band and the women. And they had fun.
• 44:48
  Speaker 3: But you don't know there's a lot of green screen stuff.
• 44:50
  Speaker 3: And Ron Carlson, who's the special effects guy, this is
• 44:54
  Speaker 3: the first thing directing, I think. I think he's directed
• 44:56
  Speaker 3: some others and stuff. But this is the first big film,
• 44:58
  Speaker 3: I think. And so you've got to trust. When I
• 45:00
  Speaker 3: saw his reel, I was like, this guy did some
• 45:02
  Speaker 3: very cool. If he could do this on a... Anyway,
• 45:04
  Speaker 3: it turned out fantastic. And very seldom am I surprised
• 45:09
  Speaker 3: by stuff. And I went to the premiere and I
• 45:12
  Speaker 3: was like, wow, this is, you did a good job.
• 45:14
  Speaker 3: And so, you know, and it's a different genre. It's
• 45:17
  Speaker 3: a genre where I grew up, you had the theater downtown,
• 45:22
  Speaker 3: then you had the drive-in. When I was a kid,
• 45:24
  Speaker 3: the drive-in was the horror movies. And you went there
• 45:28
  Speaker 3: not just to watch the movie. You went there for
• 45:30
  Speaker 3: the experience.
• 45:31
  Speaker 7: The atmosphere.
• 45:32
  Speaker 6: Right.
• 45:32
  Speaker 3: And the thing about horror movies is you aren't a
• 45:35
  Speaker 3: film critic. You buy into the fucking deal. You don't
• 45:38
  Speaker 3: expect the special effects to be fucking perfect. It's about,
• 45:41
  Speaker 3: if you're an asshole, don't go to a fucking horror movie.
• 45:43
  Speaker 7: You just want blood and guts.
• 45:44
  Speaker 3: It doesn't have to look real. You want to be
• 45:46
  Speaker 3: scared a little bit. You want to see the person
• 45:47
  Speaker 3: scared in the car next to you. You know, you
• 45:50
  Speaker 3: want to piss outside your car. You want to yell
• 45:51
  Speaker 3: at people. You know, and... So it's that kind of movie.
• 45:56
  Speaker 3: But it's also a comedy, which is... There's some good
• 45:59
  Speaker 3: comedy in it, too. So, I don't know. There's that.
• 46:02
  Speaker 7: Has it come full circle? Are you still a horror
• 46:03
  Speaker 7: fan now? Do you seek that stuff out now?
• 46:07
  Speaker 3: Oh, yeah, I do. You know, because I have kids,
• 46:10
  Speaker 3: I'm trying to decide... What's appropriate. But I watch... My
• 46:13
  Speaker 3: son watches the cartoons. He's four, and he likes a
• 46:16
  Speaker 3: lot of scary stuff. Yeah. But I'm waiting for him
• 46:20
  Speaker 3: to guide me back to... you know, uh, I guess
• 46:25
  Speaker 3: I'm not, uh, I'm not a huge, I liked horror,
• 46:31
  Speaker 3: funny horror stuff. Yeah. You know what I mean? There's
• 46:33
  Speaker 3: some funny stuff to it. And then another little thing
• 46:35
  Speaker 3: I did, uh, which is this movie, uh, I think
• 46:38
  Speaker 3: it's called Dying, and, uh, it's very, very, very low budget, independent,
• 46:42
  Speaker 3: and Brian did it, he plays my dad, and, and
• 46:45
  Speaker 3: there's a bunch, J.K. Simmons is in it, there's a
• 46:47
  Speaker 3: bunch of really good people, a bunch of really good actors,
• 46:51
  Speaker 3: and he's dying, and, uh, Brian and, You know, it's
• 46:54
  Speaker 3: about that. A guy wrote it about his father dying
• 46:58
  Speaker 3: and a pretty heavy thing. Very low budget. I got
• 47:03
  Speaker 3: to the set the first day. I was like, what
• 47:05
  Speaker 3: the fuck did I get myself into? There's nowhere to
• 47:08
  Speaker 3: fucking lay my shit down here. But then I look
• 47:11
  Speaker 3: around and all the other... Leslie Ann Ward was the mom,
• 47:14
  Speaker 3: our mom. And I thought, well, if Leslie Ann Ward
• 47:18
  Speaker 3: had fucking... Ryan Dennehy gets to do it, I could
• 47:21
  Speaker 3: fucking suck it up because those guys... And, you know,
• 47:25
  Speaker 3: this Larry Clark who did it, who directed it and
• 47:27
  Speaker 3: wrote it, he got a lot of credit.
• 47:29
  Speaker 7: Okay, that makes sense now.
• 47:30
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 47:30
  Speaker 6: He doesn't bother with a big budget anything most of
• 47:33
  Speaker 6: the time. So, yeah, that seems about right.
• 47:35
  Speaker 3: So, you know, we'll see what happens.
• 47:37
  Speaker 6: But you've got, again, looking at the lineup, you've got
• 47:40
  Speaker 6: a ton of projects that are just done or about
• 47:43
  Speaker 6: coming out. Is it, I guess, what is sort of
• 47:46
  Speaker 6: fueling that now?
• 47:47
  Speaker 3: Is it just... I want to work. I need to work.
• 47:50
  Speaker 3: I need to work. I need to keep working. you know,
• 47:53
  Speaker 3: I don't have, you know, the thing about our, our
• 47:57
  Speaker 3: business is there's no five-year contract. There's no, uh, at least,
• 48:03
  Speaker 3: especially not anymore.
• 48:04
  Speaker 7: The way it runs now, it's nothing like that.
• 48:07
  Speaker 3: And I think that in the eighties and maybe early nineties,
• 48:10
  Speaker 3: people that were comics could, if they had a good act,
• 48:13
  Speaker 3: they could decide to do a sitcom. That's a hundred
• 48:15
  Speaker 3: million dollars or $ 200 million. Like Roseanne or Seinfeld or
• 48:18
  Speaker 3: those guys. And, And then you're set. Those days are gone.
• 48:22
  Speaker 3: Those days are gone. Long gone. The great thing about
• 48:25
  Speaker 3: doing stand-up comedy is, I will say this, I can
• 48:27
  Speaker 3: always go on the road to take care of my family,
• 48:29
  Speaker 3: and I do have to work. If you do Google
• 48:34
  Speaker 3: net worth, it seems like I don't have to work,
• 48:35
  Speaker 3: but I do have to work. I took no settlement
• 48:40
  Speaker 3: from Roseanne. I took no alimony. It's public record. I
• 48:43
  Speaker 3: always joke that I did, but I did it. So
• 48:45
  Speaker 3: I have to work, which is fine. I wish I
• 48:47
  Speaker 3: wouldn't have taken it now that I'm.
• 48:48
  Speaker 7: Talking about it.
• 48:49
  Speaker 3: But I, you know, and that's scary, but it's also,
• 48:55
  Speaker 3: I'm so grateful that I could figure out something, that
• 48:58
  Speaker 3: I could do this.
• 48:59
  Speaker 6: I mean, you've got a lot of paths to work with.
• 49:01
  Speaker 6: Do you think worse comes to worse? Can you handle life?
• 49:05
  Speaker 6: Can you go back to the meatpacking place?
• 49:07
  Speaker 3: Well, I got fired from there. I got fired because
• 49:11
  Speaker 3: I called in sick. I was going to community college,
• 49:14
  Speaker 3: Indian Hills at the time, and I was working nights
• 49:18
  Speaker 3: in the smoke shop there. And I... said to myself,
• 49:20
  Speaker 3: I want to get the college experience. I need to
• 49:23
  Speaker 3: feel like I'm going to college because all my buddies
• 49:25
  Speaker 3: were at the University of Iowa. And community college is different.
• 49:29
  Speaker 3: And so there was a college party. And so that means,
• 49:32
  Speaker 3: you know, the average age person there was like 60
• 49:34
  Speaker 3: because it was fucking community college. And so I went
• 49:37
  Speaker 3: to it. I called in sick. Went to the community
• 49:39
  Speaker 3: college party, and it was over like at 8 at night.
• 49:42
  Speaker 3: I was like, fuck this.
• 49:42
  Speaker 7: That's a good party in my mind.
• 49:43
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah. So I was like, fuck this. Let's do
• 49:46
  Speaker 3: something college-y. So I go, let's go streaky. So we
• 49:49
  Speaker 3: streaked through Mr. Quits. That's another restaurant. Nobody, literally, the
• 49:53
  Speaker 3: chef was in the back, and there was nobody there
• 49:54
  Speaker 3: that saw us. So I was like, that fucking... And
• 49:56
  Speaker 3: then I said, I know where there's people. We went
• 49:58
  Speaker 3: to Jefferson Square Manor, the old folks' home. Fucking came, hauled,
• 50:02
  Speaker 3: because we knew the nurses, see? Hauled through there, and...
• 50:05
  Speaker 3: I thought, they'll love it. That's all I always thought.
• 50:07
  Speaker 3: They'll love it. Yeah. Well, they didn't love it. And
• 50:11
  Speaker 3: they called the cops. The cops, evidently, they called them
• 50:14
  Speaker 3: from the first place. They were waiting. So we come
• 50:16
  Speaker 3: running out of there. They're waiting. And my two buddies,
• 50:19
  Speaker 3: my two fat buddies, jump in the back of the
• 50:21
  Speaker 3: car and put their shirts on. And I'm like, fuck it.
• 50:23
  Speaker 3: I know I'm arrested. I'll just put my shirts on
• 50:25
  Speaker 3: outside the car like a human. They handcuffed me behind
• 50:27
  Speaker 3: my back. Take me to jail naked. Fucking... You know,
• 50:32
  Speaker 3: I always say this is true. If you get arrested
• 50:36
  Speaker 3: for public duty in an old folks' home in a
• 50:38
  Speaker 3: small town, it will be in the paper. And they
• 50:41
  Speaker 3: will read it in a whore bell, and you will
• 50:42
  Speaker 3: get fired. That's what really happened. And I thought, oh,
• 50:47
  Speaker 3: my God, my life's over. I got fired. And my
• 50:50
  Speaker 3: grandparents were like, this is the best job. My grandma
• 50:52
  Speaker 3: was like, you'll never get a better job than this.
• 50:54
  Speaker 3: And so what I did is funny because people were
• 50:57
  Speaker 3: tweeting this. Last week and the week after, there was
• 51:00
  Speaker 3: a news story because What I did is I ran
• 51:03
  Speaker 3: out of money for college to finish my Indian Hills,
• 51:06
  Speaker 3: and I came up with a scheme that I walked
• 51:08
  Speaker 3: 20 miles in my underwear in December of 1980. I
• 51:13
  Speaker 3: called it From Here to There in Underwear, and people
• 51:15
  Speaker 3: pledged money, and I put their logos on my underwear
• 51:18
  Speaker 3: and T-shirt, and it was in the papers in the
• 51:21
  Speaker 3: New York Times and the National Enquirer. It was the
• 51:23
  Speaker 3: first time I had publicity like that, and I raised
• 51:26
  Speaker 3: enough money to pay the rest of my way through school.
• 51:28
  Speaker 3: I also liked it because it was like, I was
• 51:31
  Speaker 3: in the Enquirer, too. Like, this kid, this college kid
• 51:33
  Speaker 3: is doing this weird thing. And it was fucking cold.
• 51:36
  Speaker 3: I remember that. And my buddies were in the van
• 51:38
  Speaker 3: because we had a, it was like a NASCAR thing.
• 51:40
  Speaker 3: We had a van and they were all drunk. And
• 51:42
  Speaker 3: I was walking on this 21 miles of fucking freezing highway.
• 51:46
  Speaker 3: And there's film crews. But it gave me a little
• 51:48
  Speaker 3: taste of what, you know, something bigger is. you know.
• 51:52
  Speaker 6: Well, and that's, that's impressive just because that was when
• 51:55
  Speaker 6: there was no way to get the word out.
• 51:58
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 51:58
  Speaker 6: So, worse comes to worse now, you can do a
• 52:00
  Speaker 6: Patreon page, you can do a Kickstarter, you can do
• 52:02
  Speaker 6: this again.
• 52:03
  Speaker 3: Oh, God.
• 52:05
  Speaker 6: Oh, God.
• 52:05
  Speaker 3: Well, you know, there's always, you know, I have, the
• 52:09
  Speaker 3: thing about growing up like I did and living like
• 52:13
  Speaker 3: I did is I have done, you know, this is,
• 52:17
  Speaker 3: this is, I always go, this is pretty good and
• 52:20
  Speaker 3: no matter what, you know, there was a, This isn't
• 52:24
  Speaker 3: the fanciest life I've lived, but this is far from
• 52:27
  Speaker 3: the worst life I've lived. So I'm doing all right.
• 52:30
  Speaker 6: And even as it's come around, because I saw earlier
• 52:32
  Speaker 6: this year you doing press for it, it's a different version.
• 52:36
  Speaker 7: But the fact that you got to be on Battle
• 52:38
  Speaker 7: of the Network Stars.
• 52:40
  Speaker 3: Oh, yeah. I just wanted to win that. All I
• 52:43
  Speaker 3: cared about. I went down there. I was so fucking tired.
• 52:47
  Speaker 3: I'd come back from.
• 52:48
  Speaker 7: Everybody that shows up kind of feels like this. This
• 52:51
  Speaker 7: is a different version of the old days.
• 52:52
  Speaker 6: Everybody seems worn out.
• 52:55
  Speaker 3: I was so tired. And they were like, I showed
• 52:58
  Speaker 3: up late. I missed a couple of things. Well, first
• 53:00
  Speaker 3: of all, I asked what the competitions were before I
• 53:02
  Speaker 3: got there. So I didn't even hurry to get there.
• 53:04
  Speaker 3: I was late. So I missed the first couple of things.
• 53:08
  Speaker 3: But I looked at the things. I was like. And
• 53:11
  Speaker 3: they go, the tug-of-war is double the points. I go, okay,
• 53:14
  Speaker 3: that's what we're going to win. And everybody was like,
• 53:16
  Speaker 3: you know, I knew that Andre were the coaches because
• 53:20
  Speaker 3: of my sports show. They're like, you fucking asshole. I go, no, no,
• 53:24
  Speaker 3: I got this, the last thing. They go, you're a
• 53:26
  Speaker 3: crazy person. I go, yeah, I am. We're going to
• 53:29
  Speaker 3: win this last thing. And they're like, yeah. And then
• 53:31
  Speaker 3: I just knew, because tug-of-war, being from Iowa, again, we
• 53:34
  Speaker 3: won the national Miller Lite tug-of-war. They said these Miller
• 53:37
  Speaker 3: Lite commercials, and Boo Pow came to our fucking down
• 53:41
  Speaker 3: at our community college meet all the big colleges because
• 53:43
  Speaker 3: we had so many fat big guys and I just
• 53:45
  Speaker 3: knew put me the anchor I fucking know how to
• 53:48
  Speaker 3: and I just coached up those those uh TV young
• 53:52
  Speaker 3: TV actors or whatever they were and I said, here's
• 53:55
  Speaker 3: how we're going to do it. I'm holding down the floor. Yeah,
• 53:57
  Speaker 3: all I did was say one last thing. Because the
• 53:59
  Speaker 3: way I figured out the points, you really only had
• 54:01
  Speaker 3: to win the last thing. You could lose everything else.
• 54:03
  Speaker 7: I think the rest is fluff.
• 54:05
  Speaker 3: ABC could not make it so the last thing didn't matter.
• 54:08
  Speaker 3: So I knew that in advance because it's a TV show.
• 54:11
  Speaker 3: So you could lose every fucking thing. But the last thing,
• 54:15
  Speaker 3: for people to keep watching it, They had to rig it,
• 54:18
  Speaker 3: so the last thing.
• 54:19
  Speaker 7: Because, yeah, everybody gets so far ahead.
• 54:22
  Speaker 3: So I only had to be there. I knew I
• 54:24
  Speaker 3: just had to be there for the last thing. But
• 54:26
  Speaker 3: that was late. But it was, I don't know. They
• 54:29
  Speaker 3: paid money, but it was. But, you know, you get
• 54:32
  Speaker 3: that thing and you go, well, I'll give this a
• 54:35
  Speaker 3: shot and see what happens. I got no.
• 54:37
  Speaker 7: I mean, that was one of my favorite things as
• 54:39
  Speaker 7: a kid, like that.
• 54:40
  Speaker 3: Just watching that.
• 54:41
  Speaker 7: Oh, my God, when I was a kid, I did it, too.
• 54:42
  Speaker 3: Oh, my God, I love that. I know. Well, that's
• 54:44
  Speaker 3: what I do is I get a little nostalgic. I
• 54:46
  Speaker 3: started watching on YouTube the ones as a kid and
• 54:49
  Speaker 3: see how many people did it. And then I was like, well,
• 54:52
  Speaker 3: I assume big people do it now. No. No. Well,
• 54:56
  Speaker 3: it's just such a.
• 54:57
  Speaker 6: Yeah, I mean, it was such an A-list group of people,
• 55:00
  Speaker 6: especially TV.
• 55:01
  Speaker 7: But they wouldn't even pull in film actors.
• 55:03
  Speaker 3: No, yeah, they would.
• 55:04
  Speaker 7: You'd get, yeah, the fact that they'd get Michael J.
• 55:06
  Speaker 7: Fox on the team.
• 55:07
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 55:07
  Speaker 7: And you're like, now, like, there's no way.
• 55:09
  Speaker 3: Well, they also had athletes that were, like, competing. They
• 55:10
  Speaker 3: had people.
• 55:11
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 55:11
  Speaker 3: You could tell that even the actors were actually competing against, like,
• 55:14
  Speaker 3: it meant something.
• 55:15
  Speaker 7: And, like, a little, like, upset sometimes.
• 55:18
  Speaker 4: Right.
• 55:18
  Speaker 6: Because that's one of the ones, it was towards the end,
• 55:20
  Speaker 6: I think, because Brian Wimmer was there. So it's, like,
• 55:22
  Speaker 6: him and China Beach Day's. And, like, he was competing, like,
• 55:26
  Speaker 6: in the, I think the relay kind of where they
• 55:28
  Speaker 6: go through the whole obstacle course.
• 55:31
  Speaker 7: And it was him against Eric, or no, it was
• 55:33
  Speaker 7: Lorenzo Lamas.
• 55:34
  Speaker 3: Oh, yeah.
• 55:34
  Speaker 7: I think Cotel or something. Whatever he was on for
• 55:37
  Speaker 7: whatever network. And he was the cockiest bastard.
• 55:40
  Speaker 3: Oh, yeah. Oh, my God.
• 55:41
  Speaker 7: He was so full of himself the whole show.
• 55:43
  Speaker 6: So they get to that big finale and he, Ryan
• 55:45
  Speaker 6: Wimmer just kind of sneaks in there and totally just.
• 55:48
  Speaker 9: Beats his ass.
• 55:49
  Speaker 6: And I'm just like, this is why you watch this
• 55:51
  Speaker 6: because you would never expect that.
• 55:53
  Speaker 7: So yeah, those are the ones I love. Just kind of,
• 55:55
  Speaker 7: you can see it really was sort of a real.
• 55:57
  Speaker 6: Where now I don't know how real any of that is, but,
• 56:01
  Speaker 6: but yeah, it felt like it actually was competition back then.
• 56:04
  Speaker 7: It was, it was genuinely, you know, stars being.
• 56:06
  Speaker 9: Annoyed at each other.
• 56:07
  Speaker 3: Yeah. Nobody cared.
• 56:10
  Speaker 6: Um, so you've got, you know, you've got all these
• 56:12
  Speaker 6: new projects coming out. You're, you're doing standup now, I guess.
• 56:15
  Speaker 7: What's the best way for people to follow you?
• 56:18
  Speaker 6: Do you have a big internet presence?
• 56:21
  Speaker 3: I do Twitter a lot. So at Tom Arnold and, uh, and, uh,
• 56:25
  Speaker 3: that's a good place. I'm on Instagram too and Facebook,
• 56:28
  Speaker 3: but you know, I do, uh, Twitter's a good place. Yeah.
• 56:32
  Speaker 3: Get very, uh, sometimes political, sometimes humorous, sometimes stuff with
• 56:36
  Speaker 3: my kids, variety of stuff. But, uh, You know, I
• 56:40
  Speaker 3: have fun on there. All right. We'll tell everybody to
• 56:42
  Speaker 3: follow you.
• 56:43
  Speaker 6: I may round it out with, you know, I've always
• 56:46
  Speaker 6: been a big fan of I'm My Own Grandpa.
• 56:48
  Speaker 3: Oh, yeah.
• 56:48
  Speaker 7: Were you familiar with that song before?
• 56:50
  Speaker 3: I was.
• 56:50
  Speaker 7: I always heard it on Dr. Demento growing up.
• 56:52
  Speaker 3: Well, you know, Glenn Miller is from Iowa. Yeah. And
• 56:55
  Speaker 3: he wrote the song. And did you know that? I
• 56:58
  Speaker 3: don't know. I don't think so.
• 56:59
  Speaker 6: I just remember hearing it and loving how complex and
• 57:03
  Speaker 6: silly it was all at the same time.
• 57:05
  Speaker 3: Right. Well, it's an old song. It's an old song
• 57:07
  Speaker 3: from the. And, of course, speaking for Iowa, it's also
• 57:09
  Speaker 3: a hillbilly song. So, of course, I know it. But
• 57:12
  Speaker 3: the funny thing is, John Lattice gave it to me
• 57:14
  Speaker 3: before the movie started on a cassette back in the day.
• 57:18
  Speaker 3: And said, learn this. And I did not learn this.
• 57:20
  Speaker 3: It was the last thing we filmed. And I had
• 57:22
  Speaker 3: to read it off the teleprompter. And you could tell
• 57:23
  Speaker 3: I'm reading it off the teleprompter in the movie. And
• 57:26
  Speaker 3: he was so pissed off at me. But it kind
• 57:28
  Speaker 3: of works. But, you know, I've been... You know, I
• 57:35
  Speaker 3: did my best.
• 57:36
  Speaker 7: Again, it's complex, so that's probably not one to wing it.
• 57:39
  Speaker 3: No, you're right. It backfired on you. Plus, my character,
• 57:43
  Speaker 3: Stanley Stupid, seems like he's reading everything we're going to
• 57:45
  Speaker 3: tell him about.
• 57:46
  Speaker 6: Possibly.
• 57:47
  Speaker 3: It works. Yeah, thank you. All right. Well, I think
• 57:50
  Speaker 3: that is it. Thank you for joining us, man.
• 57:52
  Speaker 7: Thank you.
• 57:55
  Speaker 6: So, yes, a huge thank you to Tom for sitting
• 57:57
  Speaker 6: in with us this week. Go follow him on Twitter
• 58:00
  Speaker 6: and read some of those many categories of his posts,
• 58:03
  Speaker 6: and go see him live while he's out touring with
• 58:05
  Speaker 6: his stand-up. And if you happen to meet him after
• 58:07
  Speaker 6: the show and take a minute to tell him how
• 58:09
  Speaker 6: he touched your life, well, eventually, be sure to tell
• 58:12
  Speaker 6: him you also heard him on Movie Meltdown. Otherwise, that
• 58:15
  Speaker 6: about does it. We will return next time, same geek feed.
• 58:18
  Speaker 6: Thanks for listening.
• 58:19
  Speaker 3: Well, to tell you the truth, I'm... I'm my own grandpa.
• 58:24
  Speaker 3: You're your own grandpa? That's right. Well, for those of
• 58:29
  Speaker 3: us who've never heard of such a thing, maybe you
• 58:31
  Speaker 3: could explain. Of course. It's quite simple, really.
• 58:34
  Speaker 10: Many, many years ago when I was 23, I was
• 58:38
  Speaker 10: married to a widow who was pretty as could be.
• 58:41
  Speaker 10: This widow had a grown-up daughter who had hair of red.
• 58:45
  Speaker 10: My father fell in love with her and soon they
• 58:47
  Speaker 10: two were wed. This made my dad my son-in-law and
• 58:50
  Speaker 10: changed my very life, for my daughter was my mother
• 58:54
  Speaker 10: cause she was my father's wife. To complicate the matter
• 58:58
  Speaker 10: even though it brought me joy, I soon became the
• 59:01
  Speaker 10: father of a bouncing baby boy. My little baby then
• 59:05
  Speaker 10: became a brother-in-law to dad, and so became my uncle
• 59:09
  Speaker 10: though it made me very sad. For if he was
• 59:12
  Speaker 10: my uncle, then that also made him brother to the
• 59:15
  Speaker 10: widow's grown-up daughter, who of course was my stepmother.
• 59:18
  Speaker 11: I walked his life and I had a son who
• 59:20
  Speaker 11: kept him on the run. And he became my grandchild
• 59:23
  Speaker 11: for he was my daughter's son My wife is now
• 59:26
  Speaker 11: my mother's mother and it makes me blue Because although
• 59:30
  Speaker 11: she is my wife, she's my grandmother too I'm my
• 59:34
  Speaker 11: own grandpa I'm my own grandpa It sounds funny, I know, but.
• 59:43
  Speaker 3: It really is so.
• 59:44
  Speaker 11: I'm my own grandpa Oh, if my wife is my grandmother,
• 59:50
  Speaker 11: then I'm her grandchild. And every time I think of it,
• 59:54
  Speaker 11: it nearly drives me wild. For now I have become
• 59:57
  Speaker 11: the strangest case you ever saw. As husband of my
• 1:00:01
  Speaker 11: old grandmother, I'm my own grandpa. I'm my own grandpa.
• 1:00:07
  Speaker 11: I'm my own grandpa. It sounds funny, I know, but
• 1:00:13
  Speaker 11: it really is so.
• 1:00:16
  Speaker 3: I'm my own grandpa.
• 1:00:18
  Speaker 5: I had no idea nothing was going on, right? I
• 1:00:24
  Speaker 5: come home one day, and the house is completely empty.
• 1:00:26
  Speaker 5: And I mean completely empty. She even took the ice
• 1:00:28
  Speaker 5: cube trays out of the freezer. What kind of a
• 1:00:31
  Speaker 5: sick bitch takes the ice cube trays out of the freezer?
• 1:00:34
  Speaker 9: This episode is a production of Movie Meltdown, produced and
• 1:00:37
  Speaker 9: edited by The Oddity Studios, with the opening music performed
• 1:00:40
  Speaker 9: by The Empires. For more on how to sponsor or
• 1:00:43
  Speaker 9: support the show, Email producer at moviemeltdown.com.
• 1:00:46
  Speaker 4: Talk hard!
• 1:00:53
  Speaker 7: This program is a proud member of the Battleship Pretension Fleet.