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3 Youth Ministry Mistakes That Small Youth Groups Often Make · Ministry Coach: Youth Ministry Tips & Resources

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Today we're talking about three mistakes that are common for smaller youth groups.
• 0:16
  Speaker 2: Welcome to the Ministry Coach Podcast, where we bring you weekly tips and tactics to help you fast track the growth and health of your youth ministry.
• 0:23
  Speaker 2: This episode is brought to you by growyouryouthministrycom.
• 0:27
  Speaker 2: If you are looking to grow the size and health of your youth ministry, make sure you check out growyouryouthministrycom.
• 0:34
  Speaker 2: My name is Jeff Laskola and this is Kristen Laskola.
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: And today we're talking about three mistakes that small youth groups make, and I feel like I can speak into this because I once led a very small youth group.
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: I was at a big youth group.
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: I wasn't the number one in charge, I was like number three in charge, and then I was assistant to the regional manager.
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: And then I was like more of a number two at that large youth group and then I was a number one at a very small youth group how small, how small was it 11 kids, okay, and I'm still the number one at that youth group but it's
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: just not um, but it's just not small anymore.
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: So I have been at a different place in my level of authority and leadership and different size, all the same church, but we have multiple campuses at our church.
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: So I feel like I went to a different church in a way, and so I just want to speak into this, not from a place.
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: I just feel like I have to kind of preface that because you know, if you know where I work at North Coast Church you're like what do you know about small church?
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: Well, I do, because I was once there.
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: So maybe not the full experience, because we were attached to a larger church, so it wasn't like we were just floating out in space, we had ties to the mothership.
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: But looking back on that time, I can kind of quantify three mistakes I made and that I think pastors of smaller youth groups tend to make.
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: So number one is always thinking that bigger is better.
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: There is just this longing in our hearts to be, even if we won't admit it, and we kind of bash the big youth group, you know, because we're insecure or jealous or think well, probably because they're not deep at all and they're just really shallow and we like come up with all these imaginary reasons why they couldn't possibly be doing good ministry and be big.
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: Because what does that say about us?
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: You know, because we want it to not be true, because then that says about us well then, if you were doing good ministry too, yours would be big.
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: So it's like okay.
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: Well then, that means, uh, it must be bad, but people love it because, uh, they're doing things like just to please people.
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: And so you come up with a story.
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: Just be careful, be careful of the story that you're telling yourself, and don't worry about the big youth groups.
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: If you can learn something from them, learn something from them.
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: I used to go and observe.
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: People will come to my youth group now and observe.
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: If they're in the area or they're local enough, they'll say, hey, could I just come on a Tuesday night and watch how you guys do things?
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: If, take what you can, leave what you don't like.
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: But chances are you could learn something from a small youth group, from a big youth group, medium, whatever.
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: Just see them as a teacher.
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: Yeah, take what you want, no, or you want and don't, or there's this phrase in church.
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: I've only heard it at our church.
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: But it's like healthy things grow, tumors also grow, yeah, and weeds, so a lot of unhealthy things grow as well.
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: Just because we're big doesn't mean we're healthy, and so I guess the warning with all of this is to say desire health over growth.
• 4:11
  Speaker 2: Well, always full stop, and not to dissect your analogy there Dissect away.
• 4:17
  Speaker 2: The tumor or the weeds.
• 4:19
  Speaker 2: They, in their own way, are growing healthy, in the sense that you're According to them Exactly.
• 4:26
  Speaker 2: They're being fed to be able to grow.
• 4:29
  Speaker 2: They're being fed what they need to grow Right, and so a big youth group being fed by unhealth might be growing because it might be feeding off of the unhealth.
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: Right, but there are also big youth groups that are healthy and we've talked about that before.
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: Like, just because someone has a lot of students doesn't mean oh yeah, because all they do is watch movies and eat cotton candy all day.
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: Of course you know, but you can do both.
• 4:58
  Speaker 2: So that's the goal.
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: That's the goal.
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: Regardless of what they whoever they are are doing, you need to pursue health over everything.
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: So that's health with 11 students and that's health with 23 students.
• 5:14
  Speaker 1: I'm hitting my mile markers.
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: I remember when I went from 11 to 23, I was like wow.
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: And then I remember going from 23 to 43 and I was like oh my gosh.
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: And then we got in the sixties and then the eighties, and then and I was like had to figure out what health meant at every milestone.
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: So learn how to keep a youth group of four healthy, and then maybe you can learn how to keep a youth group of eight healthy.
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: Who knows if it'll grow.
• 5:43
  Speaker 1: Growth has so many factors.
• 5:46
  Speaker 1: We couldn't cover all of it just in this one point.
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: But even just knowing how complex it is, it's not a simple formula of, like you know, abandon the gospel and eat candy and you'll grow.
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: It's like, well, no, there's some, there's a healthy way to grow.
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: But that growth true healthy growth tends to be slow, tends to be a lot slower.
• 6:10
  Speaker 1: Like think of the difference between, like taking steroids and watching your protein and lifting weights for months.
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: You know like one of them is a lot of effort, but it's healthy muscle growth.
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: The other one, it's like drugs and you know you're destroying your system just to look a certain way Right.
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: So it's the same kind of thing.
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: Just know this, even when you do grow.
• 6:35
  Speaker 1: So if you learn how to this, you unlock this mystery of of growth for your church and your youth group.
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: It doesn't necessarily mean you're going to like your job more.
• 6:47
  Speaker 1: So don't look at that as like when we're at 50 kids, a hundred kids, 150 kids.
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: That, because you'll just be exchanging problems for problems.
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: You know, they will be different.
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: Your job won't be better, it will be different.
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: So it's not going to solve all your problems.
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: In fact, growth often creates problems, and that's why we have the Youth Ministry Growth Accelerator Program, because growth is no joke.
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: When you start growing, you need a lot of support and infrastructure intentionality so that you can have the healthy growth that we're talking about, because you might find yourself in charge of a ministry that looks completely different than it did a year and a half ago.
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: And then what do you do?
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: You know the ministry you're leading today probably won't be the ministry of your future, so how do you add more tools to your tool belts?
• 7:48
  Speaker 1: That's why we developed the course, because that was my growth trajectory, you know.
• 7:53
  Speaker 1: Going back and talking about my ministry history, it was like leading something small chugga, chugga, chugga, chugga.
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: Leading it a little bigger chugga, chugga, chugga, chugga, chugga, chugga, chugga, leading it a little bigger chugga, chugga, chugga, chugga, but like this.
• 8:04
  Speaker 2: That song is not part of the course, nor should it ever be, or maybe it's a bonus chapter.
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: Sometimes they forget there's a camera there.
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: I really do.
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: Let's change that.
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: Sorry about that, but that growth was so slow for me, and so then we bottled up this course to say, oh well, here's 20 years worth of lessons that I wish it would have saved me a little time, would have saved me a little time, you know.
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: So positioning yourself for growth is a very good strategy.
• 8:45
  Speaker 1: So wanting healthy growth and then positioning yourself for it, but not making it like, well, I'll prove myself as a youth pastor once we double in size, or this will solve all of our problems, or we'll finally be legitimate, you really got to check your heart.
• 9:02
  Speaker 1: I mean as a youth pastor.
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: The reason we should want to grow?
• 9:08
  Speaker 1: Because obviously more people are hearing the gospel.
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: So if I had five students that heard the gospel and I got five more students that heard the gospel, it's like 50% more people heard the gospel.
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: That's incredible 100% more.
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: What did I say 50?
• 9:25
  Speaker 1: I was thinking five is ten percent don't just stop while you're behind your dumb is wearing off on me took long enough.
• 9:40
  Speaker 2: number two Wearing off on me Jeff Took long enough.
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: Number two All right, no, seriously.
• 9:48
  Speaker 1: Number two Another mistake that small youth groups make is acting like you get a pass on certain things just because you're small.
• 9:57
  Speaker 1: Here's what I mean by that.
• 10:00
  Speaker 1: And again I was there so I am not pointing the finger because I am pointing it at me.
• 10:06
  Speaker 1: Okay, I remember doing this, of thinking like there's this certain mentality, when you're really small that you can kind of fly by the seat of your pants or you can be a little less organized, and I don't know, we can just cancel.
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: And you know there's only going to be a few people, like what does it matter?
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: And you just sort of think it's, it's no big deal, because, um, I I'm not saying you don't value the people, but you just feel like you can get away with being a little more lax, you know.
• 10:41
  Speaker 1: And so what I would challenge you with is more of this mentality of lead your group with the level of excellence, as if 100 people are depending on you and you have to communicate with 100 people and have to make a seamless operation with a hundred people.
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: And have to make a seamless operation and, like everybody has to know when to be there, know what's going on, know what to bring, not that they, oh, they'll just hear it through the grapevine, but pretend you are leading something where a hundred people have to know what's going on, be there and be fully invested, and that will change the level of excellence, because I think some things become what you treat them to be yeah and that's not like a scientific fact, but I think that like what?
• 11:34
  Speaker 2: your students.
• 11:35
  Speaker 2: Consistency will reflect that too.
• 11:37
  Speaker 2: If you're kind of just whatever about it, then all of a sudden like well, do I really need to go to youth group?
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: I don't know, maybe not right, because if you treat it like it's no big deal, people will subconsciously believe that but if you kind of run a tight ship and you're always there and you're punctual and you have a high level of excellence and everyone can see you put in so much effort, like it translates to like oh, this must be a big deal.
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: Like why are they pulling out all the stops?
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: And I know I've told this story before but to me it never gets old.
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: My one of my interns now Arden, she said when she was in junior high she would come to our church's youth group and, being in middle school, she's like I would look around and I was like they did all this for us and she's like it kind of blew my mind Like there was such a like high bar on everything, like the production and the ambience and the food and the music and the message and the worship and the game and the supplies and the energy and the leaders and the kindness and small groups.
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: She's like everything was just so top notch.
• 12:44
  Speaker 1: And what she said as a student is it like communicated so much value to her.
• 12:50
  Speaker 1: But you can see the ripple effect that that has of when you treat something like this is a big deal.
• 12:58
  Speaker 1: People will believe and then, like we said, the opposite of that is also true.
• 13:03
  Speaker 1: Like ah, no big.
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: Like let's just cancel and go get milkshakes.
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: Like who cares?
• 13:07
  Speaker 1: Like it's never gonna pick up steam.
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: It's always going to be what you treat it to be, you know, like that cheesy phrase which I don't even fully agree with, but the sentiment is dressed for the job you want.
• 13:21
  Speaker 2: You know it's like nobody does that, but um I think what they're saying you get fired for that.
• 13:27
  Speaker 2: Probably you're making the fries that at mcdonald's.
• 13:31
  Speaker 2: You're like I want to be ray crock, the ceo of mcdonald's, so I'm gonna wear a suit and they'd say that's not your uniform, you're fired how'd you know it was ray crog?
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: croc, ray croc sorry, ray, if you're watching how in the world.
• 13:46
  Speaker 2: Did you know that?
• 13:47
  Speaker 2: Maybe not, though you know weird facts.
• 13:49
  Speaker 2: Well, what can I say?
• 13:51
  Speaker 1: maybe you're not as dumb as I thought I am but they say dress for the job you want, and and again.
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: We've already poked holes in that.
• 14:01
  Speaker 1: That's dumb, but in a lot of settings.
• 14:03
  Speaker 1: But at the same time the sentiment is hey, show yourself to be who you want to be seen as and people will believe it.
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: So present your youth group as no, this is not just some.
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: I remember, you know, people for years, years never understood my job and they'd be like, oh, are you still leading that girl's Bible study?
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: I'm like well.
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: I'm a youth pastor, I have girls, I have boys, we do a youth group, never mind.
• 14:31
  Speaker 2: Good for you.
• 14:32
  Speaker 1: Yeah, they just thought it was a little hobby.
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: Oh, you teach Sunday school at church once in a while.
• 14:38
  Speaker 1: No, I'm a youth pastor, Never mind.
• 14:41
  Speaker 1: And so it's like and present yourself as who you want people to see you as.
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: Present your youth group as how you want the church to see it, how you want parents to see it, how you want potential students to see it presented in that light.
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: Treat it that way and over time, none of these are like and then boom, next week you'll double in size.
• 15:05
  Speaker 2: But it is this ongoing mentality of how we treat things does come to fruition right, and it doesn't always have to be because in the back of your head you might be thinking, yeah, but that's probably all based off of a big budget, which is not always the case I mean a big budget certainly can help some of those things, but that's not necessary it's definitely not, and you would be amazed at how creative and resourceful you can get when you have nobody to do anything.
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: Yeah, so people will give you free stuff because you're a church donations, I mean, homemade Christmas ornaments, whatever but you can find ways.
• 15:44
  Speaker 1: So number three and this one is sad a mistake that a lot of youth pastors of small youth groups make is not appreciating the people that are right in front of you.
• 15:56
  Speaker 1: I don't think we do it intentionally, but we always are kind of like yeah, yeah, yeah, like you know, when you just stop appreciating your own family because, you're like, well, you aren't like actual people, you know like.
• 16:08
  Speaker 1: I always have to remind my students that of like, when the Bible is talking about, like loving one another, be kind to one another, I'll be like, by the way, your siblings are people and that is who he's talking about.
• 16:19
  Speaker 1: So don't go out like oh, I went on this missions trip when you're a jerk to everyone under your own roof.
• 16:25
  Speaker 1: Like, let's get that taken care of first.
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: Like that's even biblical.
• 16:30
  Speaker 1: Like, lead your family well before you lead other people.
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: And so, taking a similar idea of like, love the people that have become so familiar to you that it's like, well, they don't really count.
• 16:45
  Speaker 1: Like, where are all the other kids, you know?
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: But they do, because those are the people who have been entrusted to you for that time.
• 16:51
  Speaker 1: And here's the ripple effect of that People want to invite someone to.
• 16:56
  Speaker 1: Like people would only invite their friends If this was a place where they knew their friends are going to be known and loved and cared for and brought into relationship.
• 17:08
  Speaker 1: Now, a junior, higher high schooler doesn't have that checklist.
• 17:11
  Speaker 1: No, well, my friends be known here.
• 17:14
  Speaker 1: But it's almost like this intuitive like.
• 17:19
  Speaker 1: This is a place I know my friends would love because they would be loved.
• 17:23
  Speaker 1: They're not going to put it in that sentence, but again it's this intuition of like I don't know, could I bring him here, like would it be awkward?
• 17:31
  Speaker 1: Or is it like, oh my gosh, like I'm so loved.
• 17:34
  Speaker 1: I want this love to be like multiplied and all my friends, you know, and that's how growth happens, like these, like putting down roots of relationship and then those people catching it, like that light goes on in them and then they share that light with someone else, and then that and that and that and that, and pretty soon, like, we have these kids at our youth group.
• 17:58
  Speaker 1: That's like your small group is so big.
• 18:01
  Speaker 1: Stop inviting people.
• 18:02
  Speaker 1: But I don't want you to stop inviting people because they they bring all our friends from school kids I've never met, you know because their small group leader is so good at loving them.
• 18:11
  Speaker 1: You know they intuitively, somewhere deep down, know other kids need this and they will bring them and that's, you know, pretty exciting when you can develop an environment where people cannot help but invite others.
• 18:25
  Speaker 1: You know, I very rarely tell my students bring your friends.
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: I do once a year when we're doing our big outreach event called the battle in October.
• 18:35
  Speaker 1: It's like a tournament style competition series.
• 18:38
  Speaker 1: It's a lot of fun, super hype.
• 18:40
  Speaker 1: It's really for the non-Christian other than that I never say invite your friends to church, I don't have to, they just do.
• 18:49
  Speaker 1: And it's so organic because again, kind of going back to number one that that health is contagious.
• 18:59
  Speaker 1: You know it's like they're telling other people like where to find food.
• 19:03
  Speaker 1: You know, this is where I got fed.
• 19:04
  Speaker 1: You can get fed there too.
• 19:06
  Speaker 1: You know whether it's like the feeding of your soul, or you know your heart, or like hearing the gospel for the first time, meeting Jesus, and if it's such an amazing experience, they're going to invite their friends.
• 19:19
  Speaker 1: Like, how many, how many times has a friend been?
• 19:22
  Speaker 1: Like, have you ever like eaten at this one place?
• 19:25
  Speaker 1: Like, oh my gosh, it's so good you got to go.
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: Like that's that's how I want them to talk about our youth group, you know.
• 19:31
  Speaker 1: So, going back to the small church mentality, sometimes you just have to focus on directly who's in front of you and wait for that organic spark to start firing of people saying I can't keep this to myself anymore and growth could happen that way.
• 19:49
  Speaker 1: But if you're so hyper-focused or preoccupied on who's not there and you're kind of like, oh, just you guys again, and you know I mean you would never say that I think you, everyone has enough EQ, hopefully, not to do that.
• 20:07
  Speaker 1: But unfortunately those heart attitudes do seep out in other ways, you know, just like not valuing people or not paying attention to people or not being excited about people or just not giving your level of excellence, because it's just them, you know.
• 20:20
  Speaker 1: And so be careful of that mentality seeping out in other ways, because people there's a lot of things people feel but can't put into words and it's a sense, and I feel that kind of stuff all the time of like I don't know if I could put this in a sentence, but I I have this sense deep down that you feel this toward me, and if I were to ask you, you'd say, of course not, you know, not you ask me hey, are you mad?
• 20:50
  Speaker 2: right now I'm like, no, I'm getting sick though, so lay me alone, so I'm not in a good mood.
• 20:56
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, I knew.
• 20:59
  Speaker 2: You could sense it.
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: I could.
• 21:01
  Speaker 1: And just so you know, having a small youth group it doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong, you know you have the people that God has put into your ministry right now.
• 21:11
  Speaker 2: Those are the exact people that he wants in your ministry right now.
• 21:14
  Speaker 2: And if you guys are looking to grow the size and health of your youth ministry, thank goodness you found this podcast, because that's what we have dedicated this podcast to.
• 21:24
  Speaker 2: And if you want to go deeper, make sure you check out growyouryouthministrycom and you can see what the Youth Ministry Growth Accelerator Coaching and Course Program is all about.
• 21:34
  Speaker 2: We actually also have a three-month and six-month payment plan available right now, so make sure you go and check that out, growyouryouthministrycom.
• 21:43
  Speaker 2: Okay, let's do a question of the day.
• 21:45
  Speaker 2: I don't have an answer for this one, so hopefully you'll be able to carry this.
• 21:49
  Speaker 2: Okay, what is the song that, when you hear it, you can't not dance?
• 21:55
  Speaker 1: It will always be Gangnam Style by Psy, the Korean pop star.
• 22:00
  Speaker 1: I don't know what it does to me.
• 22:02
  Speaker 1: I request it at every wedding, at every dance party.
• 22:05
  Speaker 1: It just I love it.
• 22:07
  Speaker 1: I love that song.
• 22:08
  Speaker 1: I love the dance that goes along with it.
• 22:11
  Speaker 1: I love his voice.
• 22:12
  Speaker 1: I try to sing along with him in Korean, even though I don't know what he's saying.
• 22:16
  Speaker 1: I love it.
• 22:17
  Speaker 1: He'll always be my number one.
• 22:20
  Speaker 2: I might just copy that one too.
• 22:21
  Speaker 2: That is a good, a good dance song.
• 22:23
  Speaker 2: I'm going to go with that, all right.
• 22:25
  Speaker 2: This is the community comment of the day.
• 22:27
  Speaker 2: This comes from Novi's mom, who says I enjoy listening to you because of your experience.
• 22:32
  Speaker 2: I appreciate you so much.
• 22:40
  Speaker 2: Oh, thank you, novi's mom.
• 22:40
  Speaker 2: Thank you so much you for listening.
• 22:41
  Speaker 2: Thank you, guys so much for watching and listening and we'll see you next time.
• 22:43
  Speaker 1: Today we're talking about three mistakes that small youth groups make before it's too late.
• 22:49
  Speaker 1: Are you accidentally making war?
• 22:53
  Speaker 2: Welcome to the ministry coach podcast, where every week we bring you.
• 22:55
  Speaker 2: Welcome to the ministry coach podcast, where every week we bring you actionable and practical tips to help you do something.