Latest / The Bridges and Beacons Podcast / How to Move From Self-sabotage to Unlock Self-love with Emily Meyer

Transcript

How to Move From Self-sabotage to Unlock Self-love with Emily Meyer · The Bridges and Beacons Podcast

• 0:38
  SPEAKER_00: Hello, hello, hello, and welcome to the Mystic Nerd Squad podcast.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_00: I'm your host, Kelly Meyerson, here with another fantastic episode.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_00: And just deliriously happy and excited because my friend Emily is here today, and we haven't actually had the chance to spend time together with our families in a very long time.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_00: You know, this very annoying pandemic, keeping us all in the virtual world together, but not present with one another.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm just gonna tell you a little bit about Emily, who is here to talk to us about shifting from self-sabotage to self-love.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_00: And so Emily is a serial creative who loves to find beauty in all things.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_00: I love that as a start to a bio.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_00: I think that's such a gorgeous way to start it.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_00: She holds degrees in music performance as well as apparel construction and has dabbled in facets of the creative space in between.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_00: Not feeling that any of those fields were home, she began questing for her true calling.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_00: After many external trial and errors, she realized she needed to look within.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_00: Emily is now the program director for Honeywell Arts Academy, a full scholarship summer program for emerging artists and general manager for the Philharmonic of Southern New Jersey.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_00: She lives in New Jersey and is married to her best friend, Renan, and mama to two silly boys, Rodwick and Irwin.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_00: And oh my gosh, I'm so excited to have you here.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_00: She is a fantastic mom.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_00: And I think if anything, creative is the perfect descriptor for you.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much for coming on the podcast.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you so much for having me.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_02: This is really wonderful.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_02: I'm excited to be here.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_00: It's it's such a dream for me to be able to do a podcast and to really highlight very special people in the world.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_00: And getting to do this with people who you personally know in your life feels so truly incredible and amazing.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_00: So you and I reconnected um not too long ago to catch up with one another, and you were sharing this amazing journey, and I've been following you on Instagram for a while, and I just am so like dazzled by your amazing videos and the things that you talk about and the way that I as a mom relate to your journey.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_00: So tell me a little bit about in the middle of your bio, you talk about really kind of doing some soul searching and figuring out what are you here for, what are you all about.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_00: Tell me a little bit about how that journey began.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, you know, it's really interesting because I don't have a lot of people close in my life that I've known through this whole stretch of time.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_02: And and you're one of those people that, you know, I that you met me and knew me when I was, you know, really struggling internally.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_02: But um, you know, I like to call it like the sitting duck, right?
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_02: I also play the oboe and it has a very duck sound, so I like relate to that very well.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_02: But just sort of this image of someone who looks like everything is totally fine, but is frantically paddling underneath.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and you know, I was struggling with um how do I find happiness?
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_02: I wasn't happy with my degree, or so I thought, you know, being in music, it's very stressful, and just the the um the constant, constantly striving for perfection and just real and not realizing that that wasn't realistic or attainable.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_02: And I think for me, when I became a mother, I started to realize because I was seeing these things happen to my own kids, it's like, wait a minute, no, this isn't attainable.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_02: You know, these these standards that I was putting on myself, I kept saying to my kids, you know, well, nobody's perfect, and you know, you're gonna make mistakes, and this is how we learn through life.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_02: And isn't that beautiful?
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_02: Because if we weren't learning, then you know, we wouldn't be growing and all these kind of things.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_02: And then finally one day I was just like, Emily, you're not even telling yourself these things or believing these about yourself or allowing yourself to fall down, you're not allowing yourself to show that you know things aren't always perfect.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_02: And so it really took that honesty with my kids to realize that I needed to be honest with myself.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_02: And um, so that's really where the journey began, you know.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_02: And that's why I think I'm passionate about, you know, mothering your own inner inner self to find what makes you happy.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my gosh.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_00: I relate so much to that, especially the piece of perfectionism, and that, you know, it's not attainable, and yet there's so many of us who grew up feeling like we should be able to attain it.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_02: Well, and I think it's such a valid point.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_02: And then the other thing is you're putting it on yourself, you know, and I think that was another realization I had to come to was Emily, you are sabotaging yourself from all of these goals and all of these things that I kept feeling like I was never quite good enough, or I, you know, oh well, you almost made it, but not quite.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_02: And um I realized, you know, I controlled that.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_02: I had the power to say, you know what, this is gonna be the time, Emily, that you know, it might be hard, but you're gonna keep pushing through and and you know, just challenge yourself and reframe the questions and reframe the situation just as you would with your kids.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, you know, they didn't really mean to steal the blocks.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_02: They were just interested in having them for themselves because X, Y, and Z, you know, these scenarios that I kept creating for my kids, I I really kind of dumbed it down in my own life.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_02: And and it's like, you know, oh, that mom didn't call you back because I also it socially, you know, it sort of it began to spread into every facet of my life, socially, um, career-wise, you know, just sort of everything.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_02: And it was making me become quite a hermit because I was just so embarrassed of like the person that I was, that I wasn't who I thought I would be.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_02: And my life um seems so wonderful because it is, um, but I was struggling on the inside.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_02: So to be able to, you know, just bring that so like dial it back to, you know, this person isn't contacting you because they're busy, it's nothing personal, you know, and and kind of reframing things just as I would with my kids for myself and making it that simple.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I I absolutely love that because I think there's so many ways that it can become really super complicated.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_00: And like at the end of the day, if it becomes, okay, so if these are the pieces of advice I'm giving to my children, why can it not also be the advice that I'm giving to myself?
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_00: And I the concept of of in your adulthood, and especially as a mom, like, okay, I'm gonna pause for a minute, and there's like an an inner self who is coming out who really feels insecure, and that's sort of how I'm existing in my mind in the world, and so why can't I then?
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, I'm mothering two children, why can I not mother a third at the same time and heal a little bit?
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_00: I'm already here.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_00: I'm here, I'm doing it anyway.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_00: Might as well just add another kid into the mix with my own inner child.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_00: I I so love that.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_02: I also think, you know, I explored all these different avenues of creativity.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_02: Like, you know, you listed in my bio, and I've I've dabbled in so many things.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_02: And I think I also got to this point where I was just like, Emily, what do all these, how do we bring all these things together?
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_02: You know, and you know, there's this obvious common thread of creativity, you know, with music and with apparel construction.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_02: And you know, I'm a very visual person.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_02: I love to decorate my home, I love to like throw parties, and you know, I love to make balloon decorations.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_02: And, you know, I for Roderick's first birthday, I carved an owl out of an apple, which is like when I look at pictures, I'm like, I don't even know how I did that.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_01: But um, you know, these are I put these perfectionism, you know, talk about perfectionism at its finest.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_02: But you know, I looked at all these things, and and obviously being creative was something that became that came very naturally to me and something that I was excited about.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_02: But some of the pieces of music really didn't work for me, just like the like I was saying before, sort of the competitive nature, and you know, um, it was it it caused a lot of anxiety in my life.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_02: Um, so that didn't work.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_02: So nothing quite right, but um now I'm at this place where I'm dabbling in all those things.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_02: You know, I'm general manager of Philharmonica of Southern New Jersey, which is a volunteer orchestra that um, you know, the average player is probably like 75 or something.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_02: You know, I mean, these people are so wonderful and they're carrying music through their lives because it makes them happy and they're purely there for the joy of it.
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_02: I teach a little music class at Irwin School.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_02: So I also teach, you know, music to three-year-olds, to six-year-olds, and um then with the emerging artist piece, you know, it's like I'm being able to connect people, and that's when what I realize is my superpower is connecting with people and inspiring them to be happy and um see the positive in situations, and it took the creativity, um, you know, and the winding path to kind of have all those pieces fall into place.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_02: Um, so I'm just really passionate about inspiring others to find that for themselves because I know what it felt like before and I know how it feels now, and you know, I want to trade it for the world, and it's hard sometimes, and and it did it took a lot of you know, deep dives into myself and conversations with my family members and loved ones, you know, to be honest with some of the things that were really hard growing up that maybe I didn't ever talk about, or you know, pieces of relationships that I've had for years that weren't really working right for me anymore because of the paths that I wanted to go, or asking for help with child care, something that was a really big challenge for me.
• 11:56
  SPEAKER_02: Um, so kind of just being vulnerable and open to receive um the way that I was being guided.
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_02: And and so I just love helping people find that for themselves.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I love that.
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, the thing is you you said the word vulnerable, and that honestly, to me, that's one of the words I was I was thinking about for you in what you've been going through.
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and we'll we'll talk in a little bit about the book that you wrote, but that ability to be so incredibly vulnerable and honest and willing to put yourself out there takes a such a tremendous amount of courage.
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_00: And so you've literally done the 180 of just kind of hiding within yourself to just being, I'm gonna be full out who I am and I'm gonna speak my truth.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_00: And like that to me, that is when they talk about doing the work, that's doing the work.
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_00: That is the work, that's the hard stuff that really like pushes you to the edge of your capacity.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_00: But I think what's so tremendous about that is that you didn't only do it with yourself in mind, you were like, well, I know that I'm not the only girl who grew up this way and felt the way that I did.
• 13:19
  SPEAKER_00: And there have got to be more girls and women out there who could be inspired and um challenged in a good way by hearing somebody's story.
• 13:29
  SPEAKER_00: So what made you feel like, you know what, I'm gonna, I'm gonna be loud and proud with my story and I'm gonna share it out into the world.
• 13:39
  SPEAKER_02: You know, it's funny because I think to me, it's almost easier to share it than with with people, you know, it's it's easier for me to post a video on social media than it is for me sometimes to call my mom and say, hey, this is how I'm feeling, because you know, I don't want to let them down.
• 13:58
  SPEAKER_02: Um, so you know, it just I think it festered for so long that it kind of was like so big, it just was exploding out.
• 14:08
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and it had to be it just was something that really needed to be shared with others.
• 14:13
  SPEAKER_02: I also through all this time, I really haven't done a great job of creating a community for myself.
• 14:19
  SPEAKER_02: So I was very isolated and um really embarrassed about sharing with anybody because I never felt close enough for anybody to anyone really, besides, you know, like my husband or things like that.
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_02: But I really was looking for this sort of female connection and female friendships and um mothers and just people who were sort of understanding more of the logistical life that I was leading and and some other pieces.
• 14:45
  SPEAKER_02: And it was like the only way I'm gonna find these people is if I tell people that I'm having a hard time.
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_02: You know, it's like the only way I'm going to find the connections that I'm so desperately seeking is to say it out loud because I've tried the like just you know holding it in and figuring it out method, and this wasn't working.
• 15:04
  SPEAKER_02: So um, you know, just being a detective to myself, and I've always loved helping others from the time that I was a little child, you know, in every job I have ever had, it's always been, you know, I remember like answering phones at a gym, and I and I was like the assistant to the um owner, and I was just like, it was, you know, not my ideal job, but I just kept telling myself that I was helping her, you know, I was helping her be the person that she wanted to be.
• 15:33
  SPEAKER_02: And so then to me it was fulfilling.
• 15:35
  SPEAKER_02: So in any any capacity where I'm involved, I can put that spin on it.
• 15:39
  SPEAKER_02: It makes me feel good.
• 15:40
  SPEAKER_02: Um, so to think like, okay, Emily, this feels embarrassing and you need to let it out because otherwise you're not gonna find your people, you know, if you can say to yourself, well, it might be embarrassing, you might feel a little bit icky and funny and you know, butterfly on the inside, but you know at the end of the day, you might help one person and then it was all worth it.
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_02: Um you know, that person is me too.
• 16:01
  SPEAKER_02: Like I'm helping myself and I'm helping others, and you know, just you know, I it's you know said all the time, put your mask on first, you know, like on the airplane.
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_02: But it's true, like if you if you you can't give if there's nothing to give.
• 16:15
  SPEAKER_02: So just really fueling myself and realizing that that was helping too.
• 16:19
  SPEAKER_02: So I think the two kind of go hand in hand and they they fed each other, but it was sort of a breaking point where I was like, something drastic has to change, I have to do something.
• 16:29
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and helping others along the way is just like major bonus.
• 16:33
  SPEAKER_00: Major bonus, yeah.
• 16:34
  SPEAKER_00: I agree with you.
• 16:36
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 16:36
  SPEAKER_00: Can we go back and talk about perfectionism a little bit?
• 16:39
  SPEAKER_00: Because I this is like one of my nerd out topics because I didn't realize until just a few years ago.
• 16:46
  SPEAKER_00: I knew I was a perfectionist, but I didn't realize how much other um other behaviors play into it.
• 16:56
  SPEAKER_00: So procrastination, probably a perfectionist, people pleasing, you know, performing, trying to keep everybody happy, trying to keep the peace, you know, all of these sort of behaviors fall around perfectionism.
• 17:12
  SPEAKER_00: And the big one that I didn't know anybody else had until, you know, in my 30s, imposter syndrome.
• 17:19
  SPEAKER_00: Hud, does any of that relate to you in terms of perfectionism?
• 17:24
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, all of it.
• 17:25
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 17:27
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know.
• 17:27
  SPEAKER_02: I'm I'm not, I don't know if I would identify as a procrastinator.
• 17:31
  SPEAKER_02: That might be the only one that I'm kind of, you know, not as like checking, yeah, this is Emily, Emily, Emily.
• 17:39
  SPEAKER_02: I'm a major people pleaser.
• 17:41
  SPEAKER_02: I never want to disrupt the piece.
• 17:43
  SPEAKER_02: Um and I I always have just, you know, like, you want to you want Chinese for dinner?
• 17:49
  SPEAKER_02: Awesome.
• 17:50
  SPEAKER_02: That's what's that that's what we're gonna have.
• 17:51
  SPEAKER_02: Don't like think twice about what I might actually want, not part of the conversation, you know, and and just that was always my default.
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_02: And it's still it's still something that I'm working on, you know, in many scenarios.
• 18:03
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and so it's not something that comes naturally to me, the non-perfection um tendencies.
• 18:10
  SPEAKER_02: And I don't know if that's conditioning or because I, you know, I I try to think about my upbringing, and I, you know, I came from a wonderful, loving home, and you know, really nothing of note, you know, that was like so drastically off or anything, but um, I am an only child, so that probably plays into it.
• 18:29
  SPEAKER_02: You know, I know that birth order sometimes can play into that and things, but yeah, it's been debilitating, really debilitating.
• 18:35
  SPEAKER_02: Um, you know, I majored in oval performance and I was a really and I still I now play again, but I took a really long break because in my mind, if I wasn't the principal ovo of the Chicago Symphony Orchestra by the time I'm 30, then I might as well just never play again.
• 18:53
  SPEAKER_02: And yeah, that's so sad.
• 18:55
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah it's it's like horribly sad, you know.
• 18:57
  SPEAKER_02: That's one position, and literally people like die, and then you those positions open.
• 19:05
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, people hold on to it.
• 19:06
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 19:06
  SPEAKER_02: That's like not a joke, you know.
• 19:07
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, it's crazy how they oh my gosh, they just they aren't they aren't that opportunity isn't very frequent.
• 19:14
  SPEAKER_02: So to hold that as my standard, you know, I just I again I self-sabotage myself before I even began because I put this ridiculous expectation on myself instead of just like be happy, have fun.
• 19:26
  SPEAKER_02: Are you enjoying this?
• 19:27
  SPEAKER_02: Is this fueling you in some sort of a way?
• 19:29
  SPEAKER_02: Are you you know inspiring others with your music and and that makes them feel good?
• 19:34
  SPEAKER_02: Um, you know, there are so many things that so many other kickbacks that could have been um recognized, but for me it was like, nope, that's it, I'll just put it in the case.
• 19:42
  SPEAKER_02: And I didn't play for at least 10 years.
• 19:44
  SPEAKER_02: Wow because I was just like, Wow, it's not worth it.
• 19:48
  SPEAKER_02: And and you know, and again, now I've started playing again, but to me, it you know, it's these pieces where I refused love for myself, you know.
• 19:58
  SPEAKER_02: I was erasing that from my life to the point where I was like, Do people see me?
• 20:03
  SPEAKER_02: I'm I'm not sure if I'm even visible in the world, you know.
• 20:06
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and that that's where my book came into play, you know, how to feel seen when how to be seen when you feel invisible.
• 20:12
  SPEAKER_02: Um, because I just felt so invisible.
• 20:15
  SPEAKER_02: I felt so like if if you know something happened to me one day, who would notice?
• 20:21
  SPEAKER_02: You know, would there be a single person that would would pay mind, you know?
• 20:25
  SPEAKER_02: And I was like, this is really sad, you know.
• 20:28
  SPEAKER_02: This is what we do, you know.
• 20:30
  SPEAKER_02: So that's when I started looking within and trying to make tweaks.
• 20:36
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 20:37
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 20:38
  SPEAKER_00: Well, and I think when you become a mom, like all of a sudden you're just so hyper aware of so many different things.
• 20:47
  SPEAKER_00: For me, I felt like, oh my gosh, I just can't like get it all together.
• 20:51
  SPEAKER_00: I can't get the organization together, the the you know, perfect setup of things, making all the right choices, like when do you give this food versus this?
• 21:01
  SPEAKER_00: My kid doesn't sleep, I don't sleep, you know.
• 21:04
  SPEAKER_00: And I agree with you.
• 21:05
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like that like sense of feeling supported and being able to rely on other people.
• 21:12
  SPEAKER_00: I really had so much pressure on myself to do everything and to do everything really well, really well.
• 21:19
  SPEAKER_00: And if I didn't, like I was just gonna, I was gonna ruin my child.
• 21:23
  SPEAKER_00: That was it.
• 21:24
  SPEAKER_00: Failed.
• 21:25
  SPEAKER_01: That's that's like that's a lot, you know, to think of that.
• 21:30
  SPEAKER_02: Like I failed my child, you know.
• 21:33
  SPEAKER_02: If I don't do this perfectly, then you know, so that's a lot to carry, that's a big load, and um yeah, it's it's a lot.
• 21:43
  SPEAKER_02: All moms deserve hugs, you know.
• 21:45
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, instantly I'm like, oof, I feel you, you know, you don't have to say anything more.
• 21:50
  SPEAKER_02: You know, I just meet you where you're at because you know, there's different stages, different all of the all of the mom things, you know, because again, we're all unique and we all are are people, and I think that was another thing that I had to realize for my kids, you know.
• 22:04
  SPEAKER_02: I sort of took this path of well, I need to be like everybody else, and I need to do this like everybody else, because this is the way it's supposed to be.
• 22:11
  SPEAKER_02: And I see this person and I like the way that person's life is, and I think that's the way I want it to be, but then I would try and it would feel so icky on the inside.
• 22:20
  SPEAKER_02: And and so that's when I finally was like, you know what?
• 22:23
  SPEAKER_02: No, I'm just gonna be me and I'm weird and I'm awkward, and I'm gonna own it, and it's gonna be great.
• 22:30
  SPEAKER_02: And you know what?
• 22:30
  SPEAKER_01: It has been, and sometimes it's really awkward, and I say things that I don't mean to say, or like I'll jumble two words together and it'll be a word that isn't appropriate, and I'm like, oh, I didn't realize that was gonna come out, you know.
• 22:42
  SPEAKER_02: So you know it happens.
• 22:44
  SPEAKER_02: Um, but I just I allow myself to be human.
• 22:47
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I love that.
• 22:48
  SPEAKER_00: I love that, and I'm I'm completely an awkward person, and I it's totally fine.
• 22:54
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I think I love awkward people, so if you're awkward, we can totally be friends because we're gonna say something.
• 23:01
  SPEAKER_00: I I have a friend who like you know identifies as awkward, like I do, and we send each other memes all the time of like awkward things, you know.
• 23:11
  SPEAKER_01: Because I need to get on that meme train because oh my god, totally because I do some really awkward things sometimes, but um I can laugh at myself, you know, and I I don't know that I always could too.
• 23:22
  SPEAKER_01: So that's that's the other thing, like, oh my gosh, that's so funny.
• 23:24
  SPEAKER_01: I did something silly, and you know, we just move on.
• 23:27
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I was I was so it's so funny.
• 23:29
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna totally derail, but it's it's funny, so I'll do it.
• 23:32
  SPEAKER_00: But uh a few days ago, I was talking about like with my son about being embarrassed, and I was like, you know, the most embarrassing thing that I remember happening to me.
• 23:41
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, I was sitting in college taking a test, and it was completely silent in the room, and it was like those desks where you're sitting in the in the the desk and like the the table part is attached, and I was sitting with my legs crossed and like I had been there for like an hour and a half, you know, I finished, I went to Stand up.
• 23:59
  SPEAKER_00: I had no idea.
• 24:00
  SPEAKER_00: My leg was completely asleep.
• 24:03
  SPEAKER_00: So it buckled under me.
• 24:05
  SPEAKER_00: I went to lean on the desk to support myself.
• 24:09
  SPEAKER_00: The desk crashed down, scared the whole room.
• 24:13
  SPEAKER_00: And I ended up like on my back upside down, looking, and the professor was looking down at me.
• 24:21
  SPEAKER_00: You know, and my leg was asleep.
• 24:23
  SPEAKER_00: So I then had to like apologize profusely to the people that I scared half to death, to the professor who was like not really sure what just happened and just hobble my way out of the room.
• 24:35
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my God.
• 24:36
  SPEAKER_00: But like, yes, like that level of awkward in my life all the time.
• 24:40
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 24:41
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 24:41
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 24:41
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 24:42
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 24:42
  SPEAKER_00: Do you would you like to share an awkward, funny story?
• 24:45
  SPEAKER_02: Well, the most recent one is one where I was at a meeting with, you know, I I took over this new role.
• 24:52
  SPEAKER_02: And so I've been meeting with new people that I don't really know.
• 24:54
  SPEAKER_02: And sometimes that makes me feel uncomfortable a little bit.
• 24:57
  SPEAKER_02: I get um nervous because I want to be perfect and I want always want to do a good job.
• 25:00
  SPEAKER_02: So I've been working really hard on that.
• 25:02
  SPEAKER_02: But um I accidentally combined two words and it didn't, it didn't, there was no context, it was like completely out of context, didn't mean anything to anything, but I just said V-I-T-C-H, just like no man.
• 25:21
  SPEAKER_01: I was just like, it was almost like a birthday.
• 25:24
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, oh, excuse me.
• 25:26
  SPEAKER_01: But it was very like brilliant.
• 25:29
  SPEAKER_01: There's no question of what was said.
• 25:31
  SPEAKER_01: And this was my my first meeting with this person, and I was just like, Oh, that's a little bit awkward, okay.
• 25:37
  SPEAKER_01: But you know, we just moved on and didn't really say much about it.
• 25:40
  SPEAKER_01: And it ended up.
• 25:41
  SPEAKER_00: That's hysterical.
• 25:42
  SPEAKER_01: And I think it was really like two months ago.
• 25:44
  SPEAKER_01: So you know, like it just like worldwide all the time.
• 25:47
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's just yeah, no, I know it happens, it happens.
• 25:50
  SPEAKER_00: I just I find like now, like at this point in my life, I'm like, I collect these moments as like I gotta share this hysterical tidbit with my friends who understand what it's like to be awkward because I know that they're gonna think that it's funny and get it.
• 26:06
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah, I totally I love that.
• 26:09
  SPEAKER_00: I I love it.
• 26:10
  SPEAKER_00: I think this whole idea that we have to be perfectly polished all the time.
• 26:15
  SPEAKER_00: And I I mean, I even said to you at the outset of recording this podcast, I'm like, I don't edit my podcasts, and you know, for some people, maybe that's like, ugh, like you, you just let it go.
• 26:28
  SPEAKER_00: But I feel like life is unedited and I like it that way.
• 26:33
  SPEAKER_00: And I think things happen, sounds occur, you know, blips.
• 26:38
  SPEAKER_00: But like the real important thing is the content and the things that we're talking about, and that is so much more important to get out into the world than it's important for it to be perfectly polished.
• 26:50
  SPEAKER_00: I sort of broke my perfectionism by continuously taking imperfect action, posting things without editing them, because it was a way to prove to my nervous system that like we don't need to freak out if something goes wrong and it isn't a perfectly done anything.
• 27:09
  SPEAKER_00: Nobody's hurt, everybody's okay.
• 27:12
  SPEAKER_00: And so, like, I sort of broke myself out of that, you know, stuck in the mode of it's gotta be perfect.
• 27:19
  SPEAKER_00: Because for me, perfectionism meant like not doing anything, not moving forward, or being so fearful that it wasn't gonna be perfect that I procrastinated.
• 27:30
  SPEAKER_00: So then it would be like it wasn't that it was imperfect, it was that I chose to procrastinate and that it was a poorly done job because of the procrastinating.
• 27:39
  SPEAKER_00: It was had nothing to do with the perfectionism.
• 27:42
  SPEAKER_00: But I realized later on, I was like, well, that was the perfectionism.
• 27:46
  SPEAKER_00: That was me being afraid to put something imperfect into the world.
• 27:49
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm like, like you said, like, could you affect one person?
• 27:53
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 27:53
  SPEAKER_00: It then it's worth it for me to be like, I'm imperfectly out in the world, and you're going to see the mistakes, and that's okay.
• 28:02
  SPEAKER_00: It's okay.
• 28:03
  SPEAKER_02: Absolutely.
• 28:05
  SPEAKER_02: I couldn't agree with you more.
• 28:07
  SPEAKER_02: You know, for a period there, I sort of um mourned the loss of some events and uh things I'd missed out on, and you know, opportunities maybe I didn't take, all because I was afraid that I couldn't do it perfectly.
• 28:21
  SPEAKER_02: And so, you know, I talk about this in my book too, you know, at forgiving yourself, writing yourself a note to forgive yourself because it was something that really I was really caught up with.
• 28:31
  SPEAKER_02: Like, how could I do this to myself, you know, to think of all of these things over the years that I could never get back, you know, and I could choose to be sad about it, right?
• 28:40
  SPEAKER_02: And I could choose to dwell in that, but I have an opportunity to change and I have an opportunity to learn and grow and say, wow, okay, during that time I was this way, I forgive myself for that, and I forgive myself for these missed opportunities, but I have the opportunity to maybe try to recreate them or you know get out there in other ways and imperfectly continue to show up for myself to say, hey, no, I have something important to say, and I deserve to say it.
• 29:06
  SPEAKER_02: And if you don't like it, please unfollow me.
• 29:09
  SPEAKER_02: Like, go somewhere else.
• 29:10
  SPEAKER_02: I'm not ended, it's totally fine.
• 29:13
  SPEAKER_02: Um, but to think that I could help someone else is just so meaningful, and um, you know, yeah, forgiveness is a hard one, is it's a hard pill to swallow as a perfectionist sometimes for me, you know, even with other people to say, hey, I messed up, I'm really sorry.
• 29:28
  SPEAKER_02: And so to even say it to myself, like, oh Emily, we messed up a little bit on that one.
• 29:33
  SPEAKER_02: Sorry about that.
• 29:34
  SPEAKER_02: But like we're still learning and we're still growing, and so you know, trying to look at it at it in that way.
• 29:39
  SPEAKER_02: Um, but you know, it's it is life-changing.
• 29:45
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my gosh, it absolutely 100% is.
• 29:48
  SPEAKER_00: So let's talk about this book.
• 29:50
  SPEAKER_00: Um, it's I've been lucky enough to to read it.
• 29:54
  SPEAKER_00: It's beautiful.
• 29:55
  SPEAKER_00: I I mean, and literally like the content is beautiful, but it's literally beautiful.
• 30:00
  SPEAKER_00: So tell us a little bit about it.
• 30:02
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you.
• 30:02
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I think you know it's just sort of all the things that I would have wanted to say to myself at at a stage that was really hard for myself.
• 30:11
  SPEAKER_02: And um, so I thought other people in this same moment could could be helped with it.
• 30:19
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and like I said before, you know, I'm a serial creative, I just love every aspect of creativity, you know, I love things that are functionally beautiful, um, you know, uh doorknobs and things that like add character and whatnot.
• 30:33
  SPEAKER_02: So I took the liberty of really putting that part of my personality into the book as well, and and just, you know, thinking of that um as you would be turning the pages and things.
• 30:44
  SPEAKER_02: So to kind of it was it's literally my heart on paper, you know.
• 30:50
  SPEAKER_02: So much of it is personal anecdotes and also um personal tools that helped me um overcome a lot of my struggles and things.
• 31:01
  SPEAKER_02: So um, yeah, you know, it feels really liberating.
• 31:04
  SPEAKER_02: And it was really interesting sharing it with my family.
• 31:07
  SPEAKER_02: Like I said, it's almost easier for me to share with the world as opposed to people that I care about, you know.
• 31:14
  SPEAKER_02: Not that I don't care about the world, but that I that know me intimately and are are part of my life um daily.
• 31:19
  SPEAKER_02: So it was very interesting to share it with my family and to kind of I am definitely, you know, through this process, as you know, I've been, you know, I'm really into like different quizzes and gene keys and all these kind of things to really learn more about myself.
• 31:34
  SPEAKER_02: And, you know, I am on the introverted scale of things for sure.
• 31:38
  SPEAKER_02: Um, so having the opportunity to take the time to write down what I want to say and how I want to say it.
• 31:45
  SPEAKER_02: Because you know, I might slip and say something like B I T C H to somebody, and you know, that's like not what I mean to say at all.
• 31:52
  SPEAKER_02: So, you know, to be able to take the You're such a mob.
• 31:55
  SPEAKER_02: I love this you're such a mob.
• 31:57
  SPEAKER_00: You're like, I'm gonna spell this to somebody who doesn't hear me say this.
• 32:00
  SPEAKER_01: If you're listening, you know, I'm so tickled by that.
• 32:05
  SPEAKER_00: Don't say bad words.
• 32:07
  SPEAKER_02: Um and I have a piece, all uh, you know, a funny story about that too in my book.
• 32:12
  SPEAKER_02: Um, but you know, it's it just having the opportunity to take the time to really say what I want to say and you know, to really just put it out there, you know.
• 32:23
  SPEAKER_02: I think we all have so many special gifts and we all are uniquely different.
• 32:27
  SPEAKER_02: And when I finally realized that for myself, I stopped feeling just kind of horrible all the time, you know, to realize like, you know, I do have gifts, you know, and whether one person read it or many people read it another, you know, it's just that purpose for me.
• 32:45
  SPEAKER_02: I I it's it's a challenge because you know, I've we've talked about this in the in the pre-talk too.
• 32:51
  SPEAKER_02: My husband is someone who's in in the light, you know, sort of in the limelight, if you will.
• 32:57
  SPEAKER_02: And for a long time I struggled with, well, why am I not?
• 33:01
  SPEAKER_02: Or like, and anytime I had the opportunity to be, it didn't really feel right.
• 33:05
  SPEAKER_02: And I was very confused with myself, you know, how come this doesn't feel right?
• 33:09
  SPEAKER_02: Because you want to help people and you want to connect, but I've just realized that I do it in my own way and I do it in different ways, and that's a beautiful thing.
• 33:16
  SPEAKER_02: And um, so you know, again, it was just a small space for me to take the to say I want to say, to put my out in the world in um to continue to evolve and show up for myself for others, and you know that feels really, really good.
• 33:35
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
• 33:37
  SPEAKER_00: I think all of that is so true, and I think um it's like a mom thing to not give yourself credit, you know, uh, because we we share that in common.
• 33:49
  SPEAKER_00: Our our husbands are actually great friends from childhood and both musicians and travel a lot, and so you know, having the responsibility to take care of your family and have like a schedule that flips here and there and everywhere, you know, um, I think sometimes we don't give ourselves enough credit for being able to keep all the pieces together.
• 34:17
  SPEAKER_00: And, you know, everybody's very well fed and cared for and loved and slept reasonably well most nights, and you know, and that that's a big responsibility, you know, it's a lot.
• 34:30
  SPEAKER_00: And um, you know, I feel like maybe you're the same as me.
• 34:35
  SPEAKER_00: And like I just kept at it, like just kept moving forward.
• 34:39
  SPEAKER_00: I never really stopped to be like, Kelly, you're doing a great job.
• 34:42
  SPEAKER_00: Look at you, you're rocking it.
• 34:44
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, okay, what's the next thing?
• 34:45
  SPEAKER_00: What do I need to do next?
• 34:47
  SPEAKER_00: Versus like sitting in a moment just being like, look at everything you're juggling so beautifully, and how much you're supporting your family while all of this is going on.
• 34:58
  SPEAKER_02: I definitely never to thank myself or notice, and I think part of that is that the whole world around me was so different, and you know, their prayers were there, I could cook the dinner or have the groceries, or um, and then the other piece was everyone was always thinking he has action, this was really hard, and so I'm like, oh man, this must be really hard, you know.
• 35:24
  SPEAKER_02: And you know, I was like, this is my life.
• 35:28
  SPEAKER_02: I I'm not even thinking about it, but this constant um you know repetitious calling from the outside world that wow, your life is really hard.
• 35:37
  SPEAKER_02: I was just kind of like, oh, I guess this is really hard.
• 35:39
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know, you know, and so like it I feel like that kind of played into some of my thoughts and feelings too.
• 35:46
  SPEAKER_02: Um, I you know, and just this, like you were saying, the stress of especially in those early days, making all the decisions, you know.
• 35:55
  SPEAKER_02: If the baby cries, I'm the one that has to go get it.
• 35:58
  SPEAKER_02: And what if I don't wake up, you know?
• 36:00
  SPEAKER_02: And so I would sleep on pins and needles all the time because I was having to make all the decisions and be the person for all of the things, and you know, I wouldn't trade any of it.
• 36:09
  SPEAKER_02: And was it easy?
• 36:11
  SPEAKER_02: No, but is parenthood ever easy, no matter what circumstance you're in?
• 36:14
  SPEAKER_02: Absolutely not.
• 36:16
  SPEAKER_02: Um, so it's you know, it's my life, it was my choice, it is my choices, and I am imperfectly beautiful, and I've shown up and I've continued to say, hey, let's keep going, you know, let's let's just keep figuring it out.
• 36:32
  SPEAKER_02: Even well, that didn't work out.
• 36:33
  SPEAKER_02: Let's try it a little bit differently this way.
• 36:35
  SPEAKER_02: And that's where I feel like having that creativity mindset, you know, to say, like, you know, we don't have to keep doing it this way just because this is the way everyone else is doing it.
• 36:43
  SPEAKER_02: We can try a different way because that way isn't working, because you know, our our schedule does flip and flop, and you know, different different things.
• 36:50
  SPEAKER_02: And um, those are again some of the the tools that I took to approach my own personal life, my personal development, and my personal growth, and and um, you know, that's now filtered into career and other places um that's shaping my life into something that you know feels so fulfilling.
• 37:10
  SPEAKER_02: Um, but it was kind of having some of those motherhood um trial and errors that I could kind of then turn inward and and use them on myself too.
• 37:20
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I love it.
• 37:21
  SPEAKER_00: I love it.
• 37:22
  SPEAKER_00: So how do people connect with you?
• 37:24
  SPEAKER_00: How do they they find you?
• 37:26
  SPEAKER_00: Obviously on Instagram, right?
• 37:29
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 37:29
  SPEAKER_02: So I am on Instagram at Emily E Meyer, M-E-Y-E-R, and my website's the same, emilyemeyer.com.
• 37:39
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and that's really where I probably spend the most time.
• 37:42
  SPEAKER_02: So those would those would be the places to look out.
• 37:45
  SPEAKER_00: And what do you have coming up that people can connect with you on?
• 37:49
  SPEAKER_02: So uh my book recently launched, so um you can connect with me there, and I have some other free resources on the website.
• 37:55
  SPEAKER_02: I also do one-on-one coaching, and there are options on my website as well.
• 37:59
  SPEAKER_02: So um I'm also always open to just saying hey and connecting.
• 38:04
  SPEAKER_02: So, you know, if you're nearby, you want to grab coffee, or if you just want to have a chat and you say, Hey, that really resonated with me.
• 38:10
  SPEAKER_02: I'm always down for connection and conversation, and um that's just what fuels me.
• 38:15
  SPEAKER_00: So, so please don't be shy, say hello.
• 38:17
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
• 38:18
  SPEAKER_00: And and hopefully the right words will come out of the mouth.
• 38:20
  SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
• 38:20
  SPEAKER_00: And if they don't, it's fine, it'll be funny.
• 38:22
  SPEAKER_00: It's fine.
• 38:24
  SPEAKER_00: It's either gonna be great or it's gonna be hysterical.
• 38:26
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 38:27
  SPEAKER_00: Uh that's kind of like the way I look at it.
• 38:29
  SPEAKER_00: So I really think, you know, listening to your story and hearing all the things that you've been through and and your mission and your journey and what you're trying to accomplish in the world, I think you could give yourself so much more credit because I think it's it's huge.
• 38:44
  SPEAKER_00: Again, like you're like the the picture perfect of uh vulnerability and bravely moving forward.
• 38:54
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just so tremendously impressed by you.
• 38:57
  SPEAKER_00: I I definitely want to get together soon so that we can talk more in person and be awkward in person with each other.
• 39:04
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but um, I'm so grateful for you coming on and talking about your journey.
• 39:09
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm absolutely certain that there will be many people who will be impacted by your experiences, your journey, and your brave ability to share um your truth and what's happening for you.
• 39:23
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I urge everybody to go onto Emily's website.
• 39:27
  SPEAKER_00: It's beautiful.
• 39:29
  SPEAKER_00: Get a copy of the book, take her up on the offer for coffee or a virtual chat because um I really believe in the mission and the way that you're moving forward in the world.
• 39:40
  SPEAKER_00: It's gorgeous.
• 39:41
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you.
• 39:41
  SPEAKER_02: And you know, it wouldn't be possible without, you know, people like you that see it and believe it and want to help share it too.
• 39:47
  SPEAKER_02: So that's so meaningful.
• 39:49
  SPEAKER_02: And all the work that you're doing is, you know, it's just amplifying so many voices, which is just a beautiful, beautiful thing.
• 39:55
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my gosh.
• 39:56
  SPEAKER_00: Amplifying voices is like my mission.
• 39:59
  SPEAKER_00: So that you said that just is like felt right in my heart.
• 40:03
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you, ma'am.
• 40:04
  unknown: Good.
• 40:05
  SPEAKER_00: Well, on that note, we're gonna send you all off.
• 40:07
  SPEAKER_00: We hope you've got some good smiles, laughter, and a full heart from this conversation.
• 40:13
  SPEAKER_00: Um, thank you again, Emily, for joining us.
• 40:17
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
• 40:18
  SPEAKER_00: And remember, stay creative and follow your curiosity.
• 40:22
  SPEAKER_00: You never know where it's gonna lead you.
• 40:24
  SPEAKER_00: Take care, everyone.
• 40:26
  SPEAKER_00: Bye.