Latest / After Maghrib 🌙 / Curing the Brainrot Generation ft. Dr. Sayed Moustafa Al-Qazwini

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Curing the Brainrot Generation ft. Dr. Sayed Moustafa Al-Qazwini · After Maghrib 🌙

0:00
Smila Rahman, Raheem, Salaam Alaikum and welcome back to
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another episode here on the After Maghrib podcast.
0:06
Brothers and sisters, if this is your first time tuning into
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After Maghrib, go ahead, hit that subscribe button.
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So inshallah you're always up to date with our current and future
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episodes and releases. You're probably wondering where
0:19
is my Co host? He sends his salaams.
0:21
However, he's unable to join me on this episode as he's
0:24
attending a family function all the way in Birmingham.
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Now. Brothers and sisters, over the
0:30
last few weeks and over the last few years in fact and Inshallah
0:33
in the upcoming years and upcoming weeks, we will continue
0:36
to have our episodes where we discuss different subjects from
0:41
spiritual, social, at times political.
0:44
And these conversations continue.
0:46
And the whole purpose behind this is that we can prepare
0:48
ourselves to raise Inshallah righteous and noble families.
0:52
And that means today's episode is going to be one that
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inshallah will be beneficial to not just new parents, but
0:59
inshallah upcoming parents on how we can raise our children in
1:03
the right manner. Now joining me in this episode
1:08
is the amazing and wonderful Sayed, who's come all the way
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from the sunny state of California to the grey and rainy
1:18
London. And that is none other then the
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wonderful, the humble, the eloquence, His Eminence doctor,
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said Mustafa al Kazwini Saidna Salaam alaikum.
1:38
Alaikum Salaam al Ahmed Allah, said Ali.
1:41
Good to see you again. Good to see you as.
1:43
Always that's rain is not something bad.
1:46
We love rain. That's.
1:50
Usually when people come to the UK, they always complain, oh,
1:53
the weather, you know, it's raining.
1:55
It's miserable. It's good to have you back here
1:59
again. I know last time you were here.
2:01
For the viewers out there who missed that episode, we spoke
2:04
about abuse and trauma. So please go back and TuneIn and
2:08
make the most from that because post that episode saying that
2:12
when it was released, we had a lot of our audience reach out.
2:15
They engaged with us and they found it very beneficial,
2:18
profound, and it allowed them to align their lives to understand
2:22
at times that not every trial and tribulation is, you know,
2:27
like something evil that comes upon the brother.
2:30
It's a test and a way for them to understand how to connect
2:33
with a lost panel with Tyler. So thank you for that episode.
2:36
And Charlotte, this episode is no different for new parents,
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current parents, and those who are thinking in Charlotte to get
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married and raise a righteous family.
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And with your permission, saying that we begin if that's OK with
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you. And what we want to understand
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in this conversation, saying is what is meant by Tarbia?
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What is the right Tarbia? What does Tarbia even mean?
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Because upbringing to many people is different for those
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raised in the West, it can be different for those back home,
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for example, is different. Sometimes they see society
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telling you how to raise your children.
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They go to school. And it's very different to how
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our faith teaches us to raise children.
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So I just think just for the next few minutes, just so that
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we don't get confused as parents or upcoming parents.
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What does Tarabia mean from an Islamic perspective?
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Yes, Terbia or upbringing or raising family or children is
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the sacred, the most sacred mission God endowed the humanity
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with. It is the mission of the
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prophets and the messengers. If you ask why God sent many
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apostles, prophets, messengers to for, for this reason, Terbia,
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Terbia. And so the parents, they've been
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endowed with this responsibility.
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It's a big responsibility. It's very sacred.
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It's why we get married, why we raise a family.
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It's because of this, this important mission.
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And of course, it is very rewarding.
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You see the results in your life.
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You can see the results after one's death.
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The prophet says if someone dies, he would be cut off
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completely from access to this life except through three
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channels, one of them, his children, his virtuous children.
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If he had raised virtuous children, boys or girls, then
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they create an access for him into this life, meaning that he
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can benefit from them after his death.
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And if you allow me, I, I, I, I, I just remembered the story,
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please. The story says that one day
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Jesus, peace be upon him with his disciples in Palestine, he
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was walking in on the street and they came across a cemetery.
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So they passed through the cemetery and all of a sudden he
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hears noises coming from a grave.
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So noises of someone being tortured.
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He was screaming, yelling, crying.
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So Jesus asked God. He said to him, God, what's
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happening here? God said to him, this is a
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deceased person, that person who's done, you know, violations
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and mistakes and sins, and now he's being punished in the
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grave. So Jesus felt sorry for him, so
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he left. He couldn't do anything.
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He left. Then he came the following year,
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one year after, and he passed through the same cemetery, the
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same grave. It was quiet.
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So he asked God, last year I passed here and this guy was
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being punished. Now he's a quiet, What happened?
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God said to him, we suspended the punishment.
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Jesus said, why? God said to him, I'll translate
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this Liana who got Bella who well done for Asla Hatarican
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what our team man for a foreigner, Little B this this
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deceased had a boy. This boy reached the age of
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responsibility and maturity and he hosted, you know, an orphan
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in his home. And he paved in his own village.
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He paved the way for the people. We decided to forgive the father
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because of the deeds of the son. So raising good family, good
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children, good daughter, good son, it's an asset for us, not
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only in this life, but even in the hereafter.
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We can, we can tap into them. Even after our death, they
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remain an asset for us. This is why this mission is very
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sacred. This mission is not easy.
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You are a transforming the heart, the minds, the souls of
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people, educating them, getting them closer to God.
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So it requires a lot of sacrifices, a lot of investment.
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It's not easy. It's a full time job.
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It's a 24/7 job by, by both parents, by the father and the
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mother, not just one of them. And it requires a lot of work,
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you know, and it is not only up to the age of 5 or 6 or 10, it
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could be up to the age of 30 and, and 40 sometimes.
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So it's an ongoing mission, perpetual mission.
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But at the same time, it's very rewarding.
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If parents do well, they will see the results.
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They will see the results. You know, when, when your, your
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son, your, your daughter grown up, they do good.
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You'll really feel proud about them.
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And then you would realize that my effort, my sacrifices are not
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wasted. Beautiful now that's a very way
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nice of putting it and it's very nice to also mention, for
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example, well at the Saleh and the Hamela Saleh you can do
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which will affect also and benefit our parents who are no
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longer with us today we ask the last panel, what's Allah to?
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Specialized honourable dad, I remember your dad, he raised you
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very, very well, very kind. Allah bless his soul and may
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Allah protect your honourable mother too.
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And I'm saying that my Allah protects you.
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Having said all of this, can I just ask, just in addition to
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this question, as we're speaking about what is?
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Upbringing and Turbia Is there a difference between the home and
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society or is it the same? No, no, there is a difference.
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The home is our first family, the society is our second
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family. Therefore, the responsibility of
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the home and the parents in a protecting, maintaining,
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encouraging, raising their kids is much bigger than the
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responsibility of the society. We are the products of our
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homes. Yes, we are influenced by the
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greater society, definitely by our friends, by the environment,
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by social media, by other people, by the school, the
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teachers, the peers. But our first, you know, first
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grade or first stage or first phase is our parents.
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They are our parents who are the one who are directly responsible
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for protecting us, maintaining us.
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So there is a difference. There is a difference.
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You know, at home our parents play a major role.
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And then of course, after that we go to the society.
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But if the parents fail in their mission, God forbids, society
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cannot cannot do much. You cannot expect parents who
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are doing not anything. They are not doing anything for
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their kids. Expect the teacher, an outsider,
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the nanny, or the friend to do this work for them.
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If parents are not doing it, then nobody is going to fill
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that gap. An upbringing say it.
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It's something that we've on this.
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I I know for myself personally, before I became a parent, I
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think before I even got married, I was thinking about children as
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well. And you know, raising them in
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the society and all the chaos and everything is like the other
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way around compared to how we were raised, like when our
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parents raised us, everything is different today.
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So I was like sort of thinking of the challenges and what I may
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face when I have children. But Salham Delay, I think it's
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manageable when you have a strong family.
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We have a strong community. When you can speak with your
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elders, you can seek advice from scholars, your local imams in
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the mosque and a community level.
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You speak with a friend you can trust.
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You know, I'm facing this issue with my kids.
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How do I approach that? So it's not just like we get
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stuck at home and it's just the mum and dad deal with it.
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No, there should be like a network where parents and
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Charlotte can reach out and don't be shy.
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Speak to all the family members, speak to community members and
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let them help you and Charlotte with any questions that you
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have. But just on this, I, my eldest
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at Handela, she's 8 years old, say it's if I can use my own
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children as an example here, my youngest recently turned 7 as
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well. So they are getting to an age
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where soon in Charlotte they'll become adults in the near
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future. And for me, I would say I really
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started to do instilling upbringing and raising them
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before the age of 3/4. And they start pulling like
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small, small CS and making them do kind acts, trying to make
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them understand certain things and the differences that we have
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at home compared to society around us.
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And Charlotte, I would say is working well.
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I'm not being biased ever. So Charlotte's working well.
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But when does raising your children really begin?
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And I know we've, we've come across sayings about Rasulullah
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Muhammad Sallallahu alaihi. Alaihi says, for example, you
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spill, you spill split, sorry, upbringing in three sections.
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7/14/21. I don't know if you can
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elaborate on this just so that we understand what's meant by
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the prophet. I call them the 777777 sounds
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like stages which have been mentioned by both our Prophet
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Muhammad Sallallaahu Alaihi of Salaam and our six Imam, Imam
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Jafar Assad. They both have narrations on the
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importance of these three stages.
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But you asked me also an important question, where does
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it start? It does start from a very young
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age. Many parents think that their
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responsibility begins when the child is 12131415.
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No, it begins much, much, much before that, many years before
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that. Today, psychologist, they argue
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that your kids, they need attention, they need training,
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they need companionship as young as the age of 2.
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They are very smart. Kids now are different from kids
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before, very smart. So they need the attention of
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their parents, they need the involvement of their parents.
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So it begins at a very young age.
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I remember one time in America, one of the religious scholars
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who's not a Muslim, he's a leader of our other other
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traditions, other religious traditions.
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He told me that we focus on our kids.
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We focus on kindergarten and a preschool.
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I said, why kindergarten and a preschool?
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He says because this is the sensitive age where they grasp,
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they learn. OK, you inculcate, you instill
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the values at this age. If you don't do them at this
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age, for instance, if you wait until the age of 6 or 7 or 8,
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it's too late. You have to begin at the age of
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2, at the age of 3, this is the right age with where they
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receive and they learn. So this is a critical age.
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Many parents, they neglect their kids at this age, they don't
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have time for them. They consider them to be kids.
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It is true that the Hadith says the first seven years let them
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play, but let them play does not mean be careless about them,
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don't tend to them, don't educate them, don't teach them,
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don't train them. No, no, it means do not
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overburden them. Don't overburden them.
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Be relaxed. But still you have to teach
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them. You have to spend time with
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them, even their brain. They say kids as young as five
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years old, they can learn many languages at at at age 5.
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So don't miss this opportunity. They can learn 345 languages at
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the same time. So it is a stage of a growing
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stage of learning and therefore we have to spend time with them
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when they are very young. And you know, just on this bit
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about time, we always hear, for example, I don't have time for
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my kids or there's no time in the day.
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You know, I'm working, I'm busy, I'm trying to provide for the
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family. Or sometimes today we find in
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today's societies, both parents are working or both parents are
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unable to spend quality time with their children, raising
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them in the right manner. Is there a difference?
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If, for example, because this question comes sometimes, is it
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right, for example, that we get childminders or people who can
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come look after our children while we're at work?
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Or is this something dangerous because there is a rise in this
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happening? I would not say it is dangerous,
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no, because sometimes, as you mentioned, parents have to work
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in these countries. In the West, in Europe and North
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America, both parents have to work to make ends meet.
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Because they feel guilty not being there at home.
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Yeah, but but at the same time, of course they have to be
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careful about their kids. They cannot abandoned them
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completely to the caretaker or the OR the nurse or the nanny or
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the, the, the whatever it is. No, they cannot.
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But we have to be also practical.
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You know, if a mother is working, the father is working
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and they need this job, they need this income.
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They cannot survive without it. So they can have a babysitter,
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but they cannot put all the load on that babysitter or or the
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nanny. They cannot still, even if the
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mother is working, she has to split her time between work and
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home. Even if the father is working,
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he must split his time between his job and home and his
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children. And if they cooperate, both of
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them, if parents, both of them, they cooperate, they work with
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each other, they help each other.
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I think they can manage. They can manage taking care of
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their kids. But some people are lazy.
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Some parents, they don't want to do it.
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They bring excuses. I've seen many parents who are
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super busy, but then the family is a priority too, so they spent
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time. They try to spend time at least
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three times a week, 3 * a week. They spend time with their kids.
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They take them out or even if they are at home, they spend
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time. They spend quality time.
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I remember a story. I mentioned this story in some
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of my lectures in the past, past 20-30 years.
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The story I heard this story in America that one day a father
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who was very busy with his business, very busy.
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He comes home late. When he comes home, kids are
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already in bed. They don't see him.
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He leaves early in the morning. They are either in bed or they
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are going to school there. So they don't see him and one of
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his sons, he would see his friends spending time with their
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parents. OK, the parents, they drop them
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at school. They pick them up after school.
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But his father is always absent, always absent.
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So he was hurt. He was deeply hurt.
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So one day his father came back home.
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He said to him, Daddy, I want to spend time with you.
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The father said that I'm busy. I know I'm busy.
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I'm a breadwinner. So he said to him, How much do
18:58
you make an hour in America? They, they, you know, sometimes
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they pay according to the hour. I don't know how it works here.
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Usually there are hourly wages. If it's not a salary, yeah, it's
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also based on hourly. So the father Forster said to
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him, I make $50.00 an hour. So the son, he took $100 and he
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said daddy take this, spend 2 hours with me.
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Oh, man, it's very emotional. So parents, this is a priority.
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This is not something luxury that whether you do it, you
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don't do it. It's not you must do this.
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It's a responsibility. It's a response to otherwise you
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would lose. I've seen many parents who made
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millions of dollars, but they lost their kids.
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It's not worth it. Imagine yourself, you have 100
19:47
million pounds, $100 million, but your kids are not with you.
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Your kids are lost. Your kids, they follow different
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paths, other paths. You're not going to enjoy your
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money. So we must make time.
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We must both, both parents, they must make time.
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Sometimes they have to cut back at their work, at their other
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relationships. I remember one time again, I was
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at at a conference in New York City and there were many
20:15
leaders, Catholics, Christians, Muslims, Jews and other leaders.
20:22
And we're debating about family matters.
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So the term came to 1 imam and the the the moderator was asking
20:32
us how are you going to spend this summer?
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So everyone says something. One of them said I'm writing a
20:41
book, I'm spending my time writing a book.
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One of them says I'm travelling, the other said I'm I'm giving
20:48
lectures, whatever. One of the imams said I'm
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spending time only with my family.
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I'm doing nothing but taking care of my family.
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That's beautiful. Now sometimes if you say this to
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some people say they say well he's, he's useless, he's not
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doing anything. No, he's not useless.
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He's very useful. This is the right thing you have
21:10
to do. Even if you are super busy and
21:12
helping others, you must spend time with your own family, with
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your own kids, one-on-one. They see you, they travel with
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you, they walk with you, they they dine with you, you have
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conversation with them, you take them out.
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Even if you travel, take them out, talk to them.
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This is a very critical age. They need the parents, they need
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the father, they need a father figure, they need the mother,
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they need the love, the attention, the discussion.
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Otherwise we will be losers. And this is what God says in the
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Quran. Look at the Quran how many times
21:46
God says in Al Qasrina, ladina khesaru and fusahum, the losers
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are not the one who only lose themselves, they lose their kids
21:57
and their families. On the day of judgement, when
21:59
God tells Ibrahim, Ibrahim, you have to connect with me,
22:02
establish a prayers, what does he tell him?
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He he he tells him what Amor Ali aliyah Command them command them
22:12
to pray. Ibrahim Ali Salaam says rabbit
22:15
Ali Mukima Salati women the reality we want to pray together
22:21
in in America, they say the family that prays together, they
22:24
stay together. So it's a difficult task, but we
22:28
must make time. There is no excuse for that.
22:32
You know, don't see your friend decide that three times a week.
22:36
I don't see my friends. I told them I'm busy, I spent
22:39
time with my family. Yeah, that's very it's very
22:42
true. And it's nice to see the
22:43
importance of time and the role it plays in the upbringing.
22:47
And just on this point of Salah as well, I think we'll get to
22:49
some say, some challenges that parents face face rather just
22:54
this thing with time and spending time with children.
22:58
Quality time. People don't know what is
23:00
quality time. There's parents, for example,
23:02
they'll be in the same living room or sitting on the same
23:05
couch or sofa, and their kids are just next to them, but their
23:10
attention is completely somewhere else.
23:11
So what is really meant by time? Is it?
23:14
Yeah. And for example, I come home
23:15
from work and I spent, you know, an hour or two just being in the
23:19
same setting. Or is there something more
23:21
that's expected from us, especially if fathers, because I
23:23
always see fathers tend to. So it's to say, for example, you
23:27
know, I'm providing for the family.
23:28
That's like the maximum I'm doing.
23:30
But why are they missing out on? What do we tell them?
23:34
Quality time means that we sit and we engage in a discussion,
23:39
for instance, over dinner, over lunch, breakfast, whatever it is
23:43
over cup of tea. We sit together in the family
23:47
room or outside or inside or even a cafe or a restaurant or
23:52
in a park. But we are engaged.
23:55
We are engaged in a discussion. The father asks the kids, The
24:00
kids, they have the courage to ask the father, OK, over
24:04
different issues, different issues.
24:06
It could be political, it could be social, it could be
24:09
philosophical, it could be theological, any, any issue.
24:15
But what I mean by quality time that the father does not come
24:19
home and he's tired, exhausted, hungry.
24:22
Kids are talking to him. His his intention is somewhere
24:26
else. Or he tells them no today.
24:28
You know, I'll answer this tomorrow.
24:30
I don't have time today. This is not a quality time.
24:33
Quality time when, when, when you pay attention, both of you
24:38
or you are sitting face to face. Sometimes you sit next to your
24:42
kids, but they are on their phones, on their smartphones,
24:45
they are not with you. Their mind is is miles away.
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This is not a quality time. Quality time when you engage in
24:53
connection, in conversation, in a discussion and and you enrich
25:00
each other. You support each other even if
25:03
you disagree. Let's say you are discussing a
25:05
political issue, let's say. It's very common these days,
25:08
yeah. But you disagree.
25:10
It's OK. It's OK, but the engagement is
25:13
important, OK. The presence of the parents is
25:17
important. The presence makes a huge
25:20
difference. Parents when they are absent
25:22
from their children's life. This is a recipe for all sorts
25:26
of disasters. So you say this will make or
25:29
break someone's? Absolutely.
25:33
No sent some sent some say there's also something else I've
25:36
like observed and I think I would say benefited from Olama
25:42
and speakers and lecturers around the world.
25:44
Normally they have discussions on family and dynamics and
25:48
navigating family relationships between parents, siblings,
25:52
children as well. And I remember there was a
25:56
beautiful say it. I really love his.
25:58
I'll go my shout out said Hadil Madarasi.
26:00
He was speaking and he said sometimes, like the values
26:05
you're teaching your children are indirect, sometimes not just
26:08
direct. For example, the father could be
26:10
sitting at home and his mobile phone starts ringing.
26:15
His son comes to him and says, well, your phone is ringing.
26:17
And his dad says, oh, I don't want to speak to this guy.
26:19
Tell him that's in the shower and that's it.
26:22
But then long term, what you've allowed or instilled in your son
26:25
is that I can lie. Yes, observance is very
26:28
important. Yeah, absolutely.
26:31
They are very smart children. Kids.
26:34
They observe their parents, they observe their behaviour.
26:39
They are very intelligent. So even sometimes if you don't
26:43
speak, you know, they look at your behaviour, they look at the
26:47
behaviour of the parents, they look at the relationship between
26:51
the father and the mother also affect them.
26:55
It has a long term effect on them, on their marriages in the
26:58
future. If the relationship of the
27:01
father and the mother based on respect, mutual trust, mutual
27:05
respect, mutual cooperation. You don't have them to sit and
27:10
and lecture your kids and tell them, oh be a good husband, be a
27:13
Good Wife. No, they are looking at you,
27:16
looking at the way you are treating your wife, looking at
27:19
at the way you are treating their mother.
27:21
So if the treatment is nice, is, is respectful, you are sending
27:26
positive messages. This is an inspiration.
27:29
You are inspiring them, you are teaching them.
27:32
I say many times that we don't have to lecture.
27:34
Sometimes your behaviour is better than your lecture.
27:38
And this is a psychological theory in the Quran.
27:41
Psychological theory. We we read it, but we don't pay
27:44
attention to it. Yeah, yeah.
27:46
You are Ladina Amanulima Takuluna Malatev Alun Kabura
27:49
Maktan and Allah and Takulu Malatev Alun.
27:52
You know, you talk the talk and you walk the walk.
27:56
You not only sit and lecture your kids, oh, you have to do
27:58
this, You have to do that. Sometimes your behaviour, your
28:01
treatment of their mother or you as a mother, the treatment of
28:07
their father. It's more powerful than than
28:09
Nazi had an advice than than a lecture now.
28:12
Actions do speak louder than words, and children do observe.
28:15
Like I've realized that myself. Like sometimes I do something
28:18
that I see my daughter will do something as well and she says,
28:21
well, but you done that so I can do that.
28:23
I without you telling them what to do or telling them this is
28:25
right or wrong. They will do something based on
28:27
if mum or dad is doing something to them that becomes something
28:30
normal. And just like I'm thinking now
28:33
while while you were saying it, yeah.
28:35
I mean, sometimes you see children, they walk the same way
28:38
their father walks or they talk the same way their father talks.
28:41
So when you have a conversation with them, they remind you of
28:43
their father. So Subhan Allah, it's like it's
28:46
not very far away. You know, sometimes there are
28:51
challenges saying that when it comes to raising children,
28:54
parents, they may disagree on how to raise the kids.
28:58
Sometimes they may have a different understanding of what
29:01
Arabia is. To what extent does it stop only
29:04
at, for example, education? What's good or bad for you
29:09
spiritually, religiously, or is it everything?
29:13
Because there are cases we hear say it now where children grow
29:19
up confused. They say like sometimes they
29:22
reach a level in life where they say, I don't know what to do.
29:25
Is this right or this wrong? They say, for example, my dad's
29:28
said this is wrong. I should avoid it.
29:30
I should stay far away from it. Whereas my mother, she embraced
29:33
it. She said, no, go do what you
29:35
want and be the best you can be in this life.
29:37
So how do we, even if we disagree as fathers and mothers,
29:42
how do we ensure that we can, you know, be in One Direction
29:47
when raising kids? Because there are differences
29:50
and no one's from the same family.
29:51
No one's from the same tribe, even as something that might
29:54
look small to the kid is something big.
29:57
And they see this as a disagreement with Mama and Baba.
30:00
How do we ensure that we don't disagree in front of them?
30:02
Or if we do truly disagree, how do we reconcile our differences?
30:06
The process of raising and nurturing kids, it's very
30:11
comprehensive and versatile. It's not only in the field of
30:16
education or or business or work or career or it, it's very
30:21
comprehensive. It's in every it, it, it
30:24
encompasses every sphere of our life, every dimension of their
30:28
life. And therefore you raise
30:32
something very important that parents, the husband and the
30:35
wife, they have to be at the same page.
30:37
This is why compatibility in marriage is important.
30:41
Compatibility, especially the compatibility when it comes to
30:45
values and principles. Sometimes someone marries a lady
30:49
because she speaks the same language, she's from the same
30:52
village, OK, Or she has the same, let's say educational
30:58
degree or, or they have the same financial status.
31:03
This is not enough. This is not enough.
31:05
They have to be at the same page when it comes to moral values,
31:10
spiritual values. They have to be at the same page
31:14
because if they are not, then their perspective on raising
31:18
children will be different. One of them will be very, very
31:22
strict. The other will be very relaxed,
31:24
careless. OK, one of them is going to
31:27
spoil the children, spoil them. The other says no, no spoiling
31:32
raising. There is discipline.
31:35
I don't just give money just to make them happy.
31:38
Sometimes a father, he thinks that protecting his children,
31:42
you know, taking care of them is just to throw money at them
31:46
while the mother says, no, this is dangerous.
31:49
You cannot do that. There should be some level of
31:52
responsibility and discipline. So they have to be at the same
31:56
page. And This is why when people come
31:59
to me before marriage, one of the things that I advise them to
32:04
do is that, listen, today you are two people now sitting in
32:09
front of me asking me to officiate, you know, your
32:13
wedding. But soon you're going to be
32:15
parents. You're going to be a father.
32:17
She's going to be a mother. Are you prepared for that?
32:20
Have you prepared yourself? This is a huge mission.
32:23
Yeah. It's not a joke.
32:25
It's not a joke to just make making, creating a child, I
32:31
always say, takes a few seconds to create.
32:34
A few seconds. Yeah, but making him, you know,
32:40
a true or her true human being, it takes forever.
32:45
OK, so you have to be prepared. You have to be prepared.
32:49
You have to educate yourself. You have to read books, you have
32:52
to take courses. You have to listen to lectures.
32:55
You have to to be prepared to be on the same page when you when
32:59
you want to get married, Don't just speak about your
33:03
relationship with your spouse, but also discuss if we going to
33:07
have kids, what are we going to do with those kids about their
33:11
life? How do we raise them?
33:13
The education doing live close to an Islamic centre, Islamic
33:18
school, what city, what environment We have to speak
33:23
about these things. Often time we neglect them and
33:26
This is why they come to a disagreement.
33:28
And as you rightly mentioned things we consider them to be
33:32
small. But the kids when they look at
33:34
them, the conflict, it's not small for them, it's big.
33:38
So parents have to prepare themselves for their children in
33:43
my opinion. Someone was telling me the other
33:46
day was telling me, but Prophet Muhammad says Tana kahootana
33:51
asalu, you know for any Obahi become true.
33:57
This hadith is true. The Prophet says get married,
34:00
make children, I'm going to be proud of you.
34:04
On the day of Judgement, I said it's not only about quantity.
34:09
The Prophet is speaking about quality because he says I'm
34:13
going to be proud of you. If the if children are bad, the
34:17
prophet is not going to be proud of them.
34:19
He's not going to be proud of them.
34:22
When he said I'm going to be proud of you, it means the
34:26
quality too, not just the quantity.
34:29
So if you if you spend your time on making one child, making him
34:36
a leader or her a leader better than making ten children and all
34:41
of them are lost. He's not speaking only about the
34:45
quantity, he's speaking about the quality.
34:48
And and this is what the Quran says.
34:50
When Quran speaks about children, what does he say?
34:53
Well, Ladina kuluna Rabbana Hebblanamin Azwajina with the
34:57
Riatina Corvata Aion make our spouses and our families and our
35:02
children a comfort, A cause for for comfort, A cause for peace,
35:09
not a cause for tension. And you cannot make them a cause
35:13
for comfort unless you really spend time, your time, your
35:17
effort, you know, 24/7 mission and raising them, empowering
35:22
them, inspiring them, protecting them.
35:24
No, Santom, that's that's beautiful advice, especially for
35:28
people who want to get married to know that it's not just about
35:31
you 2 and the compatibility between the both of you.
35:35
Rather it's a family unit and there's more to it than just,
35:38
you know, saying I do and Kabil to and holding a wedding and
35:41
inviting guests. No, it's, it's a journey and
35:44
it's a journey in Charlotte where as a family you, you
35:47
strive towards Alana Charlotte be together in gender, the
35:50
ultimate goal, God willing. But you know, say it.
35:54
Sometimes people say, I believe I chose the right spouse, but
35:59
she's the wrong mother or not the right father because they
36:03
say, for example, and I've heard this a lot say they blame, they
36:06
say our oldest, our eldest told us, you know, this guy's a good
36:11
guy. You're suddenly you're so
36:13
Mahalakazian. You know, the prophet says
36:15
Sallallahu alaihi wasallam. If you are satisfied with, you
36:18
know, his Dean and his morals as character, then it should be
36:21
sufficient for you to say yes. So they tick the boxes and we
36:25
believed they are the right spouse for us.
36:28
But when it came to the time of raising children, they were
36:33
completely different people lost and there was no religious
36:36
values or moral values, not even a clock.
36:39
To the extent where they think about divorce, they say, for
36:42
example, I don't want her to be the mother of my kids currently
36:48
if this is the way she is and I disagree of how she's raising in
36:52
our children and vice versa. The wife would say the same
36:54
thing about the father, her husband basically.
36:57
And how do they reconcile? There are problems today.
37:00
Say, you know, where people are thinking of divorce.
37:03
As parents with young children, how do we tell them?
37:08
You know, you guys need to work it out for the sake of the
37:10
children because people always forget.
37:12
They say aye, aye, aye. Sometimes they say that the
37:16
better thing to do is to divorce for the sake of the children.
37:18
But many ways you are ruining the children.
37:22
Say it, Ali, to be honest with you, Yeah, it's too late.
37:28
After having children, multiple children, and you find out that
37:34
your partner is not cooperative, he or she are not living up to
37:39
their responsibilities of taking care of children.
37:44
It's too late to reconcile. I, I, I do this business.
37:48
I, I've, I spent days and, and weeks and months on family
37:54
counselling and I find that really it's, it's too late.
37:57
We have to prevent this from happening always.
38:02
Prevention is better and easier and faster than the cure before
38:08
the marriage. I always say this always in my
38:11
discussions and my lectures. When you look, when you are
38:17
trying to choose a partner, don't look at him or her as
38:22
being just a spouse or partner. Look at him as being the future
38:28
father. Is he going to be a future
38:31
father? Maybe as a friend, as a spouse.
38:34
This man is good for me. He's generous, you know, he's
38:38
lovely, he's friendly, he's smiling, he's upbeat.
38:42
But is he going to be a good father for our kids?
38:45
Or this lady is beauty queen? Mashallah, so beautiful, so
38:50
energetic. Is she going to be also a good
38:54
mother for my kids or not? This is important.
38:58
This is important. Many people they don't pay
39:01
attention to this. How would they know like what
39:03
quality stands out? They have to spend time, they
39:06
have to spend time they decision of marriage.
39:11
Marrying something someone should not be quick or fast.
39:16
Some people are misled by the beauty, by the vibes, positive
39:20
vibes. Well, I love her.
39:22
From the first glance I saw her, I knew that she is going to be
39:26
my wife. This is nonsense.
39:28
This is nonsense. You know, you should take your
39:32
time and look at this partner and spend time, ask questions,
39:38
OK, Look into his family. Because sometimes these genetic
39:42
traits, they transfer from parents to kids.
39:45
Look at the family. The family does.
39:48
Does the family believe in family values?
39:51
His parents, did he, they raise him well?
39:54
Did they raise her well? You have to spend time.
39:57
You have to speak about, you have to interview each other so
40:02
many times. You have to have debate and
40:04
discussion, especially over kids.
40:07
What are we going to do with our kids?
40:10
Do you know that sometimes they never mentioned kids?
40:15
And as soon as they get married, the wife does not want to have
40:19
children because she wants to pursue her career.
40:22
And the husband insists that he wants children.
40:25
And then they get into a divorce because of this.
40:27
Or sometimes it's vice versa. The the the girl, the wife, she
40:31
wants kids, he doesn't want kids.
40:34
And then they they disagree. So they don't even discuss basic
40:38
things about children. They must spend time.
40:42
Of course, nothing is guarantee, nothing is going to Sometimes
40:46
you look at him or her St. you know, OK, but then after
40:53
marriage you discover new things.
40:56
But you have to try. At least you have to try.
40:58
You have to investigate, you have to ask, you have to ask
41:03
family members, friends about this person.
41:07
So and if there are red flags, you have to be concerned about
41:11
them. Don't, don't you know?
41:14
Can you give 2 examples of what a red flag is in this scenario?
41:19
One of them is the person himself.
41:23
When you spend time with people and you talk to them and you go
41:27
out with them, then you would realise whether they are
41:31
narcissistic, selfish or selfless.
41:35
You're going to understand from their behaviour.
41:38
Nothing could be hidden, Imam Ali Aliah Salaam says Ma ofmara
41:43
ahadunshay and fiq albehi illawa bahara Ala qasamati wajihi au
41:48
fella tatilisen. If someone tries to hide his
41:52
character or a trade, a trade, sorry, then he cannot, he cannot
41:58
go for a long time. One day, one day, either the
42:02
slip of the tongue, he's going to, you know, reveal himself or,
42:08
or his face can tell. So they will understand if this
42:14
spouse, if this person is narcissistic, is selfish or
42:19
selfless, they will understand. So if he's selfish, stay away.
42:25
A selfish person, you cannot live with him.
42:28
A a a person whose egoistic, who puts himself before others, who
42:34
only cares about himself, not others.
42:38
You cannot establish a family with that person.
42:41
No matter how generous that person is, how smiling and
42:44
handsome and whatever, you cannot live with that person.
42:48
Why? Because the family needs
42:50
sacrifice. Say, if there is no sacrifice, a
42:54
father would not be able to fulfil his mission.
42:57
A mother cannot continue her journey.
42:59
They need a sacrifice. Mothers, they sacrifice their
43:02
lives for their kids. Same thing with fathers.
43:05
So if this person is not ready to sacrifice his life, he's not
43:10
going to be a father. She's not going to be a good
43:12
mother. So leave them.
43:15
Leave them. So this is a red flag when you
43:18
see someone putting himself always before others.
43:22
And you can realize that if you are smart from the way they
43:25
talk, from the way they criticize all the people, but
43:28
they praise themselves. One of the signs of a
43:31
narcissistic whatever he does, whatever he says is, is, is
43:36
good, is excellent. Whatever others they do is bad
43:39
and terrible. This is not narcissistic.
43:42
This is a very clear sign. We are lucky was far away such
43:47
people and I've had many stories of people who have like, you
43:51
know, narcissistic traits in their house houses, may Allah
43:54
make it easy for them just on this thing about, you know,
43:58
we've spoken quite extensively on what the critical age of
44:02
upbringing was expected for us as parents and at last from, you
44:07
know, from the very moment, early years until the very end.
44:10
It's a lifetime thing, but parents can be doing it all
44:15
correctly. So they can be showing, not just
44:18
telling the actions can speak louder than words and things
44:21
like this. And a lot of time parents, they
44:25
miss the the important bits. And if, for example, if I can be
44:30
blunt when I mention this, say it's there are sisters who, for
44:35
example, reach the age of 1617 and they they may fall in love.
44:44
Would someone be at school or they've just started working
44:48
somewhere and someone simply just tells them one word, I love
44:51
you or you look beautiful. And that's it.
44:53
They they figure everything else exists.
44:55
And all they can think about is I see a future with this guy
44:58
now. But something has led to that
45:02
because girls when they're raised and they just told what
45:05
to do, stay away from this and just do this.
45:07
And and a father doesn't show love to to his children.
45:12
Yeah. And there was someone who said
45:14
those who don't say I love you to their daughters, the moment
45:17
someone else says I love you, they forget the father exists
45:20
and they go straight to there. If I believe what I'm doing is
45:24
right. And religiously, spiritually
45:28
encouraging them to build them out of her with Sahab Zaman, for
45:32
example. All of this by by lack showing
45:34
them compassion. I like showing them love.
45:38
I like showing them full time just to them.
45:42
Is there an effect? Would I be responsible, for
45:45
example, on the day of judgement, if something goes
45:48
wrong and I've done everything religiously, I should as a
45:51
parent to instill in them, But as they grow up, they lose the
45:57
religious connection with their faith and with their Dean.
46:01
How do we balance that? Because there are also times
46:03
where there was a time where someone messaged in and they
46:07
said I've raised. There was a mother and she said
46:10
I've raised my child the best way I can.
46:15
Father's there, here and there, different country.
46:18
And she says he prays, he falls, he goes to the mosque, all his
46:23
friends are Muslim. And then one day he just came
46:26
home and said I don't believe in God anymore.
46:29
And they couldn't find what went wrong or how do we bring.
46:32
There is a reason. There is a reason these things
46:35
do not come from vacuum or all of a sudden people do not change
46:39
180°. They go to bed and wake up in
46:42
the morning and they are changed.
46:43
No, these are the accumulations of things that is happening in
46:48
their life. There is a void in their life.
46:51
It's not enough, said Ali. I want you and the viewers to
46:55
know it's not enough for the parents to teach their children
47:01
to pray and fast and observe hijab.
47:03
This is not enough. This is not enough.
47:08
Islam is not only praying and fasting and hijab Islam.
47:12
Islam is much more deeper than this.
47:16
Parents have to be involved with their kids.
47:20
The father and the mother have to be in their Life OK from a
47:25
young age. They have to give them respect
47:28
and a freedom and allow them to come forward and ask parents
47:34
questions without fear, without intimidation.
47:38
They enjoy the freedom, the courage of coming to the Father
47:42
and telling, I have a problem understanding this.
47:46
I have a problem understanding God.
47:48
I have a problem. Can you explain that to me?
47:50
If the Father cannot, if parents can't, they can take them
47:54
somewhere else. So it's not only about giving
47:59
them money, teaching them to pray, teaching them to fast.
48:03
We are not robots just to teach us things.
48:06
You know, prayer. The prayer could be mechanical.
48:09
The human touch. Yeah, prayer it, it could be
48:14
like an exercise. Mechanical, not spiritual.
48:17
Many people, they do their prayers mechanical does not
48:20
change their life at all, at all.
48:22
Even the month of Ramadan they fast mechanical fasting, OK, but
48:27
not a spiritual. There is a difference between
48:30
mechanical and spiritual. Parents have to teach them the
48:33
value of fasting. Not just you have to fast, but
48:36
the value of fasting, the value of the prayers, the value of
48:40
hijab. What difference it makes you
48:43
know whether you wear the hijab or hijab is a piece of a cloth,
48:48
piece of a cloth. The the physical hijab is a
48:51
piece of a cloth. But this is not the message of
48:53
hijab. Message of hijab is much bigger.
48:55
It's about your behaviour, about how you carry yourself, how you
49:00
value yourself. OK, not to cheapen yourself, not
49:03
this is the message of hijab. So it's much bigger.
49:07
This is why raising children, it's an art by itself.
49:11
It's a, it's a, it's a school by itself.
49:15
It's a school. It's not a, it's not something
49:17
easy. Many parents are not qualified
49:20
for that. And fortunately they are not
49:22
qualified to raise children. They are not qualified.
49:25
Many mothers are not qualified. They need someone to raise them.
49:30
Some parents who discipline. One day a father was
49:36
disciplining, physically disciplining his son.
49:39
Their mom said he needs discipline.
49:42
This man, he needs someone to discipline him.
49:45
OK, so some parents, they need discipline, they need someone to
49:49
raise them and educate them. Philosophy says if someone lacks
49:55
something, he doesn't have it, he cannot give it to others.
49:58
So it's it's a big task, unfortunately, but we don't care
50:02
about it. Where parents have taken this
50:05
easy, you know, they are not prepared for it.
50:09
They are not. They think since I have money, I
50:12
have extra bedroom in my house, then I'm ready for children.
50:15
It's not only about money. It's not only about, you know,
50:18
bringing food to the table. It's much bigger than that.
50:21
It's about inspiration. Are you an example for your kid,
50:24
children or not? Many religious people are not
50:29
good example. They are religious.
50:31
And I tell you something else, many scholars are not good
50:34
example. Yes they are not good example.
50:39
They are well versed in knowledge, but when it comes to
50:42
family values they don't do. Well, interesting you mentioned
50:47
that. Yeah, it just goes to show you,
50:50
honey, there are experts in the field when it comes to
50:53
upbringing and things like that. So it's not just anyone, you
50:55
know, or your uncle or something, you know, speak to
50:58
the right people, inshallah for them to guide us on how to raise
51:02
children. And you know, as you were saying
51:04
all of this say there I was thinking about sometimes the
51:08
interaction on on the Terbia, it's, you know, showing rather
51:14
than always telling. And actions speak louder than
51:16
words and you don't just yell at them and things, but sometimes
51:20
to an extent. And this is where many parents
51:22
get around. I think it's improved from why I
51:25
understand and our day and age now is that, for example, Terbia
51:29
doesn't involve parents becoming physical with their children.
51:33
And I know that if there are parents out there who do that,
51:37
they need to understand that this leaves a lasting impact on
51:41
the child because they may see it as abuse.
51:43
And it can be abuse in many ways.
51:45
And they may see us, for example, you know, my father or
51:49
my mother doesn't love me and the, and the parent will say,
51:52
no, I'm doing it out of love for my child.
51:54
You know, I'm disciplining them and things like this.
51:56
So it's, it's a tricky vault. It's, it's a, it's a whole new
51:59
world. And I think many times you
52:01
referenced it in the conversation today is that it
52:04
starts at the very beginning. It starts during those
52:08
conversations when you want to have with your spouse on how to
52:10
raise children beyond of, you know, beyond just how we are
52:14
compatible rather how the children can be raised in the
52:18
family. But I, I, I don't know, I just
52:21
find I find it weird. Say it if I can say, for
52:24
example, that you're trying to get to know someone and you want
52:27
to know them first and you want to say you want to see what's
52:30
their religious values and things like how do you speak
52:33
about the children? How do you mention?
52:35
How do you bring it? And I mean before marriage.
52:37
Yeah, because there's many people, young audience listening
52:40
today and they're looking for a spouse but they've never thought
52:42
about, OK, let me discuss with my potential spouse, the
52:46
children, how do they ask the right questions or start those
52:50
meaningful conversations with? Those are one of the essential
52:54
questions that you have to ask. Soon you're going to be parents
53:01
whether you like it or not. And then you have to be prepared
53:04
for that. You have to be emotionally,
53:07
psychologically prepared for that.
53:09
You should not be taken by surprise.
53:11
So I think they should encourage each other to take courses on
53:16
parenting, good parenting. They should.
53:18
They should read books, listen to lectures, to discussions and
53:25
be, be ready for it. You know, sometimes when, when
53:28
the wife conceives with a baby, the first thing she does, she
53:33
and her parents and her family and her husband is to go on to
53:37
buy the crib, you know, to paint the room.
53:40
You know, if they if they know the the gender of the, the the
53:44
newborn, they prepared it accordingly, the colour,
53:48
whatever. These things are OK, it's good.
53:52
But these things are not very instrumental.
53:55
If you don't prepare the crib, your your child is not going to
53:59
die. OK, you can put them somewhere
54:01
else to sleep, but to prepare yourself psychologically, how do
54:06
you handle this baby? One day I saw in one of the
54:12
cities in North America a child which is brilliant.
54:21
You know I was I was mesmerized when I saw this child.
54:28
She was above average in everything above her age.
54:34
So I asked the parents. The mother said say it.
54:38
When I was pregnant with this baby, I never missed my prayers.
54:43
Whenever I eat a meal, I do although perform although so the
54:48
food that goes to this baby is a spiritual food, clean and pure
54:54
and I did all the recommend recommendations must have, but I
54:59
never did a sin. OK.
55:01
The food that I eat, I make sure that this is halal food.
55:05
It the income is halal income. So I spent time on this baby.
55:10
The baby was in my womp for nine months.
55:13
I was raising the baby when the baby and I would, I would listen
55:18
to Quran, I would listen to lectures knowing that this baby
55:21
can hear the Quran while she's in my tummy.
55:25
So this is this is parenting. This is good parenting.
55:29
Now maybe you told me say this is too much, you know, maybe
55:32
it's too much, maybe it's too extreme.
55:34
But we have to do our best. We have to be prepared even
55:39
before children are born. We have to be prepared for that.
55:43
You know, I've seen some parents as soon as they know the mother
55:47
is, is, is carrying a baby, they go and open a bank account for
55:52
them, for their schooling, for their tuition.
55:55
The baby is not even born. They open a bank account for him
55:59
or her, so when they go to college, they have the money.
56:03
So why not preparing the moral things for them too?
56:06
Not the physical, just the physical, the moral ones.
56:09
It's a big responsibility. No, it is a big responsibility
56:12
and thanks for sharing that story.
56:13
Say that's it's an emotional 1 and it shows you like the love
56:16
that a mother can have with her son or daughter even before
56:20
birth. That that relationship and that
56:22
connection is, is, is beautiful, as spiritual, as religious and
56:27
it's different. I've never heard this one
56:28
before. And it's it's something we can
56:31
all ponder on future mothers, upcoming mothers like you can
56:34
build a beautiful relationship with your child before they even
56:41
come to this world. Subhanallah and say we've taken
56:45
or I've taken rather a lot of your time in the conversation
56:48
today. And I think I just want to come
56:50
to the final bit of the conversation today.
56:53
And and it's one that's based on rebellion at home.
56:59
As a final question, with your permission, is that parents
57:03
these days, they try their best and I think they do not their
57:08
very best, but as the bare minimum, they try to keep them
57:11
in an environment which are suitable for us as Muslims, in
57:15
particular Shia Muslims, environments where there's
57:19
always conversations about God, the conversations about our
57:24
history or conversations about our our MBR.
57:27
And this is very beautiful. Fathers have conversations at
57:29
home about anything and everything mothers have with
57:32
their daughters about anything and everything.
57:34
And they've done this for many, many years.
57:37
And it goes on and it can even go on till the 1819.
57:41
So some people are still not married, so the father and
57:44
mother still feel like, you know, they're looking after
57:46
their children even at 30. And that continues.
57:49
But sometimes children disagree with the world, and they
57:53
disagree with faith and they disagree with their parents.
57:56
And sometimes a clock is forgotten.
57:58
And certain values and principles of how to approach
58:02
such such subjects brings disaster and chaos at home.
58:08
But what do you do with a child? A son or daughter becomes
58:12
rebellious about everything and anything.
58:14
Doesn't have to be religious wise.
58:16
But if I can give a religious example, I don't want to pray.
58:19
There's no benefit in praying, they say.
58:22
And the parent has tried his very best to ensure Salah Ali
58:26
it's established. Habibi said Ali no rebellion is
58:32
found in every family, but sometimes it's loud, you can
58:37
observe it, you can see it. Sometimes it's silent, sometimes
58:41
it's visible, sometimes it's invisible, but it is found in
58:46
every family. Sometimes it's regarding
58:49
financial affairs or issues, sometimes religious, sometimes
58:54
moral, sometimes marriage, sometimes family.
58:57
So it is found. You cannot find two people who
59:00
are a father and a son who are 100% agreeing with each other or
59:06
or a daughter and a mother which is 100% agreeing.
59:10
This is this would never happen. This would never happen.
59:15
But some of them are tolerable. For instance, some types of
59:20
disagreements. If my son disagrees with me
59:24
regarding how to run the business, it's OK.
59:27
This is his understanding and this is my understanding, OK,
59:32
Other types are not, not intolerable.
59:35
It's difficult, but we have to be patient.
59:39
I have seen many people who quit praying.
59:43
They stopped praying, they quit hijab, they quit fasting, they
59:48
quit mosque, they quit Islam, but after a period of time, they
59:54
came back. I've seen, in my experience in
59:57
North America, I've seen that for the last three decades.
1:00:03
Some Muslim children, they rebelled, they became Christian.
1:00:10
They went to a church for some years, they went to a church for
1:00:17
many years, and then they came back to Islam.
1:00:20
I've seen this. I've seen some mothers who told
1:00:24
me that my my son or my daughter is an atheist atheist.
1:00:31
I've seen some mothers who tell me my son, I raised him to be a
1:00:36
Shia and now he's a Sunni. I tell them, never mind, it's
1:00:41
not the end of the world. We need to speak to them.
1:00:45
Number one, do not give up on them.
1:00:48
Don't lose hope. Don't despair.
1:00:51
Don't despair, OK? Don't say I lost him forever.
1:00:56
Don't say that. Say I'll try.
1:00:59
I'll try to bring them again. Show them love.
1:01:02
Don't show them anger and frustration.
1:01:06
Don't keep yelling at them, disrespecting them.
1:01:10
Don't alienate them. Tell them you are still my son.
1:01:14
You are still my daughter. I still love you.
1:01:16
You know, I'm your biological mother.
1:01:19
I'm your biological father. You are still part of my family.
1:01:25
I would say something sensitive. I don't know how it's going to,
1:01:28
you know, how people are going to react, but tell me if they
1:01:32
react, you have to tell me. You have to call me in America
1:01:34
and tell me. I've seen some children who say
1:01:41
we are gay, gay and lesbian. And the mothers, they come to me
1:01:47
frustrated, you know, despondent, crying.
1:01:53
I say take it easy. Yeah, I know this is bad.
1:01:57
But there is a solution. Don't tell them you are not part
1:02:01
of my family. Don't tell them you're yes.
1:02:04
The what What you are doing is not part of my values.
1:02:09
But you as a son, as a daughter, you are still my my child.
1:02:14
I raised you. Something went wrong.
1:02:18
Prophet Lord Alaihissalaam, the five towns, the five villages.
1:02:23
OK, he said to them in Neely, American men alkaline.
1:02:30
I don't hate you, I hate what you do.
1:02:34
There is a big difference between telling your son and
1:02:37
your daughter I hate you or I hate what you do.
1:02:41
There is a big difference. We don't hate people, we hate
1:02:46
what they do. When people are unjust
1:02:49
wrongdoers, OK, they commit violations.
1:02:53
We hate the violations, we hate their acts.
1:02:57
We don't hate them because those people may change tomorrow, they
1:03:01
may change, OK. So do not give up on your
1:03:05
children. First of all, pray to Allah,
1:03:08
Subhanahu T Allah. Prayers play a major role and
1:03:14
try to bring them back with love, with care.
1:03:17
Be patient. Some of them I'm not
1:03:20
guaranteeing. I don't guarantee that all of
1:03:23
them are going to come back because some, some people like
1:03:27
this. The son of Noor was Noor a bad
1:03:30
father? He wasn't a bad father, no, but
1:03:33
he lost his son. This was his personal choice.
1:03:36
He made a poor choice. The father went after him many
1:03:39
times even till the last minute. Khala saawi illa Jebel in
1:03:44
Yasimuni min alma. The father is is telling him
1:03:47
call Allah assimiliomen. There is no escape from God's
1:03:51
wrath. He didn't want to listen so it
1:03:53
was. We cannot blame the father for
1:03:55
that. We cannot say Noah was a
1:03:57
failure. See, because of what happened to
1:04:00
his son, Noah didn't do a good job.
1:04:03
No Noah did a good job. But this is sometimes their
1:04:05
personal choice. They rebel.
1:04:07
You cannot do. But most of them, when you show
1:04:11
care and love and attention and you have hope, you can retrieve
1:04:17
them, you can bring them back. So it happens in every family.
1:04:21
We have to be patient. This is life, this is life.
1:04:25
We cannot to blame. Sometimes, yes, the parents did
1:04:28
not do a good job. Yes, they were delinquent.
1:04:31
Unfortunately they were. They made mistakes themselves.
1:04:34
They did not pay attention to this, OK?
1:04:37
They thought that a child I'll just to bring him into this
1:04:41
life. And since I'm a Shia Muslim, I'm
1:04:44
going to this Islamic centre to the he automatically is going to
1:04:48
follow me. Maybe he automatically follows
1:04:50
you the first few years, but after that he quits.
1:04:55
We need to do more. But at the end of the day, even
1:04:59
if something wrong, you know, happens, we should not lose
1:05:03
hope. We we might bring them back
1:05:06
again. Don't disconnect with your
1:05:09
children. This is the advice I have to
1:05:11
many parents, many mothers and fathers, do not completely
1:05:17
disconnect with your kids. Don't cut them off.
1:05:21
Don't lose hope. Try to reach out to them.
1:05:25
Try to reach out to them till the last minute.
1:05:29
If God wills he'll to bring them back my son to my son to say
1:05:33
very beautiful and it's very. Nice how you you, you bring hope
1:05:37
into the conversation and by referencing there is always hope
1:05:39
and shallah for those who have challenges and are struggling
1:05:43
between their children or even children and their parents.
1:05:46
That's a lot to make it easy for them.
1:05:47
And it is a test. At the end of the day, this
1:05:49
dunya is a test. And it's important that we we
1:05:53
passed that test and shall I say it.
1:05:55
And for those of you who haven't don't have children yet, we ask
1:05:59
our last panel at Allah to grant you inshallah, noble and
1:06:02
righteous children. And I think we've reached the
1:06:06
end saying that. If there's anything you want to
1:06:08
mention as final few words, I don't know for possibly new
1:06:11
parents out there, yes, as I mentioned earlier.
1:06:16
Put this at the top of your list, a priority when you are
1:06:21
about to get married. Think about being a father,
1:06:25
being a parent. Soon you're going to be a
1:06:27
parent. Prepare yourself for that task.
1:06:31
Don't look at the family as being only two individuals.
1:06:35
It begins with two, but then it will multiply and then your role
1:06:39
becomes much greater, much more important.
1:06:43
So prepare yourself for that task.
1:06:45
And let me just conclude with one hadith, please.
1:06:48
One day a person comes to the Prophet.
1:06:50
He said Yahasul Allah I you know, I have a girl and I have 3
1:06:59
girls and I'm doing my best to raise them but you know
1:07:05
sometimes I can't control everything.
1:07:07
So do you think I will make it to paradise?
1:07:10
The Prophet said to him if you educate them, if you raise them
1:07:15
well, if you put your trust in God, those three daughters are
1:07:20
going to be hijab between you and Hellfire avail protecting
1:07:25
you from Hellfire. So another companion stood, he
1:07:28
said you also Allah, I don't have the three, I have two girls
1:07:31
with that rule applied to me. The Prophet said yes, it will
1:07:35
apply to you. They will protect you if you
1:07:37
raise them well with good intention, you do your best and
1:07:41
leave the rest with God then they will going to protect you
1:07:44
against Hellfire. 1/3 companion stood.
1:07:47
He said yeah, so I have only one daughter with that rule applied
1:07:50
to her. He said yes it will apply even
1:07:53
if you have one daughter, you raise her very well, she's going
1:07:56
to protect you from Hellfire. So it's again, it's a prophet.
1:08:02
Your time is not wasted. Your effort is not wasted.
1:08:05
You're going to be proud in this life and in the hereafter.
1:08:09
Well I said so thank you for that hadith saying that.
1:08:12
It's an amazing reminder and that just tells you you do your
1:08:14
best and inshallah leave to God the rest.
1:08:17
And on that not saying that I thank you for today.
1:08:21
I found it very beneficial, insightful and many things that
1:08:24
I can imply in my home alongside my wife.
1:08:27
I love his daughters. Mashallah every time I come to
1:08:29
London. He brings them, I greet them, I
1:08:32
tell them your father is my favorite friend.
1:08:35
Al Hamdallah, he raised his, he he's an example, said Ali in
1:08:38
parenting. Him and his wife are a good
1:08:41
example in this community. That's very kind of you.
1:08:48
Brothers and sisters, if you find if you found this episode
1:08:51
to be beneficial to you, please share it with your friend, share
1:08:55
it with your husband or wife and share it with those who you
1:08:58
think need to listen to today's episodes.
1:09:02
Anisha Allah, we will be back soon next week with Ahmed Gokul.
1:09:07
Stay tuned W Salaam Alaikum, War Ahmed Allahi or Barakat
1:09:12
Salaikum.