Latest / The Humanistic Leader Podcast- Dr. Craig Nathanson / Maybe You've Been Becoming Yourself All Along

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Maybe You've Been Becoming Yourself All Along · The Humanistic Leader Podcast- Dr. Craig Nathanson

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A few months ago, Natasha and I were at an Eric Clapton concert,
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and somewhere during that concert, surrounded by thousands of people,
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I found myself imagining something rather unusual.
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I wasn't imagining myself playing the guitar. Believe me, no one needs to hear
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that. And I wasn't imagining myself singing, either.
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I was imagining myself standing in front of an audience of perhaps 10,000 people.
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But instead of performing music, I was talking, telling stories,
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making people laugh, maybe helping people feel a little better about themselves and their lives.
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I could almost picture it. And I remember thinking how wonderful that would be.
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Not because I wanted to be famous, not because I needed thousands of people applauding.
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There was something about the possibility of reaching people through stories that appealed to me.
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Something deeply, you know, deeply personal. And here's what's interesting.
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And that wasn't the first time I imagined doing something like that.
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In fact, when I look back over my life, I see moments when this same desire
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kept appearing, sometimes in unexpected places, and sometimes when I wasn't
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even looking for it, and sometimes when someone else was telling me to stop.
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Welcome back to From the Park Bench. I'm Craig.
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And today, for our 25th episode, I want to share something I've only recently
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begun to understand about my own life.
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Something that might help you look at yours a little differently,
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It's about the dreams we carry The people who quietly influence us And the possibility
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that even when we think we've been wandering through life We may have becoming ourselves all along,
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But let me go back to that Eric Clapton concert for a moment.
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In fact, I could just, I go back to when I was sitting there watching the concert
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and enjoying the music, and all of a sudden I started to look at the audience,
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and my mind kind of shifted from watching the performer to wanting to be the performer.
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I mean, I became so lost in this moment that my wife said to me,
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honey, are you listening?
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She could tell I was distracted. Actually, she thought I was falling asleep
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as usual, which I've been known to do at movies and concerts.
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Anyway, you know, I've been thinking about that.
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Experience, because it wasn't really a plan. I didn't go home and announce that
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I was going to become a professional storyteller.
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I didn't create a business proposal. I didn't start calculating how many tickets I could sell.
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It was simply an image that appeared in my mind, one of those moments when something
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inside you says, you know, wouldn't that be wonderful?
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And then life continues. You go back to work, you pay the bills,
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you deal with responsibilities.
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You do all the things that grown-ups are supposed to do And sometimes those
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little dreams get tucked away Not necessarily forgotten Just placed somewhere in the background,
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But I've come to wonder Whether some of those dreams are trying to tell us something,
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Maybe they're not predictions of what we'll become Maybe they're clues about who we already are,
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And perhaps the reason certain dreams keep returning Is they represent something
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deeply connected to who we are Something we haven't fully, you know, recognized yet.
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To understand why that concert memory matters to me, I need to go back much, much further.
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Back to when I was a little boy. I used to watch Mr. Rogers.
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Some of you listening may remember him.
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Fred Rogers, his cardigan sweater, his gentle, gentle voice.
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The way he could sit in front of a television camera and somehow make you feel
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that he was talking directly to you.
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I was fascinated by that. Somewhere inside that little boy, there was a thought.
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Someday, I like to do something like that.
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Now, I certainly didn't understand what that meant. I wasn't thinking about,
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you know, broadcasting or building an audience. I was a child.
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But I understood something about how he made me feel.
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There was a warmth about him, kindness, a sense that the person in listening,
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you know, mattered. And I wanted to be able to do that.
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But if I think back to when I was on a stool as a little boy watching Mr.
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Rogers, I remember the show would always start with a little train going around
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in a circle. And you could see.
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Little figures of people walking around in stores and cars. And it took a few
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minutes until Mr. Rogers actually appeared on the scene.
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I don't know. It seemed to calm me. It seemed to make me happy.
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So here's something I've been thinking about.
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Mr. Rogers didn't need to impress people He didn't have to raise his voice He
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didn't have to convince you that he was important He just simply showed up He
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talked to you, he listened,
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He shared little moments of
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life And somehow those moments mattered I think there's a lesson in that,
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You know, we sometimes spend so much of our lives Trying to become impressive
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That we overlook the possibility of simply becoming more ourselves And maybe,
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The things that attract us when we're young Deserve more attention than we give them,
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Not because every childhood dream needs to become a career But because those
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dreams may reveal something about what brings us alive,
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Now let's move forward many years I was working in a big corporation And I remember
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teaching a class on self-development,
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Now here's something that makes this story especially interesting These weren't
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people who had signed up for, you know, a personal growth retreat.
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They were computer programmers, people who spent their days writing code,
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testing software, solving technical problems, and taking classes to improve
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their technical skills.
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And as I recall, they were required to take a class outside their usual technical training.
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I think my self-development class may have been the only option available.
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So imagine this. I really want you to see this picture.
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A room full of computer programmers taking a class on self-development.
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And here I was asking them to think about themselves, their lives,
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and, you know, what really mattered to them.
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Now, I don't want to suggest that computer programmers aren't,
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you know, interested in personal growth. Of course they are.
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But I suspect this was a little different from the kind of training many of
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them were accustomed to.
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And I remember enjoying the experience.
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I enjoyed the opportunity to help people step away from their technical responsibilities
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for a little while and think about themselves as, you know, human beings.
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Not as employees, not as programmers But as people with hopes,
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dreams, challenges and possibilities.
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In this class, I had my students, you know, do meditation. I had them write journals.
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We did exercises.
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I asked them to align their values to their goals. We did an exercise to help
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them think about their purpose in their life. I had so much fun.
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And then we came to the end of the class. I wanted the participants to have
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an opportunity to reflect on what they learned, not simply to complete another
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corporate training requirement, but to pause.
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To think about themselves, to consider what they might carry forward from the experience.
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So I did something a little unusual. I turned out the lights.
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I asked everyone to close their eyes. They were holding their certificates.
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And I began playing Beth Midler's recording of Wind Beneath the Wings.
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I would sing it, but I don't remember the lyrics at the moment.
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Now, but if you remember that song, you know, it's a it's really a beautiful
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piece of music about, you know, people who lift us up.
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There we were, a room full of Intel programmers, eyes closed,
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certificates in their hands and Beth Midler singing in the background.
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And I was sitting on a stool looking around the room. And I remember thinking
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to myself, this is what I want to do for the rest of my life.
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I wanted to teach I wanted to tell stories I wanted to help people discover
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Something meaningful about themselves There was something about that moment
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That just felt exactly right,
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Then something happened. As I was sitting there, I noticed someone standing
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outside the classroom. It was our HR manager.
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She was looking through one of those little windows they have in the classroom doors.
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And she was just standing there, watching.
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But I decided to ignore her. I was in the middle of something important,
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and I didn't want to interrupt the experience.
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And then she quietly opened the door, and with her fingers, she motioned for me to come outside.
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So I got up from my stool and I stepped into the hallway. And here's the funny part.
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Nobody even, you know, nobody in the class even noticed I left.
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They were so, you know, absorbed in the experience. Their eyes were closed.
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They were holding their certificates and Beth Midler was singing away, still singing.
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And so there I was standing in the hallway and the HR manager looked at me and
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said, what is going on in this class?
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And I explained that we were finishing our self-development class and that I
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was giving people an opportunity to, you know, reflect on what they've learned.
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And she asked, well, why is there music? Why are the lights out?
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And why are their eyes closed?
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I started to explain, but before I had much of a chance, she said,
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go in there, turn on the lights and end the class.
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And I don't want you doing this anymore. This isn't what we had in mind.
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Now imagine that. Just a few minutes earlier I had been sitting on the stool
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On my stool Thinking that this is what I wanted to do For the rest of my life,
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And now someone was telling me to stop.
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I can still remember that feeling. My heart just sort of dropped.
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I felt like I was caught doing something wrong, and I felt sad,
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and I couldn't believe that,
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someone was telling me I couldn't do what generally brought me happiness and purpose.
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And then I walked back into the classroom. And you know what?
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Nothing had changed. Nobody had noticed I had been gone. Their eyes were still
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closed. They were still holding their certificates, and Beth Midler was still singing.
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And here's the part I'll never forget. Just as I walked back into the room,
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she was singing, you know, there's a part in the song where she sings about someone being a hero.
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And I stood there listening. I had just been told to turn on the lights and
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end the class, but I didn't.
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I let the music continue. I let those people have their moments.
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And even after all these years, I can still remember what I was feeling in that
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room. I wanted to spend the rest of my life doing something like this.
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Helping people, teaching, telling stories, creating moments that might make
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a difference in someone's life.
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And perhaps I didn't realize it then, but I was already becoming the person I wanted to be.
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Okay, so now we have three memories. A little boy watching Mr. Rogers.
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A man sitting on the stool in a big corporation. conversation and another man
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sitting at an Eric Clapton concert imagining himself telling stories to thousands of people.
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For much of my life, I wouldn't have thought to connect those experiences.
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They happened in, you know, different places at different times and for different reasons.
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But now looking back, I do see a thread, not a perfectly straight line.
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You know, life rarely works that way. But, you know, there were detours,
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decisions, you know, responsibilities, 50s, things that worked out, things that didn't.
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There were years when, of course, I was focused on building a career,
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earning a living, raising a family, and doing what needed to be done.
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And yeah, through so many of those years, I kept returning to something,
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teaching, talking, sharing experiences, trying to make a difference in someone's life.
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Maybe the dream wasn't really about standing in front of 10,000 people.
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Maybe it was about connecting with people. Maybe the audience size was never the important part.
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Maybe the important part was the feeling I imagined creating.
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And that realization changes the story. Because I don't need 10,000 people in
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front of me to do that. I can do it with a classroom.
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I can do it with one person over coffee, with someone sitting beside me on a
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park bench, or with a microphone.
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Now I'd like to turn this conversation toward you, because I suspect you have
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your own version of this story.
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Maybe there's something you loved doing when you were young,
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something that made you lose track of time, something that came natural.
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Maybe you enjoyed drawing or fixing things or maybe, you know, making people laugh.
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Maybe you were the person everyone came to when they needed someone to listen.
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Maybe you loved organizing activities, helping others learn or,
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you know, creating something with your hands.
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And then life happened. You chose a career. You took on responsibilities. You made compromises.
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You became very good at doing what other people needed you to do.
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And somewhere along the way, perhaps you stopped paying attention to those early interests.
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Not because they disappeared, but because they didn't seem practical anymore.
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I wonder what might happen if you looked at those interests again.
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Not with the expectation that you need to quit your job Or dramatically change your life But with,
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simply with, you know, curiosity What did you love doing before you started
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worrying about whether you were good enough What activities made you feel most like yourself.
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And here's another question. Are there moments in your life when those interests
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quietly resurfaced, perhaps in a different form?
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Maybe the child who loved drawing became an adult who enjoys designing like a beautiful garden.
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Maybe the child who loved helping
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classmates become the colleague everyone turned to for encouragement.
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Maybe the child who loved telling stories became a teacher or a writer or someone
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who makes family gatherings memorable.
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There may be more continuity in our lives than we realize. Sometimes we just
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need enough distance to recognize it.
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There's another part of this that feels important to me. You know,
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for many years, I was concerned with achievement, titles, recognition,
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professional success, the things that tell the world you're doing well.
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There's nothing inherently wrong with achievement. I've worked hard in my life.
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I'm proud of much of what I've accomplished.
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But I also know what it's like to become overly concerned with proving yourself
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Proving that you're successful Proving that you're capable Proving that your
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work matters And somewhere in that process You can lose touch with the things
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that made you happy in the first place,
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I think that's one reason this stage of my life feels so different I'm less
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interested in proving something And I'm more interested in expressing something
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And there's a wonderful freedom in that I can tell a story simply because I enjoy telling it.
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I can write something because it matters to me. I can share an experience without
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knowing whether anyone will find it particularly interesting.
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And if one person listens and discovers something useful, you know,
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that's enough. That's enough for me. Actually, that's more than enough.
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Because the purpose isn't to demonstrate how much I know. It's to create a moment of connection.
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Perhaps that's why that little boy watching Mr. Rogers understood,
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even if he couldn't have explained it.
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Which brings me to this park bench. When I started this podcast,
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I wasn't entirely sure what it would become.
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I knew I wanted to share reflections about life, about work,
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about relationships, about growing older and finding meaning in ordinary experiences.
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But you know, I've discovered something along the way. I really like telling stories.
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Not invented stories, real ones. Stories about, you know, people I've known,
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things I've experienced, mistakes I've made, moments that stayed with me long after they happened.
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And something interesting has happened as I've continued. I've begun to recognize
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that the stories themselves are often more important than the lessons I might try to attach to them.
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Because when I tell you about my grandmother asking me, Bagel,
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are you happy? You may remember someone in your own life who cared about your happiness.
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When I talk about a teacher or coach who influenced me, you may remember someone who influenced you.
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And when I share an experience that changed the way I see the world,
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Perhaps it encourages you To revisit one of your own So that's what I hope happens here.
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When I think about, to myself, what it means to recognize that little boy,
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my younger self, the corporate storyteller on the stool, this concert dreamer.
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And the man recording this podcast right now.
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I don't know. I feel like this is what I was meant to do, and I've been wanting
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to do this for a very long time.
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So today, I started today's story by telling you about a concert and a dream
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I had of speaking to 10,000 people.
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But here I am sitting with the microphone alone in my office Sharing a story
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with whomever happens to be listening Maybe you're taking a walk right now Maybe
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you're driving somewhere Maybe you're sitting at home with a cup of coffee,
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I don't know where you are I don't know how many people will hear this episode,
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But I know something I'm doing something I generally enjoy Something that feels meaningful,
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Something that connects me to experiences from, you know, many different chapters
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of my life. And that, you know, that makes me happy.
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Not because I've achieved some enormous goal, but because I'm beginning to understand
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something about myself that was there all along.
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So here's what I'd like to invite you to do this week. Find a quiet moment,
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maybe during a walk, maybe while you're having coffee, maybe sitting somewhere
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that gives you a little room to think, and ask yourself a simple question.
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What did I love doing before life became so complicated?
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Don't worry whether it was practical. Don't worry about whether you were especially
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talented. Just remember.
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And then ask yourself whether some part of that interest is still alive in you
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today You know, maybe it is,
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Maybe it has taken a different shape Maybe you've expressed it for years without
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recognizing the connection Or maybe, just maybe, it's something you'd like to
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welcome back into your life,
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You don't have to make a dramatic change You don't have to reinvent yourself,
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Sometimes you just need to notice what has been there all along Because perhaps
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the person you're hoping to become isn't someone entirely new Perhaps that person
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has been quietly emerging Through all the different chapters of your life,
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And perhaps in ways you haven't yet recognized You've been becoming yourself all along.
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Thanks for spending these moments with me I'm Craig And I'll see you next time
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right here on From the Park Bench.