Latest / Self Love Podcast / It’s Ok To Set Boundaries

Transcript

It’s Ok To Set Boundaries · Self Love Podcast

• 0:01
  SPEAKER_00: Hi, free spirit.
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to another episode of Life Walking Journey.
• 0:06
  SPEAKER_00: And to all my new free spirits.
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_00: Hi guys, welcome.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_00: How's everyone doing?
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_00: I hope everybody is doing amazing.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_00: I am doing okay.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_00: I know that I've been saying that for the last few episodes, but I have been doing okay.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like I've been going through I don't know.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_00: Emotional changes, I guess, per se.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but in this episode, I did want to talk about boundaries, uh, because I feel like that's something that not a lot of people know and have in their lives, and you know, I just want to I wanted to come up uh in here and talk about it because I feel like that's something that I'm constantly always dealing with is learning to have boundaries with people, um, not only within myself but with those around me.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_00: Um I feel like for a while now the things that I used to want for myself in life, I no longer want it.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_00: And I feel like because a lot of the things that I've always wanted, I feel like they were just fairy tales, or maybe I don't know if it's just where things are just heading at right now, or how things are with myself.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_00: I just I feel like I lost a lot of hope, guys.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_00: I lost a lot of hope in what a lot of things are in life that I feel like I'm just in survival mode and I'm just working, coming home, taking care of chores, sleeping, working, taking care of house chores, sleeping, going to work, and it's just it's a constant cycle that I feel like it's just it's not that I'm bored of it, it's just I feel like it's not benefiting me in any way.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_00: Um, maybe benefiting uh other people, maybe businesses, but not for myself.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_00: But um one thing that I have been learning in the last couple years or years or so is putting boundaries with everybody around me that's in my circle, um, that I you know I'm I deal with on a daily basis, only because I felt like I've never had that, I never was taught that to have boundaries, and the reason why I say that is because there is a certain limit, guys.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_00: There's there's certain boundaries that we need to have within ourselves in order for demand respect because I feel like a lot of people take advantage of me, a lot of people uh take advantage of my kindness, my heart, or who I am, and it has has always been like that all my life.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_00: And excuse me, now that I'm a little older and stuff, like I just know that I don't go around treating people wrongfully.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_00: Uh I treat people how I want to be treated.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_00: And once I feel like I'm not being treated that way, like I start to feel push away, you know, a lot from people where I just don't seem to align with you anymore.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_00: And I just I I don't want I don't wanna fuck with you.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_00: I just feel like I'm just like if you show a lot of respect, like I don't wanna I don't wanna I don't wanna overextend myself to you but that has always been my problem as you know I've talked before I've talked about before is that I always overextend myself not hoping to get anything in return, but it's just like you know, if I'm doing something for you, like it would be kind of nice to kind of I guess in a way, I guess I am expecting something in return, and I don't ask for much, guys.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_00: All I ask is you know for love, love, love and respect.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_00: That's it, that's and acknowledgement.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like I'm never acknowledged, I feel like I'm never heard.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like I'm always being shut down by everybody around me.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and before I used to hurt my feelings.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_00: Now I just I choose not to say anything, I just separate myself.
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_00: That's just who I am.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_00: And I've been dealing with a lot of that in the last couple weeks where I just don't feel heard, I don't feel respected, I don't feel loved um by anyone, to be honest with you.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_00: And and and what made me think about that is uh this past Sunday I went to church to to whack, which is uh in Whittier, and um the the pastor was you know reading uh Bible script uh scripture uh script and um he also mentioned like in the you know in a you know raise your hand if in the top of your head fast you can think of of anybody that has ever been there for you in any way, and I saw a lot of people's hands go up, and uh most of us didn't really raise our hands, and and I automatically felt emotional because I couldn't think of nobody, nobody that has been there for me at all.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_00: The people around me has always been restricted with how they want to love me or how they want to be there for me, which fucking sucks because I'm an open book, I'm a person that I I give my all when I love you, you know, and that comes to my family, like my partner, and all that stuff, and and I just don't feel like I it's it's you know reciprocated, like I just feel like I'm being taken advantage of.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_00: That's what it kind of starting to feel like now.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_00: And the moment that I speak up, like it becomes an issue.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, what do you guys think?
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_00: How do you guys handle stuff like that?
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_00: If you guys are dealing with the same thing, like do you feel disrespected?
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_00: Does it make you moody?
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_00: I know that I always tend to just ignore it and just sleep it on the rug, and I'm just like, I'm really good, guys.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_00: Honestly, I'm really really good at if I'm irritating the moment, I like uh I can get over like in five and ten minutes.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_00: I just I would just be quiet, you know, and it's and it's not to make anybody feel uncomfortable or or anything.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_00: I just feel like I don't know.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_00: I I just get very observant, and lately I feel like I've been demanding respect from people around me because I feel like okay, like I've respected you a lot of a lot of your life, a lot of your decisions, a lot of everything, and I'm just like I don't go around judging you, destroying you.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I I I expect you to respect me because we're not kids, we're grown-ups now.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean?
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_00: But lately I feel like everything and anything has been triggering me, and I've been trying to understand why.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_00: I haven't felt like this in very in a very long time, guys, where I feel triggered by a lot of things, but I just feel like I'm just at a point in life now where I'm so over everything, I'm over like trying to be there for everybody and save everybody.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I want I want to save myself.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like I'm wasting time with certain people, and and I don't want to sit around and wait and wait and wait.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not getting any younger.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_00: I have goals and dreams that I wanna, you know, accomplish.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm still hoping that you know I get there to the dreams that I've always dreamed of having.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't know, I'm just confused, guys.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_00: I I feel very, very confused.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I don't really have anybody to talk to.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_00: My friends are always really busy.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, all the girls that I talk to, they're busy, and you know, a lot of them are in relationship, like I said before, so things are not the same, and a lot of the things I have to navigate through life by myself.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_00: It's just you know, it would be good and nice to have someone there by your side to guide you, to protect you, to uplift you, and and all that stuff.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_00: And I feel like sometimes I have to be that for myself, and I have to be that for everyone around me.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_00: And it gets tiring, it gets it gets very, very tiring.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_00: But when it comes to the boundaries, I feel like with that, I struggled a little bit with my family in the beginning a couple years ago, where I was just like, Okay, like I wouldn't react to a lot of things, but I I would tell them, like, hey, like, like bring it down a couple notches.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I don't talk to you that way, like, and I know that it's it's just a dynamic that my family has, but it's like I told them before, like, we had this conversation a few weeks ago where uh my uncle asked him for an entire family if it was okay, if it was normal for how they sometimes acted towards people or with people, and I was just like automatically, like without hesitation, I was just like, No, it's not normal.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_00: A lot of the things that my family do are very hurtful, and I don't think they know or realize that they're doing it to hurt you.
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like they just do it because that's all they know.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_00: But for being grown-ups, I'm just like, you should know your limits, you know.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_00: And now that I'm hanging out with my family a lot more than I used to, I see the change.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_00: I see the change about the boundaries where sometimes they help they hold back from making rude or or or hurtful comments, which part of me sometimes misses that, you know, because I'm just like, you know, that's what makes my family, but again, I'm just like, I'm not here to I'm not here to change anybody.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_00: I am not, you know, by all means I want my family to still be themselves.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_00: I just I need I need them to understand, like they need to be mindful of people's feelings.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes no one's asking for your opinion, no one cares for your opinion.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_00: They just want you to be human and be present, and that's it.
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't know if my family knows that, but they're learning, you know, they're learning, they're constantly always making jokes, or when they make a joke that it's kind of mean, they're like, Oh, boundaries, boundaries, like relax, like Sergio's here.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_00: And I find I kind of feel like in a way, it it kind of grew into this sort of kind of like respect, like, okay, like with Sergio, we're gonna act this kind of way, and then when he's not around, they're just gonna be themselves, which I don't mind them being themselves.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_00: It's just don't be mean, don't be mean, don't be hurtful.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_00: Like, let's just let's not do that.
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_00: Like, there's already enough of that going on around the world, like, there's no need for us to be like that with each other either.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_00: It's fine if we protect ourselves from from other people, but we also gotta keep in mind that not a lot of people are like us, people are very sensitive now these days.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_00: Everybody takes everything up the ass, literally.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and um, I feel like I put boundaries within myself around everybody, like at work, my partner.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_00: Like, it's just I I I if I don't feel respected, I just don't want to interact with you, and I hate that I'm becoming this way.
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_00: I'm I'm I'm trying to understand why I've I've turned that way because I've never used to be that way, guys.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_00: I just I would be like whatever and just you know move on, you know, keep on moving on.
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_00: But now I'm just like, oh no, like if I feel any any sort of ill intentions or energy, it like I just don't I'd rather just stay quiet, you know.
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_00: I'm also a very uh non-filtered person when it comes to people when they ask me for my opinion and stuff like that, and I'm very cutthroat.
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I keep it respectful, I keep it cordial, but I let you know how it is, you know.
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_00: Um but lately, I don't know, guys.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_00: I've been in a such in a funk that I don't know.
• 11:44
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like the things that used to I used to think that I wanted and served for me, like I don't want that anymore.
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like my soul is craving something much bigger, something much I don't know, mature, I don't know, I don't know per se better because nothing would be ever be better.
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_00: It's just I my my soul's craving growth, it's been craving that for a very long time.
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_00: It's been craving that since I left my last relationship where I just wanted to grow, grow and evolve, and you know, obviously life happened, and you know, I took a detour, but I mean that feeling was still there, and I think that's why I became a kind of I guess bitter in the last few years over that because I'm just like fuck like you know, I I went in a whole different direction to what I was staying focused on, and slowly but surely now I'm trying I'm trying to rediscover that ever since I got closer to God and you know made a relationship with God where I'm trying to understand that a lot of the things that I used to think were normal for me are no longer normal for me, are the things that are triggering me, are the things that annoying me the most.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_00: Um maybe it's because I was raised different or I just taught myself different, where I handle life and and and the most deepest and hardest situations as calmly as I can.
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_00: Um because my mama taught me that.
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_00: My mama has always told us like life is not that serious.
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, shit hits the fan, but you shouldn't make yourself sick over stressing over life because life would always be life, and unfortunately, guys, as much as we sit there, plan out, write out things, like things would never go as planned, shit would always go a different way, shit might not even go the way you expected, and you just have to be ready for that, and that's within your personal life and at work because I see that shit happening at work too, where you know, obviously, in any business that you work, things are constantly changing, policies are constantly changing, and people are not really happy about that, which is kind of crazy to me.
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_00: A lot of people really waste their time and energy trying to fight and understand why the changes, and I'm just like, Well, what's so hard about it?
• 14:05
  SPEAKER_00: It's business, business is constantly changing for the better of the business and the better of the clients.
• 14:10
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I don't know, like, for instance, like my coke is always asking me, like, oh, like, do you get upset when people, you know, this and this and that?
• 14:18
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm just like, no, like, I'm not gonna waste my time not arguing with this person, not even with my boss.
• 14:24
  SPEAKER_00: If they tell me something, okay, you know, you have to understand that they're just doing their jobs, or maybe because I come from management, I understand management.
• 14:32
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and I've always told my you know, my supervisors, like, I understand where you guys are coming from.
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_00: I used to be in that position, uh, maybe not with the hospital, but uh, you know, with a different business.
• 14:43
  SPEAKER_00: But I understand the seat that you guys sit on, it doesn't come with a lot of polite people, it comes with a lot of backlash.
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, you are everybody's enemy, and that goes back to boundaries.
• 14:58
  SPEAKER_00: You try to keep it cool with your employees, and they take advantage, and the moment that you actually put your foot down and start building those boundaries with them, and actually, you know, doing things by by the business guidelines, they don't like it.
• 15:14
  SPEAKER_00: Why?
• 15:15
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know, but I've always been that type of person at work, even as a manager, like having my boundaries with my employees, because I knew that in any second anybody can flip.
• 15:28
  SPEAKER_00: And I always had to remind people like I'm not your friend, I'm your manager.
• 15:32
  SPEAKER_00: And then if you can't take any criticism or or any feedback for things that you're doing in life, I mean, with within work, like then obviously that means that you need a lot of growing to do, you know.
• 15:45
  SPEAKER_00: Not that I was any better with them because I I before used to take criticism really hard.
• 15:50
  SPEAKER_00: I used to hate it when people used to print out my mistakes.
• 15:54
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but over time, I've I I I've been learning to be different, to be more open-minded, and understand that people are always gonna have an opinion about you, even when you mess up, it's not people being wrong towards you, they're just trying to help you and correct you, and that's it.
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_00: And just you know, not take anything offensive.
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_00: And I feel like I've gotten really good with that in the last year, not really taking anything offensive when it comes to like friends, co-workers, my partner, my family.
• 16:24
  SPEAKER_00: Like, people are just gonna say what they say, and I'm not gonna waste my my soul energy just being upset.
• 16:30
  SPEAKER_00: Like, life is too damn sure.
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_00: If it's one thing that I learned about my mother-in-law's and my brother-in-law's passing, is that life is too damn sure that I don't want to even want to waste time like being upset at anything or anyone, but it's kind of hard sometimes because you want more out of people that are actually near you and and you can't get that, you know.
• 16:53
  SPEAKER_00: And with me, for instance, guys, like I hate when people I don't know about you guys, I hate when people when you know that you're doing something out of the pure kindness of your heart, and people turn it around and make it something ugly or make it seem like anything and everything good that you do is bad, it makes me feel really horrible inside.
• 17:13
  SPEAKER_00: It makes me feel like not not wanting to.
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know, guys.
• 17:19
  SPEAKER_00: I really don't know.
• 17:20
  SPEAKER_00: I just know that it's upsetting.
• 17:22
  SPEAKER_00: I hate it, I I I hate it to this day.
• 17:25
  SPEAKER_00: It's just that a lot of people tend to think to that my kindness is weakness, and I grew up majority of my life, guys, thinking that I was fucking weak as fuck, that everything I did uh was being weak, me being emotional was weak, me being lovable was weak, me being romantic was weak.
• 17:53
  SPEAKER_00: Like it just I uh I've always grew up feeling and thinking that I was weak, and then I came to realize now my older age, now hitting 30s, like I came to realize that it's not a weakness, it's actually my superpower because I can heal people in a way that other people can't, you know.
• 18:16
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like love is the ultimate power in this world, and this is why I always continue to show people love and kindness, regardless of what they feel about me or or what they think about me, because it's just it's the universal language, it's the universe your universal power, love, you know.
• 18:34
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't know, my entire life.
• 18:38
  SPEAKER_00: I was even talking about this to my partner the other day.
• 18:40
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I felt like I never wanted to be an ugly person inside.
• 18:47
  SPEAKER_00: When I made mistakes, I would automatically learn from them.
• 18:52
  SPEAKER_00: I will feel so horrible, and I would never repeat it.
• 18:55
  SPEAKER_00: I always been that type of person that I would try my best not to repeat the same mistakes over and over.
• 19:01
  SPEAKER_00: I just wanted to learn from them right there and there, and that's it.
• 19:03
  SPEAKER_00: Especially when it came to other humans, especially when it came to my family and those that I love.
• 19:09
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't want to be that way with anybody to turn ugly, to turn mean, to turn grudgeful, like nothing.
• 19:17
  SPEAKER_00: Like I just always felt like I I never could be that.
• 19:22
  SPEAKER_00: Something in my heartboard was telling me you can't be that, and I felt like that was always God or my guardian angels, or I don't know, telling me not to be that way.
• 19:33
  SPEAKER_00: And lately, guys, I actually been talking to my guardian angel a lot.
• 19:37
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know if you guys do that, but I do uh because I feel like we're all assigned a guardian angel, but I've been asking them that um I needed their guidance, like I need their guidance now because I slowly I I slowly catch myself giving up in life already.
• 19:59
  SPEAKER_00: There's so much going around that I don't know how to keep up with it, and and just I'm tired, I'm emotionally tired, my soul's tired, I don't want to be here anymore.
• 20:13
  SPEAKER_00: Like I feel like this world is so ugly, including those around me, and it's just I don't want to be here anymore, guys.
• 20:20
  SPEAKER_00: This is just I don't know why we exist, to be honest with you.
• 20:25
  SPEAKER_00: I don't understand my purpose.
• 20:27
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like I haven't been understanding my purpose for a while, and I just want to exit.
• 20:36
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes I'll be honest with you guys, there's still I'll be honest, and I know that I've talked about this before in the past that I've had suicidal thoughts, I still struggle with it now.
• 20:47
  SPEAKER_00: When life gets heavy, even though I'm smiling, even though I'm there for people, even though I'm continuously showing love, something triggers in my mind, guys, that I completely shut down, and dark thoughts go through my mind, and and sometimes it's it's it's it's scary, it's scary because I I don't know why I continue to have those thoughts.
• 21:20
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes I feel like it's the devil that's there messing with me, or some some sort of you know, dark you know force or something that's just constantly just always coming up in my mind and telling me like hey, you know, hurt yourself, like we're waiting, and a lot of me tells me like no, that's not your purpose.
• 21:43
  SPEAKER_00: You have a bigger purpose, you belong here, even if those around you don't love you or appreciate you.
• 21:50
  SPEAKER_00: God does, God loves me.
• 21:53
  SPEAKER_00: I am not alone, even though a lot of life feels like I'm alone.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_00: But I'm starting to learn that now in the last I don't know six eight months that when I feel like I'm alone, I tell myself you're not, you're God.
• 22:11
  SPEAKER_00: What I mean by that is I feel like God is everywhere.
• 22:16
  SPEAKER_00: God lives in you, God lives in the ground that we walk in.
• 22:21
  SPEAKER_00: God lives in the leaves, God lives in the air, God lives in the sun, you know, everything is God.
• 22:30
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm not alone.
• 22:32
  SPEAKER_00: And I constantly I have to remember remind myself that because it is a it's a constant battle, it's a constant battle.
• 22:40
  SPEAKER_00: Um especially when everything seems like it's never working out for you.
• 22:56
  SPEAKER_00: It uh it creeps up on you and it and it and it and it just I don't know.
• 23:04
  SPEAKER_00: Sorry guys, I don't know why I have a hard time talking about this, but it it it's just something that I really have been struggling with since I was maybe like in second grade.
• 23:17
  SPEAKER_00: And I never really been vocal about it.
• 23:20
  SPEAKER_00: I know that I've told my mom a few times and it and it upsets her because she doesn't understand why.
• 23:33
  SPEAKER_00: Uh I know she's mentioned to me before that it's just me being a coward and it's just like no mom, like if you knew more than what she knew about what happened to me when I was way younger than second grade during elementary, um I think she would understand a little more.
• 24:02
  SPEAKER_00: I don't hate her for that, I don't hold a grudge towards her for that.
• 24:09
  SPEAKER_00: It's just it just sucks because I feel like you're constantly being vocal with those around you that that you love or or think that have your back and no one takes you serious.
• 24:24
  SPEAKER_00: So you then you know I start to wonder like okay, so if I kill myself, like will you be this careless?
• 24:32
  SPEAKER_00: Like, would you even care?
• 24:39
  SPEAKER_00: But I have to remember that I can't be selfish, I still have to think about my family because regardless of them not being able to show you know that kind of support, doesn't mean that it would hurt them any less.
• 25:00
  SPEAKER_00: I wouldn't I wouldn't want to scar my family like that if I ever decided to do it.
• 25:15
  SPEAKER_00: Um I used to carry this knife in in my car for a really long time that a lot of people don't even didn't even know about it.
• 25:31
  SPEAKER_00: Where if I've had moments where if I've wanted to hurt myself, I could have.
• 25:40
  SPEAKER_00: But in those moments when I've tried to commit suicide, um something comes over me because I pray to God and and I and I and I ask like help me because I'm weak right now.
• 26:00
  SPEAKER_00: And I've always been afraid to like openly talk about it, like even on here because your family like automatically thinks like oh you're just doing it for attention.
• 26:15
  SPEAKER_00: I don't think anybody wants this for attention, and if people do they obviously need help, you know.
• 26:26
  SPEAKER_00: But the reason why I've always told my family that is because I'm just sometimes I'm scared of myself, guys.
• 26:36
  SPEAKER_00: I really am of the things that that go through my mind they're very very scary thoughts, but I've been learning to navigate with those thoughts through life.
• 27:00
  SPEAKER_00: Um a lot of the things that help me now, like it's just always listening to worship music and continuing to pray every day and throughout the day and just try to be as positive as I can.
• 27:19
  SPEAKER_00: I know that life has been really sucking right now, and and I don't know what to do with it, and I'm trying to understand and trying to grasp of why things are being handed to me, because I feel like a lot of the things that have been happening around my life, it's to shape me, to help me grow, to help me evolve.
• 27:39
  SPEAKER_00: It's just a lot of the things are very hard, and I'm just like, what do I do with this?
• 27:44
  SPEAKER_00: And I've I've I've thrown I've thrown in the towel already, and I asked my guardian angels, like please step in.
• 27:53
  SPEAKER_00: Step in because I can't anymore.
• 27:56
  SPEAKER_00: I can't anymore.
• 27:59
  SPEAKER_00: And I feel like right I just automatically just went on survival mode.
• 28:02
  SPEAKER_00: I don't care to have a relationship with nobody anymore.
• 28:06
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just really quiet now.
• 28:08
  SPEAKER_00: I don't care to have friends, I don't care to talk to my friends, I don't care to talk to my family.
• 28:13
  SPEAKER_00: It's just I want to save myself for myself.
• 28:20
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want to worry about nobody, and I feel like my that's why a lot of me had to put boundaries with everybody around me because I felt like you know, on top of being myself and dealing with my internal demons, like I'm dealing with everybody else's demons, and it's not helping me in any way, shape, or form, you know, for me to stay positive, and I've been very vocal about it, even with my partner, and like it's just I want to be there for him for everything that he's going through, but I'm just like I'm trying to heal and be a better version of myself or myself, and it's kind of hard when I don't have anything around me that keeps me positive, that keeps me going, that keeps me wanting to be better.
• 29:05
  SPEAKER_00: I just feel like everything and everyone around me is constantly going through something, and it's just I don't know what to do at this point.
• 29:13
  SPEAKER_00: I feel very lost, I feel very confused.
• 29:16
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I feel like a lot of people don't like to have that conversation about boundaries because everybody's so used to being themselves that a lot of people don't feel like they have to change or be different for the sake of whatever reason.
• 29:32
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like we have to, I feel like I have to in order to continue in life.
• 29:37
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want to be, you know, two years, three years, four years, five years, ten years from now, and still being and acting and thinking the same way.
• 29:44
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I want these thoughts to go away.
• 29:46
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want to think none of this.
• 29:50
  SPEAKER_00: I really don't.
• 29:51
  SPEAKER_00: I really, like I said before, like I'm really trying to get life right this time because I'm really hoping that my soul, when I decide to cross over to the other side, that I don't decide to come back because I don't want to come back.
• 30:03
  SPEAKER_00: I really don't want to come back.
• 30:04
  SPEAKER_00: I really want to stay wherever the heck the next level is, whatever the next realm is, and this uh you know higher consciousness of ours.
• 30:14
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I just don't want to come back to Earth, I just want to stay out of here.
• 30:18
  SPEAKER_00: Like, it's just this world is ugly, it's filled with ugliness, and I just I don't I don't want it anymore.
• 30:24
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I just want different.
• 30:27
  SPEAKER_00: I know for sure that I wanna surround myself now with different kind of crowds, maybe that think like me, that want positivity, that want change within themselves and heal themselves.
• 30:40
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I just I feel like I just need to surround myself with a different type of crowd versus what I'm used to, uh, even with the people that are around me.
• 30:50
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I just feel like I need change, I need it now, I need it to happen now.
• 30:55
  SPEAKER_00: I've always given myself goals, and of course, I've always said, you know, goals never happen to your liking, things happen in life, and I've always given myself goals for certain things, and I feel like that's where I find myself being very disappointed with life and upset because I've been saying, Well, at this age, I want a house.
• 31:13
  SPEAKER_00: At this age, I want a house at this age, I want to serve a family at this age, and those ages have happened, and nothing has happened.
• 31:19
  SPEAKER_00: I also gave myself a goal that at the time I was 35, I was gonna own my own house, and I'm still nowhere near that.
• 31:26
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I feel like life's just been happening and that I just always keep setting me back.
• 31:30
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't know.
• 31:32
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just I don't know.
• 31:34
  SPEAKER_00: I'm learning, guys.
• 31:35
  SPEAKER_00: I'm learning with you, I'm learning by myself that this is life, you know, we just gotta continue to push and just fight.
• 31:42
  SPEAKER_00: And I know that things are very hard right now because everything's just so expensive now.
• 31:46
  SPEAKER_00: Life is just crazy expensive now, and the best thing we can do per usual, like I said, is just pray and ask God to just continue to guide you and protect you.
• 31:55
  SPEAKER_00: And and honestly, I feel like that's where life will continue to make more sense because I feel like once I started using the power of prayer, life started to make a little bit more sense, and of course, you know, I I got off track with life, and you know, and I'm begging for that again from God.
• 32:15
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just like, okay, help me understand because I don't understand, and and I I don't want to be stuck, I really don't want to be stuck, I want to be different, you know.
• 32:25
  SPEAKER_00: I need to put a boundary also with myself, you know, like having to not overextend myself with nobody if I'm not being, you know, treated the same way.
• 32:36
  SPEAKER_00: I really don't want any of that, you know.
• 32:40
  SPEAKER_00: And that's why, you know, I feel like you know, willingly free to talk about anything and everything when it comes to my podcast on here because I feel like this is the only way in the that I can actually let things out that I can maybe uh you know release with people and people can actually understand and maybe feel the same way as I do and maybe heal with you know with other people.
• 32:58
  SPEAKER_00: But this is my way of healing, guys.
• 33:00
  SPEAKER_00: This is my way of letting all these traumas and all these thoughts and everything go, you know.
• 33:06
  SPEAKER_00: Honestly, like me starting the podcast has helped me a lot.
• 33:10
  SPEAKER_00: Honestly, I see the change within myself and how I handle life, my relationship, how I handle work, how I handle my family, how I handle people.
• 33:18
  SPEAKER_00: Like the podcast really has helped me a lot, and I'm very, very thankful for it.
• 33:23
  SPEAKER_00: And I, you know, I hold very, very honor honorable pride when it comes to the podcast because it's doing really well, surprisingly.
• 33:32
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I've had already over a thousand downloads, um, which I was I'm very surprised.
• 33:39
  SPEAKER_00: You know, obviously, my podcast is little by little being listened in different countries over 11 countries now, and I'll be honest with you guys.
• 33:48
  SPEAKER_00: Lately, I've been talking to my guardian angels and God, and I said, you know what?
• 33:53
  SPEAKER_00: I give up, I don't care anymore.
• 33:54
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not gonna do the podcast anymore.
• 33:56
  SPEAKER_00: It's you know, I don't feel like it's gonna get me anywhere it's gonna be a waste of my time.
• 34:00
  SPEAKER_00: And I honestly, guys, I had this thought today, this morning, and by the time I got off of work and everything, I I today I chose not to be on social media or not to even be checking at my podcast constantly because that's what I do, that's what I do on a daily basis.
• 34:18
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I check the numbers to make sure that you know, obviously, if it's worth me recording, and I told God, like, show me a sign.
• 34:27
  SPEAKER_00: You know, if you show me a sign, like I'll change the way I feel, I'll change the way I think, you know, I'll continue to fight.
• 34:34
  SPEAKER_00: And I left it alone, I forgot about it.
• 34:37
  SPEAKER_00: You know, went about my day at work, you know, came home and you know, was cooking dinner, and then I opened, you know, all the apps, uh, where I can see the numbers and stuff for the podcast.
• 34:51
  SPEAKER_00: And from the morning to lunch to dinner time, the listening of the podcast became like four times bigger than usual, four times bigger than it really does on a daily basis.
• 35:06
  SPEAKER_00: And I was just like, oh shit, like this is my prayer.
• 35:12
  SPEAKER_00: This is what I was asking God to give me a sign, and I said, Okay, like okay, so this is what you want me to do for right now, so I won't give up on it.
• 35:22
  SPEAKER_00: I'll I'll record today because I wasn't gonna record, guys.
• 35:24
  SPEAKER_00: I said I was I was gonna just shut it down and be like, eh, whatever, I give up.
• 35:28
  SPEAKER_00: Because I'm really I'm really good at that in the past.
• 35:31
  SPEAKER_00: I started a project, I'll do something with it, and then either I'll get bored or I just feel like nothing's happening, I get impatient, and I just stop, you know.
• 35:41
  SPEAKER_00: And I this was the universe.
• 35:43
  SPEAKER_00: This was the universe talking to me, telling me, like, uh no, like, hold on, you know, there's people listening, and you know, sure enough, you know like I said, it went literally four times more than usual, you know, and a lot of them were like I have about almost 30 episodes, and all all of them, all of them were literally in the chart.
• 36:05
  SPEAKER_00: I was just like, okay, like thank you, God.
• 36:09
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, uh, so I was just telling myself over dinner, I was just like, you gotta change, bro.
• 36:13
  SPEAKER_00: Like, get out of your mind.
• 36:14
  SPEAKER_00: And I feel like that's the issue that happens within myself is that I get in my head a lot when it comes to life, and I just automatically shut down myself, and I gotta stop that.
• 36:26
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I really, really, really do.
• 36:27
  SPEAKER_00: It's not okay.
• 36:29
  SPEAKER_00: I know it's not okay.
• 36:30
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but I'm learning, guys.
• 36:32
  SPEAKER_00: I'm human like everybody else.
• 36:34
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I'm forever learning.
• 36:35
  SPEAKER_00: Every day is a learning day for me, and every day is a new day to be a better version of myself.
• 36:39
  SPEAKER_00: Every day is a new day to be better than I was yesterday.
• 36:43
  SPEAKER_00: I try not to think about things that have happened before or hold grudges or anything, like for instance, with my partner.
• 36:49
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I don't like to live in the past.
• 36:52
  SPEAKER_00: That's just who I am.
• 36:53
  SPEAKER_00: I don't like to live in the past, not even when it comes to my family.
• 36:55
  SPEAKER_00: It's just I'm just like it happened yesterday, like, leave it.
• 36:58
  SPEAKER_00: There's no point of bringing it up, there's no point of us talking about it.
• 37:01
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but yeah, you know, boundaries, guys.
• 37:04
  SPEAKER_00: It's okay to have boundaries, it's okay to have boundaries with your family, it's okay to have boundaries with your partners.
• 37:11
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and if your partners don't respect your boundaries, then maybe it's they're just not the one for you guys.
• 37:17
  SPEAKER_00: Like when you're in a relationship, it it should be a mutual understanding that there needs to be boundaries and respect.
• 37:23
  SPEAKER_00: And if there's neither or of them, I feel like it's just it's uh you know, a recipe for disaster.
• 37:29
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but it's okay to have boundaries, guys.
• 37:33
  SPEAKER_00: Don't feel bad, you know.
• 37:34
  SPEAKER_00: I used to be that way back in the days, you know, as slightly I am still now, but I'm surely but surely learning that boundary.
• 37:40
  SPEAKER_00: It's okay to have boundaries, there's nothing wrong with it.
• 37:43
  SPEAKER_00: You know, that's just a former way of saying, like, hey, just respect me.
• 37:46
  SPEAKER_00: That's it, just how I respect you.
• 37:50
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but per usual, guys, I want to say that I'm very, very thankful for you guys for each and every one of you that continues to listen to the podcast.
• 38:01
  SPEAKER_00: I know that I don't know if you guys get bored from it.
• 38:04
  SPEAKER_00: Uh uh, doesn't seem like it from all the numbers, but um, I hope a lot of you guys can relate to a lot of the things that I am also dealing with in life.
• 38:14
  SPEAKER_00: I'm still navigating through life right now.
• 38:16
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I just want you guys to understand that you guys are not alone, you have a friend in me, you guys could always reach out to me.
• 38:21
  SPEAKER_00: Obviously, everything's blasted on all my platforms.
• 38:25
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, for the podcast, you guys can send me an email, you guys can send me a direct text, and I would get in, you know, we can talk, guys.
• 38:31
  SPEAKER_00: We can talk things out, and I don't know.
• 38:34
  SPEAKER_00: I would love to still try to bring people into the podcast um when the time is you know ready.
• 38:41
  SPEAKER_00: Um but only god knows.
• 38:44
  SPEAKER_00: I know right now that I'm just I don't want to think ahead.
• 38:47
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want to keep too I don't want to keep myself too excited over things, I just want to go with the flow right now.
• 38:51
  SPEAKER_00: I'm learning that with life right now is that I just need to go with the flow and see what with where things end up.
• 38:57
  SPEAKER_00: There's definitely a lot of people um that are already in the mainstream that uh have you know big successful uh podcasters that I wish I could you know work with because they're amazing, they're people that have grown and healed and matured, and it's just like damn, I want to be like that.
• 39:14
  SPEAKER_00: And a lot a lot of the people that I do look up to, guys, is Cheekies, which is you know Jenny Rura's oldest daughter.
• 39:24
  SPEAKER_00: She has an amazing, an amazing podcast of about healing and and change, you know.
• 39:30
  SPEAKER_00: Basically, a lot of the things that I talk about, obviously, but her is more professional, more professional.
• 39:36
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, but I've learned a lot from her, to be honest with you.
• 39:39
  SPEAKER_00: Watching her healing process has helped me heal a lot, honestly.
• 39:44
  SPEAKER_00: I related to her in a lot of things, and uh, and and she helped me heal and understand a lot of myself and why I started the podcast, and Jay Chetty.
• 39:54
  SPEAKER_00: J Chetty is another person that I admire so so much because he's constantly talking about real stuff, about life changes.
• 40:00
  SPEAKER_00: And I actually tried to get enrolled into his business about becoming uh uh you know a life coach, but I was just like, Do I really want that?
• 40:08
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I can really even get myself together.
• 40:11
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, and I just don't want to be that just yet, hopefully, one day.
• 40:17
  SPEAKER_00: But I don't know, I don't know what I want to do with my life, guys.
• 40:20
  SPEAKER_00: I know I know that I've always loved music and always wanted to sing.
• 40:22
  SPEAKER_00: I don't feel like I don't have the greatest voice.
• 40:24
  SPEAKER_00: A lot of people say that I do, but I I don't.
• 40:27
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe I just need to be more I guess positive with myself and believe in myself.
• 40:32
  SPEAKER_00: But it would be nice, you know, to record a song to put out there, but you know, I don't know if it's to make it something big, but I feel like music has always healed my soul and it and it makes my soul so happy and and and live, and you know, it's something that it just I look forward to every single day.
• 40:50
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and I don't know, I don't know.
• 40:52
  SPEAKER_00: I just I just pray to God and my ancestors and and my guardian angels that they're able to come forward and help me understand my purpose in life because I want to understand, I don't want to think that this is it and I want to end my life, I want to be a better version of myself, I want to get out of these thoughts, and I know that one day I will, and I know that if you're going through the same thing, you will too because you are strong, you are powerful, you're loved, you are understanding, you're being heard.
• 41:18
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so continue to pray, guys.
• 41:22
  SPEAKER_00: Be positive and remember to always spread love with everybody and with each other, including your own family.
• 41:28
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, I love you guys.