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65. Mastering Mindset: Enhance Business Success by Taming Overthinking with Gina Mongiello · The Life-First Solopreneur

• Gina Mongiello (00:00): There is power in knowing the makeup of your mind. And believe it or not, even though we're walking around with this mind all day long, a lot of us don't know what's happening in the mind until someone calls it out. Intro (00:17): Welcome to the One-Person Business podcast, the show for solopreneurs, consultants and contractors who are ready to take charge of their business and reclaim their freedom. Join us as we bring you inspiring stories, invaluable insights and practical strategies from successful solopreneurs and industry experts, empowering you to create a thriving business that aligns with your unique goals and allows you to live life on your own terms. Here are your hosts, Joe Rando and Carly Ries. Carly Ries (00:47): Welcome to the One-Person Business Podcast. I'm one of your hosts, Carly Ries. Joe Rando (00:51): And I'm Joe Rando Carly Ries (00:52): I'm so excited for our guests today at Gina Mongiello. We actually had her on one of our solopreneur success session presentation two weeks ago now. Everybody loved her presentation, so Joe and I were like, oh my gosh, we have to get her on the podcast. Gina helps coaches serious about their own personal transformation, clarify their marketing materials so they can attract their ideal clients. You may also see her out helping overthinkers stop the mental spin by connecting to Guiding Truth so they can make good decisions in their personal and professional life. Gina, I feel like we all need you in our back pocket, so welcome to the show. Gina Mongiello (01:31): Thank you, Carly, I would love to move up to the front pocket. Is that possible? Carly Ries (01:36): Yeah, we'll just put you front and center if that works. What I'm excited about is you are so good about helping people or preventing people from overthinking their businesses, which all of us do, I think to an extent. I'm sure you see that in your daily work. With that, how does overthinking hurts your business? What do you lose by overthinking within your business? Gina Mongiello (02:00): Great question, Carly. And thank you for that intro, and I'm so glad to know that the participants loved the session. Here we are again, to go a little bit more into it. Overthinking hurts your business in several ways, and I like to think of it on different levels of the mind and the body. I think of the mental realm, the physical realm, the emotional realm, the spiritual realm, and the communal realm. So, the mental realm, overthinking, it paralyzes your decision making. It just stops you from being able to make decisions. And I can go into any of these in more detail. I'm just gonna do a brief overview, and then if you have questions, please ask. And I can dive into any one deeper. On the physical body realm, it prevents you from taking action. Even just going out for a walk can change your business. It can change things in your mind. So that physical action is really, really important. And when you sit and you think, and you think, and you think it tends to keep you stationary and stuck here behind the computer screen, as opposed to outdoing things. Yes, going for a walk, but also going to a networking meeting or going out and, talking to people or trying to sell. Doing the things that business owners most hate, Trying to sell. Joe Rando (03:20): Can I add one? The idea of going and reading a book about something that doesn't really, definitely completely apply to you, but that somebody's teaching has made a big difference for me in the last month. Gina Mongiello (03:33): I love that. Joe Rando (03:34): You know, something that isn't my thing. And boy, what a difference. Gina Mongiello (03:38): Yeah, that's a great point. Sometimes getting out of your world and jumping into the world of another, even if you think it doesn't apply to you, winds up interweaving with your path. I'd love to hear more about that. How it helped you in your path. If there's time for that or if you want to share. Joe Rando (03:54): Oh, always willing to share. Gina Mongiello (03:56): Awesome. The next level is the emotional level. And if you are overthinking it winds up preventing your emotions from their natural place, from coming in on the scene to help you in your business. That blocks your intuition. Your intuition is based on not just thinking, but on emotions and the integration of those two. So the overthinking naturally shuts down emotions, and then you miss out on that piece. The next level, the spiritual level is what I say Faith. You have to have faith. A business owner has to be able to set something up and then execute it without seeing direct results. And when you don't see direct results, you need the faith to carry you through to believe that over time this is going to amount to something. Instead of just saying, uh, day one didn't work, or week one or month one didn't work, crash, burn, and start over. (04:52): Keep the faith that what you put into action will take you to the goal. And then lastly is the community aspect. That overthinking keeps you away from networking because what does it do? Has you thinking about all these people, they're gonna be better experts than me. They're gonna know more than me. It's not my game, it's not my space. The imposter syndrome kicks in like crazy with networking. And it prevents people from getting involved in communities that will actually help support their business. So those are some of the ways that overthinking hurts your business. Carly Ries (05:27): And if you want to join a community, visit the solopreneur community on Facebook, link in the show notes. A shameless plug. Had to throw it in like that. (05:37): Gina, you have 5 best ways to think less for increased success. Can we walk through those and just treat us like we are solopreneurs, but treat us like the audience. I'd love to do a little give and take on this. Gina Mongiello (05:52): Absolutely. Before we do that, Carly, when I say think "less for increased success", I like to preface that with a real understanding of what that even means. It's not quite thinking less. Thinking less, when solopreneurs hear they think, okay, there's a way for me to half my thoughts and think only 50% of the thoughts that I'm thinking. But that's really not the way things work. Think less actually means not identify with your thoughts. You have all these thoughts. They're like kids in a playground. They're, they're talking, talking, talking. All these thoughts are saying different things. Oh, don't go to that networking meeting. Oh, you failed. Oh, it's miserable. Maybe you're not cut out for business. Whatever the thoughts are saying, they're all speaking. You can either believe those thoughts and identify with them or not believe them and not identify them. (06:46): And that is the biggest separator in one pod over here where these business owners who are not identified and not aligning with those thoughts, and then the pod over here with business owners who are listening to those thoughts and identifying with them. When I say think less, I really mean pull yourself away from identifying with those thoughts and proceed as if they're not speaking to you. Now let's get into the five best ways to think less or to pull ourselves out of this thought world that can really keep us stuck and prevent our business from moving forward. In some regards, I think that's what really makes or breaks a business owner, is whether they're listening to these thoughts or they're moving on in spite of these thoughts. (07:39): First we're gonna address that mental realm. To address the mental realm, it's like I've been saying thus far, it's to notice the thoughts that you're thinking, notice what's happening in your mind and try to identify the cycle. This is a common cycle for all humans. It's not just specific to solopreneurs, but this is what all humans get caught in, in their mind. They have some sort of either idea or impulse, or they think, oh great. This is it. This is what's gonna help my business move forward. I'm going to do a deep share on social media. I'm gonna tell them about something, I'm gonna make myself vulnerable. And then they go ahead and they do that. And let's say it flops or it doesn't do well. (08:26): They don't get the kind of feedback or the likes that they were looking for. Right away they go into the next part of that cycle, which is the beating themselves up. "Oh, I shouldn't have done that. Oh, that was a big mistake. I can't believe I did that. There's something wrong with me. I'm not thinking right". They go into all of that kind of self-talk. See that cycle there? If you can identify that cycle, it's not so much about the content cuz all of us are gonna have slightly different content, but we're gonna have that same cycle, which is the drive, the impulse, the urge to do something that we think is gonna be helpful or that we think is inviting. Then when it doesn't go the way that we want it to, we're going to start blaming ourselves, beating ourselves up, thinking there's something wrong with us. That the next guy or the next girl in business is better than us. If you can identify that cycle and pull yourself back from it and see it for what it is, "ah, this is a common human cycle that gets me caught. I don't need to believe it." You pull yourself back from that. That is huge. Because now, you're not gonna be operating as a recipient or a receiver of that radio station and you're choosing another one. You're choosing another broadcast to listen to. Carly Ries (09:40): I feel like you followed my morning around. I was like, oh, why did I put that up there? That's so embarrassing. So this is very helpful to have right now. Gina Mongiello (09:50): Yeah. I love that honest share because the truth is we all have that cycle. And like I said, the content is different. Your content might be a little different than mine, but the pulling back from it, and it is, like you said, why did I put that up there? It's just saying, "oh, I'm not going to follow that script. I'm not going to participate in this. I can choose something different." And what you choose different isn't so imperative as much as the awareness of noticing that cycle and pulling yourself out of it. Now what you choose is up to you. But really, the bulk, the hard part is done. That awareness, that recognition that pulling yourself back. Joe Rando (10:32): And you're basically showing people how their brain works and why they shouldn't listen to it, which is awesome. It reminded me of a quote I heard, and I couldn't remember who said it, but I just Googled it. Anton Chekhov said, "man will be better when you show him what he is like". It's so true. If you show people the things that are going on in their brain that are hurting them, and then they can go, oh yeah, that's what's happening. It's a real power to then be able to say, "Nope, I'm going beyond that. " Gina Mongiello (11:03): Absolutely. Like you're saying there, there is power in knowing the makeup of your mind. And believe it or not, even though we're walking around with this mind all day long, a lot of us don't know what's happening in the mind until someone calls it out. And then we go, "oh yeah, I do have that pattern. Or I do think those thoughts." That's why I say that a bigger part of the battle is to identify the cycle, pull yourself back from it, and then what you choose from there is the lesser part. You've already jumped the hurdle. Thank you for sharing that great insight, Joe. Joe Rando (11:43): I think it was your insight, but I just think it's really important that people take the time to kind of explore how their brain is working. Cuz it's not always being your friend. Maybe it thinks it's being your friend. Maybe it was being your friend when we were running away from saber-tooth tigers but in the modern world, a lot of time your brain isn't doing what you would really wish it would. Carly Ries (12:06): Exactly. I saw a meme the other day and it was "Adults always say, I wish I had an imagination like a child. Well, we do, we just call it anxiety." I love that. I was like, oh, that's so true, Gina Mongiello (12:22): The anxiety is the closed door to the imagination. There's something in you that's saying, no, I can't go there. I can't go there. I can't have that imagination. I can't do that. And I think that is what creates all the anxieties. You box yourself into thinking that you can't have an imagination and that you can't be childlike. That was a great point as well. Joe Rando (12:45): But there are other people who's great imaginations are just supplying all kinds of bad things that are gonna happen. I know some of them and it's like, wow, how did you even think of that as a possibility? Gina Mongiello (12:57): I remember, I don't know who it was, I'm not sure who to give credit to here, but I remember hearing someone once say, if you're going to think about all the if/thens, make them positive. If I go to the store, I might get into an accident. That's not a positive one Why not say, if I go to the store, I might meet my business partner. Why not turn all your, if/thens into positives? If you're going to play in the world of imagination, make it work for you. Joe Rando (13:24): There's this wonderful comedian named Kathleen Madigan, and she talks about her sister and she says, "when I'm at home and the phone rings, I'm like, oh crap, what's this?" And she says, my sister's tripping over furniture to get to the phone. I'm like, "What, What's the big deal? She goes, I might have won a contest." Gina Mongiello (13:45): That's right. Perception is everything. We all have very different perception, but we can change it. You tell me if we're done with this first best way to think less and to move on. I'm following your lead here. Carly Ries (14:01): I want to hear number two. Gina Mongiello (14:05): Number two is that physical part. A lot of us think that the mind and the body are not connected or that they're two separate entities. They're really one, they operate as one, they feed each other, they help each other. Feelings feed thoughts, thoughts feed feelings. When I think of feelings, I think of feelings as body based and thoughts as mind based. And I'm speaking from a place I was a body worker for years and I am very familiar with and accustomed to the mind, body connection. What happens is when it's sitting here still and you're spending your time in your thought world, thinking and thinking and thinking and thinking, it doesn't get movement. It doesn't get air, it doesn't get to change its shape and move around and play with the environment. That creates a mental state of more frozenness, of more I gotta think my way out of this, of more linear or logical or rational or reasonable. (15:02): But sometimes the best ideas don't come from logic or linear or reason. Sometimes they come like a flash of insight. And the way to get those flashes of insight is through moving your body, taking physical action. It might be getting on the grounds and doing a few crunches. It might be going for a jog, it could be going to the beach. Maybe you need your feet in the sand and you're gonna walk along the waves of the ocean. It might be getting out into the center of town and giving a public speech. Something with your physical body helps to move you out of the constant sitting or dwelling in the mind. And that shakes up your mind, that moves your mind, that brings in new thoughts, it brings in new ideas, it brings in those insights and gets that non-linear part of you moving. Carly Ries (15:52): That's just such a great point for everybody these days because so many of us do exactly what we're doing right now. We sit in front of our computers for hours and hours and hours on end. And just that little movement, like you said, can do wonders. I think if we get in the zone, it's so hard to pull ourselves out of it because we are so used to being in front of screens now. Joe Rando (16:13): I am so guilty of this. This past weekend I had to fly down to Philly to go to my granddaughter's second birthday party. Here I am, traveling, sitting around, bouncy house, and all of a sudden I had some really great ideas for LifeStarr. It's like, what was that about? I'm in a bouncy house. It's really cool how that works. There's a name for it that my wife always talks about. It's not diverse thinking, but there's a word for that, for the whole idea of not doing, not focusing and just letting it kind of come to you and it really works. Gina Mongiello (16:55): It's very similar to what you said earlier about reading a book that has nothing to do with what you're doing and it still helps you in doing what you're doing in that bouncy house. There was something there that you couldn't put together without that experience. That's a perfect example of getting your physical body to a different location and then seeing what comes. Joe Rando (17:15): Yeah, that was different cuz I haven't been to a bouncy house for a long time. Carly Ries (17:19): I was gonna say the takeaway is everybody go to a bouncy house! Gina Mongiello (17:22): And it probably wasn't on your list of the most fun things you could be doing with your time if it wasn't your grandchild's birthday. Joe Rando (17:30): Right. Well, that's the thing. It was a blast. Gina Mongiello (17:33): And that makes a good point of why sometimes when we feel like, oh, I gotta go to this party or this family reunion, or whatever it is, and you feel like it's taking you away from your work, it can actually be helping your work, but in a way that you can't possibly anticipate now. Carly, I like what you said too. You said we're all guilty of it. We all sit here, we all have to do so much online for our business these days. And like you, sometimes a whole day passes and I go, what, where'd the time go? I haven't, I haven't gotten up. I didn't even get out for a walk. I've gotta go do it at that point because I know that I can't build my business just sitting in a chair behind a screen. I've got to start incorporating the world around me, the people around me, the physical movement. It's part of it. Carly Ries (18:19): Agreed. So what's number three? Gina Mongiello (18:21): Number three is one of my specialties, feelings. I say it like that because I feel like often people hear feelings and go, uh, feelings. How could this be part of my business? I've got feelings that I don't really want to feel. That is where a lot of humans are at. I believe that feelings are messengers and that is it. That is all they are. And they're amazing at helping you in your business when you get the message. Now, there are things that happen in our lives that produce feelings that take time to move through. For example, if you lose someone, there's gonna be feelings around that grief and sadness and pain. And it's not to minimize that, that is a valuable part of life and it's important that we go through that. (19:15): But a lot of times we have feelings that come all throughout the day that aren't based on a significant life event like that. They're more based on an email you get or the way somebody calls you and talks to you on the phone, or how a social media post went. There are so many feelings that come throughout the day. It, it could just be, I don't even know why this feeling came. I'm just sitting here and all of a sudden I feel like I'm a failure. That's a feeling. To let that feeling be truth is inaccurate. Every single feeling is valid, but it's not truth. So if I feel like a failure that doesn't mean I'm a failure, but that feeling is valid. And if I can look at that feeling and process it correctly, I can actually get a message in it that helps propel my business forward. I'd be happy to take one of you through this activity if you're willing, but it has to be a real feeling. It doesn't have to be a deep personal share, the deepest feeling that you're feeling right now, but it could just be something that popped up in your business today, a feeling that came up. I can walk you through the steps that will help move you from, oh, this feeling. I don't really like it to, ah, I just got insight about my business. Carly Ries (20:43): We kind of have the same business. I feel like we could go through the same step together since we're in Lifestarr together, even though I'm an independent contractor. Joe Rando (20:53): I have other businesses too and I could do something, something else. I'm gonna give you an example, I owned some property. It was about 200 acres down in Rhode Island. I sold off a chunk of it to a solar farm, which was great. But I've still got about 120 acres of land that's got a few houses on it that were collecting rent, kind of breaking even. And it's sitting there, it's not doing anything. It's not costing money, but it's not making money and it's going to take some work. I either have to just kind of sell it and just get what I can get for it or do what I normally do with land, which is find a way to make it more valuable and get permits for it. (21:53): And then either do that thing or to sell it to somebody that wants to do that thing. And I am so smitten with the LifeStarr business that any level of engagement is distasteful to me. I don't want to take time away to go work on this stuff. I've done this stuff for a good chunk of my life and I'm done with it, but I'm not done with it cuz I've got this land. So I'm wrestling with, you jerk. You're sitting on this thing, you should be doing something. Yet I'm sitting there going, but I don't want to, I want to focus on LifeStarr. This is really great. I love this. So that's one of the things that I'm going through, feeling like I'm being an idiot for not producing some value in this land, but yet not wanting to take the time away. Gina Mongiello (22:42): Thank you for sharing Joe Rando (22:44): Is that a useful? Gina Mongiello (22:45): Absolutely. Thank you for sharing that. Now, you said I don't really wanna take the time away from what I like to do. If you were to think right now I've got to take care of that land today, what feeling would come up in you? Joe Rando (23:01): Well, all the things I'm not going to do today in Lifestarr. Gina Mongiello (23:05): Feeling frustrated, stressed, angry, sad, devastated? Joe Rando (23:15): I guess frustrated is a good word cuz if I had to do that, I would then be frustrated to not spend the time working on LifeStarr. Devastated, no. The fallback is just to sell it as is, but, I've got some family members that have ownership and I really want to do right by them. Gina Mongiello (23:31): No, I get it Joe. And, the content is important, but not anymore for this feeling activities. So now what we're going to do is we're gonna go into the feeling part of it. Here's what I ask you to do for a brief second, close your eyes and think about, okay, after this podcast is over, I'm going to take care of that. What's the feeling? Just one pure feeling that comes up. Don't think about LifeStarr, just think about doing. Is it frustration? Is it resistance? Is it anger? What is it? Joe Rando (24:04): Resistance. Gina Mongiello (24:06): Okay, good. Now that resistance, where in your body do you feel it? What's the location? Joe Rando (24:15): Upper stomach Gina Mongiello (24:16): Okay, it's your upper stomach and it's resistance. Keep playing like you're a three-year-old. Don't play like you're Joe, the adult. Okay. Be like a three-year-old. And you know, when you ask a three-year-old a question, you say, Hey, what's under the bed? They say a monster. They don't say, I don't know. I'm not sure. They just blurt something out. It doesn't matter if it's silly or if it's accurate. They don't think about it. They just say it. So it's in your upper stomach. What shape is it? Joe Rando (24:46): it's like an amorphous blob. Gina Mongiello (24:51): Good. Okay. And what's the texture of that blob? Joe Rando (24:56): it's kind of squishy. Gina Mongiello (24:58): So if you were to hold it in your hand, you could squish it Joe Rando (25:00): It would feel like kind of like a water balloon. but not a full one. Gina Mongiello (25:10): Okay. And what color is that Squishy water balloon/blob Joe Rando (25:17): I guess red. Gina Mongiello (25:20): Okay. And how big is it? What size? Don't go logical here. Joe Rando (25:26): I'm just trying to think of something to compare it to. Yeah, it's about two coffee mugs. Gina Mongiello (25:33): Okay, good. Red, Joe Rando (25:35): Maybe one and a half Gina Mongiello (25:35): Red, one and a half coffee mug size. It's squishy, kind of like a water balloon that's half full you said. And it's like a blob. Stay in that three-year-old. If you were to sit it in front of you on a chair, just imagine there's a chair in front of you and you could take it out of your stomach and put it on a chair. Does it maintain all of those characteristics or does it change at all? (26:07): Close your eyes. Eyes if you need to. Joe Rando (26:09): No, I think it's just a function of, having a physics degree. It flattens out. Gina Mongiello (26:16): Yeah. But don't go there. You are a three year old. You don't have a physics degree. Joe Rando (26:23): How would it look on a chair? I don't know. I guess if you want the three year old answer, it sprouts, arms and legs and eyeballs. Gina Mongiello (26:31): That's exactly what I want. So you put it on a chair and it's sprouted arms and legs. That is exactly it. Okay. Now it's sprouted arms and legs. Does it have a head? Joe Rando (26:40): Yeah, the head's part of the body. Kinda like Mr. Potato Head. Gina Mongiello (26:45): Is it alive or dead? Joe Rando (26:47): It's alive. Gina Mongiello (26:47): Okay. I want you to ask it. And you might have to close your eyes. And you do not have a physics degree when you ask it this or when you receive the answer. Okay? What are you here to tell me? Joe Rando (27:00): The thing that comes to mind is, it's kind of like, "you're screwing up." Gina Mongiello (27:07): So, Joe, here's what I'm hearing. Listen to what I'm hearing. I'm hearing is that you're still in the mind, which is really, really common until you make that switch. I'll know when you make that switch. Because believe it or not, I can detect when you're speaking from the level of the mind or the level of the feeling, which is not the mind. I want you to do this. Look at that thing, have your eyes closed, and really see it again. It's red. It's grown arms and legs. It's like a blob. Yes. It has a head. It's alive. It's sitting there on the chair and it's looking at you and you're looking at it. And you're not gonna filter what it says, meaning you're not gonna make it say what you think it's gonna say. And you're not gonna make it Say what you want it to say. You are gonna just hear it straight the way it says it. And it might be one word, it might make no sense. It doesn't matter. Joe Rando (27:59): Yeah, I got it. It says "blah." Gina Mongiello (28:01): Excellent. Okay. So now you're talking at the level of the body and you're no longer in the mind. All right. So it went, blah. What did it do? Did it spit anything up? Joe Rando (28:14): No, it just waved its arms Gina Mongiello (28:18): All right, good. You can close your eyes again and ask it. "are you here to help me or hurt me?" Joe Rando (28:25): it hurt. Gina Mongiello (28:26): Okay. Ask it. Are you my friend? Joe Rando (28:28): Nope. Gina Mongiello (28:29): Where did you come from? Joe Rando (28:32): History. Gina Mongiello (28:34): Okay. When you look at it now, do you still feel that feeling in your stomach or do you feel anything different when you think about taking care of that property? Joe Rando (28:48): A little less intense. Gina Mongiello (28:49): And, don't make it sound better than it is. Say, "oh, I feel worse." Joe Rando (28:53): Yes. Right. No, it's a little less intense. I'm telling you the truth. Gina Mongiello (28:56): Okay. So it's a little less intense. Now look at this thing and say, "what am I supposed to do with you?" Joe Rando (29:03): No answer. Gina Mongiello (29:04): Good. Look at it again and say, "you're not answering me. That's fine, but I'm gonna ask again, what am I supposed to do with you?" Joe Rando (29:14): All I got was Shut me up. Gina Mongiello (29:17): Shut me up. So you are supposed to shut that thing up. Okay. What do you think that means to you now? The adult with the physics degree. What do you think that means to you now that you're supposed to shut this thing up? Joe Rando (29:31): I really think it's saying just bite the bullet. Do what needs to be done and move on. Get it behind me so it's not distracting me, so do it now. Don't wait. Gina Mongiello (29:44): Alright. let's ask this feeling one, one more question. Say, "what could I do to get the support I need to make this a pleasurable experience? What can I do to take care of this property in a way that is enjoyable and beneficial, lucrative"?, whatever word you want to put in there. Joe Rando (30:05): I got the answer to find another Kenny, which was a guy that used to help us, but he's busy and if I can find somebody like him, he could take on a lot of the effort. Gina Mongiello (30:19): Okay. Do you want to ask it? "How can you find this other Kenny" or do you think you know? Joe Rando (30:24): I think I know how to do that. Gina Mongiello (30:27): Okay. And do you feel like you received any kind of insight that you didn't have before you sat with this feeling? Joe Rando (30:37): Well, I just haven't dug into it. It's just been nagging me and I haven't spent any time focused on it. You talk about Overthinkers and I would have to improve to be an overthinker, but the, the general issue here is that you have these things that they nag you, they distract you, but if you don't sit down and kind of square off with it, then you don't find answers because you haven't even looked for the answers. You're just going, Ugh, ugh, as you're doing something else. So that's again, being a chronic overthinker, I tend to spend a lot of time on things that other people might get through quicker. I think sometimes I do a better job because I think harder about some things, but a lot of times I waste time and when you have something distracting you that causes you to waste time. Gina Mongiello (31:33): Yeah. So, awesome. Basically you're saying that you recognize the value of sitting down and squaring off with this feeling instead of just feeling annoyed by it and putting it off. (31:46): Carly, thank you for being patient. Any observations that you had or insights that you had watching Joe go through them? Carly Ries (31:52): One, I'm glad that Joe volunteered himself. What I kept thinking about is if you weren't around, when somebody's listening to this and they're like, I have this business that I'm struggling with, like Joe was, would they just walk through those questions themselves? Or what can people do when they don't have a Gina in their front pocket at all times? Would they just go through that process? Or what would they do with that feeling on their own? Gina Mongiello (32:24): Sure. I have a PDF that walks through that process. It gives you the basics, identify the feeling as step one. I actually have them draw an emoji as step two because sometimes to identify a feeling in our mind and then to draw a picture of it and to actually see it, even if you have three-year-old artistic abilities, that's fine. But just to see a picture helps you connect with the feeling a little bit more. Next is, where's it located? Oh, it's here, or it's in my stomach or it's in my back. That's an important piece. And then the shape, the color, the texture, the size, so it walks you through that specifically and then asks what's the message? That's something you can journal about. It's something that you can reflect about. It's definitely helpful when you have someone like me on the other end to say, Nope, that's still at the level of thought. (33:14): You're not there yet. But you can do this on your own, you can practice and practice will get you there. But you really have to understand that key piece, that if you're just answering at the level of thought, you're not gonna get the message. And that's part of the big issue with so many of us humans. We're so primed and prepped and conditioned to only be using the mind. We can't get out of the mind to have those childlike, imaginative experiences. When we can do that, that's where the messages are. So yes, that PDF will walk anyone through it and you just heard me say the steps. You can put that together for yourself, journal and see where you get with that message. Carly Ries (34:04): We'll have a link to that PDF in this show's notes. I'll ask you for that after this episode. That was a great exercise, Joe. You did a great job. So now what would be the next step? Gina Mongiello (34:18): Alright, that was number three. The number four, best way to think, less to increase your success is to use your mind, use your smarts, gather all the resources you can, talk to whoever you need to make a plan. Then when you put that plan into action, hold the faith, execute it, and don't let the evidence, the immediate evidence tell you that it's not working. For example, let's say as a business owner, you decide today I am going to post on LinkedIn once a week. I'm gonna post on Instagram twice a week, and I'm gonna post on Facebook three times a week for the next six months. A long-term goal here, meaning that you really believe from all of your research and your conversations and all of these things that you've put together that that's gonna help your business grow. (35:12): Let's just say that that's your plan. Then you put that on your calendar and you do it like, who cares about the expectation? Now let the expectation go. You do it with faith, faith, faith, faith that at the end of the six months, the results are going to be there. You cannot waiver from that faith. You can't say in month one, oh, this really isn't going the way I plan. However it is going at the end of month one, you use other tools, other skills. If you need to deal with your feelings at that point, deal with your feelings, but you keep yourself going, you keep yourself on course with faith without wavering until the assignment is complete. It's really important that as business owners, we don't do something and then look for immediate evidence and have that immediate evidence reflect success or failure. Gotta keep going to see over time how it turns out. Carly Ries (36:09): Joe, you're really good about using everything as a learning tool and using everything as one step closer to figuring something out. I feel like that could play in really well here. If you just do it and have the faith that it'll work, the stepping stones to get you to that end goal are just education and learning tools. Joe Rando (36:30): Sometimes you need to adjust. Social media is a great example. I've started doing some social media posting on LinkedIn more regularly than I used to. And then you look back and go, well, which one's got the most engagement? So you can be adjusting as you're sticking with it. You don't have to say, well I've made a plan and I'm gonna do this, this, and this. And then all of a sudden, three months in it's very clear that the last two things aren't working. Why not adjust those and just basically sharpen the spear so to speak because it can help you get better. But if you just sit there and go, oh, it's not working, or I wanted to have 10,000 followers and I've only got 2,000 followers. It always takes longer than you think. I don't know anything I've ever done in my life that went as quickly as I expected it to. I'm having trouble thinking of an example. Gina Mongiello (37:21): I like that you bring that up cuz it allows me to clarify the point a bit. When I say if you're gonna plan to post once on LinkedIn, twice on Facebook, whatever I said initially, for six months, it doesn't mean that you can't change the content of what you're posting or you can't decide to do a video instead of words or any of that. It just means that you're gonna stick to the consistency of the time and that you're gonna keep adjusting, like you said, content wise, if that's what you need to do. Now, in addition to that, here's why it's important to release expectations. Sometimes what looks like a failure could turn out to be a success because you mentioned, hey, if I look back and I see what had a whole bunch of engagement or didn't have a bunch of engagement, I can adjust. Engagement or likes aren't always the thing that leads to success. (38:15): I've had people reach out to me that have never liked my posts, have never commented on my posts. I didn't even know that they were looking at my posts. So if I were going to put these posts out there and then, let's say two months in, even though I said I was gonna do it for six months and two months in, I say, you know what, this isn't working. People aren't commenting, people aren't liking. It doesn't mean that people aren't finding their way to me based on that. I always say, "how did you hear about me? How did you find me? What do you like?" And I can tell you that I'm always shocked when people say things about seeing me posting and I think, wow I didn't even know if they followed me. They definitely never commented, they've never liked my posts. (38:59): So we never know. Keeping the faith is understanding that if we do the work, something's going to come. And it's not always from the same pot. Meaning if I put my time and my energy into this pot over here, the benefits, the rewards might come from this pot over here. It doesn't necessarily mean it's gonna come from the pot that I'm putting in. I might be putting in my effort on Facebook and something might magnificently, might come through LinkedIn. It's almost like understanding that the effort that we put out into the world has a reward, but the reward isn't always coming from the place that we expect it to. And that's why faith is so important because if we jump ship too soon because we're basing our understanding and expectations on what we think they are, then we might be missing out on the thing that's behind that or coming from that other pot. Carly Ries (39:55): Absolutely. It's also motivating. I feel like if you just have that faith, it's easier for you to hold on and to keep going. I guess that's the definition of faith but I mean just from a daily basis it can keep that momentum Gina Mongiello (40:12): Believe in what you can't see. Carly Ries (40:14): Yes. Okay, so now I have to know what's this last step? Gina Mongiello (40:19): The last step is Lifestarr. It's get involved with networking. It is get involved with people in the field. Like Joe said earlier, people in other fields, you never know how they can help you in your field. You read a book that has nothing to do with your field, it might help you. You're in a bouncy house, it might help you. So get out there. We have to be making these connections, talking to others, brainstorming, offering to help. You never know how offering to help the world could, could actually help your business. You're not doing it with that intent in mind. You're just doing it because you feel like you have something valuable to give the world. And you believe that the world will be better if you are giving it. You do that and that keeps helping you build relationships to the point where it grows your business because people want to have a relationship with you. (41:09): I say this often. It's not so much that people come to you because they want your information or your content. They want to have a relationship with you. If you are someone who's doing good things, who is helping people, people want to have a relationship with you. They want to be in relationship with you.To me, I think that's what being in business is about, building those relationships with clients. So this last number five, increase your success by thinking less is to get to that networking meeting. Ask people if they'd like you to speak at their event just like I did with you. I said, Hey, I'd love to speak. I I barely even knew you at the time. I went to one of your networking meetings cuz Joe reached out to me on LinkedIn. Thank you Joe, I never heard of you before. (41:57): He just said, Hey, do you want to come to a networking meeting? I said, sure. I went, I said, wow, I like this group of people. I think they're doing good things. And then I sent you an email and said, would you like it if I spoke at one of your meetings? You said yes. Just keep getting out there, keep taking risks. It doesn't only have to be with networking. A year ago I put out a wanted ad in one of my Facebook groups for a business buddy. I was very, very specific with what I wanted a business buddy for, when I wanted to meet, what I wanted, what I wanted her , I didn't specify that it had to be a her, but it is a her, but what I actually wanted to receive and what I was willing to give. I made very, very specific. I interviewed people who responded and she and I have been meeting every single week for over a year now. (42:50): It's a tremendous relationship. The ability for us to stay connected as solopreneurs is imperative because you both know, I'm sure, how lonely it can be when you stay in your little seat, in your little business with no one to brainstorm with. We have to get together and brainstorm with each other and almost treat each other like business associates. Like we're here to help each other. If I can help you that is actually good for me. Again, I'm not concerned with whether you help me, because I just know that me helping you, me helping the world is going to help me. You can't put effort out without reward coming back. Joe Rando (43:33): That's so true. If you go out and you help people and you find a way to help people systematically, eventually you'll have a business.Eventually you'll have a business. I used look at companies like HubSpot that just are so helpful and then you just want to give them money because they're so helpful. You just go, yeah, I gotta find a way to buy from you. Gina Mongiello (43:56): I think it might be HubSpot, not just how amazing and giving and friendly, but I think it's HubSpot. I remember being on their webpage once and it's the only popup. I hope I'm quoting the right company. It's the only popup that I've ever seen that actually made me like the business more as opposed to less. I'm someone that I do not like popups. I find them really irritating. When I'm on somebody's webpage and a popup comes up, I just feel like it's getting in the way. It's a block to what I'm there for. But when I saw their popup, it said, oh, this is awkward. And then it went on to say something about me. It was funny. It engaged me. It didn't feel like they were interrupting me or or blocking what I was there for. I was like, wow, that is it. That is what we're in business to do. We're in business to connect with people, bring a smile to their face, engage them, help them feel better about their day. When we can do that, I think it's the ultimate success. Joe Rando (45:07): I dunno if it was HubSpot, but it could have been easily. Carly Ries (45:10): Definitely matches their style. Sounds like it. Gina Mongiello (45:12): Yeah. Carly Ries (45:14): Well Gina, you do such a great job helping people find further success by overcoming these thoughts. I have to ask you, what is your favorite quote about success? Gina Mongiello (45:24): Thank you. It's "a year from today, you will wish you started today". Karen Lamb. I don't even know who she is. It just says illustrator, Karen Lamb. I've also seen the quote as "one year from now you may wish you would started today". I hope it's Will. Cuz to me it's one year from now, you will wish you started today. To me that is the best success quote because it tells you to take action today. Think of how many things you could have taken action on last year, one year ago from today that would be sprouting today if you had. Don't wait till tomorrow. Don't wait till you're ready. Don't wait till you feel comfortable. Don't wait to be confident before you go to a networking meeting. Nonsense. Just go, just live your life and your business like it is the success that you know it can be. Carly Ries (46:20): Love it. We will put that in the show notes for some inspiration, but we also want to put where people can find you, social website, everything. Where can people learn more and connect with you? Gina Mongiello (46:31): Thank you! straightwaycoaching.com. My landing page will be for my overthinkers. Then there's a little bit on top that says marketing help for coaches, because I love helping coaches with their messaging. I love messaging, I love words, I love body, I love it all. I just love the message that we put out to the world. And so I have those two options on my website. And then of course on LinkedIn, on Facebook, on Instagram, straightwaycoaching. Carly Ries (47:01): Well we have a lot of coaches in our podcast audience, so hopefully they'll benefit from this and be reaching out. Awesome. Gina, thank you so much. That was so enjoyable. Joe, great job to you as well for going through that exercise. I appreciate you taking one for the team. For listeners, if you like what you hear, be sure to subscribe to this show. You can find it on any of your podcast platforms. Gina, I hope this is see you soon, not goodbye. I know it's see you soon. Definitely not goodbye. Listeners, again, visit Lifestarr.com. That's where you can find more of our resources, find links to our community tools that we have, blog posts, the works, just anything we can do to help solopreneurs succeed, we try to put out on that website. Closing (47:52): You may be going solo in business, but that doesn't mean you're alone. In fact, millions of people are in your shoes running a one person business and figuring it out as they go. So why not connect with them and learn from each other's successes and failures. At LifeStarr, we're creating a one-person business community where you can go to meet and get advice from other solopreneurs. Be sure to join in on the conversations at community.lifestarr.com.