Latest / The Table with Anthony ONeal / We Split Our $150,000 Wedding—The Real Money Talk Most Couples Avoid

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We Split Our $150,000 Wedding—The Real Money Talk Most Couples Avoid · The Table with Anthony ONeal

• 0:00
  [SPEAKER_02]: Bro, 600,000 subs, over 630 interviews with single individuals, Mary couples, now with hasn't even been a month, and you're married.
• 0:17
  [SPEAKER_02]: I will call you a student alum, a student of relationships, a student of being single throughout your years of interviews, years of expertise, and now you've practiced what you've been interviewing and preaching.
• 0:35
  [SPEAKER_02]: One thing that you've learned over those interviews for single men and for single ladies.
• 0:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: For single men is that, depending on where the man is in his life, and tensionality, I think that's the word for both.
• 0:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's to be intentional about whatever your encounters are with the opposite sex.
• 0:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: Whether you want marriage, say that.
• 0:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: If you just want something casual, say that.
• 0:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: And if you guard someone's heart with the intentionality and just let somebody say, hey, listen, I'm not looking for marriage, off the top.
• 1:04
  [SPEAKER_00]: And then people know how to have healthy expectations of what that relationship is going to be.
• 1:09
  [SPEAKER_02]: Now, what would you say to Christian people?
• 1:13
  [SPEAKER_02]: Because we are living in a generation if we're being honest, that some people don't want to be married, bro.
• 1:20
  [SPEAKER_02]: And they're Christian.
• 1:21
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yep.
• 1:22
  [SPEAKER_02]: You know, they're 40 years old.
• 1:23
  [SPEAKER_02]: And people say, oh, no, that's not like God for you to be alone.
• 1:26
  [SPEAKER_02]: And that's not practicing Christianity if you want to be alone.
• 1:30
  [SPEAKER_02]: Because that's beyond us.
• 1:31
  [SPEAKER_02]: How are you going to be a Christian and be an abstain for the rest of your life, right?
• 1:37
  [SPEAKER_02]: expertise that I'm curious to even talk about this in your latest book that's coming out here within a couple of days, student of love.
• 1:45
  [SPEAKER_02]: What would you say to that single person that says, you know what, the tears?
• 1:47
  [SPEAKER_02]: I don't want to be married, but I truly do love God still though.
• 1:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: I think that's safe as long you've been honest with your own emotions when you start talking about you know Paul he never got married and so Jesus never got married so a lot of times we try to demonize singleness when some people have the grace for singleness I don't have the grace for singleness
• 2:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: I just didn't.
• 2:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: I don't have the graceful single in this playing expect to practice abstinence for the rest of my life.
• 2:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's not my testimony.
• 2:16
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so, but some people do.
• 2:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: Some people, I've spoken to people who have been abstinence for 21 years, 28 years.
• 2:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I'm like, what, you know, and they still desire marriage, but they have whatever grace that is to be abstinence for 21 plus years.
• 2:31
  [SPEAKER_00]: So that's a different story.
• 2:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: But those people may end up never getting married and they would be fine saying that they honored God for 20 plus years honoring him from a physical standpoint of not having sex outside of marriage and honoring him with their life, you know, devoted their life to them.
• 2:49
  [SPEAKER_00]: I just know for myself, always speak for myself.
• 2:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, yeah, I just have to grace with it.
• 2:53
  [SPEAKER_02]: Man, I agree with you about that.
• 2:56
  [SPEAKER_02]: I don't I don't have the grace for that.
• 2:58
  [SPEAKER_02]: I can't wait to you know, I'm dating and I can't wait to find it.
• 3:03
  [SPEAKER_02]: I got to go on a record, y'all.
• 3:05
  [SPEAKER_02]: Pull me on this camera here at He beat me.
• 3:10
  [SPEAKER_02]: He said he was, so he said he was going to beat me.
• 3:13
  [SPEAKER_02]: I'm a last show with you, bro.
• 3:14
  [SPEAKER_02]: You was like, I'm going to get married by the end of 2025.
• 3:17
  [SPEAKER_02]: That's what I said.
• 3:20
  [SPEAKER_02]: Now I got to ask you this question up front.
• 3:21
  [SPEAKER_02]: We already date in my system, man.
• 3:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: Not at all.
• 3:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: You weren't dating?
• 3:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: I didn't even know who my wife was when I said that.
• 3:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: We went on our first date, March the 18th.
• 3:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I did my show with you in January.
• 3:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: So March the 18th, we had our first date.
• 3:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I didn't even know like I knew of her because she was my friend for about a year and four months by the time we had our first date.
• 3:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: Right.
• 3:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: But we we basically friends on each other.
• 3:44
  [SPEAKER_00]: We were just friends.
• 3:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: And then in the in the February I had a dream about.
• 3:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: I had a dream that she was dating somebody else.
• 3:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: And throughout the whole time of us know each other, we knew that we were dating other people.
• 3:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: No big deal.
• 3:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: No jealousy.
• 3:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: But that night I had a dream that she was dating somebody else.
• 3:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I woke up jealous.
• 4:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I woke up mad and I called.
• 4:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: I was like, hey, yesterday, you said you ran into this guy.
• 4:06
  [SPEAKER_00]: It was the guy.
• 4:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: She was in another state because she works or whatever, nationally.
• 4:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: And she was with her cousin.
• 4:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: And her cousin's friend was trying to hit on her.
• 4:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: And she was talking to me.
• 4:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: He was trying to hit on me or whatever.
• 4:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I just laughed and got off the phone.
• 4:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: That next morning, I had a dream that they had six.
• 4:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I woke up the next morning angry.
• 4:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I was like, did you have sex with that news?
• 4:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: She was like, what are you talking about?
• 4:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: She said, good morning.
• 4:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: I said, good morning.
• 4:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: Did you have sex with that news?
• 4:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's you like, what are your trips?
• 4:31
  [SPEAKER_00]: She said, no, I did.
• 4:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: What do you mean the guy just meant yesterday?
• 4:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: I said, why am I tripping?
• 4:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: But I felt she didn't tell me later from her studies.
• 4:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's called mate gardening.
• 4:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: when you start building a connection with somebody and you start make guard and you start trying to protect them subconsciously and I was like, what?
• 4:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: And then from that point on, I said, that day, I said, I want to take you on the date.
• 4:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: I want to take you on the date to see if there's more to our friendship.
• 4:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I said, tell me your earliest availability.
• 4:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: She said, Marce 18.
• 4:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: I said, cool, I book the flight right then.
• 5:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: I said, I'll be flying LA Marce 18 to take you on the date.
• 5:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: And once we learn our date, then look back.
• 5:05
  [SPEAKER_02]: Listen, if you're building wealth with your partner, you need to protect what you're building together.
• 5:10
  [SPEAKER_02]: That's where a trust and will comes in.
• 5:12
  [SPEAKER_02]: Look, we talk about generational wealth and legacy all the time, but here's the real question.
• 5:17
  [SPEAKER_02]: If something happened to you tomorrow, would your family be taken care of?
• 5:21
  [SPEAKER_02]: trust and will makes it simple to create a will, set up a trust, and make sure everything you're working for goes exactly where you want it to go.
• 5:30
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• 5:34
  [SPEAKER_02]: Once you head over to anthonyonil.com for slash trust, will, again, that is anthonyonil.com for slash trust, will, and protect your legacy today.
• 5:44
  [SPEAKER_02]: Because love isn't just about building together.
• 5:48
  [SPEAKER_02]: It's about protecting what you've built.
• 5:51
  [SPEAKER_02]: a beautiful wedding man, and thank you for allowing me to be a part of.
• 5:54
  [SPEAKER_02]: No, thank you for coming.
• 5:55
  [SPEAKER_02]: You're your celebration, man.
• 5:56
  [SPEAKER_02]: And you're union.
• 5:58
  [SPEAKER_02]: I, you know, were a money show, bro, and I did some research.
• 6:03
  [SPEAKER_02]: 67% of marriages take on debt for the wedding.
• 6:07
  [SPEAKER_02]: Mm-hmm.
• 6:07
  [SPEAKER_02]: Among those, 67%.
• 6:09
  [SPEAKER_02]: 53% of those have had money arguments before the wedding.
• 6:19
  [SPEAKER_02]: Now, two part question for you, how has the money conversation been with you and your spouse?
• 6:26
  [SPEAKER_02]: Could both of you all are priming y'all's particular space?
• 6:28
  [SPEAKER_02]: Right.
• 6:30
  [SPEAKER_02]: Right.
• 6:30
  [SPEAKER_02]: And then as a student of love, from interviewing, I'm curious what has been your study when it comes to money and marriages and money and relationships.
• 6:42
  [SPEAKER_00]: from the financial standpoint of our own marriage.
• 6:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: I didn't expect our wedding to cause what it did.
• 6:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, it caused $150,000.
• 6:49
  [SPEAKER_00]: $150,000.
• 6:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: $150,000.
• 6:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: $150?
• 6:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: $150?
• 6:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: Fitty.
• 6:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: You got to say, Fitty.
• 6:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: $150,000?
• 6:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yes.
• 6:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I didn't expect for it to be that.
• 7:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: I wanted to get married in Dallas, because Dallas was a whole lot more affordable to have a marriage.
• 7:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: LA, everything is three times you can Google it.
• 7:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: And it's three times the cost of any other market to get married.
• 7:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: So our initial conversation was where we're going to get married, which would dictate how much is where it's going to cost.
• 7:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: When I proposed to I proposed to an L.A. And even getting the decor and all that for the engagement, I said, oh, I can't get, I can't get married L.A. Let's do expenses.
• 7:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so, I was like scared to have that conversation and then I said, let's just have this conversation.
• 7:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: So I did the interview with Essence and I tell Essence, we'll get, we're decided between Dallas and LA.
• 7:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: My heart was 100% on Dallas.
• 7:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: I had a church on hold, the Concord Church on hold, we're going to get married in Dallas.
• 7:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: I just had to convince her.
• 7:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: So I was like, here you can guide it, you, you know, pick where you want, no, that's up in my mind.
• 7:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: I was like, we didn't get married in LA.
• 7:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I would plant seeds like L.S.
• 7:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: to expenses, L.S.
• 7:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: to expenses, it doesn't make sense to spend this kind of money.
• 8:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: It doesn't make sense.
• 8:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: And then she had a conversation after she found this particular venue for the reception.
• 8:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: She said, can I least just have it in LA?
• 8:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm going to be moving to Dallas.
• 8:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: Can I just have it in LA?
• 8:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I said, all right, this is the first part of husbandry.
• 8:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: I said, I said, it cost too much.
• 8:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: She said, listen, we'll split it.
• 8:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: You know, we'll split it.
• 8:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: Well, I'm the cost of everything.
• 8:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: I just wanted here, and I said, then, let's do it.
• 8:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: The marriage, we split the cost of the wedding, absolutely.
• 8:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: So talk to me about that bro, because you know the ladies were looking at like what?
• 8:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: Well, it's the reality.
• 8:42
  [SPEAKER_00]: We both wrong.
• 8:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: So at the end of the day her parents told us straight up we ain't paying for the win So so they like you know typically customary the father pays for the wedding And he said hey, I'm letting y'all know
• 8:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: I can't help out, I can't pay for it.
• 8:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: My mom said, hey, y'all got my blessing, but Jane got my money, and yeah, it was, and so I said fair.
• 9:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: So as two grown adults, two entrepreneurs, we sat down and said, if we want the wedding that we want to have, we want to pay for it.
• 9:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so that's what we did.
• 9:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: And that was the healthiest conversation, because it wasn't like she was putting unnecessary burden on me to be like, well, you need to pay for this, you need to do this.
• 9:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: She was like,
• 9:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: I got my own money so let's do this together and that taught me the type of partner I was marrying that it was partnership from the very beginning and you didn't feel less than because you didn't provide all of that.
• 9:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: So that little toxic mindset that I have I have a hint of toxic masculinity from the standpoint of feeling like I have to do everything here.
• 9:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so in my mind while I have good intentions to be like, I want to be the provider.
• 9:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: I want to do all that.
• 9:49
  [SPEAKER_00]: My initial desire from Dallas was that I could manage it financially.
• 9:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: I got tons of relationships there, so I don't have to pay the cost of everything.
• 9:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's like I just have beautiful relationships.
• 10:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: So that's what I wanted.
• 10:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: God had to heal that in me in the process of the courtship because he was like, but this is what your partner's for.
• 10:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so when she told me that I was like, so be honest and transparent, I was like,
• 10:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I don't want to have to come out of pocket for this.
• 10:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: Naturally, that was my first inclination in God's head, but this is partnership relax.
• 10:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: Because the part of my old trauma from my past marriage, financially, when I went through the toughest season in my life, financially, I no longer desired marriage, because I was saying that I couldn't provide for my wife.
• 10:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: I had to file bank ropes here and all that.
• 10:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: And at that time, I was like,
• 10:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: Not only am I bankrupt financially, but I felt like my marriage is bankrupt.
• 10:37
  [SPEAKER_00]: So I started self-savitude in my past marriage.
• 10:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: So then I had to face that again, guys, and all right, here it is.
• 10:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: Now, are you gonna allow the ideology to be like, you gotta pay for everything to reign supreme in this?
• 10:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: Or are you gonna submit to this and say, this is what partnership looks like?
• 10:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I said, okay, this is uncomfortable for me, but let me embrace what's uncomfortable.
• 10:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: And as a great partner, she helped me through that.
• 11:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: She was like, no, I got money, we can do this.
• 11:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: Okay, but then I heard Anthony O'Neill in my head talking about why you've been all this money on the wedding.
• 11:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm hearing you in my head and I'm like, yeah, yeah, but Anthony, you understand, this is a wife.
• 11:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: She, this is her first marriage.
• 11:16
  [SPEAKER_00]: This is what she desires.
• 11:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: Now my first marriage was 30,000.
• 11:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: My second marriage was 150,000.
• 11:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: You know what I'm saying?
• 11:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so that was 20 years ago when I was married the first time.
• 11:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so I was like, I know inflation ain't that much, but...
• 11:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: But into the day, here I am, and I say, Anthony going, hey, he's going to take me through the ringer.
• 11:39
  [SPEAKER_02]: And I'm going to take both of y'all through the ring, the sis, love you.
• 11:42
  [SPEAKER_02]: Man, no way in the world, I'm speeding $150,000 on a wedding, but it was nice though, wouldn't it pretty?
• 11:47
  [SPEAKER_02]: No, no, listen, now listen, bro.
• 11:50
  [SPEAKER_02]: When we walked into that reception area, yeah.
• 11:54
  [SPEAKER_02]: Bro, I be honest, I've been to a lot of weddings over my life time, and I was never that much wild when I walked it.
• 12:04
  [SPEAKER_00]: That venue was beautiful.
• 12:05
  [SPEAKER_00]: It was beautiful.
• 12:06
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's only two years old too.
• 12:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: Are you hearing?
• 12:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: Like, I want to duplicate that.
• 12:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: I had a conversation with one of the owners.
• 12:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: I want to partner with them and duplicate that in Dallas.
• 12:16
  [SPEAKER_00]: I want, my whole dream has been to have a wedding venue.
• 12:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: So when she saw that venue, she said,
• 12:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: Babe, I got to have our wedding here and she showed me some pictures and I was like, I'm all laying.
• 12:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: So a lot of stuff is, you know, some stuff can be a little ostentatious.
• 12:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: You'd be like, well, you can submit this money unnecessarily.
• 12:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: But after in the day is like, this is our special day.
• 12:38
  [SPEAKER_00]: And if,
• 12:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: I could never pay for.
• 12:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: There's no dollar amount that could pay for the smile that was on her face when I told her, yes, we could have it here.
• 12:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: So it's those things that you get where you go.
• 12:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: Okay, guy got it.
• 12:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: You know what I'm saying?
• 12:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: Was that uncomfortable for me to spend that kind of money?
• 12:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: Absolutely.
• 12:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: Uh, but to treat the guest to a 26 course meal, you know what I'm saying?
• 12:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: Like, all the bad.
• 13:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: It was like, it just is what it is.
• 13:06
  [SPEAKER_02]: And I left early.
• 13:07
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, I don't see my father who's in the hospital.
• 13:10
  [SPEAKER_02]: How's he doing about a way?
• 13:12
  [SPEAKER_02]: Um, not good, bro, to be honest, you know what I'm saying?
• 13:16
  [SPEAKER_02]: But we're praying throughout the family situation.
• 13:22
  [SPEAKER_02]: And, you know, I,
• 13:26
  [SPEAKER_02]: I don't know how to respond to it, but I've learned to tell the truth rather than saying, oh, he's doing hard.
• 13:31
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
• 13:31
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
• 13:32
  [SPEAKER_02]: He's doing that.
• 13:32
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
• 13:33
  [SPEAKER_02]: I'm just going to be honest.
• 13:34
  [SPEAKER_02]: That's a real.
• 13:36
  [SPEAKER_02]: And our family's just taking it one day at a time and praying and being there for him, being there for my mom and being there for each other with our family, man, you know, and so.
• 13:48
  [SPEAKER_02]: It's a rough season for us and when we get through this side, I can't wait to share on my show what we have experience and how mental health is so important.
• 14:05
  [SPEAKER_02]: You know, could we have an experience this?
• 14:09
  [SPEAKER_02]: I've never experienced something like this within my family, so my got two sets of fans.
• 14:13
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
• 14:13
  [SPEAKER_01]: Right.
• 14:14
  [SPEAKER_02]: So I've never experienced this before, but.
• 14:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: This is your biological father, the one step there, you know, it's my step dad.
• 14:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: So, and I love how you always say my father, and I have to ask the question because you look at them both the same by the way that you explained it.
• 14:30
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, and I'm, when I say I'm blessed to have four loving parents, yeah, I don't believe in a term step.
• 14:39
  [SPEAKER_02]: I only say that to provide clarity, but in my heart of hearts, no, and I got, I have a father,
• 14:50
  [SPEAKER_02]: After wedding, knowing that my dad is three hours down the room in a hospital, and I'm never that close.
• 15:01
  [SPEAKER_02]: So I was like, shoot, I celebrated with my brother all day long, let me get down.
• 15:06
  [SPEAKER_02]: And I respect the living for that man, you know, and you left with a love offering, so I'm appreciate that too.
• 15:11
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, man.
• 15:12
  [SPEAKER_02]: No, man.
• 15:12
  [SPEAKER_02]: I believe, I believe in that man because for me, it was
• 15:20
  [SPEAKER_02]: I'm on your show and I'm being vulnerable and honest, was even attacked a little bit.
• 15:29
  [SPEAKER_02]: Mm-hmm.
• 15:29
  [SPEAKER_02]: Do you have your door people?
• 15:30
  [SPEAKER_02]: We can call him.
• 15:31
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, immature people when I was genuinely like yo, I genuinely do want marriage.
• 15:36
  [SPEAKER_02]: And I've made some stupid decisions in the past.
• 15:40
  [SPEAKER_02]: But I genuinely do want it.
• 15:42
  [SPEAKER_02]: And to see that you did it.
• 15:44
  [SPEAKER_02]: It was, let me so into what I want.
• 15:47
  [SPEAKER_02]: Hey, man, that's why I used to always do.
• 15:49
  [SPEAKER_02]: You know what I'm saying?
• 15:50
  [SPEAKER_02]: I saw where I want to go.
• 15:51
  [SPEAKER_02]: I just, I saw where I want to go and I saw where I want to grow.
• 15:54
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yep.
• 15:55
  [SPEAKER_02]: You know, and so while I'm in this life of dating, intentionally now,
• 16:00
  [SPEAKER_02]: Um, I'm just sewing into just good grounds, man, because I want to read that that that that harvest your vows to your wife and her vows to you, I was like, wow, I'm sitting in the back.
• 16:12
  [SPEAKER_02]: I was with my girl Lexi, and I was like, yo, this is this is this is this is this is this is beautiful.
• 16:17
  [SPEAKER_02]: I mean, like, this is just powerful, man, but you said something in your book.
• 16:22
  [SPEAKER_02]: Y'all, um, La Terre has a brand new book.
• 16:24
  [SPEAKER_02]: Um, that is coming out here in a couple of weeks actually called Student of Love.
• 16:29
  [SPEAKER_02]: You're got to discover, uncover, and recover healthy relationships, man.
• 16:35
  [SPEAKER_02]: And I love this because it's been forwarded by Dr. Gary Chapman, who's a New York Times bestselling author of the Five Love Languages, um, and this, this book, bless me, I was hoping he would bring us the heart copy, but the heart copy is not out just yet.
• 16:54
  [SPEAKER_02]: do a couple of chapters.
• 16:54
  [SPEAKER_02]: I haven't read it all yet.
• 16:56
  [SPEAKER_02]: I don't want to lie, but man, you setting your book.
• 16:59
  [SPEAKER_02]: That mission statements are are hold on a minute.
• 17:04
  [SPEAKER_02]: Not just the not just for business.
• 17:06
  [SPEAKER_02]: Businesses.
• 17:06
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yes, but how how.
• 17:09
  [SPEAKER_02]: but how couples can really connect.
• 17:11
  [SPEAKER_02]: Absolutely.
• 17:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: Talk about that.
• 17:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: So a lot of times with businesses, they develop mission statements to keep everybody alive.
• 17:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so they'll, in churches have mission statements, so that everybody, every parishioner knows, this is the core belief of this church or this business, this corporation.
• 17:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: And a lot of times what I found in my past marriage, I didn't have a mission statement.
• 17:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: I didn't have no direction.
• 17:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: I sucked as a leader.
• 17:37
  [SPEAKER_00]: And if you don't,
• 17:38
  [SPEAKER_00]: you can't take somewhere, you can't take somebody else where you don't even know where you're going.
• 17:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: I just felt like coexist in living the guv that being married was enough.
• 17:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so we didn't have a core mission statement.
• 17:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so what I found in dating and looking at other couples, and I said, okay, when you look at people and you say, this is a power couple, or you look at a couple and you say, I like what they're doing the guv.
• 18:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: whether they have it defined or written down or not, they have a core mission statement that they have it.
• 18:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: Whether it's prioritizing family, family comes first.
• 18:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: That is a mission statement.
• 18:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: No matter what job opportunity comes, people may walk away from a job that,
• 18:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: Pools them away from the family too long.
• 18:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: They said, no, when we got married, we said we're never going to allow XYZ to be a part or take us apart.
• 18:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's the mission statement.
• 18:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: So I believe that every couple should have a defining mission statement based on core values and core beliefs where they sit down and say, what is this marriage going to be about?
• 18:36
  [SPEAKER_00]: Is it going to be about to ministry?
• 18:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: You might have a family that says, we believe that God brought us together for ministry.
• 18:44
  [SPEAKER_00]: and you'll see that.
• 18:45
  [SPEAKER_00]: You'll see these couples, these quote unquote influencers, they're doing everything, a marriage retreats and mayor seminars and stuff like that.
• 18:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: You go, okay, I think that y'all came together to focus our ministry with your mayors.
• 18:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: Well, whether they defied it or not, they're operating in their core business statement.
• 19:01
  [SPEAKER_02]: That's so good, man.
• 19:02
  [SPEAKER_02]: I teach that within our community here that I believe that every couple.
• 19:06
  [SPEAKER_02]: should have a mission statement.
• 19:08
  [SPEAKER_02]: One that is about their life and the one that's for their finance.
• 19:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: Absolutely.
• 19:12
  [SPEAKER_02]: And I think the two should be congruent and work hand in hand.
• 19:14
  [SPEAKER_02]: Right?
• 19:16
  [SPEAKER_02]: When it comes to couples, you even talk about Jason and your book, who is one of my favorite guys.
• 19:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's had everything wheels to work with them.
• 19:25
  [SPEAKER_02]: And what's what I'm curious, bro?
• 19:28
  [SPEAKER_02]: Because you got all these interviews with some dope people.
• 19:37
  [SPEAKER_02]: Why do you think relationships are failing from a financial perspective?
• 19:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: Because people looking for everybody to have it together before they meet.
• 19:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: Think about it.
• 19:49
  [SPEAKER_00]: You're a very successful person, so a woman that dates you, they automatically
• 19:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: will assume and believe, finance ain't gonna be an issue.
• 19:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so they be like, finance ain't gonna be together.
• 20:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: Well, everybody ain't Anthony on the other side.
• 20:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm sorry, they're just not.
• 20:04
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so you made data guy that's making $40,000 a year.
• 20:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: And you say, oh, I can't.
• 20:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: I can't live the rest of my life with somebody making $40,000 a year.
• 20:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: and you like, why are you basing what he's making now on the whole future?
• 20:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: Instead, why can't you, whatever brain power you got, knowledge you have, why can't you bring that together with them and get it together together?
• 20:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: Jason Wilson said this and it just leveled me.
• 20:31
  [SPEAKER_00]: He said, me and my wife got it together together.
• 20:36
  [SPEAKER_00]: I said, I need every black person under the sound of his voice to understand that.
• 20:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: He was working two jobs, got it together to go together.
• 20:45
  [SPEAKER_00]: She was the breadwinner.
• 20:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: She was the nurse.
• 20:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: She was making money.
• 20:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: He was working two jobs, trying to meet ends or whatever, killing his self physically to wear a whole fork lift fell on him.
• 20:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's how much he was killing himself working.
• 20:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: And he looked up and was like, this got to be a better way.
• 21:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's got to be about a way, but he had the first submit to where he was financially, value what his wife had, and just said, hey, we just don't get it together to go with it.
• 21:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so I would talk to different couples about that known Jones and her husband, you know, same situation where she's
• 21:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: out and they came to the podcast, she makes more money than him.
• 21:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: When she started working for Madison, making way more money, he's a pastor.
• 21:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: If his ego got in a way and was saying, oh man, I mean, as a man, I need to make more money.
• 21:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: I need to do this or whatever.
• 21:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: Then he could sabotage his relationship out of ego.
• 21:37
  [SPEAKER_00]: And she like, but isn't this our money?
• 21:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: What happens oftentimes is that people...
• 21:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: Start saying this is my money.
• 21:45
  [SPEAKER_00]: This is your money and we hear that stuff.
• 21:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: We laugh at a lot where you hear when to say My money is my money and your money is our money.
• 21:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: And we laugh and go Yeah, that's so cool.
• 21:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: But that's a toxic mindset Like how do we glorify toxicity your money is my money my money is your money is all together This our money all comes in the pot no matter how you look at it how you give you it up
• 22:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: Right.
• 22:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: I feel like with so toxic is that a lot of women have been taught to put some money aside for any day.
• 22:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: Don't let your husband know about it.
• 22:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: So now I call that financial infidelity.
• 22:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's like you are literally cheating on your husband.
• 22:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: He don't even know you got this money set aside for a rainy day and you won't even tell them.
• 22:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: Like, where does that come?
• 22:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: Why do we normalize that ideology and they say, well, you know, I mean, because my grandma, when things didn't work out with her, my grandpa, she had nothing to fall back on.
• 22:45
  [SPEAKER_00]: So she taught me, put some money aside that your husband don't know about.
• 22:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: All right, now your husband got a phone aside that you don't know about.
• 22:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: He got this woman on the side.
• 22:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: No, if you don't keep it even, keep it even.
• 22:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: If you keep in secret in your marriage, whether it's financial or whether it's relational, it's infidelity.
• 23:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: Period.
• 23:02
  [SPEAKER_02]: I'm trying to be good.
• 23:12
  [SPEAKER_02]: I'm recovering from a cold.
• 23:15
  [SPEAKER_02]: It's man over here over here trying to get in trouble again.
• 23:18
  [SPEAKER_02]: I'm just laying Let's tear it but it's true though.
• 23:20
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah
• 23:21
  [SPEAKER_02]: Real talk, if you and your partner are serious about building wealth together, you need to make sure your money is actually working for you.
• 23:28
  [SPEAKER_02]: Right now, your emergency fund could be earning anywhere between 10 to 20 times more and a high yield savings account than it's making in a regular bank.
• 23:37
  [SPEAKER_02]: Listen, we're talking 4% 5% APY versus basically nothing.
• 23:43
  [SPEAKER_02]: that's free money just sitting there.
• 23:46
  [SPEAKER_02]: Whether you're saving for a wedding, a house, or just building that financial foundation together, don't leave money on at the table.
• 23:54
  [SPEAKER_02]: I need you to go to anthonyomio.com for slash savings right now again that is anthonyomio.com for slash savings right now.
• 24:02
  [SPEAKER_02]: Compare to top accounts and start making your money work as hard as the both of you do.
• 24:08
  [SPEAKER_02]: It takes five minutes.
• 24:10
  [SPEAKER_02]: All right, let's get back to today's show.
• 24:12
  [SPEAKER_02]: I sit down with couples all the time and I don't give relationship advice because I'm single, I'm not qualified to do that.
• 24:18
  [SPEAKER_02]: But I help relationships and marriages when it comes to their finances.
• 24:22
  [SPEAKER_02]: And oftentimes what I find out is watch this, it comes from the woman who's been hurt or divorced.
• 24:30
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yep.
• 24:30
  [SPEAKER_02]: And her exact words is, I will never allow another man to do that to me again.
• 24:35
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yep.
• 24:36
  [SPEAKER_02]: So she goes into this relationship.
• 24:39
  [SPEAKER_02]: and I'll never forget one guy I was sitting down with and I'm trying to make sure I don't hint to anything because they were very well known couple.
• 24:46
  [SPEAKER_02]: He started crying on the zoom call.
• 24:50
  [SPEAKER_02]: When I was going through their accounts, I noticed that there were some money being deposited into a different account.
• 24:57
  [SPEAKER_02]: But I didn't see the account here.
• 24:59
  [SPEAKER_02]: And I said, hey, says so much, what account is this?
• 25:04
  [SPEAKER_02]: And he was like, what what what you mean?
• 25:05
  [SPEAKER_02]: I said,
• 25:08
  [SPEAKER_02]: And he was like, I thought that was just going to our savings account.
• 25:12
  [SPEAKER_02]: I didn't know that was going as to totally different account.
• 25:15
  [SPEAKER_02]: I said, yes, sir, what account is this?
• 25:17
  [SPEAKER_02]: He said, hey, what account is this?
• 25:18
  [SPEAKER_02]: I don't know this account.
• 25:19
  [SPEAKER_02]: It shows up.
• 25:21
  [SPEAKER_02]: it's my, it's my account.
• 25:23
  [SPEAKER_02]: Mind you bro, they already have a spending account each year.
• 25:26
  [SPEAKER_02]: So they sit down and they budget each other's money and she gets an out a lot of the amount of month in her own account.
• 25:33
  [SPEAKER_02]: To spend, he gets his own a lot of money a month to spend on his own.
• 25:38
  [SPEAKER_02]: She's taking extra money into a whole
• 25:42
  [SPEAKER_02]: Because her fear is if he cheats or if he does me wrong or if we get a separation, I have money over here and a totally different account that he never even knew about.
• 25:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's infidelity.
• 25:56
  [SPEAKER_02]: Find that's infidelity.
• 25:57
  [SPEAKER_02]: He was crying.
• 25:59
  [SPEAKER_02]: He said, the fact that you would steal from us when I have never cheated, I have never even given you the thought and she was like, you're right, babe.
• 26:10
  [SPEAKER_02]: She said, but no one sees it up front.
• 26:16
  [SPEAKER_02]: And she said, and I didn't see it up front in my last two marriages.
• 26:21
  [SPEAKER_02]: And I just can't afford to go through that again for the third one.
• 26:26
  [SPEAKER_02]: Mind you,
• 26:27
  [SPEAKER_02]: The last two marriages, those were respectfully saying this average incoming.
• 26:33
  [SPEAKER_02]: This is a millionaire guy.
• 26:36
  [SPEAKER_02]: So she can easily, that's hide in notice because it's like, wait a minute, I mean, you got hundreds coming in and counting them.
• 26:43
  [SPEAKER_02]: So he ain't gonna miss 5,000 here, 5,000 air.
• 26:49
  [SPEAKER_02]: How would you feel when I was your wife?
• 26:52
  [SPEAKER_02]: Like, you married now, how would you feel that knowing
• 26:59
  [SPEAKER_02]: She's setting money aside.
• 27:01
  [SPEAKER_02]: How would you have that conversation?
• 27:03
  [SPEAKER_02]: Oh, Paul, let's rewind.
• 27:05
  [SPEAKER_02]: Stuart, you had a doctor here.
• 27:08
  [SPEAKER_02]: You've been studying, you have an equivalent of a doctor's degree in relationship now.
• 27:16
  [SPEAKER_02]: What would you say to that woman who is somewhat concerned?
• 27:18
  [SPEAKER_02]: She has been hurt before.
• 27:20
  [SPEAKER_02]: She has been abused, financially abused, mentally abused, spiritually abused, in the past.
• 27:26
  [SPEAKER_02]: But now she's in a relationship and she's in a marriage thinking, I need to protect myself and I need sight income.
• 27:36
  [SPEAKER_02]: What would you say to her to help save the relationship?
• 27:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's the unpack, see, see, I identify why.
• 27:44
  [SPEAKER_00]: And it's just a lack of trust.
• 27:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so when you deal with a lack of trust in any area, you'll start trying to safeguard or gatekeep your heart from ever feeling that pain that you felt before.
• 27:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: If you feel that, communicate that, say that to your husband, say, listen, this is what I need.
• 28:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: I need to be able to save X amount of money, just say it.
• 28:04
  [SPEAKER_00]: And then if he says, no, that's not cool.
• 28:06
  [SPEAKER_00]: Then deal with that.
• 28:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: But when you start hiding it, that's the problem because you're essentially saying, I don't even trust you with the truth.
• 28:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: I don't trust you.
• 28:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: I believe that this marriage ain't going to work out.
• 28:16
  [SPEAKER_00]: So when it doesn't work out, I know that I'm protected.
• 28:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: And when you really look at it from a financial standpoint, that that really protect you.
• 28:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: That really, that that give you if your marriage were to end today and you had $100,000 that you stole from your smears, would you be like, see, I feel good about that.
• 28:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: Or do you be like, dang, my marriage was still worth more than $100,000 that I stole because you're still in and at no point is that okay.
• 28:44
  [SPEAKER_00]: And then you got to always flip it back on the other person to say, how would you feel that they were doing that to you?
• 28:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so if you're going to be accountable, just be accountable, say, if I found out whatever it was, maybe it wasn't a financial thing that would destroy you if you found that your husband was hiding X amount of money, but if you found out that he was hiding a gambling addiction, if you found out he was hiding a alcohol addiction, whatever it was, how would you feel if you found out that your spouse?
• 29:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: The person you stood to vows with, you found out something five years in that you didn't know that they were intentionally hiding from you and didn't let you know.
• 29:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: That to rebuild trust like that, it would be hard to be an uphill battle because you'd be like, do I really know you?
• 29:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
• 29:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: So that was the first question you asked me, how would I feel that would devastate me?
• 29:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: Oh, it would devastate because you don't have to lie to me.
• 29:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: You don't have to tell me what it is.
• 29:37
  [SPEAKER_00]: And if you say, can I just keep X amount of money aside?
• 29:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: Then I'll be like, go ahead, whatever you need, make, make whatever make you feel good.
• 29:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: Go feel good, because it's not going to be necessary, it's not going to be needed.
• 29:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: And what happens subconsciously, I believe this, I haven't their research on it.
• 29:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: But if you start planting seeds in the end, protecting yourself from the end, the end will come.
• 29:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: If I literally said, I'm going to every single month, that's an intentional thing.
• 30:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: Every single month, I'm going to hide X amount of money and case this doesn't work out.
• 30:05
  [SPEAKER_00]: Then every month, I'm thinking about that that if it doesn't work out, this is what I'm preparing for and what you are preparing for is going to manifest in your marriage.
• 30:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, and I, oh yeah, but that's good.
• 30:16
  [SPEAKER_02]: I can't do that every month.
• 30:17
  [SPEAKER_02]: If my wife came to me and she said that we would need to have a serious conversation about our marriage.
• 30:22
  [SPEAKER_02]: Absolutely, because she's saying I don't believe it's no word, right?
• 30:25
  [SPEAKER_02]: So what she's saying?
• 30:26
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, let me set aside money for the end.
• 30:31
  [SPEAKER_02]: because you set inside that money, so if it never ends, you're never, we're never spending that money and money that you're sitting in.
• 30:38
  [SPEAKER_02]: So sooner or later, your saying is going in.
• 30:40
  [SPEAKER_02]: rather than how do we work to make sure that our marriage never ends.
• 30:45
  [SPEAKER_02]: That part.
• 30:46
  [SPEAKER_02]: How do we work to make sure that together we're building something substantial that our children's children can be grateful for, but instead instead of building for the future and our children's children and building legacy, we're building towards separation and divorce.
• 31:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: That part.
• 31:04
  [SPEAKER_00]: And that just will never feel good to me.
• 31:06
  [SPEAKER_00]: Because why stand and stay vows with me?
• 31:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: And these beautiful vows that you even said that we said to each other, that we meant that.
• 31:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: But what if in the back of my mind, I had in my mind?
• 31:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: Well, I'm saying this right now about, I really got this in the back of my mind.
• 31:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: I really got some side check I'm dealing with.
• 31:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: I really got this bank account that I'm hiding from her.
• 31:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: I really got this and I'm standing pretending.
• 31:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: When I got married, it was all in.
• 31:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: When I said those vows because again, and we ain't got to get married, you said at the very beginning, you got and gonna punish me because I never got married, man, he's never gonna do that.
• 31:37
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's the most sacrificial thing we can do.
• 31:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so at the end of the day, when I prepared myself, when I did the work, I mean, I faced some ugly stuff in my past, I faced some ugly stuff in my present.
• 31:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: And in writing this book, that's what I had to do.
• 31:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: I had to say, who am I?
• 31:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: What is love?
• 31:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: I know we've been taught about love.
• 31:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: We are where we, you can go to the first Corinthians 13 that tells you what love is.
• 31:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: But then playing that out keeps no record of wrong.
• 32:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: You know, love is patient, love is kind.
• 32:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: What does that really look like?
• 32:05
  [SPEAKER_00]: And when I had to start exercising that in my own life, I had to say, okay, let me be a conduit of love that relationships that don't work out, be okay that they don't work out.
• 32:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yes, sir.
• 32:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: don't, don't ideate over it too much, feel like you're such a failure, it wasn't supposed to work out.
• 32:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: If I could tell anybody, if you could focus on what God is about to bring into your life versus what didn't work out, you'll spend more energy on and time and your spirit from a healthy perspective on ideating over what God can do versus what didn't work out.
• 32:40
  [SPEAKER_02]: You know, and your book you talk about providing.
• 32:43
  [SPEAKER_02]: Absolutely.
• 32:44
  [SPEAKER_02]: We in 2025.
• 32:45
  [SPEAKER_02]: I know.
• 32:46
  [SPEAKER_02]: You have a brilliant smart, intellectual, um, entrepreneur wife, um, who, and modern day, they would say she doesn't need you to live.
• 33:00
  [SPEAKER_02]: Absolutely.
• 33:02
  [SPEAKER_02]: Um, some men, or some woman would say that kind of woman will
• 33:10
  [SPEAKER_02]: But you have a different understanding of the word providing.
• 33:15
  [SPEAKER_02]: What would you say to us, man, who say we want to be providers?
• 33:20
  [SPEAKER_02]: Heck, what would you say to this younger generation?
• 33:21
  [SPEAKER_02]: Because period, later to say, and they want to man to provide, man, I think sometimes we could take that word a little bit too strong and a little bit too too much to where it becomes controlling.
• 33:34
  [SPEAKER_02]: But in student of love, you've really break down your thoughts
• 33:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: What's more important for fighting for money or providing overall, providing overall emotional?
• 33:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: It was a study that came about in 2020 during COVID that most women aren't finding men that they could marry because they're not emotionally what women want.
• 33:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: A lot of men we find out and we think about it back in the day, that's all daddy had to do, go work, go pay the bills.
• 34:04
  [SPEAKER_00]: and it was cool, you know what I'm saying?
• 34:06
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yep, now women want to be talked to.
• 34:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: Women want to have conversations.
• 34:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: Women want you to be more soft, you know what I'm saying?
• 34:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, they want all this extra stuff that we were never talked.
• 34:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: It was go provide pay to bills and the wife will be happy.
• 34:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
• 34:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: Now, women want you to, you know, go on trips with them and do all this intimate stuff with them.
• 34:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: Go to the, to the spa with them, do couples massage stuff, my dad went doing no couples massage.
• 34:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: I was like, I was like, it went doing none of that stuff, and so it's all the stuff that's necessary.
• 34:36
  [SPEAKER_00]: So I believe that the comprehensive man doesn't just provide financially and he may not be the one that's solely providing, but he has to provide a safe space for his wife where she can wear her desires and dreams matter.
• 34:49
  [SPEAKER_00]: Think about it.
• 34:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: most of the time, I'm 47 years old.
• 34:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: So I grew up in an era where a woman's dreams didn't matter.
• 34:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: I didn't know if women had dreams when I was growing up.
• 34:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: It was like, you support your husband?
• 35:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's it.
• 35:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: Your husband, if your husband is a pastor, you are by default the first lady whether you want to be that or not, and you support him.
• 35:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: Her dreams, whatever she had growing up, was never even murmured.
• 35:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so, that's how we were taught.
• 35:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: Now women have goals, they have ambition, they have dreams, they have columns over their life.
• 35:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so, a man providing that for his wife to say, what is it?
• 35:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's the first question I asked my wife when we were dating.
• 35:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: I said, what is it that you wanna do?
• 35:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: What is it?
• 35:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: I said, what's the dream that you put on the shelf that you never chased?
• 35:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: And you said, oh, I can never ever do that.
• 35:36
  [SPEAKER_00]: I said, what is that dream?
• 35:37
  [SPEAKER_00]: I said, because that's the dream I want you to take off the shelf.
• 35:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: because I believe God brought into your life to help manifest that dream.
• 35:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: And she was like, wow, this is dream that I had before it's called the belief gap where I want to do this motivational stuff for people to bridge the gap between unbelief and belief and help people to accomplish their dreams or whatever.
• 35:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: And she said, but when I try to do that in the past, I had no following, I had nothing.
• 35:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: You know, I tried to do it and I only had a couple of followers, so it didn't take off and didn't do much anything.
• 36:05
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I put all my time and energy, I invested in these courses, I did this and I had no, no, no following to do that.
• 36:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: I said, does that dream off?
• 36:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I said, I guarantee you in the first year or so of our marriage, God is going to give you the platform and give you the community that now you can live that dream out.
• 36:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: And she was just like, wow.
• 36:25
  [SPEAKER_02]: You know, so funny is man, what are the things God convicted me on?
• 36:28
  [SPEAKER_02]: I want to say earlier, mid 2025 was in my dating, stop asking the surface questions and start asking how can you best serve that part.
• 36:42
  [SPEAKER_02]: And so now while I am dating, my very first question is, what are some of your dreams?
• 36:48
  [SPEAKER_02]: and just dreams, what's your vision?
• 36:50
  [SPEAKER_02]: That part.
• 36:51
  [SPEAKER_02]: Cause I think oftentimes men we look for a woman to support our vision, but my vision is already strong that my vision should support and lift up her vision.
• 37:01
  [SPEAKER_02]: Absolutely.
• 37:03
  [SPEAKER_02]: And now when I'm dating, yes, my question.
• 37:08
  [SPEAKER_02]: And the response gets me sometimes.
• 37:13
  [SPEAKER_02]: Wow, what is that?
• 37:14
  [SPEAKER_02]: Because sometimes the ladies don't, they don't know.
• 37:18
  [SPEAKER_02]: And so they're like, wait, no one's never asked me that.
• 37:21
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yep.
• 37:22
  [SPEAKER_02]: And I'm not going to say it.
• 37:24
  [SPEAKER_02]: I'll give you a week.
• 37:25
  [SPEAKER_02]: Think about it.
• 37:26
  [SPEAKER_02]: And I come back and I ask in a week.
• 37:28
  [SPEAKER_02]: That's good.
• 37:29
  [SPEAKER_02]: The problem that I'm having.
• 37:31
  [SPEAKER_02]: And I need you to pray from me on this one is it kind of turns me off when you can't tell me eventually what you want to do.
• 37:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: You're talking about week later, it's okay, yes.
• 37:42
  [SPEAKER_02]: sometimes I'm even giving them about a couple of weeks or a month and they really just can't really identify what they want to do because I think sometimes ladies will look at man like yourself like myself and some other kind of parts within my brotherhood right we're successful okay I can just be a stay on home mom yeah one of my friends will say that's what I need yeah
• 38:09
  [SPEAKER_02]: But for me, I'm like, I just think that my vision is too big for just a woman who's going to sit at home and just raise children.
• 38:14
  [SPEAKER_02]: It's been my money all day.
• 38:16
  [SPEAKER_00]: But where's your calm support, too, though?
• 38:17
  [SPEAKER_02]: I'm with it, but it's like at the same time, I do believe that woman have something amazing that she can fulfill what God put on inside of her while also supporting me.
• 38:29
  [SPEAKER_02]: And I can continue to do what I do while also supporting her, but we're supporting each other and helping each other and we become one.
• 38:36
  [SPEAKER_00]: What have that come in stages?
• 38:38
  [SPEAKER_00]: So I like that too.
• 38:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, because what happens is a lot of times, and this is what I had to tell myself this, that what I'm looking, I'm 47 and she's 37.
• 38:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm marrying her at 37 taking vows that spend a lifetime with her.
• 38:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: She has a company of thriving company called Doorhocks.
• 38:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: It does great.
• 38:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: But she even said, I don't want to do this no more.
• 38:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: She said, I want to sell my business.
• 39:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: The next stage of my life is to be a wife and a mother.
• 39:05
  [SPEAKER_00]: I want to have kids because I met her.
• 39:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: She was freezing eggs, spending $10,000 a pop to freeze the eggs.
• 39:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: So naturally, she's saying,
• 39:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: I want motherhood.
• 39:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so motherhood may be a season of her life where it's like, now I get to have kids.
• 39:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: Let me take a break off of work and so hard because she tanned her body up, sitting there working at all these events late, doing all, I mean, his girl works hard.
• 39:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so she's like, I'm tired.
• 39:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: I was talking to this summer and she was, I was on a call.
• 39:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: She's like, I want you there.
• 39:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: I don't want to hear what you do.
• 39:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I literally sat in her ear and just listened because I don't even understand what you do.
• 39:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: Like, I didn't know how you created the business, running the adore at an event.
• 39:44
  [SPEAKER_00]: You know, these big companies, how are you to manage the VIP list and all that?
• 39:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'll just...
• 39:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: I don't know what that is.
• 39:49
  [SPEAKER_00]: I know what that was.
• 39:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: I said, you create this business.
• 39:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: So I'm assuming you're here and just hear you throughout the day.
• 39:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: I got tired listening to her work because she was on a feed all day.
• 40:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: It was like eight hours outside in the Sun and LA, working the BET experience and all best of the VIP celebrities coming through.
• 40:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: Hey, yes, yes, yes.
• 40:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: Here, go do this and she's
• 40:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: putting them with their was he calling one makes sure I quote it correctly there now I did do a blank whatever it was the person that chaperones the the the the the the celebrity to take a medium thing yeah so I'm sending a listening I was like
• 40:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: Wow, I mean, she was working.
• 40:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: It was like, hey, Ashley, hey, this and this.
• 40:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: I remember you had the other event.
• 40:31
  [SPEAKER_00]: I remember you, and I'm just listening.
• 40:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm like, I'm tired and she's on 10.
• 40:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: Hello, welcome to this and she's given high energy and all that and got sunburned and all that.
• 40:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I sent
• 40:42
  [SPEAKER_00]: some stuff for and I said, Hey, listen, now your laptops was crashing your iPads was crashing because it was so hot outside.
• 40:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: I went on Amazon while I was on the phone with it.
• 40:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: I said, for tomorrow while you're working, I got these cool and things that you can put under a little tent where your iPad and your laptop, where it can cool so it under direct sunlight.
• 40:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: So I'm listening to find the gaps that she needs.
• 41:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: Sure.
• 41:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I said, I need to get you some insults of some for your shoes if you're going to be standing up in your feet hurting like that and I said, let me find out what those gaps are.
• 41:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so I wanted to find out what she does so that I could help accommodate her.
• 41:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: But also I want to find out when she is saying that she wants to take this break, is she going to resent me later?
• 41:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so, and, and I'm hearing her in the real times and I'm tired.
• 41:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: I've been doing this for 10 years.
• 41:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm tired.
• 41:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: Wow.
• 41:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: My feet hurt.
• 41:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: My back hurt.
• 41:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm in pain.
• 41:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: Got him a size.
• 41:31
  [SPEAKER_00]: Doing all that stuff.
• 41:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's in the day.
• 41:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: She said, I'm ready to be a mother.
• 41:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: And when she held my grandbaby, my daughter had my granddaughter in August.
• 41:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: August the 15th clear.
• 41:42
  [SPEAKER_00]: And Ashley came to Dallas and she held my granddaughter.
• 41:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: Our granddaughter.
• 41:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: at one day.
• 41:49
  [SPEAKER_00]: And she held her and started crying and she was like, I want this.
• 41:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: So I want this and my granddaughter look exactly like us crazy.
• 41:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I said, so that's where your passion is.
• 42:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: She's always wanted to be a wife.
• 42:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: She's always wanted to be a mother.
• 42:04
  [SPEAKER_00]: she has a call in over lighting, has skillset, created a business, a thriving business, but in the day she's saying, I'm not gonna let that get in the way of building legacy.
• 42:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so that's what she desires.
• 42:16
  [SPEAKER_00]: I said that I wanted to make life easier for her where she's not doing so much quote unquote manual labor.
• 42:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: where she could become my co-host on a dear future wife and podcast.
• 42:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: And we have these conversations a go about.
• 42:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: When I was vetting, I wanted to meet a woman that I didn't have to force to do that.
• 42:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: Is that something that you desire?
• 42:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: So when I began to talk to her in a dating where I said, what is something that you put on the shelf, where she wants to do motivational stuff?
• 42:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: So it's not something that I force to do is something that she wants to do years ago before she ever met me that just didn't have the launch and pad to do it.
• 42:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: So she put it on the shelf.
• 42:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: So I'm vetting here in that girl.
• 42:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: Okay, then I'm listening to her speak.
• 42:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm reading stuff that she wrote when she was in elementary school in high school, went to a very successful private school through elementary and high school.
• 43:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I was like, this girl, there's a brainy act.
• 43:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm a sapial sexual, I'm attracted to intellect.
• 43:06
  [SPEAKER_00]: Impression in horn and eyes, she's fine.
• 43:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: So, it worked too.
• 43:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: So I was like, this, I don't got it.
• 43:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: He just gives you more than what's going on in Jesus' head.
• 43:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: We bought it.
• 43:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: Let me kind of ride now.
• 43:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: Five, five, five.
• 43:18
  [UNKNOWN]: Five.
• 43:20
  [SPEAKER_02]: I can't say my wife.
• 43:21
  [SPEAKER_02]: And man, you could say if you, your eyes are like, you by the go look, he just got, he fresh off the hunting room, y'all.
• 43:28
  [SPEAKER_02]: I ain't want you to say nothing else, bro.
• 43:31
  [SPEAKER_02]: Ha ha ha ha ha ha.
• 43:31
  [SPEAKER_02]: Cause helping the words was still going on, she finally did it.
• 43:34
  [SPEAKER_02]: I don't look.
• 43:35
  [SPEAKER_02]: What?
• 43:37
  [SPEAKER_02]: My brother is fresh that man landed from a rumour to what's home for one hour.
• 43:43
  [SPEAKER_02]: It came straight here You are not getting me in trouble with my sister.
• 43:47
  [SPEAKER_02]: You know first interview of the you come back No stuff.
• 43:50
  [SPEAKER_02]: You got a beautiful wife.
• 43:51
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yes, but even right down Yeah, I'm beautiful wife God bless me.
• 43:54
  [SPEAKER_02]: You know, man your your assistant is telling my team you're you got to go But man and 30 seconds the world
• 44:04
  [SPEAKER_02]: over the last four years, we've seen you, let's be honest, man.
• 44:13
  [SPEAKER_02]: You both, but we've seen you've been attacked.
• 44:15
  [SPEAKER_02]: We've seen you've been accused of not winning marriage, of being this, of being that
• 44:22
  [SPEAKER_02]: How do you feel, bro, today you get to, like, you proved every one who ever doubted you, bro?
• 44:32
  [SPEAKER_02]: How do you feel spending a week?
• 44:36
  [SPEAKER_02]: At the time of recording, it's about a week of some change.
• 44:38
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yep, a week and two days.
• 44:40
  [SPEAKER_02]: A week and two days.
• 44:41
  [SPEAKER_02]: How does a terrorist feel being married?
• 44:44
  [SPEAKER_02]: And let's be honest, you're about to have some okay.
• 44:47
  [SPEAKER_02]: She don't frozen me.
• 44:48
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
• 44:48
  [SPEAKER_02]: You, you about to have some okay.
• 44:50
  [SPEAKER_02]: Absolutely.
• 44:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: Um, how do you feel, bro?
• 44:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: And in the vows that I said to her and in the proposal, I said, I feel settled without settling.
• 45:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: And the reason why echo that is because no one can force me to get married is nobody on this earth that could force me to get married.
• 45:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: I don't care what kind of criticism it was out there.
• 45:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: You're not going to make me take vows with somebody out of desperation.
• 45:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: I know the gravity and the way to marriage.
• 45:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
• 45:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: I listen to what people say I laugh at it because they don't even know.
• 45:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: I remember I had one against my podcast that said I didn't want to be married in the process.
• 45:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: And me after I just went on my first date with Ashley and I was like, you have no idea.
• 45:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
• 45:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I just laughed.
• 45:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: I just laughed at that because people, they don't even have a phone number.
• 45:38
  [SPEAKER_00]: So how are you going to tell me what I want or what I don't want?
• 45:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: And you don't even know me personally.
• 45:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: So I just say there's a corner in social media that's just toxic.
• 45:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
• 45:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: that's just who they are.
• 45:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: They make content off of my content.
• 45:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: They make content off of your content.
• 45:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: They use what you say and then they get the highest views on their channel criticizing what you say.
• 46:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: And that's okay.
• 46:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: Y'all can have those pennies y'all can do what y'all do with that.
• 46:05
  [SPEAKER_00]: But after the end of the day, what sort of a man so at that show they also read.
• 46:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: So if you're sewing destruction, uh, sewing these think pieces that's negative,
• 46:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: You got to answer the guy for that.
• 46:16
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's on you.
• 46:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm always continued living my life.
• 46:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm always stay surrendered and submitted to God.
• 46:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm always be transparent, vulnerable, accountable to my own mishaps.
• 46:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm always be me.
• 46:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: When I started in this space, I never knew the gravity of what it was going to be.
• 46:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: I never knew that people could just make up stuff about you and it can go viral or whatever.
• 46:36
  [SPEAKER_00]: So when I first started seeing that, I was like,
• 46:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: Okay, this is crazy.
• 46:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: What, what, you know, you and I've had conversations offline.
• 46:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: You like, I can't believe they say it up like Anthony.
• 46:45
  [SPEAKER_00]: Forget the people.
• 46:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: They just forget them.
• 46:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: They're going to say what they want to say because that's going to be the highest viewed video on their channel, facts.
• 46:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: Let them have it.
• 46:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: Keep living your life.
• 46:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: Keep been submitted to what God says.
• 46:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: The only person we have to be accountable to is God.
• 47:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: Now, me, God, in my wife.
• 47:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: You know, but that's it all these other people that are strangers they're just strangers and hopefully and I've had people that said negative stuff That's come back and said I had it all wrong.
• 47:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, those people.
• 47:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: I thank God for the grace because I still pray for my enemies I pray for people who say crazy stuff.
• 47:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: I see a video and I'll be that guy for giving them for they know now what they do God, I want them to have an encounter with you that they there's something that I say or something someone else says that gives them a change of heart And they'll come back and say I apologize
• 47:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: I've had those moments happen several times.
• 47:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so at the end of the day, I feel settled without settlement.
• 47:34
  [SPEAKER_02]: Man, listen, I want to say, congratulations.
• 47:38
  [SPEAKER_02]: Thank you, King.
• 47:39
  [SPEAKER_02]: And it's no one's business knowing how much I sold, but I did that because, um,
• 47:49
  [SPEAKER_02]: I just believe in good ground.
• 47:51
  [SPEAKER_02]: I am, man.
• 47:51
  [SPEAKER_02]: And I don't believe in someone in crazy ground.
• 47:54
  [SPEAKER_02]: I know you don't.
• 47:55
  [SPEAKER_02]: So, um, I know you don't.
• 47:57
  [SPEAKER_02]: I, I, I, I want to say thank you in advance.
• 48:01
  [SPEAKER_02]: Thank you, man.
• 48:01
  [SPEAKER_02]: For, to, to so into y'all's marriage to that,
• 48:04
  [SPEAKER_02]: hopefully not hopefully.
• 48:06
  [SPEAKER_02]: So, one day, I will be in Sydney, you will invite to the wedding.
• 48:11
  [SPEAKER_02]: I will for Luke.
• 48:12
  [SPEAKER_02]: You and your wife to the wedding.
• 48:13
  [SPEAKER_02]: Y'all in the student of Love Book, man, you're God to discover, uncover, and recover healthy relationships is available, man.
• 48:19
  [SPEAKER_02]: This is a great book.
• 48:19
  [SPEAKER_02]: If you desire marriage or if you are married and you just want to learn more about love, I would encourage you to get a copy of the book.
• 48:26
  [SPEAKER_02]: The book will be inside of the today's show notes.
• 48:28
  [SPEAKER_02]: And, uh, man,
• 48:29
  [SPEAKER_02]: And go listen to a dear future by football gets because I think we buy to see it even better now.
• 48:35
  [SPEAKER_02]: There it is, you know.
• 48:36
  [SPEAKER_00]: So when you all start that, the last wins day out of December.
• 48:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: So it was at the 31st or whatever.
• 48:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: So we're going to start the podcast all season 11 with my future wife.
• 48:48
  [SPEAKER_02]: Season 11.
• 48:49
  [SPEAKER_02]: Season 11.
• 48:49
  [SPEAKER_02]: We're going to be down there, Doc.
• 48:51
  [SPEAKER_02]: There it is.
• 48:52
  [SPEAKER_02]: All y'all was in the next shot.
• 48:53
  [SPEAKER_02]: Thanks for having me, man.
• 48:54
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yes, sir.