Latest / The Parenting Podcast / Soft skills: the secret ingredient to successful adulthood | Ep. 133

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Soft skills: the secret ingredient to successful adulthood | Ep. 133 · The Parenting Podcast

• 0:06
  Imagine a world where our children flourish, not just academically, but in other crucial facets of life.
• 0:16
  Today on the Parenting Podcast, we dive into some of those essential non-academic abilities that often go unnoticed.
• 0:26
  Abilities like effective communication, critical thinking.
• 0:31
  and conflict resolution.
• 0:33
  I'm Cheryl Lang, your host, and I'm delighted you're here.
• 0:38
  Together, we'll explore practical strategies for nurturing these competencies, share real life examples, and discuss how to create an environment that supports our children's holistic growth.
• 0:51
  Let's get started.
• 0:59
  Christie: Well, our talk last time, I feel like I got to see happen in real life this week.
• 1:06
  Christie: In real time?
• 1:06
  Christie: In real time.
• 1:07
  Christie: About practical skills?
• 1:08
  Christie: In the wild, yes.
• 1:09
  Christie: Okay, so we talked about practical
• 1:11
  Cheryl: life
• 1:11
  Carol: skills
• 1:12
  Cheryl: skills.
• 1:12
  Cheryl: Yes, so I was walking out of my bedroom and I walked into the entryway to see my, uh, Eighteen year old, she's got her sunglasses on her head, her purse on her shoulder, and a big, huge gas can in the other hand.
• 1:25
  Cheryl: She had gone out to the shed to get it, and I, I was like, so puzzled at first.
• 1:29
  Cheryl: I said, what are you doing?
• 1:31
  Cheryl: And she said, Oh, Natalie, my twenty two year old, called, she ran out of gas.
• 1:36
  Cheryl: And my first thought was, well, why didn't she call me?
• 1:42
  Cheryl: And then, you know, she said, well, I'm her emergency contact because I always answer my phone, call my phone, and you never So
• 1:49
  Ellen: another stab in the heart.
• 1:50
  Christie: Yeah.
• 1:50
  Christie: Yeah.
• 1:50
  Christie: Yeah.
• 1:51
  Christie: Yeah.
• 1:51
  Christie: Yeah.
• 1:51
  Christie: But then my second thought was, well, that's cool.
• 1:54
  Christie: They're working it out.
• 1:55
  Christie: They're doing things together, a sister helping a sister.
• 1:58
  Christie: And I was really happy to see that she knew what to do and, and they handled it on their own.
• 2:03
  Christie: So she took the gas can and helped her sister out and, and made it through.
• 2:08
  Christie: Okay.
• 2:08
  Christie: Well
• 2:09
  Cheryl: done, mom.
• 2:10
  Christie: I mean, yeah.
• 2:10
  Christie: Once I got over the, you know, hit on my heart of like, oh, well, I'm not the emergency contact.
• 2:17
  Cheryl: Well.
• 2:17
  Cheryl: In this area, particularly older teens and very young adults.
• 2:22
  Cheryl: Mm-Hmm.
• 2:23
  Cheryl: I struggle this a little bit because I would get the call mom, I locked my keys in the car.
• 2:29
  Cheryl: Uhhuh again.
• 2:30
  Cheryl: Right.
• 2:30
  Cheryl: Or Mom, I've run out of gas again.
• 2:34
  Laugh: Yeah.
• 2:34
  Cheryl: And so.
• 2:35
  Cheryl: Not because I don't want to help them, but that struggle of, do I need to let natural consequences happen?
• 2:41
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 2:43
  Cheryl: How many times?
• 2:44
  Cheryl: You have
• 2:44
  Ellen: to let them have the skill.
• 2:46
  Ellen: If they run out of gas one time, it's okay, but you're supposed to learn from that.
• 2:50
  Ellen: So they run out of gas again, unless it's really late at night and it's extenuating circumstances, you go, well, this is what you need to do.
• 2:57
  Ellen: You need to call over here.
• 2:59
  Ellen: Go to the gas station, get your thing filled and do it, you know, walk them through that and let me know when you're done.
• 3:05
  Ellen: And
• 3:06
  Christie: I know, I'm almost 100 percent sure this child has never ran out of gas.
• 3:12
  Christie: I don't know that we've actually had anybody run out of gas.
• 3:14
  Christie: We have had lots of keys locked in cars.
• 3:17
  Christie: And some have had to pay locksmiths to get them out, but yeah, I, I agree.
• 3:21
  Christie: Once it happens repeatedly, you might need to, uh, feel some consequences.
• 3:26
  Christie: So you remember, you don't
• 3:27
  Ellen: want to put them in danger, but they do have to learn it and they're never going to learn if you keep rescuing them and coming out and, okay, here's the key again.
• 3:36
  Ellen: And I had to stop all the things that I was doing because you didn't remember your key.
• 3:41
  Christie: Right.
• 3:41
  Christie: Thankfully, they have a lot of sisters, so I guess I'll just keep calling sisters.
• 3:44
  Christie: But I've
• 3:45
  Ellen: had my older kids locked out of the house because they forgot a key, and they had to sit in their car in the cold, and I didn't want to race home or we were out of town even, you know.
• 3:56
  Ellen: And so, there's just a lot of those good consequences, as long as it's really not dangerous for them.
• 4:02
  Ellen: Yeah.
• 4:02
  Christie: It's a time to say, Hey, I'm so sorry about
• 4:04
  Cheryl: your situation.
• 4:05
  Cheryl: Yeah, wow.
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  Cheryl: Let me know how that works out.
• 4:07
  Cheryl: Yeah, yeah.
• 4:07
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 4:07
  Cheryl: Yeah.
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  Cheryl: Uh, I was always so proud when I did that.
• 4:10
  Cheryl: I know.
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  Cheryl: Because it's a dilemma of
• 4:12
  Christie: serving
• 4:12
  Cheryl: and being kind.
• 4:13
  Cheryl: Yes.
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  Christie: it's case by case and child by child, person by person.
• 4:17
  Christie: You know when it's a habit and you know when it's just an accident.
• 4:19
  Christie: I
• 4:19
  Cheryl: would say there's one who was It's two thirds of all the issues, and so we had to start learning.
• 4:27
  Cheryl: And I don't know how many I didn't get called to after I quit responding with all of those.
• 4:34
  Cheryl: right.
• 4:35
  Cheryl: Uh, so
• 4:36
  Carol: We mentioned, we talked last time about equipping our kids with practical skills, particularly during their teens, for their adult life.
• 4:45
  Carol: Outside of academics, and we went through a number of different areas last time.
• 4:50
  Carol: So let's jump into some more because it is true.
• 4:55
  Carol: Children need to know the practical how tos of everyday life.
• 4:59
  Carol: Yeah, but there's some things that are even more important I will say like last time we were talking about how to have Kitchen skills and get around and know how to cook and nutrition, but that one of you mentioned Teaching hospitality and so personally I would say to teach your children hospitality is by far more important than that there are three three teaspoons in a table.
• 5:24
  Carol: Right.
• 5:24
  Carol: Okay.
• 5:25
  Carol: And so let's look at some of the things that are not in the hard skill category.
• 5:30
  Carol: Or
• 5:30
  Ellen: just really strong practical skills that we talked about.
• 5:32
  Ellen: Yeah, so what is in
• 5:33
  Cheryl: the non hard skill area suggestions?
• 5:36
  Ellen: Oh, I was thinking about, um, conflict resolution.
• 5:40
  Ellen: Wow.
• 5:41
  Ellen: It's, gosh, that's all you ever hear on the news anymore, is workplace fighting, people with road rage, you know, and it's become so serious in our country.
• 5:51
  Ellen: It's like no one knows how to resolve a simple conflict so that it doesn't turn into, I mean, we're We watch some shows that, it's called Neighborhood Wars, and it's, it's all about, uh, the caught on camera people throwing fits over things that could just be resolved with words or I'm sorry.
• 6:11
  Ellen: Wow.
• 6:11
  Ellen: And things like that.
• 6:12
  Ellen: So really preparing your children that everyone's not going to be nice to you, number one.
• 6:17
  Ellen: And then when they get out of hand, because I think that's something that they have to be prepared for if a coworker just blows their top in the middle.
• 6:25
  Ellen: I'm not talking about violence.
• 6:27
  Ellen: I'm just talking about people get out of control or a customer's out of control.
• 6:31
  Ellen: How do you handle that?
• 6:32
  Christie: Right.
• 6:33
  Christie: And the art of knowing what's worth fighting on or what needs to just be let go and defer to the other person.
• 6:41
  Christie: Right.
• 6:42
  Christie: No, I think that's smart.
• 6:43
  Christie: I
• 6:43
  Cheryl: mean, y'all are talking about on a different level.
• 6:46
  Cheryl: When I, conflict happens all the time if you are in a relationship.
• 6:50
  Cheryl: Right.
• 6:51
  Cheryl: You know, and I've confessed it before and I've confessed to my children, been accused of and confessed.
• 6:57
  Cheryl: I didn't do conflict resolution very well in my own life and then raising my children.
• 7:03
  Cheryl: We've tried to talk things through a lot, we did a lot of that conversation.
• 7:09
  Cheryl: But when there was conflict, that's when I started, uh, crab walking out of it and trying to get out.
• 7:14
  Cheryl: If we couldn't resolve the conflict and I wish I had gotten the training and understood the techniques for saying to my children, how do we talk through the conflict?
• 7:27
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 7:28
  Cheryl: We're looking at talking about the book Boundaries.
• 7:30
  Cheryl: Mm hmm.
• 7:31
  Cheryl: And it's very good.
• 7:32
  Cheryl: Right.
• 7:33
  Cheryl: Because if you're going to set any healthy boundaries in your life, you're going to have conflict.
• 7:36
  Cheryl: Right.
• 7:37
  Christie: Well, and the key word there is resolution, like to resolve the conflict, not just abandon the relationship or abandon the conflict or run away, engage in it and come to a place where two people can coexist even in the midst of differences.
• 7:52
  Christie: That's the whole art.
• 7:53
  Cheryl: Even if you can't resolve.
• 7:55
  Cheryl: The issue that you're going to disagree, but we're going to treat the other person well I was
• 8:02
  Ellen: thinking conflict resolution in the home is separate from in the workplace.
• 8:06
  Ellen: That is true.
• 8:07
  Ellen: In the outside world.
• 8:08
  Ellen: Absolutely.
• 8:09
  Ellen: Because of relationship.
• 8:10
  Ellen: Right.
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  Ellen: You know?
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  Christie: Well, you mentioned workplace.
• 8:12
  Christie: I think there's a whole world there that we can prepare our kids for in how to interact with co workers because it is different than siblings or family.
• 8:23
  Christie: Because that's kind of how
• 8:23
  Ellen: I was thinking.
• 8:24
  Ellen: I was thinking when my kids would come home and they'd go, gosh, the co workers.
• 8:27
  Ellen: I worked for so weird what he did and he threw this thing right, especially
• 8:33
  Christie: when you're when your kids are teens and get jobs and in a place where other adults are working.
• 8:39
  Christie: Yes, that's something that I thought was an interesting dynamic.
• 8:43
  Christie: Um, And I, I tried really hard to never play the mom card, like, to let them be adults in the workplace and not treat them like teens.
• 8:52
  Christie: I mean, there were certain times where if there was illness or holidays or family things I had to say, you just have to tell them your mom said you can't do that or work or, you know, strong ethical things that we would have to draw lines on.
• 9:03
  Christie: If they're going to be adult enough to have a part time job, they need to learn how to be a responsible co worker and rise to the standard that is expected of them.
• 9:13
  Christie: And what you need
• 9:14
  Ellen: to put up
• 9:14
  Christie: with, keep your
• 9:15
  Ellen: mouth shut, and just go, okay, he's my boss, that's what he said.
• 9:19
  Ellen: You know, I have to do it his way, even though I think my way's better.
• 9:22
  Ellen: Yeah.
• 9:23
  Ellen: You know,
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  Christie: Handling a hard boss.
• 9:24
  Christie: Yes.
• 9:25
  Christie: And when it's time to leave and when you just you know, bear with it and stay.
• 9:29
  Cheryl: And how you do all of that.
• 9:31
  Cheryl: Well, I think there's so much about the workplace.
• 9:34
  Cheryl: Mm hmm.
• 9:34
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 9:34
  Cheryl: And jobs.
• 9:35
  Ellen: Because I got along a lot better in the workplace than I did at home.
• 9:40
  Cheryl: Well, like for example, I don't know.
• 9:45
  Cheryl: What grade she is in?
• 9:46
  Cheryl: Maybe 9th or 10th grade.
• 9:48
  Cheryl: We were a part of an organization, um, 4 H, actually.
• 9:53
  Cheryl: And my children got in it and they were going to show dogs and do different things like that.
• 9:56
  Cheryl: But one of the things they had was a job interview.
• 10:00
  Cheryl: And that you made up a, uh, It's a mock job you wanted to do and they taught them how to write the resume and what to do and prepare for the interview.
• 10:10
  Cheryl: And then they came in and one of the adults actually acted like they were interviewing for the job and asked questions.
• 10:17
  Cheryl: And my daughter, who's now in her early 40s, says that's the most practical thing anybody has.
• 10:23
  Cheryl: It helped me so much.
• 10:24
  Cheryl: Much.
• 10:25
  Cheryl: Um, so that's the sort of thing and everything's online.
• 10:28
  Cheryl: You can watch as many videos as you want, but that you equip your children with how to do an interview, how to write a resume, and then how to present yourself.
• 10:39
  Cheryl: Like you're saying, when you enter a job or you exit a job, whatever it is, just workplace etiquette.
• 10:45
  Cheryl: How to conduct themselves in the workplace.
• 10:48
  Christie: Well, and that's going to be different for each child, too, on how confident they enter into this space.
• 10:54
  Christie: I know some of mine had no problem.
• 10:56
  Christie: They, you know, they just walked in, got a job.
• 10:58
  Christie: Some of the others.
• 11:00
  Christie: There was a lot of coaching that had to go into even the first interview or even asking for an application.
• 11:06
  Christie: I would have to really empower them and encourage and give them words to say or, you know, lots of times I've sat next to some of my kids and helped them word their text message to their boss.
• 11:19
  Christie: And, you know, now we're kind of on the other side of that and they can do it with confidence.
• 11:23
  Christie: But it took a long time for some of my kids to really be able to know how to navigate.
• 11:28
  Christie: in the workplace.
• 11:30
  Cheryl: Because there are a lot of things that we as the adult and the parent handle, and we just don't talk to them about it.
• 11:37
  Cheryl: Take it for granted.
• 11:38
  Cheryl: We don't think about
• 11:38
  Ellen: it because we learned that skill.
• 11:40
  Ellen: Or we're just doing it
• 11:41
  Cheryl: and not thinking.
• 11:42
  Cheryl: That's kind of what we're talking about here.
• 11:44
  Cheryl: For example, in the area of health, um, I think practical things, uh, uh, I remember moving on to my kids plates about they needed to make an appointment and how you call and how you make appointment and then you get into health insurance and one of my daughters is starting a new job and she's looking at all the options in health insurance.
• 12:08
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 12:08
  Cheryl: Mm hmm.
• 12:09
  Cheryl: and of course that's changed in the last number of years, just equipping them with what the words mean and, and, you know, what's a deductible?
• 12:17
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 12:18
  Cheryl: You know, because this is really cheap insurance, but it has a high deductible.
• 12:22
  Cheryl: Right.
• 12:22
  Cheryl: How to weigh that and walk through it.
• 12:25
  Ellen: Or you're working for less pay, but you're getting really good insurance.
• 12:28
  Ellen: Right, that's a benefit
• 12:30
  Christie: that needs to be factored in.
• 12:32
  Christie: And I, you know, filling out your new patient forms.
• 12:35
  Christie: I've had lots of my kids just sit next to me and then have to fill it out.
• 12:40
  Christie: And they could ask for help, but I'm, you know, I'm right there to ask.
• 12:43
  Christie: But they need to know what's the group number, what's the member ID, what do I need to put this down.
• 12:49
  Christie: And, um, We started with hair appointments, you know, it's something that was really safe.
• 12:54
  Christie: And I remember one of my kids were forever.
• 12:57
  Christie: She would not make her own hair appointment.
• 12:59
  Christie: And I was like, her hair kept growing and she really wanted a haircut, but she would not call and make that appointment on her own.
• 13:05
  Christie: I had two like that,
• 13:06
  Cheryl: that they even around 20, just mom, would you call them, please?
• 13:11
  Cheryl: Right.
• 13:12
  Cheryl: Particularly for dental that's the thing, having them realize, no, I've taken you in twice a year to get your teeth cleaned and just transferring that knowledge and those skills.
• 13:23
  Cheryl: The skills.
• 13:24
  Cheryl: The ownership.
• 13:25
  Christie: Right.
• 13:25
  Christie: Very good.
• 13:26
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 13:27
  Christie: And so much of that can be done digitally now and it wasn't like that when my kids were coming into the ages, but maybe even stretch them and have them make the phone call even though they don't have to, I think would be good if that's an option.
• 13:41
  Cheryl: actually, a very practical skill in this area is, uh.
• 13:46
  Cheryl: I think everybody should have a CPR and basic first aid course because it isn't being taught other places.
• 13:57
  Cheryl: That's true.
• 13:57
  Cheryl: And, uh, the honest truth is, y'all, I saved one of my daughter's life because I knew how to do CPR.
• 14:04
  Christie: Wow.
• 14:04
  Christie: And she'd had
• 14:05
  Cheryl: a febrile seizure.
• 14:06
  Cheryl: Wow.
• 14:07
  Cheryl: I think the Red Cross offers them for free.
• 14:09
  Christie: Okay.
• 14:09
  Christie: Well, and there's even a little bit deeper value in that conversation with your kids too of like, as they approach adulthood.
• 14:16
  Christie: That's a heavy matter to think.
• 14:18
  Christie: I might be in a position someday to save somebody's life.
• 14:21
  Christie: I mean, that's kind of a big deal to think of adulthood in that way and to start separating from being the protected one under the security umbrella of your parents, you know, being the one cared for.
• 14:35
  Christie: I'm going to soon be one of the ones in the world that care for others.
• 14:38
  Christie: Yes.
• 14:39
  Cheryl: It was interesting because my daughter that did the course recently, she said they really We equip them with what to do when there's an emergency.
• 14:48
  Cheryl: Not just, here's how to do CPR and this is first aid, but here's how you handle an emergency.
• 14:55
  Cheryl: For example, suddenly you're on an accident scene and someone's hurt, or something, and how you handle other people and that saying you're now equipped to go, you call this, you do this, let's do this.
• 15:08
  Cheryl: I was amazed because that's another level where you have the confidence to be in a situation and then you be the one that knows what to do.
• 15:18
  Cheryl: Well,
• 15:18
  Christie: and it's really humanizing and building empathy and compassion into the moment.
• 15:24
  Christie: So that's really good..
• 15:25
  Christie: Well, one thing I have been thinking of because we're in an election here.
• 15:31
  Christie: We are?
• 15:32
  Christie: Is, um, Talking to your kids about the way the world works, as far as government and politics and media and responsibility on social media and what you want to absorb from the internet and what you want to contribute and what's wise and what's not.
• 15:51
  Christie: I mean, I remember one of my girls took a, uh, Um, PR class or some, some kind of public relations or, uh, public speaking or something.
• 16:00
  Christie: And they talked about media and they gave a really great graphic.
• 16:03
  Christie: I'm sure you can find similar ones online, but it showed the logos of all the main media outlets and where they would fall on conservative and liberal spectrum.
• 16:13
  Christie: Yes.
• 16:13
  Christie: Yes.
• 16:13
  Christie: And I thought, you know, For everybody, no matter where you fall politically, that's just good to know where sources are coming from and how to think objectively on things.
• 16:24
  Cheryl: And I know what you're talking about because I found some sources I now use because they are not agenda laden.
• 16:31
  Christie: Yeah.
• 16:31
  Christie: You know,
• 16:31
  Cheryl: regardless of what my political stance is, I would like to learn from people who have the least agenda and actually Giving me information, right?
• 16:42
  Cheryl: And I like that equipping our children for one thing how government works and then Trying to take that agenda out Yeah, and talk about why voting is important because I'll tell you the younger my children are in our family They're more demotivated to get involved.
• 17:01
  Cheryl: They're kind of throwing their hands up because Y'all, it's so polarizing and all the conflict.
• 17:07
  Cheryl: You can feel
• 17:07
  Christie: hopeless and
• 17:09
  Cheryl: what's the point?
• 17:10
  Cheryl: Does it matter?
• 17:10
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 17:11
  Cheryl: And it's this person against that other.
• 17:14
  Cheryl: So they just go, ah.
• 17:16
  Cheryl: But to understand how it matters and Give them that information so then they can begin to decide what they're going to do
• 17:24
  Ellen: and how to think through their own values Not just what mom and dad said, but what do I really feel about this issue?
• 17:31
  Ellen: What I think about and does that person line up with my values right?
• 17:35
  Ellen: And you know helping them to kind of work through that and to really, you know, especially since this is an election year None of the candidates are perfect, right?
• 17:44
  Ellen: Because that's the thing That's the other thing.
• 17:45
  Ellen: People will find everything wrong with each candidate, which that's your personal choice to do.
• 17:49
  Ellen: But you're not going to find a perfect candidate.
• 17:52
  Ellen: There's no one out there at any time in any place.
• 17:54
  Ellen: There's never been.
• 17:55
  Christie: Right.
• 17:55
  Christie: And even if our kids get to adulthood and have different, Thoughts and values and ideals than we do.
• 18:03
  Christie: If, if they're being thoughtful, I would much rather my kids be thoughtful and educated and engaged and have a stance than just follow whatever.
• 18:14
  Christie: And try not to take offense.
• 18:16
  Ellen: Yes.
• 18:16
  Ellen: Right.
• 18:16
  Ellen: Because that's part of growing up is that you disagree with your parents.
• 18:20
  Ellen: You may come back 10 years later and be more aligned maybe politically Maybe.
• 18:25
  Ellen: Yes, maybe.
• 18:26
  Ellen: But, you know, don't get offended if they don't agree with you.
• 18:29
  Ellen: That's part of growing up.
• 18:30
  Ellen: Actually, that goes back to conflict resolution.
• 18:32
  Ellen: Right.
• 18:33
  Ellen: Yes.
• 18:34
  Ellen: And, and expanding this critical thinking skill.
• 18:37
  Ellen: Yes.
• 18:38
  Ellen: And how to problem solve.
• 18:39
  Ellen: Mm hmm.
• 18:40
  Ellen: I think that is one of the most valuable things.
• 18:43
  Ellen: any parents could give their kids you intentionally talk about how you can think through something and problem solving.
• 18:52
  Ellen: You know, if this, then this, then this, and how do you break it down?
• 18:55
  Ellen: And, you know, with my kids, when they're trying to make decisions about things, saying, well, why don't you list the pros and the cons?
• 19:02
  Ellen: Because everything has pros and cons.
• 19:04
  Cheryl: And weigh them you feel about that, and then think through it.
• 19:07
  Cheryl: Because, like you were saying, even about the election, you It would be nice if everything were pure and the decisions were so easy and clarified, In the end, it's opinion.
• 19:18
  Cheryl: What you feel may be different than I feel, what my child feels is different from how I feel or think.
• 19:24
  Cheryl: And so we have to show them respect.
• 19:26
  Cheryl: Right.
• 19:26
  Cheryl: When we respect their opinion.
• 19:28
  Cheryl: opinion, even if you're biting your tongue thinking, Oh, this is the dumbest thing I've ever heard.
• 19:32
  Cheryl: That's freedom, right?
• 19:33
  Cheryl: Exactly.
• 19:34
  Cheryl: Freedom of opinion and thought.
• 19:36
  Cheryl: And teach them that also you can disagree with me.
• 19:38
  Cheryl: We can't be disrespectful in your disagreement.
• 19:39
  Cheryl: Right.
• 19:40
  Cheryl: We can both disagree and we can both feel really strongly about something, I mean, I have one adult kid.
• 19:47
  Cheryl: We're on the opposite ends of everything, but we're respectful towards each other.
• 19:51
  Cheryl: And then there's just a point.
• 19:52
  Cheryl: We're not going to change each other's mind, so we just don't talk about it anymore and we go on to the things we enjoy.
• 19:57
  Cheryl: And Ellen, I when they're in the formative years.
• 20:01
  Cheryl: Uh, not making them, you know, adhere to an agenda I have but teaching them how you do research.
• 20:07
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 20:08
  Cheryl: Like you were talking about finding information in the news outlets.
• 20:12
  Cheryl: Something so you can say, read and know the facts yeah.
• 20:17
  Ellen: And I always tell my kids and my friends, go to polar opposites of what, like, if you listen to one news, go to the one that's totally opposite, and you will get two views that you can form your own.
• 20:28
  Christie: And probably wherever they agree is the place to end.
• 20:32
  Laugh: They know I'm in the
• 20:33
  Christie: middle.
• 20:34
  Christie: Yeah, we had a funny example of, you know, be careful.
• 20:38
  Christie: of raising thinking kids because I remember Natalie is the queen of a PowerPoint and she wanted to do something.
• 20:47
  Christie: It was in the very, very early days of COVID.
• 20:50
  Christie: Like when we were all staying away from each other.
• 20:54
  Christie: Her friend had a big birthday party planned and so, of course, that got dissolved.
• 20:58
  Christie: But there were a few of them that still wanted to get together.
• 21:01
  Christie: She created this whole PowerPoint on statistics and research and how safe it was going to be and this and that.
• 21:07
  Christie: That's good.
• 21:08
  Christie: Well done, Natalie.
• 21:08
  Christie: And I thought, wow, she did the work.
• 21:09
  Christie: She, uh, she convinced us.
• 21:11
  Christie: It was a small group of three people that she was trying to join with.
• 21:15
  Ellen: But
• 21:15
  Cheryl: I love what she did.
• 21:16
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 21:17
  Cheryl: She felt safe.
• 21:18
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 21:19
  Cheryl: To make a presentation.
• 21:20
  Cheryl: And then look, she had a logical approach.
• 21:23
  Cheryl: Research presentation.
• 21:25
  Cheryl: Yeah, and a
• 21:25
  Christie: lot of time on her hands, so.
• 21:28
  Christie: Obviously, why she was able to do that.
• 21:29
  Christie: And the question is, did she get to go?
• 21:31
  Christie: I
• 21:32
  Cheryl: think she did.
• 21:32
  Cheryl: Well done.
• 21:35
  Cheryl: Check for Natalie.
• 21:36
  Cheryl: Okay, is there anything else in all this that you would say,
• 21:40
  Ellen: I was going to say one of the things that I'm thinking about is adaptability.
• 21:45
  Ellen: Adaptability.
• 21:46
  Ellen: That's a value and a skill for all of us, regardless what your age is, Okay, so
• 21:50
  Cheryl: explain the difference between being battered around and you don't have an opinion or you just go with the next TikTok or whatever it says.
• 22:00
  Ellen: I think adaptability is It's defined as whatever situation you're in, you're able to bend enough that you can keep peace and boundaries.
• 22:11
  Ellen: You can keep your own boundaries, your own values, but you can function with other people.
• 22:16
  Ellen: And I think we've really lost that a lot in our culture because even if you just say, I don't agree with what they're saying, but I can adapt and this is what they want me to do right now.
• 22:26
  Ellen: and I'm not talking about anything immoral or wrong.
• 22:28
  Ellen: I'm just talking about opinions and ideas.
• 22:31
  Ellen: So even though I don't want to do it that way, learning to be adaptable so wherever you go you can fit into a new situation.
• 22:37
  Ellen: And
• 22:37
  Christie: I think that's humility.
• 22:39
  Christie: You know, if everyone's choosing where to have lunch.
• 22:42
  Christie: Yeah.
• 22:42
  Christie: And you know, you, Sometimes you have an opinion and you stick to your guns, but if you can just go with the flow on some things and defer to others, that's humility.
• 22:52
  Ellen: And we had the privilege of being a military family, so we moved 19 times in 30 years.
• 22:57
  Ellen: So we had to learn to be really adaptable, because everywhere you went, it might have been, you know, military related, but you moved to a whole new town, a whole new state, a whole new environment, and you had to adapt.
• 23:08
  Ellen: The kids just had to learn really quickly, Oh, what worked over here doesn't work over here.
• 23:14
  Ellen: You know,
• 23:14
  Cheryl: that's good, Ellen.
• 23:15
  Cheryl: And if someone's not moving 19 times, but to give your children Lots of different situations, experiences, get them out of their boxes.
• 23:27
  Cheryl: I like service.
• 23:29
  Cheryl: I like going and finding someone and going into a different environment, particularly people who don't have the privilege and the blessings that your family has and that they give and they serve and they see how other people live that are not as privileged Ethnically or, uh, whatever it is that you're mixing up and trying different things or if they tend to just like a tiny little box of things.
• 23:57
  Cheryl: Right.
• 23:58
  Cheryl: Trying to get them other experiences so that they can see Be adaptable.
• 24:03
  Cheryl: Right.
• 24:03
  Cheryl: Be adaptable.
• 24:04
  Cheryl: Because I know
• 24:04
  Ellen: we sent our kids overseas.
• 24:06
  Ellen: All of our kids went overseas at least once or twice in their teen years and I mean way overseas.
• 24:12
  Ellen: Mm hmm.
• 24:12
  Ellen: And not to Europe for fun.
• 24:14
  Ellen: They went over to do service projects overseas.
• 24:17
  Ellen: And that was really eye opening for them.
• 24:18
  Ellen: And I don't think our kids were super sheltered.
• 24:20
  Ellen: They knew that there was poor and homeless all around them.
• 24:23
  Ellen: But that was really eye opening to see how well we had it in our country.
• 24:28
  Ellen: just being just an average middle class family, how much more we had than some of the places they were serving.
• 24:35
  Ellen: And what a difference that made.
• 24:37
  Ellen: And they came back.
• 24:38
  Ellen: Influenced and changed by that.
• 24:40
  Ellen: I bet.
• 24:40
  Ellen: My children, too.
• 24:41
  Ellen: Yeah.
• 24:41
  Christie: Well, having that kind of perspective shift, It makes you more aware of your privilege and then you can be less rigid and stuck to what it has to be all the time.
• 24:52
  Christie: Yeah.
• 24:52
  Christie: It's really good.
• 24:53
  Christie: It
• 24:53
  Cheryl: creates compassion.
• 24:54
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 24:55
  Cheryl: And understanding for others.
• 24:57
  Cheryl: Mm hmm.
• 24:57
  Cheryl: Uh, I, I just think what we've been talking about, it'd be fantastic that this is how we as parents should equip our children.
• 25:05
  Christie: Yeah.
• 25:06
  Cheryl: And then they have to live their life out.
• 25:08
  Cheryl: But just to give them these differing views we're out of time.
• 25:12
  Cheryl: Thank y'all so much.
• 25:13
  Cheryl: This was good.
• 25:14
  Cheryl: It was so good.
• 25:15
  Cheryl: Wish I had done all of this.
• 25:16
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 25:17
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 25:17
  Cheryl: I was always, I need a rewind button.
• 25:19
  Cheryl: I was going to say, just because we
• 25:20
  Ellen: can talk about it doesn't mean we did it all.
• 25:23
  Cheryl: We can talk a good episode.
• 25:24
  Cheryl: Or
• 25:26
  Ellen: we knew it and didn't know how to implement it, right?
• 25:28
  Cheryl: That's part of it.
• 25:29
  Cheryl: Because
• 25:29
  Christie: we were drowning in laundry.
• 25:30
  Ellen: Yes.
• 25:31
  Ellen: That's right.
• 25:33
  Cheryl: Oh, so parents remember, hang in there, keep loving, keep persevering.
• 25:38
  Cheryl: Because it's worth it.
• 25:39
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 25:46
  Listeners, remember, our episodes are not a comprehensive solution to all of parenting or of the specific subjects we discuss each week.
• 25:58
  Instead, we aim to bring valuable ideas to the table to stir up your thinking, encourage and equip you maybe with a fresh perspective in your parenting journey.
• 26:11
  In today's episode, we explored several soft skills to equip your children with.
• 26:16
  Some are relational, like workplace behavior and conflict resolution, while others focused on engaging with culture or being active citizens.
• 26:29
  Which aspect stood out to you?
• 26:33
  Is there a particular area you want to focus on with your family as you prepare your children for their adult lives?
• 26:41
  I'd love to hear your thoughts.
• 26:42
  You can connect with us on social media, our website, or text us at contact at theparentingpodcast.
• 26:51
  com.
• 26:52
  Oh, before I go, I wanted to mention the name of that online tool for understanding media bias.
• 26:59
  It is the Interactive Media Bias Chart.
• 27:03
  It's been wonderful sharing with you today on TPP.
• 27:07
  Let's continue to build on these skills together and watch our children thrive.
• 27:13
  See you soon.