Latest / Age Defiantly with Mark Young / [Ep 5] Real Health Starts with Alignment, Not Achievement | Dr. Fab Mancini

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[Ep 5] Real Health Starts with Alignment, Not Achievement | Dr. Fab Mancini · Age Defiantly with Mark Young

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Welcome to Performance Driven Living, the podcast where we question everything.
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We don't tip to around tough topics, we walk right into them, not to provoke, but to
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get closer to what's real.
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You might not agree with everything you hear, and that's okay.
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The show isn't about being right, it's about being real.
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These conversations are meant to stretch your thinking, challenge assumptions, and spark
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something deeper.
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The views shared are those of our guests and may not reflect those of the host or team.
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And while we dive deep into health, performance, and transformation, this is not medical advice.
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Talk to your doctor before making changes to your health or lifestyle.
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Take what lands, leave what doesn't, but whatever you do, don't stop questioning.
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Hey guys, we're here with Changing Life and Destiny in Plano, Texas.
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And we're here with Performance Driven, living obviously.
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And I get, I'm excited about this conversation because this is like the Dr. Fab Mancine.
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You know, I've been a fan for a long time, I'll be honest, Fab, like I love when you come
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down and visit for a water day, or sadly I live there, but I'm hardly ever there.
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But I kind of want to have a weird, different conversation with you today because I know
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everybody wants you to talk about medicine, and I want everybody to talk to you about pharmaceuticals
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and nutraceuticals and everything in the healthcare space.
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You're familiar that recently I just published a book called Radical Generosity.
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And for me, it's a life challenge.
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I will say that in a non-boseful way, because that's a weird topic to talk about, radical
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generosity is just living a life where you're constantly giving and having impact on the
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world around you.
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I think we resonate in that way tremendously.
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And I kind of want to unpack the impact that Fab Mancine has had.
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And I know that can be a weird conversation because you're talking about yourself and the
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good things you've done.
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So I want to pivot it a little bit because I could list the things that you've done for
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others and the ways that you've invested in others.
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And even before this recording, talking about how you were working in a parent advocacy
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capacity with a child with cancer, whose parents are a mess, just trying to figure out what
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to do with the child.
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And it's like, just the fact that your heart is there even though you're sitting here.
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I want you to unpack for me the journey that you've had to get where you are, because
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I know that there are people along the way who have built and had impact in your life.
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And I want to know some of those stories.
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Who are the people that have given to you?
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And I want to set you up a little bit here.
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And I'm going to say in my book, I unpack that there's five different types of generosity.
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We all go to financial, right?
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That's just where our mind goes.
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But there is generosity of time.
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There's generosity of wisdom.
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There's generosity in the way that we show up in our relationships.
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Like, am I looking at my phone when we're talking at dinner?
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And there's also a generosity to ourselves.
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Like we can't give out of empty cups.
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Like we need to make sure that we're taken care of and that's not selfish.
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Given that structure, how have people made you who you are?
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Well, I love the concept of radical generosity.
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Because as you were talking, I was thinking of at least three influences that I've had
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that really made me the person that I am, not only in my professional life, but in my personal life.
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The first one I would say my parents, my parents raised five boys.
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And they encourage us to become the best that we could be.
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In whatever we selected to be, but never to feel like we were not being our best.
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We had to work hard.
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They encouraged that.
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We had to become one of the leaders within whatever industry we sought out to be.
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And the reason that they wanted that for us is because they recognized that life is about giving.
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It's not about receiving.
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And they had lived all their lives that way.
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And so that was number one.
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Then my second mentor, Dr. James W. Parker, was my first professional mentor.
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And he had it a little bit different.
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He had a principle that says, develop a compassion to serve that is greater than your
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compulsion to survive.
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What he says, most people live in survival, but the true magic in life is about serving.
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So become a servant.
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And that means that when you wake up in the morning, you're not thinking about your needs.
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That's survival.
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You're thinking about the needs of those around you.
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That's being a servant.
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If you happen to be blessed enough to have somebody next to you, when you wake up, you know what?
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What do they need this morning from me?
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If you have children, what do they need this morning from me?
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If you have a business or employees or that you work for a business, what do they need from me?
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If you have a church or a synagogue or a temple, what do they need from me?
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What does my community need from me?
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And then the third one, it was Tony Robbins, actually, when I was 21 years old.
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I had a chance to meet Jim Brone and Jim introduced me to Tony.
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And Tony told me one of the greatest lessons in my early days, and that is that my value
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only comes from one thing, contribution.
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But it doesn't matter what I've accumulated in life, it doesn't matter what I have in physical
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things, it doesn't matter how much investment, money I have in the bank.
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If I'm not contributing today, great value, I'm not worth anything.
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Wow.
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Those are the three things that I thought about when it comes to radical generosity, because
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generosity has to be where I have something to give.
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There is no way I can be generous to anybody if I'm empty.
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So I have to work on me first, build my generosity first, so then I can share it with those
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around me, and most people skip that step.
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You mentioned Tony Robbins, and now I will say this on camera, I grew up in a family
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where Tony Robbins was very much, I will say, considered a charlatan in this type of thing,
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and I went to my first Tony Robbins conference last year, and my second Tony Robbins conference
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last year, and I love Tony's ability to use neural linguistic programming, his NLP hypnosis
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type techniques, like I find it all wildly fascinating, but I was just talking to, I did
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date with destiny in December, and I'm a person who I would have told you like my values
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were very well defined, I know who I am, I'm comfortable there, so on.
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But in December, I went to date with destiny and got anybody who's been to date with destiny,
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you'll know what I'm talking about.
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You got challenged with itemizing your core values, and then challenged to say, what
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does it take for you to feel like you've achieved those things?
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What are your toward values, your away values, and so on?
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Day one of that conference, Fab, I wrote down exactly what my values were.
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Day two, I had to defend them to appear group.
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Day three, you had to revisit them and work on these.
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I was good, I knew exactly, I was like, teachers pet, I'm head of the class, I already
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know this stuff, I'm good, come on Tony, give me something new.
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It was day five, and if anybody's done a Tony Robbins conference, they're brutal, you
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don't take a sleep supplement because you're only getting two, three hours anyways, right?
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And it was probably day five, and I don't even know what happened, I'll be honest with
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you, it sounds really woo-woo, but something happened to me, and in this moment, he's like,
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I'm going to give you guys three hours, I want you to look at your values, question them
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all again, so on, so forth, and I sat for 15 minutes, Fab, and I must have written six
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pages, it was like automatic writing, I still don't know how to describe it, and I know
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that sounds really goofy, and woo-woo, and whatever, but every single thing that I wrote down
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disagreed with what I had been defending for the last five days, and it was the core of who I am,
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and I said to them, my gosh, it was so different, and yet I look at the thread of my life,
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the patterns throughout my life, and the repeat things, I mean life is a cycle, we find ourselves
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back at the same place quite often, and in that, I was like identifying those core values change
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the way that I even look at generosity, and I was in the process of this book, and I mean literally
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one of the later chapters, I kind of talk about this topic in there, and I'm like defining what
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my core values were, completely changed the way that I show up in the world, but they change the
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way that I even think of how I'm able to have an impact, because giving to something that I don't
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align with, giving to something because I was guilted into it, whatever, that's sure I'll give,
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but I'm not giving generously, I'm giving almost reluctantly, or I'm giving begrudgingly in some
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of those cases, defining core values, I mean you're such a gentle giant of a man, right, like you're
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just a good guy who's trying to do right in the world, what are the values that you see? I mean you
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mentioned Tony Robbins as being a moment for you, like I had the same moment with Tony, but different,
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but the same, how do you define what you give to, and how does that affect from your values?
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Well it's interesting because as I got into the healthcare space, I learned a very interesting
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lesson, and that is that to be an effective communicator, you must understand the values of those
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that you're communicating too, that's good, because if you understand their values, you can frame
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your offer, you can frame your value to them in a language that they understand, so when I
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became a healthcare provider in my history form, I added a question, tell me the three things that
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you value the most in your life, on an intake form, yeah, because when you see a doctor, there's a
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history form that you have to fill out your information, I added three questions, I added one
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question, tell me the three things you value the most in your life, with the understanding that I
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was going to then see what they really value, less than 10% of the people ever put health as a
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top value in their life, less than 10%, wow, that's the reality of our society, wow, it changed
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during the pandemic, it jumped to 60%, but in those days, this is the 1980s and 90s, it was less than
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10%, so now I have to look at faith, family, career, whatever the value is, and then communicate
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effectively to them, how my health approach, how my health product or service is going to help
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support their faith, support their family, or support their career, and once they understood that,
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then they became my patient for life, that was my secretive success, wow, as I got older, I
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found myself insightful, yeah, and I found myself in a seminar, and this it gets even better,
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because I thought I knew my values, right, like faith is a very strong value of mine, always
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have been, because of my family, family has always been a very strong value, work ethic is a very
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strong value for me, contribution is a very strong value for me, integrity is a very strong value for
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me, but anyways, so I'm from myself in this seminar, a success seminar, and the speakers talking
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about how many of you in the audience have a mission statement for life, I've never been
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asked to write a mission statement for life, I've written many mission statements for businesses,
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but never for life, so they gave us a series of formula of questions to ask ourselves and write
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them down, and I took a legal path, went to the beach, it was in Miami, three hours, just like you,
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wrote, wrote, wrote, and the trick was once you wrote all of that, you had to end it up in one sentence,
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and you had to go back and then be able to present it and identify if this is really
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what your life mission is, now as I was writing, I realized that your life mission is really about your
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value, because what you dedicate your life is what you appreciate or value in life, right,
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and my sentence ended up being this, to unconditionally learn to love myself,
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so I can unconditionally learn to love others, wow, I boiled down that there's no greater value than
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love for me, that was my core value in life, that was my number one, because love touches everything
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in life, right, and in order to really have a value of love, it starts with you, you have to do
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be self-reflective, you have to be patient with yourself, you have to ask yourself,
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are these belief systems mine, or am I still exercising the belief system of my parents or
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my grandparents or my friends or my teachers, is what I'm doing really something I want to do,
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or I love to do, or am I just doing it because it's comfortable, it's because of what I was
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trained to do, am I in a relationship that I'm truly in love every day, or am I just taking
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it for granted just because we've been together for 25 years, see love begins by applying it with
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yourself first, and then that gives you such an abundance, it's like depositing all these incredible
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things in your life, that then you have abundance to give to others, because a lot of people,
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they look at me and they say, you know, in fact, I have a group that I mentor, about 234 CEOs
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that I've mentor, one of them called me and said, I want you to be my mentor, and I said,
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what do you want me to mentor you on, you know, you own 17 companies, you're one of the most
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successful people in the world, he said, well, I never met a more loving person than you,
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so what I want to do is I want to hire you for 30 minutes once a week, where I'm going to bring you
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what I'm dealing with in my life, and I want you to tell me what you would do if it was you,
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I want to get into your way of thinking about things, so he will bring me every week,
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the issues with his wife, with his children, with his business partners, with his community,
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with his church, all these things, and he would ask me, okay, what would you do, what would you do
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differently, and that's when I realized that how rare love really is in people's lives out there,
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most people that I know don't even value or love themselves, you know, they just go on life,
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you know, just saying that they're doing everything for everybody else's sake, but what about you?
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You know, I want to unpack that for a minute, and first of all, what a beautiful response,
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but I do want to unpack for a minute this concept of loving yourself, because as I mentioned
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in the early setup that my fifth value of gratitude was actually based in generosity,
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was generosity towards yourself, that the way we speak to ourselves is so different than the way
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we would dare speak to the rest of the world, because, you know, you'd punch somebody for talking
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to you the way that you talk to yourself, and yet somehow we find that to be acceptable, and
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I believe, and I say this with humility, and that is I grew up in a family where
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to say something good about yourself would be immediately ridiculed, that, you know, having, I mean,
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I remember being in a position where I was always a high performer when I was a kid,
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but if anyone else, they would always brag about me behind my back, but if I said something
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positive about me, I would get this, you know, aren't we in love with ourselves kind of response,
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right? And that's the Italian family. That was the very, the very, not cute, yeah, not cute down a
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step or two. And so I mean, I kind of left what I'll say, that it took me a long time to think
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anything good about myself, like it, it took me a long time to, to even believe that I wasn't
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unattractive. Yeah. But it took a very long time for me to believe that because I never would have
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thought that I had any, you know, I didn't think I was attractive. I didn't think I was any smarter
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than anybody else. I didn't, and part of it was because we believe the words were told over and
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over again. And that may not be normal, but I would say that when I look around the masses,
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I thought my upbringing was, was weird in that respect, but I look around and I, and I think
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that we're, we're in a world where people are craving validation and the social media proves it.
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But I would say that this constant craving of validation and this constant, this constant comparison
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culture, right? Like I compare with the details I know of my life, but I only compare them to the
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highlight reel of yours. And I think it's leaving people with low self-esteem. It's leaving people
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lacking in their value. How do, how do people cope with that? Like how do you counteract that?
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Well, the first thing I would say, anytime you compare yourself to someone else, you're doing
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the biggest disservice to yourself. Yes. Because no one is meant to be like you. So how did I
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process that? The first one is to identify the things that I like and love about myself.
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That's number one. So you make a list of that. And now you make a list of the things that you don't
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like about yourself, right? Most people unfortunately focus on the physical rather than the emotional
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and the spiritual. I often tell people, focus on the spiritual first, then the emotional and last
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the physical, because those are the hierarchy of what's most valuable in the first place.
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And if you don't believe me, you ask anybody that's about to die and ask them, what do they value
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the most? And they really tell you what they wish somebody would have told them when they were
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in their 20s and 30s and 40s, when we think we're going to live forever, when we think we have
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plenty of time, you know, et cetera. So I go by a principle that says, learn to love your
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perfections, the things you love about yourself, and learn to embrace and love your imperfections
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just as well. So as an example, I always thought that my accent was something that
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here I am being asked to do national media in the biggest shows in the world. Here I am getting
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paid thousands of dollars to be a public speaker. When I have a very thick accent, right? It's a
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sexy accent I call it from Colombia South America. Same city as Shakira and Sofia Vergara. So I always
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feel like, okay, I got somebody that people like that I can say I talk like them. But the
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reality of it is that my accent has actually become one of the most value things out there by
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trying to provide my public. They love it and even producers. Even producers tell me, you know,
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we love your accent. Our audience always say, oh, he's so sexy accent. I love to hear him.
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Sometimes I'm walking around and I'm talking and somebody says, are you doctor fat? You sound
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just like him, you know. But anyway, so you have to embrace your imperfections. You have to learn
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to love them and not try to always be like someone else, not always try to be different.
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Most of us, so the new science tells us something that became revolutionary a few years ago,
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that the average individual, 90% of our thoughts are the same we had the day before, 90%. So we were
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very repetitive in nature. But what really did for me is that the next statement was over 80% of
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those thoughts are negative in nature. So we naturally have the tendency to repeat the negative.
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So we beat ourselves up all the time. And that has caused also a major issue in our children
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or our youth. They don't like themselves. They do things that they will never do just to be accepted.
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You know, my brother is in the mental health business. And he said, you'd be surprised what
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young people are doing today just to feel part of a click, just to feel part of a being liked
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in their school, just to get a boy to like them, that what they will be willing to do,
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just to get a girl to like them, what they will be willing to do. And then I'm saying, well,
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that's not every day any different that I'm seeing in corporate America.
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The kind of behaviors that I see people doing just so they can get the attention, right?
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By past the people that really made the contribution and take credit for something you didn't do,
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it happens all the time. You know, so I think it's important to recognize that
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at the end of the day, our self-worth is critical. And in fact, I teach that our self-worth,
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self-worth is what actually determines our net worth. Well, I love that. I have found that the
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wealthiest people that I know is because they have a high self-worth, they understand their value,
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they understand their contribution, right? Doesn't have to be perfect, but they know it. So when
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you know who you are and what your value is, it's easier for others to embrace it, accept it,
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you know, pay you for it, et cetera. But the problem is that self-worth of individuals is solo
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right now. You know, most people don't like themselves. Most people, they're afraid to actually
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take their clothes off. It's one of the saddest things in the world. They can't see themselves naked
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because they don't like what they see. You know, what they see in the mirror. I remember Luis
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was, I published my last book and she was the owner of Hay House. And she told me a great
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lesson. She said, Fab, one of the greatest habits that I've developed is that I wake up every morning,
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look at in the mirror right before I brush my teeth. And I say, Luis, I love you.
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It's amazing. You know, Fab, they are days that no one else says I love you, Luis, that day.
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Sometimes I go weeks where nobody says I love you, Luis. You know, she was teaching me that love
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begins with self-love. You need to start every day saying, I love you. You're good enough. You know,
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you're great. Praise yourself. You know, I understand being raised, my family is, you know,
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Italian Colombian. And yeah, my parents raised us to be very humble. But being humble doesn't mean
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that you yourself remind yourself of how great you really are. So I have a mantra that I develop
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because I've put myself in very uncomfortable positions. I'm usually the youngest in everything
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that I've done. I'm usually done things that most people have never accomplished. But I've always
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had this mantra since I was very young that got me through my most difficult times. And it is this,
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even at my worst, I'm better than most.
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I agree. Right. I live in Florida, but I'm from Detroit. So my mantra is a bad day in Florida,
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still better than a good day in Michigan. Perhaps much better. Sure. Exactly.
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In the time we have left, I want to unpack something because you're a man of stature. And
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clearly have lived an extraordinary career. And yet you've got an undeniable faith.
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And it's probably a topic you don't get to talk a lot about from a stage.
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But I want to ask how faith has played a role in your life and how that has continued to be a
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staple in your life and obviously your love and obviously your relationships. And I would
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argue and say, obviously, your profession in the way that you've tried to be a relatable practitioner,
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even in mentorship and private practice and whatnot. Here's your platform, buddy. I want to know
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your story from a faith perspective. Please. So it's interesting. If you're comfortable. I grew up,
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of course. I grew up with Paris, especially my mother, as probably one of the strongest faith
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that I've ever met, anybody with. My mother has buried her oldest child. My mother married,
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the love of her life was an alcoholic and a drug addict. My mother had five children,
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by the time she was 24. My mother has gone through a lot, economic crisis, good things, bad things.
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But her faith always carried her through. And I, I always admired that and I've always
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adopted that in my own personal life. I knew that I was made in the image of something much
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greater than myself. And when you understand that, you forgive yourself for your imperfections.
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You realize that you're something much bigger than what you see in that mirror. What other people
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tell you that you are. But then one of my closest friends was Wayne Dyer. And I was his doctor,
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and we became very close for many years. And Wayne was the first person that shared with me the
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principle that we are not human beings, living a spiritual experience, but that we're spiritual
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beings, living a human experience. So in my early 20s when I met Wayne, I started see myself as
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a spiritual being first. I started seeing you as a spiritual being first. That's why I don't get
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cannot caught up in the imperfections. That's why I don't have judgment. If I have any judgment,
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it's so little because I don't believe we're here to judge. We're here to be empathetic to,
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to, to celebrate. So when I see you, the spiritual side of you, all I see is a perfect human being.
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I see what you were created to be. I see your potential. And that's what makes it easy for me to
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help people reach a much higher potential than they currently have because they don't see that.
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I have mentors in my life that saw in me things that I never thought I could do, you know?
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But they believed in me. So that allow me to have the faith to say, you know what? If they
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believe in me, maybe I should say, yes, maybe I should try it. And I did. And I, it came out great,
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you know? But I would have never done it unless somebody. And then I say, why do we have to have
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somebody else to believe in us before we can believe in our own selves? Why can we believe in that?
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And that's where your faith comes in. And then I went to school in Rome.
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And I was very blessed. I had this priest that was in my university. And this priest was very close
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to one of the higher individuals in the Vatican. So one day he says to me, hey, how would you like
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to meet the Pope? So he invited me to the Vatican. And here I am sitting with the Cardinals,
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you know, meeting the Pope for the first time. This happened four times that I got to meet
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John Paul II. Wow. And he was another individual that brought tremendous faith in my life. I
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never met anybody that you walked into his presence. And you were immediately elevated into a
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level of state that I've never experienced ever since him. It was so powerful that in all I can
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tell you is faith. He had a very strong faith. And you could feel it by not only the actions,
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but anybody that was close to him would tell you that he was in always constant reflection,
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you know, trying to figure out why he was put in a position like this. He came from very humble
29:35
beginnings. And all of the sudden he is the head of one of the biggest churches in the world.
29:40
So to me, I believe that regardless of what that faith is, I find that, you know, I study in
29:47
college, I study all the religions. I was raised as a Catholic. And then moving around, of course,
29:54
I moved to Texas. And there was a tremendous amount of different type of religions that were still
29:58
Christian, but there were Methodists, you know, or Baptists, etc. Then I started studying the
30:08
Muslim religion. And then I started studying the Hindu religion and Buddhism. And I found that all
30:15
of them have very similar tendencies. And the tendencies were always to have some kind of guidance
30:23
or structure towards how to live a life that was more fulfilling than what we currently live in.
30:31
They all have some kind of structure to help you live a more fulfilling life. But in order to
30:36
live that fulfilling life, you had to recognize that they were say much higher realm of spirituality
30:44
than most of us are not aware of. You know, there's a tremendous amount of people that don't believe in
30:50
anything. I mean, I think it's over 50% of the people do not believe in anything greater than
30:56
themselves. You know how hard it is to be dealing, you know, they say that most people until they
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struggle, right, they never get in their knees and start looking up. I've always looked at my life,
31:08
I wake up every day looking up because that's how that's the realm I live in. I wake up in the
31:14
realm that I'm here only as an instrument to provide a value, to contribute, to have great impact,
31:21
to live people better than I found them, you know, to share my wisdom, my knowledge, my skill set
31:27
with as many people as I can. So the faith to me, this spirituality to me, because in the religion
31:37
component of it, no religion is perfect because every religion is made. So I can tell you as a
31:44
Catholic, there are certain things that I may not agree. As a Christian, there's some things that
31:50
I may not agree in the Baptist religion or the Lutheran religion or whatever. As a Hindu, I see some
31:57
things that I don't necessarily may agree with, but I'm not here to judge. I'm only here to take
32:03
what I feel I can use to fulfill that promise of living a more fulfilling life and then try to see
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what works for me. And what's beautiful is that because I'm open to that, I've been able to
32:15
benefit from just about every religion out there. And that has helped my involvement, that has
32:21
helped my ability to have a tremendous amount of comprehension. Like I can go to India right now and
32:28
speak to them. I used to go to China and speak to them and go to Latin America and go to just about,
32:34
you know, I can be in a, in a synagogue right now and they will never feel like I'm not Jewish,
32:39
because I can learn to speak what is important to them. And at the end of the day, that's really
32:45
what's important is to validate them and not necessarily to put my beliefs and force them on
32:52
somebody else. Thank you for unpacking that. I mean, that's such a big answer. But I accept it
32:58
because I did the same thing. I absolutely love that. And you told me before we, before we started
33:05
talking, you're like, throw stuff out there. We'll just have a conversation. And I'm so glad we did.
33:10
Well, you know, it's so funny because I was interviewed a couple of years ago in the number one
33:15
Christian show, a network in the world called Trinity broadcast system. And their number one
33:21
show is called praise. And I was interviewing praise. And at the end of the interview,
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I've never had this happen. 38 years of doing media. The individual says to me, you know,
33:33
if I'm feeling your spirit so much, they ask you to pray. Would you say a prayer for us in our
33:40
audience? And I have that film. It is the most impactful moment in media I've ever had in my life
33:50
because no one has ever asked me to pray in public. Really? I pray every day all throughout the
33:57
day, but no one has ever said to me, would you say a prayer for us? I'm feeling your spirit. This
34:05
is at the end of the show of the interview, you know? And I remember closing my eyes and just
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letting the spirit talk through me, you know? Well, Fab, I, and he was one of the most beautiful
34:19
moments that I've ever had in media. It was that moment of prayer. I'm going to ask you, like, I
34:24
had one other thing to ask you, but I'm actually going to ask you to do that with us. If that was
34:29
such an impactful moment for you, like people, people listening, again, performance driven living,
34:35
we're about how do we get better? How do we, how do we show up different? How do we perform
34:41
differently tomorrow than we did today? And I was going to ask you, like, what advice would you
34:46
give me? What would you give? And honestly, I'd, I'd prefer to have a blessing than advice.
34:52
Well, I can, I can answer that question very quickly. I think that in order to increase your
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performance, you have to have an idea of, and clarity as to what it is that you want to accomplish.
35:05
Very difficult to, like an athlete, I've been an athlete all my life. Very difficult for me to
35:10
be the best athlete that I can be if I don't know what my target is, you know? Whether I have a
35:16
coach or not, I need to have a point of reference of what I'm working towards. That's number one.
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Number two is ask yourself a simple question. What is keeping me from actually achieving that?
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Because then that's where you find out what are your weaknesses, your challenges, the things you
35:32
have to work on in order to get there. And then lastly, you say to yourself, what can I do today
35:40
to achieve that? And that puts you into the present time, the only thing we have control over.
35:45
And then you start formulating a plan of action that is aligned with what it is that you see that
35:50
you want to accomplish. And that's to me, the formula that was achieving your ultimate performance.
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And it's very action oriented, which is what I love. I move. I don't think too much. I move,
36:04
and I love that. Thank you so much. My pleasure. I look forward to more conversations in the future,
36:11
and my gosh, like what a beautiful soul you are. Thank you so much. Check out more information
36:18
about Dr. Fed Mancini. You're going to want to check them out here in the link in bio.
36:22
And yeah, man, what a great time it's been talking to you. Thank you. Thank you today, Fed.
36:28
Thank you for appreciate you, buddy.