Latest / The Tom & Gerry Show Podcast / Keep It Between The Ditches Part 1

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Keep It Between The Ditches Part 1 · The Tom & Gerry Show Podcast

0:14
Love mom, lovela, love la lovely. I gotta tell you one thing,
0:19
buddy, you know what it is. Here's a little inside baseball for
0:22
the listeners of the Tom and Jerry podcast, which this is. You're all
0:26
very welcome along. Every time that we record these Tom clicks record and a
0:31
little voice says recording in progress. And whenever I hear that, you would
0:36
think I'd be like, okay, time to chat and check chat and make
0:39
the funny. But anytime I hear recording in progress, my brain just goes
0:43
into, oh fuck, keep your mouth shut, my bride. Do you
0:48
know though? Like much like the sat navs back in the day, I
0:51
wish there was a voice because Zoom now, I don't know if you know
0:54
this, like, but Zoom has so many fucking things that I will never
0:59
use. It now has loads of things that they're over egging the puddings something
1:03
serious. But I cannot find a change of voice for that woman, the
1:07
robot woman. I'm sure it's their summer, But how cool would it be
1:11
to have Hull Cogan tell you recording and progress? Brother? Like honestly,
1:18
but like once once, once I'm told I'm being recorded, I guess it's
1:21
just a life we live in, tom But like you know, even if
1:23
you if if you're hacked off with a service provider or some such and you're
1:26
gonna ring them up and I'm gonna bring these people that bollock them out of
1:30
it. We delivery didn't come on time or whatever like that. I've had
1:34
all I can stands again stands the more I'm gonna go hit him with the
1:37
fucking clearest charakey they ever heard in our life. And you ring up is
1:41
like this call has been monitored, Liker. Okay, okay, yeah,
1:45
but the only the only thing about back in the cage there, McBride,
1:48
you don't want this played back in the cord of law they're monitoring, will
1:51
be if you swear at us, we have the right to hang up that
1:55
exactly exactly and and on proper order. I wish I wish I'd had it
1:57
all the times i'd got out down the line. But yeah, these calls
2:01
have been monitored for training purposes, not no, when they're certainly not going
2:07
to use mind for training purposes. There's not a fucking there's not a classroom
2:10
of one hundred people new recruits being brought in being like you know. Okay,
2:15
Now we'd like you to listen to the following five minute round from some
2:19
fucker Warner and whereas fried Rice is, how are you Tom, I'm fine
2:24
good, I'm very good. I'm very good. The rain has stopped.
2:29
We had a big birthday party the weekend that went off without any broken noses,
2:31
an he busted arms, and so that's good when a bunch of twenty
2:37
odd something for three and four year olds, nobody was injured. Tough country
2:43
kids, these kids, they're nobody fought. There was a few tears,
2:46
but we can't get over that. That was just me. So other than
2:49
that, we were fine. We were absolutely fine doing smashing, Delighted to
2:53
be back doing the Tom and Jerry Show, very very excited for just for
2:59
how and excited people are on a weekly basis From this, I get this
3:02
is the one podcast of all the ones I've done where people actually stop me,
3:06
you go, would you do? I actually get asked to subjects now
3:10
obscure stuff we do do, but I get asked, do you remember in
3:15
did you ever hear of that match? That famous match in nineteen thirty eight.
3:17
I'm like, oh, oh no, I don't think unless unless Sylvester
3:23
Stallone and he was in a camp of some escape to freedom or something.
3:30
What is it called escape to victory? Escape to victory? Well done,
3:34
McBride, well done. I don't know that that's right, but I think
3:37
that's right. If this is where you've landed for the first time at the
3:39
Tom and Jerry Show. This is kind of the vibe. This is the
3:43
vibe, go back, have a look with on and we're on season seven.
3:46
We're on season seven, so there's a lot to go back through and
3:50
people do go back through and for the crack, so feel free to go
3:53
back. And if you are listening, then the usual platforms you know what
3:55
to do, hit subscribe so you get this regular into your ear. Although
4:00
not for nothing like it must be said for all the people enjoying season seven,
4:03
and it's been lovely to hear from you. We're in the twilight of
4:06
season seven. We're on the wrap down. I don't know many episodes we
4:09
got left in this su bitch, so enjoy them all on the last This
4:12
is it. I mean, we we keep them loose because this is and
4:14
that's been happening more and more with Channel four TV shows that I've been getting
4:16
in and all of a sudden they decide, yeah, we'll stop it here
4:18
on season nine or episode nine, and you're like, what, who doesn't
4:24
finish out it? We'll finish, We'll finish on an even number, we
4:28
promise. I can't. Oh, we can't finish on a number, Jerry,
4:30
I can't. My OCD won't allow it. I can't, I can't.
4:35
I gotta tell you that tenth episode is going to be mostly filler,
4:39
but just me talking and Jerry just just filing his nails in the background.
4:46
Well, Tom, before we go on about anything else, what do we
4:48
talk about today this episode? Don't you know exactly? Well? This is
4:53
you know what? This is inspired by you and much that I have been
4:57
your conduit for this down through the years, because this one was back ten
5:01
years for one reason or another. Now, I mean the early stages of
5:05
the podcast were recorded in either one of our cars on a regular basis,
5:11
So cars have played a large part of our lives but also a large part
5:14
in our friendship and relationship because also for one reason or another, Jerry felt
5:19
when he had a car question, it was me he would go to first,
5:24
and not a professional. But which is the way of a country man.
5:28
You go to the fellow who knows a fair bit about cars. You
5:31
know, it's it's a it's a thing that we want to do. But
5:34
you weren't alone. I used to get obscure what I used to get up.
5:39
Comedians would be half ten on a Tuesday night, clearly their car was
5:45
after failed them somewhere, and they would get halfway through a Wikipedia of how
5:49
to do it. Because I know about the dialogue they're going. So if
5:54
I connected the diode to I'm going, what and just tell me what is
6:00
wrong with your car right now? And I'll see have I been there?
6:03
I'm not a mechanic. For chances are I've been there and I've learned of
6:09
either an older man or just got there in the end because I had to.
6:14
And that's typically that counts for a lot for cars. Tom. With
6:16
this episode, we were gonna build you a car from scratch, but to
6:19
be honest with you, we be four hours and we wouldn't get past the
6:23
wheels fucking ty rod ends. Uh. And we were gonna say, here's
6:29
a little director, but you know, we're not mechanics. This is a
6:31
learning podcast, but we're here to have a little bit of crack. So
6:34
we're gonna give you what you need to know, guys to keep your car
6:39
between the ditches, don't you know? Like basically, if you hear a
6:43
rattle in the middle of the night, if you hear a bump, if
6:46
something's lighting up and it shouldn't be lighting up, if something's not lightening up
6:48
and it should and you're there like, fuck, how much is this gonna
6:54
cost me? Uh huh? Listen to this podcast and you might We're gonna
6:58
say you're gonna cross every now you might have an idea like okay, because
7:01
that is the basis of like being Tom. Back in the day, I
7:06
drive a piece of shit car. Something would go wrong, and before I'd
7:12
take it to the garage, I'd give Thomas Shank and go, Tom,
7:15
it's going for a dunk, roughly speaking, what would that be? And
7:18
roughly speaking what would that cost to fix? And Tom would give me what
7:24
would usually be a fairly accurate estimate based on a fairly accurate diagnosis. It
7:30
sounds like the spanner. A new spanner will set you back three hundred euro
7:33
and a hundred euros fitted four hundred euros should see you right now like nine
7:38
times out of ten, you wouldn't be that far left or right of it.
7:41
This is it, and this we obviously we can't. We can't tell
7:44
you how to build a car because chance they're half your driving electric ones and
7:47
this would come out and to be obsolete by the time it would get your
7:50
ears. So what I decided to do and I thought would be the best
7:55
one and it sounds to me. And if it will even sound to you,
7:59
Jerry like yesh, we honestly it won't. It isn't to a lot
8:03
of people they like. Much like if you went to see a consultant,
8:07
you would believe everything they tell you. Not that you shouldn't believe everything you
8:11
tell you, but there are some things you could take pride in and do
8:13
yourself. So on this episode of Keeping It between the Ditches A seven,
8:18
Jerry are going to take you through the basics of car maintenance. Jerry is
8:24
a great man for house maintenance. By the way, I need to stress
8:26
that he's one of the finest house maintenance maintainers I know out there. This
8:30
man services his chairs, He serves as his chairs. That's something we need
8:33
to discuss on another podcast. I have got to do. That job is
8:37
waiting for me. Yeah I did. I did just before the party,
8:43
did service to all the kitchen chairs. They all needed, every one of
8:46
the needed a talking everyone. I tell you one thing, Tom, it
8:48
didn't take it twenty minutes to do it. That's tall, not at all.
8:52
And you wouldn't think my narrow little artst would be rocking that chair that
8:56
much. But I tell you here, we are have have have a revolution
9:00
now. So like I said, today's episode and like Jerry said, today's
9:03
episode is called keeping it between the ditchs so a lot of this far.
9:07
So we'll have opinions on it and you'll go, I know that a lot
9:09
of people don't know the fuck off if you know what chances are. And
9:15
I came in too hot now and Tom, no, I know, I
9:16
know. But the same thing is what I do encourage, what we do
9:20
encourage as anybody who has gone, Tommy, I missed the thing there and
9:22
or I experienced this and maybe that, because this is how is how we
9:26
band together. Now, there will be things that you'll hear from people that
9:28
go, you gotta give that and go yourself. I'm going to tell you
9:31
right here, right now, and to give you a background, Am I
9:35
driving thing. I will tell you right here and right now. There are
9:37
some things you don't need to learn it, just take it to a professional.
9:41
But to give you a background, I'm driving thing We've talked about in
9:43
the past. I've been driving since I was seven, ended up being a
9:48
professional. Yeah, and there's not a team at the end of that,
9:50
by the way, No, No, we highly don't fucking recommend here on
9:56
the Tom and Jerry Show podcast. No, but it is what it is.
10:00
Are different in the eighties and I can't change it. The Golden era
10:03
for for lack of social media. But also I drove professionally for a team
10:13
of people who owned a lot of supercars, and I taught people how to
10:16
drive supercars, which I not that that is what makes me knowing a lot
10:20
about cars. What I tell you what it is, the supercars are notoriously
10:22
bad bastards for breaking down, notoriously notoriously temperamental cars. That's that kripinite for
10:28
you. Tom, Well, it's much like a racehorse that that's just going
10:33
to break down every second Morgan race and anyways, and it so the same
10:35
thing applies to these cars. So what I got to learn an awful lot
10:39
of was basic maintenance of how to keep the likes of this even in their
10:43
their most basic levels on the fucking road. Vehicle maintenance. It isn't cheap,
10:50
as you said when I was quoting new prices, and I was fairly
10:54
right those times, and it ain't getting any cheaper. So there are certain
10:56
things that when you find yourself inside in the mechanics and you go here,
10:58
missus, mister, will we do this for you? Before you know it,
11:03
there's the add ons. You know you've been to Aldie and you go,
11:05
ah, I'll just get the beef jerky. I go on, I'll
11:07
throw in that there. Before you know you're one hundred and seventy quid in
11:11
and you're like, how does that happen in Aldi? When I come in
11:13
from it? Well, the same thing will happen down the car the car
11:16
garage because before not always, if you've known them for years, you might
11:20
be all right. But at the same time you land in there or whatever
11:24
you're driving, before you know it, he's stuck on a new number plate.
11:28
He's putting I didn't okay, and you don't want because they're a professional
11:35
and it's a very serious thing that you should maintain your car in good working
11:37
order. You don't want to be messing, do you know what I mean.
11:39
It's like they tell your your child needs new trousers that of course you're
11:45
going to get your child new trousers because they're safety trousers or something. It's
11:48
the same things. There are certain things. You'll be fine. And you
11:50
know what, Taking pride in your own car too is a good thing.
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Do you know what I mean? Things being equally brand new things all the
11:56
time, Timbo, Here we are here, we are here, we are
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so some things can be practically done. And I would advise you give it
12:05
a go, Give it a go. Why not? It's like I said,
12:07
they'll be pride in it. By the end of it. You'll be
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walk back, step back with your dirty hands, rubin. Noile right does
12:13
not like it on Saturday morning when you've finished and completed a job. There
12:16
really isn't like I remember the joy in a bride's voice when you get get
12:20
a thing sorted. And if you do like certain things, I might not
12:24
like doing them tom or I like having them sorted. But like even if
12:26
even if you and especially like if you had sorted it yourself and nailed it
12:31
you're like, yeah, there's a little moment of yeah, I did that.
12:35
There is there is so the very first and most basic one. And
12:39
you'll often hear people, you know, people say to be they're a great
12:43
car. Just keep eyeling it, just keep ailing it, just keep eyeling
12:46
it. I cannot stress. A car at the end of the day.
12:50
Is just a machine. Yet you can have the nicest bluetooth, you can
12:56
have the nicest head wrists, doesn't matter, but bottom line is a machine.
13:00
And the only thing since machines, since the industrial age, since fred
13:03
Dibner's early childwood Daste and even his grandparents to early try today is the one
13:09
thing that keeps metal banging off metal is high lubrication of some form. Lubrication
13:15
of some form. That's it. And I honestly it's when you've done it
13:18
yourself. There's nothing like it now you could by the way I was,
13:24
I was going to say, Tom, like it was one thing. I
13:28
was always taught to keep oil in a car. That's fine. And I've
13:31
driven to some cars, Tom that leaked oil, don't you. And what
13:35
I would do is I would top it up, and I would just keep
13:39
topping it up and and and you know, park over cardboard box or what
13:43
have you. But what always got me was and this is this is I'm
13:48
going to leap in with top tip number one. Oh yeah, for the
13:50
for the, for the, for the, for the Duncalley minded out here.
13:54
This is McBride's tip. Okay, when you go and buy oil for
13:58
your car somewhere anywhere under the bonnet with a thing of tip X, just
14:05
write down what the fucking oil is, Otherwise you'd be back there in six
14:09
months time or whatever, going back in, go like, what the fuck
14:11
oil did I put into this? Because there's all this forty w D yes,
14:13
yeah yeah, yeah, yeah yeah w D forty I should say,
14:18
uh and and all this kind of thing. And I always found myself going
14:20
back in, excuse me, and I what what oil goes into a cut?
14:24
Two sex there? Do you know? I mean, there's the last
14:28
time you slip it fucker there. There's a couple of like in all fairs,
14:33
there's actually one or two websites that literally that's their only purpose. That's
14:35
their only purpose. You put in the year and make your car and that's
14:39
it. It'll tell you exactly what I you know what I mean wouldn't you
14:43
wouldn't you rather write that on the oil cap? And no, I absolutely
14:46
get it. I get it, and I wish they could. But a
14:48
lot of time, if you do have the manual, if you do have
14:50
the manual in the glove box, it says it on it. It kind
14:52
of has to say it on it, so it you know, you can't
14:56
go, but I would. Here's the thing, even if you're driving car
15:01
that you wouldn't regard as being you know, stay of the art, top
15:03
of the line. Look, after all these all these elements I'm talking about
15:07
right now, these are all renewable animal elements. You know they're all But
15:11
these are the things I would spend money on. I don't care if they
15:15
think it's a bit scratched up on the outside from an album an al brier.
15:18
I don't really care if it's overly clean. But all these elements I'm
15:22
talking about now, I get the top brand of it because so first up,
15:28
you can't go wrong, you know, shell the usual suspects when it
15:31
comes to to oil. Now, oil, if it's good enough for a
15:35
beach, it's good enough for your car. There you go, there you
15:37
go. And that's kind of where it came from. I guess a ridge
15:39
they reckon. Who knows? Who knows where oil comes from? I don't
15:43
know. If we don't want to get into depth of conspiracy, but it's
15:46
around it. It's around the time of every car service. Now there'll be
15:50
debates do you go, six, do you go? It's up to you
15:52
again, it will be in your manual. Ten. There's a lot of
15:56
people. You'll listen back in the day. I've been. There's been time
16:00
when it hasn't seen the garage in twenty do you know what I mean?
16:03
Twenty thousand, Kay, there's it just happens. I would advise don't go
16:06
any further than ten, at least with changing the oil. And you're talking
16:10
about physically changing the I'm not just topping it up like I just pouring oil
16:14
to the thing. Like if you're in the pace of two in the morning,
16:15
if you're in I can't advise that, right, I've been there,
16:18
but I can't advise it. I would say, if you are finding the
16:22
oil, which, by the way, if you have a long journey,
16:26
and this might see people ninety percent of people go of course, if you
16:29
have a long journey coming up, give it a look dipstick, but it's
16:33
got to be cold. The car has to be cold, so catch it.
16:37
Don't be checking checking it after a long drive because oil oil expands and
16:42
it goes all the way up along the dipstick, which is in the engine
16:45
but normally with a red or yellow kind of little handle, and it pulled
16:48
it out. Have a little, a little tissue ready to wipe it.
16:51
Do cold, make sure it's up to the line. If you're if fire
16:56
a wager, I know you're gonna go, Tom. Why do I have
16:57
to check the dipstick every couple of thousand miles. Won't an oil light come
17:00
on in my car if it needs it? No, not necessarily. You
17:04
don't want it to drop below that line. You certainly don't want to drop
17:07
into the point where the light is coming on, because if that's coming on,
17:10
pull over. Yeah, gone terribly wrong. You've lost almost all your
17:15
oil, if not all your oil at that stage. So I would go
17:18
for your gun. When the war's on, there you go. So I
17:21
would keep just keeping eye on it. If you're not losing any oil's great.
17:25
If you don't see anyone on the driveway, great, fantastic. But
17:27
still it gets thick, it gets tary, it gets jet black, it
17:30
gets smelly. You want to get that stuff out. It's as simple as
17:36
it sounds. Albeit it ain't as simple sometimes, but there's here's the basics
17:41
of it. For your average car. Every where that oil is held is
17:45
in If you imagine, you imagine like the is it the the girdle or
17:52
the gusset of a pair of loosely fitting underpants? What would that be?
17:57
The crotch? The crotch is the crotch of your car. Also known as
18:03
one of my favorite words in the world, which we should actually change to
18:06
that is the sump. I think the sump of your underpants is so it's
18:10
pretty I do like a good sump. It's the something that's where it hides
18:15
during the night when it's cold. That's where it hides, and it gets
18:18
drawn up out of that. It's that's that's its tank. It gets drawn
18:22
up out of it. And how how big is that? Sometime are we
18:25
talking about like a roses tin kind of size or what were were talking That's
18:27
what you'll see mostly it'll be a good, good milk tray size is what
18:30
you'll be looking at five to anywhere from five to seven liters could be in
18:36
and around that there'll always be a little bone a plug at the bottom of
18:38
it with normally an invert and nuthead, if you know what I mean.
18:41
So a big size alan key. We'll go into that. You'll find one.
18:47
You'll keep it forever. Do the Jeremy bride on it, store in
18:48
a good place and don't lose it. So you're telling me if I go,
18:52
if I lie down and scooch on car, I'm going to see something
18:56
that looks like it, like it like the underside of an oil can exactly
19:00
well mostly what you will have these you know, in these modern cars,
19:03
I say in the last fifteen years, will be a belly plate, be
19:07
a plastic cover which again will be able to be taken off with tiny little
19:11
alenkies their little plastic normally the plastic nuggets. Drop that baby down and there
19:15
it will be looking at you. There. Just leave that off from here
19:18
on it just to say I've taken it off again. It's there to protect
19:23
your sum. The last thing you want to do is go over a speed
19:26
ramp, crack your sump and you lose that oil. Light comes unfairly quickly.
19:30
Then I can tell you that right bad day for shamoo that day exactly.
19:36
So have your have your have an oil pan ready ready to dispose correctly
19:41
what you can do with your local municipal dump. You're gonna drain all your
19:45
filthy black oil out of it, simple bung it back up. When it's
19:51
all gone, then you have a filter. That's what you need to replace
19:53
next, because all the oil would have passed through that to take any of
19:56
the iron filings from all that metal banging together, which you don't really want,
20:00
but it eventually will happen. But if if you kept good oil in
20:03
it, that shouldn't happen. Locate the filter, screw it off now,
20:08
it's it sounds easier than I mean, like you really kind of blew through
20:11
several steps there, topl You'll locate the filter. What am I looking for?
20:15
Look? Okay, so you imagine that cocaine, remember the older ones?
20:21
Yeah, a bit fatter than that about time and a third fatter than
20:23
that with a rounded little head on it, but about the same height.
20:26
And typically they're white. Typically they are white. They look like a thing
20:30
that is disposed, but they look like a thing that didn't come with the
20:33
engine. Day one you know what I mean, they look like they were
20:36
made by another company other than the person a major engine. So where you'll
20:38
stick out this will either be located towards the front of the car, either
20:44
at the bottom or at the top. You gotta go look simple as that.
20:48
Once you find it, once you'll know it's there forever. And you
20:51
tend to get an eye for these things. When you've done a few different
20:53
types of cars, you kind you'll end up kind of go, well,
20:56
I know it isn't going to be stuck that it's gonna win screen, you
21:00
know what I mean? You know, you know what I mean. It's
21:03
kind of it kind of ends up having to be where it has to be
21:07
unless you have some you know, for the want of them, you know,
21:11
perhaps a Korean car and they go, now this one we put in
21:14
the passenger foot Well, okay, thanks great, now we're gonna do that
21:18
job. Like I said, most of these this is the generalized scenario you
21:25
will. You may have landed on a bit of a turkey where everything is
21:29
came out from me behind the wall. Perhaps hey not for nothing as well.
21:33
Time I got thrown a couple of times with some high end German cars,
21:37
and the batteries in the fucking boot. Yeah yeah, yeah yeah,
21:41
BMW did it for a while. Yeah why, I don't know? Evil?
21:47
What can I say? Axles of evil? Even so, it would
21:51
also have been another good name for this episode. Let's let's let's let's change
21:56
his fucking oil. So with that, you've drained, drained the pan.
22:00
Now don't attempted to go, take a phone call and go, I'll start
22:03
the car. Everything's done at this stage. I would pull even maybe pull
22:07
the pull the leads off the battery, but that will be for that's for
22:08
another moment. You want to get it off. Now, there are a
22:12
handful of ways of getting it off. I'll give you two. I'll give
22:15
you the correct way. I'll give you the country I'll take. I'll take
22:22
correct, Please correct sometimes now you will. Some of the fancier cars haven't
22:26
even have quit their own brand cover. That will go over it too.
22:30
But again, it looks exactly. It looks like what I'm describing, looks
22:33
like an upturned cop, you know what I mean, a big mug.
22:40
So there's a strap you can buy and he uses inertia. You put it
22:44
around it and just lock it on. Twist cleanly off fifteen quid. Keep
22:49
it forever forever. It works like it's like a rubber strap, exactly.
22:55
It works forever on all of them. Mind it. My own man used
23:00
to just drive a screwdriver straight through. It'll be the long screw driver with
23:03
a hammer, and he basically made his own version of a handle. He
23:07
put a handle through the right well. Because you're not going to be putting
23:11
this back on, No, it's it's dead and buried. It will go
23:14
to the same union's municipal dump. You're taking the oil time nice. There's
23:18
a few steps to getting a new one back on. You do have to
23:19
grease the inside of it. Use a little bit of the old oil if
23:22
you want it just to grease, just because what it does that forms a
23:25
seal. It's not just to make it easier to screw back in. If
23:29
it does form a new seal. Back on oil in the top. The
23:33
top will be oil, and it always goes in the top of the engine.
23:37
It's the biggest. It's a big open you know exactly. You may
23:41
have to pop the cover. But it's normally a color like yellow. It
23:44
tends to be universal. It could be black. It might be the color
23:47
of your engine, but typically the University yellow. It always has to sit
23:49
on the top because that's where the oil's got to go through the pistons.
23:52
It's got to go through everything. Make sure you have exactly the right amount
23:57
of oil because a lot of time, your car like mine right now,
24:00
takes weirdly six and a half liters. You can't buy a six and a
24:03
half liter, can you gotta buy You gotta buy it five and a two.
24:07
But don't put in seven. You can't put in seven. If you're
24:10
at six and you get me, it's gotta be How do I know?
24:11
Where is that written? How much? Oh again? Manual? You gotta
24:17
know your manual. You have to look at your manual. If you can't,
24:18
you'll find a PDF of your manual for free on second you type it
24:22
in. It's gotta be done. And the oil does change. Is not
24:26
universal anywhere. The oil does change as per the size, your car,
24:27
type, your car, and all the rest of it. So you gotta
24:30
know what it is. That's where a mechanic will go. Jessy would know
24:33
what you do. Trust me, you'll get to the bottom of it.
24:34
It's normally a round number. But you gotta put that number in. You
24:37
put in too much and you over your injury, could over compress itself and
24:41
bust it up. That's what all right, So this is the diehard with
24:45
a vengeance jugs puzzle here exactly exactly, but making sure you've tightened up everything,
24:51
your filtering, your bone. You should be hunky dory. You're back
24:53
in. Your car will sound better immediately, it will sound better. You'll
24:56
notice it. And that's an oil chain. That's what I've been given focus
25:00
ey euro for. Yeah, that's it. That's it. And they ain't
25:03
using I can tell you here now they use a shell. It will probably
25:07
cost you the oil itself. If you're going really good, you'll probably come
25:11
to a build of about fifty quid, do you know what I mean.
25:14
That's for a new filter. And you can get a combo pack from a
25:18
lot of these a lot of these garages online, Irish garages online or wherever
25:22
you're living. You can get combo packages that fit your car. Look,
25:26
I tell you, take a Saturday morning, enjoy yourself. It's worth doing.
25:32
And that's the vibe throughout this whole thing. You'd be so glad if
25:33
you did nothing else to your car. If you did nothing else mechanically to
25:38
your car. This will still keep the engine going. WI range plugs,
25:45
all those things born out, sure, but they won't be utterly detrimental.
25:48
And number one thing is that big lump of metal down the middle with the
25:52
old piston movie things. You gotta keep that well oiled and put good oil
25:56
in it. Everything else. I'm not saying go to the low cost thing,
25:59
but you got it. You gotta look after it to the good stuff
26:03
exactly right. So that's as simple as an oil change is. That's an
26:07
oil change. Get old stuff out, put cap on that, get filter
26:12
off, put new filter on, put in new stuff. That's the basics
26:17
of it. That is, that's the basics of it. There's no resetting
26:21
anything. You do those steps correctly demystified an oil change. There you go.
26:26
There you go. Now next one year. A lot of people are
26:30
gonna scoff at this because I swear, of course, but all of these
26:34
should be class. This should be transition here. This should be a class
26:37
and transition should yeah, it should, And this should be the number one
26:41
thing if you're ever thinking of having a child, If you have a child,
26:45
this should be one of the things you teach them before the age of
26:49
fourteen, so that it is ingrained in their brain changing a flat tire.
26:56
The amount of people I swear to God I must have helped and I'm still
27:00
only human. It's not like I'm magical, but I must have helped fifty
27:06
to sixty people in my time changing a tire. I learned it. Once
27:12
I learned how to change a tire, Tom, I was looking. I
27:15
was on the lookout for the rest of my life for people with flat tires
27:18
that I could go over and go I'll change that for I fucking know how
27:22
Oh my god, do you have any Do you have any set tips that
27:26
do you want to kick off with? Before I read what I've actually written,
27:27
I don't know why, but there's a couple of pointers already. I
27:32
have one tip Tom that when I learned it, like ten years ago or
27:36
whatever it was, it was presented as being, Yeah, that's good,
27:38
that's some good, solid advice. Yeah, that's just steady. More things
27:45
should be taught like that. And now it has become like kind of like
27:49
shorthand for fucking idiots, you know what I mean. Like, if you
27:52
use this method, you're clearly a fucking moron that doesn't know how to tie
27:56
their shoes. And that's the phrase, righty tidy, lefty lucy. Oh
28:02
my god, yeah, that's right. Actually, I'm going to wake my
28:06
child up now and actually teach him that. By the way, I think
28:08
I think his grandfather did it already. But this is this is this is
28:12
the direction where you how you loosen nuts on a car, Turn them left
28:18
to loosen them, turn them right to tighten. Because I like, there
28:21
was people people out there are trying to unscrew nuts on a car, only
28:25
making shit tighter or making it too tight that they could get it off,
28:27
or not being able to get off. And I was sold righty tidy,
28:30
lefty lucy. And I was like, that's just so, that's so easy
28:33
to remember. You're never gonna forget that. And then I've seen some fucker
28:36
on Twitter there and he's like about something real Lobo's like, oh, this
28:40
is one of these fucking righty tidy, lefty lucy things. Is it for
28:45
lady? It's a trophy? Why are you fucking sneer or not? That's
28:48
good advice? Tipship likes it become like a figure of fun and it was
28:52
like, you know, like if you're giving advice to like sports teams or
28:56
whatever, well yeah, well thanks very much, Captain obvious. Have the
29:00
lighty tidy, lefty lucy over here giving that things like why are you fucking
29:03
doing this? That's good advice. I'm sorry, Tom, take it away,
29:07
take it fucking away from you. I get it, I get it.
29:08
And there's Look, there's loads of things to watch out for. This
29:11
is a lot. A lot of this is going to be for people who
29:12
are new to driving a car, or maybe you've just always left it,
29:18
as the Americans will say with the auto shop, who knows right. But
29:22
look, you got to keep an eye on your tires because those are the
29:25
only thing touching the road, the only bit of the car that touch the
29:29
road that comes off. It ain't like rails on a train. This stuff
29:33
needs maintenance. You got to keep an eye on. I'm not going to
29:36
tell you what brand to buy, but I would go if you were thinking
29:38
of one price, I'd go a bit above it. Always, especially if
29:41
you live in an interesting climb that is Ireland. You never know what you're
29:47
going to get, right, You never know, much like Forrest Gump.
29:51
He was probably talking about tires. Metaphorically that time when it came to the
29:53
chocolates. But you never know what you're going to get, so look after
29:59
if you do find yoursel in this situation. Now I'm going to give just
30:00
one scenario. I'm gonna say, if you're driving on the motor when you're
30:03
feeling but go Look, I can't go. We'll be here for a thousand
30:06
scenarios. You come back from the shop tires down ballecks. Now I will
30:12
appreciate there's a lot of people listening. Going so my car doesn't come with
30:15
a fucking spare tire anymore. Well, here's the thing, neither did mine.
30:19
Guess what I have in the fucking boot spare tire. I went to
30:22
a scrapyard and bought a wheel the same as the ones that are on it.
30:26
Because if I here's the ship, and think if I'm caught after doing
30:29
a gig in Monahan on a fucking Saturday night and it's twelve at night and
30:33
I need to get back to South Tipperary, I sure shit do not want
30:37
to be pumping up with any sort of foam if the wall has come off
30:40
it because I've driven over some road shrapnel or they've got one of those mini
30:45
space saver things that I can't go over fifty k in. No, you're
30:48
grant. I want. You have a long ways to go, and I'm
30:51
gonna tell you to them. Like you know, people might be like,
30:53
oh, well you could just ring roadside assistance, yeah, or you know
30:56
what you could do otherwise. Listen to Tom for the next five minutes.
31:00
None of this it relates to roadside assistance. None of what we're going to
31:04
say today. This is getting it put Bady's going to fix that tire quicker
31:08
than you're going to fix it yourself, and it's going to take your five
31:11
minutes to learn. Here are the steps. Assuming you have a spare tire
31:17
in the boat. If you don't go fucking buy one, go to a
31:18
scrapyard on Saturday morning. I swear to God that have one that will fidget
31:22
fitted. It will cost you twenty quid. You'll be delighted. Put a
31:25
tire on it, put it in the boat. It won't take up as
31:27
much space to you think right, it genuinely won't. Applying the fact that
31:33
the possibility or the hypothesis that you do have a spare tire, you come
31:37
back tire down balox front passenger side. Let's just say it's front passenger side.
31:41
Right, first thing you're gonna do, it's down. Go get your
31:47
wrench. Now, these are a handful of things if you're going to If
31:51
you figure I'm going to drive forever, I love driving, I'm gonna mind
31:53
my car. Handful of things. Make sure you have a decent spare tire.
31:57
Yes, fuck the wrench that it came with. Yeah, you can
32:05
use it. But guess what I have. I would have a twenty inch
32:09
torque wrench. Yeah, which means it goes out to twenty inches. Wich
32:13
means even if I'm feeling as weak as a them, I'll crack open the
32:16
nuts on a fucking truck with this thing. Yeah, the swing and I
32:20
see Porme misfortunes doing with the butt like they're saving metal. And these little
32:23
wrenches that they put in car. Get yourself and it will fit right in
32:29
the little elastic bandits at the side of your boot. It'll fit right in
32:31
there too, right. Trust me, you'll have it for life. You'll
32:36
take and take it onto your next car. Take it onto your next car.
32:38
I have the I have like a like a like a t bar,
32:40
like a cross. Oh, yeah, a good quality one, I guess,
32:45
four different sizes, Yeah, four different sizes. I got one of
32:47
them, and I've had it for the past couple of cars. Because what
32:50
comes with your car, as Tom says, is like something you'd get in
32:52
a cracker at Christmas. Genuinely, genuinely, I have tempted to give it
32:57
to the un flip just play it. But what it does look It looks
33:00
good when it's passed down when you're selling the car, because it's immaculate,
33:02
you shouldn't have actually ever used it. Also, and this is one I
33:07
learned from my own man, and much when you're seventeen years of age and
33:10
you hear advice from your old man, you're like, oh, what would
33:14
he know? I to give you? Okay, some point one of the
33:15
first mornings I ever drove his car was to drive to work for him for
33:19
him, but he wasn't in the day and he said, look, take
33:22
I was like, why do you have I swear my life? He had
33:24
in a state car at the time, and he said, I s why
33:28
is the spare wheel in the up in the boot part where you could see
33:30
when it was opening? He goes, honestly, the other spare wheel because
33:32
the other one was hidden in the well. Use two spare wheels. I
33:36
went yeah, and looking at me like yeah, because I'm always getting to
33:40
work no matter what. And I'm like, man, when I swear my
33:45
life, whatever data you believe in or don't believe in, I didn't get
33:50
half a mile from the fucking house when I got one puncture, and a
33:52
quarter mile more I got another puncture, and I had to sneak at lunchtime
33:57
down to the local fucking tire guy and go, can you do those tires
34:00
real quick? Yeah? Problem put them back in, tried to dort him
34:05
up a bit. Of course, the man rang the old man and said,
34:07
your young flow is in here getting two tires. But look, you
34:10
can never It's like the good boy scout always have two of everything. But
34:15
anyway, so your car is down, tires down, you get that wrench
34:20
while it's down and in contact frick heavy friction with with the road, with
34:22
the car parking space, whatever, it's right. You take the say you've
34:25
got five nuts, crack them, and cracking them just means giving them one
34:29
half revolution left you, lucy, And it literally goes pank, pank,
34:34
pank, all five. Crack them. Don't open them up fully, just
34:37
crack them. Take the take the strength out of them, right, have
34:40
an inch return. Yeah, Now, go back to the boot. Take
34:44
out the spare wheel. Put it on beside the car, just up against
34:47
the edge of it. Underneath. It won't slip underneath it. It won't
34:51
unless you've got a big high rig. It won't get underneath it now.
34:53
But just have it ready. Get your jack now. Advice on jack's.
34:58
Here's also one from my fat that I have carried, and I have onto
35:01
my second one now. But and I've never ever used the car jack that
35:06
comes with the car. I have a trolley jack again, I tell you,
35:10
I tell you why, because the scissors jacks, I would sooner try
35:15
putting my head under there for safety. I just I have heart palpitations at
35:20
the idea of a scissors jack. The other windy up yolks, I might
35:22
fucking I'd be still at the first wheel. I ever fucking got a puncture
35:25
in with those fucking things. A trolley jack is. It's like a mini
35:30
version of what you see the mechanic with. There are about fifty quid guys
35:32
in the mechanic in a in a car shop fifty quid by it. You'll
35:36
keep it forever. You'd be so proud taken it out of the fucking puncture
35:37
to be like here here's mine, because it just in literally five pumps cars
35:42
up with no effort. Again, this is all you can. I have
35:45
changed tires in snow white shirts for women, an old woman. I'll never
35:51
forget it. My shoes, your shirt to be the stride I went it
35:52
will not I didn't even roll up my chair. I'dn't even roll up my
35:57
sleeves. And immaculate. These are two things that you'll be so glad it
36:00
will say. I must say it that if it comes with a little windy
36:05
up Christmas cracker jack that you get with the car, will get will get
36:08
the job done. I've it's never let me down. But I've seen your
36:13
trolley jacksman, and I'm like, oh, look they are rated for the
36:15
car. I'm not denying they do the trick, but I personally like I
36:21
like, I like a thing that really does a good job, and I
36:23
don't I'm not extraving, gonna spend a lot of money on stuff, but
36:27
I swear to God, if you do this in your life, when you
36:29
have a car. You'll be so glad like it's up and five and you
36:34
lock it down with hydraulics too. It's so you know it's not going anywhere
36:37
now it's going. The car's up. At this point, you want to
36:39
pumpump, ump, bump, pump until the flat wheel, which will kind
36:43
of look like it's fine again, is actually at least an inch which is
36:47
twenty five millimeters for the Europeans here off the ground. Now's the time I
36:52
want you to slip. You're perfectly fine, fresh spare tire underneath the car,
36:59
just under the well, under the door, alongside your jack. Because
37:00
here's the thing. A jack is class while let's stays being a jack.
37:07
But if a jack ever fucking breaks, it's now dropping a fucking ton and
37:10
a half a steal in your direction because you're on the side where it's got
37:15
the flat tire. Yeah, but that but if the jack ever breaks,
37:19
now you've put at least five inches of wheel under to keep it off the
37:21
fucking ground. You haven't broken your fucking wheel hub. It's off the ground.
37:24
You've got two levels of safety now, right, I mean, like
37:29
this is a lot of health and safety time I got. I know,
37:30
I know, but this is you'll do it fast. Once you've done it
37:35
once, you'll do it fast, and you thank me. But now,
37:37
wheels up, you're off. You're off to the fucking races. You're off
37:42
to the races. Crack off those nuts. Do them opposite each other.
37:45
So five, if we say we've got a star of five, do number
37:50
twelve, Do number six, Do number two, do number eight? You
37:55
know what I mean? Like, so do try and do the opposite each
37:58
other. So the wheel isn't fucking just all swinging out at one end at
38:01
the bottom trying to be opposite each other. Now you might find too,
38:05
you go, fuck, these wheels have never been off. It might be
38:07
sticking a little. Don't be shy to just turn around and crack your heel
38:10
off the bottom at the bottom of the tire. It'll pop cleanly off.
38:14
Get a little bit of a yeah again, a little bit now it will.
38:17
Your fingers, the end of your fingers are gonna get white, gonna
38:20
get black. That's why a road merchant like me always keeps baby wipes in
38:23
the back long before ever, fucking child keep them in the boat. Your
38:27
hands are gonna be fucking rank and you're gonna filtery up the stair wheel,
38:29
roll that fuck it into the boat. No need to put it down the
38:31
well, because you're going to be taken it to the tire shop pretty soon.
38:35
Now this is the only period where there isn't ultimate safety, but there's
38:38
absolutely fine. If you have a trolley jack, pull out your fucking tire,
38:43
or you can swap in the other one if you want the dead one,
38:45
pull it out, roll it up and line it up, simple as
38:49
that. Now, wind in all five nuts again. You put on your
38:52
wheel, all five nuts again. Crack it just enough till she's nice and
38:58
tight, but don't go fuck can swing it on her because she is technically
39:00
up in the air a little bit. Don't go fucking leaping on it now
39:04
with your foot right now's the time. She's nice and tight as she needs
39:07
to legally be because you've given it. Put a bit of body right behind
39:10
it. But don't go fucking hopping off it. All five nuts nice and
39:15
tight, righty tighty ighty tiny babies, Rip back to the jack, drop
39:20
her down back over to the nuts. Now you can put your fucking foot
39:24
on it all five Put your fucking foot into it. Half a revolution,
39:29
quarter of a revolution just enough for it goes ah, you know it's gone.
39:35
You're in. Jack out the whole lot, into the boot, clean
39:38
the hands, close the boot, find the fucking tire. Shot get a
39:42
new tire straight away. That's it. I sat that the next thing you
39:45
do. But those look to hear the very basics. Flat tire, crack
39:52
the nuts, get it up, get out your get out your spare tar,
39:54
get it up if you want. I'm just I'd like a bit to
39:58
save because I used to drive big head jeeps. Is the thing. That
40:00
fucking thing comes down, you're done. So if you're look, if you're
40:05
driving the fucking mass dem X five, you're okay, You'll be all right,
40:08
You'll be all right. Those things can fall in your hands all day.
40:12
Now, there's all sorts of things. You're on the side of the
40:14
fucking road and you have one of those triangle things, get it out and
40:17
it's on the fucking drivers, get it out. Of course archives part I
40:21
can. I'm not going to teach you all of that, but the basics
40:23
of it as don't be frightened of getting after it yourself. If you're going
40:29
I can't get the wheel that's open, well, if you can't. You
40:30
fucking can't call them or whoever you're with. But you should be fucking well
40:36
ashamed of yourself. You've listened to this fucking podcast and you can go straight
40:38
out and buy yourself a huge fucking wrench. You should, you really should
40:43
get out asked for one for Christmas? Exactly exactly so all of the things
40:47
on that time. I will say, now that you're there, like you
40:51
know, you can't loosen the ranges. There have been a couple of occasions.
40:55
Now I got the job done, but there have been a couple of
40:59
occasions you find like you're the nuts have been put on by a machine in
41:04
a garage, and the Katoka gun they're fucking tramps, and the Yakatuka gun.
41:07
Yes, that's a great point. I lost a wheel and I'd say
41:10
I last wheel by fuck. I got my money back minus sixteen. It
41:15
was during those heavy heavy yeah, yeah, yeah, I was heading to
41:21
a gig and cork the place you remember you remember my land drover, Yeah,
41:25
still still have it and fucking puncture heavy puncture pulling. Got four to
41:34
five nuts off. No, I mean nothing, the old man, and
41:37
it wasn't from the parents house. I was passing their house, called up
41:39
heat a fucking like a four or five foot pipe. Put it on over
41:44
the put on just not coming turns out. They put it on with tucker
41:47
gun and absolutely split the nut inside it like it was not coming out.
41:52
They fucking welded it in. Well. It's called the Yukatuka gun because it
41:58
goes. Go look for look if you want to look up. If you've
42:02
never been in a tire shop, go look. Just hang around outside one.
42:06
That's what you hear. Listen on a listen, listen listen on a
42:08
on a on a on a clear summer morning. In the distance, you
42:12
might hear if if you've gotten to the took a took a point, then
42:16
that's took a gun maiden. Okay, so that's that's the son of a
42:21
bit, all right, And and the the triangle on the road as well,
42:24
to make sure you're all hazards on cool in the gang. Right.
42:29
It's gotten. It's now at point because there's so much traffic on every fucking
42:32
road and Ireland that you really give everybody every opportunity. And I swear it
42:37
is a legal thing in France and they should really bring it in here.
42:38
I'm so I'm I'm an advocate for the highve's vest I swear to god,
42:43
if it is at night and you're inside of the road, banging on,
42:45
bang it on, because somebody could be looking out the windows scratching their hole,
42:47
fart and get on the highves. It's always good. Here's one for
42:52
you, Tom, and I'm sorry if you were about to mention it.
42:53
Maybe you wear maybe you wear it. This is Jerry's fucking contribution to the
42:58
whole thing. Lock nuts. Mm hmm. It's very possible that your car
43:07
on each wheel has one nut which is a special fucking Dungeons and Dragons nut.
43:13
Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah yeah that that that your wrench just won't
43:16
fit. It just simply won't fit it. And that's the stop scoreless bastards
43:22
from robbing your wheels at night, because they won't have the very special socket
43:28
that will fit that one particular nut and unscrew it off. I promise you
43:34
you have a socket for that somewhere in your car, in the glove box,
43:39
in the fucking little manual fold, or somewhere in the back. Then
43:45
then decide where all the papers are on the driver's side in the what do
43:50
they call it a little where I used to find them all the time was
43:52
fucked in with the wheel in the wheel well right fed in there. Nobody's
43:59
ever rubbed this on, Nobody sold the car to you and tuck that with
44:01
them, because it was never any fucking good to them. It was only
44:05
good for the car that it was with. And if you don't have that,
44:07
you are fucked, or you can ring all the road side assistants.
44:12
When the roadside assistance shows up, they're going to be where's the lock nott
44:15
socker for this? They're not going to have one. They don't have one
44:19
for every car in the back of the van. So there are some some
44:22
brands alright where you can. But there's a lot of possibility where he could
44:25
just slide open the other side and break out an oxy a settling tank like
44:28
I had to do with the fucking land Rover that night, and he just
44:30
had to cut the fucking wheel clean off the car. Like, So you
44:32
don't want that. It's it's looks it's like a little a little fitting that
44:37
goes on to the actual spanner that comes with you know, it's Jerry's one
44:40
hundredercent right, they are. I don't people aren't robin wheels as much as
44:44
they used to. It was back when alloy wheels, you know it was.
44:49
It was looks if anybody has any anything to that's how I change the
44:53
fucking wheel. And I can do it under two minutes, no matter the
44:58
size of the fucking rig doesn't get it off. If you don't know where
45:01
your fucking locknut wrench is, go find it. It is in your car
45:06
somewhere and know where it is. And like, like, if you drop
45:09
that thing down for a service and the lad is set is changing the brakes,
45:13
he's gonna want to know where that is because to take the tire off
45:15
in the garage you get the brakes changed someday or the freaking calibers tweaked.
45:21
I don't talking about it, but they're going the first thing they're going to
45:23
say is where's the wrench for the locknote And if you're there, like they're
45:27
gonna be like, well, the funk off, we can't do not just
45:30
know where it is, just just just keep it with I say this loosely,
45:36
but you do have to be an adult to drive technically every once in
45:38
a while, So be a fucking adult in this situation it's your car,
45:42
get a fucking hold yourself. Don't walk in landing to a place. God,
45:45
I just don't know. You should know what moving? Hey, you
45:51
know what if you don't know where it is? You know, if you've
45:55
listened to this podcast and in six weeks time you're caught on the side of
45:59
the road with no locknut, all I can say is, haha, what
46:02
do you want us to do? We told you we totally do it.
46:06
Now, staying with the team, the shoes on your car and all the
46:10
rest of it. I'm going to quickly move rip on because it turns out
46:13
I've written a ragged things here that we ain't going to get through them all
46:16
tonight. I smell a Part two easily could be, but I would What
46:21
I would like is for people to actually comment under this, whether it be
46:24
on Instagram or Twitter, comment under this with your thoughts as well. Maybe
46:30
we miss something, maybe I did something totally wrong, or tell you what
46:34
we do. Yeah, we'll do one more of these and then we'll do
46:37
a part two. Fuck it? Yeah, okay, all right, keep
46:42
an eye like keep an eye. We talked about tires. You may lost
46:45
the tire. You'll have to go to a tire shop. Even if it's
46:46
a slow puncture, small puncture, it could only be it might be pissing
46:50
out from the valve. It might be pissing out from and little nicky,
46:52
you picked up something. You may have shredded the thing as I have done.
46:54
It. Many a tire off whether it's a curb or whether it's you
46:58
know, but you you need to know about your tires. Do I need
47:00
new tires? Now? Most places are looking out for your best safety,
47:06
right for the most part, And they'll go, look, I say,
47:09
now, you could just turn around and go I'll take my chances. If
47:15
you don't know what if you don't know what you're doing, do what they're
47:19
saying. Right. But if you do know what you're doing, and you've
47:21
met a shyster who's trying to offload some tires that came out of Who's biggest
47:25
stant, it's just like, look, you gotta you got you need four
47:29
new tires and you I don't think I did. You will notice, right,
47:32
And this sounds simplistic and it sounds again. But if you like most
47:37
people drive a front wheel drive car, summer back wheel drive I e.
47:40
Marks BMW's there's a bunch of them, you know, some of the old
47:45
folder forwards a real drives Air audience. Tom. Yeah, they'll know it,
47:49
they'll know what, they'll know what. They'll know what. You will
47:52
notice the random marks and bms true unless they're do you know what they are?
47:55
The auld yokes, but old classics like he thirty six's and stuff.
47:59
I guarantee I'm slammer, just slagging you, guys, I love you.
48:02
It's mostly going to be your front tires be the first swear. It's up
48:06
to you where you want to change them. I'm a man around this time,
48:09
coming up to my always my birthday, I'll be changing tires because September
48:14
twenty first, for me, that's it, literally is the switch between you
48:17
can it's the switch from autumn. Autumn is kicking in and you gotta be
48:22
looking at new tires at that stage. And I guarantee you there was a
48:24
stage I was nearly burning fucking three sets of tires after that in a year
48:30
anyway. But don't let it get to the point where you're like thick,
48:35
where you can start to feed your arse wheeling a little bit across the Yeah,
48:37
you know what I mean. Don't let it get to that point,
48:40
but also at the same point, if you still have fantastically grooved tires and
48:45
somebody goes tires near going because they think they're the expert, at least at
48:51
least, No, this is the thing. Or if you've never met anybody,
48:54
if nobody mentioned your tires, this is how you keep an eye on
48:57
them, because you do. Now. Most tires now like tires nowadays.
49:00
It's not like you know, you live in Arizona. Most of us live
49:04
in places where pisses rain or throats and hot pisces rain roast hot. So
49:07
your tires are all weather fucking tires, right. They got the grooves that
49:10
and the grooves for it isn't just a grip along the road. They're really
49:14
well designed that they throw water through the tire and out so that the stuffs
49:17
are touching the surface of the road. Actually doesn't keep any water under it
49:22
at all, so gives you full traction. But what you need to keep
49:25
an eye out for it's there are lines on the tire. There's still lines
49:30
on it. I don't have to worry until it gets to fucking Nascar sleek
49:32
right, No, No, you gotta keep an eye now. There used
49:37
to be little nipples in the gris. But what you'll find these days are
49:42
like little you know, between the frog's fingers, the little webs. Yeah,
49:45
well that's what's in your grooves, in the grooves right. Oh yeah,
49:50
there's little webs inside there. Yeah yeah yeah. Now you any tire
49:52
crowd, any tire crowd in the country, pull in. They'll give you
49:57
a free depth. Now I think I think it's too less than two millimeters
50:00
is allowed, like one point eight or something. I could be I could
50:04
be totally wrong, but fuck, don't go to that. Don't go to
50:07
the don't go to it, because you will meet there's so many different road
50:10
surfaces. This is the problem. It's not like they're all going to be
50:14
silverstone. You're going to meet a country road. You're going to meet one
50:17
that was tired and chipped. You're going to meet a noble road, but
50:22
maybe has the camber going in the wrong direction. Because we don't give one
50:24
fuck. Apparently in some you know, it just happens, it just goes.
50:29
Our tarmacd roads were followed off old car pats and a lot of them.
50:32
So road surfaces do change, stay above the limit a little bit,
50:37
but for all of those, you'll find that webbing inside that little bit of
50:42
webbing. Just run your finger down the track, you go, Oh Jesus
50:45
Christ, we're getting very close to that. Yeah, that's the time to
50:49
at least pop in and just get that debade yourself. You can easy check
50:53
out any of the main websites, like what I should have before this?
50:57
I didn't. But it is millimeters stuff like, and you're kind of going,
50:59
yeah, I don't even like the fact that's too It could be here.
51:02
I could totally wrong there. It might be six mil of tread might
51:06
be needed. I don't think it is. I think it's no. But
51:07
Tom, I think it should be very apparent to you know, even the
51:13
latest of laymen, and know what they're looking for you when the tire is
51:17
fucked. No, you have no idea to really. Oh, I swear
51:22
on my life. The one thing I know when a tires brand new,
51:25
Oh listen, you do. You can damn near smell the thing, right.
51:29
But I'm telling you now, from all the drivers I've met while doing
51:31
the Ferrarian Lamborghini experience, oh my lord, oh my lord, oh my
51:38
lord, you're looking over at their own car and they might have a beautiful
51:42
car, but you're going, Jesus marriage, what, don't even go just
51:45
call the crowd to pick that car up. You cannot leave here with I'm
51:49
looking at their car and you go, what are you doing? Man?
51:52
Their tires are eating off the thing. They're like, I thought I got
51:54
a little wiggly Yeah, yeah, you think your tires look like a fucking
52:00
top screen. Literally, so look that. That is what to keep an
52:05
eye out for people who and I feel something like I literally I said,
52:09
I wrote this down and went what am I doing? And then my brain
52:13
just popped it. Oh yeah, I've literally met dozens of people who have
52:17
no grasp of looking at now. Keep entire pressure in the car too,
52:21
because it can change with temperature and all the rest of it throughout the year.
52:24
Say you're driving a big old car, maybe it isn't yours, and
52:28
you're insured in it for the weekend, and you're going, let's just pack
52:30
it up with all the stuff at the back. You need to know your
52:34
tire pressure. You've all seen it at the petro station. All of them
52:36
are automated. Now, it's not like you've got to chitch check it and
52:38
all that. You don't you can just type it in anywhere from like twenty
52:42
six PSI, which is pounds per square inch, and I would a lot
52:45
of it. I can't you know it. Bar is another one. It's
52:47
another measurement, measurement of air pressure. But where you read it so you
52:52
have loaded you know your your cousin's a state car to the fucking axles because
52:58
you're buying I don't know, doors for your new house or something, and
53:00
no harm. Maybe to put a bit extra bit of puff in it.
53:02
And how you'll know that is when you open the driver's door. There's a
53:07
fucking sticker that damn cannot come off. I've seen it on fucking cars that
53:10
have been burnt. The sticker stays. You know the one I'm where the
53:15
like the door jam, so where the door closes, that bit that is
53:19
never seen when you open the door. Just look back to where the door
53:22
locks, and you'll see a sticker and it'll tell you the tire pressure to
53:25
have in your car correctly. And I I don't know what the ratio bar
53:30
is to PSI. I'm old school. I still talk. Put all the
53:34
machines give you a PSI. Keep an eye on it. If it is
53:37
a thing like this feels a little spongeer gone down the whole road to MAM's
53:42
place. Yeah, chances are you've got something happening in your tires, and
53:45
don't do as I have done in the best where you just go. I'll
53:51
just keep an eye on it, and all you're gonna do is just where
53:53
the hole off that tire because it's oh, it's down eight psi today.
53:59
I'll just put a puffle with No, there's a slow puncture somewhere, and
54:02
just get it fixed because it's gonna You got about your tire then, and
54:06
if you buy one tire, you got about two tires. Trust me,
54:07
you gotta. You know, it's like, you know, if you've got
54:09
a slow if you've got a slow puncture, like you know, yeah,
54:13
you know what the kubby a little layer seeping out here and there. But
54:15
like if it was flat yesterday and you pumped it up and it's flat again
54:19
today, that's not a slow punk. That's a fucking puncture. Yes,
54:24
yes, yes, yes, yeah, yeah yeah, So I'm gonna do
54:28
let me ask you, let me ask you. Yes, this is this
54:30
is like you know, when we're on like you know, how flat is
54:32
my tire or how green is my valley? All right? I'm driving along
54:38
and I noticed that sort of sound driving with my window open, and I
54:46
know that sound, which is clearly something stuck in my tire, just hitting
54:52
the road as it goes around and around, and I pull over and I
54:55
look out and there is true to form, a screw or nail or some
55:00
such stuck in my tire. Yeah, do I pull that out? No?
55:06
You don't leave it the fuck alone. What you should be You should
55:10
if you cannot change it, immediately say you're on a fucking a dual carriage
55:15
with get off at the next one, but leave it in there. Fuck
55:19
that tire. Fuck that tire because you pull it out and it's down,
55:22
and now you can't change the fing because you're gonna get your ars blown off.
55:24
I'm assuming it's your driver's side. It's much like you see in the
55:30
movies. You're like, just pull that fucking arrow out, and they pull
55:32
it out in the guy pisces blood and dies. It's pretty much infection straight
55:36
away, I think. And you're right, and you keep on asking me
55:39
this the stuff because with those cars, those fucking high performance cars, the
55:45
thing that they teach their very very fucking raw. So you end up they're
55:47
not a bit in the way that same cars of the last say, fifteen
55:52
years are where they're taking all the all the the visceral feelings of driving a
55:58
car. We've all driven a go cart, do you feel everything? And
56:00
these are just big go cards. So you know, when I swear to
56:02
God, I knew when tires were they still had fucking not din't long in
56:07
those fucking cars. But you still knew they had fifty percent because literally I
56:12
could feel it in my arse cheeks. I like, oh, I literally
56:15
moved a quarter inch around that bend different than another time, you know,
56:20
So you get used to the visceral feelings. So feelings are a big thing.
56:22
Be aware of what you're fucking sitting in. You're not sitting in your
56:25
sitting room. You're sitting in a fuck a honk of steel hurtling down the
56:30
road. That is a fucking you know, it's a thing. If you
56:35
don't respect it, it's gonna do something, you know what I mean,
56:37
So just keeping it. This is it, and we're just trying to keep
56:39
you all safe on the roads. And like, you know, that was
56:42
the one thing that I always sort of said to my missus when she was
56:45
driving her car. I was like, I I might drive this once in
56:50
the very blue moon, Okay, I might drive this once every six months
56:52
or some such, and I'll be driving this car. So I'm not gonna
56:57
know what's right or wrong or normal or straight or end like that. But
57:00
you're gonna be driving this every day. Yeah, so get to know what's
57:05
normal. So if I get into a like a baseline, yeah, yeah,
57:07
should it be making that noise? And you can tell me, yeah,
57:10
it makes that noise every day. It's when it makes this noise that's
57:14
when you want to worry. So you gotta know what's right and what was
57:15
wrong for your car. And if you notice that, like hey, you
57:17
know what, as you said, there yourself, something up with the steering
57:22
just there. That's the big perceptible change, And I can't quite put my
57:27
finger on what it is, but I just know there's something not quite right.
57:31
Well what it is. Typically you'll find if you're getting a fairly quick
57:35
puncture on the road, you'll find the steering, even in a car that
57:38
has like Uber Uber Save, you know Uber damn near Ai fucking power steering.
57:46
Yeah, immediately it'll get what I always describe it's not heavy but fat.
57:50
It's like there's a movement where you're like, why the fuck are you
57:54
taking so much effort. You'll find it straight away in the steering with if
57:59
you're back, if your arse goes and you've got one that's going down quickly,
58:01
you I need you to be aware of your butt cheeks. They literally
58:06
will feel it out what side it's coming from. You need to will save
58:08
your life. Your arse will save your life. You need to know what
58:12
back in? What's why is that in a straight line of All of a
58:15
sudden, you know it starts back and playing and you're like, okay,
58:17
okay, we need we need to have a look see here, chance start
58:22
or something like that. And it's the same thing with the knocks and things
58:23
like you've wrang me before. You're like, okay, so if I put
58:28
my the clutch feels a little light and you're like, well yeah, because
58:31
you've been in traffic a lot and your clutch doesn't like you anymore. It's
58:37
starting to pack its bags. It's the divorce coming between you and your clutch,
58:40
which is one I will leave for all the tailtale signs. We'll talk
58:44
about clutches and what we'll do withes and clutches in a moment. More box
58:46
of neutrals, going back a couple of seasons there, Yeah, yeah,
58:50
I look like one. That's still one of my greatest phrases of yours A
58:53
box of neutrals. But that was that was a listener. I remember I
58:57
had a bottle come up with a good we call that. I believe it
59:02
was John. I believe it was John Ryan, long term listener giant.
59:06
I believe it was John. He's Now if there's a guy, he would
59:10
be be a in your you know what I mean, in your eight team.
59:14
There's a guy right there. Ain't nothing. If I've been driving a
59:17
lot of things, that motherfucker, there ain't nothing. There's nothing there.
59:22
You go, tom, Okay, So listen. I hope everybody's at least
59:25
learned something. I've learned plenty. I gotta tell you. Yeah, yeah,
59:30
there, listen, I have a rake more. But like and these
59:32
are all I can't believe that these things aren't taught in school. I can't
59:38
believe that. I'm sure they are. There's some schools that have you know,
59:43
allow, do you know what I mean? These are simplistic things that
59:46
you and other comedians have messaged me about that. I genuinely believed, oh,
59:51
you would have picked up some other you know, but then obviously they
59:53
don't. And if you can get out ahead of this, it's gonna save
59:57
your money. Most of what we're talking about here tonight, he's about saving
1:00:00
you money, and it makes your car safer, and who he right,
1:00:04
exactly makes your car safer. I don't know when or should we put out
1:00:09
a two later on in another season, or should we put you know,
1:00:13
you know what I'm gonna tell you time. Yeah, we're gonna put out
1:00:15
of We're gonna put out a part two of this next week's next week.
1:00:20
We're gonna you know, like I say, we got to hit that ten
1:00:22
episodes one fucking way or another. We're gonna get the part two. I'm
1:00:25
not gonna put Yeah, we're not gonna put out like a four hour podcast
1:00:29
on your car. We could don't fucking make us. I swear to God.
1:00:31
If you look at what I've written, actually a lot of it,
1:00:35
I'm like, yeah, maybe you went overboard there, Tom, you don't
1:00:37
need to. This is fucking gold, baby, I'm here changes dark plugs
1:00:40
and everything like yeah, maybe not if you want to know when Part two
1:00:45
of Keeping between the Ditches lands. The handiest thing you could do, my
1:00:49
friends as follow us on the social media, don't you know. You'll find
1:00:52
me on Twitter or indeed Instagram at Jerry McBride, Jerry wood a g you'll
1:00:57
find him at Tom Underscore, omany or some variation of this. Look like
1:01:01
you imagine, I mean, yeah, I mean, you're not gonna go
1:01:05
too far wrong. And all roads, of course lead to at Tom and
1:01:07
Jerry's show on Twitter, Instagram, and who knows, I don't know,
1:01:12
k B. Who fucking knows. Well, there's a hundred different threads.
1:01:19
That's another one. There's a hundred of different these fucking things cropped up all
1:01:22
of a sudden, but you're gonna get us on some of them for the
1:01:24
sole purpose of telling you when our next episodes are coming out, and also
1:01:29
thrown up maybe a couple of images and pictures or some such if you don't
1:01:31
know what a talk wrench looks like or trolley Jack describing it to you,
1:01:36
or stick it up on the socials exactly and like we said, and the
1:01:38
socials gives a follow if you are listening on whatever Spotify, like most of
1:01:43
you are, please hit the subscribe and the bell so that when it does
1:01:45
arrive in you know all about it. There'll be a description underneath. Most
1:01:50
trust me, we're kind of on the nose when it comes to our titles
1:01:53
of show not too cryptic, so you'll kind of get it anyway. With
1:01:57
this one being a course part one of between the Ditches. Hey, if
1:02:00
you want to tell everybody about it, that'd be great. If you can
1:02:02
give it a five stars, even better if you can leave a review on
1:02:07
Apple. I think you can leave review great screen grab it and tag us
1:02:10
in it, so at least we know. But more than anything, we'd
1:02:13
love a bit of and let a bit of set to, to to and
1:02:15
fro. If you've had experience with a bust attire, we'd love to hear
1:02:19
it. If you've gone at the aisle and it broke an knuckle, love
1:02:22
to hear it. We want to hear all this or hey, lad's do
1:02:25
you know what I found was a great thing? What's an absolute here to
1:02:30
get at? Love to hear it. That goes for all the episodes we've
1:02:34
heard so far. We're very open to being critiqued, corrected and added upon
1:02:39
interacted with I think interacted that just fucking throws something there with Jesus, please,
1:02:44
please, please please let us know that we're not just two blocks heading
1:02:49
towards middle age talking to each other. And then we kind of broke my
1:02:54
brain there with heading towards middle age. I've crested it, paul Ah.
1:03:00
Other than that, Okay, drive safe everybody, Okay, me and Tom
1:03:04
will be looking after you next week with more is wonderful stuff here till then,
1:03:07
Peep peepe keep it between the dishes, keep