Latest / A Heart That Beats for Home / 41. Choosing Sobriety with Heather Shields

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41. Choosing Sobriety with Heather Shields · A Heart That Beats for Home

• 0:02
  Speaker 1: Hey friends, I'm Nikki Smith, your host here at A Heart that Beats for Home, the podcast where we're ditching filters and diving headfirst into the raw beauty of all things home.
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: Now, I am no expert when it comes to this whole parenting and marriage dance.
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: I'm simply a gal who's been riding the mom roller coaster for 22 years and a wife still untangling the mystery of it all 25 years after saying I do.
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: My goal is to bring you unapologetically messy and boldly genuine conversations about cultivating strong families.
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: We're gonna laugh, possibly cry, and straight talk about the joy and chaos that comes within the four walls that we call home.
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: No judgment and certainly no perfection, just real talk from my heart, a heart that beats for home.
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: Let's dive in.
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: Hello friends, welcome back to another week here on A Heart that Beats For Home.
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: We're so excited to have you for yet another week coming into the final weeks before we go into a new year.
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: I don't know how it's possible that we are already coming in towards the winter holidays, so excited for Thanksgiving and Christmas coming, and just have been kind of thinking and praying through different things that we can talk about.
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: Just came out of that five-week series on marriage, diving in deep there and I am excited today to share with you guys a friend who I have known for more than a decade.
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: We don't live anywhere close to each other anymore, but our relationship started when we were in the same town, I believe.
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: Initially, heather, we started by meeting in a Bible study and just have been able to stay in touch One of the good things about social media and I have been able to watch from a distance the sweet friend that you guys are going to meet today start a journey of sobriety, and I just thought it would be a really cool conversation.
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: This is not a conversation trying to convince anybody one way or the other.
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: It's a topic that I have been looking at as well and just reading a lot on.
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: We'll talk a lot about all the different reasons why someone might be considering this, but just have really loved watching Heather live this journey out for the world to see through her social media and just wanted to dive in a little bit deeper, hear a little bit more about her story and just kind of her thoughts around it, and so I am so excited to have you guys meet Heather.
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: Heather is married to her hubby, paul.
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: They have two children, ava, who is a senior in high school crazy and her son, jax, who is in middle school.
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: He's actually working on seventh and eighth grade this year, doubling down.
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: They do some homeschooling and just lots of different passions that they're involved in.
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: So, heather, before we jump into the deep, meaty stuff, I would love for you just to give us a little bit of an intro to who you are, kind of your loves and passions and just kind of where you're at in life.
• 2:49
  Speaker 2: Awesome.
• 2:49
  Speaker 2: Thank you, nikki, for that awesome intro.
• 2:51
  Speaker 2: It has been an honor to get to know Nikki, ever since yeah, I think I want to say it's been close to 15 years, maybe almost, and I'm just I'm really honored to be on this call and just to watch you like take off of this podcast.
• 3:03
  Speaker 2: It's been awesome.
• 3:03
  Speaker 2: So just really glad and grateful that you asked me on here.
• 3:07
  Speaker 2: So I am Heather and I have pretty much my entire life known that what I wanted to do with my life was to be a mom.
• 3:15
  Speaker 2: So my kids are the most important thing to me and I feel like you know, if you're a parent, you pretty much understand that.
• 3:20
  Speaker 2: But it's just one of those things that, even as a kid, I knew that motherhood was my, that was my calling, that was what I was called to do.
• 3:28
  Speaker 2: So it's interesting that the journey that this that I have sort of gone on with alcohol it's it definitely steered me in the wrong direction as far as motherhood and what I envisioned my journey of motherhood would be.
• 3:40
  Speaker 2: I had this idea of what motherhood would look like and I feel like it did, until all of a sudden, it stopped looking that way anymore and the one thing that kept coming back.
• 3:50
  Speaker 2: The reason that it looked different and it felt different was alcohol.
• 3:53
  Speaker 2: So that is sort of a little backstory on me, and what's important to me was definitely my motherhood and the reason that I feel like the Lord really pointed alcohol out to me because it was pulling away from my number one calling, which is my kids.
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: Talk to me a little bit.
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: When you say pulling you away, what were things that you were noticing?
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: And was there a point where everything kind of broke loose and you're like this?
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: There was this situation.
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: It was like I'm done, what did that kind of look like?
• 4:23
  Speaker 2: So there was actually three things, and in these three events, all throughout the several months before these happened, I had felt like God telling a nudging.
• 4:33
  Speaker 2: I just felt a nudging like it's getting too much, it's getting too often.
• 4:38
  Speaker 2: You're not the Heather that I know and I was not the mom that I knew that I had known for so long.
• 4:43
  Speaker 2: And so there were three little events.
• 4:44
  Speaker 2: I don't want to say little.
• 4:45
  Speaker 2: There were three big events.
• 4:46
  Speaker 2: You're not the Heather that I know and I was not the mom that I knew that I had known for so long.
• 4:48
  Speaker 2: And so there were three little events.
• 4:49
  Speaker 2: I don't want to say little.
• 4:51
  Speaker 2: There were three big events that happened that I didn't even recognize it.
• 4:53
  Speaker 2: So one was coming home after drinks with some neighbors and it all looked normal because, you know, we were all neighbors, we were just having, we were all moms, we were just having a good time.
• 5:04
  Speaker 2: It wasn't something that was scandalous by any means.
• 5:07
  Speaker 2: We were all just hanging out together and it just this was a theme.
• 5:12
  Speaker 2: It happened a lot that it just got a little bit too much, and this particular night I had drank too much that I wasn't able to walk home, so my girlfriends and my neighbors had to walk me in and I thought my kids were asleep and Ava was awake.
• 5:25
  Speaker 2: She was waiting up for me because she was nervous, because I never stayed out late, so she was nervous, so she was waiting up for me.
• 5:30
  Speaker 2: And I will never forget the moment she saw me, like the look on her face when she saw me and realized I couldn't stand up on my own and that my friends were walking me home.
• 5:38
  Speaker 2: It was like this major gut check, like what are you doing?
• 5:42
  Speaker 2: Your daughter just saw you and this is just so irresponsible.
• 5:47
  Speaker 2: So that was the first thing.
• 5:49
  Speaker 2: The second thing happened just two weeks after that and it was also with Ava.
• 5:53
  Speaker 2: She was part of a Bible study and she would go every Saturday morning.
• 5:56
  Speaker 2: I would drop her off to a Bible study with a friend and the night before I had drank with the same people, the same friends, the same neighbors, and I'd actually driven over there because I was out and about at the time.
• 6:08
  Speaker 2: So I drove to their house.
• 6:09
  Speaker 2: The night progressed, I didn't feel comfortable driving home, even though it was literally around the block it was on my same street, just around the block.
• 6:14
  Speaker 2: Didn't feel comfortable driving home, thinking I'm doing the quote unquote responsible thing Got walked home, woke up in the morning to a text from Ava's friend, ava's friend's mom saying is Ava not coming today?
• 6:31
  Speaker 2: Realizing that I had slept in and I was going to be late to dropping her off at Bible study, still not remembering that I had left my car at my friend's house.
• 6:35
  Speaker 2: So we're running around getting ready and Ava's nervous Ava's, you know stressed about being late.
• 6:42
  Speaker 2: I'm reassuring her, it's fine, we'll get there.
• 6:44
  Speaker 2: It's just going to be a few minutes late, only to run into the garage to realize my car's not there.
• 6:48
  Speaker 2: And another like super gut check, like what have you done?
• 6:51
  Speaker 2: And people talk about the walk of shame.
• 6:54
  Speaker 2: And I had to do a different type of walk of shame with my daughter around the block that morning to pick up my car.
• 7:02
  Speaker 2: And that was just gutting and I couldn't believe what I had, how I had gotten to that point Because, like I said before, my kids are my number one.
• 7:13
  Speaker 2: Like everything I do, all up until this point, everything, every decision that I made, I thought how is that going to affect my kids?
• 7:19
  Speaker 2: How is it going to affect my kids right now?
• 7:20
  Speaker 2: How is it going to affect my kids in the future?
• 7:22
  Speaker 2: How is our marriage going to affect my kids when they choose spouses?
• 7:25
  Speaker 2: Everything I did was based on that.
• 7:27
  Speaker 2: So then, how could I be giving this example and letting them see me this way?
• 7:32
  Speaker 2: It was really, really.
• 7:33
  Speaker 2: It was difficult to watch happen, and a week before I decided to stop drinking, I was in Mexico.
• 7:42
  Speaker 2: I was in Mexico for a work trip and you know what happens in Mexico often is you go overboard a little bit, especially at an all-inclusive.
• 7:51
  Speaker 2: And one day I did, and it happened to be the day that that evening we had a huge team get together.
• 7:57
  Speaker 2: We were supposed to take this big team picture.
• 7:59
  Speaker 2: It was the whole plan, the entire time.
• 8:01
  Speaker 2: Everybody knew the schedule.
• 8:02
  Speaker 2: It was the whole plan, the entire time.
• 8:04
  Speaker 2: Everybody knew the schedule.
• 8:04
  Speaker 2: And I drank too much during the day that I was late to meeting our team for pictures and the entire team we're talking.
• 8:13
  Speaker 2: A lot of people were waiting for me and looking for me and I was wandering around looking for them, no idea where.
• 8:19
  Speaker 2: I was Just mortifying and I ended up having a panic attack and stayed the rest of the time in the hotel room.
• 8:27
  Speaker 2: It was at that night that I completely surrendered to the Lord and I just said I do not have control over this and I need I'm surrendering now and I need your help.
• 8:38
  Speaker 2: And that's all that he needed to hear was for me to surrender.
• 8:43
  Speaker 2: It was that time that I decided this was on the bus ride to the airport that next day that I decided I'm going to go alcohol free for 100 days, and the next week was going to be exactly 100 days from that point until the end of the year, and I thought, thank you, lord, this is perfect, I can do this.
• 8:57
  Speaker 2: So that's sort of how it that's how it started.
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: Well, thanks for being willing to be so transparent in that.
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: I think, even as a mom listening, where you know maybe that's not the extent of the drinking that I've had, but you can hear yourself in your I think any mom can hear herself in your story when there's something whether it's an anger issue or a patient's issue or maybe another addiction or sin struggle that you always go into that time where you have those moments where your kids can be such a humbling force of what am I doing, I have to get it together.
• 9:36
  Speaker 1: I am such an example to my children and if I wouldn't be okay with them doing this exact thing that I'm doing, responding to somebody in that way or having the same progression of events happening, why am I allowing it for myself?
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: And so I just think for so many people listening men, women, parents just to hear your vulnerability and there's this thing that's keeping me stuck from being my best is so relatable, even if it's not with drinking, so talk to me.
• 10:03
  Speaker 1: So now, mexico, you've had this kind of, I'm sure your pride's hurt.
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: Your ego is in check.
• 10:09
  Speaker 1: You're probably running back through these other events that you've had with your kids of like this is a mess I have a long way.
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: I'm sure there was a lot of fear associated with.
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: Can I do it?
• 10:18
  Speaker 1: I remember when you went Facebook Live or in your stories talking about your hundred day journey, and I believe now you're coming up to this Christmas then, or really quick here, to your two-year anniversary.
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: Is that correct?
• 10:31
  Speaker 2: I just passed it two weeks ago.
• 10:32
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I think it was two weeks ago.
• 10:34
  Speaker 2: Today, two years.
• 10:35
  Speaker 1: Yes, okay, so let's talk about that first 100 days.
• 10:39
  Speaker 1: What did that look like?
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: What did you have to do?
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: Did you go home?
• 10:44
  Speaker 1: Did you announce this to your family?
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: Was your husband and your kids in on this?
• 10:47
  Speaker 1: Talk to me a little bit about what that looked like to set yourself up to have success for something that would be difficult, because it's always around us, it's always an opportunity.
• 10:56
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 10:58
  Speaker 2: So, yeah, I fully decided that night and then on the like, I said the bus ride is when I sort of were calculating dates and everything and I thought this is just going to line up perfectly.
• 11:06
  Speaker 2: And I did go home and I sat with my husband and I said I'm going to do this and I know I felt like his response was that's going to be really tough.
• 11:16
  Speaker 2: He was supportive in his words but I feel I definitely felt like he thought that was going to be really hard to do and my kids were so excited.
• 11:27
  Speaker 2: They were not that they I don't think my kids really understood you know, the struggle that I was was going through.
• 11:34
  Speaker 2: But they were excited because I have always brought them along.
• 11:36
  Speaker 2: Whenever I'm doing any sort of a challenge or something new, like with my fitness, I always bring them in with my businesses.
• 11:44
  Speaker 2: I've always brought them in and had them involved.
• 11:46
  Speaker 2: If I'm doing some sort of a like I said, a challenge for myself or a challenge for my work or whatever, they're always involved.
• 11:51
  Speaker 2: So they were just as excited as they've ever been for any other challenge or thing that we've done.
• 11:56
  Speaker 2: So I definitely felt like they were supportive and excited.
• 11:59
  Speaker 2: I didn't really want to go public with it honestly at first, for a couple of different reasons.
• 12:05
  Speaker 2: One was I didn't want to be judged and have people think like, oh, she's got such a huge problem which I hadn't admitted yet that I had.
• 12:13
  Speaker 2: So I didn't really want to go public with that, thinking that I would be judged for having an alcohol problem.
• 12:18
  Speaker 2: Because, like I said, I just felt like, oh, it's just a thing I have to gain control over, it's just a little thing that needs some help.
• 12:25
  Speaker 2: So at first I didn't up until right when I decided to start it.
• 12:29
  Speaker 2: So this was about a week or 10 days that I was sort of going through the decisions as to who I was going to talk to about this and I ended up calling my friend about three days before I started my best friend from high school.
• 12:43
  Speaker 2: We go way back, we've seen each other through many, many life phases and changes and I called her up and it was is one of those moments where, like you know where you were at a specific moment, exactly what was going on.
• 12:54
  Speaker 2: It was one of those moments where I called her.
• 12:56
  Speaker 2: It's like I remember literally every.
• 12:57
  Speaker 2: I remember exactly where I was, what stoplight I was at.
• 12:59
  Speaker 2: I remember exactly her words.
• 13:01
  Speaker 2: So I just said hey, I'm going to do this crazy thing and go alcohol free for a hundred days and please don't feel pressure.
• 13:09
  Speaker 2: But if there's any, if you have any inclination, just pray on it and think you know, if you want to do this with me, I would love to have your support.
• 13:15
  Speaker 2: And she did not wait a half a second to say I'm all in, 100%.
• 13:19
  Speaker 2: This is exactly what I need.
• 13:20
  Speaker 2: And it took me by surprise and, as excited as I was that I was going to have somebody to go along with it, it also was like, oh geez, now I'm like really in it.
• 13:29
  Speaker 2: Now I'm committed because if she's doing it with me, I'm definitely going to have to do this.
• 13:35
  Speaker 2: And I feel like if I hadn't gotten that kind of response from her, I probably would have.
• 13:39
  Speaker 2: It would have been harder for me to 100% commit to and I will say 100%.
• 13:43
  Speaker 2: I do not feel that I would have been able to overcome some of the challenges a month, two months, three months in, if she wasn't right there struggling with me.
• 13:52
  Speaker 2: So that was really important and I will say, if it's something that you're looking into, definitely have somebody that's willing to lock arms with you, even if they're not willing to do it, to just tell them and have that accountability.
• 14:04
  Speaker 2: Because it was huge, that was huge for me.
• 14:05
  Speaker 2: We just decided that we had 100 days to go and that was going to be all through the holidays and it was going to be difficult, but it was going to be something that we were going to rock.
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: Well, and that's awesome that you guys did it through the holidays, because I know a lot of times when we set time challenges, you're like you think ahead, like okay, well, what's coming up, and we try to find the path of least resistance right.
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: So like, oh, a random month where there's no holidays, there's no parties to do it through all of those holidays your Halloween, your Thanksgiving, your Christmas, your New Year's and so I remember you were keeping track.
• 14:41
  Speaker 1: You were giving us great options for some mocktails.
• 14:42
  Speaker 1: I think I even ordered one on Amazon Prime Days.
• 14:44
  Speaker 1: You had put up Gosh.
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: What was the?
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: Was it called recess?
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: Did you drink something called recess?
• 14:49
  Speaker 2: Yes, was that you Okay?
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah.
• 14:51
  Speaker 1: So like ordered flat of that to my house.
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: But talk to me just about then what kind of opposition you had, because this is the thing that's so.
• 15:00
  Speaker 1: That's so crazy to me about alcohol too.
• 15:02
  Speaker 1: If you were to walk in somewhere and you said I have made a decision to stop and you fill in whatever that addiction is, people would be so encouraging to you.
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: They'd say I'm so proud of you.
• 15:14
  Speaker 1: There's this thing about alcohol If you say I'm good, I'm not gonna have a drink, that it's what's going on.
• 15:22
  Speaker 1: Are you pregnant?
• 15:22
  Speaker 1: Are you sick?
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: Are you this?
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: Are you pregnant?
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: Are you sick?
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: Are you this?
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: Are you that?
• 15:32
  Speaker 1: How come?
• 15:32
  Speaker 1: It's just one you don't have to have.
• 15:33
  Speaker 1: There is just so much social pressure around drinking.
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: That, to me, is so bizarre that you cannot just say I'm good without getting a lot of questions.
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: So what does that look like?
• 15:38
  Speaker 1: I'm really curious.
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: With your neighbors, did you have to go?
• 15:42
  Speaker 1: It sounds like they were a common denominator in some of the struggles, like, did we have to go have a conversation with the neighbors?
• 15:48
  Speaker 1: Were they supportive?
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: A lot of times, too, when we work on things that maybe other people know they need to be working on, but they're not ready to.
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: It creates a little bit of defensiveness or kickback.
• 15:59
  Speaker 1: What did that look like with just your social circle?
• 16:03
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I would say that was probably one of the hardest things to tackle was the social and the friends, the neighbors.
• 16:10
  Speaker 2: I did have a talk and I just said, hey, I'm just going to do this like 100 day thing If anybody wants to join me, you know, trying to keep it light, and the entire mood of like all of us shifted.
• 16:21
  Speaker 2: And my, the friend, that the neighbor that I was closest with, she, she literally said, heather, that's really stupid.
• 16:29
  Speaker 2: And I said what's stupid?
• 16:31
  Speaker 2: And I, she said it's really stupid that you would do that right before the holidays, do you not?
• 16:35
  Speaker 2: Do you not?
• 16:36
  Speaker 2: Have you not like thought it's going to be your birthday, it's going to be Thanksgiving, it's going to be Christmas, and then on New Year's, and I didn't even have words really to say back other than I'm doing it.
• 16:46
  Speaker 2: So after that point it was, it was really strained around them and I ended up just not not hanging out anymore.
• 16:54
  Speaker 2: We stopped going over there and there was definitely a sort of a break with with them and a couple others, you know, just here and there that were a little uncomfortable with hanging around.
• 17:05
  Speaker 2: You know, if I wasn't drinking which I have, I still have absolutely zero problem being around those who are drinking.
• 17:12
  Speaker 2: I choose not to be around belligerency or people who are out of control, obviously, but I have no problem whatsoever being in a social circle with people drinking and I no longer have temptations.
• 17:21
  Speaker 2: But during that time I thought this is it's not going to be healthy for me to be to continue to go there if I don't have.
• 17:35
  Speaker 2: So, yeah, that was, that was difficult.
• 17:36
  Speaker 2: And when you say there is such a social stigma, there is a huge social thing around drinking and everybody does automatically assume all the things and it just isn't.
• 17:42
  Speaker 2: Just, I'm just going to take a break, you know, I'm just going to take a break from drinking you know, alcohol?
• 17:47
  Speaker 2: It does not.
• 17:47
  Speaker 2: It's not the same thing as if somebody were to say, hey, I'm going to take a break from smoking pot.
• 17:51
  Speaker 2: Everyone's like that's amazing, that's so great.
• 17:56
  Speaker 1: Are you sure not just one hit every Saturday?
• 18:00
  Speaker 2: Right, but you say you're going to stop drinking for a while.
• 18:03
  Speaker 2: Everyone's like how will you survive?
• 18:05
  Speaker 2: How is that going to be possible?
• 18:07
  Speaker 2: I don't think I would never do that, or there's so much stuff you come against in that.
• 18:14
  Speaker 2: So, and then something I noticed too, which I did not expect is everywhere I looked was alcohol.
• 18:20
  Speaker 2: Every movie, every show, billboards, the grocery store.
• 18:24
  Speaker 2: I couldn't believe.
• 18:26
  Speaker 2: I never noticed.
• 18:27
  Speaker 2: But when you walk into a grocery store, it's everywhere.
• 18:28
  Speaker 2: And the the grocery store.
• 18:29
  Speaker 2: I couldn't believe, I never noticed.
• 18:29
  Speaker 2: But when you walk into a grocery store, it's everywhere.
• 18:30
  Speaker 2: And the particular grocery store that we were at the time before we moved it's literally the door you walk in is the alcohol section.
• 18:36
  Speaker 2: I never noticed it until I was trying to stay away from it, but it's everywhere.
• 18:40
  Speaker 2: It is in music, it's just all over.
• 18:43
  Speaker 2: I've thought as I'm going through this if it's this difficult for me, what is it like for somebody that is full blown, really struggling alcoholic, that just can't get a grip on it?
• 18:53
  Speaker 2: And then what is it doing to our kids?
• 18:55
  Speaker 2: What is this showing our kids?
• 18:56
  Speaker 2: It's literally everything that they see and hear.
• 18:59
  Speaker 1: So that was a big that was a big wake up.
• 19:02
  Speaker 1: I mean, just even like every song, it's amazing If, like the lyrics to a song that you just you don't even realize how much it's talked about, that it's just part of what's expected, it's what's socially acceptable.
• 19:15
  Speaker 1: And again, I mean, I know that this is.
• 19:18
  Speaker 1: I am not on the same journey as you, I have not decided to be sober for the rest of my life, but it's something that's so intriguing to me.
• 19:26
  Speaker 1: I think part of it is just age the older we get, the more our body just doesn't like alcohol.
• 19:33
  Speaker 1: So for me, a glass of wine as much as I enjoy the glass of wine I'm like I just I'm not going to feel great tomorrow Even just not indulging just a single glass, which makes me then start questioning like, okay, why is my body not liking this?
• 19:47
  Speaker 1: What I love about this conversation is I think we can all hear it from different sides.
• 19:52
  Speaker 1: We can hear it from the person that really has felt convicted that they want to do this.
• 19:56
  Speaker 1: We can hear it from the friend who maybe hasn't been encouraging or has given some social pressure to friends that maybe are having their own convictions, and we can hear it from a point of that maybe are having their own convictions and we can hear it from a point of is this benefiting me?
• 20:09
  Speaker 1: Is this even benefiting me?
• 20:11
  Speaker 1: So you've gone 100 days, you make it your 100 days and most people it's like when you do a really strict 30 days eating and then you're like on day 31, I'm gonna order a pizza and have a Diet Coke, which is like then why am I even doing this?
• 20:25
  Speaker 1: So for you, you get to that hundred days.
• 20:28
  Speaker 1: What's your process of?
• 20:30
  Speaker 1: Am I having a drink tomorrow?
• 20:32
  Speaker 1: What's this going to look like?
• 20:34
  Speaker 1: What was that experience?
• 20:36
  Speaker 2: Yes.
• 20:36
  Speaker 2: So originally, when I first started, I thought on New Year's Eve is going to be the night that I have my first drink and I'm going to celebrate with champagne that I made it to this challenge.
• 20:45
  Speaker 2: And the further along I went I kept thinking like I'm not sure if I'm going to celebrate with champagne that I made it to this challenge.
• 20:48
  Speaker 2: And the further along I went I kept thinking like I'm not sure if I'm going to want to drink on New Year's Eve.
• 20:50
  Speaker 2: And then it got to the point of New Year's Eve came and I had no desire.
• 20:55
  Speaker 2: I had no, and we had a party, we had a bunch of people over and my friend who had done the journey with me flew up to to be with me, like it was the thing, and we both just felt like maybe we should just try tonight to not and see what that's like.
• 21:12
  Speaker 2: And I literally had zero desire and everybody's you know, popping champagne and drinking all the other things, and it was one of the first times that I did not have a temptation, which is wild.
• 21:23
  Speaker 2: Even all this time I'm thinking that's going to be like sort of the celebration day.
• 21:28
  Speaker 2: And then we get there and I'm like that's the least, that's the last thing that I want is to ruin it with alcohol.
• 21:35
  Speaker 2: I realized at that time that I decided not to drink that night, that that was the first New Year's Eve, that I have not had a drink since high school.
• 21:43
  Speaker 2: Wow.
• 21:45
  Speaker 1: You get through that, and so do you have a conversation with your girlfriend.
• 21:50
  Speaker 1: Do you say, okay, let's just keep doing this?
• 21:51
  Speaker 1: Are you both doing it together now?
• 21:53
  Speaker 1: Are you alone Because she's like I'm going to, you know, maybe occasionally drink?
• 21:56
  Speaker 1: What does it look like then, moving forward to now be two years, completely sober?
• 22:03
  Speaker 2: Yes.
• 22:03
  Speaker 2: So she at that point decided that she does not ever want to go back to drinking.
• 22:06
  Speaker 2: And I was still in the mindset that I'm not going to put a hard, I will never have a drink again.
• 22:12
  Speaker 2: I sort of kept it.
• 22:13
  Speaker 2: I'm just going to keep it day by day and if I feel like I can handle having a drink or two, then I probably will.
• 22:18
  Speaker 2: And again, the longer I got into it, the more I just started like what's the point?
• 22:23
  Speaker 2: I'm feeling so good, what's the point in having a drink when I'm having a perfectly fine time now and it's not even just about the fun.
• 22:30
  Speaker 2: I mean, the fun obviously is a big part of it, but I've relearned how to have fun.
• 22:35
  Speaker 2: But there was so much more than just fun or socializing.
• 22:39
  Speaker 2: There was so much that had come up with me being alcohol-free that I didn't want to go back there.
• 22:46
  Speaker 2: There was a lot of things that I had to deal with deep, deep that I had not dealt with literally since high school.
• 22:51
  Speaker 2: That came up and I just kept thinking, if I go back to even drinking on occasion because I do, I still do believe that I could handle drinking on occasion because I did it for so many years.
• 23:03
  Speaker 2: Right, it wasn't until 2020 that I really felt like things got a little like out of control and started spinning.
• 23:08
  Speaker 2: So I do feel like I could drink and be in control and drink socially and have a glass of wine or champagne at a wedding or whatever.
• 23:16
  Speaker 2: But it's just that I have come, so I've done this and I've come so far with with my journey within, with my, my relationship with the Lord and my health, like diving so deep into like all about whole body health, that it's like I just don't see, I don't have a desire to, because I don't see the point.
• 23:36
  Speaker 2: So that's sort of where I am.
• 23:40
  Speaker 1: Interesting that you brought up 2020 as like, okay, I had like maybe a couple of decades of managed drinking and then you're thrown into this stage where and I was a hundred percent a part of it and still am trying to watch my language around things of like mom's wine night, or, you know, we kind of market it as like mom time out or these different things, and in that that crisis time of 2020, we all developed I shouldn't say we all, a lot of us developed different vices or coping mechanisms to something that felt very out of control, right, and a lot of 2020, I also it's like five o'clock I poured myself a glass of wine and it is just interesting how very, very slowly things can creep in that become habit and a habit just stays and it becomes a lifestyle and it takes a while for you to go.
• 24:38
  Speaker 1: Wow, that really crept in.
• 24:40
  Speaker 1: You know, instead of just having a drink, maybe on a Saturday night, now every single night of the week, we're having a glass of wine at night, and just how quickly that can happen.
• 24:50
  Speaker 1: One question I would love to ask you and if it's too personal, that's okay.
• 24:54
  Speaker 1: So you shared in the beginning all these different stories, a lot that your daughter was involved in?
• 24:58
  Speaker 1: Has there been now conversation and restoration where you've been able to have heartfelt conversation about the hold that alcohol had on you and some of that embarrassment that it caused, and how you feel that now you're so much more of a present mom and how you would hope that your kids could really see from your example that they don't get caught in that same pattern of over-drinking?
• 25:23
  Speaker 2: Yes, there's definitely been a lot of sit-down moments and I feel like things even come up now just with as simple as something seeing something on TV or hearing a song that I will take that in a moment and just bring, bring attention to it.
• 25:36
  Speaker 2: You know that I think this, this keeps coming up in my thoughts.
• 25:40
  Speaker 2: Like, I don't know if you guys are familiar with Morgan Wallen, but up until just last year, every single song that he sang was about alcohol almost.
• 25:49
  Speaker 2: And then he recently went sober and did like a I'm not sure if he is still sober, but he went through a time where he is sober and so every time we heard this Morgan Rollins song, I would bring up something about that.
• 26:00
  Speaker 2: Like you know, isn't it interesting that his whole career was almost based around drinking and he's decided to do this?
• 26:07
  Speaker 2: So, just when things, when things come up, when a show comes on, or when something gets mentioned about alcohol, or if they see a drunk person, I do take the opportunity to just say you know, we, we recognize that and I'm so grateful that I'm not in that place anymore and we do talk a lot about you know, just because you turn 21 does not mean that you need to go to the bar, you don't need to celebrate 21 at the bar and you don't have to make college a drink fest and you know, just making sure that there are times that you are I'm constantly bringing it up and mentioning.
• 26:40
  Speaker 2: You know we could, we could be here and I'm so grateful that we're here now.
• 26:44
  Speaker 2: And, yeah, definitely like the embarrassment.
• 26:46
  Speaker 2: And, like I said, they didn't really notice those kinds of things.
• 26:49
  Speaker 2: They didn't know that I was mortified that they were seeing those kinds of things.
• 26:53
  Speaker 2: But I make it a point to tell them it was like really hard for me to see that I had let myself get to the point where you guys saw me that way.
• 27:00
  Speaker 2: I never in a million years wanted my kids to see me anything but sober.
• 27:04
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so yeah keeping that conversation open.
• 27:09
  Speaker 1: For sure.
• 27:09
  Speaker 1: I love that you brought up that 21 years old.
• 27:12
  Speaker 1: This is something that I think a lot about.
• 27:13
  Speaker 1: I have older kids now.
• 27:16
  Speaker 1: I have a 22,.
• 27:17
  Speaker 1: Almost 23-year-old, I have a 19-year-old, 15-year-old, and a lot of people said like, are you guys going to go out for her 21st?
• 27:24
  Speaker 1: Are you going to do that?
• 27:25
  Speaker 1: And and no, I mean I think about all the different things like what, what age are you allowed to buy cigarettes and to get a tattoo and to smoke pot and there's no other thing that we're like you're 18, let's go get a tattoo.
• 27:40
  Speaker 1: Or you know you can.
• 27:40
  Speaker 1: You can go buy your own marijuana now at the dispensary.
• 27:42
  Speaker 1: Let's go get a tattoo.
• 27:42
  Speaker 1: Or you can go buy your own marijuana now at the dispensary, let's go get marijuana.
• 27:47
  Speaker 1: And there's just something around this 21st birthday and drinking that I have felt really convicted as a parent.
• 27:55
  Speaker 1: Like, absolutely not.
• 27:57
  Speaker 1: Now, if my adult child came to me and said I would really love to go have a drink with you and dad, a hundred percent, I'm not going to.
• 28:03
  Speaker 1: I'm not going to shame that, I'm not going to say no, but to create a story over.
• 28:08
  Speaker 1: I'm turning 21 and we have to all go get blitzed and it's got to be this drink fest, because now it can happen Like I just don't know why we would walk our kids into and again, I'm not judging anybody that felt this is what you want to do with your kids.
• 28:23
  Speaker 1: For me, as a parent just working through these things, I pray that my kids never have to deal with an addiction to a substance.
• 28:31
  Speaker 1: And so why would I make a celebration over?
• 28:34
  Speaker 1: Now you're legal, now we can go do it and introduce it if it's not something that they're leading that charge on.
• 28:41
  Speaker 1: And I'm pretty confident.
• 28:42
  Speaker 1: Maybe we shouldn't say this on air, but I'm pretty confident.
• 28:45
  Speaker 1: My 22-year-old has never had a drink and it's not something that interests her.
• 28:50
  Speaker 1: She takes her covenants that she signs to play a sport in college very, very seriously, and there's been times when people have made comments like well, you're 21.
• 29:00
  Speaker 1: And I'll be like zip it, do not make this something that they feel there's a pressure that now that's part of who you're supposed to be.
• 29:08
  Speaker 1: This is so personal and so individual for each of us that it's really made me more aware of just some, even just some of the stuff that you've shared, heather, just how it's made me more aware how I can just so easily make comments that might be very hurtful to somebody who is really trying to work on cleaning up something that they feel convicted about and convicted could be.
• 29:30
  Speaker 1: I came home drunk and my kids saw me too.
• 29:33
  Speaker 1: I just don't like the way I feel, and so I'm really thinking through if this is even worth it.
• 29:37
  Speaker 1: We don't have to be the people that try to convince somebody that no, you do, or you should, or just a little bit, or I'll keep you accountable to only have one Honor people around you with the choices that they're trying to make, and so I love that you brought that 21-year-old conversation up, because I just again, I don't.
• 29:54
  Speaker 1: There's not a right or a wrong way for me and my husband.
• 29:58
  Speaker 1: It is just not something that we're going to be like.
• 30:01
  Speaker 1: This is the day where you get to start doing this.
• 30:03
  Speaker 1: I never want to feel any responsibility at all for my kids starting into something that maybe brought them down a path that led to destruction, and this is just one of those things that it's a big.
• 30:15
  Speaker 1: It's because of what you just said.
• 30:17
  Speaker 1: It's everywhere, it's everywhere, and once you open a door, I believe Satan uses that to just keep knocking you down to try to get a little bit more control over your life.
• 30:28
  Speaker 1: Let's talk a little bit before wrapping it up.
• 30:31
  Speaker 1: So what are things that have come for you in sobriety that maybe really surprised you, maybe things that you didn't expect to be a positive side effect?
• 30:42
  Speaker 1: I also would love to know how your husband maybe being a little bit optimistic has this impacted, how maybe he has a beverage or doesn't.
• 30:51
  Speaker 1: Has it had a little bit of a ripple effect?
• 30:54
  Speaker 2: I'd say a big surprise was just how much I had to relearn.
• 30:59
  Speaker 2: I had to relearn how to manage life.
• 31:03
  Speaker 2: I had to relearn how to cope with things Because even before, like I said before, things got sort of out of control after 2020, my whole I mean my whole upbringing, from high school on, I was drinking.
• 31:15
  Speaker 2: So you know it's typical to have a stressful day.
• 31:20
  Speaker 2: You pour a glass of wine, right.
• 31:21
  Speaker 2: Or you have like a hard mom day.
• 31:22
  Speaker 2: You pour a glass of wine, you guys have a rough week.
• 31:25
  Speaker 2: You and your hubby go out for a date night because it was stressful.
• 31:28
  Speaker 2: You order drinks.
• 31:29
  Speaker 2: So it's like I had to relearn a lot of life coping skills and that surprised me because I thought that I had mastered all that, especially becoming a mom.
• 31:41
  Speaker 2: I thought I had that all figured out and I didn't realize even just a glass of wine a few nights a week or when things were stressful, like how much that had taken away my ability to live normal life and work through motherhood, work through stress at work or whatever.
• 32:00
  Speaker 2: So that was one of the big.
• 32:01
  Speaker 2: That was one of the biggest things that surprised me was having to relearn how to live life fully sober, and it's never one of the things.
• 32:09
  Speaker 2: If somebody were to had told me that before I went through this, I would think that was only for somebody who was a like a raging alcoholic, that they would have to relearn that.
• 32:17
  Speaker 2: But even just having a glass or two of wine in a week, you're using that wine to dull, to numb whatever stress it is that you're trying to get over.
• 32:28
  Speaker 2: So it was one of the very first times that I had a big upset that I realized wait, a minute, normally I would just go grab a glass of wine because I'm really upset about what this person said or did and I had to sit with it and I literally had to go in my room and sit and sit with it and think I have to work through this without numbing any of it.
• 32:51
  Speaker 2: And my emotions were like a roller coaster.
• 32:55
  Speaker 2: For the first month I feel like I'm kind of a steady Eddie.
• 32:59
  Speaker 2: I'm not somebody who really gets worked up easily.
• 33:03
  Speaker 2: But I realized like maybe that was part of maybe that was a lot of that was alcohol related, because I was no longer steady Eddie and the first 30, 60 days of being sober I had like I had a lot of rollercoaster emotions and it was just, yeah, learning how to process, learning how to come to deal with things, learning how to rework relationships like my husband and I, relearning how we were going to communicate, because the whole time that we were married we've always drank, and even if it was not something that was considered a problem, that's, we were all we had always drank together.
• 33:40
  Speaker 2: Anytime we went on a date night drinking together.
• 33:43
  Speaker 2: So you know that that spilled over into all the things communicating with my hubby.
• 33:47
  Speaker 2: You know, intimacy.
• 33:48
  Speaker 2: I mean you're like the whole gamut.
• 33:50
  Speaker 2: There was a lot, of, a lot of things to learn and it almost felt overwhelming.
• 33:54
  Speaker 2: And then on top of that were things that started bubbling up, suppressed, things that I hadn't dealt with, that I needed to, you know.
• 34:01
  Speaker 2: So it's like there was all this, all this stuff that just kind of kept compiling.
• 34:05
  Speaker 2: And you mentioned Satan and I'm telling you there was.
• 34:08
  Speaker 2: I felt like he was right there just waiting, waiting for that moment, waiting for that that time to just like send me something and say, hey, you know you can't handle this, this is way too much coming at you at once, like all it is is one glass of wine.
• 34:21
  Speaker 2: It's not like you're getting drunk.
• 34:23
  Speaker 2: That was probably the most surprising thing that I had to learn is just relearning this, and managing thing.
• 34:44
  Speaker 1: Then it's like where you took the sip of wine and it would push things further and further down.
• 34:46
  Speaker 1: All of a sudden, all of that stuff that's there, it starts surfacing up and again.
• 34:49
  Speaker 1: This can be for so many different areas that you could apply this to.
• 34:53
  Speaker 1: I think it's so great that you are willing to talk about your story.
• 34:58
  Speaker 1: We can apply this to anything that we're struggling with, anything that we feel like we need to get grips on, anything that we feel the Holy Spirit is nudging us Like hey, that is an area in your life that is holding you back, that is ruining relationships, that's keeping you from being your best self and just taking those steps.
• 35:18
  Speaker 1: I think Heather's story is such a beautiful example of it.
• 35:21
  Speaker 1: Doesn't have to be today.
• 35:22
  Speaker 1: I mean, in some things it to be today.
• 35:23
  Speaker 1: I mean on some things it should be today.
• 35:25
  Speaker 1: I commit, it's done.
• 35:26
  Speaker 1: But there's other things like maybe I just drink a little bit too much.
• 35:30
  Speaker 1: Maybe I should do this a hundred days.
• 35:32
  Speaker 1: Maybe I should look at maybe it's 30 days and you get that buddy and you just start it.
• 35:37
  Speaker 1: I know that there's.
• 35:38
  Speaker 1: Is it sober?
• 35:39
  Speaker 1: I don't remember what month they a lot of time they do like sober.
• 35:42
  Speaker 1: Is it sober October, sober I?
• 35:43
  Speaker 2: don't remember what month.
• 35:44
  Speaker 1: A lot of time they do like sober.
• 35:45
  Speaker 1: Is it sober October?
• 35:45
  Speaker 1: Sober, I don't know?
• 35:45
  Speaker 1: Sober October.
• 35:46
  Speaker 1: So we're halfway through it.
• 35:47
  Speaker 1: So you need to do sober November or sober October and November.
• 35:50
  Speaker 1: But just getting that buddy and making the decision, because I think as soon as you take the first step in anything that you just feel convicted that you need to get some control around, you start to feel encouraged and you go from feeling totally defeated and then taking that first step and just getting some of that power back and talk a little bit Heather.
• 36:10
  Speaker 1: I feel like sometimes when there's something like this you know for other people it's eating it could be something as simple as I consume too much sugar, I drink soda, it could be all kinds of things.
• 36:21
  Speaker 1: In just a health journey Even if this is not I'm abusing a substance, this could be like my life would be better, my health would be better.
• 36:30
  Speaker 1: We all have.
• 36:31
  Speaker 1: We all have the things.
• 36:32
  Speaker 1: When you start to get control over that, when you get to day seven and to day 14, maybe for you it was having to get past those first 60 of managing the emotions and the stuff that was coming up Do you feel because I know I sense this a lot in my life.
• 36:45
  Speaker 1: When I really get intentional with something, when I get intentional and I'm having success, other things in my life start to just feel like they have more intention.
• 36:54
  Speaker 1: I'm managing other areas better because I've gotten discipline in something that I was really undisciplined with.
• 37:01
  Speaker 1: Did you experience that at all?
• 37:04
  Speaker 2: that I was really undisciplined with.
• 37:04
  Speaker 2: Did you experience that at all?
• 37:05
  Speaker 2: I feel like, because I had overcome something that was such a huge hurdle and such a I feel like I conquered this giant mountain, that I still feel like, when I come up against something that seems difficult, that I just go right back to thinking, if I did that, if I conquered that mountain, I can surely jump this hill.
• 37:23
  Speaker 2: So I guess it's just a sense of like empowerment, like I did something really hard and if I did that I could literally do anything.
• 37:31
  Speaker 2: So I guess it gives me, like it almost gave me, like a superpower, like a secret superpower that I have, and I go back on that.
• 37:37
  Speaker 2: I go back to that a lot when I'm thinking about overcoming something.
• 37:41
  Speaker 1: Well, evidence right.
• 37:42
  Speaker 1: When there's evidence before you, you have proof.
• 37:45
  Speaker 1: You have proof that you can do really hard things and it bolsters your sense of okay.
• 37:51
  Speaker 1: That is not bigger than me, I can do that, especially when you have faith involved.
• 37:55
  Speaker 1: Me and God, we've totally got that.
• 37:56
  Speaker 1: I might not, but he does and he's in me and therefore I can tackle that.
• 38:00
  Speaker 1: And I just think it's so easy to stay complacent, to stay stuck.
• 38:06
  Speaker 1: Life is busy and I think busyness is one of the biggest contributors to bad habits, because everything just feels overwhelming and everything feels too hard.
• 38:17
  Speaker 1: And so, heather, it has just been.
• 38:18
  Speaker 1: I appreciate you sharing your journey and again, we're not trying to tell anybody that you know, to be a good person, you have to give up drinking.
• 38:25
  Speaker 1: We have somebody here who's totally sober and somebody myself who's not, but just, I think, always a good, just a good conversation to have over what has hold on my heart, what has hold on my behavior, what do I feel like I don't have control over, and what do I need to rein in to really be living my best life, to be walking in my potential, to be being an example of if there's things in our life that we think we don't want our kids to emulate this Like I would be bummed if I saw my kid living out this exact thing that I'm living out Like.
• 38:59
  Speaker 1: That is something to take notice of.
• 39:01
  Speaker 1: And so, heather, is there any final words you want to leave with our listeners before we sign off today?
• 39:07
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I would just say if you're feeling that nudge or if you're feeling like maybe you wanted to take a break or see what it's like to maybe go sober for a little while, you're worth trying it and seeing what comes of it.
• 39:18
  Speaker 2: So, even if it's just something that you're maybe for 30 days, you want to try.
• 39:23
  Speaker 2: You have to try, you're worth trying.
• 39:25
  Speaker 2: And so there's a couple of tools that I would really love to share that if anybody's interested in doing this.
• 39:30
  Speaker 2: Like number one, I think I mentioned that having that accountability.
• 39:33
  Speaker 2: So telling somebody that you're going to do this, asking a good friend if they'd be willing to do it with you, or, even better, get a group of people doing it with you Like that's so great to have that accountability.
• 39:50
  Speaker 2: And you have to make sure that you can't rely on other people, but you can 100% rely on the Lord and you can 100% say you don't have the strength to get through this, but he will.
• 39:55
  Speaker 2: He will get you through it.
• 39:57
  Speaker 2: He is the one that I got my strength from.
• 39:58
  Speaker 2: I could not have done it by myself, and if I hadn't had that the accountability and I hadn't had him in my corner giving me strength, I don't believe I could have done it.
• 40:06
  Speaker 2: So just relinquishing that control, knowing that your strength does not is not going to come necessarily from you.
• 40:13
  Speaker 2: And then there's a couple tools.
• 40:14
  Speaker 2: So I highly recommend the I am sober app.
• 40:18
  Speaker 2: It tracks it for you, it gives you great motivation along the way, it gives you tools and it's free and you can pop in at any time and see how far you've gone and then you can adjust it.
• 40:27
  Speaker 2: If you have you know.
• 40:28
  Speaker 2: If you had struggles, you can take notes.
• 40:29
  Speaker 2: It's awesome.
• 40:30
  Speaker 2: I love it so much I still use it to this day and a book that I highly recommend, even if you're just curious about maybe doing at some point in the future.
• 40:38
  Speaker 2: It's called the alcohol experiment by Annie Grace, and it was a game changer in my journey and a lot of people just use it for like a quick 30-day break.
• 40:50
  Speaker 2: A lot of people do that 30 days and realize that they want to continue to do it a little bit longer.
• 40:54
  Speaker 2: But she's fantastic.
• 40:55
  Speaker 2: She's a great author and I loved the way that the book was.
• 40:57
  Speaker 2: It was really helpful.
• 40:58
  Speaker 1: So I'll make sure to put all of that in the show notes.
• 41:02
  Speaker 1: We'll link the app and that book in the show notes.
• 41:05
  Speaker 1: But again, heather, thank you so much just for being willing to be transparent.
• 41:09
  Speaker 1: I know that it can be vulnerable, but I always say a struggle kept silent is a struggle wasted.
• 41:13
  Speaker 1: And to be able to share your struggles with other people, especially when you've come this far, you're evidence that it can happen and I just appreciate you being willing to share that story.
• 41:23
  Speaker 1: So, friends, be sure to check the show notes for all of those resources.
• 41:30
  Speaker 1: If this is something that you're interested in, I'll put Heather's social media channel in here as well in the notes.
• 41:33
  Speaker 1: Maybe, if you have made the decision or you've been encouraged by her story, maybe convicted by her story I know that a lot of encouragement comes from knowing that our stories have impacted others.
• 41:44
  Speaker 1: So maybe, if you decide to take this journey, just send Heather a quick private message and say, hey, you've inspired me to, even if it's just take inventory, to just take time to recognize that maybe this is something that me and God have to kind of wrestle through.
• 41:56
  Speaker 1: I know that that would be a huge encouragement to her on her journey as well.
• 42:00
  Speaker 1: So, friends, be sure to go like the show and share it on your social channels.
• 42:05
  Speaker 1: This is how it gets out to other people.
• 42:07
  Speaker 1: If you have somebody that you know is struggling with an addiction of any kind, I would encourage you also just to share this as maybe just a tool that would encourage them to know that they do have not their own strength, but they have the power to do this with the help of Christ right beside them and with great accountability and just some great resources that Heather shared.
• 42:26
  Speaker 1: So until next week, friends, take care.