Latest / I Do, Part 2 / New Dating Trend That Resembles A Rom-Com: Eventationships, Can They Actually Lead To The Real Thing?

Transcript

New Dating Trend That Resembles A Rom-Com: Eventationships, Can They Actually Lead To The Real Thing? · I Do, Part 2

0:02
Speaker 1: Hey, folks, it is Saturday, August eighth, and have you
0:06
Speaker 1: ever seen a movie called The Wedding Date stars Deborah
0:11
Speaker 1: Messing and Dylan mulroney Dermott. Yes, yes, he's mister what
0:17
Speaker 1: mister ram calm himself. If you've ever seen that movie?
0:22
Speaker 1: Would you believe that what happened in that whole rom
0:25
Speaker 1: com scenario is now actually an emerging dating trend. Welcome
0:32
Speaker 1: to this episode of Amy and TJ. I have just
0:35
Speaker 1: put the movie on in the background here. I've never
0:37
Speaker 1: seen this movie. The scenario is typical rom com ridiculousness,
0:43
Speaker 1: and it's what what's the synopsis of the movie.
0:45
Speaker 2: The synopsis is that Kat, who's played by Deborah Messing,
0:50
Speaker 2: is single and dreading attending her sister's wedding in London
0:53
Speaker 2: because her ex fiance is the best man, So she
0:57
Speaker 2: hires a handsome professional marier escort named Nick Toposes her
1:01
Speaker 2: new boyfriend. But as the wedding events unfold, their fake
1:04
Speaker 2: relationship turns into real feelings.
1:07
Speaker 3: Oh no, and they fall in love.
1:08
Speaker 1: Is that what happens? I didn't see it. I didn't.
1:11
Speaker 3: I didn't there's a false ending.
1:12
Speaker 1: I forgot what it is.
1:14
Speaker 3: But then yes, it turns out they actually love each other.
1:17
Speaker 1: You've seen the movie oh multiple times.
1:20
Speaker 3: I don't know if they marry, but they're together.
1:22
Speaker 1: Spoiler alert, and what the hell?
1:24
Speaker 2: Then? Also, remember this one just is pretty recent. It's
1:27
Speaker 2: not exactly the same, but pretty close. Anyone but you,
1:31
Speaker 2: of course, that is with Sidney Sweeney. And who's the
1:35
Speaker 2: dude's name, the hot guy that.
1:37
Speaker 3: Everybody loves, Glenn Powell.
1:39
Speaker 2: Yes, Glenn Powell and Sidney Sweeney, same exact thing where yes,
1:45
Speaker 2: they have a great first date, but then they hate
1:48
Speaker 2: each other, but then they find themselves at a destination
1:51
Speaker 2: wedding and pretend to be the perfect couple to keep
1:53
Speaker 2: up appearances, and then they actually fall in love.
1:57
Speaker 1: Okay, so we'll just telling me, and she has a
2:02
Speaker 1: great name of it to share with you. But there's
2:04
Speaker 1: a new not new? Is this a new trend? Necessarily?
2:08
Speaker 2: Are they keeping they're calling it a new dating trend?
2:11
Speaker 2: But it's been around, obviously at least since the wedding date,
2:14
Speaker 2: which was what I don't know how many years ago,
2:16
Speaker 2: twenty years ago.
2:17
Speaker 1: You're telling me this is an emerging trend, a legit
2:19
Speaker 1: dating trend right now, And I think.
2:21
Speaker 3: These emerging trends are trends because they're being.
2:23
Speaker 2: Called out or discussed on TikTok and other social media outlets.
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Speaker 2: But this is called an eventationship. And it's funny because eventually,
2:34
Speaker 2: when I saw it, I thought it was an eventuationship.
2:37
Speaker 2: So I thought, oh, this is cool, like you start
2:39
Speaker 2: off as friends and eventually you hope you get into
2:41
Speaker 2: a relationship.
2:42
Speaker 3: But I read it wrong.
2:42
Speaker 1: There's no you in there.
2:44
Speaker 2: It's not an eventuationship, which is what I initially thought
2:47
Speaker 2: it was, which is why I clicked on it.
2:48
Speaker 1: Because shots got to be a trend.
2:50
Speaker 2: This is interesting and I think maybe we can look
2:52
Speaker 2: into that one as well.
2:53
Speaker 3: But that's what I thought I was reading.
2:55
Speaker 1: That's what we were in.
2:56
Speaker 3: We were in an eventuationship for eight years. We've played
3:01
Speaker 3: the long game, and you know what, we're laughing.
3:04
Speaker 2: But that is why I clicked on it, babe, because
3:06
Speaker 2: I thought, I know a little something about an eventuation ship.
3:09
Speaker 2: Seeds have been planted, you don't really realize what's happening,
3:12
Speaker 2: and all of a sudden, eventually you're in a full
3:14
Speaker 2: blown ruw sace.
3:15
Speaker 1: Have we laughed about this and you anytime you bring
3:18
Speaker 1: it up, I'm like, yeah, babe, I was playing the
3:19
Speaker 1: long game. I was going to be patient for eight
3:22
Speaker 1: years and just waiting now.
3:23
Speaker 2: So, but yes, this is an invent eventationship event aventation
3:29
Speaker 2: ship okay, so is what it's officially described as an
3:33
Speaker 2: agreement between two singles who commit to being each other's
3:37
Speaker 2: plus ones, oftentimes around wedding season, but even any kind
3:41
Speaker 2: of event. This is your person who you bring with
3:44
Speaker 2: you and you all show up for each other and
3:49
Speaker 2: the relationship is specifically designed around attending events.
3:55
Speaker 1: Okay, first question, are you acting as if you are
3:59
Speaker 1: a couple at these events?
4:00
Speaker 2: So they actually give people who want to explore this
4:04
Speaker 2: type of a relationship just some tips, some pro tips,
4:08
Speaker 2: and among them is when people start asking you, so
4:11
Speaker 2: is this your boyfriend or who is this? And how
4:13
Speaker 2: do you introduce this person who you have clearly defined
4:17
Speaker 2: boundaries with as an inventationship, you should say, we're just
4:20
Speaker 2: really getting to know each other right now and having fun.
4:23
Speaker 3: That is what they say.
4:25
Speaker 2: How you should describe your relationship to anyone who asks have.
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Speaker 1: A second question, is this a person that is already
4:31
Speaker 1: a friend of yours, someone you're close to, or it
4:34
Speaker 1: can be a rando like this woman who's hired a
4:37
Speaker 1: guy like you said, I.
4:40
Speaker 3: Think that might be the extreme version in this movie.
4:43
Speaker 1: But this is somebody in your wheelhouse, a friend, but
4:46
Speaker 1: not someone you are romantically linkedine.
4:48
Speaker 2: So it says you might not actually be committed to
4:51
Speaker 2: each other or in a romantic relationship, but you do
4:54
Speaker 2: share an agreement to be each other's plus ones.
4:57
Speaker 3: And they wanted to point out this is different than a.
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Speaker 2: Situationship, which we heard so much about it Love Island,
5:02
Speaker 2: because apparently those are messy. Remember Kada kept talking about,
5:05
Speaker 2: We're not in a situationship.
5:07
Speaker 3: That's messy at all. The way we define these, well.
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Speaker 1: We're committed, but not boyfriend girlfriend, that thing.
5:14
Speaker 2: We haven't done a whole episode, that weird thing that
5:18
Speaker 2: Zach created. We're beyond closed off. We're committed to each other.
5:23
Speaker 2: We're not in a situationship, but we're not boyfriend and girlfriend.
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Speaker 1: All right, go on.
5:27
Speaker 2: But the eventationship is different from a situationship because when
5:32
Speaker 2: it comes to an eventationship, you and your partner are
5:35
Speaker 2: actually agreeing to specific roles for each other. And the
5:40
Speaker 2: whole idea behind a situationship is that it is ambiguous.
5:44
Speaker 3: This is specific.
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Speaker 2: This is actually has clear boundaries and is anything but
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Speaker 2: ambiguous because you've laid it out with this person.
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Speaker 3: We're going to be each other's plus one.
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Speaker 1: Have another question, how do you handle the hotel room?
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Speaker 1: How do you behave when you're there? You hold hands?
6:00
Speaker 1: Are we supposed to put on as a couple? Okay,
6:03
Speaker 1: I got a question.
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Speaker 2: This is so interesting because this is what was. You
6:07
Speaker 2: just got me to the next part of this. So
6:10
Speaker 2: they acknowledge that the eventationship can be tricky because there
6:14
Speaker 2: are a lot of questions about how to behave, what
6:17
Speaker 2: to do, what not to do. So they say, yes,
6:19
Speaker 2: if you're if especially if this is about going to weddings,
6:22
Speaker 2: and I think this is where this is most often used.
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Speaker 2: Weddings are romantic and it makes them a breeding ground
6:30
Speaker 2: for misplaced feelings. So they say, before the event, you
6:34
Speaker 2: actually need to talk to your partner about what the
6:36
Speaker 2: boundaries are. Are we holding hands for photos? Are we kissing?
6:40
Speaker 2: Are we keeping this strictly platonic? And to each partnership
6:45
Speaker 2: you can create those boundaries.
6:47
Speaker 3: Some of them may even say, yeah.
6:49
Speaker 2: Will will have fun, We'll we'll explore each other physically romantically,
6:55
Speaker 2: But it begins and ends with the date.
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Speaker 3: What this is where Look, this.
7:02
Speaker 2: Is a whole other generation of folks who have Reddit
7:06
Speaker 2: posts and forums to discuss different dating trends. And yeah,
7:10
Speaker 2: I could see someone about Ava's age sitting down with
7:13
Speaker 2: some guy saying, Okay, here's what the boundaries are. But
7:17
Speaker 2: they say, if you don't have the clear boundaries, when
7:19
Speaker 2: you take someone to a wedding and they're all the
7:21
Speaker 2: feelds and everyone's been drinking and there's dancing and there's
7:24
Speaker 2: music and there's love in the air, boom, feelings can sprout.
7:28
Speaker 2: So that is a dangerous, dangerous possibility.
7:32
Speaker 1: Just described a situationship in which the situation is very specific.
7:37
Speaker 1: We are together in these environments. It sounds like what
7:41
Speaker 1: you're saying here, Roped is that we have defined what
7:44
Speaker 1: our relationship and any intimacy in this relationship is going
7:48
Speaker 1: to be exclusive. Two events we decide to go to together.
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Speaker 1: Is that what we're doing?
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Speaker 3: Yeah?
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Speaker 2: And if you it's so funny the wedding date, if
7:56
Speaker 2: you sit down and actually watch this movie, probably won't.
8:00
Speaker 2: But yes, you know what, if I get Sabine over here,
8:03
Speaker 2: you will. That's the only way I can get you
8:05
Speaker 2: to watch a rom com is if Sabine comes because
8:07
Speaker 2: I believe when we were just on our most recent vacation,
8:09
Speaker 2: you asked Sabine, what's your favorite genre of movies?
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Speaker 3: And she kind of shyly said rom com.
8:16
Speaker 1: It was it was like asking her where she wants
8:18
Speaker 1: to go to college, and she didn't say Arkansas. It
8:20
Speaker 1: was it hurt she didn't say horror movies. I was
8:23
Speaker 1: very hurt rom com.
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Speaker 3: Here's a news flash.
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Speaker 2: Almost all girls, starting at age thirteen, their favorite genre
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Speaker 2: of movies is rom com. Not everybody, but it's I
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Speaker 2: would say it's a high percentage. And so yes, this movie.
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Speaker 2: The wedding date is exactly what we're talking about. And
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Speaker 2: it's funny because obviously at the time I would never
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Speaker 2: have thought this was a dating trend or that anyone
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Speaker 2: did this.
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Speaker 3: But it makes sense. Look, you're you're.
8:52
Speaker 2: Trying to not be that single who doesn't have anyone
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Speaker 2: to talk to, and especially if all your friends have boyfriends,
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Speaker 2: you're whatever, whatever wedding you're going to, it makes sense
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Speaker 2: to have a pact with someone who you trust, someone
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Speaker 2: who you like, or yes, even in this case, someone
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Speaker 2: you hire.
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Speaker 1: A couple more questions here, One of them, is there
9:10
Speaker 1: a place you can think of that. I'll stick with
9:15
Speaker 1: women here for a second, that it is more important
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Speaker 1: for a woman for her in her own mind, to
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Speaker 1: show up with an impressive date.
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Speaker 3: Oh yeah, I think a wedding.
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Speaker 1: Is there anything else? What could you possibly go to?
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Speaker 2: I think it's a wedding because I'm trying to think
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Speaker 2: of another event that you would feel slightly uncomfortable.
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Speaker 1: What about a high school reunion or something like that.
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Speaker 2: Oh yeah, yeah, but unless unless you got your side
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Speaker 2: set on an old flame.
9:43
Speaker 3: Yes, you're right, it would probably.
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Speaker 2: Everyone usually brings their spouse, Everyone usually brings their significant
9:47
Speaker 2: other to go to a high school reunion alone, and
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Speaker 2: maybe that would make you feel a certain way.
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Speaker 1: And going to a wedding alone is a problem.
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Speaker 3: I agree both of those.
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Speaker 2: You're right, that's a good other place, a high school reunion,
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Speaker 2: although you gotta hope your other person is just puts
10:03
Speaker 2: it on and is good, because yeah, there might be
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Speaker 2: some probing questions.
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Speaker 1: You know, I say this to you a lot. I
10:09
Speaker 1: know you don't like it, but I mean it like baby,
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Speaker 1: don't worry. Promise I'm gonna behave when you take me seriously, bro,
10:16
Speaker 1: when you go around family, when you go around you
10:18
Speaker 1: go to certain places where I realize. Don't get me wrong,
10:22
Speaker 1: I'm not some bum. I'm not cutting up at places,
10:25
Speaker 1: but there are times we understand it's important. You're not
10:29
Speaker 1: gonna say to me, TJ strain your talk. Can you
10:31
Speaker 1: wear this for me? I really like when you wear
10:33
Speaker 1: this clone that you're not gonna do that now. But
10:35
Speaker 1: I pay particular attention to making sure I am on
10:40
Speaker 1: point when it's something for you.
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Speaker 2: Yes, And I do think that is what in real relationships.
10:45
Speaker 2: And I don't want to say an inventationship is not
10:47
Speaker 2: a real relationship, but it's a version of one. But
10:50
Speaker 2: in an actual romantic relationship, that is what partners do.
10:53
Speaker 2: They hopefully they show up for each other and they say,
10:55
Speaker 2: I'll put on my best face, nice for you, for
11:00
Speaker 2: your friends, for your family, and let's do this. And
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Speaker 2: so that is kind of what you're agreeing to an inventationship.
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Speaker 1: You don't like that sometimes because you think I am
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Speaker 1: faking it. That's not what I'm saying. It's like, oh,
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Speaker 1: he doesn't want to be here and he's just.
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Speaker 3: Fucking That is sometimes how it does interpret that.
11:13
Speaker 1: No, it's just but still I'm no, come on, no, no,
11:16
Speaker 1: in everybody out, this is what you do for your
11:18
Speaker 1: loved one, and it's not you know, if you see
11:21
Speaker 1: it as a chore, that's the problem. It is actually
11:24
Speaker 1: a responsibility and it's loving. Yes, it's the right thing
11:27
Speaker 1: to do.
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Speaker 3: It's a giving thing to do.
11:29
Speaker 1: It absolutely is. I had another question about it. Even aship, okay,
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Speaker 1: is there infidelity and eventationships? Meaning she took me to
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Speaker 1: the last wedding, she's taking who to this one? They're
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Speaker 1: not dating either.
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Speaker 2: Seriously, I imply that there are feelings because that's interesting
11:52
Speaker 2: because if it's just an e ventationship, but we have
11:55
Speaker 2: an agreement, I'm your person, you're person, I think you
11:57
Speaker 2: should go to the person and say, yeah, I'm a
11:59
Speaker 2: move on to another person.
12:02
Speaker 1: Look.
12:03
Speaker 2: And so when we come back, we're going to talk
12:05
Speaker 2: about how things can get messy, because yes, there are
12:07
Speaker 2: a lot of warnings, a lot of potential problems in
12:11
Speaker 2: this seemingly easy, almost professional relationship that you've created. But
12:18
Speaker 2: guess what, don't we all kind of want a rom
12:21
Speaker 2: com ending that's the problem. Welcome back everyone to Amy
12:34
Speaker 2: and TJ. I love these episodes when we get to
12:36
Speaker 2: talk about dating trends and yes we can call them
12:39
Speaker 2: a new dating trend, but oftentimes they're as old as
12:42
Speaker 2: time is. It's just we've got a name and a
12:45
Speaker 2: hashtag to go along with it.
12:46
Speaker 1: But yes, you ever known anybody to do this?
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Speaker 3: I don't think anyone would admit it. That's the thing.
12:52
Speaker 2: When you're in an eventationship, you're not acknowledging it to
12:54
Speaker 2: anyone else.
12:55
Speaker 3: You're keeping it to.
12:56
Speaker 2: Yourself, and you're saying, we're just really enjoying getting to
13:00
Speaker 2: know each other right now and having fun. You're not
13:02
Speaker 2: actually saying we have a pact. Maybe you might tell
13:04
Speaker 2: your best girlfriend, but I think most of these types
13:07
Speaker 2: of relationships are in an effort to not appear like
13:11
Speaker 2: you're not dating anywhere.
13:13
Speaker 1: I think I've been dragged to something before.
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Speaker 3: You have you think one I'm arranged.
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Speaker 1: I think I have like the understanding it was no
13:25
Speaker 1: big deal, like doing a favor, like who's the most
13:27
Speaker 1: impressive friend in her circle? That's a guy, and that
13:30
Speaker 1: was me because I'll show up and I'll behave I'm
13:33
Speaker 1: trying to think of what it was.
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Speaker 3: Was it a wedding?
13:35
Speaker 1: Was a wedding? It was an event? It wasn't Well,
13:39
Speaker 1: can some.
13:39
Speaker 2: Of these events that we have to go to when
13:41
Speaker 2: you're in a certain line of work. Yes, can be
13:43
Speaker 2: boring and overwhelming, and all the small talk can feel
13:46
Speaker 2: very scary. So to have someone by your side, I
13:48
Speaker 2: totally get that, Like, that's awesome.
13:50
Speaker 3: To have like a bff.
13:52
Speaker 2: But was this person Was she passing you off as
13:55
Speaker 2: a romantic interest or a possible relationship?
13:58
Speaker 3: That was a conversation understood that you came as a friend?
14:02
Speaker 2: No?
14:03
Speaker 1: From no, because from a distance, assumptions were made. We
14:07
Speaker 1: don't have to go talk to everybody and the place
14:09
Speaker 1: and have a conversation. It's just from a distance. She's
14:12
Speaker 1: there with a guy. He has on a nice suit.
14:14
Speaker 3: She's got a date. Yes, she's got got a date.
14:17
Speaker 2: You're a date, all right. So here's when things can
14:20
Speaker 2: get difficult. And folks who talk about eventationships say, look,
14:25
Speaker 2: when you this is what they said, when you strip
14:29
Speaker 2: away the.
14:29
Speaker 3: Anxiety of where is this going? Do they like me?
14:33
Speaker 2: So that often happens when you're dating someone in the
14:35
Speaker 2: early stages and you're going to these types of events.
14:38
Speaker 3: They say, when you take away all of that.
14:39
Speaker 2: Anxiety, because you have an arranged, established boundary, you actually
14:43
Speaker 2: get to see that other person in an authentic, relaxed
14:46
Speaker 2: state because no one's trying to impress anyone else. And
14:49
Speaker 2: then they say, you're also watching how that other person
14:52
Speaker 2: handles travel, delays, possible family drama. They're getting to know
14:57
Speaker 2: maybe your inner circle. And if you you can survive
15:01
Speaker 2: all of that, maybe you might actually realize you'd rather
15:06
Speaker 2: have them with you on a random Tuesday or maybe
15:11
Speaker 2: an actual real date. Maybe it's time to renegotiate the term.
15:14
Speaker 2: So when I read that, I started laughing out loud,
15:17
Speaker 2: and I thought, here's where all, well, so many of
15:20
Speaker 2: us girls and some boys too, I'm sure get ahead
15:25
Speaker 2: of ourselves.
15:25
Speaker 3: We start imagining the rom com and the making. Here's
15:29
Speaker 3: this person that.
15:30
Speaker 2: I thought I was just taking with me along to events,
15:33
Speaker 2: to weddings, and turns out, wow, we're actually falling in love.
15:38
Speaker 2: I do wonder how often that might be in the
15:41
Speaker 2: back of either person's mind. There might be a hope,
15:44
Speaker 2: because to ask somebody to come as you're plus one
15:48
Speaker 2: in an eventationship, wouldn't that imply you like being around them,
15:52
Speaker 2: You like spending time with them, You enjoy their company,
15:55
Speaker 2: you like going to stressful situations with them because they
15:59
Speaker 2: make you feel more at ease.
16:01
Speaker 3: Isn't that the most amazing foundation for a relationship period.
16:05
Speaker 1: You described the first eight years.
16:08
Speaker 2: Absolutely we were with I think we were in an
16:12
Speaker 2: eventuationship and in an eventationship because we did go to
16:17
Speaker 2: all of those events together, and we would be the
16:20
Speaker 2: two people if we showed up alone, which we did
16:22
Speaker 2: oftentimes so many work events, we would literally find each
16:25
Speaker 2: other across the room. There's that one song, and I
16:27
Speaker 2: always think about you.
16:29
Speaker 3: I look for you when I'm a room full of people,
16:35
Speaker 3: in a room full of people, I look for you.
16:37
Speaker 2: Summer, I always think about you because that was us.
16:40
Speaker 2: And then we queue up together and we're thick as thieves.
16:44
Speaker 1: But I'm surprised you didn't recognize it as you were
16:47
Speaker 1: saying it. You were just the thing you were just describing.
16:50
Speaker 1: Is us to get a chance to get to know
16:54
Speaker 1: someone without the pressure, without the expectations in all of
16:59
Speaker 1: those environment What what do you want to see somebody with?
17:01
Speaker 1: You want to see how they handle stress. You want
17:03
Speaker 1: to see how they are with their family. You want
17:04
Speaker 1: to meet their family without the pressure.
17:07
Speaker 2: You met my entire family with everybody think they'd come
17:10
Speaker 2: to GMA. We would all interact until out we went
17:14
Speaker 2: to dinners like, absolutely, we.
17:16
Speaker 1: Don't have to be introduced. So it's so when you
17:18
Speaker 1: were describing that, that makes sense. And now I am
17:21
Speaker 1: on board with this as a precursor, right, I am
17:26
Speaker 1: on board with this being a potential way to find
17:30
Speaker 1: a good mate when you don't have the pressure, when
17:33
Speaker 1: you can be friends, when you can relax and still,
17:37
Speaker 1: I guess be collecting information about someone without the pressure
17:42
Speaker 1: of what you're going to do with it. Or I'm
17:44
Speaker 1: the last one. There is the one they got me.
17:47
Speaker 1: And now we look at this movie. Now are they
17:49
Speaker 1: sleeping in the room together? What is this?
17:51
Speaker 2: Oh? I think they have to you know, in the
17:53
Speaker 2: rom comms they always have like the guy sleeps on
17:55
Speaker 2: the floor while she sleeps on the bed because they're
17:57
Speaker 2: having to pretend. Oh the proposal, same concept in a
18:01
Speaker 2: way where you she it was a whole thing about
18:04
Speaker 2: her having to get married to Rise. But still they
18:07
Speaker 2: were pretending they were in a relationship when they weren't.
18:10
Speaker 2: And he's sleeping on the floor. This is Sandra Bullock
18:12
Speaker 2: and Ryan Reynolds. She's on the bed, he's on the floor.
18:15
Speaker 2: There are so many rom coms where yeah, they're pretending
18:19
Speaker 2: to be in a relationship and in the end they
18:22
Speaker 2: find love. That's what we all want in the end, isn't.
18:26
Speaker 1: It would suck?
18:28
Speaker 2: I actually think it'd be really interesting the horror movie too.
18:32
Speaker 3: It's all in one.
18:34
Speaker 1: The horror comes at the end. It's weird, but then.
18:38
Speaker 3: It all still has a happy ending. It really is.
18:40
Speaker 3: It's a quirky movie that maybe one day we'll write.
18:43
Speaker 1: This will be a Christopher Nolan five and a half
18:45
Speaker 1: hour story.
18:47
Speaker 2: It'll be the odd dissy yes in every way. All
18:50
Speaker 2: right with that, everyone, we always appreciate.
18:52
Speaker 3: You listening to us. I made me Robock alongside TJ. Holmes.
18:56
Speaker 3: We'll talk to
19:00
Speaker 1: The kitchen Pat