Latest / The Kelly Jedele Show / Why Embracing Difficult Conversations Is One Of The Kindest Things A Leader Can Do
Transcript
- Kelly Jedele: cannot shy away from difficult conversations. Your life will grow to the extent of the difficult conversations that you're willing to have. Kelly: Welcome to the Kelly Jedele Show. I'm Kelly. 17 years of building businesses and zero interest in hustling myself into the ground. If you want the business and the life, you're home. Let's get into it. Kelly Jedele: Hello and welcome back to the Kelly Jedele Show. Today I'm talking about difficult conversations and how they really can be the kindest thing that a leader can do for their organization. What you can do for your people. So today we're going to talk a little bit about just how those things have affected my business over the years and my personal life, and really just like some of the things that I've learned over the years from very smart people. So I didn't start my company with a lot of structure thinking about the culture and and and the actual building of the company. I really started the company just going like I know that when I hire people, I want them to feel safe, welcomed, cared for, proud of the work that they did for the clients, and making money for their families. It really wasn't me putting a mission, vision, value statement together for what I wanted. I really just wanted my people to feel comfortable to work Work hard, get along with each other, treat each other with respect, and make money along the way. Like it wasn't really a strong structure that I had in place in the beginning. And so as things progressed, I really learned about real conversations and about how to trust myself inside of those conversations and really be accountable to my clients and to my employees and to myself. really stop and listen to what those those cues were over time. And I feel like I've gotten better. I'm sure we need to ask my team. And I think that they have gotten better as well. So we've talked about these things over the years and really just allowed when when things come up that we talk about it. And I've learned over the years that that is just really what needs to happen. You cannot shy away from difficult conversations. Your life will grow to the extent of the difficult conversations that you're willing to have. I truly believe that. So you've Got to dive in and set aside time for these conversations. And they're not always fun. I don't know if they're ever fun, quite frankly. And I think one thing that you that is fun is seeing the results over time happen faster and better when you do have these conversations. So that's the thing that that is fun, I guess. If if there was, there's really not a place for fun in this type of conversation. I hate to break it to you. So but it's it's definitely Worth having, and I will say the difference between feeling like I'm taking care of these conversations and not means that my team trusts me. So without having difficult conversations or interrupting when I see things that are happening. Like for in our company, in a cleaning company, that means that if they're gossiping between each other, that's a no-go. If something is broken inside of a client's home, our policy is to talk about it immediately, not like after the house is cleaned or the next day or at the end of the day. Immediately and then those are difficult conversations, they're never fun. Or if something gets scratched or broken in a home, immediate conversation. and other things like maybe a misunderstanding or c employees that aren't getting along or a client that's upset about something, handling those things faster. Is what keeps the cost going, cost from happening more and more. So it keeps the cost down. So the longer that you wait for any of these things to be talked about, the higher the cost. That's a better way of saying it. So you want to make sure that you're dealing with these things as fast as possible. And just really like respect the other person. And the faster you do that as a leader, your team respects you. So if you have, for example, a gossip person, someone who's gossiping in your company, if you don't take care of that and your team sees that you let that person stay, and I have done that over the years, it does not work. You have to, you have to write that person up time and time every time and then let them go if it doesn't change. And that means that that person has to know what's going on. So you have to have that difficult conversation with the employee as well. And then you have to have the other person that's in the gossip. It's just you have to have them in the office. You've got to talk about it. And if you don't, it just gets really, really messy. It's the same thing with life. You know, if you have a partner or a client or a friend that's that it the process that the relationship is just getting sticky for whatever reason. If you don't talk about it and you just let it linger, it won't ever fix itself. It won't just go away. You know, it's not gonna just stop after time. And I would say that closing the gap between when I feel that feeling like deep in my gut and having that conversation is where I think our success happens. So that making sure that you're the sooner that you do that, the better. It's just really, really good. And I will say that also another thing that has helped me over the years is making sure that when I am dealing with a person, and this is more in my personal life, but it happens in work too, that when a person comes to me and they're highly emotional for for whatever reason, they're upset or they're just a a toxic person or they are perhaps angry, you know, there's a lot of different emotions that can get really upset. They could even be like intoxicated or, you know, those type of things also. But when they're when they're coming at you with those type of heightened emotions, I have done this visual in my life where I let them have their emotions separate from me and I sit back and just watch their emotions. So I don't I used to jump in and have the emotions and so my life and their life were combine and I will tell you every time I do that, it's not a good conversation. So if they come at me with a lot of emotion, I let them have their emotion. I hear them out. I just don't join them in it. So I can st I can stay calm. I keep myself as calm as possible. And I have learned the calmer I can stay when someone is heightened, the better the outcome. Because if I get upset when they're upset, all they remember is that I was upset or how I the tone of my voice. They don't ever remember like the actual structure of the conversation. And this has happened to me so many times. So I have d I've worked on this. And gotten, I feel like I have definitely gotten better. I still struggle with it because we all get, you know, we all have different emotions around certain topics or people. It's it's just life. But really working on keeping myself separate from their emotions so that they can still have their emotions. I just don't join them. I feel like that's really something that's helpful. and the other, the the other point is when someone is coming to To a conversation and what is happening is probably at like a level four. But if they're coming at you with a level seven energy, then they're no longer talking about what's happening. They are there's something else going on. I either need more information about the story, like there's more to know about it, or they're they're reacting because of something in their history that there is is attaching to what's the problem going on right now. So this this happened recently with something that got broken at for a client's house. The the client We the client reached out and said that something got broken in their home and we didn't know about it. So our policy got broken. Our employees didn't tell us immediately. And that's that's really hard. So the client's coming to us telling us directly when we didn't know about it, and it happened three weeks prior. So we're just we're not do we're not we're not doing well at this point, right? And so the client is upset, we respond, the client doesn't like how we respond, of course, naturally, but she comes back at us with a really Yeah. intense words, intense response. And so my first thought is what happened and her response is not matching. So and so I'm thinking to myself, what got broken in her home was either from like, did a loved one pass away that gave that to her? Or, you know, or or was it from like yeah, like that's what I thought. Like there's a there's more to this story. If if what got broken She's that upset about it. It's because it's sentimental for some reason. And also because they didn't the team didn't tell her. So confidence is broken and we're in her, you know, like the whole, it's a whole messy situation, right? So we talked to the team, we, you know, we talked to her again, had multiple conversations with her. Turns out she was just upset that this happened and we weren't and we didn't talk to her about it. So it's just it we if we could have talked to her sooner it would have helped a lot. But it was emotional. It was very sen it was a sentimental thing. So that, you know, there's a it just wasn't matching. And then when we found a few more details, we're like, we understood. And so that's very much how I have worked on difficult conversations in my life. I've worked on closing the gap between when the when I feel the feeling of having of needing the conversation to having the conversation. That's one. Number two When their emotions are coming at me strong, I work on staying calm while they're having their emotions and not joining them. And then three, I really make sure that I have the information that I need. So if they're coming at me with a higher intensity than what the problem I see from my angle is, I can ask more questions and get curious about what's going on. And sometimes that could be as easy as for women, like a hormonal day, or it can be like you had something happen crappy in your day, and so you're you're you had two or three things happen before this conversation, and so it's just everything. Or it you know, it could be so many things, or like something is hurting your feelings, and it's hurt your feelings before, and so this is not the first conversation you're having about it. There's so many things that could happen. So these difficult conversations are so Intense and very very necessary as leaders to really guide your team as you go. And there are moments to practice these conversations throughout our life on a daily basis. So when you see something, say something, right? And so it allows us to grow and to move through our leadership and really listen and hear what the other person is saying. And I know in my my personal life, I've really Worked on listening more to hear their full conversation and asking more questions so that I can understand when I need to maybe change my behavior or change the way I look at something. Because I I really want to have good relationships in my life. I who doesn't, right? I mean that's kind of a normal thing. And but I want deep, lasting relationships. And there isn't a thing where you just are friends with someone or partner. With someone forever and ever and it not be bumpy at some point where you don't have a disagreement. And if you don't have a disagreement and you've been friends or whatever for twenty or thirty years, someone is not stating their opinion about something. Like that's there there is some one of the two people is just not stating their opinion. Like that's That's just not possible, right? Because we're humans and we're emotional creatures and we're we're we we have things that bother us. And it that doesn't mean there's something wrong with the relationship. That just means that there needs to be an understanding on both sides. And that really is so good to build a company, to build a culture, to build a community of people that respect each other and really, really love to be working on the same thing and when you're building a small business that's what you need and I will tell you the best people my the best employees I have are different than me. I need people that are similar to me but I need people that are different than me so that we can do all of the pieces of the business. And so I will tell you people that are different than you you don't always understand why they do things. So if you can be quiet And listen, you can understand their point of view and just be available to understand that life doesn't always happen the way we do it. There are other ways to do things. And so sometimes it's just as easy as that. There's just another way to do it. So hopefully this can help you look at conversations that you're having inside of your business, inside of your fa family and relationships, to really test yourself to try to have more difficult conversations. Because I tell you it's worth it. It is worth it, and you feel proud of yourself, and the relationships can grow, the trust can build, and you can really, really grow as a human and evolve in so many different ways when you allow yourself to do this, especially as a leader. And that is such a huge thing for me. So thank you so much for listening today. Thank you so much for being here for the podcast. It is my absolute pleasure to be here. Please subscribe if you haven't. We have had several. people subscribe lately and it's so fun to see those numbers rise. If you have any of this information that does hit today, please share it with another business partner or person in your life or maybe another woman who's just, you know, out there killing it. And then if you want to be a sponsor for the podcast, we're looking for that too. Please reach out. There's more information in the show notes about that. Thank you so much. We will see you next week. Have a great day. Bye now. Kelly: That's the show. One favor before you go. Send this to one woman who needed to hear it today. Strong doesn't mean solo. I'll see you next week.