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My wife packed a bag and vanished… after I confessed to cheating! | Reddit Stories | EP3132 · ok storytime

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Hey, this is Carly.
• 0:01
  Speaker 2: And this is Dakota, your favorite OK Storytime hosts, and
• 0:04
  Speaker 2: we've got some great stories coming up.
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: But before that, we have a quick two-minute break from
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: the sponsors that keep the show alive. My wife packed
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: a bag and vanished after I confessed to cheating. As
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: she should. I, 29 male, feel like this is pretty
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: much Reddit self-destruction.
• 0:24
  Speaker 3: Welcome.
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: And you're right. My wife, 25, female, and I have
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: been a couple for five years, married for two, have
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: an eight-month-old son, and I consider them both my whole world.
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: I just couldn't imagine life without them. The pregnancy was
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: difficult for both of us, but mostly for my wife,
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: for obvious reasons.
• 0:47
  Speaker 3: Yeah, she's the most of the heavy lifting.
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: She was bedridden for the majority of the pregnancy, so
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: I had to do most of the house chores, shopping, etc.
• 0:55
  Speaker 3: Oh my gosh. How big was this baby?
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: It just depends how it is.
• 1:01
  Speaker 2: 50 pounds?
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: It's not really how big it is. It's where it's positioned.
• 1:04
  Speaker 3: No, it has to be. Well, no. 50 pounds at
• 1:07
  Speaker 3: the hip?
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: It's not.
• 1:09
  Speaker 3: No, it's where it's positioned. I'm a doctor. I know this.
• 1:13
  Speaker 3: If it's 50 pounds in your left boob, you're bedriddened.
• 1:18
  Speaker 3: That's how it works.
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: That's just normal though. And I never felt like my
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: wife tried to take advantage of the situation. I know
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: she would have much preferred to have the strength to
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: do it herself. She had a lot of mood swings
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: and the hormones were just going crazy. That is my
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: worst nightmare if I ever get pregnant because I already
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: have like weird hormones that I feel like I would
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: just go absolutely insane and I would like hate everything.
• 1:41
  Speaker 3: I guess I'm going to tell you.
• 1:42
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 1:44
  Speaker 3: Still here. Yeah. It's like you're pregnant right now.
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: It's like Still here. No, no. Imagine 10 times worse.
• 1:52
  Speaker 3: I can't. This is the worst.
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: It really isn't. This is like... It isn't!
• 1:58
  Speaker 3: It isn't!
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: It isn't! She was never mad, though. Just sad and
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: worried that she'd be a bad mother. Or that there
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: would be something wrong with the baby. By the end
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: of her pregnancy, we ended up going to the hospital
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: like 15 times just to listen to the baby's heartbeat.
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: Because she was convinced something was wrong.
• 2:18
  Speaker 3: She has anxiety. Yeah, she's scared.
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: My sister-in-law did that, like, twice. Because she was like,
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: she's not, you know, like, when it gets, like, bigger,
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: you can feel it moving, whatever.
• 2:29
  Speaker 3: Once it gets to 100 pounds.
• 2:30
  Speaker 2: No.
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: She's like, oh, my God, it's not moving. I haven't
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: felt her all day. Oh, my God, oh, my God.
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: And she, like, would freak out.
• 2:35
  Speaker 3: She's sleeping.
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and they were like, she just isn't kicking. She's good.
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: By the way, this comes from Cheating on My Wife.
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: And if you want to submit your old stories, go
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: to the r slash okay story time subreddit. I'm Savannah.
• 2:48
  Speaker 3: I'm Riley.
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: And we're here to talk about some stuff. Give some advice.
• 2:52
  Speaker 3: Let us know if you know where this story is going. Yeah.
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: By the title and the username. We don't have all
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: of the answers. We will only tell you what we
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: would do. But let us know what you would do
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: down in the comments.
• 3:04
  Speaker 3: It was the username for me. I completely forget the
• 3:07
  Speaker 3: title every time I read it.
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: Really?
• 3:08
  Speaker 3: It's better to. You let the story reveal itself as
• 3:12
  Speaker 3: it comes.
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I know. Some people get mad. They're like, didn't
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: you read that title? And I'm like, yes.
• 3:17
  Speaker 3: But that's not as fun. Imagine, I don't know, knowing
• 3:22
  Speaker 3: the end of a game, knowing who wins at the
• 3:25
  Speaker 3: end of the game and still watching it.
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's true. As OP says, it was impossible to
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: be rational with her or tell her not to worry.
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: She just said, I just feel something is wrong. I
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: can't help it. It's so hard. When you're pregnant and
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: this is your first child, you have no idea what's
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: going on. So I would be worried, too. I'd be like,
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: what's going on?
• 3:45
  Speaker 3: I feel for my mom during that time. But I
• 3:47
  Speaker 3: was a good baby. I'd stay up late, sleep in, too.
• 3:50
  Speaker 3: Still do.
• 3:51
  Speaker 2: Wow.
• 3:52
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: Still do.
• 3:53
  Speaker 3: Still do.
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: That's great. Our son was born without any complications and
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: perfectly healthy as well.
• 3:59
  Speaker 3: Let's go.
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: During the pregnancy, we were barely ever intimate aside from
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: snuggling and kissing. She wasn't comfortable with the idea of
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: spicy sleep while pregnant and again worried that it would
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: have hurt the baby somehow.
• 4:10
  Speaker 3: How are you supposed to fertilize it then?
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: It's already fertilized. What do you mean?
• 4:15
  Speaker 3: You got to get all the sides. You have to
• 4:16
  Speaker 3: keep fertilizing it as it grows.
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: That's not how that works.
• 4:19
  Speaker 3: Really?
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: We had oral spicy sleep on occasions, but they were
• 4:24
  Speaker 1: rare and far between. Yeah, because she's pregnant and worried
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: about her child. So probably not as horny. Yeah, probably
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: not at the forefront of your mind. Her life has changed.
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: She now is bedridden.
• 4:33
  Speaker 3: That's tough, though.
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: For nine months or however long that was.
• 4:38
  Speaker 3: Still tough, though. Nine months without.
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Nine months without alcohol. Nine months without, like, you know,
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: probably doing any sports.
• 4:47
  Speaker 3: Hard.
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: You know, like, can't get up to get yourself anything.
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: Our situation didn't improve after our son was born either
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: because she was always too exhausted or in too much
• 4:58
  Speaker 1: pain down there.
• 4:59
  Speaker 3: Yeah, you got to let her breathe for a little bit, bro.
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: Makes sense. It depends. Did she have, like, was it
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: a natural birth? Was it, you know, C-section, whatever? Like,
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: you got her.
• 5:07
  Speaker 3: Did I have to get the go-devil and split her open?
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: I'm telling you, you bleed profusely after birth. You're there
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: for a good, like, week, two weeks.
• 5:17
  Speaker 3: I tell jokes profusely.
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: And he does.
• 5:20
  Speaker 3: And he tries.
• 5:23
  Speaker 1: About our living situation... I'm a university student, so my
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: wife is the one who works and provides for our family.
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: From Monday to Thursday, I'm at school while she is
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: home with our son, and Friday through Sunday, she works
• 5:36
  Speaker 1: double shifts each day while I take care of our son. Wow,
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: and you're complaining you don't get any.
• 5:42
  Speaker 3: I know you're a student. You better be making bank.
• 5:45
  Speaker 3: Whatever you're in, you better be making bank.
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: She's the breadwinner, and she, dang.
• 5:50
  Speaker 3: Dang, sucks.
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: I told my wife a few days ago I was
• 5:53
  Speaker 1: going over to my classmates, let's call her Jenny, 19 female, house.
• 5:58
  Speaker 3: Oh, gosh.
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: Because we had both failed our exam back in May
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: and wanted to prepare for the re-exam, our university offered
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: about two weeks before the semester starts. I kissed my
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: wife and sung goodbye and told her I'd call her
• 6:12
  Speaker 1: when I'm on my way home. I'm being completely honest
• 6:15
  Speaker 1: when I say that I had no other intentions in
• 6:18
  Speaker 1: mind when I drove to Jenny's house that day. Now...
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: Let me just tell you about Jenny a bit.
• 6:23
  Speaker 3: Dude, I'm sorry. As a man, I do not hang
• 6:27
  Speaker 3: out with women alone unless I'm in a public space.
• 6:31
  Speaker 3: Or if they're like a sister or family member to me. Like,
• 6:34
  Speaker 3: I think I could hang out with you at my
• 6:36
  Speaker 3: apartment watching a movie, chill. But if it was your sister, Sydney,
• 6:39
  Speaker 3: I would feel uncomfortable. Oh, really?
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: I would. I feel like she'd probably feel uncomfortable too.
• 6:44
  Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah, you know, you don't do that.
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 6:47
  Speaker 3: I just, that's a role of mine.
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: I think it's a good role because then you don't
• 6:51
  Speaker 1: have to, you know, like you'll never have to make
• 6:55
  Speaker 1: your partner feel uncomfortable in that way.
• 6:58
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: If the opportunity would arise or whatever. But I understand, like,
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: I would study in a group of people or I
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: would study one- Well, yeah, but also if I had
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: to do partner work with, like, a guy, you know?
• 7:10
  Speaker 3: Like, you know, a library? Or, you know what? In
• 7:13
  Speaker 3: this case, we're staying in the living room. Yeah.
• 7:17
  Speaker 1: Like, I've had to go over people's houses to, like,
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: work on projects.
• 7:20
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 7:20
  Speaker 1: Nothing ever happened. She is an extremely attractive woman with
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: a very bubbly and flirty personality. The kind of woman
• 7:29
  Speaker 1: who'd drive any man insane, really. She has always been
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: very flirtatious with everyone, though guys and girls, not just me.
• 7:37
  Speaker 3: I do think she'd drive any man insane. Not the
• 7:39
  Speaker 3: same way you think, though.
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it seems like.
• 7:42
  Speaker 3: Seems like an annoying little sister.
• 7:44
  Speaker 1: No, I feel like she is very, um... If you
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: already know that she's flirty.
• 7:48
  Speaker 3: And hot.
• 7:50
  Speaker 1: You kind of put yourself in this situation.
• 7:52
  Speaker 3: You're asking for trouble.
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: So I never figured that she had a thing for me.
• 7:57
  Speaker 3: And then the next thing I know, I was hogtied.
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: A married man with a kid. I don't want to
• 8:03
  Speaker 1: go into too much detail of what happened at her house,
• 8:06
  Speaker 1: because honestly, it just feels awkward and wrong to even
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: think about. Well, you did it, so it must not
• 8:11
  Speaker 1: have been that awkward.
• 8:12
  Speaker 3: We're already writing this, so let's just do it.
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: But it went from what I perceived as innocent flirting
• 8:19
  Speaker 1: to kissing, stroking each other, and yes, we slept together. Stroking?
• 8:24
  Speaker 1: What the heck was I thinking? Nothing. I was a
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: dumb F that didn't think about it at all. In
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: my mind, I was just too focused on how good
• 8:34
  Speaker 1: it felt to share such a passionate moment. But when
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: it was all over, I regretted it immediately and began
• 8:40
  Speaker 1: to panic. Yep, you just gotta use the right head
• 8:45
  Speaker 1: in this scenario.
• 8:46
  Speaker 3: Or use your hand before you go. That scumbag stuff.
• 8:50
  Speaker 3: If you're that tempted and you gotta get something done.
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: That's true. If that's what's going to make you not cheat. Yeah.
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: Rub it out real quick and then go inside and
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: be like, oh, actually, I'm too tired.
• 9:02
  Speaker 3: Me. I have to go.
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: Me.
• 9:04
  Speaker 3: I have to go learn for my family. And I
• 9:08
  Speaker 3: don't know. Jennifer Lawrence is my study buddy. And I'm
• 9:11
  Speaker 3: married to the most beautiful woman in the world. But
• 9:13
  Speaker 3: I haven't had spicy encounters with her for 10 months.
• 9:16
  Speaker 3: I'm a rub one out before I go see Jenny.
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: Is that temptation?
• 9:19
  Speaker 3: I'm a have to.
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: See, I feel like for girls it's different. I just like,
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: to me, personally, I always think everything is always innocent.
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: I go in with an innocent mind. And then if
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: I feel uncomfortable or whatever, I'll be like, yeah, I
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: got to go.
• 9:32
  Speaker 3: Smart. Smart. And that is the step-by-step on how to
• 9:35
  Speaker 3: handle it. Thanks.
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: Jenny didn't seem all too troubled by what we had
• 9:40
  Speaker 1: done as she was ready to resume her study session.
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: She said, all right. Let's get to it. Now that
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: we've got that out of the way, what is the
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: answer to number three? What? I just couldn't do that though.
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: So I left her house as quickly as possible. I
• 9:59
  Speaker 1: was afraid to drive. home that day and face my wife.
• 10:01
  Speaker 3: Now you're gonna fail the exam again bro how stupid
• 10:04
  Speaker 3: are you.
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: So not only did you just ruin your marriage but
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: you also are gonna fail again.
• 10:09
  Speaker 3: You're not doing anything right.
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: A thousand scenarios played in my mind each worse than
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: the other and i was in doubt about whether to
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: tell her or keep it a secret It was a
• 10:19
  Speaker 1: constant battle between my conscious and my selfish needs. Ended
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: up just driving around town for an hour before finally
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: mustering up the courage to go home. When I arrived home,
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: I was greeted by the sight of my wife sitting
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: on the couch just playing games while our son was
• 10:33
  Speaker 1: napping on her chest.
• 10:34
  Speaker 3: You effed up, brother.
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: To come home to that after what you just did.
• 10:39
  Speaker 3: Do you ever watch Stranger Things? Remember that scene when
• 10:42
  Speaker 3: Nancy's mom's gonna go see Billy?
• 10:44
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 10:44
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah.
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and then she's like, what am I doing? And yeah.
• 10:50
  Speaker 3: Maybe that's what you needed to see before you went.
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: I mean, yeah, yes. She stopped herself though. An absolutely
• 10:56
  Speaker 1: beautiful sight and I lost it. It must have showed
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: because my wife asked what was amiss and I confessed.
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: I told her everything about what had happened along with
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: stupid BS excuses and about a thousand sorries. My wife
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: just stared at me in silence. Not a single word
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: came out of her mouth. Blank expression. I couldn't tell
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: what she was thinking. I wish she would have just
• 11:20
  Speaker 1: screamed at me in the moment, but instead she got up,
• 11:22
  Speaker 1: put her son in the baby seat, and went to
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: the bedroom to pack a bag faster than humanly possible. Truthfully,
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: that's what I would do.
• 11:30
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: I'm never one to, like, yell at someone. I'm always,
• 11:33
  Speaker 1: I am always someone to take the high road and
• 11:35
  Speaker 1: let them, I let them figure it out. I'm like, oh,
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: you did that?
• 11:39
  Speaker 3: Okay, well, have fun. I'm gonna let you sit with that.
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: I will not overemphasize all this stuff. You already know
• 11:46
  Speaker 1: you did wrong.
• 11:47
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: Live with it. I didn't do anything. So I'm going
• 11:50
  Speaker 1: to go. You can have the dirty conscious and probably
• 11:52
  Speaker 1: dirty pee pee. Yeah.
• 11:54
  Speaker 3: I forgive you too, by the way. We're just never
• 11:56
  Speaker 3: going to speak again.
• 11:58
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 11:58
  Speaker 3: Hit them with that. Oh, dude, they're not going to know.
• 12:00
  Speaker 3: They're going to need years of therapy for that one. Oh,
• 12:04
  Speaker 3: show yourself. You're the bigger man. That's how you do it.
• 12:07
  Speaker 3: Get the forgiving out of the way.
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: I kept asking her, where are you going? But she
• 12:11
  Speaker 1: just ignored me and eventually left the house, got into
• 12:14
  Speaker 1: the car and drove away. A few minutes later, I
• 12:16
  Speaker 1: received a text message from her that said going to
• 12:19
  Speaker 1: my parents' house. I've tried texting and calling her numerous times,
• 12:22
  Speaker 1: but she won't answer. I effed up big time and
• 12:26
  Speaker 1: I don't know what to do. I know I don't
• 12:28
  Speaker 1: deserve a second chance, but I just can't lose them.
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: How can I convince her something like this will never
• 12:33
  Speaker 1: happen again? How can I make her understand I never
• 12:36
  Speaker 1: meant to hurt her or ruin what we had?
• 12:38
  Speaker 3: Oh, boy. He's about to get eaten alive.
• 12:41
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm sure Reddit has already told you all of
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: these things. But I'm just going to reiterate.
• 12:49
  Speaker 3: What percentage does he have to bring it back?
• 12:52
  Speaker 1: To, like, get her back?
• 12:54
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 12:55
  Speaker 1: Say, like, 5%.
• 12:56
  Speaker 3: 5%? I was thinking he has better odds of winning
• 12:58
  Speaker 3: a lottery.
• 12:59
  Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: I mean, I don't know what she's thinking.
• 13:02
  Speaker 3: No, those are two good odds.
• 13:04
  Speaker 1: It's just the fact that, like, you already have a family.
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: That's the thing that would make me second guess this.
• 13:09
  Speaker 1: If I had nothing to lose, if I didn't have, like,
• 13:11
  Speaker 1: if I wasn't tied down with, like, bills or, you know,
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: things in my name that we shared or kids or
• 13:18
  Speaker 1: anything like that, never speak to me again. I will
• 13:22
  Speaker 1: be fine. I'll go. You do whatever you want. Yeah.
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: Leave me out of it. Yeah.
• 13:25
  Speaker 3: It's easy to break up.
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: But because there are now kids involved.
• 13:28
  Speaker 3: Married.
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: They have like.
• 13:31
  Speaker 3: Oh, I see.
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: Stuff in their name.
• 13:32
  Speaker 3: So that's why there's a better percentage of them getting
• 13:35
  Speaker 3: back together. Yes.
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: That's what I would think.
• 13:36
  Speaker 3: Because. And we don't know the financial situation of this either.
• 13:39
  Speaker 2: Exactly.
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: Yeah. I don't know.
• 13:40
  Speaker 3: Dang. You thought it way ahead of me.
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: Well, I was just thinking.
• 13:44
  Speaker 3: I was thinking he has better odds of getting crushed
• 13:46
  Speaker 3: by a vending machine than getting back together with her.
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: And that happens pretty often.
• 13:49
  Speaker 3: It does. That kills more people than sharks.
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: Which is crazy, because what?
• 13:54
  Speaker 3: Well, there's more vending machines out there than sharks.
• 13:57
  Speaker 1: Are there?
• 13:58
  Speaker 3: Yeah. People become encountered with vending machines way more often
• 14:02
  Speaker 3: than they do with sharks.
• 14:04
  Speaker 1: I guess, yeah. Yeah, that's true.
• 14:06
  Speaker 3: If I ran into a shark 50 times a year,
• 14:09
  Speaker 3: different odds. If everyone ran into a shark 50 times
• 14:12
  Speaker 3: a year, very different odds.
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: Yeah. But I would think there's a little chance of them...
• 14:18
  Speaker 1: Getting back together, but I don't know how she feels.
• 14:20
  Speaker 1: She said nothing. So.
• 14:22
  Speaker 3: Okay, I see your point. Good point. Here's my thing, though.
• 14:25
  Speaker 3: Who's the one bringing the money in? Who's the one.
• 14:28
  Speaker 1: That's her.
• 14:29
  Speaker 3: I don't know. Probably taking care of the housework.
• 14:32
  Speaker 1: That's her.
• 14:32
  Speaker 3: Who is also taking care of the baby?
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: That's her.
• 14:35
  Speaker 3: Who's the one studying?
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: Him.
• 14:37
  Speaker 3: And failing his exams? Him. I'm sorry. If you are
• 14:41
  Speaker 3: going to school and you fail an exam... And someone
• 14:45
  Speaker 3: is like making sure everything is good. I don't care
• 14:47
  Speaker 3: how hard that exam is. That is your responsibility to
• 14:50
  Speaker 3: do good.
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: Yeah. For example, Opie's wife, her responsibility right now is
• 14:55
  Speaker 1: to go to work, take care of the child, take
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: care of the house. That's her responsibility.
• 14:59
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 15:00
  Speaker 1: Over the weekend. And his responsibility, Opie, is to go
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: to school, get a degree, get a job in that career.
• 15:08
  Speaker 1: And he can't even do that.
• 15:09
  Speaker 3: I can't, bro. I can't.
• 15:11
  Speaker 1: Pathetic is what I say.
• 15:12
  Speaker 3: Failing the exam told me everything I need to know
• 15:15
  Speaker 3: about this guy.
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: Yeah. And then him going over and just doing that
• 15:19
  Speaker 1: because out of like temptation.
• 15:20
  Speaker 3: And then not studying afterwards.
• 15:22
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 15:23
  Speaker 3: What? Yeah. You didn't even go over there and do
• 15:25
  Speaker 3: what you're supposed to do. That's what pisses me off
• 15:27
  Speaker 3: the most. I would be less pissed off if he
• 15:30
  Speaker 3: was studied afterwards. But he just went over and did
• 15:33
  Speaker 3: that and left.
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: I would have been way more pissed off if he
• 15:36
  Speaker 1: stayed and actually studied. I mean, either way.
• 15:38
  Speaker 3: You went over there, did that, and then also worked
• 15:40
  Speaker 3: to provide for our family? Okay. We went over, did that,
• 15:43
  Speaker 3: and then left? You don't even care. You didn't even
• 15:46
  Speaker 3: think about our family.
• 15:47
  Speaker 1: He wasn't at all thinking about it at any time.
• 15:49
  Speaker 3: That's his job, is getting through school. He didn't even
• 15:50
  Speaker 3: do that right.
• 15:50
  Speaker 2: Yep.
• 15:51
  Speaker 1: So.
• 15:52
  Speaker 3: Now she's on my side.
• 15:53
  Speaker 1: Update. After reading all of your comments, it became even
• 15:56
  Speaker 1: more apparent that I was making even more excuses, trying
• 16:00
  Speaker 1: to pin the blame on anyone but me, justifying my actions.
• 16:04
  Speaker 1: I guess I just didn't want to think of myself
• 16:06
  Speaker 1: as the kind of man who would do something so
• 16:08
  Speaker 1: horrible to his family. Between all the wallowing in self-pity,
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: I decided to be productive. Man up to the fact
• 16:15
  Speaker 1: that I effed up and try to do at least
• 16:17
  Speaker 1: something right. I called my old boss to ask if
• 16:19
  Speaker 1: there was anything available. I used to work as a barista.
• 16:22
  Speaker 1: I was in luck because they needed someone experienced for
• 16:25
  Speaker 1: the morning shifts during weekends. Next up, a place to stay.
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: At this point, I didn't know what my wife wanted
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: and what to expect. A divorce? A break? But I
• 16:34
  Speaker 1: sort of prepared for the worst and assumed that my
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: wife was going to divorce me. And since the house
• 16:39
  Speaker 1: is in her name, then I should be the one
• 16:41
  Speaker 1: moving out. My parents or relatives weren't an option, though
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: none of them live even remotely near. So by a
• 16:47
  Speaker 1: long shot, I ended up asking my high school friend
• 16:50
  Speaker 1: on Facebook if I could crash at his place for
• 16:53
  Speaker 1: a few days. Briefly explaining my situation to him, he
• 16:56
  Speaker 1: told me what a little idiot I am. And how
• 16:59
  Speaker 1: I screwed up majorly. No arguments there, but yes, I
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: can move in with him and his roommate.
• 17:05
  Speaker 3: Dude, I don't know if I could do that with
• 17:08
  Speaker 3: a friend.
• 17:09
  Speaker 2: Really?
• 17:09
  Speaker 3: If one of my friends said I cheated on my girl,
• 17:12
  Speaker 3: can I crash at your place?
• 17:13
  Speaker 1: They're still your friend.
• 17:14
  Speaker 3: I don't know, man.
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: I mean, you could look at them in a different light,
• 17:18
  Speaker 1: but they're still your friend.
• 17:19
  Speaker 3: This might be the last nice thing I do for you.
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: Say, what about, okay, so say family. Say Tate cheated
• 17:25
  Speaker 1: on his wife.
• 17:27
  Speaker 3: Yeah, he'd stay. Any.
• 17:28
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you'd let him stay?
• 17:29
  Speaker 3: I'd give him hell, though.
• 17:30
  Speaker 1: Oh, yeah.
• 17:31
  Speaker 3: Give him hell.
• 17:32
  Speaker 1: All right.
• 17:33
  Speaker 3: What? Daniel.
• 17:34
  Speaker 1: Say Daniel went.
• 17:35
  Speaker 3: Daniel would never.
• 17:36
  Speaker 1: I know. Daniel would never.
• 17:37
  Speaker 3: Daniel would never. Out of the question. Out of the question. Next.
• 17:41
  Speaker 3: You know how much energy it takes for Daniel just
• 17:43
  Speaker 3: to kiss a girl? Aw.
• 17:45
  Speaker 1: Months. Daniel. He's so sweet.
• 17:49
  Speaker 2: Months, bro.
• 17:49
  Speaker 1: He's just a little baby.
• 17:51
  Speaker 3: I'm like, dude, that girl was hitting on you. He
• 17:52
  Speaker 3: was like, I don't know, man. She was really nice.
• 17:54
  Speaker 2: I just can't. Aw.
• 17:55
  Speaker 3: I don't know that well.
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: Morals.
• 17:58
  Speaker 3: He does. Little Southern Baptist moral boy.
• 18:00
  Speaker 1: I know, which is, you don't get those often.
• 18:03
  Speaker 3: You don't. Me and him are like the same, but
• 18:05
  Speaker 3: he's just more for girls.
• 18:07
  Speaker 1: He's more for girls. He's more fun for girls.
• 18:10
  Speaker 3: He's like, I know musicals. I'm into this stuff.
• 18:12
  Speaker 1: Oh, that's true. Yeah, the musicals. I was like, okay,
• 18:15
  Speaker 1: let's talk.
• 18:16
  Speaker 3: Yeah, me. Smart.
• 18:19
  Speaker 2: Smart.
• 18:21
  Speaker 1: Farming. Sawmill.
• 18:23
  Speaker 3: Green bean. Kettle.
• 18:25
  Speaker 1: Green bean.
• 18:25
  Speaker 3: Chicken. Chicken.
• 18:27
  Speaker 1: I don't know why I was in such a rush
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: to move out before even knowing how things would end.
• 18:32
  Speaker 1: I tried to think from my wife's perspective and figured
• 18:35
  Speaker 1: that I didn't want to prevent her from going back
• 18:37
  Speaker 1: home just because of my presence. Or maybe I was
• 18:39
  Speaker 1: just trying to protect myself again. I sent my wife
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: a message informing her about my job and me moving out.
• 18:45
  Speaker 1: I also added that I wouldn't try to contact her
• 18:47
  Speaker 1: further unless she wanted me to. And if there was
• 18:49
  Speaker 1: anything I could do for her, she needed to just ask.
• 18:52
  Speaker 1: She replied, all right. So for a couple of weeks,
• 18:55
  Speaker 1: my life just went on automatic. Sleep, eat, school, work,
• 18:59
  Speaker 1: rinse and repeat.
• 19:00
  Speaker 3: That's what you're supposed to do. That's what you do
• 19:02
  Speaker 3: in school.
• 19:03
  Speaker 1: Apparently he went in there and slipped in, cheated on
• 19:07
  Speaker 1: my wife.
• 19:08
  Speaker 3: Not what you do at school.
• 19:09
  Speaker 1: While trying not to think too much about my future,
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: I started to accept the possibility that I had lost
• 19:16
  Speaker 1: my wife forever. But my son? No, that was the
• 19:19
  Speaker 1: most terrifying idea ever. That I would lose custody of him,
• 19:23
  Speaker 1: never see my son again. F. Oh, but you didn't
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: think about this when you went over to Jenny's house, though.
• 19:31
  Speaker 1: It's weird how that never came up. And also the
• 19:34
  Speaker 1: fact that he's like, yeah, I could lose my wife,
• 19:36
  Speaker 1: but my son! That's kind of insane.
• 19:39
  Speaker 3: Clarity. Pre-nut delusion.
• 19:43
  Speaker 1: Oh, yeah.
• 19:44
  Speaker 3: Does things to a man.
• 19:45
  Speaker 1: Post-nut clarity. Yeah, I'm sure.
• 19:47
  Speaker 3: It's really what it is.
• 19:48
  Speaker 1: Thinking of him... his smile, laughter, the peaceful look on
• 19:52
  Speaker 1: his face when he is sound asleep just made me
• 19:54
  Speaker 1: teary and angry at myself. Truthfully, the best thing in
• 19:59
  Speaker 1: life is when a baby falls asleep on you. Oh,
• 20:02
  Speaker 1: my God.
• 20:03
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 20:04
  Speaker 1: I watched this one kid and I was like, you
• 20:06
  Speaker 1: know what? I'm going to actually hold him and... put
• 20:10
  Speaker 1: him to sleep. You know, usually I just like get
• 20:11
  Speaker 1: them to where they're tired. Then I put them in
• 20:13
  Speaker 1: their crib, whatever. And then they get themselves comfortable, go
• 20:15
  Speaker 1: to sleep. I chose to like hold this baby and
• 20:18
  Speaker 1: it took a little while. I was rocking him, whatever,
• 20:21
  Speaker 1: pat him. He fell asleep on me. I was like,
• 20:25
  Speaker 1: oh my God, this is the best feeling in the
• 20:28
  Speaker 1: entire world. I was like, oh, I can't. I just
• 20:31
  Speaker 1: fell in love. I felt absolutely in love with this kid.
• 20:34
  Speaker 1: Not that I wasn't before, but I was like, oh,
• 20:36
  Speaker 1: I want him.
• 20:37
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 20:38
  Speaker 1: God, I remember calling my mom after that and was like,
• 20:41
  Speaker 1: that was the best feeling ever.
• 20:42
  Speaker 3: Will you do anything to become a mother?
• 20:44
  Speaker 1: Would I do anything? No.
• 20:47
  Speaker 3: You literally asked me that as being a dad. Would
• 20:49
  Speaker 3: you do anything to become a dad?
• 20:51
  Speaker 1: Well, because you find it higher value.
• 20:53
  Speaker 2: I do.
• 20:55
  Speaker 3: I feel like being a father is one of the
• 20:56
  Speaker 3: greatest things you can do in life.
• 20:57
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 20:58
  Speaker 3: Being a lover is up there. And then being a
• 21:01
  Speaker 3: child of God. But that one's first. That one's first.
• 21:03
  Speaker 1: My ex wanted more than anything to be a dad,
• 21:05
  Speaker 1: but it was for the wrong reasons. To prove he
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: was better than his.
• 21:07
  Speaker 3: He wanted to have a kid. He didn't want to
• 21:10
  Speaker 3: be a dad.
• 21:10
  Speaker 1: Yes. Well, he wanted to prove that he was better
• 21:12
  Speaker 1: than his dad. And I just don't think that's a
• 21:15
  Speaker 1: great thing to go into.
• 21:16
  Speaker 3: I'm glad my dad broke that for me, because his
• 21:18
  Speaker 3: dad was not good to him. And my dad was
• 21:20
  Speaker 3: pretty good. I mean, like, not for her, but... Yeah.
• 21:22
  Speaker 3: I had a good childhood.
• 21:24
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Then it happened. My wife called me, which under
• 21:28
  Speaker 1: normal circumstances would have been surprising already, because she hates
• 21:31
  Speaker 1: talking on the phone, social anxiety. At that moment, it
• 21:34
  Speaker 1: just felt like there were a million things I wanted
• 21:37
  Speaker 1: to say to her. But instead, I shut up and listened. Smart.
• 21:41
  Speaker 3: Wow. Now we're listening to your wife.
• 21:44
  Speaker 1: She told me in short how upset she was, how
• 21:46
  Speaker 1: hurt she felt, betrayed, humiliated, and requested that we meet
• 21:50
  Speaker 1: up in person to discuss matters. First, she wanted to
• 21:53
  Speaker 1: meet up in a coffee shop, but changed her mind
• 21:55
  Speaker 1: and told me to drive over to her parents' house.
• 21:57
  Speaker 1: She had apparently been staying there the whole time, never
• 22:00
  Speaker 1: returning home. while her parents would take our son for
• 22:03
  Speaker 1: a walk. There certainly were mixed feelings when I saw
• 22:06
  Speaker 1: my wife for the first time in weeks, months even
• 22:09
  Speaker 1: by now. I didn't dare to think about what might come,
• 22:13
  Speaker 1: so I tried to keep my mind as blank as possible.
• 22:16
  Speaker 1: She got all teary and hugged me tightly as I
• 22:19
  Speaker 1: approached her. Definitely not the reaction I had expected, but
• 22:22
  Speaker 1: I embraced her back while I felt the tears building up.
• 22:25
  Speaker 1: And we just stood there in the driveway for not
• 22:28
  Speaker 1: even gonna guess how long it was. It just felt
• 22:30
  Speaker 1: like forever. Eventually, we got inside and had a talk.
• 22:34
  Speaker 1: A lengthy, heartfelt talk. My wife told me what she
• 22:37
  Speaker 1: had been up to, what had been going through her mind,
• 22:40
  Speaker 1: and all the emotions, our future. It was clear that
• 22:43
  Speaker 1: her feelings were conflicted, unable to decide whether she wanted
• 22:46
  Speaker 1: to give me, us, a second chance. I had been
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: pretty quiet during our discussion and mostly just listened, but
• 22:53
  Speaker 1: this is when I chimed in and told her that
• 22:55
  Speaker 1: she shouldn't feel obligated to give me a second chance
• 22:57
  Speaker 1: just because of our son.
• 22:59
  Speaker 3: Hmm. Where was this maturity before the nut? Where was this?
• 23:04
  Speaker 3: You were a completely different person.
• 23:06
  Speaker 1: Bro. Sometimes that's what it takes.
• 23:08
  Speaker 3: Hitting rock bottom. I don't understand why people wait to
• 23:11
  Speaker 3: hit rock bottom to actually change their lives.
• 23:13
  Speaker 1: Because they don't see it as a priority.
• 23:15
  Speaker 3: Or a problem.
• 23:17
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 23:17
  Speaker 1: They don't see it as a priority problem. They're like,
• 23:19
  Speaker 1: I have other things to worry about. It's whatever. Back burner,
• 23:21
  Speaker 1: back burner, back burner until everything blows up. Then you
• 23:25
  Speaker 1: are at the bottom of bottoms and you are just like,
• 23:29
  Speaker 1: All right. What do I do? Do I stay here
• 23:31
  Speaker 1: or do I swim up?
• 23:33
  Speaker 3: For real.
• 23:34
  Speaker 1: This may sound a bit weird and contradicting coming from me,
• 23:38
  Speaker 1: but I just really felt that if my wife was
• 23:40
  Speaker 1: going to give me a new chance, it should be
• 23:41
  Speaker 1: because there is something salvageable, not because of possible guilt. Oh, wow.
• 23:48
  Speaker 3: Who wrote this for you? This is not the same
• 23:51
  Speaker 3: guy from earlier.
• 23:52
  Speaker 1: Chat team, put in chat GPT. What sounds really good
• 23:55
  Speaker 1: after I cheat? So.
• 23:58
  Speaker 3: Do you know anyone that's cheated and gotten back together
• 24:01
  Speaker 3: and it's worked out okay? I do.
• 24:03
  Speaker 1: Really?
• 24:04
  Speaker 3: I do. I have two family members. I have one
• 24:07
  Speaker 3: set where the partner caught them cheating. They divorced. And
• 24:11
  Speaker 3: then I caught, I know one set where they found
• 24:14
  Speaker 3: out that they were cheating like a few years later,
• 24:17
  Speaker 3: stayed together. But the amount of come to Jesus moments
• 24:20
  Speaker 3: that they had throughout that, crazy. But they're stronger than ever.
• 24:24
  Speaker 3: One of the best relationships and loving relationships that I've
• 24:27
  Speaker 3: ever seen. But again, it was like with, they went
• 24:30
  Speaker 3: through a lot of marriage counseling and talked and walked
• 24:33
  Speaker 3: with God a lot of the time to do that.
• 24:35
  Speaker 3: And now they worship together. And it's like one of
• 24:36
  Speaker 3: the most beautiful things I've ever seen.
• 24:38
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 24:39
  Speaker 1: And sometimes that's what it takes. People never, you know,
• 24:42
  Speaker 1: you only, what is it? What is it saying?
• 24:44
  Speaker 3: You only fart once.
• 24:46
  Speaker 1: It's like, you don't know how much something means to
• 24:48
  Speaker 1: you until you lose it.
• 24:49
  Speaker 3: Ooh. Yeah. Oh, my 3DS.
• 24:51
  Speaker 2: My 3DS.
• 24:52
  Speaker 3: Oh.
• 24:57
  Speaker 1: My Game Boy Advance.
• 24:59
  Speaker 3: Just kidding.
• 24:59
  Speaker 1: I found it.
• 25:00
  Speaker 3: Good for you. Must be nice.
• 25:02
  Speaker 1: I have like three of them.
• 25:04
  Speaker 3: Can I borrow one?
• 25:05
  Speaker 1: Yeah. It's not a good situation to be in. And also,
• 25:09
  Speaker 1: I just feel... I don't know. I've never seen someone
• 25:13
  Speaker 1: cheat and then they end up back together and stronger
• 25:15
  Speaker 1: than ever. That has never been... Because that's like one
• 25:19
  Speaker 1: in a million chance, I feel. A lot of these stories,
• 25:21
  Speaker 1: people or people just become complicit. They're like, well, whatever.
• 25:24
  Speaker 1: And then they continue to cheat, whatever.
• 25:27
  Speaker 3: I feel like it helps to have an accountable community
• 25:29
  Speaker 3: around you whenever you get back together. They had that.
• 25:31
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 25:32
  Speaker 3: People calling them out on their BS.
• 25:34
  Speaker 1: Both of them. That, going to like group stuff and
• 25:37
  Speaker 1: figuring out.
• 25:38
  Speaker 3: I feel like that's what you need in life is
• 25:40
  Speaker 3: an accountable community.
• 25:42
  Speaker 1: Oh, you definitely need support. You need support, but you
• 25:44
  Speaker 1: also need people to call you out. Because if people
• 25:48
  Speaker 1: only support you, you'll never learn from your mistakes because
• 25:50
  Speaker 1: you don't think they're mistakes.
• 25:51
  Speaker 3: I called my buddy out last night. Really?
• 25:54
  Speaker 1: For not hanging out with you?
• 25:54
  Speaker 3: We were playing basketball.
• 25:55
  Speaker 1: Oh.
• 25:55
  Speaker 3: And he did something stupid. Like, we lost the game
• 25:59
  Speaker 3: because of what he did. I was like, bro, what
• 26:01
  Speaker 3: were you thinking? And then he called me and apologized.
• 26:02
  Speaker 3: I was like, we're all good, but what were you thinking?
• 26:05
  Speaker 1: Dang.
• 26:06
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I agree with that. I agree with that. But
• 26:09
  Speaker 3: I see your point, too. One in a million chances.
• 26:10
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 26:11
  Speaker 1: If I was in this situation... You out?
• 26:14
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 26:14
  Speaker 1: I couldn't because it's just, for me... That trust will
• 26:17
  Speaker 1: never come back. I don't like that. I would always
• 26:20
  Speaker 1: think it would always be in the back of my head, whatever, blah, blah.
• 26:23
  Speaker 1: I would just rather be alone. I don't even know
• 26:26
  Speaker 1: if I could trust after that. That's the thing. Once
• 26:28
  Speaker 1: you've been hurt so many times, it's so hard to
• 26:30
  Speaker 1: find the good in people.
• 26:31
  Speaker 3: Good point. I'm just thinking the wife has so much
• 26:35
  Speaker 3: responsibility dependent on her partner that she needs that in
• 26:39
  Speaker 3: order to live. We didn't really see it that much,
• 26:42
  Speaker 3: but I know there's some sort of support she lost
• 26:45
  Speaker 3: by not having him around.
• 26:45
  Speaker 1: Well, she obviously still loves him. It's not like the
• 26:48
  Speaker 1: love just goes away. She obviously still loves him because
• 26:51
  Speaker 1: they just embrace. The first thing they do is just
• 26:53
  Speaker 1: embrace for whoever knows how long, and then they go
• 26:55
  Speaker 1: into it.
• 26:56
  Speaker 3: Good point, good point.
• 26:57
  Speaker 1: I mean, I've done that plenty of times with my ex.
• 27:00
  Speaker 1: Just be like, you know, we had a fight, whatever,
• 27:02
  Speaker 1: I'm gone, and then boom. She completely agreed and said
• 27:05
  Speaker 1: that while she hasn't forgiven me, she wants to try again.
• 27:08
  Speaker 3: I knew it.
• 27:10
  Speaker 1: It was pretty interesting how she worded it. because she
• 27:12
  Speaker 1: said something along the line of, I am giving up
• 27:15
  Speaker 1: this old relationship. I want us to build a new relationship,
• 27:18
  Speaker 1: even if it is on a shaky foundation.
• 27:21
  Speaker 3: That's their relationship.
• 27:23
  Speaker 1: Okay, why would you want to start off on a
• 27:25
  Speaker 1: shaky foundation? I mean, I would have to see him
• 27:29
  Speaker 1: do the work.
• 27:29
  Speaker 3: I mean, millions of people cross that Brooklyn Bridge every day,
• 27:33
  Speaker 3: and that's not on a stable foundation.
• 27:36
  Speaker 1: There were far more things we discussed regarding what had
• 27:39
  Speaker 1: happened in our future. But bottom line is that we
• 27:42
  Speaker 1: are not separating. And the thing is, Opie, you got
• 27:46
  Speaker 1: a good woman. Don't F up again.
• 27:49
  Speaker 3: Don't ever talk to Jenny again.
• 27:52
  Speaker 1: We are moving back home together soon, but that doesn't
• 27:55
  Speaker 1: mean that things are going to be all fine and dandy.
• 27:58
  Speaker 1: It's just a slow process we have begun to start
• 28:01
  Speaker 1: something new. I am nervous, but hopeful. Yeah, I would
• 28:05
  Speaker 1: be too. I don't know how this is going to
• 28:08
  Speaker 1: turn out. All I know is if as long as
• 28:10
  Speaker 1: you keep doing what you're doing, working on yourself, working
• 28:14
  Speaker 1: on each other and doing what you need to do,
• 28:17
  Speaker 1: doing your responsibilities as a husband. Focus on that.
• 28:21
  Speaker 3: Tough one. That's y'all's. That's y'all's circus.
• 28:25
  Speaker 1: But that's the end of that story. And we got
• 28:27
  Speaker 1: another one coming right up.
• 28:28
  Speaker 3: Let's go.
• 28:29
  Speaker 1: Hey, it's Carly, your favorite Jersey girl here. We're going
• 28:33
  Speaker 1: to get back to the stories, but here's three minutes
• 28:35
  Speaker 1: of ads from our sponsors.
• 28:37
  Speaker 3: My in-laws tried to keep my kids after I said
• 28:40
  Speaker 3: we were moving. Um, those aren't mine, by the way. I,
• 28:44
  Speaker 3: 34 female, met my husband while I was doing an
• 28:47
  Speaker 3: exchange semester in Australia when I was 20. We later
• 28:51
  Speaker 3: got married and I moved to Australia permanently. We have
• 28:55
  Speaker 3: two kids, six female and four female, and I'm four
• 28:59
  Speaker 3: months pregnant. Whoa, three little babies in the new street. Cute.
• 29:07
  Speaker 3: My husband passed away three months ago.
• 29:09
  Speaker 1: Oh, my God.
• 29:12
  Speaker 3: Sometimes with these stories, you never know what the next
• 29:14
  Speaker 3: sentence is going to hold for you.
• 29:17
  Speaker 1: Not us being like, oh, baby. And there goes my husband.
• 29:21
  Speaker 3: It was and still is horrible. With my husband not
• 29:26
  Speaker 3: being here anymore, I want to move back to my
• 29:28
  Speaker 3: home country. I think it'll be good for my kids
• 29:31
  Speaker 3: because the education system over there is heaps better. But
• 29:35
  Speaker 3: the main reason... is that I need my family, my
• 29:38
  Speaker 3: four-year-old doesn't really have an opinion on it. My six-year-old
• 29:42
  Speaker 3: is excited because my parents have horses. Here in Australia,
• 29:46
  Speaker 3: my husband's parents look after our kids Monday to Friday
• 29:50
  Speaker 3: as my husband and I both had full-time jobs. So obviously,
• 29:55
  Speaker 3: they're close. Mother-in-law and father-in-law are very attached to the
• 29:58
  Speaker 3: kids and I'm Love being grandparents. By the way, this
• 30:03
  Speaker 3: comes from Allie3477. And if you want to spread your
• 30:05
  Speaker 3: own stories, go to the r slash OKStoryTime subreddit. I'm Riley.
• 30:09
  Speaker 1: And I'm Savannah.
• 30:10
  Speaker 3: Savannah and I are going to read this goofily. If
• 30:12
  Speaker 3: you have anything you'd like to add, please add it
• 30:13
  Speaker 3: down below because we don't know it all. Opie says, Didn't.
• 30:16
  Speaker 2: It was ugly.
• 30:25
  Speaker 3: They asked me how dare I take away their grandchildren
• 30:29
  Speaker 3: after they lost their only son.
• 30:34
  Speaker 1: Oh, no.
• 30:35
  Speaker 3: Oh, my God.
• 30:38
  Speaker 1: This is hard. Dang. Oh, no. I didn't know that
• 30:43
  Speaker 1: was the direction it was going.
• 30:45
  Speaker 3: Me neither. They said my husband would be disappointed and
• 30:49
  Speaker 3: he'd want his children to grow up in Australia. I
• 30:51
  Speaker 3: had to leave because I couldn't handle the situation. I
• 30:55
  Speaker 3: feel guilty because my husband did want to stay in Australia,
• 30:58
  Speaker 3: but mainly because that's where we settled. I don't think
• 31:02
  Speaker 3: he'd be disappointed. I think he'd understand. But I feel
• 31:05
  Speaker 3: so guilty, but also angry. I feel like it was
• 31:09
  Speaker 3: cruel of mother-in-law and father-in-law to say what they wanted.
• 31:14
  Speaker 3: I plan to come back to Australia regularly because I
• 31:16
  Speaker 3: don't want to deprive my children of their heritage and
• 31:21
  Speaker 3: it has become my home over the years. Basically, is
• 31:25
  Speaker 3: it wrong to move back home? We have some additional
• 31:27
  Speaker 3: details from Opie. Where is home? Opie says, when I
• 31:30
  Speaker 3: said home in the post, I mean Switzerland, but I
• 31:33
  Speaker 3: have two homes, I guess. Opie, I'm going back to Switzerland.
• 31:36
  Speaker 3: My in-laws are good with the kids, but they are
• 31:39
  Speaker 3: not my biggest fan, especially my mother-in-law. They definitely can't
• 31:44
  Speaker 3: be my support system. Oh, so they're just watching the kids,
• 31:49
  Speaker 3: but they're not asking how you are. Yeah. They're making
• 31:53
  Speaker 3: Pavlov for the kids, but not for you.
• 31:56
  Speaker 1: Oh, this is really hard. Oh, God, Opie. Why? I mean,
• 32:02
  Speaker 1: because it's like you look like the bad guy. The
• 32:05
  Speaker 1: bad guy, I put in quotes, to your in-laws because
• 32:10
  Speaker 1: you're taking away the kids after they lost their son.
• 32:15
  Speaker 1: But also, you lost your husband. You lost the father
• 32:19
  Speaker 1: of your kids. And you're pregnant again currently. So I
• 32:23
  Speaker 1: think you have a say in where you want to
• 32:27
  Speaker 1: go in terms of, I don't really want to live
• 32:30
  Speaker 1: here anymore because I was here with my husband and
• 32:34
  Speaker 1: now I'm reminded of all this stuff. I want to
• 32:37
  Speaker 1: be closer to my family, which is completely normal.
• 32:40
  Speaker 3: Your choice, man. Can in-laws move or visit? I don't
• 32:44
  Speaker 3: think they can move. They only speak English. Immigration policy
• 32:48
  Speaker 3: won't allow it. and they pretty much live off Central Link.
• 32:52
  Speaker 3: But they are welcome to visit, and we'll visit too.
• 32:56
  Speaker 3: Regarding the arrangement with in-laws for childcare, it was actually
• 32:59
  Speaker 3: 32 hours a week.
• 33:00
  Speaker 1: Those are their kids. Hate to say it, but those
• 33:03
  Speaker 1: are their kids.
• 33:04
  Speaker 3: You're getting, what, 40, 48 hours out of the week?
• 33:10
  Speaker 1: I mean, when I had to babysit, or when I
• 33:12
  Speaker 1: would go over my brother's house when he first had
• 33:15
  Speaker 1: his kid, I mean, I was over there all the time,
• 33:17
  Speaker 1: all the time, and then I moved here. I was like, oh.
• 33:20
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 33:21
  Speaker 1: It's just like, oh, I miss them.
• 33:24
  Speaker 3: OP, they didn't watch them for free, though.
• 33:27
  Speaker 2: Oh.
• 33:27
  Speaker 3: OP says, we didn't pay as much as we would
• 33:29
  Speaker 3: normally do for childcare. We paid $ 300 a week. But
• 33:33
  Speaker 3: how am I not the a-hole because we paid, but
• 33:37
  Speaker 3: it would be wrong if we hadn't paid? I don't
• 33:39
  Speaker 3: understand how that would give them a claim to my children.
• 33:44
  Speaker 3: Opie says, have the kids been to Switzerland? Opie says, altogether,
• 33:47
  Speaker 3: the oldest probably spent one and a half years in Switzerland.
• 33:50
  Speaker 3: They have met pretty much all of their relatives and
• 33:53
  Speaker 3: speak Swiss German, German and French. I have discussed the
• 33:57
  Speaker 3: move with my therapist as well as my children's therapist.
• 34:01
  Speaker 3: Why not stay in Australia? Opie says, what's right for
• 34:04
  Speaker 3: me is right for my children in this case. They
• 34:07
  Speaker 3: need a strong mother. I will soon have a newborn too.
• 34:10
  Speaker 3: My in-laws can't help me with the baby. Father-in-law is
• 34:14
  Speaker 3: 74 and not the fittest anymore. Do you suggest I
• 34:17
  Speaker 3: stay there for another five years and then uproot my
• 34:20
  Speaker 3: children's life in the middle of their school career? And
• 34:22
  Speaker 3: who's going to help me when I come home from
• 34:25
  Speaker 3: the hospital, torn apart and still bleeding? Besides, I've taken
• 34:29
  Speaker 3: a job where I'm making 800 CHF a month. That's
• 34:35
  Speaker 3: $ 12, 000 AUD. Here I make 1,000 AUD a week.
• 34:40
  Speaker 2: Oh, wow.
• 34:41
  Speaker 1: So you even have a job.
• 34:43
  Speaker 3: That's 3X-ing your money.
• 34:44
  Speaker 1: Yeah, this might be the, I mean, not might, this
• 34:47
  Speaker 1: is the right move.
• 34:48
  Speaker 3: Yeah, that's hardly enough for three kids. Opie says, I'm
• 34:51
  Speaker 3: a high school teacher for two subjects, one of which
• 34:54
  Speaker 3: is a bit rare. High school teachers in Switzerland earn
• 34:57
  Speaker 3: a lot, especially if they work at gymnasiums. And if
• 35:02
  Speaker 3: they have a year of experience. Guess who's moving to Switzerland?
• 35:06
  Speaker 1: I don't think they mean gymnasium in the same way
• 35:08
  Speaker 1: we mean gymnasium.
• 35:09
  Speaker 3: Gymnasium?
• 35:11
  Speaker 1: I'm not sure.
• 35:11
  Speaker 3: Acrobatics?
• 35:12
  Speaker 1: There's no way that a PE teacher is, like, getting
• 35:17
  Speaker 1: bucco bucks.
• 35:18
  Speaker 3: Never know. What do you make the next LeBron James?
• 35:21
  Speaker 3: Or next Victor Wimbignano?
• 35:22
  Speaker 1: In high school? Or, like, in middle school, you know?
• 35:25
  Speaker 3: Olympians.
• 35:26
  Speaker 1: Yeah, but you don't get paid for teaching Olympians.
• 35:29
  Speaker 3: Opie says, unfortunately not. My family cannot visit as Australia
• 35:33
  Speaker 3: has banned visitors due to the current situation.
• 35:36
  Speaker 1: Oh, so this is also during the vid, I'm guessing.
• 35:39
  Speaker 3: The pandemic. How do you move during the pandemic? Opie says, yes,
• 35:43
  Speaker 3: I can. Switzerland is open, but we won't be moving
• 35:45
  Speaker 3: right now. We're moving in August. Opie says, it won't
• 35:48
  Speaker 3: be too late in my pregnancy. Generally flying up to
• 35:51
  Speaker 3: 36 weeks pregnant is okay. Opie says, will you visit Australia?
• 35:55
  Speaker 3: Opie says, yes. Yeah, I was planning on going back
• 35:57
  Speaker 3: during the summer holidays for five weeks. This would obviously
• 36:00
  Speaker 3: be winter in Australia, but it will still be good.
• 36:04
  Speaker 3: Update 19 days later.
• 36:06
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's not like these kids are never going to
• 36:08
  Speaker 1: come back, but they have to understand that you're not
• 36:11
  Speaker 1: doing this to hurt them. This isn't your intention. It's.
• 36:14
  Speaker 1: The best for your family and for you. You're, you know,
• 36:17
  Speaker 1: you've lost someone who was the other parental figure. Like
• 36:21
  Speaker 1: you can't do all this on your own and they
• 36:24
  Speaker 1: are not going to help as much as you would think. Yep.
• 36:27
  Speaker 3: If this happened to me, truly, and Angie passed away,
• 36:30
  Speaker 3: I'm getting out of LA. I'm going to North Carolina.
• 36:32
  Speaker 1: Why?
• 36:32
  Speaker 3: Well, her parents are older. They're like, it's the same thing.
• 36:36
  Speaker 3: Same exact thing. Yeah. Any support system?
• 36:39
  Speaker 1: Like not that you hate the in-laws or anything. That
• 36:41
  Speaker 1: is not what anyone's saying here. But it's just realistically
• 36:46
  Speaker 1: and logistically, how is this going to work? You know,
• 36:49
  Speaker 1: for me, for the kids, for them.
• 36:51
  Speaker 3: Dude, she's got a great thing. The grief that the
• 36:54
  Speaker 3: grandparents are going through, cannot imagine.
• 36:56
  Speaker 1: Oh, yeah.
• 36:57
  Speaker 3: Could never imagine burying my own son.
• 37:00
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 37:01
  Speaker 3: Horrible thing. Horrible thing.
• 37:02
  Speaker 1: Oh, yeah.
• 37:03
  Speaker 3: Terrible.
• 37:04
  Speaker 1: And also.
• 37:04
  Speaker 3: And they got a right to be selfish.
• 37:06
  Speaker 1: I can see. Yeah, they do. But also... I feel
• 37:10
  Speaker 1: like they would be very pissed either way. Like whether
• 37:14
  Speaker 1: the husband was alive or not.
• 37:16
  Speaker 2: Fair.
• 37:17
  Speaker 1: And they wanted to move, you know, they'd still be pissed.
• 37:19
  Speaker 1: So I really don't think it has anything to do
• 37:21
  Speaker 1: with that. It's more so just the kids.
• 37:24
  Speaker 3: What do you guys think? Let us know down below.
• 37:26
  Speaker 3: This is interesting. Would you stay or would you go?
• 37:28
  Speaker 3: Update 19 days later.
• 37:31
  Speaker 2: Hey, it's Dakota, your favorite rat brain host here. And
• 37:35
  Speaker 2: we're going to get back to the stories soon. But
• 37:37
  Speaker 2: here's three minutes of ads from our sponsors. It's been
• 37:40
  Speaker 2: nearly three weeks since my last post. A lot has
• 37:43
  Speaker 2: happened since. First off, we're back home in Switzerland and
• 37:46
  Speaker 2: the kids are okay. As planned, we moved in with
• 37:49
  Speaker 2: my family. The kids are bonding with their grandparents and
• 37:52
  Speaker 2: cousins and all the animals. They're set up for therapy
• 37:55
  Speaker 2: as am I. The events leading up to this, I
• 37:58
  Speaker 2: went back to my in-laws to explain my side of
• 38:00
  Speaker 2: the story. I told them again that we would be
• 38:03
  Speaker 2: coming back right now. I need to make sure that
• 38:06
  Speaker 2: I can be a good mom to my kids. They
• 38:09
  Speaker 2: were very understanding and asked if they could take the
• 38:12
  Speaker 2: kids the next day.
• 38:13
  Speaker 3: I agreed and dropped them off. However, pickup didn't go
• 38:16
  Speaker 3: as planned. The kids weren't ready and father-in-law told me
• 38:20
  Speaker 3: that they decided it would be best for everyone if
• 38:22
  Speaker 3: they stayed with them for a while as I was
• 38:25
  Speaker 3: clearly unstable. Uh-oh.
• 38:29
  Speaker 1: Crazy because they're just causing more problems. Now it's like,
• 38:32
  Speaker 1: now I don't even think we will come and visit
• 38:34
  Speaker 1: you anymore. All you had to do was be okay
• 38:35
  Speaker 1: with it and now you're being weird. Well, the thing is,
• 38:39
  Speaker 1: Now they probably have also told the kids, like, mommy
• 38:42
  Speaker 1: wants you to leave. You really want to leave us?
• 38:44
  Speaker 1: You know, like manipulating kids. That's where I draw the
• 38:47
  Speaker 1: freaking line. Do not get in my kid's head.
• 38:50
  Speaker 3: There was screaming, tears, threats, and lots of ugly things
• 38:55
  Speaker 3: were said. I called my lawyer who told me to
• 38:57
  Speaker 3: call the police. Luckily, it didn't come to that. And
• 39:00
  Speaker 3: they gave me back the kids. Honestly, that was it
• 39:03
  Speaker 3: for me. Trust gone. Yeah. I booked flights for us
• 39:07
  Speaker 3: and arranged what I could in such a limited time space.
• 39:10
  Speaker 3: I told my in-laws they had seriously hurt my trust
• 39:13
  Speaker 3: and that I would need time to think about what
• 39:15
  Speaker 3: this means for the future. They were allowed to say
• 39:18
  Speaker 3: goodbye to the kids in person. We arrive at home
• 39:21
  Speaker 3: on Monday. The kids already video called my in-laws as
• 39:25
  Speaker 3: I want to make it as easy as possible for
• 39:27
  Speaker 3: them to transition. Smart mom dude I am so impressed
• 39:31
  Speaker 3: by how you're moving girl.
• 39:33
  Speaker 1: Yeah truthfully wow you got resilience girl.
• 39:37
  Speaker 3: Oh dude like.
• 39:39
  Speaker 1: Crazy amount of resilience and while you're pregnant I mean
• 39:42
  Speaker 1: super mom right here.
• 39:44
  Speaker 3: I'm very hurt and disappointed that it had to end
• 39:46
  Speaker 3: this way but also hopeful for the future Right now,
• 39:49
  Speaker 3: I'm enjoying getting pampered by mom, who's very excited to
• 39:53
  Speaker 3: be part of this pregnancy. In the future, I'll try
• 39:56
  Speaker 3: to rekindle the relationship with my in-laws.
• 39:58
  Speaker 2: That's it.
• 39:59
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I would say right now, just so the transition
• 40:02
  Speaker 1: is good for your kids, you know, ego aside and
• 40:05
  Speaker 1: problems aside, you do want to make sure that you
• 40:08
  Speaker 1: don't just cut them off.
• 40:10
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 40:11
  Speaker 1: The kids. That's going to do more damage than good. Facts.
• 40:14
  Speaker 1: But I would just say, you know, supervised visits. Maybe
• 40:16
  Speaker 1: like 15 to 30 minutes, as long as they can...
• 40:19
  Speaker 1: focus and whatnot, but like supervise phone calls and that's it.
• 40:25
  Speaker 1: And if it gets to that point where they start
• 40:26
  Speaker 1: being weird on the phone call, that's it. You get
• 40:30
  Speaker 1: one chance.
• 40:30
  Speaker 3: There we go.
• 40:31
  Speaker 1: I am not throwing away my shot.
• 40:34
  Speaker 3: He did though. And he paid the price for it.
• 40:36
  Speaker 1: He did throw away his shot. Wow. He did throw
• 40:39
  Speaker 1: away his shot. But that's the end of that story.
• 40:41
  Speaker 1: We got another one coming right up. My separated wife
• 40:43
  Speaker 1: is spending every day with another man. I'm losing it.
• 40:49
  Speaker 3: Sounds like your divorced wife.
• 40:51
  Speaker 1: My wife and I have been married for about a
• 40:53
  Speaker 1: year and a half. She asked to separate on June 26th.
• 40:57
  Speaker 1: We are still legally married and haven't filed for divorce yet.
• 41:01
  Speaker 3: Oh, brother.
• 41:03
  Speaker 1: Before our separation, my wife had pretty strong opinions about
• 41:06
  Speaker 1: opposite spicy sleep friendships. I had several female friends from college,
• 41:10
  Speaker 1: and she was uncomfortable with the idea of me spending
• 41:13
  Speaker 1: time one-on-one with another woman. I respected that throughout our
• 41:17
  Speaker 1: relationship and didn't do it because I knew how she felt.
• 41:20
  Speaker 1: There's a male co-worker of hers I'll call Sean.
• 41:23
  Speaker 3: Sean! It's a sheen.
• 41:26
  Speaker 1: It's Sean. Sean!
• 41:28
  Speaker 3: Where's the H come in? There's no H there.
• 41:30
  Speaker 1: I didn't say she. Sean.
• 41:31
  Speaker 3: No, you said Sean. There's no H.
• 41:33
  Speaker 1: Even before our separation, I sometimes felt uneasy about him
• 41:37
  Speaker 1: because she mentioned him fairly frequently, although I don't have
• 41:40
  Speaker 1: evidence that anything inappropriate happened between them while we were together.
• 41:45
  Speaker 1: You know what I hate?
• 41:46
  Speaker 3: What?
• 41:46
  Speaker 1: Hot take. I feel like everyone who is always like,
• 41:49
  Speaker 1: you can't be with the opposite gender, blah, blah. It's
• 41:52
  Speaker 1: always projection because they want to do it. And so
• 41:56
  Speaker 1: they're like, you can't do it. You can't do it.
• 41:57
  Speaker 1: And they make you feel bad when it's like, that's
• 41:59
  Speaker 1: not my attention.
• 41:59
  Speaker 2: Hmm.
• 42:00
  Speaker 3: I have a friend where in their relationship, they have
• 42:03
  Speaker 3: one rule each. Her rule for him is that he
• 42:06
  Speaker 3: can't have female best friends, but she can. You know
• 42:09
  Speaker 3: what his rule for her is?
• 42:11
  Speaker 1: What?
• 42:11
  Speaker 3: She can't fart around him.
• 42:12
  Speaker 1: She can't fart around him? Okay, well, that's weird and
• 42:16
  Speaker 1: sick and twisted.
• 42:17
  Speaker 3: Why?
• 42:18
  Speaker 1: You can't have female friends. Okay, well, you can't fart
• 42:19
  Speaker 1: around me. Doesn't seem like a fair trade-off.
• 42:22
  Speaker 3: It's one of my good friends from high school.
• 42:23
  Speaker 1: That kind of pisses me off.
• 42:25
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and I'm her friend.
• 42:26
  Speaker 1: Oh, you're her friend?
• 42:27
  Speaker 3: Wow. And I was like, oh, oh. I haven't talked
• 42:30
  Speaker 3: to her in a while. I catch up sometimes, but interesting. Cool.
• 42:34
  Speaker 1: Since separating, they've started spending a significant amount of one-on-one
• 42:38
  Speaker 1: time together. According to her, they have the same days off,
• 42:41
  Speaker 1: and he's somewhat socially awkward and doesn't have many friends,
• 42:45
  Speaker 1: so they've been hanging out. By the way, this comes
• 42:48
  Speaker 1: from J3234, and if you want to submit your own stories,
• 42:51
  Speaker 1: go to the r slash ok story time subreddit. I'm Savannah.
• 42:54
  Speaker 3: I'm Riley.
• 42:55
  Speaker 1: And we're here to talk about some stuff, give some advice,
• 42:57
  Speaker 1: but we don't have all the answers. We're just going
• 42:59
  Speaker 1: to tell you what we would do, but let us
• 43:01
  Speaker 1: know what you would do down in the comments. As
• 43:03
  Speaker 1: Hopi says, last week they took a day-long road trip together.
• 43:07
  Speaker 1: And what do you think they did on there? What
• 43:09
  Speaker 1: do you think happened on that trip?
• 43:11
  Speaker 3: They're driving Roadhead.
• 43:13
  Speaker 1: Exactly.
• 43:14
  Speaker 3: So next question. Are they going towards divorce or are
• 43:18
  Speaker 3: they going towards staying together?
• 43:20
  Speaker 1: So that was not discussed. The only thing that OPS
• 43:24
  Speaker 1: said is they are separated, but they haven't divorced yet.
• 43:28
  Speaker 3: Okay, so they're heading towards divorce.
• 43:29
  Speaker 1: I would think so with context clues, but I'm not sure.
• 43:32
  Speaker 3: This is what I have.
• 43:33
  Speaker 2: Oh.
• 43:34
  Speaker 3: Together, divorced, they're here. If you're heading to divorce and
• 43:37
  Speaker 3: you're like a month or two away, dude, you're divorced.
• 43:40
  Speaker 3: You're divorced.
• 43:41
  Speaker 1: What?
• 43:42
  Speaker 3: If it's going to end here within a couple of weeks, bro.
• 43:45
  Speaker 3: It's not your wife anymore, dude. It's about to be
• 43:48
  Speaker 3: your ex-wife.
• 43:49
  Speaker 1: They drove about three hours from where she was staying
• 43:52
  Speaker 1: to a museum based around something she really likes, went
• 43:55
  Speaker 1: to a movie afterwards, and then drove back. A few
• 43:59
  Speaker 1: days later, she recorded a three-mile evening walk on Strava
• 44:03
  Speaker 1: in his hometown. Not you stalking her on Strava.
• 44:07
  Speaker 2: Why?
• 44:07
  Speaker 1: So many people do that.
• 44:08
  Speaker 3: Dude, also, the amount of military bases that have been
• 44:11
  Speaker 3: leaked because of Strava.
• 44:13
  Speaker 1: Really?
• 44:13
  Speaker 3: Yeah. People... Strava is a public thing. And a lot
• 44:17
  Speaker 3: of people in the military document their runs. And it's like, oh, interesting.
• 44:22
  Speaker 3: Someone just did a three mile run in the middle
• 44:25
  Speaker 3: of the Indian Ocean.
• 44:27
  Speaker 1: Huh.
• 44:28
  Speaker 3: Wonder what that could be.
• 44:31
  Speaker 1: This week, they're spending another day together at a lake. Boy,
• 44:34
  Speaker 1: you jealous. I've now asked her directly about him twice
• 44:38
  Speaker 1: because I don't want to accuse her based on assumptions.
• 44:40
  Speaker 1: She has consistently told me they're only friends.
• 44:42
  Speaker 3: Okay, great. And guess what? You can now have female
• 44:45
  Speaker 3: friends because you're no longer together.
• 44:47
  Speaker 1: During our most recent conversation, I specifically asked whether they've kissed,
• 44:52
  Speaker 1: touched romantically, or done anything physical. She said no. She
• 44:57
  Speaker 1: said the most that's happened physically was a side hug.
• 45:00
  Speaker 1: The part that has me thinking is that she also
• 45:03
  Speaker 1: told me that she explicitly told him she doesn't want
• 45:06
  Speaker 1: to start anything and doesn't want to jump into another
• 45:08
  Speaker 1: relationship right now.
• 45:10
  Speaker 3: He's either waiting it out or J with a G.
• 45:13
  Speaker 1: On one hand, I actually see that as a positive
• 45:16
  Speaker 1: because she's apparently establishing a boundary with him and has
• 45:19
  Speaker 1: repeatedly told me nothing romantic or physical is happening. On
• 45:23
  Speaker 1: the other hand, part of me wonders why the I
• 45:26
  Speaker 1: don't want anything conversation needed to happen at all if
• 45:30
  Speaker 1: this is a completely platonic friendship.
• 45:33
  Speaker 3: On the other other hand, why are y'all separated?
• 45:37
  Speaker 1: Yeah, what happened? I feel like that's a big indicator
• 45:40
  Speaker 1: on why what's happening.
• 45:42
  Speaker 3: Why are we reading this story, dude?
• 45:44
  Speaker 1: Yeah, we're reading it with half the information. And he's
• 45:47
  Speaker 1: just like, why is my wife going out with someone
• 45:49
  Speaker 1: else when we're separated? Because you're separated. That's why.
• 45:52
  Speaker 3: And if they're friends, that should make you feel a
• 45:55
  Speaker 3: little bit better. I don't know.
• 45:56
  Speaker 1: And you stalking her on Strava is crazy.
• 45:58
  Speaker 3: Dude.
• 45:59
  Speaker 1: You're the problem. She went on this, you know, this
• 46:02
  Speaker 1: three hour trip and they went to go see a movie.
• 46:04
  Speaker 1: They posted about it and then they drove back home.
• 46:07
  Speaker 1: So then I called her and she said nothing happened.
• 46:10
  Speaker 3: Okay, bro. Get a hint. Get a freaking hint.
• 46:15
  Speaker 1: It makes me wonder whether he's expressed interest or whether
• 46:18
  Speaker 1: there's at least some recognition between them that this could
• 46:21
  Speaker 1: become something more. I don't know that, though, and I
• 46:25
  Speaker 1: don't want to turn speculation into fact. The other thing
• 46:28
  Speaker 1: I'm struggling with is what feels like a double standard.
• 46:31
  Speaker 1: During our marriage, she wasn't comfortable with me spending one-on-one
• 46:34
  Speaker 1: time with female friends, and I respected that even though
• 46:37
  Speaker 1: some of those friendships existed before I met her. Now
• 46:40
  Speaker 1: we're separated but still married, and she's taking day trips,
• 46:43
  Speaker 1: going to movies, going on evening walks, and spending a
• 46:46
  Speaker 1: day on the lake one-on-one with another guy, specifically one
• 46:50
  Speaker 1: I had already felt uneasy about before the separation. Dude.
• 46:54
  Speaker 1: did you talk about what happens during a separation? Did
• 46:57
  Speaker 1: you sit down and be like, okay, so this is
• 46:59
  Speaker 1: a separation. We're leaning towards divorce.
• 47:02
  Speaker 3: You know what?
• 47:03
  Speaker 1: Like you can go see other people. Like was that
• 47:05
  Speaker 1: a conversation or what?
• 47:06
  Speaker 3: Yeah, true. I would have Googled what is a separated
• 47:10
  Speaker 3: relationship in a marriage look like when it's leaning towards divorce?
• 47:13
  Speaker 3: I would have given you all the answers. Also put
• 47:15
  Speaker 3: Reddit at the end of it. Put Reddit at the
• 47:17
  Speaker 3: end of it and you'd have all your answers.
• 47:19
  Speaker 1: It's just the fact of like, Did you have a
• 47:21
  Speaker 1: conversation with her or not? Because it seems like you
• 47:23
  Speaker 1: literally are just jealous and projecting and being like, well,
• 47:28
  Speaker 1: when we were married. Yeah. You're not though.
• 47:30
  Speaker 3: Yeah. If I went on a break with my girlfriend,
• 47:33
  Speaker 3: I would explicitly say. Exactly. We're not going to see
• 47:36
  Speaker 3: other people. We're going to see how we feel after
• 47:39
  Speaker 3: a little bit.
• 47:39
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 47:40
  Speaker 3: And if you don't respect that, then that's my clue.
• 47:42
  Speaker 1: You're done. Yeah. You discuss the terms.
• 47:44
  Speaker 3: That's what they do for wars.
• 47:46
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 47:47
  Speaker 3: And peace treaties.
• 47:48
  Speaker 1: Yeah. And so everyone's on the same page. And this
• 47:51
  Speaker 1: might just be her friend who she has no romantic
• 47:55
  Speaker 1: feelings about and is helping her get over you.
• 47:57
  Speaker 3: Or it could be some dude she's effing and also
• 48:00
  Speaker 3: trying to get over you. Either way, not your problem.
• 48:03
  Speaker 1: Yeah, either way, you should have had the conversation.
• 48:06
  Speaker 3: Should have worked harder for your marriage earlier.
• 48:08
  Speaker 1: I mean, it's true though. Like if you didn't want
• 48:11
  Speaker 1: this to happen, you should have tried harder.
• 48:13
  Speaker 3: I don't know.
• 48:13
  Speaker 1: I don't know what happened in the separation.
• 48:15
  Speaker 3: You know what someone told me once? You never know
• 48:17
  Speaker 3: how much you like something until you lost it.
• 48:20
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 48:20
  Speaker 3: And that person was you 20 minutes ago.
• 48:22
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I know. I was like, so what I said.
• 48:26
  Speaker 1: I also want to include that she created a whole
• 48:29
  Speaker 1: Spotify playlist for their like day, including six hours and
• 48:32
  Speaker 1: 20 minutes of songs with some being related to spicy sleep,
• 48:36
  Speaker 1: kissing and so on.
• 48:37
  Speaker 3: Dude, why did you calculate that?
• 48:39
  Speaker 1: You stalking her Spotify now. You got to open your eyes.
• 48:44
  Speaker 3: We are reading between the lines. We understand why she
• 48:46
  Speaker 3: left you.
• 48:47
  Speaker 1: Were you, like, obsessive about her?
• 48:48
  Speaker 3: I think so. He's giving us the exact time of
• 48:51
  Speaker 3: the specific songs that talked about spicy sleep. And you
• 48:55
  Speaker 3: know how you figure that out? You listen to them
• 48:58
  Speaker 3: or you read the transcript of them.
• 48:59
  Speaker 1: I brought that up to her. I told her that
• 49:02
  Speaker 1: I know we're separated and I'm not going to tell
• 49:04
  Speaker 1: her what she can and can't do. Okay, then there's
• 49:06
  Speaker 1: your answer.
• 49:07
  Speaker 3: There we go.
• 49:07
  Speaker 1: Like, that's it. That's the conversation.
• 49:09
  Speaker 3: What are we doing there? Like, literally.
• 49:11
  Speaker 1: So, you're going to be mad... when you guys are separated,
• 49:15
  Speaker 1: but you're like, I'm not gonna tell you we can
• 49:16
  Speaker 1: and can't do okay cool then then what are what
• 49:19
  Speaker 1: are you doing what's the conversation then she's free to
• 49:21
  Speaker 1: live her life and i'll live mine but i also
• 49:23
  Speaker 1: told her that it hurts because it seems like the
• 49:25
  Speaker 1: goal posts around opposite spicy sleep friendships have shifted now
• 49:30
  Speaker 1: that the situation applies to her ultimately i told her
• 49:33
  Speaker 1: i'm going to let her actions.
• 49:34
  Speaker 3: Speak for themselves savannah we're dating no one day i
• 49:38
  Speaker 3: promise i'm gonna marry you We break up. Do I
• 49:41
  Speaker 3: keep my promise?
• 49:42
  Speaker 1: No.
• 49:43
  Speaker 3: Anything that was in that bracket of time no longer
• 49:46
  Speaker 3: applies to you anymore.
• 49:48
  Speaker 1: Yeah. My ex wanted to marry me. And I was like,
• 49:51
  Speaker 1: if you get down on one knee, I'll laugh at you.
• 49:52
  Speaker 2: Damn.
• 49:53
  Speaker 1: Because I was like, we're not ready. I don't trust
• 49:57
  Speaker 1: you that much. And thank God I got out of
• 50:00
  Speaker 1: it because I always knew.
• 50:02
  Speaker 3: This is a segment where Savannah talks about her ex. Yep.
• 50:06
  Speaker 1: To be fair to my wife, I want to emphasize this.
• 50:09
  Speaker 1: I have no evidence she's cheating or lying to me,
• 50:11
  Speaker 1: even though some things seem or feel inconsistent.
• 50:14
  Speaker 3: Don't call her that. Don't call her your wife.
• 50:17
  Speaker 1: I thought that, too, immediately. I was like.
• 50:20
  Speaker 3: Soon to be your ex, dude.
• 50:22
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's your ex. You guys are separated. That's your ex.
• 50:25
  Speaker 1: You may still legally be married, but that's your ex.
• 50:28
  Speaker 3: In the eyes of the law, you're together. But right now, brother.
• 50:31
  Speaker 1: She has answered my questions directly and consistently denied anything
• 50:35
  Speaker 1: romantic or physical with him. I'm choosing to treat what
• 50:38
  Speaker 1: she's told me as the truth unless I'm given an
• 50:40
  Speaker 1: actual reason not to. The bigger problem is what the
• 50:44
  Speaker 1: uncertainty has been doing to me. I've caught myself checking
• 50:47
  Speaker 1: her location, social media, and activity trying to piece together
• 50:51
  Speaker 1: what she's doing. Yet we know. We know, OP. You're
• 50:54
  Speaker 1: driving yourself absolutely insane. I know you asking her and
• 50:59
  Speaker 1: her giving you an answer is not enough. So like what?
• 51:03
  Speaker 1: Do you need to stop talking to her? You guys
• 51:05
  Speaker 1: are separated. You need to have another conversation. It's like,
• 51:07
  Speaker 1: what do you need? What do you need, OP?
• 51:10
  Speaker 3: I know what he needs.
• 51:11
  Speaker 1: What?
• 51:11
  Speaker 3: To let go.
• 51:13
  Speaker 1: Yeah. It creates anxiety and makes me imagine things I
• 51:16
  Speaker 1: don't actually know happened. I've realized that's unhealthy and that
• 51:20
  Speaker 1: I need to emotionally detach from monitoring her life regardless
• 51:23
  Speaker 1: of what she's doing. I've deleted my social media, muted
• 51:28
  Speaker 1: her on Strava, disabled photo memory notifications of us, significantly
• 51:33
  Speaker 1: cut back on checking her location, And I'm trying to
• 51:35
  Speaker 1: spend less time on my phone. Good. Stay that way.
• 51:39
  Speaker 3: You know what? Just go hide under a rock while
• 51:41
  Speaker 3: you're at it, too. Look how much sand's at the ocean.
• 51:44
  Speaker 1: I'm focusing on work, fitness, reading, and rebuilding my own life.
• 51:48
  Speaker 1: I'm not asking Reddit to tell me she's cheating. None
• 51:51
  Speaker 1: of you can know that. And neither can I, based
• 51:54
  Speaker 1: on the information I have.
• 51:56
  Speaker 3: I'll give you the answer for the question you're not asking.
• 51:59
  Speaker 3: That's not your wife anymore, man. Move on.
• 52:02
  Speaker 1: What I'm looking for is perspective.
• 52:05
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 52:06
  Speaker 1: Does this sound like a normal platonic friendship during a separation,
• 52:10
  Speaker 1: or would the frequency and type of one-on-one outings concern
• 52:14
  Speaker 1: you too, especially given her previous boundaries around opposite spicy
• 52:19
  Speaker 1: sleep friendships? And what do you make of her telling
• 52:23
  Speaker 1: him she doesn't want anything to develop?
• 52:25
  Speaker 3: Does this guy not have brain cells? I'm sorry. I'm
• 52:30
  Speaker 3: being hard on Opie.
• 52:31
  Speaker 1: No, and you should be, because this guy is... You're
• 52:35
  Speaker 1: driving yourself off a wall. You're doing this to yourself,
• 52:37
  Speaker 1: by the way, OP.
• 52:38
  Speaker 3: If you're at the point of life where you got
• 52:40
  Speaker 3: married and now going through a separation, you should have
• 52:43
  Speaker 3: the amount of brain cells to put this puzzle together
• 52:45
  Speaker 3: that you are separated.
• 52:48
  Speaker 1: I really, really want to know why you guys separated.
• 52:51
  Speaker 3: I do know a couple that separated and got back together,
• 52:53
  Speaker 3: but they were clear on their terms because we're planning
• 52:55
  Speaker 3: on getting back together. They talked about it.
• 52:58
  Speaker 1: I know a couple, too.
• 52:59
  Speaker 3: You're here, dude. You're here. You're so close to divorce.
• 53:03
  Speaker 1: And it doesn't seem like she has any intention of
• 53:06
  Speaker 1: getting back with you.
• 53:07
  Speaker 3: She's just being nice. She sounds like a nice person
• 53:09
  Speaker 3: and doesn't want to confront you on how she actually
• 53:12
  Speaker 3: feels and how she's living her life.
• 53:14
  Speaker 1: Is that reassuring because she's establishing a boundary or does
• 53:18
  Speaker 1: the fact that the conversation happened suggest there may be
• 53:22
  Speaker 1: interest from his side? Most importantly, for anyone who's been
• 53:25
  Speaker 1: through a separation, how did you stop monitoring what your
• 53:28
  Speaker 1: spouse was doing and get comfortable with the fact that
• 53:30
  Speaker 1: you simply aren't going to know everything anymore? Well, my guy,
• 53:35
  Speaker 1: you just gotta... You gotta relax.
• 53:38
  Speaker 3: I think we understand why you guys are separated. Yeah.
• 53:41
  Speaker 3: Can't control everything anymore?
• 53:42
  Speaker 1: Yeah, what?
• 53:44
  Speaker 3: What?
• 53:45
  Speaker 1: Brother. Yeah, I know... OP, it sounds like you're spiraling,
• 53:50
  Speaker 1: and I do feel bad for you. I do wish you,
• 53:52
  Speaker 1: you know, peace of mind and everything else. But this
• 53:55
  Speaker 1: is not you are torturing yourself doing this.
• 53:58
  Speaker 3: Anyone in the comments, have you guys separated before? And
• 54:00
  Speaker 3: did you or did you not get back together? And
• 54:02
  Speaker 3: how did that work out for you? Or have you
• 54:04
  Speaker 3: ever been on a break? Have you ever been on
• 54:06
  Speaker 3: a break?
• 54:06
  Speaker 1: Oh, yeah, plenty of times.
• 54:07
  Speaker 3: Did you ever get back with him? Yes. I'm going
• 54:10
  Speaker 3: to bring on my ex. We went on a break
• 54:11
  Speaker 3: three times.
• 54:12
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I went on a break also three times with
• 54:14
  Speaker 1: my ex. Fourth one was not a break. That was
• 54:16
  Speaker 1: a break up. I went a whole week. I told
• 54:19
  Speaker 1: him I need a week. At first he yelled at
• 54:21
  Speaker 1: me and said I wasn't allowed.
• 54:22
  Speaker 3: Well.
• 54:23
  Speaker 1: And then a month later I said, I'm going to
• 54:25
  Speaker 1: take a break. And he said, okay, whatever you need.
• 54:27
  Speaker 1: Didn't talk for a week. Well, he still tried to
• 54:29
  Speaker 1: reach out. And I said, please respect. I don't want
• 54:31
  Speaker 1: to talk. Blah, blah, blah. And then when we actually
• 54:33
  Speaker 1: did talk.
• 54:34
  Speaker 3: That's great. Thank you.
• 54:35
  Speaker 1: He was like.
• 54:36
  Speaker 3: Thank you.
• 54:36
  Speaker 1: Just tell me. Just tell me you're breaking up with me.
• 54:38
  Speaker 3: Thank you. Thank you for that. Welcome.
• 54:41
  Speaker 1: Update. Thank you all for your opinions, whether harsh or not.
• 54:44
  Speaker 1: Sometimes rose-colored glasses can make a fool out of us.
• 54:48
  Speaker 1: I already knew that it wasn't going to work out,
• 54:50
  Speaker 1: but I still felt super connected with my wife, as 95%
• 54:54
  Speaker 1: of our marriage and six years of relationship was smooth sailing.
• 54:58
  Speaker 1: So it came to me as a surprise that she
• 54:59
  Speaker 1: gave up on it, and us seemingly so abruptly. In
• 55:03
  Speaker 1: the end, it's my fault for making the mistake of
• 55:05
  Speaker 1: marrying someone whose commitment was not strong enough for marriage
• 55:09
  Speaker 1: or any difficult times that happen in life.
• 55:11
  Speaker 3: You're just screaming that you're the problem the whole time.
• 55:14
  Speaker 3: You've taken no accountability for having any sort of, I
• 55:18
  Speaker 3: don't know, impact on having a separation?
• 55:21
  Speaker 1: Yeah. It's like, I would love to hear her side
• 55:24
  Speaker 1: of the story.
• 55:25
  Speaker 3: I'm stimming.
• 55:27
  Speaker 1: Obviously, I feel like a fool and a bit pathetic
• 55:30
  Speaker 1: that I cared as much as I did while the
• 55:32
  Speaker 1: signs were all right there in front of me. Whether
• 55:35
  Speaker 1: or not she's actually having romantic relations with this guy
• 55:38
  Speaker 1: while we're still newly separated... really isn't the issue. The
• 55:42
  Speaker 1: issue is that I let it stress me out for
• 55:44
  Speaker 1: as long as I did. And for all of you
• 55:46
  Speaker 1: that say you're not together, so it's not your business,
• 55:50
  Speaker 1: I get it. But I can tell you've never been
• 55:52
  Speaker 1: married to someone you love. So you don't get it.
• 55:56
  Speaker 1: You just completely contradicted yourself. I get it. But you
• 56:00
  Speaker 1: guys must have never actually been in love, though.
• 56:03
  Speaker 3: I was. I'm going to take this on a stretch.
• 56:04
  Speaker 3: I don't even think he loves her.
• 56:07
  Speaker 1: I think he just wants to control her, truthfully. Sounds
• 56:09
  Speaker 1: like a more controlling relationship.
• 56:11
  Speaker 3: Yeah. Love, you know what my definition of love is.
• 56:15
  Speaker 3: If you've ever heard me speak about it. And I'm
• 56:17
  Speaker 3: not getting any hint of that. No. I think she's attractive.
• 56:21
  Speaker 3: I want to be with her. I want her to
• 56:23
  Speaker 3: love me in XYZ way.
• 56:25
  Speaker 1: And also the big one, I don't want her to
• 56:26
  Speaker 1: be with anyone else. But the thing is, you guys
• 56:28
  Speaker 1: are separated. You don't control that.
• 56:31
  Speaker 3: Yeah, love's not spending all day with someone. Love's understanding
• 56:34
  Speaker 3: someone for who they are.
• 56:36
  Speaker 1: Yes, it's understanding. It's growth.
• 56:38
  Speaker 3: There's some trend going around of like, love's not buying
• 56:41
  Speaker 3: someone flowers. Love's not this, love's not that. Love is X, Y, Z.
• 56:45
  Speaker 3: It's pretty good. Pretty good viral reel if you can
• 56:47
  Speaker 3: look it up. TikTok has a really good SEO if
• 56:49
  Speaker 3: you want to use those keywords to find it.
• 56:52
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 56:52
  Speaker 3: Whatever that means.
• 56:53
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't know. Giving up on that part of
• 56:56
  Speaker 1: life is so very difficult.
• 56:58
  Speaker 2: Yes.
• 56:59
  Speaker 1: Yes, it is. She also checked in on me occasionally.
• 57:02
  Speaker 1: With all of that being said, I let her know
• 57:05
  Speaker 1: that I don't want to stay in contact at all
• 57:07
  Speaker 1: unless it's about our divorce. Dude, you were the one
• 57:10
  Speaker 1: reaching out, asking her, do you like this guy? So
• 57:14
  Speaker 1: what are you doing with this guy tonight? So I
• 57:16
  Speaker 1: saw that you went on this trip. Does this guy
• 57:18
  Speaker 1: like you or something? Like, you're the one asking about it.
• 57:21
  Speaker 1: She's the one being very like, no.
• 57:23
  Speaker 3: No, he's a victim now, dude. Stop it. He's the
• 57:26
  Speaker 3: victim now. What are you talking about? Are you telling
• 57:28
  Speaker 3: us he's not the victim? You're crazy. He's the victim.
• 57:31
  Speaker 3: Have you not read the story at all? He's been
• 57:32
  Speaker 3: the victim the whole time.
• 57:33
  Speaker 2: No.
• 57:34
  Speaker 3: He's been the victim of her moving on.
• 57:37
  Speaker 1: No wonder you're separated. That's all I'll say. I let
• 57:40
  Speaker 1: her know that it's a boundary that she set and
• 57:42
  Speaker 1: she crossed, and I will not be foolish enough to
• 57:45
  Speaker 1: show care any longer. Blocked her, her family and friends
• 57:50
  Speaker 1: on all socials, removed her from Find My, etc. to
• 57:53
  Speaker 1: cut all ties. OP, every single thing that you say,
• 57:57
  Speaker 1: you say it, and then you contradict it. I don't
• 57:59
  Speaker 1: want to stay in contact at all, unless it's about
• 58:01
  Speaker 1: our divorce. Blocked on everything.
• 58:02
  Speaker 3: I don't know. He's also got a lot of pride
• 58:05
  Speaker 3: behind his words, and a fool with pride doesn't really
• 58:08
  Speaker 3: go too far. I'm not hearing any lick of wisdom here. Yeah.
• 58:11
  Speaker 1: It hurts so deep, but why should I care? She
• 58:14
  Speaker 1: obviously doesn't. Gonna keep on keeping on. Been in the
• 58:18
  Speaker 1: gym the last two months and feeling great. This is
• 58:20
  Speaker 1: the last weight I'm excited to stop carrying.
• 58:23
  Speaker 3: You know, low key kind of cook with that last line.
• 58:26
  Speaker 3: It kind of cook with that last line.
• 58:28
  Speaker 1: It's just truthfully.
• 58:29
  Speaker 3: The intention behind it, horrible. But if that sentence was
• 58:32
  Speaker 3: used in a different way by someone else with a
• 58:34
  Speaker 3: different intention behind it, fire bar.
• 58:37
  Speaker 1: This reminds me of the song Jaded by Miley Cyrus.
• 58:41
  Speaker 1: She has a line in there that I relate with.
• 58:43
  Speaker 1: And it says, you broke your own heart, but you'll
• 58:46
  Speaker 1: never admit it. And I believe, OP, you broke your
• 58:49
  Speaker 1: own heart. Broke your own heart, but you'll never say that.
• 58:52
  Speaker 1: That's what the quote is.
• 58:53
  Speaker 2: Wow.
• 58:54
  Speaker 1: It broke your own heart, but you never say that.
• 58:56
  Speaker 1: And it's true because it's like you spiraling and doing
• 59:02
  Speaker 1: nothing about it, but like blaming everyone else around you.
• 59:05
  Speaker 1: You're doing that, by the way. She's living her life.
• 59:08
  Speaker 1: She's getting out of here. she's going and you're like
• 59:11
  Speaker 1: stuck in this like what's happening with her what is
• 59:14
  Speaker 1: she doing i need to go what she's doing what
• 59:15
  Speaker 1: what am i doing what's happening with me oh it's
• 59:17
  Speaker 1: her fault that i feel this way like op all
• 59:20
  Speaker 1: i'm gonna say oh say it suck up your pride
• 59:24
  Speaker 1: and go to therapy there.
• 59:25
  Speaker 3: We go Stay in the gym too. But guys, that's it.
• 59:29
  Speaker 3: We're done with this episode. If you have anything you'd
• 59:30
  Speaker 3: like to add, please add down below. If you love us,
• 59:33
  Speaker 3: make sure to subscribe. We're almost at 200K. We're probably
• 59:35
  Speaker 3: going to be at 200K by the time we release this.
• 59:38
  Speaker 1: We love you. And see you tomorrow.