Latest / BECOMING | Biblical Truths, Purpose, Identity in Christ, Grow Towards God / 5. Are you treating God like someone who hurt you?
Transcript
- Elly Nelly: Hi friends, welcome back to becoming. I am your host, Ellie Melling, where we talk about becoming the person who God has created you to be. So today I want to dive in with a question. The question being, are you treating God like someone who hurt you? That's what we're gonna walk through today, but I I wanna preface it with when thinking about this episode, I didn't really know what the Lord wanted. Me to talk about. And so I thought I'll do something kind of different. So this isn't, as my husband would say, a very thoughtful exegesis of the text, which was actually what he said to me after I filmed the second episode. I said, What did you think? And he said, that was a very thoughtful exegesis of the text. He's a funny guy. So if you know him, you're like, wow, it's a funny thing for him to say. But that's not what today's gonna be about. Today's gonna be a little different. today we're thinking through this big question and thinking of scripture as a whole, supporting verses, all that stuff. but the reason that I felt like this needed to be talked about is because there is just a lot of hurt in the world. And I feel like every one of you that I know personally that might be watching this is just walking through something right now. Like I I feel like we all think like, I don't have it together, but everybody else does. And that's kind of just like not the case at all. And I'm I don't want to be a Debbie Downer and I don't want to make it seem like life is this super hard thing, but I think it's really important that we're honest about what we're going through, especially with the Lord, especially with like your sisters in Christ that you feel comfortable sharing in and confiding in, who are able to bear weight with you as you walk through life. And just I feel like a lot of you guys are just going through something right now. And whether that's something is health issues or personal issues or relational issues, trust issues, walking through a season of fear, like so many of you guys that I have talked to are just walking through something, or you're good friends, or you care so much about somebody else who's walking through something. And so just thinking about thinking about so thinking about that, also thinking about how can I help or equip. or walk through this with you because I've got my own stuff in my own life that I'm going through, like packing up to move or moving houses. It's not far, but eventually these posters, if you're watching this video, will not be here and I'll be somewhere else and it'll be super cool and crazy. And that's where we'll probably have most of our podcast time together is gonna be somewhere else. And we're preparing to get a dog, which is so exciting. But then it's like a responsibility. One of us has to be home every four hours because she's a puppy. So Thinking through that and the schedule. And the other day she bit my husband in the butt while he was trying to train her. So she's kind of a stinker. and just like health issues with family and with friends and working with students. It's like some of you guys are going through really, really hard things right now. And when you're going through hard things, the most important thing. I guess the most important thing any time of life is your relationship with the Lord. And so to take some, What's the word I'm looking for? I'm totally blanking it. To take an account of like where you are with the Lord right now and like how are you relating to him? What are you holding back from him? Why are you holding that back from him? Because if we're treating God like somebody who hurt us, we wouldn't treat him like the all-loving, perfect father who only cares to be faithful to us and good to us and compassionate to us and carry us through every season. So those are two very different ways to look at God. and that's what we're gonna be talking about today. So let's get into it. Okay, let's get into it. Why are you treating God like someone who hurt you? So to jump into this, some of the background of this is when we as people think about literally anything, our brain connects all these little tabs and these little flags of things that we have connected with one thing. So if I were to say, don't touch the stovets. blank you might go hot of course many of us have had this experience of the stove is hot. I may say careful of that glass it's blank and you might go sharp because we all know that broken glass is sharp and some of us have had to learn the hard way about these experiences by touching a hot stove or smashing our little fingers into some broken glass. I have never done the first one but I have done the second one is rather unfortunate. So we have these like lived experiences and then we we interact with these things. So if the stove is hot, you're not gonna rest your palm on it and lean on it while talking to someone because you know, that's gonna hurt me a lot. I should not do that. And so you change and modify and adapt your behavior to these things that you know could be dangerous to you, could be harmful to you, could hurt you. and we kind of adapt and we live in this adapted state based off of our lived experiences with objects. And so we actually do the same exact thing with people. It makes sense. Do it with one thing, do it with another thing. Humans are extremely complex. And yet sometimes we as a species are so simple because we're consistent. And so our ki we consistently live and adjust our interactions with people based off of what they've shown us about themselves. And if we haven't sometimes that's just because we haven't, we're not willing to see That a person has shown us their stripes and that they are in fact a tiger. So, for example, I have had many, many, many lovely, amazing women pour into me. And it has blessed my soul so incredibly deeply. And it has formed a lot of the ways I think about God, the way I relate to God, the way I pray, the way I worship, the way I do all these wonderful things. And in turn, I have actually had. The opportunity to impact a lot of people like younger sisters in the church for Christ. And we take on little bits and pieces of other people and little things that we like and little things that they do or they say, and we kind of like make them our own and they we like build up around that. And I know, at least for me, there was a super cool experience for me where I was at Hume Lake Christian Camps. It's a Christian camp up in the national park. and so we're up there and we're doing worship time and I'm on I'm standing on the end of a pew and all of my girls are in line next to me, more inside of the pews. And this lady comes up to me and she goes, Are all those yours? And I was like, Yeah, they're my girls. They're so special. I love them so much. And I do love them with my whole heart. and she goes, I can tell. And I was like, Okay. Okay, cool. Thanks so thanks so much. And she was like, they worship exactly the same way you worship with your hands, with the way you move. She's like, they worship like copy paste, copy, paste, copy, paste of the way you worship. And I thought, wow. Okay, that's one, amazing, super cool. Two, it I felt like this weight of pressure of like, my goodness, like they have learned to worship by watching me worship, and now they're doing it on their own and they're modeling what I have shown them. Not what someone else has shown them. No one else can be blamed for this but me. It's on me. And so I like felt the weight of like, my goodness, I hope that I am showing them the love of Christ well and I am showing them how to relate to Christ well and showing them how to grow their relationship with God well. But there's this weight that you have as someone who is stewarding other people, and a weight that you have as someone who is being discipled by someone else to be like, hey, are they following Christ well? Are they loving him above all else? Are they serving others? Are they investing in their relationship with God? How are they investing in their relationship with me? How should I model their investment in me and my investment in others? So there's just like lots of layers with our human interactions of we learn and we grasp things from other people. But as much as that can be such a good thing and such a blessing, and I have so many women who are different, vastly different than me, speak things into my life that I still hang on. Hang on to my mentor Danielle. She always prayed that the Lord would soften her heart towards God's people because it had become hardened by the world. And I pray that so, so often because I realize that my heart is so hard towards other people and that it's only through the Lord that I'm gonna soften it. And there's so many other instances like that. one of my one of my sweet mentor friends, her name's Amber, and she has told me, like, Ellie, I'm so proud of you. And I don't think I realize that that's something that I really needed to hear from a mentor, but for her to say, like, I'm proud of you and the work you're doing for Christ, it's like the biggest fireworks, finishing a race, arms up at the finish line, celebration moment for me to be like, Wow, like someone who's invested in me is seeing the fruit that God is producing through my faithfulness to Him. And she's like proud of that. And she's part of the reason that I've been able to bear so much fruit is because she's been walking with me. And so there's so many. So many cool, wonderful, amazing things that my mentor women have spoken over me and said to me that have truly touched my heart and changed the way that I see the Lord for the better. Hands down for the better. They have been such a blessing to me. And and sadly, there have also been people in my life who've spoken things over me or been a quote unquote godly example in their role. And it has actually done a lot of detriment to my heart. It is made me pull away from the Lord. They've said things that aren't in alignment with the character of God. They've said things that I know the Lord doesn't think about me, but they do. They've said things that, you know, aren't true about my soul, my character, that I've actually held on to. And then I've associated the way that they think about me. And I've gone, well if my mentors who are kind to me and say these wonderful things about me, they're representing Christ to me like Okay, what about these other people who have not said such nice things to me, who have said kind of mean things to me, harsh things to me, disappointed things to me? Like, are they also in alignment with God's character? And if they are representing Christ right now, how how do I like prevent myself from feeling hurt by God the way that I'm feeling hurt by them? And so we take on, for better or for worse, these associations that people give us. when they're in a position of authority or mentorship or discipleship in our lives and we associate them with God. And so I realize that even even though I haven't I've worked through a lot of stuff this past season that the way that other people have treated me, I start to put up these barriers or these walls if I'm feeling convicted in a certain way, I'm like, I gotta push God out because I don't want to feel hurt like this again by him. Even though hurt wasn't from him at all. God doesn't approve of the way that other people hurt me. God isn't condoning the the way that other people hurt me. God isn't proud of the way that other people hurt me. But I still treat him like he was the one who delivered the hurt, even though he wasn't. And he doesn't want to be associated with that. I still act like he did. And so walking through hard, heavy seasons, being like God, why Why? Like why are you doing this to me? Why are you allowing this to happen? All those are super valid questions, by the way, which I have asked many of in my short life experience. But I To know that God is on your team and to know that in your heart and your head. You know, because I think at least me, I believe I buy into these lies. These lies that God is, you know, disappointed in me, that God is upset at me, that God can be mean to me, that God isn't looking out for my best interest and like isn't really caring about my life. He's kind of flippant towards me. And I can buy into these lies and then treat God differently. Based off of the associations I've made with him because of his people, not because of what he's shown me to be in the Bible. And so today I kind of want to walk through doing an exercise together so that you can go and do one on your own, using words that some of them apply to me, some of them don't, but I think they apply to a lot of people. And so yeah, kind of doing this exercise of what. Why are you treating God like someone who hurt you? And then going through and identifying, like, okay, what have been really good Christ-like models in my life? And who hasn't been a really great Christ-like model in my life? Who's actually said some things that have hurt me or hindered me or held me back? And that's not to have anger towards them or bitterness, because when we let anger and bitterness and resentment root in our hearts, it only produces hardship for us. It doesn't actually hurt the other person at all. They can become Completely unfazed by our bitterness and upsetness. So to look at our own hearts and be like, okay, how to acknowledge hurt from other people, how to acknowledge disappointment from other people, how to acknowledge the fact that they didn't represent Christ well, but to not hold that against them, but as an opportunity to forgive them of that, and also as an opportunity to invite God in to healing whatever brokenness was caused by that person that wasn't caused by him, but he has the almighty power to heal. And so Addressing some lies. Some lies. Let's do that. So I don't know if you guys have ever heard of the exercise that's like if you are a girl, a lot of times we struggle with again broad strokes. We this could not apply to you, whatever. but we struggle with self-image and value and all that stuff. And so I've heard it said in the past, like take a sticky note, write down a Bible verse that reminds you of how your worth is or your value in Christ or how he has a purpose for your life and put that like on your bathroom mirror. your car steering wheel and all that stuff. Fantastic. We're gonna do that same exercise to remind us of who God is. Because if we're becoming someone, if we're becoming anyone and our goal is to become like Christ and our view of Christ is flawed, who our goal of becoming will then be flawed. It will then be broken. It will then in turn probably hurt other people if we don't get this right. And so I feel like this is a crucial step. As we pray towards becoming someone who's hospital, hospitalit I don't even know, who likes to host people, who's a person of peace, who's a person of joy, who's a person of wisdom, who's a person of discernment. As I'm praying to become more like Christ in these areas and offering my weaknesses over to him as well, I need to make sure that I'm headed in the direction that is actually in alignment with the God of the Bible and is not in alignment with the God of Ellie's head. Because those two can be vastly different. Beings to be honest, like completely different. If I have been broken and hurt by the world, I may have a different view of God than who He actually has revealed Himself to be. So that's why this is so important as we move forward, as we think about becoming who God has created us to be, and becoming the person that we know in our hearts that we were made to be, that we're becoming like the God of the Bible. Not a different God. So for me some examples of if we serve a God who we think is disappointing us, I am often personally worried that I'm disappointing God, or I'm worried God's just gonna disappoint me and He's not gonna hold up like his end of the bargain. And so to know the truth behind that is that God doesn't seek to disappoint me. It says in Matthew 7, 9 through 11, a what man is there among you if his son asks for bread would give him a stone, or if he asks for fish, would give him a serpent. If you then, being evil, know how to give such good gifts to your children, how much more will your father who is in heaven give good give good gifts to those who ask him? And so this is kind of a comparison of like, okay, if you're hungry and you ask your parents for bread, are they gonna give you a stone? No, that's not gonna do anything for you. They're gonna give you food. If you ask for a fish, fish move like all floppity-wise, you know. And snakes actually move the same kind of inconsistent way. And so to say, Why would you replace a snake which could cause harm for a fish that is just for play? Like why would you do that? Even though we're wicked down to our core and evil in our hearts, we know how to give good gifts. And so that much more, the Bible loves to use that much more language, especially in the New Testament. That much more does God give good gifts to those who love him. And so to say, I know that I'm expecting God to kind of hoodwink me and s like switch out a fish for a snake. And that's not in God's character. How much more is God going to provide truly good gifts for me as long as I trust him and love him and abide in him? So that's a verse that I need to put somewhere and remind myself that God's not seeking to disappoint me. God's gonna hold up his end of the bargain. God has been consistently faithful. This whole book, this whole book, is thousands of words and pages of God being faithful to people who are so incredibly unfaithful to him. So I have to remind myself of that because That's just a lie that I've let myself believe about God for far too long. second lie. Hold on. Okay, our God, who he really is, won't be unnecessarily mean or harsh to us. I think I get worried that God's never been mean to me or harsh to me at all. But I think I have this weird fear that I'm gonna misstep and then I'm gonna get, you know, the dark side of God. And that's not true at all. Like literally not true. It has never been true. It will never be true. But somewhere in my mind, I've misstepped with somebody else. And then they've reacted harshly towards me. And I've gone, you know, one day God's gonna do that to you. I just haven't crossed that line yet, you know? and so the verse that I found that addresses truth to this lie is first John 3 1, how great is the love the Father has lavished on us that we should be called children of God. And so to be reminded that, like, not only has the Lord given us love, but he is fully lavished. I love that word, lavish us with love. More love than we could ever, it's like being showered in love. You know, it's not just like a few drops of love or a little splash here. It's so much inundated love that we could not possibly hold all of it if we tried. Like trying to hold water in the shower. You just can't keep all of it from falling. The same as the way that the Lord lavishes us with love. It is just so much that we couldn't possibly catch all of it. And if I'm living in that love, there's no space for meanness, for harshness, for upsetness at me. I mean the God can be disappointed and I can totally grieve the Holy Spirit with my sin. But as long as I'm living in alignment with him, there is no space for the Lord to be mean to me, like quote unquote mean to me, because that's not in his character and that's not what he does. another lie that I believed our God, who he really is, won't be unloving because he is perfect love. And again, I think I have a problem, as we all do, with the desire to be fully loved and to be fully seen and to be fully known. So I feel a little bit exposed here being like, I'm worried God won't love me. But you know what? You're probably worried about the same thing. So let's just be real about this. whoever I the verse I found to address this lie is first John 4.8 which says whoever does not love does not know God because God is love. And so to be like, if I know God And God knows me, then we are in a relationship that is known and is hallmarked and is the keystone of it is love. And so to be thinking that there's a certain point that I'll do something wrong and God won't love me anymore is just not true because God is love. Like I couldn't be interacting with God and not be experiencing love. Simple as that. That's just not that's not an option. the next one is. Our God, who he really is, will never betray us or turn his back on us. He's always faithful to his children. Again, a good reminder. There's kind of a theme here with what my problems are, but it's okay. We don't have to talk about that right now. the verse I found to address this lie is 1 John 1 9. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. And it's that to me was just such a good reminder of it's not 100% on God to make us better. Like we have to take the steps to confess our sin, to come to the feet of the Father, to hand that over to him, and then to walk in a new way that isn't in sin anymore, to walk in his way, to walk on his his path. And if we are faithful to do that, then he is going to forgive us of our sins and he will cleanse us from all unrighteousness so that we can live a shame-free life. Think about our shame box we talked about last week or week before. We don't need that anymore when we're walking with Christ because that's not necessary. It's been forgiven, our slate has been washed clean. We are wholly made new and I don't have to live like that anymore because God will be faithful to forgive me every time. Again, that's not to say that we should continue in sin so that grace may abound. The Bible is very clear about that. It says, by no means should we do that. But just to know that when we do and we turn our hearts around, we ask for compassion, forgiveness from Lord, he'll be faithful to give it. And then the last one I have is that I have this deep worry. That God has kind of like walked away from the TV that's showing my life and he's gonna come back like season three, like if now is season two, he's gonna come back like season three or four and be like, crud, I forgot I left this channel on. A lot's been going down. Time to step in and clean things up a little bit. Like, I don't know why, but I'm kind of worried that God's just gonna walk away and like kind of forget that my life is happening and be a part of everyone else's lives, and I'm just gonna be over here struggling and he's gonna walk in and be like shoot! I forgot about you. even though I know I know in my head that he isn't like that at all, but sometimes I get fear in my heart that he might forget about me. because he's got a lot of other people to deal with, he's got a lot of other problems. So like honestly, I would understand, but it would still be sad. But the verse I found to address this lie in my life is Isaiah 46, 4. Even to your old age and gray hairs, I am he. I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you. I will sustain you and I will rescue you. And so I love this verse because it's it's the prophet conveying what the Lord has spoken and to say that God, until our gray hairs, until literally every hair is gray on my head, until I have no more hairs on my head. The Lord will be with me. He will carry me. He will sustain me, and he will rescue me. And that's really, I think, what my heart needs to hear is that the Lord's not going anywhere. He's not going anywhere. He is right beside me every moment of every day. And he will continue to be there until I meet him in heaven. And then I will be closer with him than I have ever been before. Like that is so exciting to be like, this is This day that I'm living right now is the farthest I ever have to be from the Father ever again. Like tomorrow I can be closer, and the next day I can be closer, and the next day I can be closer. And that like that gets me so excited and happy because that is what my heart desires. I just want to be close with the Father, and I think you do too. So for every reason that man has to distort the character of God, let the Bible provide reasons to. realign the character of God in your head and in your heart. And to ask, who am I chasing after? Is it the God of my own making? We were created in God's image. Genesis 3, we're created in God's image. And as someone who is created in God's image, we like to create things in our image because God created us in our image. And one of those things that we like to create in our image is God, which is not true. So we need to let God be who he is and be we need to be who he made us to be. Keep everything in the right order and not get it all scrambled up. And so your exercise, your growth work for this week, if you want to, is to kind of walk through and do exactly what I did, addressing the lies, addressing the good stuff too, like things that people have spoken over you in your life that you're like, my goodness, yes, sometimes I need reminded that like I have a hard heart and I can pray that it's softened. And I know someone out there is praying that my heart is softened, and that's so comforting and assuring. And like to kind have like a highlight reel of like all the things that people who love you and like really know your heart have spoken over you, about who you are as a person or your future or just your heart. the deep, the real you on the inside when people see that and like acknowledge that that's from the Lord, it's really special. So to hang on to that and hold that and be like, thank you, Lord, for these gifts, these little truths that I'm able to hold on to that are definitely from you. And to address the lies too and say like these are ways that I've been holding back, these are ways that I've been putting up walls, these are ways that I've been treating you like you've hurt me when I know you haven't. And addressing those lies, not just with saying, I know these aren't true, but going straight to the truth and addressing them with truth and saying, actually it's not that God is flippant about my life. God is actually so faithful that until I have only gray hairs, He will be right beside me, protecting me, rescuing me, sustaining me. So that's your guys' growth work for the week. I hope to see you back to tomorrow. Not tomorrow. Next week on the podcast. I'm sorry, this one's getting out late. I had some tech issues. So if you think about me, you can pray for my tech problems because I'm just inundated with them. And if you guys want to hear about anything specific next week, please let me know. you can drop some info in the comments. You can like and subscribe. I'll be on YouTube, Spotify, Amazon Music, Apple Music, Instagram, TikTok. Not on Pinterest yet, but maybe one day, you know, I was thinking about that. Maybe one day. I don't think I'm ready for Pinterest. Or Pinterest isn't ready for me. It's one of those two things. Anyway, all right. I pray that the Lord bless you and keep you, that his face would shine upon you and be gracious to you in this day and in this week, and that you would be able to align your heart with the God of the Bible and know who he truly is so that you can know who you were truly created to be. God bless you and amen. See you later, guys.