Latest / Dear Son, / Trauma Propelled Me Into Purpose | Shot. Broken. Chosen. | Ep 204 | The Dear Son, Show

Transcript

Trauma Propelled Me Into Purpose | Shot. Broken. Chosen. | Ep 204 | The Dear Son, Show · Dear Son,

0:00
[SPEAKER_00]: Like if I were to take my shirt off, I got these little holes where they had like two to drain excess fluid.
0:07
[SPEAKER_00]: I got a gang bang zipper from my stomach to my chest.
0:12
[SPEAKER_00]: I got another scarf from here all the way to the back because I wanted to have that first surgery.
0:18
[SPEAKER_00]: The second surgery had to remove blood clots from my lungs.
0:22
[SPEAKER_00]: so they had to go in and so that and so this side of my body is numb.
0:25
[SPEAKER_00]: And then the third thing is that they could not remove the bullet because the bullet was too close to my spine.
0:50
[SPEAKER_02]: These are the conversations I want my sons, the access as they grow through life and the manhoods and no topics are off limits.
0:58
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't care if you sick of me, I'm your only host today, D. John's, we've got an amazing guess who I'll start out with.
1:04
[SPEAKER_02]: This is a major oversight.
1:07
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't know how it happened.
1:10
[SPEAKER_02]: That this is his first time on the platform.
1:12
[SPEAKER_02]: It might be fence.
1:14
[SPEAKER_02]: I suck, I quite a few things for him, right?
1:17
[SPEAKER_02]: Some things I've shot here, some things I've shot in the studio space while I met, and I don't know if my mind just conflated it that surely he's been on the show.
1:25
[SPEAKER_02]: No, I didn't have.
1:26
[SPEAKER_02]: And he feels no way about it.
1:28
[SPEAKER_02]: See why I called him young Mr. 80, 20.
1:31
[SPEAKER_00]: Welcome to the DSL and show how all you my brother.
1:34
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm grateful, man.
1:35
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm glad to be here, man.
1:36
[SPEAKER_00]: And it's honestly in kind of a roundabout way.
1:39
[SPEAKER_00]: I've actually been on the platform.
1:40
[SPEAKER_00]: It's not on the platform.
1:41
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, you know, I'm saying you've been on on the, uh, the Genesis podcast we've worked together and you know what everything happens when it's supposed to happen.
1:49
[SPEAKER_00]: I agree.
1:50
[SPEAKER_02]: I agree, man.
1:51
[SPEAKER_02]: You're so good.
1:52
[SPEAKER_00]: I always ask people twice because I know that I have been conditioned to say I'm good.
1:59
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
1:59
[SPEAKER_00]: How are you feeling, man?
2:00
[SPEAKER_00]: Actually, I am, I'm doing well, man.
2:03
[SPEAKER_00]: Um, and I appreciate that because we got this thing in my set you that we say to each other and we ask, how's your heart?
2:12
[SPEAKER_00]: We as men were conditioned say, yeah, I'm straight bro got out of it, but yeah, yeah, I'm good.
2:16
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm here.
2:16
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, but how's your heart?
2:18
[SPEAKER_00]: So man.
2:18
[SPEAKER_00]: My heart is good, man.
2:20
[SPEAKER_00]: I've been actually going through this Communication Study with the fellas in the group right.
2:27
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, and it's really been eye-opening to me as a man, right?
2:31
[SPEAKER_00]: And so it's really has has me reflecting on the man that I've been the leader that I thought that I was that I'm actually not
2:40
[SPEAKER_02]: Let's stay there.
2:41
[SPEAKER_02]: What do you, what are you learning about too?
2:44
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm learning about me that, you know, people say when you get better at communication, you get better at life.
2:50
[SPEAKER_00]: No, when you become a better man, you get better at communication.
2:55
[SPEAKER_00]: Because the Bible says out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks.
3:01
[SPEAKER_00]: So actually what I'm saying and how I respond to people is truly who I am is not how I communicate.
3:09
[SPEAKER_00]: So when I get short with my spouse, that's how I am.
3:13
[SPEAKER_00]: That's how I feel, right?
3:14
[SPEAKER_00]: That's that's a part of me.
3:15
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
3:16
[SPEAKER_00]: Or the sarcastic nature that I have.
3:18
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm bad with sarcasm, right?
3:20
[SPEAKER_00]: That's like my coping mechanism.
3:21
[SPEAKER_02]: We might be competing.
3:23
[SPEAKER_00]: And it just started to like, so you know, me and my wife were doing great, but you know, as all couples do we have some some areas that we can close the gap, we may never disagree, but we, if we can close the gap as as as as tight as possible, it works for us, right, yeah.
3:40
[SPEAKER_00]: And so me learning like I'm trying to figure out how to close the gap and God is like you're the leader, right, as you lead.
3:48
[SPEAKER_00]: the house goes you're the catalyst.
3:49
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
3:50
[SPEAKER_00]: A catalyst is is is is is an agent that that that that provokes and speeds up change.
3:57
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
3:57
[SPEAKER_00]: Right.
3:57
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
3:58
[SPEAKER_00]: So if I'm if I'm not the catalyst what I'm what I'm what am I in my household time at time and is this is divine time.
4:06
[SPEAKER_02]: I, uh, I received the text from
4:17
[SPEAKER_02]: that I need to pick my leadership up.
4:19
[SPEAKER_02]: And it wasn't a text of her saying anything.
4:21
[SPEAKER_02]: She asked about the thing, she shouldn't have had to ask about.
4:24
[SPEAKER_02]: All right, all right.
4:25
[SPEAKER_02]: I said, oh, you should, that should not be a prompt for me to do the thing that you're asking about.
4:35
[SPEAKER_02]: Let's all.
4:37
[SPEAKER_00]: Because this from the year, the I don't want to rob the boy that's who made not have seen you what were you from that which girl Memorizantly from Birmingham Alabama Born and raised Young young man.
4:50
[SPEAKER_00]: That was born to a 19 year old teenage woman
4:53
[SPEAKER_00]: who ended up with a biological father that I've never seen a day in my life.
4:57
[SPEAKER_00]: He's a deceased now.
4:59
[SPEAKER_00]: So he had two women pregnant at the same time.
5:02
[SPEAKER_00]: In a married one, my mom's left out in the cold, 19 years old.
5:07
[SPEAKER_00]: Fast for my mom, Mary's demand that I call my dad, who actually adopted me at four years old.
5:12
[SPEAKER_00]: This, my name was originally Carlton Allen.
5:16
[SPEAKER_00]: See you.
5:16
[SPEAKER_02]: I like it.
5:17
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I think see why it's not all right.
5:20
[SPEAKER_00]: So he changed my name.
5:21
[SPEAKER_00]: It's faster.
5:21
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, yeah, and Military brat I grew up, you know, I went to Germany as a young and actually grew up in Montana in the in the mid 80s Is that's not no, I was thinking might my not as uh that's not the code.
5:36
[SPEAKER_02]: Let's go.
5:36
[SPEAKER_02]: We've been through there.
5:37
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay And then you know move back to Alabama and I'm just to
5:42
[SPEAKER_00]: just a young knucklehead man that just was trying to figure out life, like trying to figure out my identity, because actually there's this thing in that book and I don't want to get too far ahead of it, but I call it a survival script.
5:55
[SPEAKER_00]: So all those things that I went through in life, it downloaded like an operating system into me, like it's like code.
6:03
[SPEAKER_00]: And so the survival system is the thing
6:11
[SPEAKER_00]: If I didn't deal with it in my adulthood, now I became how I operated, and so learning about those survival scripts and actually facing them head on, you know, because of bison, they don't go around the storm, they walk right into the eye of the storm.
6:30
[SPEAKER_00]: and it allows them to get through the storm quicker.
6:33
[SPEAKER_00]: A eagle flies through a storm.
6:35
[SPEAKER_00]: It doesn't try to circumvent the storm.
6:37
[SPEAKER_00]: So that taught me that I needed to face all the things that I was dealing with head on, because at the end of the day, when you look at my life,
6:45
[SPEAKER_00]: The carnage behind it was me, obviously, the common denominator in my life, the whole through line.
6:53
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
6:53
[SPEAKER_00]: So I can blame other people.
6:54
[SPEAKER_00]: I one time is me, but I begin to think like, man, what is going on with me?
6:58
[SPEAKER_00]: So that's me in a nutshell, man.
7:00
[SPEAKER_00]: So I have a, a men's group called mindset you.
7:02
[SPEAKER_00]: We get two seasons and thursdays.
7:04
[SPEAKER_00]: Our goal is to move men from internal chaos, to internal clarity.
7:08
[SPEAKER_00]: So they can sustain external momentum.
7:11
[SPEAKER_00]: And they are some with Sun's first builder second guys see we as man we focus on building things God is focusing on building us You'll see this throughout episode uh the discipline to finish is the book that he referenced uh so we'll keep it keep it front and mind throughout the conversation how long did you spend uh in Germany or overseas period as a young child between and yet for my first time we went
7:41
[SPEAKER_00]: and then I joined the military at 20 and I went back to Germany again, that was my first duty station.
7:47
[SPEAKER_00]: So I spent about seven years in Germany.
7:49
[SPEAKER_02]: So the three to four years you spent there as a child, how did that impact you?
7:53
[SPEAKER_02]: Because I'm seeing it through the lens of my children, we went overseas, I didn't go overseas as a child, but to this day grateful that they got to
8:04
[SPEAKER_02]: kind of shake their own world view from seeing the world.
8:07
[SPEAKER_02]: Do you remember what being outside of the U.S. at a young age kind of, man, I told you to show you.
8:13
[SPEAKER_00]: It's a culture shock, bro.
8:15
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm a Birmingham Alabama West Indian West Indian stand up.
8:19
[SPEAKER_00]: It was all black predominantly black, black area.
8:21
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
8:22
[SPEAKER_00]: So the go from
8:24
[SPEAKER_00]: that we moved to Florida until I was six.
8:26
[SPEAKER_00]: That was kind of a culture shot because I'm typically around our people.
8:29
[SPEAKER_00]: Now, my dad is in the military, so there's a mix of people, different races that I've never in act with.
8:35
[SPEAKER_00]: So adjusting in that and then going to a totally different country and seeing like landmarks, we went to castles, you know, being on the Autobahn, tasting different food, it just, you know, open my eyes up to a bigger
8:49
[SPEAKER_00]: life that is out there, right?
8:51
[SPEAKER_00]: It's a call at the law of exposure.
8:53
[SPEAKER_00]: Once I think Pastor Derek Daniels actually phrased it, right?
8:57
[SPEAKER_00]: Once you expose to it, you can't unsee it.
8:58
[SPEAKER_00]: You can't unsee it.
8:59
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
9:01
[SPEAKER_02]: And again, the way they had the way they see opportunity now, envisages, but I'm grateful that they have that lens of there's there's way more than my neighborhood, than my city, than my state.
9:15
[SPEAKER_02]: And they're looking to go back.
9:16
[SPEAKER_02]: So they
9:20
[SPEAKER_02]: What do you remember early about the relationship with your father?
9:24
[SPEAKER_02]: I refer to him because that's how you refer to him.
9:26
[SPEAKER_02]: Your father, but it was a, a blend of family.
9:30
[SPEAKER_02]: What, what are the things that you remember as a young man?
9:34
[SPEAKER_02]: Or is it as a young boy?
9:36
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I remember moving from my grandparents' house.
9:39
[SPEAKER_00]: So I imagine my grandparents meet my mom, my granddad, I'm grandmother, and two of my uncles.
9:46
[SPEAKER_00]: No love in place to tip cool, you know, growing up in the 70s, to move in to a different space, right?
9:52
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
9:54
[SPEAKER_00]: He would, he didn't say much.
9:57
[SPEAKER_00]: He was staring over.
9:59
[SPEAKER_00]: very stern.
10:00
[SPEAKER_00]: I remember I got the breaks beat off me a couple of times early on, right?
10:03
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
10:04
[SPEAKER_00]: Um, later on down the path, I come to understand that, you know, his dad would die when he was seven years old.
10:10
[SPEAKER_00]: He was the oldest in the family.
10:12
[SPEAKER_00]: So it was like he became the pseudo dad.
10:15
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
10:16
[SPEAKER_00]: So understanding that he didn't have a blueprint for life, but he didn't speak much, but he was present.
10:22
[SPEAKER_00]: Um, and I often would say I've said it even on my episodes like I wish he would have spoke talk to me a little bit more.
10:27
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, but overall he was a good man.
10:30
[SPEAKER_00]: He came home each and every day.
10:32
[SPEAKER_00]: He went to work.
10:33
[SPEAKER_00]: He showed me and model a lot of things that, you know, I like my work ethic.
10:38
[SPEAKER_00]: How I need to show up my punctuality.
10:40
[SPEAKER_00]: Like he instilled that like that military discipline in me.
10:43
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, um, but not very, uh, I don't even recall ever hearing him saying he was proud of me.
10:52
[SPEAKER_01]: Provider.
10:53
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, model demonstrated.
10:56
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, worker.
10:57
[SPEAKER_02]: Do you remember not having a father and hopefully you don't take offense to that as a question with the front two like the period before and then like a difference with him being around?
11:10
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I'm just funny you say that my mom tells me to store it all the time and she said at three years old I asked her where's my dad?
11:22
[SPEAKER_00]: She says, how did you have the the wherewithal to act that right?
11:26
[SPEAKER_00]: So again, it's my grandmother.
11:28
[SPEAKER_00]: My grandfather.
11:28
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm spending a lot of time with them.
11:30
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, when my mom would have to go to work.
11:32
[SPEAKER_00]: I'll be my grandparents and they would take me to stores and things of that nature and then from moving to my with my dad and my mom my dad is.
11:42
[SPEAKER_00]: because what's eight years older than my mom, military.
11:46
[SPEAKER_00]: So it was just like a total different atmosphere, right?
11:49
[SPEAKER_00]: It's like being dropped in an unfamiliar place, um, not as, hang on, say, is loving, but a little bit more structure, a little bit more focus, um, in a lot less, uh,
12:06
[SPEAKER_00]: I ain't gonna say love because I know he loved me, but it was a difference at six that I could tell, you know, but again, I don't hold him accountable for any of that right.
12:17
[SPEAKER_00]: He did the best he could and I always say the way that I came in this world and the way that my life started, that's my response, that's not my, my, my is the only, but the way I finished this thing, yeah, that's all on me.
12:26
[SPEAKER_00]: How did you, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh
12:33
[SPEAKER_01]: How did you learn the love or that's not even the right way to frame the question?
12:39
[SPEAKER_02]: We frame this way.
12:41
[SPEAKER_02]: We didn't do a lot of the I love using the house either growing up.
12:44
[SPEAKER_02]: Um, my dad's still alive and we're today.
12:47
[SPEAKER_02]: We said a lot now.
12:50
[SPEAKER_02]: But that didn't, it didn't shake me into a person or a man that I'm a, that I'm ashamed of.
13:00
[SPEAKER_02]: It was different, right?
13:01
[SPEAKER_02]: I was clear in how he protected the conversations that we did have, even in discipline, I knew it was from a loving space.
13:09
[SPEAKER_02]: I told me about relationship with God and what he modeled, I knew love.
13:15
[SPEAKER_02]: But that didn't necessarily work for my family, right?
13:19
[SPEAKER_02]: My wife came from a different background, my children, where they came to me, but they gravitated more to more of her style of that.
13:31
[SPEAKER_02]: And I tell it off in that my son, my old son told me the importance of a man's and I love you to each other, right?
13:37
[SPEAKER_02]: And I adopted that from him.
13:41
[SPEAKER_02]: Did any of that become your story as you moved through our life with dealing with, you know, my oldest.
13:48
[SPEAKER_00]: So I got five, right?
13:49
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
13:51
[SPEAKER_00]: Uh, age 29, twin boys 25, 17, and then the 12 year old.
13:56
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
13:57
[SPEAKER_00]: Um, the 17 and the 12 year old get a totally different version of me.
14:01
[SPEAKER_00]: Then they got that one I ruled with iron fist because that's what I learned.
14:07
[SPEAKER_00]: You don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't
14:32
[SPEAKER_00]: tell me how they experienced me.
14:34
[SPEAKER_00]: We don't get to control that.
14:35
[SPEAKER_00]: Exactly.
14:37
[SPEAKER_00]: But that's the thing.
14:38
[SPEAKER_00]: We think in our minds, in any relationship that a person is experiencing me in a certain way.
14:44
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
14:45
[SPEAKER_00]: And they're not.
14:46
[SPEAKER_00]: Their experience is their experience.
14:48
[SPEAKER_00]: You might have thought that you were the best that I thought.
14:51
[SPEAKER_00]: I was a did that.
14:52
[SPEAKER_00]: But they pointed out a lot of areas where I was like, oh man, I got some work to do.
14:58
[SPEAKER_00]: were you in a place to receive that feedback when you got it?
15:02
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, because I had started on like that journey of figuring out what's wrong with me.
15:06
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
15:07
[SPEAKER_00]: One, you know, I've shared this before I've got a shop point blank range.
15:10
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
15:11
[SPEAKER_00]: So I also had PTSD and anxiety, which they I didn't know at the time because when I got shot, that wasn't even a thing.
15:18
[SPEAKER_00]: right in the middle town walked out the military, man.
15:21
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, they go.
15:23
[SPEAKER_00]: You're free.
15:23
[SPEAKER_00]: You go.
15:24
[SPEAKER_00]: So I dealt with those emotions and all the stuff on dude in like what I was supposed to afford who I was I'll post or afford to it.
15:31
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
15:31
[SPEAKER_00]: And so it was rude in a lot of duty for the late text.
15:35
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
15:36
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
15:36
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
15:36
[SPEAKER_00]: So you know, trying to figure that out, trying to just, you know, not really having those conversations
15:47
[SPEAKER_00]: So I just model what I saw model in my parents' house.
15:52
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, come to find out that that don't work, right?
15:56
[SPEAKER_02]: How, it's embarrassing to say, I said to you say to them, well, I say it because I think it helps, but like just the way I came in the marriage thinking that what I saw,
16:10
[SPEAKER_02]: could be duplicated by activity in his skull.
16:14
[SPEAKER_02]: It's going to hit the same.
16:15
[SPEAKER_02]: He didn't.
16:16
[SPEAKER_02]: It didn't.
16:17
[SPEAKER_02]: And you're, um, that's not even jumped too far.
16:21
[SPEAKER_02]: I, because I didn't want to speed pass.
16:24
[SPEAKER_02]: I, I knew about you getting shot, but what was?
16:27
[SPEAKER_02]: What was life like what was your decision treaty to join military was it because your father was and that's what that's what it's been.
16:35
[SPEAKER_00]: I was that Alabama and him going to school having the time having a great time.
16:41
[SPEAKER_00]: hanging out on the hill, not going to class, and them grades get back to the house with semester, uh, second semester.
16:50
[SPEAKER_00]: First for me, and my pops is like, say, bro, what you're going to do because this is going to cut it.
16:57
[SPEAKER_00]: So basically, we're not paying for school next year.
17:00
[SPEAKER_00]: I was working the fast food job at Arby's, you know, to make a little money because I had been working.
17:05
[SPEAKER_00]: So when we moved from my dad got the military, we moved, we lived in Birmingham for the first couple of years.
17:10
[SPEAKER_00]: So he can get situated.
17:11
[SPEAKER_00]: He got a job with the post office in Huntsville, Alabama, which is like an hour and a half away.
17:15
[SPEAKER_00]: So we moved to Huntsville.
17:16
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
17:16
[SPEAKER_00]: So I moved to Huntsville, my junior in senior year.
17:19
[SPEAKER_00]: So I literally moved probably every four years from the age of six to about 16.
17:24
[SPEAKER_00]: Got it.
17:26
[SPEAKER_00]: So we moved up there, I went to school, and I found a job that was, so Albert Maniam's campus was literally a, I could throw a rock from my high school and hit it.
17:34
[SPEAKER_00]: So I just imagined, you know, just kind of matriculated to and then because it was there.
17:39
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
17:40
[SPEAKER_00]: Still working and I was working that fast with job.
17:42
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm like, man, I don't want to do this.
17:45
[SPEAKER_00]: And I wasn't like a, like a knucklehead, but I was a knucklehead.
17:49
[SPEAKER_00]: And I could see myself getting myself in a situation that probably wouldn't have turned out well for me because I was one of those key is that, you know, I would push the envelope a little bit, right?
18:00
[SPEAKER_00]: Uh, I'm very mischievous so to speak.
18:03
[SPEAKER_00]: Man, they got, I was at the point.
18:05
[SPEAKER_00]: Me and my mom talked about this because it was a cousin of the book.
18:09
[SPEAKER_00]: My mom actually, they stopped woken me and she would make me go on my room and write a book report.
18:15
[SPEAKER_02]: That probably would have been far more effective for me, too.
18:18
[SPEAKER_02]: Right.
18:19
[SPEAKER_02]: I think my last whipping was, and this is such a treat.
18:21
[SPEAKER_02]: And I talked about it.
18:23
[SPEAKER_02]: We talked about it in normal, but I realized how different times are and how people perceive or interpreted and people have a opinion of how discipline was given.
18:35
[SPEAKER_02]: What crosses the lines of abuse is that all abuse do was best for your house, right?
18:40
[SPEAKER_02]: Got you.
18:42
[SPEAKER_02]: But the last time that I got a whipping,
18:45
[SPEAKER_02]: which also for me, I was always clear that the whipping would be a result of what I was doing.
18:49
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, I was never surprised or caught like an anger response.
18:54
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
18:55
[SPEAKER_02]: Like this, like fool, you, you really went over there after we've had a conversation.
19:00
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, it's not doing, right?
19:02
[SPEAKER_00]: It was like, I'm still going to do it.
19:03
[SPEAKER_02]: And they realized that I started to factor it in, like, that, I mean, it's,
19:10
[SPEAKER_02]: This moment is worth that to me.
19:12
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, it's gonna hurt in my room for a quick second.
19:14
[SPEAKER_02]: In my inventory of mine is so they started, I started getting punished for marking periods.
19:22
[SPEAKER_02]: So we had nine week marking periods.
19:25
[SPEAKER_02]: So the first several scenes of Martin, I didn't see because I was in my big case in high school, going to high school, I was on punishment.
19:32
[SPEAKER_02]: But,
19:34
[SPEAKER_02]: the the whip-in-stop working, and it clicked, right?
19:41
[SPEAKER_02]: Well, shout out to my friends while I'm just standing there that I kind of facted it into my game, but you were, I interrupt your story, you were not.
19:49
[SPEAKER_02]: You're good.
19:50
[SPEAKER_02]: Um, so my father, one thing I will say, because I story, I didn't, we haven't had this conversation.
19:57
[SPEAKER_02]: First of all, for me,
20:00
[SPEAKER_02]: Oh, I think I had a point, one, six, one, four, one, six.
20:05
[SPEAKER_02]: Batable, one, you said what, one, eight, one, eight, one, eight.
20:09
[SPEAKER_02]: Oh, you, over a table, okay.
20:12
[SPEAKER_02]: Okay, my, my post told me, oh, I'll never forget, he said, Monday, when I get up and go to work, you leave my house and don't come back before me unless you got a job.
20:26
[SPEAKER_02]: this was the winter or ever.
20:28
[SPEAKER_02]: I found a job washing cars for a new rental car place in the winter.
20:33
[SPEAKER_02]: I know, right, you said, no, we think I ever this is you man, they get school was not that old.
20:39
[SPEAKER_02]: I just didn't go, but anyway, right now.
20:41
[SPEAKER_00]: So that that was the case, right?
20:44
[SPEAKER_00]: And so he's like, what you're going to do, bro?
20:48
[SPEAKER_00]: So I was like, it's crazy.
20:49
[SPEAKER_00]: The recruiting station was right next to the I used to work at Arby's.
20:53
[SPEAKER_00]: And so the recruiting station was right next to Arby's.
20:56
[SPEAKER_00]: So I went out to the Air Force recruiter.
20:59
[SPEAKER_00]: And I was going to sign up and go to the Air Force, but it was like January of that year.
21:04
[SPEAKER_00]: They didn't want me to leave till November of that year.
21:08
[SPEAKER_00]: And I was going to do it.
21:10
[SPEAKER_00]: But I was just thinking like, man,
21:13
[SPEAKER_00]: Now mind you, I'm still pushing the envelope with my parents.
21:16
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, I'm graduating now, I think I'm grown.
21:18
[SPEAKER_00]: So I want to try to move like I move, but you of course you know, when you live in somebody else house, you got a fall of their rules.
21:24
[SPEAKER_00]: And so I was like, you know what?
21:27
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm going to try to stick it out and then just so happens one day that the armor recruiter came in and I'll never forget this.
21:32
[SPEAKER_00]: You, you're not going to believe this, D. John's.
21:35
[SPEAKER_00]: This brother's name was Sergeant Fresh, F-R-E-S-H.
21:39
[SPEAKER_00]: He had a 90 box maximal burgundy.
21:43
[SPEAKER_00]: You know how clean those were back then.
21:46
[SPEAKER_00]: 88 90 was my dream call.
21:48
[SPEAKER_00]: Exactly.
21:48
[SPEAKER_00]: The young dude from He was from Brooklyn too.
21:51
[SPEAKER_00]: He was small.
21:51
[SPEAKER_00]: We came to talk to me.
21:52
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, man, how you doing, blah, blah, blah.
21:54
[SPEAKER_00]: Cause he would come in there every other day and get lunch.
21:56
[SPEAKER_00]: He's like, yeah, you're going to air force, right?
21:59
[SPEAKER_00]: He's like, yeah, I was like, yeah, yeah, I'm going.
22:01
[SPEAKER_00]: When you're leaving?
22:03
[SPEAKER_00]: So, no Vemper.
22:04
[SPEAKER_00]: He said, man, no Vemper is.
22:07
[SPEAKER_00]: He's like, man, if you would as you should came to me, I could've got you out of here in like two weeks.
22:11
[SPEAKER_00]: I like for real.
22:13
[SPEAKER_00]: He's like, come talk to me.
22:15
[SPEAKER_00]: So I went talk to him and showed enough, man.
22:17
[SPEAKER_00]: They had shipped me out in two weeks, man.
22:19
[SPEAKER_00]: And I never remembered that my mom talks about this this day.
22:22
[SPEAKER_00]: I got up the day I was supposed to leave and say, mom, take me to the recurred station.
22:26
[SPEAKER_00]: And she took me, she wanted to stay as a mom ago.
22:29
[SPEAKER_00]: They didn't even know you would.
22:30
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, they know I was leaving, but I guess it didn't resonate with my mom.
22:33
[SPEAKER_00]: Gotcha.
22:34
[SPEAKER_00]: So the day that we went, she wanted to stay, and she cried and stuff, and like, mom would just go, yeah.
22:40
[SPEAKER_00]: And I shipped off, and that was that.
22:44
[SPEAKER_00]: Was that the best decision for you?
22:46
[SPEAKER_00]: Man, yes.
22:46
[SPEAKER_00]: At that time, honestly, yeah.
22:48
[SPEAKER_00]: Because I said, bro, I didn't have an identity, right?
22:51
[SPEAKER_00]: And I had that people pleasing and that wanting to fit in and needing those affirmations.
22:57
[SPEAKER_00]: I had that bad.
22:58
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
22:59
[SPEAKER_00]: So there's no telling where I would end up if I didn't have the structure of the military.
23:05
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, because I mean, I won't build for prison.
23:08
[SPEAKER_00]: How long were you in the military before the incident?
23:10
[SPEAKER_00]: I was in there for six years.
23:12
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
23:12
[SPEAKER_00]: And so I stayed in six and a half years.
23:14
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
23:15
[SPEAKER_00]: And I got out in the January of 95.
23:17
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
23:19
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, July of 1995.
23:20
[SPEAKER_02]: What was was was the transition like?
23:24
[SPEAKER_02]: Because you got out under the rest, not the rest, but under trauma.
23:30
[SPEAKER_02]: I assume right, you because of that, you were immediately discharged or what I have to do to the choice.
23:35
[SPEAKER_02]: So I think the choice to get out.
23:37
[SPEAKER_02]: No, okay.
23:38
[SPEAKER_02]: What was what was that?
23:41
[SPEAKER_02]: number one, what did you go?
23:42
[SPEAKER_00]: Did you go back to the house or no, I actually moved up here to to Dallas.
23:46
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, so from clean it was either going to be here or Atlanta.
23:49
[SPEAKER_00]: I wasn't moving back to Alabama.
23:51
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, I didn't want to go back to Alabama.
23:53
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, so I ended up here.
23:56
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, started building a life man.
23:58
[SPEAKER_00]: It was just, you know, life is usual like I still dealt with like the the nightmares in the trauma of like I literally wake up every other night.
24:08
[SPEAKER_00]: Replaying, getting shot in my mind, you know, not able to sleep kind of that the hyper vigilance that goes along with my system always being on high alert.
24:16
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, but I didn't understand what it was.
24:19
[SPEAKER_00]: But other than that, it was just life as usual, right?
24:21
[SPEAKER_00]: I've got a job.
24:22
[SPEAKER_00]: I started working for DHL delivering packages.
24:26
[SPEAKER_00]: Then I ended up getting job with the post office and it is crazy.
24:29
[SPEAKER_00]: So my dad went to military.
24:30
[SPEAKER_00]: I got a job with the post office.
24:32
[SPEAKER_00]: I went to the military, got out, got a job with a post office, but then after a while I did like my four of year, I'm like, man, I ain't sling the, I can't do this to rest in my life.
24:40
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
24:41
[SPEAKER_00]: So I had went back to school because I had my job was in communications.
24:46
[SPEAKER_00]: So I went to school and got my degree in electronics, and then I ended up moving into like telecom sector for several years.
24:54
[SPEAKER_00]: Would it family enter the picture?
24:56
[SPEAKER_00]: When my first wife, that's why I met her at Colleen and I met her like right when I like we have been dating maybe four or five months when I got shot.
25:04
[SPEAKER_02]: Okay.
25:05
[SPEAKER_02]: Okay.
25:05
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
25:06
[SPEAKER_02]: So you were starting the life with the family here.
25:11
[SPEAKER_02]: What's that?
25:12
[SPEAKER_02]: What's that talking about the, and it maybe is different than it is now, but I mentioned a couple episodes ago about my father having to restart
25:25
[SPEAKER_02]: life at mid 50s because his job released him.
25:29
[SPEAKER_02]: He'd been at 20 plus years and they just let him go and watch in him do that while I was also working at the company kind of reshaped how I saw corporate America for one.
25:40
[SPEAKER_02]: Because number one, I'm still working here looking at the people that told my dad to go home yesterday.
25:47
[SPEAKER_02]: It died but that's the
25:52
[SPEAKER_02]: Did you think you had a path when you, when you moved up here, like, like, what, what were the, I have cool what I was gonna do?
25:59
[SPEAKER_02]: So how, like, how did you, how did you, was that to your advantage of what did that put you in the place of worry?
26:07
[SPEAKER_00]: Um, honestly, no man because I've always been a person that like, man, I've been a hustler on my life, right?
26:12
[SPEAKER_00]: I started a lot more in business at certain age.
26:15
[SPEAKER_00]: I used to speak and do as bicycles in my neighborhood when I was young and get paid for that.
26:20
[SPEAKER_00]: So I always had like some, some, some, some, uh,
26:24
[SPEAKER_00]: Resignance to myself.
26:25
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, and so I just figured you know I come up here get a job at UPS or You know something you know somewhere something alone those lines, so and it was a it took me about three months to get a job And so there was some some some days that there was some worry and angues, but I've always just kind of been a person That I just keep showing up and so I ended up getting the job with DHL
26:48
[SPEAKER_00]: Delivering packages are usually my right used to be out in Valley Ranch back in when the Cowboys was was popping right when they won they last Super Bowl So I used to deliver packages.
26:58
[SPEAKER_00]: I could show the edits people.
26:59
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't know you can edit it if you need me And then I took the test for the post office
27:07
[SPEAKER_00]: Uh, got me, you know, got the points from my veteran's preference and ended up getting the job at the post office.
27:12
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
27:12
[SPEAKER_00]: So I've always been the person that has not been afraid to shift gears and pivot in life.
27:18
[SPEAKER_00]: So from there, uh, you know, most people, I had my own route like I was a regular carrier.
27:23
[SPEAKER_00]: And, you know, back then you get a job with the post office.
27:25
[SPEAKER_00]: You said, yeah, but I'm looking at all these men that are carrying mail that that sums around with their foot sums around with their shoulder.
27:33
[SPEAKER_00]: They got a car about tunnel syndrome.
27:35
[SPEAKER_00]: They're broken down.
27:36
[SPEAKER_00]: And, you know, they've been at the post office 20, 25 years, just waiting for retirement.
27:41
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, I just can't do that, right?
27:43
[SPEAKER_00]: And so I always been a person to try to reinvent the wheel.
27:46
[SPEAKER_00]: So I changed careers then.
27:49
[SPEAKER_00]: Went into communications.
27:50
[SPEAKER_00]: I worked in communications till 2009.
27:53
[SPEAKER_00]: When I went get my MBA of Verizon, I was working at Verizon or Verizon paid for your education.
27:59
[SPEAKER_00]: So I had my bachelor's, so well, I'm going to get my MBA.
28:01
[SPEAKER_00]: Verizon paid for my MBA.
28:04
[SPEAKER_00]: And this is his brother that that was in a class with me use on my learning team.
28:09
[SPEAKER_00]: And I would just check him out.
28:10
[SPEAKER_00]: He would come to school back.
28:11
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, the 300's when the 300's was popping.
28:13
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, he had a 300.
28:14
[SPEAKER_00]: That was his company car.
28:16
[SPEAKER_00]: Might be Dave myself.
28:17
[SPEAKER_02]: Because he looked like a Bentley.
28:19
[SPEAKER_02]: No, it looked like a 300.
28:20
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, exactly.
28:22
[SPEAKER_00]: And then he had a he had a Corvette too.
28:24
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, he's popping.
28:25
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, he's popping.
28:25
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, dude.
28:26
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm like, dude.
28:26
[SPEAKER_00]: What is you doing?
28:27
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
28:28
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, I'm in pharmaceutical sales.
28:30
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, you say less.
28:31
[SPEAKER_00]: Talk to me.
28:31
[SPEAKER_00]: Talk to me about it.
28:33
[SPEAKER_00]: So, I just started kind of researching it and I liked what he saw, so then I pivoted to sales in 2009.
28:41
[SPEAKER_02]: him a little bit having a look back man and so yeah so we address first marriage when does the hot we're in the picture does your first boy so well man she just born in December 96 okay so we just literally I yearn some change into the marriage yeah what was what was uh you kind of alluded to a little bit but what was what was early see why
29:12
[SPEAKER_00]: Man, I was, honestly, after going through that traumatic experience in, and I mean, like me, really not understanding my identity, like who, and then not having the wherewithal to tap into a relationship with God for myself, so I'm listening to my grandma, I'm listening to my mom, I'm listening to all these elders that I do respect saying God is giving you another chance.
29:38
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, I'm saying what I got shot, bro, I saw the dark light in the, and I felt the magnetic pool.
29:46
[SPEAKER_00]: And I remember, so I was there couldn't, my, my head on a Dallas stars, hard to hockey jersey as they're cutting off my jersey.
29:52
[SPEAKER_00]: And my boys is trying to keep me awake in the paramedics of the air.
29:56
[SPEAKER_00]: And then they put the mask on and I fade to black, right?
30:00
[SPEAKER_00]: And then I see this white light that says it's not his time yet.
30:05
[SPEAKER_00]: Let them go.
30:08
[SPEAKER_00]: and then I remember waking up in the hospital and looking at my dad actually sitting in a chair like right from cross from my bed reading the Bible with tears in his eyes.
30:19
[SPEAKER_00]: So was that the, was that comment to him?
30:22
[SPEAKER_00]: What do you think that of that?
30:24
[SPEAKER_00]: That's not common.
30:24
[SPEAKER_00]: That was a country where I had never seen my dad cry.
30:26
[SPEAKER_00]: And I was saying that he did.
30:29
[SPEAKER_00]: I never seen my dad express emotions too far on either side of the lens.
30:34
[SPEAKER_00]: Even if you never saw him get mad at my mom, I never saw him yell at my mom.
30:38
[SPEAKER_00]: And then he never put his hands on my mom like I knew that they were upset because my mom would get you to sign a treatment that's my mom right that's probably where I get it from not saying that's right, but I just he was just always even keel and I'm pretty pretty sure he probably was carrying a lot of emotions that but you know my mom told me him seeing me in that bed with I got more feet.
31:02
[SPEAKER_00]: Uh, in me.
31:03
[SPEAKER_00]: So I could actually interventionally shoot morphine in me.
31:06
[SPEAKER_00]: Like if I were to take my shirt off, I got these these little holes where they had like two to to to drain excess fluid.
31:13
[SPEAKER_00]: I got it a gang bang zipper for my stomach to to my chest.
31:18
[SPEAKER_00]: I got another scarf from here.
31:20
[SPEAKER_00]: I'll wait to the back because Not only did I have to add that first surgery.
31:24
[SPEAKER_00]: The second surgery to add a remove blood clots from my lungs.
31:28
[SPEAKER_00]: So they had to go in and so that and so this side of my body is numb and then the third thing is that they could not remove the bullet because the bullet was too close to my spine and they were worried about it would possibly paralyze me if they went in messing with it.
31:41
[SPEAKER_00]: So every time I go get an x-ray, they ever, you know you got something?
31:44
[SPEAKER_00]: What is that?
31:45
[SPEAKER_00]: That's a bullet.
31:45
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, or they could say, oh, you know you got a bullet?
31:47
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, a lot's close to your spine.
31:48
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I know that.
31:49
[SPEAKER_00]: It's been that way forever.
31:50
[SPEAKER_02]: Chances are one with no.
31:52
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
31:53
[SPEAKER_00]: But I got all those reminders, so, you know, just those things and listening to people saying you need to get yourself together with God, what do we do?
32:02
[SPEAKER_00]: We run the God.
32:04
[SPEAKER_00]: What we really don't surrender to God.
32:06
[SPEAKER_00]: We really don't understand who God is.
32:08
[SPEAKER_00]: And that's what I did.
32:09
[SPEAKER_00]: I ran the God and, you know, got caught up in what they call religion, right?
32:16
[SPEAKER_00]: instead of having a relationship with God.
32:18
[SPEAKER_00]: And so that was the, and also in that time is, you know, my whole life, you've been to preach, you're gonna be a preacher.
32:25
[SPEAKER_00]: Now I'm not doing that.
32:27
[SPEAKER_00]: You felt that you're holding it?
32:29
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, people were saying that.
32:30
[SPEAKER_00]: People were saying that, okay, life.
32:32
[SPEAKER_00]: I didn't realize that that I had some type of, calling or assignment on my life to around that time.
32:38
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
32:38
[SPEAKER_00]: And then I really begin to kind of like, diving in.
32:41
[SPEAKER_00]: Because the thing about I learned about God,
32:48
[SPEAKER_00]: Think about when you're looking for a address, you turn the volume down in your car so you can find an address.
32:54
[SPEAKER_00]: So I can see, so you can see and you can concentrate.
32:57
[SPEAKER_00]: Same way with God, God wants you to turn the volume of your life now, so you can hear him.
33:01
[SPEAKER_00]: Cause he says, I'm not competing with everything that you got going on.
33:06
[SPEAKER_00]: So now that I got your attention is quiet, you can hear me.
33:08
[SPEAKER_00]: So he got my attention.
33:11
[SPEAKER_00]: He got quiet and I was able to fully understand it here and for myself.
33:17
[SPEAKER_00]: trying to walk this life out right that, you know, people say you should, but on the back side, I still hadn't healed.
33:28
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
33:28
[SPEAKER_01]: When did you formally start addressing the gaps?
33:34
[SPEAKER_00]: Probably when I was diagnosed with PTSD.
33:39
[SPEAKER_02]: And what were you at a life at this point?
33:41
[SPEAKER_00]: I was in my mid 30s, bro.
33:42
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
33:44
[SPEAKER_00]: in kids where, you know, 12, 13 years old and life is falling apart.
33:48
[SPEAKER_00]: Everything's crumbling around me and I realize it, man, and I realize this about anybody.
33:56
[SPEAKER_00]: You understand that people that need love the most, acts for love in the most unloving ways.
34:05
[SPEAKER_00]: So I was acting for love, but it was very unloving to the people that were I was interacting with.
34:11
[SPEAKER_00]: And so looking at my relationships and how broken they were and how I was impacting people and almost bleeding over people.
34:20
[SPEAKER_00]: So I was like, I'm, it's something better, right?
34:23
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
34:24
[SPEAKER_00]: I got, this can't be life.
34:25
[SPEAKER_00]: This can't be why I'm just left here to just go through life with all of this angst, with all of this foolishness.
34:33
[SPEAKER_00]: And I had a, a piphany, right?
34:36
[SPEAKER_00]: So think about, um, when you, when you, when you, when you inhale a breath, you're taking in the air, right?
34:45
[SPEAKER_00]: But when you exhale, what do you exhale?
34:50
[SPEAKER_00]: If you don't exhale after a while, it's going to cause an issue with you.
34:55
[SPEAKER_00]: And God showed me, because I was just looking at it, reading about something about a plan and photosynthesis, and God is like,
35:03
[SPEAKER_00]: you have to release the things that you've inhaled in order to be whole.
35:09
[SPEAKER_00]: Because also the carbon dioxide that can be detrimental to you.
35:13
[SPEAKER_00]: If you don't release it, it feeds the plants.
35:17
[SPEAKER_00]: So I know you're... Yeah.
35:19
[SPEAKER_00]: So with the cycle of a life, there's a push and pull right.
35:21
[SPEAKER_00]: And so he's like, you gotta let this stuff go and you gotta share this with people because it might be detrimental to you if you hold it in, but it'll be life to others if you release it.
35:36
[SPEAKER_02]: What did it do to your family?
35:39
[SPEAKER_00]: But then the first, the first family was destroyed.
35:41
[SPEAKER_00]: And like I destroyed that whole, whole, whole relationship, that whole marriage, the second marriage, you know, it kind of was teetering down that path.
35:50
[SPEAKER_00]: And that was also like, okay, man, I don't, it's something wrong.
35:53
[SPEAKER_00]: It's something, it's, I got to be the problem.
35:56
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, I don't want to just go through this thing and just continue to take L after L after L after L. I know I wouldn't design for life like that, right?
36:04
[SPEAKER_00]: I believe that I had too much to offer, but I just can get out of my own way.
36:08
[SPEAKER_02]: So I had a guest on a little coach bear, he was talking about, we talking about essentially destroying your family and winning your family back.
36:21
[SPEAKER_02]: And I asked him at any point during the process was he working on him to recover his family.
36:29
[SPEAKER_02]: And he said, no, you can't do that.
36:31
[SPEAKER_02]: You got to work on you for
36:39
[SPEAKER_02]: How did the family receive the recovering version of you, the healing version of you that it changed, relationships when they saw you kind of invested in?
36:49
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, because you start to show up different, right?
36:53
[SPEAKER_00]: People start to experience you in a different life, because now you have self-awareness.
36:59
[SPEAKER_00]: All right, and you don't allow, you know, emotional intelligence, right, is, is, is, is self-management Uh, uh, a, a, a self-awareness emotional, uh, I mean, a social awareness and relational awareness.
37:10
[SPEAKER_00]: Now as you start to heal, you're, you're getting the tools to be able to do those things.
37:15
[SPEAKER_00]: So I know what's going to put me in a place or I know what's going to push me to want to respond in a negative space.
37:21
[SPEAKER_00]: And I know how to detach myself from that in that instance.
37:24
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
37:24
[SPEAKER_00]: So do I always get it right?
37:26
[SPEAKER_00]: No, I'm not 100% at the time, right?
37:28
[SPEAKER_00]: But I can look at the gap, or I can look at the game.
37:33
[SPEAKER_00]: The game is the progress that I've made.
37:36
[SPEAKER_00]: The gap is I'm not where I want to be.
37:39
[SPEAKER_00]: If I focus on the gap, I'm going to stay stuck.
37:43
[SPEAKER_00]: You always see it.
37:44
[SPEAKER_00]: But if I focus on the game, it's like continual improvement, right?
37:48
[SPEAKER_00]: Just like the snowball effect.
37:49
[SPEAKER_00]: So then seeing that.
37:51
[SPEAKER_00]: And so I have conversations with my oldest now.
37:54
[SPEAKER_00]: my children and they'll tell me that I'm so proud of you.
37:57
[SPEAKER_00]: I see what you're doing.
37:59
[SPEAKER_00]: They'll call and talk to me and they're free and able to talk to me because they know that I'm really at a space where I'm healthy enough to receive what they want to say because at the end of the day like my children, it's their life to live, right?
38:16
[SPEAKER_00]: I might not like what you want to do.
38:18
[SPEAKER_00]: But I don't have the right to tell you how to live your life.
38:21
[SPEAKER_00]: Say that twice.
38:23
[SPEAKER_00]: And you know, that's the thing I wanted my children to live the life that I wanted to live in.
38:27
[SPEAKER_00]: That's not my call.
38:28
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
38:29
[SPEAKER_00]: Right.
38:29
[SPEAKER_00]: It's like we won't God to answer our version, our version of his assignment for our life, the way we want to.
38:38
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
38:39
[SPEAKER_00]: But God is not obligated to honor your version of his assignment for your life.
38:45
[SPEAKER_00]: And when you realize that you'll let go and you'll surrender, you'll move.
38:48
[SPEAKER_00]: So they were my daughter, you know, she, she 29.
38:51
[SPEAKER_00]: So I think she do, I don't like, but she's grown.
38:55
[SPEAKER_00]: And the only thing I was going to say, I can tell you what not to do.
38:57
[SPEAKER_00]: I can share with my mistakes.
38:59
[SPEAKER_00]: But some of them you're going to have to make on your own.
39:01
[SPEAKER_00]: They were my children.
39:02
[SPEAKER_00]: Right, one more of my sons, excuse my twin boys.
39:04
[SPEAKER_02]: It's, it's tough, man.
39:05
[SPEAKER_02]: And it's, it's, it's, it's a blessing.
39:06
[SPEAKER_02]: And it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's
39:13
[SPEAKER_02]: a constant reminder.
39:15
[SPEAKER_02]: I'll say that when they're still in a house.
39:21
[SPEAKER_02]: How long did it take you to forgive you?
39:24
[SPEAKER_01]: Man, probably.
39:28
[SPEAKER_01]: Late 40s?
39:30
[SPEAKER_00]: A long time.
39:32
[SPEAKER_00]: But it's also now I'm aware of, you know, the thing that I did is not who I am.
39:38
[SPEAKER_00]: The mistake that I made, that's not who I am, that's the survival script I talk about, right?
39:44
[SPEAKER_00]: If we're in our careful, the enemy wants you to begin to believe that you are the thing.
39:50
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
39:51
[SPEAKER_00]: And you're not.
39:52
[SPEAKER_00]: And so it's going back to the place where I get that internal clarity and, you know, Bible says, be not conform to the world, but we transform by the renewing of your mind.
40:01
[SPEAKER_00]: And so for me, that's the each and every day thing.
40:03
[SPEAKER_00]: Right.
40:03
[SPEAKER_00]: I get up every day.
40:04
[SPEAKER_00]: My first 30 minutes to an hour of the day.
40:06
[SPEAKER_00]: I dedicated to God.
40:07
[SPEAKER_00]: I dedicated to reading the scripture.
40:09
[SPEAKER_00]: Right.
40:09
[SPEAKER_00]: If you notice in the scripture, God always call somebody something that they're not yet.
40:16
[SPEAKER_00]: But it's the thing that he knows this in them.
40:18
[SPEAKER_00]: He called getting a mighty man of value when he was hiding in the wine press.
40:22
[SPEAKER_00]: He told Peter, I'm gonna build my church on you.
40:27
[SPEAKER_00]: And he was, he bought a cut somebody here off, right?
40:30
[SPEAKER_00]: So learning to see what God's word says about me.
40:35
[SPEAKER_00]: And then just just create a new neural pathway.
40:39
[SPEAKER_00]: And that's the problem is when we had the phone, when we tried to form new neural pathways, it's not comfortable.
40:44
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
40:45
[SPEAKER_00]: But going through that uncomfortable phase, informing that new, like that muscle memory, and saying that this is why I am.
40:54
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm not what I did.
40:56
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm who God says I am.
40:57
[SPEAKER_00]: And I believe that to the core of me, because there's this thing in your brain called a reticular activation system, RIS.
41:05
[SPEAKER_00]: So if you say I want to read,
41:09
[SPEAKER_00]: Corvette, guess what's going to happen?
41:10
[SPEAKER_02]: You're a tone to set you.
41:12
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm going to focus.
41:12
[SPEAKER_00]: You're going to see a record of it all the time.
41:15
[SPEAKER_00]: So your RIS filters what you rumenate on.
41:20
[SPEAKER_00]: When you think about the good things, what's everything's their pure whatsoever things.
41:23
[SPEAKER_00]: So just whatever things are honest, whatever things are good report, that's what the Bible says.
41:28
[SPEAKER_00]: Then you start to notice those more.
41:32
[SPEAKER_02]: I like the way you framed it because it doesn't suggest that all the other things aren't happening.
41:38
[SPEAKER_01]: Uh-huh.
41:38
[SPEAKER_02]: But what your attention is, get life shapes around it, gravitate towards it.
41:46
[SPEAKER_02]: You, um, man, I learned man, what I feed the most is the strongest.
41:51
[SPEAKER_01]: In most cases, yes, yes, the discipline to sentence man, I, um,
42:01
[SPEAKER_01]: How long did it take you to agree to do this?
42:05
[SPEAKER_00]: Man, I didn't actually set out to do that.
42:09
[SPEAKER_00]: I actually was just spending some time studying Nehemi because it's based on Nehemi the sixth chapter, right?
42:15
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
42:15
[SPEAKER_00]: And I was just interested, you know, there's a Tobias Sambleut or two figures in that book that won't Nehemi to abandon the work that he's assigned to do because they don't want him to complete the work.
42:30
[SPEAKER_00]: So it was me honestly identifying my internal uh uh a sandblad into by y'all and so I started studying and studying and just taking notes and notes and so one day man on the Saturday bro I probably started around 11 o'clock I deleted that computer to about 8 o'clock that night and I probably had half of that book that slow yeah yeah the flu and then from there cause like that's your book
42:56
[SPEAKER_02]: The reason I ask it is because sometimes, let me just, I typically speak for me, I continue to speak for me.
43:02
[SPEAKER_02]: You agree, I disagree with it.
43:04
[SPEAKER_02]: It does.
43:04
[SPEAKER_02]: It doesn't resonate with you.
43:07
[SPEAKER_01]: I am, I wrestle with,
43:13
[SPEAKER_02]: even after I got over the instruction to do it, like why people would find my thoughts valuable.
43:19
[SPEAKER_00]: So Brian, especially Rick has written, well, I guess he, yeah, that's me.
43:24
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm raising my hand, I have this man.
43:25
[SPEAKER_02]: Written or spoken because nothing disappears once it's on the internet, but how do you deal with it?
43:33
[SPEAKER_00]: Man, honestly, that's, God told me that was arrogance on my part, I don't like that you said that.
43:41
[SPEAKER_00]: Is that I think that much of myself that God gave me something that he told me to do.
43:47
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
43:47
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm worried about what other people think.
43:49
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
43:49
[SPEAKER_00]: All right.
43:51
[SPEAKER_00]: I said, bro, I said the same thing that book.
43:54
[SPEAKER_00]: Am I saying you?
43:55
[SPEAKER_00]: The Genesis summit.
43:56
[SPEAKER_00]: All right.
43:57
[SPEAKER_00]: You've been to the comp that summit, bro.
43:58
[SPEAKER_02]: I was like, ain't nobody want to come to the summit.
44:01
[SPEAKER_02]: Enough of wearing me out.
44:02
[SPEAKER_02]: Enough of wearing me out with the truth.
44:04
[SPEAKER_02]: Oh, but it's serious.
44:06
[SPEAKER_02]: You know, um, the book, the summit like the
44:11
[SPEAKER_01]: how are you stored in all of this?
44:18
[SPEAKER_02]: Because you, like it's, we say it in passing, and I'm guilty of it, I'm guilty of downplaying, and I hate that you hate the way you frame it, because I'm saying that after my assignment, that's, that's brash, right?
44:41
[SPEAKER_02]: Sometimes I'll throw myself into the doing of it, to distract from the impact, but sometimes the impact is in your face and it's like, why are you?
44:57
[SPEAKER_02]: That helps you, like, that this is helpful for you, like, you know, this is a bad closure mine, right?
45:03
[SPEAKER_02]: Every time.
45:04
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
45:04
[SPEAKER_00]: I'll get how are you stored in the process?
45:08
[SPEAKER_00]: Man, a one day at a time.
45:10
[SPEAKER_00]: So we get and just I just show my I tell the fellows in the group all the time and I'm just focusing on today.
45:16
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
45:17
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, I know God has things that you know are in my mind and I put it, I write it down as to things that I made want to accomplish.
45:25
[SPEAKER_00]: But my goal each and every day is to show up in excellence.
45:28
[SPEAKER_00]: So the first thing I do when I get up in the morning, I just got to get in my head before I get in my head.
45:35
[SPEAKER_00]: Because if I get in my head, my day is going to be off.
45:38
[SPEAKER_00]: So it's just knowing that in the, here's the other piece of these jams.
45:42
[SPEAKER_00]: I heard somebody say this one time and I will never ever forget it.
45:46
[SPEAKER_00]: They said, where's the richest place in the world?
45:54
[SPEAKER_01]: It is the graveyard.
45:57
[SPEAKER_00]: you know why so rich?
46:00
[SPEAKER_00]: There's unwritten books, there's unfulfilled dreams, there's unfulfilled hit songs, there's unfulfilled hit movies, there's just unfulfilled impact that are laying in that grave with that person that they took to their grave because they were not
46:19
[SPEAKER_00]: courageous enough to do the thing that God told them to do.
46:22
[SPEAKER_00]: Right.
46:23
[SPEAKER_00]: And how I'm stewarding like when people tell me that and kind of I kind of shy away from it because I'm just not comfortable with that.
46:30
[SPEAKER_00]: But then also I got to remember that this is about God.
46:32
[SPEAKER_00]: It's not about me anything that I've done.
46:35
[SPEAKER_00]: I have I've only done through the grace of God.
46:37
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm not that dope.
46:39
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't think I'm that great of a speaker.
46:41
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't think I'm that great of a leader.
46:43
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, with God, I can do all things aren't possible, right?
46:46
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I mean, I'm possible.
46:48
[SPEAKER_00]: So yeah.
46:48
[SPEAKER_00]: So that's, that's my thought, right?
46:50
[SPEAKER_00]: And then, you know, Stephen Covey says this, he says to know and not do is really not to know.
46:59
[SPEAKER_02]: What is this go, man?
47:01
[SPEAKER_02]: What is, uh,
47:04
[SPEAKER_02]: as far as you've been shown or even even what you decide because we it's not that we aren't to have desires.
47:10
[SPEAKER_02]: But to the extent that they don't allow it as well, we got to release them.
47:13
[SPEAKER_02]: Right.
47:14
[SPEAKER_02]: If you if you're as much of the story as you can tell what is what is this go?
47:19
[SPEAKER_02]: What is
47:20
[SPEAKER_00]: My goal is to change a million men's lives for the kingdom of God, to create an army of men that leave from clarity not chaos.
47:33
[SPEAKER_00]: That can change their, not only their home, they change their communities, their businesses, they store this life to the best of the ability
47:50
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, they walk in that Genesis 128 miles at each and every day that they're fruitful, that they, you know, that means be productive, that they multiply, that they increase, that they grow, that they subdue, that they, that we got some discipline, right?
48:03
[SPEAKER_00]: And then that we lead well.
48:05
[SPEAKER_00]: And that's my goal is just to create a group of men who look like me because there's some guys
48:11
[SPEAKER_00]: that will never see God from a traditional church pulpit lens.
48:19
[SPEAKER_00]: So to give them that perspective of God and show them somebody that looks like them and I'm not perfect, bro.
48:25
[SPEAKER_00]: Don't put me on no pedestal because I'm probably going to disappoint you.
48:29
[SPEAKER_00]: I guarantee you.
48:30
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm working.
48:31
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm working on this every day just to show the best I can and so when men see this.
48:35
[SPEAKER_00]: and they can see somebody that they resonate with because typically people we're very skeptical about things and you know we when we see things that don't add up like they're supposed to we shy away from them but to show them the realness and the wrongness of who God is how God could change their life.
48:54
[SPEAKER_00]: make them somebody that they can look in the mirror and be proud of.
48:59
[SPEAKER_00]: Somebody that can communicate well with their spouse.
49:03
[SPEAKER_00]: Somebody that could sustain good relationships and understand that you know what I did and my parents might not have had a good relationship, but I deserve a good relationship.
49:15
[SPEAKER_00]: I, I'm going to have a good relationship.
49:17
[SPEAKER_00]: So those are my goals.
49:18
[SPEAKER_00]: It's not about money, right?
49:20
[SPEAKER_00]: I want to give people so much value and then if I give people the value that they need, God's going to give me what I need in return because you'll never owe me.
49:29
[SPEAKER_00]: Imagine that.
49:32
[SPEAKER_00]: Are you, are you proud of you?
49:34
[SPEAKER_00]: Man, I'm very proud of me, man.
49:35
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm proud of the man that I become.
49:38
[SPEAKER_00]: I proud that I faced my demons, because there was a lot of them.
49:45
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm continuing to work on that, right?
49:47
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
49:48
[SPEAKER_00]: And in the reason I'm proud of me is because God is proud of me.
49:55
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't have to do anything to gain God's approval.
50:00
[SPEAKER_00]: The minute I say that you're my father, he says I'm proud of you.
50:05
[SPEAKER_00]: So there's, you know, Pastor Isaiah wrote that book talking about adopted and how we got it, we think we got to work our way towards God, the grace.
50:12
[SPEAKER_00]: God is like, I've already extended that to you.
50:14
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
50:15
[SPEAKER_00]: You just have to accept it and then move like it.
50:19
[SPEAKER_00]: And that's the problem with a lot of us is we don't move like God is proud of us.
50:24
[SPEAKER_00]: And we think that we can perform.
50:26
[SPEAKER_00]: Here's the crazy thing, man.
50:28
[SPEAKER_00]: I used to think that I got high parts of me from God.
50:32
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't, which is crazy when you break crazy highly common.
50:37
[SPEAKER_00]: I would talk about all the things that weren't so bad, but those other things I think I got them hit him.
50:42
[SPEAKER_00]: I got them compartmentalized over here.
50:44
[SPEAKER_00]: God, like, bro, when you be real with me, I'll be real with you.
50:49
[SPEAKER_00]: And I remember one night, man, he told me, he said, I need you to come clean with me.
51:02
[SPEAKER_01]: come clean all those things that you think I don't know.
51:05
[SPEAKER_00]: I know.
51:08
[SPEAKER_00]: And here's the thing.
51:09
[SPEAKER_00]: They say that the truth will set you free, but when you lie to yourself, you keep yourself bound.
51:14
[SPEAKER_00]: For sure.
51:17
[SPEAKER_02]: Sometimes I find myself hiding behind waiting for God.
51:25
[SPEAKER_00]: But he's waiting on you.
51:32
[SPEAKER_00]: We are operating from victory, not for victory.
51:37
[SPEAKER_00]: And once I had that epiphany, because if you read the word, he says, I've given you the keys to the kingdom.
51:42
[SPEAKER_00]: So they're, so it's basically like, I've given you the access, and you won't, you won't take a hold to it, right?
51:49
[SPEAKER_00]: Because here's it, it's crazy, I would be praying to God.
51:56
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm praying to God to answer things that he already told me we're done.
52:01
[SPEAKER_00]: reconsider the reason literature on the subject He would that great pro with the outcast say for it.
52:09
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
52:09
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
52:10
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
52:11
[SPEAKER_00]: You saw man.
52:12
[SPEAKER_00]: He's like man.
52:13
[SPEAKER_00]: Come on.
52:13
[SPEAKER_00]: You wasted my time.
52:14
[SPEAKER_00]: Give me something that really is important like I've given you the authority Right once you became my son once you once you are are are are the the king son You have access to everything in the kingdom
52:28
[SPEAKER_00]: It's a hierarchy that's in place and we're not taking advantage of that hierarchy because we truly don't know what's at our hand and what's in our hands and it is takes you know what they say if you don't want somebody know something put it where in the book but he says search it out
52:48
[SPEAKER_00]: Seek me you'll find me that means it ain't just gonna drop in my lap.
52:52
[SPEAKER_00]: I have to take the time.
52:53
[SPEAKER_00]: I have to take the energy Let's like I gotta pursue God like back when we was in the club and we was kicking it back in our day And we were we was pursuing those women.
53:01
[SPEAKER_00]: We were we were doing what we needed to do to get to know them Yeah, so we can get what we wanted to go.
53:06
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, and God is saying the same thing is like if you don't if you don't Value it enough to look for it.
53:14
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm not gonna give it to you
53:20
[SPEAKER_00]: See why ladies and gentlemen, we're all looking at people five if you want to be sure.
53:24
[SPEAKER_00]: They can find me on IG at at I am 80, 20 nation.
53:29
[SPEAKER_00]: They can find me on YouTube, the podcast is the Genesis podcast, the Renaissance of Manhood and it's at.
53:38
[SPEAKER_00]: mindset you in IV.
53:40
[SPEAKER_00]: So my set universe not the whole university my set you in IV somebody had to use so they can find me there they can find me at www.carleton-jung.com
53:53
[SPEAKER_00]: Um, they can, you know, book me to speak there, they can find out about the Genesis leadership assignment.
53:58
[SPEAKER_00]: We coming up on year three, March 5th and 6 o'clock, 27, I got some ideas that I definitely won't dare some podcast in the house, do a live podcast on site with it.
54:09
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
54:09
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
54:09
[SPEAKER_00]: I got some ideas.
54:10
[SPEAKER_00]: So that's where they can find me.
54:11
[SPEAKER_00]: Easily.
54:13
[SPEAKER_00]: Easily.
54:13
[SPEAKER_02]: My priest said you're brother and again, we'll just say it happened when those polls happen.
54:19
[SPEAKER_02]: Exactly.
54:23
[SPEAKER_02]: It was not an intentional, it was like, when I had the own it, I said, man, you saw the heat.
54:32
[SPEAKER_02]: And now I get it, man, it's like we've been doing so much.
54:36
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, he's not appreciate the opportunity.
54:39
[SPEAKER_00]: First of all, I respect the platform, man, and I'm proud of you, bro.
54:44
[SPEAKER_00]: Thank you.
54:45
[SPEAKER_00]: I want to let you know that I'm proud of you for the man that you are, for how you show up and what you're doing for the community, bro.
54:53
[SPEAKER_00]: We, it's so much foolishness out there, right?
54:56
[SPEAKER_00]: And in the view scroll, the different social media platforms you see.
55:01
[SPEAKER_00]: And so to see somebody like you having these conversations because when you said what you said and what the goal of the dear son Procast is and I thought about my dad, I like man, he's right.
55:13
[SPEAKER_00]: These are conversations that I truly wish I could have had to whom knows how they would have been offended me.
55:19
[SPEAKER_00]: But, you know, we all have our right and our road to take and everything happens for a reason and ultimately is what I do with the information that defines me as a man.
55:31
[SPEAKER_00]: So, thank you, bro.
55:32
[SPEAKER_02]: Appreciate you, man.
55:34
[SPEAKER_02]: And see why is the great encourager?
55:38
[SPEAKER_02]: And I'm terrible there, reaching out to people, not because I think I'm better than anything like I'm just terrible at it.
55:50
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm cool, give us a lot of words.
55:51
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't like receiving flowers, right?
55:53
[SPEAKER_02]: Same here.
55:54
[SPEAKER_02]: I, I'm cool being there for people.
55:59
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't reach out to people enough.
56:00
[SPEAKER_02]: So I'm working there.
56:01
[SPEAKER_02]: So I want to say publicly, I appreciate you because you send them texts at the time that you post send them texts.
56:08
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, man.
56:08
[SPEAKER_02]: We need each other.
56:09
[SPEAKER_02]: What do you know of that?
56:10
[SPEAKER_02]: I think you're being obedient when you do it.
56:13
[SPEAKER_02]: So it's,
56:17
[SPEAKER_02]: you're doing his will when you send them to me.
56:19
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't know how whoever else you takes.
56:22
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't know how they feel about it.
56:23
[SPEAKER_02]: But I can say publicly that I appreciate you brother, you know, when I, when I think nobody's thinking about what I'm going through sometimes, it's like,
56:36
[SPEAKER_00]: That's, that's, that's, that's honestly, I believe is one of my gifts, right, is just letting somebody know that that they're seeing that their value and their hurt, right?
56:48
[SPEAKER_00]: I'll say this and then I'll, I'll shut it up is, uh, at the end of the day, we as humans were built for connection.
56:54
[SPEAKER_00]: And ultimately connection to me is, is just the acknowledgement and understanding.
56:59
[SPEAKER_00]: that you acknowledge me, that you see me, and that you honestly understand me.
57:04
[SPEAKER_00]: You don't have to agree with me, but at least you understand me.
57:07
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think as men, we get in this show and we don't believe that we can show a cheek and chink in our armor.
57:16
[SPEAKER_00]: because if if I do say I'm going through something or I do show a moment of weakness that that somebody's going to capitalize that and use that against me, but we got to build spaces where people can can check on each other because a lot of brothers are checking out of here.
57:31
[SPEAKER_00]: They're carrying all this weight, heart attacks, strokes, and your rhythms, drinking themselves to death, committing suicide.
57:40
[SPEAKER_00]: And all because I have the time to check on somebody
57:45
[SPEAKER_00]: That's why I'm here.
57:49
[SPEAKER_02]: On that note, uh... That's gonna do a for this episode.
57:53
[SPEAKER_02]: We appreciate you guys.
57:55
[SPEAKER_02]: God bless you, peace.