Latest / Story Magic / 140 - How to know when to take a break

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140 - How to know when to take a break · Story Magic

2:27
Rachel: Hey, writers.
2:28
Rachel: Welcome back to Story Magic, the podcast that will help you write a book you're damn proud of.
2:31
Emily: I'm Emily.
2:32
Rachel: And I'm Rachel.
2:34
Emily: And today we're talking about how to know when you need to take a break from writing, specifically, probably elsewhere.
2:49
Rachel: You can't separate your writing life from your life.
2:52
Rachel: So if you need a break in writing, you probably need a break elsewhere.
2:56
Emily: It's true.
2:57
Emily: That's true.
2:58
Emily: So I brought this topic because I had two conversations, I think, within, like, two days of each other.
3:03
Emily: Yeah.
3:03
Emily: With two different clients.
3:07
Emily: And one of them is an older client that I've had for a while.
3:13
Emily: And she.
3:16
Emily: I could just tell when we were meeting that like, every week, it was like her energy level was just lower and lower and lower.
3:23
Emily: And, like, I could tell she was not having that much fun.
3:25
Emily: And so I was like, girl, just so you know, if you need to take a break, we could do that, you know, because sometimes, I mean, you know, contracts, whatever, like, sometimes people need that permission.
3:37
Emily: So I had had that conversation with her, and then.
3:41
Emily: And she was kind of like, okay, I'll think about it.
3:43
Emily: And then the following week, I met with a newer client who I was going to start up a more custom program with.
3:51
Emily: And this client was like, I really want to talk about how I can write during this crazy time.
3:59
Emily: I am moving.
4:01
Emily: This client has small children.
4:02
Emily: They are moving houses.
4:04
Emily: They had to move from, like, three different houses to get to their final house.
4:09
Emily: And they were like, how do I make sure I don't lose momentum?
4:12
Emily: And I just looked at her and I was like.
4:16
Emily: Or you just don't.
4:18
Emily: Yeah, right.
4:19
Emily: Like, yeah, you don't have to.
4:23
Emily: And. And I was very careful.
4:24
Emily: I didn't say it like that.
4:25
Emily: I was very careful to be like, what would it feel like if I told you?
4:29
Emily: You didn't have to.
4:30
Emily: And it was a visible, even on video.
4:32
Emily: Full body relief.
4:34
Emily: She was like, oh, I don't have to, you know?
4:35
Emily: And like, if that.
4:38
Emily: If I'm like, hey, what if I told you you could take a break right now?
4:41
Emily: And the idea of accepting that would feel like full body relief.
4:45
Emily: Like, girl, take a break.
4:47
Emily: Yeah, take a break.
4:48
Emily: So then the next day, I met with that other client, and before she even said hello, the first thing out of her mouth was, I think I need a break.
4:55
Emily: Yes. Yes, you do.
4:57
Rachel: Time for a break.
4:58
Emily: Yeah.
5:00
Emily: So I just was like, let's talk about this.
5:02
Emily: Because I felt like I.
5:05
Emily: And I. I do this too.
5:07
Emily: I oftentimes need external permission to take a break.
5:10
Emily: I need someone to, like, look at me in the eyeballs and be like, or don't.
5:15
Emily: Don't do it.
5:16
Rachel: Like, you just do.
5:17
Emily: You have to.
5:19
Emily: And, like, give me that permission.
5:20
Emily: And I felt like these clients were in that place where they just needed someone to be like, hey, do you really have to keep writing?
5:25
Emily: Like, can you take a break?
5:30
Emily: And then as soon as I was like, what if I told you you're not allowed to write for a month?
5:36
Emily: I'm gonna forbid you.
5:37
Emily: That's what you're paying for me for now.
5:39
Emily: I'm gonna forbid you to write for a month.
5:43
Emily: Then, like, then there was this like, oh, I can actually sink into that.
5:48
Emily: Like, I can sink into that permission because someone else gave it to me.
5:51
Emily: So I just wanted to record an episode to be like, here's your permission, guys.
5:55
Emily: Like, just.
5:58
Emily: We don't let ourselves sit down and be like, hey, I could take a break right now.
6:03
Emily: Like, we.
6:03
Emily: We don't.
6:04
Emily: I don't.
6:04
Emily: It's hustle culture, I think, probably most definitely, but we don't.
6:08
Emily: It just was shocking to me.
6:10
Emily: Like, we don't even.
6:11
Emily: So many of us don't even entertain the idea.
6:14
Emily: Like, the idea becomes like, that one client said, like, how do I keep small momentum so I don't lose it?
6:22
Emily: Right.
6:22
Emily: Like, that becomes the compromise.
6:24
Emily: And I think that's detrimental because from my experience as a writer myself and with working with a lot of clients, like, taking a full break with full permission to fully disengage is so much more healing and fulfilling than trying to be like, oh, I'm gonna do 10 words a day while my life is upside down.
6:49
Emily: Yeah. You know, like, just.
6:51
Emily: Just cut the cord.
6:52
Emily: Just let it go.
6:53
Emily: And I think there's a fear that you won't be able to get back into it.
6:56
Rachel: Like, that is.
6:56
Emily: And we can talk about that some.
6:58
Emily: And there's also the reality of deadlines, which I want to talk about, but oftentimes, like, that fear of getting back into it, like, you're only making it worse by burning yourself out by trying to cling to the story while everything's insane or while you have no energy or you're trying going through a health issue or a flare up or whatever.
7:17
Emily: Right.
7:17
Emily: And if you were to just cut the corn and pick it up later, like, you would be in a healthier space.
7:22
Emily: And people just are too afraid to trust that.
7:24
Emily: And so we cling to the small progress instead of the break.
7:29
Emily: Okay, done. Rant. End rant.
7:31
Emily: What are your thoughts?
7:33
Rachel: 10 out of 10 agree everybody go home.
7:35
Rachel: That's the end of the podcast.
7:38
Rachel: No, I feel like.
7:39
Rachel: Okay, so I feel like there's a couple components of this.
7:41
Rachel: One is having an awareness of your limits so that I feel like people are really bad at measuring.
7:50
Rachel: And when I say people, I mean me also.
7:53
Rachel: Right.
7:53
Rachel: Like, I do think that we overestimate our capability in.
8:02
Rachel: In what is trying to be a positive way.
8:06
Rachel: Right.
8:06
Rachel: Like, you have a lot of hopes and dreams and.
8:08
Rachel: And like.
8:09
Rachel: But the reality is that you probably don't have as much energy as you think you do.
8:14
Rachel: And that energy will fluctuate depending on the time, the day of the week, your cycle, your life zone, wherever it is that you are.
8:25
Rachel: This comes back to Hustle culture is like, you are not a machine that has consistent output always.
8:31
Rachel: Right?
8:32
Rachel: So I think when we have the idea that we can remain at a same output level for a specific amount of time, it's always less than that.
8:47
Rachel: And if there was a part of me a couple years ago that had, would have and has had a very visceral reaction to that, as if lowering our expectations is a moral feeling.
9:00
Rachel: We talk a lot about lowering our expectations because people are really bad at establishing expectations of yourself.
9:07
Rachel: They're very high.
9:08
Rachel: When you lower them, you can do a lot for yourself, but that's a really scary place to be to feel like you're going to lower your expectations for yourself.
9:17
Rachel: It does feel for myself and for a lot of people, like, failure.
9:22
Rachel: Right.
9:22
Rachel: Like, you're not good enough, and because you can't keep up, you're not good enough.
9:29
Rachel: So I think people don't have the awareness because you're driven by all that background stuff of like, I've got to keep going.
9:35
Rachel: I've got to keep going.
9:35
Emily: Okay.
9:36
Rachel: And so then it, like, sneaks up on you to this.
9:39
Rachel: This level of like, bone deep exhaustion or.
9:44
Rachel: Or mental.
9:45
Rachel: Like your.
9:46
Rachel: Your not just physical exhaustion, but like the mental exhaustion as well.
9:51
Rachel: It can be really surprising to just wake up one day and be like, oh, I hit my point, right?
9:55
Rachel: Can't keep going where it's a surprise.
9:59
Rachel: As if you weren't acting like you weren't overexerting yourself for the past five years.
10:06
Rachel: And now one day you wake up and you're surprised that you can't do it anymore.
10:10
Rachel: Like, no, you should.
10:11
Rachel: I think people don't pay attention.
10:13
Rachel: So awareness is a part of it.
10:18
Rachel: Understanding, like, what that feels like in your body.
10:22
Rachel: I do remember for me, like, this was a very visceral moment.
10:26
Rachel: I think Rose was almost too two My daughter was almost two, and I had taken, like, my first night away from her for, like, a little.
10:34
Rachel: It was supposed to be a writing retreat where I was supposed to write a lot.
10:38
Rachel: And I was thinking about this because of your retreat that had just happened.
10:42
Rachel: And it was my first, like, time by myself without my husband, just alone.
10:51
Rachel: And I didn't think I could afford it.
10:55
Rachel: I felt all the get, like, mom guilt about being away.
10:58
Rachel: Right.
10:59
Rachel: I was also, like, really tired.
11:00
Rachel: And so I had decided that in order to make this worthwhile, it would be, like, a really productive writing experience.
11:06
Rachel: Right?
11:06
Rachel: Yeah. Because I had to justify the time away.
11:10
Rachel: I went on my retreat.
11:12
Rachel: It was like a Saturday and a Sunday, right?
11:14
Rachel: Like, it was, like, a weekend, I think.
11:16
Rachel: I. I went to the hotel Friday night.
11:18
Rachel: I had all day Saturday, and I drove back at checkout Sunday morning.
11:22
Rachel: And the next day, I had a meeting with our business coach, Nicole.
11:27
Rachel: And Nicole was like, how was your retreat?
11:27
Rachel: You know, being, like, really kind and friendly.
11:32
Rachel: And I was explaining to her, like, it was great.
11:33
Rachel: And she's like, do you feel rested?
11:33
Rachel: And I just started crying.
11:36
Rachel: I just, like, broke down.
11:37
Rachel: I was like, no, I don't.
11:39
Rachel: I don't feel rested at all.
11:41
Rachel: She was like, well, no wonder.
11:42
Rachel: Like, yeah, you can't, like, fix your life in two days.
11:45
Emily: Yeah.
11:46
Rachel: Yeah.
11:47
Emily: No, this is.
11:47
Emily: This is very real.
11:49
Emily: This is very real because this was me last week.
11:51
Emily: And, like, I mean, I think I had some more awareness of these things than you did, however many years ago that was.
11:58
Emily: But still, I was surprised.
12:01
Emily: And I think as you were talking, I was thinking, you know what?
12:03
Emily: There are those hustle culture voices, right?
12:06
Emily: The shoulds, but there's also the I want.
12:09
Emily: There's the I want, right?
12:11
Emily: Like, and that's where I get stuck is like, there is a grief, I think that's very real to being, like, I am not going to make progress on this thing that I love for a month.
12:24
Emily: Right?
12:24
Emily: Like, that's real.
12:26
Emily: And.
12:29
Emily: And I feel like there's.
12:30
Emily: And. And so both of these clients, I think we're struggling with that a little bit, is like, I want.
12:34
Emily: Like, this is my passion project.
12:36
Emily: I write because I love it, right?
12:36
Emily: I want this to succeed.
12:41
Emily: And I'm in that space right now where I am pregnant.
12:46
Emily: I'm almost in my third trimester.
12:47
Emily: I'm so tired all the time.
12:49
Emily: My life is, like, insane right now with just, like, all the things that are happening, and I just don't have the energy to write.
12:57
Emily: And so I went on this retreat last week, and I Was like, my primary goal is to rest.
13:01
Emily: I know that.
13:02
Emily: I know that.
13:02
Emily: I know that.
13:03
Emily: And then I was like, but also, I will write if I want to, right?
13:06
Emily: And I wanted to, right?
13:06
Emily: I did.
13:09
Emily: I did want to, but.
13:11
Emily: But it was super hard because I was so tired.
13:13
Emily: And I didn't realize until I stopped and took the break how tired I was.
13:18
Emily: And so then this week, I was like, I'm tired and everything is crazy.
13:23
Emily: My husband's gonna be gone for a week.
13:25
Emily: And so I was like, I'm gonna have to take another week and a half break probably.
13:29
Emily: And I, like, left the window open because I want to write.
13:31
Emily: And yesterday I went to the.
13:32
Emily: You saw.
13:33
Emily: I went to the write together.
13:34
Emily: And I was like, I'm gonna try to touch my story.
13:36
Emily: And.
13:37
Emily: And it was not fun.
13:38
Emily: I was just, like, staring at it like, I don't wanna do this.
13:41
Emily: And it was like, sad, right?
13:41
Emily: Cause there's that sadness of, like, oh.
13:45
Emily: Cause then it's also, like, when I'm on a break, I miss it.
13:48
Emily: I miss writing.
13:49
Emily: I miss my story being in my head.
13:51
Emily: I miss.
13:51
Emily: It feels like there's a piece of me missing when I'm not writing.
13:55
Emily: And so I've been thinking about this a lot lately is like, what is that push and pull balance of, like.
14:00
Emily: And there's a great episode with the creative coach, Corey Leger, where we talked about balance versus harmony, right?
14:06
Emily: It's like, we think that balance is a little bit every of everything, every day, but actually it's like accepting the seasons of your life and accepting, you know, prioritizing different things at different times when you need to.
14:17
Emily: And I've been trying to lean into that, but it's also throwing into, like, there's just realities of, like, sometimes you gotta rest and sometimes you gotta take a break.
14:28
Emily: And there's gonna be things about that that are a big bummer.
14:32
Emily: But there's also huge advantages, right?
14:32
Emily: Because once I. Once I get back into my book, I know I'm going to be more excited about it.
14:39
Emily: I know I'm going to have more energy.
14:42
Emily: And I know that I won't have that if I don't take the break, right?
14:46
Emily: And if I don't take the break, I'm just going to, like, I did a few months ago, drive myself into hating my story again, right?
14:53
Emily: And hating writing and hating and, like, never wanting to look at it.
14:56
Emily: And, like, I don't want to be there.
14:57
Emily: So. So it's this, like.
14:58
Emily: Yeah, it's.
15:00
Emily: I think I just want to, like.
15:01
Emily: I think My point is that it's very hard and it's hard to separate the shoulds from the wants.
15:07
Emily: That's the number one thing, right.
15:08
Emily: If you're being driven by shoulds, that's never good.
15:11
Emily: If you're being driven by wants, that has baggage, and that baggage is real.
15:16
Emily: And you're allowed to grieve it, and you're allowed to feel bad about it.
15:19
Emily: But the reality is also could also be that if you don't take the break, you're not gonna love it, and you're not, like, it's gonna be harder to get back into it later.
15:28
Emily: And so in the long term, the thing to do for your love of the story is to take that break and take care of yourself and take care of whatever needs to be taken care of in your life so that you can come back to it refreshed later rather than back.
15:44
Emily: Like, just sort of, like, weighed down by shame and guilt and shoulds.
15:48
Rachel: Right.
15:49
Emily: Like, yeah.
15:50
Rachel: I think one of the things that I've learned is that your body will make you take the break.
15:58
Rachel: And it feels worse for your body to make you take it than for you to decide, without guilt and without shame, to allow yourself to rest.
16:08
Rachel: Because you can't keep going forever at the same pace.
16:14
Rachel: It doesn't matter.
16:16
Rachel: And I do think.
16:17
Rachel: I actually am a firm believer in the endurance you build, the more consistent and sustainable your writing life is.
16:26
Rachel: Like, I feel pretty.
16:29
Rachel: Like, I feel like I have a lot of writing endurance now.
16:33
Rachel: Where in the baby days, Right.
16:35
Rachel: Like, writing a couple times a week was draining.
16:37
Rachel: And then also coming back from burnout writing five, six days a week is impossible.
16:44
Rachel: You know, so, like, there.
16:45
Rachel: There is an endurance you can build, but you can't remain at that pace for forever.
16:50
Rachel: Yeah. And it does take time to build up to it.
16:53
Rachel: And then when you take a break.
16:56
Rachel: I want to talk a second too, about, like, perceived consequences.
17:00
Rachel: I do think that most people fear a consequence if they were to take a break and they feel it disproportionate to the reality.
17:11
Rachel: And we can talk about deadlines in this conversation also.
17:15
Rachel: But one of the things that I've learned in my last six or seven years of us doing this is that it's really not a big deal.
17:26
Rachel: Right.
17:27
Rachel: It feels like a big deal, and that's okay.
17:29
Rachel: Like, that's a very valid feeling to address and to work through, but it's not a big deal.
17:35
Rachel: I mean, like, to me, a big deal is we're in the hospital.
17:37
Rachel: Cause my daughter broke her arm.
17:39
Rachel: Right. But Like, I've gotta push back.
17:42
Rachel: A deadline is not a big deal.
17:44
Emily: Yeah.
17:45
Rachel: You know, I feel like.
17:46
Rachel: So where I'm getting at is that there's.
17:47
Rachel: There are consequences, positive or negative, but.
17:52
Rachel: But often we perceive them as far more negative than they actually are.
17:56
Rachel: So if you're worried about taking a break because you're gonna lose momentum in your story and it's gonna set you behind, that's really not that big of a deal.
18:03
Rachel: Right.
18:04
Rachel: Like, it feels like a big deal, but you're not losing time.
18:06
Rachel: It's a mission.
18:07
Rachel: It's an illusion.
18:09
Rachel: Time is an illusion.
18:11
Rachel: But the.
18:14
Rachel: Whatever you.
18:15
Rachel: Whatever the consequence you fear is of taking a break, is it really that big?
18:19
Rachel: Sometimes it is.
18:22
Rachel: I. I hear you.
18:24
Rachel: Like, there's a reality of being on, like, responsible to meet a deadline of somebody else.
18:30
Rachel: That is a business that's holding you accountable.
18:32
Rachel: Like, that's a reality.
18:35
Rachel: But number one, I think most people are pretty understanding if you were to have to push something back.
18:42
Rachel: Number two, you're.
18:44
Rachel: Most of the time, our deadlines are made up.
18:47
Rachel: So you're the only one that's like.
18:49
Emily: Most of the time.
18:50
Rachel: Yeah. Yeah. Most of the time, you're the only one that's making you feel bad about this, and there's no reason for you to be doing that because your deadline is not attached to your value as a human being.
18:59
Rachel: And number two, like, I think people just need to sit with.
19:02
Rachel: Is this really that big of a deal that.
19:04
Rachel: That I'm making it, or is this something that I can just accept is, like, outside of myself?
19:09
Rachel: It's not that big of a deal.
19:11
Rachel: You know, I feel like when we make them a big deal, it has more to do with us than, like, the deal itself.
19:17
Emily: Yeah.
19:17
Rachel: You know what?
19:17
Rachel: I'm.
19:19
Emily: And I think when you can accept it, a lot of magical things happen.
19:23
Emily: Like, I. Like this one client that I've had for a long time, we decided to take a month off, and she made a plan.
19:30
Emily: Like, no writing.
19:31
Emily: Not allowed to write.
19:32
Emily: Even if you want to, you're not allowed to write, like, full.
19:35
Emily: And then she was like, okay, I'm gonna do all these things that I haven't done in a while, like puzzles and, like, staring at my cat.
19:44
Emily: And, like, you know, like, you can.
19:45
Emily: I think the acceptance of it and therefore the release of the shame and the guilt around it can allow you to be like, what would I do with a month if I didn't write at all?
19:55
Emily: Right?
19:55
Emily: Like, whoa, what.
19:59
Emily: What could happen?
19:59
Emily: I could sleep in.
20:00
Emily: I could.
20:01
Emily: You know, I Could do all this stuff.
20:04
Emily: And I think, you know, you don't want to start ascribing goals to that.
20:08
Emily: Right.
20:08
Emily: We don't want to make plan for our rest, but I do think it can be helpful to do that.
20:13
Emily: Right?
20:13
Emily: So to think through, like, what are the restful things?
20:16
Emily: Like, what does rest look like for me?
20:16
Emily: What actually feels good, what makes me feel better?
20:19
Emily: Like, all of that.
20:20
Emily: I think that can be really helpful.
20:21
Emily: And that that's what I've been trying to practice is like, okay, if I know that I'm probably because I feel like I have pretty good riding endurance as well.
20:29
Emily: But there's just something about, like, I don't know if it's my hormones or just reality, pregnant words, what?
20:38
Emily: But, like, it's the injuries out the window.
20:42
Rachel: You were the other day.
20:43
Rachel: We're like, I'm going to go exercise.
20:44
Rachel: I was like, why?
20:45
Emily: I needed to walk because if I don't body, I start to lose my mind.
20:50
Rachel: I know, and that's, like, very helpful for you.
20:52
Rachel: But I mean, like, here I'm like, watching you in real time be like, my endurance is usually pretty good.
20:58
Rachel: I don't know what it is.
20:59
Emily: It's like, it's because I'm pregnant.
21:01
Emily: Yeah, it's because.
21:02
Emily: No, you're right.
21:03
Emily: But see, see, that's like an exact.
21:06
Emily: Even to us.
21:07
Emily: Like, it's so hard to like, to do this.
21:10
Emily: And so this, if anything, I want this podcast to be like, permission for people because I, like, this is very new for me.
21:19
Emily: If last year, even just a year ago, you had been like, okay, you wrote like, you made a lot of progress in your retreat.
21:26
Emily: You're not going to write again for 10 days.
21:29
Emily: I would have been like, what?
21:29
Emily: I refuse.
21:32
Emily: And then I would have, like, fought to write all those 10 days and felt like crap about it and beat myself up for it, right?
21:38
Emily: And so I'm trying to do this acceptance of like, okay, the reality is I probably won't have the brain power to write or even think about writing until this date.
21:48
Emily: And just like, accepting that and trying to be like, okay, if that's the reality, what do I want to do with those 10 days?
21:53
Emily: Right?
21:55
Emily: And it's like, okay, well, maybe I'll sleep during my daughter's nap instead of trying to write.
22:00
Emily: Maybe I'll, you know, like, do all these other things.
22:04
Emily: And I found that to be very helpful.
22:06
Emily: So for anybody out there who is wondering if you need a break, you probably need.
22:14
Emily: You need one.
22:15
Emily: Please take one.
22:16
Emily: Take it longer than you think you Need.
22:20
Rachel: And don't be, like, trying to optimize your break now.
22:24
Rachel: I agree with you.
22:26
Rachel: There is a.
22:28
Rachel: Like, we talked about this early in the podcast, and part of our early rest journeys was like, learning how to.
22:33
Rachel: Again, you know, like, you might not know how to rest if you've never actually rested and figuring out what it is.
22:39
Rachel: And so, like, having a plan to do that.
22:40
Emily: But.
22:40
Rachel: But you don't approach.
22:42
Rachel: This is usually like, my fallback is like, okay, I've got a week.
22:48
Rachel: I'm gonna be ready.
22:49
Rachel: Right after that week, it's like, no, you're not.
22:52
Rachel: You're not. You. The. The more expectations you put around your break, the less effective it's going to be.
23:00
Rachel: Yeah, sorry.
23:02
Rachel: It sucks.
23:03
Rachel: Don't get me wrong, it's super duper sucks.
23:05
Rachel: But if you expect your break to, like, be a certain amount of time and you're going to do X amount of things, and if you do those things, somehow magically, everything will be better.
23:16
Rachel: The reality is.
23:17
Rachel: Sorry, it's probably not.
23:18
Rachel: So just let go of the expectations and listen to what your body's telling you, what your brain's telling you, and go with that and do that.
23:28
Emily: It can be helpful to be like, I'm gonna.
23:30
Emily: So for both of these clients, we were like, we're gonna have a meeting on X date to check in.
23:35
Emily: To check in exactly on how you're feeling.
23:38
Emily: And I've been trying to do that myself.
23:39
Emily: It's like, okay, I'm gonna be like, I'm definitely on break for these 10 days.
23:44
Emily: And next Tuesday, I'm gonna sit down and be like, hey, how do you feel about your book right now?
23:50
Emily: You know, like, make that your goal.
23:52
Emily: Not on Tuesday.
23:54
Emily: I'm gonna be ready to go next week.
23:55
Emily: I'm gonna write 5,000 words, right?
23:57
Emily: Like, make it a check in.
23:59
Emily: Um, and one of these clients, our check in has already passed, and she was like, not ready.
24:03
Emily: Check in next week.
24:04
Emily: And I was like, cool.
24:05
Emily: Um, and so I think, yeah, that's a really, really good tip.
24:10
Emily: Because if you set those expectations, then you just come back from your break being like, oh, yeah, shame and guilt, and I'm not ready, and how am I so lazy?
24:18
Emily: Yeah. And that's never helpful.
24:20
Rachel: No. And like, I. That's again, what, like, the.
24:23
Rachel: Whatever the inner critic says to you, especially during your break, but when you come back, I think is a good indicator that maybe you are or not ready to return.
24:34
Rachel: You know, like, if you're coming back and you're like, like, so anxious and scared and like judgmental of the time you had to take off.
24:45
Rachel: I don't think you're ready, honestly, like, as much as you want to, because I know you're going to want to come back to write, but if your inner critic is, is berating you because you took time off or, or like saying what a waste of time, or thinking you've lost something by having that break, I don't think mentally you're ready to return because all those voices need to be quiet again.
25:12
Rachel: Or like, that's the stuff that you've got to work through to find an effective rest period.
25:17
Rachel: Right.
25:18
Rachel: Like, if that's what was loud in your ear the whole time you were wrestling, it probably wasn't effective rest or enough that you needed.
25:26
Rachel: Right.
25:27
Emily: That acceptance is so important.
25:29
Emily: Yes. For actually making the most of the time that you're away and that to go back to these clients.
25:36
Emily: That's what I was working on is I was like, how can we give you as much acceptance as possible of this break that we are deciding on together?
25:42
Emily: Like, do I have to literally be like, you're not allowed to write.
25:46
Emily: Do I need to, Do I need to, you know, do we need to come up with like a list of boundaries, a list of rules?
25:51
Emily: Right.
25:52
Emily: So that you have that external permission to be like, okay, I am going to fully embrace and accept this.
25:59
Emily: And I just want to touch before, before we finish, I want to touch one last time on like the plan for the break.
26:06
Emily: Right.
26:06
Emily: Because I touched on that earlier and that I was like, I don't want people to take the wrong thing away from this.
26:10
Emily: Because you.
26:12
Emily: There's a difference between.
26:14
Emily: So I know this client, the long term client that took the break, I know she's listening to this.
26:18
Emily: So hey, girl.
26:20
Emily: Because I keep talking about it.
26:21
Emily: But she, she was so funny.
26:23
Emily: She was like, yeah, I'm going to take this break.
26:25
Emily: And her first instinct was, I'm going to use this time to set up my marketing stuff for my book.
26:30
Rachel: Exactly.
26:30
Emily: I was like, girl, no. Or don't.
26:35
Rachel: Yes.
26:36
Emily: So. So like that.
26:38
Emily: But then we were like, okay, well, if you weren't allowed to work on anything book related.
26:42
Emily: Related, what would you do?
26:42
Emily: And that was when we started being like, okay, Puzzles.
26:46
Emily: Hanging out with my dog, like doing all this other, these other living things, these more restful things.
26:52
Emily: Right.
26:53
Emily: Things that are not work of any kind to try to practice what work, what it feels like.
26:58
Emily: And we did do like, okay, let's do some journaling, prompts and stuff to just pay attention to what your brain is saying during the break.
27:05
Emily: But that's an awareness and an acceptance strategy.
27:08
Emily: Right.
27:08
Emily: You can use your break as a way to get to know what happens when I tell my brain we're not going to write for a week or a month.
27:15
Rachel: Right.
27:15
Emily: Like, what does your brain say?
27:15
Emily: Like, you can.
27:18
Emily: You can have a plan to do some of that mindset work, I think, but anything beyond that, Right.
27:23
Emily: Like, if there's work involved in your rest plan, it's not rest.
27:28
Emily: So just caveat.
27:30
Rachel: No, I really feel.
27:31
Rachel: I know who you're talking about.
27:32
Rachel: I really feel you, too, though.
27:33
Rachel: I know.
27:34
Rachel: Because, like, that's usually my thing.
27:35
Rachel: We love you.
27:36
Rachel: You know, late.
27:38
Rachel: I do I talk to you about this a lot.
27:40
Rachel: My prime working hours are 9pm to midnight.
27:43
Rachel: Right.
27:43
Rachel: Like, I'm working a lot.
27:45
Rachel: I. And I. And I love that.
27:47
Rachel: The last couple nights, though, I have, like, I could.
27:53
Emily: I could work.
27:55
Rachel: I could go to bed.
27:57
Rachel: And so the last couple nights, like, I've chosen I'm going to go to bed.
28:01
Rachel: But I usually always have this debate of, like, what task could I possibly do if I don't have the energy to write, Could I make some social media graphics?
28:09
Rachel: And if I don't have the energy to make some social media graphics, could I catch up on, like, some review tasks that Aaliyah has assigned me?
28:15
Rachel: You know, like, there's always this kind of, like, weighing of what do I have the energy to do right now?
28:20
Rachel: And to some degree, that's very helpful for me because I do know that at certain times, you know, I have varying energy levels and, like, what feels good to do in this moment might be some little tasks that I have.
28:32
Rachel: But then the question ultimately is, like, why are you trying to fill hours with work?
28:35
Rachel: You know, you don't have to.
28:39
Emily: This is.
28:40
Emily: Yeah, I'm laughing because this is me this week.
28:42
Emily: I'm like, I'm not going to write for 10 days.
28:44
Emily: So what else can I get done?
28:45
Rachel: Can I fill in?
28:47
Emily: Which you have seen me do all week.
28:49
Emily: Yeah.
28:50
Emily: But then I was like, okay, last week, I did work.
28:54
Emily: I did work from seven to nine for the first time in probably six months.
28:59
Emily: And I was like, what am I doing?
29:02
Emily: Go to bed
29:05
Rachel: now.
29:05
Rachel: I got up this morning with our puppy at six o', clock, and I was telling you I had a terrible night of sleep with Rose.
29:13
Rachel: Rose didn't sleep very good last night.
29:16
Rachel: Kids didn't sleep good.
29:18
Then the puppy got up at 6: 00, and she is a hooligan, a menace.
29:24
Then the puppy got up at 6: Especially in the early morning hours when I'm trying to keep her quiet so she's not barking and waking everybody up.
29:30
Then the puppy got up at 6: Anyway, I get up with a puppy at six o', clock, very shortly after I get an asana notification from you that the workbook is ready to review.
29:40
Then the puppy got up at 6: And I was like, get off.
29:41
Emily: It's 6: 00am
29:44
Rachel: Like, I don't want.
29:45
Emily: I have to.
29:48
Emily: So after I worked from 7 to
29:52
Rachel: 9 last night, I'm like mad at my asana desk because I'm like, stop working.
29:58
Emily: But my plan today is to take a nap after this call.
30:02
Rachel: Well, good.
30:03
Rachel: Go get your rest.
30:04
Emily: Point being, this shit is really, really hard, you guys.
30:08
Rachel: Yeah, it's.
30:08
Rachel: I mean, we have responsibilities.
30:10
Rachel: Like, I hope you guys know that in all the conversations that we have with each other and with you, like, you can't.
30:17
Rachel: This is.
30:18
Rachel: There are parts of your life that must continue.
30:21
Rachel: Right?
30:21
Rachel: And very, very often writing is not one of them.
30:25
Rachel: That is okay.
30:26
Rachel: So I would rather see you, like, survive in your workplace to keep your job in a place that makes you happy so that you can put food on the table for your family, than to see you work yourself into burnout because you're so like.
30:42
Rachel: And it can come from that place of want, right?
30:45
Rachel: But because you're so worried about your writing and that might be a very positive thing for your life.
30:51
Rachel: And it sucks that, like, physically I might be telling you, don't do it.
30:55
Rachel: That's where we all are at all times of our lives.
30:58
Rachel: You and I. Like, some things gotta give.
31:02
Emily: Yeah.
31:02
Rachel: No one told me that when I was young, right?
31:05
Rachel: Like, everyone was like, no, it doesn't keep working.
31:08
Rachel: One day it will all work out.
31:09
Emily: Just do it.
31:09
Emily: Just do everything.
31:10
Rachel: Just do it.
31:10
Rachel: You can do everything.
31:11
Rachel: You can juggle it.
31:13
Rachel: And, you know, when I was young, I wonder if you felt this way.
31:19
Rachel: When I was young, I feel that I worked in a very male dominated workplace.
31:26
Rachel: I was also very young.
31:29
Rachel: And so me doing the most amount of work that I possibly could was a feminist thing.
31:36
Rachel: It was a young person thing.
31:40
Rachel: It was like all in this effort to prove myself.
31:43
Rachel: And so I. I like, developed a lot of these workaholic tendencies.
31:47
Rachel: And then now I'm like, damn, I just wish I could be soft.
31:51
Rachel: I don't want to be hard.
31:52
Rachel: I don't want to be like a hard worker.
31:54
Rachel: I want to be a soft worker.
31:57
Rachel: You know what I mean?
31:58
Emily: Like, tagline, golden egg.
32:00
Emily: I want to be a soft worker.
32:02
Rachel: I want to be a soft worker.
32:03
Rachel: Like, I'm tired of being hard.
32:04
Rachel: I'm tired of being like, I've got to prove myself.
32:07
Emily: Yeah, yeah.
32:09
Rachel: Can I just like be taken care of someone?
32:10
Rachel: Just take care of me, you know, Like.
32:12
Rachel: Yeah. And that's why I write.
32:14
Rachel: That's why I write books where like the girl is taken care of by like seven other people.
32:19
Rachel: But I mean, I do feel like there was this, this voice that was so dominating for like my early life of like the performance was, I don't know, something.
32:35
Rachel: And now I'm just like, man, I just want to be a little.
32:41
Rachel: I'm just a girl, you know?
32:42
Rachel: I'm just a girl.
32:45
Rachel: Give me my little blanket.
32:47
Rachel: Let me sit on the couch.
32:48
Rachel: Why don't I build myself all these responsibilities.
32:51
Emily: I know, right?
32:51
Emily: We own our own business.
32:54
Emily: I know.
32:54
Rachel: Well, that's.
32:55
Emily: I was such an out of body experience yesterday because I was like, I want to get these things off my list.
32:59
Emily: I was like, I need to get these things off my list.
33:02
Emily: And then there was a voice in my head that was like, or you could just sleep.
33:05
Emily: Your self worth is not condensed.
33:06
Emily: And I was like, but I really want them done.
33:08
Emily: Like, it was just like there were two voices in my head.
33:11
Emily: But I was very aware of what was happening and I was like, I'm just gonna do it anyway.
33:16
Emily: I'm gonna be dead tired tomorrow.
33:18
Emily: And that is the reality and that is what happened.
33:21
Emily: But like, I feel like that awareness is what's important.
33:25
Emily: I think our stories here are very illustrative of how nobody is perfect at this stuff.
33:30
Emily: But the more aware you can be of like, what's driving your actions in any given moment.
33:34
Emily: Like, I felt like I was on this hamster wheel the last few days of just like, get it done, get it done, get it done.
33:38
Emily: And. But I knew I was on it.
33:40
Emily: It wasn't driven by shoulds, it was just driven by like my brain doing stuff.
33:44
Emily: And I was just watching my brains do stuff.
33:46
Emily: And I was like, well, I'm going to opt in here.
33:48
Emily: I could opt out of what my brain is doing, but I'm going to opt in and like, knowing what the consequences are going to be.
33:56
Emily: And I feel like a previous version of me would have done the same thing for all the different reasons.
34:02
Emily: And the result would have been slightly different because my mindset would have been exhausted by all the shoulds and the guilt and the shame assigned to that hamster wheel.
34:12
Emily: I had a very similar experience.
34:14
Emily: Mine was just slightly different because it was driven by like moral responsibility because in the non profit world you're just basically expected to work yourself to death.
34:25
Emily: Save our, save our world because.
34:27
Emily: And if you're lucky enough to make a shitty, sound salary, fixing the world.
34:32
Emily: So how dare you?
34:34
Emily: How dare you not work for it?
34:34
Emily: How dare you not, like, burn out in the pursuit of change?
34:41
Emily: I have a lot of feelings about that.
34:42
Emily: But, yeah, same outcome, just a slightly different driver.
34:47
Emily: So, yeah, it was.
34:48
Emily: For me, it was like a moral thing.
34:50
Emily: You have to do as much as you can all of the time or you're a lazy piece of.
34:56
Emily: So, yeah, okay, we promised we'd keep this one.
35:00
Rachel: Oh, my God. We were like, this is gonna be 15 minutes.
35:04
Rachel: And then we were like, Max, 20 minutes.
35:07
Rachel: And it's 33 minutes.
35:10
Emily: Not bad.
35:12
Emily: We appreciate you guys.
35:13
Rachel: I could keep going.
35:14
Rachel: I could.
35:15
Rachel: I won't.
35:17
Emily: We'll go do another one, maybe.
35:20
Emily: Yeah.
35:21
Emily: But, yeah, just take a break if you need one.
35:23
Emily: Take a break.
35:24
Emily: Please take more breaks.
35:25
Emily: And, yeah, live in that dissonance of.
35:28
Emily: It's hard to take breaks because you want to work on your story, but you need to take breaks for the health of your story and the health of yourself, because without you, we don't have a story, you guys.
35:38
Emily: So take care of yourself.
35:41
Rachel: If you want to build a successful, fulfilling, and sustainable writing life that works for you, you've got to get on our email list.
35:47
Emily: Sign up now to get our free email course, the Magic of Character Arcs.
35:50
Emily: After seven days of email magic, you'll have the power to keep your readers flipping pages.
35:54
Rachel: All link in the show notes.
35:57
Rachel: We'll see you there.
35:58
Emily: Bye.