Latest / DA CREW Podcast / DA CREW PODCASTSEASON 1_ EPISODE #49 HOSTBLAQUE DIAMOND (SHOW #8))

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DA CREW PODCASTSEASON 1_ EPISODE #49 HOSTBLAQUE DIAMOND (SHOW #8)) · DA CREW Podcast

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M hm. No one can be trained for my brain and six in my
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brain and tensions delivery coal them and they get my lack against the wall of
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my dick and the ducks. My sixty five is so flush, but they
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nobody gets rust so imself between the rock and a hard place and ain't no
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room for no walking. Yeah, smile my friend. I'm mi first with
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every breath of Jake. I'm go first with every step blob Basic Black after
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Dark all new podcast show with your host Black Diamond. Welcome, Welcome,
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Welcome everyone to the Crew podcast Network for episode number forty nine of our very
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first season. I'm Black Diamond, a host of Basic Black after Dark.
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Here we have a last conversations about family changes, cultural customs and parents and
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styles. Now there are times when we will discuss center the topics, and
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from time to time I'll have some nesting friends dropping by. But tonight we
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are celebrate in national Force to Kill a month and joining me our panel of
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former Force to Kill youth who will take you on a journey to force the
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care Born Tory M. Kennedy, Latania M. Little John know Now is
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a South Carolina girl who enter Force to kire system as an infant born with
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birth defects, and in twenty twenty, Latania went on a quest to seek
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out her biological family. She is the author of the best selling novel Pretty
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Sad Movement and the author of The Lead but Not Denied, the Story of
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Torya. She is a sister podcaster of her title book, The Lead but
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Not Denied, on the Crewe podcast Network. Latanya has been married to her
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wonderful husband for twenty one years and of that union they have a son,
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Diante and a bonus daughter, de Agia. She enjoys spending time with her
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family and bouncing around with her playmate and a beautiful granddaughter, Kaylani. We
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have business manager in account at Major. Lashe Ruckman survived abuse and domestic violence.
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She is a domestic violence and child abuse advocate. Lasche enjoy's writing poetry
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and short stories and is the author of Being a Creature, a Creature of
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Happy. When she is not writing, Lasche enjoys being the wife and mother
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of loves and loves, feeding her family's mind with her soulful words and filling
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their bellies was a delightful cooking. She has not born to hold back and
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doesn't mind telling you like it is. She is building a lifelong legacy and
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is the blueprint of her family and to enforce the kids system with spinal bifida.
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My next guest was a native New Yorker and forced the Kids survivor Nige
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Scott ded to her family and friends. She surprised everyone, even her doctors
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who told Dedi and her forced the mother she wouldn't walk, nor would it
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be possible. By three, little Dedi, a rail trail raiser, was
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determined to walk. So she told her Forster mother, I'm going to walk,
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and by five, little Dedy was walking with crutches. Deeedy, now
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for Junior resident and spin a bit of an advocate, speaks on several platforms
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and has had some journey through the Forster Care system. She is here tonight
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to share with you her journey from birth to Forster Care to adoption and my
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next guest Justin reads. He is an Amazon bestselling author and the twenty twenty
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two Aspiring Author's Magazine Author of the Year. He started his journey in the
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Forster care system as a SINS baby, meaning a substance exposed newborn. He
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later found himself on the streets in New York City and in and out of
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the juvenile detention centence where he discovered his love and passion for writing. He
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is a father of five and works with at risk youth. He is a
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life coach, writing coach, and motivational speaker. Please welcome tonight's pan less
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Thank you ladies for joining me tonight. This night means so much to me.
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It is the entire month that I have been celebrating National Force to Kill
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a month. Thank you for having Oh, no problem, I I thank
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you for being here, for being here and celebrating this night with me.
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I truly do you. Ladies are considered survivors, are forced to care?
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What about force to care? Have you survived? UM? For me?
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Um? Of course, I was born with the spina bifida as well um
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hydrocephalus, and I was born to a teenage mom. Um. My mom
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couldn't keep me because she herself had a disap ability, so I was placed
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in foster care. I'm not sure how long I was there UM or what
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age I went into foster care, but my foster care experience was not great
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at all. Wow. Wow, So we're gonna talk a little bit more
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about that deany how about you? What was um, what was your experience
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like you know coming Um since the year what about forceter care? Have you
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survived well? My foster care story is, UM, I was left at
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the hospital and the nurse who was caring for me at the time advocated for
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me and became my foster mother, and she made show I had all the
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needed stories I needed for pertaining to spind a befea. So if it wasn't
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for her, I probably would have had maybe some brain damage if I didn't
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get mine shot put in properly in right away. UM, I had my
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back surgeries. UM, I've seen let us with the staff at the hospital
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supported her taking me as a force to child. And I was born to
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a family, uh family, I'm sorry said that again. And my dad
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were from Haiti and moved to New York. Okay, okay, great,
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thank you so much. Can you tell everyone, UM, either one of
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you ladies, can you tell them what spina bif of it is? You
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want to take this and you want me to take it? You go right,
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So, UM, there's different levels of spina biff the and d D
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and I both have UM the worst one of it all I can't pronounce it
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at the moment. It's lit my mind. But it's a curvature and opening
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of the spine. Oh wow. And it's called mayo men self mayam ninja
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seals under stuff. Is that? Is it painful? Does it? Does
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it cause a lot of pain? Um? The spinal bit for the is
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considered the snow flake disorder. Um. No, two people have it the
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same. So um, what may affect me won't affect her. So um
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as far as pain goes, Um, my, my pain is very limited.
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It's not I don't have a whole lot of pain where I had to
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have where I had to have back surgery in twenty eighteen read for the second
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time, because I was having really bad back pains and nerve pains. Okay,
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so yeah, that's it's near time of the year that it evolves more
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like in the winter or the somewhere when it's draining. Does it affect you
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in the season. Well, I'm currently living in Florida, but I moved
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from Virginia to Florida because of the weather and the cold was really affecting the
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pain I would have in my head in my hips. Because I also have
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authorritists in both of my hips, so the cold would really just affect basically
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my entire body. Wow, what about you, Latonia, is that affecting
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you as well? So the hydrocephalist part of it, which is water on
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the brain, because I do have a shunt that drains flew it off my
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brain. The wintertime is horrendous for me. Wow. Since force the children
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are as youngest toddler age in its oldest college A students, the length of
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time or force the child states in the system depends on various factors. However,
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when average and abused on, the collected child typically states in there forced
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the family for about thirteen months. How long were you with your what's the
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pans? Before you were adopted? And how did you feel about being adopted?
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Either one of your ladies can answered. I'll go first of all for
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me, Um, I remember going into foster care. I remember the social
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worker taking me out of my mom's arms. Um. Living in a foster
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home for me being unable to walk was horrible. Um, I was mistreated.
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Excuse me, I was mistreated. UM. The only time I was
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taken out of my crib was when the social workers would come to do a
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well baby check. So Um, my foster care experience was really bad and
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I got adopted at seventeen months old. Okay, okay, greed d D
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what about you, um for me? The nurse who adopted me, Um,
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she couldn't keep me. I think she kept me maybe, oh maybe
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a year or so. Her husband from what I'm told, Uh, they
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were getting ready to move to South Carolina. And if you're not being adopted
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at that time, that you know, you had to go back to force
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the care and her husband wasn't really you know, for keeping a child with
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special needs from my from what I've been told, So I went into back
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into the agency. And then UM, my adopted parents got me at the
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age of two and a half and I wasn't officially adopted till I was eight,
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but I stayed with them the home. So you weren't um force the
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children that were going from home to home to home. No, you were
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just maybe with me. I only had one for other great because you hit
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so many stories that force the kids would be in this home home and then
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they go into another home, and then they go into another home, and
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some of them never be adopted. They just go from force to home to
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force to home. Right. Wow, did any of you ever feel like
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running away from you know, forced to homes or or or rather your adopted
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parents. Did you ever feel like you wanted to run away and because you
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didn't feel comfortable, you didn't feel safe? Yes, yes, and yes,
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Um for me again, the foster home that I stayed and she kept
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me in a crib because I couldn't walk, and um, the crib that
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I was in wasn't kept up well. It had a nail that hung out
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of it, and she she abused me and I have a scar on my
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face from where the nail went into my skin. But um, then I
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got adopted it and that went well until around age thirteen, my parents started
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having extramarital affairs on each other and um it everything just went left. So
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you didn't staying at home or one of the parents left and you stayed with
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one of them. No, they stayed together, very dysfunctional. Um,
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they stayed together till my dad died in two thousand and five, so um,
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you know they they did what they did that only lasted for maybe a
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year and a half. And um, I got pregnant with my son at
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fifteen, and they both kind of calmed down then to give me the attention
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and the help that I needed. Okay, we're gonna be talking about that
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team pregnancies. Well, um ddy, what about you? What was it
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like for you? Was there a time like you felt like you wanted to
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just leave even after being there? Oh? No, definitely, definitely.
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I can truly say I was blessed. I was blessed. Both of my
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parents were amazing. My mom always told me that, um, she wanted
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to have seven kids, and so she had four biological and then she adopted
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three more girls. So we're six girls and one boy. So I'm the
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baby of seven kids. And I couldn't have had better parents. I mean,
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God knew exactly where to place me because my parents were amazing. They
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loved me like they had me. They loved me like they had me up
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until the day my mom died nine. My mom died in ninety nine and
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my dad died in two thousand and six, and he got a chance to
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walk me down the aisle to get married. When everybody was like, who
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are you going to ask to walk you down? Your dad? Or you're
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you're biological, I said, my dad, who's been there? Who else
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am I get? So my dad was of course, yes, yes,
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you know youngest that Swollens coming there and all sisters. Yes, definitely.
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I mean well that was then down a little bit a little. Yes,
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there's nothing wrong with being small. There's nothing at all wrong with being small.
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So um, what are some of the emotional challenges that you faced and
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forced to care or rather being that both of you was adopted? Was there
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any emotional challenges that you man felt just sitting back sometimes just knowing that you
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were adopted, and you know, like when you're around your other cousins and
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you know, being there, because sometimes people can be cruel and even adults
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like aunt's uncle's adult cousins. Was there ever a time that you were around
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him that you felt so uncomfortable that you didn't feel supported, you know,
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by the force the parents, because maybe some of the things they may have
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said or the way they may have treated you. Well, I've always felt
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like I didn't belong. I don't know if that's due to remembering being adopted.
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All of my cousins are significantly older than me. I was adopted by
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an older couple, and so um, I'm more closer to my second and
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third cousins. Verses and my first cousins because all of them are older than
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me. So I, um, I'm the youngest grandchild on both sides of
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the family. So maybe a little bit of a smallness rubs off over there
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too, the grandchild. You know, grandchildren are treating a little different than
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the children are. Absolutely I know how it feels. I had grandkids too.
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You know how it feels your grandparent. Absolutely, you treat them a
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little different. Absolutely, I know, I know that feeling. How might
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separation from your primary family be related to some of these challenges? Have you
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ever thought about your primary family? And now I know, Latania, you
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sought out your biological father or biological family. I found my biological I found
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my biological family in two thousand and ten. UM a letter that was supposed
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to be sent to my mom about the surgery that I had UM on my
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back. M was supposed to be sent to my biological mom. It was
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addressed to her UM and UH accidentally sent to my adopted family. And I
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found this letter and I started asking questions about being adopted, and you know,
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they didn't tell me the truth. They told me that I was theirs.
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And you know, but um, so, how old were you when
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that happened, Um, about eleven or twelve, and so all the time
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you thought that that was your biological family. No, I find I knew.
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I felt it in my spirit that I did not belong to them.
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Um, I don't look like anybody. And both sides of my family,
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they all look alike, like there's somebody in every part of my family that
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looks like another person in the family. And I looked like nobody, and
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so um U. I held on to the to the letter, and I
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wrote to the address and by then, you know, rezoning happened, and
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so the address no longer exists. And so I got on Facebook in two
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thousand and eight and two thousand and ten. I decided to look up the
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name that I had on the letter, and I couldn't find that name,
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but I did find people with the same last name as my biological motherhead and
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two of the ladies, I felt like I looked like them, So I
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reached out to them, and that was how I found um, my biological
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mom. Social media is good for some things. It is counted out,
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but social media it's good. You know, people use it the right way,
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you know, right and set it up in a way where it could
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be beneficial to them than it is. It is a great thing, using
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great too to absolutely, umdeed. Let me ask you a question, um,
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more so towards Latana said you had a good upbringing with your force to
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family. Do you think, um force the parents need a special training.
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Absolutely? Do you think they need special training? I think they do.
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And I think that they need a deeper background check. Um. I don't
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think. Um. I don't think the background checks go back far enough.
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UM. My parents and I love them, I love them, don't get
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me wrong, I do. But they shouldn't have been able to adopt the
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dog. I mean, I'm the only child that they adopted. And then
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they became foster parents and that didn't last long. Children went back into um,
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well, the first set they went back to their biological parents. The
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second set went back into the system because of things that were going on in
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my parents' home. So there was children that came after you. Yes,
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we were the children before you as well. No you so you was the
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first experience that they had. Wow. Yes, So those children were back
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into that and they the agency didn't decide to close the home or to remove
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you from there. Have you ever reported to anyone how you felt as far
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as with school or maybe the doctor or you know, anybody. Have you
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ever reported it to anybody how you felt? You mentioned that you was abused.
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I don't want to go too deep into that, but wasn't by either
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one of the parents and wasn't a reporter um my mom verbally. But I
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you know, I just thought that that was how mother daughter relationships was.
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I mean, so I didn't I didn't think too much about it. Um.
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I didn't say anything that anybody. She never put her hands on me
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or anything like that. My father, on the other hand, and he
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was he was perfect. He was the perfect dad. Like um. He
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had me spoiled, you know. He didn't allow my mom to go too
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far, you know with with punishments and things like that. He wasn't having
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it. So he was a daddy's girl. Then I was yes, Oh
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wow, So I know his passing must have really been. It was hard.
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It was hard he passed into the bond. Did the bond between you
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and you're forced to mom change for the better one? He passed? No.
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Wow. If anything got it got worse over time. Yeah. Do
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you believe that youth been forced to care have UM, I'm gonna just skip
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to this real quick because I do want to ask TV a few questions.
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Do you believe that youth been forced to care have a much higher rate of
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adolescent pregnancy and childbearing than their peers depending on who they're raised by. If
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if the conversation of where babies come from and sexual and of course if those
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conversations are not had, then of course, UM. You know, young
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girls, young boys are gonna go out and do what they do and and
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a baby, sadly is what comes of it. So you said that you
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was You had mentioned in your bio that you were pregnant as a team,
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but you were already adopted. Were you prepared by your your your mom?
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I guess, um, during this process of you having your baby, Um,
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you know, with teaching you certain things, talking to you how to
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care and nurture the baby, do you think that she prepared you for that?
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No, she um, in a way like in the beginning of the
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pregnancy. UM, I feel like she may have been a little bit happy
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about it because I was told that I never have children because of the spina
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bifita. But then the conversation of placing the baby up for adoption happened,
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and you know, my mind went to, this is the only person that
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I know that will love me genuinely without question. So no, I'm not,
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I'm not. You know, if if I have to give my baby
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away, then I gotta go to I couldn't phantom a life without him.
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Wow wow, So Addy, question, do you believe anything forced to give
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these higher reads or physical and mental health issues and traumatic experiences? M.
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Yeah, Well, I think it depends on the situation. Um. I
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think it depends on the person and what you know, what they've come and
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coming into family wise life with me, Um, being adopted and having spin
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a bit for it had my my thoughts of depression wasn't because of my family,
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was more based upon having spind a bit for and not understanding why my
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my family gave me up because I was there first. I was there,
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I was my mom and dad. I was my mom's first, but my
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dad's second child, and I was one with then they had a biological Yes,
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ma'am, my biological I was there first first, I was my mom's
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first, my dad's uh second. So I was born with spina bent for
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her and then they had another child and they didn't have and that child didn't
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have Spini bent for her. Then they had another child, and that child
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had Spini bent for her and they gave you that. So they only kept
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one, the one that did not have spin. Do you do you know
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who your biological parents are? Yes? Um My adopted mom said that she
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wanted to. She wanted to make sure that, um, we didn't have
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to search for our family. So she made sure each of us was connected
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to somebody and our family because she didn't want us to have to go through
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that. So, my biological family has known me since birth. Since from
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birth, basically from at least three years old. They would come to the
26:10
house, they would come to parties. Um My mom kept them well informed
26:15
on how I was. I would go to their house on holidays maybe you
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know, some summer summer weekends, things like that. So I knew a
26:22
lot more about my biological dad side than I did my mom's, but I
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didn't know my I didn't know them, yes, ma'am. So both of
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you know who your biological parents are. Our family is. Do you still
26:37
stay in contact with them? I anybody reached out to you or did you
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reach out to them? For me. I found my biological family in two
26:48
thousand and ten, and my biological mother passed away in twenty fourteen. Um
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So, as far as my mom said that the family, there's a few
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people people that I speak to my biological father's side. I have two cousins
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and my dad that I'm close to. Wow. You know, being in
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um forced to kid it can bring detrimental effects that can carry over into adulthood
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and often affect your future. Do you believe your childhood affects your adulthood?
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And if so how? Um? Definitely? Um with me? I Uh,
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I suffer from abandonment issues and my fear has always been if I would
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do the same thing to my son. UM. So yeah, Um,
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that played a very big part in how I view people like I don't let
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too many people close to me because of that reason. Okay, what about
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you, dud do you think it affect them your Yeah, I definitely think
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it did. Um. I really believe that I have this issue of not
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feeling good enough or not being good enough. I feel like, well,
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I wasn't good enough to keep because I have you know, spinal befitta.
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You know, I struggled with being happy with who I am being happy with
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the person I see in the mirror. I have struggled with suicide thoughts.
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I have UM tried to cut myself a few times as a as a kid
28:37
UM. Things like that I really struggled with. So I know sometimes when
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when UM children are enforced to kill, or even sometimes when they adopted,
28:49
some agencies suggest that they do therapy. Did you have to do therapy or
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is that something that you may have won it? And you did and get
29:00
no either one of you. I didn't because my past I knew I was
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cutting. Wow, nobody knew I was. I was. I would always
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I would always be if anybody asked you, I was the happy person.
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I was the friendly person, the outgoing person. Nobody knew. Wow.
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Secrets you know, UM, And that happens a lot when UM individuals feel
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that way when they're in care. There there's a lot of children, youth,
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young adults that's enforced the care that UM attempt suicide, that are going
29:44
through so much. So it's really important that the forced the parents engaging conversation
29:49
with these children and not just having the house and just let them exist.
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It's very important that the workers continue to come out and visit those four to
30:00
kids and speak to them and find out what's going on and how they feel.
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Some of them don't want to be in a policement that they're in.
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They want to go other places, but they don't know what ahead, so
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they don't say anything and they hold it back, you know, UM,
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And we see that a lot, We see that a lot. But I'm
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so glad that you are here, d D and that um that your family
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spoils you. I'm so glad that we're gonna take a commercial break, a
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small break, and we'll come back and we're going to continue with our honoring
30:32
national force to get money. After the murder of their parents sat in Sweden,
30:37
Silkily are first taken in by their crew on uncle, then chipped off
30:42
the Concourse Village, the state owned facility for boys. Thrust into survival mode,
30:49
the boys must decide a path for their lives with only the morals and
30:53
stilled by their deceased parents and the street knowledge they'll quickly gain. It.
30:59
They're going to constantly tested as they transition from boys to men. The Lee
31:06
brothers make friends and enemies with the boys from Concourse Village and the girls from
31:11
our senior manner as they all tried desperately to find steady footing in their new
31:15
way of life. Separately they experience unspeakable tragedies, but together they learn what
31:22
it means to be a family. Thirteen eighty Prospect Avenue is not another Bronx
31:29
tale, but a remarkable tale of lifelong connections forged by the tough love of
31:37
the streets. Is where the Lee boys learned their families more than biology and
31:42
blood. And the family they chose is also the family that chose them.
32:05
Well, we couldn't get the whole video shown, but it is on my
32:08
website. It's under author black Diamond dot com and it's basically it's a trailer
32:15
of my book. And then this is the book that I have. I
32:17
hope that you guys can see it. The name of the book is thirteen
32:22
eighty Prospect Avenue. It is based in the Bronx, New York and it's
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talking about teenagers in force to care and these brothers their triplets and they came
32:32
into care and they try to find steady footing while they're enforced to kid and
32:38
trying to survive, trying to survive the street. They're trying to survive the
32:44
force to Kids system and during their journey enforce to kid, they have other
32:49
youth that's enforce to k They of course came in in different ways, so
32:52
they had a male house and a female house of children that came into care,
32:58
and there was things that was going on UM in these homes that these
33:01
children were placed in. So the children was used by systems that was involved.
33:08
So you did a trailer so we could explain to somebody who don't actually
33:14
know what happened to teenagers when they kids. So we did the book and
33:17
we did the trailer to give people more insight into what happens to our teenagers
33:22
that going to force the kids. So again you can catch that UM trailer
33:29
at author black diamond dot com. Okay, UM, so I'm sorry that
33:32
it didn't show you everything, but um just by a little bits and pieces.
33:37
I hope that you guys got some type of idea from it. UM.
33:40
I want to ask you, um Latagia, what kind of nurturing.
33:45
Well, we talked what kind of nurturing you received and forced to care and
33:49
whatnot, but I'm curious what is your parenting style with your with your son
33:52
and your and your daughter you have a bonus daughter as well. What is
33:55
your parenting style? So basically, UM, I'm a parent first, and
34:02
I'm not I'm not a friend. UM say that again, Say it again.
34:07
I am not their friends. They make friends outside of the home.
34:13
I am not your friend. I'm I'm not your little friend. UM.
34:17
Basically, I tried to give them what I didn't have. UM. My
34:24
my my situation with my son, I left him. Um. I got
34:30
married in two thousand and two, and being that I was twenty three years
34:37
old when I got married, UM, I didn't know if the marriage was
34:40
gonna work, if you know, and I didn't want my son to be
34:45
from home to home. So I left him with my parents because I knew
34:49
my daddy would take care of my son. And you know what, other
34:53
person could make a man out of my son then then a man, you
34:58
know what I'm saying. So I left him there, and UM, you
35:01
know, my son, my dad passed in two thousand and five, and
35:07
so I didn't want my mom to be alone, and so he stayed with
35:10
my mom. But then she had a stroke in two thousand and six,
35:16
and then he came to live with me. Then, UM, our relationship
35:23
because I'm sixteen years older than him. UM, it's it's different. It's
35:30
to me, it's unique. Um. We understand each other. UM.
35:37
There is the line of communication that we have. He can tell me anything,
35:44
UM, and we we don't. I've never had to whoop him or
35:51
you know, put my hands on him or anything like that. Anything that
35:52
I needed him to do, he got it done. He graduated high school,
35:57
he's never failed, UM any raids. He went and did college,
36:02
and he's a supervisor at a Verizon here. He lives on his own.
36:10
He has a girlfriend and a daughter. So you know, I feel like
36:16
I did, you know, being a teenager. I did what I needed
36:20
to do for him. Now, as far as my stepdaughter goes, UM,
36:25
she was one when her father and I started dating, and my thing
36:35
was to add to what her mom and her dad were already doing, whatever
36:40
they already had in place. So, UM, I gave her the love
36:45
that I wanted from my parents, being that I'm not biologically theirs and she's
36:52
not biologically mine, but I wanted her to feel the same love that I
36:58
longed for. So UM, you know, I again, I'm not the
37:04
person that did punishments and things of that nature. But you know, I'm
37:09
the person that she goes to talk. When she does, you know,
37:13
feels like she can't talk to her mom and her dad. Wow, that's
37:17
that's that's wonderful. That is that is great. Let me ask both of
37:22
your question. Um, you were adopted by your your forster parents. Most
37:29
youth age out at eighteen in some states it's twenty one when you were about
37:35
to age out, well when you turned eighteen because you were already adopted.
37:39
What was housing and employment like, did you have to leave the house because
37:43
you turned eighteen or were you okay to still stay in the household? And
37:47
how how well were you prepared to work and to look for housing your own
37:53
apartment or house or whatever have you? For me, um, my mom
38:00
handicapped me. She didn't teach me life skills. She didn't teach me how
38:06
to cook, She didn't teach me how to clean things that I would need
38:10
to have going out into the world. When I had my son, I
38:16
did want to go to work because he was my responsibility. I didn't want
38:22
anybody telling me that they you know, they helped me raise him, or
38:29
you know, they did for him when I could have been doing for him.
38:32
So I dropped out of school and I went to I went to work
38:39
to take care of my son. His father. You know, his father
38:44
helped and did what he needed to do as well. But for me,
38:47
you know, I as a mother, I'm like, okay, I have
38:54
God gave me this life and I have to take care of it. So
38:59
you know, I did what I felt like I needed to do for him,
39:02
Like you know, the moment I laid eyes on him, it was
39:07
it was all about him. So you know, wow, Ddy, what
39:14
about you when they when you turned eighteen? What was life like for you?
39:20
My situation did My situation was a little different than Lataria, A lot
39:30
different thing, a lot different from Latania's. Um My mom from day from
39:38
probably the age of I want to say seven or eight, she was teaching
39:44
me how to do laundry, how to clean. I was so mad when
39:47
they came out with the dustbuster because I thought I could get away from vacuum
39:51
in and she what the dustbuster, and she was like, you can vacuum
39:54
that, you can get on the ground, you can do what you're doing.
39:58
So, um, from probably seven or eight, I wanted to say
40:01
that I started learning how to wash my own clothes. UM a cook,
40:07
you know, she would teach us how to bake, so we would know
40:09
how to do measurements and things like that. So at eighteen, I was
40:13
still in high school at eighteen, so I didn't really graduate until I was
40:15
nineteen. But after I graduated, UM, I stayed home, took care
40:21
of my mom. She wasn't you know, she wasn't well. UM anyway,
40:24
she has some health issues. So in the in the process of taking
40:28
care of her, she was a nurse. So she taught me all nursing
40:31
nursing basics. You know, how to take a blood pressure, how to
40:35
check a pulse. UM. She had to UM. She was a diabetic,
40:37
so I took I UM, did her blood, I took, I
40:42
touched her blood, I gave her her insolence shots. UM, I knew
40:45
her medications. You know. She taught me how to be a mini nurse.
40:50
So when I UM went away to vocational school, it just prepared the
40:55
vocational portion, prepared me to decide on what I wanted to do. I
41:00
wanted to do nursing because my mom was a nurse. I wanted to be
41:01
my mommy. So, but they wouldn't train me in nursing, but they
41:06
did train me in medical um record keeping and uh medical records, so I
41:12
have a certificate in Medical Records technician UM. They vocation um taught me how
41:19
this is one thing that you remembered little like you were valued? Oh my
41:24
goodness, I couldn't. We couldn't hear you. No, We're saying,
41:34
what is one thing? Are you talking to me? Or dd you?
41:39
Okay? No? I thought that she was busy. I didn't mean to
41:43
country, so sorry. I was asking, what is the one thing that
41:45
you remember that made you feel like you were valued? At any point in
41:49
time? What is that one thing that you felt that made you feel like
41:53
you value? Now? I know you said that your your father had passed,
41:58
but what is one thing you remember with him that made you feel like
42:00
you were valued? The time? The one thing that made me realize I
42:07
was valued was the day before he passed away. He had a nurse that
42:15
would come to give him baths and bit side baths and stuff like that.
42:20
And he was getting she was getting prepared to give him his bath. And
42:25
I was in the room with him, and I was walking out and he
42:30
said, hey, he called me, missy. He said, hey,
42:34
this is my nurse whatever her name was. He was like, and I
42:37
need to let you know she gives really good baths if you need a bath.
42:40
And you know, it was funny to me at the time because I'm
42:45
like this, man, I can give myself a bath. I'm good.
42:50
And as I'm walking out the room, I hear him tell her that's my
42:54
baby, and he said, I know she grown, but she will always
42:59
be my baby. And after that he stopped talking completely and he died the
43:04
next day. Oh my god. Yeah, I'm so glad that you had
43:09
that moment and you you was able to hear that coming from them. Dude,
43:14
what about you? What is the one thing that makes that made you
43:19
feel like you were valued? Oh? Wow, I mean I can't.
43:24
I mean for real, I really have been blessed, so I can't really
43:28
be um form my my adopted she always from my adopted mom, she was.
43:39
She would always tell me that, um, you may not have been
43:43
born in my stomach, but you were, you grew in my heart.
43:45
So she always let me know that no matter what, I was her baby.
43:51
And for my dad, my adopted dad, well I was just spoiled
43:54
anyway. So it was just one of those things where he just you know,
43:58
I was his baby. So it was never really one thing with my
44:01
dad because he always wanted me to be my best, do my best.
44:07
My mom wanted the same, so I can't say it was just one thing.
44:10
They just they were really amazing parents. I try to live every day
44:15
in honor of them. Wow, it's really really nice. Now. This
44:22
always the subject that comes up as far as school. What was school like?
44:28
Did you stay in one school or did you have to keep changing from
44:30
school to school to school? And did you move a lot even though you
44:34
were with the person that adopted you adopted you, did you move a lot
44:37
to where you even had to keep going at different schools and make friends all
44:42
over again? We weren't you able to stay in in the same school and
44:45
just connect with other children your age? For me, I was in the
44:52
same school district then my entire school history. M school was not nice for
45:01
me, so um being had being the fact that I had a disability.
45:07
Um, things were a little different from me and children picked on me for
45:13
said disability. And so if I could have quit in the third grade,
45:17
I probably would have called it quits then. But you know, of course
45:23
you have to keep going. But when I had my son, I called
45:28
it quick. I had had I had officially had enough. What about you
45:37
d d um like um for you living When I was living in New York,
45:45
we grew up. I pretty much grew up in the Bronx until about
45:49
fifteen. Then we moved to Virginia. But Janet was the turnaround for me.
45:53
It was we moved from the city to the country, and that was
45:58
a complete around for somebody who's disabled and being the only disabled person in the
46:04
whole county, so of course I felt like I had aids because everybody felt
46:07
like, you know, they could tease me, they could pick on me,
46:10
they could you know, treat me like basically like garbage. And that's
46:15
what that's what really broke down my depression is because I I went from New
46:22
York and New York you don't you you you fit in, you don't you
46:24
don't stand out in New York. So New York I was never picked on.
46:28
So to come from that situation and then go down to a situation where
46:30
I'm being NonStop picked on is traumatic. And I couldn't tell my mom because
46:37
she was already dealing with her own issues. So I didn't want to cause
46:40
more problems, so I just kept it to myself. Right, What would
46:52
you say to other forced children on this journey? Even those who were adopted
47:00
were just adopted or thinking about saying to themselves, I want to be adopted
47:05
someday. What would you say to them that's on this journey? Now,
47:07
both of you have led dramatically different lives. You see one that seems like
47:12
there were some ups and downs, and then it's one who seemed like it
47:16
was just a plethor of family and love and everything else like that. What
47:21
would you say to from the experiences that you've had, what would you say
47:24
to other force to you? And what would you say to potential force to
47:30
parents? For me, there's nothing really that I would say to a child
47:38
in the situation. My thing is more so the parents. Make sure that
47:46
when you bring this child into your home, you are giving that child the
47:52
same love that you would give a biological child. Nurtured them, not not
48:00
just in feeding and clothing them, but give them the love that they're not
48:07
receiving because of their their situation. Don't don't treat them, don't treat them
48:14
like they need you, Because I mean, yes, they do need you,
48:21
but they could have very well went to another family. So if having
48:24
them in your family is what you wanted, treat them as a member of
48:30
your family. What about you, d D. I agree with a lot
48:36
of what lay said, and also I would you, I would I would
48:44
tell them that if you if you're planning on being a forced a parent and
48:46
you you know you want a child, don't get the child for money.
48:52
Don't get a child because you're looking for a paycheck. You're gonna love on
48:57
that child, on that child. That child needs love because they came if
49:01
their infants, they came into a world without it right, so to to
49:07
have to struggle to, you know, seek love in a family that is
49:12
not really blood related, it's gonna be already hard enough. So if you're
49:16
gonna love on that child, love on that child is there your own?
49:21
And I mean if you're not, don't do it. Just don't do it
49:24
because if you don't have it in you, because it takes time, it
49:28
takes patience, it takes a lot of energy. So if you're not gonna
49:31
treat that child like you had that child, don't even bother doing it.
49:36
Do it? Wow? Yeah, Now, ded you speak on many platforms
49:40
about spina BIF. The how is your platform helped others living with spina BIF?
49:45
And have you accounted other forces to use through your platform living with birth
49:50
defects. That's the Tanya, that's not me. That's me that has the
49:58
platform. She does right right, because that's what I'm saying. I noticed
50:07
she said that she spoke UM. I saw a show that she was on
50:10
that both of you were on, and I thought I understood that she do
50:15
speak to you know, other people, and I think that's how you two
50:16
met, you know, UM on UM some platform that you met one.
50:22
Now, Latania, I ain't gonna ask you as well to tell us about
50:24
your podcast to leave, but not to not. But UM, do you
50:30
even advocate UM d D for other youth that UM are enforced to care or
50:35
that I'm dealing with any type of birth effects at all? UM? I
50:43
don't think I so much as advocate as I try to be a support.
50:45
You know, I've met some women and you know, guys on Facebook through
50:50
social media and that have spina for I have a biological brother who has spinavent
50:54
for the same form of spineavent for that I have who was also given up.
50:59
So I try even be there for him, encourage him, you know,
51:02
with whatever he's going through, and just kind of you know, encourage
51:06
some encourage and be that support that they might need because we're end this together.
51:13
Yeah, Natonian, tell me about your podcast. Delayed but not denied.
51:19
So delayed but not denied um, where you may be delayed, but
51:22
you never denied. Um. We oftentimes feel like when God tells us no,
51:32
that that no means it won't ever happen. That no, maybe sparing
51:38
you from something catastrophic it, you know, And it goes with he may
51:45
not come when you want him, but He's always on time. So that
51:51
that's where delayed but not denied comes from. Like, Um, things that
51:55
I've I've wanted to do in life, they may have been delayed for whatever
52:01
reason, but I was never denied the opportunity to get it done. And
52:08
my podcast is every second Friday and every I'm sorry, every second Monday and
52:16
every fourth Friday of every month. Okay, so then you have it.
52:23
My little plant panel, a former force to Kill youth now successful adults.
52:29
I want to thank my guests for taking the time out of their busy lives
52:31
to share their stories, and I see nothing but greatness for each one of
52:36
you. Thank you so much for coming out tonight and talking about this subject
52:40
on force to kire and adoption. According to Psychology Today, thank you.
52:49
They show as many as twenty eight percent of kids are viused while in the
52:52
force to kid system. However, official statistics may be severely underestimating the problem
52:58
since force to kids are off and conditioned not to speak up about their abuse.
53:01
Staying Durham, So you're still unclear on forced to care and adoption.
53:06
You've heard it here. You heard two different stories of both of these young
53:10
ladies enforced to care and being adopted in what they endured in the homes.
53:16
Forcetering a child is to provide a safe home for a limited period, ranging
53:22
from just a few days to several years. Children enforced to care have been
53:25
removed from their birth families and are in temporary or permanent state custody. Forced
53:31
to parents raise children in partnership with the Department of Social Services in that child's
53:37
birth family, so when the child is enforced to care, they are still
53:40
involved in the lives of their birth family most cases, unless they have been
53:45
TPR, which is they have their rights terminated now. Adoption is the process
53:51
of legally transferring parental rights and responsibilities from the birth family to their adopted family.
53:58
The child's birth certifical even get reissued once the child is adopted, naming
54:02
the adopted family as the parent of that child. Social workers and agencies may
54:08
still offer support, but parental duties are the sole responsibility of the new parents.
54:15
Everyone can do something for a child enforced to here. What is your
54:21
something? Tune into Basic Black after Dark on June second, when we will
54:25
be speaking with Elder Ica Ragsdale, past the wind Dell Fields, and Andrew
54:30
Watson as we discussed black men and mental health. Remember to share light,
54:37
follow and subscribe to the Cruel podcast Network. This is Black Diamond with basically
54:42
Black after Dark, where we bring you a safe, relaxed space where you
54:46
can engage openly and candidly. After eight after dark, Basic Black after Dark
54:59
Podcast a show with your host, Black Diamond