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Our Story: Singleness, Surrender & Finding Each Other · For Such a Time as This

• 0:04
  SPEAKER_03: Welcome back to another episode of Times This is a podcast about calling, timing, and trusting God in the season that you're actually in, not just the one you hope to be in.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_03: My name is Bethany and I'm your host.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_03: This season is our second season.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_03: It's called Single and Set Apart.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_03: So I'm talking to um Christian singles or people that were single kind of later in life but aren't single anymore.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_03: Um and I'm super excited for what you guys might learn in this season.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_03: Um, so let's just sit back, relax, and see what God might have for you in this episode.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_03: Hey guys, welcome back to another episode of For Such a Time as This.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_03: We are on the final episode of our second season, Single and Set Apart.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_03: Today I'm joined by my lovely boyfriend John.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_03: So even I started out this season single, and here we are.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, incredible.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_03: Thank you for coming on.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_03: I appreciate you being here.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you for having me.
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_03: Of course.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_03: All right, let's just jump in.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_03: Tell me about your relationship journey up to this point.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, uh it's been a little bit tumultuous.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_00: Uh I was engaged in uh 2019.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_00: Um that broke off in about 2020, 2021.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_00: Um, then I was married uh for a year uh in 2024 to 2025.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_00: Um now a widower and uh went through a period of singleness in between that time and now I'm at a relationship with you.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_00: So uh it's been quite the journey.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, yeah.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_03: We got a lot of stuff to go through and learn here.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_03: So you you became a father like early on in your relationship with the woman you were engaged to, right?
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_03: So what did that teach you about like love and responsibility?
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_00: Um I had no experience with children, like babies.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_00: I had I probably had held like an eight-month-old before.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but other than that, I was never really around little kids.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_00: Um so I didn't I didn't know anything.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_00: And I felt like I was the infant at the same time as I was having an infant.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_00: Um but I realized pretty quickly that life was bigger than just me and the things that I needed.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_00: Um and my son taught me how not only to be the be the lover and the disciplinarian, but also to nurture um and to invite him into a space where he can be comfortable.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_00: Um, you know, just being close to him, being in proximity with him.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_00: And you realize that love is is not just about how you want to love someone, but about how they need to be loved.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_00: And as a baby, they need a lot of love, um, a lot of support.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so I think it just helps me grow as a man, uh, recognizing that leading, whether it's a child or a partner, is is not just about how you want to lead them.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_00: It's about recognizing what they need and then supplying and supporting those needs in the process.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_03: How do you think uh like how did being a father change how you went into relationships moving forward after that?
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_00: I think I had to be mindful, more mindful of the type of person that I wanted to be in relationship with.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_00: Um that needed to be someone who could step into my world.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_00: Um my son is a non-negotiable.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_00: You know, he he's gonna be with me no matter what.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_00: And if someone wasn't okay with that, then it obviously wasn't going to work.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_00: If they felt like they had to compete for my attention with my kid, it it wasn't going to work because that's my son.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so I I wanted to be very mindful of that.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_00: Um, because sometimes you can step into a place and someone's not prepared for what that looks like.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_00: Uh it can be a very fluctuating lifestyle.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_00: If we have plans and he gets sick, I'm going to choose my child.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_00: Um, if he needs me for something, I'm going to choose my child because I'm what he has.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_00: And so, you know, recognizing that planning had to be very intentional and I had to be intentional about who I was putting him with so that if an event came up, I could trust that person to handle it, you know, unless it was something that I needed to take care of.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_00: But just realizing the person that was going to step into that part of my life needed to be prepared that I'm a parent first.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_00: And my relationship and right now is going to come second.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_00: And if you can stand in that place right now, then if we can get to the marriage phase, you'll be elevated.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_00: But right now I have to take care of my kid.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_00: He was he I came in with him, he's gonna come in with you, and that's the pla that's the direction that we're headed in.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_00: So I think it was good good teaching.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_03: Did you have in your head like a certain time frame that you wanted to be with someone before introducing them to him?
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_00: Um I think it fluctuated depending on the person.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_00: Um I think when I was um in the process of getting married, I knew that Sarah was she had a lifestyle around children.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_00: She was very familiar with them.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_00: She had a lot of nieces and nephews, came from the big family.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so after about four months, I believe, is when she met him.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and we had obviously talked about it from just the dating phase, um, about when that time frame would happen.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_00: Originally I felt like six months.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_00: Um, that was like kind of the thought I had in my head.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_00: And um, but seeing how she was with just anyone's kids, like her friends' kids, you know, people we're on the streets, kids, like she just was so open and inviting to them.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, all right, I can feel confident in knowing that.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_00: So it ended up being four months.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_00: Uh so I'd say anywhere between four and six months was was like the time sign to meet.
• 6:13
  unknown: Okay.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_03: Um, so you were engaged to his mom.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_03: So tell me more about like that time of your life and what that relationship looked like.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it I was stepping into adulthood.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_00: Uh I was 24.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and they say that the male brain does not develop into 26.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_00: I think I'm proof of that.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_00: But it it was I had just moved to Pennsylvania at the time.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and I didn't really know anyone, and you know, we met through work, and uh, you know, it was it was good to make connections.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_00: We were in a similar friend group, um, got to hang out a lot.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_00: I took it very slow um because it was so new.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_00: And um, we were friends for probably six months before we even started dating.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_00: Um things progressed quickly.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_00: I was not walking with the Lord at the time, so I didn't have good boundaries set up for what I would tolerate, what I would not tolerate, and the things that I would and would not do.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so obviously we were living together as well.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_00: Um, not being smart with our boundaries, and she got pregnant in June of 2018 or 2019.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and so pretty shortly after that, coming from a the Christian family, they were kind of not pushing hard, but talking about you need to get married.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_00: And um, we had already discussed it, and so we thought, okay, like we could do this.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_00: And I think we both thought that marriage would solve any and all problems that we may have been facing.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_00: Uh again, brain's not fully developed, yeah.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_00: We're both we're both young.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and it it did not.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_00: I think it put pressure on both of us.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I think I put pressure on her thinking that she needed to be something right now, and she wasn't ready for that.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_00: And quite frankly, I don't think I was ready to be what she needed either.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_03: And she was young too, she was younger than you, I mean, yeah.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_00: And so uh it was a very hard process.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_00: Um, very chaotic on both ends.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_00: Um and and we didn't have direction.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_00: We had our son in boat brick right when the pandemic hit, so we didn't have support.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_00: Uh and how long had you guys been dating before you had an uh not that long.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_00: Um under a year.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_00: Um when she was pregnant with them.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and so, you know, things moved really quickly.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_00: And I think we both realized coming out of it, like we don't need to be um rude or disrespectful to each other.
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_00: It just wasn't gonna work.
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and so we've coming out of it, we've been able to have a a decent relationship where we can take care of our kid, and it's there's no red tape or anything like that.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_00: We've we've managed to do it without having to go to court or anything.
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so on the other side, we've been mature about it, but in the process of it, it it was not.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_00: It was it was a mess.
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_03: And then so how long after you broke up did you end up meeting Sarah?
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_00: Um a little over a year.
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_00: Um probably even a little bit longer, like like a year and a half.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and I was I had waited.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_00: I I didn't really want to date.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_00: I came out of that situation and I was like, I don't think that I want to be in a relationship for a while.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_00: Sure.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and I don't and I again wanted to be picky.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_00: Like I was okay, I have a kid now.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_00: Um I think maybe even though I felt like I took it slow getting into relationship with his mom, I think it still moved too quickly.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_00: Um and so I really wanted to be intentional about the type of person that I was looking for and and have not a a checklist that needed to be marked, but like certain character criteria that needed to be met.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_00: Um and so I I was on on the dating apps, uh, the good ones, not the there's some bad ones, the good ones.
• 10:29
  SPEAKER_03: Uh a lot of people think there's not good ones either.
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_00: I think everyone knows what the bad ones are, okay, like the stereotypical bad ones.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_00: I was not on those.
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but I I ended up being on the dating app for maybe maybe three weeks before I met her.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_00: Um and yeah, it it was it was interesting going from being single and not really looking for anything, um, but not being, you know, not feeling old, you know.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I still hadn't even hit 30 yet.
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and so I was like, you know, there's still time to do all the things that I want to do.
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_00: I don't feel like I have to rush this process.
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so I I felt like taking it slow.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_00: It was it was honestly when I had completely broken things off with my son's mom and we'd had an apartment together.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_00: She had moved out, so I ended up terminating the lease.
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, I think that was the first time that I really got down on my knees and prayed to God.
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, I've been trying to do this on my own.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_00: Um, Lord, I I would much prefer you to bring that person into my life because you can see my resume, it's not good.
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_00: So I need your help.
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_00: And um, you know, it wasn't too long after that that I ended up meeting Sarah.
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 11:51
  SPEAKER_03: And then uh you guys got married kind of quickly too, right?
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_03: So what made that something if you came from something that you were like, I don't want to be in a relationship for a while, and then you meet someone and you get married kind of quickly, what how was your mindset in that?
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I I feel like she answered all of the things, all of the the prayers I had to the Lord.
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_00: Um there were specific things that I asked him for in a spouse.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but I wanted him to bring that person to me.
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_00: I wasn't going to go out of my way.
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_00: So I had set boundaries with the Lord with the apps.
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_00: I wasn't gonna do this very long, wasn't gonna be on the apps for a year or two.
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_00: I was going to spend a month, and then if I didn't find that person on the apps, I was like, all right, maybe I'll meet them in real life.
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_00: Um which yeah.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_00: Um but I uh she she checked all those, those, those boxes that I had asked the Lord for, and then boxes I didn't even know I needed to be checked.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_00: Um and and part of the reason it was quick was maybe three months into dating, um she got cancer again.
• 13:00
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and so we had gone through the process.
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_00: I traveled with her to different cities uh to get second opinions and and and consultations for clinical trials.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_00: And um she had had a liver uh hysterectomy or resection surgery.
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_00: Um they took out like more than 50% of her liver and her gallbladder.
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_00: And uh after she had gone through the recovery process, the cancer came back more aggressive.
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_00: And at that point, you know, I had come over to her house after she got the report, and I just looked at her and I said, I don't want to go through this process as your boyfriend.
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_00: Um, you know, I I want to be able to say that I'm your husband, no matter what happens.
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, because you know, I knew that she was from the Lord, I didn't know what he was gonna do.
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I had full faith that he was going to heal her.
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and so I I was like, let's do this.
• 13:58
  SPEAKER_00: And that would have been about the nine-month mark of us dating.
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and so we put together a wedding in about three weeks.
• 14:09
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and we had like uh almost like 120 people come uh from all over the country and all over the world.
• 14:17
  SPEAKER_00: We have people come from England and Australia.
• 14:19
  SPEAKER_00: Um yeah.
• 14:21
  SPEAKER_00: So it was uh it was the Lord's work.
• 14:23
  SPEAKER_00: Uh it was incredible watching things get put together and come together so quickly.
• 14:27
  SPEAKER_00: Um so we both felt confident that it was what God wanted for for the two of us.
• 14:32
  SPEAKER_03: And then you experienced a pretty significant loss with her passing.
• 14:36
  SPEAKER_03: What did that teach you like about your emotions or spiritually?
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_00: I've I I've told people that I've talked to about this that um one of the unique parts of my journey was that I didn't meet God in the middle of it and I didn't meet him at the end.
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_00: So when people go through traumatic experiences, sometimes while they're going through it is when they find themselves meeting the Lord, or when they've come out of it, they find themselves learning about Jesus.
• 15:10
  SPEAKER_00: Um I was just coming back to him when this started.
• 15:14
  SPEAKER_00: And so while I was in it, I felt like my relationship with him was growing quickly because I had no other place to turn.
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_00: I had gone through my engagement to my son's mother and tried everything that the world has to offer to bring peace, and none of them brought peace.
• 15:33
  SPEAKER_00: Um and in my marriage, I I knew I couldn't do that.
• 15:37
  SPEAKER_00: She loved the Lord.
• 15:39
  SPEAKER_00: I loved the Lord.
• 15:40
  SPEAKER_00: I was watching her just try to fight this cancer as best that she could, and I didn't know where else to go, so I just went to him.
• 15:48
  SPEAKER_00: And I I felt my relationship with him growing.
• 15:51
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and simultaneously I was learning some really hard lessons about control.
• 15:55
  SPEAKER_00: Um she had cancer in 2021, and I didn't know her at that point.
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_00: And uh knowing that it could come back was something that we had talked about early on in our relationship, but you know, there was no concerns at the time.
• 16:13
  SPEAKER_00: Um there was nothing that I could have done to take that away from her.
• 16:19
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, there was nothing that I could have done to stop it from ever happening.
• 16:22
  SPEAKER_00: And so you learn pretty quickly, you don't have any control over this situation.
• 16:27
  SPEAKER_00: It's it's constantly slipping through your fingers.
• 16:30
  SPEAKER_00: And as our marriage progressed and as time went on, and as her body deteriorated more and more, it became evident that that was the reality.
• 16:38
  SPEAKER_00: And so I I decided just to be honest with God.
• 16:42
  SPEAKER_00: I took my anger to him, my frustrations to him, my whys.
• 16:46
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and when she passed, I remember a couple days after um being on my face and just telling God, like, I need you.
• 17:01
  SPEAKER_00: There's so many things in your word that speak to who you are and speak to your character.
• 17:06
  SPEAKER_00: I need every single one of those things to impact my life.
• 17:09
  SPEAKER_00: Uh I mean, from the rock and strong tower and fortress to just like I need I if I'm wrong, if my heart is wrong, I need to know.
• 17:21
  SPEAKER_00: Uh I did I didn't just want the comfort.
• 17:24
  SPEAKER_00: I I was in so much pain at that point, I was okay with the pain too.
• 17:27
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, Lord, if you're gonna show me something, show me now, show me why you got me in this place because I need you.
• 17:34
  SPEAKER_00: And he just continuously showed up for me in in that time, and it was hard.
• 17:40
  SPEAKER_00: Um, you know, I I wouldn't mix words.
• 17:43
  SPEAKER_00: It it was there was moments when I didn't know which way was up.
• 17:47
  SPEAKER_00: Um, when I couldn't talk to anyone.
• 17:49
  SPEAKER_00: When if you would ask me how I was doing, I couldn't even give you a real answer, let alone lie and try to say I was good.
• 17:55
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't know.
• 17:57
  SPEAKER_00: Um and as I continued to find myself in those honest places and and really take my feelings to the Lord, I I started to feel more clarity.
• 18:07
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I started seeing all the good things that were in our marriage, not just the bad.
• 18:12
  SPEAKER_00: Um, realizing that the one year of marriage that we had, I was married to her for a year.
• 18:20
  SPEAKER_00: I I didn't even know her for two years.
• 18:23
  SPEAKER_00: But I was thankful that more than half of our time together was spent in marriage.
• 18:27
  SPEAKER_00: Um because that was a gift.
• 18:30
  SPEAKER_00: She didn't know she'd ever be married.
• 18:32
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't know if I'd ever get the chance to be in a good relationship after what I had experienced.
• 18:37
  SPEAKER_00: And we both got that.
• 18:38
  SPEAKER_00: And even though it was quick and it it was short to us, it felt long in the best of ways.
• 18:44
  SPEAKER_00: Um and so as I was coming out of that time, I I learned to, like it says in in the book of James, to take joy in the trials.
• 18:54
  SPEAKER_00: Um what was produced in me coming out of that, I I could not have produced myself.
• 18:59
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and if I would have known before I met her that this would be my story, I don't know if I would have chosen it.
• 19:06
  SPEAKER_00: But when I get to see myself in the mirror, I see a different version of me, and I can only give that back to the Lord.
• 19:15
  SPEAKER_03: I can't imagine after being in a bad relationship, getting into a good relationship, and then only being able to have her for less than two years, and then being open to being in a relationship again after that.
• 19:29
  SPEAKER_03: I feel like I would have just been like, okay, I could vote.
• 19:32
  SPEAKER_00: I I I thought about it.
• 19:34
  SPEAKER_00: Um there was moments where I really did.
• 19:37
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, ah, Lord, maybe maybe you've called me to a life of of just being single, like going through ministry, and like maybe you want me to travel, Lord, and and go places, and maybe I need to be single in order to do that.
• 19:50
  SPEAKER_00: Um and I I mean, I I say I was at war with him about the those things, but it's really not a war when you're fighting with God.
• 19:58
  SPEAKER_00: It's it's a one-sided fight.
• 20:00
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, um, you're pushing against a wall that's not gonna move.
• 20:04
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but he's kind, and so he allowed me to feel my emotions and say what I had to say.
• 20:11
  SPEAKER_00: And um I remember it was probably as like the end of December.
• 20:17
  SPEAKER_00: Um I had made a decision at that time that I was really going to like step into January and like open up myself to what God had for me in my life, stop trying to tell him what I wanted and just open up myself to what he wanted for me again.
• 20:34
  SPEAKER_00: So I was a little nervous.
• 20:35
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, last time I did this, Lord, maybe I need to be more specific in my prayers.
• 20:40
  SPEAKER_00: Like, if I'm gonna be in a relationship, I want us both to be healthy.
• 20:44
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 20:45
  SPEAKER_00: Um and I try I went to California and um I saw her, one of her closest friends.
• 20:55
  SPEAKER_00: And um I spent four days there and I was talking to her about it, and I was like, you know, I I I have a desire to get into a relationship, but I don't want my desire for a relationship to outweigh what I believe the Lord is calling me to in terms of ministry.
• 21:10
  SPEAKER_00: And I came back and I had this dream and and after the dream I was like, okay, well, I feel like you're giving me the green light to maybe try to pursue a relationship.
• 21:25
  SPEAKER_00: You've done it once.
• 21:26
  SPEAKER_00: Let's see if you do it again.
• 21:29
  SPEAKER_00: So in February, I decided to get back on the apps again, and I said, Lord, I'm not gonna do this any differently than I did the last time.
• 21:38
  SPEAKER_00: Except I I said a month the first time, this time, Lord, I'm saying three weeks.
• 21:43
  SPEAKER_00: It's like if I haven't met someone in three weeks, um I'm I'll be off the apps, and I won't get on or try to date until you tell me.
• 21:51
  SPEAKER_00: But this is what I'm gonna do.
• 21:52
  SPEAKER_00: And I felt the confidence in doing it, and I think it was 11 days that I had been on the apps when we matched and uh again it was it was like just divine um and it answered a lot of my my my questions because I didn't know I didn't know if it was something that I would want I didn't know if it was something that the Lord had for me but I I didn't want to I didn't want to allow fear of what I had been through to stop me from what I believe God was calling me to.
• 22:26
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 22:26
  SPEAKER_00: Um I think one of the lessons I learned in marriage was I consistently asked Sarah to do the hard thing.
• 22:36
  SPEAKER_00: Um because I don't believe God calls us to easy.
• 22:39
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 22:39
  SPEAKER_00: And so whether it was you know continuing with chemo, whether it was um you know going to the to this consultation or if it was hey we need to get up and move because you've been sitting down for a couple days, even if it's just one walk around, you know, we need to do something like which we gotta choose the hard thing.
• 22:58
  SPEAKER_00: I couldn't ask her to do that and then not do it myself.
• 23:03
  SPEAKER_00: And so the hard thing for me felt like stepping back out there.
• 23:09
  SPEAKER_00: Because at this point I was 30 I'm 32 now.
• 23:14
  SPEAKER_00: Um I didn't want to be 36 trying to get back in the game.
• 23:21
  SPEAKER_00: Cause for those three weeks I was on the app I did not know what I was doing.
• 23:25
  SPEAKER_00: Like I d I wasn't on it very long when I met her and you know I didn't want to go on a lot of dates.
• 23:31
  SPEAKER_00: I I don't I don't know how to date.
• 23:33
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like I don't it's uh I because I had never I had never had to worry about it.
• 23:38
  SPEAKER_00: And I had been engaged for a couple of years and then I got married so I didn't really go through the process of like dating multiple people.
• 23:46
  SPEAKER_00: It was one one and then one.
• 23:49
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 23:50
  SPEAKER_00: I I couldn't fathom having to do that a lot because I don't have the capacity for this um I'm already exhausted.
• 23:55
  SPEAKER_00: The thought of it right now is making me tired.
• 23:58
  SPEAKER_00: So I just didn't want it.
• 24:00
  SPEAKER_00: And um you know thankfully you were at a point in your life where you were ready for that too and you were very welcoming to my situation and and honest with your feelings about it too.
• 24:13
  SPEAKER_00: And I think I appreciated that most because when you come out of something very difficult um you realize you you just want to cut through the fluff.
• 24:23
  SPEAKER_00: Uh-huh like I don't I think we joked about it.
• 24:25
  SPEAKER_00: I was like I don't need to know what your favorite color is today.
• 24:28
  SPEAKER_00: I was like do you love the Lord?
• 24:30
  SPEAKER_00: So um I it gave me clarity on what I was looking for again.
• 24:35
  SPEAKER_00: Um and I also just it gave me the confidence in knowing that okay if the Lord does this this is what he wants for me.
• 24:43
  SPEAKER_00: I'm I'm walking in his will there's no safer place to be than knowing that you're in the will of the Father.
• 24:49
  SPEAKER_00: And so it it was exciting when we when we matched and I was like hey cool like this is this is exciting Lord um and I've I've told you the Holy Spirit spoke to me um you know there there was options that were out there at the same time and the Holy Spirit had spoken to me made it very plain to me that I was to cut every one of those options off and only to talk to you.
• 25:15
  SPEAKER_00: And that's what I did.
• 25:16
  SPEAKER_00: And and we've been going good ever since hey you guys it's me again.
• 25:22
  SPEAKER_03: Don't worry I'll be right back with our guests I just wanted to take a moment and say thank you so much for spending time with us today.
• 25:29
  SPEAKER_03: I hope you're enjoying the episode so far.
• 25:32
  SPEAKER_03: Let's sit and think about what might have been said that can relate to your life today.
• 25:37
  SPEAKER_03: And if you're enjoying it make sure you like subscribe follow comment all the things you can find us on YouTube for such time as this with Bethany Garner or you can find us on Apple Podcasts or Spotify.
• 25:53
  SPEAKER_03: All right let's get back to them I think my singleness has been vastly different than yours because I don't have any engagements or marriages and it's honestly the last uh five or six years for us I was single um and before that was in some interesting rough relationships.
• 26:14
  SPEAKER_03: Um so like the last uh since 2021 I've been I feel like since 2021 you've been through a lot of stuff and I've just been processing a lot of stuff that I went through before and um because I I jumped from like one relationship to another like my only two like real relationships I jumped right from one to the other um and was in one on and off for two years and then literally like within a couple months was in another one that lasted three years.
• 26:48
  SPEAKER_03: So when that ended I hadn't even processed like the first relationship.
• 26:53
  SPEAKER_03: So I had to spend time processing both relationships and like what I had let myself get into and I had to learn a lot about myself.
• 27:05
  SPEAKER_03: Which I think I think even in my lost relationship I learned a lot about myself and like what I needed and I learned like how to love people in their love language.
• 27:15
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah um I learned that my attachment style is very anxious so I've been working towards having a more secure attachment style um and to be honest like I'm tend to be too forgiving of a person.
• 27:32
  SPEAKER_03: I don't know if that's the way to word it like I we're supposed to forgive I have 70 times seven tattooed on me.
• 27:38
  SPEAKER_03: But like I let a lot of stuff go.
• 27:41
  SPEAKER_03: Boundaries unless yeah and let people like walk all over me.
• 27:44
  SPEAKER_03: Um so boundaries has been something that you're teaching me but I was trying to learn before you came along and I think that you've been able to help me actually put some things into place more and like get perspective on them.
• 28:00
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 28:00
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 28:01
  SPEAKER_00: What did um in the the longer process so after your two relationships were done what did processing look like for you?
• 28:11
  SPEAKER_00: Like did you go to people?
• 28:13
  SPEAKER_00: Did you was it just with the Lord?
• 28:14
  SPEAKER_00: Was it a combination of the two?
• 28:16
  SPEAKER_03: Mm-hmm so when my last relationship ended it was mid-COVID because it was the end of 2020 um and throughout the last couple months of our relationship it was really bad um to the point where between that and COVID and just overall anxiety I suppose my anxiety had gotten really really really bad um where I was like out walking around the block at like midnight and my mom would be sitting on the porch at the hole.
• 28:54
  SPEAKER_03: And w if she was sitting on the porch though I wasn't allowed to walk around the block, I just had to stay where she could see me.
• 28:59
  SPEAKER_03: If if my sister or my brothers were on the porch they'd let me walk around the block.
• 29:05
  SPEAKER_03: But like on a daily basis for hours every night like I was so anxious all the time.
• 29:12
  SPEAKER_03: So I um I had like I had to go to counseling and like get on meds.
• 29:18
  SPEAKER_03: Um so that was the kind of the first step.
• 29:20
  SPEAKER_03: I've always I grew up in a Christian home I am not really one that has a story of like leaving him and coming back.
• 29:27
  SPEAKER_03: I've always leaned on him um I've learned more and more throughout the years to lean on him more and more because I'm still a control freak a little bit.
• 29:35
  SPEAKER_03: So still learning but um so I was I constantly was seeking him through that process too of like when I would finally be able to calm down enough to lay down I would like put on uh I would listen to the Bible app and just like listen to Psalms while I was trying to go to sleep.
• 29:54
  SPEAKER_03: Um and like when I was outside walking around it was constantly like Lord just take this please um and I think I needed the combination of like seeking him and counseling and talking to like people especially like in the church about it.
• 30:14
  SPEAKER_03: Right after that like in the next year I went through this program called Rooted at um Grace Fellowship Church and that uh helped me like dive into like my anxiety a little bit more and I think helped.
• 30:25
  SPEAKER_03: Um so honestly the for the whole first like year after I wasn't even processing relationships to be honest.
• 30:34
  SPEAKER_03: I was just trying to process anxiety at that point.
• 30:38
  SPEAKER_03: And so that was all of 2021.
• 30:41
  SPEAKER_03: So then when we get to 2022 I then was like okay let me actually like process everything that like happened over the last five or six years.
• 30:49
  SPEAKER_03: And that was more like counseling and talking to the Lord.
• 30:54
  SPEAKER_03: And um to be honest at that time in 2022 I when I was talking to the Lord I was like I don't want to date anybody else so either like fix this man that I was with already or just let me be content and being single because I don't want to do this again.
• 31:11
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 31:11
  SPEAKER_03: Cause it I got too attached unhealthily attached to people in my past where it when it broke off it was I didn't know like who I was anymore.
• 31:22
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 31:22
  SPEAKER_03: Um so it was like I don't want to do that again.
• 31:26
  SPEAKER_03: Um eventually a a couple years of that kind of mindset and then eventually maybe like 2023 2024 I was like okay I think I could try dating again.
• 31:42
  SPEAKER_03: And I thought on dating apps.
• 31:45
  SPEAKER_03: The good ones I guess I didn't at that time I was like there aren't good ones um I talked to some people on and off nothing really like stuck though.
• 31:56
  SPEAKER_03: I think I I went on a couple dates.
• 31:59
  SPEAKER_03: I think one person got past the first date and we went on maybe like three.
• 32:04
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 32:04
  SPEAKER_03: Um and nothing was really what I needed.
• 32:09
  SPEAKER_03: And I then again got to the point of like uh are there actually people out here that like love the Lord the way that I need them to and are actually single because my my church that I was at during all this time uh there weren't a lot of like single young adults.
• 32:28
  SPEAKER_03: There were the young adults that were there were all like already married.
• 32:31
  SPEAKER_03: Um and so it was kind of like I'm not gonna meet someone at church and the dating apps are not going well.
• 32:37
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah where am I supposed to meet them at right exactly um so I ended up in a new church in um I'm losing track of years here 2025 I ended up in a new church right sounds right okay um and then uh I that church is union it has it's very big church has a lot of young adults um so I um joined some groups met some new people made some amazing friends um and the last over the last through throughout 2025 that was when like my mindset became like okay I'm just content in like the joy of the Lord and I found new like strength in the Lord and like joy that I didn't realize was like actually joy that I had never really experienced before just through like friendships at that church.
• 33:24
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah um and I was then at a point where we're like okay I'm still ready to date but I don't know where the people are um my I went to singles night um at Union in February of this year 2026.
• 33:41
  SPEAKER_03: Um and I went into Singles Night honestly like this is girls night because people had told me that that's what singles night is is just girls night with like there's like there was like 10 guys there.
• 33:52
  SPEAKER_03: And I was like okay well I'm not expecting anything out of it.
• 33:55
  SPEAKER_03: But something that Pastor Steven said at Singles Night was like if you're not on dating apps and you want to be in a relationship you might want to change your mind about being on dating apps.
• 34:04
  SPEAKER_03: And I was like oh I already did them and I didn't like them.
• 34:11
  SPEAKER_03: But I was like I also kind of went to the Lord and was like okay I'm gonna get back on them.
• 34:17
  SPEAKER_03: I went through a lot of seasons of feeling like I wasn't supposed to be on them and maybe I wasn't supposed to be on them at those times.
• 34:23
  SPEAKER_03: Um but I was like okay I feel like I'm supposed to get back on them so Lord I'm gonna get back on them but you know my time my like um attention span with these dating apps at this point is not there.
• 34:34
  SPEAKER_03: So it's gonna have to be quick or I'm gonna be over it.
• 34:38
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 34:38
  SPEAKER_03: Um and I think I had been on like a week before you got on.
• 34:42
  SPEAKER_03: So I had been on like three weeks or something and you had been on like not even two and we met each other.
• 34:48
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 34:48
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah it's exciting.
• 34:50
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah so here we are now yeah it reminds me one of the things that you were saying about uh being secure in yourself but also your relationship with the Lord um I think one of the biggest things for me after Sarah passed was I said Lord I you gave me the gift of covenant relationship.
• 35:10
  SPEAKER_00: And I did not know where to turn from there because I was coming to know the Lord before I met Sarah like coming back to knowing um but my relationship really grew with him while I was married to her and so after she passed like it I really did feel like I lost one of my legs.
• 35:31
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't really know how to walk and I remember after a couple of days um I was journaling and sometimes when I'm journaling I catch myself not knowing what I'm writing and I just looked down at my page and it just said like come and covenant with me like be with me and I'll walk you through this.
• 35:48
  SPEAKER_00: And so I attacked that.
• 35:50
  SPEAKER_00: And I think for anyone whether you're in a relationship or not I think when you identify that your covenant with the Lord outweighs any covenant that you will have in your life I think that's when doors really start to open um and so I'm glad that for the two of us we both got to that place where it was I do want this Lord but if I don't like I'm content just being with you.
• 36:16
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 36:16
  SPEAKER_00: And then he was like all right I think you're ready.
• 36:19
  SPEAKER_03: So that's yeah I think it's very much because also in January before Signals night we had Bray 21 um and something I was praying for at that point I changed like how I prayed about like a future with someone I changed it to just be like Lord if I have a future husband just shape him how you want to shape him and shape me how you want to shape me and we'll see how it goes from there.
• 36:40
  SPEAKER_03: It wasn't like Lord bring my husband right now like a delivery series yeah it was more about like just grow him grow me and then we'll grow together when we're ready.
• 36:49
  SPEAKER_03: Um so I think that having that mindset is kind of the key.
• 36:53
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah yeah I agree.
• 36:55
  SPEAKER_03: So at what point did you realize it was worth like pursuing something with me?
• 37:00
  SPEAKER_00: Uh pretty quickly um I I had mentioned the dream um and a lot of my dreams like that's how one of the ways the Lord speaks to me is through my dreams.
• 37:11
  SPEAKER_00: And so there were so many things that happened in that dream uh but it gave me the confidence and so I was okay had the stream I'm gonna try the apps we meet I there was other people that I had talked to through the apps and then the Holy Spirit one night while I was getting ready for bed just stopped me and said drop the others okay I was like whoa Holy Spirit if you're saying this to me then I know that I'm supposed to pursue this we started really getting into good conversation um one of the things early on that really stood out was that you didn't I didn't have to guess how you felt about things you were very open and honest with your emotions your concerns any anxious thoughts you may have been having and for me that I loved it.
• 37:54
  SPEAKER_00: Um if I don't have to guess how you feel uh later on I can start to anticipate how you might and so because you were so open and forthcoming I was like this is great we can communicate um you gave me space to talk about how I felt I could give you space to talk about how you felt you didn't mind telling me when you thought I was wrong early which is great I I I loved it it was just exciting to me to um feel like I was walking in a mature relationship so quickly.
• 38:23
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah like a month.
• 38:27
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah yeah this is I feel like even before we so we matched the end of February even before we like met in person because you're an hour and a half away um we didn't meet until March 7th and then uh but before we even met I feel like we were already having like you had already told me about the dream and the Holy Spirit moment.
• 38:48
  SPEAKER_00: So I wasn't I wasn't pulling around I was like she gonna think I'm crazy or is she gonna go for it and I was like I'm good but either.
• 38:54
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 38:54
  SPEAKER_00: Um so yeah yeah yeah I I didn't come to play.
• 38:59
  SPEAKER_03: What um did anything about the timing like feel unexpected?
• 39:08
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah um part of the the war in my own mind that I was having was can this all happen this quickly?
• 39:20
  SPEAKER_00: Um you know we I was I was by the time this airs it'll be over um but I you had sent me the clip from pray 21 yesterday um and and Pastor Stephen was talking about sometimes when God uh reveals something you'll think it happens faster than it's supposed to and it won't it'll take more time than what you anticipated.
• 39:44
  SPEAKER_00: Um I thought when I had that dream maybe I was looking at a year or two from now.
• 39:50
  SPEAKER_00: Um and so I was like okay like I'm excited which is why I set the stipulation that Lord if I'm early like I'm not gonna spend a lot of time on this app you know feeling the anxiousness of is it gonna happen?
• 40:02
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I'll get off because maybe I'm maybe I'm just a little too eager right now.
• 40:07
  SPEAKER_00: Um so I found myself constantly checking whether my desire was outweighing what I thought the will of the Lord was for um and so when we did match and when it was going really well um one of the fears that I had to wrestle with was like what if I'm what if I'm wrong?
• 40:28
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah like what if I just again like I'm so eager for this that I'm that it's not right but it feels like it's happening so quick you know um and then you know you had the anxious thoughts of what are people gonna think um you know I I'm still close with her family how are they gonna feel um and but the Lord is is incredible with how he weaves our lives together um her older sister uh is a widow herself and she was remarried and um relatively quick and her and I had talked and she had told me how she had felt in that time and Lord brought a man into her life that could meet her where she was and with her children that she already had and he's been incredible.
• 41:11
  SPEAKER_00: And so like talking to people that had been through my experience um also gave me peace of mind and knowing that okay God you can do this as quickly as you want to and if and if you're the one bringing it it it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks or feels.
• 41:28
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 41:28
  SPEAKER_00: Um and so when we went public I mean we had an outpour of of people that were really excited um and it just confirmed all the things that the war had already spoken.
• 41:39
  SPEAKER_03: So yeah it some some some fears about it being quick but it's been great you know what do you think that the Lord had to teach both of us before we could come together um you can speak about your own and mine or just your own yeah I'll speak about my own first.
• 41:57
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 41:57
  SPEAKER_00: Um I think I had to learn I had to see myself become the leader that how other people had described me.
• 42:10
  SPEAKER_00: Um I did not see myself that way.
• 42:13
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't see myself as uh capable to walk through a storm like navigating cancer with someone that you love.
• 42:22
  SPEAKER_00: Um I've experienced a good number of loss in my life but nothing that ever impacted me in that way.
• 42:29
  SPEAKER_00: Um I was going through that with my son at the same time.
• 42:34
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah and having to be there for two people um you learn what you are capable of in the Lord.
• 42:43
  SPEAKER_00: You learn what you can handle.
• 42:44
  SPEAKER_00: Um God will put stuff in front of you with the expectation that you'll give it back to him.
• 42:51
  SPEAKER_00: But sometimes you gotta walk with it a little bit before he'll take it out of your hands.
• 42:56
  SPEAKER_00: And coming out of that situation and realizing everything that I had gone through having people come up to me and and saying things that I didn't feel you know I I don't know if I could have done that or you know whatever it may be, I was like I don't I didn't feel like it never crossed my mind.
• 43:15
  SPEAKER_00: Um and so I saw myself in a new light where I was okay Lord you you've put something within me you've given me a gift of resilience that I did not know I had um and I need to take that into my relationships just because something may not go right or we may have an argument or whatever it may be like stay in the fire.
• 43:38
  SPEAKER_00: Communicate talk recognize that tough situations are going to come up and as a man I need to be able to handle myself calmly and securely and with integrity so that we can walk through this situation so that you feel comfortable knowing who's walking in front of you.
• 43:57
  SPEAKER_00: And not that you have to come in front of me and handle what I To go through too.
• 44:01
  SPEAKER_00: And so um March of April of the 2025, before she passed, um, I was going through Proverbs for like the third time in a couple of months.
• 44:16
  SPEAKER_00: I just started praying for all the things that I saw wisdom, integrity, um, discipline, you know, endurance, patience.
• 44:24
  SPEAKER_00: Um, really the fruit of the spirit.
• 44:26
  SPEAKER_00: Um But I just kept praying for those things.
• 44:29
  SPEAKER_00: And I realized that in praying for them, God was gonna give me opportunities.
• 44:32
  SPEAKER_00: He wasn't just gonna drop endurance into my spirit, he was gonna put me through things that required endurance.
• 44:38
  SPEAKER_00: Um but I see those things now.
• 44:41
  SPEAKER_00: Um for you, I think prior to meeting me, you had started to recognize and become comfortable in who you were.
• 44:51
  SPEAKER_00: Anxiety and all, attachment styles and all.
• 44:54
  SPEAKER_00: You recognize that this is this is Bethany, and someone needs to accept that or not.
• 45:01
  SPEAKER_00: And if they don't, I move on.
• 45:04
  SPEAKER_00: Um there were already boundaries that were set up in your life, and we've talked about other ones.
• 45:10
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but I think your willingness to grow um and to come alongside and facilitate and watch and foster growth in someone else as well.
• 45:23
  SPEAKER_00: Um I think that was something that you had to learn, but also that it's not you coming alongside of someone's growth does not mean that you are the one watering them.
• 45:35
  SPEAKER_00: You have to let God do that.
• 45:38
  SPEAKER_00: Um but getting to be there and and walk with them in that process, like I'm in the valley with you, but I can't take you out of the valley myself.
• 45:47
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 45:47
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I think as you've learned that, it's only helped you become the person that you are and and the nurturing spirit that you have within you, um, which I think meshes very well with me because you're very kind, sweet, and open.
• 46:03
  SPEAKER_00: And I can be a little standoffish at times.
• 46:07
  SPEAKER_00: So you've you've made me be more social in times and maybe I didn't want to be.
• 46:11
  SPEAKER_00: Um and I think I have forced through kind uh aggression, that is a thing.
• 46:20
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 46:20
  SPEAKER_00: Um you would have opened up more and and share more with me.
• 46:24
  SPEAKER_00: And and I think we both created a space for each other to feel comfortable in what the other person is trying to bring out of us.
• 46:29
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 46:30
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 46:30
  SPEAKER_03: I think what I was gonna say for me is really similar to what you already said, but uh to the extent of like I'm very self-aware.
• 46:39
  SPEAKER_03: Like, and I've been self-aware for a while.
• 46:41
  SPEAKER_03: So I've like even in my last relationship, I knew I was anxiously attached.
• 46:45
  SPEAKER_03: Um, I knew I was unhealthily attached.
• 46:48
  SPEAKER_03: Um, but I think I was in a place of just like, well, that's just who I am.
• 46:52
  SPEAKER_03: And I think a little before we met, I had gotten to a place where I was like, well, maybe I can actually like work on these things and grow in these things.
• 47:01
  SPEAKER_03: And like I'm a big people pleaser, and I am like also aware of that.
• 47:06
  SPEAKER_03: But that's another thing that I'm like, I want to like grow away from that.
• 47:10
  SPEAKER_03: So I think knowing I had to go to a place where I was like, I want to not do those things, and then meeting you and being able to not be in it, I'm not in a whole new place where I'm like, oh, I don't people please anymore, or I'm not anxious anymore, but I'm open enough to like let you like guide me through those things, and you're really good at guiding me through those things.
• 47:33
  SPEAKER_03: Um so I think that's the big one for me.
• 47:36
  SPEAKER_03: And then I think for you, like you would be a completely different person if you didn't go through everything that you went through.
• 47:43
  SPEAKER_03: So I don't I don't even know.
• 47:46
  SPEAKER_03: There's a bunch of things I'm sure you learned throughout the process, but I know your like relationship with the Lord is I know you already had it before, Sarah, but I think grew immensely throughout that process to get to the point where like now your plan is to go like into full-time ministry and like lead a church.
• 48:08
  SPEAKER_03: And I think over the last year or so I've been in a spot of like wanting to go into ministry and not really knowing how or where or when.
• 48:19
  SPEAKER_03: And I think that kind of like fits the piece of the puzzle too.
• 48:23
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 48:24
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 48:24
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 48:25
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 48:26
  SPEAKER_03: What piece of encouragement would we each give to someone that's still walking like in their singleness?
• 48:34
  SPEAKER_00: Um it can be taken as encouragement.
• 48:39
  SPEAKER_00: It's tough advice.
• 48:40
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, that that you go ahead.
• 48:44
  SPEAKER_00: Um I think for for young ladies and women it's stop dating men for potential.
• 48:55
  SPEAKER_00: Date them, date them for what you see uh, not what you want them to be.
• 49:00
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 49:01
  SPEAKER_00: Um, your your character can grow and can change.
• 49:09
  SPEAKER_00: Um but if they're not intentional today, you're not gonna make them intentional tomorrow.
• 49:15
  SPEAKER_00: Um so don't date them for the potential of what they could be, date them for who they are today and the areas that you see them working to grow in.
• 49:24
  SPEAKER_00: Um for men, uh be the leader that you want to like you want supported.
• 49:35
  SPEAKER_00: So as men and I was guilty of doing it, like I I wanted someone to come alongside and support me, right?
• 49:42
  SPEAKER_00: But I wasn't the leader who was worthy of that support.
• 49:45
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 49:45
  SPEAKER_00: Um I think we have a lot of young men that have the qualities, they're just looking for it in the wrong way.
• 49:52
  SPEAKER_00: So the shift of that mindset would get them there quicker than they probably could ever imagine.
• 49:57
  SPEAKER_00: Um I wasn't so far away from the man I am now.
• 50:01
  SPEAKER_00: I had all the qualities back in my other relationships.
• 50:03
  SPEAKER_00: I just needed to shift my mindset.
• 50:05
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 50:05
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so for both, you're not that far away from from becoming the person that you want to be, which then opens you up to the partner that you need in that part of your life.
• 50:15
  SPEAKER_03: Mm-hmm.
• 50:15
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 50:16
  SPEAKER_03: And I think I would say, first of all, I know just from living through singleness for so many years that no matter what I say, some people are gonna say, oh no, I'm still gonna just be anxiously waiting, and there's nothing you can say that's gonna make me feel better.
• 50:32
  SPEAKER_03: Just fair, because I was at that point.
• 50:34
  SPEAKER_03: Um, but I think the biggest thing is to to focus on yourself and focus on your relationship with the Lord and decide what you can work on in the meantime to be a better partner in the future.
• 50:47
  SPEAKER_03: Just work on what you can do now to be a better partner in the future and don't worry about when the partner's gonna come.
• 50:52
  SPEAKER_03: Yes, just work on what you can work on.
• 50:54
  SPEAKER_02: That's good.
• 50:55
  SPEAKER_03: Thanks, babe.
• 50:56
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, thanks for having me on.
• 50:57
  SPEAKER_03: Of course.
• 50:58
  SPEAKER_03: All right, bye guys.
• 50:59
  SPEAKER_02: Bye.
• 51:00
  SPEAKER_03: Thank you guys so much for spending time with us today.
• 51:03
  SPEAKER_03: I really loved having you here.
• 51:05
  SPEAKER_03: If you liked this episode, make sure you share it with someone you know.
• 51:08
  SPEAKER_03: I'd also love if you guys would comment any questions you might have that we can answer on future episodes.
• 51:14
  SPEAKER_03: Remember that each one of you was born for such a time as this.
• 51:18
  SPEAKER_03: Until next time.
• 51:20
  SPEAKER_03: Bye.