Latest / The Inner Wealth Podcast / Ep188. The Inner Game of Leadership–Emotional Intelligence and Personal Power as Leadership Traits.

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Ep188. The Inner Game of Leadership–Emotional Intelligence and Personal Power as Leadership Traits. · The Inner Wealth Podcast

• 0:02
  Speaker 1: Do you ever wake up feeling like there's something missing in your life?
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: Do you ever feel the need to escape your business?
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: Are you running your life or is your life running you?
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: I'm Mike Kitko and I'll help you design and create a life so authentic and aligned with who you really are you'll get excited just to wake up.
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: I'll help you create real wealth, success and freedom from the inside out.
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: Welcome to the Inner Wealth Podcast, where we learn and choose to live inspired each and every day.
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: If you guys have listened for any length of time to the Inner Wealth Podcast any of the 180, whatever 188 episodes now, I believe If you listen to any of them you know that what I focus on in the world through my teachings and in my mastermind and in the interwealth community and in my private coaching and in my workshops and in my webinars I've got a new webinar coming up that I'm going to be doing some promoting for In all of these trainings, in all of my work, I really focus on self-mastery.
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: That's really what this is all about.
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: Self-mastery.
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: It's about understanding what's happening in your mind and being able to be the master of your mind instead of mastered by your mind.
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: We call it mindset, but also being the master of your body, instead of being mastered by your body, and when you are the controlling authority of your mind, and when you are the controlling authority of your body.
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: When I say body, I'm talking about what's happening in your body, like your emotions, like, like the stress levels, and how to deal with with the volatility of of emotion and feeling and the chemical cocktails that are flying through your body, all of the adrenaline and cortisol and and just understanding these things at a deeper level and being able to do the master be the master of your mind and your emotions instead of their slave.
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: And if you really look at the world in general, and most people in this world are being mastered by their mind and emotions, by their mind and emotions.
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: They they celebrate Fridays because they, they get off work.
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: They hate Mondays because they they go to work somewhere that that they don't love and they're compromising themselves and they're sacrificing who they are and they're.
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: They're doing things that they don't want to do out of obligation.
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: They're saying yes when they want to say no and say no when they want to say yes.
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: They they're they say yes.
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: Sometimes we're in relationships that we hate and we don't love.
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: And all of this, all of that madness that I just mentioned, is all because someone doesn't understand how to become the master of their mind and their emotions of their mind and their emotions.
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: And when you are on the receiving end and being wagged by your mind and emotions, it's very easy to give up all your personal power, all your personal authority, all your sovereignty over yourself and over life, and start to live a compromised, watered down, haphazard life that you don't get excited to wake up to every day because you're living in a state of fear and insecurity and inadequacy and insignificance, and that is not an inspired life.
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: Now, if you've listened for any period of time, you know that.
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: You know that that's what I focus on is helping people and helping you, hopefully, master your mind and master your body.
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: But today I'm going to do a little bit of a trick-a-roo.
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: I'm going to start down this path where it's almost like we're going to go, start to talk about some things in the external world and in how we show up in the world, but then I'm going to.
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: But then I'm going to do a quick pivot and I'm going to show you how what's happening in your body is actually responsible for what you think might just be the lack of a skill?
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: All right, so I do some leadership training.
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: I I work with teams of leaders and I help them understand themselves at a deeper level, get clarity about their mission and their values and themselves and what they do, and I help solidify teams.
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: And in some of the episodes I say the only things that I love to do are and what I do at a high level is develop people and develop teams.
• 4:43
  Speaker 1: I love developing people and I love developing teams, so I'm blessed that I took my 16, 20 that into leadership training and working with these leaders to help make sure they're showing up as the most powerful version of themselves from a self-mastery perspective and understanding themselves and the role, where their lane is and how they can best serve themselves and the companies that they work for.
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: Now I get to do this on a regular basis and I love it.
• 5:25
  Speaker 1: And I was sitting with a newly minted leader yesterday a newly minted leader and it's a gal that works for a local company that I work with and when I sat down with her, what we started talking about is and what I started asking and getting information about is, she struggles to have a direct conversation honest, direct, forthright conversation with some of the people that work for her, and she talks about being a people pleaser and she talks about not wanting to hurt people's feelings and we were having a really good discussion.
• 6:15
  Speaker 1: It was just a really simple, basic, raw, vulnerable discussion and she was sharing some of this stuff that this was the background and this is what she knows that she needs to work through and it was really awesome for her to acknowledge that.
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: And there's a certain person that she works with that struggles on the receiving accountability side, and the leader that I'm sitting with knows that in order for her team to really solidify and gel and perform, that, this one employee needs to reach the next level, and that is going to come through accountability and follow through and owning her role.
• 6:58
  Speaker 1: Now it was really awesome to hear her say and I also need to stop worrying about how to please this employee and how to hold her accountable.
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: Now, when I say not the people please, I'm not suggesting becoming an asshole.
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: I am not suggesting becoming like this, intense authoritarian.
• 7:21
  Speaker 1: What I'm talking about is just making sure they understand that employees understand that they are there to perform and if they're not performing, then we might need to find somebody who will perform.
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: You set expectations and you can ultimately provide some coaching into those expectations, but at the same time, if they're not driven and if they're not willing to be accountable, and if they're not willing to own their role, they're probably not going to reach those expectations.
• 7:50
  Speaker 1: And as soon as you see that they don't have that drive and as soon as you see that they don't have the raw skills to be able to achieve the expectations, then you probably have to move on to somebody who will.
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: Now, when we were having this discussion, she said I need to develop the skill of holding people accountable.
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: And I said you know, I want to give you the basics of being a people pleaser, because and I've got my hand up right now for 40 freaking three years I was the epitome of a people pleasing.
• 8:26
  Speaker 1: So I've got like the doctorate on people pleasing and I know all the ins and outs about it.
• 8:32
  Speaker 1: I know why you do it, I know why you show up in people pleasing and I want to make sure that we peel back the layers and I want you to understand what people pleasing is all about.
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: Because when you understand what people-pleasing is all about.
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: Then you can walk it back and it's not a skill, it's a self-mastery tool.
• 8:54
  Speaker 1: Technique, okay, or lack of self-mastery, but anyway, the point being is when you have, let's say, you're a leader in corporate America or in the workforce, and you're a leader and you struggle to speak truth to someone you're sitting across the table with, let's say, they are a low performer and you want to tell them you're obligated as a leader to actually share this that they're not performing with the person that's sitting across the table, but you struggle to say this because you don't want to hurt their feelings and I'm using air quotes you don't want to hurt their feelings.
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: Now, here's what this really means, and I'm going to get really woo again and get really mystical.
• 9:46
  Speaker 1: If you look at the I guess Sanskrit, the Hindu, the Buddhist chakra system, you'll know that there's seven energy centers.
• 10:00
  Speaker 1: There's your root center, there's your sacral center.
• 10:03
  Speaker 1: There's your solar plexus.
• 10:04
  Speaker 1: There's your heart.
• 10:04
  Speaker 1: There's your throat.
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: There's your root center.
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: There's your sacral center.
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: There's your solar plexus, there's your heart, there's your throat, there's your Ajna, which is your third eye, and there's the crown.
• 10:08
  Speaker 1: Now, going up those and going a little slower, your root is responsible, your root center, which is like where your perineum is.
• 10:16
  Speaker 1: It's right where your legs meet, if you know what I mean when the inside of your legs.
• 10:22
  Speaker 1: Your root center is responsible for your ability to actually live on this planet and create the resources that you need to survive.
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: Your root center is really the center that's going to help you feel safe in navigating the earthly plane.
• 10:44
  Speaker 1: Right up from that is your sacral center and that's right below your belly button, and this is your creativity.
• 10:53
  Speaker 1: This is where creativity comes from and this is where your energy and where your drive and where your, I guess, propulsion center to move you forward through life.
• 11:05
  Speaker 1: This is where reproduction is and this is where artistry comes from.
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: It's in our ability to create.
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: It's in that center right below your belly button.
• 11:15
  Speaker 1: It's your center for energy.
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: Right above that, right below, actually, your rib cage, is your solar plexus.
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: Your solar plexus is the seat of personal power.
• 11:27
  Speaker 1: It's your seat of personal authority.
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: It's your emotional seat.
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: It's where you feel emotions.
• 11:34
  Speaker 1: It's where you receive and you give energy, emotional energy, into the world.
• 11:41
  Speaker 1: What we're going to touch on your heart center is your center for self-worth, for self-love, for feeling like you're worthy, for feeling like you're deserving, your center for giving and receiving love.
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: Your throat center, which obviously is at your throat, is your center for speaking truth into the world.
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: It's for recognizing and speaking your truth.
• 12:06
  Speaker 1: Your third eye is which is right between your eyes, also called your Ajna.
• 12:11
  Speaker 1: It's the center so that you can see into the future, so that you can anticipate what the future holds, so that you can cast a vision in the world.
• 12:20
  Speaker 1: It's a center for knowing things that otherwise you would think you shouldn't know.
• 12:27
  Speaker 1: And your crown is right at the top of your head and this is your connection to divinity.
• 12:32
  Speaker 1: This is where.
• 12:33
  Speaker 1: This is where you and God connect right, the energy of God.
• 12:38
  Speaker 1: Now.
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: So we're going to come back to the solar plexus.
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: Solar plexus, that area right below your rib cage, is your seat of emotions.
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: Now, if you were living in my world and what I mean by that is if you were part of my close circle or my mastermind, or just, I guess, in my community or in the people that I do life with a lot, you would notice that almost everybody in my life they're deep, deep feelers.
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: Deep feelers to a point of sometimes of it being a detriment.
• 13:20
  Speaker 1: Now, when you are a deep feeler and you don't know how to handle the volatility of emotions and the depth of emotions that comes with living as this human being or this human life, when you struggle to feel things.
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: Oftentimes that in itself is going to start to determine and dictate how you actually show up in life, going to start to determine and dictate how you actually show up in life.
• 13:51
  Speaker 1: Maybe you'll isolate because it feels awful out there.
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: Maybe you'll cut off people that are a little more volatile because you can't handle their volatility.
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: But it's also your seat for personal authority and for your personal sovereignty and your personal power, and maybe you turn over your, your power, your authority, to other people.
• 14:14
  Speaker 1: And there's a reason for this.
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: If you're a deep feeler and you struggle to feel and you don't have the emotional intelligence to feel, then what you're going to do in relationship with other people is you're going to do things that to help somebody feel the emotions that you can handle, because their emotions are easily going to penetrate your solar plexus.
• 14:42
  Speaker 1: And that's why you're a deep feeler, because your solar plexus, that solar plexus center, that seat of emotion, is more sensitive than others.
• 14:54
  Speaker 1: And some people call it being an empath.
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: But it's not just being an empath, it's just having an open solar plexus where energy easily penetrates your solar plexus center.
• 15:06
  Speaker 1: And if you don't know how to feel and you don't have emotional intelligence, then you're going to avoid saying things that make them angry or upset or agitated or irritated.
• 15:16
  Speaker 1: Why?
• 15:16
  Speaker 1: Because you can't handle feeling those things.
• 15:20
  Speaker 1: It has nothing to do with their emotions or their feelings.
• 15:27
  Speaker 1: It has everything to do with.
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: You can't handle feeling their emotions.
• 15:32
  Speaker 1: It's not so that you please them.
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: It's so that you don't have to feel their disappointment.
• 15:38
  Speaker 1: It's that you don't have to feel their embarrassment, you don't have to feel their anger, you don't have to feel their frustration, you don't have to feel their resentment.
• 15:48
  Speaker 1: And if you're a deep feeler like me, you know exactly what I'm saying is, when someone else gets really happy, you get happy, and when somebody else gets upset, you can't be happy because they're upset, because you're feeling what they're feeling and you don't know how to manage it feeling what they're feeling and you don't know how to manage it.
• 16:15
  Speaker 1: And if you are a deep feeler, like me and most of the people in my life, if you are a deep feeler, if you have, if you show up in a way or you're designed and you're built and all you have to do is look at your human design and you could ultimately see in a lot of cases like when you have an open emotional center, when you have an open solar plexus center, when you have an open it's also called an empathy center and you're going to have some volatility, feeling the emotions of other people, because you're easily penetrated with whatever they're feeling.
• 16:52
  Speaker 1: Whatever they're feeling, you're going to naturally feel.
• 16:55
  Speaker 1: And if you don't understand this and you haven't trained yourself, if you don't have the emotional intelligence to be able to understand what you're feeling and how to feel it, and that emotional wave is constant in life and there's no stability in your emotional state that when somebody else is riding an emotional wave, you're going to feel that emotional wave, and when you feel that emotional wave, you're probably going to lash out at other people because you don't know how to handle the emotional wave that you're riding.
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: And this is all called emotional intelligence and the greatest thing we can do if we truly want to show up authentic, raw, powerful, sovereign and really take full control, authority and sovereignty over our life, the greatest thing we can do is to develop a super powerfully healthy relationship with emotions and become emotionally courageous, and what that means is being willing to feel any and all emotions that come along and still be okay, know how to navigate it, not try to avoid feeling some things and prefer feeling others.
• 18:14
  Speaker 1: You allow yourself to feel whatever you feel and be okay, because you recognize that emotions can't hurt you.
• 18:21
  Speaker 1: Sometimes they're a little uncomfortable, but emotions in general cannot hurt you.
• 18:26
  Speaker 1: They are just a chemical cocktail going through your body.
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: It's energy.
• 18:31
  Speaker 1: Emotion stands for energy in motion, and when you don't, when you are a deep feeler, when you are, when you have that empathy center that that's wide open, that there's no door, no window wanted to shut, like me, when you're sitting across the table from somebody you're ultimately going to if you don't know otherwise, you're ultimately going to say things that allow you to feel what you can handle and in this case, typically how that shows up is you try to help them avoid feeling angry, upset, resentful, frustrated, irritated.
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: So you quote unquote and I'm air quoting.
• 19:16
  Speaker 1: So you people, please, and you always say what they want to hear and you always do what they want to do and you always say yes to whatever they want.
• 19:24
  Speaker 1: Say yes to whatever they want, because saying no or speaking your truth or saying something that is out of alignment with what they want to hear, in that moment is likely going to draw and create some emotion and if you don't know how to handle it, then it's going to make you uncomfortable and that's what you can't handle.
• 19:52
  Speaker 1: So when I was sitting down with this newly minted leader, she said it's a skill that I need to learn.
• 19:59
  Speaker 1: And when I explained all this to her and I explained and I also got to dig into her childhood with her mom and her dad and understand that where the people pleasing came from and and how, how she gave up her authority and her autonomy and authority and her autonomy and her sovereignty and all these and when I said, when I explained what having an open solar plexus and what having an open emotional center, when I explained all these things to her, she went oh my God, like I didn't.
• 20:35
  Speaker 1: I never understood this and it raised her level of emotional intelligence and in that moment she could understand why, having that direct, honest, forthright conversation, raw conversation with her employee, why it was so difficult Because ultimately, the employee didn't want to hear what was being said and it was going to piss her off.
• 21:05
  Speaker 1: So, instead of making her angry, this newly minted leader just kept telling her what she wanted to hear and that was getting her and the team nowhere.
• 21:22
  Speaker 1: And we call this accountability.
• 21:23
  Speaker 1: But it's not accountability.
• 21:24
  Speaker 1: It is on outside of you it is accountability, but really what it is is just emotional preservation.
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: You're just trying to make sure that you can feel okay and function as a human being.
• 21:40
  Speaker 1: So you withhold your truth, you withhold your preferences, you withhold your needs, you withhold your wants, because those are ways to help control the emotions of other people so that you can feel okay.
• 21:56
  Speaker 1: But when we become emotionally intelligent and when we become emotionally courageous and when we allow ourselves to learn how to feel any and all emotions and be okay, then we can speak our truth and we can show up authentically and we can just be ourselves and let everybody sort out their own emotions and not try to rearrange them for them own emotions and not try to rearrange them for them.
• 22:27
  Speaker 1: This new leader, yes, needs to level up in the accountability game, but ultimately self-mastery is what's going to help her level up, because if she's not willing to feel the anger of other people, if she's not willing to feel the judgment of other people, she's going to be a failed leader pretty.
• 22:40
  Speaker 1: If she's not willing to feel the judgment of other people, she's going to be a failed leader pretty soon because she's not going to get the traction that she needs with her team Guys, I hope this really really makes sense and I told you I was going to do a little bit of a trick-a-roo.
• 22:54
  Speaker 1: A lot of leadership training is really self-awareness training.
• 22:58
  Speaker 1: A lot of leadership training isn't just building skills outside.
• 23:04
  Speaker 1: It's building healthier mindsets.
• 23:06
  Speaker 1: It's building healthier heart sets.
• 23:08
  Speaker 1: It's building healthier emotional intelligence.
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: It's building healthier clarity and these are all things that are inside of you, and the most powerful leaders are the most powerfully self-aware and self-attuned and self-adjusted and that's all inside.
• 23:28
  Speaker 1: It's the inner game of leadership.
• 23:31
  Speaker 1: I hope this made sense.
• 23:32
  Speaker 1: I hope this clicked.
• 23:34
  Speaker 1: I hope this is useful and helpful for you.
• 23:37
  Speaker 1: I hope it's valuable, useful and helpful for you.
• 23:43
  Speaker 1: I hope it's valuable and I would say, if, if this is you, if you are this deep feeler and you are feel like you're getting wagged around by life, I would love to have a conversation with you in the.
• 23:51
  Speaker 1: My contact information is in the show notes on the audio version of this podcast.
• 23:57
  Speaker 1: There's a text me now, a little connection where you can text me and it sends a message to my phone.
• 24:04
  Speaker 1: But my website, interwealthglobalcom there's a way to get in touch with me.
• 24:10
  Speaker 1: You can email me at mike at interwealthglobalcom.
• 24:14
  Speaker 1: Connect with me.
• 24:15
  Speaker 1: I would love, love, love the opportunity to have a discussion and see how we can work together to help you become more emotionally intelligent, more emotionally courageous and more personally powerful, so that you stop getting wagged around by life and you start mastering your life and your circumstances.
• 24:33
  Speaker 1: Guys, thank you for being loyal to the podcast.
• 24:36
  Speaker 1: I would love it if you like, if you love this.
• 24:38
  Speaker 1: I would love it if you the podcast run on on ratings and reviews.
• 24:44
  Speaker 1: So, if you love this, I would love you to crush some five stars.
• 24:48
  Speaker 1: Leave me an awesome review.
• 24:49
  Speaker 1: If you're on Apple, uh, apple podcast, help me reach more people so that I could help raise the global level of consciousness on the planet, and we do that by mastering ourselves.
• 25:00
  Speaker 1: If you got any value, lean in.
• 25:10
  Speaker 1: I'd love to support you.
• 25:11
  Speaker 1: See you next week.
• 25:11
  Speaker 1: If you enjoyed what you heard and you want to learn more, go to wwwinnerwealthglobalcom for more tools and resources.