Latest / Becoming Irresistible / Season 2, Episode 4: Why Smart People Make Bad Decisions

Transcript

Season 2, Episode 4: Why Smart People Make Bad Decisions · Becoming Irresistible

• 0:15
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, this episode we're going to talk about why smart people still make bad decisions.
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_00: And I think it's one of the biggest misconceptions that we have about people in general is that intelligent people automatically make intelligent decisions.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: And that's not true.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_00: Honestly, sometimes really intelligent people make very complicated emotional decisions that look logical on the surface but are tumultuous underneath.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_00: I've seen people choose careers because they were afraid.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_00: I've seen people make decisions just for approval.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_00: I've seen people choose things for safety, or because they wanted to prove something, or chasing money because they thought it would calm their anxiety.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes they wanted ego or status or admiration, and they thought that that was the same as happiness.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_00: People don't realize that this is the wrong path to follow.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_00: And by that time, there could be debt involved, identities that you're locked into, certain responsibilities that you're tied to, and a lifestyle that you're accustomed to.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_00: And that's why it's really important to understand why people make bad decisions.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_00: So you don't fall into those traps.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so most decisions are not just about logic, they're also about emotion, which is why we really gotta talk about this because most people don't look at decisions from the emotional lens.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_00: Most people are making decisions not only logically, but from a place of being inside a family, at a certain school or community, within a certain cultural expectation, or because they are resonating because they resonate with a certain social class, or because of certain fears or anxieties they've accumulated over the years, or because of certain expectations they may have for themselves, or because of certain expectations they have inherited from others.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_00: All of that shapes why people sometimes make bad decisions.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_00: What they're really doing is choosing the thing that helps them to feel the safest emotionally.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_00: And it's different than just saying, hey, what decision is the best for me?
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_00: There's all these smaller conversations going on behind the decision.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_00: Will people respect me?
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_00: Will they approve?
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_00: Will I be making enough money?
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_00: Will I disappoint anyone?
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_00: Am I gonna look successful?
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_00: Am I gonna look accomplished?
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_00: Am I gonna be safe?
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_00: Will I regret not trying the other thing?
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_00: Will I feel like I'm behind everyone if I do this?
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_00: That's a lot of pressure, especially for a young adult.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_00: And I think people really don't take into account how much fear shapes their decisions.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_00: And in my case, I felt like I had a lot of fear of not knowing what I was good at and being too afraid to take the risk to try to find out at the time.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_00: Now, if I feel fear about something, I generally say, if it's not gonna kill me, then I'll try it.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_00: If it's not harmful to my health, then I'm willing to try.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_00: I talked a lot about alignment last week when it came to making career decisions.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_00: But I also want to emphasize that you should not confuse having a talent with being aligned with something.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_00: Just because you can do something doesn't mean that should be the center of your life that you're building.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_00: And this confuses a lot of people because they think, oh, if you're good at something, that's what you should be doing.
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_00: You should definitely hone in on that and just do that for the rest of your life.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_00: Especially if you're good at science.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_00: Everyone wants you to go into science and STEAM.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_00: You're good at writing, that's a whole different thing.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_00: You're good at debate, another thing, right?
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_00: But what energizes you, what brings enjoyment to your day?
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_00: And this really matters.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so logic aside, this is really important for sustainability.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_00: Your career is not just a title, it's an entire lifestyle.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_00: I remember recently I was reading a person's profile online and they said, failed doctor, now a nurse, much happier.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_00: If we can just understand that alignment is not failure, even if society is not accustomed to that.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_00: Failure at one thing does not mean you have failed at life, especially when it's preventing you from being aligned with your true calling.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_00: People think that maybe they're only choosing a career or a relationship, but what they're actually choosing is stress level, schedules, environments, types of conversations and interaction, what they have to deal with on a daily basis, their levels of physical activity, whether they feel fulfilled and alive.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_00: And that is a really big decision.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_00: Some people, I think, choose based on their image of what life will look like, but not the actual life itself.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_00: That's why it's really good to get exposure to what a real day from a person in your career field is doing.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_00: That's why it's great when you're in a relationship to see how that person reacts under pressure, under stress.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_00: Because when you don't consider those things, you're making decisions based on incomplete information.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_00: And that's another reason why some people who are very smart make bad decisions.
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_00: They consider only the good parts of the decision, but not the bad parts.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_00: Or vice versa.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_00: For example, some people like the idea of being an entrepreneur, but they and I commented a little bit a little bit about this last time.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_00: Some people like being freedom, free to make choices, to set their own schedules.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_00: They like more money, they like flexibility, they like working for themselves.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_00: But those roles also require tolerating uncertainty and risk, and sometimes inconsistent income, and having to make lots of decisions, sometimes having to put in extra time at work.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_00: And those mismatches is what causes friction and causes someone not to be able to stay in that position long term.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_00: One thing about really smart people and the reason why they make bad decisions is that they have this very unique problem.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_00: They're really good at rationalizing their decisions.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_00: They can explain everything very logically, even if their deeper reason is not really logical, but emotional.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_00: And it's okay to make a decision from emotion.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_00: Most of us do, but the problem comes when you're making the decision emotionally based on someone else's desires, goals, and expectations and not your own.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_00: When you're making that decision based on fear of judgment, fear of failure, fear of instability, fear of disappointing someone, or because you want the recognition of a specific goal, achievement, career, or relationship versus what it actually is providing you.
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_00: I think knowing yourself comes from having different experiences.
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_00: So working different kinds of jobs, traveling, meeting different kinds of people, experiencing different kinds of environments.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_00: That's what teaches you about yourself and what you like, what you don't like, what you can tolerate, what you can't tolerate, what you can sustain, and what you can't sustain, what you're good at.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_00: All these pieces of information don't come from you sitting down and doing a checklist or thinking about what am I good at alone.
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_00: It comes from you doing it every day and understanding, hey, when I was volunteering at this place, I hated having to create databases repetitively.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_00: When I was in this relationship with someone, I couldn't stand the way that they were late all the time.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_00: I like it when things are punctual.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_00: So all these experiences, taking action and having more experiences will teach you those things about yourself.
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_00: But it is important to take a stock and be purposeful in what we're learning about ourselves.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_00: And that's something that comes with the advice and wisdom of elders.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_00: Hey, these are things you should think about when you're considering a career, when you're considering a relationship, the type of person you are, the type of abilities you have, what you're able to do and not do, those are those things should come constructively from our elders, from people who care about us and support us, not as criticism, but as points to consider.
• 9:47
  SPEAKER_00: And I also think what it comes down to is what is that choice going to create as your daily experience?
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_00: And is it a choice that you can live with or that you will like after a certain period of time?
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes we don't know the answer to this, but oftentimes we have enough information to get a good idea of whether or not we can or will like something long term.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_00: It's just that we never take the time to think about it because most of our life is just these ordinary routine days where we're doing the same thing.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_00: It's not that everything will be exciting all of a sudden.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_00: And people forget about that.
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_00: Your life is not your Instagram page or your TikTok page.
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_00: It's not those photos that you're posting.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_00: It's the in-between moments, the other moments that you're experiencing every day that you never think to post.
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_00: That's what makes you satisfied or fulfilled with your life or not.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_00: How do you feel when you wake up every day?
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_00: How does your body feel after a week at work?
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_00: Do you dread Monday mornings going to your job or career?
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_00: Or do you dread the time when you have to spend it with someone?
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_00: Does something they do embarrass you or make you feel bad about yourself?
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_00: It's these small repeated experiences that become your actual life.
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_00: And if something is deeply misaligned with your core, what I call your core ID, again, something we teach in our programs, your core ID, then that's where you're gonna feel this misalignment.
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_00: Some things are tolerable, but depends on your core ID which ones are tolerable and which ones are not.
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_00: Now let's talk about some of the emotional expectations that are placed on people that somehow coerce them into going along with those decisions.
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_00: Some people are obsessed with financial stability because they never had any and they project that onto their child who may not be in that position.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_00: Some people are obsessed with a high status career because they don't feel like they were respected, and they project that onto their children.
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_00: Some people are workaholics because they feel an attachment between achievement and love, and they project that onto their children.
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_00: Again, none of these things are bad necessarily, but if you don't understand why those things are so important to you, then you can accidentally coerce somebody into following a path on information that doesn't apply to them.
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_00: And that's really important.
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_00: It's like saying you need to drive a sports car because people will respect you.
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_00: When in reality, what you need is a minivan to fit your four kids.
• 12:45
  SPEAKER_00: If you don't understand what your current situation is, misaligned decision is going to make you miserable.
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_00: And other people will reward you for the decisions you made, but you're the one who has to live in them every day.
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_00: I definitely agree that it's harder sometimes for smarter people to leave when they're in a misaligned position as well.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_00: Because it feels very expensive to a smart person.
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_00: Number one, they've been told they're smart all their life.
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_00: So admitting that they've made a wrong decision is counter to their baseline idea that they make smart decisions and they don't want to admit that they've made a wrong decision.
• 13:23
  SPEAKER_00: Suddenly they think, oh, I made a mistake.
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_00: It's really hurtful to them and their identity.
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_00: Smart people will go with the logic.
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_00: When you invest in something so much, it should be more important.
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_00: And so oftentimes smart people will think, I can't change because I've already invested.
• 13:47
  SPEAKER_00: Some people, certain types of lifestyles are projected onto them, such as life of service, in which, you know, doing something that's for profit is a bad thing, because it speaks to their moral character, that if you are a successful businessman, that you have to be evil.
• 14:07
  SPEAKER_00: And so maybe a person who would be an extremely great businessman will think, oh, I can't do that because that will make me a bad person.
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_00: So when you're looking at careers, relationships, decisions about where to move, where to live, what to invest in, remember, think about these questions.
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_00: Will this decision allow me to stay emotionally, financially, and psychologically alive for the long term?
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_00: If you can ask yourself that question and you are content with the answer, then by all means try it.
• 14:45
  SPEAKER_00: Again, there's no guarantee that you're making the right decision.
• 14:49
  SPEAKER_00: But if you've thought about that question, at least your chances are much, much better.
• 14:53
  SPEAKER_00: Because being intelligent does not protect you from misalignment.
• 14:58
  SPEAKER_00: You can make misaligned choices even if you are really, really smart.
• 15:05
  SPEAKER_00: The way to avoid that is by arming yourself with the right types of questions.
• 15:12
  SPEAKER_00: If you really want to get into that, our programs will help you to do that, will help pose those kind of questions to you, will help give you the foundational knowledge to make those kinds of decisions.
• 15:27
  SPEAKER_00: But definitely stop deciding those questions based on other people's expectations, fears, and goals that are not aligned with your own.
• 15:40
  SPEAKER_00: I hope this session has been helpful for you.
• 15:42
  SPEAKER_00: I hope you'll join me back in the next podcast.
• 15:45
  SPEAKER_00: And until next time, stay irresistible.