Latest / I Choose Me with Jennie Garth / Just Jennie … Permission to Feel

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Just Jennie … Permission to Feel · I Choose Me with Jennie Garth

• 0:01
  Speaker 1: You're listening to I Choose Me with Jenny Girl. Hi, everyone,
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: welcome back to I Choose Me. It's another episode of
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  Speaker 1: Just Jenny today because there are things we need to
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  Speaker 1: talk about just you and me. Have you ever been
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  Speaker 1: in a tough spot, a disagreement with a loved one,
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  Speaker 1: stressful moment at work, or just you know, really disappointing
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  Speaker 1: situation and your first instinct was to shut those feelings down,
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  Speaker 1: to just like push them away, distract yourself, or even
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  Speaker 1: feel bad for having them in the first place. Yeah,
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  Speaker 1: I've done that. On a recent episode, we talked about
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  Speaker 1: not letting ourselves be silenced. Today, I want to talk
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  Speaker 1: about another cornerstone of the I Choose Me philosophy. But
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  Speaker 1: it's probably one of the hardest parts. The importance of
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  Speaker 1: actually feeling your feelings, even when it feels difficult or
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  Speaker 1: like a sign of weakness. And I'm not talking about wallowing.
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  Speaker 1: I'm talking about true self care. It's about giving yourself
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  Speaker 1: permission to be human and to process the beautiful, messy
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  Speaker 1: truth of what's going on inside. We are taught to
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  Speaker 1: be strong, to be positive, to suck it up, Buttercup,
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  Speaker 1: there's a lot of pressure on men but especially on
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  Speaker 1: women to be the steady one, to always appear as
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  Speaker 1: if we have our lives together. When a difficult emotion
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  Speaker 1: comes up, we just instinctually want it to go away.
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  Speaker 1: Let me give you an example. My daughter Lola and
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  Speaker 1: I have a fashion brand that we share and sell
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  Speaker 1: on QVC. We love doing it, but the travel and
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  Speaker 1: the pressure can be a lot. Last time we were
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  Speaker 1: in Pennsylvania. I had just come off the air and
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  Speaker 1: I was feeling pretty good about how it went. And
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  Speaker 1: in the green room at QVC, you can see your
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  Speaker 1: sales numbers in real time, which is yeah, that's nerve wrecking.
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  Speaker 1: I went in and my heart sank because I saw
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  Speaker 1: that our sales were nowhere near our goal for that day.
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  Speaker 1: I could feel my disappointment and I could feel lollless.
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  Speaker 1: I try to keep a smile on my face until
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  Speaker 1: I made it down the hall to my tiny little
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  Speaker 1: dressing room. I closed the door behind me and I
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  Speaker 1: just sank into the chair, feeling the defeat kind of
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  Speaker 1: crashed down on me. My mind immediately went to all
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  Speaker 1: those negative thoughts. I never should have done this. I
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  Speaker 1: am a disappointment to my team, to my daughter Lola.
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  Speaker 1: I'm just not good enough. All of that, I felt
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  Speaker 1: the heat rise up inside me and tears started to come.
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  Speaker 1: And just then, in that moment, Lola came in and instinctively,
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  Speaker 1: I pulled those feelings right back in. I did not
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  Speaker 1: want her to see me fail like that. I didn't
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  Speaker 1: want my emotions to overflow onto her, but she knew
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  Speaker 1: she could see it in my face. I tried to
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  Speaker 1: play it off, but honestly, I'm not very good at
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  Speaker 1: hiding my emotions, so I was honest. I told her
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  Speaker 1: how I was feeling that I just wanted to go
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  Speaker 1: home and crawl in a hole. And she sat very still,
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  Speaker 1: listening and watching as me, the woman in charge leading
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  Speaker 1: this whole project, completely unraveled in front of her, and
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  Speaker 1: she put her arm around me and we just sat
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  Speaker 1: there and said and yeah, it felt messy and awful,
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  Speaker 1: but the support from her helped me to just let
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  Speaker 1: the feelings flow. They had to get out of my
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  Speaker 1: body instead of just being camouflaged. And you know what,
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  Speaker 1: there's a real danger in not feeling. Have you ever
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  Speaker 1: stopped to think about why we don't feel comfortable feeling?
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  Speaker 1: Why are we shutting down our feelings or shutting them
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  Speaker 1: off let's get real about why we run from our feelings.
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  Speaker 1: We're scared. We're scared we're going to overwhelm others with
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  Speaker 1: our pain, or that people will judge us for not
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  Speaker 1: being strong. Sometimes we think if we open the floodgates,
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  Speaker 1: we might not be able to stop them. Or maybe
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  Speaker 1: we believe that ignoring a feeling will make it disappear.
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  Speaker 1: Spoiler alert, it doesn't. Sometimes we just try to distract ourselves.
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  Speaker 1: We zone out on social media, we use food to
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  Speaker 1: comfort ourselves, or we self medicate with alcohol or drugs
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  Speaker 1: to just numb the feelings away. I'm telling you right now,
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  Speaker 1: these actions they only make things worse. You know. Studies
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  Speaker 1: have actually proven the negative impact on our bodies when
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  Speaker 1: we don't feel. When we suppress our emotions, our bodies
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  Speaker 1: activate the fight or flight response, which can really ramp
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  Speaker 1: up your stress hormones, your cortisol, you're adrenaline, and the
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  Speaker 1: continual activation of this stress can adversely affect our cardiovascular health,
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  Speaker 1: our immunity, and our digestive systems. It can lean to
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  Speaker 1: muscle tension, pain, and the dreaded sleep disturbances, which I
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  Speaker 1: don't need to have. And I know when I'm holding
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  Speaker 1: my feelings in I feel like I am walking around
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  Speaker 1: with rocks in my stomach. It affects my eating, my sleep.
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  Speaker 1: I get exhausted from carrying that extra weight on my shoulders.
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  Speaker 1: Avoiding emotions makes me feel weighed down, makes me stressed
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  Speaker 1: out and anxious and depressed. If I'm being honest. When
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  Speaker 1: we suppress our feelings, we become emotionally numb, and we
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  Speaker 1: detach from ourselves and from others. Here's the thing. We
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  Speaker 1: have a choice. We can learn to acknowledge, process, and
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  Speaker 1: regulate our emotions in a healthy way. Here are some
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  Speaker 1: of the ways that I have learned to choose me
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  Speaker 1: when it comes to feelings. The first step is permission.
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  Speaker 1: This is probably the most crucial part. Give yourself permission.
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  Speaker 1: Say it out loud. It's okay to feel this because
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  Speaker 1: you know what. It's okay to validate your own feelings.
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  Speaker 1: Then I like to name it. Don't just say I
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  Speaker 1: feel bad, get specific, I feel disappointed in, I feel
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  Speaker 1: angry at, I feel sad because naming it takes away
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  Speaker 1: its power and makes it more manageable. And then I
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  Speaker 1: like to sit with it just for a minute. And
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  Speaker 1: this is the hard part, because it's really the most
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  Speaker 1: impactful thing you can do. Set a timer for one minute,
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  Speaker 1: two minutes, whatever you've got, and without distraction, just sit
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  Speaker 1: with your feelings. Don't analyze them, don't judge them, just
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  Speaker 1: feel them in your body and breathe. Once you've sat
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  Speaker 1: with it, you can take a gentle, healthy, first step
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  Speaker 1: to releasing it. And this isn't about numbing it. It's
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  Speaker 1: about allowing it to move through you. I liked to journal,
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  Speaker 1: write it all down without judgment. Just get it out
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  Speaker 1: of here and get it on the paper. Next up
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  Speaker 1: would be movement. Go for a walk or a run.
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  Speaker 1: Oh I wish I could run, But just let the
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  Speaker 1: feeling move through your body, and then you know I
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  Speaker 1: talk to a trusted friend, share with someone who will
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  Speaker 1: hold the space for you without trying to fix it.
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  Speaker 1: And last, but not least, have a good cry. It's natural.
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  Speaker 1: It's a healthy release. It's not weakness. I'm telling you,
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  Speaker 1: I like to cry. I want you to remember that
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  Speaker 1: choosing your feelings and choosing to feel your feelings is
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  Speaker 1: a profound act of courage. It's how you heal, it's
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  Speaker 1: how you learn, it's how you grow. You don't get
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  Speaker 1: stuck in an emotional cave because you're allowing the feelings
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  Speaker 1: to pass through you instead of staying stuck. And since
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  Speaker 1: you've made it this far with me, here are three
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  Speaker 1: more tips I've found really helpful when it comes to
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  Speaker 1: choosing yourself and processing big, tough emotions. Use your voice. Sometimes,
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  Speaker 1: saying it out loud, even if it's just to yourself
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  Speaker 1: in the car or while you're doing the dishes, can
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  Speaker 1: be incredibly powerful. Give yourself permission to be that person
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  Speaker 1: that talks to themselves. Verbalizing your feelings really helps you
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  Speaker 1: hear them differently. There's something about putting your emotions into
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  Speaker 1: words that makes them feel a little less overwhelming. Here's
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  Speaker 1: some examples. I say something like I'm feeling disappointed about
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  Speaker 1: or oh, this event is making me anxious right now,
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  Speaker 1: you don't need an audience. You just need your own
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  Speaker 1: honest voice, reminding yourself that what you feel is real, valid,
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  Speaker 1: and worthy of attention. That moment of naming it aloud
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  Speaker 1: can create just enough space between you and the feeling
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  Speaker 1: to see it more clearly. Number two, Create a comfort ritual.
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  Speaker 1: Have something simple you do just for you, something that
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  Speaker 1: tells your nervous system, Hey, you're safe, I've got you.
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  Speaker 1: It could be lighting a candle, making a warm cup
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  Speaker 1: of tea in your favorite mug, playing a song that
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  Speaker 1: lifts your spirit, or taking five minutes to just step
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  Speaker 1: outside and feel the sun on your face. Maybe it's
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  Speaker 1: a quick stretch, Oh I love a good stretch that
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  Speaker 1: always makes me feel better, a certain scent you love,
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  Speaker 1: or slipping into something cozy after a long day. These
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  Speaker 1: rituals don't have to be complicated. They're just small signals
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  Speaker 1: to your body and mind that say I matter, I
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  Speaker 1: am taking care of me, and finally, give yourself permission
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  Speaker 1: to be imperfect. With this, we are not chasing perfection here.
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  Speaker 1: Choosing yourself isn't a one time decision. It's a practice,
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  Speaker 1: a rhythm you keep returning to. There'll be days when
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  Speaker 1: you forget, when you push yourself too hard or ignore
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  Speaker 1: your feelings because honestly, it's just easier, or what you've
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  Speaker 1: always done. That doesn't mean you've failed, It just means
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  Speaker 1: you're human. What matters most is that you keep circling back,
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  Speaker 1: that you keep trying. Even the tiniest moment of self
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  Speaker 1: awareness counts. A breath counts, a pause counts. Anytime you
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  Speaker 1: choose to notice what's happening inside you. That's a win.
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  Speaker 1: And that's what this is really all about. That's what
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  Speaker 1: I tell myself every day when I choose me. This
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  Speaker 1: is what I choose me is all about, you, guys,
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  Speaker 1: about in those moments, in those tough moments. It's the
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  Speaker 1: ultimate act of self love, self respect, and self honoring.
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  Speaker 1: Don't be afraid of your feelings. Embrace them, feel them,
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  Speaker 1: and take care of them like you would a good friend.
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  Speaker 1: So this week, next time you have a feeling come
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  Speaker 1: up or an emotion that you just want to run from,
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  Speaker 1: give yourself one minute, just one and see what happens.
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  Speaker 1: Thank you so much for joining me today and I
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  Speaker 1: choose me. I will see you next time, and until then,
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  Speaker 1: I want you to take care of yourself and to
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  Speaker 1: remember to always always choose you. Bye.