Latest / Darren “Whackhead” Simpson’s prank calls on Kfm Mornings / Marriage counseling gone hilariously wrong

Transcript

Marriage counseling gone hilariously wrong · Darren “Whackhead” Simpson’s prank calls on Kfm Mornings

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: To be going branking next.
• 0:02
  Speaker 2: Today, I'm playing the role of a marriage counselor.
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: Oh my god, what do you mean? My goodness, No, I'm.
• 0:11
  Speaker 3: Sending strength and praise to that unfortunate couple.
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: That's the right reaction.
• 0:16
  Speaker 2: I think I'm more than qualified after fifteen years of marriage,
• 0:21
  Speaker 2: bliss with my wife and I I think I have
• 0:26
  Speaker 2: a doctorate.
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: You're about as qualified as that twelve year old girl
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: doing brain surgery.
• 0:34
  Speaker 2: Come on, as they say on TikTok, give me my flowers.
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: Like I've done.
• 0:40
  Speaker 2: I've done the hours, Give me my flowers. I've got
• 0:43
  Speaker 2: fifteen years experience. What would fifteen years?
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: That would be an hour?
• 0:48
  Speaker 4: Because ten thousand hours makes you what what?
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: I'm an expert.
• 0:53
  Speaker 2: I reckon ten thousand hours. It makes you an expert,
• 0:56
  Speaker 2: so I would.
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: But let's not judge.
• 0:58
  Speaker 4: Maybe the good doctor surprises us today.
• 1:03
  Speaker 2: In fact, I'm now doctor husband, doctor husband, doctor husband,
• 1:08
  Speaker 2: I'm a doctorate in husbandry.
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: Then see your skills at work.
• 1:13
  Speaker 2: Then okay, we'll get stuck into that, the meat, the bones,
• 1:18
  Speaker 2: all of it.
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: Next stop, stop what you're doing.
• 1:21
  Speaker 2: Here's another world famous crank.
• 1:25
  Speaker 4: From Darren Wackhead, something ex exclusive to KFM mornings.
• 1:30
  Speaker 2: Okay, so today say it, I'm playing the part of
• 1:33
  Speaker 2: a marriage counselor. Sheldon says, you scoffed at.
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: It more than I bring the real experts in.
• 1:41
  Speaker 2: Fifteen years of marital bliss, I think I'm more than qualified.
• 1:46
  Speaker 3: I could also be because you just have a really
• 1:48
  Speaker 3: great wife.
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: You know, she could make it very easy for you somewhere.
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: You know what, whatever makes you sleep well at night,
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: you know what. I'm serious to hear. What advice you give.
• 1:59
  Speaker 2: Like I said, I've got a written husbandry and then yeah,
• 2:04
  Speaker 2: I've been told husbandry is a thing, but it's the care,
• 2:09
  Speaker 2: cultivation and breeding of crops and animals. So yeah, maybe
• 2:15
  Speaker 2: one and the same. So this is what happened. Okay,
• 2:19
  Speaker 2: So the lady has gotten in touch with me, so
• 2:23
  Speaker 2: they had it. They had a rule this weekend. Okay,
• 2:26
  Speaker 2: they had had a rule. And so things are a
• 2:30
  Speaker 2: bit tense. But it's always over the same thing, right.
• 2:37
  Speaker 2: There's always a guide work, you know, the work husband.
• 2:41
  Speaker 2: There's always a guard that's a little bit too friendly,
• 2:44
  Speaker 2: a little bit too in your business. And he's always
• 2:48
  Speaker 2: commenting about what she's wearing, all the sort of stuff,
• 2:54
  Speaker 2: you know, and this rales his guard because he's defenseless.
• 2:57
  Speaker 2: He doesn't go to work with her. He's not at
• 2:58
  Speaker 2: the workplace, you know. So this is what the fight's
• 3:02
  Speaker 2: always about, the work husband, about the.
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: The the the the work husband.
• 3:09
  Speaker 2: So now we're painting this scenario where now that is
• 3:12
  Speaker 2: the fight was was was was not great?
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: Right that the head. So now.
• 3:19
  Speaker 2: He's going to think that she's gone to counseling. They
• 3:23
  Speaker 2: don't do counseling. It's not there, you know, they're not there.
• 3:28
  Speaker 2: But now she's gone to counseling to see hunters. So
• 3:30
  Speaker 2: now I'm the counselor again.
• 3:33
  Speaker 3: Poor man having the same argument about the same thing
• 3:36
  Speaker 3: over and over.
• 3:39
  Speaker 2: Okay, so let's throw him in the thick of it
• 3:43
  Speaker 2: in the middle of his day. Tell me what what's
• 3:45
  Speaker 2: the mood like with you? In delrage the moment each other.
• 3:50
  Speaker 2: But he's hey, I'm just gonna photo.
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: I'm going to say that I have you in my office.
• 3:57
  Speaker 2: Okay, Hello, Hi, my name is counselor Frederic Jensen. I
• 4:06
  Speaker 2: have your ex fiancee in my office at the moment. Sure,
• 4:12
  Speaker 2: she's come to seek a bit of counseling.
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: Okay, we must speak to you.
• 4:17
  Speaker 2: Frederic Jensen marriage counselor. Okay, now listen, she is paying
• 4:21
  Speaker 2: by the hour here, so you are, in fact wasting
• 4:23
  Speaker 2: her money and you are wasting my time.
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: Just hello, Hi, Hi. Don't you just want to talk
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: to this guy? I really want to see work?
• 4:33
  Speaker 2: Okay?
• 4:34
  Speaker 4: First, see, you don't have to go to him.
• 4:36
  Speaker 1: You can chat about this, okay.
• 4:38
  Speaker 2: But I mean, we don't get it anywhere, so I
• 4:41
  Speaker 2: just thought that if I get someone from outside, you
• 4:43
  Speaker 2: can sort this out.
• 4:45
  Speaker 4: I don't know him. Listen, Okay, First, you said your
• 4:52
  Speaker 4: company name is Fredrick Jensen F R E E R
• 4:56
  Speaker 4: S T and J E N F O N.
• 4:59
  Speaker 1: No, no, your spelling is atrocious.
• 5:02
  Speaker 4: What did you just tell me?
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: I said your spelling is atrocious?
• 5:05
  Speaker 4: And you said you're a marriage counselor.
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: I must I'm not a spell checker.
• 5:10
  Speaker 4: I don't need you or you to tell me about
• 5:13
  Speaker 4: spelling is atrocious.
• 5:15
  Speaker 3: Well, look clearly, no, no, no, no, no, no, no enough talking
• 5:19
  Speaker 3: to you.
• 5:22
  Speaker 4: I can hello. Hello, listen, I do not want to
• 5:30
  Speaker 4: talk to you. Well, you know, maybe you should take counseling.
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: You seem very untrusting to you.
• 5:37
  Speaker 4: I may seem very untrusting.
• 5:38
  Speaker 1: Yes, are you untrusting of your as well.
• 5:41
  Speaker 4: You know, if I do not trust Ris, I wouldn't
• 5:43
  Speaker 4: have asked her to marry me.
• 5:45
  Speaker 1: Let's let's resolve this.
• 5:47
  Speaker 4: Okay, I must charge an hour.
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: Four hundred and sixty year end.
• 5:51
  Speaker 3: Okay, do you have a.
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: Problem with the clothes that she wears? It work? What
• 5:57
  Speaker 1: do you have a problem with it? Was?
• 5:59
  Speaker 2: Yeah?
• 5:59
  Speaker 4: No, she's one tops the childer belly because the guys
• 6:03
  Speaker 4: that work at her work have a problem because they
• 6:05
  Speaker 4: makes not to comments to wear the blow cut top,
• 6:08
  Speaker 4: makes super comments one guy's work. And Erica will even
• 6:12
  Speaker 4: tell you he undressed the eyes with his eyes.
• 6:15
  Speaker 1: She is wearing quite a low cut top today.
• 6:19
  Speaker 3: What in a commuter?
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: I'm here to mediate.
• 6:23
  Speaker 4: No, no, no, no, you don't.
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: You do not talk about her like that. It's a compliment.
• 6:28
  Speaker 4: I will find out who have phoned me right now?
• 6:31
  Speaker 1: She's a hot vibe, dude.
• 6:34
  Speaker 4: Hell I will find you. And you're wishing hell no, no, no,
• 6:38
  Speaker 4: hold on, because what's going to happen to you right now?
• 6:41
  Speaker 4: You're gonna die? I tell you that, now.
• 6:46
  Speaker 2: Hold on. Okay, I think he's calling my landland now, Okay,
• 6:52
  Speaker 2: Frederick Jensen alone.
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: Number, Oh, mister listen.
• 6:58
  Speaker 4: Listen, dude, Yes, you do not speak to someone else's
• 7:02
  Speaker 4: woman that way. Do listen to me as far as
• 7:05
  Speaker 4: I know, all right, and with the voice that kills
• 7:09
  Speaker 4: I don't think it's directly for you.
• 7:11
  Speaker 1: Well, what's wrong with my voice?
• 7:12
  Speaker 4: You sound like you got to carry up your hair.
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: Really, yes, and I will find you.
• 7:18
  Speaker 4: You're going to need help, all right for someone to
• 7:21
  Speaker 4: push a wheel chair?
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: Really okay, Well just hold on one sec let me
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: put you back. Yes, if, if, if it is actually
• 7:31
  Speaker 1: love me now I know you'll love me, really, really really.
• 7:34
  Speaker 4: Speaking to mister Simpson, screw you, you.
• 7:44
  Speaker 1: Love you, love you so.
• 7:46
  Speaker 2: Much, okay, and say I'm sorry for all that I
• 7:50
  Speaker 2: gave you this weekend.
• 7:52
  Speaker 1: I'm sorry.
• 7:54
  Speaker 4: You don't have to be sorry.
• 7:55
  Speaker 2: But I am. Okay, I love you so much. And
• 8:00
  Speaker 2: their marriage counselor, I mean the session did end with
• 8:07
  Speaker 2: that I love you.
• 8:08
  Speaker 1: You shouldn't even be alive.
• 8:10
  Speaker 2: Let me tell you how many people people go for
• 8:12
  Speaker 2: marriage count ten twelve, fourteen sessions one fix.
• 8:16
  Speaker 4: I love you, I love you after one session?
• 8:20
  Speaker 2: So how dare you my my talent strategy? They might
• 8:29
  Speaker 2: not teach this in the psychology books at university.
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: I feel you made the long term demage I've.
• 8:36
  Speaker 2: Got street psychology. Thanks very much, I'll take the sorry
• 8:41
  Speaker 2: in writing My pleasure