Latest / Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler / Mothers Part 2

Transcript

Mothers Part 2 · Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler

0:01
Speaker 1: Welcome to Part two of our Mother's Day episode. There
0:04
Speaker 1: was so much to discuss, we had to do part two.
0:06
Speaker 1: We did, and since our premiere episodes, so we wanted
0:08
Speaker 1: to give people something a little extra. So we have
0:11
Speaker 1: people calling in with advice about their children, which is
0:13
Speaker 1: obviously going to be my wheelhouse, and you can pick
0:15
Speaker 1: your own wheelhouse because that's mine. I picked it. It's
0:17
Speaker 1: just like a monopoly figure is as we keep going,
0:19
Speaker 1: I think your's is gay. That would make sense. Yeah,
0:22
Speaker 1: so these are women, they've got some kids that are
0:25
Speaker 1: kind of sucked up. Well, we don't want to say
0:26
Speaker 1: fucked up. You know, just because there's a situation happening
0:30
Speaker 1: doesn't mean your kid is fucked up. It means your
0:32
Speaker 1: kids might be behaving in a fucked up way. We
0:35
Speaker 1: don't want to say you're fucked up. Nobody's fucked up.
0:38
Speaker 1: That's a permanent description of somebody. And everything's temporary. So
0:41
Speaker 1: that's the first thing to remember, everybody. Everything is temporary.
0:44
Speaker 1: Even if you're an asshole, that can be temporary. Even
0:48
Speaker 1: if a kid is an asshole, that can be a
0:49
Speaker 1: temporaries asshole kid. And that's what I call attacked t
0:52
Speaker 1: A k temporary asshole kid. Okay, Well, then today we
0:56
Speaker 1: have a couple T a k S temporary asshole kids.
0:59
Speaker 1: These kids are up to okay, okay. Laura is our
1:02
Speaker 1: first submission. She is in her thirties. She's a newly
1:05
Speaker 1: stay at home mom, and she says, Dear Chelsea, how
1:08
Speaker 1: do I get my toddler to stop swearing? I don't
1:10
Speaker 1: know what sort of advice you're going to give? Well,
1:13
Speaker 1: I mean, I personally like when toddler swears, why so
1:17
Speaker 1: I don't mind it, And I as far as parenting
1:19
Speaker 1: goes like, they're going to find out what fuck and
1:21
Speaker 1: you know in all these word because I've been saying
1:26
Speaker 1: that word a lot later for some reason. But you know,
1:28
Speaker 1: they're gonna find out fun ship, piss, whatever, pussy. They're
1:32
Speaker 1: going to hear these words. Yeah, they shouldn't be throwing
1:34
Speaker 1: them around, but it is entertaining, and I feel like
1:36
Speaker 1: the entertainment value aspect of it outweighs the moral one
1:41
Speaker 1: because it's not really a moral argument. It's just like,
1:44
Speaker 1: do you want your kids cursing or not? Obviously you don't,
1:47
Speaker 1: but I think from like until they're five, it's fun. Well,
1:50
Speaker 1: so she goes on to say. He typically says oh
1:53
Speaker 1: ship with conviction and in perfect context. He's almost three,
1:56
Speaker 1: so he's old enough to understand that he shouldn't be
1:57
Speaker 1: saying these words. I've explained to him that he shouldn't,
2:00
Speaker 1: and later that day he said, what the hell any advice? Hi? Laura,
2:05
Speaker 1: Hi Chelsea? Hi? Is it funny? Him cursing, Yeah, it
2:10
Speaker 1: sounds funny, It is funny. My husband and I usually
2:13
Speaker 1: look at each other and kind of do a little
2:16
Speaker 1: giggle and decide whether or not we're going to say
2:19
Speaker 1: something to him or just trying to ignore it, and
2:23
Speaker 1: it's just kind of a we never really know what
2:26
Speaker 1: to do. Yeah, I think just go with it. I
2:29
Speaker 1: had a friend who had a similar situation and she
2:33
Speaker 1: told the kid, you can only say those words at home.
2:35
Speaker 1: So I don't know what sort of impact that had,
2:38
Speaker 1: but set it up that like, hey, you know, there
2:40
Speaker 1: are certain things that you do and don't say in public,
2:43
Speaker 1: and those were if you're going to say those words,
2:45
Speaker 1: you only say them at home, like you don't say
2:47
Speaker 1: them at school, you don't say them to another kid.
2:50
Speaker 1: I don't know how that worked out for them, but
2:52
Speaker 1: I would just like to provide you that sort of insight,
2:54
Speaker 1: it's what another parents is doing. And also I would
2:57
Speaker 1: enjoy the comic relief of it. Yes, it is very funny. However,
3:01
Speaker 1: one time he did it when we had family members
3:03
Speaker 1: over and they kind of shot us some weird looks,
3:07
Speaker 1: so we were like, well, we're just trying to ignore
3:09
Speaker 1: it right now. Yeah, but you know what fun people
3:12
Speaker 1: like when family members how are so judgy about like
3:14
Speaker 1: your toddler and about other people how they raise their children.
3:18
Speaker 1: That is reason enough for your kid to be cursing.
3:20
Speaker 1: In my opinion, there's more serious ship going on, Like
3:23
Speaker 1: you guys have bigger fish to fry when you have
3:25
Speaker 1: a kid. This is the thing, Chelsea is not ever
3:28
Speaker 1: going to have kids. I'm on the fence. I really
3:30
Speaker 1: wanted them, and now I can't imagine having to deal
3:32
Speaker 1: with them. So I give like the utmost kudos to
3:35
Speaker 1: anyone who is willing to give of themselves to raise children.
3:39
Speaker 1: That is the least of your fucking worries. Is this
3:42
Speaker 1: kid swearing? Like is he kind? That's something? Is he
3:45
Speaker 1: pushing kids down on a playground? If the answer is no,
3:49
Speaker 1: then like who the fun let him say funk? If
3:51
Speaker 1: that's the worst thing this kid is doing, it's probably
3:54
Speaker 1: not that bad. He'll grow out of it. He'll be
3:56
Speaker 1: able to understand later. That's like not appropriate in certain settings.
4:00
Speaker 1: But I would think also the less attention you draw
4:02
Speaker 1: to it, the less it's going to have impact. Right, Yeah,
4:06
Speaker 1: Like if you're laughing at him, like he sees he's
4:09
Speaker 1: getting your attention, then of course he's going to want
4:11
Speaker 1: more of it. So if you're laughing, which I you know, encourage,
4:14
Speaker 1: I would look away and laugh with your husband, and then,
4:17
Speaker 1: you know, just appreciate those little moments. Use it as
4:19
Speaker 1: for play. Sounds good. Okay, thanks for calling in, Laura,
4:25
Speaker 1: Thank you so much. If I had a kid, he
4:28
Speaker 1: would be such a dick. Yeah, but not a dick
4:30
Speaker 1: in like a celebrity. He would order cocktails at dinner
4:35
Speaker 1: and stuff like that. He'd be a dick to me.
4:37
Speaker 1: You would have one of those kids though, that people
4:39
Speaker 1: want to be around. They engage an adult conversation, like
4:42
Speaker 1: they know what the funk is up. I'm just so
4:45
Speaker 1: so glad that I don't have children. I know, I'm
4:48
Speaker 1: so grateful that that never happened to me. I'm so
4:52
Speaker 1: grateful that I don't have someone at home when I
4:55
Speaker 1: get home except for you and my bell and and
4:59
Speaker 1: even my belt. I really don't want to get home
5:03
Speaker 1: all the time. This is something that everyone should know.
5:05
Speaker 1: When Chelsea comes home from a trip, she hates if
5:08
Speaker 1: anyone to say She's like, I don't want to see
5:10
Speaker 1: people when I come back. Mind you, I always have
5:12
Speaker 1: to be there to make sure like things are on.
5:13
Speaker 1: You can help me turn the lights on. Usually what
5:16
Speaker 1: it is is, I'm bloated and tired. You want to decompress,
5:19
Speaker 1: and I want to get in bed and sleep. I'm
5:21
Speaker 1: so glad that I, like, there's no accidental pregnancies in
5:24
Speaker 1: a gay relationship. But I thought for sure I was
5:27
Speaker 1: going to have kids by the time I was twenty.
5:29
Speaker 1: That's all I wanted. I ever even thought about that,
5:31
Speaker 1: that you guys don't have to deal with the threat
5:34
Speaker 1: of an accidental pregnancy. No, so it's you know, it
5:37
Speaker 1: has to be much more organized if you're going to
5:40
Speaker 1: have kids. But even then, yeah, like you have to
5:43
Speaker 1: do not I cannot imagine having kids and just have
5:48
Speaker 1: to to sacrifice yourself and your time and the questions
5:51
Speaker 1: that they ask, repeated questions about the sun and the
5:55
Speaker 1: moon and answers. I don't have, and I don't want
5:57
Speaker 1: to pretend to know ship that I don't. That is
6:00
Speaker 1: so funny. My nephew called the other night and asking
6:02
Speaker 1: me how the moon got its glow, and so then
6:04
Speaker 1: I had to figure that out. I'm like Sun from
6:06
Speaker 1: the Sun. Yeah, I am way late on the fucking
6:09
Speaker 1: moon and Sunda from Google about three weeks ago, and
6:12
Speaker 1: I got the moon and the sun were the same
6:14
Speaker 1: fucking thing until like late in life. I thought Chicago
6:17
Speaker 1: was a state until I was like nineteen, So that's
6:20
Speaker 1: not saying much. But this seems to be a common problem,
6:23
Speaker 1: these kids swearing. But guys, like, there's so much else
6:26
Speaker 1: to worry about in life than your child saying shit,
6:29
Speaker 1: So sweet, keep exposing yourself. My breasts are exposed and
6:34
Speaker 1: I didn't even know stopped out and they're fucking huge
6:37
Speaker 1: right now. I mean they're always big period. Okay, Well,
6:41
Speaker 1: speaking of parenting styles, this next emission comes from Lindsay
6:45
Speaker 1: A out of California. She writes, Dear Chelsea, my goddamn
6:49
Speaker 1: four year old says some crazy shit. Usually I can
6:52
Speaker 1: respond to him and help him understand. I speak to
6:54
Speaker 1: him like an adult. He's allowed to use swear words,
6:57
Speaker 1: which many think is fucked up. But whatever, the issue
7:00
Speaker 1: that I'm having is he now tells me and anyone
7:02
Speaker 1: who will listen, I feel like I want to suck
7:04
Speaker 1: my penis. Now. If he's into penises, that's cool, but
7:08
Speaker 1: I don't believe he is. I asked him why he
7:11
Speaker 1: thought that, and he said that he wanted to see
7:12
Speaker 1: what it tastes like. Please help, What the fund do
7:14
Speaker 1: I say to this little weirdo, Well, it sounds like
7:17
Speaker 1: you created this weirdo probably, And I want to suck
7:20
Speaker 1: my penis isn't okay to say? Even if he is
7:23
Speaker 1: into penises, like, who wants That's like me sitting there,
7:25
Speaker 1: I want to suck my own beaver in nursery school. No,
7:29
Speaker 1: kids aren't supposed to be talking like that for a reason,
7:31
Speaker 1: so you can have your kid cursed all the time.
7:33
Speaker 1: I also think kids cursing is funny. But I mean,
7:37
Speaker 1: you've made your bed, now you have to lie in it, right,
7:40
Speaker 1: I guess? So? I mean, this isn't a situation i'd
7:43
Speaker 1: ever want to encounter. I don't. I don't know what
7:45
Speaker 1: you're seeing A kids saying I want to suck my
7:46
Speaker 1: own you can just shut up? Yeah, exactly who are
7:49
Speaker 1: the moms in your life that you know that, like
7:52
Speaker 1: you watch their parenting style and think like that's a
7:54
Speaker 1: good fucking mom or that's someone like that's the mom
7:57
Speaker 1: I wish I had. Yeah, it's like long term, right,
8:00
Speaker 1: I mean I like kids who behave so I like
8:02
Speaker 1: their parents, like kids who aren't like throwing iPads at
8:06
Speaker 1: their mother's faces like that. You know, you could see
8:09
Speaker 1: the difference in parenting and the effect on the child,
8:11
Speaker 1: like children who say hello, goodbye, please, thank you, or
8:15
Speaker 1: even more exciting as children that engage in conversation, you know,
8:19
Speaker 1: where you can connect with a kid instead of them
8:22
Speaker 1: just like looking at you as an adult and like, okay,
8:25
Speaker 1: you know. So which of your friends do you feel
8:27
Speaker 1: like their parenting style is close as to how you
8:29
Speaker 1: would parent I don't think about that, ever, there has
8:33
Speaker 1: to be one of your friends. I just I like
8:35
Speaker 1: the way Charlie's parents. Charlie's there on she's like fun
8:39
Speaker 1: and cool. But again I'm not there all the time,
8:41
Speaker 1: so I don't know. Like Charlie's just has that attitude
8:45
Speaker 1: that I would want from my parents, Like you know,
8:47
Speaker 1: she's strict, but she's totally real. Like yeah, like if
8:51
Speaker 1: it's really funny. It's really funny, you know, like she's
8:54
Speaker 1: not going to be in front of you doing that.
8:57
Speaker 1: Like she's very she's more private about it, like when
8:59
Speaker 1: she has to have real talks with her kids. She's
9:01
Speaker 1: just like she's a real person all around. So I
9:04
Speaker 1: respect how she behaves in general, but related to the kids, Yeah,
9:08
Speaker 1: I like those two kids a lot, and I think
9:10
Speaker 1: that's a direct result of her and her mom's parenting. Okay,
9:13
Speaker 1: well we can call her right to get her on
9:17
Speaker 1: the phone. Well, okay, we're gonna take a quick break,
9:20
Speaker 1: and then we're gonna see if Charlie's their own or throne. Yeah,
9:25
Speaker 1: is around and throne Charlie's They're wrong throne. We'll find
9:31
Speaker 1: out when we get her on the phone. Hi, we're
9:38
Speaker 1: back and guess what we do have Charlie's their own
9:40
Speaker 1: on the phone. Sweetheart. Are you ready to speak to
9:42
Speaker 1: our friend since we just discussed her parenting style, Yeah,
9:46
Speaker 1: we should wish her, Yeah, a happy Mother's day. Hi,
9:49
Speaker 1: Charlie's Hi, chicken. Oh, we were talking about you and
9:55
Speaker 1: we've decided to call you to wish you a happy
9:57
Speaker 1: Mother's Day. What you're so cute? How many Mother's Day
10:03
Speaker 1: I had asked Chelsea, who amongst her friends has a
10:07
Speaker 1: parenting style that would be most aligned with how Chelsea
10:11
Speaker 1: would parent should she have kids, and she said that
10:13
Speaker 1: your parenting style was the one she appreciated the most. Well,
10:17
Speaker 1: just given that we all know how little she wants
10:19
Speaker 1: to do with kids, like for herself, I take that
10:23
Speaker 1: as a real compliment because you really just don't want
10:26
Speaker 1: your own kids. So I mean that's like a really
10:29
Speaker 1: high compliment to get from you. Thank you. It means
10:32
Speaker 1: you're doing something right with those two. What is it
10:35
Speaker 1: is specifically that you think that I'm so good at
10:37
Speaker 1: because it's probably if it comes from you, it probably
10:39
Speaker 1: means I'm doing it raw. It's a good note Charley's
10:43
Speaker 1: I would say, like, I like that when you get mad,
10:46
Speaker 1: like you have long, serious talks with them, almost like
10:49
Speaker 1: they're you're equal, like they're adults. That's how I would
10:52
Speaker 1: describe it. I feel like we do parents a little
10:55
Speaker 1: bit like we were parented and then we also I
10:58
Speaker 1: don't know whether it's trauma or what it is that
11:01
Speaker 1: makes us kind of a race some of that stuff,
11:03
Speaker 1: but I do know that my mom brought that into
11:07
Speaker 1: her parenting and I always appreciated it because it always
11:09
Speaker 1: that was my first introduction to respect was my mother
11:13
Speaker 1: treating me that way, and it felt very respectful. And
11:16
Speaker 1: I remember being a young girl and you're like, wow,
11:19
Speaker 1: my mom has so much respect for me, Like she's
11:21
Speaker 1: sitting me down, she's having this discussion with me. And
11:24
Speaker 1: so I try to do that with my kids and
11:25
Speaker 1: they respond to it. I only do what works, and
11:29
Speaker 1: this seems to work. I think your dryers is done
11:34
Speaker 1: and your laundry is ready. Well, I'm doing laundry. Okay,
11:37
Speaker 1: this motherfucker over here cleans your house. You don't have
11:39
Speaker 1: to try and prove yourself to be real and down
11:42
Speaker 1: to earth. Okay, Chirley's nobody has any time for that.
11:46
Speaker 1: We need your advice. We had a caller call in
11:48
Speaker 1: and she has a little boy that curses and says,
11:51
Speaker 1: we had a couple of submissions children who are cursing incessantly,
11:55
Speaker 1: and then one child who is like getting to know
11:58
Speaker 1: his own anatomy and is very fascinated with his own
12:01
Speaker 1: dick and he really wants to suck his own dick.
12:04
Speaker 1: He says it. He says, I want to suck in
12:05
Speaker 1: my own dick and I was like, well, I really
12:07
Speaker 1: don't know what to say about that, because that's actual
12:10
Speaker 1: real parenting. So do you have any advice for them?
12:13
Speaker 1: Both of them? There were two? How old are these kids?
12:17
Speaker 1: One I think was three and the other was four.
12:20
Speaker 1: They were like old enough to kind of know what
12:22
Speaker 1: was going on, like one who was swearing knew how
12:24
Speaker 1: to use it in context with the three year old
12:27
Speaker 1: or four there. So they're both like really young, right,
12:30
Speaker 1: So they're off to a strong start, is our point.
12:33
Speaker 1: And then I guess my other question it would just
12:35
Speaker 1: for contacts. Do they have siblings? Were the only children?
12:39
Speaker 1: Do you guys know? They did not preface a great question,
12:42
Speaker 1: and if we were actually good at this, we would
12:44
Speaker 1: have asked it. I would say that with young kids,
12:47
Speaker 1: I think to lean into anything too much as a mistake.
12:50
Speaker 1: I think, you know, sometimes we worry when they say
12:53
Speaker 1: inappropriate things or when they touched themselves in and I
12:56
Speaker 1: think it's purely just innocent to them. It's spluratory. They're
13:01
Speaker 1: just they're figuring shut out, and some of it is
13:04
Speaker 1: uncomfortable for us to watch, but you have to always
13:08
Speaker 1: remind yourself at that age they're not hurting anybody and I,
13:12
Speaker 1: you know, not to embarrass my children, but there was
13:15
Speaker 1: definitely one of my kids who loved like just the
13:19
Speaker 1: feeling of things touching down there. So there's a lot
13:24
Speaker 1: of like grinding on pillows and she would say blatantly
13:27
Speaker 1: says she's like that feels so good, and it made
13:32
Speaker 1: me so uncomfortable. And I knew that she was doing
13:34
Speaker 1: it a little bit of preschool, and so my conversation
13:39
Speaker 1: with her was just like, that's awesome, Like I want
13:42
Speaker 1: her to have like really just love how good things
13:46
Speaker 1: feel on her body, but to know that maybe she
13:48
Speaker 1: should just keep it in our house and not you know,
13:51
Speaker 1: there are certain things that we maybe we don't take
13:53
Speaker 1: to preschool. So I and then it went away, Like
13:57
Speaker 1: I think when you make a big deal out of it,
13:59
Speaker 1: it may it becomes a bigger thing. And with her,
14:02
Speaker 1: as soon as I told her that it was fine
14:04
Speaker 1: to do it, it's almost like she lost interest and
14:06
Speaker 1: then she stopped doing it. The swearing thing is is
14:09
Speaker 1: interesting because I think my youngest one struggles with that
14:11
Speaker 1: more than my older one. So that's why I was
14:13
Speaker 1: asking if there was siblings, and like, if there's a sibling,
14:16
Speaker 1: and I don't know, maybe I'm like a little bit
14:18
Speaker 1: more lenient with my older kid, Jackson, and so the
14:21
Speaker 1: little one really wants to join the coolness. I mean,
14:25
Speaker 1: I let Jackson. Every once in a while, I'll be like,
14:27
Speaker 1: I'm okay with you saying there's certain words that people
14:30
Speaker 1: think are swearing that I'm just like, that's not swearing.
14:32
Speaker 1: I don't know, like, but you can say, but you
14:35
Speaker 1: can say like they're just they're like the S word.
14:37
Speaker 1: I'm like, what's the S word? Ship? And they're like, no, stupid,
14:40
Speaker 1: And I'm like, it's like we're just getting a little
14:43
Speaker 1: too like just speak normal. And then every once in
14:46
Speaker 1: a while, because we are very big Route Paul fans
14:50
Speaker 1: in this house, there's a lot of exectives. And the
14:54
Speaker 1: one reason the rule that I have is like when
14:58
Speaker 1: you get your swear license when you're older, you can
15:01
Speaker 1: talk like this, but up until then, you're you're not
15:03
Speaker 1: going to talk like that. And so every once in
15:05
Speaker 1: a while when we watch it, they'll say like, can
15:07
Speaker 1: I just say the B work just once? Can I
15:09
Speaker 1: just say it once? And also they're surrounded by you
15:12
Speaker 1: and Gerda, so I mean, where do you think they're
15:14
Speaker 1: picking this up in the first place? From you guys
15:16
Speaker 1: and Gerda just so you know, as Charlie's mom, and
15:19
Speaker 1: they basically copare it together. I'm gonna blame it on
15:22
Speaker 1: Rue and I'm gonna say it's not us. The swearing
15:27
Speaker 1: thing goes a little far right. It's like I've had
15:30
Speaker 1: kids say to me like, you can't play that song
15:31
Speaker 1: because there's it's not the clean version. You guys won't
15:34
Speaker 1: know this because you don't have kids, but literally kids
15:37
Speaker 1: will talk like that, be like, no, we can't listen
15:39
Speaker 1: to this, it's not the clean version. And I'm like,
15:41
Speaker 1: we're listening to this. It's playing in my car, We're
15:43
Speaker 1: listening to it. So do you think it's like an
15:46
Speaker 1: over correction? Is it about teaching your kids how to
15:49
Speaker 1: like just respectfully communicate that, Like these are all words
15:52
Speaker 1: that we're all going to use at some point, and
15:54
Speaker 1: it's just about how you're using them, Like you're not
15:56
Speaker 1: going to go out and call another kid on a
15:58
Speaker 1: playground a bit no listen. I am probably not the
16:02
Speaker 1: right person any advice like when it comes to swearing,
16:05
Speaker 1: because like Chelsea said, I really I really love to
16:09
Speaker 1: swear and I learned it from my mother, and my
16:12
Speaker 1: mother is Ton times worse than I am. So I'm
16:15
Speaker 1: sure my kids are either gonna go the complete opposite
16:18
Speaker 1: and not swear at all, or they're gonna totally lean
16:21
Speaker 1: in and like, you know, stop their flak jackets. But
16:24
Speaker 1: I feel like it's language that when you're older you
16:27
Speaker 1: can just like I don't feel comfortable with my kids
16:31
Speaker 1: up until, like way into their teens, you know, saying
16:35
Speaker 1: bitch every once in a while, Like I do think
16:37
Speaker 1: it's funny, and I have to watch myself. Like the
16:39
Speaker 1: little one will say it with like she's just lost
16:41
Speaker 1: her upper two so she's got this big cap and
16:43
Speaker 1: she'd be like based every group, Paul, she gets one
16:48
Speaker 1: try at just one chance, like and then she knows
16:51
Speaker 1: she can't say it again. She's like, can I say it?
16:53
Speaker 1: Can I say it? I'm like, all right, go for it.
16:54
Speaker 1: She's like, bits, Hey. You know what I was talking
16:57
Speaker 1: to Brandon about the other day that made me want
16:59
Speaker 1: to talk to you is we were talking about apologizing
17:02
Speaker 1: and how like one of the first times I learned
17:04
Speaker 1: to apologize was after you and I got in that
17:06
Speaker 1: really stupid fight in South Africa. We went to South
17:09
Speaker 1: Africa for your charity A C. T. A o P.
17:11
Speaker 1: Charlie's they're in African outreach program, which everybody should know about.
17:15
Speaker 1: I was just being crabby or bitchy, and everyone kept
17:18
Speaker 1: using that phrase a hundred percent, and you and Mary
17:21
Speaker 1: kept saying a hundred percent, a hundred hundred percent, And
17:24
Speaker 1: finally I was like, can you flee stop fucking saying
17:26
Speaker 1: a hundred percent? And Charlie's was like, whoa, whoa, whoa,
17:30
Speaker 1: what's your problem, dude? And we got into like this
17:34
Speaker 1: fight because of because of that, because you guys have
17:37
Speaker 1: been friends for a long time, was this your first
17:39
Speaker 1: fight or disagreement? Pretty much? Yeah, sure, definitely. Yeah. I
17:43
Speaker 1: feel like that was the first time that we spent
17:45
Speaker 1: like we were together for close to two weeks. I
17:48
Speaker 1: feel like, right we were traveling, and I feel like
17:50
Speaker 1: the old thing is true, like you really get to
17:52
Speaker 1: know somebody when you travel with them like that. That's
17:55
Speaker 1: when you see them not just in an hourly period
17:58
Speaker 1: in a weekly schedule, like you see them every single day,
18:01
Speaker 1: and especially on those trips, we do everything together. We
18:04
Speaker 1: have breakfast together, we eat dinner together, we write in
18:07
Speaker 1: bands together, you know, for five hours and then we
18:10
Speaker 1: get on a plane and so the whole. It's intense travel,
18:13
Speaker 1: it's exhausting, and there's so many moving parts to it.
18:18
Speaker 1: So so then you're on this trip and this like,
18:21
Speaker 1: even though it seems a minor conflict or conversation, what
18:24
Speaker 1: happens does it escalate? Who addresses it? Well, we left
18:27
Speaker 1: the trip and we were like, I had bad vibes
18:29
Speaker 1: going at the end of the trip, Like I kind
18:31
Speaker 1: of blew up at dinner, and then I like went
18:33
Speaker 1: up to my room and then we just all kind
18:35
Speaker 1: of like played nice for the rest of the trip,
18:37
Speaker 1: but we didn't really talk about it. So we flew home,
18:39
Speaker 1: and then when we got home after a few days
18:41
Speaker 1: had passed, I was like one of us said, let's
18:43
Speaker 1: talk about it, and I went over to Charlie's and
18:45
Speaker 1: we had that really nice long talk. And you know,
18:48
Speaker 1: that's saying about being able to apologize is so liberating,
18:51
Speaker 1: is cheesy, but it's so true. Being able to apologize
18:54
Speaker 1: is like such a friendship builder. Also because you end
18:58
Speaker 1: up do you do become closer because you're you're more honest.
19:01
Speaker 1: You know, you can say I fucked up and I'm
19:03
Speaker 1: sorry and I won't do it again, or I hope
19:05
Speaker 1: I'm not doing it again, you know that sort of thing.
19:08
Speaker 1: So we were talking about that the other day and
19:09
Speaker 1: I just thought that was a sweet memory and I
19:11
Speaker 1: wanted to issue a happy Mother's Day, so I thought,
19:13
Speaker 1: let's call my baby. You know. The thing that I
19:16
Speaker 1: remember the most was listening your role. I hate this word,
19:20
Speaker 1: but your journey with Dan is really inspiring my therapist Dan,
19:24
Speaker 1: and was then even to me because you were just
19:28
Speaker 1: the evidence of whatever he was sharing with you information wise.
19:32
Speaker 1: That was just I thought, really powerful because you change.
19:37
Speaker 1: It was a deeper thing with you, and I think
19:39
Speaker 1: that was the thing that freaked me out a little
19:40
Speaker 1: bit was because nobody gets that upset about anybody saying
19:44
Speaker 1: a hundred percent, maybe way too much like I did
19:47
Speaker 1: on that trip, but you know, and having some perspective
19:52
Speaker 1: on like what we were doing there, and like the
19:54
Speaker 1: conversations that we were having. Part of me was like,
19:57
Speaker 1: who gets the funk if I say a hundred percent
19:59
Speaker 1: a thousand times we're talking about investing in use here
20:02
Speaker 1: and like future leaders of Africa, Like fuck you. So
20:06
Speaker 1: when we came back and you reached out to me,
20:09
Speaker 1: it just I think the thing about good friends is
20:13
Speaker 1: that you reached out came over, was not defensive at all,
20:20
Speaker 1: told me a little bit about Dan, but didn't say
20:22
Speaker 1: it in a way that felt like you were justifying
20:25
Speaker 1: your behavior. And then I just remember you being so
20:29
Speaker 1: sincerely sorry, and I was like, fuck, Like that's great
20:33
Speaker 1: right there, and deep down inside I thought thank you
20:37
Speaker 1: because I don't say a thousand times now and I'm
20:40
Speaker 1: sure I sound way more intelligent, but I didn't want
20:43
Speaker 1: to let you know that in the moment. But yeah,
20:46
Speaker 1: I mean I think of you almost like Chelsea pre
20:50
Speaker 1: our Africa trip and then Chelsea after our Africa trip,
20:54
Speaker 1: Like it's really like, that's how I think of you.
20:57
Speaker 1: You've really changed so more than anybody in my life. Actually,
21:02
Speaker 1: you are the person in my life that has definitely
21:04
Speaker 1: made the biggest changes. So now, looking back on this,
21:09
Speaker 1: do you think that you would have apologized immediately after,
21:13
Speaker 1: like or do you think you still would have needed
21:15
Speaker 1: some time to decompress from it. If I know, if
21:18
Speaker 1: I hadn't been in therapy, I would have been defensive still,
21:20
Speaker 1: like I would have just been you know, but now
21:22
Speaker 1: with your knowledge and your experience, like, was that something
21:26
Speaker 1: you would have had this altercation at dinner? Yeah, we
21:29
Speaker 1: never get upset at dinner for somebody saying a would
21:32
Speaker 1: you apologize quicker? Yes? And of course, of course yes, yes.
21:36
Speaker 1: I wouldn't have held on to it. I would have
21:37
Speaker 1: been like, I'm so sorry about my outburst. That's the
21:40
Speaker 1: best type of relationship, the ones that you can and
21:42
Speaker 1: want to apologize for. Yes, you know what, what you
21:45
Speaker 1: just brought up was my bigger problem with her when
21:48
Speaker 1: she eventually came over, because remember Chelsea, I said to you.
21:52
Speaker 1: I was like, it's the fact that you just stayed
21:54
Speaker 1: there and like never addressed it, and I felt like
21:57
Speaker 1: the rest of the trip was destroyed. I was like,
22:00
Speaker 1: we were like so weird with each other and then
22:02
Speaker 1: we just sit on planes with each other and it
22:04
Speaker 1: was so fucking awkward, and there were other people there,
22:06
Speaker 1: and I was like, I love that she calls me
22:08
Speaker 1: out on ship. I love that that's who she is.
22:10
Speaker 1: I hope she never loses that. I don't mind her
22:13
Speaker 1: calling me out and be like, you sound like an idiot,
22:15
Speaker 1: don't say that. But there was this aggression behind it,
22:18
Speaker 1: and then she hung onto it. And I now know
22:22
Speaker 1: for a fact that that's not Chelsea anymore. Like I
22:25
Speaker 1: know that if something came up between us, Chelsea would
22:27
Speaker 1: address it. She wouldn't be defensive, she'd be sincere and
22:31
Speaker 1: wanting to know what the funk it is. It's really
22:34
Speaker 1: it's incredible, it's really inspiring. Okay. So can I ask,
22:38
Speaker 1: for other people who are listening, what was the reasoning
22:40
Speaker 1: behind Charley's you not addressing it, like giving her the
22:44
Speaker 1: day and then being like, hey, we can't go on
22:45
Speaker 1: the rest of the trip like this. So for people
22:47
Speaker 1: who have that dynamic with a friend or a family
22:49
Speaker 1: member where one of them responds differently, like you know,
22:51
Speaker 1: they need either more time or they hold onto things longer,
22:55
Speaker 1: I don't feel like maybe it's always the person's responsibility
22:57
Speaker 1: who isn't holding onto it. But in that since, why
23:00
Speaker 1: didn't you just address it, knowing that you had these
23:02
Speaker 1: extra days? All right, listen, I should have, Yes, I
23:06
Speaker 1: should have. I know, I think you did. You came
23:07
Speaker 1: up to my hotel room the next morning. I went
23:09
Speaker 1: to her room and and I tried. But I would
23:12
Speaker 1: also be very honest in saying that I was really
23:14
Speaker 1: pissed and I felt like there wasn't there was so much.
23:19
Speaker 1: And this is again, you know, you have to watch
23:21
Speaker 1: yourself when you talk about this stuff because I don't
23:23
Speaker 1: want to sound like I'm making excuses, but like part
23:26
Speaker 1: of me was so pissed that I went to her
23:27
Speaker 1: room and I was like, instead of going to her
23:30
Speaker 1: room and be like, what's going I did say what's
23:32
Speaker 1: going on? And I knew we weren't going to get there.
23:34
Speaker 1: There was a lot we were basically packing to get
23:37
Speaker 1: onto another plane. But you're right, brind And like, the
23:40
Speaker 1: thing that I learned was that I am a little
23:44
Speaker 1: bit scared of conflict. I'm scared of rocking the boat, right.
23:47
Speaker 1: And there was some stuff going on with my mom.
23:51
Speaker 1: We were home, we were kind of reminiscing about our
23:53
Speaker 1: family lives, and like there was just some deeper issue
23:56
Speaker 1: stuff going on with me as well. So part of
23:59
Speaker 1: me and going into that room, I wish I went
24:01
Speaker 1: to that room and just said I'm not leaving here
24:04
Speaker 1: until you can actually just sit down, be quiet, look
24:07
Speaker 1: me in the eye, don't move, make eye contact, and
24:10
Speaker 1: be fucking a us. Since your moment with me where
24:12
Speaker 1: we look at each other and we're like, what are
24:14
Speaker 1: we doing? This is ridiculous? Well, because when I think
24:17
Speaker 1: of you two, that's how I see you in your
24:19
Speaker 1: dynamic together like I always compartmentalize her friends into her
24:22
Speaker 1: celebrity friends and then her real friends, and you are
24:27
Speaker 1: like that center piece. You are a real friend who
24:31
Speaker 1: happens to be a celebrity, and a lot of times
24:34
Speaker 1: that wouldn't be a conversation that you have with another
24:36
Speaker 1: person who's just in the industry. You're on this trip
24:38
Speaker 1: and like you come and go and you never speak again.
24:40
Speaker 1: I think our connection is very We became really good
24:43
Speaker 1: friends because I think we appreciate that directness. I think
24:48
Speaker 1: we appreciate that directness that no bullshit, like a lot
24:51
Speaker 1: of people are scared by that. I think Chelsea would
24:53
Speaker 1: speak that too, Like I've met women in my life
24:55
Speaker 1: we're like, I'm just scared, Like you're too direct, you're
24:58
Speaker 1: too honest, Like I don't know what's gonna come out
25:00
Speaker 1: of your mouth. And I think when you meet a
25:02
Speaker 1: like minded person the way Chelsea and I met each other,
25:05
Speaker 1: we're like, funk, Okay, I'm not scared of you, and
25:07
Speaker 1: she's like, I'm not scared of you, bitch. As a
25:09
Speaker 1: matter of fact, stop saying because you sound like a
25:11
Speaker 1: fucking yeah, that's not our problem. But I think in
25:15
Speaker 1: that moment, I also realized like if we were going
25:17
Speaker 1: to fight, we were going to be both stubborn, right,
25:20
Speaker 1: And like, that's my problem. I have to work with that.
25:23
Speaker 1: Like I find that sometimes I'm expecting wig too much
25:27
Speaker 1: from the other person instead of just like bringing my
25:30
Speaker 1: end to it, my part and then like letting it
25:32
Speaker 1: be and like then going Okay, I did what I
25:35
Speaker 1: was supposed to do. Instead I'm like, what are you
25:37
Speaker 1: gonna do? How are you going to fix this? But again,
25:39
Speaker 1: that's kind of like the perfect way to wrap this up,
25:41
Speaker 1: because that is you always go into these things with
25:45
Speaker 1: the intention to fix your part, Like you can't fix
25:48
Speaker 1: the other person and you can't make them respond to
25:51
Speaker 1: what you want them too. So you just have to
25:53
Speaker 1: operate in the best way for yourself, knowing that you're
25:55
Speaker 1: doing what you can in that relationship. And so you
25:58
Speaker 1: can't always expect the other gonna meet you halfways. You
26:01
Speaker 1: kind of have to go yourself and if they end
26:03
Speaker 1: up meeting you, great, and if not, like you know,
26:04
Speaker 1: you've done your part. What a beautiful wrap up, sweetheart.
26:08
Speaker 1: I don't know what I would have done if you
26:09
Speaker 1: and Churet least would have broken up. Am I going
26:11
Speaker 1: to see you later tonight. Yeah, oh awesome, I can't wait.
26:15
Speaker 1: You guys, I'm so proud of you for doing this podcast.
26:18
Speaker 1: This is so thank you for taking the call. You
26:22
Speaker 1: never know who's going to pick up, so we are
26:25
Speaker 1: Do people just call in like the like people just
26:27
Speaker 1: call in and ask questions and stuff. People call it
26:30
Speaker 1: for advice on stuff and we either talk to them
26:33
Speaker 1: or we read their question and then we chime in. Yeah,
26:36
Speaker 1: sometimes you have to bring an expert in. Yeah, sometimes
26:38
Speaker 1: we have to bring an expert in. A celebrity guest,
26:40
Speaker 1: you know that kind of thing. You guys should probably
26:42
Speaker 1: make them sign some kind of a liability like I mean,
26:46
Speaker 1: trying to preface to take all the advice and nondisclosure agreement. Well,
26:51
Speaker 1: happy Mother's Day. Tell gird a happy Mother's Day. Happy
26:54
Speaker 1: Mother's Day baby, thank you, and don't take any of
26:57
Speaker 1: my kid advice please all right, bye, thank you, I
27:02
Speaker 1: see you later. I just love her. Let's tell people
27:06
Speaker 1: about Charlie's charity please. Yeah, So it's Charlie's. They're an
27:10
Speaker 1: African outreach program. They provide schooling and education for people.
27:14
Speaker 1: They provide scholarships for young girls to go to college,
27:17
Speaker 1: and they do a lot of HIV prevention and they
27:20
Speaker 1: serve tons of adolescence in all of Africa, so it's
27:23
Speaker 1: really really important work anything else, sweetheart, Well, they can
27:27
Speaker 1: donate online if they want to go to Charlie's Africa
27:30
Speaker 1: Charley's Africa Outreach dot org. Yeah, they can donate right
27:33
Speaker 1: on the home screen. It's really easy in the money's
27:35
Speaker 1: actually going to And we donate, sweetheart, as a family,
27:38
Speaker 1: we donate every year. Do your part. Donate. That would
27:40
Speaker 1: be a very good Mother's Day donation For anybody who's
27:43
Speaker 1: listening that's a mother, and for anybody who's listening that's
27:45
Speaker 1: not a mother. We should all donate for Mother's Day.
27:48
Speaker 1: I'll make a donation in your name, sweetheart. Oh, sweetheart,
27:51
Speaker 1: thank you. You're not a mother and that's for the best. Yes, well,
27:53
Speaker 1: it seems like you and Shirley's had very similar parenting styles. Yeah,
27:56
Speaker 1: very similar takes on the swearing and not drawing attention
27:59
Speaker 1: to it, keeping it in the home. So I mean,
28:02
Speaker 1: maybe you're honestly, maybe you could be a mother. I
28:05
Speaker 1: just know if I had a kid, I'd want them
28:06
Speaker 1: to be cool, like I want them to be cool.
28:08
Speaker 1: Don't be a dick, don't be an asshole. Don't throw
28:11
Speaker 1: your iPad ever at anybody or even I wouldn't want
28:14
Speaker 1: a kid like that, so I would have to be
28:16
Speaker 1: really diligent. You want your kid to have a childhood
28:19
Speaker 1: and experience that and enjoy it, but you also want
28:21
Speaker 1: them to operate a certain way around adults, like don't
28:23
Speaker 1: be a fucking asshole. Yeah, I mean I was a
28:26
Speaker 1: real fucking asshole growing up, Like I was the worst
28:29
Speaker 1: that you could possibly be. I was. I put my
28:32
Speaker 1: parents through hell pregnancies. You know, I read I can
28:38
Speaker 1: have a kid to break that cycle. What cycle? I mean,
28:40
Speaker 1: asshole cycle? Oh oh right, I thought you met my
28:43
Speaker 1: menstrual cycle. No, your period is coming, though it's coming,
28:47
Speaker 1: it's always around the corner. I thought we were going
28:51
Speaker 1: to try and get me to get early onset menopause
28:54
Speaker 1: or is it outset? Is it outset? Well, when you're
28:57
Speaker 1: on the beginning, on the precipice of something, you're on
28:59
Speaker 1: the said of it, though, aren't you. You're you're the human,
29:03
Speaker 1: the source and dictionary. I don't know. You tell me
29:07
Speaker 1: I have to look into it, all right? Well, thank
29:09
Speaker 1: you Shirley's but we should probably thinking Gerda her mom
29:11
Speaker 1: because whatever. Yeah, thanks bitch, that's what she calls me.
29:15
Speaker 1: Gerda calls me bitch, and I call her bitch. Well,
29:18
Speaker 1: thank you bitch, and thank you Shirleys for calling it.
29:20
Speaker 1: Taking the time to do this, we learned a lot well.
29:27
Speaker 1: Our last submission comes from a Gabby. Is it my
29:31
Speaker 1: aunt Gabby? Because that's like her to write it and
29:33
Speaker 1: propose as somebody else, although I posing as else? Okay,
29:38
Speaker 1: read it? Okay, Dear Chelsea. My girlfriend wants kids, not
29:41
Speaker 1: now necessarily, but in the next few years, which, as
29:43
Speaker 1: a lesbian couple, would require some effort. I love kids,
29:46
Speaker 1: and she's always wanted them and I didn't, so it's
29:48
Speaker 1: a bit of an adjustment for me. My girlfriend's suggestion
29:52
Speaker 1: is using my eighteen year old brothers sperm to make
29:54
Speaker 1: this hypothetical child, causing my anxiety to quadruple. I bought
29:59
Speaker 1: a book on the said jacked, and honestly, it covers
30:01
Speaker 1: too many batship scenarios. My mom had the same idea
30:05
Speaker 1: as my girlfriend and offered up my brother's sperm. My
30:07
Speaker 1: mom recognized that my brother is too young to make
30:09
Speaker 1: that call and shared some of her own concerns. How
30:12
Speaker 1: old is her brother's eighteen why is he too young? Oh?
30:14
Speaker 1: Too young? My girlfriend is worried about picking some random
30:19
Speaker 1: sperm from a bank. So I guess the question is,
30:21
Speaker 1: how the fund do you pick sperm? I don't know,
30:24
Speaker 1: but I find the brother thing to be weird too,
30:26
Speaker 1: But that's something people go through. No, I well, I
30:28
Speaker 1: get it, and I get it. It's your genes, but like,
30:30
Speaker 1: are you that married to having your own? It's like,
30:33
Speaker 1: how important are those genes to you? I'm fine with
30:35
Speaker 1: someone else's jeans. I prefer it. Actually, just break that side. Yeah,
30:40
Speaker 1: I mean she doesn't. She hasn't thought about that much
30:42
Speaker 1: about having a child in the first place. And to
30:45
Speaker 1: have your brother's child, I mean, the brother's eighteen. That's
30:48
Speaker 1: really not fair to him either. Well, Gabby's on the phone,
30:51
Speaker 1: so let's see what sort of movement they've had on this. Hi, Gabby,
30:54
Speaker 1: how you doing. I'm doing well in yourself. Um, well,
30:59
Speaker 1: we're just sitting here driving as a couple. Thank you
31:01
Speaker 1: for asking what's going on with you? So I just yeah,
31:04
Speaker 1: he ran and just read me your submission. So you're
31:07
Speaker 1: a lesbian who wants to have a baby while your
31:10
Speaker 1: partner wants to have a baby. Right, More so, than
31:13
Speaker 1: you do. But there everyone's contemplating now using your eighteen
31:16
Speaker 1: year old brother sperm. Is that right? Yeah, that's what's
31:20
Speaker 1: going on. Does that creep you out a little bit? Oh? Yeah, First,
31:26
Speaker 1: we haven't even like talked to him. I think it's
31:29
Speaker 1: way too soon to talk to him. Yeah. Yeah. And
31:31
Speaker 1: the fact that he's eighteen, it's like it's almost not
31:33
Speaker 1: fair to even ask him it's inappropriate. Yeah. I would
31:37
Speaker 1: say it's inappropriate too. And even in a couple of years,
31:40
Speaker 1: even if he is twenty one, I still think that's
31:44
Speaker 1: way too young to make a decision like that. Yeah.
31:48
Speaker 1: I mean, first of all, it's way too young. You're
31:49
Speaker 1: not even sold on. Okay, so you've been convinced to
31:52
Speaker 1: have a child, and all of a sudden, now your
31:54
Speaker 1: whole family is being roped into having the child, like
31:57
Speaker 1: using a sperm donor. People do that all the time.
32:00
Speaker 1: Lesbian women do it all the time, with or without partners.
32:03
Speaker 1: They use sperm donors so that it's not that difficult
32:06
Speaker 1: to find something that someone who sperm will measure up
32:10
Speaker 1: to what you guys are looking for. Well, I don't
32:12
Speaker 1: think I'm being roped into it, Like I do want
32:15
Speaker 1: to have a kid. I just wasn't it wasn't necessarily
32:18
Speaker 1: something on my mind right now. I think it is
32:21
Speaker 1: a little early to be having that conversation. But as
32:24
Speaker 1: far as having using a sperm donor, I think I'm
32:27
Speaker 1: more comfortable with that idea because it is it just
32:32
Speaker 1: makes more sense. It's also your baby, so you get
32:35
Speaker 1: to decide if you're going to use your brother's sperm
32:38
Speaker 1: or a sperm donors, right, I mean, this is your
32:42
Speaker 1: baby with your partner. So it's not like they can,
32:44
Speaker 1: you know, just go and steal your brother's sperm unless
32:47
Speaker 1: you have a jar of it somewhere. No, No, of course.
32:52
Speaker 1: And yeah, it's a conversation that we're having. I just
32:55
Speaker 1: think that her concern or the reason she feels that
32:58
Speaker 1: way is because she is that to be biologically both
33:02
Speaker 1: of ours. You know, she wants to see our traits
33:05
Speaker 1: and both of our traits and the kids, and it
33:07
Speaker 1: just happens to be as a gay couple. That that's
33:10
Speaker 1: that's not a thing. That's not real. Um. But like
33:13
Speaker 1: I understand where she's coming from with that. I think
33:16
Speaker 1: that's fair. But I also think for me, having a
33:21
Speaker 1: kid does not need to be biologically mine. For me
33:24
Speaker 1: to love it, like, I don't even necessarily think it
33:26
Speaker 1: has to be biologically my partners. For me to love
33:30
Speaker 1: the child, I could adopt and I could be content
33:33
Speaker 1: with that. And does she feel the same way. No,
33:36
Speaker 1: she could not adopt. She said they would have to
33:38
Speaker 1: be at least half ours. Yeah, I don't understand that.
33:42
Speaker 1: I don't understand what this is. Again, it is just
33:45
Speaker 1: such a gift. You are saving a life, you know.
33:50
Speaker 1: Why Why are people so against it? And why are
33:52
Speaker 1: people so attached to seeing their biological reproduction? Why? Though,
33:57
Speaker 1: what is that? I don't know what it is? I mean,
34:00
Speaker 1: get surprised by a brand new personality that has nothing
34:02
Speaker 1: to do with you. Yeah, live why of course, listen,
34:06
Speaker 1: you can love any baby, obviously, that's what adoption is,
34:08
Speaker 1: you know. I mean, how could you not love a baby?
34:11
Speaker 1: Even I could love a baby. If someone dropped one
34:13
Speaker 1: off at my doorstep and I had to take care
34:14
Speaker 1: of it, I mean I wouldn't I would hire someone,
34:17
Speaker 1: but I would take care of it financially, make sure
34:20
Speaker 1: that it was clothed and you've fed, and you know
34:22
Speaker 1: I would do the right thing. I would have a baby.
34:24
Speaker 1: You would have a baby, Brandon, if somebody, yes, but
34:27
Speaker 1: I don't understand the tie that people have to seeing
34:30
Speaker 1: by their own biological reproduction. You know, what I think
34:33
Speaker 1: it is is that there is an element of wanting
34:36
Speaker 1: to correct issues that people had as children, and by
34:41
Speaker 1: having their own, they feel like, oh, I can redo
34:43
Speaker 1: all of these things that went wrong in my childhood.
34:46
Speaker 1: Because now that I'm thinking about it in my own terms,
34:47
Speaker 1: that would be why I want one of my own
34:50
Speaker 1: that I'm like, no, no, no, We're going to to
34:53
Speaker 1: amend all the issues that I went through and give
34:56
Speaker 1: you the childhood I wish I had. Right, But I
34:59
Speaker 1: see it from both It's because my mom's adopted terrible
35:02
Speaker 1: scenario her. She had the best parents who adopted her,
35:05
Speaker 1: but she did not She was not happy with the
35:07
Speaker 1: adoption process like she did not. She does not feel
35:10
Speaker 1: good about that, your mother. But you've already explained that
35:13
Speaker 1: your mother doesn't feel good about most things, Gabby. This
35:17
Speaker 1: is we cover this earlier, but so for from your
35:19
Speaker 1: partner's perspective, a lot of times people do ever reason
35:21
Speaker 1: why they they saw something, to watch something, talk to
35:24
Speaker 1: someone and they don't want to adopt for that reason,
35:27
Speaker 1: or you know, there's a more specific reason why they
35:29
Speaker 1: want a biological child of their own. But so many
35:32
Speaker 1: gay couples go through this. I mean, I've had this
35:34
Speaker 1: conversation with my partner and I actually pulled an article
35:38
Speaker 1: up from online of another lesbian couple who did this
35:41
Speaker 1: with their brother's sperm, and so the process that they
35:45
Speaker 1: went through, she says, for instance, it enabled us to
35:48
Speaker 1: have a child that was biologically related to both of us,
35:51
Speaker 1: and it was an amazing and unique way to keep
35:53
Speaker 1: our donor involved, which is an issue for a lot
35:55
Speaker 1: of people, as do we have an open situation? Is it?
35:58
Speaker 1: Are you close with your brother? No? Not really. I
36:01
Speaker 1: mean I'm not not close with him, but and he's
36:04
Speaker 1: eighteen years old. I'm nine. There's a big gap. We
36:08
Speaker 1: kind of grew up differently, um, and so I'm not
36:12
Speaker 1: that close to them. And I also, like I've read,
36:15
Speaker 1: I bought a bunch of books. I've read a little
36:17
Speaker 1: bit say skim over, you know, using a relative spirm.
36:20
Speaker 1: I wonder why, because it's weird. Yeah, And it's just
36:24
Speaker 1: like I don't think I would ever want the donor involved,
36:28
Speaker 1: Like I wouldn't see them as a parents, like after that,
36:30
Speaker 1: when the kid's eighteen years old, if they want to
36:32
Speaker 1: connect with the donor, Okay, that's your decision, but I
36:36
Speaker 1: wouldn't want to like use a friends firm and so
36:39
Speaker 1: like to be like at Thanksgiving dinner and it's like, oh, yeah,
36:42
Speaker 1: there's your uncle Dad, Like yeah, yeah, Well it sounds like, okay,
36:45
Speaker 1: So your partner is the one that wants a biological
36:48
Speaker 1: child of her own, so she can accomplish that with
36:51
Speaker 1: a sperm donor, And it seems like you're pretty cool
36:54
Speaker 1: without having a biological child of your own. So it
36:57
Speaker 1: seems like the right thing. Just get a sperm donor,
36:59
Speaker 1: and you're just gonna agree to love the baby that
37:01
Speaker 1: has no biological relationship to you. Well her qualms with that,
37:05
Speaker 1: And I'm starting to agree a little bit. I've been
37:08
Speaker 1: reading on like sperm donors is um that you don't
37:12
Speaker 1: really know what you're getting a lot of these guys
37:15
Speaker 1: donate when they're young and they need cash, and so
37:17
Speaker 1: it's not like, you know, I'm doing this necessarily out
37:20
Speaker 1: of the goodness of my heart. I'm doing it for
37:21
Speaker 1: fifty bucks because I'm broke. And so even if you
37:24
Speaker 1: have a medical history, like you have a medical history
37:27
Speaker 1: of a kid up to the age of twenty, and
37:29
Speaker 1: he's not necessarily going to contact the sperm bank and say, oh,
37:32
Speaker 1: by the way, I found out like I have this
37:34
Speaker 1: medical issue or this medical issue. And then also you
37:38
Speaker 1: have these sperm donors who wind up helping a lot
37:42
Speaker 1: of couples have kids. So then if your kid is
37:45
Speaker 1: eighteen years old and they want to connect with the
37:47
Speaker 1: donor dad, then they find out that they have, you know,
37:51
Speaker 1: a hundred five hundred half siblings, especially now when you're
37:54
Speaker 1: doing those like little DNA tests you send in that
37:58
Speaker 1: she found out she has a son of another. Like
38:01
Speaker 1: this guy donated all the sperm and was really popular
38:04
Speaker 1: because he was tall, handsome, and very bright. So all
38:07
Speaker 1: these women picked his sperm and they all have his
38:09
Speaker 1: babies and they're all starting to connect with each other.
38:11
Speaker 1: Talk about fucking futuristic and weird? Does that I need?
38:15
Speaker 1: And will that creep out a kid? Like, I mean,
38:17
Speaker 1: I get all kids are going to have some sort
38:19
Speaker 1: of trauma, Like that's just unavoidable, but it's why, I mean,
38:23
Speaker 1: why why not get the trauma? I think you have
38:25
Speaker 1: to lean into the fact that he's going to grow
38:26
Speaker 1: up in a diverse household anyway, Yeah, and why not
38:30
Speaker 1: get the trauma out of the way right away, Like
38:32
Speaker 1: this is what you can be mad at for the
38:33
Speaker 1: rest of your life. Okay, you have to find anything
38:36
Speaker 1: normal as long as you frame it that way to them, like, hey,
38:38
Speaker 1: sometimes moms need help. They get help from Tom Dicker
38:42
Speaker 1: Harry down at the Spurm Bank. Like it's all how
38:45
Speaker 1: you present it to kids. So if you presented as
38:48
Speaker 1: this is the option that this man helped this many people,
38:52
Speaker 1: he's gonna have a much different response to that than
38:54
Speaker 1: like this is what you've missed out on to a
38:56
Speaker 1: certain degree, Like oh, you have all these siblings. No, no, No,
38:58
Speaker 1: that's not how you frame it, Like look at how
38:59
Speaker 1: many kids this man was able to provide these families
39:03
Speaker 1: who really wanted one. Yeah, And I've read what I
39:06
Speaker 1: read says that kids of gay couples do seem more
39:11
Speaker 1: receptive and understanding of the sperm donor process versus straight
39:16
Speaker 1: couples who had fertility issues and then had to go
39:19
Speaker 1: with the donor just because children of gay couples are
39:23
Speaker 1: cooler as soon as understand how children are made. Realized
39:27
Speaker 1: that you know this, Yeah, I think I also think
39:30
Speaker 1: fighting like one, people who want to get in touch
39:32
Speaker 1: with their sperm donor. I mean that is a real stretch.
39:35
Speaker 1: It's like, that is somebody who got paid for their sperm,
39:37
Speaker 1: like and you want to contact them and get to
39:39
Speaker 1: know them better. It's like, that's really then that's people
39:42
Speaker 1: who did a bad job of parenting if your kid
39:44
Speaker 1: is that desperate to meet his sperm donor. But I
39:46
Speaker 1: would agree with you that gaik. I mean children of
39:48
Speaker 1: gay couples do see him a little bit cooler and
39:50
Speaker 1: a little bit more progressive and with it. So, but
39:53
Speaker 1: I still would stick to the original plan, which is
39:56
Speaker 1: you get a sperm donor, and in this day and age,
39:59
Speaker 1: you can get background information about sperm donors that is available. Okay,
40:03
Speaker 1: I have one, I have a question. I have a
40:05
Speaker 1: follow up or I would say suggestion. Maybe they should
40:07
Speaker 1: use your sperm you would have before. I'll tell you
40:10
Speaker 1: about that. Yeah, So, Gaby, what about having your egg
40:15
Speaker 1: and her egg, her being the carrier inserted with the
40:18
Speaker 1: sperm from the same donors. That way the kids look
40:20
Speaker 1: alike and also looked like both of you to some degree.
40:24
Speaker 1: So now she has to have twins, well you would.
40:27
Speaker 1: I'm just I'm offering options. But if you use both
40:30
Speaker 1: eggs and you just didn't tell each you just didn't
40:32
Speaker 1: know which one which egg actually ended up being waste. No,
40:36
Speaker 1: but I think you can only do that with sperm,
40:37
Speaker 1: not not eggs. You have to use one egg, right
40:40
Speaker 1: or no? No, you put in a bunch of eggs
40:43
Speaker 1: and a bunch of sperm and then whatever fertilizes. So
40:46
Speaker 1: you could I D S or I C or I UI.
40:52
Speaker 1: You could do that, And that's something she's brought up.
40:55
Speaker 1: She thinks she'd said, like, you know, if we go
40:57
Speaker 1: the sperm down or route, then you know, use her
40:59
Speaker 1: a E and the sperm and have a kid, and
41:01
Speaker 1: then if we have a second kid, use my egg
41:04
Speaker 1: and the same sperm. That way you can kind of
41:06
Speaker 1: differentiate what are the characteristic you know, like our characteristics
41:11
Speaker 1: and the children, and what are the sperm donor's characteristics
41:14
Speaker 1: being that you used the same sperm for each child.
41:18
Speaker 1: So it's just so multifaceted with and I'm a lot
41:23
Speaker 1: more comfortable with that. Yeah, you you are with that idea? Yeah, okay,
41:27
Speaker 1: well then that's yeah, yeah, then do that. I think
41:30
Speaker 1: you have the answer that you came in with, which
41:32
Speaker 1: is get a sperm donor and do that what you
41:35
Speaker 1: just described is sounds perfect. Okay, okay, thank you. Do
41:39
Speaker 1: you feel confident about your decision now? Well? Yeah, yeah,
41:42
Speaker 1: I mean I've always felt pretty confident with my decision.
41:46
Speaker 1: It's just the fact that it's not solely my decision. Yeah,
41:50
Speaker 1: but you're doing I mean, I think you're contributing pretty
41:52
Speaker 1: much all that you're able to contribute, right right without
41:56
Speaker 1: your brother. Leave your brother out of it. Yeah. No,
41:59
Speaker 1: the only reason and I even considered that, which I
42:02
Speaker 1: didn't consider it very highly, just because I think it
42:06
Speaker 1: was important to her, um, you know, to my girlfriend
42:09
Speaker 1: to have both of our characteristics and obviously, like I
42:12
Speaker 1: want her to be happy. And also, you know, there's
42:15
Speaker 1: a cost associated with like sperm donation. So if you
42:19
Speaker 1: do it like at home, like at home insemination, they
42:22
Speaker 1: say to do like two vials every month, and like
42:25
Speaker 1: frozen sperm for like healthy woman in our early thirties,
42:30
Speaker 1: no fertility issues. There's like a ten percent chance of conception,
42:34
Speaker 1: and they suggestions in two vials, so it's like two
42:36
Speaker 1: grand a month, so like ten chance. Let's say after
42:40
Speaker 1: like six seven months you finally get pregnant, you're talking
42:43
Speaker 1: like fourteen grand and sperm and like, I don't know,
42:47
Speaker 1: that's just a it's a lot of money, and it's
42:49
Speaker 1: a lot of money. For the idea that sperm isn't
42:52
Speaker 1: free is absurd. It is. That's one of the things
42:58
Speaker 1: where I was leaning towards, you know, my brother. I'm like, yeah,
43:01
Speaker 1: I'll make her happy and also me from a cost perspective,
43:06
Speaker 1: rationally economic decision really with no regard for your brother's
43:11
Speaker 1: feelings at all in the situation. Can keep us posted
43:17
Speaker 1: If you find sperm downers, I would love to review
43:19
Speaker 1: those with you to see what's going on and help
43:22
Speaker 1: help give you some direction that way. Yeah, and for
43:25
Speaker 1: next Mother's Day, I'm going to start donating sperm. Mine.
43:29
Speaker 1: You're gonna pick me out. Thank you, Gabby. Thank you, Gabby.
43:32
Speaker 1: Have a great Mother's Day when you're a mother you Yeah.
43:37
Speaker 1: So I had a professor of mine after I graduated.
43:40
Speaker 1: I'd probably been graduated from college for two or three years,
43:43
Speaker 1: and she reached out asking you if she was with
43:47
Speaker 1: a girlfriend. I think they have been long term at
43:49
Speaker 1: the time. And she reached out and she said, Hey,
43:51
Speaker 1: this is gonna be a really strange question, but would
43:53
Speaker 1: you ever consider being our sperm downer? And I was
43:59
Speaker 1: about to start for you had so much going on,
44:01
Speaker 1: and we had talked about I can't have a baby.
44:03
Speaker 1: I was like, I'm not prepared for this. I'm about
44:04
Speaker 1: to start on my new life. Adventure was sweetheart, I'm
44:07
Speaker 1: not ready to be a dad, even a distant ad um.
44:11
Speaker 1: But the conversation never ended up really going anywhere. I
44:14
Speaker 1: think they've broken up so well. I tried to donate
44:16
Speaker 1: my eggs when I was broke and I was in
44:19
Speaker 1: my twenties and I was waitressing, and I went in
44:22
Speaker 1: and donated my eggs. I filled out a questionnaire, did
44:25
Speaker 1: an hour interview, and they rejected me and said that
44:29
Speaker 1: I should seek a psychiatric evaluation. And did you No,
44:33
Speaker 1: I just just I was so excited to make like
44:36
Speaker 1: thet so I was crestfallen when I didn't when I
44:39
Speaker 1: found out that I was psychotic. We'll schedule it for
44:41
Speaker 1: this week. Yeah, maybe I could donate my eggs now.
44:45
Speaker 1: I have a girlfriend who donates eggs regularly, and you
44:47
Speaker 1: get more and more as you do it. You get
44:50
Speaker 1: more and more eggs, you get more money. So it
44:52
Speaker 1: seems like a pyramid scheme to me. I don't know
44:54
Speaker 1: how it works, but an egg an egg pyramid scheme.
44:58
Speaker 1: It sounds like something I want to stay away from.
45:00
Speaker 1: I don't blame you. Okay, Well that was part two
45:04
Speaker 1: of our debut episode. We did it, sweetheart. We launched
45:08
Speaker 1: a podcast. We did it. We have a podcast. Dear Chelsea.
45:12
Speaker 1: I look forward to this little new home of ours
45:14
Speaker 1: and I will see and here, well you'll hear me
45:17
Speaker 1: and I will see you. Do you get the gist.
45:20
Speaker 1: We'll be back every week on Thursdays, all right. For
45:22
Speaker 1: anyone who does want to write in, they can do
45:24
Speaker 1: that at Dear Chelsea Project d E A R C
45:28
Speaker 1: h E L S e A P R O j
45:32
Speaker 1: E C T at gmail dot com. Dear Chelsea Project
45:35
Speaker 1: at gmail dot com. That's wonderful, Okay, thanks for listening.
45:38
Speaker 1: Happy Mother's Day, everybody, Happy Mother's Day. Happy Mother's Day. Brandon,
45:42
Speaker 1: Not anytime soon, sweetheart,