Latest / The D.L. Hughley Show / DLHS Hour 2 | School of Real Good Book Learners

Transcript

DLHS Hour 2 | School of Real Good Book Learners · The D.L. Hughley Show

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  Speaker 1: Coming up this hour, ladies and gentlemen, we got One Voice, Jeopardy,
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  Speaker 1: plus my school of real good book learning.
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  Speaker 2: You know what is interesting?
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  Speaker 1: We are right now, I saw there are, I didn't
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  Speaker 1: know this, but I think that there was an idea
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  Speaker 1: of what government assistance looked like in America. And they've
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  Speaker 1: been very successful at demonizing a certain group of people, right?
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  Speaker 2: Correct. Everybody thought it was poor black people, right?
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  Speaker 3: Yeah.
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  Speaker 1: Now, the rural community is almost wholly dependent on the government.
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  Speaker 1: If you're a farmer, one of the reasons that you're
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  Speaker 1: having such a hard time right now, in addition to tariffs,
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  Speaker 1: in addition to horrible decisions that were made in terms
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  Speaker 1: of the war.
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  Speaker 2: There is a.
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  Speaker 1: Dependence you have on the government because it's such a
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  Speaker 1: hard job. You've got bad weather. You've got diseases that
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  Speaker 1: can affect your crop. You've got fluctuating prices, whether it
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  Speaker 1: be fuel or fertilizer.
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  Speaker 2: Or market value and all that kind of stuff.
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  Speaker 1: So the government subsidized. As a matter of fact, 50%
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  Speaker 1: of America's rural children, and when I say rural, you
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  Speaker 1: know what I.
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  Speaker 2: Mean, are on some type of food assistance, 50%.
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  Speaker 1: And these people were so certain that they were talking
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  Speaker 1: about somebody else. And now I heard these people like,
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  Speaker 1: because California is a huge rural community, people do not
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  Speaker 1: realize 60% of the produce consumed in America is grown
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  Speaker 1: in California. And so there's huge communities And they lost
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  Speaker 1: their Medicaid. And one dude was on, he was talking
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  Speaker 1: about how he makes $ 800 a month, but his bills
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  Speaker 1: are $ 20, 000.
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  Speaker 2: His medicine is.
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  Speaker 1: $ 20, 000 a month.
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  Speaker 2: You know what he is now?
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  Speaker 1: He's going to die.
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  Speaker 4: He is.
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  Speaker 2: He's going to die.
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  Speaker 1: Just like people told you what happened. Just like people
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  Speaker 1: told you what happened.
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  Speaker 3: Yep.
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  Speaker 2: We said if they cut Medicare, they're going to be what?
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  Speaker 2: Millions of people who die.
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  Speaker 3: Right?
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  Speaker 2: You thought we were playing with you. We told you.
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  Speaker 1: People are dying from measles. People are dying from these
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  Speaker 1: food diseases. You did not listen. Your hatred of me
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  Speaker 1: cost you your life. You disliking my children so much
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  Speaker 1: is starving yours. That's insane to me. And you know
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  Speaker 1: what you don't get? Sympathy from them or sympathy from
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  Speaker 1: anybody else. You literally are having exactly.
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  Speaker 2: What you voted for.
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  Speaker 1: So welcome back to Militant Man, Jamal Kingsley. He's playing
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  Speaker 1: One Boy Jeopardy.
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  Speaker 2: Hey, Militant Man, how are you?
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  Speaker 4: Hello, my brothers and sisters. This is Jamal Kingsley, the
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  Speaker 4: Militant Man, here to play One Boy Jeopardy. This is
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  Speaker 4: where we read lyrics from artists from the One Voyage crews,
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  Speaker 4: and we will have people guess which artist it is.
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  Speaker 4: Today's contestants, of course, our beloved Jasmine Sanders. Winner, winner, winner.
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  Speaker 4: And our guest contestant, straight from the Congo, Marva.
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  Speaker 3: Marva.
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  Speaker 4: Welcome to the show.
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  Speaker 2: Glad to be here. Hurry up before immigration runs in.
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  Speaker 2: We ain't got time for this.
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  Speaker 4: Go to ob2026. com and you'll get a list of the
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  Speaker 4: artists that perform. And so when I ask you these questions,
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  Speaker 4: it might help you out.
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  Speaker 2: The first lyrics, Jasmine, are you ready? I think so.
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  Speaker 2: Here we go. Walked in this place.
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  Speaker 4: Surprised to see.
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  Speaker 2: A big girl getting busy. Just rockin' to.
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  Speaker 4: The go-go beat. Yeah, I know it, I know it,
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  Speaker 4: I know it. Who is it? E.U.
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  Speaker 2: Congratulations! Who was it?
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  Speaker 4: E.U.
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  Speaker 2: I could have done that last week. You know, easy-ass
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  Speaker 2: questions like that.
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  Speaker 4: Morba, are you ready? Here are your lyrics. That's why
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  Speaker 4: I keep hitting them with this grammar. Letting N-Words know
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  Speaker 4: that I'm the real mamma jamma. Straight to the head
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  Speaker 4: like a chronic sack. I pass the mic. And yo,
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  Speaker 4: I passed it back.
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  Speaker 2: Come on, you know that.
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  Speaker 4: I don't.
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  Speaker 3: Oh, God.
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  Speaker 2: Now say it in Congolese. Now do the.
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  Speaker 2: No, I'm no.
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  Speaker 4: No, I'm... It's the Brat, functified.
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  Speaker 2: That's why I keep hitting them with this grammar.
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  Speaker 4: Letting all y'all know that I'm the real Mamma Jamma.
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  Speaker 2: Straight to the head like a chronic sack. I pass
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  Speaker 2: the mic to the Brat.
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  Speaker 1: And you're a pasted bag.
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  Speaker 4: Oh, yeah. So.
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  Speaker 2: All right, last one.
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  Speaker 4: All right, this is the last one. It should be easy.
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  Speaker 4: Whoever knows it, jump in. There were many others after you.
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  Speaker 4: Quite a few one-night stands.
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  Speaker 2: Some of their names I can't remember.
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  Speaker 4: Dave Hollister.
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  Speaker 2: Dave Hollister. Congratulations!
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  Speaker 4: There were many others after you.
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  Speaker 2: Quite a few one-night stands.
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  Speaker 1: Some of their names I can't remember.
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  Speaker 4: He, too, will also be on the One Voyage cruise.
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  Speaker 4: Starting at just $ 1, 900 per person based on the We
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  Speaker 4: Pick It Insider triple occupancy rate. Limited inventory restrictions apply
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  Speaker 4: at OV2026.
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  Speaker 2: Com.
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  Speaker 4: Or you can call if you're old school. 214- 495-1963.
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  Speaker 4: Don't wait. Secure your spot before it's too late. Book
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  Speaker 4: your cabin now, my brother.
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  Speaker 1: It's time to present another diploma from my school, a
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  Speaker 1: real good book learner.
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  Speaker 2: School is now in session. Who do we have on
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  Speaker 2: the phone?
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  Speaker 3: Oh, this is Mary. Hi.
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  Speaker 4: Hi, Mary.
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  Speaker 2: How are you?
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  Speaker 3: I'm good.
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  Speaker 2: One Mary? Is you just Mary or Mary Mary? Which one?
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  Speaker 4: No, just Mary.
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  Speaker 2: All right. Where you from, Mary?
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  Speaker 4: I'm in Carmel, Indiana.
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  Speaker 2: Oh, Indiana. All right. So that's Carmel, Indiana. That's nice.
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  Speaker 2: That's a way. A lot of people don't live there, boy.
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  Speaker 2: They got to get the hell out of there fast.
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  Speaker 2: I see you're driving through. You must be on your
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  Speaker 2: way to Clay after that. All right, so Skip is
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  Speaker 2: going to tell you what the rules are. I have
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  Speaker 2: to be impartial, even though it is my school, it
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  Speaker 2: is my academy. But, you know, I got to feign impartiality. Skip,
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  Speaker 2: tell her what's going to happen.
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  Speaker 3: All right, Mary, I'm going to give you a word
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  Speaker 3: that you're going to have to use in a sentence.
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  Speaker 1: All right.
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  Speaker 4: I'm not going to tell you what the meaning of
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  Speaker 4: the word is. You're just going to have to know it.
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  Speaker 3: And then I'm going to let Jasmine take her turn,
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  Speaker 3: and then we'll go to the President D.L.
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  Speaker 2: And give him a shot at it.
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  Speaker 4: All right?
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  Speaker 1: Hurry up.
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  Speaker 2: She's going to get pulled over by the police.
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  Speaker 3: After everybody goes, we'll find out who was right.
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  Speaker 4: Okay?
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  Speaker 2: All right. I'm sorry.
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  Speaker 4: All right, Mary.
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  Speaker 2: The word is ablution. Oh, wow. You better go to Jasmine.
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  Speaker 2: Come on, Mary.
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  Speaker 4: You can do it.
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  Speaker 2: Just give it a shot. Give it a shot.
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  Speaker 1: I won't go to the store unless.
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  Speaker 2: I have evolution in my purse. I hope the police
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  Speaker 2: pull you over now. I hope they do it now.
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  Speaker 4: You could do three to five for having evolution in
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  Speaker 4: your purse.
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  Speaker 3: At least.
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  Speaker 2: Okay, Jasmine, Ablution.
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  Speaker 4: It is with absolute Ablution that I believe that if
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  Speaker 4: she gets a degree from this school, it will do
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  Speaker 4: her no good.
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  Speaker 2: Oh, I'm going to say that. That's true.
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  Speaker 1: All right.
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  Speaker 4: That's true.
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  Speaker 3: All right, D.L., you want to give it a shot?
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  Speaker 2: Ablution.
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  Speaker 1: I am certain that Ablution is the answer. No.
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  Speaker 2: Okay, all right.
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  Speaker 4: Okay.
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  Speaker 2: Look at this guy here.
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  Speaker 3: Ablution, definition, bathing, especially part of a routine or ritual,
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  Speaker 3: the act of washing something.
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  Speaker 2: I was going to say wash your ass, but that's
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  Speaker 2: not right. That smell is awful.
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  Speaker 3: You need to complete the ablution of your feet.
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  Speaker 4: See, there you go.
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  Speaker 2: Ablution is next to godliness.
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  Speaker 3: You have been educated, Mary, so you will receive a
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  Speaker 3: diploma from D.L. 's School of Real Good Book Learning.
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  Speaker 2: So hang on. We've got to get you information so
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  Speaker 2: we can send it to you.
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  Speaker 1: And as a special treat as you drive through Carmel,
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  Speaker 1: the name of a great Bell's Bosman.
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  Speaker 2: You've got to be great. Thank you, Mary. Thank you, baby.
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  Speaker 4: Thank you. Thanks, Mary.
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  Speaker 1: We're going to recognize some of the funniest comedians, some
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  Speaker 1: you know and some you don't.
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  Speaker 2: Welcome to the stage. These vegans, it'll always be this.
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  Speaker 2: Would you eat your pet?
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  Speaker 4: That's like eating your pet. Would you eat your pet?
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  Speaker 2: They ask me, would you eat your pet? And I'm like,
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  Speaker 2: what the f * * *?
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  Speaker 4: Are you crazy? Would I eat my pet? That don't
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  Speaker 4: even make sense.
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  Speaker 2: No, I wouldn't eat my pet, you freak. I'd eat
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  Speaker 2: your pet. You know what I'm saying? It's about relationships.
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  Speaker 2: You know, I don't know your pet. I don't give
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  Speaker 2: a that thing. But you got a cat?
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  Speaker 1: Wonderful.
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  Speaker 2: Where's the barbecue sauce? All right, I'll give you an example, right?
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  Speaker 1: So I like to have sex with women, right?
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  Speaker 2: My mother is a woman. I'm not going to my mama,
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  Speaker 2: but I'll your mama.