Latest / Reflect Reclaim & Liberate - with Sallyanne Hartnell / Manifestation is B.S. – Here’s How to Escape Divorce Survival Mode.

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Manifestation is B.S. – Here’s How to Escape Divorce Survival Mode. · Reflect Reclaim & Liberate - with Sallyanne Hartnell

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to Reflect, Reclaim and Liberate, a podcast covering all things relationships, separation and divorce.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_00: How to create healthy, happy, fulfilling relationships without sacrificing any part of yourself.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_00: Supporting anyone feeling challenged in their relationship or marriage, these are confidential conversations for you if you're navigating separation, divorce or reorganising life afterwards.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_00: Decide whether to stay or leave a relationship or marriage, divorce with less drama, and consciously choose what's next for you.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_00: I acknowledge the traditional owners of the land on which this podcast is recorded, the Warrentry people of the Kulin Nation, and pay my respects to their elders, past, present, and emerging.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_00: I acknowledge them as the original storytellers of this land.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to this week's episode of the podcast, and I really debated what to title this podcast episode.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_00: I did just want to call it manifestation is bullshit and what to do instead.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_00: But I wanted to also soften that a little bit and talk about survival mode.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_00: You know, so stuck in survival mode and why manifestation can be harmful, why it's bullshit, um, and actually what to do instead.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_00: Divorce tips us into survival mode.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_00: So if you've been stuck in survival mode, burnt out, overwhelmed, carrying the weight of all things divorce, or maybe your should I stay or go decision, you've been carrying that for a really long time.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_00: This episode's for you, and it's also a little bit of a wake-up call.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_00: Because manifestation alone will not get you out of this cycle.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_00: Manifestation is great, and also in isolation, it doesn't work.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_00: You don't need another vision board, another set of affirmations, or a crystal to change your life.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not dissing completely on those things.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_00: I think they have their place, and also so does action.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_00: So you need clarity, you need rewiring, you need action.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_00: But first, let's talk about survival mode.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_00: You know it, you know it very well.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_00: You're doing all the things, feeling fried, feeling burnt out, completely overwhelmed.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_00: Your divorce or your decision whether to stay or go is taking up 24-7 headspace.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_00: And on top of that, you're trying to keep your career afloat or reimagine, reinvent your career.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_00: You're trying to raise your kids, keep a household vaguely functioning, and maybe remember to walk the dog and feed yourself something decent and healthy and green once in a while, right?
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_00: Writer, Australian writer Kate Forster.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_00: And if you don't follow her on Instagram, I highly, highly recommend it.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_00: She's fantastic.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_00: She posted recently, you've been stuck in survival mode for so fucking long, you now call it a personality trait.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_00: I've got Mercury in survival mode.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_00: And I thought, bang, that is it.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_00: That is what it's like to be going through the long haul of wondering whether to stay or leave a relationship, of navigating separation, divorce, reorganizing life afterwards.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_00: You are stuck in a survival mode for so long it feels like your new reality, your new normal.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_00: It can feel like your entire life is consumed and it is a life lived in survival mode.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_00: And here's the thing: getting out of survival mode isn't about quitting your job, selling everything, and moving to Bali.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_00: Although, let's be honest, that could be that could be a vibe, and I could be convinced that that is a good idea.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_00: But perhaps not if you've got a life that's grounded where you live, you've got kids, you've got responsibilities, right?
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_00: So getting out of survival mode, simply mind-wrangling or manifesting your way out of it is not going to work.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_00: Hence why I said at the top of the episode, and why I think that manifestation is bullshit.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_00: It's not that I don't want you to dream big, of course I do.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_00: And if you've been here for a while, you know that's exactly what I want and encourage you to do.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_00: And it's exactly what I ask my one-on-one clients to do.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_00: Dream really big about what you want for yourself and your life.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_00: Dream big and then get busy with the doing to get to that dream life.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_00: So, yes, let's manifest, let's dream, let's outline what that life looks and feels like, but also let's do the bits, let's do the bits between dreaming and having to get you there.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm co-opting some of this from Kate Forster, and I'm unapologetically using her framework, and I want to I want to clarify that and acknowledge that.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_00: But here's what I want you to do: whether it's immediately now while I'm speaking this through or afterwards, I want you to grab a pen and paper.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, not your phone, not your laptop, not a keyboard.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_00: There's real rewiring that happens when we actually write old school with pen and paper.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_00: You might want to journal it and keep it, you might want to write it on loose paper and ritualistically burn it later, but I want you to commit to writing this out with pen and paper because there is real brain neural rewiring that occurs when we use pen and write.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_00: Anyway, grab a pen and paper and ask yourself these questions.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_00: Number one, what am I sick of carrying?
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_00: What have you been carrying?
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe you've been carrying it for so long you don't even know you're carrying it.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_00: What have you been carrying that you are tired of carrying?
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_00: What have you been carrying that's maybe not yours to carry, not helpful, not healing, it's weighing you down, or that you're just sick and tired of carrying and holding it?
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_00: What mental and emotional state have you been carrying around?
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_00: What mental and emotional load are you carrying and holding?
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_00: What am I sick of carrying?
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_00: And if it feels heavy every moment, every day, or most of the time even, is it time to put that down?
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's as simple as something in your house that you don't want there anymore.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_00: You know, maybe it reminds you of your ex.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's clothes that don't fit anymore or that you don't love.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's stories of who you used to be that no longer fit.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's other people's expectations of you, or your own expectations of you.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's other people's ideas, opinions about you and your life, their opinions, their judgments, the narratives that they have about you.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's the stories you're telling yourself about leaving, about divorce, about what that means.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_00: Whatever it is, ask yourself and get really honest.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_00: What am I sick of carrying?
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_00: And then, of course, the doing.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_00: What am I going to do about that?
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_00: How am I going to put that down?
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_00: How am I going to no longer carry it?
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_00: What have you been lugging around for so long that you don't even realize it's there?
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_00: Things that aren't yours to carry, things that aren't helpful or healing, things that are just heavy.
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_00: What is it what is it time to put down?
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_00: And how is that going to, how are you going to action that?
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_00: What action are you going to take to actually let it go?
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_00: To put it down, to let it go.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_00: Question number two.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_00: What do you wish you had more of?
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_00: Ask yourself, what is it?
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_00: What do I really wish I had more of?
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_00: Also, what do I wish I had less of?
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_00: But flip that and focus on the positive.
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_00: What do I wish I had more of?
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_00: Because what where we focus, what we concentrate on is what we manifest, right?
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_00: What do I wish I had more of?
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_00: And think about it beyond surface level.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_00: Sure, you might want more time, more money, more energy, more chocolate, more holidays, more hours sitting on the couch watching Netflix.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_00: But if you strip whatever it is that you want more of, you strip it right back.
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_00: What do those things represent for you?
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_00: More time might really mean more white space, more space to think, to breathe, and to actually hear yourself, to listen to yourself and hear.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_00: More money might be or might mean for you freedom, freedom from worry, freedom from constantly worrying about the numbers or running the numbers in your head before you say yes to a dinner, a movie, a holiday, or whatever it is.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_00: More energy could be about having capacity to show up for your life and not just collapse on the couch at the end of the day.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_00: So it goes back to number one, right?
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_00: What am I willing to put down?
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_00: What do I need to put down?
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_00: What do I want to put down so that I can have more energy?
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_00: More chocolate, if that comes up for you, and it did actually come up for me.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe that's about simple pleasure, joy, and giving yourself small moments of sweetness instead of living in scarcity and living in deprivation.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_00: So what do you wish you had more of?
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_00: What do I wish I had more of?
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_00: What's underneath that wish?
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_00: And how can I bring small moments of that, small pockets of those desires into my everyday life?
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_00: That's the action point, right?
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_00: What can I shift or change to have more time, more energy, more chocolate, more freedom, more capacity, more whatever it is?
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_00: What do you wish you had more of, and how are you going to bring small parts of that into your everyday?
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_00: What's missing right now that would shift the way I feel?
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_00: And this is really about clarity.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_00: It's about naming what you want before you start making bigger decisions about your marriage, about your work, about your life, about your divorce.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_00: What's missing right now?
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_00: What would I want more of?
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_00: What does that represent?
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_00: And how am I going to action that and bring it into my everyday life now?
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_00: Don't wait.
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_00: Do it now because it takes you one step closer to that dream life that you're manifesting.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_00: Question number three: if there were no barriers, if you won millions tomorrow, if money was no object, what would be the first thing you'd do?
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_00: Now, with this one, you just want to react, respond.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_00: Don't think too much about it.
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_00: If you won millions tomorrow, this is a sneaky way that you get to bypass all the I can't because stories that you tell yourself.
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_00: If money was no object, what is the very first thing you'd do?
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_00: Would you book that holiday?
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_00: Would you hire help?
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_00: Hire a cleaner, a nanny, or a chef so you could finally stop doing everything yourself?
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_00: Again, that goes back to number one, right?
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_00: What am I carrying?
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_00: Would you buy your own home so you never have to share a bathroom or worry about paying the rent again?
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_00: Would you enroll in that course that you've been secretly googling?
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_00: What would you do if you won millions tomorrow and money was no object?
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_00: And this matters because often the very first thing that pops into your mind is a pure want before the stories come in, before the doubt, the guilt, or the but that's not realistic voice kicks in, or I can't, before all look, I can't because stories, right?
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_00: Once you can name it, you can ask again, how can I bring a little slice of that into my everyday life now, even without the multi-millions, right?
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_00: And if the money excuse disappeared, would I still say I can't, or would I start making moves?
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_00: So that's the action piece.
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_00: How can I bring a little bit of that into my life now?
• 13:00
  SPEAKER_00: And if the money excuse disappeared, would I start making moves?
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_00: And what moves can I realistically start making towards that thing that I would do that very first thing if the millions landed in my bank account magically overnight?
• 13:19
  SPEAKER_00: This is not about manifestation.
• 13:23
  SPEAKER_00: It is not about manifesting.
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_00: It's not sitting on the couch, visualizing a better life, waiting for the universe to deliver.
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_00: It is about getting really clear on what it is you want.
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, outlining, defining the vision that you have for your life.
• 13:39
  SPEAKER_00: And then it's about rewiring, rewiring your stories, your belief system, your brain.
• 13:45
  SPEAKER_00: Rewiring your brain so you can see what you truly want, then taking action.
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_00: It's creating small, deliberate actions that start shifting you toward it, whether you're staying in your marriage, whether you're leaving, whether you're rebuilding life after divorce.
• 14:01
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe it is about quitting the job and creating something different for yourself.
• 14:06
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it is ending or reshaping the relationship, be that intimate partner relationship, a friendship, or a family relationship.
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_00: And answering these three questions isn't just journaling for the sake of journaling, it goes beyond journaling to action.
• 14:21
  SPEAKER_00: It is your own personal call to action.
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_00: What are you going to do with and about the information that you've revealed to yourself?
• 14:31
  SPEAKER_00: What are you going to do with the answers that you've just uncovered?
• 14:36
  SPEAKER_00: It's not manifestation, it's a call to action.
• 14:39
  SPEAKER_00: It's a call to create your own change and it's an invitation to do things differently.
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_00: Because if you want different results, if you want a different version of your life, you can't keep doing the same things.
• 14:52
  SPEAKER_00: You have to make different choices, you have to take different actions, and you have to become different.
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_00: So this isn't about manifestation.
• 15:04
  SPEAKER_00: This is about getting you out of survival mode and opening your mind to what you can do differently to step yourself towards a different way of life, a different way of living.
• 15:17
  SPEAKER_00: It's rewiring, it's reclamation, and it is absolutely your pathway out of survival and into a steady, grounded, thriving life.
• 15:29
  SPEAKER_00: It is your bridge from survival to quiet strength, from just holding on to fully living.
• 15:37
  SPEAKER_00: And yes, you can do that even in the messy middle of divorce.
• 15:43
  SPEAKER_00: So, Kate's questions for us.
• 15:46
  SPEAKER_00: Let me go back.
• 15:48
  SPEAKER_00: Number one, what am I sick of carrying?
• 15:52
  SPEAKER_00: Number two, what do I wish I had more of?
• 15:56
  SPEAKER_00: And number three, if money were no barrier, what's the first thing I would do?
• 16:04
  SPEAKER_00: If you're brave, I would love for you to share your answers to these questions.
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_00: You can send me a message, you can DM me on Instagram, would love to hear what comes up for you.
• 16:17
  SPEAKER_00: As always, if you want to reach out and explore working more closely with me, you can book a free intro call.
• 16:25
  SPEAKER_00: There's a link in the show notes.
• 16:28
  SPEAKER_00: And if you know someone who would benefit from listening to this wherever they're at with their survival mode, separation, divorce journey, or manifestation story, please please share it with them.
• 16:42
  SPEAKER_00: It helps us get the podcast into the ears of more people just like you who would benefit from hearing it.
• 16:50
  SPEAKER_00: Thanks for being here.
• 16:51
  SPEAKER_00: Until next time, bye for now.
• 16:54
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Sally Ann Hartnell, divorce coach and strategist, and you've been listening to Reflect, Reclaim and Liberate.
• 17:00
  SPEAKER_00: You can follow me on Instagram at Reflect Coaching, and if you can think of anyone who would love or benefit from listening to this episode, please share it with them.
• 17:08
  SPEAKER_00: I'd also be so grateful if you would follow and review the podcast so we can get it in the ears of a whole lot more people just like you who are ready to reclaim and liberate themselves in life and love.
• 17:19
  SPEAKER_00: I hope you'll join me next week for another episode of Reflect, Reclaim and Liberate.
• 17:24
  SPEAKER_00: Until then.