Latest / MESSmerized - Funny and faith based encouragement in marriage , family , Christian parenting , and finding purpose / Episode 108 Know Before You Go: College Edition with Molly and Kate

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Episode 108 Know Before You Go: College Edition with Molly and Kate · MESSmerized - Funny and faith based encouragement in marriage , family , Christian parenting , and finding purpose

0:05
[SPEAKER_00]: This is Cynthia Gannoff and you are listening to the mesmerized podcast.
0:14
[SPEAKER_00]: Hey friends, welcome.
0:16
[SPEAKER_00]: We are starting to think back to school.
0:18
[SPEAKER_00]: That's hard to believe, right?
0:19
[SPEAKER_00]: We are already thinking about it.
0:20
[SPEAKER_00]: And so this little series we're going to do next few weeks is no before you go.
0:25
[SPEAKER_00]: We are going to talk about no before you go college edition, no before you go high school and then junior high.
0:31
[SPEAKER_00]: Things to think about as our kids are going back to school.
0:35
[SPEAKER_00]: And today I'm so excited because we have my daughter and one of her very best friends in the world, Molly with us.
0:41
[SPEAKER_00]: Both of them attend the University of Texas at Austin.
0:45
[SPEAKER_00]: Kate just graduated actually.
0:46
[SPEAKER_00]: So she's a graduate and Molly's gonna be a senior and Molly's to North Carolina and Kate is obviously from here with me and Dallas and they have an incredible perspective on college and don't ever think that I don't give you the real real over here because
1:00
[SPEAKER_00]: The real real is that Kate will tell you some of the things that she was not prepared for, things we didn't do well in the new year to college.
1:06
[SPEAKER_00]: There you go.
1:07
[SPEAKER_00]: But we are going to talk about friendships and we're going to talk about sororities.
1:10
[SPEAKER_00]: We're going to talk about what it looks like to date.
1:16
[SPEAKER_00]: What it looks like when you're anxious or lonely all the things that you face in college, especially for girls, but I think this is equally applicable.
1:25
[SPEAKER_00]: to our boys, they may not vocalize at the same, but they have some of the same things going on.
1:29
[SPEAKER_00]: And so I'm so thankful that they join us.
1:31
[SPEAKER_00]: They're hilarious.
1:32
[SPEAKER_00]: They popped on to the recording.
1:35
[SPEAKER_00]: Obviously, we're on different locations.
1:37
[SPEAKER_00]: Kate was on the second floor of my house on a computer.
1:40
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm in my office in Molly's North Carolina.
1:42
[SPEAKER_00]: Those two girls were in matching PJ's and shower caps, and they signed on as Betty and Bertha.
1:47
[SPEAKER_00]: So that gives you a little bit of the behind the scenes of what you're getting today.
1:51
[SPEAKER_00]: So I am thrilled for you to be with us as we hear from
1:54
[SPEAKER_00]: Betty and Bertha, or Kate Molly, as I like to call them.
1:58
[SPEAKER_00]: All right, here we go.
2:03
[SPEAKER_00]: Molly and Kate, how are you?
2:05
[SPEAKER_00]: How's it going?
2:06
[SPEAKER_01]: Amazing, it's about time.
2:08
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, I've been wanting to do this for a long time, and I've promised you, underneath circumstances, what I hand the two of you a mic, yet here we are.
2:16
[SPEAKER_02]: We've been told by both you and Heather, that we will never be on a podcast, and especially not together, but here it is.
2:22
[SPEAKER_02]: This is how low running you are on guests.
2:25
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm excited that you guys are both here and I'm going to give you all everyone listening if you've ever listened to the show before you know this I have three kids but my oldest is Kate and so that's one of the two talking is Kate so Kate so that everybody knows your voice and all that stuff just tell everybody kind of where you are in life all that good stuff
2:44
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, so I am Kate and I just graduated from UT last spring and I am now taking a gap year and then I'm headed to law school at Texas Tech in Lubbock in fall of twenty twenty six.
2:56
[SPEAKER_02]: Reckham.
2:57
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, and if you're not from Texas when she says UT and Molly says UT, they're referencing University of Texas at Austin.
3:04
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, and then one of Kate's very dearest best friends in the whole wide world is Molly and so Molly tells a little bit about where you are.
3:12
[SPEAKER_03]: So I'm currently in Chapel in North Carolina.
3:14
[SPEAKER_03]: That's where my parents live, where I grew up, and I go to school at UT Austin through my Medicaid, and I have one more year of college, and then when I graduate, I will probably move to Nashville.
3:25
[SPEAKER_03]: I just got engaged, and we'll get married in there.
3:28
[SPEAKER_00]: Congratulations by the way.
3:30
[SPEAKER_00]: We're very excited about all this.
3:32
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, so we're just gonna talk to people who have kids in college, kids going to college in the next year, maybe, or people that are dreading the day when their kids go to college, and they have little ones, maybe.
3:41
[SPEAKER_00]: We're speaking to everybody, but I just want kind of a perspective from you girls who are graduated or aren't going into senior year.
3:49
[SPEAKER_00]: Looking back over the years, give us something that you were not prepared for going into college, like what came as a surprise.
3:57
[SPEAKER_02]: Um, so I would say what came as a surprise for me is how much free time you have that was kind of crazy because like I was used to like I mean obviously in lower school you're there like eight to like four PM and then especially I mean Molly and I both played sports in high school so I was like at the school until like seven PM and you really didn't have a lot of free time like college is crazy because you have like one maybe two classes a day and then you just have like the rest of your life to live like I remember I had so much free time and I was like what am I supposed to do so that was just talking to me
4:26
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, yeah.
4:27
[SPEAKER_00]: And so that was like on the on the good side of the transitions, what would have been on the harder side of transitions, Molly?
4:35
[SPEAKER_03]: Well, I, this is going to come as a shopper to Kate, but I just had the massive realization that I'm not normal and that my concept of normal was so off because when I got to college and it's like all the things I thought was normal, like
4:48
[SPEAKER_03]: My mom always puts bread in the fridge.
4:49
[SPEAKER_03]: My freshman year roommate was like, why are you always putting bread in the fridge?
4:52
[SPEAKER_03]: It takes up our entire mini fridge.
4:54
[SPEAKER_03]: She always fell asleep watching movies and eating popcorn and I wasn't allowed to have my phone in my room until I went to college.
5:00
[SPEAKER_03]: And so there are all these senses of normal that were so different.
5:03
[SPEAKER_03]: And so trying to learn like, oh, I'm not normal.
5:06
[SPEAKER_03]: You're not like everybody's sense of normal is different.
5:09
[SPEAKER_03]: And just adjusting to that and realizing that I kind of liked watching maybe with bread and before I went to bed.
5:14
[SPEAKER_03]: And I kind of liked not putting my bread in the fridge when I realized it wasn't gonna like
5:18
[SPEAKER_03]: I wasn't going to die if it wasn't refrigerated.
5:20
[SPEAKER_03]: Just like learning new things about yourself was yeah.
5:23
[SPEAKER_00]: I remember asking Molly asked Kate this question you may have been with us.
5:26
[SPEAKER_00]: I was like, what's something that you didn't know was weird about our house until you went away?
5:31
[SPEAKER_00]: And she had some funny ones.
5:32
[SPEAKER_00]: The one that always sticks with me is she said, I didn't know that not everybody tore up the second receipt like when you do a credit card at a restaurant.
5:40
[SPEAKER_00]: We always tear up the second one and I don't know why I tear it up.
5:43
[SPEAKER_00]: I think my mom told me a hundred years ago that like somebody could take the receipt and put a bigger tip in it or something.
5:49
[SPEAKER_00]: So I rip it up and then Kate's been ripping it up and she goes, great, I go to college everybody's like, what's your problem with the receipts at the restaurants?
5:56
[SPEAKER_02]: Or I was, I used to, y'all always call the TV remote the clicker and I asked one of my roommates to pass the clicker and she's like, what is the clicker?
6:02
[SPEAKER_02]: And I said, you know the clicker.
6:04
[SPEAKER_02]: You do say weird things though that you totally get from your mom and I told her.
6:10
[SPEAKER_00]: What's your advice on people who are sending kids to college and maybe prepping them for just the fact that not everybody does it the way you did it growing up and that doesn't mean that it's necessarily wrong.
6:22
[SPEAKER_00]: Any thoughts or suggestions on just that key of flexibility?
6:27
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, I mean, I think for me, especially going from living in Dallas, going to a private school to then moving to Austin was a pretty crazy transition.
6:37
[SPEAKER_02]: And so, but I also think really you going from like living with your parents, being financially dependent, then moving to college and whatever capacity is a really like huge transition.
6:47
[SPEAKER_02]: And so, I think that that is really just hard for a lot of reasons.
6:50
[SPEAKER_02]: And so,
6:51
[SPEAKER_02]: I think it's kind of interesting because parents always say like college is going to be the best four years of your life and you're going to have so much fun when you get there.
6:58
[SPEAKER_02]: I think that's a really hard standard to live up to because I got there and I was like this is low key kind of hard.
7:02
[SPEAKER_02]: Like I'm lonely some of the time.
7:04
[SPEAKER_02]: Like schools kind of hard.
7:06
[SPEAKER_02]: And so I think that that came as kind of a rough transition for me at least.
7:10
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, yeah.
7:12
[SPEAKER_00]: I think I say it's a lot to parents, moms of freshmen.
7:17
[SPEAKER_00]: I think that it's natural for a lot of people to say those are the best four years.
7:21
[SPEAKER_00]: I would love to go back and do college.
7:22
[SPEAKER_00]: I do anything to go back.
7:24
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh my gosh, I'm so jealous.
7:25
[SPEAKER_00]: You're going to the best time.
7:26
[SPEAKER_00]: And the reality is, is that for many, many kids, it's hard.
7:30
[SPEAKER_00]: The first, like you're talking about, those transitions, the first semester.
7:34
[SPEAKER_00]: And
7:35
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think in our house, we figured out that social media didn't do us any favors, because Kate would see, and I'd love to hear you speak on this too, Molly, if you had this experience, but you see all these French and high school that seem to be with their five thousand sorority sisters.
7:47
[SPEAKER_00]: And they found their people and all that, and you're like, I'm sitting in my dorm eating popcorn before bed, because I'm at losing this kidding, Molly.
7:53
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean you have those moments and then when we would actually get together with these same people like at the Christmas break the moms would say like it's been the hardest semester for my kid so the reality wasn't what it appeared thoughts on that Molly
8:07
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, totally.
8:07
[SPEAKER_03]: And I mean, I think comparison was one of the biggest things of transition for me and High Squad and older sisters.
8:13
[SPEAKER_03]: So there was always that.
8:14
[SPEAKER_03]: But I just, I was never super girly.
8:16
[SPEAKER_03]: I never really like to shop or like spend a lot of time getting ready.
8:19
[SPEAKER_03]: And I living in a, I mean, Kate and I lived in the same dorm all girls.
8:24
[SPEAKER_03]: people spent so much time getting ready, people like there was just so much comparison and then yes social media there was so much comparison of my friends back home and what they were doing and they're posting with all these brands and yes there were nights that I was you know by myself I didn't really want to go out or I didn't want to do it other people were doing and so there was totally a sense of loneliness but then when I'd come home and people were like house college it was always what's great and love it I've met so many great people
8:50
[SPEAKER_03]: But in the inside for a long time, I was like, but nobody really knows me.
8:53
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm not sure anyone knows my middle name or, you know, my favorite candy or what makes me feel comforted when I'm sad.
9:01
[SPEAKER_03]: Like it took a long time to feel known.
9:02
[SPEAKER_03]: And so comparison was a huge thing when I got to college that I was not prepared for at all.
9:08
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
9:08
[SPEAKER_02]: Again, best friends for about six months now, and I don't think I know your favorite candy.
9:12
[SPEAKER_02]: That's fine.
9:13
[SPEAKER_02]: It's kind of all of them.
9:14
[SPEAKER_02]: But yeah, you would do that.
9:16
[SPEAKER_00]: You're still not very known in the Gandalf House Mallory apologize, but and and for reference for everybody listening so Molly is in a sorority at UT and Kate is not so you're getting both perspectives of that.
9:30
[SPEAKER_00]: And I do think that it's easy to on it to think
9:33
[SPEAKER_00]: the other, whatever the other thing is, is the way you should have done it.
9:37
[SPEAKER_00]: Either should have been a sorting out, a sorting out of all these friends, or, oh, I'm in a sorting out, I'm lonely, I'm in the wrong one, I should have never rushed, right?
9:43
[SPEAKER_00]: And so I think could both of you probably attest the fact that it's just hard the first year.
9:49
[SPEAKER_02]: Oh, total.
9:50
[SPEAKER_02]: I think that the people that are like, I feel like I belong at this college in like the first two months, they're just lying.
9:56
[SPEAKER_02]: Like everybody has the imposter syndrome.
9:58
[SPEAKER_02]: You get there.
9:59
[SPEAKER_02]: You're like, I have no clue how to function on my own as like kind of an adult.
10:03
[SPEAKER_02]: I have no clue who I'm going to be friends with and everything like that.
10:06
[SPEAKER_02]: And so the people that act like they have it together tend to be the people who have it less together than anybody else.
10:11
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
10:11
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
10:11
[SPEAKER_00]: That's probably.
10:12
[SPEAKER_00]: probably true in real life too, you guys.
10:14
[SPEAKER_00]: But okay, talk to us about your faith.
10:16
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm just filling people in as we're going on this.
10:19
[SPEAKER_00]: These two girls do life really well and do faith really well.
10:24
[SPEAKER_00]: And so I can speak for Kate coming from a small Christian high school in going the University of Texas, which is a huge public university with lots and lots of
10:35
[SPEAKER_00]: What's a good word for this everyone?
10:37
[SPEAKER_00]: Lots of accepting of all things.
10:40
[SPEAKER_00]: And I would say the moral compass and most big public universities.
10:44
[SPEAKER_00]: The moral compass is clearly not what biblical speaking we think the moral compass is, right?
10:48
[SPEAKER_00]: And so I'm curious on your faith.
10:51
[SPEAKER_00]: And I remember someone said to me before Kate went to UT said, you know, oh, I worry about her going there.
10:58
[SPEAKER_00]: We knew some people who had a child with there and they lost her.
11:01
[SPEAKER_00]: And I thought, like, what do you mean?
11:02
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, they can't find her on life through sixty or like, like, what kind of lost issue?
11:07
[SPEAKER_00]: And they evidently meant spiritually speaking.
11:11
[SPEAKER_00]: And not to make light of that.
11:13
[SPEAKER_00]: But I remember thinking, well, that's a great thing to tell me right before I send my kid to this school.
11:17
[SPEAKER_00]: But let's talk about that for a minute.
11:19
[SPEAKER_00]: The real, real on faith.
11:22
[SPEAKER_03]: No, totally.
11:23
[SPEAKER_03]: I was lucky enough to start college leading young life.
11:28
[SPEAKER_03]: And so I came in and I took over for a friend that I met at work crew that was from Austin and had led some girls in high school.
11:35
[SPEAKER_03]: And so when she, she ended up going to Tennessee and was like, I need somebody to lead my girls.
11:41
[SPEAKER_03]: You'll be an Austin we do it, absolutely.
11:44
[SPEAKER_03]: And so because I was leading young life, my leaders were really on me about, you know, these are the rules of young life, you know, you're gonna not do X, Y and Z.
11:53
[SPEAKER_03]: and you're gonna have a mentor that meets with you all the time, a spiritual mentor, you're gonna have all of these people that are investing in your spiritual life.
12:00
[SPEAKER_03]: And so I think in a lot of ways that could have pushed me in the wrong direction of, oh, all my other friends, or a lot of people are doing this freshman year, everybody's meeting it, you know, fraternities and going on these parties, but for me it was like, no, I wanna lead these girls and I have these people that are holding me accountable and I had some other friends that I was living with that were also
12:21
[SPEAKER_03]: wanting to be held accountable and had older mentors pouring into them and wanted to do college differently.
12:27
[SPEAKER_03]: And so I think on every day that I fell into that group because I came from a high school where I was one of two or three believers of a hundred and twenty people.
12:38
[SPEAKER_03]: In my class and so I was not used to community at all.
12:41
[SPEAKER_03]: I had walked with the word pretty much just with my young life leader and my family in high school and so coming to college and having community and having older girls that cared about my faith made me want to pursue the Lord and not do what a lot of other people were doing and not that was bad.
12:56
[SPEAKER_03]: I think a lot of my friends found the Lord December when they came home and realized that wasn't like they wanted to live or
13:03
[SPEAKER_03]: Um, I mean, everyone has a different story and no knock on anyone, but I just was lucky enough to have people in my life in great community that push me to know and love the Lord.
13:12
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, okay.
13:13
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm sure I think obviously I had a different upbringing than Molly and I grew up in a Christian house grew up at Christian private school.
13:22
[SPEAKER_02]: And so I do think that you two was really a blessing for me because it really forced me to figure out why I believe what I believe.
13:29
[SPEAKER_02]: And so I midway through my freshman year bought a copy of the case for Christ by Lee Strobel and I actually had it in my backpack.
13:37
[SPEAKER_02]: every day of college as I went on campus because and I would just kind of read it in between classes or whenever because it was really one of those where I was like I have to know why I believe what I believe because people are going to ask you and like if you know I think the way that Molly and I would do young life and stuff like that like people would ask us why are you doing this
13:57
[SPEAKER_02]: And I wanted to be able to give them a good answer, you know, and they would be like, why do you act the way that you do?
14:02
[SPEAKER_02]: Why are you doing life like this, all that?
14:04
[SPEAKER_02]: And so I wanted to just be ready to answer that.
14:06
[SPEAKER_02]: And I'm not sure I would have known that coming into college, but I for sure knew it after.
14:10
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
14:11
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
14:12
[SPEAKER_00]: And I remember Kate, you took a New Testament class at the University of Texas, which you're dad to this day is like, I cannot believe we paid for her to take New Testament at UT.
14:23
[SPEAKER_00]: But you wanted to know kind of what was out there and what people were believing in all that.
14:27
[SPEAKER_00]: And you told us at the beginning of the class that the professor talked about how he does get a church, but he's not convinced about the resurrection of Christ.
14:34
[SPEAKER_00]: So I have that right.
14:35
[SPEAKER_02]: All right, that is correct.
14:36
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes.
14:37
[SPEAKER_00]: And that would have scared me that when you were in high school to put you in front of that, someone that's an authority that I'm like, this person is speaking into my daughter.
14:47
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm paying for it, mind you.
14:49
[SPEAKER_00]: That as well, but speaking that into you.
14:52
[SPEAKER_00]: and not sure about that.
14:53
[SPEAKER_00]: And I remember that when Dad and I asked you some questions about that, you kind of went back to that C.S.
14:59
[SPEAKER_00]: Lewis quote, kind of like, well, what in the world?
15:02
[SPEAKER_00]: If he isn't the Messiah, then he's just a maniac.
15:05
[SPEAKER_00]: You can't have it both ways.
15:07
[SPEAKER_00]: But I'm just curious, sitting through a class like that where your faith was questioned.
15:11
[SPEAKER_00]: And you're a journalism major, Kate.
15:13
[SPEAKER_00]: And you had to write a lot of policy type papers and where you were not going to be agreed with.
15:20
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, how did that play?
15:22
[SPEAKER_00]: Was that just growth points for you?
15:25
[SPEAKER_00]: Were there any moments where you're like, I'm crazy.
15:28
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, what does that look like?
15:29
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, for sure.
15:29
[SPEAKER_02]: I mean, it reminded me a lot of that movie.
15:32
[SPEAKER_02]: Is it God's Not Dead?
15:34
[SPEAKER_02]: we're like it's literally the exact same scenario like the dudes in a college like setting classroom and he starts debating like his professor and so I was like oh man this is gonna be my moment and I walked into class on the first day and he's like yeah I actually go to church and I was like well so much for that he's not an atheist
15:50
[SPEAKER_02]: But then he starts explaining what he believes, and he basically is an atheist.
15:53
[SPEAKER_02]: And I think that that was also a lot of my college experience, too.
15:56
[SPEAKER_02]: I mean, there were a lot of people who claimed that they were Christians, but were not walking the same walk that I was.
16:02
[SPEAKER_02]: And so I think that that was another thing, too, is that even though I wasn't at like a private school, like there were still a lot of people that were culturally, I mean, we do live in Texas, like a lot of people are culturally saying their Christians.
16:14
[SPEAKER_02]: but they for sure were not.
16:16
[SPEAKER_02]: And so I do think again, it was just a really good opportunity for me to stand firm on the things that I wanted to stand firm on.
16:22
[SPEAKER_02]: And just be able to explain to the people around me why I believe what I believe, while also being accepting of those around me in a non-judgmental way and being sure that I was loving towards them and kind towards them because I know that that is not always what the church has been towards other people.
16:39
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, yeah.
16:41
[SPEAKER_00]: Is there anything your parents did or didn't do in terms of faith that prepared you or maybe didn't prepare you for college?
16:48
[SPEAKER_00]: Anything that you would say to someone that's listening to this that has a kid in college or about to go to college that you would say, hey, this was helpful or this wasn't helpful?
16:56
[SPEAKER_03]: My mom and I just wanted to dinner with my parents and I was asking them, my parents are really strong believers, very involved in young and very involved in the church.
17:05
[SPEAKER_03]: And obviously, you went to school where not many people were believers.
17:08
[SPEAKER_03]: And so I asked them, why is it not normal for, I mean, all three of my siblings love the Lord and my parents too, but it's not super normal for us to have theological conversations or really talk about our faith, which is interesting.
17:22
[SPEAKER_03]: And so I was asking about that.
17:23
[SPEAKER_03]: Why is that not normal?
17:24
[SPEAKER_03]: Why did you all not want to have those conversations with us after we were praying before bedtime altogether as a family?
17:31
[SPEAKER_03]: And they've said that their take on that is they wanted our house to exhibit the joy of the Lord.
17:36
[SPEAKER_03]: And so they wanted to set up all of the things that would make us feel the presence of the Lord that we would see.
17:42
[SPEAKER_03]: You know, I was on the tables and that our house was open and everybody knows if you spend the night with the hunters on Saturday night, you're coming to church on Sunday.
17:49
[SPEAKER_03]: And so there were all these things set in place, but they never wanted to initiate super theological conversations or check in on our faith because they didn't want to push us their own direction.
18:00
[SPEAKER_03]: I really appreciated that in college because it was like I get to do my own thing and I can have my own faith and my parents are going to be checking in on me.
18:07
[SPEAKER_03]: But then I know that if I do have a question or if I want to know something or have a question about their faith or their walkable or that they're more than happy to answer it.
18:16
[SPEAKER_03]: And so I appreciated it.
18:18
[SPEAKER_03]: That was the made a house where that was accessible but not pushy.
18:23
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, it's a good word.
18:25
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, let's talk about just that dynamic of leaving the house and parents and all those things.
18:32
[SPEAKER_00]: It's kind of unfair because I'm talking to two girls and so if you're sending a boy to college, I'm getting ready to experience that.
18:38
[SPEAKER_00]: Don't anybody panic?
18:39
[SPEAKER_00]: That'll be the next podcast when I'm weeping in about a month when Brett goes to college and I don't know where he is or if he's alive because he's a colon.
18:46
[SPEAKER_00]: But let's talk about just communicating with your family.
18:51
[SPEAKER_00]: But I figured out pretty fast with Kate that it works better if I just let her call me, but she does call me.
18:56
[SPEAKER_00]: And she calls me when she has time, walking to class, all the things.
18:59
[SPEAKER_00]: It didn't work really that well for me to be like, okay, we're gonna check in Mondays at four or I'm gonna call you every other day.
19:05
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, I set back and so for us, that's how it works.
19:09
[SPEAKER_00]: But talk to us just about that.
19:11
[SPEAKER_00]: Either in your own life or have you seen it with your friends or some parents that maybe it's too much or too little or whatever.
19:17
[SPEAKER_03]: Totally I my mom.
19:19
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm the exact same my mom doesn't call me and she told me before I went to college.
19:23
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm not going to smell like you call me and I'll always pick up and that's been the case anytime I mean she'll set aside time to call me or pick up the phone and chat with some of my friends their mom's expected call every day and that was way too much and it really stressed them out others their mom never checked in and they
19:42
[SPEAKER_03]: didn't have a conversation.
19:43
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm not going to check and I want you to check in with me and they felt really lonely in college.
19:46
[SPEAKER_03]: And so I appreciate that my mom was like, you call me, I'm always going to pick up.
19:50
[SPEAKER_03]: But there was never any pressure.
19:53
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
19:53
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
19:54
[SPEAKER_00]: What about when you had a, you know, some rough times, maybe the beginning of your feeling lonely, like what were helpful conversations, like when you call your mom from college and
20:05
[SPEAKER_00]: You broke up with the boyfriend or you are anxious or you are not sure about your sorority or whatever the thing may be.
20:13
[SPEAKER_00]: Are we looking for advice when we're in college?
20:15
[SPEAKER_00]: Are we looking for just someone to listen?
20:18
[SPEAKER_00]: Are we looking for both?
20:19
[SPEAKER_00]: Like what was helpful and not helpful?
20:23
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, for sure.
20:23
[SPEAKER_02]: I think, you know, I remember one of the earliest conversations that we ever had mom.
20:28
[SPEAKER_02]: about me checking in with you is that you were like well I feel like you always call on your terms and it's like whenever you want to call and I was kind of like you know that's kind of what I'm doing really bad is when I would give you a call and so it was kind of a bummer because you were kind of seeing the worst of me and I as a parent like that had to have been scary of like
20:45
[SPEAKER_02]: Well, Kate only calls me and she's in a really bad place.
20:48
[SPEAKER_02]: And like, it wasn't like I was in a bad place the whole time, but that was, that is when you happen to get the calls from them.
20:53
[SPEAKER_02]: And so I do think as a parent, it's really important, like, just field the calls.
20:57
[SPEAKER_02]: Even if you're annoyed, even if like, you're like, oh, my gosh, my kid is beating me down because they are so sad every time they call.
21:03
[SPEAKER_02]: They're so mad, whatever.
21:05
[SPEAKER_02]: Like, you're the person that they're going to turn to because they don't have close friends in college, especially in the beginning.
21:10
[SPEAKER_02]: I didn't have anybody else to turn to.
21:12
[SPEAKER_02]: And so I think that that was super helpful for me.
21:15
[SPEAKER_02]: I also think what was really helpful is that I always knew like
21:18
[SPEAKER_02]: No matter how bad it gets, like, you can go home.
21:21
[SPEAKER_02]: And like, I understand if you're living across the country, no dison you, Molly.
21:25
[SPEAKER_02]: It's a little bit harder to go home.
21:26
[SPEAKER_01]: You can't know, hop on a plane.
21:28
[SPEAKER_02]: Go hop on a flight.
21:29
[SPEAKER_02]: Like, I just think, always tell your kids, like, hey, this week has been bad.
21:33
[SPEAKER_02]: If it gets worse, come home.
21:34
[SPEAKER_02]: Like, always give them that option because I think that that's such a good out for people just to know that they can always come back.
21:41
[SPEAKER_03]: And also, I think my number one thing is validate the emotion.
21:45
[SPEAKER_03]: Like whatever I'm feeling, I don't want a plan or I don't want my mom to be like, oh, I remember when I was your age and I was feeling, I just want them to be like, I can totally see how you're sad.
21:57
[SPEAKER_03]: I can totally see how you're frustrated.
21:59
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm so excited for you.
22:00
[SPEAKER_03]: I can totally see why you're excited, but validate my emotion.
22:03
[SPEAKER_03]: That's all a kid wants is to feel validated and then give advice.
22:07
[SPEAKER_03]: It's hard when you don't go validated and you're just feeling so many emotions.
22:11
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, yeah.
22:12
[SPEAKER_00]: I think as a mom, I would say too, is just the not panicking.
22:16
[SPEAKER_00]: And there are moments where we had some tense moments, our first year that were hard for Kate and, and I've said it's before on the podcast and Kate can surely cut this out of shed like it, because you guys remember she edits this, but Kate had some anxiety that hit her that was kind of out of the blue and we were kind of working through a little bit of that as well.
22:33
[SPEAKER_00]: And every moment,
22:35
[SPEAKER_00]: everything and me wanted to panic and be like, we're not in the right place.
22:39
[SPEAKER_00]: How did I send her here?
22:40
[SPEAKER_00]: We've lost her, that guy was right.
22:43
[SPEAKER_00]: But then I had to keep going back to the fact that we prayed so hard over where Kate was going to go to college and we saw time and time again how, only the Lord could have opened the doors the way they opened and who she lived with and how it all worked.
22:56
[SPEAKER_00]: And for me to ground myself in knowing that God orchestrated every step of that also gave me confidence to be able to say,
23:05
[SPEAKER_00]: This is a great right now, but we know the Lord led you here and he will not leave you.
23:10
[SPEAKER_00]: And so just kind of me staying off the ledge, you know, that saying they would say about parenting is, you know, it's a roller coaster.
23:16
[SPEAKER_00]: Stay on the platform.
23:17
[SPEAKER_00]: Don't take the ride with them.
23:18
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think I felt that a lot when they were toddlers and I felt it a lot in college.
23:21
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, okay, I will not get on the ride with her.
23:24
[SPEAKER_00]: I will stay on the platform and I will trust that the Lord will be good and he was.
23:29
[SPEAKER_00]: So let's talk about for just a second getting involved in college and Kate hit on church and I'm so grateful.
23:37
[SPEAKER_00]: That was I will say an expectation we had with Kate and we will have with our son I can't make them do anything but we talked a lot about that and just like listen like that's that's who we are and we want you to community believers and whether or not Brett does that I mean Kate did that well we'll see but we did set that expectation because we believe it's important.
23:57
[SPEAKER_00]: But in terms of just getting involved in things at school, so Molly, you did sorority, amazing Kate, didn't, and Kate did other things.
24:04
[SPEAKER_00]: But y'all both did young lives together, which if you don't know this young life, most of y'all know, young lives are, well, you, you tell us what's young lives.
24:13
[SPEAKER_02]: Young lives is basically it's young life, but for teen moms, so we basically get to share their gospel.
24:20
[SPEAKER_02]: with teen moms and their babies and just show them the love of Jesus through.
24:23
[SPEAKER_02]: We have clubs on Tuesday nights and we basically get to drive around teen moms for fun.
24:30
[SPEAKER_03]: Is this getting I did a skit in last spring and that was our one liner explaining and I was your dress up as pregnant Rihanna's on stage and Kate went up and was like
24:39
[SPEAKER_03]: And this is for tea moms and their babies with their, then that just threw me back to the moment with my gut at the picture of Kate in her pregnant outfit.
24:48
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes, I'm sorry.
24:49
[SPEAKER_02]: All in I both drive around with baby on board stickers on the back of our cars and courses.
24:53
[SPEAKER_02]: So in case you think we're going too crazy at UT Austin, we have car seats in the back of our cars.
24:58
[SPEAKER_02]: Thank you.
24:59
[SPEAKER_00]: They do, and baby on board stickers, they're really cool that way.
25:03
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, and so, and I've been able to see live ones and pictures that have you guys baptizing your young lives girls in that ministry, and I reminder that a lot of times where our kids go to college isn't all about them.
25:16
[SPEAKER_00]: I've witnessed you guys getting to baptize girls that will spend eternity with the Lord, and I'm just so grateful that you were there and he was able to use you as instruments.
25:25
[SPEAKER_00]: But talk to us for just a minute about that.
25:26
[SPEAKER_00]: If the mom or dad, probably mom listening, that's either freaking out because what if my daughter doesn't get a sorority or the right sorority or I was in this one or that?
25:37
[SPEAKER_00]: or doesn't get involved in this or that or maybe has a kid in college that isn't maybe as involved.
25:42
[SPEAKER_00]: Like just thoughts on involvement organizations letting your kid maybe navigate their way.
25:48
[SPEAKER_03]: Totally.
25:48
[SPEAKER_03]: I'll touch and sorority first just because I did it.
25:51
[SPEAKER_03]: When you're rushing, a lot of times the girls that are rushing get there a week earlier than everyone else is not.
25:56
[SPEAKER_03]: And when you're rushing, it feels like everyone in their mom is rushing.
26:00
[SPEAKER_03]: It's the biggest deal in the world.
26:03
[SPEAKER_03]: And whatever you get is the huge deal.
26:05
[SPEAKER_03]: That first week, it feels like a massive deal because you're wearing your new colors and you're doing all these things with the new sorority sisters.
26:11
[SPEAKER_03]: After about a week, it's just not that big of a deal anymore.
26:14
[SPEAKER_03]: And for some people, yes, they want to be the president.
26:16
[SPEAKER_03]: They want to be super involved for me.
26:18
[SPEAKER_03]: I was out of state and I wanted a community of people.
26:22
[SPEAKER_03]: And that was perfect for me at that time.
26:25
[SPEAKER_03]: Now I, Kate and I had to know with some girls that are rushing a few weeks ago and we both shared our stories and they're like, I think of the day it just really doesn't matter that much.
26:33
[SPEAKER_03]: But at the time, it does.
26:35
[SPEAKER_03]: It feels like it's the biggest deal in the world.
26:37
[SPEAKER_03]: But I had friends that didn't get this already.
26:38
[SPEAKER_03]: They wanted it and didn't get a sorority at all.
26:41
[SPEAKER_03]: and they're so happy.
26:42
[SPEAKER_03]: It's just, if that doesn't work out, it's finding involvement in something that makes your kid happy or you happy.
26:47
[SPEAKER_03]: And so, whether it's young life or it's saying yes to all those opportunities at the beginning and then learning how to say no after a few weeks.
26:56
[SPEAKER_03]: Go say yes and do all the things, see what you love and then have graces yourself and say now because eventually it's just too much.
27:02
[SPEAKER_03]: So don't get involved in too much.
27:03
[SPEAKER_03]: We're going to involved in something that makes you feel passionate or excited or is with people that you're interested in spending time with.
27:10
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
27:11
[SPEAKER_03]: Kate, yeah.
27:12
[SPEAKER_00]: Kate, I remember, dare I say this, dare I say this, but there is a question.
27:17
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, the fact I'm questioning it makes me think we should not.
27:20
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, we're here.
27:21
[SPEAKER_00]: So there's a Christian organization you are involved with and you wanted to be in leadership and it didn't work out where you got to do that and you were super disappointed during that time.
27:29
[SPEAKER_00]: But then it kind of led to like what your friendship is now with Molly.
27:33
[SPEAKER_00]: So any thoughts on just when it doesn't go how you thought it was going to go, thoughts on that?
27:38
[SPEAKER_02]: I mean, I think Molly's completely right.
27:40
[SPEAKER_02]: You literally just have to like cast the reel in a thousand different places and like go do all the things your freshman year and just see what you end up liking.
27:49
[SPEAKER_02]: And then I think the Lord is kind of going to put you where the Lord's going to put you.
27:52
[SPEAKER_02]: And so I didn't start doing young lives until my sophomore year, I guess.
27:58
[SPEAKER_02]: And I didn't meet Molly until my junior year.
28:01
[SPEAKER_02]: And so I guess that can be hope for a lot of people because I went about three years of college without knowing Molly and that's kind of crazy.
28:07
[SPEAKER_02]: But yeah, so I think you just really like
28:11
[SPEAKER_02]: Keep going out, keep doing things, get involved in organizations that seem interesting, but then Molly's right.
28:16
[SPEAKER_02]: Like, figure out what you like by yourself more year and then pull back.
28:19
[SPEAKER_02]: You don't have to be in every single thing.
28:21
[SPEAKER_02]: I mean, a lot of people that I know that in sororities love their sorority.
28:25
[SPEAKER_02]: A lot of people are seniors in their sorority and they're like, I want nothing to do with this.
28:28
[SPEAKER_02]: I didn't need to have done this.
28:30
[SPEAKER_02]: So I think that there's no one right way for every person.
28:34
[SPEAKER_02]: I do think it's just really important to go out there, meet people, introduce yourself to people in your classes.
28:39
[SPEAKER_02]: Like, just, I don't know, meet people.
28:42
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, yeah.
28:43
[SPEAKER_00]: Let's talk about real life skills.
28:45
[SPEAKER_00]: As parents, we're like, oh my gosh, they need to know all.
28:47
[SPEAKER_00]: We all have different things that we think are important.
28:50
[SPEAKER_00]: Funny story.
28:50
[SPEAKER_00]: I would tell all the time to people is that I feel like we, as Mike and I both being lawyers, like we really beat the dead horse on what to do if you're involved in a car accident and getting insurance and having the right stuff and taking pictures all that.
29:02
[SPEAKER_00]: What I didn't know and I figured out when Kate was in a high school one time, it was really cold and Dallas, like one time ever.
29:08
[SPEAKER_00]: and Kate was warming up her car before she went to high school and she turned it on in the garage and came in and it's like I'm going to leave out ten minutes but I want my car to get warm but she hadn't opened the garage door.
29:18
[SPEAKER_01]: I was like, hey, I didn't know nobody told me.
29:22
[SPEAKER_01]: I only knew that it was called the clicker.
29:24
[SPEAKER_01]: You didn't watch call mark murder mysteries.
29:26
[SPEAKER_01]: That's all everybody dies.
29:28
[SPEAKER_01]: No, I didn't know, so I almost killed my whole family.
29:30
[SPEAKER_00]: And so, that's the title of the podcast, that time I almost killed my whole family.
29:36
[SPEAKER_00]: But I say that because as parents, that's what we're scared.
29:39
[SPEAKER_00]: What did we not tell you?
29:40
[SPEAKER_00]: What did we not teach you?
29:41
[SPEAKER_00]: And at the end of the day, my kids are never going to know how to do a financial spreadsheet because that's not how we operate.
29:47
[SPEAKER_00]: I wish we did.
29:48
[SPEAKER_00]: But they didn't have to empty dishwasher and do the laundry.
29:52
[SPEAKER_00]: Thoughts on that just things that you look around with friends and people and you're like, oh, they should have learned this before they went.
29:58
[SPEAKER_00]: Or I should have learned that before I went, what matters, what doesn't.
30:02
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, um, I mean, I think I obviously knew a lot of things that mattered, knew a lot of, didn't know a lot of things that I should have known.
30:08
[SPEAKER_02]: I would say my number one that I did know that has really come in handy is my grandpa taught me how to change a tire.
30:14
[SPEAKER_02]: And I have probably changed five tires in the course of college, especially for girls.
30:18
[SPEAKER_02]: Like, I do feel like, especially like, I'm driving from Dallas to Austin.
30:22
[SPEAKER_02]: It can happen.
30:23
[SPEAKER_02]: I think that's kind of a good skill to have.
30:26
[SPEAKER_02]: I did not go into college have a credit card, have any knowledge of a credit score, anything like that.
30:32
[SPEAKER_02]: I still don't have a credit score.
30:34
[SPEAKER_02]: I went to a bachelor at party the other weekend and Molly paid for it.
30:37
[SPEAKER_02]: I took out a super loan.
30:38
[SPEAKER_02]: Someone who's younger than me.
30:41
[SPEAKER_02]: So I would say money-wise, I was not the strongest, and I still don't have a credit score.
30:46
[SPEAKER_02]: So I would say, get your credit card and teach them a little bit about finances, even if you as parents aren't the best with finances, would be mine.
30:54
[SPEAKER_02]: Love it.
30:54
[SPEAKER_02]: You did pay me back.
30:56
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes, I did very back though.
30:57
[SPEAKER_02]: The debt collectors do not need to come today.
31:01
[SPEAKER_03]: I think I mean kind of similar finances definitely just learning how to budget cooking for one person once you get past the dorm stage and you're in an apartment cooking for one person and budgeting for that like vegetables go bad really quickly.
31:14
[SPEAKER_03]: I don't think I realized all of the turnover of food in our house and cooking for one person is hard because then there's going to be a random pizza night and you're not going to have the right like
31:23
[SPEAKER_03]: Cooking is just to top her in college.
31:26
[SPEAKER_03]: The best thing that prompted for me in college is when she sent me into my dorm freshman year.
31:30
[SPEAKER_03]: She left me in emergency box and it had sewing needles, a hammer, random command strips, like everything, random I could have ever needed, stamps.
31:38
[SPEAKER_03]: And so whenever anybody needed anything, bandage, people always came to my dorm because they knew that I had this random selection of things and I almost always had that.
31:48
[SPEAKER_03]: So send your kid with an emergency kit because it's
31:50
[SPEAKER_03]: whether or not they have the skill to do it, they have the tool to figure it out.
31:55
[SPEAKER_02]: You can't leave chicken in the fridge for longer than a couple of days.
31:58
[SPEAKER_02]: No, you can't.
31:59
[SPEAKER_00]: You look new, guys.
32:01
[SPEAKER_00]: That's crazy.
32:02
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, I mean, I didn't, I mean, I was like, this many years old when I figured out the eggs expire really quickly.
32:09
[SPEAKER_00]: I had no idea.
32:09
[SPEAKER_00]: I left eggs in the fridge forever.
32:11
[SPEAKER_00]: So all kinds of things still learning girls.
32:15
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, let's let's maybe start wrapping up with this.
32:18
[SPEAKER_00]: I want to talk about when we talk to a lot about friendships the beginning.
32:23
[SPEAKER_00]: I want to hit that one more time because I do think that's one of the biggest things that people struggle with in college and end this whole idea that you know, your best friends ever being college and they might be.
32:32
[SPEAKER_00]: I think that's awesome if they are not the case for everyone.
32:36
[SPEAKER_00]: But I would love for you Kate, just to talk a little bit about just your first semester and thinking you had, like, you had good friends, it didn't really work the way you had hoped and that season of lonely.
32:47
[SPEAKER_00]: And then I want to, I'll add in a little bit about that, like how I, I realize it Christmas, but just talk a little bit about that and in the mall you can jump in if there's anything that comes to mind, but just maybe some thoughts on, it's survivable if it doesn't go as planned.
33:01
[SPEAKER_02]: absolutely survivable.
33:03
[SPEAKER_02]: So yeah, I got there in my freshman year and obviously was not rushing.
33:07
[SPEAKER_02]: And so I just kind of felt this pressure of like, I got to prove people wrong.
33:10
[SPEAKER_02]: And like, I need to find my friends so fast.
33:12
[SPEAKER_02]: I got to find my people.
33:13
[SPEAKER_02]: And you know, you look around and you're like, everybody has found their group of people within like the first month.
33:18
[SPEAKER_02]: And so I was just like, you know what, I haven't like, I got to lock in.
33:21
[SPEAKER_02]: I got to become friends with people really fast.
33:23
[SPEAKER_02]: And so ended up becoming friends with people who I would not normally have been friends with.
33:28
[SPEAKER_02]: Which I think can be a good thing in college to get out of your comfort zone and be friends with different people.
33:33
[SPEAKER_02]: I just was not friends with people.
33:35
[SPEAKER_02]: I probably should have been friends with.
33:36
[SPEAKER_02]: And so ended up leading it to a lot of falling out, kind of a hard freshman year.
33:41
[SPEAKER_02]: I remember coming back home over Christmas break and I was like, woo, that was a, that was a hard semester.
33:46
[SPEAKER_02]: And it also hard because I had the same friends for like ten years back at my private school.
33:52
[SPEAKER_02]: And so it was kindergarten through twelfth grade.
33:55
[SPEAKER_02]: So I had just really never had to make friends like that or hadn't done it like ten years.
33:59
[SPEAKER_02]: So I apparently wasn't very good at it.
34:01
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't know.
34:02
[SPEAKER_02]: But I remember coming home over Christmas break and I was like, wow, that was brutal.
34:05
[SPEAKER_02]: And kind of just had to reset.
34:07
[SPEAKER_02]: And so I think looking back on it now, I think what I regret the most is just feeling like I had to rush into friendships because I didn't have solidified friendships.
34:16
[SPEAKER_02]: When really like, maybe that was the Lord just putting me in a period of waiting and just like pump the brakes like
34:22
[SPEAKER_02]: figure out who you want to be friends with, like what you want to do in college.
34:25
[SPEAKER_02]: And so I do think that when you rush yourself into friendships, like those can be the ones that don't end up working out super well.
34:32
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, yeah, that's a good word.
34:34
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, looking back anything you do differently.
34:40
[SPEAKER_03]: Hmm, it's a good question.
34:41
[SPEAKER_03]: I mean, I don't know.
34:43
[SPEAKER_03]: I think it was just a mindset, maybe I would have switched a little bit.
34:47
[SPEAKER_03]: I think I remember a lot of similarly feeling like everyone else had their one person.
34:52
[SPEAKER_03]: They're best friend that they would take to be on my vacation or their best friend that they would, you know, bring home and I just remember feeling like I don't know if I have that one person.
35:01
[SPEAKER_03]: Like I have some friends that I love.
35:03
[SPEAKER_03]: And so my mindset was just like a little bit wonky through the first little bit of college and then you start to fall into place you find your rhythm you find your people you get to go home you reset after that freshman year when you're summer you're usually living with your parents again and so I don't I wouldn't change anything now because I love the I think
35:23
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm becoming the person that I wanted to be freshman year, but it took a lot of twists and turns and I met my Kate, you know, late in the sophomore year and just the Lord works in wonderful ways, but I would have never expected it.
35:36
[SPEAKER_03]: So not having high expectation.
35:37
[SPEAKER_03]: I had these really high expectations and it was really hard on myself for not having that one person or
35:42
[SPEAKER_03]: You know, not getting that job or not getting in that class, you're not getting that grade.
35:46
[SPEAKER_03]: But ultimately just giving myself more grace and college just to make it enjoyable and it worked out.
35:51
[SPEAKER_03]: And I'm so excited for my senior year now.
35:54
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, you got any thoughts?
35:56
[SPEAKER_02]: I do think I will also say this isn't really the question.
35:59
[SPEAKER_02]: But to those parents, you have to fight the urge to be like, college is gonna be the best four years of your life.
36:05
[SPEAKER_02]: You're having trouble now.
36:06
[SPEAKER_02]: Like you wait until you're in the real world.
36:08
[SPEAKER_02]: This is fun.
36:08
[SPEAKER_02]: Like I do think I understand what they're saying.
36:11
[SPEAKER_02]: not a helpful approach while you're in the middle of it.
36:13
[SPEAKER_02]: And college does bring about a lot of hard times.
36:15
[SPEAKER_02]: And like when I look back, it was a really fun four years.
36:19
[SPEAKER_02]: There were moments in there where I was not doing well.
36:21
[SPEAKER_02]: And it was not very fun.
36:22
[SPEAKER_02]: And so I do think parents, you've got to empathize and you can't just be like, well, gosh, I would hate to see in the working world if this is how stressed out you are in college.
36:31
[SPEAKER_00]: Sounds like something I would have said.
36:32
[SPEAKER_02]: I think that was a verbatim quote actually.
36:35
[SPEAKER_00]: And literally felt like that got personal.
36:38
[SPEAKER_00]: And that's fine.
36:39
[SPEAKER_00]: Maybe I'll have my editor cut that out.
36:41
[SPEAKER_03]: And thanks, thanks Kate would have changed about your parenting right there.
36:45
[SPEAKER_03]: You can just wrap that up.
36:46
[SPEAKER_00]: Right, it's fine everybody.
36:48
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm secure.
36:48
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, I'm going to, I'm going to really, really wrap this up because we're, I don't want to go too long, but everyone's going to think, I can't believe we had a whole college episode and nobody mentioned academics.
36:59
[SPEAKER_00]: I feel like that's the smallest part of the whole thing of sending it to college for some reason.
37:04
[SPEAKER_00]: But I'm going to just, this is like not even a question.
37:07
[SPEAKER_00]: This one's for you Molly in the last one's for Kate or vice versa, but give me one line on academics and majors and studying and what you now know.
37:18
[SPEAKER_03]: So I switch my major in orientation.
37:21
[SPEAKER_03]: Your majors going to change your interests are going to change.
37:24
[SPEAKER_03]: That's fine.
37:25
[SPEAKER_03]: I put so much pressure on myself in school, kicking a test to this.
37:29
[SPEAKER_03]: I
37:29
[SPEAKER_03]: It was super higher achiever and really wanted to do well in college.
37:33
[SPEAKER_03]: And so, um, I mean, again, going back to giving yourself grace, but also holding yourself to a high standard.
37:38
[SPEAKER_03]: And so UT is the place where meeting with your professors the best thing that you can possibly do for yourself.
37:44
[SPEAKER_03]: That's where I've learned so much about myself.
37:46
[SPEAKER_03]: I've challenged myself in my faith.
37:47
[SPEAKER_03]: I had a professor, um, and I called K after this class.
37:50
[SPEAKER_03]: I went up to her after the class and I was like, hey, I do young lives.
37:53
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm a social work miner, so this is a social work class.
37:56
[SPEAKER_03]: I do the young lives, I'm super interested in it, it's a Christian organization, we're just teen moms, and she was not thrilled about that and kind of went off on me, and so I wrote up a one-page paper and sent it back to her of YID Young Lives, Y of Matters me, where my faith matters to me, and why I can take this social work class and also have a perspective that's going to be open to her thoughts and beliefs.
38:20
[SPEAKER_03]: And so meeting with her and then we became good friends and we were able to have really cool conversations about her perspective in mind and so meeting with professors is the best thing that you can do for yourself because you're going to learn so much about yourself but so much about other perspectives and people that are so passionate about a field that you're interested in and then you know you end up doing pretty well in the class because the professor sees it you're putting in the work so academically being relational in classes, making class friends that could help you with your work I mean
38:48
[SPEAKER_03]: It's awesome.
38:48
[SPEAKER_03]: That's what you can do as many people and talk to people.
38:51
[SPEAKER_00]: That's a good one.
38:52
[SPEAKER_00]: And y'all, that's coming from a really, really smart kid, kiddo, who blows us away.
38:57
[SPEAKER_00]: And that, no offense, Kate, you're great too.
39:00
[SPEAKER_00]: But Molly's very academic.
39:02
[SPEAKER_00]: So that's good advice, Kate.
39:05
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm going to hit you with the last question.
39:07
[SPEAKER_00]: And I know Molly could speak into this too.
39:10
[SPEAKER_00]: But talk to us just real quick about dating relationships and college.
39:14
[SPEAKER_00]: And Molly came into college.
39:16
[SPEAKER_00]: I know Kate's scallowing you guys.
39:17
[SPEAKER_00]: This was not on the list of questions.
39:19
[SPEAKER_00]: I gave them.
39:19
[SPEAKER_00]: She's scallowing and Molly's laughing.
39:22
[SPEAKER_00]: But Molly had been dating her boyfriend and they got engaged while she was in college and Kate came and not having had a boyfriend before.
39:31
[SPEAKER_00]: But I ask you in his had a few since she's been there and has one now.
39:35
[SPEAKER_00]: But the question I have is this.
39:36
[SPEAKER_00]: We don't need to go through your whole dating relationship.
39:39
[SPEAKER_00]: Kate all that we could.
39:40
[SPEAKER_00]: Molly would love that.
39:40
[SPEAKER_00]: The more interested is you speaking into this.
39:45
[SPEAKER_00]: Is there a pressure to feel like you have to be fine someone to date and everybody's dating someone and what, you know, is there some sort of, is there an internal girl pressure towards that?
39:53
[SPEAKER_00]: Could you speak to that?
39:55
[SPEAKER_00]: And thoughts on maybe going and calling out a boyfriend like, what, just how did you kind of navigate that?
40:01
[SPEAKER_02]: I absolutely can speak to that.
40:02
[SPEAKER_02]: I think the past two questions have been kind of hurtful.
40:05
[SPEAKER_02]: I'll be honest.
40:06
[SPEAKER_02]: I feel like there's a lot of people here.
40:09
[SPEAKER_02]: And I might just quote this whole episode now.
40:11
[SPEAKER_02]: So, but, however, I will answer it.
40:15
[SPEAKER_02]: I do think that there is some pressure.
40:17
[SPEAKER_02]: I think it's hard when you're coming from a private school background, maybe even just like smaller Christian city background.
40:23
[SPEAKER_02]: I think there were, I realized a lot of my friends really hadn't dated a lot of people, so it didn't feel weird in the moment, but then when I got to college,
40:31
[SPEAKER_02]: I was like, oh well, like, a lot of people have dated a lot of different people.
40:34
[SPEAKER_02]: And like, I haven't been on a single date.
40:36
[SPEAKER_02]: And so I do think that there was a little bit of pressure there as well.
40:40
[SPEAKER_02]: And so I would just say, like, there's so much you have to deal with your freshman year.
40:44
[SPEAKER_02]: Like, don't worry about getting into relationships and stuff that probably aren't going to last.
40:49
[SPEAKER_02]: Like, just don't worry about it.
40:50
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, easy for you to say, Molly, you're engaged.
40:52
[SPEAKER_00]: Molly's over here pointing at her engagement ring every Wednesday.
40:56
[SPEAKER_00]: Just thinking that I'm insane.
40:58
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm gonna have to live stream those so people can see the video of this but yeah, I would say don't focus on all of that in college like focus on finding your friends because honestly those are the people that you're gonna do college with and maybe like you walk in a college the first day and you meet your husband and that would be super awesome or you meet your wife but I just doubt that's gonna happen so
41:20
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, well, I think that's just a good word because I definitely feel like people feel pressured or even as moms are like, oh, should I be dating someone?
41:26
[SPEAKER_00]: These are the gears or whatever.
41:28
[SPEAKER_00]: And we have to go back to the Lord has a person forming.
41:31
[SPEAKER_00]: And I love even that the person that you're dating right now, Kate, is not even someone that goes to your school.
41:36
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, it goes to totally different school that you met from a friend from high school.
41:39
[SPEAKER_00]: So, I mean, there's so many different ways to make people in date.
41:44
[SPEAKER_00]: We don't have to stress out about it.
41:46
[SPEAKER_00]: All right, girls, you're so much fun.
41:48
[SPEAKER_00]: The fact that you came on this podcast and matching pajamas and shower caps is really, that's what life's all about over here.
41:55
[SPEAKER_02]: Well, we thought we were coming on the sidetracked with you and Heather.
41:58
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't think we would have a great if we had known.
42:00
[SPEAKER_02]: Did you guys want to go on the other podcast?
42:03
[SPEAKER_02]: She did ask me.
42:04
[SPEAKER_02]: Molly was like, is the other lady here?
42:06
[SPEAKER_02]: And I was like, is the other lady?
42:07
[SPEAKER_02]: I know Heather's name.
42:09
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, okay.
42:10
[SPEAKER_00]: Well now Heather's not here, but she's just beside you got a shout out.
42:12
[SPEAKER_00]: And hey, listen, I didn't even have to pay y'all to give a shout out to sidetrack.
42:16
[SPEAKER_00]: Kate will speak to this Kate listens to sidetrack and she didn't even edit it.
42:19
[SPEAKER_00]: You don't even edit it, right?
42:22
[SPEAKER_02]: That's true.
42:22
[SPEAKER_02]: I listen to sidetrack more than I listen to this podcast.
42:24
[SPEAKER_02]: I go to like this to join this sidetrack live, so.
42:28
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
42:28
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, there you go, everyone.
42:29
[SPEAKER_00]: That was great.
42:29
[SPEAKER_02]: You listen at Friday's at two p.m.
42:32
[SPEAKER_02]: Usually.
42:32
[SPEAKER_02]: You click off this podcast right now and go listen to sidetracked.
42:38
[SPEAKER_03]: I think that in our next podcast should be about dating and relationships because I think Kate and I could actually talk on that for a really long time.
42:46
[SPEAKER_00]: I do think there's a whole, I feel like there should be a bonus segment on that because I do think there's so much, I don't know if it's misinformation, but we have all talked a lot about how what the, when I grew up as purity culture and now it's this don't dating anyone you would marry and the person has to be, I mean, borderline perfect or why would you go out with them?
43:06
[SPEAKER_00]: And I do think there's a whole lot that is hard to digest.
43:09
[SPEAKER_00]: So yes, we all come back again and we'll do that sometime.
43:12
[SPEAKER_03]: Bring us back.
43:13
[SPEAKER_03]: Bring us back.
43:14
[SPEAKER_03]: Betty and birth are one another shout out.
43:16
[SPEAKER_03]: No, actually, we could talk about for so long.
43:18
[SPEAKER_03]: So you'll hear back from the two of us.
43:20
[SPEAKER_03]: We'll have a new costume next time.
43:21
[SPEAKER_03]: We've got a better one.
43:22
[SPEAKER_03]: It's in Austin.
43:23
[SPEAKER_03]: So you have to catch us over back in Austin together.
43:26
[SPEAKER_03]: It's along the lines of a big blow-up suit, you know?
43:29
[SPEAKER_00]: It is a blow-up suit, yes.
43:30
[SPEAKER_00]: For all I know, YouTube, we'll have your own podcast before I get you back on.
43:34
[SPEAKER_00]: So, which isn't a terrible idea.
43:36
[SPEAKER_00]: So there you go.
43:37
[SPEAKER_00]: All right.
43:38
[SPEAKER_00]: Thanks, girls.
43:38
[SPEAKER_00]: Thanks for being here.
43:40
[SPEAKER_00]: Thank you.
43:40
[SPEAKER_00]: Thank you.
43:43
[SPEAKER_00]: Alright, I hope you enjoyed hearing from the girls.
43:45
[SPEAKER_00]: They're super sweet and so thankful that they are willing to do this and be honest and vulnerable and I do think they're right.
43:52
[SPEAKER_00]: They're on the something we need an episode where we talk about dating relationships for sure.
43:57
[SPEAKER_00]: We give you a favor, will you, forward this podcast to all of your friends that are sending kids to college either for the first time or
44:04
[SPEAKER_00]: sending them back to college or sending another child to college.
44:07
[SPEAKER_00]: They've maybe already sent one, but you share this podcast with them, help others find it mesmerize and also just encourage people in this journey that we're walking.
44:17
[SPEAKER_00]: Make sure you tune in the next few weeks.
44:18
[SPEAKER_00]: We're going to be talking out high school.
44:19
[SPEAKER_00]: We're going to talk about junior high and so make sure you're tuning in and sharing that as well with people around you that could use an encouraging work.
44:26
[SPEAKER_00]: Hey, thanks for being a part of all of this and being a part of the mesmerized family.