Latest / Dear Chelsea / Dirtbag Punk with Kerri Kenney-Silver

Transcript

Dirtbag Punk with Kerri Kenney-Silver · Dear Chelsea

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Okay, guys, here are my dates for the High and
• 0:01
  Speaker 1: Mighty Tour. The thirtieth of May, I will be in
• 0:04
  Speaker 1: Vegas at my residency. In June, i will be in
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: Saratoga Springs, New York, port Chester, New York. I'm coming
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: to Boston at the Wang Theater. I'll be in Portland, Oregon, Seattle,
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: and then Hyannas, Massachusetts, and then two shows in Nantucket.
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: In August you can find me in Red Bank, New Jersey, Montclair,
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: New Jersey.
• 0:25
  Speaker 2: And Calgary. That's Canada.
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: And September I will be in Santa Barbara, San Diego,
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: New York City, Philly, and New Haven, Connecticut. October is Atlanta, Baltimore, Saginaw, Michigan, Pittsburgh, Toronto, Boise, Idaho,
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: and Spokane. And then in November I'll be in San Francisco.
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: I'm coming to Salt Lake City, Austin, Houston, Dallas, Babies,
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: I'll be there. And then in December, I am closing
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: out my tour in Denver and Vancouver. So get your
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: tickets at Chelseahandler dot com for the High and Mighty Tour.
• 0:58
  Speaker 2: Hi Catherine, Chelsea Yai.
• 1:01
  Speaker 3: Do you have a new white man in your life.
• 1:04
  Speaker 2: He's not white.
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: Oh, he's not a se later, well, he's lights okay,
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: But we rescued another dog.
• 1:11
  Speaker 2: His name is ray J, and.
• 1:14
  Speaker 3: You come with that.
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: No, No, I named him ray J. I am. We're
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: sitting here waiting for him to arrive. We have adopted him.
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: So he's a and Doug needs a sibling. So I've
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: been looking for a couple of months for a sibling
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: for Doug. And then we were going to get this
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: other dog, but he wasn't a full chow and I
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: really like chows, but they're hard to find and rescues. Yeah,
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: and then ray J just popped up and so they
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: got him. This weekend, I was away. I went to
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: Bottle Rock and then I went to my friend's wedding.
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: So I was in Santa Barbara with Cowboy all weekend
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: and we had a fun REYU narse great.
• 1:47
  Speaker 2: And so now I'm just waiting for him to arrive.
• 1:50
  Speaker 4: Oh.
• 1:50
  Speaker 3: I love that. I'm so happy for you know.
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: So hopefully Doug will be able to handle himself because
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: Doug is dominant.
• 1:55
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 1:56
  Speaker 5: Have they have?
• 1:57
  Speaker 3: They like played together already like you did.
• 1:59
  Speaker 2: No, no, No.
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: Their meeting for the first time today outside, so It
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: could go horribly wrong and then next week I could
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: say there is no more Rag. You know, we had
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: to give him to another family.
• 2:07
  Speaker 2: I mean, but hopefully not.
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: I think Doug will be so excited to have a friend,
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: and it's just that ray J. We'll have to see
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: what Rayj's reaction to being personally invaded by Doug is.
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: Because we had Cowboys dog with us all weekend. Cowboy
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: has a dog named Benny, and Doug is an assaulter.
• 2:22
  Speaker 2: Doug wants to assault, like.
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: Humping every sexual, everything sexual and everything else and then
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: eventually that all shakes out and they love to have
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: fun together. Yeah, so hopefully, but Doug is definitely dominant
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: and this is his house.
• 2:34
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 2:34
  Speaker 3: Well, he's got all his like dog friends up in Whistler,
• 2:36
  Speaker 3: so hopefully this will just be.
• 2:37
  Speaker 2: More ye more.
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: I mean, he really wants a lot of action and
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: I just cannot provide that up.
• 2:41
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 2:42
  Speaker 3: See, we tried to buy extra dogs to like play
• 2:44
  Speaker 3: with Mimsey and like keep her. Now they all just
• 2:46
  Speaker 3: stare at us and want us to play with them individually.
• 2:49
  Speaker 3: They do play together, but it's like we have to
• 2:51
  Speaker 3: be involved. They're very people oriented, So hopefully hopefully they
• 2:56
  Speaker 3: can play together.
• 2:57
  Speaker 2: Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 2:58
  Speaker 3: So your weekend was good. It was three day weekend.
• 3:00
  Speaker 2: Yeah, Bottle Rock Festival. I've never been up to that
• 3:02
  Speaker 2: music festival.
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: That was amazing. I saw Lord perform, She was out
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: of this world. I saw Teddy Swims perform. LCD South
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: System Swim yeah, and they were all great. Well, we
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: just had a blast. It was so much fun. And
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: then we went to Stanta Barbara on Saturday and we
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: went to a wedding that was really fun. I handed
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: out treats to a lot of different people. Everyone came
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: over to me and they were like, I hear you
• 3:26
  Speaker 1: have the stuff. And I was like, okay, I'm like,
• 3:28
  Speaker 1: who told you. They're like, we just heard in general
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: that you have the stuff. So the message is spreading.
• 3:33
  Speaker 3: I love it. It's not like not even like a
• 3:35
  Speaker 3: dry wedding versus like a wedding with alcohol. It's like
• 3:38
  Speaker 3: a wedding with alcohol plus party.
• 3:40
  Speaker 2: Favorite.
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: Well, now everyone's doing shrooms and I'm like, I'm already
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: over shrooms, Like I already have that.
• 3:44
  Speaker 3: That's like the.
• 3:45
  Speaker 2: Passe to me. Now, yeah, I'm onto the new stuff.
• 3:48
  Speaker 3: What do you think about? Like Michael Pollan talks in
• 3:51
  Speaker 3: that book about like doing a brain reset with hallucinogens
• 3:54
  Speaker 3: and that sort of thing. What do you think about that.
• 3:56
  Speaker 3: I feel like I'm forty one. I kind of feel
• 3:58
  Speaker 3: like it's time for a brain reset.
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: You mean to do the drugs and to have a journey. Yeah,
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: for sure, I think that's good. I've never done that
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: like guided kind of well. I did with ayahuasca, but
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: I've never done like a guided you know, mushroom sit
• 4:11
  Speaker 1: or guided MDM Mason.
• 4:12
  Speaker 2: You can do it with anything.
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: Ketamine it's pretty popular now, but that's not really my drug.
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: I'm not disassociative. Yeah, I don't like that feeling. I
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: like to be I like to be in my body
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: when I'm high.
• 4:23
  Speaker 3: I feel like I need something to help me deal
• 4:25
  Speaker 3: with anxiety, but also I have anxiety about about again, there's.
• 4:30
  Speaker 2: A lot of anxiety going around these days. Yeah.
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: Absolutely, And yes, we need you to write in your
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: questions people, if you've any questions about relationships, about job dynamics,
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: about interpersonal affairs, any sort of family drama that you're
• 4:44
  Speaker 1: going through, if you want to call in with a
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: family member, or are somebody that you're dating, or you're
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: in a relationship with or a friend or a coworker
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: or anything like that. We welcome couples.
• 4:56
  Speaker 2: You know.
• 4:56
  Speaker 3: What we also like is sort of like, am I
• 4:59
  Speaker 3: the asshole type?
• 5:00
  Speaker 5: Yeah?
• 5:00
  Speaker 2: Are you the problem? Yes?
• 5:03
  Speaker 3: Yeah, Like if you've had a confrontation with somebody and
• 5:05
  Speaker 3: you need, like Chelsea to rule in favor or you know,
• 5:08
  Speaker 3: not in your favor, then right in.
• 5:11
  Speaker 1: Yes, We're ready for you. We're ready, willing and able.
• 5:14
  Speaker 3: And right into der Chelsea Podcast at gmail dot com.
• 5:16
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: Oh, and I have to promote my show on Sarahtoga Springs,
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: New York. I'm going into Sarahtoga Springs, New York next weekend.
• 5:23
  Speaker 2: Everybody, June third, Sarahtoga Springs. Just at it.
• 5:27
  Speaker 3: Excellent.
• 5:27
  Speaker 2: Get your tickets at Chelseahandler dot com.
• 5:29
  Speaker 3: Well, let's get into our exciting guests today.
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: So you know, our guest today from Reno nine to
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: one one and she is returning in the second season
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: of Netflix the fourth seasons. Please welcome carry Kenny Silver.
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: Oh my god, Kerry Kenny Silver is here today. I
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: mean we are read you, Narsey. We're trying to figure
• 5:46
  Speaker 1: out how long it's been since we saw each other.
• 5:48
  Speaker 2: I don't like it.
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: But it's been probably I don't think it's been ten years.
• 5:53
  Speaker 2: It can't it can't have been.
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: No, but we did me twenty three years ago when
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: I did a guest episode of Reno nine one one.
• 5:59
  Speaker 2: The very first episodisode of Reno nine one. Oh, you
• 6:02
  Speaker 2: were on the first episode of Reno nine one one.
• 6:04
  Speaker 2: There was a pilot, but then the first official episode
• 6:07
  Speaker 2: you were on? Oh yeah, sure, well two thousand and three.
• 6:11
  Speaker 2: So two thousand and three was the first year, right
• 6:13
  Speaker 2: the show? I think I let's just say first season,
• 6:16
  Speaker 2: their season.
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: Yeah, because I knew of the show before I was
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: on it, so okay, so it had to have been
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: after okay, first season, even though I like that on
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: or an accolade, that was the first Was it the
• 6:26
  Speaker 1: first time I urinated on a set? But from laughing
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: no girls behaving badly? I was liked, No, urinated, like
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: from laughing too hard while we're a filming, because I was.
• 6:35
  Speaker 2: Gonna say, we could check Wikipedia because it was just
• 6:38
  Speaker 2: so ridiculus.
• 6:38
  Speaker 1: That show was so ridiculous, And I know people probably
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: bother you all the time about redoing it, and didn't
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: you guys REDI did.
• 6:45
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's a show that never ends because Nissi Nash
• 6:48
  Speaker 2: keeps bringing it back and I love it. And we
• 6:50
  Speaker 2: actually just did an interview together the other day and
• 6:52
  Speaker 2: she said, never say never. She's the one who instigates
• 6:56
  Speaker 2: every time we come back. But we just had We
• 6:58
  Speaker 2: just did a movie two years ago. We did two
• 7:03
  Speaker 2: more seasons the year before that. So yeah, it just keeps,
• 7:07
  Speaker 2: you know, at a certain point, Oh, I disagree.
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: It's talking about reruns or like recreating shows. There's a
• 7:13
  Speaker 1: couple of people that are there are a couple of
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: shows that are being redone that you're like that this
• 7:17
  Speaker 1: is not necessary. But I mean a lot of them,
• 7:20
  Speaker 1: you know, let's be honest, a lot of them, you're like,
• 7:22
  Speaker 1: this is nobody has another idea, like you're going to
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: resurrect a show from however many years ago, and some
• 7:27
  Speaker 1: of them are worthwhile. But that show doesn't matter who,
• 7:29
  Speaker 1: how old anybody is. It's so ridiculous where I was
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: going to go with it doesn't matter.
• 7:34
  Speaker 2: You're right, actually, because we were never qualified to be
• 7:37
  Speaker 2: cops in the first place. Age shouldn't matter. I remember
• 7:41
  Speaker 2: we shot somewhere maybe it was was it reno? No, no, no, no,
• 7:45
  Speaker 2: Because we have only been there one time. The whole group,
• 7:48
  Speaker 2: we've only been there one time. We would send a
• 7:51
  Speaker 2: b camera there to do, you know, shots of the
• 7:54
  Speaker 2: city and stuff to add to the show, but as
• 7:56
  Speaker 2: a group, we hadn't been there since we were promoting
• 7:58
  Speaker 2: the movie Reno nine one one, which was years into
• 8:02
  Speaker 2: the show itself. I love Reno nine one one. Miami.
• 8:05
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's like, yes, I whistler Miami, San Diego.
• 8:10
  Speaker 2: So ridiculous. And so that's how we first met.
• 8:15
  Speaker 1: And then you you would come on Chelsea Lately all
• 8:17
  Speaker 1: the time on the panel, which was such a nice
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: delight because we were friends and we saw each other
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: a lot more frequently in those days, and you were
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: able to like and it was fun to always have
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: my friends on Chelsea Lately because you know, yeah, yeah,
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: even though you're not a traditional stand up comic, you're
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: a comic.
• 8:31
  Speaker 5: No.
• 8:32
  Speaker 2: But I missed that show because that was the first
• 8:34
  Speaker 2: time I was ever on a show where I was myself.
• 8:37
  Speaker 2: I was terrified, but you were so supportive and and
• 8:43
  Speaker 2: you're so fast that I always felt like if that
• 8:47
  Speaker 2: if that glazed look came in my eye, like I
• 8:49
  Speaker 2: don't know, you would just jump in. You'd reach down
• 8:52
  Speaker 2: and grabbed that toddler out of the pool, and you
• 8:55
  Speaker 2: would save that joke. So I always felt so supportive.
• 8:57
  Speaker 2: But also you were just you. You are such a laugher,
• 9:01
  Speaker 2: and you are such a fan of other people, and
• 9:03
  Speaker 2: you you love showcasing other people. So it's such a
• 9:06
  Speaker 2: great place to sort of try things. And then if
• 9:09
  Speaker 2: you felt like you were flailing, you would you would
• 9:11
  Speaker 2: pull us out. Oh well, that's very nice doing that shit.
• 9:14
  Speaker 2: Thank you, Carrie. That's so sweet.
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it was nice when you have four people on
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: a panel because you can kind of bounce off the walls.
• 9:20
  Speaker 1: And it doesn't behoove anybody for anybody to not do well.
• 9:23
  Speaker 2: You know what I mean exactly.
• 9:25
  Speaker 1: Everyone is trying to make everybody. It's kind of like
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: keeping the plates up. You're like, okay, if that if
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: if if we have a bad panel, if one person
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: doesn't look good, we all don't look good.
• 9:33
  Speaker 2: So you want to help and support each other.
• 9:35
  Speaker 1: Yeah, And Carrie has a wonderful husband and a wonderful son.
• 9:38
  Speaker 2: A husband.
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: I just have to say one thing about your husband,
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: especially now that we know that most men are garbage.
• 9:45
  Speaker 1: I you are so blessed, I know, And he is
• 9:50
  Speaker 1: blessed of course to be with you because you're a blessing.
• 9:53
  Speaker 2: But and I don't throw up the word blease.
• 9:56
  Speaker 3: Okay, maybe a honest show.
• 9:58
  Speaker 2: Hashtag blessing is on every one of your igs. But
• 10:01
  Speaker 2: Steve is one.
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: He's a cinematographer DP cinematographer, and he is one of
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: the most gentle men I've ever met, Like just gentle,
• 10:12
  Speaker 1: like sees everybody, sits down with everybody, listens to everybody
• 10:16
  Speaker 1: because he's very perspicacious because that's what he does for
• 10:18
  Speaker 1: a living is watching people. So he but he takes
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: you in and he's one of those guys that is
• 10:24
  Speaker 1: not disgusting, has no gross ulterior motive. And I know
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: all men are not bad. I you know, I know that.
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: I know there are good men around.
• 10:32
  Speaker 2: I get it.
• 10:32
  Speaker 1: Yeah, there's lots of them, and my most of my
• 10:35
  Speaker 1: friends are married to good men. But when you hear
• 10:37
  Speaker 1: all this news, and you constantly hear these stories, you're
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: just like, oh my god, who is it? Like it
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: would be quicker to name all the people who weren't
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: on Epstein Islands, I know, then to try and figure
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: out how many people were.
• 10:49
  Speaker 2: Yeah, don't think I didn't look everybody up. By the way,
• 10:52
  Speaker 2: Reno nine one one is in there. Tom Lennon and
• 10:55
  Speaker 2: I were laughing our ass. I was on a FaceTime
• 10:57
  Speaker 2: with him and I said, oh my god, we're in
• 10:59
  Speaker 2: the Epstein files. He's like, please don't. It's like a
• 11:03
  Speaker 2: perfect reason to bring this bad. It's an email that
• 11:09
  Speaker 2: was going from somebody to somebody about Universal and what
• 11:12
  Speaker 2: was coming out that week, and it was Reno nine
• 11:14
  Speaker 2: one one Miami, and I was like, okay, but anyway,
• 11:19
  Speaker 2: I know, and thank you for saying that about my husband, Steve.
• 11:21
  Speaker 2: I love celebrating him because he is like in the
• 11:24
  Speaker 2: you know, he's a DP, so he's he's he's the
• 11:27
  Speaker 2: kind of the watcher, he's the quiet, he's the and
• 11:31
  Speaker 2: he's the grounder to me and my you know, Tasmanian
• 11:35
  Speaker 2: devil friends. But he shot Big Bang Theory two and
• 11:38
  Speaker 2: a half. Men, Mom, he's now shooting Lianne and she's
• 11:42
  Speaker 2: an angel and I'm so glad he's working. She's a
• 11:46
  Speaker 2: sweetheart and just a genuine talent and so happy to
• 11:50
  Speaker 2: be there, which is like such a great thing at
• 11:54
  Speaker 2: this moment. Is in his career too, to be with
• 11:56
  Speaker 2: someone like that. Yeah, but I'm just so, and we
• 12:00
  Speaker 2: have such an amazing kid. And I can't believe how
• 12:05
  Speaker 2: much of my life has has lined up. I can't
• 12:08
  Speaker 2: believe it because it shouldn't have. I mean I look
• 12:10
  Speaker 2: at like, you know, just the scattered ideas and things
• 12:16
  Speaker 2: I was reaching for when I was younger, just anything,
• 12:20
  Speaker 2: and then the fact that it's lined up in this
• 12:22
  Speaker 2: beautiful way. I sometimes can't believe it's my life. And
• 12:25
  Speaker 2: I love that you see that He's always adored you,
• 12:29
  Speaker 2: always adored you. That is beautiful.
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: What did you think was like where, like, tell me
• 12:33
  Speaker 1: about that, talk about that when you're thinking about having
• 12:36
  Speaker 1: scattered because I felt like that, Like I felt like
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: a pinball when I was like you know, my early twenties.
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: I was out here, but I didn't know where I
• 12:44
  Speaker 1: was going, and I just was kind of like, you know,
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: like frenetic.
• 12:49
  Speaker 2: Yeah it's funny though you say that, but it doesn't
• 12:51
  Speaker 2: come across like that. We're talking about you, Carrie, even
• 12:55
  Speaker 2: from the outside. For example, your career looks very I
• 13:01
  Speaker 2: don't want to say planned, but it looks like it
• 13:04
  Speaker 2: made strategize. No, like everything made the next logical sense,
• 13:08
  Speaker 2: and there was a progression. Is a progression and it
• 13:13
  Speaker 2: doesn't look chaotic in the same way that probably mine
• 13:16
  Speaker 2: doesn't look chaotic, although on the inside, you know, because
• 13:20
  Speaker 2: I graduated college and had my own television show at
• 13:23
  Speaker 2: graduation with the state. I mean, who who has that?
• 13:26
  Speaker 2: There's nothing chaotic about that?
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: And you also in your band and my band which
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: online is are.
• 13:34
  Speaker 2: We getting that? Not only are we here, but the
• 13:37
  Speaker 2: head is leaning. It looks like a cat from this angle.
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: But anybody who watches this podcast or listens to this
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: podcast knows that I would never have a cat in
• 13:44
  Speaker 1: my house. I mean, if somebody came with a cat,
• 13:47
  Speaker 1: obviously I wouldn't kick them out, but I don't have cats.
• 13:49
  Speaker 3: For those listening at home, my dog Mamsie is snuggling
• 13:51
  Speaker 3: carry's foot.
• 13:52
  Speaker 2: He's resting his head on my phone.
• 13:54
  Speaker 3: Oh my god, he is trying to take Yeah, that's okay.
• 13:58
  Speaker 2: You know, it's okay. Her vagina is so Carrie couldn't
• 14:01
  Speaker 2: see it. Not at the moment, I'm miss gendered her
• 14:03
  Speaker 2: And now she's mad, you're a beautiful girl your band. Yes,
• 14:09
  Speaker 2: So that like there's an example of something I did
• 14:12
  Speaker 2: what I think you probably did, and I continue to do,
• 14:16
  Speaker 2: which is the next indicated step right. So somebody says, hey,
• 14:21
  Speaker 2: here's this thing or this idea, and I go yeah,
• 14:24
  Speaker 2: and they go don't you want to read it verse?
• 14:25
  Speaker 2: And I go no, I'll do it, and then it
• 14:29
  Speaker 2: either produces something which the state has obviously and continues
• 14:34
  Speaker 2: to thirty eight thirty seven years later. The band was
• 14:40
  Speaker 2: literally our boyfriends were in bands, and they were all
• 14:43
  Speaker 2: on tour and had extra instruments laying around the cake.
• 14:47
  Speaker 2: It's an impossible name to remember, and then everyone says, oh,
• 14:49
  Speaker 2: it's oh, it's like the band cake. We were No,
• 14:54
  Speaker 2: it was cake like your pike. A couple of us
• 14:57
  Speaker 2: worked at a bakery and there were on the box
• 15:00
  Speaker 2: of brownies it says for moist or cake like brownies,
• 15:04
  Speaker 2: so we picked cake, like why everyone loves that word? Well,
• 15:07
  Speaker 2: now today, maybe that's that's the reboot, I think. Like,
• 15:12
  Speaker 2: for example, with the band, it was just like, oh,
• 15:14
  Speaker 2: there's instruments saying around here, let's play them. And some
• 15:18
  Speaker 2: guy poked his head into our the practice space and said, hey,
• 15:21
  Speaker 2: we've got to show this weekend in Brooklyn. Do you
• 15:24
  Speaker 2: guys want to play it? And we're like, oh no, no,
• 15:26
  Speaker 2: we're not a band, and he's like, well, you sound
• 15:29
  Speaker 2: like a band and we were like, oh, well, I
• 15:32
  Speaker 2: mean we have three songs. We don't really and he's like, well,
• 15:34
  Speaker 2: come play your three songs. And we came and played
• 15:37
  Speaker 2: our three songs. And John Zorn was at that show
• 15:40
  Speaker 2: and said I want to make a record with you,
• 15:43
  Speaker 2: and we were like, well, we don't. We only have
• 15:44
  Speaker 2: three songs. He's like, well, you better quickly write some more.
• 15:47
  Speaker 2: So we did and put it out with a vaunt.
• 15:50
  Speaker 2: This Japanese label got three and a half stars in
• 15:53
  Speaker 2: Rolling Stone our first album, and then ric Ocassick found us,
• 15:58
  Speaker 2: said I want to make a single with you. He said,
• 16:01
  Speaker 2: can I bring some friends to your show? And his
• 16:03
  Speaker 2: friends were Neil Young and a bunch of other people,
• 16:06
  Speaker 2: and Neil said, I want to sign you as my
• 16:08
  Speaker 2: second band to this new Warner Brothers label I'm doing.
• 16:12
  Speaker 2: So we yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, and yes and
• 16:14
  Speaker 2: yes and yes and yes, and we just kept going
• 16:17
  Speaker 2: that's amazing. Same with you Know the State ends, and
• 16:21
  Speaker 2: Tom and Michael Black and Ben were like, we want
• 16:23
  Speaker 2: to do you know, the Viva Variety. We want to
• 16:26
  Speaker 2: do Viva Variety, which was a sketch we had done
• 16:28
  Speaker 2: on the State as a show yes, okay, yes, And
• 16:31
  Speaker 2: we did that for years and then you know, like
• 16:35
  Speaker 2: that led into reno, which leads into and so I
• 16:38
  Speaker 2: think the differences this is the longest winded answer of all.
• 16:41
  Speaker 2: I love it, but I think are the differences between
• 16:44
  Speaker 2: now and then? Is that back then I felt like
• 16:51
  Speaker 2: these things were swirling around me and I was just
• 16:54
  Speaker 2: grabbing at them. Someone would reach in and say do
• 16:56
  Speaker 2: you want to do this, and I'd go yes, yes, yes, yes,
• 16:59
  Speaker 2: Now because I have to be a more grounded person
• 17:04
  Speaker 2: just by nature of age and health and the world,
• 17:10
  Speaker 2: I still see those opportunities. They're still happening, thank god,
• 17:16
  Speaker 2: But I feel like I am able to more clearly
• 17:18
  Speaker 2: and confidently say yes and then walk into those spaces
• 17:25
  Speaker 2: with more peace. I felt like I was tumbling into
• 17:29
  Speaker 2: those other spaces, going what are we gonna do? What
• 17:32
  Speaker 2: do you need for me?
• 17:33
  Speaker 5: Right?
• 17:33
  Speaker 2: Right? And now I feel like I can own them
• 17:36
  Speaker 2: more in a sense.
• 17:38
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's very interesting, all while having the same exact
• 17:41
  Speaker 1: haircut for all this time.
• 17:42
  Speaker 2: She's not the same as.
• 17:43
  Speaker 1: True and you're going to put a flash of all
• 17:46
  Speaker 1: their When did you have a different haircut?
• 17:48
  Speaker 2: When sugar beans? Have you not seen? I posted one
• 17:52
  Speaker 2: of those look at my what was mom like in
• 17:55
  Speaker 2: the nineties thing? All it is is a parade haircuts
• 18:00
  Speaker 2: and color, like short layers, oh honey, like yeah, big
• 18:05
  Speaker 2: of color, short layers on short hair. No, no, no,
• 18:08
  Speaker 2: let's see what's goy.
• 18:11
  Speaker 1: But I like one of the things I admire about
• 18:13
  Speaker 1: you is that you've had the same haircut since I've
• 18:15
  Speaker 1: known you, and and I find that to be pretty inspiring,
• 18:19
  Speaker 1: Like you found something you liked. Cause I just cut
• 18:22
  Speaker 1: my hair like a couple of days ago. I was like,
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: I can't do this anymore. And they're like what, And
• 18:26
  Speaker 1: they're like, this's nothing that's going to be that big
• 18:27
  Speaker 1: of a change. I'm like, I know, I just have
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: to either change the part or cut it. I need
• 18:31
  Speaker 1: an update, like I need to know what you mean.
• 18:33
  Speaker 2: I feel this is a this is a first this
• 18:37
  Speaker 2: first time I'm ever saying this out loud in the world.
• 18:39
  Speaker 2: This is an exclusive, So everybody lean in. I've decided
• 18:44
  Speaker 2: I don't love jewelry or accessories of any kind. I'm
• 18:49
  Speaker 2: with you on that, So a blunt haircut is my accessory.
• 18:55
  Speaker 2: Yeah that's yeah, okay.
• 18:57
  Speaker 3: Yeah, this is a lot of different hairstyle.
• 19:00
  Speaker 2: It's it's it's not even all of them. Wait, oh,
• 19:04
  Speaker 2: what were you like in the nineties? I see, I'm
• 19:06
  Speaker 2: loving those, I am, but they're nostalgic, making me kind
• 19:10
  Speaker 2: of sad. God, do you look a lot like this
• 19:12
  Speaker 2: friend of mine? Wow? Is it Dame Judy Dench Wow? Yes,
• 19:17
  Speaker 2: she and I have forgot just gotten very tight. She's
• 19:20
  Speaker 2: actually upstairs. Oh I thought I heard her. Oh.
• 19:23
  Speaker 3: Hey, have you been thinking about writing into Dear Chelsea. Well,
• 19:26
  Speaker 3: now is the moment. We're taking advice questions on anything
• 19:30
  Speaker 3: that pops up. It's wedding season. Are you having wedding drama?
• 19:34
  Speaker 3: Write in about that thing that you can't seem to
• 19:36
  Speaker 3: agree with your spouse about but you absolutely know you're right.
• 19:39
  Speaker 3: Chelsea can tell you who's right and who's wrong. You
• 19:41
  Speaker 3: can write in about a big life decision or just
• 19:44
  Speaker 3: something small dating drama right into Dear Chelsea podcast at
• 19:48
  Speaker 3: gmail dot com.
• 19:53
  Speaker 1: I love all that you're saying because I think when
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: you're younger, yeah, you're right like you're described. I think
• 19:57
  Speaker 1: what you're describing is like this sense of frenetic where
• 20:00
  Speaker 1: you're kind of just almost.
• 20:01
  Speaker 2: Like a balloon, you know, like you're bouncing around.
• 20:05
  Speaker 1: And you're just kind of catching to see what catches
• 20:07
  Speaker 1: and what doesn't. And the good thing about that youthfulness
• 20:11
  Speaker 1: that I think you're able to take into your adult
• 20:15
  Speaker 1: life is that when things don't work, it doesn't matter
• 20:18
  Speaker 1: because there's so much static and energy that you're like, Okay,
• 20:21
  Speaker 1: what's the next?
• 20:22
  Speaker 2: What's next?
• 20:23
  Speaker 1: And I kind of feel that way today in a
• 20:25
  Speaker 1: much more grounded sense, like what you're describing. When things
• 20:28
  Speaker 1: don't work out, there's no big reaction, Like like with
• 20:34
  Speaker 1: professional stuff, you're like, oh, okay, well that happens all
• 20:36
  Speaker 1: the time. I know that now, so it's nothing to
• 20:39
  Speaker 1: get so upset about, Whereas when I was younger, it
• 20:42
  Speaker 1: would be a huge reaction and then a week later
• 20:44
  Speaker 1: you would forgot that that even happened.
• 20:45
  Speaker 2: And then also a week later you would go, thank
• 20:47
  Speaker 2: God that didn't happen, because then this wouldn't be able
• 20:50
  Speaker 2: to happen. So learning that lesson over time. The you
• 20:54
  Speaker 2: know my favorite Nisi Nash. You know, she didn't invent it,
• 20:58
  Speaker 2: but I heard it from her rejection and is God's
• 21:00
  Speaker 2: protection that thing of Like, but I wanted that thing,
• 21:03
  Speaker 2: and that was going to be the thing, and I
• 21:05
  Speaker 2: thought this was the thing and then when it's not
• 21:07
  Speaker 2: the thing, you're like, thank god that wasn't the thing,
• 21:09
  Speaker 2: because this is the thing, and if I was over
• 21:11
  Speaker 2: there doing this thing, I couldn't have done this thing. Right.
• 21:14
  Speaker 2: So I think, like you say, over time, the more
• 21:17
  Speaker 2: times that happens to you, which is in this business,
• 21:20
  Speaker 2: all that happens over and over and over and over again,
• 21:23
  Speaker 2: then you start to learn, oh, there's a rhythm to this.
• 21:26
  Speaker 2: There is enough work for everybody. Everything happens when it's
• 21:29
  Speaker 2: supposed to.
• 21:30
  Speaker 1: It just is do you Are you one of those
• 21:32
  Speaker 1: people who thinks everything that happens happens for a reason.
• 21:36
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't know about that. I just am in
• 21:39
  Speaker 2: this new like I'm starting to sort of I'll say this.
• 21:47
  Speaker 2: I listened to the Telepathy tapes, Okay, Steve and I
• 21:51
  Speaker 2: listen to them, and they've really kind of changed a
• 21:54
  Speaker 2: lot of stuff for us, you know. Just now there's
• 21:59
  Speaker 2: a lot of new question stints for me, and it's
• 22:02
  Speaker 2: all positive, and it's it's starting to make me. I'm
• 22:06
  Speaker 2: getting kisses full kisses nose, all right, are you kidding me?
• 22:12
  Speaker 2: You're getting sexually? I love that.
• 22:16
  Speaker 3: I just hope this doesn't wind up on wiki feet.
• 22:19
  Speaker 2: Does pretty well on has a foot account. You can
• 22:23
  Speaker 2: just go download it or upload it, so they'll just
• 22:25
  Speaker 2: have a going goes straight to it. Anytime someone takes
• 22:28
  Speaker 2: a shot on my foot, I thought you meant Catherine
• 22:29
  Speaker 2: was blowing kisses at you. I was like, that's very unusual.
• 22:33
  Speaker 2: Never heard you do that that I would not have acknowledged.
• 22:35
  Speaker 2: I just allowed it to quietly.
• 22:39
  Speaker 5: No.
• 22:40
  Speaker 2: I just I don't know if everything happens for a reason,
• 22:43
  Speaker 2: but I am all of a sudden, and it's kind
• 22:46
  Speaker 2: of gross to me because I think of myself as
• 22:49
  Speaker 2: this like New York City girl who you know, smokes
• 22:53
  Speaker 2: cartons of cigarettes, doesn't give a ship about anything. You know,
• 22:57
  Speaker 2: I show up, I do ship. You don't like it
• 22:59
  Speaker 2: too bad? I trip into something else. I eat Snickers
• 23:04
  Speaker 2: bars for breakfast. That's that's the meat that I still think.
• 23:07
  Speaker 2: I am at my core. When you're looking at right now,
• 23:11
  Speaker 2: in real time, at this fifty six year old woman
• 23:14
  Speaker 2: with a bob haircut, you know, who drove here in
• 23:16
  Speaker 2: a nice car. I don't feel like this lady. I
• 23:18
  Speaker 2: feel like that lady. So when things come out of
• 23:21
  Speaker 2: my mouth, like I've been listening to the telepathy tapes
• 23:26
  Speaker 2: and now I'm questioning things like quantum physics, and you know, I'm.
• 23:31
  Speaker 3: Like a universal intelligence. Universal intelligence, which to me that
• 23:36
  Speaker 3: sounds so much like what you're talking about, like it
• 23:38
  Speaker 3: all was existing and you're like, yes, I'm going to
• 23:40
  Speaker 3: grab this opportunity and that opportunity and it goes right
• 23:44
  Speaker 3: along with what you know, what they talk about in
• 23:45
  Speaker 3: the telepathy tapes about like all of that intelligence exists
• 23:49
  Speaker 3: and it's just do you have access to it? Can
• 23:51
  Speaker 3: you tap into it? That sort of thing.
• 23:53
  Speaker 2: But my my reason, I think for arriving at this
• 23:56
  Speaker 2: new excited time about learning about this stuff, whether it's
• 24:02
  Speaker 2: real or true or not, just wanting to know more
• 24:04
  Speaker 2: about it, meditation, journaling, These words are coming out of
• 24:09
  Speaker 2: my mouth, which is like what yeah. But the reason
• 24:13
  Speaker 2: is because there was an emergency, and the emergency was
• 24:20
  Speaker 2: the world started to like really affect me physically and
• 24:26
  Speaker 2: it felt like, oh, if I want to keep momming
• 24:30
  Speaker 2: and wifing and friending and working and living, I'd better
• 24:35
  Speaker 2: like find some tools right now. And all of a sudden,
• 24:40
  Speaker 2: all that judgment about you know, centering and being open
• 24:46
  Speaker 2: to listening to my body and all these things, I
• 24:48
  Speaker 2: was like, oh, I see some of this really does
• 24:52
  Speaker 2: make a lot of sense. And now I have this
• 24:54
  Speaker 2: really rigorous morning routine that I do. I love it.
• 24:56
  Speaker 2: Tell us what do you do? I love this? I
• 24:59
  Speaker 2: mean you love this because you know what's funny, Chelsea,
• 25:02
  Speaker 2: you and I ten years ago would have been sitting together,
• 25:06
  Speaker 2: chain smoking, laughing about this shit together. Yeah, but the world,
• 25:12
  Speaker 2: what's happened in the world, or I don't.
• 25:13
  Speaker 1: I think it's also as you age, you just as
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: you grow up, and it's a byproduct.
• 25:18
  Speaker 2: It is a definitely like a.
• 25:19
  Speaker 1: California La thing also is on the fast track, Like
• 25:23
  Speaker 1: my New York friends are not as like into all
• 25:26
  Speaker 1: the shit that I'm in. Yeah, but you definitely get
• 25:29
  Speaker 1: to an age like I mean for you, I you know,
• 25:31
  Speaker 1: it was more of a health issue I remember, and
• 25:34
  Speaker 1: for me it was a mental health issue.
• 25:36
  Speaker 2: Like it was like.
• 25:37
  Speaker 1: Both, yeah, it's it's all connected and so you know,
• 25:41
  Speaker 1: it is a health issue. It's just like you, everything
• 25:44
  Speaker 1: that's been working doesn't work anymore, and you have to
• 25:47
  Speaker 1: figure out a different coping mechanism, so to speak, a
• 25:51
  Speaker 1: different set of tools to actually carry you through and
• 25:54
  Speaker 1: lift you up because all of the devices that you
• 25:57
  Speaker 1: had been using or that had been working.
• 25:59
  Speaker 2: For you just don't seem to work anymore, or are
• 26:01
  Speaker 2: backfiring yeah, or are doing the opposite.
• 26:05
  Speaker 1: Like Oprah always says, this thing, things work for you
• 26:07
  Speaker 1: until they don't. And I would always be like, what
• 26:09
  Speaker 1: the fuck does that mean? Yeah, I don't understand what
• 26:12
  Speaker 1: that means. Until I understood what that meant exactly, my bravado,
• 26:15
  Speaker 1: my loudness, this big like cover that I had for myself,
• 26:20
  Speaker 1: or this big kind of protective armor that I had
• 26:23
  Speaker 1: worked for me for a long time, until it's like, okay,
• 26:28
  Speaker 1: now what.
• 26:28
  Speaker 2: I want someone to come in?
• 26:29
  Speaker 5: Yeah?
• 26:30
  Speaker 1: Yeah, And then you're invulnerable and you're like, uh, okay,
• 26:32
  Speaker 1: what am I covering up?
• 26:33
  Speaker 2: What's inside?
• 26:34
  Speaker 1: And I'm scared to reveal what's going on? So like,
• 26:37
  Speaker 1: I think it is a natural way of growing and
• 26:39
  Speaker 1: evolving as a woman, especially.
• 26:42
  Speaker 2: Oh well, I don't know about you, but I have
• 26:44
  Speaker 2: received calls from so many girlfriends in my life who,
• 26:49
  Speaker 2: over the years I sort of look at as the
• 26:51
  Speaker 2: like normal ones, you know, they've never had major health
• 26:55
  Speaker 2: problems or major depression or major this or that, they're
• 26:59
  Speaker 2: not artists so to speak, have called me in the
• 27:02
  Speaker 2: last several years, like almost on the DL from their
• 27:08
  Speaker 2: closet going something is going on. I think I'm losing
• 27:12
  Speaker 2: my mind, and I'm like, no, you're not losing your mind.
• 27:16
  Speaker 2: Here's what's happening. First of all, we're getting to we're
• 27:19
  Speaker 2: women of a certain age, right, Nobody ever talked about that.
• 27:22
  Speaker 2: I was never told about that. So first, get to
• 27:25
  Speaker 2: your doctor and get your blood levels.
• 27:26
  Speaker 1: Checked period, right, hormones checked everywhere, and sometimes your shit.
• 27:30
  Speaker 2: First, get your hormones. Yeah, and sometimes that's it and
• 27:34
  Speaker 2: you get that adjusted or you do whatever you have
• 27:36
  Speaker 2: to do healthwise to get that adjusted. But then also,
• 27:38
  Speaker 2: I think at the same time, for those of us
• 27:41
  Speaker 2: with kids who had kids around the same time, you
• 27:44
  Speaker 2: start to come to that point where your kid is
• 27:46
  Speaker 2: now launching into the world, and the world that your
• 27:48
  Speaker 2: kid is launching into today is for many of us
• 27:53
  Speaker 2: quite terrifying. Yeah, so I agree, all of a sudden,
• 27:58
  Speaker 2: it's like, Okay, what do you got for me? Because
• 28:01
  Speaker 2: you and I, I think, have have a similar speed,
• 28:04
  Speaker 2: which is like I see the brick wall. Everyone is
• 28:08
  Speaker 2: telling me there's the brick wall. And not only am
• 28:13
  Speaker 2: I gonna like accelerate into the brick wall, because now
• 28:17
  Speaker 2: you're telling me that there's a brick wall, but I'm
• 28:19
  Speaker 2: going to go through that brick wall and I'm going
• 28:22
  Speaker 2: to show you that on the other side of it,
• 28:24
  Speaker 2: like good things are to come for me. Well, guess what.
• 28:28
  Speaker 2: That doesn't work that way. Yeah, So I sort of
• 28:31
  Speaker 2: push myself, you know, health wise and work wise over
• 28:35
  Speaker 2: extending myself through those walls till I was like, oh, okay,
• 28:41
  Speaker 2: this is what people mean by you know, take a minute,
• 28:45
  Speaker 2: or you know, maybe this one thing that you're doing
• 28:49
  Speaker 2: is isn't working for you, and it's okay to admit that.
• 28:53
  Speaker 2: So I just now when I wake up in the morning,
• 28:58
  Speaker 2: I'm not invented any of it that you're gonna wreck
• 29:01
  Speaker 2: every single thing. You're gonna go, oh yeah, that's from this,
• 29:03
  Speaker 2: that's from this. I just have this little toolbox. Now gross,
• 29:06
  Speaker 2: even that I'm saying toolbox is gross. I wake up
• 29:09
  Speaker 2: in the morning. The very first thing I do, if
• 29:11
  Speaker 2: it's dark or light, I have to be outdoors. I
• 29:14
  Speaker 2: don't care where I am. I step outdoors. If it's
• 29:17
  Speaker 2: a place I can be barefoot, then I'm barefoot. I
• 29:20
  Speaker 2: stand outside and I sort of look around and I've
• 29:23
  Speaker 2: started doing this thing that I heard Patti Smith say,
• 29:26
  Speaker 2: which is I think something first? First thing in the day,
• 29:30
  Speaker 2: I thank something. I catch myself thanking my fork for
• 29:35
  Speaker 2: getting my food to my mouth internally sometimes now, but
• 29:40
  Speaker 2: I will thank you know whatever, whatever is the first
• 29:43
  Speaker 2: thing that comes to mind or to site. Then I
• 29:46
  Speaker 2: will journal. I will do my daily meditation. I have
• 29:49
  Speaker 2: to do one to two meditations a day. What's the
• 29:52
  Speaker 2: how long do you journey? Typically journaling can be five minutes,
• 29:56
  Speaker 2: it can be I can be swept away by it.
• 30:00
  Speaker 2: Then go do the rest of my morning routine, come
• 30:02
  Speaker 2: back and I'm doing it for another hour and it
• 30:04
  Speaker 2: becomes something else that's for work or whatever. Have to
• 30:09
  Speaker 2: move my body, have to listen to music, have to eat,
• 30:16
  Speaker 2: which I know sounds ridiculous, but there would be days
• 30:18
  Speaker 2: where I would be like, I have to get this
• 30:20
  Speaker 2: project and I have to get this thing done. I
• 30:21
  Speaker 2: have to get these emails done, I have to get
• 30:23
  Speaker 2: my sons whatever done, And it's four o'clock and I
• 30:26
  Speaker 2: haven't eaten, and I'm wondering why. So it's just really
• 30:31
  Speaker 2: like there's nothing earth shattering about any of it's it's
• 30:34
  Speaker 2: basic stuff, but from somebody who has spent their life,
• 30:39
  Speaker 2: you know, swirling through these I've had ten lifetimes. People go, oh,
• 30:45
  Speaker 2: you were you were in a band for those years
• 30:48
  Speaker 2: traveling around the world. When did that happen? But then
• 30:50
  Speaker 2: how were you also doing these four TV shows that
• 30:54
  Speaker 2: you were co creating and you were in and but
• 30:58
  Speaker 2: then how are you also you raise a cut Now
• 31:00
  Speaker 2: he's you have a twenty year old and you were
• 31:02
  Speaker 2: there for every game, every robotics match, and you're a
• 31:07
  Speaker 2: wife and you were at all of the tapings for this,
• 31:11
  Speaker 2: Like wait, how are all those people? So I'm enjoying
• 31:16
  Speaker 2: this stage of like I don't know. I don't know everything.
• 31:24
  Speaker 2: I don't know all the answers. And when I read
• 31:31
  Speaker 2: about a tip or I hear Patty Smith say, try
• 31:34
  Speaker 2: thanking even the physical objects in your life. I go,
• 31:37
  Speaker 2: all right, and I try it, and some of the
• 31:40
  Speaker 2: things have stuck. And now I feel slowly like I
• 31:46
  Speaker 2: am more centered than I've ever been in my life,
• 31:49
  Speaker 2: which is so awesome.
• 31:53
  Speaker 1: I also think the language that we use around our toolbox,
• 31:57
  Speaker 1: like I know you're saying it's gross because you know what, Ever,
• 32:00
  Speaker 1: because you don't want to everyone, it's not very punk
• 32:02
  Speaker 1: rock emotional, but it is punk rock to be cool
• 32:06
  Speaker 1: about your emotional toolbox, do you know what I mean? Yeah,
• 32:08
  Speaker 1: you can make that punk rock like it is punk
• 32:11
  Speaker 1: rock because it fucking works, and people change and they
• 32:14
  Speaker 1: realize like, oh, actually, the way for me to be
• 32:16
  Speaker 1: the most effective and like luscious human being is to
• 32:20
  Speaker 1: get a fucking toolbox, you know what I mean? That
• 32:22
  Speaker 1: it makes there's like a magnetic attraction between you and
• 32:25
  Speaker 1: the world when you're walking outside in the morning looking
• 32:27
  Speaker 1: at the trees and thanking them.
• 32:28
  Speaker 2: For being there.
• 32:29
  Speaker 1: You know, but I can relate to everything you're set
• 32:34
  Speaker 1: makes me laugh, I know.
• 32:35
  Speaker 2: I know.
• 32:36
  Speaker 1: And in beginning, when I started doing this, like what
• 32:38
  Speaker 1: you're talking about, when I started meditating, when I started
• 32:41
  Speaker 1: when I went into real therapy, when I did all
• 32:43
  Speaker 1: that stuff, I would just be like, oh god, I
• 32:44
  Speaker 1: can't tell anyone about this.
• 32:46
  Speaker 2: People are gonna be like, what.
• 32:47
  Speaker 3: Are you talking about?
• 32:48
  Speaker 1: Like I have a personality change, Like it's like I
• 32:51
  Speaker 1: got a personality transplant. Because there's like a transitional period
• 32:55
  Speaker 1: of time where you're like, what am I doing and
• 32:58
  Speaker 1: who am I acting like?
• 32:59
  Speaker 2: And is this real? And then you're like hiding it.
• 33:01
  Speaker 1: You know, i'd be meditating, I'm like, okay, nobody could
• 33:03
  Speaker 1: see me doing this, it's a secret. It's like, actually,
• 33:06
  Speaker 1: it works better if you don't give a shit who's
• 33:08
  Speaker 1: seeing you meditate, You know what I mean.
• 33:09
  Speaker 2: It's so true.
• 33:11
  Speaker 1: You got to be loud and brave about all the
• 33:13
  Speaker 1: things that you're into at the time, and it's okay
• 33:15
  Speaker 1: to change your mind and be into other things that.
• 33:17
  Speaker 2: You believe are helping you.
• 33:19
  Speaker 3: It's that's cool.
• 33:20
  Speaker 2: I was on a red carpet the other day at
• 33:22
  Speaker 2: south By Southwest and this young woman said, what kind
• 33:27
  Speaker 2: of music are you listening to these days? I just
• 33:30
  Speaker 2: was totally honest with her. I said, you know what
• 33:31
  Speaker 2: I'm listening to on rotation on Spotify, calming piano music,
• 33:38
  Speaker 2: four dogs.
• 33:42
  Speaker 3: That's not very fun.
• 33:44
  Speaker 2: I was looking for a sound.
• 33:46
  Speaker 1: I like to sleep to the rain machine, right, that
• 33:48
  Speaker 1: rain app that you get on your phone. And I
• 33:50
  Speaker 1: was looking for a sound. And I was with this
• 33:53
  Speaker 1: guy the other night and he was like, can we
• 33:55
  Speaker 1: please just not have a thunderstorm?
• 33:56
  Speaker 2: Like it's very He's like, it's very I'm like, I
• 34:01
  Speaker 2: need it to sleep. I need some sort of rain.
• 34:04
  Speaker 2: I love the rain.
• 34:04
  Speaker 1: And he's like, and so he's searching all the sounds
• 34:07
  Speaker 1: and one came up was a food court ambient no no,
• 34:11
  Speaker 1: And I'm like, fuck wants to listen to that as
• 34:13
  Speaker 1: they go to sleep?
• 34:14
  Speaker 2: And who's sleeping in a food court to even know
• 34:16
  Speaker 2: that they like that sound?
• 34:18
  Speaker 1: But some of those sounds are just like, oh, this
• 34:20
  Speaker 1: makes no sense. But who knows what people are into.
• 34:22
  Speaker 2: I guess when I first moved to California, my mom
• 34:25
  Speaker 2: sent me this is how long ago it was cassettes
• 34:28
  Speaker 2: of New York Street sounds because it was so quiet,
• 34:32
  Speaker 2: it creeped me out, and I would play cassettes of
• 34:35
  Speaker 2: just New York City street. Oh that's cute, that is cute.
• 34:39
  Speaker 2: I like you, And if I had grown up in
• 34:41
  Speaker 2: a food court, maybe that's what I would be listening to.
• 34:43
  Speaker 2: We don't know that you didn't grow up in a
• 34:45
  Speaker 2: food court. Let's say honest, stay tuned.
• 34:53
  Speaker 1: First of all, we need to talk about your project
• 34:55
  Speaker 1: four se Yes, we do. We got off on a
• 34:57
  Speaker 1: tangent about all of our new Shenani. The second season
• 35:02
  Speaker 1: of four Seasons is out today on the day you're
• 35:05
  Speaker 1: hearing this.
• 35:06
  Speaker 2: So this is very exciting. It's a phenomenal show.
• 35:09
  Speaker 1: Tina Fey created it with You're married to Steve Carell
• 35:13
  Speaker 1: in the show in.
• 35:14
  Speaker 2: The show and the first season. If you haven't watched
• 35:17
  Speaker 2: the first season, I don't want to spoil it for
• 35:18
  Speaker 2: you because you might want to rewatch.
• 35:20
  Speaker 1: If you haven't watched the first season, watched the first
• 35:22
  Speaker 1: season before you watch the second season.
• 35:23
  Speaker 2: Yes, that's good advice. Yes.
• 35:25
  Speaker 1: And are we going to see any sort of I
• 35:27
  Speaker 1: know there's lots of like different couple situations happening in
• 35:30
  Speaker 1: the show and season two.
• 35:31
  Speaker 2: Are we going to see any sort of.
• 35:32
  Speaker 1: Like sexual, any sort of swinging something like that. That's
• 35:36
  Speaker 1: what I'm expecting to happen.
• 35:38
  Speaker 2: You know what. I will say this about season two,
• 35:41
  Speaker 2: just like season one, as the scripts were rolling in
• 35:43
  Speaker 2: and I thought, oh, I know it's going to happen now,
• 35:45
  Speaker 2: especially because it was based on a movie. The first
• 35:48
  Speaker 2: time on Allan Alda's film, you kind of knew what
• 35:50
  Speaker 2: was coming. I was surprised every time this season, same thing.
• 35:55
  Speaker 2: Every time a script came in, it was like a
• 35:57
  Speaker 2: delightful surprise. It was like, oh I did I never
• 36:00
  Speaker 2: saw this coming, and this is exactly what should happen. So, oh,
• 36:04
  Speaker 2: there's so I'm so excited about this season. Oh, I'm
• 36:08
  Speaker 2: so happy for you, happy for me. It's perfect. I
• 36:12
  Speaker 2: love it. Okay, Well you can shoot in today, you guys.
• 36:15
  Speaker 2: It's streaming on Netflix.
• 36:16
  Speaker 1: If you're watching this on Netflix right now, switch over
• 36:18
  Speaker 1: to four seasons.
• 36:19
  Speaker 3: Oh that's a good idea.
• 36:20
  Speaker 2: Yeah, your dog is an ankle fetish. She does.
• 36:22
  Speaker 3: She's like, so you said that she started looking at
• 36:26
  Speaker 3: my ankle.
• 36:27
  Speaker 2: I need an ankle licking dog.
• 36:29
  Speaker 1: That would be a nice way to fall asleep with
• 36:31
  Speaker 1: somebody licking your feet at me, but specifically I think
• 36:34
  Speaker 1: a dog.
• 36:34
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 36:37
  Speaker 3: Well, her first question is our wondering questions. This is
• 36:40
  Speaker 3: just a little shorty, This person says. I love my
• 36:44
  Speaker 3: new little niece, but my brother and sister in law
• 36:46
  Speaker 3: have the worst nickname for her. Her name is Naomi,
• 36:50
  Speaker 3: but they exclusively call her nipple whooe me. It makes
• 36:55
  Speaker 3: me cringe so hard I feel like my stomach's kind
• 36:57
  Speaker 3: of fall out through my butthole. They keep using the
• 36:59
  Speaker 3: baby talk version of her name, and it feels like
• 37:01
  Speaker 3: we're all expected to just join in. Can I just
• 37:04
  Speaker 3: blatantly keep calling her by her government name, Brenda?
• 37:07
  Speaker 2: Yes, you can do whatever you want.
• 37:09
  Speaker 1: You don't have to adopt a nickname because someone else
• 37:11
  Speaker 1: adopts a nickname. Whoee is a little tricky, but parents
• 37:14
  Speaker 1: are allowed to do whatever the fuck they want with
• 37:16
  Speaker 1: their children. With in terms of nicknames, you know, they
• 37:18
  Speaker 1: just are yeah.
• 37:20
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and and they'll change throughout the years too, hopefully
• 37:23
  Speaker 2: with woemye.
• 37:24
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 37:24
  Speaker 2: Yeah, let's hope Naomi.
• 37:27
  Speaker 1: While I have a friend nine Naomi and then my
• 37:30
  Speaker 1: friends call her nigh, and I always have trouble with
• 37:33
  Speaker 1: that too, because I'm like, nah, that doesn't That's not
• 37:35
  Speaker 1: euphonious to me.
• 37:36
  Speaker 3: That's just me. I've heard know me for Naomi? But whoamane?
• 37:40
  Speaker 2: Whoam? It sounds like maybe they did it because the
• 37:43
  Speaker 2: child wasn't able to say their own name, so they're
• 37:46
  Speaker 2: sort of mimicking with the child.
• 37:47
  Speaker 3: I think this is like a little an infant. I
• 37:50
  Speaker 3: think that was what I told.
• 37:52
  Speaker 2: Well, hopefully when that infant starts talking, she can tell
• 37:54
  Speaker 2: her parents to shut the fuck up. That's true.
• 37:56
  Speaker 3: Let's hope so well. Our first color today is grace.
• 38:00
  Speaker 2: I'm so nervous, dopey, look at you in your car.
• 38:05
  Speaker 3: So Grace says, must I begin with how much of
• 38:08
  Speaker 3: a Chelsea fan I am? I think not. We know
• 38:10
  Speaker 3: how I ended up here. My friend of sixteen years
• 38:13
  Speaker 3: and her husband are due with their second child this month.
• 38:15
  Speaker 3: They also have a toddler. Her husband's work schedule has
• 38:18
  Speaker 3: a lot of out of town time for being a
• 38:20
  Speaker 3: salesman at a local equipment rental company. Supposedly they sent
• 38:24
  Speaker 3: him to the next state over for training recently, and
• 38:27
  Speaker 3: then to the far west side of the state this week. Oh,
• 38:30
  Speaker 3: and they're sending him to Cabo And while my friend
• 38:32
  Speaker 3: could have gone, she's conveniently too close to her due
• 38:34
  Speaker 3: date to fly. I'm feeling more and more sure that
• 38:37
  Speaker 3: he is cheating on her, and planned to call his
• 38:39
  Speaker 3: company looking for a job, to ask some questions related
• 38:43
  Speaker 3: to how and where his training takes place and narrow
• 38:46
  Speaker 3: down if I'm on track. The thing is, if I
• 38:49
  Speaker 3: find out what I think is true, my friend doesn't
• 38:51
  Speaker 3: have a lot of support from her family and me
• 38:54
  Speaker 3: and our other close friend live hours away. If I
• 38:57
  Speaker 3: find out the truth, I couldn't stomach not telling her,
• 39:00
  Speaker 3: but being so close to delivering their second child, I
• 39:02
  Speaker 3: know it would really do a number on her. I
• 39:05
  Speaker 3: just need some guidance to ensure my moral compass is
• 39:07
  Speaker 3: guiding me in the right direction. Should I confront my
• 39:10
  Speaker 3: friend about her investigation? Strongly suggests cheating husband Grace.
• 39:15
  Speaker 5: Hi.
• 39:15
  Speaker 1: Grace, Hi, Hi, this is our special guest, Carrie Kenny Silver. Say,
• 39:21
  Speaker 1: that's a conundrum. I understand your feelings. I've definitely felt
• 39:26
  Speaker 1: that way in relationships before about my friends, but I
• 39:30
  Speaker 1: do not think it is your job to investigate this matter.
• 39:34
  Speaker 1: I understand that you want to do everything for your friend,
• 39:37
  Speaker 1: and I would want to do the same thing, But
• 39:40
  Speaker 1: in the situation that she's in, which is about to
• 39:43
  Speaker 1: give birth, like she's already in a very vulnerable state,
• 39:46
  Speaker 1: and she's going to need a lot of support, like
• 39:49
  Speaker 1: it's and she'd probably end up. I mean, it's just
• 39:52
  Speaker 1: adding on top of you know, like this is not
• 39:55
  Speaker 1: the right time, and if he is cheating on her,
• 39:58
  Speaker 1: she's eventually going to find out. You bringing this information
• 40:02
  Speaker 1: to her at this time would probably, if anything, do
• 40:06
  Speaker 1: more damage to your relationship with her than it would
• 40:09
  Speaker 1: to her relationship.
• 40:11
  Speaker 2: That's exactly I was going to say. Also, I don't
• 40:13
  Speaker 2: know if you're a mom, but I'll tell you that
• 40:15
  Speaker 2: that part when you're about to have the baby, and
• 40:18
  Speaker 2: then right after you have the baby, this is about
• 40:19
  Speaker 2: the baby, and mom's mood is directly related to the
• 40:26
  Speaker 2: health of this baby. And then the bonding that happens
• 40:30
  Speaker 2: after and ps. My suspicion is that if you think this,
• 40:36
  Speaker 2: she probably is way ahead of you on any thoughts.
• 40:40
  Speaker 2: And I agree that it's maybe possibly the worst timing
• 40:45
  Speaker 2: in the world. Thank y'all.
• 40:48
  Speaker 4: I definitely needed to hear that, because you know, it's
• 40:51
  Speaker 4: such a conundrum of a position to be in. I
• 40:55
  Speaker 4: did call and to ask, as if I was inquiring
• 40:59
  Speaker 4: about a job, if they do any training out of town,
• 41:02
  Speaker 4: if they do any work out of town, and basically
• 41:05
  Speaker 4: I was told, Nope, we do all training in house.
• 41:08
  Speaker 4: We don't ever send our guys like out of town.
• 41:11
  Speaker 4: We aim for everybody to be home at the end
• 41:12
  Speaker 4: of the day. So you know, that just kind of
• 41:15
  Speaker 4: like continues to confirm my suspicion. But I definitely agree
• 41:19
  Speaker 4: with what y'all are saying about, you know, just supporting
• 41:22
  Speaker 4: her and not.
• 41:25
  Speaker 2: Making that move right this minute.
• 41:29
  Speaker 1: What do you think, Harry, and what do you guys
• 41:30
  Speaker 1: think about saying something to the husband just to give
• 41:34
  Speaker 1: him an idea that you.
• 41:35
  Speaker 2: Know, like, what do you think about that?
• 41:37
  Speaker 1: That just popped into my head independent of your friend
• 41:41
  Speaker 1: like leaving her out of it, being like, you know,
• 41:43
  Speaker 1: like kind of calling him out like just you and him,
• 41:46
  Speaker 1: like even just like you know, I'm just throwing it
• 41:48
  Speaker 1: out there.
• 41:49
  Speaker 2: I'm not giving you this advice.
• 41:50
  Speaker 1: I'm just wondering what impact that would have if you said, like, hey,
• 41:54
  Speaker 1: just so you know, like you know, I had a
• 41:56
  Speaker 1: friend applied, or I had a friend who was looking
• 41:58
  Speaker 1: for a job who wanted to whatever you can make up,
• 42:01
  Speaker 1: whatever lie you want to find out the information that
• 42:03
  Speaker 1: you just found out. Or I just thought your traveling
• 42:06
  Speaker 1: sounded suspicious, so I called your work and I actually
• 42:08
  Speaker 1: found out that they don't send train yours out. I'm
• 42:10
  Speaker 1: not going to say anything to your friend right now,
• 42:14
  Speaker 1: like your wife, I'm not going to say anything. I
• 42:16
  Speaker 1: just want you to know that I see you, like
• 42:18
  Speaker 1: I wonder if that would have any impact.
• 42:20
  Speaker 2: What do you think I my personal feeling about the
• 42:24
  Speaker 2: whole situation. All I can think about is this kid,
• 42:28
  Speaker 2: and so I kind of feel like this is their
• 42:31
  Speaker 2: journey and your job is as her friend, and her
• 42:37
  Speaker 2: job is as that mom, and this will work itself
• 42:41
  Speaker 2: out how it's supposed to. But to light the fuse
• 42:45
  Speaker 2: at a time that is not of their own making
• 42:49
  Speaker 2: would possibly blow things up, or like Chelsea saying, could
• 42:55
  Speaker 2: blow things up with your because you could also be
• 42:58
  Speaker 2: wrong and it could blow with your friendship forever, and
• 43:04
  Speaker 2: she would be like, what do you do in trying
• 43:06
  Speaker 2: to come between my kid, my husband, and my life?
• 43:08
  Speaker 2: And that would be horrible as well. So I fear
• 43:13
  Speaker 2: for all of you. Yeah, I think that's right.
• 43:15
  Speaker 1: And being the only mother that's here in this conversation,
• 43:18
  Speaker 1: are you a mom? Okay, So let's defer to carry
• 43:22
  Speaker 1: on that too, because it is really the most important
• 43:25
  Speaker 1: thing is for the child and for her to be
• 43:27
  Speaker 1: healthy and to kind.
• 43:29
  Speaker 2: Of get through this for you know, initial time.
• 43:32
  Speaker 1: And if at some point you find like irrefutable proof
• 43:36
  Speaker 1: that that is indeed happening, then that's a different situation.
• 43:40
  Speaker 1: Like but you doing detective work on her behalf? Well,
• 43:43
  Speaker 1: I think that like shows you're a fucking awesome friend.
• 43:45
  Speaker 1: I don't think it's helpful in this moment and in
• 43:47
  Speaker 1: this situation down the road if things start to escalate
• 43:51
  Speaker 1: and you really see like he's being disrespectful to her
• 43:55
  Speaker 1: and she's suffering and these things are plainly obvious to
• 43:58
  Speaker 1: everyone but her.
• 44:00
  Speaker 2: Because I do kind of disagree that.
• 44:01
  Speaker 1: I think that sometimes women don't know what's going on,
• 44:04
  Speaker 1: especially if they're pregnant and they're consumed with all of
• 44:07
  Speaker 1: that that you're kind of like not thinking about that
• 44:10
  Speaker 1: kind of stuff. And some women are in denial about
• 44:12
  Speaker 1: what their you know, partner is doing. But I just think, yeah,
• 44:17
  Speaker 1: just be as great of a friend as you can
• 44:19
  Speaker 1: be while she's going through this time. Help her go
• 44:22
  Speaker 1: through this time knowing what you suspect, but you still
• 44:25
  Speaker 1: don't really know, and you know, and see where you
• 44:28
  Speaker 1: are in a year or you know, even down the line,
• 44:31
  Speaker 1: it may all reveal itself and you may not have
• 44:33
  Speaker 1: to ever say anything. But you know, I appreciate the
• 44:37
  Speaker 1: friendship and the fact that you're calling about this.
• 44:40
  Speaker 2: I get the bet, the bet you can't lose by
• 44:42
  Speaker 2: putting all of this energy that you have right now
• 44:45
  Speaker 2: into being the best friend you can to someone who
• 44:48
  Speaker 2: is about to have a baby, Because that way, if
• 44:51
  Speaker 2: it does blow up, she'll know, oh, my friend is here.
• 44:54
  Speaker 2: She's been here for me from the beginning, and I
• 44:57
  Speaker 2: do have someone someone on my side. Or if the
• 45:01
  Speaker 2: relationship doesn't blow up and it's not a thing, you
• 45:04
  Speaker 2: have just made your relationship closer with her anyway, And
• 45:08
  Speaker 2: it could be an anecdote you could laugh about years
• 45:11
  Speaker 2: from now. So either way, you can't lose by just
• 45:14
  Speaker 2: diving into your friendship and your help and her situation.
• 45:19
  Speaker 2: I agree, Well, thank you' all.
• 45:21
  Speaker 3: I appreciate your input.
• 45:23
  Speaker 2: All right, thank you, and thank you for having a
• 45:25
  Speaker 2: stable connection in your car.
• 45:27
  Speaker 3: I appreciate that it does not always happen.
• 45:34
  Speaker 2: Ta't care, grace right, bye, aye you guys. Thank you.
• 45:37
  Speaker 3: I actually think having talked to her before that advice
• 45:40
  Speaker 3: probably as a relief to her because I know it
• 45:43
  Speaker 3: is very deliver that news, yeah, coming out and you know,
• 45:47
  Speaker 3: the sort of thing.
• 45:48
  Speaker 1: So I had a friend once go through something like this,
• 45:51
  Speaker 1: like you know, and I remember I had said something
• 45:53
  Speaker 1: to the partner of the friend in front of everyone,
• 45:57
  Speaker 1: and then when it was revealed, which was not revealed
• 45:59
  Speaker 1: by me, it was revealed, the friend came back and
• 46:02
  Speaker 1: was like, do you remember when you said that?
• 46:03
  Speaker 2: And I was like yeah, And she's like, were you
• 46:05
  Speaker 2: suspicious in that moment?
• 46:06
  Speaker 1: I said yeah. She goes, well, why didn't you say
• 46:08
  Speaker 1: anything to me? I go, I did.
• 46:09
  Speaker 2: I said it in front of everyone. She doesn't want
• 46:11
  Speaker 2: to hear it.
• 46:12
  Speaker 1: This is weird, I go. I wasn't gonna push it
• 46:13
  Speaker 1: beyond that. I didn't have any proof.
• 46:15
  Speaker 2: I just felt like something was off right. It was awing.
• 46:18
  Speaker 2: But my friend did not have that inkling at all.
• 46:21
  Speaker 1: So I don't think you know everyone or was not
• 46:24
  Speaker 1: ready for it or yeah, or wasn't paying attention.
• 46:26
  Speaker 3: And you've raised such a good point about like, she's pregnant,
• 46:28
  Speaker 3: she's got a two year old, so this has been
• 46:30
  Speaker 3: at least three years that she's like not had the
• 46:33
  Speaker 3: thought process of, like, is my husband running, she's a
• 46:35
  Speaker 3: little busy, she's busy.
• 46:37
  Speaker 1: This goes back to my original comment when Carrie sat
• 46:40
  Speaker 1: down that men are garbage.
• 46:42
  Speaker 2: Good night everybody. Benfirmed, Well, it is funny not to
• 46:46
  Speaker 2: bring it back to the four seasons, but that is
• 46:49
  Speaker 2: if you have watched season one, the whole everything revolves
• 46:52
  Speaker 2: around the fact that Steve Carell, my husband has been
• 46:56
  Speaker 2: cheating on me for years, and that's what lows up
• 47:00
  Speaker 2: this this friendship to get a couple's retreat exactly. So
• 47:05
  Speaker 2: it's a it's a have you ever done anything in
• 47:07
  Speaker 2: real life like a couple's retreat? No, Well, in the
• 47:10
  Speaker 2: four Seasons, it's not a couple's retreat. What it is
• 47:12
  Speaker 2: is a group of friends of twenty five years who
• 47:15
  Speaker 2: travel together every season. So they were traveling any We
• 47:19
  Speaker 2: were traveling anyway. But you watch the downfall of our
• 47:23
  Speaker 2: relationship through the travels and then what happens to the
• 47:26
  Speaker 2: rest of the group throughout the travels. But a couple's retreat.
• 47:30
  Speaker 1: No one that would be specifically designed for like like
• 47:33
  Speaker 1: you know, enhance your relationship, or like I just find
• 47:38
  Speaker 1: those things like now you yeah.
• 47:40
  Speaker 2: I don't. I mean, I may be like meditating and journaling,
• 47:43
  Speaker 2: but I'm not gonna sit with my husband and be like.
• 47:46
  Speaker 3: Stare to each other's eyes.
• 47:48
  Speaker 2: I'll just give it another ten years.
• 47:49
  Speaker 1: Next time we see each other, you're gonna come back
• 47:51
  Speaker 1: and you'll be like, Chelsea, You're never.
• 47:52
  Speaker 2: Gonna believe running one I have. I'm running. I could.
• 47:56
  Speaker 1: Actually that would be a great character for you to
• 47:57
  Speaker 1: play too, somebody running a couple's retes.
• 48:00
  Speaker 3: Well, we have a caller calling in now who is
• 48:03
  Speaker 3: hopefully not a garbage man. I don't think he's a
• 48:05
  Speaker 3: garbage man, but the.
• 48:06
  Speaker 2: Same do you mean a man who is a man
• 48:11
  Speaker 2: collector of collector of garbage?
• 48:14
  Speaker 3: That might be his job. I'm not sure, but Joseph says,
• 48:17
  Speaker 3: Dear Chelsea, my partner lost his mother about a year
• 48:20
  Speaker 3: and a half ago, and the last year has been
• 48:22
  Speaker 3: full of healing, grieving, and family time. My partner's father, Mike,
• 48:26
  Speaker 3: talked about dating or seeking a non romantic partner, and
• 48:29
  Speaker 3: that idea was slowly accepted by the family, but it
• 48:32
  Speaker 3: was still a surprise to hear it spoken of within
• 48:34
  Speaker 3: a year. Recently, Mike has been seeing someone and it
• 48:37
  Speaker 3: has quickly moved into a full on romantic affair that
• 48:40
  Speaker 3: is being kept a secret. His girlfriend, Stacy, has spent
• 48:44
  Speaker 3: time at the family cottage. After all, his children asked
• 48:47
  Speaker 3: Mike not to take her there. My partner and I
• 48:49
  Speaker 3: want Mike to be happy, but it started to feel
• 48:51
  Speaker 3: so heavy to keep secrets within the family and to
• 48:54
  Speaker 3: watch the overstepping of boundaries. My partner's sister is especially
• 48:58
  Speaker 3: hurt and upset. At the end of the day, I
• 49:00
  Speaker 3: just want to support my man and enjoy spending time
• 49:02
  Speaker 3: with his family. We've expressed to Mike that we want
• 49:04
  Speaker 3: to meet Stacy, but she told Mike she isn't ready
• 49:07
  Speaker 3: for her ex husband to find out, and so this
• 49:09
  Speaker 3: entire relationship is hush hush. Taking her to the cottage
• 49:12
  Speaker 3: really hurt the family's feelings, especially because my partner's late
• 49:15
  Speaker 3: mother explicitly asked for anyone he'd eventually meet to stay
• 49:18
  Speaker 3: away from the cottage. I most focused on what my
• 49:21
  Speaker 3: partner is comfortable with and how we can best work
• 49:23
  Speaker 3: as a team. So how do we convince his sister
• 49:25
  Speaker 3: and siblings that it's okay if Mike moves on?
• 49:27
  Speaker 1: Joseph, Hi, Joseph, Joseph Hi. I think, Hi, this is
• 49:35
  Speaker 1: Carrie Kenny special guest today.
• 49:38
  Speaker 2: I need a recap. I understand it's your partner's father's
• 49:42
  Speaker 2: new girlfriend. Is that correct?
• 49:44
  Speaker 5: That is correct?
• 49:45
  Speaker 1: Yes, And they know about her, but they he won't
• 49:49
  Speaker 1: bring them her around.
• 49:50
  Speaker 5: Yeah. So since the letter, she is now been introduced
• 49:55
  Speaker 5: to the family, But we've still had a ton of
• 49:58
  Speaker 5: tension and and I think a lot of it has
• 50:01
  Speaker 5: to do with just grieving that hasn't happened, and worry
• 50:04
  Speaker 5: that it's somehow going to take place of their mom,
• 50:08
  Speaker 5: their mom's memory.
• 50:09
  Speaker 2: If that is of course, yeah, that's natural. Yeah.
• 50:12
  Speaker 3: Can we also ask like what is the drama with
• 50:14
  Speaker 3: the cottage? Like why is the family so averse to
• 50:17
  Speaker 3: her going there?
• 50:19
  Speaker 5: I think initially my partner and I were just kind
• 50:22
  Speaker 5: of floored that it wasn't being shared with everybody in
• 50:24
  Speaker 5: the family, and the cottage was his mom's kind of
• 50:28
  Speaker 5: final project that really was sat down on her deathbed
• 50:31
  Speaker 5: and went through everything and how it was going to
• 50:33
  Speaker 5: be coordinated, and it was being contracted all like leading
• 50:37
  Speaker 5: up to that. So it was a space that also
• 50:41
  Speaker 5: was then it's owned now by the kids. It was
• 50:45
  Speaker 5: trusted to them, and that's why I thought it was
• 50:48
  Speaker 5: so important that what their wishes are are honored about
• 50:52
  Speaker 5: it as opposed to some getaway for their father.
• 50:55
  Speaker 2: You know, can I ask you a question that is
• 50:57
  Speaker 2: inappropriate and you can you can tell me to fuck off?
• 51:01
  Speaker 5: Sure?
• 51:02
  Speaker 2: Is there an enormous age gap between the two of them?
• 51:06
  Speaker 2: And do any of you suspect that there is any
• 51:10
  Speaker 2: sort of financial motivation? Motivation?
• 51:15
  Speaker 5: I think that was a concern upfront, But no, there's
• 51:18
  Speaker 5: not a huge age gap. It's I think pretty relative,
• 51:21
  Speaker 5: like ten years, so it's not a huge like outside
• 51:24
  Speaker 5: of appropriate. And she is very she's very successful in
• 51:29
  Speaker 5: the same kind of realm that he has.
• 51:31
  Speaker 2: Because the reason I asked is because I have a
• 51:33
  Speaker 2: friend who this happened to. This woman jumped in way
• 51:38
  Speaker 2: the junior of mom and took all the money.
• 51:44
  Speaker 3: Well, it happens all the time. Yeah, it happens.
• 51:46
  Speaker 2: So okay, So so this it really is about sentimental
• 51:49
  Speaker 2: and mom's wishes and all the things. I lost my
• 51:52
  Speaker 2: mom eight years ago. You knew my mom. She my
• 51:54
  Speaker 2: mom loved you. Thank you. I don't blame you, but
• 51:59
  Speaker 2: I mean I blame you little bit just actually for
• 52:01
  Speaker 2: her mother's death. Well, we can't talk about it because
• 52:05
  Speaker 2: it's still a legal issue. It's not been completed yet.
• 52:08
  Speaker 2: But you know, she was my best friend. She was
• 52:11
  Speaker 2: I could see how you know, even as adults that
• 52:15
  Speaker 2: that idea of But but that's mom, and that's Mom's place.
• 52:19
  Speaker 2: My mom had a home that is now mine because
• 52:22
  Speaker 2: I was her only child and I didn't even want
• 52:26
  Speaker 2: renters in there. I mean, I'm a fifty six year
• 52:28
  Speaker 2: old woman, like my mom is no longer here. I
• 52:32
  Speaker 2: still I understand that. I do understand that, and especially
• 52:36
  Speaker 2: if it involved But at the same time, I do
• 52:40
  Speaker 2: also understand that our time here is finite, and you
• 52:45
  Speaker 2: guys's time with dad or dad in law is finite.
• 52:50
  Speaker 2: His time on earth is finite, and that some things
• 52:54
  Speaker 2: are worth setting aside so that we never know how
• 52:59
  Speaker 2: many more time we have left with somebody. And is
• 53:01
  Speaker 2: it really worth the the likes that goes with the
• 53:09
  Speaker 2: what's mine is mine, what's yours is yours, what's yours
• 53:12
  Speaker 2: is mine, what's mine? Yeah, I agree with that totally.
• 53:15
  Speaker 1: But also it sounds like the mother was pretty specific
• 53:18
  Speaker 1: about what she wanted to happen with this cabin right
• 53:21
  Speaker 1: that she didn't want anyone else in there, especially if
• 53:24
  Speaker 1: the partner her ex husband or former husband I should say,
• 53:28
  Speaker 1: was with a new partner, right, did you specify that
• 53:31
  Speaker 1: in her will?
• 53:31
  Speaker 5: And yeah, that's correct. She definitely made mention of that
• 53:35
  Speaker 5: very specifically at the end.
• 53:37
  Speaker 1: Yeah, so like that that is worth like saying, but
• 53:40
  Speaker 1: for your partner or or sisters or somebody to bring
• 53:43
  Speaker 1: up to be like this is really disrespectful. Like, we
• 53:46
  Speaker 1: can understand that you want to have a relationship your
• 53:48
  Speaker 1: human being.
• 53:49
  Speaker 2: That's your decision.
• 53:50
  Speaker 1: If you're ready for that, that's fine, But this is
• 53:52
  Speaker 1: a very specific instruction that we got. There's not a
• 53:55
  Speaker 1: lot of gray area here, So it feels disrespectful to
• 53:58
  Speaker 1: our mother. Again, you're not in like the nuclear family.
• 54:02
  Speaker 1: You are a plus one right now, So I don't
• 54:05
  Speaker 1: think it behooves you to get involved and get in
• 54:07
  Speaker 1: the weeds in this and I love the question, like,
• 54:09
  Speaker 1: how do we work as a team so I can
• 54:11
  Speaker 1: best support my partner?
• 54:12
  Speaker 2: Like that's lovely hard, and that's true.
• 54:14
  Speaker 1: That's what you want to do, is you want to
• 54:16
  Speaker 1: support whatever their decision may be. But it is valid
• 54:20
  Speaker 1: that they are upset about this when they were because
• 54:22
  Speaker 1: most people die and they don't give you specific instructions
• 54:25
  Speaker 1: and then everyone's just fighting for no reason without anything
• 54:28
  Speaker 1: to point to. But this is pretty specific, especially with
• 54:31
  Speaker 1: regard to that location. So that is kind of ick
• 54:34
  Speaker 1: that the father is just like disregarding that. But I
• 54:38
  Speaker 1: guess your question is just how to be a better partner.
• 54:41
  Speaker 1: And I think it's like whatever your partner and his
• 54:43
  Speaker 1: sister decide.
• 54:44
  Speaker 2: How many kids are there in the family.
• 54:47
  Speaker 5: There's four, okay, so.
• 54:48
  Speaker 1: There's four of them, and are they all kind of
• 54:50
  Speaker 1: in accord or do they have disagreements about that?
• 54:54
  Speaker 5: I think at this point it's mostly just we want
• 54:57
  Speaker 5: to support the sister and her feelings that are pretty
• 54:59
  Speaker 5: big about this, and I think the brothers are pretty
• 55:03
  Speaker 5: pretty okay with everything.
• 55:04
  Speaker 2: They just want to see they don't know men don't
• 55:06
  Speaker 2: care about it. So that's what I think I figured
• 55:09
  Speaker 2: it out. I think we need to stage a haunting.
• 55:14
  Speaker 2: I think it's the only way out. You could borrow.
• 55:17
  Speaker 2: You can borrow my house. We'll stage a haunting and
• 55:21
  Speaker 2: it will smook the ship out of this lady. She'll
• 55:24
  Speaker 2: want out immediately, and then they'll go find a nice
• 55:26
  Speaker 2: condo somewhere.
• 55:27
  Speaker 1: Perfect what takes place in a haunting? Exactly which has come?
• 55:31
  Speaker 2: Or this is going to be a dark haunting?
• 55:34
  Speaker 5: No?
• 55:34
  Speaker 2: No, no, I mean like like we fake it. Oh yeah, yeah,
• 55:39
  Speaker 2: noises in the nice blank.
• 55:43
  Speaker 1: Branches out her nightgown, the pipes, stuff like that.
• 55:49
  Speaker 2: That's good.
• 55:49
  Speaker 5: Yeah, a creative project could could be a good It could.
• 55:52
  Speaker 2: Bring everyone together, a nice light touch. Well, what I
• 55:57
  Speaker 2: would say, as the partner of somebody who has a sister,
• 56:00
  Speaker 2: always side with the sister. You know what I mean.
• 56:04
  Speaker 2: You don't want her on your bad side. The men
• 56:06
  Speaker 2: don't care.
• 56:07
  Speaker 1: They're benign, they'll go whichever way the wind blows. But
• 56:10
  Speaker 1: women just stick with the women. You are there for her,
• 56:13
  Speaker 1: support her, and if she needs you to side with her,
• 56:16
  Speaker 1: then side with her.
• 56:18
  Speaker 5: Perfect cystal clear, I can do that.
• 56:21
  Speaker 2: Okay, great, thank your loss too. Yeah, thanks for calling
• 56:25
  Speaker 2: in too.
• 56:25
  Speaker 5: Sorry for your mom's loss as well, and take care.
• 56:28
  Speaker 5: Thank you. I appreciate it.
• 56:29
  Speaker 2: Thank you. Thanks.
• 56:31
  Speaker 3: See not garbage.
• 56:34
  Speaker 2: The phrase garbage person ever came up, and then this
• 56:36
  Speaker 2: little sweet peace he was gay?
• 56:39
  Speaker 3: He is, Yes, he is.
• 56:40
  Speaker 2: Well that's why I know they're not garbage. They're not garbage.
• 56:50
  Speaker 3: You want one more? I got a little a little
• 56:52
  Speaker 3: quick kiki.
• 56:52
  Speaker 2: Yeah quick, Sure, we'll take a quickie to go out on.
• 56:55
  Speaker 2: I mean, always take the quickie.
• 56:57
  Speaker 3: We can actually take these off because this one's just
• 56:58
  Speaker 3: an email. They looked so fashionable, So Ali says, dear Chelsea.
• 57:05
  Speaker 3: I've gotten myself into a bit of a situation. I'm
• 57:08
  Speaker 3: a single mom of two teen boys, which leaves little
• 57:10
  Speaker 3: time and energy to put into a serious relationship right now.
• 57:14
  Speaker 3: This year I met a man that's fifteen years older
• 57:16
  Speaker 3: than me. We hung out a few times.
• 57:17
  Speaker 2: Sorry, I thought you was saying he's fifteen. I was like, wait, hold.
• 57:21
  Speaker 3: On, years old on me. I'll just I'll start pausing
• 57:25
  Speaker 3: after that age. We hung out a few times and
• 57:28
  Speaker 3: really enjoyed getting to know each other, and one night
• 57:30
  Speaker 3: he kissed me. The problem is he's been married for
• 57:32
  Speaker 3: thirty six years and told me he was in an
• 57:34
  Speaker 3: open marriage. I'm a woman's woman, and I had an
• 57:37
  Speaker 3: issue with being more than just friends with this guy.
• 57:39
  Speaker 3: He and his wife built a new home and both
• 57:41
  Speaker 3: have their own bedrooms. So what one night he asked
• 57:44
  Speaker 3: me to come stay the night with him. His wife
• 57:47
  Speaker 3: would be on the other end of the house in
• 57:48
  Speaker 3: her room. I couldn't wrap my mind around it until
• 57:51
  Speaker 3: he broke it down for me. Fourteen years pure rum.
• 57:55
  Speaker 2: This is how I feel about your question.
• 57:57
  Speaker 3: Fourteen years ago, he found out his wife was having
• 58:02
  Speaker 3: a full blown affair, and she begged him not to
• 58:05
  Speaker 3: leave her as she didn't want anyone to know of
• 58:06
  Speaker 3: her affair, including the kids, and she'd never cheat again.
• 58:10
  Speaker 3: They agreed to stay together, but he's allowed to step out. Now.
• 58:13
  Speaker 3: All of this would be okay, but he and I
• 58:15
  Speaker 3: have caught feelings for each other and it's no longer
• 58:17
  Speaker 3: just a casual meetup. He even told his wife about me,
• 58:20
  Speaker 3: and her problem isn't that he's stepping out. It's that
• 58:22
  Speaker 3: I'm fifteen years younger and single. I don't know how
• 58:25
  Speaker 3: long I can do this, but I've fallen for this man.
• 58:27
  Speaker 3: I'd love to hear your perspective on this, as the
• 58:29
  Speaker 3: woman in me wants to shake myself and tell myself
• 58:31
  Speaker 3: to quit messing with a married man. But the lover
• 58:33
  Speaker 3: in me says, to follow my heart and believe everything
• 58:35
  Speaker 3: happens for a reason.
• 58:36
  Speaker 2: Quick question. Yes, yes, because I started shenanigans. I stopped
• 58:40
  Speaker 2: listening for half a second. How old are her children? Teens? Yeah?
• 58:45
  Speaker 1: No, just stop, stop, run as fast as you can
• 58:48
  Speaker 1: away from this situation.
• 58:49
  Speaker 2: Tell you something. You have four minutes with these children,
• 58:53
  Speaker 2: four minutes with these babies, and then they are out
• 58:56
  Speaker 2: in the world. You are going to blink your eyes
• 58:59
  Speaker 2: and then all of a sudden you're going to hope
• 59:00
  Speaker 2: they're going to want to come back for Thanksgiving and
• 59:03
  Speaker 2: then you know, have the rest of your life and
• 59:05
  Speaker 2: help care for you as you get older and want
• 59:08
  Speaker 2: to be part of and want to be you know them,
• 59:10
  Speaker 2: just meet your hopeful grandchildren and all the things. It's
• 59:14
  Speaker 2: a blink of an eye. And I understand why you're
• 59:16
  Speaker 2: going through it, especially with two. I only have one,
• 59:18
  Speaker 2: But I understand it feels like this is forever and
• 59:22
  Speaker 2: when it and I am telling you, you're going to
• 59:24
  Speaker 2: wake up one day in an empty house and you're
• 59:27
  Speaker 2: going to go, oh my gosh. All I want to
• 59:30
  Speaker 2: do is just have one more hour with that person.
• 59:34
  Speaker 2: That you know, smelly kid and his axe body spray,
• 59:39
  Speaker 2: and you're not going to have that. And right now
• 59:43
  Speaker 2: is such a time when the kids are pushing away.
• 59:46
  Speaker 2: It's their job. It's genetic, it's supposed to happen. It's
• 59:50
  Speaker 2: science that they're pushing away. So you, I understand as
• 59:53
  Speaker 2: a parent, you think, oh, well, they're after doing their
• 59:56
  Speaker 2: own thing. Anyway. They don't need me. They need you.
• 59:59
  Speaker 2: They need you energetically, they need you. You know, most
• 1:00:05
  Speaker 2: people can't be home when their kids get home from school.
• 1:00:07
  Speaker 2: It's just the way it is. The economy is in
• 1:00:10
  Speaker 2: this country right now. And for me in my business,
• 1:00:14
  Speaker 2: I was away a lot, that was the nature of
• 1:00:15
  Speaker 2: our circus family business. But when I could be there,
• 1:00:19
  Speaker 2: when I could be there in case he said, hey
• 1:00:22
  Speaker 2: have a question or I'm thinking about this, he always
• 1:00:27
  Speaker 2: knew I was open and available and ready. And that
• 1:00:31
  Speaker 2: to me is how I can sleep at night. Now,
• 1:00:36
  Speaker 2: you have lots of time, and you have seconds left
• 1:00:41
  Speaker 2: with these people in your home at this stage of
• 1:00:46
  Speaker 2: their life. Is all I'm saying. Just at this stage,
• 1:00:48
  Speaker 2: and this is a vital stage. That's my take.
• 1:00:50
  Speaker 1: Well, I think that's a great point to bring up
• 1:00:52
  Speaker 1: because it wouldn't have been my point, but it is
• 1:00:54
  Speaker 1: a point because my point is this isn't a relationship
• 1:00:58
  Speaker 1: that is easily explained to anybody. And imagine having to
• 1:01:03
  Speaker 1: explain it to your children that your boyfriend lives with
• 1:01:05
  Speaker 1: his wife and that you get to go over there
• 1:01:08
  Speaker 1: and sleep over sometimes when she's okay with it, But
• 1:01:11
  Speaker 1: her real concern is that, like, it's all so fucking messy.
• 1:01:14
  Speaker 2: There are a million people in this world.
• 1:01:16
  Speaker 1: There are millions of men and women everywhere that are
• 1:01:20
  Speaker 1: single and looking. I believe me. Go on my Instagram.
• 1:01:23
  Speaker 1: I just was trying to hook people up. I have
• 1:01:26
  Speaker 1: like one and a half million dms from women and
• 1:01:29
  Speaker 1: men that are looking to pair up. People want to
• 1:01:32
  Speaker 1: be with other people. There are so many more suitable
• 1:01:36
  Speaker 1: suitors too, that you could bring home, that you could
• 1:01:40
  Speaker 1: have involved in your life in a more natural, organic
• 1:01:42
  Speaker 1: way that you don't have to explain the story.
• 1:01:45
  Speaker 2: And I will also tell you, even more importantly, I
• 1:01:48
  Speaker 2: believe as a parent, I'm not a perfect parent by
• 1:01:51
  Speaker 2: any stretch of the imagination. I'm you know, some of
• 1:01:54
  Speaker 2: this stuff is based on stuff that I've made, stuff
• 1:01:57
  Speaker 2: I've made mistakes on, but this one in particular, but
• 1:02:02
  Speaker 2: even worse would be if you're thinking, well, the kids
• 1:02:05
  Speaker 2: won't know where I am. I'm going to tell them
• 1:02:07
  Speaker 2: that I'm at so and so let me tell you something,
• 1:02:09
  Speaker 2: the kids are going to know where you are, or
• 1:02:12
  Speaker 2: if the kids sense at anything at all, like you
• 1:02:15
  Speaker 2: are not telling them the truth in some way, or
• 1:02:18
  Speaker 2: that it's not their business in some way. As they're
• 1:02:22
  Speaker 2: about to enter the world and learn how to trust
• 1:02:24
  Speaker 2: people and have partners and do all those things, that's
• 1:02:27
  Speaker 2: going to be an underlying thing in their life. And
• 1:02:30
  Speaker 2: I'm sorry, but when you have kids, that's part of
• 1:02:34
  Speaker 2: your responsibility. That's my feeling, and it's harsh, I know, but.
• 1:02:39
  Speaker 1: It's like also, if one of your kids came to
• 1:02:41
  Speaker 1: you with this dynamic and ask you what they what
• 1:02:44
  Speaker 1: they should do, what would you tell them?
• 1:02:46
  Speaker 2: I also think you deserve better. Yeah, I think you
• 1:02:48
  Speaker 2: deserve you do a full situation, Yeah, full, he's married.
• 1:02:54
  Speaker 1: That's it. It doesn't matter if you're in love with him.
• 1:02:56
  Speaker 1: He's married, period. So let's move on. Problem solve to
• 1:03:00
  Speaker 1: find another person. Actually, don't find another person. Take a
• 1:03:03
  Speaker 1: time out because you made a bad decision. Take a
• 1:03:06
  Speaker 1: time out, go spend time with your kids, and then
• 1:03:09
  Speaker 1: when someone comes into your life that is acceptable, respectable,
• 1:03:12
  Speaker 1: and respectful to you and your situation, that wants to
• 1:03:15
  Speaker 1: be a part in addition to your family in some capacity,
• 1:03:19
  Speaker 1: then that's great, But not this person. Those are our
• 1:03:22
  Speaker 1: thoughts and godspeed, there we go and we'll see you
• 1:03:25
  Speaker 1: next week on Netflix anyway. Kerry Kearny Silver is in
• 1:03:29
  Speaker 1: the new season of four seasons. Please make sure you
• 1:03:32
  Speaker 1: go from this to that.
• 1:03:34
  Speaker 3: Click if you want advice from Chelsea right into Dear
• 1:03:50
  Speaker 3: Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com. Dear Chelsea is a
• 1:03:53
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• 1:03:57
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• 1:04:01
  Speaker 3: is edited and engineered by Brandon Dickert executive producer Katherine Law.
• 1:04:06
  Speaker 3: Find full video episodes and minisodes now on Netflix, and
• 1:04:09
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• 1:04:12
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