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Authentic Heart Leadership with Ron Stotts · Authentic Living

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Welcome to authentic living with Roxanne, a place where we have as conversations about
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things that really matter in our lives.
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And now here's your host, Roxanne Derhodge.
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Hi, everyone.
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It's, Roxanne Derhodge.
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Thanks for tuning in again to authentically ring Roxanne.
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Today, I have a colleague Ron Stots, who has, been in the field of transformational
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leadership for I would say quite a long time, and he has a lot of wisdom that he can share
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with us.
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So, Ron, thanks for coming on today.
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Well, thanks for having me.
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Enjoy being here with you.
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Awesome.
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So, Ron and I were able to connect a bit, a while back and, some of the things that he's
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done, he's obviously a top leadership expert and has been doing this kind of work for a
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while.
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He's a best selling author several times, over an international speaker, and he focuses on
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transformational leadership, and he's gonna share with you, probably at some point, some
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work that he's doing in a course that he's offering.
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So let's talk a little bit First of all, kind of what's what was your path to get in into
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transformational kind of leadership.
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Do this work?
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Well, it started as you've actually said a long time ago.
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And, you know, it really came out of, you know, in the in the past, I came from a fairly strong
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spiritual background where, you know, really focused on helping bring out the best in an
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individual, bring them into a more conscious place.
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And as I got into that more and more.
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I was quite successful.
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I had centers in Switzerland in here.
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And so that went on, and, and it was great.
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It was a lot of fun.
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But, I started getting into the brain, the brain integration center and doing research on
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the brain.
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And then I moved into being executive, VP of Intergame Corporation, and it was pretty there
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that I began the transformation and the leadership concerns.
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And We were really helping AT and T go from a for profit to, excuse me, from a monopoly to a
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for profit divestiture organization.
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And it was fascinating because a little old man running all over country talking with the
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highest levels of, leaders, execs, and management.
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And so I really got this big picture perspective of AT and T, which was a massively
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successful and massive organization.
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I really it came down to because I had done, you know, years of individual and couples work.
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It really came down to I felt like I was talking to you know, the Johnson family or the,
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you know, whatever, you know, because the highest level people were kinda like bad.
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And then the the manager kinda like mom, and then there's all the other lesser management
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levels.
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And they were kind of like the kids.
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And, of course, the influence of those highest levels just filtered right through.
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And the fear level, the conservatism, the mentality of those execs really define the
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country, excuse me, the company.
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And you would hear urban legends, like, oh, so and so tried this 20 years ago, and it didn't
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work.
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And so he's been living with that for 20 years.
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And So everybody was just in their little capsule of safety and just kept their nose down
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and and moving forward.
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And, of course, that works in a monopoly, I guess, to some degree, especially if you have
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no competition.
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But, is going into a for profit.
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That is the antithesis of what's going to work because nobody's going to come up with new
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ideas.
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Nobody's going to be collaborating and cooperating and being supportive of one
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another.
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You know, they're they're in competition with each other.
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They're, you know, not supportive.
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It it seems really anticipuses of what you're looking for.
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And so, unfortunately, we created programs for them that they just fell in love with, but by
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the time they really wanted to implement them, they wanted to water them down so much that it
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just wasn't worth my time.
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And, so I went back into more working with entrepreneurs and and then that direction.
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And But what really interested me in in this phase that we're in in life now is I'm watching
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the world wake up.
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And that's exciting me.
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I'm watching women finally, you know, be able to stand up.
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I'm watching various, you know, all the different ethnicities and all the different
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unusual different aspects of who and what our culture is made up of, stand up for themselves
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and be noticed and be counted and be become a part of the whole community.
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And that I've always felt is the absolute necessity.
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You know, this old white guy top down leadership stuff has created nothing but
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problems.
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You know, they might have successful businesses, but they create chaotic societies
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that don't really support the individuals involved or the, or the planet or or anything
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in the longer picture.
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You know, it's one thing that make 1,000,000,000 of dollars and then go after
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after the fact, go back and go, okay.
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Well, I'm gonna contribute to education.
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I'm gonna contribute to food and welfare of others and that sort of thing.
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But in looking at it, they're really just cleaning up part of the mess that they've made.
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Yeah.
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And so I started looking, and and my research really showed it to me.
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My publisher directed me to looking at the effect of the highest level leaders.
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There's really about, you know, 5, 10% of the highest level leaders that are really capable
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of making a change and having a lasting impact, both in the organization, but even on a
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societal level, which is really what I'm interested even even more.
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You know, so that's what really drew me into it.
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And, you know, I've had the huge successes.
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I I You know, most of my clients aren't playing on this level, but that one fellow who got 59
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figure businesses.
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And with any year of coming in and feeling like he was about to lose everything quite
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literally, including the love of his life.
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He more than doubled the value of all those businesses.
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The love of his life came back, and they got married.
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So What it allowed me to see is that level and and both, you know, I saw it in his
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testimonial, really, the statement of He never realized how completely connected his own
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personal development was to the development of his organization.
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And, the thing that I'm happen to be very good at because I've been doing it all my life is
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transformation of work.
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I know how to take somebody from this level of consciousness, this level of leadership into
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the highest levels.
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Well, let's
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let's let's talk about that because I'm I'm curious.
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I'm I'm listening to you, and I'm like, well, tell me more.
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Because I'm I'd like to know what the process is.
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Obviously, you know, so, you know, he's a magnet to some point, like you said, running
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multiple multimillion dollar businesses, and things still aren't going right for him in the
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way that he wants.
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So what makes, him to he comes to you because The business isn't doing well or the
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relationships not doing well.
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Why does he come forward to to work with you, Ron?
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Yeah.
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There's always a pain point.
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They've always gotten to a place where something's not working, and and they keep
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bumping it against that, to a point where they really have to do something.
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You know, and and he somebody recommended him come to me.
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They had worked for me several years, worked with me for several years, before.
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And, so I think it was just out of complete frustration and helplessness.
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You know?
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It's not just not being satisfied or feeling that life was going in the way that he wanted
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at that point.
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So when someone like that comes to you, what what do you have I mean, I know most people
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have processes, but what makes your process, different or unique or sets you apart from like
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you said, transformational leadership is is your thing, but you obviously have developed a
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certain way with working with people that allows people to come forward, that's who
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needing that kind of assistance.
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The difference in my work is the depth of it.
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Quite honestly.
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And I think it's because of my background.
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You know, I've been doing this 40, 50 years, and I've studied ancient wisdom, you know,
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neurology, psychology, spirituality.
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And I bring all of that into into the forefront of my work.
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And, you know, my watch people talk about their work life or their family life or their, you
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know, health life.
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I think that's right there.
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You have a problem because there's really only one life.
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And it's your life.
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And everything in your life has to be really focused on your highest intention.
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So if you don't know your highest intention, you have really no direction in life.
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Your highest intention also allows you to understand what you can be doing to create
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that.
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So that's your greatest purpose.
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So once you have your greatest purpose moving towards your highest intention, all aspects of
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your life come into alignment in in support of that of that high of that intention of that
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goal for your lives.
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So your life just becomes really magnificent and incredibly amazing life comes out of it.
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And I see that with all of my clients.
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And so I'm quite literally going in and, you know, a lot of people will go, oh, well, I'll,
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you know, get new software for the brain here.
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I'm going in.
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I'm really creating a new operating system in my initial work so that they are playing at a
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whole different level of They're not at the effect of the past.
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We've healed that.
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We've taken care of all that.
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They've really are working on a place where they feel like they are a new person And that's
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certainly something I see in testimonials time and time again because I feel like I'm an
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entirely new person, and they are because of your level consciousness determines how you see
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and experience all of life.
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So when you let go of this fear based, unconscious living, and really fallen in love
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with yourself and moved into a place of curiosity and presence, you see and experience
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everything completely differently.
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You react and respond to everything differently.
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You've you find yourself being literally, and then to a deep degree, great and appreciative
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and curious and present.
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And just as I saw in the early years around spirituality, people became more conscious.
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They became more caring about other people.
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They became more conscious and aware of the society as a whole and the planet.
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And it's true for these leaders.
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All of a sudden, they are looking at, you know, oh, I care more about these people that work
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with me.
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I want to restructure my organization so that it is more developmentally oriented, really
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cooperative, collaborative, but supportive of everybody.
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How do I bring out the best in everybody in there?
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You know, And that's not even necessarily just their organization, but who they sell to, who
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they buy.
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The ripple the ripple effect.
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So, you know, I'm I'm listening to the book of joy.
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I start to listen to it.
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I'm almost done with, Desmond Tutu and, and, the Dalai Lama.
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And in the research, what it shows is that in fact, a couple things, that people that use the
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word I more off in are more likely to, you know, have some of these chronic diseases,
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like, related to heart, high blood pressure, diabetes, those types of things.
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So almost the collectivist kind of perspective is more in line with the we, right, and when,
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you know, when they when we start to look at the space from a we, which is exactly what
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you're talking about, you're deconstructing that kind of, individualistic perspective of I.
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It's all about which makes me separate from everything, which is kind of what you're
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talking about with some of these leaders that you're dealing with.
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And that's a fear based, scarcity mentality.
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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Other than an abundant, base mentality that's more, much more level oriented.
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So, yeah.
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Yeah.
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So Would you say?
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Like you said, we talked a lot.
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We're talking about systems theory, right, and deconstructing of, you know, it's so
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interesting with my background I listen to you, I'm like, oh my goodness.
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That's all the stuff that I do, and I've been exposed to, and I use all the time.
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And you're deconstructed.
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Who has the power and who's the alliances, and Who do we need to kind of de stratify to be
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able to collapse the silos that work within, obviously a family and then an internal
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organization?
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So it's really, structural, family therapy systems that that's collated to corporate.
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Same thing.
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You know, it's it's it's fascinating to listen to you talk about that.
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So, generally, you you tell me because you've been doing this work, a lot longer than I have
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been.
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That, A lot of times, when senior leaders get up the ranks or even CEOs, a lot of them can be
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more on the, I would say, autocratic, tactical based outcome kind of individuals that get
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promoted up.
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Would you fair say that's a fair kind of Absolutely.
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And that's and that's your fear base.
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Any anytime you put somebody in a position that they're uncomfortable with and don't feel like
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they're good enough for or capable of handling.
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They're they're going to be strats.
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They're going to be fair, but it's and that turns them into that more autocratic, dominant,
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domineering, controlling person.
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They come up with more rules, you know, and they come up with more, you know, my way or the
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highway, you know, perspectives on on everything.
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And it doesn't work.
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It it first of all, they end up thinking that they have to do it all, which, you know,
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doesn't work.
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They end up feeling like, you know, I I hear questions like, well, how do I get more out of
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my employees?
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And how do I keep people from leaving?
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You know, they don't seem happy and they're working together, and they're not
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collaborating.
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Well, of course, they're not.
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You've created an atmosphere that's in, you know, just doesn't support any of that.
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And, you know, the all of the research shows, and I've certainly seen it with my employ or
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to, clients is that the more conscious your organization the more collaborative and
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cooperative it is, the more you're supporting bringing out the best in everybody, the more
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they wanna contribute.
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They don't mind working late.
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In fact, they're excited about what they're doing.
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You've got a mission statement that gives meaning to their life and meaning to the
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organization, and they're They're committed to that.
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They're excited to be a part of it, and that excitement goes into their families, and their
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families become more supportive of what they're doing and how they're doing that.
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And and the relationships with the kids, the relationship with their partners becomes
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better.
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And and that ripple effect you referred to just continues to It's
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like the ink plot effect, right, quite literally.
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Like, you know, so I often say, you know, you have these strategic objectives and things that
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people have to get done, and we have you know, our, you know, investors and our boards and all
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this structure that kind of follows people around.
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And at the end of the day, I think of myself, you know, I I'm reported to someone, my EVP,
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and I absolutely loved him.
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I think he was probably one of the nicest people I was fortunate to have, spent time
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with.
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And quite literally, it was the busiest time in my life.
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My my family was young.
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I was traveling but I always, wanted to serve him the best.
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And he in turn, you know, saw everything that I was doing along with everything that I was
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going through at that particular stage in my life.
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And I remember having to go to, like, CE where CEO round tables and dinners out of town, I'd
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be like, thinking, how am I gonna do this?
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But I would pull it off because it was so important for him that there's a presence, and
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then and then I was the presence he wanted there.
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So it's when you say that, it's so it's so true.
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You had a relationship with you care about that.
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And you want to support a common common denominator of your work and all of that.
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I mean
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I yeah.
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Let me one yeah.
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The point of that though is all of the research shows, and this is like 50, 55 years of
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research that those companies are 40, excuse me, 40% more profitable and product productive.
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You know, the funny thing is is that when I share that figure with the people that I've
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worked with, they kind of laugh because that 40% seems like, woah.
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Way more than that.
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But research, you know, at least that makes it, you know, ironclad that you're going to at
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least get that.
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And when you start looking at it, of course, you're going to make more money.
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Of course, you're gonna, you know, the competition.
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But but I'm gonna play the devil's advocate here for a second.
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You have people like Walt Disney that you know, you know, he was known to be irate and, you
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know, Jeff Bezos is not known to be the nicest personality and And, you know, jobs was, you
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know, you know, so you do, you can't put point out some of these mega successful companies
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that have had these leaders, that were not, embodying the ideals we're talking about here.
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Yeah.
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And they are also not happy people.
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I mean, they weren't they didn't create happy supportive environments.
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Yeah, and and you're you're looking at success as just money, and I don't look at that.
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I looked at it.
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Success is a successful life, a fulfilling life.
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That includes being successful financially, but it doesn't you know, disconnected from
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everything else.
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And that's what you see.
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I mean, Steve Jobs, I'm fortunate enough to meet him.
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You know, he well, he died early.
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That's how miserable he was.
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And due to his childhood that was never handled, you know, he had a very of childhood,
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and those issues never got looked at or handled.
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And, you know, they they played out in those organizations he was part of.
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I mean, I look at one of the organizations that happens to make movies, animated movies, not,
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you know, I look at it and I happen to know the inner workings of that, and as successful as
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they are, they could literally double their their value by increasing the quality of what
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they're putting out.
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By having more depth, more meaning, and they could gain that easily by just listening to the
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people that are there because I'm I happen to know them enough to know that There's a lot of
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great ideas coming from in house that are being negated by somebody up here who just always,
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you know, they're more worried about selling more cars or more toys or more whatever.
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And if so success has really got nothing to do with just it's not just the money because you
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could be making more money, even those extremely wealthy organization.
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But you could be contributing to a world that's making it making it a better place for
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everybody.
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You know, a lot of times, they they wanna have all this money so that they'll be acceptable so
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that, I mean, you know what's behind that.
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So they'll be light.
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So they'll be valued so that they'll be respected.
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But if you create a world that's a better place for everybody, then you don't have to be Sofia
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oriented because everybody is not you know, out there trying to figure out how to make a living
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and get by and being afraid of not being
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You know, it's it's interesting with my book, Ron, the the the people that embodied those
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were really truly spiritually connected individuals.
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The ones that I and like you said, they they went through something or they, you know, you
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know, one particular person, it was a business started a couple of generations ago, and he was
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young, and he was wealthy, and he was, you know, kind of man about town kind of thing.
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And then he At some point, he started to look around and he was not he was he could do
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anything and buy anything and all those.
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And then he said, what am I doing?
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Like, people didn't like him.
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He was elected in his community.
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You know, he would give enough money so that he could get the respect, but he wasn't getting
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it.
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And then he started to say, I'm not happy, and I feel like people I need to make people
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realize who I really am, And he started to make a lot of change kind of grassroots in the in
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the in the community that he lived.
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He started in the community and then started to sit on board and then he started to kind of it
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started to filter into his company, then he started to treat everybody with that same kind
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of respect and kindness.
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And he said to me, he looked at himself and he realized how arrogant and, privileged he was
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that he wouldn't have even liked himself if he could look at himself, but he He was so afraid
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to lock because he knew what what he was gonna see.
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And that arrogance is a protective mechanism.
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For that fear.
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For that little boy who doesn't feel like he's enough.
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And so it's really When I watch it and I've watched it in spiritual communities, I've
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watched it in politics and business.
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I watch people rise up to a certain level.
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And they, you know, they might work harder than anybody else and try harder and be more
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innovative, but they they hit a certain level.
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And that's really that level is, you know, that's when they get scared.
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But it's really just an indicator that they're evolving and ready to go.
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Grow more.
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Those levels, when you whenever you hit, a roadblock, whenever you hit something that
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you're bumping up against and feel like you've been limited by are held back by.
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That is nothing but an indicator that you're ready to evolve.
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And if you go down in, If you learn how to breathe in, if you learn how to heal and take
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care of yourself, you really can say, oh, I'm bumping up against something.
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I'm gonna breathe in.
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I'm gonna see what that is.
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And when you look and find the source of that and learn to heal that, what you immediately
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also access is the very part you need that allows and support you to to evolve and grow
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more fully.
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And so people, you know, they grow to this level, and then they keep trying to use their
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old stuff for buying new shiny objects or whatever they're doing, and and it's not
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working.
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And it's like, no.
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Just go within access the part that you need from within, and then you'll be able to
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continue to evolve.
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You know, it's it's it's like a lobster.
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Once a year, they feel this kind of niggler discomfort and you know, that's an indicator to
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them that they need to they're going to shed their shell and grow a new one.
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And they need that larger shell that they can continue to grow and and it evolved.
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And yet, I watch especially in business.
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They just deny that indicator.
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They just try and go around that indicated that it's time for them to evolve and grow because
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You know, and one of the biggest challenge I see business leaders having today is that
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they're looking outside of themselves for what can only be found within And so who comes to me
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are the people who are so frustrated because they can't find it outside themselves that
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they're willing to look within.
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And they know that that's what So
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they've they've gone to every pinnacle and they've hit, and they've hit, and they've hit.
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And then now they're there, and they're looking around saying, why my why why is my internal
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space not embodying the level of achievement that everybody and everything around me says I
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should hear.
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I've got the ring.
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And they're they're they're not having it.
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So what you said about 5 5 to 10% of people get to that point, do you think that has increased
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over, kind of the uncertain times that we've gone through in the last two and a half years,
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or do you think it's gotten worse?
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I think the potential for it to get better is there.
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I think people are frustrated enough.
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What it takes to move into those levels is very clear.
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Most leadership trainings don't have a clue on how to do it, and they even, you know, got half
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a dozen books to my left here that well, literally, and at some point, they go, we know
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how to move them from mid level to a little higher, but we don't know how to move them into
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those science levels.
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And that's understandable because unless you've had a life that's filled with transformational
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experiences, personal, significant transformational experiences, and had regular
25:38
practices that maintain and and support higher levels of consciousness, you're not going to
25:43
understand that that's what the transformation is all about.
25:47
So when people come to me, I'm literally supporting them and guiding them through
25:53
significant transformational experiences, personal, very deeply personal experiences.
25:57
And I'm also giving them all these different practices that help them really develop and and
26:04
reach a higher level of mindfulness presence.
26:07
Do you find a lot of them are burnt up by the time they get to you, like, you know, some of
26:12
that alignment, like, pieces where they've, they've kind of worked so hard.
26:16
They've ignored, you know, they're, you know, they're cognitive and they're emotional, and
26:20
then their body potential.
26:21
Hopefully, their body hasn't given out.
26:23
But there's are they coming to you in a in a state where they just have to kind of
26:27
recalibrating and get back to basics, or do you find some people have done things along the
26:32
way?
26:32
They don't know how to decline to themselves.
26:35
They don't know how to be supportive of themselves.
26:36
And, of course, that's reflected in how they treat others.
26:39
And so, yeah, the work I do, you know, the initial work is really taking people really
26:47
deep within themselves and and healing all those different aspects in itself.
26:52
So they become a whole authentic, healthy, capable person that, then begin with the lead
26:59
in life of evolving and growing rather than trying to stay in some disconnected comfort
27:05
zone that's killing them quite literally.
27:08
So, yeah, it's it's I mean, I hear it all the time.
27:13
You know, and I've worked with some brilliant people and, yet they'll always you know, at
27:18
some point, they'll come in and they go, I feel smarter.
27:22
And the truth is they are smarter because you know, they're using more of their brain, and
27:27
they're using not only more of it, but they're using it in a much more effective way.
27:32
You know, just if you have stress going on, that that midbrain where the amygdala of the
27:40
emotional center is is really running your life.
27:43
And the chemical gates to the higher mind really aren't even fully open.
27:47
You don't have capability of thinking fully.
27:50
And So
27:51
so do you have people that are coming to you that basically have never meditated or not done
27:55
any kind of mindfulness?
27:56
Or
27:57
because yeah.
27:59
Yeah.
27:59
Because I I, I mean, I in core in the corporate environments, and I've worked quite, you know,
28:04
I I look at people and I'm thinking, wow.
28:06
Like, they're so disconnected.
28:08
Yeah.
28:09
And I'm like, how do you keep I remember there was one particular you know, a senior official
28:14
at a place that I, I, supported.
28:17
And she had had a heart attack and came back to work within a week of having a heart attack.
28:21
No.
28:22
And I'm like No.
28:23
How is that?
28:24
Like, if you had a heart attack, your body is saying to you, I'm at war with you.
28:29
And you're back at work within a week of having a heart attack.
28:34
And that's what what you're saying is that is the level of disconnection.
28:40
That is the lack of acknowledgement.
28:43
You know, the of them paying attention to their body paying attention to their relationship
28:48
with themself.
28:49
Mhmm.
28:49
Paying attention to anything other than making money generally.
28:53
And it it's it's sad.
28:55
I mean, I'm not a salesman.
28:59
I'm re in fact, I suck at it.
29:03
But I've I feel like if somebody doesn't do my program, I really have to apologize because I
29:09
haven't made it clear.
29:11
The connection between the dysfunction within themselves and what their goals are.
29:17
Because as soon as they heal this, they can have any and all of this that they want.
29:21
Right?
29:21
Because if they if they start with themselves, I have to say, you know, start with yourself
29:26
and then from there, you can't help because now you've you've you've you know, glade the path
29:31
or whatever needs to emanate from you.
29:33
And I have to say that, you know, we we come into this world and we have that light and we
29:38
go along in life and we get the, you know, that we get pricked and prodded, and we have to
29:42
disconnect.
29:43
Right?
29:43
Like, you know, and and and you're you're waiting.
29:45
If you could just take baby or that child and somehow protect them against the elements of
29:51
life.
29:51
You know, that's exactly what you're unearthing.
29:54
You know, or I'm on earth as I deal with, leaders and their teams because then you're
29:59
like, well, why did you become a leader?
30:02
And and when you go back to the basics, you know, you'll hear people saying about, you
30:06
know, I I really see I valued hard work because like, for instance, my my, my, grandparents
30:13
were King Farmers.
30:14
Well, so guess what?
30:16
My father who became one of the best leaders I'd ever experienced since, even now, used to
30:22
be up at 5 o'clock in the morning, helping his parents in the cane fields.
30:26
So he valued hard work, but also recognized it and saw the pain with a lack of money.
30:33
Right?
30:34
And, you know, for him, he always wanted to make sure whatever level that he got to, that
30:39
he treated everybody the same.
30:42
Right?
30:42
And it was so it was, you know, it was inspiring to see because even though he would
30:47
gone up to different levels, he still treated you know, the person, you know, kind of opening
30:53
the door all the way to the person in the senior board group exactly the same because of
30:57
kind of his kind of, beginnings, which he never forgot.
31:01
Right?
31:02
Well, I think there's the games or everything.
31:04
I really when you look at the infant coming into the world who's completely helpless, what
31:10
they have to do is look outside of themselves for to be taken care of.
31:15
And that's perfect.
31:16
That's wonderful.
31:17
They they learn how to bond.
31:19
They learn how to connect.
31:20
They learn how to fit into society.
31:23
The problem is is that initial training of looking outside of themselves continues as they
31:30
become a teenager, continues as they become 20, 30, 40, 50, 60 years old.
31:35
And that that's where the system breaks down.
31:40
We need to really begin even in our teams, but certainly by our twenties, we need to be
31:46
looking for self acceptance and self love, not for letting everybody else have control.
31:52
What should we be feeling?
31:54
How should we be feeling?
31:55
And so that's what I find is As a child's growing up, they they adapt.
32:02
They, you know, the whole whole inculturation period.
32:05
They they go, okay.
32:06
Well, what feelings are okay to have?
32:08
Which one's not?
32:10
Which way can I act?
32:11
What level of awareness can I have?
32:14
You know, how how high can I reach in life and still be accepted by my community, my family of
32:19
origin?
32:20
To to kind of be stuck, you accept it still by your by your tribe because if you are to if
32:25
you're too diametrically opposed, you're gonna be left out in the cold.
32:29
Right?
32:29
So really that implicit messages, don't just kind of listen and be self aware and take care
32:36
of yourself first.
32:37
Make sure that you're guarded, and maybe you're doing a little bit of what you but make sure
32:41
that you're okay with everybody else around you.
32:43
And then that, you know, at some point, you have to break from that.
32:47
That that I call it the big game where there's prosecutor, rescue, or victim, but, you know,
32:53
you have to step outside of that and go, okay.
32:56
I'm I'm gonna make this about loving accepting myself.
32:58
So I can really discover who and what I am.
33:01
That's where an authentic leader comes from.
33:03
That's where the transformation takes place.
33:06
And you know, you can't shortcut that because you'll never know who you are, and then
33:11
everything is just a reflection of that disconnection within the south.
33:16
So if if we can figure out our twenties, then this whole issue of transformation would be a
33:21
lot more gradual.
33:22
And then people could just kind of actualize themselves as they get along into their kind of
33:27
primary or, pivotal points in the occur.
33:29
But unfortunately, that that doesn't happen.
33:32
It generally happens more around crises versus kinda people coming forward earlier.
33:37
Right.
33:37
I you know, I look for the only thing I look for is What was your program for getting love
33:43
as a child?
33:44
You know, I had to be nice.
33:45
I had to be good.
33:46
I had to be smart.
33:47
I had to be athletic.
33:49
Everybody's got a program that they came up with that would optimize the amount of love and
33:54
acceptance they'd get in their family.
33:55
They might not have gotten much, but they got enough to get through.
33:59
Well, at some point, you have to change that program to to get love and acceptance.
34:04
I have to love and accept myself.
34:06
And so you have to go back and really reconnect with, heal, reintegrate all those disparate
34:13
parts that you've left behind for acceptance.
34:16
To mothers and reconnect with them and reintegrate them and become whole again.
34:20
And that's where self acceptance and love come from.
34:23
That's where the whole
34:24
Parts of be talking about, as a psychologist, parts of self work, which is, I'm sure there's
34:29
it's kind of the same kind of idea, which is like which part of me, and but have I not
34:34
wanted to get connected to because that part of me really represents what I'm don't wanna face
34:39
and in turn, it keeps me stuck and I, you know, I recreate that in different ways for outs,
34:43
kinda little little bombs that they put off in your life.
34:47
And you see people doing it, over and over again.
34:50
Yeah.
34:50
Yeah.
34:50
But the irony is is by just going into that, Not only do you heal that, but you find, you
34:59
know, I I can't say this enough.
35:00
You find the very parts of yourself that you need.
35:04
To become the person you want to become, to live the life base and to have the success, on
35:09
the levels that you want in your life.
35:10
It's all it it is like so incredibly perfectly designed that I
35:16
I use it.
35:17
I use it.
35:18
Yeah.
35:18
The example that, you know, if you were to cut your you know, your arm right now, your body
35:24
intuitively knows what it is needs to heal, right?
35:26
And, and, you know, unless something is really wrong, right?
35:29
You've not you run down, it's the same as the with the, you know, the emotions, that that are
35:34
held in the body.
35:35
Right?
35:35
The body needs to honor it and re and and and get connected with and release it so that it
35:41
doesn't stop that stop you from progressing along like you're saying.
35:45
Now this is all fascinating, and I want I would like to make sure that we we share what you're
35:51
doing with your course because I think for anybody listening, you know, either leaders
35:57
themselves or even people with us in your teams, that maybe having some of the issues
36:01
we're talking about, that they could, you know, know what it's about and and and then obviously
36:07
reach out to you to, do a consult or connect up for the course.
36:13
Well, this is something that I've been developing for a long time.
36:16
I'm just bringing into place.
36:18
Transformation and leadership training is really about a transformational leader is one
36:23
who has really taken on that lifestyle, the one that is really supporting themselves and having
36:32
significant personal transformational experiences, ongoingly in their life.
36:36
They're taking on regular practices, whether that's martial arts or yoga or meditation,
36:41
mindfulness, and There's, you know, a lot of fun options.
36:45
It doesn't matter which one they'd enjoy doing.
36:49
And so that they really begin to con well, not begin, but continue to to develop their level
36:55
of consciousness.
36:56
And so, yeah, some point, you have to be willing to wanna be fully responsible for your
37:05
life.
37:06
At some point, you really have to want to be in your power.
37:10
You know, I'm a little exercise that I've done for a long time is I'll I'll have them finish
37:19
the sentence.
37:19
You know, if I love myself unconditionally, I'm afraid.
37:23
And another
37:24
one.
37:24
I'm afraid.
37:25
Okay.
37:26
And I and I have them finish that sentence.
37:28
Mhmm.
37:29
It every time and I'm talking 1000 and thousands of people around the world.
37:34
Every time I'm afraid, people won't like me.
37:38
I'm afraid I'll be alone.
37:40
I'm afraid I'll And every time it ends up, I'm afraid if I'm in my power, if I love myself
37:46
unconditionally, I'll die.
37:49
So they once they understand, you know, I don't prompt them.
37:53
I just guide them in in the what to say next and next, and they come up with a the finish of
37:59
those.
37:59
And what they begin to understand is, oh, there's a part of me that says that fully
38:05
believes and is absolutely committed to If I'm in my power, I'll die.
38:09
Well, that's gonna sabotage everything.
38:11
Of course.
38:12
If if I love and accept myself completely, I'll die.
38:15
Well, guess what?
38:16
That's not gonna work.
38:19
So you You're
38:19
gonna do what you can to keep yourself alive?
38:21
Yes.
38:22
You've got to go back and and reparent that that child within you and say, gosh.
38:28
You know, that was really I understand where that belief came from, and that was probably
38:34
accurate when you were little.
38:35
But now we're a team.
38:37
Now we can work together, and I can handle these things.
38:41
And So that's no no longer true.
38:44
You know, peep people have these lies that they live with.
38:47
They do.
38:48
They're personal lies.
38:49
It's like, Ask people what they mean by control.
38:54
And you'll come up.
38:55
You'll you'll hear.
38:56
They're usually definitions of being completely out of control.
39:00
It's a counter sighted.
39:01
Right?
39:01
So it's I often say it's they're afraid of vulnerability, so they go to the other ends.
39:06
And then And then when they get deep down inside, I, when I practice, I did a a technique
39:11
called EMDR, which really kinda gets you out of the conscious bring into the unconscious and
39:16
into the, you know, and then, you know, and then, you know, when you're trying to get them
39:20
to to kinda get to the space, they get to it.
39:22
You just are a bystander.
39:24
And, eventually, when they whittle down into it and they look at and they then they go, you
39:29
know, something like, I'm not good enough.
39:33
And they go, if you had told me that without me coming to that, by myself, I would there's I
39:40
would have left your office a whole long time ago.
39:43
You know, but it takes time.
39:44
Right?
39:44
It takes time for people to feel safe enough to be able to get there to to go through the
39:49
levels of consciousness to your point.
39:51
A bit at a time and to develop skills, you know, so that when they do get there, they can
39:57
hold the space to be able to create the change they need
39:59
to.
39:59
I've been doing it for decades, and I find it takes a couple of months Yeah.
40:04
For them to shift that program for getting low.
40:07
Within 2 months, I think quite literally shifts that whole program for getting love and that
40:12
whole come from and be on, be on track to loving accepting themselves for more and more
40:18
for the rest of their life.
40:20
And and
40:20
it's that foundation that we've created in that work that allows them to build whatever
40:27
fulfilling and successful life they they want to build.
40:30
You know, I see so many people not create that foundation and they build their life on sand
40:36
and plapses, you know, you see people do sabotage their lives in some way or another or
40:43
just due to lack of happiness.
40:44
They're not taking care of them.
40:46
And they have a heart attack.
40:47
Or
40:47
Right.
40:48
Right.
40:48
And then now they've gotten to where they want to, but they're but they don't have their
40:51
health or whatever.
40:52
So, so for anyone looking to connect with you, Iran.
40:57
Where what is the best way?
41:00
They they can do that, and where can they connect with with the course it's
41:06
I would re if you go to my website, ronstops.com, that's going to give you
41:11
everything.
41:11
And on the homepage, there's a really 9 insightful questions that I'd highly recommend
41:18
for anybody.
41:18
And those questions are going to help them begin that inner journey.
41:22
They're gonna look at what what is my biggest challenge?
41:25
What is my biggest dream?
41:26
And they're gonna really begin to see what the gap between those two two aspects of their life
41:33
is.
41:33
And as they see that, they're going to get a great deal more clarity as to what needs to be
41:38
done and how they can do it.
41:40
And, of course, if they wanna learn more about the programs, then that's, all, you know, my
41:45
team's done a great job.
41:46
It's just it's wonderful to look at, to be quite honest with you.
41:50
Yeah.
41:51
So they then once they kind of get into the questions, then they'll know and then naturally
41:55
have more questions, but, it this has been very, a very, amazing conversation.
42:01
I can see the depth that you would bring, to companies and to clients.
42:06
And obviously, you know, that's the kind of work that I also do when I work with, with
42:10
people just getting them back to, like, the core fundamentals of who they are, whether
42:15
they're doing what they do, and what's blocking them from getting connected to themselves.
42:19
So in turn, they can impart, their their space on to others.
42:24
So, you know, it's so nice to, you know, it's been around for this kind of work has been
42:28
around for a very long time.
42:30
And I think in this day and age, such such a need like you said, the the ability or the
42:34
consciousness that could be possible, you know, it's there, but, you know, it's it's it takes,
42:40
people like yourself and myself and other people doing the work to, you know, kind of do
42:45
as best as they can to get, people and companies and leaders along the way.
42:50
So for, anyone, reach out that you need if you're needing more on with myself, my new
42:55
book, ROR return on relationships is out.
42:58
So if you wanted to just go to my site Roxanne their hodge.com, there'll be an assessment that
43:03
you if you're curious about how connected you are to yourself, on every level of leadership,
43:10
you can do an assessment, and then they'll kinda get a sense of where you are, and maybe
43:14
we'll give you some guidance for some next So, again, Ron, thanks so much for, you know,
43:19
gracing us with your time.
43:20
So so valuable.
43:22
And for everybody, thanks so much for tuning in, and we'll chat with you again next week.
43:27
Thanks for tuning in to authentic living with Roxanne, creating the space for positive,
43:32
healthy change.
43:33
Roxanne is a keynote speaker psychotherapist, and coach to work with Roxanne, visit
43:40
roxannedurhaj.com/blueprint.
43:43
We'll see you next time on authentic living with Roxanne.