Latest / Infinitely Precious / When Life Feels Out of Control

Transcript

When Life Feels Out of Control · Infinitely Precious

• 0:00
  Intro: Welcome to the infinitely precious podcast produced by infinitely precious LLC. Your host is James Henry. Remember, you are infinitely precious and unconditionally loved for the gift you already are.
• 0:12
  James: Hello, beloved. It's me, James. And I'm here with another episode of the Infinitely Precious podcast. I'm so glad you could be here with me and that you let me be your companion on this journey that we make in this world together. If you find our podcast, this podcast meaningful, I do encourage you to share it with others.
• 0:42
  Trying to get a positive message out into the world, a message that invites us to recognize we're not alone, that we are enough, that we're invited to engage in ways that are appropriate to the gift that we already are, each of us. Today, I wanted to talk about what it feels like to be overwhelmed when we feel like life is out of control. If you're anything like me, those moments come into your life and they don't always choose a convenient time. We live in a world that's filled with chaos and uncertainty, and it can be overwhelming to live in those moments when our own personal lives, whether it's how over scheduled we are or how much pressure we feel about certain projects we're engaged with, seem to be completely out of control. I wanted to take just a moment to say that when your life feels out of control, it's because it never really was in control.
• 2:03
  The idea that we could control the mistakes we've made in our past or even secure the way of our future, any of that is an illusion. We want to be in control, and we do all sorts of things from carefully scheduling our lives moment by moment by moment. We do lots of things to give us at least the illusion of control, but all that it takes is one accident in traffic to slow us down and throw that whole schedule off and to remind us. We are not in control. Things happen.
• 2:47
  There are not any particular ways that we can gain control of our lives. I don't know if that's freeing for you. It's freeing for me. It may not feel freeing for you. It may feel even worse.
• 3:06
  You mean there's nothing I can do about the chaos? I'm not saying there's nothing you can do about the chaos. Chaos is a reality. The sense of being overwhelmed by the chaos is often a reality as we try to sort and make our way through this life that we are invited to live, that is ours to live. What we can do however is slow down enough perhaps to take seriously the moment we're in.
• 3:39
  If I can't fix the future or repair the past maybe I just need to take a moment long enough to name that control feels necessary in my life From the time I was born and tried to differentiate from my caregivers, which is a part of natural development, one of the things I wanted to develop was control. I wanted to be able to walk where I wanted to walk to, listen to what I wanted to listen to, say what I wanted to say, describe my own feelings and my own wants and needs in the world. I wanted to control the narrative of my life. And as a driving force to bring differentiation between us and the caregiver, that makes sense. But once we get past there, to imagine I could in any way write the full narrative of my life is to live in that illusion.
• 4:46
  It's just not real. It's not real to be able to control the life. The best we can do is to manage our expectations without being able to manage the outcomes. We can't make things happen a certain way. We might be able to plant seeds in certain places in our lives, but when it comes to determining whether those seeds will grow or wither and die, we can't know.
• 5:20
  Will that stop us from planting the seeds? I don't know. I want to encourage you to recognize that if you can't control it, what you can do is engage with it now. If we recognize and start with the realization that we can't control every factor of our lives, what we can do is find relief in knowing the truth. And the truth is this: I can't control everything, but if I'm in the moment where things are happening, and every moment something is happening, If I'm in this moment when things are happening, I can perhaps attend to how I respond in this moment to what is happening.
• 6:13
  I get stuck in a traffic jam. I've used this example before, but one of my teachers once said, I can consider particularly if I'm the one that's driving, I'm in the car, I'm in a traffic jam, I can consider that cabin of the vehicle in which I'm in to be my own hermitage, my own space. I move any faster than the hermitage moves. I can't move any slower than the hermitage moves. I move with the hermitage.
• 6:48
  And so, it's moving, I simply am in the car where I am. I can't make traffic move faster. I can't make it probably move slower. The best I've got is to be in that moment. And then I get to choose how I respond.
• 7:06
  If this is my hermitage and not my prison, see, it's all about how we frame that moment where we are. If this is my hermitage, a space where I, the hermit in my car, get to respond in the moment, get to be here, I can take a breath. I can connect with the fact that I'm not going to go any faster than my car, any slower than my car, but I can be here in this vehicle, in this cabin. I can pay attention to my breathing. I can do some of the important breathing exercises I've learned, breathing in quickly to the count of four, breathing out slowly to the count of eight, slowing my heart rate down, slowing my mind down.
• 7:57
  I can truly be present in this moment. The brake lights can be a signal to lift up another prayer for someone ahead of me as the brake lights are released and then light up again, another opportunity to pray for something in my life. It can be a space that now belongs to me. When I get wherever I'm going, I'm going to have to do some things, whatever it is. If I'm going to an appointment, then I've got to do whatever is related to the appointment.
• 8:28
  If I'm going shopping, I've got to do whatever needs to be done in terms of the shopping. But if I am where I am now, I'll worry about the shopping when I get to the place I'm going to be shopping or the appointment when I get there. I can't do anything about those while I'm sitting here. So what I can do is allow this to be a space just to be present with me. I can let it be a moment of silence for me, silence in the car, turn off the radio, turn off all of the other kinds of notifications in my life and just let it be a peaceful ride.
• 9:13
  I can choose to listen to my favorite kind of music. I can listen to some kind of peaceful music that draws me out, that draws me in. I can use that time as a gift. How often do you get to be alone in the world? Now you're in your car by yourself on your way somewhere.
• 9:37
  You can't go faster. You can't go slower. You can be present where you are. Let it be a little break, a little break while you carefully wend your way in traffic to wherever it is you're going. If you use all of those moments of your life and actually show up in those moments, be present in those moments, not because you can control the future by being present in the now or that you can fix the past by being present in the now, but because you can choose in this moment whether or not you will tend to your response in this moment.
• 10:19
  And when something happens, when something arises, if it becomes your practice, if it becomes my practice to be where I am, then the chaos doesn't overwhelm me so easily. I breathe into the moment and I ask the question in a moment of pause, what is this moment asking of me? How can I best respond to this moment? Now you say, James, that takes too long. Some things happen too quickly for me to respond.
• 10:55
  However, if it becomes your process to make space, to respond rather than react, If you can make space to be there and to ask of the moment, what do you need of me in this moment? It becomes the habit that when you're sitting at the breakfast table and everyone's having a debate about something And there's a part of you that wants to insert your certain answer. Your answer which is certain to be correct. You want to insert that or you want to stomp down. Instead, you can see that response rising up in you.
• 11:37
  You can see that I'm in this moment. What is this moment asking of me? And maybe this moment is only asking that I listen. I don't have to have a clever quip in the moment. I don't have to be snarky if that is even my normal behavior.
• 11:52
  I don't tend to be snarky. So, it's not mine. I can simply be present. I can simply be there. And maybe the best response is not to say anything.
• 12:08
  Maybe the best response is to say what's most important to me in this moment. Not so much to overrule anyone else in the conversation, but to say, well, when I think of it, I think of it this way. But it's a measured response. It's an opportunity to let what is deepest in us rise up rather than the shallow quick reaction we get the slow response. We don't do slow.
• 12:38
  We don't like slow. And that even makes us feel more out of control. But if we could be here, be now, let your practice grow out of this recognizing that when life is overwhelming, it's not just overwhelming for you. It's often overwhelming for all the people around you too. You can't do anything about their sense of overwhelm, but perhaps you can do something about yours.
• 13:10
  Yes, there's chaos. Yes, there's a lack of control, But I can respond in this moment, tend to this moment in a way that my response is what I might hope it would be. It may not be a perfect response, but it can be the best response I've got. Those are my thoughts this week. They arise from my own sense of perhaps feeling a little out of control and wanting to speak something into that lack of control.
• 13:48
  The truth that control, the imagined control of our lives is itself an illusion. But by recognizing it for what it is, we can also respond in ways that are more real. We can take a long loving look at the moment and glimpse in it what matters most and what response this moment is asking. This is not about perfection. This is not about control, whether you feel it or not, whether you can manage this sense of being overwhelmed by life or not, remember you are a gift.
• 14:33
  You are infinitely precious and unconditionally loved for the gift you already are. Thanks for joining me today on the podcast. Share this if you'd like, but no matter what, I wish you all the very best in this journey of life. Thanks for being with me today.