Latest / The Family Teams Podcast / Ep. 177 | How Do You Engage Your Wife With New Family Ideas

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Ep. 177 | How Do You Engage Your Wife With New Family Ideas · The Family Teams Podcast

• 0:00
  I've noticed nine times out of 10, it's actually my either insecurity or pride or something wrong with me that doesn't like that, not her. Hey guys, welcome to the 5-Minute Fatherhood Podcast. I'm your co-host, Jeff Bethke, along with my friend and mentor, Jeremy Pryor. Join us Monday through Friday as we chat about quick tips, skills, and ways to help equip you on your journey as a father to build your multi-generational family team on mission. Stay tuned.
• 0:31
  What's up, guys? Welcome to another 5-Minute Fatherhood. So when you hear a little insight maybe from one of these podcasts or another podcast or book you're reading or something you read in Scripture, you're like, oh, I want my family to do this. How do you engage your wife? Do you run home and say, honey, let's do this?
• 0:48
  I decided that we're going to do X from now on. Is that the right way? When she hasn't had any time to really come up to speed with what you're thinking about, what you're dreaming about. And I had a friend that after seeing dads, and again, this is kind of a good problem to have, right? That you're thinking of intentionality, you want to lead your family, but there's a problem with that particular approach.
• 1:12
  And the way that he described it was, when you're engaging your wife, it can't sound like a decision. It needs to begin a journey. And I was like, ooh, that's really important to hear. I think oftentimes I have done this where I get excited about an idea. I'm like, sweet, let's get my family on board. This happened recently with a new gathering that we wanted to start.
• 1:32
  And, you know, I, I got really excited about it. But, but April was like, I'm not sure we're ready for that. And we went through literally about a two to three month journey to launch this thing because I wanted to make sure that she was a hundred percent comfortable and on board. But man, five, 10 years ago, it would have been, it felt like a decision came out of left field. And that, that is not super healthy. And so I love that my friend Justin has been really teaching guys to, to think about this as a process.
• 2:01
  and not just a decision that you have to make. Because our wives need to kind of, they've got a lot to add to whatever this sort of difference or change might be. But they also need to be completely bought in. You need to be leading your family as a team. And that means that you're not a tyrant, that you didn't just come up with an idea and you're going to enforce it the next minute. But yeah, Jeff, how have you guys worked through this one?
• 2:26
  Yeah, this has been a fun growing pain for us because I just move really fast. So decisions then can come really fast. And so yeah, the way we've learned is exactly kind of what you said is you have to...
• 2:38
  like I come earlier, not come late now, right? Like I'm gonna come earlier to her now in the process, not come once I've already thought through it all because that just never goes well. I used to do it where I thought it was helping her by me thinking through all the peculiarities, all the intricacies, so I didn't burden her with that. And then I would just come with kind of the finish line of, hey, we're gonna do this. I've thought through everything. Can you just sign off on it? And that never went well, right? Because she would also then have all the questions that I already processed. And then I would be really short because I'm like, oh, I already thought about that. I already thought about that. I already thought about that. Like we're good. She's like, well, then why are you asking me?
• 3:08
  It goes in this weird circle, right? And so I've learned that, yeah, I have to, the minute I have a thought, I actually want to process with her now. And like you said, it's invaluable to do so. I was leading us down a bad path whenever I made singular, more singular decisions because we're a team. And so if we're a team, then that means we want to absolutely leverage the assets of all the teammates. And I have some huge gaps and weaknesses that she covers. And so that's what I would say. And the one thing I would say too, that I learned through it.
• 3:34
  and I'm still learning, is almost nine times out of 10, if there's a frustration here, meaning if I come home with a gung-ho idea and she puts on the brakes, or if I have an idea and she just disagrees with it, all these different ways that this can play out. I've noticed nine times out of 10, it's actually my either insecurity or pride or something wrong in me that doesn't like that, not her.
• 3:52
  right? Like there's something in me that like, I either don't like being questioned that much. I don't like having to take the time to explain myself. I'm not patient. Like there's so many, it's very revealing to me on areas that I need to round out my growth. And so I would say really push into that rather than say that maybe your wife might be the impediment to it. Cause that's a really easy game that every marriage can play that just goes in a bad, bad cycle. So I would say, let it go inward on when that happens and welcome the value of your wife as a teammate
• 4:22
  Hey guys, if you like this short content on 5-Minute Fatherhood, then you're going to love long-form interviews that Jeremy and I do with other dads just like you over at Dads Building Teams. We go much more in-depth hearing the stories, challenges, and journeys of different dads who are trying to build multi-generational teams on mission. Just go to whatever podcast platform you use and search for Dads Building Teams.