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Are You Trying to Belong or Fit In? · RiseUp - Live Joy Your Way

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_01: Today's episode is produced by my friends at Walk West.
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_01: If you're looking to grow your brand and generate leads through podcast or video production, head over to walkwest.com.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, let's start the show.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_00: Rise up, live joy your way.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_00: From emotional intelligence through cognitive distortions, certified Life and Wellness Coach Comedy Wood is on a mission to help people see the magnificence of their own unique human spirit.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: Through these small bites of self-visualization and self-confidence, you can have healthy relationships, success in business and career, and live the life you want to live.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: Rise up, live joy your way.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_01: Hi there and welcome to another episode of Rise Up, Live Joy Your Way.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_01: Whether it's morning, afternoon, or evening, I just want to say thank you for taking time out of your day to join me here today.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_01: So I was recently reading um Brene Brown's new book, Atlas of the Heart, and through the process of reading it, one of the questions that she brought up was, What's the difference between belonging and fitting in?
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_01: And that question really struck me, and I ended up actually posting it on my Facebook page and got some great responses.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_01: And I also ended up talking about it in one of the social emotional learning classes that I I run.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_01: And the students in that class, the teenagers in that class, had some great responses as well.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_01: And the truth or what what really seemed to be the the the consensus was that belonging is about being able to be yourself without the fear that if somebody saw a glimpse of that, they would then abandon you.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_01: So belonging to a group of people or belonging in a in a group of people allows you to be your authentic self without fear that if somebody saw the quote unquote real you, they would um there's no fear that they would abandon you.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_01: Fitting in, on the other hand, is more about trying to be like how the people in the group would expect you to be or want you to be, which keeps this fear playing in the background that if I were to ever take this mask off, if I were ever to show my true authentic self, there is a fear that I would no longer be accepted by that group.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_01: I would no longer be part of this group of people.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_01: So I thought that that was it's a it's a very interesting question because I don't think a lot of us slow down to think about this, this idea of belonging or fitting in.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_01: And then you take it one step further and you and you say, because most of my work is about the relationship with self, right?
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_01: I truly believe that that is that is the foundation for all other relationships, is how we how we see ourselves and interact with ourselves, and and you know, that's why I'm constantly talking about self-love, self-acceptance, self-confidence, self-leadership, all and recognizing the parts that make up the self.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_01: Because when that foundation is a strong one, when you're interacting with others, you're coming from a whole and complete place.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_01: So for me, it's not just about belonging to groups, it's about belonging to self.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_01: It's about learning how we can have the courage, have the curiosity, have the compassion, have the um just the ability to truly belong to ourselves first and foremost and recognize that when we have that level, that sense of deep self-acceptance, we're able to then, because we belong to ourselves, we're then able to go out and belong to other groups and and um not just groups of people, but even in our own families, we can find the place that we belong within our families.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but some other ideas or some some quotes that were sort of shared in the book was if I get to be me, I belong.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_01: If I have to be like you, I fit in.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_01: And I thought that that was a really, really succinct way of saying it.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_01: If I get to be me, I belong.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_01: If I have to be like you, I fit in.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_01: And I think this is a really important message, not just for adults to think about, just in our everyday lives, when we're going through, you know, our work life and our personal life, those moments, and just asking ourselves, are there places where I'm trying so hard to fit in?
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_01: And what's the purpose behind that?
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_01: Why do I feel this need to fit in?
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_01: But beyond that, even as parents, it's a great question to be aware of because as we are trying to parent and coming from the concept of conscious parenting, it's about being aware and listening to what our children are sharing and recognizing that this need to fit in is so, so strong.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, just looking at social media, there's this constant need to fit in amongst everybody else.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_01: And it's giving space and sort of the compassion to inquire with our children and to ask, ask the questions of, you know, what's really important to you?
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_01: You know, what are your core values?
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_01: Really coming into one's own rather than thinking that they have to be exactly like the next person.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_01: Um because not belonging at school is a really hard thing to deal with.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_01: When you don't feel like you belong in your school as a teenager or even a young adult, it's very difficult to figure out how to continue to function simply because it can feel very lonely.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_01: And so it's just important to recognize that when we feel like we are not belonging, um, we need to slow down and come back home to ourselves, really get compassionate and really understand who we are as people, start there, belong to ourselves first, and then move on from there.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, because when we don't have that, there's that uncertainty of where we belong, it becomes very difficult to feel like there's a place for us.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_01: And I and I do believe that that's what leads to depression and and loneliness is just not feeling like we have our tribe of people.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_01: And as human beings, we're relational beings.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_01: So being able to first belong to self and then finding those groups that we belong to is very important.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_01: Um Brene Brown has a quote in her book.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_01: It says, Because we can feel belonging only if we have the courage to share our most authentic selves with people, our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_01: And I again this is this goes back to why I constantly talk about the this foundational piece of why the relationship with self is the most important relationship we have, because the level of self-acceptance allows us to find where we belong externally.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_01: But first we have to belong to ourselves.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_01: If you find that you would like to talk more about this topic or about anything else where you might feel stuck or you're feeling that maybe some limiting beliefs are holding you back, either personally or professionally, feel free to book a time to speak with me at chatwithcomedy.com.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_01: And until next time, stay well.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for listening to Rise Up, Live Joy Your Way.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_00: For more information, book a chat with comedy at www.chatwithcomedy.com or visit her website at www.comedywood.com.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_00: You can also find comedy on Facebook or Instagram.
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_00: Username it's authentic me.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for listening.