Latest / 5–Minute Parenting: Tips to Help You Raise Competent, Godly Kids. / Top 3 Tips for Parents of Teens

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Top 3 Tips for Parents of Teens · 5–Minute Parenting: Tips to Help You Raise Competent, Godly Kids.

• 0:33
  SPEAKER_01: Welcome to another episode of Five Minute Parenting.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_01: Today I have a special guest who's going to be talking about top three tips for parents of teens.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_01: Alyssa Aviant is a Christian author, podcaster, and virtual assistant.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_01: She has worked from home for the past 15 years while raising her three children.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_01: She is the mom of three teenagers and the wife of Greg.
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_01: She and Greg have been married for 23 years.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_01: Alyssa and her family reside in a small town in Mississippi.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_01: Welcome, Alyssa.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_00: I appreciate you having me on your podcast.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_01: Great.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_01: So we're excited to hear about raising teenagers.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_01: What are the ages of your teens?
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so my kids are 19, is my oldest son, and my middle child is my daughter.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_00: She is 16.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: And my youngest will be 15 this coming Saturday.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_00: And that's I have another boy.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_00: So I have boy, girl, boy.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_01: Great.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_01: Well, you are qualified to talk about teens then.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_00: Yep.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_00: Had some teenagers for a little while now.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_00: My oldest will be 20 in December.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_00: So I will soon not be mom to three teenagers, but to two teenagers.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so my top three tips, uh, I the first two I really knew immediately what I wanted to say, but the third one I had to think about a little while longer.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_00: But the first one actually I learned even before I became a parent to teenagers.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_00: And that's because one of the things that I've done in the past was I was a youth minister, um, well, youth and children's minister at a small church here locally.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_00: And one of the things I learned immediately from those teenagers that I was in ministry with was that teens really um pay attention to what you say, and they want you to say what you mean and mean what you say.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_00: Um, they had had a ministry leader prior to me who would tell them they were going to do certain events or do certain things and then not follow through with those.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_00: And it made a huge difference in their relationship with that person.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that is the same with your own children, um, your own teenagers, you know, whether or not that means you are disciplining them and you say you're going to discipline them and then you don't follow through, or it means, you know, you say you're going to take them for ice cream and then you don't follow through, you know, you have to follow through with what you say.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_00: So the very first one, um, and the one that I think is super important is to say what you mean and mean what you say, whether that is in a positive situation, like doing something for them or taking them somewhere, or if it's in a negative situation, more so when you're trying to discipline them and you, you know, told them that they were going to be grounded, or you know, you were gonna take their uh phone or whatever it is.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_00: So that's number one.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_00: The second one is, and this one's gonna sound kind of funny, so I need to explain it.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but the second one is take the blame.
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_00: And when I say take the blame, I don't mean like them blaming you um for situations, but I mean I have teenagers and they um oftentimes get in situations that they um need to get out of quickly or they don't want to be in.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_00: And so what I have always told my kids is if you get invited somewhere and you don't want to go and you know that it's not a good idea, you can say, my mom won't let me, or my mom said no.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_00: Even if they've never even talked to me about it, um, I say, you know, blame me so that you can get out of that situation.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_00: Um, you know, I had that happen with my daughter this year, and she uh was in a situation she didn't feel comfortable in, and she called and got out of the situation and got me to come and get her.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_00: And so, you know, well, it was my mom's fault because my mom came to get me.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_00: She knew something was wrong, you know, um, that kind of thing.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_00: And and if they don't want to be in a situation, you have to give them a way out, especially when they're teenagers and they might get around temptation, tempting situations with alcohol or whatever the case may be, and they need a safe way out of that situation.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_00: You can always, I always tell my kids, no matter what, blame it on me.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_00: You know, blame it on me.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_00: And my mom did that, my dad did that, and I was always felt safe to call and get out of a situation that I was in that I didn't feel comfortable in.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_00: Um, that was always my way out.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_00: Well, my dad said no, or my mom or dad won't let me do that.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_00: So that's always helped me, and I've done the same for my kids because, you know, being a teenager is really hard.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't think it's gotten any easier.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_00: It's probably gotten harder since I was a teenager.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_00: And so I want my kids to have an easy out.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and then number three is really, really simple.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_00: And it was, it took me a while to think about, you know, if I have to just say three, what would they be?
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and that number three is listen because um your teenagers will talk to you if you give them a chance, um, and that you just listen.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes it's really, really hard, but you have to listen and not talk, you know, because um it's easy to want to tell them your opinion or insert, you know, your own situation um from your past or whatever the case may be.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but they really need you to listen to them and they need a place to vent and a place to um let, you know, kind of let off steam because they get in situations a lot of times that are uncomfortable for them and they don't know how to handle it.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes they just need someone to share that with so that they can feel like they are heard.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_00: Um, you know, mine went on a youth trip this weekend and they came back home and, you know, there's a lot to process.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_00: They did Bible studies and things, and they're questioning, you know, am I doing what I need to do?
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_00: Am I not?
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_00: Um, you know, they're learning and growing, and many times they they just need you to listen so that they can process it.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I'm a verbal kind of processor myself.
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_00: I do better if I talk things through than if I just, you know, internalize it.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_00: And um, a lot of kids are like that.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_00: And so giving them the opportunity to just share with you and talk with you so that they can um think things through, you know, and um giving them a safe place to vent because they do face a lot in their everyday lives that maybe we didn't face.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_00: And so number three is definitely to listen.
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so just to recap those three, it's and I think of these, I don't know which is most important, but number one's really, really important in the past.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_00: I've learned is say what you mean and mean what you say.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_00: Number two is be willing to take the blame.
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_00: And then number three is to listen.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_01: Those are all great points.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_01: And I wanted to go back to number two, take the blame.
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_01: I think by doing that, you're also telling your kids that you're not going to be angry with them if they get in some situations, they won't feel afraid, uh, that you're gonna be disciplining them.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_01: So I think that's a great um, you know, to let them know that you're there always and that you will take the blame.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_01: You'll come and get them, you'll do whatever's needed to keep it.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_01: That's right.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_00: And they knew, you know, going into the situation that they can call me to get out of it.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I, you know, I my two younger two kids um are a little bit more, I would say, more social than my oldest was.
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_00: And my oldest never really, during high school, he never really went out and participated um in events as much.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_00: And so my younger two have done more of that, but they've also found themselves in those situations already where they had to come home to escape, you know, a temptation situation or whatever.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_00: But they knew that they could.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_00: They knew that they could call and and or and or go ahead and come home and that I wouldn't be upset with them because they were getting away from the temptation.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_00: So um I think that's really important because otherwise they may have gotten into trouble or, you know, bad things happen um due to where they were and what they were participating in, or even just being around.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_00: Um, you know, I've always told them to that you were, and this is something my dad taught me that you were guilty by association.
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_00: So it's best to get out of those situations than to stay, even if you don't participate.
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_01: True, absolutely.
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_01: And I think kind of an underlying theme here for all three of the points that you said is trust.
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_01: They know you trust them and they trust you.
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm thinking back to when my daughter was in college, you know, they start, they're still teenagers, and she was home living with us for the for one summer.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_01: And of course, you know, teens don't start going out to meet up till nine or 10 o'clock at night.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_01: And it's like that's right, you know, and I was a little concerned because she had to drive home through not a great neighborhood.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_01: So we had a deal.
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_01: I said, Sarah, you if if you're gonna be later than um I forget what time, just text me and let me know.
• 11:17
  SPEAKER_01: I go to bed early.
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_01: So it's like when I wake up in the middle of the night, I'll know if you're home or if you're gonna be late or what.
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_01: And she was so faithful to do that.
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_01: And it just, you know, instead of me waking up in the middle of the night worrying, is she home?
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_01: Is she, you know, it it was just that mutual trust and just that that little agreement we had just made such a big difference.
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_00: That's right, absolutely.
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_00: And that's what we we were like, we've told ours, you know, we're going to trust you in these situations until you give us a reason not to trust you.
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_00: And so far, you know, none of mine have given me a reason not to in the situations that they've been in thus far.
• 11:57
  SPEAKER_00: So, you know, they're not perfect by any means, but they do um, they have abided by the rules that we've set so far with as far as um, you know, like going out and things like that.
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_01: But yeah, that's great.
• 12:13
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, these are really great tips for for parents to consider.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_01: So thank you so much for being with us and sharing today.
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_01: And um we look forward to maybe having you back in the future.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_01: That sounds great, thank you.
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you.