Latest / Wellness, Actually with Emily Oster & Perry Wilson, MD / Ask Bubbie's Late-Night Panic Google

Transcript

Ask Bubbie's Late-Night Panic Google · Wellness, Actually with Emily Oster & Perry Wilson, MD

• 0:01
  Speaker 1: This is Parent Data. I'm Emily Oster.
• 0:18
  Speaker 2: Hi Emily, it's me ask Bubby, doctor flow Rosen.
• 0:22
  Speaker 3: I know it's late, but you have a minute to talk.
• 0:25
  Speaker 3: I'd love it if you can call me back after
• 0:27
  Speaker 3: the break.
• 0:28
  Speaker 4: Thanks so much, Bye bye, Hello doctor Bobby.
• 0:43
  Speaker 3: Hello Emily Oster.
• 0:46
  Speaker 5: It is an absolute delight to have you on Parent
• 0:49
  Speaker 5: Data podcast. You are our first grandparent guest, so thank
• 0:54
  Speaker 5: you for coming on.
• 0:56
  Speaker 2: Well, I'm absolutely thrilled to have that place of honor.
• 1:00
  Speaker 5: I'd love if you could just introduce yourself a little
• 1:02
  Speaker 5: bit and say more about your grandkids and more about
• 1:06
  Speaker 5: what you do.
• 1:07
  Speaker 2: Well, really, how much time do we have because I well,
• 1:13
  Speaker 2: actually I am a retired pediatrician. I did pediatrics for
• 1:18
  Speaker 2: forty two years and retired two years ago, and I
• 1:22
  Speaker 2: thought I was going to go quietly off into the sunset.
• 1:26
  Speaker 2: But my daughter in law had an entirely different plan.
• 1:30
  Speaker 2: Once she had my first and only grandchild, and thanks
• 1:35
  Speaker 2: to her social media savvy asked Bubby was born, and
• 1:40
  Speaker 2: I really intended just to have like an advice column,
• 1:44
  Speaker 2: and she looked at me in total shock and horror and.
• 1:47
  Speaker 3: Said, that is so old school.
• 1:50
  Speaker 2: We're going on social media and the rest is kind
• 1:53
  Speaker 2: of history.
• 1:55
  Speaker 5: For people who don't know, why is it bubby? I mean,
• 1:58
  Speaker 5: I know who a bubby is? Where's bubby from?
• 2:02
  Speaker 2: Well, bubby is the Yiddish word for grandmother and Trent.
• 2:07
  Speaker 2: Trent is very fortunate because he has three grandmothers and
• 2:11
  Speaker 2: two grandfathers, and one of his other grandmothers was already
• 2:16
  Speaker 2: bubby to her other grandchildren, so of course I would
• 2:20
  Speaker 2: never ever want her to change that. And my mother
• 2:24
  Speaker 2: in law was Grammy, So I am Grammy to Trent,
• 2:28
  Speaker 2: but Bubby.
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: To the masses, that's amazing.
• 2:31
  Speaker 5: Yes, it's a Managing the grandparents' names is always like
• 2:35
  Speaker 5: a challenge. We just went with Grandpa Arvin and Grandpa Ray.
• 2:40
  Speaker 5: But initially my husband was pushing very hard for my
• 2:43
  Speaker 5: father to be called old Pa and if we're the
• 2:46
  Speaker 5: first grandchild, he would just bring that up all the time,
• 2:48
  Speaker 5: how about old Pa?
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: How about old Pie? But eventually that was rejected.
• 2:53
  Speaker 2: Well, the way Grammy came about is that my older one,
• 2:57
  Speaker 2: who is Trent's father, was calling her various different things
• 3:02
  Speaker 2: and then finally came up with grag Ra, which she
• 3:05
  Speaker 2: and my mother in law absolutely did not want, and
• 3:08
  Speaker 2: so she kind of said, how about grammy and then
• 3:11
  Speaker 2: that was it and he took off and that's been
• 3:14
  Speaker 2: what It's bad.
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: Amazing.
• 3:17
  Speaker 5: And your social media I really would tell people you
• 3:19
  Speaker 5: are a great Instagram follow because you are very calming.
• 3:23
  Speaker 3: You are thank you.
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: You know, there is a lot of panic on Instagram.
• 3:29
  Speaker 5: There's a lot of parent panic and things that come
• 3:32
  Speaker 5: through that are like, here's what you're doing wrong, and
• 3:33
  Speaker 5: here's what and you're you're not really here's what you're
• 3:36
  Speaker 5: doing wrong?
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: Kind of grandma, No, I think that.
• 3:40
  Speaker 3: Really isn't me.
• 3:42
  Speaker 2: I truly believe in empowering both parents and grandparents to
• 3:48
  Speaker 2: kind of get the information they need, figure out what
• 3:51
  Speaker 2: works for them and trust their gut.
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and tell us about your grandkid. Your grandson.
• 3:57
  Speaker 3: Oh my god, Trent is absolutely the love of my life.
• 4:02
  Speaker 2: He is now thirteen months old and he is just
• 4:06
  Speaker 2: one of those incredibly engaging, funny kids and just to
• 4:13
  Speaker 2: be with him as an absolute delight.
• 4:14
  Speaker 3: I can't stop smiling and laughing the whole time.
• 4:18
  Speaker 5: So, Okay, I'm going to ask before we get into
• 4:20
  Speaker 5: what things do worry you? Because you're very calming. I
• 4:23
  Speaker 5: want to ask a very special question because one of
• 4:26
  Speaker 5: the things that people do raise with me is that
• 4:30
  Speaker 5: sometimes the mothers in law are kind of judgmental, and
• 4:35
  Speaker 5: you obviously have a very good relationship with your daughter
• 4:38
  Speaker 5: in law. And I'm curious if there are any grandparents
• 4:42
  Speaker 5: out there listening, what advice would you have for generating
• 4:45
  Speaker 5: a good relationship with your children and children in law?
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: About grandparenting, Well, let me.
• 4:53
  Speaker 2: Start by saying, I absolutely adore my daughter in law,
• 4:58
  Speaker 2: and she and I get along and my son knows,
• 5:01
  Speaker 2: if God forbid, they ever split up.
• 5:03
  Speaker 3: I'm taking hurt.
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: You're going with some.
• 5:06
  Speaker 2: So I think the best thing that a grandparent can.
• 5:11
  Speaker 3: Do is not judge.
• 5:15
  Speaker 2: Because especially with the Internet these days, and most parents
• 5:20
  Speaker 2: now are getting their advice from the internet, I think
• 5:23
  Speaker 2: very few are establishing a relationship with their pediatrician like
• 5:27
  Speaker 2: I had with my children, because in this day of
• 5:30
  Speaker 2: urgent care and you know, rush visits and everything else,
• 5:33
  Speaker 2: I do think it's very different. So parents are turning
• 5:37
  Speaker 2: to the internet, and the Internet is terrifying. The stuff
• 5:42
  Speaker 2: that's out there is beyond scary. Some of it is
• 5:46
  Speaker 2: absolutely dead wrong. And no matter what you look up,
• 5:51
  Speaker 2: no matter what you do, no matter what you say,
• 5:53
  Speaker 2: somebody is telling you that you're doing it.
• 5:55
  Speaker 3: Wrong, yep.
• 5:57
  Speaker 2: And I think that parents are over whelmed. They have
• 6:01
  Speaker 2: far more information than I ever did, even as a
• 6:05
  Speaker 2: pediatrician raising my kids, and it's very hard to know
• 6:09
  Speaker 2: who to believe, who to trust, who's telling you something.
• 6:13
  Speaker 2: That really is how forum makes sense. So when it
• 6:17
  Speaker 2: comes to my daughter in law who runs the show, I.
• 6:21
  Speaker 3: Will absolutely give my advice.
• 6:24
  Speaker 2: I will maybe push a little bit if i'd like
• 6:29
  Speaker 2: to get them in another direction. But the truth is
• 6:32
  Speaker 2: they're the ones that are living with Trent, and they're
• 6:35
  Speaker 2: the ones that are in the trenches twenty four to seven.
• 6:38
  Speaker 2: So I can make my suggestions, but I think you
• 6:41
  Speaker 2: really have to let parents figure it out for themselves.
• 6:45
  Speaker 2: And I don't mean to let them flounder, but to
• 6:48
  Speaker 2: let them figure out what works best for them. And
• 6:50
  Speaker 2: I think if a grandparent is constantly saying, well I
• 6:54
  Speaker 2: didn't do that, or that's not what we did in
• 6:56
  Speaker 2: my day, that's just adding another voice. That's, you know,
• 7:01
  Speaker 2: just putting more pressure on those parents.
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: I could not agree more.
• 7:04
  Speaker 5: My mother's most sensible friend told her once, well, actually
• 7:08
  Speaker 5: I think it's my my father's sister who is was
• 7:12
  Speaker 5: incredibly sensible person told my mother, you can tell them
• 7:15
  Speaker 5: something once. It's fine to weigh in on a topic
• 7:19
  Speaker 5: one time, but don't keep weighing in on it. And
• 7:23
  Speaker 5: I think that's that's a piece that's I think that's
• 7:26
  Speaker 5: so true.
• 7:29
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 7:29
  Speaker 5: So, on this series, which is called Late Night Panic Google,
• 7:33
  Speaker 5: we talk about what are people's late night panic Googles?
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: And first of all, do you do you google things?
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: Doctor Bubby? Are you a googler?
• 7:42
  Speaker 4: I do.
• 7:42
  Speaker 2: I want to see what everybody's reading. I want to
• 7:45
  Speaker 2: know what they're what they're seeing on the Internet and
• 7:47
  Speaker 2: whether or not it makes any sense whatsoever.
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: That's good, Okay.
• 7:51
  Speaker 5: So, but let me ask you the question a little
• 7:53
  Speaker 5: bit a little bit differently, which is what worries you?
• 7:57
  Speaker 5: What are the things that worry you about Trent about
• 8:01
  Speaker 5: parenting in general.
• 8:04
  Speaker 2: Those are two very different questions, po, so and let
• 8:10
  Speaker 2: me try tackling them. I think what worries me kind
• 8:16
  Speaker 2: of globally, aside from the fact that I think parents
• 8:19
  Speaker 2: are getting terrible information, I think those two things that
• 8:24
  Speaker 2: really stand out. One is the anti vax movement and
• 8:30
  Speaker 2: how much I think that has really hurt kids, and
• 8:34
  Speaker 2: that obviously can be ten million episodes all by itself,
• 8:39
  Speaker 2: and I kind of vowed after I did something on
• 8:42
  Speaker 2: vaccines and got this unbelievable backlash, I said, look, I'm
• 8:47
  Speaker 2: doing one more which was to say my piece on
• 8:50
  Speaker 2: the RSV vaccine, and then I said, I'm going to
• 8:52
  Speaker 2: steer clear of vaccines because I didn't want my site
• 8:56
  Speaker 2: to become one where people were just fighting and arguing.
• 8:59
  Speaker 3: I want it to be a safe space.
• 9:02
  Speaker 2: So I am very worried about what people are reading
• 9:06
  Speaker 2: about it.
• 9:07
  Speaker 3: And kind of the.
• 9:10
  Speaker 2: Adjoining piece to that is the absolute rise in autism.
• 9:15
  Speaker 2: And I think it's really clear that some of that
• 9:20
  Speaker 2: is increased diagnosing, and we've changed the criterion. We're much
• 9:25
  Speaker 2: more aware, we're much more sensitive, and that's a wonderful
• 9:28
  Speaker 2: thing because the earlier you diagnose, the better the outcome,
• 9:32
  Speaker 2: the more you can treat. But I think the fact
• 9:36
  Speaker 2: that there has been such an incredible increase in autism
• 9:40
  Speaker 2: just feeds into parental fears understandably, and why they're so
• 9:46
  Speaker 2: nervous about doing anything that we kind of took for
• 9:50
  Speaker 2: granted in the past, because obviously something has changed.
• 9:55
  Speaker 1: That's interesting.
• 9:56
  Speaker 5: I hadn't connected those quite in that way, but I
• 9:58
  Speaker 5: think you're right that when people see something in the
• 10:01
  Speaker 5: data that we don't really understand. They're looking for an explanation,
• 10:05
  Speaker 5: and when then the Internet has offered this explanation, it's
• 10:09
  Speaker 5: easy to say, Okay, that must be the explanation. In
• 10:11
  Speaker 5: this case, that's led to an off a behavior not vaccinating,
• 10:16
  Speaker 5: which has its own very damaging potential impacts.
• 10:20
  Speaker 1: Absolutely so on the more personal level, like what.
• 10:27
  Speaker 5: Wakes you up in the middle of the night about
• 10:29
  Speaker 5: your own family, Well.
• 10:30
  Speaker 2: It's actually more what keeps me up, which is that
• 10:33
  Speaker 2: Trent isn't sleeping. I see, And that's one of those
• 10:38
  Speaker 2: very hard things because I know what should be done.
• 10:43
  Speaker 3: I have weighed in on it. I attempted to be gentle.
• 10:47
  Speaker 2: I probably violated the rule by weighing in more.
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: You mentioned it more than one time.
• 10:52
  Speaker 2: Yeah, but Trench is absolutely not sleeping, and I think
• 10:58
  Speaker 2: it's not healthy for him, and it's certainly not healthy
• 11:02
  Speaker 2: for my son and daughter in law because they're absolutely exhausted.
• 11:06
  Speaker 2: So quite frankly, my daughter in law is going to
• 11:09
  Speaker 2: be going away on a business trip and I have
• 11:12
  Speaker 2: been tasked with a very very serious list of getting
• 11:16
  Speaker 2: him to sleep, getting him to talk, and getting him
• 11:19
  Speaker 2: to walk.
• 11:20
  Speaker 3: So I'm supposed to accomplish that how long has it?
• 11:24
  Speaker 3: One year, ten days?
• 11:30
  Speaker 5: I feel of those, getting them to sleep is probably
• 11:33
  Speaker 5: the easiest one in the sense of I can imagine
• 11:36
  Speaker 5: how you could accomplish that, whereas getting someone to walk
• 11:39
  Speaker 5: it's a bit more challenging.
• 11:42
  Speaker 2: Although he's very close, he is definitely cruisy. He's going
• 11:46
  Speaker 2: to do it on his own, and if it happens
• 11:49
  Speaker 2: when I'm there, I will take credit for it, but
• 11:51
  Speaker 2: I really don't think I'll have anything to do with it.
• 11:56
  Speaker 5: Well, my kids didn't walk until like sixteen months, and
• 11:59
  Speaker 5: they were I.
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: Was total with the first one.
• 12:02
  Speaker 5: I was like, so stressed out on which my fifteen
• 12:04
  Speaker 5: month visits kids out walking, you know. My doctor was like,
• 12:07
  Speaker 5: it's fine, she's gonna we'll walk later, and then she
• 12:10
  Speaker 5: did like two weeks later.
• 12:12
  Speaker 2: Well, my first one walked, talked at six months, walked
• 12:16
  Speaker 2: at nine months. My second one didn't walk until sixteen
• 12:20
  Speaker 2: months and didn't talk until he was three.
• 12:23
  Speaker 3: So I was very stressed.
• 12:25
  Speaker 1: Yes, I think that was.
• 12:26
  Speaker 5: I was glad I got this on the first one
• 12:28
  Speaker 5: because then when the second one didn't walk through sixteen months,
• 12:30
  Speaker 5: I was like, wow, that's just wow, that's just how
• 12:31
  Speaker 5: babies develop.
• 12:33
  Speaker 3: Absolutely, in my house.
• 12:35
  Speaker 1: We're not into walking, but now they both walk right.
• 12:41
  Speaker 1: This is a delight. Thank you for being here.
• 12:45
  Speaker 3: I'm delighted to be here.
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: Tell us exactly where to find you.
• 12:49
  Speaker 2: I'm on both Instagram and TikTok under ask Bubby bu
• 12:54
  Speaker 2: b b I E amazing.
• 12:56
  Speaker 1: All right, thank you, doctor Bobby.
• 12:58
  Speaker 3: My pleasure is really fun to be on
• 13:06
  Speaker 5: MHM.