Latest / Very Fine Friends / Bonus EPISODE - Our Dream Purge

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Bonus EPISODE - Our Dream Purge · Very Fine Friends

• 0:00
  tell us about your dream oh yeah so it's a two-part first part it's just a really strange
• 0:20
  brief thing it happens um i realized i needed to shave so i looked in the mirror but my facial hair
• 0:25
  was very puby.
• 0:27
  Okay.
• 0:28
  Like, it was wispy and puby.
• 0:30
  And I remember it was like a different color.
• 0:31
  And I was like, what the hell?
• 0:33
  Classic dream stuff.
• 0:35
  I'm like, I can't leave the house like this.
• 0:37
  So then my dream morphed.
• 0:38
  Here's where it gets really weird.
• 0:41
  I dreamed that I was asked to play
• 0:44
  in the NBA championship game.
• 0:47
  Okay, well, that's normal thus far.
• 0:49
  Go on.
• 0:51
  Well, here's where it gets twisty.
• 0:52
  Okay.
• 0:53
  the way it works is
• 0:55
  I don't know if you know this
• 0:56
  that
• 0:59
  one player from the other team
• 1:01
  has to switch and play for the other team
• 1:03
  so my friends were like
• 1:05
  Francis will play for the other team
• 1:07
  so I was like you guys
• 1:09
  so I was going over there to play
• 1:11
  and I was like in my head I'm like I don't know how to play basketball
• 1:14
  don't tell the NBA that
• 1:16
  I can't tell anyone this
• 1:18
  and then whoever it was came from there
• 1:20
  like where's your pants
• 1:20
  it's like what do you mean like it's standard rules you have to wear pants over your shorts
• 1:26
  so it's like i didn't know that rule and i'm like hold on let me see if i have it in my duffel and
• 1:32
  i opened my duffel and there was pants i'm like i have pants oh thank god so you can play in the
• 1:37
  nba championship game that one single game that they play for the championship
• 1:43
  anyway
• 1:54
  I see your pants
• 1:56
  I put my pants on
• 2:00
  I put my pants on
• 2:02
  and I was like okay I'm ready to go
• 2:05
  and I was still like I don't know how I'm gonna play this
• 2:07
  and then right before I went out she was like
• 2:10
  where's your hat
• 2:11
  i don't have a hat she's like you have to have a hat so i was like
• 2:18
  okay i'll go back in the bag the duffel i did but all i had was a like a wooden like
• 2:25
  acacia salad bowl like a big serving bowl and she was like that'll work
• 2:29
  you just needed something to cover your head so i walked out there in my pants in my salad bowl
• 2:41
  and i made a point one single point just like they score points in the regular nba
• 2:51
  yeah it was oh i forgot to say one thing right before we played my my captain came out
• 3:00
  i was like captain your captain like yeah he's like how's it going over here and i was like
• 3:05
  this lady's giving me a hard time about my pants and my hat and he like called her he's like yo
• 3:11
  what the fuck and i was like dude no no no we're cool now like okay he's like okay well i'm glad
• 3:15
  that he was willing to go to bat for you yeah and he was like no willing to go to ball right i'm
• 3:20
  sorry i i'm so sorry every other detail of this dream has been so nba accurate i can't believe i
• 3:28
  messed it up with a baseball reference oh my goodness i'm so embarrassed i gotta go oh anyway
• 3:35
  that was it
• 3:37
  welcome to friends like us
• 3:40
  bonus episode
• 3:43
  bonus
• 3:45
  well see this is the kind of stuff
• 3:50
  that gets saved
• 3:51
  just for you dear subscribers
• 3:54
  you don't think we don't talk about
• 3:56
  dreams
• 3:57
  with just any
• 4:00
  old podcast listener
• 4:02
  oh no
• 4:03
  you gotta subscribe for that content uh well great dream francis thanks babe
• 4:13
  how have you been pretty good i've been getting my eight eight hours of sleep nice
• 4:21
  yeah i do people call it that getting your eight yeah yeah that's the goal man i don't know cool
• 4:30
  people that say get my eight well i guess i do i know you you say it well most people don't get
• 4:36
  get it that's why oh they can't say it that makes sense that's why i've never heard it do you get
• 4:41
  your eight uh yeah i i do i get my eight most times i shoot for getting my nine actually the
• 4:50
  um i have lucky that i get enough sleep and i get that panic feel when i you know when you set
• 4:59
  your alarm and it tells you how much time before the alarm goes off.
• 5:01
  Yeah.
• 5:02
  If it's below nine hours when I set that alarm, I get like a little bit like,
• 5:08
  oh, if it's below eight, I'm like, crap, I gotta hurry up and sleep.
• 5:12
  So you sound really healthy.
• 5:14
  Thank you.
• 5:16
  I make up for it in other ways but I dehealth myself in other ways That good because balance is the key to happiness I don want to be one of those people Well imagine when you old
• 5:28
  Go on.
• 5:29
  I won't be a doddering old woman.
• 5:31
  No, no, no.
• 5:32
  We've established this.
• 5:32
  I'll kill you.
• 5:33
  That's right.
• 5:34
  I'll never make it that far.
• 5:36
  The older you get, the less sleep apparently you need.
• 5:38
  So old people are like cats.
• 5:40
  That's where the term catnap comes from.
• 5:44
  They...
• 5:45
  What?
• 5:46
  I thought the term catnap came from cats napping.
• 5:49
  They learn from the elderly.
• 5:52
  Oh, okay.
• 5:54
  So do cats call it old napping?
• 5:59
  That sounds like you're stealing old people.
• 6:00
  I was going to say, but then is kid napping, is that like sleeping like a kid?
• 6:05
  Kitten napping.
• 6:08
  We're not going to get into the etymology of that, but let's just say it's cat related.
• 6:11
  so i like to think kidnapping originally was just kids having
• 6:16
  sleep time but then it turned out then adults figured out that was the best time to steal them
• 6:22
  yeah i was gonna say like opportune moment kidnap kidnap well that's we i think we just
• 6:28
  backed into the etymology of that word listeners no need to look it up that is 100 where that term
• 6:33
  came from if you do look it up we will kick you off the feed and we'll keep taking your money
• 6:38
  And we'll know if you look it up.
• 6:41
  Don't you dare look it up.
• 6:42
  Don't look behind you either.
• 6:44
  Yeah, that's us.
• 6:46
  Shh.
• 6:47
  Francis, be quiet.
• 6:48
  They can't hear us.
• 6:48
  I'm trying.
• 6:50
  Oh no, they hear your ice.
• 6:53
  Okay, well, today we're talking about the purge.
• 6:58
  Oh yeah.
• 7:00
  Yeah.
• 7:01
  Specifically, if there was a purge scenario, what would we do?
• 7:07
  Well, first, we need to establish would you play or not?
• 7:10
  Okay, yeah.
• 7:11
  Well, first, for those who don't know, The Purge is a movie series.
• 7:17
  The idea being that there's one day every year where crime is legal.
• 7:22
  Any crime.
• 7:23
  Any crime is legal for like 12 hours.
• 7:25
  It's like from 7 p.m. to 7 a.m. or something like that.
• 7:27
  You only get 12?
• 7:28
  I think it's like a nighttime thing.
• 7:29
  Oh, man, I thought it was a 24-hour thing.
• 7:31
  No, you get some lunch, do a little murder.
• 7:35
  We're going to have to hurry.
• 7:36
  Yeah, I know, yeah.
• 7:37
  No, I think it's like a sundown, sunup situation.
• 7:40
  Oh, that's scary.
• 7:41
  I don't want to commit crime at night.
• 7:43
  I want it in the daytime when I'm not afraid.
• 7:46
  Well, we can maybe shift the hours.
• 7:49
  We can make it 7 a.m. to 7 p.m.
• 7:51
  No, don't do it for me.
• 7:52
  Okay.
• 7:53
  Because, yeah, you might be the only one that wants this.
• 7:56
  Okay.
• 7:57
  So, anyway, all crime is legal for whatever set period of time.
• 8:01
  Okay.
• 8:02
  I think in the movies it was like at 12 hours.
• 8:03
  We'll stick with what they did then.
• 8:05
  Yeah.
• 8:05
  Yeah.
• 8:06
  So now that we all know what the purge is, what kind of crimes would we commit?
• 8:16
  Well, first I'd start with.
• 8:19
  You ever been to a smash room?
• 8:21
  Like a rage room?
• 8:22
  No, I don't.
• 8:23
  I mean, I nodded.
• 8:24
  I was nodding, as the listeners could tell, because I know what you're talking about, but I've not been to one.
• 8:30
  OK, well, that's fun and all.
• 8:32
  Yeah.
• 8:32
  But it's allowed.
• 8:34
  Boo.
• 8:34
  I want, first I'm going to go out and I'm going to break windows in shops.
• 8:40
  Oh, okay.
• 8:41
  Just to watch the glass fall and to hear a break and to know that I'm safe.
• 8:44
  Do you have any particular shops in mind?
• 8:46
  Do I have a vendetta?
• 8:47
  Yeah.
• 8:48
  Do you have a, it's okay.
• 8:50
  This is subscriber only and the shops probably don't subscribe.
• 8:53
  They don't subscribe because they're away.
• 8:56
  I would say, no, what's that store?
• 9:00
  Express.
• 9:02
  Oh, oh, okay.
• 9:03
  Yeah.
• 9:03
  This is mostly store sizing trauma related.
• 9:10
  Okay.
• 9:11
  Banana Republic.
• 9:12
  I know you're listening.
• 9:13
  Don't tell Express.
• 9:15
  Oh, they know each other?
• 9:16
  They know each other.
• 9:17
  They're like, it's like Express.
• 9:21
  It's kind of a clinger to Banana Republic.
• 9:23
  Oh.
• 9:24
  Yeah.
• 9:24
  Like Banana Republic is nice though, because they've known Express for a really long time.
• 9:27
  And so that's like, it's, you know, it's a friend that you can't get rid of.
• 9:31
  at this point. Oh, so Banana Express is like
• 9:32
  they're too nice.
• 9:34
  They're too nice. They just tolerate it.
• 9:37
  Oh, did I say Banana Express?
• 9:39
  Yes. Oh, maybe
• 9:41
  you did. I didn't notice. New gay bar idea.
• 9:45
  Banana Republic is, yeah, they're just
• 9:46
  so Banana Republic, don't
• 9:48
  tell Express that they're first for the
• 9:50
  window smashing. Yeah. Sorry.
• 9:53
  Go on. That's okay. I just wanted to say
• 9:54
  mostly it would be
• 9:55
  smashing crimes and like
• 9:58
  tire slashing crimes and
• 10:00
  graffiti crimes okay but you said you don't want to do a smash room because it's allowed
• 10:07
  so it loses the appeal for you you gotta pay for that oh okay okay because the the purge it's also
• 10:13
  yeah that's true that's a good point oh yeah but people but other people don't like there's a lot
• 10:18
  of people who are home like oh god i don't want this to happen i'm scared and i'm out in the
• 10:25
  street like yeah they can hear it in the living room they're like oh god i hope he's not coming
• 10:31
  he's coming thank god this is the daytime and not the night i didn't mean even more scared
• 10:37
  i love a good daytime purge yeah what would you do um the movies there a lot of murder and stuff which is weird to me
• 10:49
  That implies that a lot of people are walking around with homicidal tendencies that they just don't act on.
• 10:53
  I think that's true.
• 10:54
  I don't think that's true.
• 10:57
  I think the people that are homicidal generally...
• 11:01
  Do it?
• 11:02
  They think they generally...
• 11:03
  They're not waiting for the purge?
• 11:04
  No, I don't think so.
• 11:05
  Francis, did you just find out that you're a lot different from other people?
• 11:10
  Is this the moment you found out that your homicidal urges actually are a weird thing?
• 11:15
  No, I get all my aggression on the court.
• 11:18
  That's right.
• 11:20
  You take it to the outside of the key for one of those one-pointers that you shoot.
• 11:26
  Yeah, and then when I'm done, everyone has salads out of my hat.
• 11:31
  The most violent crime I'd commit is I would say I would take part in street fights.
• 11:36
  Oh.
• 11:37
  Interesting.
• 11:38
  Just to feel something.
• 11:39
  Yeah.
• 11:39
  Just to know you're alive.
• 11:41
  Well, and you don't have to fight fair, so it's like, cover your neck.
• 11:46
  Oh, so you want the dirty fighting?
• 11:48
  Why would you want to be part of that?
• 11:49
  Because then someone would dirty fight you.
• 11:52
  Joe said it best.
• 11:53
  Sometimes you just want to feel alive.
• 11:55
  Okay.
• 11:57
  You want me to stab you in the neck sometime so you could feel something.
• 12:01
  I'll do it.
• 12:03
  Don't say it if you don't mean it.
• 12:04
  I mean it.
• 12:06
  It'll be your birthday present.
• 12:08
  1,000 subscribers.
• 12:10
  We passed that many minutes ago.
• 12:14
  Yeah.
• 12:16
  I'd also...
• 12:17
  I'd pee on seats.
• 12:24
  What kind of seats?
• 12:25
  And also, are you sitting while you pee?
• 12:28
  I know we've talked about this.
• 12:31
  If money was no object,
• 12:33
  I would wet a lot of things.
• 12:35
  Like wet by peeing?
• 12:37
  Yeah.
• 12:38
  Yeah.
• 12:38
  I don't think we have talked about this.
• 12:40
  Oh, really?
• 12:40
  Because it feels good until it doesn't.
• 12:42
  So if I knew I could just throw the object away and buy another one.
• 12:45
  Oh, you mean you like the idea of...
• 12:48
  Like super soaking your furniture.
• 12:54
  So you would be sitting down then.
• 12:56
  It's not like you're just standing and peeing.
• 12:59
  Not always.
• 12:59
  I could check people's car doors and if they left it unlocked,
• 13:03
  I'd have to drink a lot of water that night though
• 13:07
  That's okay
• 13:08
  You'll be hydrated
• 13:09
  I'll have a camelback as I'm going around just like
• 13:11
  You get your eight
• 13:12
  And you stay hydrated
• 13:15
  It's the best way to handle a purge
• 13:17
  I feel like I do a lot of trespassing
• 13:21
  Just going into places where I'm not allowed
• 13:24
  And then leaving
• 13:25
  Yeah just to like look around
• 13:26
  But keeping like a log of every
• 13:28
  Yeah
• 13:28
  I want to go into a lot of different people's houses
• 13:31
  you should take pictures of yourself outside their address
• 13:34
  like with the address behind you
• 13:36
  and then go in
• 13:37
  yeah
• 13:38
  I wouldn't want the people to be there
• 13:42
  I just want to like snoop in people's houses
• 13:44
  oh I love to snoop
• 13:48
  I always like going like
• 13:50
  also like
• 13:52
  I like seeing in like
• 13:53
  back rooms of businesses and stuff
• 13:56
  oh yeah yeah none of this is real
• 13:58
  there's a half dress mannequin
• 14:00
  and candy wrappers what's going on back here or like being able to see the kitchen at like
• 14:07
  your favorite restaurants oh no no i don't want to do that no i still want to eat there what if
• 14:13
  it's gross no like a nice restaurant like it'd be cool to go like in the kitchen of hillstone or
• 14:19
  something well the kitchen's kind of open like all the nice kitchens kind of open up i mean not
• 14:25
  not that but like like that yeah but uh yeah i probably do a lot of trespassing i probably
• 14:31
  i i probably would steal a car just to like crash it do like a crash test dummy kind of a thing
• 14:40
  bumper boulevard i yeah i'd probably i i'd uh well yeah bumper boulevard um except for i wouldn't
• 14:46
  want to be in it i would do like a all right let's like put a concrete block on the gas pedal and
• 14:51
  watch what happens like i'd i'd do stuff like that like you know we could like kidnap someone
• 15:00
  oh um an adult while while they're taking their kidnap yeah well we can we'll shake them awake
• 15:06
  and we can like they could be a cook at a restaurant we like and we could like
• 15:10
  scare them into cooking for us that's that's our purge is we just force someone to be a private
• 15:18
  chef yeah and like all around the restaurant there's like screams and gunfire and we're just
• 15:23
  like we'll have the ahi tuna and then we order something that doesn't even need to be cooked
• 15:29
  i have the ahi tuna sashimi thank you thank you so much can i have a lettuce
• 15:36
  a lettuce i always wanted to touch one of those hubbin those tapenaki tables oh i know that would
• 15:44
  ruin my life so i haven't done it but um there was one time when i was a kid and um i the stove
• 15:54
  was on it was electric stove it um and i knew that it was on but i guess it wasn like glowing or something and i was like there a chance this isn on so i just like fully put my hand on it placed it on it and then kind of pulled it off and I had like
• 16:09
  burn marks and like all the creases of my fingers my mom was standing right there and she and I like
• 16:14
  I didn't react to it was just kind of like a huh that was weird that I did that why did I do that
• 16:19
  I was probably like 10 I think at the time I know it wasn't like a little kid that was
• 16:25
  sentient yeah no no i mean i remember this vividly and my mom was like what why are you
• 16:31
  knew what was on why are you doing i was like i don't know i just i wanted to check in she was
• 16:35
  like are you okay i'm like yeah i'm fine but i still remember how like the burn like the brown
• 16:42
  burn marks on my hands oh my god yeah anyway it was i think the weirder thing the thing that
• 16:47
  stands out the most to me about that memory is that it was painful but i didn't react at all
• 16:54
  And it was just kind of like a, huh.
• 16:56
  Oh, you were made for the purge.
• 16:58
  I probably shouldn't have done that.
• 17:00
  But like, no reaction other than that.
• 17:03
  One time I was cleaning a wine glass.
• 17:05
  And I was in eighth grade.
• 17:07
  Yeah, it broke while I was cleaning it.
• 17:09
  And I snapped it.
• 17:10
  And then out of reflex, I brought it in and I stabbed myself with the stem.
• 17:13
  Oh my God.
• 17:14
  Yeah, I have like a scar here still.
• 17:16
  Oh.
• 17:18
  Yeah.
• 17:20
  My dad came home.
• 17:21
  I heard the door open.
• 17:22
  So I got scared I was getting in trouble.
• 17:23
  So I just didn't get help.
• 17:24
  Oh, you purged yourself.
• 17:27
  One night a year.
• 17:29
  Was Dennis like, which one of the neighbors did this to you?
• 17:32
  The neighbor I invited over.
• 17:35
  The one that he just walked out.
• 17:37
  He just got up and walked away.
• 17:41
  I feel like there's a fun crime that we're missing.
• 17:44
  Oh, I have one.
• 17:45
  Okay.
• 17:46
  Going into someone's house and stealing all their clothes and throwing them away.
• 17:53
  because then after the purge they have to buy all new clothes
• 17:57
  what if what if instead of like throwing them are you just like
• 18:01
  if as long as people wouldn't know like you just like took their closet their clothes
• 18:06
  and then put somebody else's clothes in there and like so you were switching people's clothes
• 18:10
  into different closets so like they wouldn't know until they got like it was like morning
• 18:14
  and they're getting ready to go to work and then like oh like crap this isn't my suit this is
• 18:19
  this is else deborah's yeah this is deborah's sequin gown oh but they didn't realize it till
• 18:27
  they put it on right wait a minute and then so like the next day after the purge everyone's
• 18:31
  kind of walking around in weird clothes that don't belong to them i was thinking instead you
• 18:35
  could take someone's clothes and then at work you wear their clothes but then like never talk about
• 18:42
  like they're like hey i i had that shirt a shirt just like that stolen on the purge night
• 18:48
  I had a shirt just like that
• 18:51
  received on the purge night
• 18:53
  it's so weird
• 18:55
  I'm sure they made more than one
• 18:57
  Dan what he's I don't know his name
• 18:59
  it's okay
• 19:01
  Danielle
• 19:02
  going like
• 19:07
  going to like an amusement
• 19:10
  park and just like riding the rides
• 19:11
  I guess that's more like trespassing stuff
• 19:13
  yeah but you need to do it with me because
• 19:15
  one of us has to hold the
• 19:17
  person at weapons point to make them run the rides right unless there's a delay you think
• 19:24
  there's a delay button on it like a timer on a camera yeah or it's like probably it's like you
• 19:30
  get 15 seconds to run to the like the seatbelt bar is going down you just gotta like run in that
• 19:34
  would be fun actually they should do that it'd be a fun like little do you ever try and test
• 19:39
  yourself like like can i can i like get my key in the door and turn the lock before like this
• 19:46
  happens or like or if there's like a commercial on and like you're like i have 30 seconds until
• 19:52
  so like can i run into the other room grab something real quick and then run back in that
• 19:55
  amount of time yeah the fun game i play is when i'm leaving the bathroom and i like shut the door
• 20:00
  as it's shutting i try to reach back and shut the lights off while the door's closing
• 20:03
  but then yesterday i turned another light on like idiot oh have you ever slammed your hand in the
• 20:09
  door no wow so you're good it's not like moving at the speed of light it's just like
• 20:15
  it's hard to explain
• 20:17
  I wish I hadn't brought it up
• 20:18
  well
• 20:20
  comments
• 20:22
  leave comments
• 20:23
  comments
• 20:24
  tell us
• 20:30
  listeners
• 20:31
  tell us
• 20:32
  in the comments
• 20:34
  what you'd purge
• 20:36
  how you would purge
• 20:37
  what you'd do
• 20:38
  will we see you on purge night?
• 20:40
  I hope so
• 20:41
  oh I hope we kidnap you
• 20:43
  and we make you
• 20:44
  cook for us
• 20:45
  or we'll maybe see you running to a nearby roller coaster that we're all trying to get on yeah
• 20:55
  i think that would be fun i'd like that or maybe we'll see you the next day
• 20:59
  wearing your clothes wearing your clothes yeah uh all right well i look forward to the purge
• 21:05
  now me too we'll see you there okay bye
• 21:15
  you