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Why you shut down around men you like | feminine energy inner work · Mindful Success Path

• 0:32
  I had an interesting conversation the other day with a woman who found herself in an interesting dating situation.
• 0:38
  So after doing a lot of work on herself, uh, and healing a lot of what I call the wounded maiden energy and, and going to therapy and all those kinds of things, she found herself starting to attract healthier men.
• 0:51
  And what happened was she actually started to shut down.
• 0:54
  Now, this is actually a really common scenario that happens to a lot of women.
• 0:59
  I have oftentimes said that women are in a day and age where many of us have to learn how to be attracted to what is good for us and good to us, rather than being attracted to what is bad for us.
• 1:11
  Now, what a lot of people don't tell you is that once you start attracting what is good for you and good to you.
• 1:18
  Your nervous system might go into a little bit of shock, and today we're gonna talk about why that happens.
• 1:25
  Why is it that when women finally do work on themselves and they start attracting good men, good provider men, men who wanna give to them, men who wanna lead them, they start to freeze or they.
• 1:36
  Fly away.
• 1:37
  Hi, my name is Amanda.
• 1:39
  Welcome to this channel where we talk about how to manifest what you want in life without all the extra stress, chaos, and drama that most people are accustomed to.
• 1:47
  So that's something that you are interested in.
• 1:49
  Make sure to subscribe and hit the notification.
• 1:51
  Be so you don't miss a single video that we have coming out on this channel.
• 1:55
  We've been talking a lot about nervous system regulation, feminine energy, masculine energy, relationships, and a lot of juicy things.
• 2:02
  Like that.
• 2:02
  And if you like this video, please go ahead and give it a, like, it helps us get it in front of more women.
• 2:07
  We're getting a lot of messages from women all over the world saying, thank you for helping us make sense of the male brain and how men behave and how I behave as a woman in certain situations, and how my nervous system works when I'm in it.
• 2:21
  Dating or relationships.
• 2:23
  Situation so you can help us get it in front of even more women by giving a like.
• 2:27
  And as always, if there are extra resources or those of you who wanna go deeper into what I'm gonna be talking about in this video, I will let you know what those available resources are and you can find everything in the description below.
• 2:40
  If you wanna work with me privately, you can apply in the first link in the description.
• 2:44
  So let's get into it.
• 2:45
  Why do you shut down?
• 2:47
  Around men that you like or good men or, uh, things start looking up in your dating life and then suddenly it's like.
• 2:55
  Fight or freeze or fly.
• 2:58
  Well, here's what's really going on.
• 3:00
  This is not about confidence.
• 3:01
  My love, this is about nervous system safety.
• 3:06
  And for many of you, you've been conditioned to associate attraction with danger, rejection, or not being good enough.
• 3:15
  So what happens, and this is why a lot of times, um, women find themselves attracted to men who are bad for them.
• 3:21
  So here's kind of how it goes.
• 3:23
  And I recently did, um.
• 3:24
  A training on the four divine feminine stages that I teach.
• 3:28
  So when you're in Wounded Maiden, right, which is unfortunately where most of the women in the world are, uh, what happens is you attract, uh, men that are bad for you and you are also attracted to men who are bad for you because maybe.
• 3:42
  Uh, what you saw growing up was, oh my gosh, you know, relationships are supposed to be emotional rollercoasters.
• 3:48
  Or another way that I've seen this play out is perhaps a child felt like they were abandoned when they were young, which is one of the five core wounds that causes a lot of issues in our relationships.
• 3:59
  A abandonment is one of them, and then they keep attracting a bunch of partners that abandon them.
• 4:04
  That's another way in which it shows up.
• 4:05
  So then the wounded Maiden goes into, becomes what I call the awakening warrior.
• 4:11
  The Awakening Warrior is the woman who watches videos like this.
• 4:14
  It's the woman who goes to therapy.
• 4:16
  It's the woman who, uh, starts to work on herself and realize that she's the common denominator and she needs to work through some of her issues.
• 4:24
  Now, what happens when you are in that Awakening Warrior stage is you no longer find yourself attracted to the men who are bad for you because you understand why that pattern was playing out.
• 4:35
  And what starts to happen is you will start to attract, uh, more men.
• 4:40
  Who are good for you, but what happens is you freak out because in your mind and in your body and in your nervous system, you still associate relationship with not being safe.
• 4:52
  So your body might go into freeze, not because you're broken, but because it's trying to protect you.
• 4:58
  And our brains are not meant to keep us happy.
• 5:01
  Our brains are meant to keep us safe, which is one of the reasons why.
• 5:04
  We have to learn that about ourselves and, and how we work and how we function.
• 5:10
  Because the thing is, it's a good thing that, that this exists to keep us safe.
• 5:14
  Uh, it kept us from being eaten by lions, but the thing is, you know, now we treat everything like we're about to be eaten by a lion or there's a bear around the corner and that's not.
• 5:23
  Reality for us anymore in modern times.
• 5:27
  So what happens when you're in Awakening Warrior?
• 5:30
  And if you missed it, go check out the video I did on the four stages of of Divine Feminine Energy.
• 5:35
  Which took me 15 years to compile that.
• 5:38
  Um, and it'll give you a lot of insight in terms of what's going on.
• 5:41
  But when you're an awakening warrior, you're still kind of learning these things.
• 5:45
  You're still kind of getting you, you're on your training wheels, you are, uh, getting your pilot's wings, for example.
• 5:52
  You're still kind of.
• 5:53
  Figuring out this whole world.
• 5:56
  So yes, you're still going to attract men who are bad for you.
• 5:59
  You're gonna be a lot more discerning about them, but you're also little by little.
• 6:03
  They're gonna start trickling in the men who are better for you.
• 6:06
  And this is when we go into self-sabotage, right?
• 6:10
  Which again.
• 6:11
  It's just our nervous systems trying to keep us safe.
• 6:14
  So how do we start to sabotage connections that might be good for us?
• 6:18
  You become self-conscious, not self-expressed, so you start becoming like, did I say the right thing?
• 6:23
  What if there's silence and then I have to fill up the silence, or I have to keep talking because then I don't know what to say in a conversation.
• 6:29
  I'm not a good conversationalist.
• 6:30
  And then before you know it.
• 6:32
  Um, you're so wrapped up in your head that a man can't even connect to you or you're not expressing yourself in an authentic way.
• 6:39
  The other way in which we sa this sabotage this connection is you cannot build intimacy from a place of fear.
• 6:45
  You cannot build intimacy from a place of constantly trying to protect yourself.
• 6:49
  You have boundaries.
• 6:51
  Yes.
• 6:52
  Right, but boundaries are not, or it is like a fence.
• 6:54
  It's not like a wall that cannot be scaled.
• 6:57
  And many of you, because of past experiences, you've built walls and that's part of what we have to learn how to.
• 7:05
  Regulate and with my private clients, this is a lot of the work that we do.
• 7:08
  But if you wanna go into a quick training right now that can help you with it, go check out the high value woman transformation because there's a whole module on the core wounds that keep people stuck and build these walls.
• 7:19
  And there's also another module on how to have good boundaries and how to.
• 7:23
  Express them in a way that is kind and that lands, but again, aren't, it's not impossible for a man to win you.
• 7:31
  So the other way in which we sabotage this is that men don't get to experience the real you.
• 7:36
  Just some version that is stuck in either performance or protection.
• 7:40
  And again, you cannot build real intimacy or an emotional connection if you're either performing or protecting yourself.
• 7:47
  And unfortunately if we, if a woman stays here, a lot of times what happens is that she will continue to attract emotionally unavailable available partners.
• 7:56
  Or she will trigger avoidance behavior in men again, because something is off, there's something off with the energy.
• 8:04
  I oftentimes say this too, A lot of women will say, I want a committed partner.
• 8:07
  I wanna get married, I want a relationship.
• 8:10
  Um, and then when the good guy.
• 8:11
  The guy who is pursuing her, the guy who shows that he cares about her, the man who honors her, the man who shares the same values shows up.
• 8:20
  She's like, oh, he's boring.
• 8:23
  But then the bad boy is like hot and sexy, right?
• 8:26
  She's still in Wounded Maiden'cause she doesn't understand what these triggers are going on.
• 8:30
  Uh, the woman who starts experiencing.
• 8:33
  You know, one of these men who is a good man and she becomes attracted to him, and then like freezes, we're in a little bit of a different stage and a different scenario.
• 8:42
  So here's how you start shifting this pattern.
• 8:44
  Step number one is awareness.
• 8:46
  Without shame, shame and guilt are two of the most useless emotions.
• 8:49
  In society when you're an adult, uh, in case you don't know where guilt and shame come from.
• 8:53
  The reason guilt and shame is used so much, for example, in religion or by society in general, is because it's a very effective way to get children to change their behavior.
• 9:03
  So if an adult is not liking the way that you are behaving, for some reason, they will use guilt and shame and you will course correct pretty quickly if you're a child.
• 9:10
  That's why it's used.
• 9:12
  Uh, the reason why it doesn't work as an adult is because it keeps us totally stuck.
• 9:16
  It actually damages, uh, a lot of kids, but it's a very effective manipulation tactic, which is why I say guilt and shame are two of the most useless emotions in society.
• 9:26
  So what you wanna do is you wanna learn how to become aware of your patterns and what you're doing, but not make yourself, uh, ashamed about it.
• 9:33
  You wanna just learn how to notice these things and almost kind of laugh at it.
• 9:37
  Like, I'm at a point where I start to laugh when I act silly.
• 9:40
  I'm like, oh, how silly I did that again.
• 9:42
  Right?
• 9:43
  So you might notice, oh, I'm freezing, my body's scared.
• 9:46
  Okay, alright.
• 9:47
  My nervous system, my brain's just trying to keep me safe.
• 9:50
  I understand that about my brain.
• 9:52
  Now, gee, I wonder what is going on here and approaching it from a place of curiosity, not a place of guilt and shame.
• 9:59
  This is what a lot of meditation teachers call becoming the observer.
• 10:03
  You start observing your emotions rather than reacting to them.
• 10:07
  So awareness without shame is step number one.
• 10:10
  Step number two is to learn how to regulate your nervous system.
• 10:13
  I call it coming back down to earth.
• 10:15
  'cause a lot of times.
• 10:16
  When, uh, we are dysregulated, we're like, at least me, I'll explain what happens to me, right?
• 10:21
  I'll go like, whoosh, right?
• 10:22
  Like almost like out of my body in a way, or all my energy's all up in my head.
• 10:27
  And I've noticed that for most women and actually men, uh, I've experienced it the same way on the receiving end, where it's like someone's not in their body, they're all up in their head.
• 10:35
  All the energy's up here, and it's like, but they're not grounded in the reality of what is actually going on around them.
• 10:44
  So you wanna learn grounding breath.
• 10:45
  You wanna learn gentle movement to bring safety back online for me, I love to journal.
• 10:51
  I know we are in this weird state in society, and I'll have to do videos about this at some point where people like to use TikTok as their journal and let the whole world know about their personal business.
• 11:02
  I say bring, bring back the handwritten journal, bring back the diary with the lock that a lot of us grew up with, and use your journal right to process your emotions, not TikTok and.
• 11:15
  The general public, right?
• 11:16
  And then step three is to rewire with micro risks.
• 11:21
  So practice showing your real self in low stake situations.
• 11:25
  Maybe you make eye contact, maybe you share a laugh, maybe you voice the truth.
• 11:29
  Um, oftentimes, and this is what I did when I did my masculine energy.
• 11:33
  I was allowing myself to receive from the masculine all around me in low risk situations.
• 11:38
  Like if I had a problem with a computer, I would call my dad or my brother and be like, Hey, can you help me with this thing?
• 11:44
  Or, I had a lot of colleagues.
• 11:46
  Uh, who would help me sort out, you know, business problems.
• 11:49
  For example, my husband was one of those colleagues.
• 11:52
  That's actually how we met.
• 11:54
  If a man wanted to take me out for dinner, I'd let him take me out for dinner, and I would practice these tiny little things.
• 12:00
  It wasn't like a huge thing.
• 12:02
  It was small things like leaning back when I'm at a dinner or smiling or making eye contact.
• 12:08
  Just tiny little things in low risk situations.
• 12:12
  And what I want you to ask yourself, and again, bring, bring back the paper journals, right?
• 12:16
  Here's one of the things that you can journal about.
• 12:19
  What would I say or do if I felt 100% safe and worthy with my partner?
• 12:27
  What would I do?
• 12:28
  What would I say and do?
• 12:29
  And that might be an intro.
• 12:30
  You might be, um, you might be intrigued by what comes out on the paper.
• 12:36
  And the final thing is you wanna learn how to embody your true magnetism, because a attraction doesn't have to feel like a threat.
• 12:43
  There may have been a time in your life where it was a threat because you were wired in a certain way to be attracted to things that were bad for you.
• 12:50
  And now you're moving into a part of your life where you're no longer attracted to things that are bad for you.
• 12:55
  You're now becoming attracted to things that are good for you, but your brain is still seeing attraction equals danger.
• 13:01
  So you have to realize that attraction doesn't have to.
• 13:04
  Feel like a threat.
• 13:05
  You also have to realize that safety is your superpower, and the more regulated you are and the more regulated you feel.
• 13:12
  The more magnetic you actually become.
• 13:15
  The more calm I am, the better my marriage gets.
• 13:18
  The more calm I am, the more money I make, the more calm I am, the better I can produce videos like this.
• 13:25
  Here's actually a really like silly example, right, that my husband pointed out to me, uh, the other day.
• 13:31
  If I feel like, uh.
• 13:32
  Pressure or like I'm on a time crunch or like I have to do a video, which is silly and bizarre because I do this channel for fun and it just happens to make me money.
• 13:42
  But I still get into that mode sometimes because I lived in that mode for so long in my previous businesses and before I discovered this work, I will still get in that mode.
• 13:51
  Um, sometimes.
• 13:53
  I've noticed this thing that whenever I force myself to do these videos or I feel pressure to do this video, or, um, you know, I, I feel very tense about doing the videos.
• 14:04
  Something always goes wrong, you know, like the mic ends up not being connected.
• 14:08
  The, I end up filming in the wrong program and not even knowing how I did it.
• 14:13
  Um, you know, I end up spending two hours filming and none of it worked.
• 14:17
  Like the weirdest things happen when I try and film from a dysregulated state.
• 14:22
  And I'm dysregulated because I feel unsafe, and I feel unsafe because I spent so many years of my life running a dysregulated pattern and not knowing that I was doing it right.
• 14:32
  Now I know, okay, you know what?
• 14:34
  If you're gonna do this, calm down.
• 14:36
  Right.
• 14:37
  Actually see the reality of what is going on.
• 14:39
  Do I have to film the videos this very day?
• 14:41
  Usually the answer's no.
• 14:44
  Do I have to do this very thing right now?
• 14:46
  No.
• 14:46
  Do you have to worry about money that you have to go do these videos?
• 14:50
  No.
• 14:50
  Because your husband's the provider.
• 14:51
  And then I'm like, wait a minute, right?
• 14:53
  And then I come back down to reality, and then when I film from that place, everything works and I get through things very quickly and very easily.
• 15:01
  And there's more ease and flow.
• 15:02
  So I know that's not like a dating situation per se, but it is a kind of like a really silly, uh, kind of example that gets the point across.
• 15:10
  And maybe you have felt that way in your own work as well.
• 15:15
  So here's a quick recap.
• 15:16
  You don't need to fake confidence, right?
• 15:19
  You just need to feel safe in your own body and in your energy and in your truth.
• 15:24
  Now, if you wanna go deeper, here are some of the ways you can do that.
• 15:26
  You can apply for private coaching with me.
• 15:28
  The first link is in the description below.
• 15:31
  You can also grab our Hustle to Harmony Masterclass, where I go really deep into nervous system, regular.
• 15:36
  It's like a three hour long workshop, and you see me actually doing the process and the exercises with other students.
• 15:42
  In the workshop, and I explained the four step process that I use to get my nervous system on board to manifest my husband manifest moving to different countries.
• 15:51
  And now we have two businesses that bring money in on autopilot from YouTube.
• 15:57
  So that's another place where you can start specifically for the nervous system regulation.
• 16:02
  And of course, make sure to subscribe because we've got new content coming out every.
• 16:07
  Single weak, and you'll get more fierce, feminine truth on healing, dating, relationships, embodiment, manifestation, and so much more.
• 16:16
  Thank you so much for giving me your time today, and I'll catch you on the next one.