Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #1161 - The School Morning Hack That Changes Everything: Getting out the Door Stress Free

Transcript

#1161 - The School Morning Hack That Changes Everything: Getting out the Door Stress Free · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

• 0:06
  Speaker 1: Don't you just wish that mornings could be magic? Perfect
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: mornings in your house? Today? I'm a Happy Families podcast,
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: a slush of advice on simplifying the getting the school
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: routine back on track process? What are we supposed to
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: do to make things smooth? Because school it's just around
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: the corner.
• 0:23
  Speaker 2: Now.
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: Welcome to the Happy Families Podcast, Real parenting solutions every
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: day on Australia's most downloaded parenting podcast. We are Justin
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: and Kylie Colson, parents have six kids. We've had to
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: get this school routine going more than once.
• 0:37
  Speaker 2: We could talk about so many different things, but there
• 0:39
  Speaker 2: is only one tip on the top of my mind.
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: It is a long list, and the blogs are full
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: of them. So if you're going to pick one thing,
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: what would it be?
• 0:47
  Speaker 2: The morning begins the night before.
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: And you don't even see that in the blogs. That's
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: a Happy Families special. Let's unpack that because you and
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: I have experienced this. This is the It's it's the
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: magic the morning begins to night before. A question before
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: we unpack it, how consistent do you reckon? You and
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: I have been as we've got our kids ready for
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: school over the last twenty plus years.
• 1:09
  Speaker 2: You know, day one is awesome.
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: Day one is always so good. That's about it, though,
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: isn't it. It really is so hard to be consistent with it.
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: But we have found that whenever we remember it and say.
• 1:19
  Speaker 2: Okay, have a full day, you get to the end
• 1:20
  Speaker 2: of the day to exhausted. The next morning you can't
• 1:23
  Speaker 2: find a school shoe.
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: But when we when we prioritize the morning begins the
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: night before, oh my goodness, oh my goodness, it's like
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: the morning just makes sense. It flows. There's margin. You've
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: got time to enjoy your children, rub than shout at
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: them and say, for goodness sakes, how many times do
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: I have to tell you? So? Kylie, unpack it for me,
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: because the reality is I've been on the road telling
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: people about this while you've been at home doing it.
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: What as the morning begins to night before mean for you?
• 1:51
  Speaker 2: The first one is to know exactly where all the
• 1:53
  Speaker 2: pieces of the uniform are, like all of them shoes, socks,
• 1:56
  Speaker 2: and put them in one place, out at the end
• 1:58
  Speaker 2: of the bed, hanging up at the end of your wardrobe,
• 2:00
  Speaker 2: whatever it is, so it's easily found by anyone.
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: Yeah, because you send the kids in the rooms, say
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: put your uniform one of the two. I can't find it,
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: and it's like it is literally hanging on the back
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: of the door or hanging wherever it is that you've
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: left it. School uniform, every single part of it. Get
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: it ready.
• 2:19
  Speaker 2: Pack your school bag the night before. If they've got
• 2:22
  Speaker 2: library day the next day, make sure that's in there.
• 2:24
  Speaker 2: If they've got homework they need to take back, make
• 2:26
  Speaker 2: sure that's in there.
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: So they're probably not first day things, but it'll become
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: the routine within a week or so, so get on
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: top of that.
• 2:33
  Speaker 2: That's right. The next one is probably one of my favorites,
• 2:36
  Speaker 2: and we did this for a reasonable amount of time
• 2:39
  Speaker 2: while the kids were young. Having a lunch menu, so
• 2:42
  Speaker 2: this can this can be done two different ways. You
• 2:45
  Speaker 2: could treat it like a dinner menu, in that everybody
• 2:48
  Speaker 2: has the same thing every day, but you've got a
• 2:50
  Speaker 2: menu and the kids know that come Wednesday they're going
• 2:53
  Speaker 2: to get their mac and cheese, or come Friday they
• 2:56
  Speaker 2: get to have their burrito wrap that they love. But
• 3:00
  Speaker 2: you could also do what we did with five girls
• 3:03
  Speaker 2: who all had different wants and needs and create like
• 3:06
  Speaker 2: a bit of a buffet, you know, the continental menus
• 3:09
  Speaker 2: that you get in the hotels.
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: Yeah, when you stay like the roadside motel, and you say,
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: I want to have two pieces of toast, and I
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: want to have the boiled eggs and the yogurt and
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: the fruit juice, and then they deliver it to the
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: door the next morning.
• 3:20
  Speaker 2: That style, yeah, And so we did that with each
• 3:22
  Speaker 2: of the girls, and we knew the night before what
• 3:24
  Speaker 2: they wanted, so in the morning I had literally clear
• 3:28
  Speaker 2: instructions of what needed to go on the lunch box.
• 3:30
  Speaker 2: Because how many times have you packed your kids lunch
• 3:32
  Speaker 2: and they've come home but I don't like that, and
• 3:34
  Speaker 2: the other kid does, Oh.
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: You pack it ends up in the bin and the
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: cost of living, like, who really wants to have food
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: thrown in the bin. The other good thing about this
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: is you can teach your children how to make lunch
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: because your morning began the night before and you've got
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: a bit of margin, so no one's rushing, and so
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: you can say, all right, well, if we're going to
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: make this, let's learn together, so the kids can come
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: in and the decisions made like that, that's the biggest
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: impediment in the morning, making the decision. We did it
• 3:58
  Speaker 1: with breakfast menus as well. If the decisions made the
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: night before with the kids, they walk into the kitchen,
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: they're blurry eyed, they're half asleep, but they don't have
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: to think about what to have for brecky, and they
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: don't have to think about what to make for lunch
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: because they've already decided, which means that you don't lose
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: all that time where they stand there staring into the fridge,
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: they completely blank look on their face. They don't even
• 4:23
  Speaker 1: realize that they're looking at food, and then they say, oh,
• 4:25
  Speaker 1: don't want anything. They've already decided the night before, so
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: it just it smooths the morning so very much.
• 4:32
  Speaker 2: As part of that process, having a fully stocked fridge
• 4:34
  Speaker 2: and pantry is very helpful. But also doing cookups and
• 4:38
  Speaker 2: actually doing things in bulk. You know, if you want
• 4:40
  Speaker 2: to make some muffins or a particular slice that your
• 4:43
  Speaker 2: kids enjoy, or even so many kishes or something like that,
• 4:47
  Speaker 2: they can be made in bulk, frozen and just ready
• 4:50
  Speaker 2: to pop into your lunch box the next day without
• 4:52
  Speaker 2: any preparation needed.
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: I can't see how many times I've raced out at
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: the shops at like eight o'clock at night because I've
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: looked at the menu that the kids ticked and went, oh, no,
• 4:59
  Speaker 1: we don't have that. They want that for breakfast, and
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: there's no eggs in the fridge or there's no bread.
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: How are we going to do the soundwich just tomorrow
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: because there's no bread and raced out of the shops.
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: And by having the menu, there by having the decisions
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: made the night before, it just makes it easier.
• 5:12
  Speaker 2: It don't have a nasty surprise in the morning, because.
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: No one wants to have to race down to the
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: bakery or down to the supermarket at seven o'clock the
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: next morning, when everyone's already started to feel a little
• 5:21
  Speaker 1: bit of stress and pressure. The margin that you had
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: is gone. There's one other thing that I'm going to
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: mention about the morning beginning of the night before that
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: you haven't mentioned, and that is just getting back into
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: sleep routine, like get the kids to bed early, and
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: get you to bed early as well. In fact, I
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: would add, your morning begins the night before doesn't just
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: apply to the kids in their school bag and their
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: school uniform and their food. It applies to you as well.
• 5:45
  Speaker 1: There's some old business advice that's been going around for
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: decades now, and that is that before you go to
• 5:50
  Speaker 1: bed or before you leave the office, make a list
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: of the stuff that has to happen tomorrow, so that
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: when you come into the office, the lists there and
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: you know what to do, rather than sitting there going hmm,
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: I wonder what I should put on my list today?
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: Already done, the morning begins the night before. Is kind
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: of like that's what we can do at home. We
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: can say, all right, tomorrow morning, I'm going to get
• 6:07
  Speaker 1: up at this time. I'm going to do my exercise,
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: with my reading, or I'm going to have my quiet
• 6:11
  Speaker 1: cupp or outside before the kids are up. You give
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: yourself that margin and it just makes a really really
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: big difference, and if you can be consistent at it,
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: you will have magic mornings. More after the break, Kyleie,
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: we're going to talk about what to do if you've
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: got a child who's refusing to go to school, or
• 6:26
  Speaker 1: if anxiety is rearing its ugly head, or some neurodivergent
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: challenges are popping up. You've got an ADHD child who
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: just can't get it together even though you did it
• 6:35
  Speaker 1: all the night before. All right, so we've talked about
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: this one critical slice of advice for making morning's magic,
• 6:47
  Speaker 1: and that is that your morning begins the night before. Sometimes,
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: though no matter how hard you try, Kylie, it doesn't work.
• 6:52
  Speaker 1: The kids are ordinary, The kids won't get out of bed,
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: there's anxiety rearing its ugly head. And you've got a
• 6:58
  Speaker 1: child who's saying, I don't want to go to school,
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: it's too hard. Or you send your child off to
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: get into their uniform and they notice that the dog
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: needs a pat and then they see that the lego
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: is on the floor and they start playing with that,
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: and then they go into the bathroom and get distracted
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: and something happens there. We need to talk about a
• 7:13
  Speaker 1: couple of things that we can do when we have
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: other dramas interfering with our very best laid plans, because
• 7:20
  Speaker 1: the morning did begin the night before.
• 7:22
  Speaker 2: So I love the idea of being prepared enough that
• 7:26
  Speaker 2: I have margined so that I can slow things down.
• 7:30
  Speaker 2: If we've got an anxious kid, the last thing they
• 7:32
  Speaker 2: are going to want is us rushing them through their
• 7:35
  Speaker 2: morning routine. But also, one of the things that I
• 7:39
  Speaker 2: used to do as a young kid, and I remember
• 7:41
  Speaker 2: this so vividly, was going into the garden and picking
• 7:45
  Speaker 2: a rose or a flower and bloom, and then putting
• 7:49
  Speaker 2: alfayel around the base of it and taking it to
• 7:51
  Speaker 2: school and giving it to my teacher. It used to
• 7:53
  Speaker 2: bring me so much joy to do it, and I
• 7:55
  Speaker 2: know that the teacher loved it as well. You know,
• 7:57
  Speaker 2: there's just these little moments of joy. And if we've
• 8:00
  Speaker 2: got kids that are a little bit anxious again, taking
• 8:03
  Speaker 2: the time to just slow it down, maybe gone make
• 8:06
  Speaker 2: a decision that you're going to do something nice for
• 8:08
  Speaker 2: the teacher so that they've got something to look forward
• 8:12
  Speaker 2: to and anticipate in the day. But maybe that doesn't
• 8:15
  Speaker 2: work for you. Maybe you don't have any flowers in
• 8:16
  Speaker 2: your garden.
• 8:17
  Speaker 1: I don't know too many people with roses these days.
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: But that sounds really nice. But when you said that,
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: I was thinking about the research that shows that hope,
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: that is having something to look forward to is a
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: wonderful way to inoculate your kids against anxiety and oppression.
• 8:29
  Speaker 2: And so is service.
• 8:30
  Speaker 1: That's what I's going to say. Service increases the quality
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: of your relationship with people. So if your kids have
• 8:35
  Speaker 1: got some way that they can make a contribution to
• 8:38
  Speaker 1: the lives of the people at school, they will look
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: forward to being there because they know that they're needed
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: and wanted, and they're making that difference. They're adding value
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: to other people's lives. They feel so good about it.
• 8:50
  Speaker 2: A handful of times over the years, I've also made
• 8:53
  Speaker 2: little handouts for all of their classmates on the first day,
• 8:57
  Speaker 2: so that again they had something that they could gift
• 9:00
  Speaker 2: to their friends that just gave them some enjoyment and
• 9:03
  Speaker 2: excitement to that first day. But if those things don't
• 9:06
  Speaker 2: work for you, maybe it is just making an adventure
• 9:09
  Speaker 2: out of going to school. Maybe you take a different
• 9:11
  Speaker 2: route to school and get them to kind of pick
• 9:14
  Speaker 2: whether you're going to go left or right. Maybe you
• 9:16
  Speaker 2: stop off and have a hot chocolate together. Maybe it's
• 9:19
  Speaker 2: just about finding a little pocket of time where you
• 9:24
  Speaker 2: can connect without the agenda of we've got to get
• 9:27
  Speaker 2: to school.
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and you can also gami fight as well. I
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: mean things like one of my favorite movie series of
• 9:32
  Speaker 1: all time. Forgive me for sounding like I'm almost a boomer.
• 9:35
  Speaker 1: It's gen X Okay, I just want to be clear
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: about that. But mission impossible. You could literally turn getting
• 9:43
  Speaker 1: back into the routine into like a family spy mission,
• 9:45
  Speaker 1: and every family member has a code name and they've
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: got daily tasks, that is, that's their mission objectives, and
• 9:51
  Speaker 1: if you break the routine, it means you've been compromised.
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: And you can share all your stories about the kids
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: taking things way too seriously, like a six year old
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: who's go to roll under the bed so they can
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: maintain cover while they're getting dressed for school, because if
• 10:04
  Speaker 1: they get caught, they get compromises. It's too late for them.
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: So you can have that kind of fun as well. Overall,
• 10:10
  Speaker 1: what we're I guess really moving towards is this concept
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: that Barbara Frederickson from Columbia University called the broaden and
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: build theory of positive emotions. She says that when you
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: feel bad, you get really narrow thinking. It's like that
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: high emotions low intelligence thing. I'm always talking about high
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: your emotions lower intelligence. But when you're feeling really good,
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: you're able to access all those other parts of your brain.
• 10:31
  Speaker 1: You're able to think clearly, work things out, you accrue resources, cognitive, psychological, emotional,
• 10:38
  Speaker 1: social resources. You just do better because you're feeling well,
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: and that happens most when your relationships are good. I've
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: often said to a child, love is spelled time. But
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: if time is hey, you spell love? What is hurry up? Spell?
• 10:53
  Speaker 1: To a child? Your morning begins the night before. This
• 10:56
  Speaker 1: is the take home message, and what it's really saying
• 10:59
  Speaker 1: is we're slowing it down, going to create the time
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: so that you can feel the l ove. That is
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: our sliced of advice today on the Happy Families podcast,
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: Your morning begins to night before. It's great back to
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: school advice, but it's also useful every single day of
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: the year while over the kids have got anything to do.
• 11:20
  Speaker 1: The next day, your morning begins the night before. We
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: hope that's been helpful. The Happy Families podcast is produced
• 11:26
  Speaker 1: by Justin Roland from Bridge Media. Hey, we would just
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: so appreciate it so much. Can you jump online wherever
• 11:31
  Speaker 1: you listen to the podcast and leave us a five
• 11:33
  Speaker 1: star rating and review. When you do that, it makes
• 11:35
  Speaker 1: it easier for other people to get great advice like
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: this and make their families happier. And who doesn't want that.
• 11:41
  Speaker 1: If you like more information and resources to make your
• 11:43
  Speaker 1: family happier, you can visit us and find them all
• 11:46
  Speaker 1: at Happy families dot com dot a