Latest / Scrubbing In with Becca Tilley & Tanya Rad / Dear Banya: Ride That Pony

Transcript

Dear Banya: Ride That Pony · Scrubbing In with Becca Tilley & Tanya Rad

0:00
Speaker 1: Scrubbing In with Beccatelli and Tanya rap an iHeartRadio podcast.
0:08
Speaker 2: Hello everybody, we are scrubbing in.
0:12
Speaker 3: Scrub a dub dumb webe a little.
0:14
Speaker 4: Dear Bonia episode that we do. Oh sorry, choking We you.
0:21
Speaker 3: Know how it started with me too?
0:24
Speaker 4: None, it was more like the water down the wrong pipe.
0:28
Speaker 4: But I'll keep you posted on my glossy eyes. Yeah,
0:32
Speaker 4: let's get right to it.
0:33
Speaker 5: Hey, it's from anonymous. Hello Bekatanya, Mark and Easton and
0:37
Speaker 5: the whole gang. I think that's the gang right, the
0:40
Speaker 5: new scrubber here. I've been dealing with an issue. Would
0:42
Speaker 5: love to hear your advice. I'm twenty three. I've never dated.
0:45
Speaker 5: I was fine with that until recently when I noticed
0:47
Speaker 5: all of my peers are getting engaged, in married, or
0:49
Speaker 5: are in relationships unlike me. It's so it's started to
0:51
Speaker 5: bother me. I've tried a couple of online dating apps.
0:54
Speaker 5: Nothing has really come from them. At first, I would
0:56
Speaker 5: back out of the dates at the last minute because
0:58
Speaker 5: of my commitment issues, but I eventually got over that.
1:01
Speaker 5: Kept trying, but nothing it's worked out. Is it normal
1:03
Speaker 5: to have never dated at my age? I would love
1:06
Speaker 5: any advice from you guys on how to proceed. I
1:07
Speaker 5: feel like I've grown emotionally and I'm ready for a relationship.
1:10
Speaker 5: Side note, I'm Ukrainian and I have been living in
1:13
Speaker 5: Poland for five years now. Could a difference in mentality
1:16
Speaker 5: be playing a role? I spent my teenage years in
1:18
Speaker 5: another country? Anyway, I love you all, Thank you so
1:20
Speaker 5: much for the podcast. You guys brighten my day every day.
1:23
Speaker 5: And ps, I'm on season one, so it's fun following
1:26
Speaker 5: you all from the beginning.
1:27
Speaker 2: Oh that's fun.
1:31
Speaker 6: Of the show.
1:31
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, oh, we have seasons.
1:33
Speaker 2: No, but I'm sure like from the beginning, I guess
1:36
Speaker 2: I don't know.
1:37
Speaker 5: But it's funny that she's not going to hear the
1:38
Speaker 5: answer to this until like three four years from now.
1:40
Speaker 3: I wish we did have seasons. That'd be cute.
1:43
Speaker 1: Yes, now in two season three, I love that there's
1:48
Speaker 1: a Ukrainian woman in Poland listening to scrubbing again.
1:50
Speaker 6: That makes me so happy.
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Speaker 3: Yeah, I love that's the cool thing.
1:55
Speaker 4: Here's the thing. I did not date anyone until after
2:02
Speaker 4: The Bachelor. Yeah, and I was twenty six twenty seven,
2:07
Speaker 4: so I I personally see nothing wrong with this. I
2:10
Speaker 4: do think that when you're watching all of your peers
2:13
Speaker 4: and your friends going through these things and having relationships
2:16
Speaker 4: and having heartbreak and having these life stages that our
2:21
Speaker 4: society pushes and encourages in terms of like how life
2:25
Speaker 4: should go in terms of timing. I get where the
2:28
Speaker 4: pressure comes from. And also if that's like a desire
2:31
Speaker 4: of your heart to ultimately be married and find your person.
2:36
Speaker 4: But you're so young, and I know that you're hearing
2:38
Speaker 4: this being like, oh, I hate when people say that,
2:40
Speaker 4: But I'm thinking I'm thinking back to when I went
2:42
Speaker 4: on the Bachelor at twenty six, and I was like,
2:44
Speaker 4: I'm going to find my person to get engaged. Maybe
2:48
Speaker 4: how crazy that felt in hindsight. I would have crushes
2:53
Speaker 4: on people. I would chase people, and then as soon
2:56
Speaker 4: as they liked me back. I also had commitment issues.
3:01
Speaker 4: I don't know if that was because I there was
3:04
Speaker 4: something that I felt. I grew up in a very
3:06
Speaker 4: Christian conservative background. I was waiting for marriage. I felt
3:10
Speaker 4: very protective over my space and my emotions and my vulnerability,
3:15
Speaker 4: and I didn't realize that, but I think looking back now,
3:19
Speaker 4: I was scared of anyone getting too close to me,
3:21
Speaker 4: so I would run the other way if they showed
3:23
Speaker 4: interest to me. So I don't think you're behind. I
3:26
Speaker 4: don't think you're doing anything wrong. I think if you're
3:28
Speaker 4: wanting to date and meet someone and have a romantic relationship,
3:32
Speaker 4: sure like put in the effort on dating apps and
3:35
Speaker 4: go out and you know, put yourself out there when
3:38
Speaker 4: you're out in public if you see someone you're interested in.
3:42
Speaker 4: But that also takes practice letting yourself be open to that.
3:45
Speaker 1: In my opinion, I feel like I want to focus
3:47
Speaker 1: on that, is it normal to have never done all
3:50
Speaker 1: that in my age? Because I feel like normal is
3:52
Speaker 1: out the door now, you know what I mean. Like
3:54
Speaker 1: it's no one's doing things that are normal anymore. I
3:57
Speaker 1: feel like it's just we're so far past that. And
4:00
Speaker 1: I just want you to get that out of your
4:02
Speaker 1: head because I feel like you feeling like you're not
4:05
Speaker 1: normal is gonna hinder you in your dating life and
4:10
Speaker 1: it shouldn't. You should not treat that as like any
4:14
Speaker 1: sort of insecurity because I don't think it's weird, and
4:17
Speaker 1: it's all in your approach. If you start dating people
4:19
Speaker 1: and you're like, I've never dated before, and you like
4:22
Speaker 1: approach it with that type of insecure attitude. It's gonna
4:24
Speaker 1: show where. I don't even think you need to. It
4:28
Speaker 1: doesn't even to be an issue. You're just dating, Yeah,
4:31
Speaker 1: just dating.
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Speaker 4: You're open to whatever, open to whatever, wherever, if it's
4:35
Speaker 4: when it's happened. Even think about, honestly, think about the
4:39
Speaker 4: people that you know or that you've heard about who
4:41
Speaker 4: have gone through a breakup and they're having to put
4:44
Speaker 4: themselves back out there. There's still a everyone goes through
4:49
Speaker 4: this feeling of like, oh, I'm putting myself out there,
4:51
Speaker 4: I'm opening myself up to rejection or someone getting to
4:56
Speaker 4: know me. Like even if it's even if you've been
4:58
Speaker 4: in a relationship, this is a this is a very
5:01
Speaker 4: human feeling that you're experiencing.
5:02
Speaker 2: So go into it with confidence.
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Speaker 4: Of like I'm ready to go, Like, let's see who
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Speaker 4: number one is going to be.
5:08
Speaker 6: I agree, nice, I like that.
5:11
Speaker 5: I tell my daughters that there is no such thing
5:14
Speaker 5: as normal. Ye stop that, because everybody's got their stuff.
5:18
Speaker 3: Everybody, many people you think are normal are so notice that.
5:21
Speaker 6: They're working on stuff.
5:22
Speaker 5: They deal with all of it. Anonymous, I've liked the
5:25
Speaker 5: same person for a year and a half. It's troublesome
5:27
Speaker 5: because she's my boss, and she's married. We interact closely
5:31
Speaker 5: every day because of the nature of our job, and
5:33
Speaker 5: I've overanalyzed every interaction. Our hands have brushed a couple
5:36
Speaker 5: of times longer than normal eye contact. She calls me nicknames.
5:40
Speaker 5: Sometimes we have one on one lunches when no one
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Speaker 5: else does. I've traveled together for work, I've gone close
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Speaker 5: to her. My feelings have grown stronger. I thought after
5:48
Speaker 5: a year the crush would fade, but I've never been
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Speaker 5: so attracted to someone or cared to spend so much
5:53
Speaker 5: time with someone and learn as much as I quit
5:54
Speaker 5: about their past and present life. I've thought about writing
5:57
Speaker 5: too many times, but I feel embarrassed in like a
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Speaker 5: horrible person, because I know holding onto feelings for a
6:02
Speaker 5: married person is wrong and out of bounds. I justify
6:05
Speaker 5: to myself because I never have feelings for anyone and
6:07
Speaker 5: I want to hold on.
6:08
Speaker 6: Too finally liking someone.
6:09
Speaker 5: Do you think it's wrong to stay in my position
6:11
Speaker 5: with the feelings I have for my boss? Should I
6:14
Speaker 5: quit my job, switch departments see if the feelings fade.
6:17
Speaker 5: I feel I'm too comfortable around her in my reactions
6:20
Speaker 5: and interactions, too informal, and I'm afraid one day I'll
6:22
Speaker 5: cross the line of unprofessionalism because I have these feelings
6:25
Speaker 5: for her. At any point, is it appropriate to tell
6:28
Speaker 5: a married person you have feelings for them and that's
6:30
Speaker 5: why you're leaving a job. For context, I'm a woman
6:33
Speaker 5: in my early thirties, old enough to know better. That's
6:36
Speaker 5: her words, not mine. Thank you for the podcast each week.
6:39
Speaker 5: Hope you won't think too lowly of me. We don't
6:44
Speaker 5: think lowly of you.
6:44
Speaker 4: First, Yeah, we don't think this is you know, you're
6:47
Speaker 4: sometimes are.
6:50
Speaker 2: Human.
6:51
Speaker 4: Feelings are out of our control, but what is in
6:54
Speaker 4: our control is how we navigate them and act on them.
6:58
Speaker 2: And I think that you need.
6:59
Speaker 4: To stay far away from acting on your feelings with
7:03
Speaker 4: this one.
7:04
Speaker 1: Yeah, I feel like telling a married person that you
7:07
Speaker 1: have feelings for them is so disrespectful.
7:12
Speaker 3: I don't, but then again, it's like your feelings and you.
7:16
Speaker 6: Can you can see it in her head right.
7:18
Speaker 5: She says, Look, I have to leave this job because
7:19
Speaker 5: I'm in love with you, and then the boss says, wait.
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Speaker 2: But even that is messy.
7:27
Speaker 4: It is even if it goes the way you want
7:28
Speaker 4: it to go, it's messy, and it's going to put
7:31
Speaker 4: you in a bad position.
7:32
Speaker 2: I think you know that. Well, I don't know if
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Speaker 2: this is a if anonymous is a man or woman,
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Speaker 2: So I don't know if this.
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Speaker 5: Is a anonymous. Oh do you know that second to
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Speaker 5: last sentence for context, I'm a.
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Speaker 3: Woman, Okay, okay.
7:49
Speaker 4: I think maybe you try and date women because maybe
7:53
Speaker 4: it's I don't know the situation. If it's the first
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Speaker 4: woman you've had feelings for, so it feels like really
7:58
Speaker 4: deep and really big. You're spending most of your time
8:02
Speaker 4: with this person. This is probably the most like connection
8:05
Speaker 4: you have with another person in an intimate, in like
8:08
Speaker 4: a close way. I think that maybe you start putting
8:12
Speaker 4: yourself out there to date other people, and I personally
8:16
Speaker 4: think that the way that it's leading you should potentially look.
8:21
Speaker 2: For another job.
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Speaker 1: I just feel like there's something about the forbidden fruit,
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Speaker 1: like for me, even when I'm single, Like seeing a
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Speaker 1: guy with a wedding ring on, I was like, that's
8:29
Speaker 1: so sexy and hot, you know, so like there might
8:31
Speaker 1: be some of that going on with your boss, like
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Speaker 1: she's married and like or you know, she's married and
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Speaker 1: like I can't have her, and.
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Speaker 3: Like there's something to it.
8:40
Speaker 1: So that also might be playing into like your like
8:43
Speaker 1: fixation on this fairy tale.
8:47
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's it's a no for me.
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Speaker 4: I just think if you're if you are already anticipating
8:52
Speaker 4: that you might cross the line and the interactions are
8:55
Speaker 4: getting more informal, I just think it might save yourself
9:01
Speaker 4: so many things, either rejection, either getting yourself into this mess,
9:06
Speaker 4: or or just making a huge mistake career wise. I
9:11
Speaker 4: think that it might be best to find another place
9:15
Speaker 4: of employment.
9:18
Speaker 3: Let me tell you, because here's the thing.
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Speaker 1: Robbie came home to me and said, yeah, my secretary
9:23
Speaker 1: said she has feelings for me. You best believe I
9:27
Speaker 1: would not be bejeweled that woman would be halfway across
9:31
Speaker 1: the four or five okay, knowing he's married.
9:34
Speaker 5: No, you know what I mean, Like thatocating right, change jobs.
9:39
Speaker 4: I don't think to say why she's changing jobs that.
9:44
Speaker 4: I think you need to remove yourself from the temptation
9:47
Speaker 4: because I agree. I think forbidden fruit and like the
9:50
Speaker 4: chase of something that's unavailable is very innate in us
9:53
Speaker 4: as humans.
9:54
Speaker 1: I think, and look, keep looking her up on Instagram,
9:57
Speaker 1: keep a tab on her, just to see what's going on.
9:59
Speaker 3: Maybe one day she gets divorced, and then you.
10:01
Speaker 2: Can do not listen to that cool advice.
10:06
Speaker 4: I think if she gets to if she is in
10:09
Speaker 4: a position where she's not happy in her marriage and
10:11
Speaker 4: the feelings are reciprocated, she needs to deal with that
10:14
Speaker 4: on her side before you're at all involved.
10:17
Speaker 3: And she no, I know, I know, but I'm saying.
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Speaker 2: I don't need to keep tabs on her.
10:21
Speaker 5: Secretary keeping tabs on Robbie, just in case you guys
10:24
Speaker 5: get divorced.
10:25
Speaker 1: Guess what she can she she'd be waiting for a
10:27
Speaker 1: long time, locking his photos, engaging with him, responding to
10:31
Speaker 1: his messages.
10:32
Speaker 3: No, no, no, no no no, it's engage. I just to
10:34
Speaker 3: keep an eye. No liking, no, stay away.
10:37
Speaker 5: I think your best bet is to find somebody else.
10:39
Speaker 5: If you guys start dating somebody else and put these
10:41
Speaker 5: kind of this kind of energy into her, that would
10:43
Speaker 5: be ideal and then you could move on. But if
10:47
Speaker 5: that's not feasible, I think, yeah, you're gonna have to
10:49
Speaker 5: go somewhere else to work.
10:51
Speaker 6: I just think she doesn't want to do that though.
10:52
Speaker 6: That's the drag. She does not want to chase jobs something.
10:55
Speaker 5: She's got a great relationship with the loss, just in
10:57
Speaker 5: terms of one on one the relationship seems cool aside.
11:01
Speaker 4: If you're going to stay at the job and you're
11:02
Speaker 4: going to have these interactions, I think you need to
11:06
Speaker 4: set boundaries and make the interactions more professional, less less informal,
11:11
Speaker 4: so that you are setting a boundary for yourself and
11:14
Speaker 4: for your boss. And if you can't do that, if
11:18
Speaker 4: you think you're going to cross the line, I think
11:19
Speaker 4: you remove yourself from the situation.
11:21
Speaker 2: That's my advice.
11:22
Speaker 4: And I also think you put yourself out there and
11:23
Speaker 4: start dating, because maybe you're seeking a relationship and intimacy,
11:28
Speaker 4: but you're getting enough of it, of a tease of
11:31
Speaker 4: it at work, so you have stopped putting in the
11:34
Speaker 4: effort outside of work. I don't know if that's the case,
11:36
Speaker 4: but we don't think lowly of you. I think you're
11:40
Speaker 4: having a very human experience. But I don't want you
11:43
Speaker 4: to get hurt and put yourself in a position of
11:46
Speaker 4: messiness of someone else's marriage.
11:49
Speaker 6: Coming up next, we're talking age gaps.
11:51
Speaker 3: Love it.
12:07
Speaker 2: All right, we are back with an age gap question.
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Speaker 5: Hi, Bega, Tanya, Marc and easton day one Scrubber Here,
12:13
Speaker 5: I'm needing some advice. What do you think is an
12:15
Speaker 5: appropriate age gap to be dating someone? I'm thirty four
12:18
Speaker 5: years old. I'm starting to develop a crush on someone
12:20
Speaker 5: who's twenty five. Is that crazy? I know we're at
12:23
Speaker 5: different stages in our lives, but he is very mature
12:25
Speaker 5: for his age and has a good job.
12:27
Speaker 6: I know.
12:27
Speaker 5: If roles were reversed and this is a thirty four
12:29
Speaker 5: year old man dating a twenty five year old woman,
12:31
Speaker 5: it wouldn't be that weird. Am I overthinking this? Should
12:34
Speaker 5: I just go for it and have fun? Or is
12:35
Speaker 5: this age gap too much? Thanks for any and all advice.
12:39
Speaker 2: I say go for it and have fun.
12:40
Speaker 5: I don't love it, and I'll tell you why. That
12:43
Speaker 5: twenty five year old guy, he is not fully formed.
12:47
Speaker 5: I have a low opinion of young men. I'm sorry
12:49
Speaker 5: I do because I was one teenage boys are the worst.
12:51
Speaker 5: Doesn't get a lot better by twenty five. Thirty three great,
12:54
Speaker 5: twenty five not awesome. So my concern is that men.
12:59
Speaker 5: I mean, you say he's mature, I don't know in
13:00
Speaker 5: terms of maturity. To me, this is like twenty five
13:03
Speaker 5: to thirty four in this situation is like nineteen to
13:05
Speaker 5: forty five. Right, you are fully formed. You are an
13:09
Speaker 5: adult woman who knows what she wants. And is not
13:11
Speaker 5: going to take any nonsense. He's all nonsense at twenty five.
13:15
Speaker 5: I could be wrong. But if you're just looking to
13:17
Speaker 5: have fun, great, go have fun. But if you're thinking
13:21
Speaker 5: of this as a long term commitment, I don't know.
13:23
Speaker 4: I say have fun. I say you are aware of
13:26
Speaker 4: what could happen with a twenty five year old because
13:28
Speaker 4: you're writing and asking about it, so you know all
13:30
Speaker 4: the you know what could happen, the possibilities.
13:35
Speaker 1: I love an age gap. I am in an age gap,
13:39
Speaker 1: and I'm all for it.
13:41
Speaker 3: Let's go.
13:43
Speaker 2: Yeah, But I guess age gap.
13:45
Speaker 4: Y'all are both at an age where the age gap
13:47
Speaker 4: isn't as like A isn't as prominent in terms of
13:50
Speaker 4: like maturity and goal setting.
13:52
Speaker 3: Who's to say I feel confident about that?
13:55
Speaker 5: You do?
13:55
Speaker 2: Yeah?
13:56
Speaker 4: Based on Robbie at twenty five.
14:00
Speaker 1: Robbi did not know him at twenty five. But I
14:02
Speaker 1: feel like Robby at twenty five was probably excellent.
14:05
Speaker 2: That's very sure he was. But I'm saying you.
14:09
Speaker 3: You at twenty five, that's another story. So that's another story.
14:14
Speaker 3: Me at twenty five, she was, she was, she was lost.
14:18
Speaker 2: Listen, I think do your thing.
14:20
Speaker 4: I just watched Bridget Jones diary The New Wow.
14:25
Speaker 2: It's so emotional.
14:27
Speaker 3: I've never seen a single Bridget Jones diary.
14:29
Speaker 6: You never want not one.
14:32
Speaker 2: Oh my, you should do a binge weekend.
14:35
Speaker 4: So anyways, she has a relationship with a much younger guy,
14:39
Speaker 4: Leo Woodall oh yeah, yeah, yeah, love love and there
14:44
Speaker 4: you know, they they explore all these things. And I
14:48
Speaker 4: just thought it was so cute because he spoiler alert,
14:51
Speaker 4: but he kind of gets her back on her feet,
14:53
Speaker 4: you know, and and I think back in the saddle
14:57
Speaker 4: to ride the stallion and and have fun, and just
15:01
Speaker 4: just know that there could be a moment where he
15:04
Speaker 4: isn't aligned in what y'all are looking for long term.
15:08
Speaker 3: Jump one it, let's do it.
15:12
Speaker 1: Ride it my twenty five year old old, I say,
15:17
Speaker 1: get on it.
15:18
Speaker 6: From a day one scrubber.
15:20
Speaker 5: Hey everyone, I'm twenty nine and finally at the chapter
15:22
Speaker 5: in my life where me and my husband are trying
15:23
Speaker 5: to have kids. With that I struggle every day with
15:26
Speaker 5: imposter syndrome. I can't help it feel bad for any
15:29
Speaker 5: of my future kids that might get stuck with me
15:31
Speaker 5: as a mom. Is it normal to feel this way?
15:34
Speaker 5: It makes me question if I want kids or if
15:36
Speaker 5: I'm completely going to mess them up.
15:38
Speaker 6: Love you all.
15:38
Speaker 5: You put a smile on my face anytime I open
15:40
Speaker 5: my phone to a new podcast episode.
15:43
Speaker 2: Mark, you're the only one who can truly speak to
15:45
Speaker 2: this as a parent.
15:47
Speaker 6: One at a time. Here, I think it's very common.
15:50
Speaker 5: I remember when my youngest was born in the spring,
15:53
Speaker 5: about six and they gave her to us, really.
15:56
Speaker 3: Mean your oldest. Huh what I say, youngest?
15:58
Speaker 6: Oh?
15:58
Speaker 5: Sorry, my oldest is born. And I said, what are
16:00
Speaker 5: you doing? You're just gonna give this child to us.
16:03
Speaker 5: We have no idea what's supposed to happen here. And
16:06
Speaker 5: you go home and you're like, we don't know what
16:08
Speaker 5: we're doing. We're just morons. And there's a baby here
16:11
Speaker 5: and holy crap, well now she's in college. So you
16:14
Speaker 5: figure it out, and also feelings come in to you.
16:17
Speaker 5: The quote I always use is you think right now
16:20
Speaker 5: that you know what love is and what love feels like,
16:22
Speaker 5: but you have no idea. When you see that baby
16:25
Speaker 5: laying there helpless in the whatever the cradle, you realize.
16:29
Speaker 6: Oh, this is love.
16:30
Speaker 5: This is a whole you unlocked the whole other level,
16:34
Speaker 5: and so that's gonna happen naturally. I guarantee it. I
16:37
Speaker 5: think my wife wondered if she would be a good mom.
16:39
Speaker 5: She's a spectacular mom so much, and now it's she's
16:43
Speaker 5: all mom. She's one hundred percent mom. She's such a mom,
16:48
Speaker 5: even the one in college. They're always talking. It's always
16:51
Speaker 5: the mothering never stops. And boy, that came out strong.
16:54
Speaker 5: Your natural maternal instincts are going to kick in and
16:57
Speaker 5: you're gonna be amazed at how well you do with this.
16:59
Speaker 5: And also, so you are going to mess them up,
17:02
Speaker 5: because that's what every.
17:03
Speaker 6: Parent does to their children.
17:04
Speaker 5: As committed as you are to not messing them up,
17:06
Speaker 5: you will in some ways. They will be in therapy
17:09
Speaker 5: one day talking about something that you did as a parent,
17:12
Speaker 5: and it's all You're going to do the best you
17:14
Speaker 5: can and there's nothing you can do about that. But
17:17
Speaker 5: that's okay. They're going to love you no matter what.
17:19
Speaker 5: So I think you're gonna be great. Yeah.
17:21
Speaker 4: I think you're going to be great too. And I
17:23
Speaker 4: think that you're even aware of this. And I also
17:25
Speaker 4: think if you're not already in therapy working on things
17:28
Speaker 4: that you feel impacted you as a child, that your
17:32
Speaker 4: parents did, like working on things that you've carried that
17:34
Speaker 4: you're scared to mess and putting quotes up, mess them up.
17:39
Speaker 4: Start working on that so that when you have a baby,
17:41
Speaker 4: you feel like you're at least working and healing on
17:44
Speaker 4: something that you are afraid of.
17:47
Speaker 3: Yeah, And I think everybody has these feelings.
17:49
Speaker 4: Yeah.
17:49
Speaker 2: I was Ali.
17:50
Speaker 4: I was with Ali last night, who's pregnant, and we
17:52
Speaker 4: were talking about She was like, I feel like you're
17:54
Speaker 4: so maternal, Like there's this natural like maternal energy that
17:59
Speaker 4: you have talking to me, and I was I was like, yeah,
18:02
Speaker 4: but I don't think that that makes a difference of
18:04
Speaker 4: how you're going to be as a mom. I think
18:06
Speaker 4: some people have a natural urge towards kids or I
18:08
Speaker 4: was surrounded by kids my whole life. It was like
18:11
Speaker 4: very innate in me. But I also think it doesn't
18:14
Speaker 4: mean that you're going to be not like not a
18:17
Speaker 4: good mom, or the maternal instinct isn't going to kick in.
18:20
Speaker 1: Yeah, Like I often think about when I think about
18:22
Speaker 1: being a mom, Like I think about the like the
18:24
Speaker 1: years from like five on, Like the thought of having
18:27
Speaker 1: a newborn baby that you have to like like we
18:30
Speaker 1: were saying take home not like that freaks me out.
18:33
Speaker 3: Yeah, Like totally freaks me out.
18:35
Speaker 2: That's what I got favorite.
18:36
Speaker 5: You know, those dumb baby on board stickers people on
18:38
Speaker 5: the car and I always hated those and always make
18:40
Speaker 5: fun of them. As I was driving home from the
18:42
Speaker 5: hospital that day with Ali in the back seat, I
18:45
Speaker 5: remember thinking to myself, these people would not be driving
18:47
Speaker 5: so crazily if they knew I had a newborn baby
18:49
Speaker 5: in this car.
18:50
Speaker 6: And I'm like, Oh, those are those damn spines. That's
18:52
Speaker 6: why they put those up.
18:53
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, that that is what that's that freaks me out.
18:57
Speaker 5: I was gripping that wheel of ten and two. I
19:00
Speaker 5: was so scared for the first time.
19:02
Speaker 1: It's scared driving like my step kids and they're fully grown,
19:07
Speaker 1: Like I cannot imagine fully grown well you.
19:12
Speaker 3: Know what I mean, not babies.
19:14
Speaker 1: I could not imagine driving a newborn baby and a
19:19
Speaker 1: like a motorized vehicle on the freeways here in Los Angeles.
19:23
Speaker 6: Don't feel bad for your future kids.
19:24
Speaker 2: You're going to be amazing, amazing, so.
19:26
Speaker 5: Lucky to have you as a mom, and they're going
19:28
Speaker 5: to love you so much. And just the fact that
19:30
Speaker 5: you're asking these questions is the indicator that you're going
19:32
Speaker 5: to be spectacular. I think we should take another break.
19:55
Speaker 2: All right, we are back, and I think we have one.
20:00
Speaker 6: She actually gave a name on this one.
20:02
Speaker 5: Everything is anonymous except for this one from single Sierra
20:06
Speaker 5: him My sweet Friends.
20:07
Speaker 6: Huh.
20:08
Speaker 5: I've been a listener since the very first episode. It's
20:11
Speaker 5: crazy to reflect and see how many lives I've lived
20:13
Speaker 5: and how many monumental moments you guys have unknowingly experienced
20:16
Speaker 5: with me.
20:17
Speaker 6: That's really nice.
20:19
Speaker 5: I've gone through a long term relationship in that time,
20:21
Speaker 5: I was single for two years. I just got out
20:23
Speaker 5: of a six month relationship. I'm twenty six, and while
20:26
Speaker 5: that's obviously still young, it's hard to not be bummed
20:28
Speaker 5: at the thought of starting over yet again. But nothing
20:30
Speaker 5: scares me more than being with the wrong guy and
20:33
Speaker 5: starting over even later in life. Just because I'm scared now, Tanya,
20:37
Speaker 5: you've helped me in more ways than you know in
20:39
Speaker 5: not settling, waiting for mister Wright, and to not fear
20:42
Speaker 5: that I'll be too much for anyone as I too
20:46
Speaker 5: lead with my heart and dive all in. With all
20:49
Speaker 5: that being said, recently getting out of this relationship, how
20:51
Speaker 5: long do I wait before getting back on the saddle,
20:54
Speaker 5: and not necessarily the inappropriate saddle, Tony, it's probably thinking
20:57
Speaker 5: of right now. I'm doing fine because i've after he
21:00
Speaker 5: wasn't my person and it was my decision to end things.
21:03
Speaker 5: But the thought of talking to guys again in this
21:05
Speaker 5: moment feels icky. But at the same time, I want
21:07
Speaker 5: to find my person. I'd love your thoughts on this.
21:10
Speaker 5: Thank you for being my people all these years. Never
21:12
Speaker 5: stop the pod or I'll have to replay old episodes
21:15
Speaker 5: like I do with my friends daily.
21:17
Speaker 6: Single Sierra, she.
21:20
Speaker 3: Knows me too well, this Sierra, she does.
21:22
Speaker 4: She called you out before you could even have the
21:24
Speaker 4: thought actually get back on that side.
21:27
Speaker 2: She was about to go back and uncomfortable.
21:34
Speaker 3: Rat it his pony. But that's not what she's.
21:41
Speaker 2: That's not what she was wanting from us.
21:43
Speaker 3: I say, start now, but now it's not now.
21:47
Speaker 5: When?
21:48
Speaker 2: If not you, who? If not here, where?
21:53
Speaker 3: What are we waiting for?
21:54
Speaker 2: What are you waiting anyway? Love me like you do,
22:00
Speaker 2: love me like you do?
22:02
Speaker 1: Who?
22:03
Speaker 3: Here's the thing, Sierrah.
22:04
Speaker 1: Tell her get back on the saddle immediately, because here's
22:08
Speaker 1: the thing. Even if you if it's too soon, you
22:12
Speaker 1: don't want like I remember, I went on a zoom
22:14
Speaker 1: date with somebody when Robin and I were broken up,
22:16
Speaker 1: and I ended up talking about Robbie the whole date,
22:18
Speaker 1: and it's like who cares no harm, no fouls, do
22:21
Speaker 1: you know what I mean?
22:21
Speaker 4: Like, yeah, he wasn't your guy, so it's like follow
22:24
Speaker 4: that guy way.
22:24
Speaker 3: Yeah, and he's married with a baby now.
22:27
Speaker 1: Actually this is the crazy Maybe we should get the
22:30
Speaker 1: guy on the podcast because I was talking about Robbie
22:33
Speaker 1: the whole date, and he was talking about his ex
22:35
Speaker 1: the whole date, and then he got back with his
22:38
Speaker 1: ex and is married to her now with the baby,
22:40
Speaker 1: And I'm back with Robbie about to get married hopefully
22:43
Speaker 1: soon have a baby.
22:44
Speaker 6: That's the best booking I can imagine.
22:45
Speaker 3: Isn't that crazy?
22:47
Speaker 5: Yeah?
22:47
Speaker 1: Yeah, I still follow him, but but yeah, that's what
22:51
Speaker 1: I'm saying, Like, I went on this date obviously was
22:53
Speaker 1: too soon.
22:54
Speaker 3: I was still obsessed with Robbie, but it is what
22:57
Speaker 3: it is.
22:58
Speaker 1: What was the timeframe of that, I don't know. I
23:02
Speaker 1: want to say it's maybe like a month after it
23:03
Speaker 1: broke up. It wasn't like right away, yeah, but it
23:05
Speaker 1: was like a definitely a month.
23:07
Speaker 4: I think if you are even thinking about wanting to
23:11
Speaker 4: go out and date and meet other people, I say,
23:14
Speaker 4: do it like whatever you have drinks, you meet people,
23:16
Speaker 4: you'll be like. You might be like, okay, well I'm
23:19
Speaker 4: not ready for this. Or you might be like that
23:21
Speaker 4: didn't feel terrible. Yeah, let's do it again, right, get
23:24
Speaker 4: a free meal, free drin.
23:25
Speaker 6: Now, nothing wrong with people?
23:27
Speaker 2: No, no, there's not.
23:29
Speaker 4: And maybe you go maybe go on a date with
23:32
Speaker 4: someone you're like, that's not my person, but maybe you
23:35
Speaker 4: become friends and then they have a friend or do
23:37
Speaker 4: you feel like the.
23:38
Speaker 1: Most horrible dates that I went on and like my
23:40
Speaker 1: worst experiences are still like funny stories and like memory
23:44
Speaker 1: the plot, it's part.
23:45
Speaker 3: Of the plot.
23:46
Speaker 6: Yeah, for the plot.
23:47
Speaker 2: Do it for the plot.
23:48
Speaker 4: Single Sierra, time to get back in the saddle, jump on.
23:54
Speaker 2: We say, if not now when?
23:57
Speaker 3: If not you who.
24:01
Speaker 2: We did have?
24:02
Speaker 5: Like?
24:02
Speaker 2: Is this an update this story?
24:04
Speaker 5: She hasked for us that she thought you'd be sure
24:07
Speaker 5: a story story from Aaron Hi easton Mark, Oh, easton Mark,
24:11
Speaker 5: Tanya and Becca look at that.
24:13
Speaker 2: Billing at me on the docket.
24:15
Speaker 5: But of whatever I'm writing to you specifically because of
24:18
Speaker 5: something Tanya said a while back that stuck with me.
24:21
Speaker 5: I don't remember when, but Tania spoke about her belief
24:23
Speaker 5: that God always fulfills the desires he puts.
24:26
Speaker 6: On your heart.
24:26
Speaker 5: Don't want to share my story to preface. I was
24:28
Speaker 5: so I am so fortunate to have all of my children.
24:31
Speaker 5: I do not want this to come up as insensitive
24:33
Speaker 5: to people struggling with infertility or people whose outcome wasn't
24:35
Speaker 5: the same as mine. I've always pictured having a daughter,
24:38
Speaker 5: to the point that I started a baby girl clothing
24:40
Speaker 5: box before I even became pregnant with my first. Fast
24:44
Speaker 5: forward to twenty twenty four. We have two boys, the
24:46
Speaker 5: lights of my life. I wouldn't trade them for anything,
24:48
Speaker 5: but this was the year to have our third and
24:50
Speaker 5: final child. We got pregnant, I prayed every single day
24:53
Speaker 5: for a girl. I took a blood test it was
24:56
Speaker 5: another boy. I am ashamed to say. I cried for weeks.
25:00
Speaker 5: I knew I'd love this baby like my others, but
25:02
Speaker 5: I couldn't understand why God would put this yearning on
25:05
Speaker 5: my heart and not fulfill it. I confided in a
25:07
Speaker 5: friend and explain to her that Tanya's words struck stuck
25:09
Speaker 5: with me and gave me hope for a daughter, and
25:12
Speaker 5: I was so mad that it was wrong. My friend
25:14
Speaker 5: told me stop praying for that baby girl and start
25:17
Speaker 5: praying for understanding and belief in God's plan. So I
25:20
Speaker 5: did this, I became happy with the outcome. I bought
25:22
Speaker 5: the perfect blue paint, started designing a new nursery. I'm
25:25
Speaker 5: here to tell you with tears in my eyes, I'm
25:28
Speaker 5: currently holding my three month old baby girl aided James.
25:32
Speaker 5: I went in from my ultrasound and she told me
25:34
Speaker 5: I was not.
25:34
Speaker 6: Having a boy. I was having a girl.
25:36
Speaker 5: I made three ultrasound texts confirm it, and I did
25:39
Speaker 5: another blood test to be sure. God works in mysterious ways.
25:43
Speaker 5: I think the blood test being wrong was God's way
25:45
Speaker 5: of testing my faith. And with faith, God really does
25:48
Speaker 5: fulfill what he puts on your heart. It may not
25:50
Speaker 5: be how you envisioned it, but he does. Hope my
25:53
Speaker 5: story makes you smile. Thanks for being a highlight of
25:55
Speaker 5: my day twice a week. Love you, guys. And she
25:57
Speaker 5: has attached a picture of her beautiful fan. Look at
26:01
Speaker 5: those two young guys in the middle swaddled up here.
26:08
Speaker 3: That's such a sweet story. Thank you for sharing that.
26:11
Speaker 1: It's so true though, it's so interesting because like I do,
26:15
Speaker 1: I do fully believe that that He fulfills the desires
26:18
Speaker 1: of your heart. They're put there for a reason. But
26:20
Speaker 1: you're so right that like it might not be. You
26:24
Speaker 1: just have to trust in the you know what I mean.
26:26
Speaker 1: Even if you didn't end up with your girl, there
26:28
Speaker 1: there was a reason for that, you know.
26:31
Speaker 3: But that's beautiful. I'm so happy that you got your daughter.
26:34
Speaker 2: Yeah. We love hearing from me all. We love stories
26:36
Speaker 2: like this.
26:37
Speaker 4: And if you have questions that you need advice on
26:40
Speaker 4: or sharing stories updates, whatever it is, dms on Instagram
26:45
Speaker 4: at scrubbing in pot or email us at scrubbing in
26:48
Speaker 4: at iHeartMedia dot com. That's all for today, folks, All
26:52
Speaker 4: for today. Another week of scrubbing in.
26:55
Speaker 3: Next week we're back and I test my ovulation.
27:00
Speaker 4: Oh my god, stay tuned, Stay tuned, everybody. You know.
27:04
Speaker 1: I'm excited because last month I was on day twelve
27:08
Speaker 1: after do the math, it was day twelve.
27:11
Speaker 2: No, say this, save this for the pod. This is
27:14
Speaker 2: what you mean. Save this for the next week. Give
27:19
Speaker 2: the scrubbers something to look forward.
27:22
Speaker 3: I feel like you're making fun of me.
27:24
Speaker 2: I'm gonna say it.
27:25
Speaker 3: Don't make it feels making fun.
27:27
Speaker 4: Don't give it all the way right now, Wait till
27:29
Speaker 4: we can talk about it in depth and have an
27:32
Speaker 4: update on Monday.
27:34
Speaker 3: I feel she'd make it fun of me.
27:35
Speaker 6: No, I don't get that at all.
27:37
Speaker 4: Secret will never tell you know you love me, xoxo,
27:42
Speaker 4: gossip Girl