Latest / Dear Chelsea / Life is Goo with Rachel Bloom

Transcript

Life is Goo with Rachel Bloom · Dear Chelsea

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Hello, Hello, Hello, good morning morning. Are you in New York.
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: I'm in Seattle.
• 0:08
  Speaker 2: I'm in Seattle.
• 0:09
  Speaker 3: My voice sounds fresh because of all the freshness that
• 0:12
  Speaker 3: I've been up to. So I had a book signing
• 0:15
  Speaker 3: here last night. I had the Oscars the night before,
• 0:18
  Speaker 3: big party situation. Yes, was out till about four in
• 0:22
  Speaker 3: the morning, and then got up at eight o'clock or
• 0:24
  Speaker 3: no ten o'clock to come to Seattle for my book
• 0:27
  Speaker 3: signing here.
• 0:28
  Speaker 4: The Internet says that you're dating rape Fines, which like
• 0:31
  Speaker 4: I saw, I saw it like I saw.
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: Hell, yeah, well that's I'm not dating Ray Fines. But that, yes,
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: I saw that. I had high hopes I had.
• 0:40
  Speaker 3: Yes, No, we just went to a from one party
• 0:44
  Speaker 3: to another together. That's simply what happened. But I did
• 0:48
  Speaker 3: have a blast. I've had a blast all week.
• 0:51
  Speaker 2: And it's been your birthday.
• 0:53
  Speaker 3: Oh. Yes, and I had a birthday party too on
• 0:55
  Speaker 3: Friday night, No, Saturday night, Saturday night, I had a
• 0:58
  Speaker 3: birthday party. Saturday. I went from Chicago, went to my
• 1:01
  Speaker 3: book signing at the Grove in La. Then I turned
• 1:04
  Speaker 3: around and went back to the hotel I was staying
• 1:05
  Speaker 3: at where I was having my birthday party.
• 1:07
  Speaker 2: Saturday night, which was also a blast, very fun.
• 1:11
  Speaker 4: And then I randomly ran into you at the grove.
• 1:14
  Speaker 4: Let me tell you how many signs there were that
• 1:17
  Speaker 4: I didn't put two and two together. They had an
• 1:20
  Speaker 4: Owls Brew lemonade stand and I was like, oh, that's
• 1:23
  Speaker 4: Chelsea's and like, did not think you were doing a signing.
• 1:27
  Speaker 4: And by the way, the Owlsbrew is delicious. I had
• 1:30
  Speaker 4: the pink lemonade.
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: I know, I know all these girls that are upcoming in.
• 1:34
  Speaker 3: You know, my book signings are primarily about ninety percent women, obviously,
• 1:39
  Speaker 3: and they're all coming.
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: And now we have the Owls Brew at every book signing.
• 1:42
  Speaker 3: So that's been so fun because now people get the
• 1:44
  Speaker 3: message that for their book clubs they should be pounding Owlsbrew.
• 1:48
  Speaker 4: Yeah it's very tart, very delicious.
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: But yeah, that was so funny.
• 1:53
  Speaker 4: And then somebody came up and said, who's doing a
• 1:54
  Speaker 4: book signing here, and the guy behind the counter said
• 1:57
  Speaker 4: Chelsea Hmler and I was like.
• 1:58
  Speaker 3: Oh, yeah, yeah, I know what a dink.
• 2:03
  Speaker 4: I know, I know. I'm like, I'm sure it was
• 2:04
  Speaker 4: in there subliminally somewhere, but anyway, yes, we got to
• 2:08
  Speaker 4: come say hi, I mad.
• 2:10
  Speaker 3: And I was reunited with Doug for this week for
• 2:12
  Speaker 3: the weekend, even though my Belle started pulling her a
• 2:14
  Speaker 3: bullshit when she brought him over to my hotel room.
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: She's like, it's okay, Doug, it's okay, mommy's here. I'm like,
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: I'm the mommy.
• 2:21
  Speaker 2: Shut up dog, don't start.
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: This shit with me again.
• 2:27
  Speaker 3: Anyway. I'm on my way back to Los Angeles this morning,
• 2:30
  Speaker 3: and I am going to you know, hit it.
• 2:32
  Speaker 2: Hit it hard for the next who knows how long.
• 2:36
  Speaker 2: I can't even look at my schedule because it's too intimidating.
• 2:40
  Speaker 4: No, no, I know. I keep asking your assistant for
• 2:42
  Speaker 4: things and she as, you're busy.
• 2:45
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 2:46
  Speaker 3: And I've also run into so many So many of
• 2:48
  Speaker 3: the people coming to my book signings love Dear Chelsea
• 2:51
  Speaker 3: and are avid listeners. So that's always nice to meet
• 2:54
  Speaker 3: our listeners in person. And I hope you guys are
• 2:57
  Speaker 3: reaching out to each other through different groups and stuff
• 3:01
  Speaker 3: so that you guys can connect through Dear Chelsea and
• 3:05
  Speaker 3: read the books together.
• 3:06
  Speaker 4: That's great. Well, any dates that we want to.
• 3:09
  Speaker 3: Hit Vegas, I'm coming to Vegas March twenty first, guys,
• 3:12
  Speaker 3: that's my next show in Vegas. March twenty first, and
• 3:14
  Speaker 3: then April eighteenth, and then I announced about five more dates,
• 3:17
  Speaker 3: and I announced all my European dates, So those are
• 3:20
  Speaker 3: selling out. So if you're in Europe and you're listening
• 3:22
  Speaker 3: to this and I'm coming to your city, go get
• 3:24
  Speaker 3: your ticket because they're going excellent. And then also anyone
• 3:29
  Speaker 3: who's listening, who has bought my book, who has listened
• 3:32
  Speaker 3: to my book, send us excerpts or you reading your
• 3:37
  Speaker 3: favorite parts or circle your favorite parts because I've been reposting.
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: Those and I love those. I love to see them.
• 3:43
  Speaker 3: And yes, my book has now been out for almost
• 3:46
  Speaker 3: six days.
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: I'll have what she's having.
• 3:50
  Speaker 4: Amazing and I got a copy too now, so I'm
• 3:54
  Speaker 4: gonna find out all your.
• 3:55
  Speaker 3: Secret wonderful well there's you know, as we know, there
• 3:58
  Speaker 3: are no.
• 3:58
  Speaker 1: Secrets with me.
• 4:00
  Speaker 3: And I also want to mention that based on my video,
• 4:03
  Speaker 3: my birthday videos, which we're all familiar with, hopefully I
• 4:07
  Speaker 3: am doing an actual ski run bathing suit ski run
• 4:12
  Speaker 3: on March fourteenth that everyone is invited to come and
• 4:16
  Speaker 3: register for.
• 4:17
  Speaker 2: That means you ski with me in your bathing.
• 4:19
  Speaker 3: Suit down Tahoe in the Palisades Palisades, Tahoe I should say,
• 4:25
  Speaker 3: and it's well, it's just going to be a blast.
• 4:29
  Speaker 3: I mean, it's just going to be a recreation of
• 4:31
  Speaker 3: my birthday video. And wait, so you see the bathing
• 4:33
  Speaker 3: suit they have me wearing. Very excited, So our guests today.
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: Please welcome Rachel Bloom.
• 4:39
  Speaker 3: Okay, we're here with she's a comedian, she's a writer,
• 4:43
  Speaker 3: and she's an actress. And you know her best probably
• 4:46
  Speaker 3: as the creator and star of Crazy Ex Girlfriend, Everyone's
• 4:49
  Speaker 3: favorite show, and she.
• 4:51
  Speaker 1: Has a new specially.
• 4:51
  Speaker 2: Everyone is a very libb.
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: Please go on, and we're justlusive.
• 4:56
  Speaker 2: Okay, it's very inclusive of a very small part of
• 4:58
  Speaker 2: the population. That's not true. That's not true. That was
• 5:00
  Speaker 2: a very hugely popular show. Popular is an interesting Sure,
• 5:06
  Speaker 2: yes it was.
• 5:06
  Speaker 3: It was, absolutely it was. I think you need to
• 5:08
  Speaker 3: embrace that. Her new special is called Death. Let me
• 5:11
  Speaker 3: do my special. It's on Netflix right now. Please welcome
• 5:15
  Speaker 3: Rachel Bloom. Rachel Bloom, Hi, Hi.
• 5:18
  Speaker 2: How are you.
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: I'm good.
• 5:20
  Speaker 2: It's always really nice to see you.
• 5:21
  Speaker 1: Always I love seeing you.
• 5:22
  Speaker 2: You're just a really kind person. Thank you. I was
• 5:26
  Speaker 2: just telling actually or Nanny was like, oh my god,
• 5:30
  Speaker 2: I love she's such a fan of yours, and I
• 5:32
  Speaker 2: was like, also, she's like really nice and kind to
• 5:34
  Speaker 2: other women, which is just really wonderful.
• 5:37
  Speaker 3: Thank you. Now I have to start being that way
• 5:38
  Speaker 3: to men, which I know they can be nice to
• 5:42
  Speaker 3: each other or whatever they are. You know, it's not
• 5:44
  Speaker 3: really our problem. Let's talk about your special. Death is
• 5:48
  Speaker 3: a big character in your special.
• 5:49
  Speaker 2: He is and I he is, Well, I'm kind of
• 5:55
  Speaker 2: the some of the character based off of like men
• 5:58
  Speaker 2: I've interacted with in like writers rooms, and so death
• 6:02
  Speaker 2: to me is a he Yes.
• 6:04
  Speaker 5: I like that.
• 6:05
  Speaker 3: Yes, I'd like to start thinking of it that way
• 6:06
  Speaker 3: as well, and I'm sure many of our listeners feel
• 6:08
  Speaker 3: the same exact way.
• 6:10
  Speaker 4: And not to say he like a dude bro.
• 6:12
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it was always like either. I mean there were
• 6:14
  Speaker 2: different ways we experimented with the character that like there
• 6:17
  Speaker 2: was a part of him that was in selly and
• 6:19
  Speaker 2: then there was a part of him that was just
• 6:20
  Speaker 2: like a dude bro, because like, hostility from comedians comes
• 6:25
  Speaker 2: in different forms. But either way, it's when I'm saying
• 6:28
  Speaker 2: bad things to myself, what is my inner voice, and
• 6:31
  Speaker 2: my inner voice is the men who I perceived as
• 6:34
  Speaker 2: funnier being like that's a fucking joke. Okay, I guess
• 6:37
  Speaker 2: you could technically call that a joke. That's my inner
• 6:40
  Speaker 2: hateful voice is those are those guys, is being judged
• 6:44
  Speaker 2: by those guys, being judged by those guys, and them
• 6:47
  Speaker 2: seeing that I am a fraud. Honestly, I mean, it's
• 6:50
  Speaker 2: it's like, it's it's I still have, after all these years,
• 6:52
  Speaker 2: a little bit of imposter syndrome of like, I'm very
• 6:55
  Speaker 2: sensitive and my my first writer's room and experiences I
• 6:58
  Speaker 2: had around that time was like there would be these
• 7:01
  Speaker 2: guys who just got really really tough and smart, and
• 7:05
  Speaker 2: they were great joke writers, but comedy was a way
• 7:08
  Speaker 2: to assert dominance over other people, you know, And I've
• 7:11
  Speaker 2: just I've never been good at like being insulted and
• 7:14
  Speaker 2: coming back with an insult. I'm also not a club comic,
• 7:16
  Speaker 2: so that's the thing is I didn't get I haven't
• 7:18
  Speaker 2: been hardened by I've always been like an old comic
• 7:22
  Speaker 2: UCB TV writer, so I haven't been hardened by like
• 7:25
  Speaker 2: drunk people in clubs throwing beers at me in a
• 7:29
  Speaker 2: way that might have made me tougher and better at
• 7:32
  Speaker 2: like insults and comebacks.
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: That's interesting.
• 7:35
  Speaker 3: I mean, I would think that because you're assembling lots
• 7:38
  Speaker 3: of different writers rooms, because you've had multiple shows.
• 7:40
  Speaker 2: I've only had I've only had one so far.
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: Really, yeah, well you have a new show that you
• 7:45
  Speaker 1: just announced.
• 7:46
  Speaker 2: Is it's a pilot, but but it makes me look
• 7:48
  Speaker 2: really good.
• 7:49
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 7:49
  Speaker 3: Well, I feel like you need to believe that you
• 7:51
  Speaker 3: are good because I believe.
• 7:52
  Speaker 2: I'm sorry, I'm I'm underplaying things and I don't know
• 7:56
  Speaker 2: why you're right?
• 7:57
  Speaker 1: But what was the Crazy Ex Girlfriend? You were doing
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: something that was I.
• 8:01
  Speaker 2: Was a TV writer and I was like auditioning and
• 8:03
  Speaker 2: I was doing shows at UCB.
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: Were you a star and something? Or on TV?
• 8:08
  Speaker 5: It is?
• 8:09
  Speaker 3: Oh, is that how I got to know you? It
• 8:11
  Speaker 3: was something before Crazy Ex Girl? It was my YouTube
• 8:13
  Speaker 3: I was doing like YouTube Okay, okay, so that's how
• 8:16
  Speaker 3: I got to know.
• 8:16
  Speaker 2: But I want to assemble. I have a couple of
• 8:19
  Speaker 2: TV things in the works where I would love to
• 8:23
  Speaker 2: be able to assemble another writer's room. I love being
• 8:25
  Speaker 2: in a writer's room.
• 8:26
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and I love.
• 8:27
  Speaker 2: To have another another show. I have a couple of
• 8:30
  Speaker 2: shows like in the works. Yeah. It's always funny what
• 8:32
  Speaker 2: we decide to like announce and not announce because everyone
• 8:36
  Speaker 2: you know, like everyone is working on. If our careers
• 8:40
  Speaker 2: were judged by effort, everyone would be number one on IMDb. Right,
• 8:45
  Speaker 2: everyone has like a thousand things going on. It's just okay,
• 8:48
  Speaker 2: are you Are you then fortunate to get to that
• 8:51
  Speaker 2: next level and have it actually like, for lack of
• 8:54
  Speaker 2: a better term, count.
• 8:56
  Speaker 1: Right, because it doesn't.
• 8:57
  Speaker 3: And I also conversely, the stuff is true, like sometimes
• 9:00
  Speaker 3: when you announce certain things you know that that aren't
• 9:03
  Speaker 3: necessarily sure a thing, it's like, oh, we're gonna announce,
• 9:07
  Speaker 3: you know. I don't like the announcements of things. I
• 9:09
  Speaker 3: like just putting things out there.
• 9:11
  Speaker 2: You know, me too, me too, and this like like
• 9:13
  Speaker 2: the show we just announced to my husband and I
• 9:15
  Speaker 2: have a show with.
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: ABC graduate getting a hush thank you.
• 9:18
  Speaker 2: So it's so funny because I was just listening to
• 9:21
  Speaker 2: your interview with Sharon Horgan, who I just have been
• 9:24
  Speaker 2: obsessed with. I'd love her so much. Another just brilliant
• 9:28
  Speaker 2: and also kind person and actually Catastrophe. It made me
• 9:32
  Speaker 2: realize I want to rewatch Catastrophe for the show that
• 9:34
  Speaker 2: I'm doing right now. The fuck was I gonna, oh, oh,
• 9:37
  Speaker 2: you're talking about divorce and I am so you know,
• 9:41
  Speaker 2: for all of my like I'm fucking crazy, and I
• 9:46
  Speaker 2: talk about my asshole and Dix I've been with the
• 9:49
  Speaker 2: same guy. Those are the two wildest things. I've been
• 9:52
  Speaker 2: with the same guy for about sixteen years. Wow, I'm
• 9:55
  Speaker 2: a child bride, very sixteen years. How old were you
• 9:58
  Speaker 2: when you met him? We we were friends since I
• 10:01
  Speaker 2: was eighteen, in the comedy community, because the comedy community is,
• 10:04
  Speaker 2: you know, incestuous. And then we started dating when I
• 10:06
  Speaker 2: was twenty one.
• 10:08
  Speaker 1: So you were only friends for the first few years.
• 10:10
  Speaker 3: I mean we made out once and then what happened
• 10:13
  Speaker 3: that what happened that you guys got together?
• 10:14
  Speaker 2: Well, I dated a bunch of his friends. That's always
• 10:18
  Speaker 2: a good way to get his attention, yes, and then
• 10:21
  Speaker 2: we just realized we really liked being together, and one
• 10:23
  Speaker 2: day we just kissed. I mean it was actually really
• 10:26
  Speaker 2: I was in la I was born and raised in
• 10:29
  Speaker 2: la and so I was back visiting my parents during
• 10:31
  Speaker 2: college before I did a theater trip to Amsterdam, and
• 10:35
  Speaker 2: he was here for business because he was already a
• 10:36
  Speaker 2: working TV writer, And he invited me to this barbecue
• 10:40
  Speaker 2: at this place he was running in Santa Monica, and
• 10:42
  Speaker 2: we like made out on the beach and like it
• 10:46
  Speaker 2: was magical, and I went to Amsterdam and came back
• 10:50
  Speaker 2: and we started dating for real and we've just been
• 10:51
  Speaker 2: together ever since. That's cute. It's really square. I would
• 10:54
  Speaker 2: have never my emotions around love were so volatile and
• 10:59
  Speaker 2: the people I went four were so fucking weird. Before him,
• 11:04
  Speaker 2: I would have never thought that I would be this
• 11:06
  Speaker 2: person in a monogamous relationship for so long. But here
• 11:10
  Speaker 2: I am. Why do you think?
• 11:12
  Speaker 3: Why were you why was your relationship with other men
• 11:14
  Speaker 3: like so volatile? Or why were you attracted to those
• 11:16
  Speaker 3: types of men? I mean, I did the same thing,
• 11:18
  Speaker 3: but I'm curious.
• 11:20
  Speaker 2: I liked the thrill of the chase and I liked
• 11:22
  Speaker 2: I mean, if I'm going to get like psychological about it,
• 11:24
  Speaker 2: I liked the feeling of the thrill of the chase.
• 11:26
  Speaker 2: It was the greatest drug. Love was my first serious crush.
• 11:30
  Speaker 2: Started when I was in about third grade, and I
• 11:34
  Speaker 2: remember the emotions that I have. It's my friend Zach.
• 11:37
  Speaker 2: He knows all about it. The emotions that I had
• 11:39
  Speaker 2: for Zach from third through seventh grade were as real,
• 11:45
  Speaker 2: and when I say real, they were as passionate and
• 11:48
  Speaker 2: all consuming as anything I ever felt as an adult.
• 11:51
  Speaker 2: From a very young age. And there's a term because
• 11:54
  Speaker 2: on Crazy Ex Girlfriend, it was a show kind of
• 11:56
  Speaker 2: all about obsessive love, and so there's this term called limerens,
• 12:00
  Speaker 2: which is like the sign. Have you heard of this term?
• 12:01
  Speaker 2: I love it, love it. It's like the scientific term
• 12:03
  Speaker 2: for obsession, and it's what being in love is. And
• 12:09
  Speaker 2: I'm a very I was always a very limerent person,
• 12:12
  Speaker 2: and so I would go from guy to guy who
• 12:16
  Speaker 2: was like emotionally unavailable, and also like I feel like
• 12:20
  Speaker 2: I went for I feel like I still like my type.
• 12:24
  Speaker 2: You know you hear you like go for people who
• 12:25
  Speaker 2: are like your parents. I have two types. I have
• 12:27
  Speaker 2: one type who kind of looks like a male version
• 12:29
  Speaker 2: of my mom, so like very very lanky and skinny.
• 12:33
  Speaker 2: And then there's a type that's the male version of
• 12:34
  Speaker 2: my dad, which is like stocky and funny, and that's
• 12:36
  Speaker 2: the guy I'm with right now. But like, really, if
• 12:38
  Speaker 2: you broke them down, it's either I go for my
• 12:40
  Speaker 2: mom or I.
• 12:40
  Speaker 3: Go for that's finny because people don't talk about a
• 12:42
  Speaker 3: lot or enough. I guess about going for your mom
• 12:45
  Speaker 3: because that's got to big be a thing too. Yeahcho somatically,
• 12:48
  Speaker 3: like there's got to be something where you are drawn
• 12:50
  Speaker 3: to the people who remind you of your mother.
• 12:52
  Speaker 2: It's the first love of your parents are the first
• 12:55
  Speaker 2: love of your life. And I see it my daughter
• 12:56
  Speaker 2: now where she this is when she was like two,
• 12:59
  Speaker 2: she notes star wedding rings and she said, oh are
• 13:01
  Speaker 2: you what are those? We said, their wedding rings, and
• 13:03
  Speaker 2: she's like, what's that? We're married because we love each other,
• 13:05
  Speaker 2: and she goes, I love you, I love Mama, I
• 13:08
  Speaker 2: want mama and I and I get it. And I
• 13:12
  Speaker 2: was like really flattered, and I was like, hopefully the
• 13:15
  Speaker 2: laws will change. No, I didn't say that, but I
• 13:18
  Speaker 2: get it, like the laws will go back one hundred
• 13:20
  Speaker 2: and fifty years.
• 13:21
  Speaker 5: Yes.
• 13:21
  Speaker 2: Yes, it is weird having a kid because it is
• 13:24
  Speaker 2: being in almost platonic love. Like I can't it's really
• 13:28
  Speaker 2: hard to explain, but I get that feeling of like, oh, I.
• 13:33
  Speaker 1: Want to marry I want to be with you forever.
• 13:35
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's just the feeling of like you just like
• 13:37
  Speaker 2: want to be around that person. I feel like we
• 13:40
  Speaker 2: all kind of have that a little bit DNA wise
• 13:43
  Speaker 2: with our parents maybe, but anyway, So the other thing
• 13:46
  Speaker 2: I've learned about Limerens, which I find really interesting.
• 13:50
  Speaker 1: So is it just the act of being in love
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: or isn't there another deaf and there's it's.
• 13:54
  Speaker 2: Kind of what's happening to what's happening to your body?
• 13:56
  Speaker 3: I was going to look at it because I want
• 13:57
  Speaker 3: to read it to our listeners, because this word keeps
• 13:59
  Speaker 3: coming up.
• 13:59
  Speaker 2: I was on Bittion with my.
• 14:00
  Speaker 3: British girlfriend and she was used and she used that
• 14:03
  Speaker 3: word and I was like, oh, yes, I remember hearing
• 14:05
  Speaker 3: it and being like, I was fascinated by this word
• 14:07
  Speaker 3: because it kind of has a broader meaning.
• 14:09
  Speaker 4: But so it's the state of being infatuated or obsessed
• 14:13
  Speaker 4: with another person, typically experienced involuntarily and characterized by a
• 14:17
  Speaker 4: strong desire for reciprocation of one's feelings, but not primarily
• 14:21
  Speaker 4: for a sexual relationship.
• 14:22
  Speaker 3: Yes, so okay, oh that's interesting.
• 14:26
  Speaker 2: Like in love platonically, I mean for me, inlimerance, other
• 14:30
  Speaker 2: than like child platonic love is the only child platonic.
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: Love, child marriage, childmates.
• 14:37
  Speaker 2: To be clear, I am not in limeerns with my child.
• 14:42
  Speaker 2: But yeah, that's interesting that it says like it's platonic,
• 14:46
  Speaker 2: that it's all I mean for me. That wasn't necessarily
• 14:49
  Speaker 2: the case because I'm so fucking straight. But the interesting
• 14:54
  Speaker 2: thing is like when you look at what's happening to
• 14:56
  Speaker 2: you yourself chemically. And the woman who studied this was
• 14:58
  Speaker 2: named Helen Fisher, and she just recently, but she studied
• 15:01
  Speaker 2: being in love and they basically scanned people's brains while
• 15:05
  Speaker 2: they were in limeerents and what they found was a
• 15:08
  Speaker 2: couple things. And I might be butchering this, so sorry
• 15:11
  Speaker 2: for any love scientists out there. I believe that when
• 15:15
  Speaker 2: you're in love, you're serotonin plummets, which is like your
• 15:18
  Speaker 2: well being chemical which also I have generalized anxiety disorder.
• 15:23
  Speaker 2: I already have low serotonin. That's what prozac does. It
• 15:26
  Speaker 2: helps my neurons transfer serotonin. So before I was on prozac,
• 15:30
  Speaker 2: I already have low ass serotonin. Suddenly I fall in love.
• 15:33
  Speaker 2: Whatever serotonin is left is fucking gone, and that's like
• 15:37
  Speaker 2: you're well being. Okay, I'm good, I'm I'm happy right now, right,
• 15:41
  Speaker 2: So that's fucking gone. When you think of this person,
• 15:44
  Speaker 2: they flood you with dopamine, which is like already addictive,
• 15:48
  Speaker 2: but if you have no serotonin, you need that person
• 15:52
  Speaker 2: in order to feel good. And so it's close to
• 15:54
  Speaker 2: like being on cocaine or like OCD, which I've also experienced.
• 15:59
  Speaker 2: And so that kind of obsessive mind, that involuntary obsession
• 16:03
  Speaker 2: of feeling like your brain is being hacked by a
• 16:06
  Speaker 2: dark love force is how I really lived a lot
• 16:11
  Speaker 2: of my life. And I think it took a lot
• 16:13
  Speaker 2: of learning from those toxic relationships and sometimes unreciprocated situations
• 16:18
  Speaker 2: to really make me, I don't know, like find myself
• 16:23
  Speaker 2: in a really healthy but wonderful relationship and I fell
• 16:26
  Speaker 2: in love with him still, but luckily I fell in
• 16:29
  Speaker 2: love with a healthy in a healthy win. Well that tracks.
• 16:32
  Speaker 3: I mean, most of us when we're younger, you know,
• 16:35
  Speaker 3: go after the wrong things, like we were not focused
• 16:37
  Speaker 3: on what we want.
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: We're focused on the way we feel and when as
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: we mature.
• 16:41
  Speaker 3: I mean, it doesn't sound like you were that old,
• 16:43
  Speaker 3: but you seem to have a good grasp on you know,
• 16:45
  Speaker 3: what you wanted, And because knowing someone for several years
• 16:49
  Speaker 3: actually is a big benefit to understanding somebody and making
• 16:53
  Speaker 3: an educated, responsible, why down responsible decision and your special
• 16:59
  Speaker 3: You talk a lot about your fear of losing your
• 17:03
  Speaker 3: dog when you were pregnant, which I find so funny.
• 17:06
  Speaker 3: Why were you because your dog was old. Is that
• 17:09
  Speaker 3: why you thought he was gonna die?
• 17:10
  Speaker 5: Yes?
• 17:10
  Speaker 2: And she's a she now just turned what we think
• 17:13
  Speaker 2: she turned fifteen. She's a rescue, so we don't know.
• 17:15
  Speaker 2: I was just with her this morning. It made life
• 17:19
  Speaker 2: and death. It made the cycle of life and death
• 17:22
  Speaker 2: very real to me. And I'd had little existential crises.
• 17:25
  Speaker 2: I'm taking off my shoes. I'd had little toastpacers. Do
• 17:29
  Speaker 2: you want to put them on?
• 17:30
  Speaker 1: I don't. It seems like you might want you put
• 17:33
  Speaker 1: on toasts.
• 17:33
  Speaker 3: When you're not any pedicure. They're not those kinds of toastpacers.
• 17:37
  Speaker 3: I have the start of what is a little bunyonette,
• 17:40
  Speaker 3: and so in order I'm calling it that to make
• 17:42
  Speaker 3: it sound more delicate than what it is.
• 17:44
  Speaker 1: I love it.
• 17:44
  Speaker 3: And you put on these really well, mine are black,
• 17:47
  Speaker 3: so they're not you know. And you put them in
• 17:49
  Speaker 3: between your toes so that so when your toes get
• 17:51
  Speaker 3: a bunyan they start to your fiat starts to narrow,
• 17:53
  Speaker 3: and you want to keep your toes spread out.
• 17:55
  Speaker 1: So I put them on to keep my toes out
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: so that my foot it is working.
• 18:00
  Speaker 2: It's not fucking working.
• 18:01
  Speaker 1: My cousin said to me, the other day.
• 18:03
  Speaker 3: I don't wear those. They're so stupid. And you've never
• 18:05
  Speaker 3: even spoken to a doctor about it. I'm like, I
• 18:06
  Speaker 3: am a doctor, and they are working. My toes are
• 18:09
  Speaker 3: starting to spread out, so I think everything's going.
• 18:11
  Speaker 1: To be fine for my bunionette. Let me see your feet.
• 18:14
  Speaker 2: They're very nice. Yeah, I'm very narrowly. Yeah, but who's aren't.
• 18:17
  Speaker 1: Yeah. I always like, yeah, what is that because we're
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: walking on them.
• 18:21
  Speaker 3: Yeah, that's what it is, or in my case, rollerblading
• 18:25
  Speaker 3: to every meeting I have.
• 18:26
  Speaker 2: That's so fucking cool.
• 18:27
  Speaker 1: I know, thank you? So what what?
• 18:30
  Speaker 4: Yes?
• 18:30
  Speaker 2: So it made life and death real. There was something
• 18:33
  Speaker 2: first of all, like when I was pregnant, I was
• 18:35
  Speaker 2: really nauseous for the first four months, and it made
• 18:39
  Speaker 2: me depressed and I and it's like a chicken or
• 18:42
  Speaker 2: egg thing where like I can't tell if I was
• 18:45
  Speaker 2: depressed because I was nauseous or if I was depressed anyway,
• 18:50
  Speaker 2: but I would have these waves of nausea, and with
• 18:53
  Speaker 2: the nausea came emotions and kind of an anxiety and
• 18:55
  Speaker 2: depression because it's just your hormones are going fucking nuts.
• 18:58
  Speaker 2: And there was something that happened where time I might
• 19:04
  Speaker 2: say it in especial, but like time basically became very
• 19:06
  Speaker 2: real that suddenly I was picturing I was not only
• 19:10
  Speaker 2: looking at these apps that was like, okay, your babies
• 19:12
  Speaker 2: three weeks, five weeks, you know, ten weeks, fifteen weeks
• 19:15
  Speaker 2: or whatever, but also I was you know, you start
• 19:17
  Speaker 2: to think about preschools, and then you start to go, okay,
• 19:21
  Speaker 2: well what public school district I'm in? And you start
• 19:23
  Speaker 2: thinking about your life in a concrete way that you
• 19:26
  Speaker 2: you don't otherwise do. And I think that being in
• 19:30
  Speaker 2: entertainment and comedy kind of flattens out age in a
• 19:33
  Speaker 2: real way, like I never really know how old anyone
• 19:35
  Speaker 2: is because everyone kind of seems anyway. I don't know
• 19:38
  Speaker 2: it it keeps people young, Yeah, that's true, it really does.
• 19:43
  Speaker 2: And so it was one of the first times in
• 19:45
  Speaker 2: life that I really started to think about grown up,
• 19:49
  Speaker 2: grown up stuff in the future in that concrete way
• 19:54
  Speaker 2: of like what school is she going to go to?
• 19:55
  Speaker 2: How are we going to save for college? And it
• 19:57
  Speaker 2: suddenly put time and and everything to do with time.
• 20:01
  Speaker 2: It made it, It made it like too real. It
• 20:03
  Speaker 2: felt like I was suddenly on mushrooms. And then I
• 20:05
  Speaker 2: just thought about my dog because at a certain point
• 20:08
  Speaker 2: picturing my dog at age five, at age six seventy eight,
• 20:11
  Speaker 2: a certain point, the dog's not going to be there,
• 20:14
  Speaker 2: and it just made me so sad. Yeah, I can imagine.
• 20:19
  Speaker 3: It just made me think, like what if children were
• 20:20
  Speaker 3: only here for a short period of time? Like that's
• 20:23
  Speaker 3: what I just started thinking about when you started saying
• 20:25
  Speaker 3: that about dogs, Like what if we only had children
• 20:26
  Speaker 3: for ten or fifteen years? I mean, can you imagine
• 20:29
  Speaker 3: they would That would make the dog thing seem so easy.
• 20:32
  Speaker 3: I don't have an end of life thing with my dogs,
• 20:35
  Speaker 3: like I accept it because they're all rescues. I always
• 20:37
  Speaker 3: get them halfway through their life anyway, or in Doug's case,
• 20:40
  Speaker 3: my most recent acquisition, he was nine months and that's
• 20:45
  Speaker 3: the youngest dog I've ever gotten. So that's just a
• 20:47
  Speaker 3: huge advantage for me because I know I'm going to
• 20:49
  Speaker 3: get a good ten years out of him, you know.
• 20:51
  Speaker 1: But whenever my dogs have left.
• 20:53
  Speaker 3: It's interesting that you talk about that because you know,
• 20:55
  Speaker 3: obviously I've never had a full term pregnancy, but to
• 20:58
  Speaker 3: think about the thoughts that you would have about death
• 21:00
  Speaker 3: and when you're about to give birth, because I find
• 21:03
  Speaker 3: that those two things dovetail quite often in lives, like
• 21:06
  Speaker 3: you lose a father or a loved one right.
• 21:08
  Speaker 2: Before somebody has a baby.
• 21:10
  Speaker 3: That's always seems to be a very common occurrence, and
• 21:13
  Speaker 3: so I could see why it would bring up all
• 21:14
  Speaker 3: those thoughts.
• 21:15
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, it's primal, it's bloody, it's it's all.
• 21:19
  Speaker 2: It's first breath, last breath. We're all just we all
• 21:22
  Speaker 2: just come from like goo and muck and come and
• 21:26
  Speaker 2: come like it's all. I was in Atlanta, because everything
• 21:30
  Speaker 2: films in Atlanta. My husband was doing something in Atlanta,
• 21:32
  Speaker 2: and I was walking around and there was like a
• 21:34
  Speaker 2: kind of swampy place that was teeming with life, and
• 21:37
  Speaker 2: it also stunk, and I was like, this is life.
• 21:39
  Speaker 2: Life is just stinky goo. And the stinkier and gooier
• 21:44
  Speaker 2: the more it's filled with all sorts of life. And
• 21:47
  Speaker 2: that's what life is, right, We're all just like stinky
• 21:50
  Speaker 2: piles of goo, and so giving birth is a stinky pile.
• 21:55
  Speaker 2: And then also like you know, carrying, you know, when
• 21:58
  Speaker 2: you're pregnant, the stuff that starts coming out of your vagina,
• 22:02
  Speaker 2: and I mean the smells, like your vagina starts smelling
• 22:06
  Speaker 2: and it's just but that's it's life, you know, and
• 22:09
  Speaker 2: like when you're ovulating, Like there have you ever looked
• 22:11
  Speaker 2: at like pictures of cervixes.
• 22:13
  Speaker 1: I actually have seen it.
• 22:14
  Speaker 3: It's really interesting, right that, Like, I mean, I don't
• 22:17
  Speaker 3: know if I could pick one out of a lineup,
• 22:18
  Speaker 3: but I have seen them. Yeah, they're like it's like
• 22:20
  Speaker 3: they look like little wet buttholes as opposed to a
• 22:24
  Speaker 3: dry butthole, as opposed to a drive a little dry buttle,
• 22:27
  Speaker 3: and they're like pink. But what's interesting is when a
• 22:31
  Speaker 3: person with a cervix is like fertile, it's like covered
• 22:34
  Speaker 3: in gunk. It's like gooey, it's like meant to be gooey.
• 22:37
  Speaker 3: And when it's like dry, it's just past your period,
• 22:41
  Speaker 3: when like you're not meant to take in sperm and so.
• 22:45
  Speaker 2: Like it's all just like blood and goo and death.
• 22:48
  Speaker 2: And I think there's a line, oh, Summer in Smoke.
• 22:51
  Speaker 2: I think it's a Tennessee William the Tennessee Ones play.
• 22:53
  Speaker 2: The lead of that show is studying to be a
• 22:55
  Speaker 2: medical student, and he's saying to the other, to the
• 22:58
  Speaker 2: woman in the show, Alma, he's saying, like he's pulling
• 23:01
  Speaker 2: down an anatomy picture and he's like, this is what
• 23:04
  Speaker 2: we are. We're and I'm paraphrase, but he's like, we're
• 23:06
  Speaker 2: just meet, we're just good, We're just disgusting on the inside.
• 23:11
  Speaker 2: And that's like that's what pregnancy really mired me in.
• 23:16
  Speaker 2: And then I actually gave birth and saw I mean,
• 23:19
  Speaker 2: I'll never forget, like looking across the way there's like
• 23:22
  Speaker 2: a giant mirror in the room where I gave birth
• 23:25
  Speaker 2: and seeing the sight of like after I gave birth,
• 23:28
  Speaker 2: my open vagina with the placenta at the surface and
• 23:32
  Speaker 2: still seeing a little bit of the umbilical core coming
• 23:34
  Speaker 2: out of it. I remember what that looked like. It's gross,
• 23:38
  Speaker 2: it's fucking weird, it's but it's life.
• 23:42
  Speaker 3: My cousin just gave birth and her asshole was inside
• 23:45
  Speaker 3: out once she got done giving birth, like inside out,
• 23:47
  Speaker 3: and my cousin other cousin was describing it to me,
• 23:50
  Speaker 3: and I'm like, I just can't picture exactly what that
• 23:52
  Speaker 3: looks like. And she's like, don't worry about it, but
• 23:54
  Speaker 3: like her vagina lips her inside of her vagina, just
• 23:57
  Speaker 3: on the table lying there, and it's like, oh my god,
• 24:01
  Speaker 3: it's so treacherous to even think about.
• 24:05
  Speaker 2: Oh I've only had one, but my vagina. Are you
• 24:07
  Speaker 2: gonna have more babies? I think I'm just one and done.
• 24:09
  Speaker 2: But I now there's a Sea Monster aesthetic with my vagina.
• 24:13
  Speaker 1: Now from Sea Monster.
• 24:15
  Speaker 2: There's there's like a little bit of prolapse with it,
• 24:17
  Speaker 2: where like if you look at my vagina, it's like
• 24:19
  Speaker 2: it just looks like someone going.
• 24:23
  Speaker 5: Is what it is?
• 24:24
  Speaker 2: And I've asked, I asked doctor like is normal and
• 24:25
  Speaker 2: she's like, here, You're fine. It's just you pushed a
• 24:28
  Speaker 2: huge thing out of your vagina.
• 24:29
  Speaker 3: So it's just like, so back to male comics speaking
• 24:32
  Speaker 3: of that, So what is your experience so when you're
• 24:35
  Speaker 3: doing because you're doing stand up now, I mean obviously
• 24:38
  Speaker 3: you're special, you're doing stand up. How is your experience
• 24:41
  Speaker 3: been dealing with men in the stand up world?
• 24:43
  Speaker 2: Really? I think that they're a lot nicer. I think
• 24:46
  Speaker 2: generally the culture has gotten a lot nicer. And also
• 24:49
  Speaker 2: I'm coming into these spaces now with some acclaim.
• 24:52
  Speaker 1: Right, which changes how people treat you.
• 24:55
  Speaker 2: Like it's I don't even know if the way I've
• 24:58
  Speaker 2: interacted with certain toxic people is gender. I think it's
• 25:01
  Speaker 2: some people are just shitty to everyone, Like I can't
• 25:04
  Speaker 2: really parse out how much of it is because I'm
• 25:06
  Speaker 2: a girl, and how much of it is just because
• 25:07
  Speaker 2: I was. You know, when you're low on the totem
• 25:09
  Speaker 2: pole and you're clearly insecure, you're just an easy punching bag.
• 25:14
  Speaker 2: So now if I come into a comedy space I
• 25:18
  Speaker 2: have there's a certain amount of power that I have.
• 25:21
  Speaker 2: And maybe it's that I carry myself with more confidence,
• 25:25
  Speaker 2: or it's just people aren't as mean.
• 25:27
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I think that's an important thing to recognize as
• 25:29
  Speaker 3: a woman, Like for everyone who's listening who people call
• 25:32
  Speaker 3: in all the time asking like how do you get confident?
• 25:35
  Speaker 2: Or how do you you know, I always want to
• 25:36
  Speaker 2: inject to everybody with confidence because it is true. Like
• 25:39
  Speaker 2: sometimes you do have to fake it because you can
• 25:41
  Speaker 2: smell insecurity on people and that's not a quality that
• 25:45
  Speaker 2: you want to be putting forward. So even if you
• 25:48
  Speaker 2: have to fake being confident, whatever you think that might be,
• 25:52
  Speaker 2: or if you're mimicking someone else you know that's confident,
• 25:54
  Speaker 2: like that is a worthwhile endeavor because I do believe
• 25:57
  Speaker 2: in faking it until you make it.
• 25:58
  Speaker 1: I do believe that if you act the.
• 26:01
  Speaker 3: Part, like you know, I pretended I was wealthy and successful.
• 26:04
  Speaker 3: Long before I was, I was waiting tables and taking
• 26:07
  Speaker 3: people out to dinner, like I've got the tab.
• 26:09
  Speaker 1: They're like, you're a waitress. I'm like, Oh, don't worry,
• 26:10
  Speaker 1: I've got money coming.
• 26:11
  Speaker 3: Like I believe that about myself and it turned out
• 26:14
  Speaker 3: to be true.
• 26:15
  Speaker 1: And I really do believe in faking it until you
• 26:17
  Speaker 1: make it.
• 26:18
  Speaker 3: I do believe that in all areas, not just confidence
• 26:21
  Speaker 3: and not just career, but in all areas, Like I'm
• 26:23
  Speaker 3: going to have a successful relationship, a romantic relationship. If
• 26:26
  Speaker 3: that's what you want, you have to act like that's
• 26:28
  Speaker 3: what's going to happen.
• 26:30
  Speaker 2: I guess what I wish i'd tried doing with some
• 26:34
  Speaker 2: of these guys early in my career is I wish
• 26:37
  Speaker 2: I would have been like, hey, can we get lunch,
• 26:40
  Speaker 2: and then just at lunch, and this is a very
• 26:42
  Speaker 2: female thing, been like I think you're so funny, like
• 26:44
  Speaker 2: just I'd love to talk to you more about it.
• 26:46
  Speaker 2: And because that way then they can't bully someone or
• 26:49
  Speaker 2: maybe they still can. Who like took them out to
• 26:51
  Speaker 2: lunch and was like, yeah, you know, I'm still learning,
• 26:53
  Speaker 2: like anything any help. It's a very indirect female way
• 26:56
  Speaker 2: to deal with the problem. But like, I wish I'd
• 26:57
  Speaker 2: tried killing them with kindness more just to see what
• 27:00
  Speaker 2: would have happened.
• 27:01
  Speaker 3: I mean, it's interesting to think about that, but again
• 27:03
  Speaker 3: I feel like that's like that's us having to give
• 27:06
  Speaker 3: them and to assuage their ego to make them like us.
• 27:10
  Speaker 2: And it's like, fuck you.
• 27:12
  Speaker 3: I get what you're saying, but I also am like, no, no, no,
• 27:14
  Speaker 3: I'm not going out of my way. I deserve as
• 27:17
  Speaker 3: much as respect as anyone standing here, even before I
• 27:19
  Speaker 3: was successful, just because just because it takes so much
• 27:23
  Speaker 3: guts to do what we do. You know, you have
• 27:25
  Speaker 3: to be brave. It's already you're already dealing with a
• 27:28
  Speaker 3: live audience. Now I need people behind the scenes being
• 27:30
  Speaker 3: assholes too.
• 27:30
  Speaker 2: So on stage, I have that courage that you're talking about.
• 27:33
  Speaker 2: Or is there something that happens when I'm on stage
• 27:34
  Speaker 2: that I'm like, yeah, I fucking belong here. Off stage,
• 27:39
  Speaker 2: I don't. I'm wildly more sensitive. Yeah, it's just like
• 27:42
  Speaker 2: who I am, and it's something I'm actively still working on.
• 27:45
  Speaker 3: Well, because I don't think you can change the fact
• 27:47
  Speaker 3: that you're sensitive, but you can change your reaction to
• 27:50
  Speaker 3: your sensitivity.
• 27:51
  Speaker 1: Yeah, right.
• 27:52
  Speaker 2: Yeah. What I'm working on too is beating myself up
• 27:55
  Speaker 2: less for being sensitive because of not Because that's what's
• 27:57
  Speaker 2: bad is when you're sensitive and then you go, why
• 27:59
  Speaker 2: why the fuck you letting this bother? You're such a
• 28:01
  Speaker 2: you're such a fucking idiot. Now you're sensitive and you're
• 28:03
  Speaker 2: calling yourself fucking idiot. Of course, you know, it's like
• 28:06
  Speaker 2: internet comments being the best example of like, don't read
• 28:09
  Speaker 2: Internet comments, and it's like, well, great, now I'm telling
• 28:11
  Speaker 2: myself don't read Internet comments, and I feel sensitive. So
• 28:14
  Speaker 2: it's like berating yourself doesn't help.
• 28:17
  Speaker 1: No, it does not help. You have to be talking
• 28:20
  Speaker 1: very positively to yourself.
• 28:22
  Speaker 3: We all do, yeah, especially now, you know, during this
• 28:26
  Speaker 3: kind of period of time we're all living in where
• 28:28
  Speaker 3: we don't know what the fuck the world is going
• 28:29
  Speaker 3: to come to, at least the world that we knew.
• 28:31
  Speaker 3: You know, we grew up in America, we thought like
• 28:33
  Speaker 3: democracy is a thing that is indestructible, and now we're like,
• 28:37
  Speaker 3: oh my god, if any of these people, you know,
• 28:39
  Speaker 3: like these cabinet pigs go through, what happens to the FBI,
• 28:42
  Speaker 3: what happens to all of our you know, government agencies,
• 28:45
  Speaker 3: And you're like what I know to be true might
• 28:47
  Speaker 3: not be true at all, or might not be true
• 28:50
  Speaker 3: for very much longer.
• 28:51
  Speaker 2: I mean when Whmber when the biggest news was the
• 28:53
  Speaker 2: President got a blowjob and stuck a cigar up someone's.
• 28:56
  Speaker 1: Yeah, Hue, Yeah, I remember that.
• 28:59
  Speaker 2: Was the biggest news. That's how I found out what
• 29:01
  Speaker 2: blowjobs were.
• 29:03
  Speaker 3: All I remember thinking about that was I remember when
• 29:07
  Speaker 3: that story came out, and I thought, now, because every
• 29:10
  Speaker 3: father knows their daughter is being sexually active, but they're
• 29:13
  Speaker 3: not thinking about it. They're putting it to the back
• 29:15
  Speaker 3: of their mind. They're like, I don't want to think
• 29:17
  Speaker 3: about them, and I'm certainly not going to envision my
• 29:19
  Speaker 3: daughter sucking someone's dick. And then poor Monica Leuminsky's father
• 29:24
  Speaker 3: knew for sure that her daughter was giving a blowjob
• 29:28
  Speaker 3: and knew that about the cigar, Like, I could not
• 29:32
  Speaker 3: get that out of my head. I think the first
• 29:34
  Speaker 3: time I met Monica, no, I think I knew I
• 29:37
  Speaker 3: was smart enough not to tell her that. Anyway, She's
• 29:39
  Speaker 3: coming on the podcast soon and we can talk to her.
• 29:41
  Speaker 2: I'm such a fan. Also, my dad went was law school.
• 29:46
  Speaker 2: He knew someone involved in the case at the time,
• 29:48
  Speaker 2: and at the time, I was like eleven, and I'd
• 29:52
  Speaker 2: met the guy like a couple times before. I think
• 29:53
  Speaker 2: he was really close with my dad when I was younger,
• 29:55
  Speaker 2: and he said something to my dad like, you know,
• 29:57
  Speaker 2: I was very close with Monica's family, and obviously if
• 29:58
  Speaker 2: anything like this were to ever with Rachel, it helped out.
• 30:02
  Speaker 2: My dad was like, Oh, my my eleven year old son,
• 30:08
  Speaker 2: you're saying, if my eleven year old daughter ever sucks
• 30:11
  Speaker 2: the president's cop. I don't know why I know this story,
• 30:15
  Speaker 2: but it's been something I've wanted to talk to Monica.
• 30:19
  Speaker 3: I want to tell something that Monica said to me.
• 30:21
  Speaker 3: I was we were at a friend's house the other
• 30:23
  Speaker 3: night and Monica was there and she said this, and
• 30:25
  Speaker 3: I think I think she wouldn't mind me sharing this.
• 30:27
  Speaker 3: She said when she had the opportunity to vote for
• 30:30
  Speaker 3: Hillary Clinton in twenty sixteen, not only did she take it,
• 30:34
  Speaker 3: but after she voted for her, she started to make
• 30:37
  Speaker 3: plans to move to England because she knew that this
• 30:41
  Speaker 3: wasn't going to be a great place for her to
• 30:42
  Speaker 3: live with Hillary Clinton as the president. Not that Hillary
• 30:45
  Speaker 3: Clinton was threatening her in any way, but just societally speaking,
• 30:48
  Speaker 3: being the woman that did that in such a public way,
• 30:52
  Speaker 3: and now Hillary Clinton was the President of the United States.
• 30:55
  Speaker 3: She just thought she would be safer in the UK
• 30:57
  Speaker 3: and at the same time cast her ballot for Hillary Clinton.
• 31:01
  Speaker 1: And I got.
• 31:01
  Speaker 3: Doosbussed when she told me that, because I was like, Wow,
• 31:04
  Speaker 3: what a fucking predicament, you know, what a thing to
• 31:07
  Speaker 3: have to do and a thing to have to consider.
• 31:10
  Speaker 3: On that note, we're going to take a break and
• 31:12
  Speaker 3: we're going to be right back with Rachel Bloom.
• 31:19
  Speaker 1: And we're back with Rachel Bloom.
• 31:20
  Speaker 4: We are back, and we're going to take some colors
• 31:23
  Speaker 4: and some emails.
• 31:23
  Speaker 1: We're giving advice. Yes, okay, are you ready?
• 31:25
  Speaker 2: Yep?
• 31:26
  Speaker 4: All right. We'll start with an email. This comes from Jen.
• 31:31
  Speaker 4: Jen says dear Chelsea, longtime listener, first time writer. My
• 31:35
  Speaker 4: husband and I, both in our mid forties, have been
• 31:37
  Speaker 4: married for ten years. We have one son together, and
• 31:40
  Speaker 4: he has a son from a previous relationship, so two kids.
• 31:43
  Speaker 4: We have started the divorce process and hope for it
• 31:45
  Speaker 4: to be final in the spring. We haven't told the
• 31:48
  Speaker 4: kids and we'll wait until we know what's happening with
• 31:50
  Speaker 4: the house, etc. We're still living under one roof and
• 31:52
  Speaker 4: are mostly cordial. It's never been a real outwardly affectionate relationship,
• 31:56
  Speaker 4: so not many changes there. Here's the deal. He soon
• 32:00
  Speaker 4: to be X has not told his parents. They're in
• 32:03
  Speaker 4: their eighties and his dad is not doing so great
• 32:05
  Speaker 4: but okay enough that he's still at home with his
• 32:08
  Speaker 4: wife as his primary caregiver. They live close enough to
• 32:10
  Speaker 4: us that their family gathers on short notice about once
• 32:13
  Speaker 4: a week. I've been able to avoid these gatherings or
• 32:15
  Speaker 4: stop by for a couple of minutes with an excuse
• 32:17
  Speaker 4: to get out of there. Our anniversary gross was a
• 32:21
  Speaker 4: couple of weeks ago. This past weekend and my soon
• 32:23
  Speaker 4: to be ex asked if I would stop by their
• 32:26
  Speaker 4: house so they could give us an anniversary card. I declined.
• 32:31
  Speaker 4: My issue is that I'm starting to look like an
• 32:33
  Speaker 4: asshole because their son is lying to them. My soon
• 32:36
  Speaker 4: to be X says he's not telling them because of
• 32:38
  Speaker 4: their health conditions. My friend and family circle know the
• 32:41
  Speaker 4: details of what is going on, as I don't lie
• 32:43
  Speaker 4: to those that I'm close with. Am I wrong for
• 32:45
  Speaker 4: declining all of the family interaction? Do I go along
• 32:47
  Speaker 4: with this lie? What sort of family acts like this?
• 32:50
  Speaker 4: Love your show, Jen Boy?
• 32:52
  Speaker 2: You go first. That's a really unfair situation to be
• 32:56
  Speaker 2: put in. Absolutely, I don't know how sick his parents are,
• 33:00
  Speaker 2: Like there's a parson that's like, is there a different
• 33:02
  Speaker 2: lie he could tell? So that that doesn't involve you
• 33:04
  Speaker 2: because like you can't control that he's lying. Well, you
• 33:07
  Speaker 2: can't control is like I'm not participating. So can he
• 33:11
  Speaker 2: say that you're going through a mental health thing and
• 33:13
  Speaker 2: he doesn't want to discuss it. But you'll be a
• 33:15
  Speaker 2: little But I don't know the victim of that lie? No,
• 33:16
  Speaker 2: you're right, you're right, I mean I guess he's Look,
• 33:19
  Speaker 2: the solution is just fucking tell his parents.
• 33:21
  Speaker 1: Well, also I would just this is another mel Robbins.
• 33:24
  Speaker 3: Let them let him, let him lie all he wants,
• 33:27
  Speaker 3: but do not participate in is lying?
• 33:28
  Speaker 1: Fuck off?
• 33:29
  Speaker 2: Like a people are is there your ex in laws? Now?
• 33:31
  Speaker 2: Like people are sick all the time.
• 33:33
  Speaker 3: Also, by the way, like yes, I was gonna say,
• 33:35
  Speaker 3: I was gonna say the same thing, how sick are they?
• 33:37
  Speaker 1: But also that's not your problem. Your marriage is ending.
• 33:40
  Speaker 1: You need closure. Everyone needs to know about it.
• 33:42
  Speaker 4: They're going to find out.
• 33:43
  Speaker 3: They're going to find out, and you don't want to
• 33:44
  Speaker 3: be an asshole for participating in the lie. You know,
• 33:48
  Speaker 3: So I would say extricate yourself from that and let
• 33:51
  Speaker 3: him tell them and say you're not doing anything anymore
• 33:53
  Speaker 3: with them, and if they.
• 33:54
  Speaker 2: Think you're or if he doesn't, if he's still lying
• 33:56
  Speaker 2: and they just think you're a bitch, then like, okay,
• 33:58
  Speaker 2: they're not your in laws anymore.
• 34:00
  Speaker 3: Or you can also say hey, if you don't tell them,
• 34:02
  Speaker 3: I will, but then that puts the onus on you,
• 34:04
  Speaker 3: and you don't need that kind of onus to have
• 34:05
  Speaker 3: to tell them, because what if he doesn't tell them
• 34:07
  Speaker 3: and then you do have to tell them, you can
• 34:09
  Speaker 3: threaten to do that, and then when he doesn't tell them,
• 34:11
  Speaker 3: just you know, just I don't know.
• 34:14
  Speaker 1: Hopefully kids know, right, No.
• 34:15
  Speaker 4: The kids don't know because they're ready to see what
• 34:17
  Speaker 4: happens with the house. I feel like that might be
• 34:19
  Speaker 4: the turning point here.
• 34:21
  Speaker 2: That's when you can start being like fuck it if
• 34:22
  Speaker 2: the kids know.
• 34:23
  Speaker 3: But there's no obligation to participate in seeing his parents
• 34:26
  Speaker 3: all the time. Just just say you're not yeah, whatever,
• 34:30
  Speaker 3: like whatever you need to say. But you also don't
• 34:33
  Speaker 3: have to lie for other people. And I'm sick of
• 34:35
  Speaker 3: people wanting you to participate in their lives.
• 34:38
  Speaker 4: I mean, at some point the parents are going to
• 34:40
  Speaker 4: be like, do we do something wrong that you're not
• 34:42
  Speaker 4: coming over? And at that point it's like, we're getting
• 34:44
  Speaker 4: a divorce.
• 34:45
  Speaker 2: Yeah, but there's not tell you it's not your problem
• 34:47
  Speaker 2: unless they call her specifically, and at which point she
• 34:50
  Speaker 2: could be like, yeah, we're getting divorced, exactly right.
• 34:52
  Speaker 1: I thought he told you.
• 34:53
  Speaker 2: But if they just think you're an asshole, that's not
• 34:55
  Speaker 2: your problem. Yeah.
• 34:56
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you won't be dealing with them for very long anyway,
• 34:59
  Speaker 1: if you're getting divorced.
• 35:00
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I would have assumed your son would have told you.
• 35:02
  Speaker 4: I think is the line after.
• 35:03
  Speaker 1: Like, oh no, we're problem solved.
• 35:04
  Speaker 4: There you go, all right, Well, our next caller Maya Wrights.
• 35:09
  Speaker 4: Dear Chelsea. I probably don't need to explain why dating
• 35:12
  Speaker 4: as an Israeli American has been daunting and scary this year.
• 35:16
  Speaker 4: I barely identify as Jewish. My mom has to tell
• 35:18
  Speaker 4: me when all the holidays are and to show up
• 35:20
  Speaker 4: for dinner. But your nationality, of course, is something that's
• 35:22
  Speaker 4: hard to hide. Before this year, my dual nationality was
• 35:26
  Speaker 4: something I was more than happy to share up front,
• 35:27
  Speaker 4: because it's a core part of my upbringing, but now
• 35:30
  Speaker 4: I feel like I have to hide it because who
• 35:32
  Speaker 4: knows who's on the other side of these dating apps.
• 35:34
  Speaker 4: I'm a bleeding liberal too, so it's a higher chance
• 35:36
  Speaker 4: that the like minded liberals I'm seeking are also anti Israel.
• 35:40
  Speaker 4: I'm fully American passing since I grew up in the US,
• 35:43
  Speaker 4: so I can, of course just not mention it when
• 35:44
  Speaker 4: chatting in an app. But honestly, it's such an emotional
• 35:47
  Speaker 4: issue for people right now, I do not want to
• 35:49
  Speaker 4: be the recipient of someone's misdirected rage. Dating is already
• 35:52
  Speaker 4: brutal enough, and this has tipped me over the edge
• 35:55
  Speaker 4: towards just giving up. I've tried putting Jewish filter on
• 35:58
  Speaker 4: the apps, but I live in Texas, so after swiping
• 36:00
  Speaker 4: through the five Jewish men, I see no one is left.
• 36:03
  Speaker 5: There.
• 36:03
  Speaker 4: Also, isn't a Jewish organization I've been able to find
• 36:06
  Speaker 4: to meet people in real life that's not religious. I'm agnostic.
• 36:09
  Speaker 4: I'm really happy on my own and live close to
• 36:11
  Speaker 4: family and great friends, so moving for the sake of
• 36:13
  Speaker 4: dating really is of no interest to me. I don't
• 36:16
  Speaker 4: at all feel desperate for a relationship, but I do
• 36:18
  Speaker 4: want to find my person and it doesn't seem like
• 36:20
  Speaker 4: the geopolitical circumstances are going to change anytime soon. I
• 36:24
  Speaker 4: guess the gist of my question is, if I don't
• 36:26
  Speaker 4: want to shut myself off to a wider pool of
• 36:28
  Speaker 4: non Jewish men in an already challenging dating world, how
• 36:31
  Speaker 4: can I approach dating in an open and optimistic way
• 36:34
  Speaker 4: that still preserves my emotional safety instead of out of fear?
• 36:37
  Speaker 4: Any advice? Maybe your one straight, single, agnostic Jewish man
• 36:41
  Speaker 4: or his sisters are listening, Maya.
• 36:44
  Speaker 1: Well, hopefully they are listening.
• 36:45
  Speaker 2: Hi, Maya.
• 36:47
  Speaker 3: Hi, Hi, this is our special guest, Rachel Blue is
• 36:49
  Speaker 3: here today.
• 36:51
  Speaker 5: Awesome.
• 36:51
  Speaker 3: Hi, Hi, You've got Jews in the house. So what
• 36:56
  Speaker 3: dating apps are you on?
• 36:58
  Speaker 5: I've kind of well, currently I'm not super active, but
• 37:00
  Speaker 5: usually whenever I join its hinge mm hmm.
• 37:04
  Speaker 3: And do you like present yourself as Israeli? You don't,
• 37:07
  Speaker 3: You're just no.
• 37:08
  Speaker 5: I used to, you know, pre last year, and now
• 37:11
  Speaker 5: it's just kind of I don't know. It's such a
• 37:15
  Speaker 5: polarizing topic that I don't know. I feel like it
• 37:18
  Speaker 5: will automatically turn a lot of people away.
• 37:20
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 37:20
  Speaker 3: Absolutely, Like I don't think it's it's worth advertising you
• 37:24
  Speaker 3: know what I mean, you don't have to be like,
• 37:26
  Speaker 3: I'm Israel, because that almost sounds like you're only.
• 37:29
  Speaker 1: Like you know, it makes political sea making a political.
• 37:32
  Speaker 2: State also, and it also centers your identity in a
• 37:34
  Speaker 2: way that like might not be relevant to you too
• 37:37
  Speaker 2: to actually you're dating life at all. For sure. It's like, sure,
• 37:41
  Speaker 2: if I put on a ding provle like I am
• 37:42
  Speaker 2: of Ukrainian descent, Okay, like what I mean, what.
• 37:46
  Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, Like I grew up in the States, and
• 37:48
  Speaker 5: so it's like, sure, you know I have family there
• 37:51
  Speaker 5: and I speak Hebrew, but it's not my current identity,
• 37:55
  Speaker 5: I would say.
• 37:56
  Speaker 3: And have you experienced men being like once they find
• 37:59
  Speaker 3: out that you or Israel aid that, don't they don't
• 38:01
  Speaker 3: want to date you?
• 38:03
  Speaker 5: No. But I also honestly have just been kind of
• 38:07
  Speaker 5: nervous to go on the apps this year. I've just
• 38:10
  Speaker 5: been actively avoiding it. I did. I did join hine
• 38:14
  Speaker 5: last month for like a week. I chatted with a
• 38:17
  Speaker 5: few people, didn't mention anything, set up a few dates,
• 38:21
  Speaker 5: and then I just ended up canceling them all because
• 38:24
  Speaker 5: just the thought of I don't know, I made me anxious.
• 38:27
  Speaker 3: I know, but I don't think you should catastrophize the
• 38:29
  Speaker 3: situation because a that is not a boiling point for
• 38:33
  Speaker 3: every single person in this world. It's it's shameful that
• 38:37
  Speaker 3: people are blaming anyone who's from Israel for Israel's policies.
• 38:41
  Speaker 3: And listen, this conversation is an unwinnable conversation because there
• 38:45
  Speaker 3: this has been going on for eons and eons.
• 38:47
  Speaker 2: You can't help who you are like, Yeah, where anyone
• 38:50
  Speaker 2: stands like this is literally just who.
• 38:51
  Speaker 3: You are like, and that many people in this world
• 38:55
  Speaker 3: have no have no interest in that at all. The
• 38:59
  Speaker 3: Palestinian Goaza, you know, the gods of conflict and Israeli
• 39:01
  Speaker 3: gods of conflict.
• 39:03
  Speaker 1: Many people don't even care about that. They don't understand it,
• 39:05
  Speaker 1: they don't want to get involved.
• 39:07
  Speaker 5: You know.
• 39:07
  Speaker 3: I know we're dealing with this like movement that everyone
• 39:11
  Speaker 3: you know that we're experiencing since October seventh, but that's
• 39:14
  Speaker 3: not inclusive of the whole world. So I feel like
• 39:17
  Speaker 3: you're projecting your worst fears onto your dating situation when
• 39:21
  Speaker 3: it's not necessary to do that. If you go on
• 39:23
  Speaker 3: a date with a guy, and you go out with
• 39:25
  Speaker 3: him a couple of times, you're gonna get a sense
• 39:27
  Speaker 3: of who he is and what he stands for, and
• 39:29
  Speaker 3: if that's going to be something that he's staunchly against,
• 39:33
  Speaker 3: and I would venture to guess that it won't be
• 39:37
  Speaker 3: like it's You're not going to be only running into
• 39:40
  Speaker 3: people that are pro Palestinian and anti Israel.
• 39:43
  Speaker 1: Even though you're in Texas.
• 39:45
  Speaker 3: There are still plenty of people who are not engaged
• 39:47
  Speaker 3: in that conflict, who are not paying attention to that conflict.
• 39:50
  Speaker 1: We're living in America, you know what I mean. There
• 39:52
  Speaker 1: are a million things.
• 39:53
  Speaker 3: Going on that people are interested in, and many people
• 39:56
  Speaker 3: are not interested in politics. So I think you have
• 39:58
  Speaker 3: to reframe the way that you're like looking into things.
• 40:01
  Speaker 3: You don't need to represent yourself on the dating apps
• 40:04
  Speaker 3: that way. I think what you need to do is
• 40:06
  Speaker 3: be a little bit more open minded and try not
• 40:09
  Speaker 3: to come from this place of fear and try to
• 40:12
  Speaker 3: be like, you know, someone meets you three or four
• 40:15
  Speaker 3: times and gets to know you, even if they do
• 40:17
  Speaker 3: have strong feelings about that, they're gonna go, oh, well, wait,
• 40:20
  Speaker 3: here's a perfect example of someone who's from Israel who
• 40:24
  Speaker 3: is not. You know, whatever your position is, like, you're
• 40:27
  Speaker 3: not a threat to that person. You don't have completely
• 40:30
  Speaker 3: opposing views to that person. You probably would find that
• 40:33
  Speaker 3: out sooner than three or four dates before you even
• 40:35
  Speaker 3: reveal your personal life. And I feel like religion is
• 40:38
  Speaker 3: personal and you're not even very religious. You said you're
• 40:41
  Speaker 3: kind of agnostic, right, I mean I'm an agnostic Jew too.
• 40:45
  Speaker 2: I relate to Jews absolutely.
• 40:46
  Speaker 3: I was raised that way, and I'm very proud to
• 40:49
  Speaker 3: be a Jewish person, but that doesn't preclude me from
• 40:53
  Speaker 3: interacting with people who have different mindsets. And so give
• 40:57
  Speaker 3: yourself a little bit more like wiggle room the dating area.
• 41:01
  Speaker 3: You're gonna know someone and get to know someone a
• 41:03
  Speaker 3: little bit before you even have to make that kind
• 41:05
  Speaker 3: of decision or.
• 41:06
  Speaker 2: Call as a fear based jew atheist jew. Two suggestions
• 41:12
  Speaker 2: and questions. One have you considered jaswipe or does it suck?
• 41:17
  Speaker 5: I've never actually heard of that.
• 41:18
  Speaker 1: Maybe either, it's okay. So this is I've been.
• 41:21
  Speaker 2: With my husband for sixteen years, so I never internet dated.
• 41:24
  Speaker 2: So this is mom coming in. Jswipe is what I
• 41:27
  Speaker 2: believe what Jada now is and it's its own app.
• 41:31
  Speaker 2: If you're worried about because I get it like you're
• 41:33
  Speaker 2: worried about just like someone coming at you for something
• 41:36
  Speaker 2: you truly can't change about yourself. So I wonder, I
• 41:40
  Speaker 2: just wonder about I've heard different things about jaswipe. Again,
• 41:44
  Speaker 2: I apologize if I'm maybe I'm saying an app that
• 41:46
  Speaker 2: is already defunked because I've never online dated. But the
• 41:49
  Speaker 2: other thing is jswipe. The other thing is because I'm
• 41:53
  Speaker 2: fully like an atheist. But I don't know how much
• 41:56
  Speaker 2: you've checked out local temples and like Jewish organization, but like,
• 42:01
  Speaker 2: and maybe this is like an LA thing, but there
• 42:03
  Speaker 2: are some reform places that are like the God is optional.
• 42:08
  Speaker 2: This is much more about the culture that I wonder
• 42:10
  Speaker 2: if you did a little bit of poking around and digging,
• 42:13
  Speaker 2: because there are certainly places like that in LA where
• 42:16
  Speaker 2: you can fully like be an atheist and it's cool,
• 42:22
  Speaker 2: like it's part of the culture of that place. And
• 42:24
  Speaker 2: I wonder, I don't know what city you're at in Texas,
• 42:26
  Speaker 2: but there are definitely places and Jewish spaces to go
• 42:31
  Speaker 2: to that aren't just like, well, if you know, it's
• 42:33
  Speaker 2: all about God.
• 42:34
  Speaker 5: Yeah, I think you know, like you said, you're atheism agnostic.
• 42:37
  Speaker 5: I think it is. I've avoided that kind of thing
• 42:40
  Speaker 5: because to me, that is very religious centered. But you know,
• 42:43
  Speaker 5: I don't know. I think there's one synagogue here.
• 42:46
  Speaker 3: So yeah, But I mean, have you done research online
• 42:49
  Speaker 3: and looked for any sort of like Jewish community stuff
• 42:51
  Speaker 3: or Jewish dating stuff, because listen, you're not like, you're
• 42:55
  Speaker 3: not the only Jewish person in Texas.
• 42:57
  Speaker 1: And I guarantee you there are other people.
• 42:59
  Speaker 3: Who are feeling the way that you're feeling that want
• 43:01
  Speaker 3: to be congregating like with each other or dating with
• 43:04
  Speaker 3: each other and mixing with each other.
• 43:06
  Speaker 1: And it doesn't have to be religious based.
• 43:07
  Speaker 3: I'm a reform Jew, like I was raised like that,
• 43:10
  Speaker 3: and that's like, you know, it's just.
• 43:12
  Speaker 1: Like the bare minimum of being a Jew.
• 43:14
  Speaker 3: And it's very casual, you know, it's not like religious folk.
• 43:18
  Speaker 1: It is culture focused.
• 43:20
  Speaker 3: It's not as religious as like being a conservative or
• 43:23
  Speaker 3: an orthodox Jewish person. And I understand that it can
• 43:26
  Speaker 3: feel ostracizing, but I wouldn't give up hope that there
• 43:29
  Speaker 3: are more communities that you just don't know about yet
• 43:32
  Speaker 3: where you are.
• 43:33
  Speaker 2: I bet you there's a JCC not too far. I mean,
• 43:37
  Speaker 2: I don't know where you're at in Texas, but like
• 43:39
  Speaker 2: a place like that that it's a Jewish Community center.
• 43:41
  Speaker 1: That's so.
• 43:43
  Speaker 2: I mean, I live in the most like liberal agnostic
• 43:46
  Speaker 2: place ever, so I'm surrounded by like Jewish spaces that
• 43:48
  Speaker 2: are very much like God optional. But I feel like
• 43:50
  Speaker 2: if you looked, if you did a little poking even
• 43:54
  Speaker 2: on like Reddit, maybe I bet there's some spaces where
• 43:58
  Speaker 2: because like it's so Jewish to be agnostic, Like that's
• 44:02
  Speaker 2: like a very like that's the trick. Is you say
• 44:04
  Speaker 2: to any rabbi I'm an atheist, they go, oh, that's
• 44:06
  Speaker 2: very Jewish. So I feel like there's gotta be pockets.
• 44:11
  Speaker 2: And also, I mean side note, my cousin used to
• 44:13
  Speaker 2: be a rabbi in Texas, so I could on the
• 44:15
  Speaker 2: DL ask him for tips. Yeah, yeah, I could text
• 44:19
  Speaker 2: him right after this and then just separately reach out
• 44:22
  Speaker 2: to you and see what he says.
• 44:23
  Speaker 5: Oh I'd love that, thank you.
• 44:24
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 44:25
  Speaker 4: Yeah, And I love Expanding your area doesn't necessarily mean
• 44:28
  Speaker 4: you have to move, Like you could have like kind
• 44:30
  Speaker 4: of a long distance fun like flingy thing, or you
• 44:33
  Speaker 4: know somebody that you visit here and there and that's great,
• 44:35
  Speaker 4: or maybe somebody wants to move to where you are
• 44:37
  Speaker 4: if it gets serious enough.
• 44:38
  Speaker 1: You know, Yeah, expanding your area is good too.
• 44:40
  Speaker 3: I do like that idea because I'm a big advocate
• 44:43
  Speaker 3: of long distance relationships. I think those are more fun
• 44:45
  Speaker 3: anyway than having somebody up your ass all day long,
• 44:48
  Speaker 3: every day. It gives you something to look forward to,
• 44:50
  Speaker 3: and it gives you someone to communicate with and sex
• 44:53
  Speaker 3: with and flirt with and all that fun stuff. You know,
• 44:56
  Speaker 3: that beginning period of relationship is the most fun part
• 44:58
  Speaker 3: of the relationship, where you're constantly talking on the phone
• 45:02
  Speaker 3: making plans to see each other like that is fun.
• 45:05
  Speaker 4: And long distance extends that.
• 45:06
  Speaker 1: Yes, it does, It does extend that.
• 45:08
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 45:09
  Speaker 4: Also, I wanted to say jas Wipe Israel is the
• 45:12
  Speaker 4: number one Jewish dating app.
• 45:13
  Speaker 3: Oh my god, look at Rachel bloom On that way
• 45:15
  Speaker 3: with your finger on the pulse of all Jews.
• 45:18
  Speaker 5: I will look into that immediately after.
• 45:20
  Speaker 3: Yeah, And just I also just really in your head,
• 45:24
  Speaker 3: don't catastrophize the fact that you're from Israel and that
• 45:27
  Speaker 3: you're Jewish. That's okay, that's okay, And most people who
• 45:32
  Speaker 3: are reasonable will understand that you're not going to want
• 45:34
  Speaker 3: to go on a second date with any guy. That's
• 45:36
  Speaker 3: not going to understand that anyway. And also you don't
• 45:39
  Speaker 3: have to divulge that immediately but be a little bit
• 45:42
  Speaker 3: more like broad minded, not to the point of being naive.
• 45:46
  Speaker 1: You know, you know what's happening in the world.
• 45:48
  Speaker 2: We all do.
• 45:49
  Speaker 1: We're all aware of what's going on.
• 45:50
  Speaker 3: But just to be a little bit more open minded
• 45:52
  Speaker 3: and give people a little bit more credit. You know,
• 45:54
  Speaker 3: if you start to understand if you go on a
• 45:56
  Speaker 3: couple dates with somebody that doesn't know your Israeli or
• 45:59
  Speaker 3: they don't know your wish and.
• 46:01
  Speaker 1: After a couple of dates, you're gonna know whether or
• 46:03
  Speaker 1: not to share that information with them.
• 46:05
  Speaker 4: That's a fair point.
• 46:06
  Speaker 2: You could also try doing it on It's like hands right,
• 46:09
  Speaker 2: you could also try doing it see what happens. I
• 46:12
  Speaker 2: don't know if you have a close friend that like
• 46:13
  Speaker 2: maybe you could give them your Hinge password and they
• 46:16
  Speaker 2: could check messages for you and just be like, so
• 46:20
  Speaker 2: what is it like? So that way you don't have
• 46:21
  Speaker 2: to read just in cases like you start getting bombarded
• 46:24
  Speaker 2: with stuff. Again, I've never been on apps, so I
• 46:27
  Speaker 2: don't know what apps look like really, but like, is
• 46:29
  Speaker 2: there like a friend that you could be like, hey,
• 46:30
  Speaker 2: could you just I started doing this a week ago,
• 46:33
  Speaker 2: can you just take a look through the messages? Let
• 46:35
  Speaker 2: me know what the vibe is and they're like, I
• 46:37
  Speaker 2: don't see anything, and then you know it's like safe
• 46:39
  Speaker 2: and that way you haven't read a ton of terrible things.
• 46:42
  Speaker 5: Yeah. Yeah, that's a good point. I think my main
• 46:46
  Speaker 5: concern is, you know, if I wait two or three
• 46:48
  Speaker 5: dates to divulge this key part of my upbringing, if
• 46:52
  Speaker 5: even if it's not, you know, my life now to
• 46:54
  Speaker 5: just spring it on someone a few dates in. But
• 46:56
  Speaker 5: I get it like it is protecting myself too, you know,
• 47:00
  Speaker 5: in getting to know someone before if I'm feeling nervous
• 47:03
  Speaker 5: before divulging that, do.
• 47:04
  Speaker 2: You say agnostic Jew in your profile?
• 47:08
  Speaker 5: To be honest, I don't know. I think I put
• 47:10
  Speaker 5: just agnostic because.
• 47:11
  Speaker 2: If you say agnostic Jew, then you're like kind of
• 47:14
  Speaker 2: letting people know you're Jewish, and anyone who's like doesn't
• 47:20
  Speaker 2: want a dated Jew period won't date you. I feel
• 47:23
  Speaker 2: like that might help narrow some stuff down too.
• 47:26
  Speaker 4: Yeah, that's true something I listened to recently. The Daily
• 47:30
  Speaker 4: just did a piece on it's on dating over fifty online,
• 47:33
  Speaker 4: which is not necessarily your situation, but there were some
• 47:36
  Speaker 4: really good tips in there about it's the haystack theory.
• 47:40
  Speaker 4: They say, like, how do you find a needle in
• 47:41
  Speaker 4: a haystack, light the haystack on fire. So basically it
• 47:44
  Speaker 4: talks about totally reinventing your your online persona and like
• 47:49
  Speaker 4: really whittling down to like, here's actually who I do
• 47:51
  Speaker 4: want rather than having the broadest possible results. And a
• 47:54
  Speaker 4: lot of people have found some success with that. Check
• 47:57
  Speaker 4: that out. There's a bunch of good tips in.
• 47:58
  Speaker 1: There that does make sense. You know you are reading
• 48:01
  Speaker 1: people out.
• 48:02
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I just wouldn't want her to become a target,
• 48:04
  Speaker 3: you know, for who are like.
• 48:06
  Speaker 4: Oh, you know, let me make my stance on hinge.
• 48:09
  Speaker 2: Yeah, like that's why I'm like, is there someone who
• 48:11
  Speaker 2: could like go through the.
• 48:13
  Speaker 3: First sec identify herself as a Jew as agnostic Jew?
• 48:16
  Speaker 2: And yeah, people like see agnostic Jew that means certain
• 48:20
  Speaker 2: things to different people, and then see like what the
• 48:23
  Speaker 2: type of messages that come in and then like maybe
• 48:26
  Speaker 2: you have a friend who helps you like whittle through
• 48:28
  Speaker 2: that way. It's not just all on you if the
• 48:30
  Speaker 2: messages get really like volatile, Yeah.
• 48:33
  Speaker 5: I could probably ask my sister to do that. She
• 48:35
  Speaker 5: probably love that.
• 48:35
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 48:36
  Speaker 2: When I'm doing I'm an only child, this is when
• 48:38
  Speaker 2: I get really jealous. Yeah, yeah, that sounds really nice.
• 48:42
  Speaker 4: Love this kind of stuff. All right, well will you
• 48:45
  Speaker 4: let us know how it goes?
• 48:46
  Speaker 5: I will, yes, thank you all.
• 48:47
  Speaker 2: So I message my cousin, Oh yes, like I'll just
• 48:51
  Speaker 2: ask exactly.
• 48:52
  Speaker 1: Yeah is he single?
• 48:54
  Speaker 2: He's super not?
• 48:55
  Speaker 1: Oh okay, well maybe he yes.
• 48:56
  Speaker 2: I'm Jewish.
• 48:57
  Speaker 1: I think yeah.
• 48:58
  Speaker 3: I think you have to have a more optimistic out,
• 49:00
  Speaker 3: be hopeful and be optimistic.
• 49:01
  Speaker 2: Whole place is godless.
• 49:03
  Speaker 4: And also sisters like listeners. If you are those sisters
• 49:06
  Speaker 4: who have a brother, send us an emailat thank you
• 49:09
  Speaker 4: so much.
• 49:10
  Speaker 5: Maya Okay, thank you all, bye, maya good luck.
• 49:14
  Speaker 1: I feel like we gave her eight different things to do.
• 49:16
  Speaker 2: We're like good though, lots of things. I heard of
• 49:19
  Speaker 2: this thing called chase.
• 49:21
  Speaker 1: Well you were right on the money. Someone's paying attention.
• 49:25
  Speaker 4: Well, we have one more caller. We can either take
• 49:28
  Speaker 4: our little break and come back for our caller, or I.
• 49:30
  Speaker 1: Will do that.
• 49:30
  Speaker 3: We'll take a break and we'll be right back with
• 49:32
  Speaker 3: Rachel Bloom.
• 49:37
  Speaker 2: And we're back.
• 49:38
  Speaker 4: We are back. Our last caller today is Deanna. She says,
• 49:41
  Speaker 4: Dear Chelsea, here's my situation. I'm in my early forties,
• 49:45
  Speaker 4: never married, no children, I have a long term boyfriend
• 49:48
  Speaker 4: of almost eight years. He came with a dog, Yama.
• 49:51
  Speaker 4: Over the years, Yama and I created a very strong
• 49:54
  Speaker 4: bond through COVID, moving to different states, countless hikes and
• 49:57
  Speaker 4: backpacking trips, and working remotely. He has been by my side,
• 50:01
  Speaker 4: best coworker ever. In the beginning of October, his health
• 50:05
  Speaker 4: took a turn. He went from sixty pounds to forty
• 50:07
  Speaker 4: in a matter of weeks. We treated him for all
• 50:09
  Speaker 4: sorts of things. Nothing worked. My strong dog, who hiked
• 50:13
  Speaker 4: up countless mountains with me, couldn't even get up the stairs.
• 50:16
  Speaker 4: The VET deduced it had to be cancer, so on
• 50:18
  Speaker 4: October twenty third, we said goodbye. It happened fast, and
• 50:21
  Speaker 4: I have been taking it really hard. I'm not exaggerating
• 50:24
  Speaker 4: when I say I haven't loved anyone or felt closer
• 50:26
  Speaker 4: to anyone than I did with him.
• 50:29
  Speaker 2: Then add this.
• 50:29
  Speaker 4: Election business, and I just feel so lost and alone.
• 50:32
  Speaker 4: I know you're a dog mom, and I know you've
• 50:34
  Speaker 4: suffered great loss in that arena. Any advice on how
• 50:36
  Speaker 4: to press forward at this moment, I never won another
• 50:39
  Speaker 4: pet again. The idea of going through this feels masochistic,
• 50:42
  Speaker 4: but I know that's my grief talking. I appreciate any
• 50:45
  Speaker 4: advice you can share. Love you and all that you do.
• 50:47
  Speaker 2: Deanna, Hi, Deanna, Hi, Hi, y.
• 50:51
  Speaker 1: We have another dog lover here today, Rachel Bluem.
• 50:54
  Speaker 2: Nice to meet Yeah, to meet you. I really feel you.
• 50:57
  Speaker 2: I'm sorry that you lost your lover.
• 51:00
  Speaker 4: Thank you.
• 51:00
  Speaker 2: That was really hard to listen to again. Yeah, I'm sorry.
• 51:04
  Speaker 1: Say honestly, you need to get another dog. You do.
• 51:08
  Speaker 3: You're gonna love another dog just as much as you
• 51:11
  Speaker 3: loved this dog. Your love is that is not like
• 51:14
  Speaker 3: you know, like it doesn't it's not fin You need
• 51:16
  Speaker 3: to give your love to another person or another thing
• 51:19
  Speaker 3: or another animal, and like that's how it happens. When
• 51:22
  Speaker 3: as soon as I lose it, as soon as I
• 51:24
  Speaker 3: see one of my dogs going downhill, I get another
• 51:26
  Speaker 3: dog so that it will soften the blow when I
• 51:28
  Speaker 3: lose my dog. Because there are so much love to
• 51:31
  Speaker 3: be had in this world. There are so many animals
• 51:33
  Speaker 3: that need to be loved. In the way that you're
• 51:35
  Speaker 3: discussing your love or the way that you expressed your
• 51:38
  Speaker 3: love for your dog, you have to give that away
• 51:40
  Speaker 3: to someone else, and you will, and that will help
• 51:43
  Speaker 3: you heal. I promise you that will help you heal.
• 51:46
  Speaker 3: You don't have to get a puppy. Go get a
• 51:48
  Speaker 3: rescue dog, you know, oh yes, of course, and go
• 51:52
  Speaker 3: look at and fall in love and transfer that love
• 51:55
  Speaker 3: that you had.
• 51:56
  Speaker 1: You don't even have to think about it. It will happen.
• 51:59
  Speaker 2: You can also try five yeah, as like a way
• 52:02
  Speaker 2: station if like you're not ready. Also, I don't know
• 52:05
  Speaker 2: if this is what you're feeling, but I feel like
• 52:06
  Speaker 2: there's a certain shame sometimes of over people morning pets,
• 52:11
  Speaker 2: where they're like, I know, it's just a pet, I
• 52:12
  Speaker 2: know it's and it's and I think in case, that's
• 52:14
  Speaker 2: a part of you that's like I don't know why
• 52:16
  Speaker 2: I can't get over this, like just allowing yourself to
• 52:18
  Speaker 2: feel the grief over this being that you loved, and
• 52:23
  Speaker 2: if it were a human, what grief would you allow yourself? Rachel,
• 52:27
  Speaker 2: That's exactly what I'm feeling now. Yep, thank you for
• 52:30
  Speaker 2: that validation.
• 52:32
  Speaker 3: And also you're saying I don't know if I could
• 52:34
  Speaker 3: ever go through this again, like you can. You're sitting
• 52:39
  Speaker 3: right here, you're going through it. You are surviving. You
• 52:42
  Speaker 3: can go through this again. You're going to go find
• 52:44
  Speaker 3: another dog, You're gonna foster it or you're gonna rescue
• 52:47
  Speaker 3: it and you're going to form a bond with it.
• 52:49
  Speaker 3: And if it doesn't work with the first dog or
• 52:51
  Speaker 3: you don't feel it, then great, then you'll get a
• 52:53
  Speaker 3: different dog, if you foster a dog or if you
• 52:55
  Speaker 3: but I promise you, when you adopt a dog, it's
• 52:58
  Speaker 3: very unlikely that you are not going to have the
• 53:00
  Speaker 3: same feelings that you're describing. It won't be the exact
• 53:03
  Speaker 3: same because no two dogs are the same, you know,
• 53:06
  Speaker 3: but your love is the same.
• 53:08
  Speaker 5: You know.
• 53:09
  Speaker 3: The love that you extend to a pet is not measurable.
• 53:12
  Speaker 3: It's not like you love one dog more than the next.
• 53:14
  Speaker 3: I've had about six dogs now in my life, and
• 53:16
  Speaker 3: I whoever my favorite is always the one that's alive,
• 53:20
  Speaker 3: you know. So, like it's a less emotional way of
• 53:23
  Speaker 3: looking at it. But I promise you, like, when you
• 53:26
  Speaker 3: have that kind of love to expend, you need to
• 53:28
  Speaker 3: expend it.
• 53:29
  Speaker 2: Okay, that's really good to hear.
• 53:31
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and also grieve grief all you want, like what
• 53:35
  Speaker 3: Rachel said, absolutely, but also think about how you can
• 53:38
  Speaker 3: impact another dog's life with all that love.
• 53:41
  Speaker 2: That's true. Thank you, yeah, yeah, good luck, Well, thank
• 53:46
  Speaker 2: you for having me on.
• 53:47
  Speaker 4: Yeah, send us a picture when you find your new buddy.
• 53:49
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, if you find your new lover, send us
• 53:52
  Speaker 3: a picture please sure, well, thank you, okay, thanks for
• 53:54
  Speaker 3: calling Dan, Thank you, nye. It it is sad when
• 53:58
  Speaker 3: people are debilitated by their pets loss, which is what's
• 54:01
  Speaker 3: going to happen to you.
• 54:02
  Speaker 1: I see it.
• 54:03
  Speaker 2: Coming down the pike, and I mean I joke and
• 54:05
  Speaker 2: special about like I mean, pet laws, those websites for
• 54:09
  Speaker 2: pet loss are the most embarrassingly earnest things, like the
• 54:13
  Speaker 2: art around pet loss, all of it is so embarrassingly earnest.
• 54:16
  Speaker 2: And also it makes me very emotional, and I think, like, yeah,
• 54:20
  Speaker 2: like they're people, so it's it's okay to grieve them. Absolutely,
• 54:25
  Speaker 2: it's okay.
• 54:26
  Speaker 4: So powerful with dogs especially I think with cats of
• 54:29
  Speaker 4: herecap or something.
• 54:30
  Speaker 2: And we have a kid and we still I mean,
• 54:32
  Speaker 2: it hasn't diminished our love for our Yeah.
• 54:34
  Speaker 3: I know some people have kids and then they're like,
• 54:36
  Speaker 3: we gave our dog bag, we gave our dog away.
• 54:38
  Speaker 1: I don't, I can't.
• 54:39
  Speaker 2: I don't. Also, my dog and my daughter are like
• 54:42
  Speaker 2: best friends. Well, and I think the dog tolerates her,
• 54:45
  Speaker 2: but my daughter calls Wiley her sister. Oh that's she
• 54:49
  Speaker 2: literally says, like other people at school be like I
• 54:51
  Speaker 2: have a brother, officer should be like I have a
• 54:52
  Speaker 2: sister and she is a dog, and that's what we teacher.
• 54:57
  Speaker 1: I love that.
• 54:58
  Speaker 3: Thank you Rachel Bloom for being here. Make sure you
• 55:00
  Speaker 3: guys catch your special on Netflix. It's called Death. Let
• 55:03
  Speaker 3: Me do my special. It's on Netflix. Make sure you
• 55:06
  Speaker 3: watch it and look out for Rachel Bloom everywhere.
• 55:09
  Speaker 1: She's just around the corner.
• 55:13
  Speaker 2: It'll only take me fifty minutes.
• 55:16
  Speaker 1: Thank you for being here, Thank you for having me.
• 55:18
  Speaker 1: Yes always. We'll see you guys next week. Bye. Do
• 55:22
  Speaker 1: do Do Do Do do.
• 55:25
  Speaker 3: Drum roll Catherine please, Chelsea Handler Abroad. Abroad is my
• 55:30
  Speaker 3: European tour, which I just announced. Tickets go on sale
• 55:34
  Speaker 3: tomorrow or today or there's a pre sale code Chelsea.
• 55:39
  Speaker 3: So I'm coming to obviously find.
• 55:42
  Speaker 1: A husband of Rod.
• 55:43
  Speaker 3: I need to get the health out of this fucking country.
• 55:47
  Speaker 3: And it's not as easy as you think. So I'm
• 55:50
  Speaker 3: coming to Rekuvik, I'm coming to Dublin. I'm coming to
• 55:54
  Speaker 3: the UK. I'm coming to Brussels, Paris, Belfast in May
• 55:58
  Speaker 3: and June, I'm coming to Oslo, Stockholm, the Copenhagen, Manchester, London, Glasgow,
• 56:05
  Speaker 3: New Zurich, Vienna. I've never ever been to Vienna, Berlin,
• 56:10
  Speaker 3: Barcelona and Lisbon.
• 56:12
  Speaker 1: I'm coming abroad. Is abroad that sounds like fun.
• 56:16
  Speaker 4: I'm gonna go see you abroad.
• 56:17
  Speaker 3: I rid out. I want to go see me abroad
• 56:19
  Speaker 3: and there all be there, All be fun, okay. All
• 56:24
  Speaker 3: Upcoming Vegas dates March twenty first, April eighteenth, July fifth,
• 56:28
  Speaker 3: August thirtieth, November one and twenty ninth at the Cosmopolitan
• 56:32
  Speaker 3: of Las Vegas.
• 56:34
  Speaker 4: If you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email
• 56:36
  Speaker 4: at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com and be
• 56:39
  Speaker 4: sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited
• 56:42
  Speaker 4: and engineered by Brad Dickert executive producer Catherine law and
• 56:46
  Speaker 4: be sure to check out our merch at Chelseahandler dot
• 56:48
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