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Chapter XVIII: A Fortune in Good Manners · Pushing to the Front

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Chapter eighteen of Pushing to the Front by Horizon Sweat Marden. This LibriVox recording
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is in the public domain recording by Luke Sartor, Chapter eighteen A fortune in
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good manners. Give a boy address and accomplishments, and you give him the
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mastery of palaces and fortunes wherever he goes. He has not the trouble of
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earning or owning them. They solicit him to enter and possess. Emerson with
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hat in hand, one gets on in the world. German proverb what thou
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wilt, thou must rather enforce it with thy smile than hew to it with
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thy sword. Shakespeare politeness has been compared to an air cushion, which,
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although there is apparently nothing in it, eases our jolts wonderfully. George l
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carry Birth's good, but Breeden's better. Scotch proverb conduct is three fourths of
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a life. Matthew Arnold, Why the dows does he edge's head down like
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that? Asked a Cockney sergeant major angrily when a worthy fellow soldier wished to
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be reinstated in a position from which he had been dismissed as he's been an
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officer. He brought to know how to behave himself better? What use Susy
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b as an on commissioned officer if he didn't care? Look is men in
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face? If a man wants to be a soldier, he say, let
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n't cock his chin up, switch his stick apart a bit, and give
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a crack over the head anybody who comes falling around him. Else he might
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just as well be a methodist parson. The English is somewhat rude, but
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it expresses pretty forcibly the fact that a good bearing is indispensable to success as
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a soldier. Mine and manner have much to do with our influence and reputation
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in any walk of life. Don't you wish you had my power? Asked
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the east wind of the zapphyre. Why when I start they hailed me by
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storm signals all along the coast. I can twist off a ship's mast as
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easily as you can waft thistle down with one sweep of my wing. I
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strew the coast from Labrador to Cape Horn with shattered ship timber. I can
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lift, and have often lifted, the Atlantic. I am the terror of
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all invalids, and to keep me from piercing to the very marrow of their
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bones. Men cut down forests for their fires, and explore the mind lines
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of continents for coal to feed their furnaces. Under my breath, the nation's
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crouch in sepulchers. Don't you wish you had my power? Zaphia made no
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reply, but floated from out the bowers of the sky, and all the
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rivers and lakes and seas, all the forests and fields, all the beasts
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and birds and men smiled at its coming. Gardens bloomed, orchards ripened silver,
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wheat fields turned to gold. Fleecy clouds went sailing in the lofty heaven.
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The pinions of birds and the sails of vessels were gently wafted onward,
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and health and happiness were everywhere. The foliage and flowers, and fruits and
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harvests, the warmth and sparkle, and gladness, and beauty and life were
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the only answers Zaphia gave to the insolent question of the proud but pitiless East
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Wind. The story goes that Queen Victoria once expressed herself to her husband in
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rather a despotic tone, and Prince Albert, whose manly self respect was smarting
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at her words sought the seclusion of his own apartment, closing and locking the
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door. In about five minutes, someone knocked. Who is it, inquired
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the Prince. It is I open to the Queen of England. Haughtily responded
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her majesty. There was no reply. After a long interval, there came
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a gentle tapping and the low spoken words, it is I Victoria, your
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wife. Is it necessary to add that the door was opened, or that
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the disagreement was at an end? It is said that civility is to a
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man what beauty is to a woman. It creates an instantaneous impression in his
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behalf. The Monk Basil, according to a quaint old legend, died while
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under the band of excommunication by the Pope, and was sent in charge of
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an angel to find his proper place in the nether world. But his genial
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disposition and great conversational powers won friends wherever he went. The fallen angels adopted
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his manner, and even the good angels went a long way to see him
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and live with him. He was removed to the lowest depths of Hades,
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but with the same result. His inborn politeness and kindness of heart were irresistible.
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And he seemed to change the hell into a heaven. At length,
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the angel returned with the monk, saying that no place could be found in
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which to punish him. He still remained the same basil. So his sentence
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was revoked, and he was sent to heaven and canonized as a saint.
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The Duke of Marlborough wrote English badly and spelled it worse, Yet he swayed
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the destinies of empires. The charm of his manner was as irresistible and influenced
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all Europe. His fascinating smile and winning speech disarmed at the fiercest hatred,
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and made friends of the bitterest enemies. A gentleman took his daughter of sixteen
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to Richmond to witness the trial of his bitter personal enemy, Aaron Bauh,
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whom he regarded as an arch traitor. But she was so fascinated by Bauh's
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charming manner that she sat with his friends. Her father took her from the
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court room and locked her up, but she was so overcome by the fine
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manner of the accused that she believed in his innocence and prayed for his acquittal.
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To this day, said she fifty years afterwards, I feel the magic
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of his wonderful deportment. Madame Ricamilloux was so charming that when she passed around
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the box at the church Saint Rochais in Paris, twenty thousand francs were put
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into it. At the great reception to Napoleon on his return from Italy,
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the crowd caught sight of this fascinating woman and almost forgot to look at the
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great hero. Please, Madame, whispered a servant to Madame de Montagnan at
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dinner. One anecdote more, for there is no roast to day. She
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was so fascinating in manner and speech that her guests appeared to overlook all the
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little discomforts of life. According to Saint Buvats, the privileged circle at Copei,
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after making an excursion, returned from Chamberie in two coaches. Those arriving
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in the first coach had a rueful experience to relate a terrific thunderstorm, shocking
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roads and danger and gloom to the whole company. The party in the second
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coach heard their story with surprise of thunderstorm, of steeps of mud, of
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danger. They knew nothing, no, they had forgotten earth and breathed a
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purer air. Such a conversation between Madame de Staelle and Madame Ricamiere and Benjamin
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Constant en Schleguel. They were all in a state of delight. The intoxication
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of the conversation had made them insensible to all notice of weather or rough roads.
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If I were queen, said Madame Tesse, I should command Madame Destayelle
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to talk to me every day when she had passed. As Longfellow wrote of
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Evangeline, it seemed like the ceasing of exquisite music. Madame d'estelle was anything
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but beautiful, but she possessed that indefinable something before which mere conventional beauty cowers
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commonplace and ashamed. Her hold upon the minds of men was wonderful. They
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were the creatures of her will, and she shaped careers as if she were
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omnipotent. Even the Emperor Napoleon feared her influence over his people so much that
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he destroyed her writings and banished her from France. In the words of Whittier,
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it could be said of her, as might be said of any woman.
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Our homes are cheerier for her sake, our dooryards brighter, blooming,
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and all about the social air is sweeter for her coming. A guest for
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two weeks at the house of Arthur M. Cavanaugh m P. Who was
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without arms or legs, was very desirous of knowing how he fed himself.
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But the conversation and manner of the host were so charming that the visitor was
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scarcely conscious of his deformity. When Dickens entered a room, said one who
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knew him well, it was like the sudden kindling of a big fire,
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by which everyone was warmed. It is said that when Gerta entered a restaurant,
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people would lay down their knives and forks to admire him. Philip of
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Macedon, after hearing the report of Demostheneses famous oration, said, had I
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been there, he would have persuaded me to take up arms against myself.
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Henry Clay was so graceful and impressive in his manner that a Pennsylvanian tavern keeper
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tried to induce him to get out of the stage coach in which they were
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riding and make a speech to himself and his wife. I don't think much
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of Chiote's spread eagle talk, said a simple minded member of a jury that
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had given five successive verdicts to the great advocate. But I call him a
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very lucky lawyer, for there was not one of those five cases that came
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before us where he wasn't on the right side. His manner, as well
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as his logic, was irresistible. When Edward Everett took a professor's chair at
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Harvard after five years of study in Europe, he was almost worshiped by the
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students. His manner seemed touched by that exquisite grace seldom found except in women
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of rare culture. His great popularity lay in a magical atmosphere which everyone felt
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but no one could describe, and which never left him. A New York
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lady had just taken her seat in a car on a train bound for Philadelphia.
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The somewhat stout man sitting just ahead of her lighted a cigar. She
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coughed and moved uneasily, but the hints had no effect, So she said,
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tartly, you probably are a foreigner and do not know that there is
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a smoking car attached to the train. Smoking is not permitted here. The
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man made no reply, but threw his cigar from the window. What has
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her astonishment? When the conductor told her a moment later that she had entered
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the private car of General Grant. She withdrew in confusion. The same fine
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courtesy which led him to give up his cigar was shown again as he spared
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her the mortification of even a questioning glance, still less of a look of
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amusement, although she watched his dumb, immovable figure with apprehension until she reached
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the door. Julian Ralph, after telegraphing an account of President Arthur's fishing trip
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to the Thousand Islands, returned to his hotel at two o'clock in the morning
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to find all the doors locked. With two friends who had accompanied him,
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he batted at a side door to wake the servants. But what was his
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chagrin when the door was opened by the President of the United States. Why
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that's all right, said mister Arthur, when mister Ralph asked his pardon.
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You wouldn't have got in till morning if I had not come. No one
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is up in the house but me. I could have sent my colored boy,
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but he had fallen asleep, and I hated to wake him. The
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late King Edward, when Prince of Wales, the first gentleman in Europe invited
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an eminent man to dine with him. When coffee was served, the guest,
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to the consternation of the others, drank from his sorcer and opened titter
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of amusement went round the table. The prince, quickly, noting the cause
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of the untimely amusement, gravely emptied his cup into his sorcer and drank after
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the manner of his guest, silent and abashed. The other members of the
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princely household took the rebuke and did the same. Queen Victoria sent for Carlyle,
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who was a Scotch peasant, offering him the title of Noblemen, which
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he declined, feeling that he had always been a nobleman in his own right.
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He understood so little of the manners at court that, when presented to
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the Queen, after speaking to her a few minutes, being tired, he
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said, let us sit down, Madam whereat. The courtiers were ready to
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faint, but she was great enough and gave a gesture that seated all her
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puppets in a moment. The Queen's courteous suspension of the rules of etiquette,
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and what it may have cost her, can be better understood from what an
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acquaintance of Carlyle said of him when he saw him for the first time.
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His presence in some unaccountable manner rasped the nerves I expected to meet a rare
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being, and I left him feeling as if I had drunk sour wine,
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or it had an attack of sea sickness. Some persons wield a scepter before
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which others seemed to bow in glad obedience. But whence do they obtain such
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magic power? What is the secret of that almost hypnotic influence over people which
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we would give anything to possess. Courtesy is not always found in higher places.
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Even royal courts furnished many examples of bad manners. At an entertainment given
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years ago by Prince Edward and the Princess of Wales, to which only the
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very cream of the cream of society was admitted, there was such pushing and
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struggling to see the Princess, who was then but lately married, that as
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she passed through the reception rooms, a bust of the Princess Royal was thrown
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from its pedestal and damaged, and the pedestal upset, and the ladies in
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their eagerness to see the princess actually stood upon it. When Catharine of Russia
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gave receptions to her nobles, she published the following rules of etiquette upon cards.
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Gentlemen will not get drunk before the feast is ended. Noblemen are forbidden
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to strike their wives in company. Ladies of the court must not wash out
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their mouths in the drinking glasses, or wipe their faces on the damask,
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or pick their teeth with forks. But to day the nobles of Russia have
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no superiors in manners. Etiquette originally meant the ticket or tag tied to a
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bag to indicate its contents. If a bag had this ticket, it was
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not examined. From this the word passed to cards, upon which were printed
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certain rules to be observed by guests. These rules were the ticket or the
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etiquette to be the ticket, or, as it was sometimes expressed, to
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act or talk by the card, became the thing with the better classes.
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It was fortunate for Napoleon that he married Josephine before he was made Commander in
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chief of the Armies of Italy. Her fascinating manners and her wonderful powers of
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persuasion were more influential than the loyalty of any dozen men in France in attaching
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to him the adherents who would promote his interests. Josephine was to the drawing
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room and the salon what Napoleon was to the field, a pre eminent leader.
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The secret of her personality that made her the empress not only of the
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hearts of the Frenchmen, but also of the nations her husband conquered, has
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been beautifully told by herself. There is only one occasion, she said to
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a friend, in which I would voluntarily use the words I will, namely,
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when I would say I will that all around me be happy. It
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was only a glad good morning as she passed along the way, but it
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spread the morning's glory over the live long day. A fine manner more than
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compensates for all the defects of nature. The most fascinating person is always the
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one of most winning manners, not the one of greatest physical beauty. The
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Greeks thought beauty was a proof of the peculiar favor of the gods, and
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considered that beauty only worth adorning and transmitting, which was unmarred by outward manifestations
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of hard and haughty feeling. According to their ideal, beauty must be the
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expression of attractive qualities within, such as cheerfulness, benignity, contentment, charity,
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and love. Mirabeau was one of the ugliest man in France. It
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was said he had the face of a tiger pitted by smallpox, but the
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charm of his manner was almost irresistible. Beauty of life and character, as
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in art, has no sharp angles. Its lines seem continuous, so gently
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does curve melt into curve. It is sharp angles that keep many souls from
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being beautiful, that are almost so. Our good is less good when it
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is abrupt, rude, ill timed, or ill placed. Many a man
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and woman might double their influence and success by a kindly courtesy and a fine
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manner. Tradition tells us that before Apelles painted his wonderful Goddess of Beauty,
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which enchanted all Greece, he traveled for years observing fair women that he might
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embody in his matchless venus, a combination of the loveliest found in all.
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So the good mannered study, observe and adopt all that is finest and most
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worthy of imitation in every cultured person they meet. Throw a bone to a
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dog, said a shrewd observer, and he will run off with it in
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his mouth, but with no vibration in his tail. Called the dog to
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you, pat him on the head, let him take the bone from your
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hand, and his tail will wag with gratitude. The dog recognizes the good
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deed and the gracious manner of doing it. Those who throw their good deeds
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should not expect them to be caught with a thankful smile. Ask a person
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at Rome to show you the road, said doctor Guthrie of Edinburgh, and
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he will always give you a civil and polite manner. But ask any person
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a question for that purpose in this country Scotland, and he will say,
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follow your nose and you will find it. But the blame is with the
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upper classes. And the reason why in this country the lower classes are not
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polite is because the upper classes are not polite. I remember how astonished I
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was the first time I was in Paris. I spent the first night with
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a banker who took me to a pension, or as we call it,
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aboarding him. When we got there, a servant girl came to the door,
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and the banker took off his hat and bowed to the servant girl and
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called her mademoiselle, as though she were a lady. Now, the reason
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why the lower classes there are so polite is because the upper classes are polite
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and civil. To them. A fine courtesy is a fortune in itself.
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The good mannered can do without riches, for they have passports everywhere. All
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doors fly open to them, and they enter without money and without price.
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They can enjoy nearly everything without the trouble of buying or owning. They are
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as welcome in every household as the sunshine. And why not, for they
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carry light, sunshine, and joy everywhere. They disarm jealousy and envy,
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for they bear good will to everybody. Bees will not sting a man smeared
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with honey a man's own. Good breeding, says Chesterfield, is the best
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security against other people's ill manners. It carries along with it a dignity that
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is respected by the most petulant. Ill breeding invites and authorizes the familiarity of
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the most timid. No man ever said a pert thing to the Duke of
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Marlborough, or a civil one to a Sir Robert Walpole. The true gentleman
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cannot harbor those qualities which excite the antagonism of others as revenge, hatred,
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malice, envy, or jealousy. For these poison the sources of spiritual life
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and shrivel, the soul, generosity of heart, and a genial good will
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towards all are absolutely essential to him who would possess fine manners. Here is
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a man who is cross, crabbed, moody, sullen, silent, sulky,
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stingy, and mean with his family and servants. He refuses his wife
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a little money to buy a need a dress, and accuses her of extravagance
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that would ruin a millionaire. Suddenly the bell rings. Some neighbors call what
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a change the bear of a moment. Ago is as docile as a lamb.
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As by magic, he becomes talkative, polite, generous. After the
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callers have gone, his little girl begs her father to keep on his company
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manners for a little while, But the sullen mood returns, and his courtesy
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vanishes as quickly as it came. He is the same disagreeable, contemptible,
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crabbed bear as before the arrival of his guests. What friend of the great
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doctor Johnson did not feel mortified? And pained to see him eat like an
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Esquimaux, and to hear of him call men liars. Because they did not
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agree with him, he was called the Sir Major, or great bear.
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Benjamin Rush said that when Goldsmith, at a banquet in London, asked a
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person about the American Indians, doctor Johnson exclaimed, there is not an Indian
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in North America foolish enough to ask such a question. Sir replied Goldsmith,
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there is not a savage in America rude enough to make such a speech to
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a gentleman. After Stephen A. Douglas had been abused in the Senate,
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he rose and said, what no gentleman should say? No gentleman need answer.
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Aristotle thus described a real gentleman more than two thousand years ago. The
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magnanimous man will behave with moderation under both good fortune and bad. He will
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not allow himself to be exalted. He will not allow himself to be abased.
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He will neither be delighted with success nor grieved with failure. He will
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never choose danger nor seek it. He is not given to talk about himself
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or others. He does not care that he himself should be praised, nor
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that other people should be blamed. A gentleman is just a gentleman, no
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more, no less, a diamond polished that was first a diamond in the
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rough. A gentleman is gentle, modest, courteous, slow to take offense
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and never giving it. He is slow to surmise evil as he never thinks
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it. He subjects his appetites, refines his tastes, subdues his feelings,
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controls his speech, and deems every other person as good as himself. A
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gentleman, like porcelain wear, must be painted before, for he is glazed.
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There can be no change after it is burned in, and all that
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is put on afterwards will wash off. He who has lost all but retains
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his courage, cheerfulness, hope, virtue and self respect is a true gentleman,
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and is rich still. You replace doctor Franklin, I hear, said
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the French minister, Count de Vergennes to mister Jefferson, who had been sent
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to Paris to relieve our most popular representative. I succeed him. No man
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can replace him, was the felicitous reply of the man who became highly esteemed
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by the most polite court in Europe. You should not have returned their salute,
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said the master of ceremonies. When Clement the fourteenth bowed to the ambassadors
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who had bowed congratulating him upon his election, Oh I beg your pardon,
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replied Clement. I have not been pope long enough to forget good manners.
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Cowper, says, A modest, sensible, and well bred man would not
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insult me, and no other can. I never listen to calumnies, said
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Montesquieu, because if they are untrue, I run the risk of being deceived,
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and if they are true, of hating people. Not worth thinking about,
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I think, says Emerson. Hans Andersen's story of the cobweb cloth woven
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so fine that it was invisible, woven for the king's garment must mean manners
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which do really clothe a princely nature. No one can fully estimate how great
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factor in life is the possession of good manners or timely thoughtfulness with human sympathy
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behind it. They are the kindly fruit of a refined nature, and are
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the open sesame to the best of society. Manners are what vex or soothe,
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exalt or debase, barbarize or refine us by a constant, steady uniform,
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invincible operation, like that of the air we breathe. Even power itself
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has not half the might of gentleness, that subtle oil which lubricates our relations
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with each other and enables the machinery of society to perform its functions without friction.
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Have you not seen in the woods in a late autumn morning, asks
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Emerson, a poor fungus or mushroom, a plant without any solidity. Nay,
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that seemed nothing but a soft mush or jelly. By its constant,
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total and inconc seevably gentle pushing, managed to break its way up through the
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frosty ground, and actually to lift a hard crust on its head. It
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is the symbol of the power of kindness. There is no policy like politeness,
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says Magoon, since a good manner often succeeds where the best tongue has
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failed. The art of pleasing is the art of rising in the world.
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The politest people in the world, it is said, are the Jews.
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In all ages. They have been multreated and reviled, and despoiled of their
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civil privileges and their social rights. Yet are they everywhere polite and affable.
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They indulge in few or no recriminations, are faithful to old associations, more
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considerate of the prejudices of others than others are of theirs, not more worldly
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minded and money loving than people generally are. And everything considered, they surpass
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all nations in courtesy, affability, and forbearance. Men like bullets, says
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Richter, go farthest when they are smoothest. Napoleon was much displeased on hearing
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that Josephine had permitted General Lord Jers, a young and handsome man, to
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sit beside her on the sofa. Josephine explained that instead of its being General
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Lord jas, it was one of the aged generals of his army. Entirely
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unused to the customs of courts, she was unwilling to wound the feelings of
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the honest old soldier, and so allowed him to retain his seat. Napoleon
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commanded her highly for her courtesy. President Jefferson was one day riding with his
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grandson when they met a slave who took off his hat and bowed. The
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President returned the salutation by raising his hat, but the grandson ignored the civility
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of the negro. Thomas said the grandfather, do you permit a slave to
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be more of a gentleman than yourself. Lincoln was the first great man I
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talked with freely in the United States, said Fred Douglas, who in no
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single instance reminded me of the difference between himself and me, of the difference
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in color. Eat at your own table, says Confucius, as you would
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eat at the table of the king. If parents were not careless about the
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manners of their children at home, they would seldom be shocked or embarrassed at
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their behavior abroad. James Russell Lowell was as courteous to a bagger as to
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a lord, and was once observed holding a long conversation in Italian with an
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organ grinder, whom he was questioning about scenes in Italy with which they were
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each familiar. In hastily turning the corner of a crooked street in London,
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a young lady ran with great force against a ragged beggar boy and almost knocked
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him down. Stopping as soon as she could, she turned around and said,
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very kindly, I beg your pardon, my little fellow. I'm very
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sorry that I ran against you. The astonished boy looked at her at a
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moment, and then taking off about three quarters of a cap, made a
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low bow, and said, while a broad, pleasant smile overspread his face,
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you have my parting, miss and welcome and welcome, and the next
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time you run against me, you can knock be cleaned down, and I
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won't say a word. After the lady had passed on, he said to
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a companion, I say, Jim, it's the first time I ever had
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anybody ask me pardon, and it kind of took me off my feet.
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Respect the burden, madam. Respect the burden, said Napoleon, as he
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courteously stepped aside at Saint Helena to make way for a laborer bending under a
34:25
heavy load, while his companion seemed inclined to keep the narrow path. A
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Washington politician went to visit Daniel Webster at Marshfield, Massachusetts, and in taking
34:38
a short cut to the house, came to a stream which he could not
34:42
cross. Calling to a rough looking farmer near by, he offered a quarter
34:46
to be carried to the other side. The farmer took the politician on his
34:52
broad shoulders and leaned it him safely, but would not take the quarter.
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The old rustic presented himself at the house minutes later, and to the great
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surprise and chagrin of the visitor, was introduced as mister Webster. Garrison was
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as polite to the furious mob that tore his clothes from his back and dragged
35:14
him through the streets as he could have been to a king. He was
35:17
one of the serenest souls that ever lived. Christ was courteous even to his
35:23
persecutors, and in terrible agony on the cross, he cried, Father,
35:30
forgive them, for they know not what they do. Saint Paul's speech before
35:37
Agrippa is a model of dignified courtesy as well as of persuasive eloquence. Good
35:45
manners often prove a fortune to a young man. Mister Butler, a merchant
35:50
in Providence r I, had once closed his store and was on his way
35:55
home when he met a little girl who wanted a spool of thread. He
36:00
went back, opened the store and got the thread. This little incident was
36:06
talked of all about the city and brought him hundreds of customers. He became
36:13
very wealthy largely because of his courtesy. Ross Winans of Baltimore, owed his
36:21
great success and fortune largely to his courtesy to two foreign strangers. Although his
36:27
was but a fourth rate factory. His great politeness in explaining the minutest details
36:32
to his visitors was in such marked contrast with the limited attention they had received
36:37
in large establishments that it won their esteem. The strangers were Russians sent by
36:45
their tsar, who later invited mister Winans to establish locomotive works in Russia.
36:52
He did so, and soon his profits resulting from his politeness were more than
36:57
one hundred thousand dollars a year. A poor curate saw a crowd of rough
37:02
boys and men laughing and making fun of two aged spinsters dressed in anticated costume.
37:09
The ladies were embarrassed and did not dare enter the church. The curate
37:15
pushed through the crowd, conducted them up the central aisle, and, amid
37:19
the titter of the congregation, gave them choice seats. These old ladies,
37:24
all those strangers to him, at their death, left the gentle curate a
37:29
large fortune. Courtesy pays. Not long ago, a lady met the late
37:37
President Humphrey of Amhurst College, and she was so much pleased with his great
37:43
politeness that she gave a generous donation to the college. Why did our friend
37:50
never succeed in business, asked a man returning to New York after years of
37:53
absence. He had sufficient capital, a thorough knowledge of his business, and
38:00
exceptional shrewdness and sagacity. He was sour and morose, was the reply.
38:07
He always suspected his employees of cheating him, and was discourteous to his customers.
38:14
Hence, no man ever put good will or energy into work done for
38:17
him, and his patrons went to shops where they were sure of civility.
38:23
Some men almost work their hands off and deny themselves many of the common comforts
38:29
of life in their earnest efforts to succeed, and yet render success impossible by
38:35
their cross grained, ungentlemanliness. They repel patronage, and naturally, business which
38:42
might easily be theirs, goes to others who are really less deserving but more
38:46
companionable. Bad manners often neutralize even honesty, industry, and the greatest energy,
38:55
while agreeable manners win in spite of other defects. Take two men possessing
39:01
equal advantages in every other respect. If one be gentlemanly, kind, obliging
39:08
and conciliating, and the other disobliging, rude, harsh, and insolent.
39:15
The former will become rich, while the boorish one will starve. A fine
39:22
illustration of the business value of good manners is found in the Bond Marquet,
39:29
an enormous establishment in Paris, where thousands of clerks are employed and where almost
39:35
everything is kept for sale. The two distinguishing characteristics of the house are one
39:42
low price to all and extreme courtesy. Mere politeness is not enough. The
39:49
employees must try in every possible way to please and to make customers fill at
39:53
home. Something more must be done than is done in other stores, so
40:00
that every visitor will remember the bon Marquet with pleasure. By this course the
40:05
business has been developed unto it is said to be the largest of the kind
40:09
in the world. Thank you, my dear, please call again. Spoken
40:16
to a little beggar girl who bought a pennyworth of snuff, proved profitable advertisement
40:23
and made Lundyfoot a millionaire. Many persons of real refinement are thought to be
40:31
stiff, proud, reserved, and haughty. Who are not, but are
40:37
merely diffident and shy. It is a curious fact that diffidence often betrays us
40:44
into discourtesies which our hearts are bore, and which cause us intense mortification and
40:50
embarrassment. Excessive shyness must be overcome as an obstacle to perfect manners. It
40:58
is peculiar to the Anglo Saxon and the Teutonic races, and has frequently been
41:01
a barrier to the highest culture. It is a disease of the finest organizations
41:07
and the highest types of humanity. It never attacks the coarse and vulgar Sir
41:14
Isaac Newton was the shyest man of his age. He did not acknowledge his
41:19
great discovery for years, just for fear of attracting attention to himself. He
41:24
would not allow his name to be used in connection with his theory of the
41:29
moon's motion, for fear it would increase the acquaintances he would have to meet.
41:35
George Washington was awkward and shy, and had the air of a countryman.
41:39
Archbishop Weely was so shy that he would escape notice whenever it was possible.
41:45
At last, he determined to give up trying to cure his shyness.
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For why, he asked, should I endure this torture all my life?
41:57
When to his surprise it almost entirely disappeared. Elieu burit was so shy that
42:05
he would hide in the cellar when his parents had company. Practice on the
42:10
stage or lecture platform does not always eradicate shyness. David Garrick, the great
42:17
actor, was once summoned to testestify in court, and though he had acted
42:23
for thirty years with market self possession, he was so confused and embarrassed that
42:30
the judge dismissed him. John B. Goff said that he could not rid
42:36
himself of his early diffidence and shrinking from public notice. He said that he
42:42
never went on the platform without fear and trembling, and would often be covered
42:46
with cold perspiration. There are many worthy people who are brave on the street,
42:52
who would walk up to a cannon's mouth in battle, but who are
42:57
cowards in the drawing room and dare not express an opinion in the social circle.
43:02
They feel conscious of a subtle tyranny in society's code, which locks their
43:07
lips and ties their tongues. Addison was one of the purest writers of English,
43:14
and a perfect master of the pen, but he could scarcely utter a
43:19
dozen words in conversation without being embarrassed. Shakespeare was very shy. He retired
43:25
from London at forty and did not try to publish or preserve one of his
43:30
plays. He took second or third rate parts on account of his diffidence.
43:37
Generally, shyness comes from a person thinking too much about himself, which in
43:43
itself is a breach of good breeding, and wondering what other people think about
43:47
him. I was once very shy, said Sidney Smith. But it was
43:54
not long before I made two very useful discoveries. First that all mankind were
44:01
not solely employed in observing me, and second that shamming was of no use,
44:07
that the world was very clear sighted and soon estimated a man at his
44:12
true value. This cured me what a misfortune it is to go through life
44:20
apparently encased in ice, yet all the while full of kindly, cordial feeling
44:27
for one's fellow men. Shy people are always distrustful of their powers, and
44:32
look upon their lack of confidence as a weakness or lack of ability, when
44:37
it may indicate quite the reverse. By teaching children early the arts of social
44:43
life, such as boxing, horseback riding, dancing, elocution, and similar
44:49
accomplishments, we may do much to overcome the sense of shyness. Shy people
44:57
should dress well, good clothes give ease of manner and unlock the tongue.
45:04
The consciousness of being well dressed gives a grace and ease of manner that even
45:08
religion will not bestow. While inferiority of garb often induces restraint. As peculiarities
45:16
in apparel are sure to attract attention, it is well to avoid bright colors
45:22
and fashionable extremes, and wear plain, well fitting garments of as good material
45:28
as the purse will afford. Beauty in dress is a good thing. Rail
45:34
at it who may, But it is a lower beauty for which a higher
45:39
beauty should not be sacrificed. They love dress too much, Who giveth their
45:45
first thought, their best time, or all their money, Who for it
45:49
neglect the culture of the mind or heart, or the claims of others on
45:53
their service, Who care more for dress than for their character, Who are
45:59
troubled more by an unfashionable garment than by a neglected duty. When Ezequiel Whitman,
46:07
a prominent lawyer and graduate of Harvard, was elected to the Massachusetts Legislature,
46:12
he came to Boston from his farm in countryman's dress and went to a
46:15
hotel in Boston. He entered the parlor and sat down when he overheard the
46:22
remark between some ladies and gentlemen, Ah, he comes a real homespun countryman.
46:29
He is fun. They asked him all sorts of queer questions, tending
46:34
to throw ridicule upon him. When he arose and said, ladies and gentlemen,
46:39
permit me to wish you health and happiness, and may you grow better
46:44
and wiser in advancing years. Bearing in mind that outward appearances are deceitful.
46:50
You mistook me from my dress for a country booby, while I, from
46:55
the same superficial cause thought you are ladies and gentlemen. The mistake has been
47:02
mutual. Just then, Governor Caleb Strong entered and called to mister Whitman,
47:09
who, turning to the dumbfounded company, said, I wish you a very
47:15
good evening. In civilized society, says Johnson, external advantages make us more
47:24
respected. A man with a good coat upon his back meets with a better
47:30
reception than he who has a bad one. One cannot but feel that God
47:37
is the lover of the beautiful. He has put robes of beauty and glory
47:40
upon all his works. Every flower is dressed in richness. Every field blushes
47:47
beneath a mantle of beauty. Every star is veiled in brightness, every bird
47:52
is clothed in the habiliments of the most exquisite taste. Some people look upon
48:00
polished manners as a kind of affectation. They claim admiration for plain, solid,
48:06
square, rugged characters. They might as well say that they prefer square,
48:12
plain, unornamented houses made from square blocks of stone. Saint Peter's is
48:17
none the less strong and solid because of its elegant columns and the magnificent sweep
48:22
of its arches, its carved and fretted marbles of matchless hues. Our manners,
48:31
like our characters, are always under inspection. Every time we go into
48:37
society, we must step on the scales of each person's opinion, and the
48:43
loss or gain from our last weight is carefully noted. Each mentally asks is
48:49
this person going up or down? Through? How many grades has he passed?
48:54
For example, young Brown enters a drawing room. All present bigh him
49:00
in their judgment and silently say, this young man is gaining. He is
49:06
more careful, thoughtful, polite, considerate, straightforward, industrious. Besides him
49:13
stands young Jones. It is evident that he is losing ground rapidly. He
49:17
is careless, indifferent, rough does not look you in the eye, is
49:22
mean, stingy, snaps at the servants, yet is over polite to strangers.
49:30
And so we go through life tagg'd with these invisible labels by all who
49:35
know us. I sometimes think it would be a great advantage if one could
49:40
read these ratings of his associates. We cannot long deceive the world for that
49:46
other self. Whoever stands in the shadow of ourselves, holding the scales of
49:52
justice that tell tale in the soul, rushes to the eye or into the
49:58
manner, and betrays. But manners, while they are the garb of the
50:04
gentleman, do not constitute or finally determine his character. Mere politeness can never
50:10
be a substitute for moral excellence, any more than the bark can take the
50:15
place of the heart of the oak. It may well indicate the kind of
50:20
wood below, but not always whether it be sound or decayed. Etiquette is
50:27
but a substitute for good manners, and is often but their mere counterfeit.
50:34
Sincerity is the highest quality of good manners. The following recipe is recommended to
50:40
those who wish to acquire genuine good manners of unselfishness, three drachms of the
50:50
tincture of good cheer, one ounce of essence of heart's ease, three drachms
50:58
of the extract of the Row of Sharon, four ounces of the oil of
51:04
Charity, three dragons and no scruples of the infusion of common sense and tact
51:12
one ounce of the spirit of love. Two ounces the mixture to be taken
51:19
whenever there is the slightest symptom of selfishness, exclusiveness, meanness, or I
51:25
am better than newdness. Pattern after him who gave the Golden rule, and
51:34
who was the first true gentleman that ever breathed, And of chapter eighteen A
51:42
Fortune in Good Manners. Recording by Luke Sartor, Brisbane, Queensland,