Latest / Man In Your Corner with Shaun Tucker / Master Your Presence: The Art of Engaging Communication | Ep. 115
Transcript
- Shaun: Reset. I am Sean Tucker, human performance scientist and authority architect. We are here in the Living Lab documenting the struggle, the science, and the shift for every high performance dad and founder who is ready to bridge the gap between their presence and their ambition. We're diving into how you can make every single conversation, interaction, and content that you might make in the future or today, more interesting and more engaging. This will help you master the men underneath the performance. Let's get straight into it. That is actually the first point. If you want to make something more engaging, you want to make something more interesting, and something that you can actually really enjoy as well, not just for the person you're talking to, but for the the people that you're surrounded by as well. Say what you want to say. And realize that you're a Realize that you're a grown-up too. You have needs and you can talk about what you really want. And you don't have to have a filter to say what it is you really want. Something I've noticed in my own life, and I'm sure you're starting to notice it too. Older you get, the wiser you sort of become, and the less time you have for fluff and bullshit. So you might start speaking language that you would previously have filtered out in the past. Meaning you say what you want to say and you say it directly to the person's face. I just noticed a message that I got before, part of a little mastermind, and ⁓ they were asking for feedback. And one of the best ways I think to give feedback is direct. None of this cotton fluff kind of feedback. I must admit though, ⁓ this is me sharing vulnerably here, that I am sensitive to people's feedback. I see it as it's me, it's my work, and I get my identity caught up in whatever I'm trying to get feedback on. Whether it's unsolicited or solicited feedback, feedback that I've asked for, oftentimes if it comes back and I feel like it's negative feedback, ⁓ instead of growth-oriented feedback, I see it as I made a mistake. And it hurts, it actually really hurts to get over that. So it's kind of counterintuitive to what I'm saying. But if the person is really sensitive, I'd say still give it directly back to them because the I think the most best way to give love is to give actually tough love. Give it in a way where you're true to your word and the way that you love someone shows up in your integrity. It it shows up how you show up. It's none of this people pleasing business. And I think the more people step into that role, the more easy it is to receive feedback that comes from that place anyway. So that's tip number one is say what you want to say. Don't filter it. Don't put a profanity filter on it. Just say directly what you want to say. Number two is notice how you breathe when you talk. If you're talking and you are inhaling your breath, you're gonna sound all flustered and anxious. It's it's not gonna roll off very nice. And it's honestly gonna be really hard for the person to be engaged in what you're saying. This is for a couple reasons. When you're inhaling, it's really I find it almost impossible to talk when I'm inhaling. I mean you can try. I don't like I I can't I find that I can't do it. And it might be because I've been able to learn how to relax my nerves and learn how to really become myself when I'm talking, but I I can't really pinpoint what that is, but there are a lot of people when they go to do a public speaking thing or They have a public speaking gig or they just give a present presentation, or they're talking to someone at the grocery store or the supermarket or their spouse or whoever they're talking to. You'll notice that maybe they're actually talking or communicating on their inhale breath rather than their exhale breath. What's funny is the more or longer your exhales are, the more relaxed you become. when you compare your inhale to exhale breath. It's how you can learn to co-regulate too. So if someone is throwing a tantrum like a child or a work colleague or whatever, and you just allow space for it, you simply just extend your exhales. Let them feel safe in that presence, that co-regulation. ⁓ that's a really great way to communicate and have that other person have yourself feel more comfortable. have that other person feel more conf confident and comfortable in that space as well. Tip number three is make eye contact. Not the kind of psychopathic, sociopathic, I'm gonna eat your soul alive. Not that one. But notice this should be quite unconscious, unless you're really, really uncomfortable with making eye contact. You'll notice that for ⁓ for moments you'll make eye contact, you'll be really connected, and then other moments you'll kinda drift off, your eyes will move somewhere else, your posture will change. And there's a few reasons for this. One, you might feel a little bit unsure or uncertain about what you're about to say, which makes sense. You're using your brain and your posture and your way of being to communicate what it is you're trying to say. Or it could be that you just really lack confidence ⁓ in connecting with people and communicating whatever message you have. So practice this this is all practice anyway. Like practice what I'm what I'm suggesting here. It's not Perfect when you start, but you will progress towards perfection. You'll never attain it, but you will progress towards it. And it's always about striving for perpet it's all about striving for perfection, not attaining perfection. Striving towards, not attaining. That is a really crucial distinction. I think will help a lot of people anyway. So yeah, th those are my three tips. I'm just thinking, is there any other bonus tip I would give? Maybe one is actually using your hands, using your body to communicate as well. Can keep everyone more engaged, it can make you look more human. yeah. Honestly I don't like people who communicate just with their hands and that's all that they do. I really love that people can use their voice and their modulation of their voice and tonality and intonations and all of these things that make it more engaging as well. But that's more advanced, right? There are more advanced communication pathways of using knowing how to use your voice to communicate so that you can keep the person connected and engaged the whole time. Using your body language, using your hands, using your even your eyebrows. Like be engaged yourself and the other person will be engaged. It's really as simple as that. So in summary, just be engaged yourself and people will become more engaged. That's it for the reset today. If you found this helpful Share it with just one person. And yeah, if you're really committed to making your life better, then make sure you download or comment or reply to this thread wherever you're seeing it with the word reset, and I'll shoot you the seven-day reset guide. Most people wait for their life to change. We architect their choice. This is me, Sean Tucker, and I look forward let me go over. So that is it for today's episode of the reset. If you're ready to stop being a passenger in your own life and start being the architect of your legacy, make sure you reply or comment to wherever you see this podcast with the word reset, and I will shoot the seven-day reset guide over to you. Because remember, most people wait for their life to change. We are the ones who architect the choice. I am Sean Tucker. Forward to seeing you in the next episode.