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Thrive Unapologetically · Divas That Care Network

0:00
SPEAKER_00: It's Divas the Care Radio.
0:02
SPEAKER_00: Stories, strategies, and ideas to inspire positive change.
0:06
SPEAKER_00: Welcome to Divas That Care, a network of women committed to making our world a better place for everyone.
0:13
SPEAKER_00: This is a global movement for women, by women engaged in a collaborative effort to create a better world for future generations.
0:20
SPEAKER_00: To find out more about the movement, visit divas that care.com after the show.
0:26
SPEAKER_00: Right now, though, stay tuned for another jolt of inspiration.
0:31
SPEAKER_02: Welcome to Confidence in Bloom, where bold women rise, shine, and own their power.
0:37
SPEAKER_02: We all face that pesky inner critic, what I call the itty bitty shitty committee, whispering self-sabotaging doubts and untrue trash talk that holds us back.
0:47
SPEAKER_02: Here, we don't let that noise win.
0:50
SPEAKER_02: This is a space to celebrate the fierce, fabulous women who have broken free from fear, crushed limiting beliefs, and stepped into their full, unstoppable selves.
1:00
SPEAKER_02: Because let's be real, the most powerful thing any woman can wear is her confidence.
1:05
SPEAKER_02: I'm Tina Spolotini, your host with the DivaSat Care Network, and I will bring you real stories from women who reclaimed their voice, embraced their worth, and are lighting the way for all of us.
1:17
SPEAKER_02: Ready to bloom into your best self?
1:20
SPEAKER_02: Let's dive in.
1:21
SPEAKER_02: Today I'm chatting with Sabrina Victoria.
1:25
SPEAKER_02: Once a single mom trapped in a 13-year narcissistic relationship, Sabrina Victoria rose with resilience and purpose.
1:33
SPEAKER_02: Now the creator and CEO of Her Nation Global and host of her talk show, she's on a mission to help others rise too, equipping women with tools to lead, heal, and thrive unapologetically in life and business.
1:50
SPEAKER_02: Okay, so welcome, Sabrina.
1:52
SPEAKER_02: How are you?
1:53
SPEAKER_02: I'm doing so good.
1:54
SPEAKER_02: Awesome, awesome.
1:55
SPEAKER_02: Tell us a little bit more about yourself.
1:58
SPEAKER_01: Um well, I am a mother.
2:01
SPEAKER_01: Um my son is 21 years old.
2:03
SPEAKER_01: I run a company called Her Nation Global, where I help uh women entrepreneurs, women business owners um take their life to the next level, take their business to the next level.
2:14
SPEAKER_01: Oh, I love that.
2:15
SPEAKER_02: Okay, so Her Nation, what exactly is that?
2:19
SPEAKER_01: Um, Her Nation Global is a community for women business owners.
2:23
SPEAKER_01: We uh have two sides of the business.
2:25
SPEAKER_01: So the front facing is a media company called Her Media Agency.
2:30
SPEAKER_01: And um we do podcasting, we run a digital magazine, we do uh big recreation, we do um uh website rebranding, and then the back end of the business is a community called H Club for women business owners.
2:48
SPEAKER_01: It is masterminds, networking, business workshops, sales workshops to really help women create businesses that are thriving, businesses that are surviving.
2:58
SPEAKER_02: I love that.
2:58
SPEAKER_02: I love that.
2:59
SPEAKER_02: And so reinvention is sort of your it's a little bit of your key process, right?
3:05
SPEAKER_02: I mean, women in business, um that's a reinvention on its own, right?
3:11
SPEAKER_02: Oftentimes, not always, but oftentimes, you know, women and I know this just from people that are my age that are just going into business, that is the reinvention that I'm speaking of.
3:22
SPEAKER_02: And I mean, you see it with the women in your world all the time, right?
3:26
SPEAKER_02: They're they're con we're constantly changing, right?
3:29
SPEAKER_02: We're always, you know, doing the the famous pivot, um, just to, you know, stay up with the market, stay up with the industry, whatever, you know, what have you.
3:37
SPEAKER_02: Um, so you are like there witnessing and supporting women through that.
3:43
SPEAKER_02: Am I right?
3:44
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, absolutely.
3:45
SPEAKER_01: I mean, that's the whole uh the whole point of the community is to get them to the next level and get them out of the mindset, right, of being all by themselves, being without a community, um, going through a cycle of like a hamster on hamster wheel where they're not getting anywhere, and also just not knowing what to do next.
4:03
SPEAKER_01: You know, a lot of times we open a business and we've gotten it to as far as we can with the knowledge of which we have.
4:09
SPEAKER_01: And then that's it.
4:10
SPEAKER_01: We don't have any more knowledge.
4:11
SPEAKER_01: And that's a lot about life just in general, right?
4:14
SPEAKER_01: Like, how do you get how do you you can get yourself only so far with the knowledge that you have?
4:20
SPEAKER_01: And then once you get to that point, what do you do?
4:22
SPEAKER_01: You either have to drop um time on watching YouTube videos, reading books, you have to get some sort of a coach, you have to join some sort of a community to get you to the next level.
4:33
SPEAKER_01: So, you know, most of society in general lives at a very mediocrity um level, right?
4:38
SPEAKER_01: In business and health and relationships, just very mediocre.
4:42
SPEAKER_01: And we really want to thrive, right?
4:44
SPEAKER_01: We really want to thrive in certain areas of our business, whether it's our health or our relationships or our money.
4:50
SPEAKER_01: Um uh we have to, you know, we have to educate ourselves, educate ourselves on the things that we don't know that we don't know.
4:58
SPEAKER_01: So uh that's what you know, part of my community within the realm of a business and entrepreneurship is really helping these women to get to the next level.
5:06
SPEAKER_02: I love that.
5:06
SPEAKER_02: That's like the village, right?
5:08
SPEAKER_02: You know how we've always heard it takes a village to raise a child, right?
5:11
SPEAKER_02: And and our business is often another child to us.
5:14
SPEAKER_02: And so you're kind of the support, the village, right?
5:18
SPEAKER_02: You're you allow the women to come in and say, Okay, what do I do next?
5:22
SPEAKER_02: Right?
5:23
SPEAKER_02: I know this part of it, but there's gotta be more because it's not going anywhere or it's not, you know, thriving the way I would like.
5:29
SPEAKER_02: I love that.
5:30
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, absolutely.
5:31
SPEAKER_02: Um now in your in your past life, you've had to make some big changes.
5:35
SPEAKER_02: You were married for 13 years.
5:37
SPEAKER_02: What signs or whispers did you notice that were like, you need you, you're you're meant for more, right?
5:44
SPEAKER_02: Like this isn't what you need, this isn't what you're here for.
5:48
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, absolutely.
5:50
SPEAKER_01: So um I was not married, I was just in a very long-term relationship.
5:54
SPEAKER_01: And the pivot, well, I mean, that was obvious.
5:57
SPEAKER_01: He was a very abusive partner.
5:59
SPEAKER_01: So um, I was dealing with mental, emotional, sexual, and financial abuse for that uh duration of time.
6:05
SPEAKER_01: And really, what happened was probably about eight years in, um, I had a total epiphany.
6:09
SPEAKER_01: I always say Google saved my life.
6:11
SPEAKER_01: I was on the floor in the feudal position, in the dark, in the bathroom, bawling, just screaming and crying like death was coming out of me, just feeling so stuck, so unhealthy, so much like a prisoner, like a slave in my own life, having no way to get out, no way to escape, not understanding why I was so unhappy.
6:34
SPEAKER_01: And I did a Google search right there on the floor.
6:37
SPEAKER_01: I'll never forget.
6:37
SPEAKER_01: I took my phone out of my pocket, I could barely see because like I was crying, and I Googled, why is my boyfriend bullying me?
6:45
SPEAKER_01: Because I just did not understand why he was so mean to me every single day.
6:49
SPEAKER_01: Like, what is up?
6:50
SPEAKER_01: I'm a good person, I'm a good girlfriend.
6:53
SPEAKER_01: And the whole world of narcissism just hit me right in the face.
6:57
SPEAKER_01: Again, right?
6:58
SPEAKER_01: Not knowing what you don't know.
7:00
SPEAKER_01: See, I always thought abuse was physical.
7:03
SPEAKER_01: I didn't know abuse was verbal.
7:04
SPEAKER_01: I didn't know abuse was mental.
7:06
SPEAKER_01: I didn't know abuse was sexual or even financial, like financial abuse.
7:10
SPEAKER_01: I had never even heard of that before.
7:12
SPEAKER_01: And, you know, when somebody keeps all the money for themselves and doesn't give you any money, you're living off of you're living off of pennies or whatever they throw at you.
7:20
SPEAKER_01: So um when I figured this out, that was the pivot.
7:25
SPEAKER_01: So it took me a few years, and I I did stay with him for a dozen plus years.
7:29
SPEAKER_01: Um, but at that moment, eight years in, is when I made a huge change in my life, um, dove head first into personal development and reinventing myself, right?
7:38
SPEAKER_01: Stepping into this new identity of a woman who was powerful, a woman who knew things, a woman who um who had money.
7:45
SPEAKER_01: You know, I opened up a secret bank account, I started three online um three online businesses covertly, and I started saving money just under the radar, and then literally one day I just ran away.
8:01
SPEAKER_02: My God.
8:01
SPEAKER_02: So first I want to say I'm sorry that you had to go through that.
8:04
SPEAKER_02: I don't think any person, any human deserves to be treated that way.
8:08
SPEAKER_02: But at the same time, I wonder when you look back at that story, you know, and it's I mean, it's a short, it's really it's a short time of your life, but it was so heavy and so I mean traumatic for you.
8:22
SPEAKER_02: Do you look back at that with a sense of gratitude?
8:26
SPEAKER_02: Um I mean, uh gratitude is maybe is a strong word, but do you look at that and say, you know, I'm grateful that that happened because I wouldn't be where I am today if it wouldn't have?
8:36
SPEAKER_02: Or do you look back and say, Do you still kind of, you know, I mean, everybody wishes that wouldn't happen, but you know, uh when you look back at that story, what goes through you?
8:46
SPEAKER_01: Um I would do it all over again.
8:49
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I would do it all over again as is.
8:51
SPEAKER_01: I learned so much from that story.
8:53
SPEAKER_01: The personal development, the education that I've given myself since that relationship, I don't think I ever would have gotten to the power, the strength, and the mental capacity that I have now if it wasn't for that relationship.
9:08
SPEAKER_01: And and really the whole story leading up to the relationship, right?
9:12
SPEAKER_01: Getting pregnant out of wedlock, being in a um in a very strict religion.
9:17
SPEAKER_01: Um I would do the entire thing all over again knowing the results that I ended up with.
9:26
SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
9:26
SPEAKER_02: I love that.
9:27
SPEAKER_02: And I I mean I don't love that it happened, and I don't love that you know, that this kind of stuff is happening around us all the time.
9:34
SPEAKER_02: But I love that you can walk away from it and and be you know somewhat grateful for it.
9:40
SPEAKER_02: Because I mean, first of all, you got a beautiful child out of it, right?
9:44
SPEAKER_02: I mean, that's you know, usually when you know women are like that's the first thing that I don't regret.
9:49
SPEAKER_02: But right, you where you stand today wouldn't would be totally different if you wouldn't have gone through what you went through.
9:57
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, right.
9:58
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, absolutely.
9:59
SPEAKER_01: And I think more I wish more people would understand that.
10:02
SPEAKER_01: And I know that that your listeners here with uh with your podcast are very much on that journey of like trying to figure that out, trying to realize what is the reframe, why did this happen?
10:13
SPEAKER_01: What can I get from this?
10:16
SPEAKER_01: And I think that's one of the things that I know you what what I wish, and I'm certain you wish for individuals, because we can't help, we can't stop the inevitable, right?
10:25
SPEAKER_01: There are things in our life that are just gonna freaking happen.
10:28
SPEAKER_01: You know, I broke my leg in October of 2020, right in the middle of the freaking pandemic, literally snapped my leg in half.
10:34
SPEAKER_01: Like I could have stayed in the in the um lull of like victimhood for so long with that.
10:40
SPEAKER_01: Like I've never broken a I've never broken anything before.
10:43
SPEAKER_01: That in itself was torturous.
10:44
SPEAKER_01: And we're in the middle of freaking COVID.
10:46
SPEAKER_01: I have no money coming in.
10:48
SPEAKER_01: Now all of a sudden medical bills up the wazoo because my insurance only covered so much.
10:53
SPEAKER_01: It's like the there's so much negative that could have happened.
10:58
SPEAKER_01: And because of the mindset, because of the shifts that I've had in my life, because of the healing journey I've been on, because of all the education I've gotten over the years, it was like one of the most joyful times of my life.
11:09
SPEAKER_01: I mean, the experience of the hospital was awesome.
11:12
SPEAKER_01: The experience of just going through rehabilitation was awesome.
11:15
SPEAKER_01: The fact that I had to sit for so long really helped me build out my whole online business that I wouldn't have done otherwise because I'm so freaking hyper.
11:23
SPEAKER_01: I probably wouldn't have been able to sit for that long to build out a business.
11:26
SPEAKER_01: But because I was bedridden, literally couldn't get up, it forced me to be on my computer every day.
11:32
SPEAKER_01: I took classes, I took seminars, I took, I was watching um podcasts, events, really teaching me how to run an online business.
11:40
SPEAKER_01: And my business catapulted so much further because of that situation, versus another way of doing that, which would have been a person that was just like, oh, my whole life is over.
11:51
SPEAKER_01: And they just would have sat for six whole months in this woe is me, victim mentality.
11:55
SPEAKER_01: Now I can't do anything.
11:56
SPEAKER_01: Now I can't open a business.
11:57
SPEAKER_01: Now I have to wait.
11:59
SPEAKER_01: Now my whole life is on hold.
12:01
SPEAKER_01: See, I did it totally different.
12:02
SPEAKER_01: And a lot of that came from linking up with coaches like Tina, learning how to reframe, learning how to reframe how I do life, how I view life, how I view challenges, issues, circumstances, struggles that happen in my life.
12:18
SPEAKER_01: And instead of sitting in a lull for any more than a couple hours or even a day, max, right?
12:26
SPEAKER_01: I move on.
12:27
SPEAKER_01: I figure out what are the benefits, what is the the goodness that's happening from this and capitalize on those things.
12:34
SPEAKER_01: Did it hurt?
12:35
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
12:35
SPEAKER_01: Did it suck?
12:36
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
12:36
SPEAKER_01: Did I cry?
12:37
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
12:38
SPEAKER_01: Did I gain a ton of weight?
12:39
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
12:40
SPEAKER_01: All those things were super sucky.
12:43
SPEAKER_01: But I did not concentrate on any of those things.
12:45
SPEAKER_01: I only concentrated on the good things that came out of it.
12:48
SPEAKER_01: And because of that, right, so much goodness was able to come out of it.
12:52
SPEAKER_02: Right.
12:53
SPEAKER_02: And and and with that being all said, I mean, that doesn't mean that, you know, you're gonna fall, break your ankle or break your leg, and lay there on the floor thinking, okay, so what's the good here?
13:06
SPEAKER_02: Right?
13:07
SPEAKER_02: Like it doesn't happen within seconds, right?
13:09
SPEAKER_02: Absolutely.
13:10
SPEAKER_02: I mean, at the end of it, like, I mean, clearly it is more about get me through this, right?
13:18
SPEAKER_02: Like I need to get through this.
13:19
SPEAKER_02: I can't sit in the lull, like I'm in pain, I need to move on.
13:23
SPEAKER_02: You know, what do I do so that I can move on?
13:25
SPEAKER_02: And that and I think that's the whole world of personal development, right?
13:29
SPEAKER_02: I mean, we're we're you know, we're not taught how to improve our lives unless we've had a reason to.
13:38
SPEAKER_02: And so, you know, you know, you you are allowed to sit in the you know, the black of it.
13:44
SPEAKER_02: But just you you have to have the willpower and the self-control to get yourself out of it, right?
13:51
SPEAKER_02: Exactly.
13:52
SPEAKER_02: And that positive mindset is where we do that.
13:55
SPEAKER_02: So now obviously, you know, you didn't like lay there on the floor, wake up and say, Okay, I'm gonna start these three businesses, I'm going to, you know, put money away.
14:06
SPEAKER_02: I mean, obviously this came to you like slowly.
14:09
SPEAKER_02: Gradually.
14:10
SPEAKER_02: Now you I mean I I I don't want to talk about the relationship because it's not really about the relationship.
14:15
SPEAKER_02: I want to talk about you.
14:17
SPEAKER_02: What kind of challenges did you come across in that process of you know becoming that person that ended up breaking your ankle or your leg and still being able to continue with the online growth?
14:32
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I mean, what if we're talking about when I was back in my relationship, I mean, there was so much stuff, which is why it took me so long, you know, 12, 13 years in the relationship, I figured it out at year eight.
14:45
SPEAKER_01: That's a lot of years, right?
14:47
SPEAKER_01: The reason there were so many years is all kinds of things self-doubt, fear, uncertainty.
14:53
SPEAKER_01: Can I do it?
14:55
SPEAKER_01: You know, he when you're in a narcissistic relationship, for those of you that have been in one before, you're getting told that you're dumb, stupid, idiot every day.
15:02
SPEAKER_01: You're getting told that you're fat, no one loves you, um, you'll never amount to anything, you're worthless, you're your ghetto, you're trash, like all the things, right?
15:11
SPEAKER_01: I'm on Hispanic descent.
15:13
SPEAKER_01: When he found me, I had no mother, no father, no family, no friends, right?
15:17
SPEAKER_01: Because I had been disowned by everyone I'd ever known.
15:19
SPEAKER_01: I'm living in the ghetto, I have no freaking money.
15:22
SPEAKER_01: So he used all this against me every single day, you know, your Mexican ghetto, trash, single mom, your mom and dad don't love you.
15:30
SPEAKER_01: All every day, while I'm trying to build my power, while I'm trying to like go through personal development, while Les Brown is telling me anything is possible, while Tony Robbins is saying, like, you know, step into your power, change your identity.
15:44
SPEAKER_01: And then I have this man over on the other side just saying all this shit to me.
15:49
SPEAKER_01: So it was a constant.
15:51
SPEAKER_01: Not only is it constant whether you have someone like that in your life or not, that's like a constant thing that's going to happen, anyways.
15:58
SPEAKER_01: But even more so, right?
16:00
SPEAKER_01: So one of the things that I always tell use in my story is like we already have difficultness in our own mind of like back and forth and back and forth and back and forth.
16:12
SPEAKER_01: I'm a normal person.
16:13
SPEAKER_01: I don't have a college degree, I was a single mom.
16:17
SPEAKER_01: I had no help from friends or family, nobody to lean on, zero, nobody to lean on.
16:23
SPEAKER_01: And if I can do it, you can do it, right?
16:26
SPEAKER_01: I had this man telling me every single day that I was worthless, stupid, and dumb.
16:31
SPEAKER_01: If I, with no education, no background, no means, no money, can somehow crawl her way out, literally crawl up a mountain to get out of this, and anybody can do it.
16:47
SPEAKER_01: Anybody can do it.
16:48
SPEAKER_01: And I really like to implore that when I tell my story, because a lot of times it's like you don't understand my situation.
16:56
SPEAKER_01: No, I don't understand your exact situation, but I do know that mine was real tough mentally, emotionally, and physically, so and financially.
17:05
SPEAKER_01: So figure out what are the good things, figure out what are the benefits, figure out what you can do versus what can't I do.
17:14
SPEAKER_01: See, during the duration of my entire relationship, it was always like, oh, I can't do that because of this.
17:19
SPEAKER_01: I can't do that because of him.
17:21
SPEAKER_01: I can't do that because of my situation.
17:22
SPEAKER_01: I can't.
17:23
SPEAKER_01: But when I started to get into personal development, one of the things that I was taught was, okay, yes, you can't do all of that.
17:30
SPEAKER_01: Got it.
17:31
SPEAKER_01: What can you do?
17:32
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
17:33
SPEAKER_01: And when I really started to concentrate on what is possible, what could I do?
17:39
SPEAKER_01: What would that look like?
17:41
SPEAKER_01: All of a sudden, all of the opportunities that I had been missing the whole time, that were there the whole time, all of a sudden started parking up right in front of my freaking face.
17:52
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, when you open your mouth.
17:54
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
17:54
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, exactly.
17:56
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
17:56
SPEAKER_01: And so a lot of times we're just so stuck in all the negatives, like my broken leg, for instance.
18:02
SPEAKER_01: There was a lot of negative things that were happening.
18:04
SPEAKER_01: I did cry, it did hurt.
18:06
SPEAKER_01: I did have to go to therapy and it sucked really bad.
18:09
SPEAKER_01: And I wanted to punch my therapist in the freaking face every day because he was so mean to me.
18:14
SPEAKER_01: But like that's not what I'm concentrating on during that time.
18:17
SPEAKER_01: That's not what I'm concentrating on now.
18:19
SPEAKER_01: I am so grateful for that time.
18:22
SPEAKER_01: Um, and same with the situation, you know, that I that I came out of.
18:26
SPEAKER_01: And to your point, you know, as far as it's not like when you're on the ground with a broken leg, you're immediately thinking, what are the benefits?
18:34
SPEAKER_01: Like, yes, yes to that.
18:36
SPEAKER_01: And the amount of time that you sit in victimhood is up to you.
18:41
SPEAKER_01: It's literally up to you.
18:43
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
18:44
SPEAKER_01: Um, so I think as you get better as this at this, as you work with somebody like Tina or with Tina, um, I think that you'll start to recognize that it's your choice on how long you're deciding to stay in that.
19:00
SPEAKER_01: And I remember this was really difficult for me in the beginning because there's this still this victim mentality that we're all hanging on to, where we want to tell a story, we want people to feel bad for us, we want, you know, the caught, we want to be coddled and all of that in the story of which that happened.
19:16
SPEAKER_01: Um, and I had to get over a lot of that.
19:18
SPEAKER_01: I had to get over, like, no, you know what, girl, like to myself, you know what, girl?
19:26
SPEAKER_01: You don't have to be sad.
19:27
SPEAKER_01: You don't have to, you don't have to keep carrying this around.
19:30
SPEAKER_01: Like, you can let go of this.
19:31
SPEAKER_01: And that was really a real eye-opener thing for me because I was so used to being in a victim mentality that it was like hard for me to let go of my stories a lot because it's like I wanted to dwell in it and maul on it and get all the accolades and all the hugs and all the stuff from it.
19:48
SPEAKER_01: But when I really started to sit down and understand what personal development was, the more that I realized like, dude, I'm milking this, I'm milking this real good.
20:02
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and sometimes, I mean, I think we've all uh I've been there myself where you know, someone, you know, like it'll just all of a sudden come to me and I'm like, yeah, I am milking it.
20:12
SPEAKER_02: Part of me is like, I'm gonna continue milking it for as long as I can, right?
20:16
SPEAKER_02: But then, you know, what the thing is, what we s what we don't realize is the longer we stay there, the more weak we become.
20:25
SPEAKER_02: And we right, and we find that I mean, I found that I had no inner strength whatsoever, right?
20:32
SPEAKER_02: And then I had to like, you know, sit there and ponder and go, okay, so who that's not me.
20:38
SPEAKER_02: That's not who I am.
20:39
SPEAKER_02: Why am I behaving this way?
20:41
SPEAKER_02: Right?
20:41
SPEAKER_02: Why can't I be strong?
20:43
SPEAKER_02: Like, I don't have to give, you know, everything that I had done before, right?
20:47
SPEAKER_02: Right.
20:48
SPEAKER_02: And so that's the internal work that we all need to do.
20:51
SPEAKER_02: And I mean, it sounds like from your story and from who sits in front of me today, I mean, you're a different person.
20:57
SPEAKER_02: You know, like to me, it's it seems very obvious that you're not the same person that was laying on the floor, you know, asking why is my boyfriend bullying me?
21:07
SPEAKER_02: Like, you know, that's I mean, that makes me really sad that people have to do that to feel their power.
21:15
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, right.
21:16
SPEAKER_02: Like that just makes me so sad.
21:18
SPEAKER_02: And you were like the victim of, and it wasn't even about you, right?
21:22
SPEAKER_02: It was that was all about him, right?
21:25
SPEAKER_02: And he just used you.
21:26
SPEAKER_02: Wow.
21:27
SPEAKER_02: Okay, so let's not talk about the story anymore.
21:29
SPEAKER_02: Let's talk about what okay, now in order for you to to make the changes, what kinds of habits and and mindset shifts did you have to make?
21:38
SPEAKER_02: I mean, we talked a little bit about them, but I mean you can't, it doesn't just happen.
21:42
SPEAKER_02: You'd need to create like a structure or a strategy in your everyday life to keep that that going.
21:50
SPEAKER_02: How do what kinds of things did you do?
21:52
SPEAKER_02: Like what kinds of habits did you create?
21:54
SPEAKER_02: You know, what kind of people did you have around you to keep moving?
21:58
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
21:59
SPEAKER_01: So oh, number one, listening to something personal development or motivational or inspirational every single day.
22:05
SPEAKER_01: Every single day when I worked out, when I was walking, when I was grocery shopping, when I was driving, I had podcasts play.
22:12
SPEAKER_01: I stopped listening to music completely.
22:15
SPEAKER_01: Not because music is bad, but because I had bigger things that I needed to figure out.
22:18
SPEAKER_01: So listening to Money Podcasts, business podcasts, personal development, self-love podcasts, podcasts like this, the teen is running right here, to really help me hear other people's stories on how they did it, how they accomplished it, how they were able to do it.
22:33
SPEAKER_01: So every day immersing myself in other people's stories because I didn't have self-love myself.
22:40
SPEAKER_01: I wasn't able to do it myself.
22:42
SPEAKER_01: So I had to leverage other people's stories, other people's circumstances, and climb and hang on to their stories to give me strength to be able to go on in my life, to figure out my life, to create a plan in my life.
22:58
SPEAKER_01: So that was number one.
22:59
SPEAKER_01: Every single day, without a doubt, I literally stopped listening to music for like probably 10 years of my life.
23:07
SPEAKER_01: Oh my goodness.
23:08
SPEAKER_01: There's a whole section of my life, even after I left, because then I was in a money lack, because then I left the certainty of what he was providing for me financially, and I needed to throw myself into my business and making fucking money because he had told me that I was gonna end up when I left him.
23:23
SPEAKER_01: He's like, You're gonna end up back here within six months with your tail between your legs, or you're gonna be living in a dumpster at the freaking office in a cardboard box.
23:33
SPEAKER_01: You're never gonna make it.
23:34
SPEAKER_01: And I was so scared to death.
23:36
SPEAKER_01: So even after I left, I had to freaking stay honed in, focused in on making enough money so that I could relax, and I didn't ever, ever, ever have to worry about going back to him.
23:48
SPEAKER_01: So um, number two, I made a plan.
23:51
SPEAKER_01: I made a plan, an absolute plan.
23:55
SPEAKER_01: Every single day, every single day I would write stuff down.
23:59
SPEAKER_01: I actually still have my my money journal.
24:02
SPEAKER_01: So my money journal when I when I in 2017, 2017 was when I started a money journal.
24:11
SPEAKER_01: I think I was already, I already left him at that point.
24:14
SPEAKER_01: But this is one of the things that I did.
24:15
SPEAKER_01: I had to get real with my money.
24:17
SPEAKER_01: How much money's in, how much money's coming out, how much money do I have?
24:20
SPEAKER_01: How much money in my stocks?
24:22
SPEAKER_01: How much money in my credit cards?
24:23
SPEAKER_01: Where am I at financially?
24:25
SPEAKER_01: And I've literally done this every single month.
24:28
SPEAKER_01: You can see I just did it fucking yesterday.
24:31
SPEAKER_01: I just did it yesterday, 8, 5, 25.
24:34
SPEAKER_01: Yesterday, I just did it.
24:36
SPEAKER_01: I have done it every single month.
24:38
SPEAKER_01: I have not missed a month since 2017.
24:42
SPEAKER_01: Every single month, how much money do I have so that I could feel confident in my ability to be able to sustain my life, making sure that it's going up every single month.
24:54
SPEAKER_01: And if it comes down, why is it coming down?
24:56
SPEAKER_01: Because I'm investing into my business, right?
24:58
SPEAKER_01: A plan as far as like what's next, what are the next things that I'm going to do in order to get to the next level?
25:05
SPEAKER_01: So when I wanted to escape, right, I had to find a place.
25:07
SPEAKER_01: I had to get a car, I had to get a phone, I had because he owned everything, right?
25:13
SPEAKER_01: He owned everything.
25:14
SPEAKER_01: I had nothing.
25:15
SPEAKER_01: So I had to save enough money for a car and I wanted to pay it off in full because I didn't want he had me so scared that I wasn't gonna be able to make it.
25:22
SPEAKER_01: I had to pay off a rental for a year because again, I was so scared, so I had to get enough money for that.
25:29
SPEAKER_01: I had to pay off um a phone, right?
25:32
SPEAKER_01: In full, the phone in full.
25:33
SPEAKER_01: So I had to pay was the monthly um membership.
25:36
SPEAKER_01: So there was a certain amount I added it all up.
25:39
SPEAKER_01: I added it all up.
25:40
SPEAKER_01: What is the amount?
25:41
SPEAKER_01: It was a really fucking large amount.
25:43
SPEAKER_01: And I said, this is the amount of money that I need to acquire before I even think about leaving, because then everything is paid for full, and then all I have to do is worry about groceries and utilities, and that's it, right?
25:56
SPEAKER_01: And then just odds and ends, because my son was already in school, there was no daycare.
26:00
SPEAKER_02: So um, how much money I just the thought of it is like it's it's a scary thought.
26:08
SPEAKER_02: Absolutely look at you, like look at you.
26:10
SPEAKER_02: You're you're doing your own thing now.
26:13
SPEAKER_02: So when you look back at that, I mean that that that sounds pretty shitty, right?
26:17
SPEAKER_02: But when you look back at that and you look back at or you look at the woman you are today, do you think that you are the woman that you thought you were going to reinvent, or do you look back and go, wow, I can't believe, I can't believe what I where I am?
26:33
SPEAKER_01: Well, that's a really good question.
26:35
SPEAKER_01: Um I don't think I'm even her yet.
26:40
SPEAKER_02: Oh, I love that answer.
26:42
SPEAKER_01: That's yeah, because you're not even I I have I have and I had um such a big vision for myself.
26:52
SPEAKER_01: I am in the works of becoming her.
26:56
SPEAKER_01: Um, I know that you work with inner child work.
26:58
SPEAKER_01: Um, so quickly, just the way that I envision inner child work, um, I believe that I am, and I know there's different versions, and this might be the version that you teach, I don't know, but I believe that I am every year I've ever been.
27:10
SPEAKER_01: So I believe that I'm 42.
27:12
SPEAKER_01: So I believe I have a one-year-old, a seven-year-old, a 12-year-old, a 30-year-old, a 15-year-old, and a 41-year-old inside me.
27:18
SPEAKER_01: And every year, that woman, that Sabrina lived for a full year.
27:22
SPEAKER_01: And then at the end of the year, she hands the baton off to the next year, right?
27:26
SPEAKER_01: So my birthday is tomorrow.
27:28
SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna be 43 years old.
27:30
SPEAKER_01: Oh, happy birthday! Thank you.
27:32
SPEAKER_01: So tomorrow, I have to hand that baton over to my 43-year-old.
27:36
SPEAKER_01: And my thought is did I do everything I could do for this full year to be able to hand the baton off to that 43-year-old, to be able to set her up for success so that she can then take that baton and she can freaking run her race and get to the next level.
27:53
SPEAKER_01: So that's kind of where I've been at since I got into personal development is like constantly improving the year that I'm in without any like heaviness or guilt about the past, or heaviness or guilt about like who I'm ultimately going to be in the future.
28:08
SPEAKER_01: Just do the best, absolute best.
28:10
SPEAKER_01: Learn everything, do everything, build my wealth, build my education, my knowledge, do the best I can so I can hand it off to the next person.
28:17
SPEAKER_02: I really love that.
28:18
SPEAKER_02: And I think, like you said, you know, we have the inner child is always within us, right?
28:23
SPEAKER_02: But I think what we all need to learn is how to make the inner child understand that everything that they did was good enough, right?
28:35
SPEAKER_02: And that there's no you can't go back.
28:37
SPEAKER_02: Like I can't go back, right?
28:39
SPEAKER_02: You can't go back to when you were 31.
28:41
SPEAKER_02: It doesn't matter what was happening, right?
28:43
SPEAKER_02: And so we need to be able to forgive the inner child and make that inner child of our own feel forgiven, right?
28:51
SPEAKER_02: So that they're not always in our face.
28:53
SPEAKER_02: Because a mine comes up, you know.
28:55
SPEAKER_02: I was in a coaching call with my coach last week, and I don't know what she asked me to do.
29:00
SPEAKER_02: And she put her pen down and she said, Tina, I have to tell you something.
29:03
SPEAKER_02: I said, What?
29:04
SPEAKER_02: I just saw your inner child.
29:06
SPEAKER_02: Like she saw it on my face, and I was like, What the hell are you talking about?
29:11
SPEAKER_02: Wow, I believe that.
29:12
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and and you know, it really made me think like, holy crap, like that critic, that little child comes out no matter what, whether we want her to or not.
29:23
SPEAKER_02: Right.
29:24
SPEAKER_02: And so I like that you said that, right?
29:26
SPEAKER_02: Is you know, as long as you know, you can end the year feeling like everything that I set out to do, I did.
29:33
SPEAKER_02: Right.
29:33
SPEAKER_02: So I I love that.
29:34
SPEAKER_02: I love that.
29:35
SPEAKER_02: Now, if you were to meet a woman who is, you know, on the edge, but not really sure of what is coming for her, what would you tell her?
29:46
SPEAKER_02: On the edge of what?
29:47
SPEAKER_02: Tell me.
29:48
SPEAKER_02: Reinvention.
29:49
SPEAKER_02: Like something that you know making a huge shift like this, right?
29:53
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, girl, it's so hard and it's so easy.
29:58
SPEAKER_01: We make it so much harder.
30:00
SPEAKER_01: Harder for ourselves.
30:01
SPEAKER_01: So this is hilarious.
30:02
SPEAKER_01: Not hilarious.
30:03
SPEAKER_01: This is not hilarious at all.
30:05
SPEAKER_01: This is interesting.
30:07
SPEAKER_01: My jumping off, I call it jumping off, is so vivid to me.
30:14
SPEAKER_01: This I knew the reinvention had to happen, but I was so married to my victimhood mentality while I'm going through this personal development.
30:25
SPEAKER_01: I'm like, I'm always like, yes, all those things, but like still my victimhood.
30:29
SPEAKER_01: Yes, all these things.
30:30
SPEAKER_01: I'm learning all these things, but still my story, right?
30:32
SPEAKER_01: I was so attached to my story.
30:36
SPEAKER_01: And like, whoa is me.
30:37
SPEAKER_01: The reason my life sucks so bad is because of all these circumstances that happened to me.
30:41
SPEAKER_01: And I'm never going to get to where I ultimately want to be because of all this shit that happened to me.
30:45
SPEAKER_01: It was so nerve-wracking to have to jump from victimhood to victor, right?
30:52
SPEAKER_01: And my middle name is my name is Sabrina Victoria, right?
30:54
SPEAKER_01: My middle name is Victoria.
30:56
SPEAKER_01: So it was like super inspirational for me.
30:58
SPEAKER_01: And I would play out this story in my life of like, because once you learn enough, you can't unlearn it.
31:05
SPEAKER_01: That's what kind of sucks.
31:06
SPEAKER_01: Like, I always tell people, like, in jest, but also like not in jest, that like if you be careful because once you know a certain amount, like, bruh, you can't ever, it's almost more depressing.
31:22
SPEAKER_01: It's almost more depressing if you don't take it on.
31:24
SPEAKER_01: Because then you know, and then you're still being a jackass.
31:28
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
31:28
SPEAKER_01: They call that failure of the intellect, right?
31:31
SPEAKER_01: Oh, I love that.
31:32
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
31:32
SPEAKER_01: So, anyways, to answer your story, you've got to you gotta jump off.
31:36
SPEAKER_01: There's two cliffs where you are now, the story, the woe is me, all the horrible things, and then there's the new identity, there's the new shift, there's the reinvention that Tina's talking about that's happening.
31:48
SPEAKER_01: And you gotta jump.
31:50
SPEAKER_01: You have to physically jump from one to the other, and you can't ever go back because the probability of you jumping back and actually making it is real fucking low.
32:02
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
32:02
SPEAKER_01: It's real low.
32:03
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
32:04
SPEAKER_01: So once you jump, you gotta go all in.
32:07
SPEAKER_01: You gotta shed it, you gotta shed the stories, and you gotta jump all in on the new identity.
32:14
SPEAKER_01: But what you have to do before that is you have to start tippy toeing into the story.
32:19
SPEAKER_01: Start to get accolades on all the goodness that's happening in your life, right?
32:23
SPEAKER_01: Really stepping into who you are and what you do.
32:25
SPEAKER_01: Start saying I'm beautiful, start saying I'm smart, right?
32:29
SPEAKER_01: One of the things that I started doing early on, my boyfriend used to look at me like I was fucking crazy.
32:33
SPEAKER_01: But like one of the things that I used to do to start growing my um my self-love is I used to say, I know everything.
32:41
SPEAKER_01: Right.
32:42
SPEAKER_01: So he'd say like little sarcastic things when I did something right.
32:44
SPEAKER_01: He'd be like, Oh, look at you.
32:46
SPEAKER_01: How do you know that?
32:47
SPEAKER_01: How did you know that?
32:48
SPEAKER_01: And then I would pipe back and I'd be like, because I know everything.
32:51
SPEAKER_01: I had to start telling myself, I had to start feeding myself.
32:54
SPEAKER_01: I am beautiful, I am smart, I know everything.
32:58
SPEAKER_01: Little itty, but not significant, but little things to help me recognize and tell myself internally that I am capable.
33:06
SPEAKER_01: And along with a few other things, right?
33:08
SPEAKER_01: Which that's a whole nother podcast, but be able to to to so that I could be able to leap.
33:12
SPEAKER_01: And when I leap, I'm there, right?
33:16
SPEAKER_01: I'm on the journey of now reinvention.
33:18
SPEAKER_01: We're not going back to the old stuff.
33:20
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I love that.
33:22
SPEAKER_02: I do that too.
33:22
SPEAKER_02: Like sometimes I feel stupid, right?
33:24
SPEAKER_02: Like my husband is super smart, and sometimes he'll say things and I'm like, how the hell does he know all this stuff?
33:30
SPEAKER_02: Right?
33:31
SPEAKER_02: But then I remind myself, I know things too.
33:34
SPEAKER_02: Yes, right?
33:34
SPEAKER_02: Like I'm not an idiot, right?
33:36
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and I think that's what we have to like tell ourselves.
33:40
SPEAKER_02: We have to confirm to ourselves that we know things, we do hard things, right?
33:46
SPEAKER_02: It might not be the same hard things that the neighbors is doing, or I might not know what the my husband knows, but I do know things.
33:53
SPEAKER_02: So it's very important that we confirm with ourselves who we are, yeah, what we know, what we do.
34:00
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I love that.
34:02
SPEAKER_02: So, I mean, like you said, you still you you you're still going, you're you're not there yet, and you may never get there, right?
34:09
SPEAKER_02: I mean, that's the reality of personal development.
34:12
SPEAKER_02: Um, but what what does your future look like?
34:14
SPEAKER_02: What is your, you know, I call it blooming.
34:16
SPEAKER_02: What does your blooming look like right now?
34:19
SPEAKER_01: Well, a lot of my um a lot of my vision is concentrated a lot around my business right now.
34:24
SPEAKER_01: So I have huge goals for my business as far as the community, as far as the location, as far as um the growth of the women within the community, really concentrating on their growth, their success to really help elevate right the entire community as a whole.
34:42
SPEAKER_01: Um, but yeah, I mean, we're going big into advertising, into locations, into trainings, teaching, curriculum, and really helping these women get to the next level and creating a community around that of women who are successful, women that are powerful.
34:57
SPEAKER_01: You know, one of the things that my abuser used to tell me all the time is um he used to mock me and he'd be like, Do you have any money?
35:03
SPEAKER_01: Or whoever has all the money has all the power.
35:07
SPEAKER_01: She used to say, Whoever has all the money has all the power.
35:09
SPEAKER_01: Do you have any money?
35:10
SPEAKER_01: And I had no money because he had all the money.
35:12
SPEAKER_01: So that was him just re-emphasizing, right?
35:15
SPEAKER_01: You have no power.
35:16
SPEAKER_01: You have no money, therefore you have no power.
35:18
SPEAKER_01: You're insignificant.
35:19
SPEAKER_01: So that's something that's really stuck with me throughout all these years, right?
35:23
SPEAKER_01: So I'm really honed in on I want these women to be powerful.
35:27
SPEAKER_01: You know, I want these women to have a say.
35:29
SPEAKER_01: I want these women to have a choice.
35:31
SPEAKER_01: And in this world that we live in, that is connected to money, right?
35:36
SPEAKER_01: I want these women to create success in their life so that they have power, so that they have voice, so they have choice.
35:41
SPEAKER_01: And that's really near and dear to me because that was something that was really honed in or um nailed into me during that relationship, right?
35:50
SPEAKER_01: So seeking that for myself and seeking that for my ladies.
35:53
SPEAKER_02: I love that.
35:54
SPEAKER_02: I, you know, and I think, you know, it's really sad, but we need to stick together.
35:58
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
36:00
SPEAKER_02: Right?
36:00
SPEAKER_02: We need to, as women, we need to create our own community so that we're we are supported.
36:05
SPEAKER_02: We are, you know, excuse me, when we need a hand or when we need, you know, new habits to create, where do I go?
36:12
SPEAKER_02: Like who can help me with this?
36:14
SPEAKER_02: Right?
36:15
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I love that.
36:16
SPEAKER_02: So where can people follow you or connect with you?
36:19
SPEAKER_01: My name.
36:19
SPEAKER_01: My name is Sabrina Victoria, so SabrinaVictoria.com.
36:23
SPEAKER_01: Um, and then that website leads to all the other goodness, my social media and all the other things that I do, the agency and the community.
36:31
SPEAKER_02: I love it.
36:32
SPEAKER_02: Well, thank you so much for joining me and sharing your story with us.
36:35
SPEAKER_02: I think it was amazing.
36:37
SPEAKER_02: It was like I'm totally amazed by your story and your growth.
36:41
SPEAKER_02: So thank you very much.
36:43
SPEAKER_02: Yes, thank you.
36:44
SPEAKER_02: Thanks for listening to Confidence in Bloom, where we celebrate the amazing, brilliant, and beautiful woman you already are.
36:51
SPEAKER_02: This season of Shift is your invitation to rise, reinvent, and reconnect with the woman you're becoming.
36:58
SPEAKER_02: You don't need to look like a soup supermodel or a movie star.
37:01
SPEAKER_02: Spoiler alert, they don't even look like that.
37:04
SPEAKER_02: You are already enough, worthy of love, success, and a life that feels as good as it looks.
37:10
SPEAKER_02: We give so much love to everyone else.
37:12
SPEAKER_02: It's time to pour some of that love back into you.
37:16
SPEAKER_02: If you're ready to reclaim your confidence and step into your next chapter, I'm offering personalized coaching, three focused sessions to help you build unshakable confidence, define your personal brand, and create a signature style that reflects who you truly are.
37:32
SPEAKER_02: Because she comes in every shape and size, and reinvention has no expiration date.
37:38
SPEAKER_02: Want to be a guest here on Confidence in Bloom?
37:41
SPEAKER_02: Let's connect.
37:42
SPEAKER_02: Find me on Instagram at Infobloom Styling, email Tina at Infobloomstyling.com or visit the Divas That Care Network website.
37:51
SPEAKER_02: So until next time, keep blooming boldly and confidently.
38:01
SPEAKER_00: Connect with us on Facebook, on Instagram, and of course on divas that care.com, where you can subscribe to our newsletter so you don't miss a thing.