Latest / Motherhood Alliance Podcast / The Ripple Effect of Calm: Regulating Your Energy to Regulate Your Home W/ Tina Wankey
Transcript
- Britney: Hello everyone, welcome back to the podcast. We are in episode three with Tina. Tina, welcome back. Tina Wankey: Thank you for having me. Britney: It's been so great. We've had two great conversations so far. In our first episode together, we really talked about identity within motherhood and how we really feel like we lose who we are. You had some great explanations in there. I feel like it was a really encouraging episode that also helped us to kind of walk away being like, okay, I can do this. Like, and it's okay that things shift in motherhood. But our second episode was more of a direct topic. So we talked about sound medicine in that one, and we are going to be pulling ⁓ concepts that we discussed in that episode into this one. for those of you listening, if you have not listened to episode two specifically yet, I would go back and listen to that one first, because it's going to kind of have some underlying sciency understanding as we're heading into this next episode. But for this last one with you, we're going to be talking about the ripple effect of like if mom is calm it kind of seems like the rest of the house is calm and if mom is cranky it kind of seems like the rest of the house gets cranky pretty easily. So okay let's just start with how is that possible because I've used this term thermostat. like moms I feel like I am the thermostat of our house in the past but now you're like bringing some science into it. So how what's happening here? Hi everyone, we are Brit and Drea from motherhoodalliance.com and we are excited to welcome you to a three episode series with Tina Wankey the founder of Roots of Healing. Tina began her career as a mental health therapist, eventually expanding into integrative modalities that support the whole person, including psychotherapy, wellness coaching, hypnotherapy, sound healing, and much more. She is most passionate about helping women who feel burned out, disconnected, or weighed down emotionally return to clarity, confidence, and embodiment. Tina Wankey: Thank Yes. Yeah. Mm hmm. Yeah, it goes back into that idea of the energy and frequency and what everything vibrates at some type of frequency. Everything vibrates, whether it's a low frequency or a high frequency. Lower energy tends to vibrate at a very low Hertz, where more positive uplifting vibrates at a faster Hertz. Britney: Outside of her work, Tina enjoys early morning workouts, being in nature, traveling, and spending time with her family. Tina Wankey: And when in the house you have different people, there's different humans, there's different animals, there are different objects that are in the house. everything vibrates at a different frequency, holds things, even objects the house ⁓ can ⁓ memory. if you'd like, if you pick up an object, of like a crystal, crystals vibrate with frequencies, everything vibrates with frequencies. And sometimes there's objects where it's just like, I don't know, I just don't like this. Like, I don't like this. It feels funky. Even at the sense of just a simple thing as it might be. I'll say a doll because those can get kind of creepy. ⁓ And there might be something about it, whatever it may be. ⁓ And if you just think about everything vibrates, everything has vibrations, which emits a frequency, which impacts the people and the places around us. Britney: You Tina Wankey: When you're in a home environment, parents, kids, there's a lot of energy that is happening in that house. And there's a lot of vibration happening. with mom, this is my thoughts. With mom, because if carrying the baby, especially, we are in tune with those kids because we've been carrying them, creating them, and birthing them. So there's a different energetic level that happens. with the kids that we actually carry. And I think that's why there can be such a strong sense with our kids where we're at can impact the kids. Now, if you're a family where you have adopted kids, I still feel like there can be a strong bond there that has the same influence. It just depends on the people. But I know when my daughter, so that first year when my husband was in Iraq, And she was that infant. I remember a night I was just like, I need to get some sleep. Like I was getting, like I had to work the next day and I was working an hour and 10 minutes away. So I was not close to home. I was just like tired and she was crying I could not figure out what was wrong. And I started to feel like I was just like starting to get frustrated and I could feel like my energy shifting. I'm just like, cause I was so tired and it was like that tired kind of, like, I just want to go to sleep. Just, I just want some sleep. but I needed to figure out what was going on with her. Well, what I noticed is as I started feeling that, you know, like ⁓ frustration, her crying got worse and worse. So I'm like, okay, I need to calm down. So I did some deep breaths. Andrea Renkas: Yeah. Tina Wankey: And I started calming down and literally her crying came down too at the same time. And I'm like, there is something to this. So was like my own first experience and really realizing and recognizing how much there can be ⁓ an And kids are extra sensitive. We teach them not to be sensitive. We tell them to stuff down their emotions. go to your room, stop crying about it. Like we, We disconnect them from experiencing their emotions and being able to express their emotions. So kids pick up that stuff a lot easily, more readily than we do as adults. some of us keep it, which is good, and we can relearn to get connected to it. But when mom's energy is off, it's tired, she's exhausted, the matte energy can vibrate through the household and other people feel it. Just like when you walk into a room, you know, or you have a conversation with someone. I mean, you feel an energy difference when you're talking to someone who's depressed versus someone who's super happy. Like there is a completely different vibe and feel that's happening in that space. Andrea Renkas: Okay. Britney: feel like I'm having multiple thoughts go through my head as you're talking here because moms carry a lot of load. know, and I think especially in our society, there's this pressure to also work. There's the pressure to still be the homemaker, right? And you're still in charge of the kids and the dinner. And obviously dads are helping with some of the stuff too. Like maybe dad makes dinner. But still it's like there's home ⁓ to do tasks wise. There's kids stuff to do. There's mom stuff to do. Darn it. Once in a while I just want to be a hot mess and have other people lift me up. like there's pieces of it almost feels like extra pressure and almost feels like extra stress to have it all together. So what would you say to that? Tina Wankey: Yes. Well, first I will say sometimes we just need to let it out. in a sense of just like sometimes we just need to release all the pent up responsibilities. So sometimes we just might feel overloaded and we just might need to just either verbally let it out ⁓ like sometimes we need and you gotta temper this as to where you live. scream it out where you just need to release that energy and let it go. And you might have to find a different way than screaming because otherwise the neighbors calling the police and that's not a good situation. Just like, just letting it out. That's all officer. ⁓ But yes, I mean, we have that pressure is there to balance everything. And there's also it's almost like just an expectation that everybody thinks we can do it, which is great that people think that we can handle it all. But reality is we have to we got to take care of ourselves, too. Andrea Renkas: You ⁓ boy. Tina Wankey: So if we're feeling like that energy is getting pent up and it's building up and we're feeling like we're getting overloaded, then we definitely need to check in and do an assessment. How are the kids acting? ⁓ they reacting to me and seeing where things are Andrea Renkas: Right. Well, and I also think like, okay, so if I'm supposed to put myself first, if I'm supposed to take care of myself, what would you recommend with that first step? Because I feel like when somebody says, just you have to put yourself first, a mom might be like, what, do I abandon the kids? Because I'm the one taking care of them, right? So what would be some good steps to just kind of get that load off closer being more calm more often. Tina Wankey: Yeah. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Because we can't, a responsibility we do have. You know, we can't just, you know, just say, sorry kids, like get yourself to school even though like you can't walk there by yourself because you're too young. Yeah. Yeah. Andrea Renkas: I'm putting myself first. I'm first here. Right. Yeah, that's not, that's not the case. A lot of people are all or nothing. So like, what's your middle ground here, Tina? How would you help them? Tina Wankey: Yeah, so the middle ground is looking at literally mapping, ⁓ okay, what are the responsibilities that I have? What does my day look like? And where are there spots that I can incorporate some time for me? And this can be even times where you're just taking five minutes to reassess and reground yourself and get replanted into a good spot. And that can just be, you know, deep breathing. I mean, breathing, is amazing what just breathing can do to calm our nervous system, to get it to understand that it is okay to relax and not to feel like we're on edge all the time and always going, going, going. So definitely, you know, just assessing, okay, where am I at? What do I need? When can I get time in? And just little pockets to start with. You know, it doesn't have to be like a whole hour or two hours. Like if you can just start with just small times within the day that you can just take some time to do some self care, such as that deep breathing. And there be different things that ⁓ someone want to add into that, like aromatherapy, like doing some deep breathing with like some lavender that can help calm or maybe some earthy scents that are more grounding. as have nice weather. There's grass. If you can get out in the dewy grass in the morning and bare feet, that helps you ground. If you are fortunate enough to live next to the ocean, go walk out in the water because that's very grounding with the salt water. So there's, you know, simple things that can be done depending on the person and what they enjoy and what they want to incorporate. Andrea Renkas: Mm. I would also add like asking for help too, knowing that you don't have to do it all by yourself, right? So I don't know, that's one thing like you said in your first episode, that's one thing you regret is not asking for more help or being open to that. Tina Wankey: Yes. No. No. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's dropping the guilt. There is so much. feel like so many moms have guilt if they try to do something that's going to be good for them or asking for that help. They feel like there's guilt. had someone who is just like admitted they were burned out and they're like, I just admitted my weakness. And I'm like, that is not a weakness. That is being a strength, like saying, Hey, I need some help here. I need to do something ⁓ that not a weakness by any means. That is a strength ⁓ because need to be able to Andrea Renkas: Yeah. Yeah. And yeah. Tina Wankey: Also mirror that to our kids. Because if we're showing our kids that, if you're a mom, or ⁓ if you're not the mom, you're the ⁓ in the house, you're the one responsible for, you know, taking care of kids or cooking, whatever your role is in that sense, ⁓ like we're telling them that you got to push, push, push, push, push, ⁓ and order to take care of people, that means you're crabby and you're cranky all the time and you're never happy. Like that is not setting a good example for our kids. We're not telling them and showing them how there needs to be self care in their lives and take care of themselves as they get older. Britney: Yeah, and I appreciate you saying that because I feel like now that my kids are a little bit older and they really only would have to be two to be able to do this, but I try to communicate with them when I can feel that I am amped up and it's not even their fault. Like maybe something happened with work and I'm just stressed about it and it's just on my mind and so I'm snappy because this thing is on my mind or maybe I have some low back pain today and it's just nagging and it's just bothering me and it's like Sometimes I will just be like, hey kids, I am a little cranky today and it's because my back hurts. It's not because you're doing anything wrong. So if you could just give me a little bit extra space today, or if you want to be noisy, if you can go outside. Again, this is for my older kids when they're really little, it can be really hard. But I feel like that communication piece and helping to educate our kids about this is ⁓ important. Tina Wankey: Definitely. Yeah, we don't have necessarily hide everything from them. make it look like everything needs to look perfect in a sense. Like if there's issue going on that we're struggling with, depending on it is, we can let the kids, in the ages of the kids, we can let them know, like, hey, this is what's going on. And I've done that with my daughter, where I felt like I was just very agitated in that. And I'm like, go back to her and I'm like, hey, I'm sorry. Andrea Renkas: Yeah. Tina Wankey: Just feeling a little frustrated. There's a lot going on, some stress in that, and I'm apologize. You know, it feels like I was being towards you. wasn't intentionally towards you. You didn't do anything wrong. ⁓ that helps create more open communication because ⁓ we make mistakes, we should be able to own it to our kids and have a conversation with them because that's going to teach them to do the same and not shove it underneath the rug or make it look like they didn't do anything wrong. Andrea Renkas: Absolutely. Britney: How do we teach our kids to manage their own thermostats? Because just because a certain room has a certain vibration or energy to it doesn't mean you can't change it or you can't be a part of changing it. If you walk in and you can tell things are just tense and cranky, it's like, well, how can you be the joy maker in that situation? So how can we like teach them to manage themselves, even if it's just internal and independently and not allow other people's Tina Wankey: Right. Britney: feelings to affect us, but not only that, but be change makers. Tina Wankey: Yeah, so one of the first things that we can do is start working with our kids, especially at a younger age. And even if they're not at that younger age, you can still do this when they're older because they're going to have a little bit more cognition around it to be able to process it different if they are older versus younger. ⁓ when, if they're younger, like let's say I'll use my daughter as an example. Like she was five, I think it was about the age of five. ⁓ And when they, ⁓ start to notice they're like anxious agitated or overwhelmed. It's like getting them in tune with their own emotions to start understanding, hey, what's going on? What am I feeling? And it can just be ⁓ using, you like simple words or drawings or something for them to communicate. But we can get them to understand, ⁓ I'm getting upset. So with my daughter, ⁓ she was three at the time, three or four, somewhere is in there. ⁓ I taught her that to do some deep breathing right away. Like, okay, if you're feeling upset, then we do some deep breathing. So I showed her how to do some deep breathing. And was funny because then I taught her and I was so proud of it. Then she went over to my mother-in-law's house ⁓ then I don't even know what happened, what the situation was. But my mother-in-law is like, she was telling me she couldn't breathe. She was getting upset and she couldn't breathe. Well, my mother-in-law didn't know. I taught her how to do deep breathing and she was referencing, can't do my deep breathing, but she was trying to make grandma know, you know, aware and grandma's like, what do mean you can't breathe? ⁓ But she knew to do it without me being there, which I thought was very cool because she, know, was understanding and also recognizing when to do it. So I think, Andrea Renkas: because she's, yeah. Yeah. Tina Wankey: Breathing is a very easy one that we can teach our kids at a younger age that they can take through to adulthood. Because when we do deep breathing and we do it into our stomach, and when our diaphragm expands, it triggers our vagus nerve, which then triggers our ⁓ calming system, our nervous system to calm down, our parasympathetic system. So if we can teach kids. that deep breathing technique at a young age so that they keep and keep reminding them so that they don't forget, you know, because that is an easy tool that they can self regulate with. The other thing that they can do is if they are feeling upset, they can do the deep breathing, but they can also tap on opposite sides of the body. So ⁓ in a technique that I use called EMDR, what happens is, is when you stimulate both sides of the brain, so left right, left, right, left, right, back and forth. It stimulates the whole brain instead of part of it. So you can get a quicker and faster response to calming down by adding in a little tapping, but it has to be on opposite sides of the body. So like on opposite sides of your legs, on the sides of your legs. And kids can do that where they can just tap back and forth. and they can do it as their deep breathing and that can just be an added layer to getting the body to understand it's okay to calm down now. Britney: Hmm. Yeah. I do love these like tips that people can use, like starting today, right? When they hear that like, I've never tried that. I'm going to try that next time. I think also awareness, you know, that's kind what we're talking about here is just starting a conversation around it like being aware that this is a real thing. And I know there's been times where my husband comes in from work, you know, and he's had a day and let's just say that the kids have me just exploding my head. Andrea Renkas: that. Tina Wankey: Mm-hmm. Britney: And I'm just like, I need space. Or I have to talk to them about something that one of them did. There have been times when my husband will come in and his natural tendency, like we're talking about, would be to join me on my level of craziness. And I'm like, no, I need you to be the calm right now. It's like fighting that energy that you're in to be the opposite person. Because I'm up here and I need you to be down here so I can walk away. Tina Wankey: ⁓ Yeah. Great. Yeah. Britney: Yeah, no, I love that. I do want to circle back though. You were talking about some things you can do in your home. Like you talked about music or aromatherapy. Are there any other things that we can do in our home that really doesn't have to do with us, but will like increase the joy feeling within our home? And a couple of things you mentioned animals. So do they tend to have like a good frequency for a home? Are there certain animals that do? How about plants? like other plants, do they help to increase the energy of a home? I don't know, walk us through other home things, arrangement of furniture, anything else we can do to help us out in this whole conversation. Tina Wankey: Yeah, plants definitely are good because they do I mean, they have their living being. So they ⁓ have energy, they vibrate energy out. Animals as long as they're also grounded themselves. Some like some particular animals, like literally I'm talking about the individual ones ⁓ can be soothing and grounding, like they're like they're meant to be therapy animals. Like they just have a grounded sense. And then some are a little more wired. So they may not necessarily the calm. So it really does depend on the individual animal. ⁓ In the house, like music, ⁓ there's music being played, that can make a huge difference in the energy of the kids. So like, ⁓ the kids are getting really rambunctious and it's like, okay, we need to calm down, like we need to get centered and we got to bring this down a couple layers here, ⁓ Andrea Renkas: Yeah, makes sense. Tina Wankey: just finding some music that's just slower and just more, I'm not going to say lullaby wise, but just, you know, it just has a smoother flow to it. Yeah. And it can be even sounds like when we're in the womb, ⁓ the wishing, there's the heart, ⁓ water there. So like if there's ocean sounds, beach waves, things like that, those things can ⁓ very soothing. Britney: Maybe like instrumental. Tina Wankey: Heartbeats can be very soothing because it takes them back to the womb as long as that was a good experience for them. Lighting ⁓ make a difference too. you if the is really dark all the time, it's gonna have a heavier energy. So if the kids are feeling kind of like they're cranky and everything, might be, need to get more light into the house. There's a device that you can use. And there's different ones that are out there. The one that I happen to have is the Schumann resonance V2. And what it is is you can set frequencies from zero and I believe to a thousand and you can set it to and it comes with a whole guide as to the different frequencies and everything and what you can set it to. I set it to 7.83 which is earth energy and I sleep with that at night. it does not produce a sound. So like if you have kids that are really wired up, you can just set this device out. It's literally just a square. It's not very big and it emits the frequency, but there's no sound. Andrea Renkas: So. Is this something that ⁓ you can buy online? Is this just through therapists like you? ⁓ Okay. Tina Wankey: Yeah. Nope, you can go online. There's quite a few different types of devices out there that are like that. Britney: Well, this is really cool. I do appreciate, know, you've shared some different tips on how we can help our homes feel better. Right. And some of it is going to be internal work for ourselves. Some of it is going to be communication because we're all going to have bad days or days that we just need help with. controlling this, but then some of it is home stuff. So I appreciate the home tips. I appreciate like the deep breathing. Is there anything else that you can think of that you haven't touched on yet that would really just help us as busy moms to be able to manage this? Tina Wankey: Okay, one thing that everybody can do is to hum more. Humming triggers your vagus nerve. So like deep breathing can trigger your vagus nerve. Humming does the same. Just like the monks do Aum, it has such a peaceful, calm, relaxing feeling, very powerful feeling. does the same thing. So if you need a kid to calm down or yourself, you might want to hum, even if you're humming a song. And then, Andrea Renkas: Mmm. Tina Wankey: think a big thing is for moms is to just take a second and validate and acknowledge that it's okay for us to get emotional. It's okay for us to feel like we got it together and then we feel like we don't have it together. Just acknowledge wherever you're at that's okay. And then what do you need to do from there? What do you need to that's gonna help you? Whether that's just stuff you're doing on your own or if you're reaching out to someone to help. Learn how to regulate your system better, to work on the deeper layers that are underneath why some of this stuff can be very triggering. And yeah, just different ways to go about it. And it's just, you know, honoring yourself and not feeling guilty for it. Don't feel guilty. Andrea Renkas: I love that. Britney: And I know what you were just saying makes me think about there's been times, because I feel like especially when you have younger kids, typically you're on the overstimulated, I'd really like more calm in my house of things. And I do remember a couple of times when I've been sick or I lose my voice and I can't raise my voice. I'm like, wow, our house feels so different when I can't raise my voice. ⁓ maybe just if like everything is overstimulated, just start whispering. Tina Wankey: Yeah. Yep. Andrea Renkas: Yes. Yeah. Tina Wankey: Okay. Andrea Renkas: It's true. Britney: Like that's how you're just going to talk for the next hour because then everybody else is going to have to be quiet to listen to what you're saying. And it's just like, I don't know, maybe that'd be a tool in the tool belt too for those just really stressful moments, but awesome. Well, this was, I enjoyed this conversation, Tina. I enjoyed all three of them. Thank you so much for coming on. We do have one other question for you and that is what would be the future of you and roots of healing? Tina Wankey: Yeah. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yes. It is. It is. Yeah. Andrea Renkas: Yeah, that's a good point. Tina Wankey: Yeah. Yeah. So the future for my business is to continue to work with women who are feeling burnt out, feeling overwhelmed, feeling like you're putting everybody else first. my goal is to help them get to a place where ⁓ feel calm, they feel clarity, ⁓ feel confident in themselves, and they've also created a new identity for themselves, no matter what that looks like, you know, creating. and bringing back some things from the past that are coming back into the future creating a new you. But helping, I want to continue helping women get to a better place ⁓ that they can experience the of their life in a much happier place. Andrea Renkas: moment. Britney: Love that. Awesome. Well, we will link to your website in the show notes. Are you on social media as well? Tina Wankey: Yes, yeah, it would be my personal Facebook page that's just Tina Wacky. Britney: Okay, awesome. Well, we'll put that in the show notes as well with a couple of the other resources that you've shared with us. So thank you, Tina, for coming on. We really enjoyed having you. Tina Wankey: Yeah, thank you for having me. I appreciate it.