Latest / The Mental Healness Podcast / Why Narcissists hate when you bring up the past but they can when they want to

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Why Narcissists hate when you bring up the past but they can when they want to · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  What is going on beautiful people Welcome to another
• 0:03
  episode of the narcissist Code. I'm your favorite selfaware
• 0:06
  narcissist Mr. Lee Hammett better known as mental illness
• 0:09
  across all social media platforms.
• 0:11
  If this is the first time I see my face or hearing my voice, I'm
• 0:13
  a clinically diagnosed narcissist.
• 0:16
  That is my platform on social media to raise awareness for
• 0:18
  NPD, get more people into therapy and also validate the
• 0:21
  victim, survivors and thrivers. I said disorder said toxic
• 0:24
  people said toxic traits. Today's episode is going to be
• 0:27
  about how narcissist do not want to be a friend.
• 0:30
  Nope. Nope Nope Nope Nope.
• 0:32
  Believe we can be good for Nope. This narcissist that wants to be
• 0:36
  a friend, not the one in your life.
• 0:40
  Before we hop into today's episode, y'all make sure if you
• 0:42
  haven't already, to subscribe to my newsletter or my e-mail list.
• 0:46
  The link is in the description. Have some exciting things coming
• 0:49
  up. Some of y'all and have a show, A
• 0:51
  live show on my YouTube channel coming up.
• 0:53
  So you haven't subscribed. Subscribe right now if you don't
• 0:56
  miss it. I also have a lot of other
• 0:57
  interesting things going on as well.
• 0:59
  Y'all to make sure you click the make sure you click the link in
• 1:01
  description and you know stay tuned, stay stay tuned and stay
• 1:04
  abreast of what's going on. But yeah, yeah yeah, but so
• 1:09
  narcissistic people y'all at the end of relationship when they
• 1:12
  discard you or you break up with them, they do not.
• 1:18
  Let me say it again. Do not, said again.
• 1:21
  Do not really want to be your friend.
• 1:25
  I know a lot of people in these spaces want, especially if you
• 1:28
  have kids, you want to have this person in your life and want
• 1:32
  some way shape or form you like. You know, maybe we didn't work
• 1:34
  out as significant others, but I maybe we can work.
• 1:38
  Maybe we can take a step back and be just friends.
• 1:42
  No. Yeah.
• 1:42
  Yeah. No, you can't be.
• 1:44
  Yeah, do not. Why would you want to be friends
• 1:48
  with somebody that treated you badly in a relationship?
• 1:50
  I can see if y'all were in a relationship and the
• 1:53
  relationship just kind of amicably fell apart or whatever,
• 1:56
  Y'all just the relationship. Y'all just grew apart naturally
• 1:59
  and like that. We just don't work out.
• 2:00
  Cool. Let's hey, let's be friends.
• 2:02
  Cool. Something like that.
• 2:03
  Y'all have been the relationship has been overall a good
• 2:06
  relationship. It just didn't work out.
• 2:08
  I can see that. Maybe, but not if they've been
• 2:10
  cheating on you, lying to you, putting their hands on you,
• 2:13
  stealing from you, manipulating you guys like the hell out of
• 2:16
  you. Like y'all.
• 2:16
  If they've done everything in the book, like, no, why would
• 2:20
  y'all? If they did it to you in the
• 2:22
  most intimate of relationships, like in a marriage or
• 2:24
  partnership, let you out, They're going to do it as a
• 2:27
  friend too. They're going to do it.
• 2:30
  Narcissist. Don't make good friends to
• 2:32
  people that they've dated or been in relationships with.
• 2:35
  Because I've said this before in a lot of videos.
• 2:37
  Narcissistic people, A lot of them claim ownership over you.
• 2:40
  They think you belong to them. So it's just like even in
• 2:44
  friendship, you belong to them. They they don't.
• 2:46
  They don't relinquish ownership rights over you just because
• 2:51
  y'all not dating anymore. No, no, no, no, no, no.
• 2:53
  You are still, you know. Nope.
• 2:55
  NUPE. NUPE doesn't work that way.
• 2:58
  They don't relinquish, relinquish.
• 2:59
  They don't relinquish ownership over you just because this thing
• 3:04
  is going like this. Yeah, it really, truly,
• 3:06
  seriously doesn't work that way. They will be horrible friends to
• 3:09
  you. If they were horrible in a
• 3:10
  relationship to you, they're going to be even more horrible
• 3:13
  to you in a friendship. I promise you.
• 3:14
  They said, yeah, I know. People just, like, believe we
• 3:16
  got no. Yeah.
• 3:17
  No, no, no, no. You've listened to this on the
• 3:20
  podcast. I'm whacking my finger at you
• 3:22
  right now. No, don't do it.
• 3:24
  Yeah. And from the the narcissist
• 3:27
  perspective, they don't want to be your friends because they
• 3:31
  don't. Nurses value themselves more
• 3:34
  than they value anybody else. Pretty much.
• 3:36
  Right, so you still be beneath them in their life.
• 3:40
  In the hierarchy of a narcissist life, it's always going to be
• 3:43
  them first and everybody else 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th in.
• 3:47
  If you go from significant other or spouse to friend, you drop so
• 3:52
  many rungs on a hierarchy, it is absolutely insane.
• 3:56
  It's one of those things that happens consistently over time.
• 3:59
  Y'all. That's why he's telling people
• 3:59
  y'all like this is how it goes. If you're dealing with
• 4:02
  narcissistic, toxic people, this is absolutely how it goes Like
• 4:06
  and as they narcissist myself, like they don't want to be your
• 4:09
  friend. Y'all at the end of the day,
• 4:11
  they just want access to you. They want access to you.
• 4:16
  They want they they want the ability to talk to you whenever
• 4:18
  they want to, to see you, whenever they want to, to be
• 4:20
  around you, whenever they want to.
• 4:22
  They literally just want that access to you.
• 4:26
  They don't want to be your friend.
• 4:27
  That that's not how y'all. It does not work that way.
• 4:29
  They do not want to be friends with you.
• 4:31
  They want access to your life. They want control over your
• 4:34
  life. They want to be able to dictate
• 4:36
  who comes in and out of your life.
• 4:37
  They still want to isolate you from other friends and family
• 4:40
  members. They still want to do the same
• 4:42
  things that they were in a doing to you in a relationship.
• 4:44
  They still want to do those very same things in a partner, in a
• 4:48
  friendship, in something else. They still want to do those
• 4:50
  exact same things, just on a different level.
• 4:53
  If I'm telling you they don't want to be your friend, I know I
• 4:56
  said people want to. They have this these starts in
• 4:59
  the head just like, yeah, we can we can be friends.
• 5:01
  We going to go from this to that and everybody's going to be
• 5:04
  happy. You know, it doesn't work that
• 5:05
  way. Y'all.
• 5:05
  When you're dealing with a narcissist, it really, really
• 5:07
  just doesn't. I know people just like, no, we
• 5:10
  we wanted to work that way though.
• 5:11
  I know you do, y'all I promise you.
• 5:13
  I know you do. But at the end of the day if
• 5:16
  you're dealing with a narcissist, you yeah, it's not
• 5:18
  fair. It's just really, it's one of
• 5:20
  those things. It just isn't fair.
• 5:22
  It really isn't. You don't like, you can be
• 5:24
  friendly with this person, but I don't suggest you try to be
• 5:29
  friends with this person because they're always going to.
• 5:31
  Yeah. If they were crossing the line
• 5:34
  in the relationship, if they consistently violated your
• 5:37
  boundaries in the relationship and you had a higher role in
• 5:41
  their life, you you had a higher mark in their life, what do you
• 5:44
  think they're going to do to you when the relationship, when,
• 5:48
  when the relationship changes, like where they go from, where
• 5:50
  they to become your friend. You see what I'm saying?
• 5:53
  What do you think they're going to do to you in that space?
• 5:54
  Do you think they're just going to be happy?
• 5:56
  Go lucky at night? No.
• 5:57
  No, no, no, no. They're still going to be toxic
• 6:01
  to you. They're still going to be
• 6:02
  horrible to you. They're still going to treat you
• 6:04
  a certain type of way. They don't want to be your
• 6:07
  friend. I promise you.
• 6:08
  There's there's still. You can be friendly, don't be
• 6:11
  friends. What's the difference between
• 6:12
  Lee? Say don't both have friend in
• 6:14
  them? What do you mean friendly?
• 6:16
  If you have to coexist with this person on some certain type of
• 6:19
  level, you can be friendly to them.
• 6:22
  You don't have everything. Doesn't have to come off with
• 6:23
  animosity or anger or whatever. You can be friendly to them.
• 6:27
  Keep everything with a friendly tone.
• 6:29
  Hey, how you Hey, how you doing? The kids need this.
• 6:32
  Need that? Yeah.
• 6:34
  Keep it short and sweet. Don't.
• 6:35
  Hey, how you doing? Let's go to dinner and talk
• 6:37
  about the kids. No.
• 6:38
  Hey, how you doing? Let's go.
• 6:39
  Hey, let me tell you what happened over here.
• 6:41
  No. Friendly, Friendly.
• 6:43
  Friendly, friendly, friendly. Like, friendly, friendly.
• 6:51
  You see what I'm saying? But that's how it happens to
• 6:53
  y'all like they do. I'm just like, I know people are
• 6:56
  just like, but we want to know y'all.
• 6:58
  It just doesn't work that way. But what?
• 6:59
  What about the stepmom stepdad, Dad mom shirts or whatever I see
• 7:04
  people doing? You don't get y'all if you get
• 7:06
  to do that with a narcissist. That narcissistic person has
• 7:08
  been working on themselves for a very long time and it's open to
• 7:11
  the possibility of that they they will say, hey, can we be
• 7:16
  friends for the kids? Let's just be applicable for the
• 7:18
  kids and be friends and they'll still want to do things like
• 7:22
  y'all are still dating, like you are still married.
• 7:25
  They'll still want to come to come over to your house and
• 7:27
  watch the kids come over to your house and hang out and spend the
• 7:30
  night, spend the night. They got their little sleepover
• 7:34
  back, sleepover bag and everything.
• 7:35
  They will come over and spend the night and do a whole, do a
• 7:38
  lot, do things like that. Y'all.
• 7:41
  At the end of the day, this is part of the mindset of a
• 7:44
  narcissistic person that will keep doing the same thing over
• 7:47
  and over and over again. Until until you break, until you
• 7:50
  crack, until you just give in to what they want, until you give
• 7:52
  in to their list of demands like they're holding you hostage.
• 7:55
  Y'all this, this is about to go. If they treated you so badly in
• 8:01
  a relationship, right? What I'm just telling you, what
• 8:03
  do you think they're going to do to you in the friendship?
• 8:05
  Seriously. If they were not good to you as
• 8:08
  a romantic partner, as a significant other, they're not
• 8:11
  going to be good to you outside of this spice space either.
• 8:16
  You know what I mean? That's just not how it works
• 8:18
  with touch of relationship dynamics, with narcissistic
• 8:20
  people. Y'all, they don't want to be
• 8:21
  your friend. They still want access over you.
• 8:23
  They still want to control over you.
• 8:24
  They still want to control who. Like I said, they still want to
• 8:27
  control who comes in and outside of your life.
• 8:29
  They still want to do things like that.
• 8:30
  They still want to, you know, put you down.
• 8:32
  They still want you to be their emotional dumping around their
• 8:35
  emotional punching bag. They still want all the they
• 8:37
  still want all the benefits of the relationship without the
• 8:42
  actual relationship, Without, without all without the
• 8:44
  responsibilities. Hey, we're just friends.
• 8:46
  Hey, can I talk to you about something?
• 8:47
  No, we're just friends. No, no, no.
• 8:49
  Friends don't talk like that. You know what I'm saying?
• 8:52
  But when they need something from you, they'll be they'll
• 8:55
  invoke the friendship card. They'll they'll play it like
• 8:58
  like you playing Pokémon cards or Yugioh cards or something
• 9:01
  like that. Hey, we're friends smack smack
• 9:03
  it on the table you doing. But that's how it goes though.
• 9:06
  Y'all that's what I'm saying. Like if you dealing with a
• 9:07
  narcissistic person, that's just saying hey, let's just be
• 9:09
  friends. No y'all No, no, no, no.
• 9:12
  I know you want to. I know it sounds good.
• 9:14
  I know it feels it might feel good.
• 9:16
  But they won't control. They won't access.
• 9:18
  And ask yourself y'all, even for the kids.
• 9:21
  Let's just be friends for the kids, even for the kids.
• 9:24
  Even for if y'all families or friends, even if y'all have a
• 9:28
  it's not always kids. If you even if y'all have a big
• 9:30
  group of mutual friends or mutual acquaintances, if you
• 9:33
  even if y'all work together, you can be friendly.
• 9:37
  You don't have to be friends friendly.
• 9:41
  You don't have to be friends. It doesn't have to work that way
• 9:44
  out. It really, really doesn't, you
• 9:45
  know? But that's why I just tell
• 9:47
  people they don't want to be your friends.
• 9:49
  In in conclusion, they really do not want to be a friend job.
• 9:52
  If you made it this far, y'all make sure you subscribe to the
• 9:54
  channel. If you made it this far, you
• 9:57
  might as well hit the subscribe button and whatnot.
• 9:59
  Y'all we we we can be friends. We can not you and a
• 10:04
  narcissistic person. Not you and a toxic person.
• 10:06
  Kenberg at Fool Y'all, we can be friends.
• 10:10
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• 10:12
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  like have a lot of great things coming up.
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• 10:22
  working with now We're going to brain together.
• 10:24
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• 10:27
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• 10:31
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• 10:33
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• 10:34
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• 10:37
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• 10:40
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• 10:44
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