Latest / Spiritual Homegirl / 597-Breaking Free and Being Okay With Being the "Villian"

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597-Breaking Free and Being Okay With Being the "Villian" · Spiritual Homegirl

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  Hey y'all.
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  You are listening to another episode of the Spiritual Homegirl podcast where we better self in spirit and make peace with the day.
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  The wisdom, education and practical, easy to follow tips.
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  I am your host, Maria, your spiritual homegirl who's also a mental health professional.
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  In today's Motivational Monday, I wanted to remind y'all to break free of the molds that are put on you by other people.
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  I always say we're all connected, even if we're not compatible.
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  Or I may say we're all connected, but we're not all compatible.
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  And I say that because I'm never above anything I say.
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  And a lot of times we have either gone through similar things together or I might be able to know somebody that's going through similar things that other people may be going through.
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  And I understand the nature of what they go through because of the work I do.
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  So today I want to talk about molds.
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  And again, it's Aries season.
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  It's very much breakout energy.
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  Like I love to just challenge the the status quo or the status quo of how I'm living or status quo of people around me or what I choose to engage with and things like that and what I can
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  say about myself as self aware as I am.
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  I know a lot of my flaws and I'm not perfect and I know a lot of the things that I do very well and one thing that I do very well, and I don't mean this in an egotistical
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  way, but I like to live my life the way I want to live it.
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  And it took some work, but I had to learn that I can unlearn that people's opinions of me or their idealization of what they want me to be is not going to inform how I want to live my
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  life.
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  Because nobody's God and sometimes people need you to be a certain way for them to feel comfortable.
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  And I know a lot of y'all feel that way.
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  And the conversations I've had with a lot of y'all have been, I'm 30 years old, but I feel like I can't live my life because XYZ I'm 40 years old or I'm about to be 40 years old and
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  I feel like I can't truly be authentic to who I am because I don't want to hurt the feelings of those around me or I don't want people to look at me differently.
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  I'm 45 years old, but I'm still bound by things because I don't want to hurt my My mom or I don't want people to judge me or I'm so used to being this way.
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  People don't know me as nothing else and as your homegirl who loves you and wants to see you.
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  When I'm telling you that nobody's opinion about who you are matters.
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  But go.
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  A lot of times people will enforce their opinions on you or their thoughts on you or what they think you should be because they need to feel comfortable.
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  And when you start acting differently because other people need to feel comfortable, you've now sold your soul.
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  And I'm not saying that in a judgmental way, but what I'm saying is that you traded in something.
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  You trade in your personality.
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  You traded in who God has made you to be because you want to make sure that you don't step on the toes of people who got their own assignments that they have to fulfill on earth that was given
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  by God as well.
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  So now we're letting humans dictate how we should act and how we should talk and how we should address and how we should use our, our talents, gifts, whatever.
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  Because they need to feel comfortable.
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  Now there's a caveat to have interpersonal relationships.
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  There are common basic human principles that should be reciprocally reciprocated, I should say.
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  And they should be things like dignity, respect, honor, trust, honesty, love, things like that, patience, grace.
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  But I'm talking about people who have to hide who they are because they don't want to be judged.
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  And you're going to have to be okay with being the villain in other people's story.
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  Some people are going to just find things that's wrong with you because you do something to them that you don't even know you're doing.
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  Some people just feel away.
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  They have their own triggers and you not responsible for that.
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  And sometimes people will feel like you've did something or you've done something wrong.
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  When actuality it's not that you did anything wrong.
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  It's not you said anything wrong.
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  It's not that you're acting about anything wrong.
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  It's not that you're thinking anything wrong.
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  It's just that the energy of how you do it rubs them raw.
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  It rubs them raw.
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  And at some point you have to be okay with not being liked by every single person on this earth for the sake of you liking yourself.
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  What good is being approved of by a bunch of people?
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  What good is it is being accepted by a bunch of people when it comes to the cost of your own self respect and your own self esteem and Your own self, your own self treatment, honestly.
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  Because when we shrink, we mistreat ourselves.
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  And people don't like to call it that, because nobody likes to be told that they don't take good care of themselves.
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  Or they may not love themselves as much as they should.
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  But again, this is all said in love.
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  What good is denying who you are for the sake of the comfort level of someone else?
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  And for those of y'all that are similar to me, y'all know the type of problems this brings.
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  And I'm being honest with y'all.
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  There's another caveat to this.
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  When you live authentically in who you are, there are going to be some people that will judge you and won't have a whole conversation with you.
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  They will judge your whole life based on how you look or based on things you say online or based on what, in my case.
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  You know, I have a podcast.
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  I had a podcast for a long time.
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  No telling how many people don't judge me based on something I said in one episode that they're gonna carry on with the rest of their life.
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  But I can't worry about that.
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  It's not my problem.
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  Who knows if somebody is holding on to something that you may have said in your not as evolved state and they just judge you for that forever.
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  Some people don't care that you evolve.
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  Some people don't care that you do better with your life.
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  Some people don't care that you decide to grow and improve.
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  They just want to hold on to things like that because it's safe for them.
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  Sometimes people project and they like to keep you in a box because they have to feel safe.
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  God forbid you break out the box.
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  Then they're scared they might be challenged, or they're scared that they might not be able to get away with some of the things that they do.
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  And I noticed that the people that move like this are usually manipulative people.
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  People need you to be a certain way in order for them to feel, like I said, safe.
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  So when they start seeing that you're setting boundaries with yourself, or when they see that certain things don't move you in a way, or you're not going to bow to another human, or you're going to maintain respect, but
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  you're going to be direct or firm, or you're not going to let people do things that they used to do to you, then those people get shook because they're like, oh, my goodness, I might get checked.
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  And people that are used to checking everybody else all the time don't know how to check themselves, let alone from somebody else.
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  So sometimes it scares them.
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  I'm not saying they're right.
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  I'm just saying that's how it go.
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  Some people are not used to being challenged.
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  Some people are high.
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  They hide behind certain titles.
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  Some people, they may hide behind their educational level.
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  Oh, I have xyz.
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  You can't challenge me.
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  I've seen that a lot.
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  Some people hide behind their professional.
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  Their professional status.
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  Oh, I.
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  I run a so and so.
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  So and so.
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  You can't challenge me.
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  I lead all these people all the time.
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  I seen that.
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  And the one I see the most that people don't like talking about is that they hide behind the elder status.
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  And this usually happens in families.
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  I usually see that in families or spiritual mentorship areas.
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  And what I mean by that is sometimes the ones that you try your best and you sacrifice yourself for are usually the older people in your family or the older mentors that you have in, like, your spiritual circle
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  because they are so used to being looked at as a leader or someone who cannot be above reproach or correction.
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  God forbid you start acting like you have some sense about yourself and you have some boundaries about yourself, because now that means that their influence over you to let them do whatever it is they ask of you, that's
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  not as strong anymore.
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  There are people right now that have toxic family members who are terrified to say something to them, all because they're older.
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  Now, am I saying go cuss out your mom or cuss out your great auntie or cuss out your grandmama or your granddaddy, whoever?
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  No, I'm not saying be disrespectful.
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  What I'm saying is respect yourself a little more so that other people, even if they in your own family or your spiritual circle, mentorship circle, do not disrespect you any further than what they already have.
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  Because one thing I've seen a lot is that sometimes people take advantage of powerful positions.
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  It starts off pure in the beginning, but then over time, the more people.
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  And let's keep it a book.
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  It's a power dynamic.
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  There's always something at play that makes it a weird power dynamic.
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  And you don't want to disrupt that power dynamic because you may need something from them.
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  It might be a promotion, it might need guidance.
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  It might be something wisdom, whatever, what have you.
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  And sometimes people will know that you need something from them, so they will manipulate and pull your strings like a Pinocchio in order to get that done.
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  It is time to cut Your strings, please cut your strings.
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  The times that are going on right now are too precarious for you to still be living for somebody else's idea of perfection, approval, or love.
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  If somebody got an issue with you being authentic to yourself and they have a problem with you being who you are, that is not a personal problem for you to take on.
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  That is something within themselves.
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  We don't know why.
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  We could speculate all day.
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  It could be, oh, they don't know how to be themselves.
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  Or they wish they was free when they was your age.
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  Or they wish they were able to talk to people the way you talk to people.
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  Or they wish they were able to stand up for themselves or just live free or live authentic.
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  Or they wish they weren't bound by the opinions of others in their own lives.
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  We don't know why and it's not important.
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  And as we always say, what other people say about you ain't your business.
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  It's not until you, like I always say, until you throw an address, it's not gonna happen.
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  I mean, it's not.
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  It's nothing worth it.
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  And honestly, you know, let's go into that a little bit too.
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  Even if somebody brings them to you, you really have a choice as to whether you want to entertain it or not.
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  Like, nobody has to answer to anything that calls their name.
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  To answer to something that calls your name is a.
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  Is a choice.
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  That's not something that you're obligated to do.
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  Especially when you know that's a mess on the way.
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  Nobody has time for that.
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  If your strength makes others feel uncomfortable and you literally are not hurting or causing harm to anybody, you're just gonna have to be the villain.
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  Accept it.
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  There's nothing wrong with that.
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  And of course, I'm not saying go Incredible Hulk and start smashing stuff up.
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  No, it's just being strong in who you are and understanding that nobody else's opinion matters about how you live your life.
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  But gods, everybody wants to be God here.
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  I've noticed, and I'm not saying it in a random way, but it's like everybody feel like their opinion matters more than the person they talking about.
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  Like, is you cool?
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  Like, are you okay?
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  Why do you feel like the opinion of somebody else or.
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  Or your opinion, if it's you, why do you feel like that's better than how other people should live their lives?
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  Don't you got your own God given assignments to work on?
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  Don't you got your own things to work on?
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  And people don't like hearing that because Everybody is so quick to point fingers and talk so easily about other people, but don't nobody want to deal with they mess because it's harder.
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  I apologize in advance if this triggers any of y'all, but at the end of the day, that has nothing to do with me.
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  I'm not responsible for nobody triggers and neither should you.
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  It's very much fire season.
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  It is time to set aflame the things that people have bound you by other humans who are made in the image of God, who somehow think that they're more powerful than you.
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  So they're going to try to enforce what they think you should do as a grown grown adults to how you should live your life.
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  Y'all better set y'all boundaries this season.
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  It is too much going on outside.
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  Too much tumultuous contention, conflict, whatever, stress, whatever you want to call it.
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  It's too much going on outside collectively for you to be miserable in your own body, in your own spirit.
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  Tap back in with God and re center.
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  Do what you got to do.
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  For my super southern folks, if y'all need to get out in the ground, and you know what I mean, if you got to get outside, go barefoot, do what you got to do.
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  Those who are into the Bible or the Quran, please go read some scriptures and tap in elder wisdom.
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  Some good healthy elders.
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  Go tap in with your elders.
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  It's raining today outside.
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  If you need to go, go outside, get some rain.
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  Do what you got to do.
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  Do what you got to do.
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  Those who have a good sister circle or a family circle, or whether it's through blood or by love, because we know that family is a contentious topic.
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  We've talked about many years in terms of the village and what that looks like and how, you know, we would love the village to be by blood, but sometimes it has to be about love.
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  However your village is, if it's somebody you just got to tap in with just to kind of get some social interaction to reground yourself.
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  Do what you got to do.
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  If you got to cry, meditate, pray, take a walk, do yoga, stretch, whatever it is, essential oils, whatever it is, do what you got to do.
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  We have a personal responsibility for ourselves.
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  And what good is holding ourselves accountable and being responsible to ourselves for being as happy and healthy as we could possibly be on this earth when we're letting other people tell us how to live?
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  Suggestions are fine.
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  Dictation mandates, that's out of pocket.
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  So maybe the first step is determining there's a difference between a suggestion and there's a Difference between a mandate, what are you getting?
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  And if it's a mandate, then you got some adjustments to make or you got some decisions to make, if that's something you want to accept.
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  Suggestions are this.
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  They're just that.
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  They're, they're, they're, they're not mandatory, they're optional.
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  You don't have to accept those things if you don't want to.
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  But the mandates make it seem like you're obligated to do certain things.
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  And mind you, we're not saying this is where you just don't honor your word.
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  When you promise your word, you do what you want to do or you disrespect people's time.
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  We're not saying be disrespectful in your authenticity, but we're talking about how you carry yourself in the opposition of people who don't want you to be you.
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  So again, today is the day where I challenge every single one of you that are listening to check yourself before you wreck yourself.
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  And when I say you, I always mean me, because I'm never above what I say.
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  Never.
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  But check yourself before you wreck yourself.
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  Please find out who is dictating or suggesting to you.
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  And if you need to break free from the mold, break it.
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  And take note of who has a problem with you being yourself.
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  Make sure you ain't harming nobody in the process.
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  Because sometimes, you know, it's, you know, we get passionate about our emotions and it comes out a certain way and then, you know, it can cause problems.
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  So let's make sure we are cool with how we communicate these days.
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  Because sometimes the passionate how we want to explain things can be thrown off because we're not even regulating how we communicate it.
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  We're yelling or we're doing other things.
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  Find a way to get you some calm about yourself and set your boundaries if you need to make adjustments.
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  This is the era where conserving your energy will be very important.
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  Again, there's so much contention outside.
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  There is no need to have a war within your body or war within your heart because you just want to live your life and find some joy.
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  So be very mindful of.
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  Even those who try to engage with you to start the war, they always say something to the effect of.
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  What is that phrase?
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  You're like a warrior in a garden.
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  I've always liked that approach because I've always related to that.
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  You don't have to be super aggressive.
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  You don't have to.
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  Again, we all have choices to make, right?
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  So you can make the choice to be aggressive.
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  I'm just saying, as your homegirl who loves you, wants to see you in, if that approach does not feel true to you, you don't have to be aggressive.
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  You can be very peaceful.
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  You can be in your garden kicking it.
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  But when it's time to set a standard, or when it's time to restart, draw some boundaries or redefine some things, please, by all means, get it popping.
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  Never be scared to stand up for yourself, no matter who it is.
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  Never forget to keep yourself intact when everything is said and done.
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  If you made the mistake and you shrunk, there's no judgment.
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  We've all been there.
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  But once you break free from it, there's a whole another world that opens up for you.
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  I promise.
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  So I just wanted to put that on you all spirit today.
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  Don't forget to complete the podcast listener survey, the first link in my show notes and don't forget to sign up for the email list.
• 16:47
  The second link in my show notes.
• 16:49
  You get a free gift for joining.
• 16:50
  And if somebody that you know is a super duper people pleaser to their own detriment, please send them this episode and let them look.
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  Tell them I got a home girl that's very live, raw and direct.
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  She ain't going to disrespect you, but she going to keep it real with you.
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  Listen to all what, 18 minutes when it's all said and done?
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  Listen to all 18, 19 minutes this episode and please tell me what you think about it.
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  Or you could tell her what you think about it.
• 17:13
  I always love feedback.
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  I'll never get defensive.
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  My I know that I'm not for everybody and I'm very cool with that.
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  Again, going back to this episode, self awareness.
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  You have to know that you're not for everybody.
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  You're here for a certain reason and you're here to reach a specific person or a person going through a specific situation.
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  I'm very clear in my purpose, so I understand that.
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  So feedback doesn't really offend me or I mean, I don't really get bad feedback.
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  Honestly, a lot of people that's like me.
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  I need to hear that.
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  Thank you.
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  Because my friends don't tell me what you tell me.
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  And that's why I'm the spiritual homegirl.
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  Because I'm gonna tell you what your friends ain't gonna tell you.
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  I'm gonna tell you what your family not gonna tell you.
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  I'm gonna tell you what those that's closest to you probably want to tell you, but might be a little shook because they don't know how.
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  So I just like to say these things every now and then just to kind of remind people to understand that you're very much a powerful person.
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  You just got to step into it.
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  So with that being said, y'all know I can't do any podcast episode without thanking you all for listening.
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  So thank you for listening.
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  Boo friend out of the podcasts out there in podcast land since 2016, you've limit your ears whenever you felt like tapping in with your girl, and I really appreciate that.
• 18:17
  So with that being said, y'all have a wonderful week and I will catch y'all next episode.
• 18:21
  We are rolled to 600 episodes here on the Spiritual Homegirl podcast.
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  My name is Maria, your spiritual homegirl.
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  And remember, boo friends, trust the journey, trust yourself, and whatever you do, do it with love, okay?
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  Breaking from the mold included.
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  Love y'all.
• 18:34
  Peace.